#every single one has some wack ass problem

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Helping my mom shop for a new dishwasher and our old one lasted like 14 years so dishwasher technology has changed greatly and I’m going to fucking lose it why is every dishwasher wifi enabled and like every review even by like thisoldhouse is ‘not intuitive rack design’ and why is every setting StormWash and Dynamic Dry. Why do some luxury ones not have a heating element for heat dry. I think dishwasher technology peaked and plateaued and we are manufacturing innovation in the name of capitalism and infinite growth.

[docholligay]

On Journaling: How

So, I use a system (“system”) for how I get things down. It involves me having, more or less, three journals:

The purse or pocket journal. I have about 8 dozen of these motherfuckers lying literally everywhere. I, like you might imagine, often have them in a purse or pocket, to write down something if i see it or think of it. I’ve also been known to use my phone, but this ends up getting lost ore than the actual little notebooks.

MY day to day journal. These vary by literally whatever I find on sale ahaha. Some are pretty and intricate, some are dumb as hell. I have to write at least a sentence a day in this. If nothing else happens with it, so be it no problem. I usually leave extra room if I just do that, though. 

My ‘revision’ journal. This is if I have something particularly striking I want to noodle on more later. These become much ‘better pieces’. Any creative nonfiction you’ve seen me publish has come out of this journal. 

I normally travel with just the pocket and daily (and sometimes just the pocket) but for very long trips I bring the revision journal. Often if I’m lon a long trip, something is going to get triggered in my head and I’m going to have a whole-ass Good Thought. 

The point of having three is to never get in your fucking head about it. 

So here’s how a usual progression from desperately scribbled note to revised piece would go:

This is what I scribbled down after having a thought in York Minster:

You can’t read that, it’s fine, it’s only important that I read it, “The things we confess to the dead--tree at York Minster” 

Which, sitting in my hotel room at night, with about, oh, 20 minutes of writing? Maybe, became a much longer entry, a part of which is here:

It says, in part: "I think people tell the truth when they think no one will listen. That's why you can tell the dead anything. I just kept reading it. I'm sure I looked like a wacked out and weird American..."

(I have a picture of both the journal I took on the trip and my newer one, to show the wide range of things tht are an ‘appropriate journal’ for me)

Which eventually became this piece of writing here: The Things We Find In the Minster. You can read the whole thing yourself if you want to.

So anyone getting this wild ass idea that I sit down and churn out stuff like above every single day, oh my god, absolutely not. That’s gone through three stages at least of revision. That doesn’t make it less real, i suppose, but it does make it more manicured.

I'm like a cow with my own observations on the world, I need to chew them two or three times before I really figure out how I feel about something. And not everything that I revise is for sharing, because even THEN sometimes it's just too revealing or too personal. I feel strange and awkward about it. One time I revised this whole thing about a friend's wedding because I was like, 'hey what do i have, oh it;'s the gift of memory, and then I was like, 'lol I cannot give them this, ugh, this is really schmaltzy and it feels too..i dunno, it makes me look really soft or like i'm paying too much attention whateve whatever" and that happens not infrequently, but it's still nice to have FOR ME.

This is my system, that works for me, and it works really well on the principle that impressions come first, then, you can fill in the poetry or whatever the fuck later. If i one sentence idea knocks you on the head, fucking take it! I am writing stuff down all the time, as discreetly as possible, things people say, the way things look, whatever pops into my head that I think, "oh this could make for something to have later" but some days look like, "It seems like I'm on the only person on god's green and verdant earth who remembers that it snows in january when I vote on the city budget."

And I'm not perfect, sometimes I forget things, or when I'm revising later, i'm like, "Ah fuck I should have written that down I know I had a thought here" but mostly I think it realy enhances my experience of being alive.

[thetmnt101]

Leonardo’s insult’s hilarious and straight to the point and makes you pause for a brief moment before you react back

A list of Leonardo’s insult’s that he most likely would say that I have created that fits his persona

01 It would be nice if you could ever think before you speak for once in your life

02 Because you can’t think before you do something that makes you the most impulsive one to be around in the future let’s try to prevent that from happening eh’

03 Yeah well to bad about your intelligence problems having it be something you could reverse from off to on and you doing it like at free will it would be like a big miracle

04 It’s better to be silent and not a fool then open your mouth and be you that way you can learn something important for once

05 You know that you’re ego is like a big constant issue that is a hard thing I gotta deal with at the time’s I have to be around you at those time’s you do know that right maybe you should try to fix that part of yourself eh’

06 It would be super shell-tastic if I could find you a special kind of manual that can give you some type of intelligence and prevent you from doing something that would end up with you doing things that are stupid

07 You do know the truth about your actions that you do that make you look like you are stupid it is because there is a part of you that as a oxymoron and that makes you end up doing things that are stupid just so you know that right

08 Are you okay because it looks like you are having a headache is it because you were thinking for the first time before you went and did something stupid and you ended up having a headache right after that happened to you don’t worry about those you will get used to the headaches afterwards and the headaches will disappear overtime depending on if you can think before you act

09 why is it that in a group of four there is always one that can act like they’re a professional and there are one or two in that same group that always comes with a dumb ass feature and there is one that is the most intelligent in that group and the two that have that pacific kind of feature can be like idiots at the same time together

Raphael’s insult’s are super immature and rude and makes you laugh and you want more of it

A list of Raphael’s insult’s that he most likely would say that I have created that fits his persona

01 Yeah well it’s to bad your intelligence doesn’t come with a mute switch when everyone needs it to happen

02 Brilliant deduction sherlock shell for brains your funny but I bet you can’t predict the fact that I will give you a shell-shock in the back of your head when you are done doing that to me

03 You better watch it before I kick you in your stupid shell super hard all the way back to New Jersey

04 You do know that I'm the only one that has the capable of tolerating your dumb ass and specially when there’s no manual to help me turn you the shell off

05 What the shell is wrong with you now so do i have to shellac you again for this nuisance problem for you being this shell-headed in front of me

06 It’s so sucks that oxymoron’s don’t come with a manual to help you turn them off and they’re mute button is always the only thing that is apparently unfixable

07 Being able to hit the shell out of you and as hard as I can is a super fun version of the game called wack-a-mole but with your ass being like my life-size target

08 At least you have a very big skill for you being able to be such a great citrus colored nutjob and you get first place in that category every single time you should be proud that you got that down so easily and you need no practice necessary for it at all

09 Oh Mi Gosh I can't ever really tell what's gonna short-circuit your wires sometimes and how much your shell will blow up like fire when I do something small to you

10 Holy shell well it is no surprise that it looks like it doesn’t take much for me to make you have your wires crossed and get your shell in a bad mood and that is what is known as my biggest kind of talent and that I am great for doing it and at the most perfect timing and I make it happen at the most funniest moment of the day

11 Oh sewer apples you know that the mental recording of an oxymoron inside of one’s brain just isn’t worth it sometimes but it sure gives you an opportunity for blackmail if it happens to show up for you in the end and you can’t deny doing it at that sweet given time

12 For the shell of everything it literally hurts to listen to you sometimes can you put your mouth on mute for a while because that would really help a lot for a bit if you don’t mind doing that

13 Oh good shell you do realize that when you are an oxymoron that doesn’t mean that it is a useful skill for you it just makes me wanna hit you into your shell as hard as I can

14 Whoa wow when you are showing your oxymoron and in full form it is shellarious to see how you can be quiet a shell-shock and when you are doing this in the a most unexpected moment and completely right next to me

Donatello‘s insult’s are a scientific and funny because the power of the mine is a cool way to insult and mess with someone

A list of Donatello’s insult’s that he most likely would say that I have created that fits his persona

01 Did you know that intelligence is a big skill but you have to have the capability and the brain capacity for it to work

02 Being incompetent is an extreme problem when you have no control over your own brain power inside of your body when you need it the most at the times that it should be a easy skill to have

03 It’s to bad that you don’t have a switch for your intelligence to turn on when it is a requirement in those times that you need it at that moment

04 Oh mi gosh my audio spectrum analyzer is picking up on your whiny bitch frequencies I wish you could stop now

05 Oh my sweet galileo you do know that you have to have brain cells in order for you to have high intelligence to be inside of your head right otherwise it does not work in your favor

06 When the next time that you are going to apologize for something dumb that you have done to me the next time I’ll just manually reboot your neurons with my bo staff and I will see if you would like to rate that experience

07 If you value what little information that is inside of your own memory card you will not be a complete oxymoron but we all know that will be impossible for you not to be one of those since it is the only thing that you know how to do in your life

08 It’s two bad you can’t get the right part of your brain cells to function properly and that’s why you do stupid shit first but that is no surprise at all well is it

09 It sucks that high intelligence isn’t something that someone can get in their DNA like a pure automatic thing you have to have the genetic gene for it to work for you to have high intelligence and use it to your own advantage on others

10 Holy Chalupa I had a theory and now I can definitely concur that your tongue moves faster than your brain specially when you are in any kind of situation that makes you do something and you end up looking like an oxymoron at the times you just happen to walk yourself into at that moment

11 Well at least I have functional brain cells compared to your immature ego issues and and unlike ego issues intelligence ability’s don’t need to be restrained at certain times in life because it is more useful

12 I bet it must really suck for you considering you have so many moments that makes you be such a embarrassment to nature compared to my intellect abilities it must suck for you on a daily basis eh but it is two bad for you that I don’t mind seeing you have those embarrassment to nature moments because to me it is just something that is amusing and the more idiotic that you get the more that nature will be able to get a embarrassing moment from you

13 Oye to the vey being around others that are clearly stupid you can sure pass your time because you can have so much fun by screwing with an oxymorons mind and they will not notice what is going on until it’s too late but at least you get your entertainment for the day when you are around stupid people eh and those are what the benefits of being the highly intelligent one is all about in that very moment

14 Holy neptune I figured out why you can be such a terabyte trauma and it’s because you have a glitch problem and the power of becoming a oxymoron takes over the little brain cells that you have left and so I get to mess with you in the way of intelligence and given the circumstances that you make yourself be like more than half the time when I end up being around you and it is just too bad for you that it is only amusing in the way that I have that opportunity for getting to mess with you in the way that I choose too

Michelangelo’s insult’s funny and hilarious and are moronic and he will most likely get hit for it two if you can be able to catch him

A list of Michelangelo’s insult’s that he most likely would say that I have created that fits his persona

01 Even if I came with the ability of having a mute switch I could still annoy the shell out of you

02 You know what the one skill is required to possess to be a pure annoyance to you would be it’s the skill to be to have the ability for fast agility to get out of your way when it works to piss you off

03 If you want me to stop bragging about the fact that I can piss you off so easily just by doing something that is very obnoxious then you should try and find my volume control button and stop it from happening to you in the first place or you can just learn how to deal with it dude because I don’t think it will stop being fun to do to you any time soon

04 So being able to have the ability for fast agility isn’t just to being used as a pure annoyance kind of thing but it is also to find out how loud I’m able to scare the shell out of you and make you start screaming when I jump out at you and then I’m able to easily get out of your reach just because I actually have that kind of ability and I can so easily use it as my own advantage and I will use it against you and I am not going to pass it up if given a chance to use it on you and in the funniest way possible and you know it is the truth dude

05 Yo dude you need to learn how to just shellact’s when things get super annoying for you because it’s easier if you can do that kind of thing and it’s not just easier for you but also easier for everyone else as well yo so just try to shellact’s once in a while

[lavendertowerarchives]

Am I plural? Am I poly? How many is enough, how many is too many? How may I ignore my biases and social constraints so that I may gain any amount of insight into either?

Hell if I know, man. To begin, I want to clarify, I am highly doubtful that I am plural. I am highly confident that I am polyamorous. I've just been kicking both ideas around in my head for a nonzero amount of days and they've been getting on my fucking nerves with how repetitive the thought strains are.

As for plurality, it's one of the more persistent nagging doubts in the realm of "do I have this certain mental wackness." Seeing as I own a computer with internet access, it makes sense that I would come into contact with the concept of DID and multiple personalities in general, sometimes reading stories of those who have been diagnosed with/found out about/suspect they have something of the sort.

In my first engagement with the idea (because I almost always run through the checklist of "do I have this" for every condition I see), my response was no. Of course not. I think I'd know if I had two+ personalities. Later, in my second consideration, I noticed that yeah, my memory loss problem is really... a problem. More than a character trait. Now, many conditions involve memory loss (especially ADHD, which is a major pain in my ass every day), but upon closer inspection, more of the (admittedly common) symptoms lined up.

Given my intimate relationship with depression, anxiety, (frequent risk of) substance abuse, memory loss, and su1c1d@l tendencies, I'm sure there's something amiss. This is just the main package for anyone neurodivergent these days. This served as validation for my theoretical exploration of self-diagnosis (I want to reiterate, I really don't think I have it, but detailing my search and process will help me stop fucking thinking about it).

I've known for a while how I change when I'm around people vs alone. I won't describe every single emotional switch, but I will note how I'm generically happier, more optimistic, less foggy in the brain, more inclined to create, mostly not rejection sensitive, and less stressed by conventionally unstressful things when not alone. As for the other half... It's just that shit in reverse. I sit. I do nothing. I barely eat. I don't talk. I hate myself and work out ways to reliably end myself. That shit sucks, man.

The black and white nature of the switch made me reluctant in previous years to analyze exactly what made the change. In my mind, it was clear: I'm just not depressed when I have people with me (bar some exceptions). Now that I'm coming at it from another angle, I can see the polarizations which occur outside the "good/bad" binary.

I routinely get mad at myself. This, alone, isn't much cause for concern. However, knowing me, it is insanely difficult for me to get mad at another... thing. It takes a lot of "clearly" "unfair" punishment done explicitly to me to make me hate something, and it has to be done in such a way as to not become perverse sadism instead (to be dissected later). Anger is just not something I understand as an emotion, partially because it's just never... out. I hate myself a lot, yes, but it comes out more as disappointment in my inability to do normal tasks.

I can't feed myself today? Oh well. I'll just starve.

I forgot JH's birthday? Damn, my memory is awful.

I missed the third clutch button press in Celeste for the thirtieth time in a row? Well, resets take four seconds. I'm making progress.

When the switch is hit, and the personality shifts, the above reactions are replaced with "you fucken asshole. You dipshit. Fuck you, Lavender, you can't do shit without breaking down." This is a complete switch. I seem to be the only thing I can get truly mad at. Everything else is just learning. Again, this is only when that specific trigger is hit, when I'm alone for too long, and I have no contact with people.

Lastly, I just can't see myself as part of myself. I know that sounds silly, but I don't have the correct terminology to describe a permanent feeling of disassociation without actually disassociating. My limbs don't feel like my own. There is a continuous static between "Lavender, move your arms" and the arms moving. My muscle memory is my single greatest and most reliable trait I have, and it's my fascination with encoding movements to a single reflex that has kept me in decent shape for so long. Yeah, I know my mind is connected to the flesh I see in front of me and vice versa. It just never feels like it.

The only time I can distract myself from this piloting sensation is when that switch isn't hit. It's part of the reason I'm so good (read: decent) at video games. I can play any given character in SSBU for ten minutes and memorize their whole kit. I never transition "into" the character because I never transitioned out of myself. So what if another bitch hitched a ride in my head? I wouldn't know, I say I would know how to switch if I really did have two people living in my head, but I never really tried now, did I? When playing games, the transition is physical, discrete, and automatic. I just pick up the controller or put my hands on the keyboard. I wouldn't know if there was such a trigger for changing personalities.

All of this is evidence for me being plural, having more than one fucker in this skull, having two personalities, etc. It doesn't convince me. I don't think it's plausible. I'm sure I'd feel much different than I currently do if it was the case. Then again, how would "I" know? I already can't easily remember things which aren't right the fuck in front of me.

As for the polyamorous conviction, I've taken much more time to deliberate. I believe I am. I believe I can love multiple people at once with no interference between them. It took me a while to realize that I'd been doing it my whole life. Society's focus on monogamy and singular, permanent relationships has screwed over my discovery's pace and consequences.

I crush on so many people. It used to be horrid in high school. Any cute chick who gave me more than five minutes of her time was instantly in my head every hour of the day. To be clear, I thought most girls were cute/pretty/hot/sexy/whatever in high school; it didn't take much looking at a female form for me to find something I liked. I haven't really changed much. I don't like being attracted to so many people against my will, but oh well. Can't really stop that.

Regardless, the linchpin in this conundrum was that each new addition to my roster of infatuations did not impact the rest of the list (outside very few complications). I didn't have a ranking system. I didn't have a system outside of "I like this one most. Wait, but I also really like this one." I felt awful at the time (still do) about making contingency plans for each romantic endeavor, telling myself "Oh, well if girl A doesn't work out, I've got girl J on my radar still."

Fast forwarding to today, I have since admitted to myself that I had generated (without my consent) numerous genuine crushes on people during the time I've been with my partner, each one never causing my love for them to waver. I'm not saying it didn't, but I am saying it was never because of another person's hold on me. It will happen again. It's happening right the fuck now. I cannot get JH out of my head. Idk if I really "love" her or not but I guarantee she is much more than just a friend to me, even if she hasn't responded to me in days. I fucking hate it. Why can't I just leave her behind? Why do I obsess over her?

Self-loathing aside, I simply just... do love multiple people, and am more than capable of it. I will never get enough love, and I will never run dry of my own supply for others. I've ran out of patience for others' company. I've never stopped loving someone for any reason other than them literally forcefully abandoning me, and even then, that's got a shoddy hit rate.

