#every day is great at your (retail redacted)

[aemoglobin]

truly full of hatred for the human species every time i have to work after 5pm. no good reason for you to be buying a ton of halloween decorations or 50 pieces of kid's clothing or 1 (one) avocado at 7pm on a sunday.

[watchtheblog]

all hands on d*ck

as always, hello to my 9 true real life friends, some of my 22 (instagram) “close friends”, my 40 internet besties, the handful of you i was able to lure over here with a LiNk iN BiO, the growing number of [redacted] who are unnervingly conspicuous with their surveillance, maybe some other weirdos and haters!, at least 2 of my exes, my therapist if i ask her to read this to understand me better, my daughter in 14-18 years, and anyone else who is here and can read this!!

as a preface to a list of extravagant treasures i wish to receive this holiday season, i am going to tell you a little story. if you don’t care and just want to buy me a gift or just want to use this to curate yours, scroll to the bottom. there are words and jokes down there too if you’re here for all of it!!! (if you need inspiration from years past, i’ve been making this list for 10 years.)

the only times i feel safe are when i am at home, or when i am 5000 miles away from it. anything in between causes absolute chaos within my emotional microbiome.

in america, i am a sentient eggshell and all external stimuli are hammers. outside of america, i am an invincible-cartoon-fireball capable of any and all things through the EU.

once a week i volunteer, and once a month i drive 40-90 miles in one of the four directions to buy a lotto ticket at a random authorized lotto retailer (surprisingly not sponsored), and that’s it.

when i’m home, i do the same thing every day -  i wake up, i go to cult (this is what i call meditation because i’ve been doing it consistently for a year and i have no idea why), i write down everything i’m grateful for*, and i read (a literal book) for 20 minutes before performing my morning ablutions and walking downstairs to drink poison (espresso) and sit in my office tip tapping my ipad for 6-8 hours. then i watch some of the worst television you can ever imagine until it’s time to go to sleep, at which point i do a cult bonus track - it’s called “three good things”, and it’s exactly as the name implies - eat two peppermint patties v slowly, and go to sleep with my television blasting and every light on.

~ (*ok sorry for being sincere for a moment but i need to genuinely recommend the gratitude journal practice because it changed my life. thank you for only engaging with this if it aligns positively with you and excluding it from your personal dossier of me if it doesn’t. anyway, i also love cult because it allows me 30 minutes of controlled focus on every thought i have ever had in my entire life without even a single moment of peace. my inner monologue is a thought-orgy and i am merely a captive and reluctant eavesdropper.) ~

when i’m on vacation, i am a different character from white lotus every day.

this year for my birthday, i chartered a yacht off the amalfi coast (cameron) and sat on it alone for 3 days (ethan). on the 4th day, danielle arrived and we confused the crew by being on vacation together in italy but not fucking. (daphne/harper)

on the 5th day, danielle found out i don’t like music (you’ll need this information later), and on the 6th day, God created man, and one of them asked us if we���d like a massage.

being of sound mind, my first thought was to question this person (employed as a deckhand) on his ability to massage.

he assured us both that he and his fellow deckhand could “of course” massage!

having seen every episode of every franchise of below deck i was wary but i trust men intrinsically (tanya) and i love nothing more than to be consensually touched (dominic) so i said great, we’ll take two! and we settled on “in ten minutes” for the time.

he returned moments later to lead us in a troubling talk on massage logistics - namely, where the massages would take place and on what apparatus.

you, like we, may be thinking: what about a massage table on the sun deck? and that’s a great thought. however, there were no massage tables, so our two deckhand-cum-massage therapists decided they’d conduct the massages they assured us they were equipped to conduct on twin beds in one of the downstairs bedrooms.

10 minutes later we arrived to a room large enough to accommodate two adults lying down, or a small child standing up but being v still:

danielle and i pretended this was not weird (mia/lucia), and as soon as our four adult bodies were within the same energy field we all signed a spiritual contract to never speak about this again! unfortunately danielle and i signed in watercolor and have spoken about it ad nauseam every day since.

one of the guys asked what music he should put on, but before he finished the question, danielle had interrupted him in an octave i’ve never heard her voice go to utter the words “MERCEDES DOESN’T LIKE MUSIC.” … effectively solidifying our fate to have the weirdest experience of our lives in deafening silence!

without leaving the room, they told us to lie down - which we did - and they each returned to our respective sides to *SIT ON THE BED* and massage us with this australian jerk off oil while our faces were mushed sideways into a twin bed for a staggering and completely arbitrary 101 minutes.

the only time ive ever had a massage this unmethodical is every time my boyfriend wants to have sex, and the only reason this one ended was because someone came in to chastise them for being *below deck* for so long… at which point they both got up and left without saying a word!!

anyway ~ that’s how i met your mother ~ (sorry i’ve taken this out and put it back in 8 times. it stays!)

danielle and i are two asexual freaks so this (our villain origin story) never registered to us as a potentially sexual thing, but it has to a lot of people we’ve told! … and to those people i say: interesting. please consider my trauma when selecting a gift from the below list to send to me 😈 thank you!

THE LIST (disclaimer: all i want for my birthday is for everyone i love to be healthy, happy, rich and divinely protected (so far so good tbh!!!!), and for you to donate to the boys and girls club if you have the means. this is merely a list of things i think would be funny or nice or silly to receive:)

the intangible: to pass a law abolishing all waters i don’t like - there are too many to name, but at the very least let’s start with dasani, aquafina, and nestle purelife, for someone to defund Revolve and redirect the money to fund research to corroborate my theory that people who wear clothes that say “spiritual gangster” lack a functioning frontal lobe and should not have rights, for everyone who doesn’t like me to continue doing that because that must be very taxing, for prison reform that allows “love after lockup” to expand it’s filming schedule, for mary kate and olivier to reconcile (please click that link if you’re new here), for jeff bezos to give me a little something in his will, to be paid for all the vacations i’m going to go on in the future and that they never involve a massage on a twin bed.

the ones you can buy: * these gorgeous little poison cups to elevate morning beverages content. also gorgeous!! these are interesting! * i’m looking to redo my whole personality in the vein of someone’s really religious auntie. it starts in the dining room, here. for more in the collection, may i direct you here. *a stunning throw: in pink!!! or this cheaper (v reasonably priced, tbh!) one, the blush pink not that crazy pink in the larger size! * this thing for my desk. i would accept this but don’t really like the branding. * a 5 night stay at this hotel (a suite or above)

* a black birkin with gold hardware in 25 or 35. no links, iykyk * this coat in grey or camel. xs! * buy danielle’s book. (this story is not in it, but better ones are) * this tray to eat chips and peppatties in bed. this will likely be sold out but here. * i don’t want these but definitely want to make you aware gucci are selling incense for one hundred dollars, and perhaps we should collectively look into deplatforming them.

* a pair of solid gold 3 inch hoops. i have no links :( * i’d like to speak to the medium who has a show on bravo, please. this is him. i do not want to be “read” on the tv show. i do not want tickets to see his live show. i want to speak to a dead person through this man. one on one. (you can come if you organize it.) * these slippers. size 8. * this bracelet and bonus if you have a platinum amex, you get $50 back or something for shopping at saks! love to pay it forward!! * this jug of perfume for a room! * this jug for water at varying temperatures. matte black.

* this art, this art, this art, this art, or this art. i’m going to buy this for myself but i love this artist, so i’m sharing. * this alluring bookend that is on sale (x2)! * i don’t need this but i like the way it looks and so i’m passing it on. it’s a weight but who exercises at home… so it’s a hat for your floor. * trying this again: for someone to create a “the floor is lava” set for my birthday where i can do “the floor is lava” SEPARATELY with each of my 9 friends - none of whom know each other, which is intentional and by design. * these shoes. size 8 * these earrings. i tried to buy these on black friday but then i forgot. i may just buy them myself. who knows!

* a real two hour massage * caviar * i like her bc i think we have the same body * these french almond praline sugar things from provence that i bought at duty free and i’ll never find again. and i went on this website and tried to email them to ask them to send them to me (it appears they cannot do that) and i really don’t want to get into it but i spent hours trying to secure them bc they’re that good so i guess this is not an item it’s just a pass on should you ever be in provence or at an airport in france. * a $24,000 tribute to the mascot for Word.

some passing it forward gifts (things i don’t need (because i own them most likely) but they are nice!!) * these cute, non threatening pajamas * my favorite luxe, somewhat threatening pajamas * the only sheets i allow on my bed and body are pratesi but danielle bought me monogrammed pillowcases (super, binx) from here and !!!! * i think i always recommend diptyque candles but we are also a cade (you have to ask for this, they don’t keep them out 😗) household now and newly a boysmells household. * skincare is kind of a lame gift bc everyone’s skin is so different but i have the most reactive skin in the world so i’d like to pass along three of the only things that don’t ruin my life: this (i’ve been using for 3 weeks) is soooo nice, as is this which i’ve been using on and off for a month but the price point was set by the us national debt clock or something. (their instagram clickbait lip balm thing is a waste of money and yes i wasted my money!) also i love this and have used since it launched :)

ok ty for reading come again bye!

[sharonzjewelry]

Retail Story #2

There is a power imbalance in retail.

I was working at the customer service desk of {name redacted} grocery chain. I liked the job, for the most part. It was a good fit for my extrovertedness, though a terrible one for my class consciousness.

I stood at the customer service desk under a big sign that said "100% satisfaction guaranteed" every day and never thought much about it. I mean, "satisfaction guaranteed" is a pretty tame statement to make about your products anyway. Not a lot of retailers who'd claim "50% satisfaction guaranteed" or "100% unsatisfaction", am I right?

