#every day my tango design changes a little

[carpboy3000]

tango tek my favorite frozone kinnie

Something about this was just SO FUNNY TO ME

[viceconnor21]

Well I finally done with Tango’s reference sheet in my AU. I have been sitting on this design since probably May. One day, maybe I’ll update the design. I’m just glad it’s finished.

Pyrotech Frost-Ember

Personality Traits (short version):

Kirin

emotional

Prodigy of elemental magic (fire and ice)

When calm, relaxed, and well rested Pyrotech will be in a neutral form (no flames)

When relaxed, well rested, and focused Pyrotech can change form at will

Magic is sensitive to his emotions

Strong emotions will affect his form (this is outside his control)

High energy emotions = Flaming form

Low energy emotions = Frost form

Genius in the use of red hermit stone and elemental magic together

Loves designing games for his friends

Hates when creatures say his whole name (rather than just Pyro or Pyrotech)

Would like to get to know the accident prone pegasus with the golden wings

Bad eye-sight

Turns either feral or stone cold when angry.(depends on the type of anger)

Best buds with Fizz and Voltage

Stays up way too late to effectively manage his emotions

Takes a lot of naps during the day due to his body’s constant magic consummation and poor sleep schedule. (high magic Metabolism)

Will sleep anywhere

Background:

Pyro’s eyes fluttered, only for him to startel fully awake a second later. He shot up, hitting his head on the hermit stone lamp positioned above his crafting bench. As he nursed his head, he watched the lamp swing back and forth, casting a soft light on the frost that coated every inch of his work space. Yawning Pyro slowly regained his bearings. He cleared the frost from the window, only to see the faintest ray of sunlight cresting the horizon. He had fallen asleep at his workbench again after burning the midnight oil. No wonder he was covered in an icy coating. He had all but collapsed a couple hours previous completely consuming his energy the night before. He was on a role, designing and testing some components for his zeplin. Pyro yawned again, making his way to the kitchen. His eyes were droopy and his steps slow. Pyrotech knew he should go back to bed. Voltage would have smacked him if he knew how much sleep he had gotten. Not that Voltage had much room to talk. Void would smacked both of them if he knew how often they both neglected their sleep, in exchange to more time working on project. That thought made Pyro feel a bit guilty. He knew how much the tantabus cared about the residences of Hermit Valley. He knew how much he worried about them too. But still, the guilt wasn’t enough to change his mind. Pyrotech prepare his coffee and sat idly while waiting for it to brew. He went through his to-do list in his mind. He had to go into the mines today for more materials, stop by the post office, and pick up some brewing bottle in the shopping district. Maybe he would even stop by Voltage and Fizz’s house to cause some mischief. Pyrotech grinned at the possibility of friendly chaos he could cause. The sound of his coffee stirred him from his musings. He grabbed the warm mug and breathed in it’s rich scent. He relished the feeling of the energizing liquid warming his entire being. As he sat there drinking his coffee, he could almost feel the caffeine work its way into his bones. Nearly finished with his beverage, he watched the dark blue of his coat gradually revert to his usual bright red. Pyro put the cup in the sink and he shook off the last threads of sleep clinging to muscles. He grabbed his bag, opened the door and took in the glory of the early morning sun. He was really to get the day started, and if he timed things right, he could “run into” the sheriff on his way to lunch. That thought caused little licks of flames at the ends of his mane. With a smile, Pyrotech trotted towards the community mines.

Pyrotech Frost-Ember is a prodigy in the field of fire and ice elemental magic. (Two disciplines that don’t usually go together) In most other creatures, the opposing fire and ice magic would quite literally rip the wielder apart, as both are very reactive. However, due to a Kirin’s innate nature to change form with their emotions, and Pyro’s inborn talent and years of study, both magics exist in harmony within him. With that being said, being a Kirin, Pyrotech’s magic is highly reactive and linked with his emotions and emotional state. For example, when Pyrotech is calm, relaxed, and well rested, he will appear in his neutral form. He will have a red coat and blond mane with no flames. While in this state, with focus, Pyro can change his form at will, channeling the desired magic. However, his magic is sensitive to his emotions and strong emotions, positive and navigate, will affect his form. He has little control in these cases. For example, if Pyrotech experiences high energy emotions like hot anger, excitement, frustration, joy will trigger his flaming form. This form is similar to his neutral form, but his mane will burst into flames. The higher his energy, the stronger and wilder the flames. Low energy emotions like fear, exhaustion , annoyance, sadness, or cold anger, will trigger his frost form without his control. Anger is a wild card when it comes to emotions. “Hot” anger will cause a feral response, being intense, immediate, and often explosive. while “cold” anger will cause him to become stone hearted, with more subdued expression of that anger. Basically, don’t piss off the kirin.

Pyrotech loves making games for his friends. He is known for his talent to integrate magic, games, and red hermit stone. While his friends are known for their pioneering in everyday red hermit stone usage and integration, Pyrotech has made a name for himself, in his ability to create large, complex, and complicated systems using the enchanted stone. Each system doing fantastical, mechanical job. His redstone projects will often keep them up till the early hours or the morning. However, due to the way his body uses up magic, he gets exhausted quickly. He will fall asleep anywhere, and usually in the middle of a project. He has a high magical Metabolism and poor sleep schedule. He also has poor eyesight, along with color blindness. His eyes are also light sensitive, due to his tribe's history of living underground and in mountains, in large lava carved caverns. He wears special google-like glasses because of this. He is best friends with Fizzy Pop and Voltage.

** if you read this far, good for you and thank you! I’m not a writer and barely an artist, so if you enjoy my silly Pony AU, Thank you!

[amethystfairy1]

Hi Amethyst! It's been a hot minute since I sent an ask in, but I have been reading both fics every day (still obsessed lmao) (also I name changed btw, used to be ElenaLoo)

Anyways, I had written a whole ask waxing eloquent on all the wonderful things going on in ttsbc, but I accidentally shut off my computer partway through and frankly I can't be bothered to write it all out again lmao. Just. It's beautiful (wow isnt that so meaningful and deep? im sure you're feeling very complimented rn)

The REAL thing I wanted to talk about was Traveling thieves (which is by far my favorite fanfic of ALL TIME), and all the amazingness in ttsbc made me forget it even existed for the past few weeks. But the other day I was just like "oh yeah. Traveling thieves." and then i reread the whole thing. whoopsies.

Ummm anywyas there's so many thoughts in my head about all the little guys, but recently I've been on an Imp and Skizz obsession (just scroll on my page for .2 seconds and you'll see) and YOU. You left them on a CLIFFHANGER. >:((( (not actually mad btw). I just. so excited for them. They're out alone in the woods right now and Skizz is going to have the perfect opportunity to kill Impulse and get away and I just am falling apart thinking about them. (I drew them to cope lol, posted on my blog but also later here so that I can talk about it more). I can see this playing out a few ways. Obviously Skizz isn't actually going to kill Impulse, so he's either going to 1) make up some excuse as to why he can't do it right then, but still plans to do it eventually, or 2) he does it. but he doesn't. Skizz attacks Impulse when he's not expecting it, there's a scuffle, and Skizz comes out on top---BUT THEN HE CAN"T FINISH IT!!! and it's a whole thing where even tho skizz tried to kill him, imp is still so understanding and skizz cries and impulse just freaking gives him a hug and

sigh

Whatever you do will be beautiful, I'm sure. I think you mentioned you're switching to tt after this fic, so crossing my fingers it's imp and skizz. (Though, would also be very happy with Martyn and Ren :P) (or anything really i just love tt)

Anyways, I had the art on my blog but I'm also putting it here so i can say things about it to you

Mostly I'm just very proud of their expressions, with Impulse being all concerned glancing over at Skizz, meanwhile Skizz is completely deadpan staring forwards, also looking very tired bc he needs a break from this universe. Also I switched up my Impulse design a lil bit from last time (if u even remember that lol it was months ago now). you would think, just looking at them, that Impulse took way longer to design, but nope, I was messing around with Skizz for at least double the time, trying to figure out how to have him facing forward whilst still showing some of the scars on his back. I gave up eventually xD (all that means is that im gonna have to draw him again later, from different angles)

actually that made me remember a question I had: are you planning to ship Imp and Skizz? Ik you said Zed and Tango are going to be a thing far in the future, but... skizzpulse? plzzzz plz pretty please haha im not obsessed

aaaaaand that reminds me of another question, is skizz going to be in ttsbc? (pretty please also same question as tt, if he was in ttsbc, are him and impulse together? Im addicted to them all i care about these days is some good imp and skizz shipfics, and you're such a fantastic writer, both with plot and the vibes of the words themselves. u could write such good imp and skizz. just imagine the possibilites! (am i selling it?))

aaaaaanyways. im gonna go reread the old tt skizz fics because theyre delicious and painful, like eating knives. u have a good day :))

HIIIIIII

I ADORE THIS ART SO MUCH! I gave you all my rambles on the reblog but it's SOOOOO COOL!

I'm sad the waxing eloquent about TTSBC is gone 😭 but that's ok!

I'm so glad you're enjoying TT and all the drama going on in there! Imp and Skizz are definitely having a time and a half with all of this nonsense going on...I love all your theories! I won't confirm or deny anything of course, but I'm so happy you're excited for them!

I will not be shipping Imp and Skizz, sorry! I just personally don't ship them, so they're gonna remain platonic...I mean, in TT who knows what the hell they're doing to be fair 😆 but yeah, Zedango is going to be a thing in the distant future, but no Skizzpulse! Sorry!

Skizz is not in TTSBC at the moment, that doesn't mean he never will be! Just haven't found a spot for him yet...and no, he also would not be with Impulse, I'm so sorry I just don't ship them personally! I think it's a very cute ship tho!

Enjoy rereading the TT Skizz fics!!! Thank you again for the gorgeous art!!!! I love it!!! 💖

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

"Stalker's Tango (Love Me, Love Me, Love Me...)" by Autoheart | Female C...

Dani x blades, anyone? This is for my Burns mafia au, and the song fit too well for what I was planning for the get-together fic. Enjoy

It's crazy how little it took to hack Blades mind, make him crazy for her.

Dani started wearing perfume oil, a stronger, heavier but still feminine, lingering scent, even when not applied daily. It wafered off her skin, and soon enough, Kade told her that Blades would look around eagerly if he smelt anything close to the distinctive scent.

With all things Dani adopted, it quickly caught on trend, but never anywhere near copying her, all the stores on the island pulling the oil off shelves out of an abundance of caution, a few moving their displays around so you had to have a salesperson with you in order to purchase it.

The last thing any business owner needed was to be known as the business that sold to a (stupidly suicidal) copycat. Chief Charles Burns spoiled his fiercely independent daughter rotten when he got the opportunity, and that included executions.

And trips with her friends to pick up odds and ends to help with her efforts to finally get that stubborn hunk of metal to admit he found her hot and wanted to marry her and just do the goddamn proposal already. Dad had already bought her a set of sleek engagement, wedding, and milestone rings, and she had picked out a design for a custom dog tag to wear when she's working. Can't risk having blood get stuck in her pretty lab grown diamonds. If she was going to spend that much money, she was going to make sure she got exactly what she wanted.

In the end, it was perfume off all things. Not the dresses or the promise of his culture's version of an engagement ring, but a little perfume oil she spilled on herself when adding it to her bottle?

Like a kid running after an ice cream truck, he was having his holoform slip a ring on her finger by the end of the month. Boom. Some passion for all the little traditions and some open-mindedness towards not insisting that every little touch be soft and delicate. Dani liked that he was sweet and shy but was sick of him freaking out whenever he left a bruise or made her sore. She had long accepted that he liked to cuddle in bed instead of tumble in it.

Oh well, at least he was good in it.

Optimus was pissed, and both Dani and Charlie were living for it.

The fact that he had to officiate the cybertronian portion of their wedding?

Priceless.

The look on his face Charlie saw when Blades ducked back into the prep area, and his holo matter avatar and Dani came out together, and he was in a suit?

Glorious, absolutely glorious.

He had to pull himself together quickly as the human officiate took his place, and the couple spoke their vows and kissed generously, Blades grabbing Dani's veil to hide their faces. Kade, Cody, and Boulder egged them on.

Chase had to remind Optimus that what was appropriate at a wedding has changed dramatically since the eighties.

Optimus wisely decided to leave before they moved into the reception, and people started to visit the bar. And the engex crates. And for Chase and Blades, whose holo matter avatars let them get drunk in both forms, both.

And boy o boy, did everyone get drunk.

A limo service was booked, but there were a few people - and Boulder - who staggered out with the help of his teammates. Bumblebee, Strongarm, Hot Rod, and Smokescreen showed up at some point, and Dani suspected that there might have been three in the honeymoon suite, but honestly, that's Blades the helicopter's fun.

Blades, Dani's husband, was busy worshipping every inch of her, making her melt and drift away from her job of finding hikers and killing rivals.

Blades got up and ran the shower, cleaning himself off. Dani followed him, giving him a peck on the cheek before taking care of herself.

She curled up with him, knowing that he would be adorably clingy for the next couple of days as she made it up to him in attention and time together.

Yelp, he buried his face in her neck, she's not going anywhere.

She drifted off to sleep, Blades powering doen as soon as head hit pillow.

Hey, at least they were both happy.

At least, she was.

[octowoman2419]

i kinda want to share my rhythm heaven headcanons with you all. i’ll update them if i have more.

Tangotronic 3000:

- they love each other. they love each other every day. they love each other every month. they love each other every year. they love each other every decade. they love each other each century. they love each other each MILLENNIUM

- the dance partner is named rosaline and she is around 20 years old

- when rosaline was a child, she loved robots, and would often draw them during her free time, despite all the bullying she’d get. it wasn’t until she was a teen when she felt fixiated on one of her drawings of a robot she designed, the tangotronic, a robot designed to tango. the reason why he was a tango robot was because had been taking tango classes around her child-teen years. she drew him more often and made some changes to his design. when she was in college, she signed up for automation class and built him there, giving him all the functions a human needed; the ability to dream, have feelings, and others. he was complete by the time she graduated from college.

- the tangotronic loves being stroked in the head by rosaline.

- they like playing just dance in their free time

- the tangotronic can make the side bolts of his head go into his head so when he goes to sleep he wouldn’t damage or injure rosaline as he slept (id imagine they sleep together)

- he also wears the corner guards meant for tables with sharp corners also for the same reasoning above.

- they love cuddling with each other, but when they cuddle (if it’s one on top of the other), it’s always rosaline on top of the tangotronic because of safety reasons (robot weighs 800 pounds we don’t want her to be crushed)

- if they had a voice, rosaline have a voice like zelda from botw, and while tangotronic would have a manly voice, he would use the robotic voice filter that markov (a miraculous ladybug character) uses. im also thinking if their voices were for a russian dub, then rosaline would be voiced by sonya tayurskaya and the tangotronic would be voiced by ilya prusikin. both sonya and ilya are from the russian band little big

Rap Men / Rap Women:

their names are based on this wikipedia list cuz i wanted their names to be a reference to other rappers

- for the rap men, the red guy is named roddy (named after roddy ricch), and the yellow guy is named yandel (after the guy of the same name)

- for the rap women, the red girl is named rihanna (after the singer of the same name), and the blue girl is named bia (after the rapper of the same name)

that’s all i have rn, will update if i have more.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Hi! Just a quick note about how much I love your work 😊

I'd love to read about the third prompt 😁

Quick Ficlet List

That's so sweet of you to say, @d-jscar. It honestly feels like I'm putting out my worst stuff or something recently, so it's idk it's nice to hear that haha Thank you for sending such a fun prompt! I hope you're okay with a bittersweet little post-endgame fic 😅 I hope you enjoy the ficlet! 🥰

"That's not mine."

Sam noticed something was strange when he woke up to no alarm. He rubbed his eyes. Blearily blinked away sleep as he tried to remember what happened last night.

Oh right.

Sam helped save the universe. And then he learned that he lost five years of his life. And then he drank all night celebrating the former, trying not to think about the latter.

Warm.

The left side of the bed was warm. Sam felt the person-sized warmth, an echo of someone being there before.

Who had Sam gone home with?

Where were they even?

Sam looked around at the designs on the wall; a Wakandan print Sam knew well since he saw it every time he stayed in Birnin Zana between missions. It wasn't his room, though.

Or maybe it was and things had just changed that much.

"Sam?"

Sam froze. Because that was Bucky's voice.

Had he slept with Bucky Barnes?

"We didn't - we just slept there. Literally. Not um. No doing the devil's tango or the beast with two backs or anything," Bucky rambled, as if reading Sam's mind.

Sam snickered.

"The devil's tango?" asked Sam, the phrase taking him out of it, making him forget all the stress he knew he was going to feel soon as he sat up and faced a sheepish yet smiling Bucky.

"You know," said Bucky, distractingly only in boxers shorts as he sipped some coffee, "Opening the gates of Mordor. Harpooning the salty longshoreman. Dancing the four-legged foxtrot. Jumping the turnstile. Grope for the trout in the peculiar river. Batter-dipping the corndog."

Sam cackled, collapsed into wheezes and tears as Bucky sat down next to him on the bed, folding his legs into what Sam's brain remembered fondly as "criss-cross applesauce".

"Why are you like this?" asked Sam pleadingly between laughs.

Bucky kept smiling softly at Sam.

"Because it makes you laugh," said Bucky like Sam laughing was the best thing to happen to him, "Coffee?"

"Isn't this yours?" asked Sam, a little confused as he sat up and took the uncharacteristically black coffee from Bucky.

Sam tried not to think about how he was only in his boxers too.

"Oh, that? That's not mine," said Bucky, "No, I got that for you."

"You drank from this, you dick," said Sam as he took a huge swig of the coffee despite what he just learned, "You're such an asshole."

"I'm an asshole who's probably going to stay in Wakanda for a little while longer," said Bucky wistfully, "You're um. Going home today. Full pardon."

Sam almost choked on his coffee.

"Wait. What?" said Sam, stunned.

Because Sam didn't believe it. He didn't think he'd ever go back home.

Bucky's smile turned into a grin.

"Yeah. I heard from Steve. You're going with him to D.C. to get pardoned at the White House and everything. Isn't that great? You'll get to see Sarah again. The boys," said Bucky, excited for Sam.

Which was when Sam realized what else Bucky said.

"You're... not coming," said Sam.

Bucky shrugged.

"They'll let me visit stateside for Tony's funeral, but my pardoning's going to be... a little trickier. I am a world-class assassin and super soldier," explained Bucky, "But I'll call you when I get back. I'll try to visit. Stevie says it's very likely I'll be allowed back on a pardon, I just don't know when yet."

And it felt like something was going to happen. Something that would tear whatever fragile thing they had here apart.

It wasn't as if Sam couldn't go without seeing Bucky for months at a time. That was what their relationship had always been, really. Friends who saw each other every other month for a few days.

But something about this felt different.

"Can you keep me up to date with how the negotiations go?" asked Sam, trying not to show the worry creeping into his voice.

"Of course," said Bucky as he pulled Sam close, "Always."