So, why have I combined these two opposite conundrums of outward love and inward hatred? I can't be sure of either of them. My own internal biases keep me from confirming either. No one wants to get close to me, so I can't pursue anyone romantically. I want to regale you, the poor reader I'm probably keeping hostage, with tales of the literal hours a night I pine away for a chance to get closer to someone. I need it. I need it more than anything. I can't even start to think of it or else risk ruining my night simply because it's such an overwhelming hunger I have. I can't try to explore the depths because once I realize how hungry I am, I can't live with the fact that there's so much food for everyone else and I'm just... starving. No one wants to love me except my partner. It's not nothing. It's amazing. It's delicious food. I'm just still hungrier than every single friend I have, combined. That, I will stake my life on.

Contrasting this to the persona I desperately want to separate from my own, I can't say that it's a real separation I can make. I hate him. I keep referring to myself in the third person simply because I don't want to be associated with him. I don't want to be associated with me. I want out. Out of life, out of my body, out of my mind, out of this fucking house. This fucking life I'm "living" is garbage and I instinctually blame myself. I want to drag the fucked up mess of parts out from my own self and make it into a strawman scapegoat for me to slit the wrists of and choke with my own bare hands. I can't do it to myself, after all. Not because of a lack of willpower; I am fully committed. I just need a guarantee I won't get caught alive.

It's pure emotion. Both problems, both diagnoses, are only theoretical and not real because I do not have the mental capacity and emotional strength to withstand my own needs.

[stemmmm]

for someone whos made that may sex jokes i dont think beato knows what sex is. good for her

ahh. this baby story explains the weird phonecalls. question becomes are they real or also hallucinations. im assuming hallucinations.

god who do you think you are, anthy? tho this brings up a thought i'd been having which is that... if we are to say beato isn't a witch and natsuhi's (or someone else is) making all this shit up anyways, then this "beatrice" within the game board is just something that will say anything that whoever is imagining her wants to hear. the perfect scapegoat. the perfect vessel in which to scream "a witch did it! it was a witch's curse!". hm. ok yeah all the demons are saying it to her outright. god every time i think i've pieced something together on my own and think i'm so clever the game goes right ahead and wacks me over the skull with it lmao.

very fun, very ooky spooky for the implication of the 1st twilight to be that battler slept in a room full of corpses without a clue.

very fun also for it to straight up be lambda doing a voice for the phonecalls, not even pretending like there's some other person, she's just rustling shit up

i love to see erika getting her shit kicked in for being an absolute bitch no one likes because she sucks so bad. even bern hates her ass in a way that makes me think bern made her in a moment of "oh you know what would be sooooo funnnn :3c ive never played a detective before detectives are soo fun and cute :3ccc" and then instantly got bored. erika will absolutely become someone sympathetic at some point im certain but not now lol.

i know she has a voice but the instant dlanor showed up and started talking in a strange, kind of robotic manner my hc for her voice instantly became this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Grimdank/comments/yhrho1/uwu/

i was also astonished i was able to find that video so easy by googling "giant robot warhorn welcome to the maid cafe" because 1. the only version i knew of was the majorly crunched tumblr version and 2. i got the phrase completely wrong

i will also say of dlanor, in addition to my distaste for increasing magical bullshit, the shitty leotards all of the characters get put in makes me hate them on sight because it means when they show up i have to see their awful outfits, so she had a major disadvantage starting out but she was able to instantly come around in my mind by being soooooooo cute. :3

thank god battler clarified after the fact that the wack shit with him jumping out a fucking window was his piece being controlled by lambda because while i sincerely had no problem with his actions or reasoning, i just couldn't forgive him somehow shattering the 4th wall to interact with the "phantom" team or w/e (love that we've got a 3-way battle also. very excellent development for how things are going). everything was absurd and fun but i was just screaming the whole time "wait battler isnt playing right. he's not- he cant be- is he??? he hasnt shown up as not a piece in so long, when did it switch, when did he come in???" so PHEW!

every single person, especially everyone who's a piece seems like they hate bern and lambda pretty fucking bad so I've got a feeling that this shit is gonna end with the entire game revolting against those two. battler and beato don't even need to be involved for that i think.

part 5 (+?) thread

ep1 ep2 ep3 ep4

erika furudo is bern's fucking self-insert oc................ i knew they had to be the same person because they Look Like That and also. Name. but. oh my god this is funny. she's managed to say a single line btw, this is just spoiler knowledge and inference running

ah! ok so we are doing answer arc-ass answer arcs. cool i'm fine with that! makes things a lot easier to follow especially since more inane bullshit's gonna get thrown in

hate haaaaate seeing beato like this tho :(((( this is miserable, she makes me so sad, and battler saying over and over again "dw boo i'm gonna kill u for sure" also makes me so sad. get well soon queen!!!!!!!!

i may be wrong but i get the impression that this was kind of the same as the evolution of the real life beato's situation/personality.... and in that sense i can't imagine any of this ending well but i want it to so baddd because i love herrrrr she deserves the worllldddddddd

it's nice of them to rewind things for battler's sake but uh. erika's a bit of a fucking cunt huh. no love in this game, indeed. we are bringing out peoples worst and making sure battler has as miserable of a time as possible. it's interesting to see that the epitaph is solved before any murder but know that people still die in the end tho.

also love that we're saying kinzo's dead for real, none of this with natsuhi is happening. open your eyes battler, look. nothing's there. really good moment.

battler's been confronting the epitaph in terms of why it exists rather than solving it, and there's definitely been much spoken of miracles, added onto by lambda saying there'd be no point in the riddle if it wasn't hard which would add ammunition for a miracle to happen, though there's still the insistence that beato has nothing to gain from the riddle existing... at least materially. and she doesn't kill for pleasure. so there's the obvious point that she made the epitaph because she wanted to play with someone, specifically battler since he always lives, and battler himself mentioned the play aspect though I dont know how serious he was about that. beato's very obviously just wanted to play with him from the beginning, even though her kidnapping and torturing of him in the first place pretty heavily obscured that. if we accept play as her reason for it existing and doing the murder games, that still leaves the miracle up in the air. does the chance of a miracle occurring not count as a potential material gain? is doing something purposely to try and create a miracle not... a reason for doing it? is the miracle that beato could Actually be revived in some way or is there something else?

[minthe-lover]

Chapter 223 analysis

So another chapter that I have a lot of mixed feelings for, I do like a bit of the banter between hades and persephone.. and hades protecting persephone was alright. Plus I always welcome plot that isn't related to HxP... because it tends to be alot more interesting.

Also there is a huge problem with just... really fail to make the faces look serious. Maybe it's just me but... their faces just look more goofy then either angry or seductive. Rs is really good at drawing neutral faces, along with over the stop goofy faces but serious emotions just aren't done well.

Now one thing that I do decently like about this chapter is how hades stepped up and was an actually decent partner to Persephone. Though it sort of icks me how like.... his first reactions is to be angry instead of like.. checking in on persephone but eh I don't really mind this scene.

Now another thing that I really don't mind is the whole Ares plot... Though as stated before is how most of the plot of the side characters basically every single one if more interesting then the hades and persephone plot. Even the solo plots of persephone and hades are far more interesting then them together.

though I have to say that the scene with ares and hades falls apart in seriousness with just how wack the male body proportions are.. like I'm decently used to wacky large boobs from anime but just... they looks so bad I can't help but laugh.

Now lets talk about Persephone trauma! So I do like how rs shows Persephone thinking about her assault, it's distorted and fuzzy but still burned into her brain. It honestly sort of resonates with my own viewing of my sexual trauma... my problem is how persephone just... isn't effected by her trauma.

Ares turning up was supposed to be a triggering event.. but persephone doesn't have a panic attack or even that big reaction. At most she just looks a bit shaken which fine being triggered isn't an always a huge big reactions but persephone doesn't react. She just walks around... looking a bit bored, and with a bit of internal dialog where she has a tiny bit of selfdoubt before just... saying "nah It's good to let people help me".. and just moving on.

She doesn't even look a bit shaken.. or even just looks a bit frozen from her trauma being brought up. When first reading it I held out hope that hey.. maybe yes it's a small reaction to her trauma right now but later when hades and persephone try to fuck she'll be triggered again and they'll just end up cuddling or something.

But nope! they have some banter.. then watch a movie and fuck.. with barely a discussion about how Persephone was just triggered because of her SEXUAL TRAUMA.... It's a big reason why I hate how rs deals with this.. because Persephone isn't effected by it.. it's another drama thing to throw in every now and then but doesn't actually have lasting effects that would disappear the moment rs needs to have romantic moments with hades.

It sucks and undercuts the how deal with the trauma, rs can do some great visual story telling with how someone remembers and views trauma.. but can't do the follow through to the characters reactions and actions. The trauma being brought up in this episode just feels like rs trying to remember that it happened.

Also like persephone eye is gonna get poked out with hades wacky nose that just... it covers half her face. How can I take this seriously.. these colour coded hetero-normative designs are really ruining any serious moments that rs tries.

Now last thing I'm going to talk about is persephone very inconsistent stretch marks and cellulite. They are extremely faint and this is the first time I remember seeing them in awhile... which like persephone is constantly wearing booty shorts and tank tops. She seems to only have stretch marks on her ass and legs.. none on her arms or even like on her boobs. She has some extremely large boobs that are always almost shown, and they are perfectly round and smooth at all times with no stretch marks.

Now I only remember this panel for having her streatch marks which again their very faint aren't that big nor do we really see them again whenever she puts on like booty shorts. We really only seem them when she's in her underwear or naked. now I thought that maybe I just missed the other shots with the stretch marks... so I looked it up and found a few post of fans praises rs showing the stretch marks... lets look at those panels.

These are two shots that should have persephone stretch marks VERY prominently since their is nothing that should be covering them.. and like... they are the lightest smallist lines. If this is body positivity why aren't they actually being shown actually proudly. It feels more like something that rs wants points for but is to ashamed to actually include in her art.

That's not even talking about the amount of panels that should very clearly show at least a bit of her stretch marks but just don't.

Lore olympus can't even get stretch marks done decently... it isn't body positivity it's Rs wanting points without them effecting her "beautiful" main character

[in-tua-deep]

Hufflepuff Five is so good! Are the Hargreeves lives as students as adventurous like the main crew from HP? What about the Ministry of Magic? Would they get involved if someone caught wind of the sibling’s powers that weren’t just magic?

Their lives are SO wack honestly like, they just vibe. They just are going through their magical youth being absolute feral children who don’t trust adults as far as they can throw them while trying to hide their weird funky powers and also ravenously going through magical feats like they’re going out of style

Luther is every sibling’s go-to practice partner because apparently durability extends to being like? Slightly magic resistant? Basically if you hit Luther with a spell it will only be like, maybe half power? So the siblings use him as a magical shield half the time and an experiment the other half and Luther just Suffers Through This until it all goes wrong and he ends up as a werewolf, oops

(But at least Ben is alive! Honestly the only reason Luther wasn’t straight up mauled to death was a combo of his durability, Ben’s proficiency in healing magic, and Ben managing to befriend the acromantulas)

(Luther eventually gets a sense of humor about this after long years of working on accepting himself and constantly threatens to bite his siblings or makes comments about them looking extra tasty when they irritate him)

Allison is a quidditch star, super popular and athletic as all hell. She probably ends up being the Slytherin team captain, honestly. Allison is all glamor and charisma and in her later years of hogwarts has an absolute blast. Allison is very much functional passing so she’s usually the front man to get the professors off their backs, but she also is the front man for a lot of the shit that the family sell for extra spending money. Five and Ben might make potions, but Allison rules the underground black market in slytherin with an iron fist (which gets them into shenanigans involving other kids who Owe Debts)

Diego is on the gryffindor quidditch team and so him and Allison are constantly at each other’s throats on the pitch (Allison sometimes rumors him during matches when she gets within earshot which makes all of the siblings yell at him but she maintains that he gets to use his stupid powers to score points so she should get to as well). Diego gets roped into everything because he’s super soft. He starts a lot of fights because he has vigilante genes so he serves a lot of detentions. His house tolerates him losing them points because the man is a wizard with a quaffle

(Diego and Allison actually practice a lot together, which their respective teams are like HMMMM over but they’re siblings and slytherin knows that Allison would never hesitate to knock Diego off his broom and wave cheerily as he falls to his death, and gryffindor is aware that Diego can, should, and must throw a ball directly at Allison’s dumb face if she gets too close to him because of the Cain Instinct)

(Honestly Allison and Diego do a LOT for interhouse unity, showing that you can still be ride or die for each other while also wanting greatly to kill each other uwu)

Ben is too independent for his own good, which is what gets him into trouble. He likes gardening, and he likes herbs, and sometimes he’s just GOTTA go into the forbidden forest on a full moon to gather these very specific ingredients, c’mon. He also just. Likes spending time in the forbidden forest. He’s Hagrid’s favorite student because he doesn’t bat an eye at all the weird magical creatures, bc homeboy got an eldritch horror in his navel. Ben makes friends with the acromantulas (who have a healthy respect for him after the Horror ate a few of them), patiently avoids the centaurs, and bribes the pixies into giving him their shed wings through liberal application of jam stolen from the Hogwarts kitchens. 

You know what Allison is functional passing and Ben is distinguished passing, all their teachers assume that Ben is the most put together of them but they’re WRONG. They haven’t seen Ben at two in the morning yanking Vanya out of ben because if they don’t break into greenhouse four and help those poor fucking plants the first years are tending to they’re all going to DIE and that’s not fair??? ben is single handedly going to save all those poor plants (and all those first year’s grades)

Vanya is just VIBING, he ends up coming out as trans in fourth year and gets to be roommates with Ben which is pretty sweet. If only Ben didn’t drag him into shenanigans?? All the teachers are like “ah yes Vanya, such a quiet boy not like his siblings at all” but Vanya can will should and must climb onto the roof of the astronomy tower to play his violin because He Just Likes To Be Tall. Vanya once punched a snobby ravenclaw kid in the nose and then stared them down saying “the teachers will never believe you.”

Vanya steals Luther to practice his powers with in unused classrooms the most?? he’s durable. he’ll be fine if Vanya blasts him into a wall with his powers lol

Vanya’s solution to all their problems is “do you want me to blow it up with my powers?” or “do you want me to kill them for you?” 

(All of the siblings now refuse to duel with Vanya except for Luther bc Vanya is RUTHLESS. He WILL murder his siblings (almost) given the chance. They’re all so lucky that Ben is so good at healing and carries extra vials of healing potions on his person otherwise Madame Pomfrey would be VERY CONCERNED)

Five and Klaus probably get into the most shenanigans? Klaus gets less and less afraid of ghosts the more he runs into nice ones like Fred Weasley. Fred also lovingly nurtures Klaus’s absolutely terrible sense of humor and encourages him to prank the whole school. Klaus knows ALL the secret passageways thanks to Fred, a previous owner of the Maurauder’s map, so he’s just like. Constantly in the walls. He once dropped out of the ceiling to get to transfiguration in time and nobody even commented on it because Klaus is just Like That.

(A few people see Klaus’s boney elbows and knobbley knees and thinks he’s a good target for bullying just because he’s a slytherin and interhouse awfulness absolutely it at an all time high so recently after the war. YEAH his siblings step in and put the fear of god into any bullies, but Klaus fights like a cornered raccoon.)

Five is just way too smart and curious for his own good. He likes to poke around, figure things out, and also make money. Five does people’s homework, charges them for potions or rune work, tutors, dismantles shit in the chamber of secrets, ALSO explores the secret passageways (and finds some that weren’t on the map), is lovingly bullied into Friendship Activities with his housemates, breaks into the other houses’s common rooms for funsies, and keeps getting fed by the house elves who found out he can ‘apparate’ like them (without a wand) and have apparently adopted him against his will

Five is the sibling who has his fingers in like. ALL the pies. and just constantly pops up and drags them into things. Five will be helping Klaus with potions homework then glance up and tell Diego he’s cashing in the favor he’s owed for carving runes into Diego’s knives and that Diego now gets to break into Douglas Eddington’s room to steal back Lana Delwich’s diary so that Five can trade it to Lana for her rare Solomon Babik chocolate frog card which Five can give to Barnaby Beeson in exchange for a Large Distraction of Five’s Choice and a sketchy book on ward breaking which Five needs so he can break into the headmaster’s office to get a confiscated dark magic book that has some information Five needs to alter a potion that he’s probably going to make Luther drink later

Five is the sibling who is like “Ugh, I thought I was trading for some nundu ingredients but now i have a Whole Baby Nundu in the basement :/”

Which, of course, Klaus wants to keep despite the poison breath.

“This is literally one of the most dangerous magical creatures, we are not keeping it.” Luther says, unimpressed. However, he definitely has it cradled in his arms and makes kissy faces at it when he thinks no one is looking. (Apparently baby toxic nundu breath only makes Luther sneeze, so there’s that?)

“If you guys are arrested for smuggling I am not bailing you out.” Is Allison’s only decree about the matter.

Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if someone DID eventually find out about one of the siblings’ powers - however, they would come to entirely the wrong conclusion about them?? Because this is a world of MAGIC and so everything magical has to have a magical explanation, right???

Luther is durable as all fuck???? Uhhhhh maybe he has some like. Troll blood or giant blood something back in his family line, obviously not something he would ever want the world to know about bc of species-ism

Allison can make you do whatever you want with her words????? Maybe she’s part veela? With that charm appeal?

