#every day jon is like hm im doomed and can never save myself. i will try to save someone else then

[lo-fi-charming]

suddenly tormented with Thoughts about jon... im currently listening to someone else talk about how, when jon realized martin getting caught by prentiss was at least partially his fault, his way of dealing with his guilt was to become very diligent in doing what he could to keep martin safe. offers him the cot, starts trying to encourage everyone in the archives to be more careful in their investigating, bothers elias about safety measures, etc.

and i was just thinking that how this is about him feeling guilty, yeah, but i think it's also another way jon's childhood trauma manifests...? i feel like maybe it is, to some amount, projection?

the stuff with mr. spider and the web obviously influenced him a lot in terms of why he tends to get severely paranoid and questions others' motivations and his own agency in things. but in a more mundane way, i wonder if it also influenced how he reacts to not just his own 'helplessness', but others'? like, jon recognizes that martin was not given enough attention and consideration and care; jon texts him and takes prentiss' response as martin, accepts it at face value, but still... two weeks is a long time? no one even considered checking in on martin after barely hearing from him

i guess im trying to say is like... jon responds very immediately and intensely to this because he is attempting to do for martin what was not done for him. jon almost got eaten by a big, scary spider; his guardian, who up to then had been somewhat neglectful and/or dismissive of his needs, does not believe him about the incident. jon grows up feeling unsafe because the only person he really had around to protect him failed to make him feel like he could rely on her for help or support

imo this is a big thing with jon in general... his lack of a support system. up for debate on how much of that is his own 'fault' - he's not exactly a super sociable person, he's never been good at making friends, but- i dunno, being a bit abrasive doesn't mean you deserve to never have anyone to rely on. and he certainly didn't deserve to be ignored, resented, bullied, and hunted as a young child

but yeah... im thinking about how maybe a desire to offer support, even if it doesn't seem like he can really do much, is a very Jon Thing, and we see it very early, and it's just now occurring to me it might be tied to all this. how his fear was born and how it was cultivated by a lack of love and attention, how he was left to develop his own coping mechanisms, most of which (arguably) only exacerbated his problems in the long run... this is a personality trait we see in jon throughout the entire show's run, too - starts with martin, but we see how guilty and hurt he is over what happens with sasha, and then over time we see as he tries his best to become more trusting and open to others in an attempt to demonstrate his interest in their safety and offer his support

just think it's really like... both cute and charming but really sad and telling, that the first major glimpse we see of the 'real' jon behind his stuffy, skeptical facade is him recognizing that someone else has been neglected and nearly lost to something horrible, and his immediate response is to do as much as he can to verbalize belief in their experience, offer up what he can to help them feel safe, and do everything in his limited power to make sure they aren't harmed by the threat again