But it didn't feel like an always. It felt like whatever they were doing now was either going to bend or snap because of this. Sam wondered if Bucky could feel it too. If that was why his arms wrapped loosely around Sam, pulling him closer.

Sam tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about anything. He wanted to treasure whatever moments they had left before it was time for him to go home. He rested his head on Bucky's chest, the coffee Bucky got him in his hands as Bucky held him close.

"You'll finally see your family again," whispered Bucky, way too happy for Sam.

Which made Sam forget his worries. Made Sam melt a bit in Bucky's arms. Made him smile at the thought of it. Of Sarah and Jody and their kids. Of seeing his nephews in person.

"I'm finally going home to see my family again," whispered Sam, unable to fully comprehend that was real as he listened to Bucky's heartbeat.

*****

Want me to write a ficlet for you? Check out the prompts and send me an ask!

[stuckysdaughter]

I just watched Disenchanted for the second time, thoughts (and spoilers!) below the cut.

Ok, ok. I freaking love this movie! My family and I have been waiting 15 years for this sequel and it did not disappoint!! I was so little when Enchanted came out, and it was my absolute favorite. So much so that I still have the soundtrack memorized and watch the movie almost religiously every year. I think Disenchanted will also be a comfort movie too, since it is quickly rising in the ranks of my favorites.

The first thing I want to mention is the little nods to original Disney tales even from the opening credits. It uses the old style where the choir opens the film (stopped right around the 60’s/70’s but started all the way back with Snow White and I miss that so much can we bring that back?). It really got me in the mood, like i was small and watching my other favorite Sleeping Beauty. You can start seeing where the town already looks like a fairy tale with small hints at what will change when Giselle makes the wish. The three women who offer to help with Sofia are color coded to be Flora, Fauna, and Meriweather. There’s a freaking wishing well in the backyard that looks exactly like Snow White’s! The clock tower of course, and Melvina right away you pinpoint as the Evil Queen (that one wasn’t subtle). You have the two dumb henchmen, and the meet-cute for Morgan and Tyson (that's like my one thing, who names their kid tyson?!). So right away it feels like a classic Disney film from the 40's or 50's which honestly were some of my favorites (but that's another discussion post for another day lmao).

Next, the soundtrack. My family and I are music nerds, and we were hoping for any nod to the original. We appreciated the small “how does she know” in the beginning. You have to listen a little bit, but you hear it. “Nice” was heard from both my dad and I. I was a bit sad that nothing else made the cut, but I'm more glad that the new soundtrack was allowed to shine as it deserves. Alan Menken is the king of good Disney soundtracks (Tangled, Aladdin, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Beauty and the Beast, etc) and boy did he deliver. The new songs are so good, and they finally got the good sense to utilize Idina Menzel in a style where she really shines (Frozen didn’t quite hit this like Menken did. Here she sounds more like she did in Wicked 19/20 years ago just before Enchanted came out and the endings are much bigger than Frozen II or even Let it Go). James Marsden didn’t get as much singing attention in this one, but he was so good when he did. It made me want to rewatch him in Hairspray so I can listen to him some more. Maya Rudolph surprised me a bit, I'll admit. I didn't peg her as a singer, but she proved me wrong. Badder is such a good song. "Every good movie (musical) should have a tango" is also heard in my house often. These two women blend so well I almost can't tell who's singing what part when they're together. Amy Adams of course is a Goddess! Who I love!! I think she really found her sound in this (can you tell i go to music school lmao) and obviously she wouldn't sound the same as 15 years ago, but this fits her better in a way. She sounds more comfortable, and was able to show off more in Even More Enchanted (After the Wish). That's another Snow White nod, by the way, it mirrors pretty closely what she sings to the birds at the wishing well. All this to say, I instantly added all the songs to my Spotify, they have now become part of my walks to class. And no, I'm not ashamed of that. (continue later)

I don't know much about film and how it works, but my god there were some gorgeous shots and set design. You can tell there was a pretty big budget for this, and it shows. It was all just so beautiful to look at, and it seemed to flow along really well. There are always those camera angles or transitions you wish were smoother but I didn't see any. It was all very aesthetically pleasing, and I love that you can see Giselle's transformation into a wicked stepmother through her dresses and her hair. She starts the tale with a dress almost identical to her dress for "That's How You Know", and eventually goes full on Lady Tremaine. (I want that red dress so much holy shit) "My hair's so high! And my dress is so low, oh!" I love you Giselle never change please. And Pip's "I feel like the most superior being in the whole world". I have cats and that is so true, we laughed far too much at that line...

The plot!!!! I love this idea so so much! I remember throughout the years hearing rumors of what the plot was (well before we ever had a real announcement from Disney). From what I can recall, the plot was originally (or supposedly, anyway) that they all were living happily in NYC, but Morgan's biological mom came back into the picture and was trying to muck things up. I don't know how that would've worked, which is probably why it didn't go that way lmao. Anyway, this plot is so cool! And I wish that i could watch it again for the first time! I don't think I will ever react as genuinely as I did that first time with my parents. The acting is top notch, and Amy Adams really pulled out all the stops to convince us that there's two of her inside fighting for control. I like that even when the wish occurs, there's still a lot of nods to other tales. Morgan has a whole "Belle"-esque number while dressed like her, and they even have her plot match Cinderella (mostly). Disney definitely did the same thing here with Morgan that they did with Andy in Toy Story 3. The kids who were roughly Morgan's age (like me) who have grown up with Enchanted are now adults in their late teens or twenties, and are maybe struggling to find themselves and what that means. My mom and I were definitely not crying (and by that, I mean, we bawled like children) at the end where Giselle reassures Morgan that she is her daughter, and that her love for her has power. That's something that I (and I'm assuming just about everyone else my age) needed to hear. Even if it wasn't from my own mother, I know the sentiment was shared. And even Robert's feelings of time slipping away from him and his hopelessness resonated with me and I'm guessing others too.

In conclusion, this was a fantastic movie, and the sequel Enchanted deserves. An amazing plot, excellent soundtrack, and beautiful design. I couldn't have asked for a better way to suitably sate my nostalgia while giving me a whole new movie to love. People can criticize me all they want, but it won't change the fact that this movie is brilliant and one of my new absolute favorites.

(what my family sees sometimes when they look at me and my cats)

[memeadonna]

Metallica

You are an intern working at Fatgum’s Agency alongside our favourite Hard Himbos: Tetsutetsu and Kirishima. Your quirk allows you to control metal, which attracts the attention of a certain someone. 

Alternatively: I thought Tetsutetsu might have a thing for piercings and then @malicealieness bullied me until I posted this because we Tetsutetsu simps are starved for content (and don’t worry guys she promised to post more of her own writing if I posted this so I’m more than happy to do so (I love you mom ❤️))

Word Count: 5,971

This story is NSFW. Minors DNI. 

Warnings: Switch Tetsutetsu and Reader, Piercings, Size difference/Kink, Mentions of Blood, Biting and Scratching, Loss of Virginity, Vaginal Intercourse, Creampie, mentions of birth control, Tetsutetsu being a Simp, mutual pining, this boy deserves more love. 

Update: Part Two is Out! 

When Tetsutetsu was in his last year at UA, an underclassman joined him and Kirishima at Fatgum’s agency. She was in class 2-A and went by the hero name Metallica. That was you, and you were certain he was terrified of you when you first met. To start with, your quirk was metal manipulation; you could control anything metal and, as the name implies, manipulate it however you’d like – changing its shape, sending it flying, or even adjusting its hardness – and that meant if he were to ever fight with you, he would be at a major disadvantage. It wasn’t like you wanted to hurt him (unless you counted raking your nails down his back and biting his collarbone), but the threat was there. 

Tetstutetsu spent a lot of time staring at you, especially when you were in your hero costume or when the two of you had been left alone for a moment. On the rare occasions you met up with him on campus, he always stared at your piercings while you talked. You had ended up fighting with UA over their dress code: students in the hero course were supposed to be limited to only earrings (which you had several of) and small necklaces as jewelry, but due to your quirk you preferred to wear as much metal as you could. Different metals reacted differently to your quirk, and because of that your piercings, bracelets, and rings had been a mix of many different types that you had painstakingly organized so it was stylish rather than garish. It was hard to pull off so many different colours, but you managed. The school wanted you to only wear the piercings in your earlobes during class (the rings were fine), but after a long argument, you managed to convince them to let you wear something so your holes didn’t close up. The stainless steel you ended up with was much less flashy than the other colours you had had before, but you didn’t mind. It was a versatile metal, and the ability to shape and change it to your will was an asset. Besides that, your piercings were not technically support items, so you could use (and had used) them at the sports festival. 

The first time you met Kirishima and Tetsutetsu, Fatgum had insisted the three of you go out for food together. Kirishima had spent the whole time talking and laughing with you, trying to get to know you, and Tetsu had just spent his time staring like he was in a trance. You were used to people staring – like someone with a mutant quirk, the large number of piercings you wore every day was unusual, and you had gotten used to stares and comments. You tucked your hair behind your industrial and sipped on some boba. His eyes never left your face, scanning over the barbell bisecting your eyebrow then down to the one on your tongue as you took another sip. 

“So, metal,” Kirishima spoke, kicking Tetsutetsu under the table and shooting him a glare that said Pay Attention. “Tell us about that.” 

You waved your hand, the ring on your index finger unwrapping itself and forming into a bowl shape. You concentrated as it dipped into your parfait and brought a delectable scoop of vanilla ice cream up to your mouth and took a bite. Tetsutetsu’s brain was all but short-circuiting as you casually dunked the ring into your untouched glass of water and wrapped it back around your finger. As you explained how your quirk worked to his companion, all he could think about was being bent to your will like that. His legs felt weak and shaky, and he was so, so glad you were all sitting in a dark restaurant. 

He seemed skittish around you – never wanting to be alone with you, always fidgeting when you used your quirk. Even Fatgum noticed his strange behaviour and pulled you aside to ask if anything was wrong. You felt so guilty as he asked you if the two of you had had a falling out and what he could do to help – was the transition into working at his agency smooth? Were you happy in the position? Why does one of his interns hate you? He hadn’t asked that of course, but the question was there. 

In the end, you had cornered your colleague. “I’m not going to hurt you,” you had told him softly. “I don’t think my quirk would even work on you. I don’t want to find out though, because if it did hurt you, I don’t think I could forgive myself.” You told him. “I want to be your friend, Tetsutetsu. I don’t want you to be scared of me.” 

Scared? It had taken him almost ten entire seconds to process this as you tried to make yourself look as nonthreatening as possible. “I – I’m not scared of you,” he had answered dumbly. 

Your friendship blossomed from there. He had to hide a boner whenever you used your quirk in front of him (which was a lot, you tended to overuse it if anything), but now he got to see you smiling and make you laugh, which melted his steel heart every time. He felt extraordinarily guilty whenever he’d sneak off to the bathroom, shove his shirt into his mouth, and beat his dick like it owed him money. This resulted in more than one shredded shirt and several raised eyebrows from Kirishima, but he learned to pack a spare change of clothes in his bag. At least his frantic two-minute tangos were almost enough to get him through patrol with you. Almost. 

His situation became more difficult when the agency was working towards a major drug bust. You and your coworkers were excused from school for two weeks and were living out of the agency’s basement. There were three rooms set up there – one for Fatgum with a massive bed, and one for each off-duty intern. Someone was supposed to be patrolling at all times, and all four of you were feeling exhausted. Esuha was not a horribly busy city, but as the dealers you were after were backed more and more into a corner, they began to lash out and take matters into their own hands. 

Tetsutetsu was so ready to slide into a comfortable pair of pyjamas, eat a quick dinner and pass out, but the zipper on his hero suit was stuck. Of course it was. Kirishima had taken up residence in the room Fatgum normally slept in, and was snoring loudly, so he shuffled his way over to your door and reluctantly knocked. 

You answered the door after a few moments, wearing only a tight tank top and a set of loose pyjama shorts. You were rubbing sleep from your eyes, and if he wasn’t so hyper-focused on what he was sure was the outline of a set of nipple piercings through your tanktop he would have felt bad for waking you. “Zipper,” he said quickly, fighting to tear his eyes from your chest. “My zipper is stuck.” 

You reached out your hand and activated your quirk, but frowned slightly. “Your zipper is plastic. Wonder what moron made that design choice. If it gets too hot, it’ll melt,” He was about to agree, but then your hands were on him and he was so, so thankful it was plastic. “Come over here, the light is better.” Your hands unclasped the steel straps across his shoulders, and you used your quirk to send it across the room to rest gently on your nightstand as you worked to get him out of his jumpsuit. He barely registered the door closing and the sound of the lock sliding into place as his brain once more began to short circuit. 

You pressed closer to see the zipper better, which only gave Tetsu a great view down your shirt. He had to be hyper aware of his hands, so he didn’t accidentally touch you. He was a gentleman, after all. He had to be a gentleman, even when you once more tugged him towards yourself to get him closer to the light on your desk. Yup. Had to be a gentleman. 

You continued to fiddle with the zipper, tugging it this way and that. You stuck out your tongue and dragged it backwards along your lip so the little ball on it clacked against your teeth, and he had to physically stop himself from letting out an unmanly noise. 

You triumphantly grinned as you finally got the zipper unstuck, and then your tongue was back in your mouth. “I think the fabric got caught in the teeth!” you told him with a grin. “It was no match for me.” he was so close to you now. You were all but pressed against the wall by him, and as you looked up into his eyes, a lazy smirk crept its way onto your face. “What? Embarrassed that you had to ask me to help you out of your clothes? Aren’t you at least going to say thank… you…” your voice trailed off as he leaned in closer, one arm bracing himself against the wall above you. You weren’t a small person, but he had hit a growth spurt in his time at UA and was now almost 6’6. He made you feel small. 

He didn’t lean in to kiss you like you hoped thought he would but instead leaned over to your ear. As you felt his lips ghosting against the shell of your ear and his warm breath prickling the hairs on the back of your neck, you felt your heart fluttering in your chest. “Do you have any idea how much you make me want you?” he growled out, voice gravelly and low. “Are you doing it on purpose?” he pulled your earlobe and the trio of studs it housed into his mouth, and you had to place your hands on his shoulders to stop your knees from buckling. 

He was so warm as his tongue teased at your earlobe and one hand came up to run itself up your side, splaying itself over your ribs before slowly trailing upwards. “Well, this is one way to thank me,” you smirked to yourself as he pulled away, snapped out of his trance. “Not even going to kiss me first? No, you’ve just gotta fondle my piercings, don’t you? You have such a one-track mind.” 

You ran your hands up from his shoulders to his hair, pulling him closer and standing on your tiptoes to kiss him. It wasn’t heated or anything, just a simple brush of your lips against his. He leaned into it, and for the briefest moment, as you pulled away, he chased your lips. He caught himself as he did, a bright blush spreading over his cheekbones. “I’m sorry, I-” 

You kissed him once again to shut him up, deep and slow and filled with passion. He relaxed above you, letting himself become putty in your hands and against your lips, pushing his body flush with yours and pinning you to the wall. He was strong enough to keep you there – he could easily snap your neck if he wanted – but the way he held you was so gentle. Like you would break if he wasn’t careful. 

That was nice, but it wasn’t what you wanted. You bit his lip which made him yelp and took the momentary parting of his lips to conquer his mouth, tugging his hair as you took control. He let out a sweet little whine as he felt the barbell against his tongue. He wrapped his arms around you and lifted you off the ground, holding you by the ass and thighs as he stumbled backwards towards the bed, kissing you more and more frantically. As you wrapped your legs around his body you felt him throbbing against the soft skin of your inner thigh and smirked triumphantly to yourself. He sat down on your bed and you peeled his jumpsuit off, grinding down into his lap as you kissed. 

Once the fabric was pooling around his waist, he flipped you over onto the bed, pinning you beneath his hulking form. “You’re awfully bold,” he rumbled. “Thinking you can get off domming me.” 

He kissed you deeply, a rolling kind of pleasure that made your knees weak and your toes curl. A wave of desire swept you away and made you almost forget your name. Then, you remembered you were Metallica and you had a series of bracelets on your nightstand. Maybe it was time to put them to good use. 

He was back to mouthing at your ear and teasing your numerous piercings, then trailing his hot mouth down your neck, before grazing sharp fangs along your collarbone. You squealed as he gripped the collar of your tanktop in his teeth and ripped it violently off of your body. The animalistic look in his eyes sent a lightning bolt of pleasure through you, and his hands left your wrists to rip the remaining shreds of your top off of your body. He sat back to admire you, letting out a quiet “Fuck” as he took you in. 

He was right, you had a set of matching barbells in your nipples, but he hadn’t known about your belly button piercing. It was one of the more basic piercings, but he seemed enraptured by it for a moment before his hands reached out to cup greedy handfuls of your breasts. One of your bracelets clicked around his right wrist and yanked his arm upwards, sending his body crashing down onto yours. You giggled at the “oof” he let out, and wrapped your arms and legs around him, mouthing at his ear. “I am bold. That’s why you like me,” you held his cheeks in your hands and gave him a commanding kiss before returning to his ear to whisper: “I’m also going to get off with your pretty mouth.” as you sank your teeth into the shell of his ear he full out moaned. What a glorious sound that was. You formed your bracelets into hooks to pull off his boots and his hero suit, careful not to tear it. He did need the thing after all. 

Pressed up against you like this, he could feel the rise and fall of your chest as you breathed, and also the drag of cold metal across his body. He began to kiss and suck at your neck and shoulders, relieved that the bodysuit you wore under the armour of your hero costume would hide this come tomorrow. He resisted the urge to sink his teeth into your warm flesh. That was probably too much for your first night but in the future…

Yielding his right arm to you, he used his left to finally grab one of your breasts and caress the barbell with the pad of his thumb. He felt you shift underneath him, and then your thigh was between his legs and he allowed himself to hump it out of desperation. “God you are such a needy bitch,” you laughed into his ear. “Do you really want me this much?” 

You were winning. You were winning and he knew it. But if there was one thing Tetsutetsu was, it was hard-headed. In more than one sense of the word. He redoubled his efforts on your collarbones, leaving dark hickies that would probably take days to fade. You raked your nails down his back to get a reaction and he bit you. Hard. The strangled wail you let out was more than enough to make him come back to his senses and he pulled away with a hundred apologies on his lips. “I didn’t mean to-” 

“Fuck that was hot. Yes please, more,” you sat up with him and gave him a kiss, ignoring the taste of your blood on his tongue. The feeling of your tongue piercing against him once more made him lightheaded, especially as he felt your bracelets closing around his neck like a collar. You pulled away from the heated kiss with a sly smirk, your lips just barely grazing his as you murmured: “You want to act like a dog then I’ll treat you like one.” 

His response was to lift you up a bit so he could get his mouth around one of your nipples. You squirmed in his arms, letting out breathy groans, tugging at his hair and struggling to keep hold of your quirk. He switched breasts, falling backwards so you were on top of him. One hand grabbed the meat of your ass and as you finally released your psychic grip on the bracelet restraining his other hand he was squeezing and fondling the tit he had just been sucking. It was like he couldn’t get enough of your body, and that thought made you gush.