Five is doing. Wandless apparation?? I mean, that’s rare as FUCK but wandless magic is,,, grudgingly accepted though it’s usually only used for small or very familiar spells and not usually something as complex as apparation but OKAY just sit him down and forbid him from doing it anymore bc boy boutta be SPLICED or some shit

Klaus can. Klaus can talk to ghosts. Who are not full ghosts. Hmm. huh. Maybe it’s?? A family ability??? a super rare one? like being a metamorphagus? (What the fuck??????? what the FUCK???????)

Primarily the kids started off paranoid because they believed that their abilities indicated that they weren’t the same type of magic, and they didn’t want to be returned to their father, and then it progressed into “these abilities might make people scared of us (looking at you allison, with your imperius-ass abilites)” or “we can’t afford that kind of scrutiny or curiosity about our powers (they might find out luther is a werewolf or something idk)” and “if we are ‘desirable’ children with ‘rare abilities’ the government might try to split us up and adopt us into weird pureblood families or something OR might try to lock us up (like where would they even put Ben??)”

honestly if ben ever got found out he’d just deadpan “it’s a curse, hand me the black wormroot would you?” and be like “oh yeah it’s under control i just go vibe in the woods every so often and rip up a tree or something. I think the horror wants to be the whomping willow when it grows up actually, so just don’t get too close when i’m in the horror zone. if you can live with a murder tree on campus you can live with me on campus”

someone sees vanya fuck something up with his powers and is like ???? and Vanya is just like “accidental magic lol” 

“aren’t you... a bit... old for accidental magic...”

“accidental. magic.”

[jadedxrealityw]

-Slytherin GC Chaos Part 1- Draco Malfoy x Reader

♡~🐍~♡

Kody: Thought this was a cool idea so why not. Show this some love if you want a second part

Warning: Mature and sexual themes and a chaotic mess.

House: Slytherin

Summary: Draco and Y/n are being to loud in the Slytherin house

♡~🐍~♡

Side_Character: = Theo

Ginny’s_Girlfriend: = Pansy

Still_Amused: = Blaise

Slytherin_Prince: = Draco

Slytherin_Princess: = Y/n

♡~🐍~♡

Hiss Hiss Bitch 🐍:

*Side_Character Has Logged On*

Side_Character_Theo: oh merlin, there at it again

*Ginny’s_Girlfriend Has Logged On*

*Still_Amused Has Logged On*

Still_Amused: They are seriously loud too.

Ginny’s_Girlfriend: I don’t think it’s that bad

Side_Character_Theo: Your only saying that because everytime Ginny Weasley is over you to are louder then the heavens.

Ginny’s_Girlfriend: uh- stfu with your single ass.

Side_Character_Theo: all i did was breath.

Ginny's_Girlfriend: exactly.

Still_Amused: ...n e ways

Side_Character_Theo: DID SHE JUST CALL HIM DADDY! EWWW

Ginny's_Girlfriend: wow. Kinky

Still_Amused: my poor innocent theo

Side_Character_Theo: did you just say my?

Still_Amused:...no

Ginny's_Girlfriend: gay

Still_Amused: says the lesbian

Ginny's_Girlfriend: and?

Side_Character_Theo: Guys! THERE GETTING LOUDER!

Ginny's_Girlfriend: oH mErLiN dAdDy hArDeR!

Side_Character_Theo: ewww Pansy stopppp

*Slytherin_Princess Has Logged On*

Slytherin_Princess: i take it you guys can hear us?

Side_Character_Theo: Hi Y/n!!!

Slytherin_Princess: Hi Theo.

Ginny's_Girlfriend: So...How's the dick?

Slytherin_Princess: oh merin

Side_Character_Theo: Pansy!

Ginny's_Girlfriend: What? i forgot what it feels like.

Still_Amused: i would not like to know, thank you.

Slytherin_Princess: thank you Blaise

Still_Amused: no problem

Side_Character_Theo: hey! I didn't say anything weird!

Slytherin_Princess: and you too Theo

Side_Character_Theo: Yay!

*Slytherin_Prince Has Logged On*

Slytherin_Prince: Y/n why are you texting in the bathroom! Hurry up and come out

Still_Amused: hey daddy

Ginny's_Girlfriend: LMFAO

Slytherin_Prince: ew what the fuck?!

Slytherin_Princess: they heard us Dray

Ginny's_Girlfriend: oh no, we heard you Y/n.

Still_Amused: nah. I still heard lover boy over here. Tell me Draco. Did she ever tell you how much she likes it?

Slytherin_Prince: i hate each and every one of you

Side_Character_Theo: Hey!

Slytherin_Prince: except for you Theo.

Side_Character_Theo: yay!

Still_Amused: never change please

Ginny's_Girlfriend: gay

Still_Amused: OH MERLIN HANNAH RIGHT THERE!

Ginny's_Girlfriend: your a wack ass bitch sometimes you know?

Still_Amused: fully aware

Slytherin_Prince: Y/n get out the bathroom. I want to cuddle.

Ginny's_Girlfriend: aww

Still_Amused: aw

Side_Character_Theo: awwww

Slytherin_Prince: i meant to dm her. Son of a bitch

Still_Amused: i think your moms pretty chill

Ginny's_Girlfriend: your dad tho is a fuckin bitch

Slytherin_Princess: i'm coming out. Sorry for keeping you guys up. I'll be quiet in the future. Bye!

Side_Character_Theo: Bye Y/n!

*Slytherin_Princess Has Logged Off*

Slytherin_Prince: she will not be quiet in the future

*Slytherin_Prince Has Logged Off*

Still_Amused: ew.

Ginny's_Girlfriend: double ew. Night Theo and gay boy

*Ginny's_Girlfriend Has Logged Off*

Side_Character_Theo: Alright night Blaise ♡

Still_Amused: Goodniht

Still_Amused: nightgood

Still_Amused: goongight

Still_Amused: Goodnight Theo

Side_Character_Theo: Your silly Blaise

*Side_Character_Theo Has Logged Off*

*Still_Amused Has Logged Off*

♡~🐍~♡

Kody: yeah. I wrote this. Wow. Anyways, peace.

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here is every unraveled episode (as of may 2020) as how they’d be as a lover | a 2.5k word long post written in the style of an unraveled about unraveled and also love

Ah. Unraveled. Polygon’s golden boy of a video series where Brian David Gilbert is beckoned into a suit, lured into a blackbox studio, and is only granted escape after he has explained to three cameras whatever batshit video game adjacent thesis he has been cursed with this time. Unraveled is a wonderful video series, and we all love it.

But what if it could love us?

If you’ve ever asked this question to yourself, boy, do I have some content for you, because for the past 2 days, I’ve been working on this post where, for entirely too long, I explain to you how each Unraveled episode would be as a lover. And more importantly, which ones would be the best lovers.

Before I fall deep into this unhinged hole and take you down with me, I need to explain some things.

First: I want to make it clear that I am not categorizing BDG as he portrays himself in each Unraveled. I am instead taking each Unraveled episode as a fully formed being, the story, performance, etc, and letting that shape a character of its own. This character is where I extrapolate details from to create an Unraveled episode’s qualities as a lover. What I’m basically doing is anthropomorphizing Polygon dot com video content. And then making you date them. If this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry, it will as you read along. And if it helps you to visualize the Unraveled Episode As A Lover, I invite you to just imagine whomever it is you are most attracted to---or for those who don’t experience attraction, whomever it is you find most aesthetically pleasing---and then just add in the wild personality traits I describe through the course of this post.

Second: I know what you’re thinking. “Avian, the characteristics of what makes a good lover is subjective!” And I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been through college, and I’ve witnessed my friends whom I love so dearly enter relationships with some of the most wack ass motherfuckers I’ve ever met. I know that people are into different things. But do I judge them for it? Well, kinda, yeah! Yes, what we want in a lover is subjective, but I’ve consumed a metric fuckton of romance media over the course of my life and am also in a wonderful relationship with my own girlfriend, and thus have my own personal idealized ranking for what makes a good lover. Feel free to disagree with my rankings of Unraveled Lovers, but also, I’m writing this post. I say this with as much love as I possibly can, but if you disagree with me, make your own post. If you don’t wanna make your own post, you’re just going to have to trust me for 2.1k more words.

With that out of the way, let me take you on a journey through the 23 Unraveled Lovers, from worst to best.

BAD TIER: I would probably advise you to break up with these Unraveled Lovers as soon as you are emotionally capable of doing so.

Hoo boy, we’re starting at the bottom. The perfectionists, the nitpickers, the emotionally unavailables. These Unraveled Lovers would have good intentions, but just have aspects within their personality that will wear you and your relationship together down until both of you can no longer take it.

“Ranking all 200+ Megaman robots” is a lover obsessed with the concept of “is this worth it?” They would unknowingly but inevitably rank parts of your own personality on a scale of ‘worth the trouble in this relationship’ and ‘not worth the trouble’. Any lover who deals with you with this kind of dichotomy is somebody you should not be with. You should be accepted and loved for all your parts, the beautiful and the ugly.

“How to make the perfect E3 press conference” is a lover who spent years consuming romance media and has a list of what makes the perfect relationship. So not only do they have unrealistic expectations for what a relationship is, but they will be obsessed with reaching that unreachable perfection. That will definitely put a strain on your relationship until the veneer of desired perfection crumbles away, leaving you both tired and sad.

On a less deep note, “How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters” just won’t remember any of the names of your friends or family. Sure, they’ll try, but they’ll give up in like 15 minutes and you’ll never be able to take this Unraveled Lover to a family reunion or a party with your friends. Probably not a dealbreaker, but as the Spice Girls said “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” This Unraveled Lover will not. Next.

“No one asked but I found Mortal Kombat’s best cuddler” and “I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania’s hottest monster” are two Unraveled Lovers with a similar problem: they both won’t shut the fuck up about their exes. Mortal Kuddler constantly brings up all the other cuddles they’ve experienced and Castlevanias Hottest Monster will tell you you’re beautiful, but also bring up like 69 other monsters they think are also beautiful. This might not be a red flag, but personally, this would tire me out, always being thought of in comparison or contrast to others.

That ends the BAD TIER and brings us to the OKAY TIER where a large chunk of the Unraveled Lovers fall into, so much so that I had to create more specific sub tiers under the OKAY TIER.

So let’s get into the OKAY TIER: These Unraveleds Lovers are alright, you’ll just have a sublimely weird relationship.

These Unraveled Lovers will treat you right but they’re also just very peculiar. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I’m here to explain to you just in what ways these okayest lovers are bizarre. Let’s start with the first sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: College Students who are way too into their major

There are a lot of Unraveled Lovers under this subtier, and this shouldn’t surprise you, because Unraveleds are inherently nerdy. These are lovers that will be good to you but also just never fucking shut up about what it is they’re studying.

“I read all 337 books of Skyrim so that you don’t have to” and "Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story" are Creative Writing majors obsessed with analyzing every single thing they read. As a Creative Writing major myself, I would advise you to never date a Creative Writing major unless you are a Creative Writing major yourself. I think that’s the only way the relationship can be ethical. Being sent essays from the New Yorker every day would be torture if you didn’t actively enjoy it.

“We made all 78 Breath of Wild recipes in one day” is a Culinary Arts major and, score, they’re gonna wanna cook for you! A lot! Beware though, because it’ll be a hit or miss on whether or not the food will be good, but you must admit, that there is nothing quite as attractive as your lover making you food (let’s just hope the food doesn’t harm you).

“Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations” is going to law school and that should be a dealbreaker in itself, but I’ll be a bit lenient because they’re always working towards the safety of everybody. This Unraveled Lover will always remind you to put your seatbelt on and also tell you exactly what laws you are violating.

“Bowser’s military hierarchy” is a Political Science major, and Political Science majors scare me. So I’ll just say they’re okay, and leave it at that.

“Which Dark Souls Boss is the best manager?” is a rare non-evil Management major because they actually truly care for the welfare of employees. They just will always talk about it, even when you guys are on a date. I know worker’s rights are important, but it’s not exactly what I want to talk about in between kisses, yknow?

“I fixed Fallout’s music by creating a totally new genre” is a Music major who keeps accidentally making Ska love songs to you. You didn’t know Ska love songs could be a thing. This Unraveled Lover makes it a thing.

“Scientifically Calculating the Game of the Year” is a Math major so you will never have to worry about calculating bills because they can do it for you.

“Calculate your pet’s HP with my 100% legitimate formula” is a Veterinary Medicine major so if you’re an animal lover, this Unraveled is the one for you! Just beware, because this Unraveled Lover will also spend a lot of time observing you from afar to quantify your health points, but both of you will inexplicably find this activity strengthens your relationship.

And last but not least for this sub tier, “When can Mario retire?” is a disillusioned Accounting and Finance major who chose this line of study to get a job and, through the years, realized what a hellscape capitalism is. You may have to deal with a lot of zoning out and staring off into the distance, with this Unraveled Lover, but a lover who hates capitalism sure is a good egg.

That brings us to our next sub tier!

OKAY SUB TIER: Cultists or Conspiracy Theorists (AKA...College Students who are way too into their extracurriculars)

These Unraveled Lovers are alright! They’re just a little bit off the shits.

“Every Sonic game is blasphemous” will get really really worked up about things and probably try to start a cult. For most, that’s a definite dealbreaker, but what makes Sonic Bible an okay lover is that they eventually calm down from the cult outburst and apologize. So this Unraveled Lover will treat you well, you just have to be ready to ground them when they get a little bit bonkers.

“Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 minutes” is very similar to Sonic Bible, except instead of starting a cult, every once in a while they’ll just sit you down on a chair and explain to you their latest obsession while slowly and intensely stripping. Which, hey, that could make for a fun night, if you’re into that kinda stuff! Definitely okay in my book.

That brings us to our last okay sub tier.

OKAY SUB TIER: Your Unraveled Lover might need to schedule some sessions with a therapist, and that’s Okay

Listen, we all have baggage. We all have problems. These are Unraveled Lovers who want to be the best for you, but at the same time have issues of their own, and you’re going to have to support them when they pop into their local psych clinic to make themselves better people.

“Waluigi” is an Unraveled Lover who is going through some identity issues. They want to be good for you, but they don’t even know who exactly they are. They may feel as if they are tricking you into being in this relationship, that they aren’t who you think they are, and while these fears are irrational, they wholeheartedly believe it and will never feel fully secure in this relationship until they have made peace with themselves. If you love this Unraveled Lover, you’re going to have to stick with them as they learn more about who they are.

“Kirby” is an Unraveled Lover who, for some reason, is obsessed with the constant quest to make things make sense. This need of theirs bleeds into every aspect of their life and can definitely affect your relationship. This Unraveled Lover may sometimes perhaps cite that they don’t deserve you because they can’t seem to figure out a logical and objective answer for why you are with them. This issue of treating everything like a puzzle to solve is an issue they will have to work out and recover from, and they will be receptive to this process of recovery because they cherish the relationship they have with you and understand that not everything has to be solved; some things can just be felt. If you choose to stay with this Unraveled Lover, you must be prepared to support them when they take a mysterious but needed soul searching journey in the woods. You must be prepared to sit with them along the shores of the beach and reassure them that life is about living, not about answers.

And that, dear readers, ends the OKAY TIERs. Now it’s time for the tier you have all been waiting for.

Drumroll, please!

GOOD TIER: Pop open the champagne, bring out the strawberries dipped in chocolate, and let Spotify play Careless Whisper, baby, because we’re in the Ideal Lover zone.

Welcome to the Ideal Lover Zone. Here, we have three Unraveled Lovers who are just extremely good fellas.

“I used the Sims to perfect my apartment” is an Unraveled Lover who will work their hardest to be the best for you, but unlike the BAD TIER perfectionists, it will naturally dawn to them that perfection is unattainable. After this realization, they will find comfort and happiness in your romantic relationship and the other healthy relationships they have with other people. This Unraveled Lover will be sincere with you when the time calls for it, but will also not be afraid to be goofy for it. Above all, this Unraveled Lover will ask for help when they need it. They may often be shy, at first, but they understand their limits and will openly communicate to you when situations call for it. Communication is the bedrock of any good relationship, and this Unraveled Lover will never keep you guessing.

“The Perfect Pokerap” is similar to the Sims, in the sense that they will at first strive for perfection in the honeymoon phase of your relationship but then understand that that isn’t possible and then set more reasonable and realistic goals. What sets this Unraveled Lover out from the crowd though is just how much they cherish you. How devoted they are to you. The love you will feel in this relationship will be transcendental, and, even if you do break up, this Unraveled Lover will never forget you.

And finally. Who---according to me, a mildly delirious 21 year old rando on the internet---is the most ideal Unraveled Lover?

It’s “Find your Kojima name with my simple 11 page form.” Why? Because this Unraveled Lover wants to know you. They want to know everything about you, the parts you like and the parts you don’t like. This is a lover who will not shy away from any aspect of yourself, but instead, embrace you for who you are as a full fledged person.

They’ll also give you a whack ass pet name, and boy, isn’t that romantic?

Well, there you have it. All (as of May, 2020) of the Unraveled Episodes as 23 Unraveled Lovers. What did I learn from this endeavor? That romantic love is complicated, but if you’re into it, it is definitely worth the trials and tribulations.

...As long as I’m not dating the Castlevania Unraveled. Seriously, when we’re making out, I don’t wanna hear about how sexy the Hyena With Gun is. Learn how to read the room, dude.