So when a customer brought back two large (32 oz) bottled of lotion that were empty and said "I'd like to return these", I laughed on the inside. She had purchased both months ago.

The thing that many folks don't know about working customer service, is that you, the worker, are supposed to follow the rules.

Not following the rules means that you get in trouble, means that you could be fired. If the rule is that the return policy states that you have 10 days to make a return/exchange, or 7 days or 30 days, you, the worker can't decide on your own that you can override it. This is why asking the manager is a thing. You let them take the heat for it because you are only making $7/hour.

So I was questioning her choice to return these totally empty lotion bottles months past the return date. Also, they were empty. Like, completely empty. 100% empty. The customer pointed at the sign above my head and said "I wasn't satisfied" and that was basically it. I was now obliged to return the (absence of) lotion.

And she knew what she was doing. She knew that she had me over a barrel, and it was clear that she wanted to assert her power over me and my job. And yeah, it's not like I cared one way or another about whether a corporation could absorb a return, and since I was only making $7/hour, the return mattered little to me. But it sucks to be on the receiving end of a power trip.

Oh and later when the bath and body care manager saw the empty returned bottles, she chewed me out a bit so that was great.

In retail, you can please the customer, or you can please your manager, but you can't please yourself.

[lazyajju]

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II - Editions, Benefits Complete Detail

The Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II Vault Edition: Celebrate the Legacy, Welcome the New Era

Available directly on Steam, the Vault Edition is the highest-tier version of Modern Warfare II and has an MSRP of $99.99 or your regional equivalent.

In addition to the full game and Open Beta Early Access*, which all preorder versions will receive, the Vault Edition contains the following:

Red Team 141.

On day one, Vault Edition owners will receive four playable Multiplayer Operators — Ghost, Farah, Price, and Soap — each wearing a special masked outfit.

FJX Cinder Weapon Vault.

More After Launch: Battle Pass (good for one season) and 50 Tier Skips.

The Red Team 141 Operator Pack and FJX Cinder Weapon Vault are great foundations for a solid first strike.

Ghost Legacy Pack — A Dozen Skins for the Iconic Operator, 10 Tactical Weapon Blueprints.

Vault Edition owners will not just be well prepared for the new era: this special edition also has 20+ free items for Modern Warfare (2019) and Warzone via the Ghost Legacy Pack, immediately unlocked upon pre-purchase.

A special collection of previously released Modern Warfare Bundle content crafted to celebrate a Task Force 141 icon, the Ghost Legacy Pack includes the following Operator Skins for the Ghost Operator in Warzone and Modern Warfare:

Jawbone Last Breath Mandible Ghosted Reckoner Dark Vision Classic Ghost Winter Theatre Dreadwood UDT Ghost Apparition Azrael

The Ghost Legacy Pack also includes these 10 Assault Rifle Weapon Blueprints, all of which are from the same weapon family:

Oscar Mike K2 The Wages of Sin Primis Stem the Tide White Noise Kingly Splendor Jumping Spider Florin The Breakup

This instant-unlock collection is great for those looking to dive into the sequel’s predecessor and play the current Warzone with one of Modern Warfare II’s greatest heroes.

In-Game Store Bonus: 10 Hours Double XP Tokens, 10 Hours Double Weapon XP Tokens at Launch

Pick up the Vault Edition through the Warzone, Vanguard, Black Ops Cold War, or Modern Warfare In-Game Store, and receive 10 Hours of Double XP Tokens and 10 Hours of Double Weapon XP Tokens for use in Modern Warfare II.

Standard PC Edition Also Includes [[REDACTED]] Rewards, Ability to Upgrade

The Standard Edition of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II can also be pre-purchased for an MSRP of $69.99 or your regional equivalent. Like the Vault Edition, the Standard Edition will include a few instant rewards in the coming months that we cannot yet reveal…

The PC Standard Digital Version also includes early access to the game’s Open Beta* and the ability to upgrade to the Vault Edition of the game at any time.

All Pre-Purchases Get Early Access to Open Beta

Regardless of how you pre-purchase Modern Warfare II, every edition of the game will include early access to the game’s Beta.

This pre-release version of the game will give you an advanced look into the game’s Multiplayer, including maps, modes, weapons, and other features.

Special Note:- *Actual platform availability and launch date(s) of MP Beta subject to change. See www.callofduty.com/beta for more details. Minimum Open Beta duration is 2 days. Limited time only, while Early Access Beta Codes last, at participating retailers. Online multiplayer subscription may be required.

**Weapon Vault design limited to Weapon Vault contents at launch.

***Battle Pass and Tier Skips, or equivalent versions, will be accessible in Modern Warfare II once the Season 1 Battle Pass, or equivalent system, is made available in-game. Battle Pass redemption applies to one season of Modern Warfare II Battle Pass, or equivalent system, only.

****Call of Duty: Modern Warfare / Call of Duty: Warzone required to redeem Ghost Legacy Pack. Sold/downloaded separately. Must be redeemed by October 28, 2023.

A mobile phone number must be linked to your Steam Account to play Modern Warfare II.

[memeontauhnhw]

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protonmail/645372

[jackblankhsh]

Why I Quit:  Public Relations

“Wow, that is a lot of blood.”

“Thanks.  It’s not mine.  I hit a pig on the way over.”

“Cop pig, or pig pig?”

“Cop riding a pig actually.  It’s a whole thing, I don’t really have time to get into.  Could I get a waffle cone full of mint chocolate chip?”

“No problem.”

I handed the woman her ice cream cone.  She took a lick that inspired a deep lusty bite.  The look of elation on her face – comforting cold wrapping around a burning soul – I envied that degree of satisfaction, wanted to be her.  Then a bullet whipped through the front door.  Her head exploded.  Though her body fell she did not drop the cone.  I distinctly remember a bit of brain erupting from her skull, flying over the counter, and landing in the slot full of cherries.  It sank into the maraschino pool, and I doubt anyone but me saw it vanish.  There to lurk until one day spooned onto a sundae.  

On the news that evening, a perky anchor addressed the city, “Good evening, Chicago.  This is the news.  25 people shot yesterday, all of them dead.  Cubs won their home opener, and the weather may get up into the 80s this weekend.  Isn’t that great?”

Co-anchor cocked an eyebrow, “Cubs win, and 80 degrees on the way?  Can’t get much better.”

All smiles then, leaving the grim behind.  No details.  The less known the less thought about, except I couldn’t stop wondering if office work might now be a safer profession.  In a skyscraper high above the streets full of swarms of stray bullets unintentionally murdering randomly – I decided to jump ship, but not until sight of land.  In other words, I’d stick it out at the ice cream parlor until another job came along.  I would not have to wait long.

The next day I arrived to find my manager listening to an androgynous figure in a three piece suit.  Introductions quickly ensued.

“Indigo Jackson,” turned out to be a representative of a family, whom for legal purposes will have to remain anonymous, though suffice it to say they felt yesterday’s event warranted some kind of response on their part.  To that end, without suggesting any culpability, they saw fit to replace the entire front of the store with bulletproof glass, in order to allay any concerns from patrons or employees as to the safety of our establishment; and offered to compensate me to the tune of ten thousand dollars for having witnessed the “unpleasantness;” though of course all such matters required, first, the signing of several documents Indigo summarized adroitly, escorting us through a murky swamp of legalese without ever really explaining what signing those papers meant, despite implications abounding:  here big sack ‘o’ cash, sign for it, and shut up forever.  

When at last Indigo inquired, “Do you understand?”

I said, “It must be interesting to have a job where you need to be so definitely opaque, yet somehow understood enough people do what you ask.”

Indigo nodded, “It is.”  

“I kind of want to give that a try.”

“Are you saying you want a job instead of the money?”

“Can’t I have both?  It was a very disturbing sight.”

Indigo said, “Something can be arranged.”

Clapping my hands together, “Great.  Then before I quit, how about I make you a cherry sundae?”

“Sounds good.”

#

The next day I ascended to the top of the Monadnock Building.  Once upon a time the largest skyscraper in America – circa 1893 – it still towered in its own way, evolving over the century into a marvelous amalgamation of early aesthetics and modern technological convenience.  Brick full of invisible wifi threads connecting the past, present, and future; tap a foot on red tile mosaic patterns, while listening to the lasted streaming playlist, killing time till the rush hour clog gives way.  Then up steps adorned first in ornate aluminum cast decorations then on upper floors, bronze-plated cast iron staircases, shunning the elevator for a chance to walk through history… and maybe feeling no hurry to be at work on time.  

Into the office to start a brand new –

“You the new guy?  Follow me.”  A balding man in a sweat stained shirt grabbed me by the elbow.  He pulled me into the office muttering as he poured over emails.  His phone rang.  He threw it on the floor.  I felt it crunch under foot, and before I could apologize an intern materialized from behind a file cabinet, handed him a fresh phone, and the muttering commenced once again.  Though this time I deciphered a bit, “Goddamn turkey fuckering pirates.”

The office buzzed with activity.  Hordes of hollow eyed business people in various states of decay, internal and external, paced the space examining documents, paper and electronic.  A middle aged man in a thread bare double breasted suit sniffed ketamine off a tablespoon, while his colleague, a young woman in a pencil skirt, slugged vodka the way the thirsty chug water.  I only caught a snippet of their exchange:

“We can’t apologize for lactose intolerance.”

“But we can apologize for a cheeseburger having cheese.” In another space a grey skinned wax figure waited for a nurse to change an IV bag dripping morphine.  Surrounded by an assortment of young professionals, the room seemed like a cult of silence devoted to holding a secret.  A woman in tortoise shell glasses spun the cylinder of a revolver, put it to her temple, and when she heard the click, sighed, took a shot of whiskey, and started reading a letter.  I heard the distinct clatter of keyboards being hammered, and riding crops striking bare flesh.