He pulled away from you, grinning triumphantly. “Not so tough now, are you?” he teased, pulling you into another kiss as his big hands roamed your body, squeezing and touching and sometimes just holding certain parts of you. You couldn’t help but feel grounded and safe in his arms, even though you were still bleeding from the shoulder. The warm, fuzzy feeling of safety spread across your body, mixing with arousal, and you smiled into the kiss because he was yours. 

Fucking finally. 

You then squealed as he ripped your shorts in half, tearing the thin fabric off of your thighs and laughing to himself as you slapped his chest. You pulled back to pout at him. “You asshole I liked those!” 

“Fuck, baby,” he answered, hands exploring the newly exposed skin. “I’ll buy you new ones to show you just how sorry I am.” Based on that grin, the amount was zero. You rolled your hips down into his just to wipe that smug look off of his face, and the way he gripped your body to help you made sparks dance inside of your core. You could feel him throbbing against your sex, and based on what you could feel pressing up into you, you were almost sure you would be sore tomorrow. 

You made a show of crawling down his body and snapping the waistband of his briefs against his toned stomach. You peeled the garment off and tossed it over your shoulder. In the two seconds you were turned away the smug bastard had folded his hands behind his head and had leaned back into your pillows like he was presenting himself to you. 

Your eyes took in his muscular frame, sweeping from his toned arms down to the throbbing cock between his legs. You tapped the tip. “This is bullshit,” you told him. 

“What?” his brows furrowed. “Bullshit?” 

You nodded. “Yeah, what exactly I supposed to do with this? It’s as thick as my wrist what the fuck. Can it even fit in my mouth? Of course you would have a magnum dong,” you rolled your eyes at him as you pressed a kiss to his tip, wrapping your hands around it. “Fucking bullshit. You’re lucky I brought lube.” 

As he processed your words you licked his tip, and that damned piercing grazed his sensitive skin, drawing a strangled gasp out of his lungs. You smirked up at him, giving him another slow lick as you showed off the tongue piercing. He spread his legs a bit and bit his lip, closing his eyes as he slipped one hand into your hair. “You’re good at that,” he mumbled, pleasure washing over him as you finally slipped him into your mouth and gave him an earnest suck. He was absolutely mesmerized by his cock disappearing into your mouth, and the position of your body between his legs (face down ass up – something he hoped to explore more later). 

You worked more and more of him down your throat. You reached over and tugged his hand away from his body to bring it gently over your head. You winced as he stretched your throat open for himself, moaning happily as you gagged around him. “Shit, sweetheart…” he let you pull off of him and a hot bolt of guilt shot through his chest as you coughed. “Princess, did I hurt you?” 

After coughing a bit more you offered him a sweet grin. “I’m okay, just-” you coughed again, “-your stupid horsecock is too big for me to blow.” 

“Oh,” he turned bright red. “Sorry.” 

“I have another idea,” you grinned at him, taking his free hand and kissing his fingers before pinning it back behind his head. “Harden it.” 

“What?” his eyes widened and his cock visibly throbbed. “O-okay.” He obeyed you, and you licked your lips as you watched the grey steel colour spread across his dick. It was pretty, which was a weird way to think about a dick. It was also way too thick, and you were sure was going to mess up your insides, which only made you want him more. 

You raised your hand over him and met his eyes. “Tell me how this feels,” you told him. He nodded at you, and you activated your quirk. His heavy eyelashes fluttered as his back arched, and his breathing picked up speed. 

“Tetsu, baby, talk to me,” you cooed. 

“Feels good!” he moaned, spreading his legs more. “So good!” 

His eyes were all but rolling back into his head as you played with him, and his cock pulsed hard beneath your ministrations. It was almost strange, really, because normally when you manipulated metal it was obeying you and nothing more. With Tetsutetsu, you could feel his nerves lighting up with pleasure, and you smirked to yourself as you twisted your wrist to make him vibrate. He let out a loud moan as you did, and you giggled to yourself. 

He squirmed more as you stroked him with your psychic grip, careful not to change his shape. Lord knows that would happen if you did that. “Gonna cum!” he moaned, back arching. “Fuck, what are you doing to me Sweetheart?” you looked up at him, at how wanton he was for you, and your insides clenched around nothing. 

You straddled him and leaned up to kiss him again. “I’m ruining you,” you answered lowly. “You’re mine from now on.” 

You could feel how his throbbing changed as he came. You felt the thick streams painting your ass and back, and smirked to yourself. He arched up into you and moaned loudly, before slumping backwards, limbs jelly, and panting loudly. “Fuck,” he moaned. “Sorry.” 

You reached down to yourself and gathered some of your slick on your fingers. You spread them for him, showing off how wet you were. “Looks like we both enjoyed that,” you told him, watching as his eyes widened once more. He leaned upwards desperately, and you watched in amusement as he sucked your fingers into his mouth. You once more clenched around nothing, and the slick between your legs only got slicker. You wondered if you could take him with how wet you were. 

Probably not, but you wanted to try. 

Once your fingers were clean you leaned down to give him a kiss, your hands gently tracing themselves over his pecs and down his abs. He had released his hardening after he had finished, but he was still hard beneath you as you continued kissing him, your tongue piercing clacking against his teeth every so often. You slid back down his body and he reached his free hand out to cup your ass. “You’re covered in it, baby,” his voice was gruff and husky. 

You brought his massive hand up to your mouth and then it was your turn to suck his fingers clean. He watched you with hooded eyes, and as you pinned his wrist behind his head alongside his other one, he watched you with growing trepidation. You were also a little nervous – would he even fit? You should probably stretch yourself out first, but it just looked so delicious to you. You wanted to feel him. Now. 

You wrapped one hand around his thick shaft and guided the tip up to your lips. You were so slick it was practically gushing out of you, and as you ran his head along your lips and thought “I’m going to take all of this,” your lust only grew. 

You started to lower yourself down onto him, holding him steady. The pressure of him trying to push inside gave way little by little, and he threw his head back with a ragged moan as you slid the tip inside. It was so thick it was hard for you to breathe, but the stretch felt euphoric. You coaxed more of him into you, bit by bit, but stopped suddenly and pulled off. You used a bracelet to bring over your lube bottle and you squirted a generous amount onto his cock. 

“Where do you get off on having such a stupidly huge dick?” you asked him. “Are you trying to split me in half?” 

“You’ll learn to take it,” he purred at you, and that thought made you clench once more. You imagined him one day effortlessly able to slide it inside of your ruined pussy, imagined how the stretch would burn so good as you eased him back into you. You could feel him tugging against his restraints like he wanted to grip your hips and help you. You braced yourself against his pecs as you sank further down onto him, and he grinned smugly at your efforts. “Your face is so fuckin’ cute when you’re stuffed too full.” He purred, groaning as you sat back up and slid him in once again. “Not even halfway down yet and you already look like you’re about to break.” 

“In your dreams,” you teased back, riding him slowly as you slid his too-big dick further and further inside. Your body swallowed him up like it was made to, and the stretch burned the way you had hoped it would. He was quite a bit bigger than the toy you normally used on yourself, and you wondered briefly if you should get a new one to train your body better. You raked your nails down his chest and slid a bit further down. “Just shut up and enjoy this.” 

He looked down and watched his dick disappearing inside of you, and licked his lips. Even with all of that lube, you were still the tightest thing he had ever felt, so tight he could barely move. Even tighter than he had imagined. As he watched you take him, he noticed the slightest tinge of red on his dick. As he realized it was blood, he was not proud that his first thought was to thrust up and ram as much of himself as he could inside of you. You let out a choked sound and clenched around him, scrambling for something to hold onto. “Fuck baby, you okay?” he asked, apologies tumbling out of his mouth in a borage. “You’re bleeding, did I hurt you?” 

You had released your psychic grip as you lost focus, and he was instantly up with his arms around you, peppering your face with kisses. “I’m sorry princess,” he cooed, running his hand down your back. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you answered, looking down between the two of you. “Just surprising. Guess that was my hymen breaking or something.” 

He thrust up into you as you said that, once more attacking your neck with bites and hickies as he carefully rocked your bodies together. He growled at you as you tugged on his hair and let out a strangled sound. He rolled you over, so he was on top, and kissed you hard as you wrapped your legs around him. The drag of his cock inside of you hit all of your nerves at once, and in this position, you were almost certain you couldn’t push him off even if you wanted to. 

You once more restrained him, pinning his hands on either side of your head and using his bracelet-collar, brought his face down to you. You kissed him sloppily, once more tugging on his hair as he moaned and panted into your mouth and sucked on your barbell. The feeling of being stuffed beyond what your body could take was absolute euphoria, and as your toes curled and you held on tightly, moaning as he kissed and bit you, you knew you would have to do this again. “Princess,” he cooed. “You feel so good! Fuck!”

“Y-you too,” you hissed, scratching at his back. He tugged at his restraints once more, but as you held his hands firm you smirked up at him. “What’s wrong, want to touch me?” you slid your hands down your body and began to tease your clit, back arching as he sped up his thrusts. 

“The things I’m going to do to you,” he growled. “Gonna make every inch of you mine!” he carefully lowered his body so he was in a push-up position over you, and lavished your breasts with his tongue, sucking on your nipples like he was trying to pull out your barbells. He worked them with his tongue, which made you moan and keen and scratch. You could feel his arms shaking with the effort of holding himself up, and at the same time felt the drag of his abs against the back of your hand with every thrust. You used your free hand to tangle in his hair, and he bit down again as if on instinct. You let out a surprised yelp and he kissed your sensitive flesh as an apology, licking at the little beads of blood he had left on one of your breasts. Your cunt clenched around him as you heard the gravelly noises he was making, although he was stretching you so open you weren’t even sure it could be called clenching. You were too overstuffed and it was everything you had ever wanted. 

“Please,” he groaned. “Please let me fucking touch you. I need-” he cut himself off as he kissed you once again, sloppy and full of passion. “-I’m gonna cum. Need you to first…” you released his hands and he was immediately pulling you up into his lap, kneeling on your bed and bouncing you on his dick while he kissed you hard. Your legs were too high off the mattress to kneel on it, so you settled for wrapping them around his waist instead. He slid a hand over your abdomen. “I can feel myself!” he growled, pressing down. “Right here.” You kissed him back, moaning because you could feel it too. Feel him destroying your insides. 

His fingers found your clit and roughly began to abuse it. He was so hot inside of you, pulsing like he was happy to be there. You panted against one another, lips connecting and sliding apart as he bounced you for all you were worth. It was wild, it was feral, and he was grunting like a caveman as he claimed you. You gripped his muscular shoulders desperately, looking up into his eyes as he smirked down at you. He kissed you again, long and hard and slow, and you felt his tongue turn to steel in your mouth. You tightened your grip on his shoulder, activating your quirk on him. 

The change swept across his entire body, including his dick, and as he jackhammered even faster into you, you manipulated his body to send twinges of pleasure zinging through him. You could just about hear his thoughts, every “Yes!” “Good!” and “More!” and then the word “Mate!” popped into your mind and you once again clenched hard around him. 

He let you fall backwards a bit, once more kissing at your chest as he fucked your plaint body. Your back arched from the new angle, and you gripped at him desperately, insides twitching as they waited for that last push over the edge. You trusted him to hold you and released your death grip on his shoulders, splaying your hands in the air and making his entire body rapidly vibrate. That feeling threw you into an orgasm almost instantly, and your insides clenched around him. You leaned backwards and he held you close. It was so intense you couldn’t even scream. All you could do was lie there stiffly, unable to even breathe as the feeling washed over you. He kept fucking you through it, burying his teeth in your shoulder once again as he pumped you full. As you came down from your high, you gasped for breath and wrapped your arms around him once again. You kissed him desperately as he held you, and as he leaned back into your pillows he kept you in his arms, his cock still buried deep inside of you. You panted against him, aftershocks making your pussy twitch around him. 

The metal beneath your fingers softened to skin, and he ran his fingers gently through your hair. “Fuck me,” he croaked. 

“What, again?” you laughed a bit, drunk on the euphoria flowing through your body as you reached up to kiss him again.

“I should get my zipper stuck more often,” he grinned, running his fingers gently over the bite on your shoulder. “Does it hurt?” 

“A bit, but I like it,” you looked at him flirtatiously, before lifting yourself on shaky limbs and reaching down to pull him out of you. The wet Schluck! sound made both of you giggle, and so did the wet slap of his softening dick hitting his abs. 

He let out a gasp as his cum began to pour out of you now, dripping heavily all over him. “Fuck, we didn’t use condoms!” he looked absolutely mortified. 

“Relax,” you gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve got an IUD.” 

He pulled you back down to rest on his chest, tracing patterns into your skin. His eyes drifted from the piercings in your ear down your jawline and up to your lips, and he gently ran his thumb over them. “You’re my girlfriend now, right?” 

“Mhm,” you mumbled sleepily, nuzzling further into his chest. 

He resisted the urge to do a happy dance or pump his fist in the air. “We should get cleaned up,” he kissed your shoulder as he sat up and carried you to the western-style shower. You clung to him as he turned it on, and finally put your feet down as the water warmed. 

You removed the bracelets from around his wrists and neck very carefully, and as you smiled up at him, he smiled back. He then blasted you full in the face with the showerhead and the two of you were giggling again. He washed your body carefully, reverently, and even somehow made hosing you out with the shower head feel intimate. 

By the time you were done with your shower, you were putting on your hero costume to go out for your patrol. He helped you zip up your padded bodysuit, and his dick stirred back to life beneath his towel as you gently draped your armour-esque hero costume over your body. “You should go rest in your own room, Fatgum will get suspicious,” you gave him a kiss and used your quirk to slide his hero suit onto him, doing up the zipper with a flick of your finger. 

“H-huh?” he stared down at it as you clasped his chest straps. “But I thought the zip was plastic!” 

You chuckled a bit. “How else was I supposed to get you alone in my room?” you teased, before offering a wink and slipping out the door. 

“Clever girl,” he whispered to himself, grinning like a moron. 

Taglist: @malicealieness 

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[give-grian-rights]

HERMITCRAFT 8 LIVEBLOGGING

fifteen hermits worth of liveblogging. i am losing my mind. LONG POST AHEAD.

JOE HILLS (First HC8 Video)

Mumbo did the speech. he forgot everything he was supposed to say <3

Pearl and Gemini were just .in a pit . having stuff thrown onto them

Every Hermit is staying on the same continent !!

FIRST DEATHS VERY QUICKLY, Iron Golems took out Tango and Etho (maybe more?)

Joe seems to be the only one looting the chests

Evil Jevin !!

Evil Xisuma appearance on Jevin’s 60 second video!

Pearl has something planned for an “archeticual wonder” for a resupply area upon death?

Stress, Xisuma and Joe are capturing villagers and starting up a resupply debut.

Bdubs is killed by Cleo and is now OUT FOR BLOOD

First death counts- Etho, Tango, Bdubs, Cleo?

Cleo was killed by Keralis

Joe has now supplied Cleo with weapons and food . She left but not before saying “Time to kill BDubs again!”

Gemini was killed by Bdubs! They both died and are now at spawn.

Pearl was killed by Cleo

Pearl is planning a respawn inn !!

Cleo was killed by Iskall

Cleo was killed by Pearl

False, Stress, and Gemini team up??? AA!!! they brought a delivery of supplies to Joe <3

i wish i knew what was happening on that end .

APPARENTLY XISUMA IS ONTO MAKING THE SECOND VILLAGER BREEDER ALREADY ??

Iskall is the first with Diamonds??

Breathe in that ash !

WAIT IS TANGOS EYES LIKE THAT RN BECAUSE HES TEAMED WITH KERALIS AND BDUBS ???

KERALIS, BDUBS, AND TANGO TRIED TO DO A SHAKEDOWN ON JOE. HE TRIED TO DROP LAVA, GOT HIMSELF ONTO TWO HEARTS BECAUSE HE PLACED IT ON HIMSELF, AND IS NOW SWIMMING OUT INTO THE SWAMP

the big eyed trio are now off to shake down Gemini

Joe fell in Lava in the Nether

Joe Death To Lava Two: Electric Boogaloo

Joe drowned trying to kill a glowsquid

WATCH JOE’S VIDEO OH MY GOD SEAN HILLS RECAP RAP??? MY BELOVED????? i am gonna be streaming this unironically later LIKE OH MY GOD THIS SLAPS. ALSO THE CREDITS AT TEH END IS HILARIOUS

Zedaph Episode Recap

Zed gave us a recap of the continent every Hermit will be living on !!

Wouldn’t recommend Zedaph as the first video for the season, he skips the intro/speech but it’s Zedaph and hes making it fun!! Lots of nice editing :)

~SCIENCE TIME !~

Zedaph.. why is your starter base made out of concrete ?

There are no sheeps whatsoever on his mountain

Hes calling his lab an icecream sandwich..yeah i see it

Zed tried to make a portal underater...f

Scar died to a creeper </3

Zedaphs base is gonna be tracking how long hes there/someones loading the chunk!

XISUMA LIVE BLOGGING

A cool cinema scene of him becoming an axolotl!! <3

NOW I CAN SEE IT, GRIAN WAS THE FIRST DEATH!! Death by Iron Golem!!

XIsuma’s baseplans need over 45 THOUSAND BLOCKS TO BE PLACED

He’s also planning on making a shulkershell farm!!

i’m not gonna lie ! talking axolotl X is horrifying ! thanks !

Day one Villager Breeder... chaos.

Xisuma Derp! looked straight at a buncha wool and said how badly he needed beds and then walked away

THE GIRLS CAME OVER AND CONVINCED HIM HE NEEDS TO MOVE THE DESIGN OVER MY FIVE BLOCKS FOR SWAMP VILLAGERS..

THE GIRLS ARE JUST LAUGHING AT HIM AND HIS VILLAGER TROUBLES

day one and Xisuma has got his axolotl!!

Very pretty starterbase!!

XB’s

..I’m not gonna lie theres not much to say!! He’s very calm :) he says hes going into it without a plan, and htat last season was the only time he had any thought of what he was gonna do.

He made a real nice starter house and thats about it!

Cleo’s

Bdubs: “She ain’t gonna hurt me!! i’m invincible, babey!”

Cleo learnt that BDubs will never hurt her even if she deserves it . I am starting to realize why she kills him

SHE DECIDED SHES GONNA BE A PROPER CHAOS GREMLIN THIS SEASON...

AISDJASID CLEO GOT PAID TO KILL BDUBS?? HDUIAIHSI SCAR WHY

“Alright I found my mission for the season! Murder.”

Cleo, Mumbo, Grian, and Scar are all holed up in a cave together!

..Scar died from a skeleton !

Cleo has now split from Grian and Mumbo! Scar is missing in action

CLEO FOUND A GOAT

SHES KILLING THE GOAT???

she got a HORSE <3 and Joe gave her a saddle! I think her name is..Widget?

She LOVES the candles for shamboo n waterbottles and bits n bobs for her armorstands!!

Got her Armorstand stickgod book <3

Geminitay POV

NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT!!

She has a LOVELY voice!!