(Thanks for reading.)

[writting-thingz]

Pairing: Kaminari X femReader

Summary: Not only have you made it to your dream school UA and into the hero course but you were part of class 1A. What else could you possibly ask for? You have achieved one of your dreams so why did you feel so off? It seemed the only person who could help you feel normal was a short-circuiting classmate of yours. Another peculiar addition to this weird problem and solution of yours was the static feeling that rushed through your skin touched his.

Warnings/Notes: fluff, slight angst, homesick, reader has younger siblings

Inspiration:

Short Circuit

     This is both the best thing and the worst thing to ever happen to you. You’ve been accepted into UA’s hero course as a transfer student. Talk about a dream come true, so why? Why was there this empty weight sitting in your stomach?

“Y/n?” A voice calls but doesn’t pull you from your train of thought.

‘Why… I should be –just– happy, but I feel like something’s wrong… like something’s missing.’

“Y/n… Y/N!” The voice snapped as a cane wacks the top of your head. You rub your head as you turn to Recovery Girl.

“I’m sorry, ma'am..” you bow and apologize. She lets a heavy sigh slip from her lips,

“Y/n, why don’t you go enjoy the fair. We can make it without your spare hands for an hour or two”. You tilt your head to the side as a single brow lifts cautiously,

“Are you sure about that?” The entire reason you were at the fair was to help Recovery Girl at the first aid station when fairgoers got hurt. If you were being honest with yourself, you would have preferred to stay in your new room, alone. Not that you wanted to be alone, either.

“You’ve done great work helping; you should go before I change my mind,” Her eyes narrow.  You nod and skip away.

'AhhhAHHHHahhh, AhhhhAHHHHahhh’

      Walking about the fair was the Bakusquad.

“Hah Bakugou, do you see your face in this photo!?” Mina teases,

“Delete it! Or I’ll blow your ass up.” Bakugou growls.

“Bakubro, that’s kinda aggressive.” Kirishima chuckles.

“I think it looks pretty funny!” Sero chuckles, Bakugou looks kinda scared in it. Denki, don’t you agree?“ There is no response. A few attempts are made by Mina and Sero to catch the electric boy’s attention but to no avail. Kaminari’s eyes were being held captive. He watches as the lights, the smells, and the sounds seem to enrapture you momentarily.

’Candy, she’s sweet like candy in my veins’

The awe and wonder breakaway as the faint sound of a sniffle finds its way to your ear. You notice a child quietly crying because their icecream fell. You pull two lollipops you had on hand for kids that came by the first aid tent from your back pocket. You kneel before the child,

"Here. It may not be ice cream, but it’s just as yummy. Cheer up; the grass is happy to get such a sweet treat from a kid equally as sweet, even if it was by accident.” The child smiled and giggled. It reminded you of your younger siblings, and that empty weighted feeling came rushing back. Still, you return the smile and wave as the child runs off.

’Baby, I’m dying for another taste’

Kaminari watched as you stood up and met his gaze. You wave, giggle, and smile. He almost short-circuited right then and there. He hadn’t even noticed his buddies stopped walking.

      "Mm-HAH!“ Bakugou exclaims as he snatches Mina’s phone and rushes to delete it.

"No fair!!” Mina whines as the explosive boy pockets her phone “Wait, don’t tell me.” She gasps playfully. “Bakugou, were you actually scared on that ride!?”

“SHUT UP! OF COURSE, I WASN’T SCARED! ARE YA ASKING TO GET YOUR ASS BEAT?!?” Bakugou figuratively and literally explodes. The sounds of small explosions in his hands startle a nearby civilian with a porcupine quirk. Quills went flying towards a food tent that had someone working with knives. At that moment, it seems like times slow down as you decide how to react. One of the quills hit the food worker holding a knife; they accidentally fling the knife. You manage to focus long enough to use your quirk, forcing the spaced-out boy to stop moving, then your feet spring into action. You sprint at the Bright-haired boy, as the knife hurdles towards him. You just barely manage to drop down and leg swipe him in time. Time feels normal again as you quickly get to your feet.

      "Oh, my goodness!“ You finally realize what you had just done, "are you okay?”. You bend down and reach your hand out to the boy you just leg swiped. Kaminari groans as he sits up and rubs the back of his head. Out of natural reaction, he reaches for your hand without realizing it.

“What just hap… pened,” his eyes lifted to see the girl he’d been staring at moments ago. “A-am I in angel because you look like a heaven,” he blurts. You laugh at the messed up pickup line as your hand wraps around his. The moment your skin touches his, a static feeling jolts its way up both of your arms.

“Woah,” being startled by the sudden feeling you jerk your arm back. Kaminari’s whole body appears to short circuit. You rush to wrap your arms around his back, so he doesn’t fall.

“Heh heh, wheew” his face and voice had changed, and once again, you found yourself giggling. It was then you realized who he was.

'Oh right, he’s from the hero course’ You slip your hands down his arms and grab onto his hands. The static feeling shoots down your arm once again.

“Come on short circuit, let’s get you to Recovery Girl.” You pull him to his feet and pick him up.

       "Hey, co-…“ You look round to ask Kaminar’s friends for help, only to realize they were already helping those who had been injured by the quills. "Could you have the injured follow me?” You ask the helpers.

“Sure thing girly! Thanks for helping our friend you have there.” Mina answers. It takes a moment for you to recognize Kaminari’s friends, but it all comes to you eventually,

'Ah… I watched them in the sports festival they have here’. Once Kaminari is in a seat, you double-check for any injuries you missed. A heavy sigh comes from Recovery Girl,

“What on earth happened?” She asks openly. You went to answer, but Mina starts explaining.

“…. She leg swiped Kaminari, and then we gathered all of the injured while she helped him back up.”

“So you managed to control his movements? Does this mean you will not be able to help heal?” Recovery Girl looks to you.

“I just need to drink some water and rest for a few minutes. All I didn’t use much energy to do it.” You answer reassuringly.

“As dangerous as it was, it looked pretty cool. It was like she froze him in place.” Mina’s eyes lit up, and her hands shake from side to side. Her excitement and curiosity became infectious because sooner enough, others in the group were asking the same thing.

“Yeah! How did you do that?” Sero crosses his arms and dares to lift an eyebrow.

“Oh.. ah. It’s not all that amazing. I was just controlling the fluids in his body, forcing him to stop moving. I suppose I could have made him run out of the knife’s way, but that would have used more energy, and I wanted to make sure I could still help the others afterward. I just got lucky that the only one in the knife’s way was your Short Circuited friend.” you explained.

“That’s so cool!”

“Awesome! That’s kinda Manly!”

“Heh yeah. What they said,” The group compliments in various ways.

      After all the injuries were looked after Bakugou was forced to apologize for his outburst and Mina for causing it. Everyone is then released to enjoy the fair again or leave it. This included you.

“But recovery girl, this fair isn’t over yet..” you started. She shook her head,

“Go back to the dorms and rest. You start classes tomorrow, and if I keep you here too late, you’ll pass out in class I can guarantee it.” She explained and shoes you away.

“Hey, why don’t I walk him back?” You suggest as you look over at their friend, who still seems to be out of commission, “Can he walk?”

“Oh yeah, He’s a bit slow when he’s like this, but he can walk,” Sero reassures. Bakugou rolls his eyes and barks at his electric friend.

“Dunce face, let’s go!” slowly but surely his friend got up.

“Yyyaaay!!” Kaminari cheers with his hands in the form of thumbs up.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Kirishima offers, but you shake your head and insist they continue having fun.

      The two of you start your walk back to UA, as you walk silently that empty feeling pools in your stomach once again. The thoughts of spending time with family floods your mind so rapidly it’s almost nauseating. The smell of the grill’s flames licking the hamburgers and hotdogs. There was a faded echoing of laughter of your mother bouncing around in your head. The chill of ice pouring over your head by your father. The taste of salty peanut butter cookies that one of your siblings made because they mixed up teaspoons and tablespoons. The warmth that encases your body when there was a family group hug. Tears began to form in your eyes.

‘And every night my mind is running around her’

“HeyyYYyY…” Kaminari whispers as he tugs the back of your shirt. You turn and regret not wiping your tears first. It appears he’s still partly in ‘dunce mode,’ but it’s clear that he’s worried. He tilts his head as if to ask what was wrong.

“I-I- …I’m fine. Really I am. I just spaced out that all” You chuckle trying to play it off, but it doesn’t work. He tugs your shirt again.

‘Then it gets louder and louder’

It was useless to try and fight back the tears; they just kept forming one after another. That empty feeling weighs down on your stomach causes it to ache. You cover your mouth and turn your head as the first tear breaks through and rolls down your cheek.

‘Baby, you’re like lightning in a bottle’

Once again, you can feel Kaminari tugging at your shirt, but this time it was enough to pull you closer to him. When you find the courage to look at him again, his arms are outstretched. You could only manage to give him a nod for permission. His arms wrap around you, encasing you in tonight’s scent fair food, and cotton candy. You snake your arms around him and hug him as tight as you could. He places his chin on your head and that static feeling from earlier returns. It was strangely relaxing. It rushed to circulate through your body once then pooled where his chin at on your head. The static ran a similar course through Kaminari. The longer the two of you stood there in each other’s embrace, the less everything seemed to hurt.

‘I can’t let you go now that’s I’ve got you’

      Weeks pass, and you found that you sleep easier if you spend a little time with Kaminari. You weren’t sure why he made you feel like you were home, maybe it was his dorky and memey personality that reminded you of your siblings. Or perhaps it was the way his eyes shined that reminded you of your mother. It could also be the way he laughed, just like your father. It just as easily could be the way his hugs felt like they had the same warmth and affection as family group hugs. It could be some or all of those things, but one thing stood out about him. Every time you and Kaminari touched a static feeling would rush through your body before pooling right where ever your skin touched. It was like grazing your fingers along the screen of an old tv or the shock from rubbing your fuzzy socks on the carpet and touching a doorknob. Kaminari felt it too and wonders if you felt what he did. He found himself wondering a lot about you. He fell smitten for you at first sight. To him, you were a water angel and had not only saved his life but had the generosity to walk with him back to the dorms. He enjoys every moment the two of you have together and craves more every time you part.

‘All I need is to be struck, by your electric love’

Just another touch, word, look, or hell he’d even take having just one more breath around you. You felt the same way, anything to feel normal again; he gave you that. You hated that homesick feeling that would creep up on you occasionally. Just being around Kaminari made it melt away, he was a home away from home.

‘Baby your electric love, electric love’

     Today was particularly hard for you since it was family day, and none of yours could make it due to conflicting schedules or just plain hatred of traveling. You watched your classmates enjoy a fun-filled day with their family. A few tried to include you, even Kaminari, but you simply shook your head. It wouldn’t be the same; it would just hurt more. The laughter, arguments, and sibling rivalry filled your ears, making you wish you couldn’t hear anything. The sight of others being with their families made you feel nauseous. The empty feeling you had been fighting off for so long came back full force and then some. By time family day had come to an end, the weight had tripled, and a thick tired aura surrounded your body. It was almost as if the universe could see how bad of a day you were having. Soon enough, the weather reflected your feelings. A storm of lightning and thunder rushes in while you sat on the porch of your dorm. Wanting to feel something, anything, besides the pain of being alone, you stepped into the rain. From the window of his dorm room, Kaminari spots you outside. Questions whizzed around in his head as he rushed down the stairs.

‘Drowning’

He couldn’t understand why anyone would want to be in this weather. He couldn’t understand why you would put yourself at the risk of being struck by lightning; or the risk of any danger, really. He rushes out the front door, and you spin around.

‘You make my heart beat like the rain’

“Y/N! What the hell are you DOING out here!?” Kaminari yells cautiously, approaching you. The river of tears that poured down your cheeks melded with the drops of heavy rain and was carried off by the screaming winds. Him, just him, that was all you needed.

“Surround me” You cry out with outstretched arms. Without another word, Kaminari sprints to your side, embracing you tightly in his arms. The rain around you two stops and forms a dome. You lift your head from his chest, wrap your arms around his neck, and crashed your lips against his. His electricity hit the walls of the rain dome like a plasma globe.

‘Hold me deep beneath your weight’

After getting over the initial shock, he kisses you back. The static feeling you two always felt rushed through your bodies over and over again. The sweet and longed for kiss ends. The two of you rest your heads on the other’s shoulder.

“I love you, my little Water Angel,” He whispers,

“I love you too, my precious Short Circuit,” You whisper back.

[hermannsthumb]

"newt isn’t sleazy and is also too busy wrestling with the ethics of hitting on his hot TA if the guy is 5 months older than him to even notice" pleeeease write this

Anonymous asked: "When I Kissed the Teacher" AU ft professor newt and his hot 5-month-older TA hermann

and coincidentally, this older one

Anonymous asked: i just rewatched mamma mia 2 and was wondering if i could request a "when i kissed the teacher" newmann fic?? love your writing!!!!!!

Ask And Ye Shall Receive. sorry ive been MIA 😔 concept from this post I made earlier this month. idk what class newt teaches that hermann would be qualified to TA for but just like, decide for yourselves

---------------------

Newt’s never been a list-making kind of guy, or--for that matter--even really a planning ahead kind of guy, but certain circumstances have thrown his life more out of wack than usual lately, and he kind of needs the stability the like of things like lists offer. Desperate times and everything. Or, at the very least, Newt is desperate. 

So Newt plans, and plots, and deliberates, and he even agonizes a little, but most of all, he makes a list.

On one half of the page, he writes pros. On the other, he writes cons. On top, he writes--what else?--Hermann.

The problem started in late August. Newt knew for months he was going to be assigned a teaching assistant come that semester--it was him, after all, who’d suggested it to the dean in the first place--but the Hermann Gottlieb of extensive, impressive, overachieving CV and overly-former cover letter was a far cry from Hermann Gottlieb in the flesh. Newt expected a dork, frankly. Someone too socially awkward to feel brave enough to thank someone for holding a door open for him. He expected a PhD student so eager to please he’d cater to Newt’s every whim, whether it was grading horrendous freshman lab reports or fetching him a sandwich from the commissary between class sections. 

They met for the first time at the campus coffee shop. Hermann was dressed in an oversized pair of slacks, a threadbare green sweatervest, and honest-to-God saddle shoes; the buttons of his Oxford were done up all the way, from the collar to the cuffs, and an ornate cane was settled against his thigh. His haircut was tragic. “Dr. Geiszler,” he said, all clipped and English, and held his hand out to Newt. “Hermann Gottlieb. It is a great pleasure to meet you. I’m an admirer of your work.”

"Sup,” Newt said, and tried to bump their fists together.

Newt knew he was in deep shit then. It wasn’t just because Hermann was gorgeous (which he was, in a sort of weird, frumpy, ripped-outta-1945 way), or that the scowl he proceeded to level Newt with made his soul wither and his heart race a little bit too fast, but both of those things in conjunction with a big one: Newt was, and is, so fucking love-starved. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of being made a professor when he was as young as he was and completing a PhD before he completed puberty. His early twenties should’ve been spent dyeing his hair terrible colors and adding to his already impressive tattoo collection and having questionable hookups with other young twentysomethings; unfortunately, the only young twentysomethings Newt ever seems to come across are his students, and he has a very strict code of ethics. Not to mention it wasn’t like he was getting any action before that as a weird, gangly teenager with peers several years his senior. He was bound to latch onto the first genius hottie who crossed his path who wasn’t trying to flirt their way into bumping that B- to a B+. And better yet, Hermann is five whole months his senior!

The shit only got deeper when the semester started. No, Hermann was not the sort to fetch Newt sandwiches, or coffee, or Aspirin from his office, nor was he the sort to handle the dreaded lab reports (at least not unless Newt handled them with him), and he definitely wasn’t eager to please. Newt, anyway. If anything the opposite was true: he seemed to actively derive enjoyment from undermining Newt at every turn.

“Wrong,” he’d mutter during class if Newt screwed something up in a lecture, or “No, Geiszler, you’re doing it wrong again,” or “How in the blazes did you get three bloody PhDs when you can’t even do simple addition?” and snatch Newt’s dry erase marker away to scrawl his own answers on the whiteboard. It was less like having a TA and more like having...well, a bitchy, annoying co-teacher. Or, God help Newt, a colleague. And boy, did he wave those five months over Newt’s head like a fucking flag. Newt was immature; inexperienced; clearly not as serious about his studies--his completed studies--as Hermann. Meanwhile Newt’s class (bright young twenty somethings, taller than Newt, cooler than Newt, with more friends than Newt) would giggle and snicker, and Hermann would look smug.

It drove Newt fucking batty.

It also made him, like, super turned on.

The two can co-exist. Apparently. Hermann Gottlieb is already helping Newt discover new and existing concepts; what a fucking excellent TA he is. Someone give that man a raise.

So Newt draws up a list, and he writes Pros, and he writes Cons, and he writes Hermann. The pros are regrettably easy to come up with, because Hermann is Hermann, and (bitchiness and undermining of Newt aside) it’s unfair how many he has. Hot. Stupid sexy accent. Stupidly smart. This is crossed out and replaced with so smart he makes me feel stupid (in a good way), because it seems like an important distinction. Glasses on chain. Mysterious. (In a tall, dark, and handsome way. Sort of. Average height--which is tall to Newt, pale, and handsome. He still scowls more than he talks, which makes him feel mysterious. In a Bronte sort of way. Newt can picture Hermann drawing a billowing cloak around his shoulders and stalking some desolate moor in the moonlight, though in this case maybe’s more of a puffy parka than a cloak.) In tiniest font of all is makes me laugh, because Hermann does, goddamn it, with his snide asides and cutting remarks and sarcasm, often not even directed at Newt when it’s just the two of them alone in Newt’s office at night.

