#every fandom has to have at least one ok . let me be cringe in peace pls

[dakotac0le]

these spot the diffrence games r getting real difficult

[markedasinfernal]

Fic Writer Tag Game

Tagged by @feanope, cheers :) 

AO3 name: theeventualwinner

Fandoms: Tolkien - 99% Silmarillion but there might be an odd LotR piece in there somewhere. 

Number of fics: 52 + whatever ones are lurking around on Tumblr that were never migrated to AO3 (some very short ones, or ones written as direct responses to asks) 

Fic I spent the most time on: I think An Evil Cradling, probably. Each chapter was pretty intense so I took quite a long break between each one to recuperate and let the urge to write ugly, violent torture build up again. Ideas really had to percolate, to get them just right. So this definitely took the most time overall to write.

Fic I spent the least time on: Not sure - probably some random tumblr drabbles floating about. I tend to spend quite a lot of time on my writing - I find it hard just to bang things out, and I really need to be in the right mood. 

Longest fic: An Evil Cradling just squeaks ahead at 124k words of pure agony for Maedhros. 

Shortest fic: Probably some of the ones in my compilation publications are shorter (Violent Delights / A Series of Drabbles) but as a published standalone it’s The Lieutenant at 567 words. My first ever fic back when I was a fandom baby :3

Most hits: It’s my dude, my guy, el jefe, big daddy; my most (in)famous classic This Game We Play, with 20K hits on AO3 and loads more on FF.net.

Most kudos: This Game We Play, with 680+. You all love to sin, what can I say?

Most comment threads: Yet again, This Game We Play, takes the gold. But only just. It’s got the most chapters of a single fic that I’ve written so it makes sense that this has attracted the most comments. 

Most bookmarks: Going for a full house at this point,  This Game We Play, takes it with 182. I still get kudos and comments and bookmarks on this fic to this day and I love so much that you all love it so much <3

Total word count: 518039. Each one of them a gem. 

Favourite fic I wrote: You know, I think it’s Sins Of Our Fathers. Giving the narrative a hint of Annatar’s perpetually annoyed perspective was really fun, and I loved loved loved the opportunity to worldbuild both with Celebrimbor and Ost-in-Edhil, first at peace but with Annatar slowly bringing shadow to their lands. And then creating images of all of the Dwarves and Men who became Ringbearers was great - I loved using the opportunity to show their different cultures and clans, and to write about Middle-earth at large. I had so much fun with the world-building beyond just the one location or people, filling in the gaps that Tolkien leaves in his canon, so for that reason this fic is my fave.   

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: I don’t feel the urge to re-write anything in particular. As with every writer, you can look back on older works and cringe a little bit, but people have enjoyed them and continue to enjoy them, so I don’t want to change anything. Some of my ideas have matured from when I wrote some of my older fics, but that’s ok, I’m happy with them as reflections of ideas I had at the time. 

@crackinthecup often urges me to do an outtakes session of scenes that didn’t make it into An Evil Cradling - basically things that even I thought were too unsavoury for a “mainstream” Maedhros in Angband fic. AEC was meant to be challenging, but not gratuitously horrible, so a fair few ideas got left by the wayside. Perhaps I’ll write some, one day. Or maybe some sins are better left buried...

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: None in particular right now. I’ve drifted a bit out of the writing mood - I tend to write when I’m alone, and have large amounts of time to myself - holidays, partner away, etc. But with a busy work schedule and now current events cooping me up inside with my partner, that sense of solitude and time has run quite short. I’m sure it will come back one day though :)

I was mulling a sort of revenge-fantasy-esque fic where the Feanorians get hold of Mairon and give him a reckoning for his crimes. Might work, but not. Let’s see. I’ve also got my Dagor Dagorath fic idea that I’ve been incubating for years now - maybe it will eventually come to light. 

I tag any fic writers who see this and feel inspired to share! 

[girlsbtrs]

My Ladybird Moment (Significant Songs in Life)

Written by Mary Ragheb. Graphic by James N. Grey. 

(First of all I wanna give the credit for this title to Pablo, that was all their idea and honestly it works perfectly.)