The pov of her in a hole . being surrrounded . is kinda hilarious

It might’ve been Etho who was first death?? I GENUIENLY CANNOT TELL BECAUSE OF EDITING

All the murder was just for heads!

Seriously her voice is. wow

WE LOVE A QUEEN WHO KNOWS HOW TO CRAFT A SHIELD WITHOUT USING THE GUIDE <3

False, Gemini, and Stress are on the great journey for MOSS !

Gem just blew their minds with the moss.

TANGO KERALIS AND BDUBS ARE BACK Keralis: “Show the diamonds show the diamonds show the diamonds!” Gem: “Keralis. This is not how you make friends.”

The boys suecessfully recieved a diamond each

Etho n Iskall are travelling together!! You dont see those two together often

Etho got a glowsquid head!!

Gem: “Etho doesn’t share, is what i’m learning..?”

Etho hooked her with a fishing rod and said she has to do what he said .

In order to get the diamonds, Tango, Keralis, and BDubs placed down a sign saying “Gem is Great!” and Gem used a glow inksack on it.

Etho: “So..What is this? Do you have an ego, or this a motivational thing, or..?” He said, while laughing

Iskall: “I think its really funny that you have set your base up in the middle of a birch forest.” Gem: “I love birch forests! Do you not like my birch forest? Iskall: “I love it, yeah.” Gem: “This is the best biome in the game, Iskall.” Iskall: “Mmmm..” Etho: “I’m pretty sure I heard Iskall talking earlier that like, of all the biomes in the game, there was one he hated more than anything. Gem: “Oh really? And what was that one?” Iskall: “..Taiga.” Gem: “Taiga.. That’s true, thats a good one, thats a good one.” Iskall: “Don’t like Taiga.” Gem: “Mhm.” Etho: “Which one do you hate more than anyone?” Iskall: “..Diorite fields. Thats a bad one.” Etho: “Yeah thats a bad one.” Gem: “Didn’t know about that one. Well make sure to avoid’em. Birch forests are really good.” Iskall: “I’m a big fan of birch forests.” Gem: “Yeah, me too, me too. I’m glad we’re on the same page :) This is so beautiful! All the white and- and the like zebra stripes! is fantastic.” Iskall: “I..Um.. Yes.”

OH SHE’S CANADIAN,, ETHO HAS A FRIEND /j

She’s still in college :O SHE’S A SCIENTIST?? SHES WORKING AT A HOSPITAL?? POG!!

She accidentally found an enchanted golden apple in a mineshaft!! she thinks its the first she ever found in survival!!

She has a cow, sheep, and a few crop farms set up!! Her starter house has INTERRIOR!

SHE CHANGED HER SKIN AND ITS SO PRETTY AND HAS OVERALL AND I LOVE IT!!

shes doing a cottage core inspired base!

WOAHH!!! SHE MADE HTE MOST GOREGOUS CUSTOM TREE I’VE EVER SEEN ??

BDUBS IS HERE and he is so so so impressed by the tree ?!

also hes carrying a clock.. :(

He’s here with a present!

HE BROUGHT BAMBOO!

she thinks its so funny that he stops conversations to sleep AOIDHFEAUI\

SCARS

WE GOT A TRANSITION SCENE!! the canonical reason for the bed in his old village always being occupied is because underneath it, was his wizard portal!

Bdubs: “It’s a new season! You’re the little guy now!”

They are all very amused by that ^

they’re rubbing the fleece of bdubs jacket .

Bdubs: “Have a nice rub :)” PLEASEAHSIOJDIUASLDHIASDA

His starter base is gonna be a wagon and he wants the end game to be a bioshock esque skyscraper!

he confused a horse for a player . flashback to iskall thinking mumbo was a mob

PEOPLE THINK MUMBO DOESNT HAVE PANTS ON.... </3

Scar, Mumbo, and Grian.. have NO braincells. at all. THey just placed a crafting table with a boat on top with a bed on top with a boat on top .

this is what BROS FOR LIFE looks like.

BOATEM POLE !

SCAR IS STUCK UNDERGROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IRL AND HAS NO PICKAXE..

AND HE DIED TO A CREEPER .

it seems like Grian, Mumbo, and Scar are working together !!!! HOLY SHIT !!

THERES SO SO SO MANY FARMS???????

he died several times trying to catch a skeleton with a sword

FIRST CHEST MONSTER OF THE SEASON <3

SCAR JSUT TOLD BDUBS HE LOOKS LIKE OSCAR THE CROUCH... BDUBS CANNOT EVEN ARGUE

OH NO.... GRIAN WENT AFK IN A HOLE . WITHOUT A HELMET .

THEY PUT A  GLOWSQUID HEAD ON HIM

OH MY GOD MUMBO MADE A NOTEBLOCK SONG?? AJUDA

SCARS BUILTING IS SO SO SOOS GOREGOUS SERIOUSLY GO WATCH THE VIDEO OH MY GOD ITS HUGE

its a giant ass house boat wagon . its pulled by a llama . that killed him . so now its trapped, pulling hte agon, forever

Grian: “..Thats a very big house, for a very little hat.”

GRIANS SUPER SPECIAL EGG??

SCAR PUNCHED IT..

they really came out here . and killed the egg already.

Scar: “..I touched the thing”

TANGO POV

We see the three big eyed boys forming <3 they interrupted Tangos intro

THEY’RE BULLYING HIM ABOUT HAVING SMALL EYES AHIDUIASUHDWIS

HE TRIED TO CALL THE TRIO TEAM BUG EYE... THE OTHERS ARE VERY OFFENDED

they found an axolotl and Bdubs was TERRIFIED just screaming “WHAT IS THAT YELLOW THING?!”

BDUBS IS ATTACKING IT ???

okay nope Bdubs caught one and Tango lost it

Bdubs is naming his axolotl Idiot

AMAZING HOUSE. WHY IS TANGO SO GOOD AT BUILDING AND REDSTONE??

Impulse POV

MUMBO TRIED TO PLACE DOWN A BERRY BUSH TO HURT IMPULSE . HE FORGOT HOW BUSHES WORK..

I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT IMPULSE WAS IN THE BOATEM POLE

so it looks like those four are hteo nes who grouped up together

PEARL BROKE THE CONSTITUION SHE GOT IN THE WRONG BOAT SMH

THIS IS SEASON EIGHT! FIVE BROS !

So its gonna be about five people in the same area!!

YOO!! Fantasy build for Impulse!!

G gave Impulse a spyglass, they had a fun moment of zooming in on eachothers face and complimenting eachother IHAUDIHAW

Grian and Impulse worked on an xp farm!

ASHDUIWAHISD GRIAN JUST LOGGED ON INFRONT OF HIM

a pillager stole his boat . not just any pillager . the one with a banner. </3

he has to live with Mumbo tuning a song .. </3 haha

Mumbo POV

it took fifteen seconds until Grian ran in during Mumbos intro

CONFIRMED? GRIAN WAS FIRST DEATH?

SECOND PERSON TO THINK MUMBOS PANTS ARE SKIN COLOR. GRIAN..

Grian: “Can you..Briefly explain why you’re just wearing a hawaiian shirt?” Mumbo: “Uh- what do you mean ‘just wearing a hawaiin shirt? I have shorts on as-well, dude”

FOLLOWED BY

Mumbo: “Can you explain why you’re wearing a red jumper?” Grian: “You know- you know i was born with this!”

MUMBO AND GRIAN STOLE THE BOAT LOOT FROM RENDOC

I THINK RENDOC JUST STOLE THE DIAMOND MUMBO THREW??

Grian: “Is that Scar?” Mumbo: “I can’t see past your giant waffle!”

DSFSDFJIOA they did an edit where they placed down a boat, both Mumbo and Grian got in, they made noises and then bopped up on top of the ravine they were in <3

THEY HAVE NO BRAINCELL THEY JUST PLACED DOWN A BENCH AND SAID “THIS IS THE MARK OF OUR VILLAGE!” and then placed a torch and a boat and a bed and aANOTHER BED..

..Mumbo is trying to be a pacifist this season!

Grian’s taunting him with beheaded things

And obviously part of being pacifist means he’s gonna be vegetarian in minecraft!

..he cannot use monster farms because pacifisim..

Mumbo was in the middle of reading the magical Timmy shack that Tango made (did i remember to mention that? who knows) and IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING TO THE PART ABOUT IF YOU REMOVE STUFF FROM THE CHEST, NOTHING WILL BE ADDED IN IT AGAIN. Grian opened the chest . Mumbo SHOUTED HIAUDHUW Grian jumped man

They renamed it “Cave of Do Not Enter” HIAUEDUH

Mumbo and Scar BOTH did not know- at least Mumbo didn’t, Scar forgot,  that podzol spawns from two-by-two spruce..

him and his guitar song to be played underneath his house.. it goes with the aesthetic i suppose

MAN HE NEEDS SO MUCH HAYBALES I FORGOT THATS NEEDED FOR THE TUNE HE WANTS

Mumbo: “What.. On Earth.. Scar, it’s meant to be a starterbase, buddy! What is this? This is many things, many many things, a starterbase is NOT one of them!”

HE LITERALLY DIDNT KNOW THAT THE DRAGON EGG TELEPORTS... WHEN YOU TOUCH IT...

BDUBS

nothing special we havent seen yet!! just him screaming about axolotls.

He was working in the Mesa in his intro, skipping the “speech” from Mumbo

He released Idiot the Axolotl and lost it .

Him SCREAMING “Gemini” is HILARIOUS

While Gemini gave away those three diamonds, Keralis got so excited he won a bet with Tango and Bdubs, that he gave back . two of the diamonds . and none of htem released until well after they left

Bdubs: “That’s why i have my mwoss skin!” PLEASE I LOVE THE WAY HE SAYS IT.. make the moss hood.. REAL..

it took me a while to figure out what his base is but i LOVE IT so so much!!!

Nothing much new to add !!

Stress pov

please i love her . very good !! False seems to have joined her sheerly because Stress sounded like she knew what she was doing. she does not.

False felt peerpressured and asked Stress for permission to fight her because everyone was killing eachother .

It ended up with Stress following False. they found a village!

ISKALL only saw him one other time today!!

JEVIN APPEARS AGAIN !

XISUMA FELL INTO HTE BREEDER AND IT WAS SO FUNN IUAHHYIAUSD

Ren: “Ya look goregous, Stress!” Stress: “Thanks! Don’t murder my dog!”

She’s so proud of herself for caving!! (with False n Gem

Iskall blew up!

..Iskall fell from a high place

Stress has a LOVELY ravine base!!

False

False wants to become pirates with Stress <3

gatekeep gaslight girlboss

BIG OL MUSHROOM HOUSE !!

it looks like a mushroom church and i LOVE IT.

Nothing new we didn’t see from Gem. She does want to come up with a banner design for her base, though!

Grian

..Mumbo just thought Grian had a purpose so decided to follow him <3

ALSO HIS INTRO, AS HE JOKED ABOUT IN THE OTHERS VIDEO, WAS, IN FACT, THE BOATEM POLE

Grian is SO PROUD of the fact taht they got good loot from a treasure map. Ren and Doc are NOT IMPRESSED

Grian: “Lets go, potato boy!”

Mumbo: “I don’t have to replace everything I break! Peace Love and Plants- are these plants..?” He says, mining amethyst

pants

he who controls the egg, controls the server... Grian.. you’re doing great sir

...He decided.. his goal.. is to make his OWN..caves and cliffs update... HELLO..?

Grian was the first one to kill the enderdragon, MAN. Speedrunning career WHEN? /j

Grian: “And now [Mumbo] is flexing on my bed!”

he might not have a base. but he has an egg.

It is now 2am. i cannot do this anymore. This will be continued.. tomorrow!

[hermannsthumb]

From horny twitter: Hermann writes a very very detailed review of a vibrator online

not sfw below cut!!!!!!!!!!! 

----------------------------

Now, usually, Newt doesn’t mess around when he’s on the clock, because that’d be very unprofessional of him and that’s totally not who he is, but he’s in a little bit of a rut with his current project and could use the distraction. Online shopping is his favorite go-to distraction these days: he can lose himself in size charts and color options and hunts for coupon codes and forget, even for a few minutes, that the end of the world is accelerating towards them at an intimidating rate. Plus, he can write off half his shit as work-related expenses. Win-win. Though maybe not this particular search.

Newt has a pretty reliable arsenal of sex toys he’s used on rotation since he packed up and shipped across the world for the PPDC, but the ten-year warranty vibe he’s used since PhD #3 (and his favorite of the bunch) finally crapped out on him last week after a historically intense fight with Hermann got him historically wound up. Eleven years ain’t bad. After testing out a different charger, poking around in the wiring, and even going so far as to zap it a few times with some sorta-stolen drift tech to see if it stirred any life back into it, he finally decided it was time to just mourn, move on, and buy a new one. (Even if, unfortunately, his particular favorite model was discontinued when the company’s factory was destroyed in a kaiju attack and they never quite managed to recover. More casualties of the war.)

The sex toy market is truthfully booming during the apocalypse. It makes sense, Newt guesses—anything for a distraction. Personally, for Newt, orgasms tend to dampen his own existential dread, even if it’s just for a few minutes. He scrolls idly through a few Top Ten For 2023 listicles on various sex magazine websites to see if anything jumps out at him (some of the recommended toys are dildos he already has, and vibes that are a little beyond his k-sci paycheck), just hoping for something to jump out at him. Apparently he missed out on a limited-edition run of jaeger and kaiju-themed vibes and dildos that came out in early January, which he’s honestly a little pissed about—he’s the top expert on kaiju biology, god damn it! Didn’t anyone want to consult with him about their hypothetical junk? Accuracy matters.

“It’s all off,” Newt mutters grumpily as he examines a 360 view of one of the kaiju dildos. Trespasser. “It’s not even the right color. Fucking amateurs. Did they even try?”

“What are you doing?” Hermann says.

Newt slams his laptop shut. Hermann decided to cut his lunch break short today, apparently. “Shopping,” he says.

“You sounded awfully angry about something, is all,” Hermann says. He clacks over to his half of the lab and shrugs off his big parka, then pauses. “Do you need to...talk about it?”

“No,” Newt says.

Hermann breathes out in obvious relief. “Good,” he says.

He takes his usual spot at his chalkboard and resumes his calculating. Newt re-opens his laptop and scrolls away from Trespasser before he can make himself angry over anatomical inaccuracies again. The jaeger vibes from the collection are pretty cool, actually; the designs are a lot cleaner, and their artistic license is a lot more forgivable. The highest-rated of the set is one obviously (but not enough to invoke copyright infringement, if that can even exist for a jaeger) modeled off of Coyote Tango, with like, a million different settings, and an astronomical cost to match. Newt eyes it enviously. He could be shoving that up his ass right now if he’d just signed up for a stupid email list last year.

He follows the link to Amazon to read through some of the reviews enviously, too. Life-changing; best money ever spent; warranty lasts a lifetime. Ten stars across the board. Sold out, obviously. No idea when it’ll be back in stock. He could get the Striker Eureka model for twice the original cost as when it came out, if he wanted, but the idea of constantly having to associate the twenty-something punk Hansen kid with his intimate affairs makes him shudder.

A nine-star review for the Coyote Tango model from someone named MathLover69 is the only one to make Newt really pause, on account of how absolutely insane it is.

I saved quite a few paychecks to purchase this vibrator, and though the cost is steep, I must say it is absolutely worth it. As opposed to my normal vibrator (here another vibe is linked, and Newt’s eyebrows jump at that price, too), which has only five settings, an admittedly bulky body, and average battery life, the CT2023 has a generous ten, a sleeker design, and charges fully in a matter of minutes. The orgasms I have experienced while using it are higher in quality (and more numerous) than any resulting previously from masturbation, though I have not tried beyond setting six yet. It also works wonders for stress relief. (I have an incredibly irritating colleague, and nothing calms me down so much as a quick round with the CT2023 after a spat with him.)

The body is versatile enough to be either inserted into one’s—

Newt feels heat rise to his cheeks in spite of himself, and he skims the second paragraph of MathLover69’s review to get the gist of it—that there are, uh, plenty of ways to utilize the vibe, that it’s discreet and small enough to wear to work (if you were inclined to do so, as MathLover69 implies he might’ve been) and that when combined with the Yamarashi dildo, the pleasurable experience increased tenfold. Talk about oversharing. Jeez.

My only complaint would be that the design is a poor approximation of the real Coyote Tango, and for that I’ve docked a star. I would recommend this product.

“This guy is a total nut,” Newt says to himself.

“Hm?” Hermann says.

Newt considers the implications of showing Hermann the vibrator listing: Hermann will know he was shopping for sex toys, Hermann will know he was shopping for kaiju and jaeger-themed sex toys, Hermann will know he was shopping for kaiju and jaeger-themed sex toys during working hours a mere ten feet away from him. Embarrassing, but on the other hand, MathLover69’s review is too funny to not share with someone else. “Hey, Hermann,” Newt says, angling his laptop towards Hermann. “Look. Who comments shit like this?”

Hermann descends his ladder carefully and inches up behind Newt’s shoulder, squinting at his laptop screen. He immediately turns bright red. Newt must’ve offended his Victorian sensibilities with the mere suggestion of self-abuse. “Oh,” he says. “Er.”

“Way TMI,” Newt says. “Listen to this line. ‘With the Yamarashi toy inserted into one’s mouth, and the CT2023 inserted up one’s—'”

“Well, how else is one meant to review a masturbatory aid?” Hermann snaps, surprising Newt. He looks oddly flustered. “Details can be—er—helpful. Can’t they?”

“Sure, dude,” Newt snorts. “Except they’re obviously just screwing with people. They literally have a 69 in their username.” He taps at the MathLover69, and doesn’t mention—on behalf of Hermann’s delicate mathematician feelings—that the MathLover part is obviously meant as a joke too.

“Well,” Hermann says. “Perhaps it’s just his—er, their birthdate.”

Newt turns around to stare at Hermann, taking in his red cheeks, his red ears, and the gaze he’s fixed steadily on his shoes. It’s all Newt can do to not to gape at him. “Hermann, you’re kidding,” he says. “Right?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Hermann says.

“You didn’t,” Newt says.

“I,” Hermann stammers. “Well—”

“I didn’t even know you—”

“That I what?” Hermann says.

Newt gives a half-shrug. Hermann doesn’t seem the type to engage in any sort of vice, let alone this kind. And especially not with the type of sex toys he apparently gravitates towards. (If Newt was a little bolder, and had a little less shame and care for hygiene, he might ask to check out the Yamarashi, because anatomical inaccuracies aside, wow that sounds awesome.) “I mean, you know,” Newt says. “You’re kinda you. No offense.”

Hermann takes offense. “I am human,” he says. “I am allowed to masturbate, Newton, and I was merely attempting to educate other customers about the—product—with my thoroughness.” He adds, awkwardly, “My review was voted very helpful, as you can see.”

“Okay,” Newt says with a grin. “I get it. Sorry.”

Hermann marches back over to his side of the lab with a scowl. Newt waits until he’s sure Hermann’s not watching him, and is too distracted by muttering angrily under his breath, to bookmark MathLover69’s page of reviews.