“Thank you Miss!  May I have another?”

Yet in all the seeming chaos the workers managed to flow between one another efficiently, an almost elegant ballet of the damned.

The person towing me through the scene remarked, “I’m Bernie.  For now.  Tomorrow, I don’t know.  It depends.  Don’t ask on what.  Point being, your job is to write back to the beggars.  Got it?”

“Okay.”

“Good.  Here’s your space.”  And with that Bernie detached his hand, leaving me adrift by a state of the art computer atop a turn of the century desk.  Stepping over a chalk outline, I took a seat at my desk.

“Don’t worry about that.”

I looked up to find a young lady in red.  

She nodded at the chalk outline, “Horace Fletcher.  Good guy.  Killed himself.”

“Does everybody here talk in staccato sentences.”

She smiled, “Force of habit, I’m afraid.  There’s a lot to do, and no time to do it in,” extending a hand, “I’m Patty.”

Thanks to Patty, I discovered the true parameters of my job.  Public relations is almost a tautology.  It’s name defines what it is:  relating to the public.  However, that covers a broad spectrum of ways to relate.  The top floor of the Monadnock Building devoted itself to public relations for the {redacted} family.  This involved everything from composing explanations, summaries, and denials regarding the family’s various scandals, philanthropies, business, and political concerns.  Each concern being the focus of different groups, or perhaps divisions is more appropriate:  mercenary artisans trying to paint realities.

As Patty put it, “We wrap the shit in gold, and draw all eyes to a drop in the bucket.”

When I said, “Bernie put me in charge of the 'beggars?’”

Patty got a bit misty, “Entry level stuff.  Enjoy your innocence.”

I wanted to inform Patty about my time as a sounding assistant, sterilizing metal rods used by a dominatrix to widen the hole in a penis so that objects such as fingers could be inserted into said dick-hole; however, I could tell she enjoyed the idea of my innocence so much that it would be wrong to rob her of it.  So I kept my penis stories to myself.  

The “beggars” turned out to be anyone writing to the {redacted} family asking for money.  This also constituted a broad spectrum.  On any given day I went through about fifty missives soliciting money in myriad ways.  Long lost cousins sought financial reconnection with relatives; for the low, low price of 20 grand, black sheep offered to keep silent about buried bodies; and any number of other unrecognized spawn demanding financial acknowledgement.  Meanwhile, inventors who swore to be on the verge of paradigm shifting breakthroughs – teleportation, antigravity, freeze rays, and orgasm pills – just needed another few thousand to revolutionize the world.  Folks from places like Telluride, Colorado, Marfa, Texas, and Stockbridge, Massachusetts sought coin to start hospitals for broken hearts, agencies devoted to finding lost pets, and the Fuck You Ashley Tillerman Institute.  Cash to stop the Martian invasion.  Funds to get the invasion going.  

Every day I dipped into a cornucopia full of the well intentioned, insane, and grifters.  After about two weeks, it got hard to tell the difference between them.  This mainly having to do with the fact my response to each, as instructed, remained forever always NO.  

Patty said, “You have to read the letters.  That way you can put in a personal touch.  Then they feel like someone actually considered giving them money, and we get less hate mail.  Believe me, you don’t want to piss off that department.  They have the best drugs.”

So I did my best to be accommodating:

“Dear madam,

We appreciate your desire to build a National Hardware Store Historical Society.  Hardware stores provide Americans with the means to build the future, and maintain the present.  However, we don’t feel that our company is the best one to get behind this endeavor.  Perhaps a major home improvement retailer might be a better fit.  

Best of luck in your pursuit.

Sincerely, {redacted}”

An intern near the coffee room enjoyed the task of rubber stamping signatures onto all correspondence.  The kid sat in a weed slack fog of delight, stamp, stamp, stamping the day away.  On more than one occasion I found myself along with others enviously eying that intern.   According to office folklore, the top floor of the Monadnock Building was purchased because a bygone patriarch of the {redacted} family said, “The city is in charge of cleaning the sidewalk.  So if they’re going to kill themselves, let them jump to their death.  Then we won’t have to pay for the mess.”  So it’s no surprise how many of us came to envy that intern’s pacific demeanor while happily assisting in the distribution of our gilded shit.  It didn’t seem to wear on the soul quite the way it did on ours.  

Having to tell a racist no we won’t be funding a School of Higher Aryan Education (and whatever hideously malignant stupidity that would lead to) does make one feel good.  However, having to deny someone asking for help with medical bills, cancer killing their bank account before it goes after them, obliterates any of that joy.  Overhearing the press release about {redacted} Junior’s latest monstrosity – “Maybe that hooker wanted to die, she didn’t say, 'Stop choking me.’” – knowing the expense of his legal defense, and ad campaign to polish the family image – we could ease a few burdens with those millions.  But no.  Cancer fighters, refugees, the infirmed, those honestly sick, dying, and in need:  fuck 'em.  

Granted, it seems like an equal fuck you, aimed at anyone asking for a penny, yet, the disparity is taxing.  

The postmark puts the letter in some part of Texas.  It’s from an elderly woman writing on behalf of her grandson.  He can’t write himself because 45% of his body is covered in burns after an oilrig catastrophe, and seeing as how [redacted} owns those oilfields, well sir, it seems right proper maybe we could help with the medical bills is all; and sure, there’s a real possibility she’s a grifter pulling some bullshit con – start thinking of everyone as full of shit – old bitch probably writes to a dozen companies a day asking for any kind of cash.  Yeah!  Suck down a fifth of bourbon writing the politest fuck you the world’s ever heard.  Don’t even wonder if it’s at all true.  Or if so, consider it sarcastically:  sorry about your extra crispy grandson, but we can’t help because there’s nothing that says we have to.

On a Wednesday, Bernie stopped into my office.  He said, “You’re doing great.  Promotion assured.  Pretty soon you’ll have my job.”

I opened my mouth to reply.  His phone rang.  He held up a finger.  In the momentary silence he answered, listened, nodded then walked to a window, and jumped out.

Few people are ever so blessed to witness their future made plain.  

Patty stuck her head in, “Did Bernie just go out a window?”

I said, “Yep, and I quit.”

[rueur]

Morning Pages No. 63

Wednesday 26th August - 11:57am

There’s three minutes left of the morning, and I consider that to be a victory! Also, just have to add that I’m weirdly excited that tomorrow is going to be my 23rd and a half birthday AND #64 in the morning pages, which is the square root of 8, and the answer to the equation 16 x 4 =. I’m not a maths-oriented person, so I forgot what a square root number is. It’s like the opposite of a prime number, but it’s mathematically gorgeous. Evan found us an exercise bike on Marketplace for $250! And it looks insanely nice. It’s in a superb condition, it’s exactly what we were looking for, and it’s WELL within our price range. What a freaking steal, and I also just have to add: what immensely good karma. I feel like we’re deserving of this, and it also definitely feels like such a positive sign that this was a great idea on our part. I’m feeling infinitely more keen to get rid of the futon and streamline the room we’re both currently in into being a lot more health-conscious and thus, a far better room suited to entertainment. The futon is also keeping me from doing Ringfit on a regular basis, so we’ll see once we get the bike how much easier it’ll be for me to work out at home and get myself to a more tolerable level of fit. 

I’m keen to play Breath of the Wild again today because it’s been a couple of days since we last played and Evan ordered another copy from [REDACTED] this morning, so we’ll just be waiting for that to arrive today. I also want to do a bit more work on the site, because my meeting with Julie will be a week from today and I need to get it to a level that I’ll be happy to present it at, even though I know Julie will want to make some adjustments. I feel like her main gripes will be with the colour scheme, which is perfectly fine with me. That should be more than easy to adjust. And the fonts...the fonts are doing my head in. I’m still not sure how to add extra font packs. And to also connect this Squarespace website up with cPanel and VentraIP, but again, that’s not a high priority issue. We’ll need to get the website to a place where we both feel it’s good enough to publish before we even think about moving it over to VentraIP. 

I’m always thinking about work. And because it’s lockdown, I’ve been thinking about when orders we’ve placed will be arriving. We’ve been ordering a fair amount of stuff, and I’m not sure if it’s out of boredom or necessity. Perhaps both? We want to break up the monotony of the day, but doing that with retail therapy seems a little reckless. We have the internet, gas, and electricity bills due and water is also most definitely on its way. And RENT, because it’s the end of the month. September 1st is going to be a Tuesday, so we’ll need to pay before my next payday, which is a touch depressing. But also I suppose it’ll be nice to know that I can retain 100% of the pay that I’ll be receiving next week! That is unless I make an online purchase. 

It’s 12:06pm. I like the idea that it takes me about ten minutes to write out a page of stream of consciousness, so three pages should take around a half an hour. That’s ideal, but usually what happens is I get distracted from this process by Evan or by the animals or just generally by things that I need to do (base biological urges), OR I forgot a word, like what just happened when I was typing out ‘base biological urges’ as a gentle code for having to take a dump. So graceless, always. That’s my style, eh?

Sarah wants to have another phone call at some point today, and I think it’s mostly to chat about the way the group has been heading. People have been leaving and apparently she received her first bit of negative feedback. I’d be curious to hear what it is. I’m curious to know why Nichole left. I know she wasn’t really keeping up with the days so I suppose it makes sense? But Amy’s also not overtly keeping up with the days, which is genuinely surprising to me. I feel like Amy would be all over some well-intentioned mindfulness challenges. Sam just sent me a message that contained a painful pun. We were joking about the ethereal science that is the healing properties of cats. So cat purrs can actually heal human beings because the vibration or the frequency of the vibration has been known to promote feelings of peace in human beings. It relaxes our minds and bodies and heals our cells. 