I know I’m not alone when I say that music has carried me through my whole life - whether that was me singing along with the Jonas Brothers in my best friend’s bedroom in elementary school or staring up at the ceiling blasting My Chemical Romance through my headphones in true emo-kid fashion. But I have always had a weird sensitivity to sound. It could be the ADHD talking but hear me out. Songs for me are ultimately almost always attached to some specific memory or feeling, so much so that I don’t think there’s an album in existence that I haven’t cried to at least once. 

So I guess this is my ladybird moment/a playlist of my life???? 

Let’s start with artists and then we’ll get into songs. This is important because I’m starting with literal baby steps here. 

Firstly, there’s Umm Kulthum, one of the most decorated and well-known Egyptian singers ever. I spent much of my childhood listening to her sing on cassettes that my parents brought back from Egypt. Obviously I didn’t know how popular she was when I was a child, but even when I catch my dad listening to her in his little home office, I feel a sense of innocent comfort - almost like when my mom used to wrap a blanket around me on our yearly road trips to New Jersey. 

Second of all, I have to give an honorable mention to both the Jonas Brothers and One Direction. I mentioned the JoBros earlier, and I know I’m not alone in how much their music brought us joy as kids. My family couldn’t afford to get us iPods, so I spent a lot of time at friends’ houses listening to them on their older sisters’ CD players or flip phones. You remember those swivel-y ones that had a trackpad like an iPod? Yeah those. (Also don’t talk to me if your favorite brother wasn’t Joe. I will die on this hill.) Now One Direction. I wish I was kidding when I say that my first concert was seeing them OPEN for Big Time Rush in 2011. I think that’s the biggest flex I hold to this day. While I cringe at old pictures of me clad in clothes with the British flag all over them, they were honestly my introduction to fandom culture. 

Third, let's get into emo baby. I started high school in a whole new country, which to say the least was a difficult adjustment. Kids can be cruel and that’s true no matter where you are, but by 13 and after being the new kid 4 times up to that point; you kinda become a target. And as cliche as it is, it’s what drove me to fall down a hole of Mayday Parade, Paramore and (drum roll please) - yep, you guessed it, All Time Low. Everyone who knows me knows that I love this band with my whole being. Now, there are a slew of reasons as to why. Obviously Therapy is one of them because my god I still cannot listen to that song without crying. Don’t Panic also came out when me and my family flew back to Boston after living abroad for a year. I remember driving through our old neighborhood while Outlines blasted through my headphones - ironically saying “I’m half remembered halfway across the world, twice removed from my second home.” But above all the intricate stories and lyrics that Alex has written over the years, ultimately they are the reason I met one of my best friends. That seems to be a common theme with me. I’ve taken it as the universe telling me to never stop listening to music. Like, ever. 

Finally, let’s all get ready to give the greatest round of applause for my college introduction into K-Pop. To be honest, I blame Halsey for this. I have loved her since I heard Room 93 (and realized I was not straight, thanks Ashley), and I can pretty much recite every album she has front to back. So when I saw them work with BTS I figured, “okay, I guess I can get on board with this.” The best way I can describe it is that Simpsons meme where the kid goes “haha I’m in danger.” K-Pop fans have this theory that your “comfort group” comes to you when you’re ready and I don’t know how they hit the nail on the head but they’re not wrong. I didn’t have an ideal college experience whatsoever, I had a lot of trouble making friends because I honestly didn’t talk to anyone (my own fault, I know). And yet somehow when I started listening to BTS, I made a whole community of friends on the internet and ended up meeting two of my best friends who just happened to walk into my job. If anyone has an existential explanation for all this please let me know before I go ask Namjoon myself. 

Okay now that we’ve finished that, let’s get into songs. These are in no particular order, but I guess a common theme that I can attribute to them is power. Not to sound like a tyrant or anything; power to me comes in all forms. The power of love, strength, dominance, and happiness. 

Is There Somewhere by Halsey (Room 93)

When I say I feel like I’ve grown up alongside Halsey, I’m not kidding. Not only was this song the prelude to my coming out, but seeing her artistry develop since 2015 has made me feel like a greater part of something. Too cheesy? Ok moving on. 