The placement of “is my TA” on the chart is acting as a particular annoyance to Newt, entirely on account of the fact that he can think of several pros and cons for that as well, and he’s not sure whether to nestle it between dark eyelashes and once called me a moron in front of my class and I got a hard-on or beneath sweaters smell like sweat and mothballs, has annoying tic of clearing throat when lost in thought, and the dick wins 86% of our arguments. Sexy forbidden fling. Abuse of power. Is older than me so it's not as weird as it could be? I’m his boss. The school’s paying Hermann though, not Newt, and it’s not like he’s going to scurry off to the dean and demand Hermann’s funding slashed if Hermann turns him down (which he’d most likely do). But it still feels like a breach of ethics.

On the other hand, Hermann is exactly the sort of guy he’d try to pick up at a bar if he still did things like that. (Tenure, rather than giving Newt breathing space to kick back and relax a little, has only increased his obsession with his work, and now when he gets a Friday night free to himself he mostly switches crap on the TV and falls asleep with his cat on the couch.) It’s about the experience, the impossible task of seducing someone who--by all accounts--is too straight-laced and tight-buttoned to indulge in something that debase. They were always the best in bed. Tension, Newt knows, has to snap at some point.

He’d like to wrap Hermann’s personal piano wire around his thumb and bang away at the keys until it snaps, too. Ethics, Newt thinks (folding up the list and stuffing it out of sight), his ass.

Newt sacrifices a Friday night with his cat and Unsolved Mysteries in favor of working on a solution to his Hermann Problem. Swamped with work, he tells Hermann over the phone, it fucking sucks, dude, I could really use your help in my office, and Hermann grumbles, and snaps that Newt should learn to be better prepared for his own damn classes, but declares he’ll be on campus in half an hour and that Newt will be ordering him takeaway for dinner as an apology.

The door swings open at half past five. Hermann is bundled in that heavy parka and scarf (which, even for a Boston November, still looks a little too warm), and his hair is damp. “Is it raining?” Newt says, perhaps stupidly, because there’s not a single droplet of water anywhere else on Hermann’s body.

Hermann makes a face at him and pushes the door shut with his cane. “No,” he says, tersely.

“Then why...” Newt touches his own hair.

“I was taking a bloody bath,” Hermann snaps. “I don’t work on Fridays, as you well know, Newton.”

The use of his full first name stings Newt oddly even as the notion of Hermann luxuriating in a bathtub excites him. “That’s Dr. Geiszler,” Newt snaps back, because goddamn it, he’s Hermann’s boss, he deserves respect, and then mentally adds a small, depressing tally to the Cons half of the board. Ethics, ethics. 

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Dr. Geiszler,” Hermann says. He throws his scarf and coat viciously at the small couch in the corner of Newt’s office, then takes his usual seat across from Newt. “Well? Where are those papers it’s so crucial we grade?”

Hermann in a bathtub, Newt thinks. Hermann naked. Papers, Newt thinks. “Papers,” Newt says, and he shoves a stack at Hermann with twice as much force as he means to, causing several to flutter to the ground. “We need...to grade them,” he says. Hermann naked, in a bathtub, maybe some candles lit around him, some nice music on, daydreaming about that wretched professor he works for. Damn it. “I have a pen,” he says. “To grade.”

“What on earth are you saying?” Hermann says. “Be quiet. I can’t concentrate with your abominable prattling on.” Then he mumbles something that sounds like incessant, rips the top paper off the stack, and begins to slash at it in red ink. He doesn’t bother gathering the two from the ground.

Why did Newt invite him here, again?

Oh, right. He pushes his glasses up his nose and feigns casualness, pulling out another paper for himself to grade. “A bath,” he says. “Just to, uh, relax? Or...?”

Hermann narrows his eyes. “Or?”

Newt shrugs. “It’s Friday. Were you getting ready for a date or something?”

This time, Hermann’s mouth twists down into a frown. Almost suspicious. “Why do you care?” he says.

“I don’t,” Newt says quickly. “Just making small talk.” God, he could picture some stud of a computer science PhD candidate winning Hermann over with techno babble--or maybe one of his fellow students, ugh, maybe they made a study group together that meets Friday nights, and Hermann was getting all gussied up, goddamn handsome astrophysics grad students--

“I was relaxing,” Hermann says. “You must be aware at this point you cause me a great deal of stress, Dr. Geiszler, on a daily basis.”

“Oh,” Newt says.

He gives up on the small talk after that. Hermann’s promised takeout arrives--a small carton of pad thai--as does Newt’s--a large carton of the spiciest thing they had on the menu--and they eat in silence. They have about three-quarters of the papers to go when Hermann suddenly sits back in his seat with a groan and rubs at his eyes under his granny glasses. “Bugger,” he says. “I can’t fathom this one for the life of me. I’m too tired.”

“It’s getting kinda late,” Newt agrees. “Maybe we should--”

“It’s not that,” Hermann says. “I had a glass of wine earlier, and--oh, it doesn’t matter. Your students need to learn how to write in a way that’s actually bloody legible--it’s like chicken scratch.”

Newt hops up and leans over his shoulder, squinting down at the page. Hermann’s hair smells nice, like something floral, and his skin has a small hint of what could almost be cologne. Why is Hermann wearing cologne? “Okay, let me see it,” Newt says, struggling to keep from getting lightheaded at the close proximity to Hermann. “I’m used to that kind of shit.”

“No,” Hermann says, drawing the paper close to his chest. “I am perfectly capable of managing it on my own.”

“Dude,” Newt says, “let me look at it, seriously. Hermann--”

He manages to tug it away from him. The handwriting is pretty bad, but the math seems to be worse. “Didn’t they do the readings?” Newt mutters under his breath. “That’s not even the right equation for the diameter. I gave them a cheat sheet, man.” They’re junior year engineering students--they should know this shit.

“I know what the equation is,” Hermann snaps. “I can grade it on my own. Give it back.”

“I didn’t say you didn’t know,” Newt says, “I said this kid--”

“It’s the radius squared--”

“Hermann, dude,” Newt says, “I know you’re--”

And that’s when Hermann grabs him by his skinny tie and kisses him, hard. 

They stare at each other afterwards. Hermann’s eyes are as wide as saucers; his mouth is hanging open. Newt’s tie slips from his fingers, which then fall limp to his lap. “Holy shit,” Newt squeaks.

Hermann is gone with a swish of his parka and a loud clack of his cane. And with a stack of papers Newt still has to somehow get through. Figures.

Their next few classes together are subdued. Hermann doesn’t interject any of his biting commentary or corrections, or even offer critiques of Newt’s lack of professionalism (when in the past his skinny jeans were such an easy target), and when the period is over, he practically sprints from the classroom before he and Newt can be alone together for even a second. It’s fine by Newt. Whatever. Maybe Hermann can get over it over Thanksgiving break, and Newt can try to get over the memory of Hermann’s strong fingers tugging him down, Hermann’s floral shampoo, Hermann’s chapped, wide lips against his, the little grunt of shock Hermann made as he did it, like he couldn’t believe his own audacity...

It’s not likely.

It’s December, the last week before finals, and Newt’s in his office bundled up in a sweatshirt (because the heat never seems to fucking work in here), revising a draft of an exam, and dreading the thought of trudging home in the snow, when there’s suddenly a knock at his door. Anticipating some overeager freshman here outside of office hours, he doesn’t look up as he says “Come in.”

A familiar clearing of a throat.

Newt shoots straight up to his feet. He knocks a mug of coffee to the floor in the process. “Hermann,” he says. “Uh. Hi. What--what are you doing here?”

Hermann shuts the door behind him, then takes a careful step forward. He’s back in his big dumb coat and big long scarf. “I thought I ought to tell you myself first,” he says, primly. “I’ve submitted a request to the dean to be reassigned to another professor next semester. Our research interests are far more in line, and I don’t imagine our personalities shall clash as much.”

“Oh,” Newt says, pretending his heart isn't sinking in his chest like a hunk of lead. Was he that bad of a kisser? He feels like he deserves a second shot at it--he wasn’t ready last time, you know, he bets he’d really wow Hermann if he had a fair heads up. “Are.. are those the only reasons why?”

“No,” Hermann admits. “They’re not.”

He crosses the room, and corners Newt against his desk before Newt even realizes what’s happening. “They’re not,” he says again, then adds in a murmur (lifting one hand to brush his fingers against Newt’s hair), “Dr. Geiszler.”

Neither of them talk much, after that.

[domreaderrecs]

damn, i kind of agree with most of your takes. especially 8!💕💕not sure about 10, i wouldn’t mind. could you give some nuance on 6? (🍓-anon)

6. gfd is not inclusive

i am glad you asked for nuance for this lmao i could write a whole ass essay. this is a bit long so bear with me.

you’ve hopefully seen the post i make every month about the lack of poc (specifically black men) in gentle femdom and honestly kink spaces in general

for all the inclusivity and body positivity and breaking gender norms gfd talks about, there’s no representation of brown ppl in gfd. in all the gfd content i’ve seen, including videos, nsfw art, erotica and fanfics, I can count one one hand the number of times i’ve seen black men portrayed as submissive. I think in a lot of people’s minds there’s this stereotype of black men as ultra masculine and dominant and hyper sexual beings and it’s wack af imo.

I mean as a black woman i feel more represented than them, i actually know quite a few black female dommes/gfd content creators who write the dommes/main characters in their stories as black women, but out of all of them not a single one has ever drawn or written something where the submissive boy is black.

I can see why though. When I first realized I was into gfd my preferences started changing. Suddenly I was consuming all this gfd content that always depicted white boys or asian boys, never brown boys. I started to not be attracted to black men bc I just assumed they’d never fit in the context of my sexuality or kinks because I had never seen any content that depicted them in that way. This is something I still struggle with to this day.

And even then, in terms of nsfw art or comics or whatever there’s almost no depiction of black women. So I can’t even imagine how alienated or weird black and brown male subs must feel. They’ve got society telling them they’re these dominant hyper sexual ultra masculine creatures while the community that’s supposed to be for them and claims to be so inclusive never actually includes them in their media.

and it’s definitely a wider societal problem even outside of a kink or sexual context. The stereotypes and harsh generalizations and toxic masculinity they have to deal with even from a young age is connected to the fetishization of their bodies and ethnicities and how they aren’t allowed to exist in kink spaces. that’s part of the reason why it’s so hard to find representation of them in nsfw media bc you can’t find it unless you explicitly search for it but if you search for it, all that will come up is shit like BLACK SLAVE GETS DOMINATED BY WHITE MISTRESS or even worse, BLACK BULL BBC GETS USED BY WHITE SLUT or some stupid shit like that. the thing is, most gfd content doesn’t contain black ppl/black men, but any material that does is specifically focused around their blackness and fetishizing hit. it’s so stupid that i have to search black gfd to get any results (which usually aren’t gentle anyway) but i’ve never in my life had to search "white gfd".

and the craziest part about all of this is no one talks about it (at least not that i’ve seen).

[jmnsthetic]

FINALLY MINE

~words:3000+

~tags: M/M, oral, taekook, jock Jungkook, nerd Taehyung, sub/dom, blowjob..

~Tae and Jungkook are the same age here, bare with me pls^^

*Jeon Jungkook’s POV*

Kim Taehyung…

That kid is picked on more than most people in this school. Mostly because he’s small, meek, and looks more like a girl than most of the girls in this school. I wouldn’t say he’s skinny because he’s got the widest hips I’ve ever seen, but his upper body is the stereotypical nerd torso.

His ass though… Damn, he’s got an ass most girls would be jealous of. Most of the time I can’t stop thinking of what it would feel like to have my dick 9 inches deep in that ass. Or his pink luscious lips wrapped around it.

Unfortunately, being the starting wide receiver for Santa Barbara, I’ve got a certain rep to uphold. And it wouldn’t look good if I was seen rooting for the wrong team. Especially a geek like Taehyung who’s the target of many bullies. Everyone takes a shot at that kid.

But still… it’s very tempting. What I would do to get him under me, taking my dick like a good little boy.

---

Sitting in math class is a rather bore. Fortunately, Taehyung’s in my class. Today he’s wearing those skin-tight jeans and a white t-shirt that clings to his skin.

The worst or best part of school is I’m stuck with this eye candy all day long. He’s in every single one of my classes. He is smart, there’s no doubt about that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the typical stupid ass jock. My parents made sure of it. My dad is a successful entrepreneur. He demands excellence from me, both on the field and in the classroom.

As we pile out of class after the bell rings, I trail that booty to our next class. A few people give me high fives and tell me what a great game I had last Friday. Some of my teammates hit me up, but I keep my eyes on that fat ass of his.

“Move it, fucking nerd,” Kyle says as he wacks Taehyungs books out of his hands, scattering all over the hall. Kyle’s a punk, but he’s my teammate. Great linebacker and starting power forward on the basketball team. We’re not friends by any means, just teammates.

“You don’t have to be an ass, Kyle,” I say as I kneel down to help the guy out. He looks up at me with those brown eyes. I can see he’s on the verge of crying and all I can think about is how hot it’d be to shove my tounge down that throat of his.

I just want to grab his messy brown hair and fuck his face with my tounge.

“Why are you being nice to me?” he asks.

“Not all jocks are assholes,” I tell him as I hand him his books. “Why do you haul all these books around?”

“My locker is on the other side of the school,” he says, brushing his hair out of his face and adjusting his glasses.

“That sucks,” I say, while I get a good glimpse of that ass as he bends over and grabs the last of his books. I just want to yank his pants down, spread them cheeks and taste him. “By the way, I noticed we’re in the same math class.”

“We’re in all the same classes,” he says as we continue on to our English class.

“Right… You know, I could use a study buddy like you,” I admit. Not that I need someone to help me with math. Math comes easily to me. I just want an excuse to get him over to my house... Alone.

“Like me? You mean, you want someone who’ll do your homework for you?” he asks.

“Do I look like I need someone to do my homework? I’m not the stupid jock you might think I am,” I tell him. “I just want someone who takes their class work as serious as I do.”

His face turns bright red as he tears his eyes away from mine. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to assume.”

“It’s all good, I’m just messing with ya. So what do you say? Study buddy?” I ask. His eyes go wide as he looks back up at me.

“Uh… sure! Okay, yeah!”

“Great! Why don’t you come over to my house after practice and we’ll finish up the math homework and study for the upcoming test,” I suggest.

“Yeah… except, I don’t have a car…” he says.

“No problem… If you want, you can wait up here and I’ll give you ride after practice,” I tell him. “Hell, you can even watch us practice if you want.”

“Really!?” he asks. “What about Kyle?”

“Don’t worry about Kyle,” I tell him. “I’ll make sure no one picks on you.”

“Really?” He looks up at me with those eyes… Eyes as blue as the ocean. His face just has that natural innocence about it. It makes my dick hard.

“Yeah… stick with me and no one will touch you.” Nobody but me.

---

As we make our way out to the practice field I see Taehyung off in the corner with his books. I can’t believe he came. He’s a gazelle in the lion's den. He looks up at us as we start stretching. “Oh my god, wow… What’s that nerd sitting on our field for?” Kyle asks.

“Hey, leave him alone, he’s mine ,” I tell Kyle.

“What!? Did you jump to the other side?” he asks.

“What if I did? I mean, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t what his lips wrapped around your cock? ”

“Wow, you are a fag! And NO!”

“If getting your dick sucked is gay then I’m gay for him.”

“He’s kinda got a point,” Adam says. “Ain’t nothing gay about getting your dick suck. Besides, nerdboy over there looks more like a girl than half the sluts you’ve slept with, Kyle.”

“Whatever…”

Coach blows the whistle and we get practice started.

After doing some sprints and drills, we ran some plays. Out of the 8 passes that were thrown to me, I didn’t drop a single one.

When practice finally ended, I was quick to tear my pads off and leave. I find Taehyung waiting for me outside. Fuck, if he grew hair out a little longer, I wouldn’t be able to tell if he was a guy. Especially with that ass. Perfect bubble butt. And his lips, definitely dick sucking lips.

Gear in one hand, I sling my other arm around his shoulder. “Let’s head over to my house.”

Leading him over to my convertible Audi, I toss my shit in the back and hop in the driver's seat. He meagerly climbs in and we’re off.

It doesn’t take long before we roll up at my house. His eyes light up as we pull in the drive. I don’t think he’s ever seen a house this big. “This is where you live?” he asks.

“Yeah, where did you think I lived, some fucking ghetto? ”

He tenses up.

“Relax, I’m just messing with you.” Fuck calm down.

We get out and head in. I put my hand on the small of his back and lead him through the large glass door.

I toss my shit down and lead him up the giant white staircase to my room. Once in my bedroom, I gesture him to sit down on the bed and start tearing off my clothes. “I’m going to take a quick shower and wash the stink off if that’s alright with you.”

As soon as I pull my trunks down, his eyes go straight to my cock. “Uhh… Yeah… sure.”

“You act like you’ve never seen a dick before.”

Immediately his face burns bright red as he looks up at me. “I… I…”

“Want to touch it?”

His eyes go wide. “What!?”