It turns out (as Newt revisits the page later that night, in the privacy of his bunk) Hermann buys and reviews a truly staggering amount of dildos and sex toys, and on top of that, has absolutely zero filter behind the wall of anonymity. It’s to the extent that some of his reviews read like goddamn sexts.

It took me three occasions to successfully work myself up to taking in the entire length…

My orgasm was so pleasurable I alarmed my colleague with the noise I made, who believed me to have injured myself…

The highest vibration setting is a bit of a disappointment…

These are excellent for double penetration…

It also turns out Hermann is a veritable sex fiend. Or at least a masturbation fiend. Judging by his reviews alone, Hermann’s purchased more than a dozen different toys in the past three years alone. That’s four a year. One every three months. That’s not even including buttplugs, which (according to other reviews) he sometimes just wears into the lab (“work”) for the hell of it, which Newt isn’t even going to think about right now. How the hell has Hermann kept this much of his life under wraps? When the hell does he have time to jerk off as much as he apparently does? No wonder they never seem to have any fucking funding; all of Hermann’s paychecks are funneled directly into his—well.

Newt recalls the faux-injury incident Hermann mentioned in a comment with mild embarrassment. No wonder Hermann had been so weird and flushed when he opened his door, and made excuses to say bye to him so quickly—Newt just caught him (oh, boy) immediately following the best orgasm of his life. Well, mild embarrassment, and a little more than mild arousal. What Newt would’ve given to have been there five minutes earlier, to watch Hermann in the act of the best orgasm of his life, to maybe even be the one to cause it…

What Newt would give to use Hermann’s fancy-shmancy vibrator on him, or literally anything from his giant masturbatory arsenal. Or even just watch him use it on himself. Hermann’s just so damned buttoned-up and uptight—it’s all about the contradictions. Juxtapositions. Newt unzips his jeans and sticks his hand down his boxers. “Stupid Hermann,” he moans, as he begins to bring himself off to the image of Hermann with that stupid kaiju dildo down his throat and that stupid jaeger vibe up his ass. Negotiator of peace between the two? Stupid joke, stupid Hermann. Or maybe he’s picturing Hermann showing up to the lab, all plugged up and loose from using a different vibe on himself that morning. Or maybe Hermann pushing two dildos into himself at once. How the hell can he even manage that? Ass his size— “Oh, goddamn it,” Newt moans again, and comes all over his hand.

Whatever. It’s not like Hermann’s ever going to find out about this.

[hurricanerin]

Poise & Rationality Ch. 1: Chime

A profuse thank you to @hysteria87​ for being a solid pal and beta and making me a bomb graphic.  And shoutout to @liquor-belle​ for unintentionally signing on as my crisis management team and beta as well.  Annnnd to both of them for handling my 7 week long neurosis featuring this story.  Both of them are hardcore talented, please check them out.

Hi Dark!Steve Fandom!  Thanks for your patience!

Pairing: HYDRA!Steve x OFC

Rating: Explicit.  Always, always explicit.

Warnings: Rape/noncon/dubcon, smut, forced pregnancy, emotional manipulation, power imbalance.

Length: 5.5k.

Summary: Shield has fallen, leaving Eden at the feet of the villainous Steve Rogers, Hydra's newest recruit.  She walks on eggshells, trying to survive in a new reality where she’s at the mercy of her closest friend, one where she can keep her heart locked away from this mess.  The problem is that the ex-Captain’s flirting and gentle teasing has turned carnal and new intentions clear: she is his and he’s going to have her.

P&R Masterlist

Add yourself to my taglist.

It felt like a bad dream, really; the defunct Avengers held captive at the overtaken compound while the newly triumphant Hydra made themselves comfortable.  Shock collars, laced with gamma radiation and programmed to trigger in the event of excessive exertion, kept the fallen heroes docile as their minds rotted with hate and failure.  It would have been a kindness to use Loki’s scepter to cheat them into blissful unawareness as they knelt to their enemies.  

The newest of whom was Steve Rogers.

Captain America was dead.  The infamous shield rested amongst Hydra’s other freshly acquired treasures, his star spangled suit torn to shreds, and the righteous hero’s wholesome affect demolished beyond recognition.  In his place stood a hardened, jaded man, lied to and taken advantage of ten times too many by the entity he had believed in with every ounce of his being.  But, when government property and intelligence were held at a higher value than humanity again and again, when Shield repeatedly chose to prioritize the safety and preservation of weapons over the lives of civilians, Steve had finally walked away from everything: the scene, the victims’ bodies, Shield itself. Three days later, Hydra attacked the compound in upstate New York, led by the rogue First Avenger. All Avengers were taken alive and divided amongst the Hydra elite.  

Some higher ups chose more practical uses for their new playthings.  Hydra monitored Tony, even more volatile due to Pepper’s disappearance, with a team of twenty while they forced him to improve Hydra weapons tech.  Bruce, clad in a collar unique to his makeup and under the watchful eye of fifty of Hydra’s finest, was stuck in the lab conducting heinous experiments on future super soldiers.  Natasha, Clint and Thor also served in sectors reflective of their own talents.  Steve stuffed down the guilt twisting in his stomach and instead focused on the satisfaction of knowing that Shield’s puppets were neutralized.

The Captain’s personal vendettas didn’t end with the five originals; he spread his bitter anger throughout the extended squad of heroes. Save for a smattering of team members he recruited, the Avengers as a whole suffered.  He made certain that Eden, a recruit with only two years on the Avengers crew, endured a fate just as miserable as the rest.  She was his protegee and had been attached to his side since her first day on the team.  She deserved to be punished like the others, forced to watch the world they had worked so hard to protect fall to shambles.  

Eden had had Steve wrapped so tightly around her little finger by the time he left for Hydra that when she refused to change sides, she had …wounded him.  Badly. She deserved retribution, but Steve didn’t have time for petty discipline and the thought of anyone but himself marking or marring her skin made him see red.  If someone were to physically punish Eden, it would be his fingers pressing bruises into her arms, his teeth leaving angry red imprints on her neck, his lips pulling purple marks to the surface of her chest.  

No. The situation didn’t call for that. Not yet.  For now, he was content humiliating her; keeping her close to his side, as she had been since her first day at the compound.  Eden now served as his imprisoned assistant and glorified scullery maid.  A combat-trained scullery maid capable of absorbing and neutralizing the energy of a nuclear bomb, but a maid nonetheless.  Most importantly, she was his.  

 Of all the people in the world to be assigned, Steve Rogers was the last who required cleaning up after.  Even as Hydra’s Captain, he kept his rooms immaculate.  In doing so, he unintentionally maintained that air of humility that had made him Captain America, which infuriated Eden.  He would be so much easier to hate if he weren’t still Steve.

Smoothing the surface of the flat sheet over his mattress, she exhaled softly.  Like the disciplined soldier he was, Steve made his bed every morning, but he liked new sheets every other day.  Changing his linens provided a brief reprieve from the boredom of being confined to his apartment all day, for which she was grateful.  Humming absently to herself, she spread the slate-colored comforter over his bed.  She honestly wasn’t sure which she preferred: solitude; time wasted alone in his giant space where she was plagued by listlessness, or suffering his company, in which she was tortured by watching the man she revered so ardently betray his own credo.  

When a series of beeps and chirps sounded from the other room, followed by the thunk of reversing deadbolts, Eden’s heart pounded and she haphazardly dragged the bedspread over the mattress and tossed the remaining pillows onto the bed. Rushing from his bedroom, she didn’t bother with the lights as she hustled into the living room.  Steve discovering her in his room rarely ended well. He would stare at her, pupils dilated to the size of dinner plates as he made no effort to conceal the erection growing in his trousers.  He’d toy with her until the tension in the room grew unbearable, and then she’d break and find an excuse to flee.  Though they hadn’t acted on their mutual attraction prior to his betrayal, the power dynamic between them was vastly different now.  She wasn’t sure she was allowed to refuse his advances anymore, and she didn’t care to put herself in a position to find out.  So far, he had been lenient.

Trotting straight to a cart filled with decanters of alcohol and snatching the scotch, she paid little mind as she nearly missed the tumbler, hastily pouring as the front door released and Steve strode into the room. Wiping her wet hand on the skirt of her dress, Eden silently approached him and held out the crystal glass, neglecting to make eye contact.  Once in his grasp, she fled with as much subtlety as possible, taking refuge beside the antique cart.

A stack of papers muffled the clatter of his heavy P220 as he dropped them to the kitchen table.  Gaze flicking over her, Steve took a long draw, disappointed, as always, at the alcohol’s lack of effect.  Though Eden’s eyes refused to meet his, she did pay attention to the way his scruffy throat bobbed as he swallowed, which earned her a grin.  Her attempts at feigned disinterest were endearing. Actually, at the present moment everything about her was endearing.  Appealing. Fresh from a testosterone-filled debriefing meeting, an aching tension filled him from chest to groin, begging to be released.  However, their tango wasn’t simple.

Licking a drop of liquor from his lip, he nodded in her direction.  “How was your day, Eden?”

Her lip curled before she dropped her gaze to the ground, letting her hair fall forward to shield her face.  The simple act caused a pleasant throb in his lower abdomen.  The more she hated him, the more he wanted her. There had been a magnetism between them before the takeover, before his ultimate betrayal.  Back when he was good. As his altruism had faded while hers remained, as his world had darkened and decayed, Eden had stayed a small beacon of… not light, but comfort.  Someone he returned to at the compound and used to soothe the festering rage and simmering disappointment Shield fostered.

It was Eden who had coaxed him into sharing his doubts regarding Shield’s intentions and she had never judged him for it.  She had listened, challenging him with the occasional question or opinion.   He had never doubted her fidelity, but everything changed during the takeover. The expression on her face when she saw him flanked with Hydra soldiers that day of the attack made his stomach sink. Steve had trained her, made her what she was.  She was his confidante.  He thought Eden’s loyalty would survive something like his transition to Hydra, but he was sorely mistaken.  She had turned on him, just like almost everyone else.  

Eyes flicking over her body, clad in his designated 1940’s tea dress, Steve rested his hip against the leather sectional.  His face hardened as he drained the tumbler and tried again.

“How was your day, Eden?”

Once more, ignored him.

“Respond, Eden.”

Focused on her hands, she picked at the cuticle of her thumb.

Pursing his lips, Steve sighed and reached into his pocket to retrieve a slim remote.  He saw Eden freeze in his peripheral, but she still refused to look up.  With an exasperated exhale, he pressed one of the buttons, frowning as the woman cried out and crumpled to her knees, tugging at the collar around her neck and leaning into the wall for support.

“Damnit,” she panted.

“I don’t like it when you ignore me, Eden.”

“I don’t like it when you betray your family, humiliate and hold us prisoner, but here we are,” she grit.

Steve’s face softened as his gaze focused on something she couldn’t see.

Family.

The Avengers were his family.  Had been his family.  Hydra would never fill that void.  He knew that going in.  For as much as Steve Rogers had changed, that basal, primal need to create a family he could protect and provide for still ate at him.  It was the one thing in the world he wanted.  He had given everything to defend the earth and its inhabitants.  Was he not due what he desired most?  

Eyes focusing, they honed in on the seething woman bracing the wall.  Even incensed and in pain, Eden made his thick cock swell.  Family.  He had entertained the idea featuring her, of course.  It was impossible not to when they spent so much time together.  He had briefly substituted several of the women he worked with, but he always came back to Eden.  She fit all his requirements; wide hips, a hearty body, strong maternal instincts, and more than capable of defending herself.  How her superhuman talents would factor into her offspring had yet to be determined, but he doubted the results would be adverse.

Natasha would kill anything he planted inside her just to spite him.  She was self-destructive.  But Eden… Eden was flawed in a completely different manner, in harmless ways, such as stubbornly insisting she was always right or that her way was best, but he had sway over her.  She was headstrong with a temper, but both were easily tamed.  In training, she yielded beautifully to him.  Sometimes it took him physically besting her to get a point across.  If that carried over to their relationship, then so be it.

He knew Eden may try to escape with his baby because she feared for his or her safety, but that did not concern him.  He would prove to her eventually that once she submitted to him, there was nothing to fear.

With a tired, distracted sigh, Steve collapsed onto the sofa, discarded his glass on the cocktail table and absently rubbed his chin with a thumb.  Frowning, he tugged at the hair on his jaw, feeling the length.  He turned and examined himself critically in the mirror mounted on the wall behind him, running his fingers through the heft of his beard. He could feel the odd stray hair and the undefined neckline bordered on untidy.

“I want this trimmed,” he said without facing Eden.

Biting her cheek to keep from scoffing, she crossed her arms and raised a brow, only to be met with an austere glance in the mirror’s reflection.  Steve nodded in the direction of his bedroom.

“My shaving kit is in the bathroom, bottom left cabinet.  Go get it.”

Releasing an irritated sigh, Eden dropped her arms to her sides.  

“Yes, sir.”  

Her voice was demure but the ire in her eyes gleamed with disdain.  Pushing off the wall, she slipped into his bedroom and to the ensuite.  She knelt and rummaged through the cabinet, retrieving the worn bag.  Steve watched impatiently from a kitchen chair as she dropped her prize unceremoniously on his kitchen counter.  

“What are you waiting for?”

Gritting her teeth, she unzipped the leather pouch, fishing out its contents and laying them on the table: a plastic comb, a few guards, clippers, beat up disposable razor, and a tube of shaving butter.

Eying the pile, the corner of her mouth pulled upwards. Forgetting herself, she couldn’t stop the jibe from tumbling out from between her lips, “The traditional Captain America doesn’t have a straight edge?”

Steve’s body stiffened.  He inhaled sharply, releasing his breath through his nose.  Forcing his corded muscles to relax, he shucked off his long sleeved tactical shirt and held it out for her to take.  “I don’t have time for nostalgia.”

“Seriously?” Eden muttered to herself.

His movements froze and his gaze met hers.  Heat bloomed across her face and chest at the invitation in his eyes to provoke him further.  She held his stare for a moment longer before he called her bluff, and Eden looked away.  Suddenly very busy folding his uniform, she focused on her task until he stretched his arms behind his head.  With a loud, satisfied groan, he extended his hands into the air, then rubbed a palm against the skintight material of the thin, white cotton t-shirt plastered against his chest.

Aware of the nearly irresistible temptation to stare at Steve’s body, Eden set her jaw as she delicately placed his still-warm shirt on the counter.  Planting a hand on her hip, her eyes flicked back and forth between Steve, his beard, and his array of tools.  She motioned at the table.

“This is going to make a mess.  There will be trimmings everywhere.  Let’s do it over the sink.”

“Here is fine.  My maid will sweep everything up later.”

Gritting her teeth, she marched to the table, snatched the clippers and comb in one hand and wrenched his chin upwards with the other.

“I haven’t done this in a long time.  It may not be good,” she warned.

“I didn’t expect you to have done this at all.  Whose beard have you trimmed?”

She hesitated, running the comb down through the scruff on his cheeks to wrangle unkempt hairs, then turned on the clippers.  If his arched eyebrow wasn’t enough indication, Steve clearing his throat made his desire for a prompt answer abundantly clear.

“An ex owned a barbershop,” she said over the noise.  “I wanted to know what he did all day, so he taught me.”

At the mention of her being with another man, Steve visibly bristled.  

“I see.”

Using her fingertips to angle Steve’s jaw as needed, Eden couldn’t fight the blush staining her cheeks.  His eyes followed her everywhere as she guided the guarded clippers down in the direction of the hair growth on his cheeks.  His pensive gaze was overwhelming, and given the amusement in his eyes, he knew very well the effect he had on her.  She opted to ignore him.  

Confident that she had trimmed enough without taking away too much bulk, she flipped the switch off to change the guard.  She needed one that would leave more length for his neck and chin.  

Steve cleared his throat, breaking her concentration.

“Do you want kids, Eden?”

She froze, almost dropping the plastic piece in her hand. A deeply personal question from Captain America wouldn’t have warranted a second thought.  But, since the takeover and her accused betrayal, Steve had been cold, withdrawing from her completely.  Her heart ached at the naïve hope bubbling up in her chest that the inquiry was meant as an opportunity to connect.  That man didn’t exist anymore.  Giving herself a mental shake, she cleared her throat and frowned in thought.

“Um, well—I guess—I—”

“It’s not a difficult question.”

Shooting him a nasty glare, she snapped the guard onto the clippers and flicked the power switch.  With a huff, she positioned herself in front of him, yanking his chin upwards and running the clipper comb through his beard.

Eden pursed her lips.  “I don’t think I’d be a good mom,” she admitted.  “My career is so much more violent than I expected, I don’t think a child should grow u—”

“You’ll be a good mom,” Steve interrupted.

The conviction in his voice caused her to falter.  With an uncomfortable laugh, she shook her head.

“I don’t know anything.  While my friends had babies, I spent my early twenties learning how to control myself around sources of energy so I didn’t accidentally blow up a city. I learned to fight and devise exit strategies and collaborate with a team.  If I have been around them, the children I’ve seen have been victims of awful circumstances.  I wouldn’t know what to say to a kid I haven’t rescued.”

Steve was contemplative as she removed the plastic guard. Her thoughtful reflection only made him desire her more.  The urge to claim her, before another Hydra member did, before an opposing force banded together and stole her away, clouded his vision.  There was only one solution: He’d plant his baby in her belly now and tie her to him forever. Eden would never allow her child to be taken from her and if she ran from him with the baby, he would find her. No matter where she went, he would find her.  She would be his by right.  They would be his by right. Mother and child tethered to father forever.  His indestructible family.  Untouchable, with two gifted parents that would do anything to protect their children.

Steve shifted uncomfortably in the chair, tugging at his tactical pants as his erection grew at the thought of her swollen with their baby. For their first child, her movement would be restricted to the compound.  She couldn’t be trusted, not yet.  But by their second, he’ll have trained her by holding their firstborn over her as leverage to obey him.

Oblivious, Eden used the bare clipper to clean up his untidy neckline, neaten his scruffy cheeks, and trim around his lips.  When she brushed away clippings littering his mouth with her fingers, he fought the urge to take them between his lips.

Eden started to hum, and it was clear her mind was deviating from their future.

“I’ve seen you with them,” he noted.  “If you can handle traumatized kids during missions, you can handle your own.  Practiced or not, you have maternal instinct.”

Eden’s ears glowed as she finished his sideburns.  Whether Steve allied himself with Hydra or Shield, she knew he wanted a family.  His approval of her ability as a mother was significant, she just couldn’t figure out where he was going with it.  Opting to ignore his comment, she gingerly placed the clippers on the kitchen counter, as if doing so with little noise would allow her to slip away unnoticed.

“All done,” she said softly, casually brushing beard hairs off her dress as she backed away.

Eden yelped when he snatched her wrist.  It took everything in her not to react instinctually, the way Captain America had relentlessly trained her body to respond when attacked.

“You’re not finished,” he said tersely, lifting his chin and rubbing the pads of his fingers along the short, prickly hair at his Adam’s apple.  “There is still stubble.”