Jasey Rae by All Time Low (Put Up or Shut Up)

This isn’t going to be the only All Time Low song on this list for sure, but it is one of my absolute favorites. If the last chance I got to hear it live was at the 10 year So Wrong It’s Right Anniversary in 2017, then I can die content. I maintain that All Time Low don’t have a bad song in their discography, but Put Up or Shut Up is such a big comfort album for me that I still get the same tingles that I felt when I listened to it at 15. 

Don’t Lean on Me by The Amity Affliction (Let the Ocean Take Me)

The Amity Affliction is another one of those bands that marks a really crucial point in my life when I had to reconcile with my mental health. Not to get super emo or anything, but having every single emotion and painful feeling laid out (or screamed out, thank you Joel) soothes the numbness that I had accepted for my pain. Honestly, you could put this song on and I would still scream “LET THE OCEAN TAKE ME” at the top of my lungs like I did at Warped Tour in 2018. 

Going to Hell by The Pretty Reckless (Going to Hell)

I’m sure having The Pretty Reckless on this list surprises absolutely noone, but I really think that this album threw me into full blown feminist rage. I have never been one to dilute my feminism to make men more comfortable, but after seeing Taylor Momsen clad in leather singing in front of a band of all guys and commanding all the attention in the room (not to mention her VOICE) - I just wanted to be as badass and confident as her. 

Breed by Nirvana (Nevermind)

Is anyone surprised that Nirvana also made the list? Another moment of feminist rage. Have you ever had a guy interrogate you about a band or show or literally anything that non-men enjoy because he thinks there is no way you could possibly REALLY enjoy it? Yeah, I got that a lot in high school. And still now as a grown ass woman but that’s not the point here. I watched a lot of music documentaries during my last two years of high school, mainly about the 80’s and 90’s and the evolution of grunge, hence fueling my love for documentaries even more. And as always, girls cannot seem to like anything without being scrutinized for it so my interest in Nirvana was met with a lot of “yeah but you don’t actually listen to them right?” So it seemed appropriate for my response to that to be to latch onto a song that literally starts with “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.”

Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore (Brand New Eyes)

Paramore also comes as no surprise here since I profess my love for miss Hayley on a daily basis. I could have picked any song from Paramore’s discography; they are the ultimate encompassment of comfort and happiness. But Brick by Boring Brick made (and still does make) me feel like running through a field in the rain wearing a torn up down and screaming at the top of my lungs. 

Dear Maria, Count Me In by All Time Low (So Wrong, It’s Right)

Ah yes, the song that shoots serotonin straight through my veins. The first time I ever saw All Time Low, I was lucky enough to be able to photograph them. And even with a camera strapped to my side, I did not hesitate to jump up and crowdsurf the second the show was coming to an end. I’ve flown to Florida, California, Arizona, and New Jersey and every single time Dear Maria comes on something just takes over the crowd. It’s one of the few times I have seriously felt like family around a bunch of complete strangers. Even when I lost my earring, got dropped straight on my back and passed around the same water bottle across like 50 people. (pre-COVID huh?) I think my favorite Dear Maria memory had to be the last All Time Low concert I went to in December 2020. I was crowdsurfing at the same time another girl got thrown up, and to make sure we didn’t crash into each other we instinctively reached for each other and held hands until we were both over the barricade. I don’t think any moment in live music has felt more precious to me than that. (Also the fact that everyone pointed out that it sounds like an anime intro just makes it even more fitting.)

Magic Shop by BTS (Love Yourself: Answer)

When I say that BTS inject love into their music, I mean this song in particular. After Map of the Soul: Persona came out in 2019, I spent the following weeks listening to their entire discography all the way back to 2013. As soon as Magic Shop came on, I burst into tears before I even got a chance to read the translation (I cried more after I read the translation too.) BTS have perfected the concept of a comfort song and Magic Shop is the perfect example of it. It feels as if for 4 minutes and 36 seconds, you are safe. Honestly though, I could probably throw every single BTS song into this list. They have brought me peace, reassurance, friendships and genuine happiness during a time that I least expected, but needed it the most.