EDDIE DROPPED OFF OUR GAME! IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE HIM and it was also just a real treat, man. He was sick last week so up until this lovely afternoon, I hadn’t seen him for like two weeks. So now Evan is playing the game AGAIN finally! Oh my fucking lord I have waited so long for him to pick up this game, he’s an idiot. And I am speaking all this out loud as I type because he’s in the room and he can hear me and I love terrorising him. AND HE DOESN’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK BECAUSE HE ON HIS PHONE THA DUMB. What a stupid smug grin. What a cute face. Aww.

He’s distracting me from this chore. No, this is all a part of my morning pages for today. You can’t say this isn’t properly a part of it, it’s STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS, fool. Do you know what stream of consciousness entails? It’s literally typing/writing as you think. So anything that I’m thinking, belongs in these pages. Get out of the room. I have to finish this first and you are distracting myself from my own mind, you dumb bass. Yes, I meant to type out ‘dumb bass’, because I want to imply that you are a mute fish. I am so distracted from this task, it is infuriating. Also, please be at least a little bit impressed by my touch-typing abilities. Aww. He just said he’s always impressed by everything I do. How sweet. Man, this is going to be so chaotic to read a year or so from now! All I need to remember, future self, is that Evan was in the same room as I in 847 flying high (but he was sober this morn), playing Breath of the Wild for the second time, standing up and leaning against the wall because Kelley Starrett says that we should consider sitting to be a cancer. And that for each hour of sitting you need to do however many minutes of physical activity. 

Fuck, I just remembered that I told the boy that I would make pancakes for breakfast this morning, and I haven’t done that yet. And also it isn’t the morning anymore. Whoops. I am so happy that I got to see Eddie today though. I’m also just glad that he’s okay, I was worried that he had the ‘rona. Can you put the switch on the TV? I want to see you play. That’s the whole point of getting both games. Give me a second. Okay, he grabbed the remote. This isn’t actually promoting mindfulness too much, because of all the activity around me. But look. I’ve maintained this practice pretty damn well for the past week. I’ve written around 2000 words each day for ten or so days straight now. That’s pretty neat. I’m happy with this. I also kind of hope that I can make time to take Lonzo out again today, hopefully well before 5:30pm, so I can talk to Sarah without feeling too fatigued.

I’m fighting the urge to end this third page here. I just want to go on with my day! And I don’t know how many epiphanies I’ll be having in these pages today. I mean, I wrote my last three pages so dang recently, this entry just feels quite arbitrary. But I suppose that’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have done yesterday’s pages at 10pm last night, that’s just basic. Morning pages 101: do them in the morning. Otherwise they’re not as fresh, and your next entries are going to be incredibly close together. I honestly just feel like Saturday has thrown me off so much. I can’t believe it’s Wednesday and I’m still trying to play catch-up because being at work on Saturday and typing out that day’s entry over hours and hours was just...bleh. I have no words other than ‘bleh’. I’m tapped out. 

The soundtrack for this game is actually so soothing. I don’t mind how minimalistic it is. In fact, the minimalistic soundscape kind of just enhances the game’s natural atmosphere and built environment! Evan just found a boomerang! Those are quite rare. Not a lizal boomerang, like an actual boomerang. I feel like I shouldn’t be watching him play or even listening or even in the same room as I finish these pages off. It seems like a major distraction. You found the Duelling Peaks stable! He’s trying to climb a shrine. Lord help me. Oooh. That must’ve been painful. Sorry, Link. Ma man a dumb bass. 

Ooh these pages have just completely gone to shit. But I’m still going to finish them. I’m at around 1600 words, well just over. That means that I have about 400 to go. I’m about or over 75% of the way through! Huzzah! Ew. I don’t even like saying that sarcastically. But it makes me think of ‘Dungeons and Dragons’, and I think I’d like to play that at least once. Maybe some time after lockdown ends I can go to a game with Malith. Gale does them, so that may be a great opportunity to hang out with that gang again. I also want to do pub trivia again! I can’t believe how many innocuous events and happenings this lockdown has had me missing. It’s absurd that there was ever a time where I had the opportunity to do all these activities whenever I liked, and I just never took them, or at the very least seldom took them. But if I’m going to be completely honest with myself, I still see myself being somewhat of a recluse even after lockdown ends. I will indulge in all the newfound freedom once we do find it again, as all Melbournians will, but I won’t be going crazy. I won’t be going out every weekend. If the world opens up again, then that will mean the responsibilities of the world will be opening up again too, which is a contributing factor to my wanting to stay home and be on my own. That, and there’s always Lonzo. I don’t want to leave HIM on his own, because he never wants that, and he never gets to have a say.

This shrine looks difficult. I want to be attentive, but it looks as though I have about 100 words left, which is nothing. I’ll need to start my website for uni soon, I haven’t even thought about that at all. I’d like to pen an online essay, that’s a new experience. And Wordpress should be easy enough to master. I mean, I’ve done it before, for one. Squarespace is just so clean, though! Definitely will be using this to start up BROKEN media. I’m looking forward to that. 

I’m on the fourth page now, but only at 1970 words. I feel like I’m cheating if I don’t at least get to 2000. I used a lot of paragraphs for this entry, because I mean I had a lot of distractions. 2003 words. I’m going to sign off here then. 2012. 2013. 2014. I need to stop. 2020!

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[unixcommerce]

25 Examples of Embezzlement and Workplace Theft

One awful day you wake up and realize an employee you trusted has been embezzling from your company. It’s one of the most devastating things to happen to a small business owner.

Examples of embezzlement abound and there’s no shortage of ways that employees steal.

The goal of this article is to help you spot the warning signs. If you can think like an embezzler, you will know what to look for to protect your business.

And protect it you must! The consequences of embezzlement can be catastrophic to a small business. According to the Hiscox Embezzlement Study, the median amount of an employee theft is a whopping $294,000.

The following list of embezzlement examples is based on my professional knowledge. Early in my career I was an in-house lawyer at a regional bank. We investigated hundreds of embezzlement cases involving customers of the bank, often small businesses. Later I served as vice president of human resources in a corporation where I also dealt with other types of workplace theft and fraud. So I’ve seen it all.

What is Embezzlement?

Before we look at embezzlement examples, let’s first understand what embezzlement means.

Embezzlement is when an employee or someone else in a trusted position steals from your business. They use the money or other assets for their own use.

Embezzlement often implies a white collar crime where funds are taken from bank accounts, or perhaps where check forgery or payroll fraud is involved.  But it’s not limited to those circumstances.

Embezzlement is a crime — the person is usually charged with felony theft under state law.  In certain circumstances it can also be a federal crime. Penalties may involve jail time and fines.  The embezzler usually is ordered by the court to pay restitution to the business. However, businesses are rarely repaid in full.

Embezzlement Examples

Here are the top 25 embezzlement examples and workplace thefts to watch out for:

Forging Checks

The employee writes company checks or makes electronic payments to himself. The employee then cooks the books to hide the theft.

This classic embezzlement example is made easier when a company uses a signature stamp of an executive’s signature.  A signature stamp is literally like handing employees a blank check because they can “sign” checks without your knowledge.

Prevention:  Separate responsibilities: one worker to process checks and another to reconcile transactions and approve documentation. If you don’t have enough staff for separate functions, then reconcile bank statements yourself. Require purchase orders or invoices for every payment. And stop using a signature stamp — or keep it under lock and key.

Cashing Customer Checks

The employee endorses and cashes customer checks payable to the company, then keeps the funds.

Today, as more payments become electronic the essential crime is the same. The employee may set up a bank account with a fictitious name similar to the employer’s to divert electronic payments into. Small banks and credit unions can be lax in allowing accounts to be established by the employee using fake “doing business as” names.

Prevention:  Separate the functions so that one person is responsible for processing payments and another for reconciling accounting entries. Implement controls to track customer payments at every step to avoid this kind of embezzlement.

Faking Vendor Payments

Next on our list of embezzlement examples is when an employee steals company funds, but tries to hide them as payments to vendors. Faithless employees may create fake vendor invoices and change accounting system entries to hide their tracks.

Prevention:  Regularly review detailed expense reports (not just summary reports) broken down by vendor, amount and purpose. If you stay familiar with your numbers, it’s easier to spot when a payment or accounting entry looks suspicious. If your company is big enough, separate the functions employees perform.

Overbilling Customers

The employee overbills customers, keeps the extra money and covers it up with false accounting entries.

Sometimes this a large-scale fraud where each customer or transaction is overbilled by a small “fee” for years. Other times it involves double billing the same amount twice or tacking on charges for items the customer did not buy.

You might be tempted to think of this as stealing from customers, but it’s really a type of embezzlement. Your company bears responsibility for overbillings and will have to make good to customers.

Prevention:  Conduct a periodic audit of customer billings. Pay close attention to customer complaints about billing errors and require thorough explanations from staff of how they occurred. Complaints may be a warning sign of a bigger problem.

Theft of Customer Card Data

An employee who takes phone orders may later use the customer’s credit card data to charge personal purchases online. Or a gas station manager may use a skimmer device to skim card data from terminals at the pumps.

A more nerdy version is when an employee downloads credit card data from company IT systems. Then he or she sells it on the dark web.

Prevention:  Limit access to customer data to only those who need it. Deploy technology that redacts credit card numbers or only prints out the last digits, to limit trash harvesting or unintentional sharing. Change permissions when someone with IT access leaves the company. If you use card terminals, install anti-skimming technology — some municipalities now require it.

Padding An Expense Account

Padding examples range from the occasional attempt to justify an expensive lunch using a “creative” description, all the way to elaborate embezzlement schemes.