“I’m not using that rusty razor, I’ll give you tetanus,” she nodded at the disposable in his bag.  Though Steve was correct, using a straight edge or razor would give an even closer shave than the clippers, she was not going to be responsible for infecting Hydra’s newest member.

Steve noiselessly raised his pant leg and slipped a black combat blade from a hidden ankle sheath, then handed it to Eden handle-first. Not a straightedge, but just as sharp.

“I just cleaned it,” he nodded at the weapon.  “Don’t get it dirty.”

Don’t make him bleed.  It was the most impassive threat she’d ever heard, but as deadly as if he’d held the blade to her own throat.

Eden fingered the knife handle, watching Steve’s face uneasily. How could he careen from thoughtful parent to menacing so effortlessly?  Was this a challenge?  Did he want her to attack him?  He had trained her; Eden’s uncanny talent for disarming enemies in place of killing them had always made Steve proud.  He knew her every tell and every strategy in her repertoire.  Besides, he’d never actually kill her; he found too much satisfaction in toying with her.  He’d hurt her though.  He had the self-control to dominate her physically without causing her bodily harm.  The toll it would take on her heart was another story.  Whatever he was planning, she wanted no part of it.

She held the knife back out to him, shaking her head.  “It’s too hard to get the right angle.  I’ll cut you.  Do it yourself.”

Steve’s mouth twitched.  He patted his thigh.  “Sit. You can do it from here.”  He leaned back, arms spread along the back of the chair, lap open.  The epitome of inviting.

Eden’s face warmed as she set her jaw.  Hesitating, her eyes flashed before she abandoned the knife on the counter and stalked further back into the kitchen.  Immediately Steve reached for the remote, his thumb on the button to activate her collar.  About to press down for blatantly disobeying him, he stopped when all she did was snatch a hanging towel and meander to the sink to fill a bowl with hot water.

When she turned to face him her eyes widened, brows furrowing into an expression of saddened anger as she saw the device in his hand.

“Can I keep going?  Or should I put these down so you can zap me?”

Though he only felt a tinge of guilt, it was more emotion than he could afford.  Hardening his expression, Steve dropped the remote on the table and raised his hands in the air.  

“My mistake.”

Again, he had to display that wretched humility that had made him Captain America.  Why hadn’t Hydra purged him of it?  Why couldn’t he just be bad?  Breath stuttering as she exhaled, Eden stowed her items on the counter next to Steve’s shoulder, swapping them for the weapon.

Flipping the knife in her hand, she squeezed her fingers around the handle, inhaled and gingerly padded forward.  Her breath caught as Steve’s iron grip cupped her ribcage and hip, lifting her to perch sideways on his thighs.  She caught herself, one hand grasping at the thin white t-shirt he wore, the other plastered flat against his pectoral, the knife sandwiched between her palm and the solid wall of muscle.

Her fingers tensed when his chest rumbled beneath them with a laugh, goosebumps rising on her arms as his nose found its way against the hypersensitive skin of her neck.  Steve made no effort to mask his groan as he inhaled the familiar fragrance of her jasmine shampoo, mingled with the scent that was intrinsically Eden.  When she stiffened in his arms, he guided a warm palm up the expanse of her back, pulling her even closer as he used a knuckle to brush her hair from her face.  

“Things have always been easy between us,” he mused. “It feels good to be this close, doesn’t it?  

Swallowing hard, she kept her eyes lowered, focused on his chest.  

“Of course,” she shrugged.  “This is normal.  It’s no different than training,” she all but whispered.

Shit.

Between his voice in his ear and his hands on her body, her brain wasn’t functioning.  Eden needed space.  She hadn’t smelled his familiar Old Spice deodorant, that faint note of sweat, or the pure musk of Steve since before the takeover.  Her sole mission had been to convince her brain that the man working for Hydra who looked like Steve wasn’t Steve, at least not her Steve, so she could make it through each day.  If she did that, Eden could maintain emotional distance while interacting with his imposter.  She doubted sleep would ever come easily again, not with him in the next room, but she could at least survive the daylight hours without a complete breakdown.  But now he was touching her, talking to her like nothing had happened and she couldn’t ignore who he really was.  

Steve’s thumb nudged her chin upwards to expose the underside of her jaw.   Eden was caught so off-guard by act that the emotion bubbling in her throat froze and she sobered.  She swallowed hard as she felt him lazily trace the tip of his nose along her jawline, before creeping lower and pressing his lips against the sensitive skin of her throat.  She couldn’t breathe properly, but her head was painfully clear as his scruff burned her delicate flesh and his lips pulled gently against the tender skin of her neck, leaving a purple mark.  

The sound of her breath hitching was deafening, and in case she weren’t positive that it was, feeling his lips morph into a triumphant smile against her throat confirmed it. Steve easily pried Eden’s clenched fist from his shirt and looped her arm around his shoulder.  She was putty in his hands.

Neither of them missed how the position brought them closer yet, pressing her breast firmly against his sculpted chest.  Aside from the minor shiver that racked through her, Eden ignored the sensation of her pebbled nipple rubbing against his solid mass. Steve, however, did not let it go unnoticed.  He released a pleased grunt and nodded at the knife in her hand.

“You have a job to do, Eden.”

She hated when he said her name.  All it took was hearing those two syllables and her lower belly tightened, flooding with heat.  She clenched her teeth with enough pressure that something in her jaw popped.  Taking a deep breath, she regrouped, then studied his face, analyzing the best way to proceed.

Truly, she did her best to maneuver herself with as little friction as possible.  But in reaching to drag the shaving butter, steaming bowl and rag closer, she shifted and her bottom ground against the existing bulge beneath her, eliciting a hiss from Steve.

Eden froze in a mixture of terror, embarrassment, and arousal.  When Steve repositioned himself beneath her, it was her turn to stifle a moan.  She was fairly certain the way he ground his erection against her ass was payback. Unprepared for the retribution, the quiet gasp she uttered echoed in the silent kitchen.   Eden swallowed back a whimper, closed her eyes as she collected herself.  Straightening with mock confidence, she wrung out the steaming washcloth, smeared a dollop of shaving butter on the back of her hand and turned back to Steve with the utmost delicacy.  

His harsh exhale puffed against her cheeks and she disregarded his smoldering gaze, stubbornly setting to work.  It was impossible, however, to ignore the warmth radiating off his body. The contrast in their body temperature beneath her cool palms sent goosebumps rising up her arms as she twisted to face him.  Keeping her face blank, she wet his cheeks, upper neck, and sideburns with the cloth, then worked the butter between her palms and applied it using as little bodily contact as possible.  Unfortunately, she could only limit so much.  Her task required her to run her fingers along his Adam’s apple, cheeks and the neckline of his beard to massage the product into his skin, ensuring there was a lubricating layer of cream between his flesh and the knife.

By all accounts, her hands should have trembled too badly to wield the weapon.  She followed Steve’s gaze to the steady knife as she directed his chin once again with her hand.  The corner of his mouth twitched, as if he were trying not to smirk, but he couldn’t quell the regard in his eyes.  She realized he was proud that she had stayed as composed as she had.  Her lower half throbbed, trained like a dog to respond to pleasing him.  At this point, it was a visceral reaction.

Cold blue irises tracked her every move as she lifted the blade, frowning at it before pausing to study his face.  She had no more reason to dawdle.  It was time to use the knife.  Taking a sharp breath and holding it, she gently pulled the skin of his neck taut and dragged the edge of the knife through the layer of cream, only just scraping the surface of his flesh.  It slid easily against his skin, slicing away the rough stubble until it met the edge of his carefully shaped beard.

Eden looked to him for permission to continue, but he only raised an expectant brow.  Pursing her lips, she said a prayer to whoever was out there, thanking them for the fact that he was letting her work for the moment.  She moved an inch to the left, and repeated the act.  Mechanically she shaved Steve’s neck and jaw, moving towards his chin.  As she reached the center of his neck, she scraped the knife across his skin, and he swallowed.  The unexpected, fluid roll of his Adam’s apple beneath the weapon at an exaggerated degree hit the blade at just the right angle.  The skin split, blood welling at the shallow broken seam.  Steve didn’t so much as flinch, but Eden’s entire body froze, her breath leaving her lungs.  Her brain felt like a fuzzy TV channel.  She couldn’t think.  Only her eyes moved, darting towards Steve’s face as she tried to gauge whether or not she had just signed her own death sentence.

When his only response was to clear his throat impatiently, she shook her head.  Her thoughts were so loud her head was about to burst and her frantic inhalations sounded like those of an overheated dog.

“I can’t do this,” she said breathlessly.  “I can’t.  Please.”

He moved without warning, fortunate that she had the training to keep the knife steady this time.  In a blink, she straddled him full on, her hands once again bracing his shoulders in confusion as he settled her body over his lap chest-to-chest, this time with her core positioned over the bulging hardness in his pants.

“Oh,” she gasped as his erection aligned with the soft cleft of her center, her eyes glazing over.

Steve groaned, his head tipping back and exposing his neck even further.  At some level, Eden registered the dribble of crimson gathered at the site of the miniscule cut, but out of fear for her life, she only watched it gather idly.

After a determined exhale, Steve swiped at it, distractedly glancing at his thumb after he swept the blood away before refocusing his gaze on Eden.  Unfazed, he confidently settled his hands on her hips, squeezing to gain her attention.

           “Now, your angle is better.  Finish the job.”

She started to position herself towards him, then stilled. Even the slightest pressure forward pressed her center against him.  Fighting the urge to whine, she squeezed her eyes shut.  With an uneasy breath, Eden shook herself.  He wasn’t just going to allow her to leave his lap without finishing. Whether she was willing or not, he would make her complete the task.  

Refreshing the used dish cloth in the bowl of water, she used it to dab at his wound and clean the knife of stubble and excess shaving cream. She hesitated for a moment before adjusting the tension of his skin, then launched back into her chore quickly, more concerned with finishing promptly than the risk of inflicting another nick or two.  Her physical position was beyond precarious; the intimacy of touching his face was already overwhelming, but the feeling of his cock exactly where she wanted it when they were separated by mere barriers of fabric and fundamental ideological differences was unbearable.

Eden didn’t want to think anymore.  Retreating into her mind, she went on auto-pilot.  Scraping and wiping, she worked methodically until her assignment was nearly completed.  It wasn’t until then she that realized that once she did finish, she would be left straddling Steve’s lap without an easy way down and no work to occupy her.  Torn between the incentive of not having to endure the intimacy of touching his face and the dread of the unknown, Steve forced her hand when he started rubbing his thumbs back and forth against her thighs, buffered by the cloth of her dress. She stiffened, unable to squirm away in fear of upsetting or further arousing him, but incapable of staying stationary due to the threat of his wandering hands.  

The look of amused satisfaction that came over Steve’s face frightened her.  It also made her slick center throb.  Certain she resembled a panicked deer with wide, leery eyes, she wet her lip, eyes flicking to the weapon in her hand.

“This needs to stop,” she warned.

Silently he dared her to break his gaze as his fingers traced the hem of her dress.  Eden was keyed up on adrenaline, so focused on Steve and his predatory gaze that when his palms confidently made their way under the skirt of her dress and up her warm thighs, her reaction was instant.  Clutching Steve’s knife in her fist, she made a lightning-quick move to hold the weapon to his throat.  The clap of his palm catching her arm sounded before she felt his grip on her.

“Eden,” he sighed.  “I’m disappointed.”

Ch. 2 What a Shame >>

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[writing-the-end]

LoL Chapter 27- Hermits

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU, designs, ideas belongs to @theguardiansofredland)

Its not often the hermits get a chance to all be together. And while they know battles lie ahead of them, they take this moment to enjoy being a family again. 

______________________________________

Etho appears beside TFC, causing the mineral mage to sputter out the coffee he was sipping. “I caught sight of xB a few islands down!” 

The hermits murmur with excitement and follow Etho to the shoreline. Sure enough, xB is hauling Hypno and Beef onto the warm sand. Hypno thumps his hand against his head, an attempt to escape his clogged ears which only fails for him. “Can’t we take a sky turtle next time?” 

“But it’s more fun to swim!” xB chuckles, and with a flick of his finned ears and his grey tail he runs to hug the hermits. “It’s so good to be back, guys! I can’t remember the last time all of us were on the island together.”

“You guys said something about taking back Lairyon?” Beef raises an eyebrow, looking over at Doc. “This isn’t your rebellious phase coming back, is it?”

“We’ll explain everything on the way. TFC has a lot to tell.” Etho wraps his arms around Hypno and xB, before disappearing into their shared shadow. 

The kipling laughs, shaking his head and looking around the island. “Some things never change. I see you haven’t fixed the hole in False’s forge either.” 

The hermits laugh, the entire group filled with life as they return to the guild hall. Joe and Cleo regale the missing hermits with the story of their victory at the Chimaera’s Championship. Their battles and challenges in the arena, facing off against the best guilds and winning the cup. They also tell Hypno, xB, and Beef about the heist, the discovery. 

“Why am I not surprised?” Hypno hums, tapping his fingers against the wood of the table that he sits down at. TFC pats the boys on the head, grabbing at Beef’s face and tapping his finger on a scar he sees. Beef shrinks away, concerned for a second, but the guildmaster only chuckles in response.

“I can’t wait to hear that story. It’s good to have you guys back.” TFC pats him on the back. “Treat you to a pint of beer next time we go to town.” 

“Let’s hear about this big job you’ve got planned for us first.” xB raises an eyebrow. In response, TFC rolls out his map.

The paper has changed since they first decided to go after Dolios and his creepy crystals. If there’s one thing an outlaw guild knows how to do, it’s to find new jobs through the grapevine. “Dolios has these tales silenced. I’ve heard of at least six other guilds being attacked or wiped out by unknown magic. Unfortunately, we’re too late to help them.” Team ZIT glance at one another, but focus on the here and now. “But there are places we can make a difference, as well as get information and better ourselves as a group.”

TFC motions to the Evernight forest. “An old friend of mine said there has been stories of familiars and companion animals going missing. No trace of where they went, except for a few patches of charred grass.”

“Charred, or drained?” Mumbo muses. To anyone, that sounds like the signs of a dragon ravaging Foresta, but after Mumbo’s duel with a draconic mage he knows dragons aren’t that dastardly. Nothing is as dastardly as Dolios. 

TFC grins, the newest member and the guildmaster sharing a knowing glint. “There’s also Shellor- which, I believe one of our hermits here knows quite intimately.” Etho gives a two fingered salute, rocking on the back legs of his chair until they fall out from under him, dumping him on the floor. Doc, Beef, and BDubs laugh at him. “There’s a few spies who’ve seen things Dolios has done, but the hard part will be earning their trust.” 

“Hmm, yeah. I don’t think I really left Shellor on a good note.” Etho grimaces. 

“That’ll be you, Keralis, and Grian’s problem. Meanwhile, we also need some help in the magical beings department. And if there’s one group that has mysterious, arcane magic on lock, it’s-”

“The fae!” Stress slams down her hands, a bright smile on her face. Iskall jolts upright and nearly hits the table again on the way down. “But where will we go? The fjords? The mountains? Heartbreak Trench?” 

“The flowerfruit fields. While you’re there, you and BDubs can gather ingredients that we’ve been running low on.” TFC glances at the map, running a finger over the lime green patch on the map. “We do have two confirmed crystal sightings, as well as Gildara. Edenswell seems to be falling ill to dark magic, and there’s reasonable belief that Dolios isn’t getting these massive rocks from nowhere- he’s using gems from the mines.” 

Heads peek over one another in an attempt to see the map. The charcoal diamonds and swirls. Gildara still sits untouched, and every hermit looks at one another. Do any of them want to return to the beginning of this all? Even to put an end to the dark magic plaguing the land, the memories of what they saw, what they experienced, still remain. 

Except for those that weren’t there. “I don’t think I’d mind checking out this hokey little town you guys keep talking about.” Beef grins, glancing over at Hypno and Wels. “We’ll have that place brimming with flaxen fields and green gardens all over again.” 

TFC grins, dipping his head in thanks to the returning hermits. He leans back, looking at the filled guild hall. “It’s been so long since we’ve all been together. If only it were on good terms.” 

“It feels good to return home.” xB ruffles his hair with a scaled hand, looking around for a second, then returning to speaking. “Even if it’s just for a short time, we should enjoy everyone being together again.” 

“What I’m hearing is we need to have our signature hermit celebrations.” Tango’s face splits into a devious smile. All around him, other hermits get a similar smirk on their face. Before TFC can agree to the idea, the hermits are gone. Cleo rushes to her wrecked pirate ship, hefting kegs of ale with the aid of Stress. Wels commandeers False’s forge to begin baking his favorite sweets, while Mumbo, Grian, and Iskall work together to fix the pennants, lanterns, and flags that decorate the guild hall in a myriad of colors. 

Tango snaps his fingers, and a small flame dances at his fingertips, jumping from his nails to the wicks of the lanterns. He ducks out of the way just in time to avoid being smacked in the face by a massive fish, tossed from the sea by xB and grabbed by Grian midair. The whirlpool mage disappears back underwater, back to hunting in the realm he was born in. 

The sun begins to inch towards the western horizon, turning the sky ablaze in a mosaic of pinks, oranges, yellows, and reds. A blue flag flutters against the ancient oak tree, catching on a branch. BDubs reaches out from his seat near the food platters, hardly even glancing away from the fresh baked goods, and with a flick of his wrist the branch bends away and the flag flies free again. 

False appears beside Wels, grabbing a brownie from the hot pan and sticking her tongue out at him as she passes. When Wels objects she’s quick to retort. “You used my forge. It’s rental payment, paladin.” 

Beef sets out plates, which are promptly ignored once Impulse and Zedaph have finished cooking the tuna xB caught. Music swells from a music box the creation of Ren, with the help of Mumbo, the upbeat songs written and composed with Joe and requests from the other hermits for their favorite tunes. 

The music thrums against the low roar of talking, the sound only broken by the common lilt of laughter. Hermits tell their stories, whether they be heard for the thousandth time or a new tale to tell. Beef causes Hypno to flush as he recounts the prank he pulled on the dream mage. Hypno turns bright red, quiet voice cracking over the tale. “I smelled like centaur shit for a week! It was awful, I’ll tell you that.” 

A raucous laugh erupts from that table, overshadowing the story of Mumbo’s duel to xB. “I swear on my life, I thought she was gonna swallow me whole. Or burn me like coal.” Mumbo shakes his head. “I don’t think I ever want to go up against a draconic mage ever again in my life.” 

“I’m surprised a kipling, a draconic mage, and a desert wizard were one team. That’s a strange group. I don’t think I’ve even met each of the others.” xB takes a bite of his fish, marinated in fresh fruits that Cub plucked from nearby islands. “But I’m sure that kipling gave you guys a run for your money. That magic she had… it’s rare beyond imagination. In kipling legend, it means a legendary hero is about to arise.” 

“He definitely kicked Ren’s ass. I don’t think I ever saw so much water moved at once.” Mumbo shakes his head, and stuffs a red jelly tart into his mouth. 