“Do you want to touch it,” I make sure to emphasize every word.

“I… uh… I’m not gay.” He stutters and his ears flush bright red. Liar.

“I highly doubt that. Come on, no straight boy would stare at a cock like that.” I try to encurage him.

The way he bites down on his bottom lip makes my dick twitch. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I just want to dominate this little nerd boy and make him mine.

I start stroking my cock as I slowly walk up to him. My dick is literally only a couple of inches from his handsome face. He can’t take those capturing eyes off it. Slowly, I run my fingers through his soft brown hair, grabbing a handful and pulling him closer to my cock.

His luscious lips touch the tip of my dick. His reluctance shatters as he parts them, letting the head of my cock slip in.

“Mmm.. ” He moans and that almost sends me over.

His eyes look into mine as I pull his head down on my cock, shoving more of it into his mouth. He gags as my dick reaches the entrance to his throat. Both of my hands have fists full of his hair and I start slowly rocking my hips.

His dainty little hands run up my thighs my cock pushes against his throat once more. Tears well down his eyes as he spits and coughs on my dick. He tries to push off, but I held him there. “Swallow it, baby.”

Those brown big eyes close shut. My dick plunges down his throat as he opens up, swallowing it whole. His nose bumps into my pubes as I hilt my dick balls deep inside his mouth. I can see his neck bulge out as my dick clogs his throat.

I let go of him and my dick pops off his mouth as he coughs and gags. “Take your clothes off.”

He looks up at me all wide-eyed like a doe in the headlights. “You want that huh?” And smirks.

That brat! “I want to see that beautiful body of yours.” I pull him off the bed and take my seat on it, all the while stroking my dick. “Don’t be shy, let me see all of you.”

He stands and crosses his arms. I guess I’m going to have to give him a hand. I swallow my pride and pull him closer as my fingers find the bottom of his shirt. I slowly pull it up and over his head. His skin is pretty flawless. Not chubby, but not too skinny either. He’s got a flat stomach and chest. My fingers rub up against his nipple and slowly make their way down his stomach, such soft skin. I unsnap his pants and slowly drag them down. No way! He’s got on Gucci underwear. They hug his fat ass perfectly. Almost like panties.

This boy was made to be fucked.

He holds onto my shoulders as I lift one leg after the other and drag his pants off. I see the tiny bulge in his underwear, rubbing my hands over it, he is as hard as a rock. I give him the turn around sign with my fingers and he hesitantly shows that ass to me.

Sinking my fingers beneath the hem of his underwear, inch by inch, I pull them down revealing the sexiest ass I’ve ever seen. Not a single hair below his head.

I give his ass a hard slap, making him groan out. He looks back at me. “Why are you doing this?”

I pull him down in my lap. “Because I want to make you mine. Here’s the deal, Taehyung… You become my slut and no one… not even Kyle will ever bully you.”

“Wha… What’s that entail?”

“Obviously that means not only are you going to be mine , but I’m going to fuck that tight ass of yours whenever I want.”

His eyes go wide. “I don’t know… Won’t that hurt?”

“For the first time, yeah, it’ll hurt. But I promise, once that ass gets stretched out, you’re gonna love it. You’ll crave my dick.”

My hand slides down his back causing him to tense up. I grab his ass as my fingers zip down the crack of his butt finding his tight little rosebud.

“How badly do you want to be popular?” I ask him. “I can make that happen. As long as you submit this ass of yours to me and become mine.”

Before he can even say anything, I grab his hair and pull him in for a kiss. My tongue batters it’s way into his mouth as my finger sinks into his tight asshole. He squirms as my digit sinks to the first knuckle.

“Oh fuck Jungkook!”

“Now, if you want my protection from Kyle, get on your knees and start sucking my dick.”

He bites his lower lip as he looks into my eyes with those brown orbs. As the last bit of his resistance diminishes, he sinks to his knees and slips my cock between his lips. “That’s it, baby. Suck my big dick.”

I grab a handful of hair and start bobbing his head up and down on my cock. “Urrghh, fuck… Wrap those dick sucking lips tightly around my cock and suck.”

His cheeks collapse as he inhales my dick like a popsicle. “That’s it, now swirl the tongue around the tip of it.”

He obeys, giving the head of my cock a girl swirly. “You’re a natural cock sucker, you know that?”

Those eyes look up at me as his cheeks turn a rosy shade of pink. “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s a compliment.”

I slam his head all the way down, popping my dick inside his throat. His nose once again meets my pubes. He coughs and starts choking on my dick. I pull his head up off my dick. As my cock falls from his lips, he coughs and gags up spit. With my other hand, I grab my cock and start smacking those beautiful lips. Then I plunge my cock back between his lips.

With one swift move, I flip him on his back, resting his head on the bed as I stand over him, sinking my cock down his throat. I start fucking his face hard. My balls slap his chin as my cock slams down his throat. Tears fall from his eyes as I continue to hump his face. The sound of him gurgling on chock on my dick fill the room.

I slide my hand through his hair and grip a handful as I use his mouth as a fuckhole. He just takes it. To be honest, degrading him like a whore isn’t what I truly want, but I can’t help myself. Whenever I’m around this beautiful girly boy, I lose control. Primal instincts take over and all I can think about is breeding him like a bitch.

As long as I’m being truthful to myself, I actually like him. Not just as a fucktoy or because he stirs some deeply filled lust within me, but I honestly have a crush on him. I actually like all the geeky things he’s into. I’ll never admit it to my teammates or parents, but deep down I’m kind of a nerd too.

And while I’m being honest, as I sink my dick down his throat. I want to make him my boyfriend. Yes, I mean it. I think he’d look amazing in a dress with some makeup on. Some soft lace panties, maybe one of them training bras. I’d take him on dates. We’d see one of those Marvel movies. Then we’d spend all night with my dick up that tight ass of his. I’d fill his thick bum up with load after load of my seed.

Speaking of cum, I’m about to blow a load down his throat. “Fuck!”

A riptide of pleasure crashes through me as my cock explodes down his throat, shooting a thick load of cum straight into his stomach. He coughs and sputters as I pull my dick out, leaving the tip still inside his mouth. I drop another load, filling up his mouth, a little bit of cum drools out between his lips. Like a good little boy, he swallows it all. And you know I’ve got to mark my territory.

So I pull my dick from his lips and paint his face with one last load of cum. Damn, he looks so hot with my seed all over his girly face.

“Now it’s official, you’re mine Taehyung.”

He goes to wipe his face off. “Unless you’re going to swallow all that cum, leave it.”

He looks up at me with those eyes. The look on his face is one of fear, shame, and humiliation. Part of me wants to pull him into my arms and kiss him. Tell him everything's going to be alright. The rest of me wants to fuck him like a slut and continue to degrade him.

I take my finger and swipe up a load of cum just below his eye and feed it to him. He licks it up without hesitation.

“I’m going to take a shower, feel free to lick the rest of it up.”

It doesn’t take long to clean myself up. I walk back in my room to find him fully clothed and the cum off his face is mostly gone. I shed my towel and his eyes fall down to my cock. “Don’t worry, baby. You’ll get more of this dick.”

“Please… Please don’t tell anyone about this. I don't want to be just someones whore.”

“Ha… who gives a shit what other people think. I want the entire school to know you’re mine.” Wrapping my arm around his waist, I pull him close to me and press my lips against his. I stroke his cheek with my thumb as I wrap my hand around his delicate face. He melts in my arms as my tongue explores the inside of his mouth. My other hand sinks down and grabs his ass.

Finally, I let go of him and break away.

He bites his lip as he looks up at me with those eyes. “Aren’t you afraid people will find out you’re gay?”

“If the reason is you, then I don't mind If the president declares it. The trouth is Tae, I've wanted you for the longest time. I'm sorry If I was too straight forward. ”

He looks up at me with the brightest smile ever and nods.

I grab his hand and lock my fingers between his. “Now come on, I’ll take you home.”

“But… If people finf out, they’re going to humiliate me,” he says as I lead him downstairs.

“Trust, me... No one’s going to lay a finger on you or say a word.”

“What!? But… How?”

I stop as we reach the bottom of the stairs and lift his chin up to me. “I’m going to make damn sure everyone knows you’re mine. If anyone even so much as says a word to you, I’ll kick their ass. Didn’t I tell you I’d protect you?”

He nods his head. “Now let’s get you home. Tomorrow’s your first day as my boyfriend.”

“And you as mine.” He smiles.

The look on his face melts my heart. “Don’t worry, we’ll take it slow, but eventually, I want you to start wearing panties, a dress, and some makeup.”

“No, I can’t do that! What am I going to tell my family?”

“Why not tell them the truth? You're gay and you’re finally embracing it.”

“Please, don’t make me do it.”

“Hush, baby. Don’t worry. As I said, we’ll take it slow.”

It doesn’t take us long before we’re at his house. I sink my hand in his soft hair and pull him in for one last kiss before he quickly gets out. I can’t take my eyes off that ass of his as he hustles inside, giving me one last glance before disappearing behind his front door.

I can’t wait for tomorrow!

***

Thanks for reading!

[finderskeepersff]

63. Part 4

How did I let this happen, that’s all I can think about. I trusted a number and a name without even checking it out, why was I so careless. I gave this person pictures of me, my son and one with Cassius in it and I continued to tell them everything. Why did I not check this, I am legit angry at myself right now. I just didn’t think, stupid me didn’t think to just check the number out first, it’s my fault. I am so caught up in this bubble of Cassius and Cartier that I just don’t think of anything else, I worry so much for Cassius because I am scared he could do it again. It stresses me out, I don’t want to say that to him and I don’t want to tell my friends that but it worries me that behind my back he could do it again, I have so much shit happening and then I’m here and my son is there, I’m pregnant again. When does it stop, when do I get to hit pause on my life, I guess it’s happening now. I guess my mind has hit pause and it’s hitting me on what I did, I did wrong and I know it. I don’t think I will mention this to Cassius, he will end up being angry with me and then say I’m careless and yes I was, it’s my mother and I rather it be her then anything else, my god. I can’t get over it at all, groaning out as I placed my hand on my stomach, how can I be so stupid. I think it does worry me about Cassius, he’s in that lifestyle and he’s with that shit, he could slip into it again I mean it is so easy to do it. When he goes out at night, or even when he does. I search his pockets and then check every part of the house he’s been too, I check the car and then his little hiding spot, the cameras around the home. I am worried for him, and now I have told him this. I am a dumb bitch, that is final.

I am just staring at the ceiling, I mean I am self loathing I guess but I don’t want to move and I have probably been here for an hour now “coming in” Mia announced as she pushed the door open “come in” I mumbled, I don’t think she heard at all but she entered “we are going out, I assumed you would have been ready? We need to see more of Cali, what the hell?” She is right, I was supposed to be ready “I don’t think I want to go out” my eyes not leaving the ceiling “I didn’t ask you I told you, now move!” Mia spat “you staying here with Olivia when she is out here asking for her ass to be beat, she is also staying behind so do you want that?” I also don’t want that either “I’m a mess Mia” I am so dumb “what’s new, go on then. Tell me what happened?” Feeling the bed move a little “I was texting a number I thought was my brother and it was my mom, I never thought to ask. I mean I could have got my man killed for my stupidity but I wasn’t thinking, I am so sad! Like I sent this number my son’ pictures I mean luckily it was my mother but still, I am just heartbroken that I did that” getting up from my laying position to sit up “oh Sofia, what made you think it was ok?” She questioned “I have had so much going on, when I saw it was Leyton I was like ok anyways moving on, I just didn’t think. I am so caught up on thinking about my son and Cassius. And then Cassius is upset I went to the club pregnant, he put the phone down on me, and then I have told him about that night he was high, it’s just a mess. He knows and that could affect him going back, I am so stressed!” I barked “what happened that night he was high?” I paused “I’ve done it again” I just can’t hold it in, I bursted into tears, I can’t do this “Sofia, seriously. It’s not the end all, calm down” I can’t do it, I sobbed out crying feeling everything just get on top of me.

Mia rubbed my back, I am just a mess and I keep making the mistake of putting my foot in with everything “I am so upset with myself” I am doing everything wrong “don’t be, Sofia. You’re a young girl still, you can’t be this harsh on yourself. You’re twenty six and you’re pregnant with your second child, you’re dealing with a lot for your age. You have been through so much, you made a mistake it’s fine. Just calm down Sofia, I honestly don’t want you to feel like this Sofia” Mia is trying to calm me down and console me but I am so sad right now, and then I was about to put my foot in it with what Cassius did that night, what even is my problem “I need to take my mind off this, but I am just wondering what does my mom want? What is she gaining from this? Why does she want to know me” my phone pinged “it’s Grace Sofia, she is bipolar as fuck. One minute you’re her everything and the next you are a hoe, I can’t really say why. Maybe she is going through a phase where she loves you now? I don’t know, but also I think with her being in Barbados has calmed her crazy ass” unlocking my phone, Leyton has sent me picture. The actual Leyton and not my mom, tapping open the picture. Staring at the picture and it’s my grandparents home “awwww” my smile grew “he wasn’t lying” turning my phone to Mia “is that you?” Mia took my phone from me “forget me, it’s Cartier on the famous family wall” Mia grinned “bitch your forehead in your school picture” Mia screamed out laughing, snatching my phone from her “that is cute, Cartier is there next to me” I sighed out smiling, my son is so welcome there “maybe your mom is changing? I don’t know, can’t say” locking my phone “she doesn’t care for Cassius though, she hasn’t accepted him and that is the thing with this” Mia pulled a face “then we don’t accept her” I chuckled.

This uber driver is a pervert, he has not stopped talking about if we are single. I mean he is ok, he seems young but he does nothing but check us out “you girls here for long?” he asked “oh look at that we are here” I said as he parked up “you not slipping that number” I swear to god “I have a man thanks” opening the car door, I need to get out of this bitch “nigga bye” Mia said behind me as I got out of the car, I honestly can’t be bothered “look at that ass hoe” Mia slapped my butt “you think?” turning to her “I do think” Mia grinned “I am still hungover, don’t mind me. At this point I wish I was Sofia, she is sober as shit” I grinned fixing my bag on my shoulder “that is a good way of hiding your bump though, oversized sweathirts” Mia pointed out “I know, but my bump ain’t big is it? It’s funny because I was thinking. I was like what if I am actually having a girl, I am much smaller bump wise than I have been before” turning around as the girls started walking into the mall “could be, oh my god. Imagine a mini Sofia” Amira gasped “she will be so pretty, you got strong genes because Cartier is like you. But I love this look, you look so good. Not a lie” it’s really nothing “Cassius wouldn’t be impressed with my legs out but it’s hot” I shrugged “anyways, let’s act single for a while and go shopping” I need some new clothes.

Waiting for Mia to come out of the changing room, she is trying on clothes upon clothes, she is spending her man’ money today “and this!” she stepped out “what you think hoe” she walked over to me “I think it is nice, I love the dress. The colour suits you, I would say it does” Mia popped her booty in my face before she walked off, she is too hype for a bitch that was drunk as fuck last night “I have just one more thing to try” nodding my head as she walked off, seeing this group walk into the waiting area too, a couple and some friends also “I am going inside” she announced “I am trying this on” Amira said, these bitches. Seeing the guy sit next to me ont he couch “I will sit myself here” I think it’s his girl announced and made hweself comfortable, my phone started ringing in my bag. I mean honestly, she can keep him because my man is beautiful as fuck. Getting my phone out from my bag, it’s facetime from Cassius. I sighed out and answered, this should be quick “I am out so don’t say anything stupid” Cassius cleared his throat “oh ok, I will call back later. I just wanted to say I love you. You look nice” I grinned “thank you Cassius” I said in a whisper, Cassius is looking at everything, he just staring “call me aight” nodding my head “I love you too” disconnecting the facetime “and this!” Mia and these damn outfits.

Out of all of this I only got myself a top, I don’t know why I just didn’t want anything which is weird for me “y’all really shopped didn’t y’all?” Amira and Mia did a lot of it “we did, also we got a thing. I mean I do, when I found out that we coming here. I pulled a few strings in the clubs and we going to see A$AP Rocky, he is hosting and we got VIP so yeah that is a thing” my eyes widened “erm, Cassius won’t like” Amira laughed out loud “Cassius don’t like much bitch, fuck that. Stop being boring. You doing this with us, lie to him again. Sofia. You can’t be like this. You always obey the man, everytime. Cassius has his time but do you? And what makes is even more wack is that he got you pregnant again, you’re twenty six and you just doing this to yourself. This should be peak times off having fun, sis I ain’t fucking with that shit. I ain’t about that at all, Cassius got a problem he tells me. Why come here? For what? You can’t even drink and now you don’t want to go to the club, stop hiding in his shadow. You do this with with every man when you think they will hate something to avoid an argument, I ain’t dragging you but I am also not hearing this bullshit from you, live a little. I am not happy you pregnant Sofia, I am not your mother but I am your friend. You drowning yourself in these diapers, bitch no. You could have waited, enjoy life. You telling me Cassius is that bad?” shaking my head “just don’t tell him” Amira said “I end up speaking on it, I always do it. I already caused shit, trust me. I am not happy either” I mumbled “I am happy if you happy but sis, I ain’t feeling that happiness your way. Not like Cartier you was, I was supposed to bring this up with you anyways, you acting like an old bitch. Jumping through these hoops, you both can’t even get married right and now there is baby number 2, I am sorry. I got triggered, you just need to live a little. Cassius is this and that, I didn’t do this for that. I did it to see you and spend time with you. Be free” Mia is pissed with me.