Large enterprises take padding seriously – shouldn’t you? A Hewlett Packard CEO was ousted back in 2010 in the face of allegations he padded his expense account to hide an extramarital affair. HP saw the issue as one of trust.

Prevention:  Have a written policy detailing what is — and is not — reimbursable. Go over the policy in staff meetings. If employees do a lot of business travel, consider using an expense management app such as Zoho Expense or Expensify to control approvals and see scanned receipts all in one place.

Double Dipping

Next on our list of embezzlement examples is when there’s a single legitimate business expense, but the employee gets two reimbursements. She first pays for an expense with the company credit card. Later she submits a cash reimbursement request for the same expense.

Prevention:  Insist on seeing underlying receipts for all expenses (don’t just review the credit card statement). Use expense management software if your employees incur a lot of reimbursable expenses.

Using a Company Credit Card For Personal Use

The employee pays for personal expenses using a company credit card. The good news is, often these thefts are sporadic and the amounts are small.

However, what if the same employee also manages the accounting system and realizes no one but her pays attention?  Using a company credit card for personal use can turn into massive embezzlement examples when combined with falsified accounting records.

Prevention: Always have two people involved in the process: one to approve expenses and one to handle accounting. Require documentation of the expense purpose.

Voiding Transactions At The Cash Register

An associate at the cash register voids transactions and pockets the cash. This is a common way of skimming money from a retail small business.

Prevention:  Newer point-of-sale systems have security protocols to help prevent this kind of theft. For example, they allow clearance levels so you can require manager approval to void a sale. Employee ID numbers track how often a particular staff member voids transactions so you can spot repeat offenders.

Siphoning Off Cash Deposits

Before dropping off the cash deposit bag at the bank in the evening, the employee pockets some of the cash. The amount may be small enough not to be missed — perhaps $100. But week after week, it adds up to thousands of dollars.

Prevention:  Personally count the day’s cash, complete the deposit slip and enter the amount into the accounting records yourself before handing off the bag. Or separate the functions so two people are involved. Other strategies may help, such as security cameras in the area where cash is counted along with using locked deposit bags. See more tips for cash processing.

Raiding the Petty Cash Box or Safe

This theft can be as simple as the employee taking $200 out of the safe or petty cash box.

Prevention:  Lock up large sums and keep the key yourself, to minimize access and temptation by employees. Or use security cameras. Read: 20 Cash Handling Best Practices.

Pocketing Cash From Fundraisers

Skimming fundraiser money is all too common in non-profits. But this type of fraud also  occurs in businesses that take on a charitable cause. If one person has complete control over the money, from start to finish, the temptation to steal can prove too great.

Prevention: Always have at least two people involved in the workflow of collecting, recording, depositing and remitting donations. Don’t give temptation a chance.

Stealing Office Supplies

It’s shocking how many employees seem to feel it is okay to take large amounts of office supplies home. Theft of supplies usually involves consumable items like postage stamps, Post-it notes or coffee supplies.

The owners of one business started during the Great Depression had a solution. They were so frugal they required employees to turn in their pencils at the end of each day!  You don’t need to keep THAT tight a rein. But reasonable controls are a best practice.

Prevention:  Put most of your supplies under lock and key and replenish an open supply area sparingly, to keep shrinkage small. A security camera may help. Discuss the use of supplies in a company meeting to set the tone and convey company values.

Stealing Equipment or Raw Materials

In construction and manufacturing businesses, an employee may hide company property in a dumpster or storage area and retrieve it after hours.

Equipment theft also occurs in offices. Think laptops or small document scanners that can be slipped into a backpack or handbag.

Prevention:  Lock up or bolt down valuable items if feasible. Label important equipment with a number and let employees know you plan regular audits to ensure items are still on site. Use security cameras and electronic access systems.

Stealing Products

The employee steals company products. Examples include jewelry or perfume from a high end retail shop. Typical victims are small retailers that lack shrinkage controls. It is stunning how many owners simply stuff inventory into a storeroom with no tracking system.

Another variation is when a waiter does not charge friends for food or drinks in a restaurant.

Prevention:  Use security cameras. Implement an inventory management system and regularly check inventory levels. There’s even POS technology that tracks voided transactions and discounts, and alerts the owner or manager.

Burglarizing Company Premises

Think classic inside job — with or without accomplices. The employee leaves a door unlocked or uses a key to get in after hours. Your company gets ripped off.

Prevention:  Install security cameras. Implement an electronic security system to secure after-hours access, and record who is coming and going.

Stealing Returned Merchandise

This theft can occur in a retail or ecommerce setting, or in any business that swaps out old equipment. The employee simply takes returned items home or resells them on Craigslist or eBay.

A lack of controls makes this theft easier. In some small businesses, returns may be stacked haphazardly in a corner. Is it any wonder they disappear?

Prevention:  Implement control systems for managing returns and other property.

Claiming a Company Laptop Was Lost

The employee gives a laptop or mobile device to a family member and tells the employer it was lost. The company then replaces the item.

Prevention: Use device management software that enables the company to disable lost devices and track their location.

Setting Up Fake Employees

The embezzling employee sets up fake employees, pockets the pay, and cooks the books to hide the transaction. This happens in businesses with absentee owners or over-trusting owners who do not pay attention.

Prevention:  Implement systems to reconcile headcount with staffing expenses. Regularly review a detailed headcount report breaking down expenses by employee. Remember, detailed reports are your friend. Embezzlement is much harder to spot if all you ever look at are summary reports or a high-level P&L.

Falsifying Overtime

This may include schemes where co-workers clock in and out for each other. Or it may involve a payroll clerk creating false entries for supposed overtime that he pays himself.

Prevention:  Use electronic timesheet systems. Watch overtime pay closely for unusual increases. Compare detailed reports to identify exactly which employees are getting overtime and when — you may spot suspicious patterns.

Failing To Remit Payroll Tax Money

The employee embezzles money earmarked for the employer’s payroll tax remittances or other tax money. Eventually the taxing authority will come down hard on the business owner for not sending in the tax money, and may file a lien against the business or seize property. So not only do you face losses from embezzlement, but you have the IRS on your tail — a double whammy!

This embezzlement example is perpetrated by dishonest bookkeepers, financial staff, payroll clerks and even small outside payroll services.

Prevention:  Outsource to a large reputable payroll service such as Paychex or ADP. It goes a long way to prevent an embezzlement nightmare. Or require a regular audit by an outside accounting firm.

Collecting Kickbacks From Vendors

In this scheme, the employee gets vendor kickbacks and you are unaware. Kickbacks can be cash. They also can take the form of additional products and services used in an employee’s side business or home. A warning sign is an unusually close relationship between a vendor and an employee.

Prevention:  Get involved in choosing vendors yourself. This minimizes collusion between vendors and faithless employees.

Selling Trade Secrets; Corporate Espionage

The employee sells sensitive information to a competitor. Or the employee takes  confidential documents and trade secrets with him when switching jobs.

You see this in high tech startups. For example, a former Google executive was indicted on criminal charges for stealing 14,000 files for self-driving car technology and taking them to a startup later acquired by Uber.

Prevention:  Have strong employee agreements. Shared cloud storage systems help you manage and track who has access to what.

Business Identity Theft

An employee secures a line of credit or loan in your company name, using the money for personal purchases. The embezzler then uses company funds to make the payments. Typical embezzlers are finance staff or bookkeepers with access to accounting records and legitimate accounts used to cover their tracks.

A similar theft is when a partner or family member in a family business takes out unauthorized loans in the company name.

Prevention:  Implement internal controls for checks and balances. Require detailed reports to see where money is going. Sudden cash flow issues or a negative change in your company credit score may be warning signs of embezzlement.  Pay particular attention to services like PayPal and others than allow pre-approved loans or advances against your account.

Starting A Business Using Company Resources

In this situation, employees start their own businesses on company time. In the worst situations employees use company resources such as software code in their new software product, or steal raw materials.

Make no mistake about it: this is theft. Yet, some delusional souls brag on social media about what they are doing!

Still, the employer may get the last laugh. Why? Because generally speaking, an employer owns all work product created on company time.

Prevention:  Set expectations properly with employees — and make your policy clear, whatever is. Some employers encourage side businesses but others have a no moonlighting policy. Even if you allow side businesses, make it clear that activities  should not be conducted during work hours, and company resources may not be used.

Final Thoughts on Embezzlement

It’s important to be an engaged business owner. Pay attention, ask questions and review detailed reports. Deploy technology to control access and approval levels, and provide early warning of anything unusual. Most of all, implement checks and balances in your processes to make sure no single employee has complete control. Steps like these help protect the livelihoods of everyone in the business.

Images: Depositphotos.com

This article, “25 Examples of Embezzlement and Workplace Theft” was first published on Small Business Trends

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[mikemortgage]

Posthaste: Rogers’ miss, Mueller time and Samsung’s $1,980 phone fail

Good morning!