Keralis stands, tossing his woven hat from the brown curls of his hair, and inviting himself onto the open floor. “I love this song! Come on, my wonderful friends, let’s dance!” 

The setting sun casts a golden glow, bouncing off verdant leaves, twisting along the waves of the Ashioll sea. Laughter and music dance in the gilded light, playing in the curls of Zedaph’s hair as he joins Keralis. The two bumble around, drunk from Cleo’s ale but enjoying themselves immensely. 

Only one hermit wasn’t taking part in the festivities. Atop the canopy that protects the guild hall below, Xisuma watches as the stars appear in the sky. For a few moments in the day, the void and the sun share the space above. And he always thinks of the one person he knows he should forget by now. But he would’ve loved this, even if he’s constantly worrying about being caught doing something wrong. 

“Hey X, you gonna mope up there all day or join us?” Jevin grins below, one hand placed on his hip and the other waving Xisuma down. “Just because you’re a void mage doesn’t mean you have to a-void everything!” 

Xisuma rolls his eyes, but smiles beneath his mask. “After that terrible pun, how can I say no?”

[everwitch-magiks]

dance with somebody (ch. 16)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 15

When Dex steps into Chowder’s bedroom, his single knock on the open door no more than a nostalgic habit, these days, as opposed to a present requirement, he’s certainly not expecting to be faced with, well. With this.

“What’re you doing?”

Chowder looks up. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor with a myriad of different colored post-it notes spread out around him. Dex crouches down, picking up a couple of the notes (yellow and pink, respectively) to skim through their contents. Louis, helped solve Halloween cupcake disaster, 2 points. Hops, volunteered to do dishes entire week, 6 points.

Dex raises both eyebrows towards Chowder. Chowder, meanwhile, is staring down at the colorful mess surrounding him with a decidedly troubled expression. He sighs.

“I’m figuring out my dibs.”

“With a points system?” Dex prompts. He’s not sure if he’s impressed or concerned. “Looks ambitious.”

“I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m being unfair,” Chowder explains glumly. He picks up a green post-it (Jader, gave up half his vanilla scone at breakfast, 1 point) and stares at it dejectedly. “Or that I don’t care about them. Oh no, what if I pick Jader, and then Joyo inevitably assumes that I hate him? I could never do that to Joyo."

“Dude,” Dex says. He’s trying very hard not to smile. “You don’t have to make a decision yet, you know? It’s not even Christmas.”

Chowder frowns.

“It's almost Christmas.”

“I suppose,” Dex agrees carefully. “Are you sure this isn’t just some big procrastination project? Got any big finals looming, hm?”

“Finals,” Chowder scoffs. “Are finals really more important than the precious feelings of our hardworking underclassmen?”

“Oh my God. What’s all this?”

Nursey strolls into the room without knocking. He places a kiss on top of Dex’s head and then plops himself down between Dex and Chowder, his hand lingering softly at Dex’s nape.

“Chowder is having a bit of a dibs crisis,” Dex fills him in.

“Oh, man. Hard same.” Nursey frowns. “I was dead set on giving mine to Ford. Of course Ollie and Wicks had to go and snag her, first.”

“She and Tango seem pretty happy up in the attic, though,” Dex points out. "And this way, you get to be hausmates with both of them this year."

“I suppose that's true," Nursey allows. Then he shrugs. "And I guess I’ve still got Louis. He’s let me borrow his good bluetooth speakers basically this whole semester, so. Might be an option."

“What?” Chowder exclaims. “No, wait, I might pick Louis. You two couldn't maybe give me some time to figure this out, before you stake your claims?"

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, C,” Dex tells him gently.

“That’s definitely not how it works,” Nursey agrees, his grin playful yet his tone kind. “If there’s someone you have in mind, Chow, you should just go for it. You snooze, you lose."

Chowder whips his head around, aiming his wide, pleading eyes at Dex.

“You’re not considering Louis, too, are you?”

“Honestly? I wish I was considering anyone.” Dex sighs. “I would’ve gone with Whiskey, but obviously that’s out, and I feel like the Waffles have gotten this strange aversion to doing any of those dibs type favors for me since I became captain. I think they don’t want to act like they’re sucking up for the wrong reasons, or something.”

“Maybe give them some proper incentive?” Nursey suggests merrily. “If word got out that you’re, like, completely undecided about dibs, I’m sure both the Waffles and the Scones would be falling all over themselves to please you. Might be fun to watch.”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dex shrugs. “Graduation is still really far away. I’m not gonna worry about it, yet.”

“It’s not that far away,” Chowder disagrees. He sounds serious. “Guys, it’s almost Christmas. That means we're graduating in less than six months.”

Dex very nearly flinches. Six months? How is that even possible?

“That can’t be right,” Nursey says slowly. His expression has turned uncharacteristically unchill. “Fuck. Why haven’t I applied to more grad programs, yet?”

“I need to start looking at job listings more seriously,” Chowder chimes in. He's looking down at his post-its with an expression that’s unusually difficult to read. “I guess I can't put it off forever."

“Hey,” Dex says. He’s trying his best to sound reasonable, despite his own inner turmoil. Suddenly, the feeling of Nursey’s hand that’s still resting at his nape seems more important than ever. “It’s not over yet. We’ve still got a whole semester.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says quickly. “Yeah, you’re right. And even after, it’s not like you guys are ever gonna be rid of me. Got your backs, remember?”

“That's true,” Chowder agrees quietly. He’s not smiling, Dex notes with no small amount of concern. Especially considering the fact that Chowder kind of hasn't smiled at all since the start of this conversation. His whole expression looks wrong, somehow, without that familiar spark of effortless joy. “It’s all happening so fast. I wish everything could slow down, just a bit.”

“We’re just gonna have to make every moment count,” Dex says firmly. Impulsively, he reaches for Chowder’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. You know that, right? We're always gonna look out for each other. Always."

“Of course. Yeah, of course.” Thankfully, that seems to do the trick – Chowders lips curl into a soft grin. "Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go through my notes for that UX design final one more time. Can't be more stressful than trying to choose a single Waffle for dibs."

"Or a Scone," Nursey reminds him brightly. "There's some good freshies, too, let's not forget."

"Says you, who's got your eye on Louis, too," Chowder points out with an amused roll of his eyes. "I may be panicking, Nurse, but I'm certainly not stupid."

"Ah, and here though myself completely subtle." Nursey grins. "Weren't you gonna study?"

"Actually, yes." Chowder gets to his feet, only to immediately pause. He narrows his eyes towards Nursey. "But if you lock down Louis while I'm stuck cramming user interface design techniques, you can expect some serious payback."

"Chill, man." Nursey's grin softens. "Look, I haven't actually decided on Louis yet, but if it would make you feel better we could have some sort of dibs treaty until the end of finals week. After that, it's anyone's game. Sounds good?"

"I suppose that’s fair." Chowder nods, and Dex is relieved to see the genuine smile he offers in return. "I think I left my books downstairs, so. See you guys later."

He pads out of his room, leaving Dex and Nursey alone in the sea of post-its.

Immediately, Nursey scoots a little closer to Dex.

"Just us, huh," he remarks, his tone a clear attempt at casual even though his smile indicates otherwise. "D'you wanna get lunch, or something?"

Dex hesitates.

"I've actually got some things I need to work on," he says carefully. "Could we maybe meet up later?"

"Sure. Of course." Nursey's response comes just a little bit too quickly. "That's chill, man. Whatever you need."

Dex studies his boyfriend's expression for a moment. It's been a concern of his, ever since he started setting aside time to work on his secret project, that Nursey might eventually start to realise there's something Dex isn't telling him. Dex has been monitoring carefully for any sign of doubt or confusion on Nursey's end, and this is the first time he thinks he's seeing exactly that in the subtle frown that's replaced Nursey's relaxed smile from a moment earlier. Obviously, it's the opposite of what Dex hopes to achieve with his secrecy.

Thankfully, the solution is very simple.

"Hey," Dex says quietly. "It's for you."

Nursey looks puzzled.

"I'm doing something for you," Dex clarifies. "That's why I've been a little busy, lately. It's going to be a surprise."

"Oh," Nursey says. He sounds surprised, already. "You're… Huh. What is it?"

Dex grins softly.

"A surprise. Duh."

Nursey raises a curious eyebrow.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"You really don't understand the concept of a surprise, do you?"

"Fine. Be that way." Nursey smiles a little excitedly, and Dex relaxes a bit. "I suppose I'll see you at dinner, then? The guys all want to go to Jerrys.”

"Actually, can we do dinner just you and me?" Dex asks quickly. "There's been so much team stuff, lately, and I've honestly kind of missed us. Tonight, I want to just... Order in. Preferably from someplace that makes a mean garlic bread. And after, we should put on Netflix and get in bed so I can cuddle you while you rant about the dubious plot changes in another one of those Austen adaptations."

Nursey blinks. For some reason, he's staring at Dex with a serious look in his eyes, one that's only vaguely familiar.

"What?" Dex asks, a little self-consciously. Was it something he said? “You like those period dramas. Don’t you?”

Nursey drops his gaze. He takes Dex's hands in his and holds them gently, almost like they're something delicate, like Dex is someone precious and worthy of protection.

"You're in love with me," he says quietly. "Aren't you?"

Oh, shit.

It's true, is the thing. And honestly, Nursey can’t have been unaware of it up until this moment. Really, he must have known. Dex might never have said it in so many words, and they’ve technically only dated for a few months, but it’s not like either of them are blind to the fact that they were dancing around this thing between them for several years, before. That goodnight kiss out on the porch at the very first kegster of the fall was never the beginning.

Dex briefly considers making some sort of joke to downplay this moment, if only to stop Nursey from being completely obnoxious about it in a minute or so. Except, the heavy look in Nursey’s eyes compels him to make a different choice.

"Yeah," Dex says, almost steadily. "I am in love with you. Quite hopelessly, actually."

Nursey’s breath hitches. He squeezes Dex hands tightly, and then he’s leaning over, capturing Dex’s lips in a fiercely desperate kiss that leaves Dex completely breathless. And if Dex didn’t feel it so completely, just then, in every achingly delicate touch of Nursey’s fingers against his cheek, his throat, all the way down his chest, he might’ve been a bit anxious about the fact that, technically, Nursey didn’t actually say it back.

As it is, Dex isn’t worried. If anything, he’s amused.

“You’re welcome,” he chirps gently after they break apart. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t just tell me to chill, or whatever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Nursey breathes out, his voice breaking in a way Dex didn’t expect at all. “Also, just, shut up, okay? You already know that I’m writing literal fucking poetry about you, about your freckles and your eyes and your hips and your smile and your stupid fucking lips, okay. I’d like to think you’ve been able to safely assume that I’m more than casually into you.”

“I’d like to think that’s the impression I’ve given you, too,” Dex says slowly. He feels a little confused. Suddenly, he’s tempted to drag Nursey across campus to the wood workshop and just show him, right now, to expose everything that he’s dreaming and hoping and wishing. “Nursey. Hey, Nurse. Look at me.”

“No, you’re right.” Nursey takes a breath. He meets Dex’s eyes with a watery smile. “I don’t know, man. It just hits differently, when you say it out loud. Feels more real. It’s like you spoke it into existence.”

“Maybe something for your next poem,” Dex teases gently. This moment feels too fragile, somehow. He racks his brain for some way to break the tension. “Did you ever read me the one about my hips?”

“Um.” Quickly, Nursey looks away, his smile suddenly more of a bashful grin. Bingo. “Did I mention that one, just now?”

“You did.” Dex grins, too, taking in Nursey’s clearly flustered expression with interest. Oh, this is gonna be good. “Tonight, okay? Read it to me, tonight.”

“I don’t… It’s not my most coherent work, probably.” Nursey clears his throat, and Dex grins a little wider. It’s not often that he manages to make Nursey this unsettled. “I mean, I’ll see if I can find it.”

“Suppose I’ll just have to inspire a new one, if you don’t,” Dex suggests slyly.

“Actually,” Nursey breathes out, already moving to climb into Dex’s lap. “That sounds-”

“Oh my God!” Chowder exclaims from the still open door. “We’ve been over this! You both have your own rooms, okay, you’ve literally got zero excuses for getting your freak on right in the middle of-”

Dex presses his lips briefly against Nursey’s before scrambling to his feet, quickly slipping past Chow into the hallway.

“Sorry, Chowder!” he calls out over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two steps at a time. “Love you, Nurse! Bye!”

“That’s a fine, isn’t it?” Pips calls from the living room as Dex practically sprints past. “Hey, wait! Major fine! Pay the fuck up!”

Dex let’s the door to the Haus fall shut behind him. As he makes the now familiar trek across campus, he doesn’t stop smiling for a single moment.

ch. 17

[cainsnocreaturefeature]

He cleaned up nicely for a nerd.

Of course she wouldn’t say that out loud, though. Lord knows he’d lord it over her head for a decade if she admitted it, especially to him. But she wasn’t going to lie - he did clean up very, very nicely. Billy and Cindy were a frightening duo to mess with when it came to coordinating someone’s appearance, and Monty had ended up being one of their best works yet.

Again. She would never tell him that outright.

Cindy had done a good job with his outfit by choosing darker greens to complement her lighter greens and teals, and his mask may have been simpler in its design, but it mirrored her own mask, a portion curling around the right side of his face like the trailing end of a butterfly’s wing the same way one did on the left side of her face. Thankfully enough only a small fraction of his freckles were covered up by the mask - Carla didn’t particularly like the idea of not seeing them, anyway.

Carla liked his freckles. They might have been one of the nicest parts about him.

“You’re lucky my feet are metal now.”

Carla paused, and lifted up the skirt slightly to see where her shoe was. The heel of her left shoe was quite nearly embedded in Monty’s left foot.

Oops.

“Did I actually-” She lifted the heel away delicately to see what damage she’d caused. “Ugh. Sorry. My bad.”

“You are so lucky I couldn’t feel that.”

“I know, cabron, don’t get on my ass about it,” She grumbled, glaring down at the floor to watch where she was stepping this time. Stupid heels. Stupid Cindy. She had half a mind to snap off the heels already, but the shoes weren’t built to be flats. Damn it.

The hand that Monty was holding felt a slight pressure on it, and she glanced towards it to realize that Monty had squeezed it - in reassurance? Maybe. He guided Carla to the right as he said, “It’s just a little dent. Don’t worry about it.”

“I poked a hole right through it.”

“It’ll be fine, trust me. These babies are practically made of the same thing Penny’s metal parts are made out of,” Monty paused in leading the dance to lift himself up slightly, clicking his heels together and making a tinny little sound with them as he did so. “Really no harm done.”

Carla scowled down at the heels on her feet, clicking them against the dance floor. “Stupid Cindy making us all wear heels. What even is the point? She herself stopped Alice from wearing any because she was so tall but I still had to wear heels?! Where is the equality?!”

“I think they’re fine.”

“Of course you do. Estúpidos malditos tacones.”

Monty laughed, but not unkindly. He’d found her predicament highly amusing for some reason, much to her chagrin, but at least he’d been extremely helpful when it came to helping her find her bearings in the heels. Carla didn’t wear heels normally - as deadly as they were (and she appreciated that), they weren’t exactly comfortable for the kind of things she did every day.

Carla gave him a look as the music shifted in tone into something much more lively - was that a tango? “How dare you derive pleasure from my pain. What kind of partner are you, Montgomery M. Montgomery?”

“A devilishly handsome one who’s about to pull you in for a tango.”

Beat.

“Wait, wh-”

Suddenly, all the partnered dancers on the dance floor all drew close to each other - Monty and Carla included. The sudden proximity made Carla realize exactly how much height her heels added - and how much height Monty had added with his robolegs.

“Cheater, you’re not this tall,” Carla accused, her hands falling into place.

Monty grinned. “Maybe so, but it looks like you’re the only one who caaaaares~”

“Oh, shut up, gringo.” Her grip on his hand tightening, it was her turn to take the lead - and Monty followed willingly, matching each of her steps with his own. Thank god they had at least a semblance of an idea as to what they were doing on the dance floor - tango for second semester physical education paid off after all.

Carla hooked her leg around his waist and leaned far backwards, one hand outstretched and the other holding on tightly to Monty’s shoulder - while Monty’s one arm supported her back as the other hand stretched out. With a sweeping motion, Monty pulled Carla back on her feet before engaging in a series of rather complicated twists and turns, their legs only just barely entangling with each other’s as they made their way through the dance floor.

“Not bad,” Carla teased. “And you said tango was pointless.”

“I didn’t say that,” Monty corrected as they twirled past a pair of dancers. “I said tango was pointless without a good partner.”

Carla raised an eyebrow, a teasing smirk threatening to spread across her face. “And you’re calling me a good partner?”

“Maybe so, miss Morte. Maybe so.” Monty dipped his head ever so slightly, looking up at Carla through half-lidded eyes, and for the briefest of moments Carla considered the possibility of him having captured the stars and placed them in his eyes with how they glinted in that exact moment. “But I guess you’ll have to prove to me that my assumption was correct, huh?”

Carla’s face broke into a mischievous grin paired with a look Monty could only describe as extremely, extremely attractive. “Oh, you’re just asking for it, querido.”

And then she took the reigns, just as the music swelled.

Oh, how fast, how excitingly they danced, getting lost in the music, getting lost in each other’s eyes, not paying too much mind to the dancers all around them, nor to the people who were seeing them, nor to the path they followed on the dance floor they tread upon. Even though they weren’t thinking about it, their feet already seemed to know where to go, traipsing and twisting and turning and gliding them across the area and allowing the two of them to focus only on the person whose gaze they were holding - the person right in front of them.

Neither of them really noticed exactly how it happened, but it came to a point where they realized that they were both a hair’s breadth away from each other, their noses brushing the other’s cheek as the music slowed considerably - still unfinished, but slowing.

She should’ve reacted to his proximity.

But she didn’t.

Her mind was elsewhere.

How pretty his eyes were, up close. A ‘shamrock green’, Lily had called it, to differentiate from Nugget’s emerald and Penny’s lime. Time and time again Carla had gotten almost close enough to see them in their beauty, but not this close. Being this up close and personal with him felt like she was dancing dangerously close to the edge of something she wasn’t sure she completely understood - something dangerous, but exciting.

Were those words she associated with Monty Montgomery?

Monty’s breath fanned across her face, warm and familiar. The corner of his mouth was dangerously close to her lips, his hand still resting squarely on her back, the other holding one of hers as her other hand held onto his arm like a lifeline. In the soft light of the ballroom, his eyes shone like diamonds in the rough, and the crystalline chandeliers high above their heads bounced light and dappled them across his cheeks like the stars in the sky.

He was beautiful.

(And if she’d been in his head in that moment, she would have seen herself through his eyes - radiant in her beauty, her eyes sparkling like fireworks in the sky, her playful smile that shone like the sun and could light up the room - and learned that he thought the same.)

It was only the two of them in that ballroom at that moment, the others be damned.

As the music slowed to a stop, Carla turned her head to the side slightly, and met his lips with her own as her eyes fluttered closed.

Oh, Monty Montgomery was a dangerous man. And Carla liked to flirt with danger.

-=-=-

That hadn’t been Penny.