Maybe it’s me, maybe I have made life complicated. Am I just making myself think I am happy, I mean I am happy “I am sorry Sofia” Mia apologise “don’t” I looked up from the plate and at Mia “you spoke on how you felt, you know me” Mia sighed out “I do, and I know how much you can get yourself into this bubble. First it’s your family holding you back and now Cassius. I ain’t blaming him but it’s you, please let’s not argue on this. You pregnant now and god bless but think of you yeah? Just be happy about yourself and not make it about is Cassius happy, because we know he is as long as he is with you. Am I wrong Amira?” Amira is very quiet “I do think Sofia needs to have her time, during these past four months you have done nothing but worry and be there for Cassius. You just need your time, I can agree on that” taking in a deep breath “you know what, I have finally found someone that does love me and honestly, I will continue to make it about him because that’s what love is and I will ask him before I go because that’s what a couple do, I am happy, just I have a lot on right now. Cassius needs me and if anything was to happen to me that man wouldn’t be where he is, I have a family to think about now. I really don’t care for what any of you say, I love you girls but Cassius comes first” Mia looked away from me “so if he says no then what? You going to stay behind” I shrugged “then I will talk to him about it, I want my man” I get they are worried but no, I can handle myself.

[lady-divine-writes]

ACITW AU -Here’s what the fuck is left

I’ve had it with this fic. And I’ve had it with this fandom. I really have. Why I continue to write for it, I don’t know. The fact that I’ve been insulted up the ying yang, called names, dirt, threatened, and otherwise intimidated (tried) by you all doesn’t seem to matter. The fact that what I have written so far has more words than the original doesn’t matter. The fact that when I started this, I was going so far as to email chapters to people individually per request, drop them in inboxes on tumblr didn’t matter. Those chapters still went un reviewed, uncommented on. There have been many lovely people who have supported me, but the majority have been real rats. You don’t support my other work. You couldn’t care less. All that matters is ACITW AU. You want to talk about me, and my effort, as if I’m some lout who doesn’t want to fulfill her promises because y’all are sucking your thumbs singing, “A drop in the ocean ... a change in the weather ... “ Here you go. I’m putting up what I have, unfinished, chapter by chapter. Why? Because I’m an old lady with health issues and I COULDN’T CARE LESS! Most of y’all didn’t like my version anyway. So here’s the end of it. Have fun!

“Who in the world needs three trousseaus?” Sebastian moans, trudging behind his boyfriend and his sister through, what Olivia obnoxiously referred to as “the hallowed halls of Carolina Premium Outlets”. Kurt was surprised that a woman with the financial means of Olivia Smythe would opt to shop at an outlet mall instead of all the other upscale clothing stores within a hundred mile radius, but it also made him adore her even more.

“I do,” Olivia says, grabbing Kurt’s hand and bolting towards Talbots, as if trying to outrun her brother’s cynicism and sour attitude. “Now, hurry up! We’ve got seven more stores to hit.

“Why bother?” Sebastian grabs for Kurt’s other hand, frowning when his hand closes around air. “I think you’ve bought every white outfit in this place.”

“Hmph. You can never have too much white,” Olivia tosses over her shoulder, smirking when she notices her brother’s ineffectual attempts at retrieving his boyfriend.

“Should you even be wearing white at this wedding?” Sebastian retaliates. “I mean, isn’t white reserved for the virtuous?”

Olivia and Kurt stop speed-walking. Olivia gasps, and Kurt wraps an arm around her, carefully shielding her ears with his hands.

“That’s a low blow,” he says.

“Yeah. And besides, if I was worried about a higher power sending lightning down to smote the impure, I wouldn’t have invited you or Julian. Between the two of you, you could set the entire place on fire.”

Kurt feels guilty spending money, but since he has this new plan to put into action, he breaks down and buys a shirt or two.

“You know, you should just go crazy,” Sebastian says. “It’s all good. I’ll pick up the tab.”

“I don’t want you spending money on me.”

“Why not? I have it to spend.” Sebastian playfully bumps Kurt’s hip. “What’s a couple thousand between boyfriends? Besides, I like the idea of spoiling you.” He leans down close to Kurt’s ear and whispers, “If you want, I can take it out of what I owe you.”

Those words, in contrast to the heat of Sebastian’s breath, make Kurt’s skin cold. It’s just a joke. Sebastian is teasing. And Kurt should be happy that he feels free to tease him about this. Things are slowly coming out in the open, people are finding out about their ruse, and they don’t care, because in the end, the two of them fell in love.

It may not mean anything to Sebastian. It shouldn’t mean anything to Kurt. So why does it?

Kurt sees pic text from his dad; can’t open pic for some reason

“Oh, can I see those pictures now?” Olivia asks, looking over Kurt’s shoulder. “From the hot air balloon ride you guys took?”

“Oh, yeah,” Kurt says, slightly distracted by this new issue with his phone. “Let me just …”

“What’s going on there, babe? Forgot how to use your phone? I mean, you haven’t really been using it the past week. I can see how you might have forgotten.”

“It’s not that,” Kurt says, not even surprised anymore by how easy it is to simply bypass Sebastian’s humor and see the real message inside. “This has happened to me a few times before. It won’t let me access my photo gallery.”

“I should really upgrade your phone,” Sebastian says offhandedly.

“My phone’s fine, Bas,” Kurt says, more annoyed at his phone than he is at his boyfriend.

“Well, I don’t want your wack ass service to go out when I need to get a hold of you. What if we’re sexting and your phone drops the signal?”

“It’s not the service,” Kurt grumbles, then gives up, accessing Facebook for the photos instead. “It’s the phone.”

“Ergo why I should upgrade it.”

“Grr,” Kurt groans, not bothering to glare at Sebastian since he realizes he just made his point for him. Yes, it would be nice to have a new phone. This one’s been giving him grief for a while. But, it still works, and it’s decent. Why toss something away just because it’s temperamental and frustrating? By that logic, he should break up with Sebastian. He laughs out loud when that conclusion pops in his head.

“Okay,” Kurt says with satisfaction as his Facebook page pops on to the screen, “here’s the one at holy shit!”

“Holy shit?” Olivia repeats.

“I don’t remember us going there,” Sebastian says, crowding, along with Olivia, around Kurt, and looking at his phone. The first photo that comes up is the exact photo that Kurt wanted – the two of them kissing in the basket of that hot air balloon, with the caption he wrote Love Defies Gravity. That’s not the issue. The issue is:

“Seen by … 1,452 people!?”

Even Sebastian gasps when Kurt reads it, and the four of them stop walking.

“That’s … a lot of people,” Brian comments.

It’s not just the seen by list that makes Kurt’s jaw drop, but the comments, only the first four displayed, but when he clicks the View more comments hyperlink, they shoot down his screen.

Kurt scans the list of names quickly, noting that pretty much every member of the New Directions has not only seen the pictures, but has had something positive to say, and that makes Kurt giddy with happiness and relief. Not that their disapproval would have had any influence over whether Kurt stayed with Sebastian or not. He doesn’t need a single one of his friends to approve of what they have to know that it’s what he wants. It’s just nice to know that his friends are happy for him regardless…even Rachel Berry, who has left him a string of heart emojis and the almost impossible to believe comment – I’m so sorry. About everything. Call me soon. I want to talk about this.

Kurt doesn’t read each name one by one, so he doesn’t see one name in particular at the way bottom.

One of the first people to see the photograph, even though they didn’t leave a comment.

They couldn’t bring themselves to.

And had Kurt looked at all of the other photographs that he’s uploaded while he’s been at the beach house – the ones he took of the ocean view from Sebastian’s room, the selfie he took with Sebastian on the porch swing, and the one he took of Sebastian asleep in bed – he would have seen that one person had already seen each and every one of them.

Blaine Anderson.

Converses with Rachel (who apologizes)

Finds out about how Seb knew about the coffee (from Mercedes) and the single ladies video (from Brittany)

Kurt wonders if Sebastian knows, the way he seems to know about everything, that forehead kisses are one of Kurt’s hidden weaknesses? Blaine could never quite pull it off the way Sebastian does. Kurt would always have to tilt his head a bit for Blaine to reach. But Sebastian doesn’t, and that little item makes a world of difference.

 Several times on the car ride home, Kurt tries to download the message. He waits while an icon circles around, around, around, but all he gets back is the error message, “File not available for download.”

“Shoot! But why aren’t you available for download?” Kurt asks.

The phone doesn’t answer, but Sebastian does.

“Because I’m a shit phone, Kurt. Let your sexy boyfriend upgrade me.”

“Shut it, Smythe,” Kurt says and raises the volume on the radio.

 Kurt decides to do a hard reboot.

To Kurt:

Call me as soon as you can. We really need to talk.

Along with that ominous message his father sent a picture – a photo of an envelope, the return address, NYADA, specifically the financial aid department. And across the bottom of the envelope, where Kurt has gotten used to seeing the words AMOUNT DUE are stamped the words FINAL NOTICE.

Kurt swallows hard. No, he thinks. Not now. Not when I’m here, in this sanctuary, when nothing bad can touch me, still trying to sort things out. Not when I don’t have a clue how to fix this, where to even start.

But maybe that’s the rub. Maybe he was never meant to figure this problem out. Maybe his acceptance to NYADA was something he was meant to lose, like Blaine. Just another part of his life he arrogantly thought was a sure thing, something he didn’t bother worrying about once he’d gotten it, slipping through his fingers.

“Hey. You figured your phone out.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, quickly closing the text. “I just turned it off and turned it back on again. Worked like a charm.”

Sebastian looks his boyfriend over, but most particularly his smile - two-dimensional, not doing its usual job of lighting his eyes - and starts to worry. “What did your dad have to say? Nothing bad, right? He’s not … he’s not sick or anything?”

“No. No, he’s fine. He just got home, I guess.” Kurt tries to stuff the phone in his pocket, but his numb fingers refuse to move.

“You know” – Sebastian sits beside Kurt, his eyes on the phone that Kurt tucks out of sight – “I never did ask you what you needed $10,000 for. I mean, did you pick that number out of the air at random? Or was that what you thought dating me was worth, because, if that’s the case, then frankly I think you sold one of us short.”

Kurt nods tersely but doesn’t answer. He can’t. He’s paralyzed. Now is definitely the time to own up to something, but what? To his old plan of needing the money to go to NYADA? Or this new plan of moving wherever Sebastian is going that he’s become recently attached to? He knows he’ll tell Sebastian both, but which one takes precedence? If emotion weren’t entering in to it at all, if he wasn’t still slightly confused about this relationship with Sebastian, than the answer would be NYADA, definitely. And even as that new plan, glimmering in his head, is tickling his lips to make its way out, he knows the answer is NYADA, no matter what, above all.

Sebastian puts an arm around Kurt’s shoulder and pulls him against him as he reclines. He pushes off the porch with his feet and starts the swing rocking its soothing rhythm.

“Originally I thought it was so you could buy yourself a new wardrobe,” Sebastian continues, hoping to get Kurt relaxed enough to spill, “and I have to say, I was all for that. Hell, I was going to up it to $50,000 and just take you shopping myself. Make sure you got your money’s worth.” Sebastian waits for a comeback, a snide remark, anything. But when Kurt remains quiet, Sebastian kisses his head. “Talk to me, babe. Tell me what’s going on.”

Kurt sighs. He can’t put this off any longer. Putting it off, coming up with some excuse not to talk about it, would feel like lying, and he doesn’t want to lie to Sebastian.

“It’s for … it was for college. NYADA.” God, he isn’t prepared to admit this. Not yet. Even after the time he’s given himself, he’d never wanted to admit to any of this out loud. That was worse than not having the money, so he’d been doing everything in his power not to. “I had gotten some scholarships and some financial aid, but I was approved before my father was elected to Congress.” Kurt hears Sebastian sigh, and he knows he can fill in the rest, but Kurt feels like he has to keep going. “It never dawned on me to call and update them, but they found out on their own anyway. They readjusted my aid and, in the end, I came up short. Without that money, I … I can’t go to college.”

Sebastian sighs again, but instead of sounding frustrated, this sigh sounds hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it doesn’t matter, Sebastian. I can’t take that money now. Not after …”

“Stop, Kurt,” Sebastian says, reaching for his wallet. “Just … just stop.” He pulls out a piece of paper, folded once, and hands it to Kurt. At first, Kurt has no idea what it could be, though he has a nagging suspicion. But that suspicion can’t be correct! It would be ludicrous if it were.

But since ludicrous seems like par for the course this summer, it’s exactly what Kurt thinks it is – a cashier’s check for $10,000, made out to Kurt Hummel, dated the day after Kurt agreed to their boyfriend arrangement. And even though Kurt is teetering on the brink of incredulity, he has to smirk at the comment Sebastian had the bank print in the memo line – For services rendered. Bow-chicka-bow-wow.

“You’ve … you’ve been carrying this around with you this whole time?”

“Well, yeah.” Sebastian shrugs. “Regardless of what you see on TV, you can’t just write a personal check for ten grand. And I had every intention of keeping up my end of the bargain so …”

“Thank you, but … but I … I can’t,” Kurt says, those words killing him, driving nails into his heart and twisting, as he stares at this check, made out for more than he needs and his name in the pay to the order of line. It’s the answer to all of his prayers, but for the sake of his conscience, he has to turn it down. Goddamned conscience! Fuck you! “That’s very generous of you, but …”

“We had a deal, Kurt,” Sebastian interrupts. “You more than held up your end. In fact, I would say you went above and beyond, considering.”

Kurt nods. Objectively, he has to agree, but the way Sebastian chose to phrase it makes him feel sick. Plus, and he doesn’t know why, he feels offended. He doesn’t know what he expected Sebastian to say about the matter. He’d prepared himself for Sebastian to give him the money. He’d prepared to refuse and for the two of them to fight over it. But instead of indignant, he feels insulted.

“Then … then what does that make us? What does that make this? Everything we’ve done so far?”

“It makes it what it is, Kurt,” Sebastian says, throwing an arm in the air. “I love you, and you love me. And this …” He gestures to the check in Kurt’s hands like it’s an annoying fly he’s shooing away. “This is ancient history. Tying up loose ends.” Kurt starts shaking his head. It’s a reflex to object. This doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that boyfriends did for one another. It’s too much.

Sebastian, facing down his obstinate boyfriend, groans. “Kurt! Are you really going to throw your dreams away, your entire future, for something as stupid as money?”

“Well, you can call money stupid,” Kurt argues, his hand holding the check shaking. “You have it, alright? But when you don’t have it, it’s not stupid! It’s actually kind of important!”

“You’re right,” Sebastian agrees. “You’re absolutely right. It is important. It’s important, and you need it. You need it to go to college. So why the fuck aren’t you taking it, Kurt? I’m fortunate. I happen to have more money than I can use, sitting around, doing nothing, so let me give you some …” Kurt scoffs and rolls his head away, and Sebastian amends his statement. “Or lend you some, or however you want to do this. Remember when I said that money doesn’t matter to me beyond enjoying all the things my wealth can buy me? Well, I would enjoy the opportunity to do this for you. Look, if you don’t take it, I’m just going to send it to fucking NYADA with your name plastered all over it, so you might as well stop being so fucking stubborn and do it your damn self! If you and I hadn’t gotten together for real, if we hadn’t fallen in love, you’d be taking this check, conscience clear, and on your way to New York. But we lucked out, Kurt. We got something better out of this in the end, and being able to call you mine is worth the world to me. But if it causes you to give up your dream, Kurt, then it’s a bad thing. I don’t want what we have to be a bad thing. I want it to be a good thing. I want it to grow and last, and that will only happen if you live out your life. If you follow your dream.”

Sebastian takes the check from Kurt’s fingers. He folds it, and slides it in Kurt’s pocket. Kurt doesn’t move to object. He can’t. What Sebastian says makes sense to him logically. It’s his pride that has a problem with it. This isn’t the end. Sebastian isn’t Blaine. He isn’t just going to let go of Kurt because they’re going to schools in separate states. Kurt is finally seeing an ending to all of this where he gets to have it all – the school of his dreams, the future he planned, and the boy he never planned on. This wouldn’t be a loan, he promises himself. He’ll pay back every single cent somehow, even if it takes him a lifetime.

“You’re going to NYADA, Kurt,” Sebastian says, kissing Kurt on the forehead between words, “one way or another. And there’s not a force anywhere on earth that’s going to keep me from making sure you get there.”

 ***

They go horseback riding.

Sebastian shows Kurt a secret overlook.

“You know, if I wasn’t here, seeing it for myself, I don’t think I would ever believe any of this about you.”

Sebastian looks like he’s about to get offended, then says, “I guess I didn’t really give you the chance to find out for yourself.”

 (Kurt starts thinking that Charlottes throwing him looks.)

“Sebastian says you have quite a fondness for this old swing. You know, before you, he’d never come out here. Ever. You would think he was afraid of heights or something the way he avoided it, and my son is definitely not afraid of heights.”

“How did you figure us out?”

“Because whether they like it or not, I know my children, and to be honest, because he’s my youngest, I probably know Sebastian most of all.”

“Kurt, I’ve walked in on my son mid-coitus more times than any mother should, and what I saw when I walking in on the two of you…that wasn’t my Sebastian. Not the one I had seen torturing himself with boys and men for years. The laughing, the smiling, that was different. It was honest – real. It’s what I’ve wanted for him for longer than I can tell you.”