A day after the celebration in Alberta’s oilpatch over the United Conservative Party’s election win, a more sober look at how Jason Kenney can keep his promises. Meanwhile, America braces for the long-awaited release of Mueller’s final report (redacted) on possible Russian meddling in the U.S. election. The Bank of Canada gets one more piece in the data puzzle before it decides on rates next week with retail sales today … and Samsung’s new, almost $2,000 folding phones appear to be breaking after just a couple of days. Extra time this long weekend? Take a look at Joe O’Connor’s profile on one of Canada’s most prolific, but almost entirely unsung inventor. It’s a great read

Here’s what’s breaking this morning:

Oilpatch rejoices, but Jason Kenney has few levers to fast track pipelines

Rogers’ profit and sales fall, missing expectations

After 2 years of waiting, Americans will see Mueller report

Some of Samsung’s new folding phones are already breaking

Canopy Growth nearing deal to buy Acreage in what could be first major cross-border cannabis merger: sources

Federal government extends Trans Mountain deadline to June 18

TransAlta says Mangrove Partners has dropped application for regulatory hearing

Canada, EU punch back at U.S. Cuba shift, vow to defend their companies

Canola group demands Ottawa ’consider all available options’ in China seed dispute

Kinder Morgan options for Canadian branch delayed due to ’complexity’

Pinterest launches IPO at $19 per share

Garneau calls for flight simulators before Max 8s can return to Canadian skies

Ontario to allow community housing providers to turn criminals away

EU puts out $20 billion tariff list in retaliation for Boeing spat with US

Stocks erase week’s gains after weak manufacturing surveys

Trump team readies PR offensive on North America trade deal’s economic effects

Meet Canada’s most prolific (arguably) inventor who sees ideas everywhere

Jack Mintz: How Bill C-69 could escalate regulatory costs until projects become unworkable

Innovation Nation: Five companies making the world a better place to live, work and play

Stephen Poloz’s dashboard: The latest charts that matter most to the Bank of Canada

The Parliamentary Budget Officer posts a new report titled “Revisiting the Middle Class Tax Cut” that estimates the fiscal cost of the tax cut in tax years 2015 and 2016.

Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland holds a media availability following a meeting with workers at Algoma Steel in Sault Ste. Marie, Ont.

Innovation Minister Navdeep Bains makes a funding announcement in Waterloo, Ont.

The Marijuana Party of Canada holds a press conference to address the state of cannabis in Canada six months after the Cannabis Act has come into effect.

Canopy Growth joins TSX 60

Today’s data: Canadian retail sales, StatsCan EI report, U.S. retail sales

Notable earnings: Rogers Communications, Schlumberger, Philip Morris International, American Express

Don’t let the shrinking trade gap fool you. What looks like a healthy spike in Canadian exports turns sickly when you take away oil (see the blue line). Non-energy exports plunged 4 per cent in February, the biggest monthly decline since July 2017, data showed Wednesday. Stronger crude prices mask what seems to be a deteriorating outlook in just about every other sector.

Don’t forget markets are closed tomorrow and closed Monday in Europe. Happy long weekend! Send your ideas, comments and news to Pam Heaven at pheaven@postmedia.com — @pamheaven 

— With files from The Canadian Press, Thomson Reuters and Bloomberg

from Financial Post http://bit.ly/2UqUlmG via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage

[aemoglobin]

lmfao apparently target automatically designates you as a tobacco user in their healthcare system and you have to manually opt out of it EVERY. FUCKING. YEAR, and if you don’t they will take $31 out of your paycheck every month. cool. cool. nice to know they’ve taken $90+ from me this year and i like? didn’t know? because i don’t look at my paystubs and also WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?!

i tried to change it during enrollment period this year, but the site crashed on me & wiped my information, and then it slipped from my brain and i didn’t go back to finish it before enrollment ended so now if i want to change this (and i WILL CHANGE IT) i have to....................do something with my healthcare forms. and they’re probably gonna mail me 500 more useless pieces of paper i don’t need after i do it. fuck. FUCK. i hate this system so fucking MUCH what the FUCK, man.

i don’t work again until friday (and that’s only if i’m not on day 1/2 of my period by then) and i don’t know if the Helpful HR Girl will be there (as opposed to HR Intern and Uselessly Evil HR Man) because i need assurance that i’m using the right forms and filling it out right etc etc etc 

[alissaselezneva]

4 Steps to Enhance Financial Data Security

The WannaCry ransomware attack that broke out May 12 attacked hundreds of thousands of Windows XP computers and tens of thousands of organizations spanning more than 150 countries. It provided a wake-up call about the vulnerability of organizations and the potential worldwide scope of cyberattacks.   Beyond the regulatory and reputation nightmare, the global cost of cybercrime is staggering. It’s reported that it will reach $2 trillion within two years. Because of the compliance and regulatory requirements of both the financial services and healthcare industries, the cost per breach is expected to be higher than for almost any other industry groups, in fact.   Even more frightening is the fact that financial services industry is a top target for cyberattackers.  The recent Verizon security report shows that almost one-quarter of data breaches affect financial organizations, with 88% of these occurring through web application attacks and denial of service attacks, as well as payment card skimmers. 

Build Resilience Into Your Infrastructure

Recently, Accenture worked jointly with Oracle to provide a roadmap for strengthening business resilience and ensuring business continuity in the face of these ever-greater threats.

A key point is that you can mitigate data security risk better by building in security that prevents data breaches in the first place, rather than reacting to an event. Even if you can repel an attack, system performance will degrade while under attack—slowing operations and reducing staff productivity.

Network security alone simply won’t do the job. You need to build in security throughout your infrastructure, right to the core.

Are you wondering if your financial services business adequately protects sensitive customer data? Here are some questions you need to ask:

·         Do the IT policies adhere to industry standards with regards to database security?

·         What measures are in place to protect from unauthorized access or misuse by privileged users?

·         What measures are in place to protect from data corruption, and unrecoverable and intentional damage to data?

To ensure Oracle database security, Accenture takes a full-lifecycle approach based on four pillars. Let’s look at each:

Data Security Pillar #1: Discovery

In the discovery phase of the process, you begin by getting an assessment of where your systems are today. This includes an audit of your database architecture and past events; analysis and confirmation of vulnerabilities in critical areas like user access, application security, and patch validations; and then a summary of the findings with recommendations.

Data Security Pillar #2: Engineering a Solution

The next step is to engineer a solution based on your specific business requirements. This should include a security and compliance model; an intrusion detection system; integration of third-party applications; and Oracle Advanced Security solutions that include encryption, masking and redaction, and compliant identity management solutions. Because Oracle Engineered Systems are completely integrated and optimized through every layer of the stack, the data security is already built in.

Data Security Pillar #3: Implementation

Once the solution is developed, it’s time to implement it. But implementing a new solution is not only tedious, it can offer its own security risks as well. Sourcing individual components of a new database solution and working with the networking and storage team to install, configure, and patch can be overwhelmingly complex and time-consuming. Not to mention that taking systems offline for a long period of time could leave you unnecessarily exposed.

Oracle Exadata, Oracle's flagship Engineered System, is an all-in-one database platform. Because servers, networking, and storage are all preconfigured, pretuned, and ready to deploy, you can deploy in a matter of days versus weeks or even months. Because of the massive consolidation ratio, applying a pretested quarterly patch to a few Exadata machines is faster and much easier than having to dedicate resources to patch several disparate machines and ensure compatibility after each update. You're also reducing your surface area of attack. A smooth implementation is a great indicator of how your security measures will continue to go in the future.

Data Security Pillar #4: Education

Continued training, workshops, and educational materials can help ensure data security doesn’t stop once systems and processes are implemented. Building resilience into your organization extends much further than just hardware. Teaching employees new and old how to protect their passwords, avoid phishing scams, and develop good workplace habits, such as locking your computer when you step away to go to the bathroom, are all important measures in ensuring data securing across the entire organization.

How a Major Bank Realized Better Data Security and Performance With Engineered Systems

Oracle Engineered Systems are co-engineered with the Oracle Database team to deliver unique security enhancements and stronger end-to-end security for the entire stack. For Chinae Savings Bank of South Korea, security like that is paramount. With a network of 14 bank branches and internet and mobile banking services, Chinae needed to strengthen security for customers’ personal information, such as bank account details and home address, and prevent malicious attacks and data breaches to ensure compliance with stringent Korean Personal Information Protection Act requirements. By combining Oracle Advanced Security, Oracle Exadata Database Machine, and Oracle Exadata Storage Servers, Chinae experienced the following results:

·         Minimizing exposure of sensitive customer information during online transactions and keeping unauthorized users from accessing sensitive information improved data security.

·         Data encryption and redaction capabilities ensured the bank’s compliance with South Korea’s regulatory requirements.

·         Data redaction directly into the database operation system increased security without affecting system response time and CPU utilization rate.

·         The "smart" Exadata Storage Servers allowed credit-related transactions to be processed 3x faster than before, at 660 transactions per second.

·         Exadata "out-of-the-box" pre-tested, pre-configured platform allowed the new retail banking platform was deployed in just 5 months. This accelerates data transfer between Chinae Savings’ core banking and information system and the external system for Korea Federation of Savings Bank from 20 hours to just four hours—a 5x improvement.

Chinae was able to improve data security, but also improved performance of their risk analysis and credit management by enabling bank employees to rapidly access customer credit data, such as loan amount and credit rating, and ensure timely updates to the account and customer information management systems.

You don’t have to sacrifice performance for data security. By engineering security into your infrastructure from the start, you can get the best of both worlds and avoid becoming a statistic on the growing data breach-shaming list. Learn more about the four pillars of data security in the report published by Accenture and Oracle, "Digital Trust: Securing Data at Its Core" and how Oracle Engineered Systems can help you enhance your financial data security.

  https://blogs.oracle.com/4-steps-to-enhance-financial-data-security

from WordPress https://reviewandbonuss.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/4-steps-to-enhance-financial-data-security/

[blackpjensen]

Balancing Customer Service With Contract Terms

Keeping customers happy during unpredictable snowstorms is no easy task. When phone calls and emails start coming in with complaints or requests for more services or issues, do you go above and beyond? As a contractor looking to run a profitable business, where do you draw the line when a customer continues to demand services beyond the contract agreement? See how this PlowSite member handled a difficult situation while maintaining professionalism.

BILLIOUS: My company took on a larger corporate customer with a number of properties this winter, which easily doubled my number of properties. I’m well equipped for it, and we’ve been providing good service. This customer is a nonprofit organization that has retail outlets, a corporate office and a number of residences.