That hadn’t been Penny.

Kidd felt nauseous. His hands sought purchase on the fabric of the table, clenching it in his fists and threatening to tear the delicate cloth with how tightly he held it in his hands. Numbly he could tell Billy was asking him something - probably about what was wrong, if he was okay - but he couldn’t hear it, per say; everything had thinned out into white noise as his brain repeated over and over one word.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

As Penny neared their table, her appearance hammered in home how blind he’d been - how terrified he’d been of what had been about to come that he’d failed to see what had been right in front of him. She was taller than how she usually was thanks to the heels Cindy had made her wear - but not as tall as the Penny impersonator had been. Her braid was just as intricate, draped over her left shoulder, but her mask was different, more complex - white with blue featherlike patterns on the right side of her face, as opposed to the plainer black mask of her impostor.

“Hi guys,” Penny greeted warmly, waving to the group before beaming at the sight of Ozzy and the others. “You came!”

Jerome smiled. “Wouldn’t miss this party for the world, Pen.”

Her voice was more mature, and much louder. The soft voice should have tipped him off.

Idiot. Idiot.

His grip on the tablecloth tightened. Billy placed his hands over one of his hands, but said nothing. He didn’t know what to say - not when Kidd wouldn’t say what was wrong.

“Weren’t you wearing red earlier, Pen?” Madison asked curiously. “Did you change your mind?”

Penny blinked, confused, as she clasped her hands together in front of her. “I don’t know what you mean. I wore this before I came here.”

“Huh.” Madison scratched at her cheek thoughtfully. “Must’ve been a trick of the light.”

“Or we thought someone else was you,” Ozzy offered. “But I highly doubt that. You’re sure you were wearing that already before you came here?”

Penny nodded. “I did consider the red and black dress, but I went with this in the end. It appealed to me more - I hope Theo doesn’t mind that I didn’t match with him... oh!” She perked up. “Speaking of which, have any of you seen Theo?”

Ted went out to chase the fake Penny.

He’s not back yet.

“He-” Kidd was startled by how tight his voice seemed to be. “He went looking for you outside.”

The cyborg’s mouth formed an ‘o’ of surprise. “D-did he know I was already on the way, or did someone fool him into thinking I was already here?”

Oh, how unintentionally on-the-nose she was sometimes.

“Something... something along the lines of the second,” Kidd murmured. At the look on Billy’s face, he released the tablecloth with a heavy sigh before standing up. “I... I’ll go look for him for you. Stay here with everyone else.”

Billy stood up. “I’ll go with you.”

“No- no, stay here, with everyone else too. I’ll-” Kidd’s eyes darted frantically around before spotting a familiar duo in green. “I’ll take Monty and Carla with me. They know this place better than anyone. Just... just all of you stay here. Okay? Stick together.”

Stick together. Don’t be an idiot.

Idiot. Idiot.

Billy frowned. “... You’re sure?”

“Please, Billy,” And here Kidd held both of Billy’s hands in between his, holding on tightly. “Promise me you guys will all stay here together. Cindy, Ron, and Alice - I know they’re together, at least, even if not here. Just- just please stick together. And keep an eye out.”

Be safe.

Billy knew his unspoken words like the back of his hand - he and Lily both did. They had to. Kidd was almost as cryptic as Alice - but at least he was more sensible than she in wording. With a solemn nod, Billy withdrew his hands, taking his seat once more.

Penny cocked her head to the side. “I could always just look for him myself... it’s no trouble at all.”

“It’s fine, I just- we’ll find him for you. No need to run in that dress, Penny.” And with a nod, Kidd headed for the dance floor towards where Carla and Monty were. He melted into the throng of dancers, weaving his way through and losing sight of the group at the tables -

- just as someone showed up, decked in whites and blues with hints of dark grays, his hand placing itself on Penny’s shoulder.

Penny visibly jumped before turning around. At the sight of who it was, however, everyone saw her eyes light up in genuine delight.

“Theo! There you are!”

[nerdypanda3126]

Rumors

I’m a little behind on posting my fics on here, so I’ll be trying to catch up the next few days. Sorry in advance for the spam

Read on Ao3

Adrien spins Marinette out and back in to the time of the music, lapsing into a relaxed ballroom hold. Over the last few events, they’ve found that the dance floor is the only place he can sweep her away to at these things where people leave them alone. Marinette is a great dance partner, always following his steps with ease and fluidity. One glance from her and he knows when she wants to spin, twirling the fabric of her custom designed skirts. It’s selfish of him to have her there, really, but he tells himself it’s because it gives her the opportunity to show off her designs to some of the big wigs in the industry. And it gives him a few opportunities during the night to drop his façade and actually have fun.

But tonight the glances being thrown their way are more than just curious. They’re downright assumptive. Mari doesn’t read the tabloids. She told him before that she knows the real him and doesn’t care to read other peoples’ speculation. Most of the time, it was a relief. He could laugh with her about it all.

But tonight, he wishes he didn’t have to break the news to her.

“There’ve been some rumors, Mari,” he whispers in her ear, holding her close to him so she can hear him over the music.

“Rumors, huh? Those are always fun.” All the light in the room seems to be radiating from her, and her dress glitters where she had painstakingly attached the sequins. “What is it now, that you’ve grown another head?”

He laughs aloud and the sound of it startles the couple next to them. Adrien closes his mouth quickly, smiling, and nods to the couple as an apology. When he turns back to Mari, her eyes catch the light and absolutely sparkle.

“Not quite.”

When Adrien first read the headline this morning, provided to him so graciously by Nathalie flopping the magazine over his breakfast tray, his first thought was inescapably, ‘Marinette’s my friend’. But he had had to admit, looking at the picture of them together from the last event, a moment the photographer stole when neither one of them was paying attention, it was quite incriminating. The look on his face was of pure admiration. The blush on her face spoke volumes. It was a joke he told her. Something about a potato. He wished he could remember because Mari’s drink almost came out of her nose.

He smiles again at the memory. “It’s about us.”

“Us?” Her bewilderment is proof enough; she didn’t know anything about it.

“Apparently, we’re dating now.” He can’t help the goofy smile on his face. The thought does have a certain appeal. On a whim, he leads her into a turn. She follows effortlessly, coming back around to clasp his hand, back into their frame.

“Is that so?”

“Hadn’t you heard?”

“I think I would’ve remembered Paris’ sweetheart asking me on a date.” She’s taunting him, he realizes. Mari is taunting him and it’s incredibly hot. Suddenly he can’t seem to swallow right.

“The dancing probably doesn’t help our case,” he manages to say. His hand slips lower on her back unintentionally.

“You’re probably right.” She slips her hand out of his and rests it on his shoulder instead. His hand falls on her hip and their frame collapses. She’s so close. He can smell the perfume wafting off her, a subtle floral. It’s intoxicating. “We might as well give them something to talk about, right?” Smirking. She’s smirking at him. Then she lays her head on his chest and he’s surprised his heart doesn’t just stop then and there. He tightens his grip around the small of her back. If he could hold her like this forever it still wouldn’t be enough. She tangles her fingers in the stray strands of hair around the nape of his neck.

The song ends. The couple next to them looks at him pointedly. The lady raises her eyebrows at them. It’s admonishment enough and Adrien steps away from Mari, keeping a light hand around her waist. When her head falls, she looks up at him and he knows he’s gone. He’s been gone since he handed her his umbrella that day in the rain.

“Mari, we could give them something to talk about.” He tucks his index finger under her chin and runs his thumb down the smooth line of her jaw. The look in her eyes is enough to make him melt on the spot. “Or we could just make them stop.” He raises his eyebrows, hoping she catches his meaning.

She smiles before she pulls him down, standing on her tiptoes to meet him with a kiss. The cameras flash around them, but Adrien is entranced by the feel of her lips on his. She nestles a hand in his hair, tugging gently, and he pulls her body closer to him.

When they both come up for air, Adrien leans his forehead against hers. Her eyes are starry, the blush on her cheeks is beyond adorable, and he hopes that every camera in the room is capturing this moment so he can see their first kiss on the cover of every magazine for the next month. He knows the dopey grin is back on his face.

“Another dance?” She sounds as breathless as he feels.

“I think we might have to call it a night.”

“Aww, but I was hoping to fuel a few more rumors. Where did Kagami run off to?” She pretends to look around the room, but her eyes stay on his.

“We can still start a few more, you know. We could leave the party early. That would be excellent tabloid fuel, don’t you think?”

“Undoubtedly.” The grin she flashes him is downright wicked. She trails a hand down his arm and he shivers when her fingers touch the bare skin of his forearm. A low growl slips out between his teeth. “Give me just a second, I’ll be right back.”

She leaves his arms before he can protest, pushing off his chest lightly. He watches her walk over to the DJ and even in her heels she has to get up on her tiptoes to see over the booth. They talk for a short moment and the DJ nods, giving Mari a thumbs up.

When Mari comes back to the dance floor, the song starts up. He feels the tempo before he really registers it. A tango. How does she expect him to tango in his current state? He loosens the tie he’s wearing and unbuttons the first button of his shirt. From the look on Mari’s face, it’s about to get very hot in here very quickly.

She tosses a hand out to him, drawing out her steps in time to the music. When she reaches him, he throws out a hand to meet her, spinning her into him quickly. He starts the basic step, but almost instantly she changes, stepping outside of his right foot to start a step sequence, kicking up her heels on every other beat. He turns with her as she works her way around him, keeping his frame solid so she can work against him.

The dance floor has emptied around them; they have the space to themselves. Adrien glances at Marinette to catch her timing, and at a pause in her steps he brings her into him, a small warning before he spins her out quickly. She’s at his arm’s length, their hands still loosely connected. She raises her eyebrows before turning away from him, acting like she’s about to walk away. He changes his grip to catch both of her arms, pulling her back to him. She falls into his chest and throws her arms around his neck, arching her back and kicking a slender leg out in front of him.

When she slides down him, Adrien could die happy on the spot. The photographers are having a field day, and he guesses that’s what Mari was going for. How does she do that in heels?

Not to mention when she works her way back up. His mind goes blank.

But he catches her when she turns around to face him again, the music building into a crescendo. Mercifully she lets him lead her through the basic step. He knows that look in her eyes, though. She has something planned.

The music ends with a big flourish and Mari poses with her thigh hooked around his hip. She locks eyes with him before sliding her thigh off of him. Adrien can’t breathe. She takes his tie and pulls his face to hers.

“Ask me, Adrien.”

His heart is in his throat. “Mari, can I please take you out?”

“Tomorrow. Eiffel Tower. You can pick me up at 15h.” She flips his tie over his shoulder and walks off the dance floor.

He is so screwed.

[psychefm]

talk to the hand [ TIMOTHEE CHALAMET ], [ REED ‘NEWT’ NEWTON ] is the new kid on the block around here. at [ TWENTY ], the [ CIS BOY] works at [ BABBAGE’S ] in the mall and, like, [ HE ] totally reminds us of [ CHANDLER BING ]. oh snap! what? their favorite movie is [ HOME ALONE ]???? so is mine!

ABOUT THE MUN.  i used to lie to y’all, my mom didn’t say no, i did

i hate this site man. and that’s it, that’s all you gotta know about me. 

BIO. good news!!!! i’ve successfully replaced all my emotions with jokes !!!! tw bullying

reed newton was born in london england to sylvia anne bixby and cornelius otis newton and honestly, he’s regretted it ever since.

newt was an accident. he was the product of one of his mother and father’s first ever lustful encounters, and their subsequent shotgun wedding so honestly they both spent most of newt’s formative years in the honeymoon period. some of newt’s earlier memories are of him walking in on his parents doing the devil’s tango in the broom closet and his nanny rushing to cover his eyes. good times. 

honestly newt walked in on his parents doing the do more times than any kid should have before the age of nine. and then he walked in on a parent doing the do with a non parent. in other words newt got an eyeful of his father and the pool boy and it wasn’t long after that that his parents went through a long and messy divorce. once again, good times. 

his mother decided to pack up their things and move herself and her nine year old very impressionable son to nebraska, because fuck that kid amiright. newt was quickly designated as the skinny weird nerdy kid with glasses and a funny little accent, and so as you can guess he was pretty mercilessly bullied from age nine to eighteen. he really never stood a chance.

i feel like this is a good time to mention that newt’s mother was a sex therapist, which is not the same as a regular therapist but still, therapist is in the name. he should have been able to talk to his parent in this time of strife and get some level of support right? nope. sylvia bixby is well known for writing a men are from mars, women are from venus like book on communication and dating and all that, so his mom was generally on book tour after book tour. but maybe she would have been supportive if she was ever actually around, right? again, nope. 

unbeknownst to newt whenever his mother was around she was not only just casually psycho analyzing her only child for shits and giggles, no, she as also writing about it. newt’s mother wrote an entire book about raising a highly repressed teenage son with newt as the star, and you can only guess what that did for newt’s stellar high social status in high school. nothing great. 

did newt ask her not to publish it once he realized she had wrote it? yes. did she still publish it? also yes. so newt and his mother no longer have the greatest relationship. holidays are awkward.

things were not better on his fathers end, but it wasn’t because his father particularly did anything nearly as tone deaf as his mother. yes, his father was a famous erotica novelist and yes that made newt’s life a living hell, but newt luckily wasn’t the subject of those books. neil transitioned from writing fabio like novels to writing some lgbt fiction which, great for representation, horrible for your teenage son who is now known around school for having a dad who writes porn. to top it off, neil ended up starting a long term relationship with the pool boy and gaining a pseudo step son from it. benjamin caley was not only more athletic than newt, not only more attractive than newt, but also better than newt in every single way imaginable which was a real self esteem booster. his father actively prefers benji and every time newt visits him in england over the summers he comes home hating himself a bit more.

which works out because after the book being published, most people kind of hated newt too so at the very least he was on trend. there was a lot of classic nineties bullying you know, wedgies, swirlies, shoving newt into lockers. all very cliche. newt would tell his bullies as much, but it never really went over that well. 

but then finally newt graduated. he was free from the hell that was the public education system and his childhood household. he graduated with honours, moved out of his mother’s house, and got himself his own apartment with a roommate near the mall where he got his first real job. 

goes to university for software engineering. has an internship at apple that he’s absolutely terrified to mess up. has an old beat up car that was like the first big purchase he ever made with his own money, so he loves it to death even though it’s a piece of shit. 

PERSONALITY.  do you fear me? don’t feel so special now. i have social anxiety. i fear everybody.

this is my first time playing newt so all of this is subject to change BUT

INSECURE. newt is a weird mix of cripplingly insecure and weirdly confident and there is no in between ever.

WITTY.  humour is and always will be the only defense newt has against anything, so he makes a lot of jokes especially when he feels uncomfortable.

EMPATHETIC. newt is a big push over when it comes to emotions like he would never do anything to hurt someone unless it was by accident or he was provoked or you’re his step brother benji or either of his parents in which case he will run you over with his car on sight. but no really, if newt is in a position where he has to hurt somebody he will do absolutely everything in his power to either not or avoid the situation completely. 

AWKWARD. sometimes honestly, although it depends on the day. v clumsy though. usually he can try to make his awkwardness funny but does he always succeed? the answer is no. 

HEADCANNONS.  actually all of my systems are nervous.

has to drink like six cups of coffee or tea a day. very serious about his tea because english. also has vegemite on his toast. 

can actually cook pretty well even though he prefers to eat takeout. cooks because it’s cheaper and he’s a broke ass student yk. won’t take money from his parents ever, and will straight up give it away if it’s forced upon him. 

writes star trek fanfic for fun and has a kind of weird relationship with writing because of his parents honestly?? but he enjoys it so, maybe the apple in fact does not fall from the tree. 

has commitment issues because of his parents divorce but don’t we all. 

developed a stutter after all the divorce drama because he thought it was his fault. he later had to see a speech therapist. his mother later had a fwb relationship with this same speech therapist. newt wanted to die. 

traded his glasses for contacts and you will literally only see newt in glasses if he rips or loses his contacts or if he’s at home. 

in love with all things sci fi, will rent and see every sci movie ever made if he can 

accidentally knocks down at least one display in babbages per day so there’s that.

speaking of newt runs a small side gig out of babbages where he fixes up tech because paying for university, rent, and car insurance out of pocket gets up there. so if you need someone to fix your desktop newt is your guy. 

is actually a pretty good flirt when he’s drunk or feels comfortable. is constantly teetering between painfully insecure and confident. 

is very bi and very hesitant about it because of his father and all his feelings towards that, but he will eventually stop fighting it so much soon hopefully. has probably had a few drunken hookups with guys but tries to convince himself that is just a drunk thing yk. 

is allergic to bees so death has a kiss just for him i guess. 

loves video games but that goes without saying

has anxiety and takes medication for it, one of the few healthy things his mother has ever done for him. 

speaking of his mother if newt ever sees her book about him in a book display he will spend as much time as needed taking each book and hiding them in obscure places so that no one will ever be able to find them and buy them. he read the whole thing because he had to know and yep he absolutely hates it. 

goes by newt and only newt so that no one can make the connection between him and his mother or his father upon first meeting him or hopefully ever. a lot of the kids he went to high school with still know though and with the accent and everything, he’s not fooling anyone who has at least heard a rumour 

idk what else y’all imma fite tumblr for making me write this twice

WANTED CONNECTIONS.  actually wait, i take that self deprecation back, i’m great.

ROOMMATE. because newt can’t afford his place on his own between all his expenses. please. think of the shenanigans. 

ON AGAIN OFF AGAIN THING. kind of inspired by chandler and janice tbh. these two are pretty incompatible and whenever they’re together all they talk about is breaking up with each other but whenever they’re broken up and they see each other they somehow always find themselves waking up in bed together the next morning. it’s a mess.

NERD SQUAD. give me newt’s friends from high school please and thanks. just a crew of absolutely dweebs and misfits. 

FWB/EWB. self explanatory considering newt’s big commitment issues but i just imagine like making out in the back room and like hooking up in the break room and someone leaving like a damning article of clothing in there and the two of them scrambling to get it before anyone notices. just fun. 

EX. self explanatory but yes, an ex gf or bf, an ex fwb or ewb, give me all the exes please. 

REPEAT CUSTOMER. this person is always paying newt to come fix their computer and other tech and newt just doesn’t understand how they mess it up so badly. like he doesn’t get how or why technology hates them as much as it does, but he’ll take the money.

HATESHIP. just good old fashion animosity. could be hate from school or the fresh hate upon working in the mall together or they can just be newt’s least favourite customer and he can hate them for that. 

CRUSH. maybe newt had a crush on them in school. maybe they had a crush on newt in school. maybe newt has a crush on them now. maybe they have a crush on newt now. 

and anything else tbh. i’d love a smoking buddy for newt, a friend who he can never get any work done around like when they’re together they’re just like !!!, someone who used to be one of the popular kids who he is now getting along with or still holding a grudge against, his big gay awakening in school maybe like the first masc person he had a crush on, someone who tries to get newt to party and come out of his shell, someone who idk steals from babbages skjsdj idk man i am open to anything at all so just like this and we can brain storm if anything!