“You raise your kids the best you can in the hopes that they can make the right decisions on their own. I may not agree with all of the decisions my children have made, but they’re their decisions to make. I can’t micromanage their lives. I have to trust them.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you guys did an amazing job.”

“Thank you, Kurt.”

 ***

 Kurt began to notice that those long conversations that Julian used to have with Cooper seemed to be less and less. He remembers that their relationship has always been a volatile one, but Julian seemed so happy when he first arrived. Kurt hoped that their flame hadn’t burned out so quickly.

“Hey, why don’t you take a picture? It lasts longer? In fact, I have a few I can just text you, if you want to take a peek…”

 “So, what are you guys doing later on? I mean, between the sex, and more sex.”

“Have they been having a lot of sex?” Olivia asks.

“As far as I can tell. I don’t know, I haven’t been watching.”

“Yeah, right.”

 “Here. I was gonna take Cooper, but he hasn’t called me yet. Anyway, no reason for them to go to waste.”

   “It’s great, except, this chic keeps elbowing me in the ribs, and she has really sharp elbows!”

Sebastian looks over their heads towards the stage. He must see someone because his eyes light up, and he waves. Then he nods, and takes Kurt’s hand.

“Come on. Maybe I can fix that.”

 “Hey, Viola.”

“Hey, Sebastian. Long time, no see.”

“Well, I’ve got a good reason. This is my boyfriend, Kurt.”

“Very nice,” she says, giving Sebastian an approving wink. “So, you guys through mixing with the rabble.”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, you guys are welcome to hang here for the rest of the concert. And here…” she reaches into her pocket and pulls out two stickers, taking the liberty of affixing one to each boys’ thigh before Kurt can complain about adhesive on his Gucci jeans. “These’ll get you back stage after.”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Of course, you would know the manager of a big name band.”

“No, Julian does. I just know Julian…unfortunately.”

“And that’s apparently enough,” Kurt chuckles. “I would have thought you’d be just as famous. You know, your name and number written on bathroom walls from here to the space station.”

Sebastian’s expression changes – becomes tight, a little muddled, sort of like every default expression he has is scrolling by on his face, trying to land on an appropriate one. When he can’t seem to settle, he shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down at his shoes, still trying to choose.

Kurt doesn’t know why, but he feels like he needs to apologize. “I’m sorry. I…insulted you.”

“It’s not that,” Sebastian says, shaking his head with a look in his eyes like even he’s trying to make himself believe that that’s not what he feels. “It’s just…” Kurt watches Sebastian’s lips…lips that were kissing him not moments before, warm with just an underlying hint of beer, now trapped between words. “I’m not ashamed of who I am, and…I’m not going to apologize for who I was, but…I don’t want you to look at me and see the Whore of Babylon.”

Kurt wants to tell him that he doesn’t. It’s simply a fall back joke. The two of them have tons of them. It’s not even one of the crueler ones as far as Kurt is concerned. It’s never bothered Sebastian befo---

No. Actually, Kurt can’t say that. It bothered Sebastian when Julian calls him that.  

“Who do you want to be?”

Sebastian loops his arms around Kurt’s waist

“I want to be yours. Just…your man. Kurt Hummel’s boyfriend, and that’s all.”

“Just Kurt Hummel’s boyfriend?”

“Well, Kurt Hummel’s sexy ass boyfriend.”

“I’ll look into having a shirt printed up.”

 ***

“Okay, so that’s Ursa Major,” Sebastian says, pointing to a series of stars up and to the left above their heads. “And that’s Ursa Minor. And that over there, that’ Orion’s Belt.”

Kurt turns his head from where it rests on the windshield of Sebastian’s Mustang, both boys staring up at the night sky from where they lie on the car’s hood.

“Really?” Kurt asks, partly impressed, partially skeptical.

“How the fuck should I know?” Sebastian asks while Kurt laughs. “They’re all stars,” he says, waving his hand towards the clear night sky. “That’s just what guys do when they look up at the sky, they identify shit.”

“Damn, and I was all impressed,” Kurt says. “And you know, smart guys get me hot.”

“Actually, I do know a few of them. “

“Ah,” Sebastian says, sliding over closer, “luckily, I have an app for that.” Sebastian reaches into his pocket and pulls out his iPhone. He sweeps his finger over the screen, looking through his apps until he finds the one he’s looking for. He raises his phone and takes a shot of the night sky.

Sex in the car in the rain.

“Have you guys seen Julian?”

“No. We’ve been out looking at the stars.”

“So, no phone calls or anything?”

“No. Why?”

“Because, we can’t find him. He’s gone.”

***

“I even called the house,” Julian says, staring ahead of him with blank eyes, talking sotto voce, as if the two of them aren't standing there beside him, listening to every word. “Emily says he just…he just left. He didn’t pack a bag, didn’t tell anyone where he was going...just pfft. Gone.”

“Julian, I'm...I’m so sorry,” Kurt says sincerely, his heart sinking when that light that always lingers in Julian's eyes, the one that blazes hot behind the ice blue of his irises, starts to burn low, threatening to go out.

“So many secrets,” Julian says, shaking his head, looking down at his phone clutched in his hand as if any moment it might spring to life with a call or a text. “We’re so good at keeping secrets, aren’t we, Sebby?”

Kurt feels Sebastian go rigid beside him.

“Julian…”

Kurt has heard Sebastian say his brother’s name dozens of times, and as many different ways.

He’s said it jokingly.

He’s said it seriously.

He’s spat it like a curse.

He’s said it with affection.

But this was a plea.

He was begging Julian to stop.

“We keep secrets from mom and dad," Julian continues, again to himself as if they aren't there, "secrets from Liv, hell, the two of you kept the biggest secret of all…you even had me duped, though, apparently that isn't as hard as I thought.”

Julian laughs, sad and hollow, until it becomes a cough.

“Julian…” Sebastian repeats his plea softer, subconsciously searching for and taking Kurt's hand. He squeezes it tight and Kurt can't help noticing how it shakes.

Julian looks at his brother with a wry smirk, lifting the shot glass in is fist in an unspoken toast and downing it in a single gulp.

“Now why haven’t you told him yet, Sebby? You know it wasn’t your fault. At least, if you do, he’ll know exactly how much of a bastard I really am.”

Kurt’s eyes meet Sebastian’s, but Sebastian isn’t looking at him. He looks frozen. Numb.

“Come on, Sebby,” Julian says with tears burning in his eyes, “you love him. He loves you. He should know, dontcha think?”

Sebastian stands paralyzed, his mouth agape, unable to breathe a single word. Whatever Sebastian hasn’t told Kurt yet, whatever this pain is that the two of them hold on to, that the two of them share, Julian is getting ready to spill it. Kurt won't deny that he wants to know - he wants to help - but this is not how Kurt wants to find out. Not like this.

“Julian, no,” Kurt says, even though he’s sure what he’s saying no to is the one thing he’s wanted to know all summer.

“No, Kurt, it’s my story, too, and I need you to forgive me because what I did made this…” He flicks a finger between Kurt and Sebastian “…so much harder for you.”

“It’s fine,” Kurt says in a thick voice, “truly. I…I forgive you, it’s…”

Julian shakes his head. “Don’t, Kurt. You don’t understand how bad I hurt him…”

“Julian,” Kurt says firmly, putting his free hand on Julian’s knee and squeezing, trying to get through his haze of whiskey and self-pity, “please, stop. I don’t need to know.”

“Yes,” Sebastian agrees quietly behind him. “Yes, you do.”

Kurt turns to look at his boyfriend, expecting him to be looking away, off in the distance like Julian, or maybe down at his shoes, but he’s looking right at Kurt instead.

Kurt slowly shakes his head.

This time, it's Kurt's turn to plead.

"Sebastian..."

“That’s the spirit, baby brother,” Julian cuts in, taking his next shot off the bar and passing it over to Sebastian. Kurt watches Sebastian sadly put the shot glass to his lips, snap his head back, and down the drink, a single tear racing down his cheek and getting lost in his hair. “Let’s tell our story together.”

 “There was this guy. Seb fell so hard for him, so fast. He called Seb all sorts of cutesy nicknames. They were so adorable together. Frankly, it made me kind of sick. I wanted to help Sebby land this boy, so I got them some fake IDs, and I took them out drinking.”

“It might have been love,” Julian says. “Was it? I don’t know. It could have been.”

 “But right before we went out, I got into a fight with Cooper, and I was an asshole. So, I got them both drunk, and then I seduced this poor boy of Seb’s.”

“Well, Sebby, he got mad, had one too many to drink. He got real sick and went to the bathroom, and while he was in there, there was some guy.”

“Don’t…stop…” Kurt shakes his head.

“No,” Sebastian says quietly, “let him finish.”

“When I got to them,” Julian squeezes his eyes shut, tears leaking out the sides, “he had Sebastian pinned between the sinks, had his pants unzipped and his hand down them, he was trying to kiss him, kept saying…kept saying that he wanted to taste himself on Seb’s lips.”

“So…so, he…”

“Yeah. Big brother charged to the rescue about a minute too late.”

“Oh…oh God.”

“So that’s the story of how big bad Julian forced his baby brother away.”

 ***

“But, as soon as I can, I’ll drive up and meet you. We’ll have that big house all to ourselves. Who knows what kind of mischief we can get ourselves into?”

“What sounds like a…”

Sitting on the steps to Kurt’s patio is Cooper. And beside him, curled into a ball, hugging his knees, is Blaine.

Kurt thinks he should feel an overwhelming tide of emotion. That it should knock him back about twenty feet, transport him through time to a place where he swore he would always love Blaine. But what he felt was barely a swell. The boy who used to be perfection by Kurt’s standards was riddled with flaws. Kurt found himself comparing Blaine to Sebastian the way he used to compare Sebastian to Blaine, but this time Blaine was the one didn’t measure up.

 “Maybe you should go check on Julian.”

 “So, what, you owe it to him to hear his side?”

“No. He owes it to me to tell me why he took everything and through it all away.”

Kurt hands him the check.

“Wh---why are you…?”

“This way, when I come back, you’ll know it’s not because of obligation. It’s not because of the money. It’s because I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, and nothing he can say is going to change that. Have a little faith in me.”

***

·         Kurt rips up Seb’s check so he’ll know he’s not coming back because of the money

·         Kurt drives Blaine home

·         Kurt figures out that Blaine met his friend on Facebook before camp

·         Mr. Anderson tells Kurt how he planned to get Blaine away from Kurt

·         Burt tells Kurt he paid the $10k

 “You know, I always wondered…when you drove away, you had this look in your eyes. It’s haunted me. You knew. Before you left, you knew you were going to hookup with someone, didn’t you?”

“I met him on the camp’s Facebook page.”

 “It’s love! It’s supposed to mean everything. It’s not the kind of thing you can dump and pick up again when it’s convenient. That’s not how it works!”

  “I know I was with someone!” Blaine said, shocking even himself with the volume of his voice. “I know I did! I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. I had every intention of coming back to you, of moving to New York with you, of living happily ever after with you! But I didn’t ruin that, Kurt! You did! You did because what you did was way worse!”

“What? What did I do that was way worse?”

“You….you fell in love.”

“What do you expect me to do?”

“I expect you to grow up. I expect you to learn from this. I expect you to accept that it’s over, and maybe, in time, we might actually be able to stay friends.”

“I will never forgive you for this.”

Kurt wants to ask him, “Did you think of me at all when he kissed you? When you were fucking him or he was fucking you, did you almost say my name? Was my smell still on your clothes, or did you make sure to wash it completely away?”

“Look, we loved each other, so much. But we’re so young, so immature, made so many bad choices…” Kurt says that word we, we, we over and over even though he doesn’t entirely mean it. But he doesn’t feel right saying what he wants to say - you did this. You ruined it. You made a bad decision. Because deep down, there’s a part of Kurt that’s culpable. He let Blaine make that decision instead of taking ownership of his own feelings. He let Blaine command the conversation when he had so much more to say. Blaine controlled how they communicated, even with their mutual friends, but Kurt went along with it. The best he can do now is try to leave the hurt feelings in the past and let it go - not necessarily for Blaine. Not to make Blaine feel better. But so that Kurt can walk away with his head held high, into a future that he deserves���with someone he loves. “Let’s just…remember that, and part as friends. Good friends.” Blaine drops his head and looks off to the side, like he’s already turned his back on the conversation. "Maybe we weren’t meant to be together,“ Kurt continues, "but that’s not a horrible thing. It’s not going to…not going to kill us.”

Funny, since that’s how Kurt felt for the first month at least, but now he sees how ludicrous that was. He’s young. They’re both young. And this, too, shall pass.

Kurt waits for Blaine to speak - to agree, to argue, to try and win him back, to sing - but he says nothing. Just stares at the carpet beneath his feet, putting Kurt’s words together…or maybe shoving them away.

Kurt sighs, putting a hand to his aching forehead. Too much drama and too little sleep. He doesn’t need this right now. What he does need…or correction…who he needs, is driving back to Westerville this very moment, and all Kurt wants is to be with him.

Why did he offer to drive Blaine home again?

Kurt looks at the boy in front of him - the boy he pined over, the boy he obsessed over, the boy he loved, for a while, more than he loved himself.

But that was over. Now, he has someone else in his life he needs to return to.

Kurt stares at Blaine, but Blaine’s eyes shift to stare at his hands, as if they somehow hold the key to changing Kurt’s mind, but Kurt isn’t about to wait.

‘If I leave now,’ he thinks, 'I can get there only twenty minutes after he does.’

"Good-bye, Blaine,” Kurt says quietly. He doesn’t reach a hand out to hold him, to hug him, to give him any comfort.

That’s not what their 'relationship' is anymore.

Kurt turns and walks toward Blaine’s bedroom door when he hears Blaine’s voice, shaking with rage, maybe some embarrassment, and thick with tears, talking to his back.

“I…am never…going to forgive you for this, Kurt,” he says, sniffling through gritted teeth. “Never.”

It’s a harsh sound, Blaine’s voice. One Kurt had only heard once before - when Blaine fought off Dave Karofsky in the halls of McKinley on the night they went to watch the New Directions perform.

When he fought Dave off to defend Kurt.

Now that anger is directed at Kurt, and it makes Kurt’s blood run cold.

It zaps any sympathy he might have had for Blaine straight from his body.

He can’t even turn to look at him when he gives him an answer.

“Good,” Kurt says, barely turning over his shoulder so that Blaine can hear him clearly. “Now you know how I felt most of this summer.”

   “So, does this mean you’re finally gone for good?”

“What does that mean?”

“I was never too thrilled with Blaine dating you. The idea of you became more palatable when you became a congressman’s son.”

“Palatable?”

***

            “Cambridge, huh. No chance he’s talking about Massachusetts?”

“No.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I only found out before we left for North Carolina, and I haven’t even decided whether or not I want to go.”

“I’m not Blaine. I’m not stupid. I want to be with you, and I have no intention of letting you go so easily. Please…have a little faith in me. Please. Just this once. Alright?” ”

  But Sebastian doesn’t go to Cambridge. He goes to NYU.

“Do you miss me yet?”

“No.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Yes, I miss you. Of course, I miss you.”

“You gonna show me how much?”

“What, like on Skype or something.”

“Or something.”

The End

[lightcomingthroughthedarkness]

i guess it's true when they say the 100 is very much plot driven and not character driven. which sucks. bc sometimes the audience appreciates character development much more than just a bajillion storylines and cliffhangers. I wanna see these characters just TALK and have a fucking conversation. can they stop creating all these wack ass problems. and first fix their characters. bc i know for a fact that every single one of them have some severe PTSD.

It's very true.

And this fandom frustrates me so much sometimes. Like with this whole character thing..

Clarke and Raven have had issues for this entire season and for years now. But because Raven had a storyline involving Abby and then out of nowhere gave two fucks about saving Madi and shared a hug with Clarke, suddenly it's all so sweet and things are fixed now. And I just.. it's so lazy.

1. Make Raven get a personality again

2. Involve her in Abby's storyline so she can feel sad when Abby dies

3. Raven tried to kidnap Madi in season 5 and make her the leader of a people at war and then didn't give two fucks about her until they needed Raven to remove the flame

4. Make Clarke grateful to Raven for saving Madi

5. Make Raven acknowledge Abby's death

= Clarke and Raven's relationship fixed.

???

Why can't Clarke and Raven talk to each other? Why can't Clarke and Raven acknowledge things between the TWO OF THEM? There are so many issues in their relationship, why can't it be about them? Why can't they speak words? Why can't they talk about the things that happened that lead them to this moment in their relationship? So Raven got to yell at Clarke once, making Clarke out to be evil yet Clarke can't possibly have anything to say about Raven?

Instead you "fix" their relationahip by making them fix something important to the other person and all is forgiven. I don't care if Raven is sad about Abby and feels for Clarke. What does Raven think about Clarke and their relationship? I don't care if Clarke is grateful to Raven for saving Madi. How does Clarke feel about Raven, her former friend? Instead of letting this relationship breathe, it's all fixed because Raven saved Madi and offered Clarke condolences. When I say relationships are shallow.. I don't actually care about their relationship anymore so I'm not buying this nonsense but it's also so laughable how irrelevant they have become.

The plot needed this to happen, so it happened. But neither Clarke nor Raven pushed their relationship forward. They did not control the development. Plot did. And that's why this show has never been a character driven show.