We’ve definitely serviced this client above and beyond the terms of our (well-written) contract, but they are starting to demand services in excess of our contractual terms. I get the impression that since their account manager knows we’re a smaller company and they represent a large amount of business for us, they are pushing us.

Has anyone else been in this situation? The relationship isn’t beyond salvage, yet — but I’ve put my foot down recently, and out-of-scope service requests are being met with T+M billing. Any helpful hints on how to stand firm without damaging the ongoing relationship?

EDGEAIR: Just keep the communication open, maybe have a sit down with the director and review their needs vs. the contract inclusions. Approach things from their needs first, make them feel important. Then compare that to the contract and offer to make an amendment to the contract for $X. Don’t rely on just sending them invoices for extras without the communication to go with it. That will build their resentment and may cause problems over time.

MAXWELLP: Sounds like it is time for a face-to-face sit down to reaffirm what is in the contract and what is not. I think to do this by email, text or phone is just not the same and leaves too much room for misinterpretation. Plus, you cannot read body language to see if it is sinking in.

BILLIOUS: Several face-to-face meetings have been had. Seems reasonable face-to-face, then I get hit with emails that act like nothing we talked about actually happened. I feel like somehow there’s some game happening on the client’s end.

We had an 8-inch snow last week, and we were very proactive plowing with the storm. No fewer than four visits (and we don’t bill per visit, but per depth) to their retail locations. In the afternoon I get an angry phone call saying, “Our retail people are saying you’ve never shown up.” I responded with the times and durations we have visited, and was faced with, “Well, you still need to go over there right now and meet with our store managers.”

Next day, I get called to one location because “It’s drifted, and why did you go out starting at 9 p.m. last night knowing the wind will blow all night? You should go out no earlier than 4 a.m. and be done by 7:30 a.m. on a storm like that.” (Nine inches, and we service 20 properties of theirs). I show up at the site, there isn’t a single drift, things look great, the store manager’s complaint is that there is still some hard-pack on the pavement at a loading dock. Hardpack was melted by 1:45 p.m.

A few days later, we get a panic phone call that a fire hydrant has been buried at a different location. I show up, dig it out and send a photo that reflects that the neighboring property’s snow contractor pushed a pile onto my client’s property, covering the hydrant.

Client has a 1.6 acre lot at a corporate facility, where they want the entirety of the lot to be pushed to one corner where there is a drain field. Problem is, for most of the winter they’ve kept a semi-trailer parked where to the drain field is. So, with the 9-inch storm, we pushed to another corner and now they are demanding we move the entire pile at our expense (nothing in our contract says that all snow must go to the drain field). Same property, they keep storage containers parked at the end of the lot. Our contract says we don’t plow within 3 feet of a parked vehicle or obstruction, but they are demanding our walk crew clear a whole line of parked storage containers every storm at no additional cost.

We provide top-notch service, and our prices are competitive. But I feel like I’m caught up in some corporate power struggle game, and I don’t appreciate it.

EDGEAIR: Sounds like you are beyond the face-to-face damage control. Maybe the next step is to make a professional letter outlining all the things you have listed and handdeliver it to this person, and cut and paste the sections of your contract that apply to each instance. Explain what happened, and show why they have to pay extra. Let them know that you can provide a copy to each manager, but he should issue a company memo indicating what is not included. Stick to your guns, otherwise they will keep walking over you.

MARK OOMKES: Sounds like someone had a preferred contractor and that contractor lost out to you and the contact person isn’t happy. Been there, done that. I fired the customer. I’d go with another face-to-face and be blunt. Tell them what you see vs. what they request.

BILLIOUS: I’ve been proactive about logging contacts, taking pictures, etc. As I’ve said before, I have no doubt that our service has been above industry standard. We’re a small company, and it would hurt to lose this customer going in to the growing season and for subsequent snow seasons. But I have to put my foot down and defend our right to bill for work above and beyond contract terms. For what it’s worth, here’s a redacted version of what I emailed him this morning:

CLIENT, I’m sorry to hear there are still lingering concerns, as I was under the impression we had addressed these items during my site visit last Thursday? Regarding your bullet point items:

As to the snow pile at the northeast corner, we discussed that snow was piled there because a semi-trailer had been parked longterm blocking access to your drainage field. We do not have the capability to move your trailers, and we have had our hands tied in choosing where to stack snow. You have a very large lot, and any comparable lot we’ve ever cleared has had multiple storage points, as well as mid-lot piles. It’s commonly understood that in snowmanagement, some lot space will eventually be lost to snow piles — unless arrangements are made for post-event pile management.

When we receive a 9-inch snow fall, the existence or lack-thereof of previous snow accumulation becomes moot. With 72,000 square foot of parking lot, 9-inch-deep — with drifts up to 4-feet-deep, all pushed to one area, we are going to lose storage space. It would have been good to use the drain field to the east of the building, but once again your organization had completely blocked our access to push snow there.

That being said, on Monday the 2nd we mobilized with the skid-steer and cleaned up some piles in the lot at no charge to CLIENT. When I met with you in person earlier that day, I asked if there were any other piles that needed to be addressed. I specifically mentioned the snow near the shipping containers, and the response from you was “No, it’s OK, we have a snowblower.” No mention was made of the pile in the northeast at that meeting.

Tuesday the 3rd, I received an email from you with concerns from your transportation manager — regarding the pile in the northeast. I sent several responses asking if we could meet, and mentioned I could get a skid-steer mobilized same day — and received no response.

Thursday the 5th, we met in person, and you pointed out that you expected the snow pile in the northeast to be moved or managed, and that the snow in front of the shipping containers needed to be cleared. We discussed in the company of your transportation manager that the drainage field was being blocked by a trailer, and developed a plan to make space for that trailer elsewhere. I then cleared a space in the grass for that trailer and used my plow to stack and relocate snow at the northeast pile. Once again, I did not charge CLIENT anything for this.

I followed up Thursday with an email where I stated the following: “I used the plow to clear out the northeast pile — hopefully enough to make things accessible for your trucks. Please let me know if that is not sufficient. I did all I could with a plow, but if we need the skid-steer I will move the pile for the 1-hour minimum price listed on the contract and will eat any additional time/cost past an hour. I hope you recognize that trucks have been getting repositioned frequently, so we’ve been trying to anticipate traffic patterns in a very dynamic environment.” I re-sent this email after a phone call on the 9th as well with no response.

The point I would like to make is that we have been extremely responsive AND proactive with your accounts, and I’m having difficulty accepting responsibility for addressing conditions that are not of our making. When we initially met in October, I told both CLIENT and yourself that working with CONTRACTOR will represent a good balance between service and cost. I believe we have gone far above and beyond on a number of occasions, while providing service at a cost that is below market price for a lot of such size and challenges. I’ve always done my best to be flexible and reasonable, without nickel-and-diming my customers. But with the goal-post constantly moving, I think I need to be clear about some of our contract provisions:

“Unless otherwise specified in writing, service areas are to include all parking lots, driveways, city sidewalks and entranceways. All snow will be retained on-site. Skid-steer service for management of drifts and piles available at $150 for the first hour, and $130 per hour thereafter (1-hour minimum).”

“CONTRACTOR will not plow or sand/ salt within 3 feet from any parked vehicles, equipment or other obstructions in parking lots, drives or other areas being cleared. Please attempt to move obstructions prior to our services being completed.”

We have already — on two occasions — come to move piles around at the CORPORATE OFFICE, with no charge. We have mobilized to your RETAIL property to uncover a firehydrant that was covered AFTER service by the neighboring property’s contractor, at no charge. I have come by for a number of site inspections and meetings at no charge. I’m happy to ensure that you receive quality service, but that service must be within the realm of the reasonable and based on contractual obligations.

I will be happy to honor my offer from last week to bring by a skid-steer to manage the northeast pile based on a 1-hour minimum charge. As part of that service, we will gladly remove the snow that’s in front of your parked containers. As far as ongoing service, we can have our walks crew maintain clearance in front of those containers from here on out — but as that was not factored into the cost of our original bid (“We will not plow within 3 feet of a parked vehicle, equipment or other obstruction.”), we would ask for the following price increase:

0-3” – ($15 more than original price)

3-6” – ($21 more than original price)

6-9” – ($30 more than original price)

9-12” – ($42 more than original price)

This is a very modest increase that will reflect the added labor time for what was out of scope of our original bid.

As always, I’m here to provide exceptional service and will do all that is in my control to ensure that you get the best value for your money.

EDGEAIR: It’ll be interesting to see their response. Well done.

BILLIOUS: If their response is anything other than “You’re right, you’ve been awesome to work with, I totally remember our in-person conversations right now, let me take you out for a beer,” I’m probably going to cancel their service.

Mark Oomkes: I’ll put $100 on the fact that you were lower than the other guy, the contact was forced to accept your bid and he doesn’t like it, just like I said in my first post. He is making your life miserable so he can hire the other contractor back when you quit.

EDGEAIR: I’ve had that happen before, and I was even a tenant in the building. The lot has looked like crap ever since, but one of the other tenants was a good friend with the “other guy.”

DEREKSLAWNCARE: My hat’s off to you. I think you have handled this situation with the utmost professional and patient attitude. I think I would have lost my cool some time ago. I will say that I do have one customer that is a church. Very nice to work with, but it seems like just about every bill ends up with a phone call and me having to explain/defend everything that was done, even though it is explained clearly on the bill. I think that “not for profits” honestly feel as though they are owed something for free just because. Don’t know if that might be part of the issue here for you, but [it’s] just my opinion.

CAMDEN: Nice job on that email. I’ve never had a customer be that needy, so my hat’s off to you for handling yourself in such a professional manner.

BILLIOUS: Customer has since responded to other matters. But this email hasn’t been responded to yet.

I take a lot of pride in providing an honest service, and doing the right thing — even when it comes at my expense. But I can honestly say we’ve given this customer the VIP treatment, and that their expectations have been completely unreasonable.

ALLAGASHPM: Honestly, it is guys like you that are doing good things for this industry. That was a great email, well thought out and well written. You keep documenting like you are and keep everything in writing. Don’t let them try to push you around because you’re a “small company.”

SNOCRETE: I’m dealing with an unreasonable manager. I’ve decided to go over them, to corporate, and file a complaint. I found summer contractors that do work for this facility and are willing to write a letter describing the manager’s rudeness and unreasonable requests outside of agreed terms.

BILLIOUS: Customer never responded to this email. But all interactions since have been amicable, and we are meeting tomorrow morning to sign the contract for warm-season services. We’ve only had two snow events since this all went down, and services were met with no complaint.

Sorry to give such an anti-climactic response, but that shows that my email did what it needed to do — set the relationship with the customer into balance without damaging said relationship. At least that’s how I hope it ends up!

DEREKSLAWNCARE: Good job for handling it like a professional and glad it worked out for you.

Visit PlowSite.com for more forums on equipment, business management and technical information. Join the conversation in the largest community of snow and ice business professionals.

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[junker-town]

WMU head coach applications ranged from a 149-page book to ‘will work for cheeseburgers’

Many people applied to the Western Michigan job. Some were coaches you’ve heard of. Others just wanted to have fun.

After P.J Fleck decided to row the boat to Minnesota, Western Michigan hired Tim Lester as its new head coach on January 13th.

But Lester wasn’t the only person interested in the job. To get a better idea who else was in the running, we filed an Open Records Request to Western Michigan for all resumes and supplemental documentation sent to the school in the eight days its job was open.

We got back hundreds of pages. Here are some of the fun things we learned.

The applicants included other names you’ve heard of.

Lots of coaches sent in resumes, references, plans and more. Some were high school coaches in the Midwest, head coaches at Division II or lower programs, or relatively anonymous position coaches.

But those names included Jeff Quinn, the former head coach at Buffalo and current strength coach at Notre Dame, and Al Borges, who has coached basically everywhere. Former Wolverine running back and current Jacksonville Jaguars running backs coach Tyrone Wheatley applied.

Some people applied, uh, on behalf of actual coaches.

Somebody sent in Sam Houston State head coach K.C. Keller’s Wikipedia page. We’re pretty sure it wasn’t Keller himself.

Others wrote in to suggest specific candidates, like former Syracuse head coach Scott Shafer, or former Michigan running back and current Syracuse running backs coach Mike Hart. Multiple (!) people wrote in to suggest former NFL head coach Jerry Glanville, who played football at a directional Michigan (Northern) once upon a time.

Coaches don’t just send in resumes. Sometimes they basically send along books.

When you apply for a regular job, you send a resume, a cover letter, and maybe another document or two. But some coaching candidates send exceptionally detailed plans for the football program, covering everything from day-to-day schedules to recruiting philosophy to program rules.

Former WMU defensive coordinator Ed Pinkham sent a 26-page plan, highlighting his ability to administer “tough love” to players and “refocus” Fleck on occasion, with .thoughts on who he’d hire as assistants.

Lester, the man who was actually hired, included a 38 page plan, covering discipline, football philosophy, and even this bit about having a Blue Collar Mentality:

We will be a team that enjoys working hard and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Blue Collar people are not afraid to get dirty and muddy. Blue Collar people are reliable and resilient. Blue Collar people are accountable and consistent. We will be a Blue Collar team. in 2012, each of our players wore gas station attendant shirts to every game (an idea I took from Jim Harbaugh). We had dog tags with BCM on them. We asked what our players wanted on their conference championship rings, the answer was BCM. It is simple and explains how we play this great game.

Wheatley had by far the most comprehensive, including a 149-page document that touched on everything from how he would develop a strength and conditioning program, when he would recruit JUCO players, what phone calls he’d make in the first 30 days, and more. It’s a book.

Seriously.

Of course, that’s a far cry from the 300 page binder Al Golden used in his interview with Miami.

If you’d like to look through all the data yourself, you can. We’ve uploaded them here, here and here. Lester’s proposal is on pages 1-38 in section 1. The entire dang Wheatley book starts on page 49 in section 2, and continues into section 3.

And also, some people just wanted to have fun.

Below are my two favorite applications:

Hi there Kathy, in light of the recent move by PJ Fleck to leave Western to coach at Minnesota I would like to throw my hat in the ring for the current job opening at head coach. My football related accomplishments include being an all conference offensive tackle in high school, 3 fantasy football championships, a 12-3 record in Madden 15 online, and currently having 2nd place in the in-house rankings for Madden 15 between my four roommates. Hiring me would definitely be a gamble. I’ve been known to be a bit of a wild card but weren’t all the greats? God knows Woody Hayes was as unstable as a North Korean Nuke but I am very flexible, I’m not sure what the market salary is for a 19 year old head coach with almost no experience but I’m willing to settle for 1,300 dollars and a cheeseburger but that’s my absolute minimum. I truly believe I have what it takes to lead WMU to the playoffs and to a national title.

Just think of all the assistants you could hire if you’re only spending, oh, $1,309 on a head coach.

And our final one, I must begrudgingly admit, does make a good point about Woody Hayes.

Ms. Beauregard,

I’m reaching out to you on this fine January afternoon with a proposition so bold, it is guaranteed to knock your socks RIGHT off. Any potential candidates you have been giving consideration to fill the vacant head coach position is surely wrong, because I am the lone wolf that you want and need for the job, unless of course you have already been considering me.

With the departure of former head coach of football, Phillip Fleck, WMU is facing a serious blow. I can imagine that filling such a void is something that you and the university would like to handle delicately to maintain it’s ELITE integrity.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering about the couple things at this point, so let me just break it all down for you.

There is nobody else in this world that you are going to find who is more committed to excellence than me. If you don’t believe me just from reading this email, then rest assured that in 2015 I once waited outside of a Metro Detroit shoe retailer for two whole hours for a new pair of Yeezy sneakers. While I never actually got the shoes because they sold out after those two hours and I got in line considerably later than most people, the naysayers couldn’t keep me from the challenge. Believe me, I have tons of stories like this too, the commitment doesn’t stop at shoe trends.

But, REDACTED, how is this going to translate to results on the field?

Simple, I never give up and neither are the boys every night when they step on the field when the find out about how seriously I take my commitments.

My first order of business once you make the wide decision of hiring me, getting on the phone with ‘Bama and giving the students what they want by scheduling the first ever match-up with the Crimson Tide. A move as bold as this is going to bring in at least $1,000,000 from boosters in the first thirty minutes after the news breaks, guaranteed. The good news doesn’t stop there either, after i get off the phone with Saban, my next call is going right to the gophers for a prime time game where the world gets to see the boys in brown and gold make Minnesota look like a ragtag junior varsity football program from Cuba. Now, as you can imagine, I have my hands full with plenty of offers around the nation to mold the biggest and the best sports programs that you’ve ever seen. I even have a pending offer with my nephew’s house hockey team. So I’m sure you can imagine this offer for me expertise won’t exactly been on the table for much longer than a couple days.

Signed,

REDACTED

A proud ‘16 Bronco Alum

You heard the man. Western Michigan wants Bama.

[aemoglobin]

i wasn't scheduled today so yesterday i was like "hm maybe i'll pick up a shift for that holiday pay" but the only available shifts were for cashiers and service desk.....no....i'm not going to cashier on labor day for 4hrs...i cannot do it....i really should ask for more training bc i am Not Confident on the register at all and i keep getting asked if i'm trained and i'm like sort of? kind of? i got 45mins worth of 'training' lol i need to do more on the job stuff when it's NOT 500 people in the store at once.

my coworker J suggested i ask one of the supervisors if i could pick up a gm shift for style since all the style kids keep calling out but i forgor to talk to the supervisor before i left yesterday so i just. didn't go in today.

and i SHOULD have picked up a shift bc they cut my hours last week and this would have made up for it but also i am scheduled a bit more this week than usual so i guess it evens out...i also keep meaning to ask my coworker M if she needs any shifts covered since she asked me last week and i wasn't able to...her shifts aren't Great but they're better than coworker S's shifts lol

i'm proud of myself for not calling out or being late at all for the past *checks calendar* uh month and a half bc that means i qualify for the special raffle that HR was holding. like 5 more days and i'll see if i won $250 or not. i kinda hope i do bc i deserve it imho and if i DO win it i am buying all the home goods i need for my apt lol. and kpop stuff. can't forget that <3

[aemoglobin]

gonna show up to work 15mins late tomorrow because they scheduled me outside of my availability again <3 and then made sure that i wouldn’t be able to talk to a manager about fixing that by having zero managers from my department available that day and no supervisor either because he has the whole week off for vacation <3 and the manager scheduled for today STILL doesn’t have the power to change schedules so there’s no point in trying to message him about it either. lol.

like i WILL bring it up with whoever’s in HR tomorrow morning lol i shouldn’t have to keep correcting my schedule every week when i’ve been here 2 years and my starting availability has not changed! at all! 

theoretically any supervisor can make changes to the schedule for me BUT WILL THEY!?! that’s the real question, and the answer is no<3 they will not<3 because i have asked before and been told that it’s not their problem and i need to get with MY specific manager. which i can’t do right now because. he’s on. he’s on fucking vacation lol 

if my gf is able and willing i might be able to snag a ride tomorrow morning that will get me there on time but like......i shouldn’t have to depend on that! whoever’s making my fucking schedule needs to check their numbers!