#eventual nahanders

[dismalzelenka]

For DADW: "Either way you choose you cannot win" for Handers. "I choose to not understand these signs" for Nanders.

Played around with some more canon divergent Journeyverse AU 😌 first @dadrunkwriting prompt I've taken in probably three years and it goes absolutely nowhere and also the prompt has been VERY loosely interpreted but here we are 🥂 bottoms up kiddos

“Either way you choose, you cannot win,” Fenris hissed.

“We are far past the point of winning,” Anders shot back.

Hawke rubbed her eyes with her palms. She was mostly concerned about the fact that they were still in the Deep Roads, and she was being completely honest, she was only half paying attention to the argument unfolding in front of her. It happened enough; she already knew how this would play out. They'd yell it out and then reluctantly slink back and apologize and everyone else would breathe a sigh of relief for some fucking peace and quiet. It was positively formulaic at this point.

She was far too preoccupied with other matters today: namely, the Grey Warden archer carefully fixing the fletching on his arrows at the edge of camp.

His name was Nathaniel. He'd served with Anders in Amaranthine.

They'd been lovers.

Quite frankly that last part bothered her less than she'd have expected, but beneath the faint prickling of jealousy that wove its way beneath her skin whenever he and Anders locked gazes, there was far more fascination on her part than anything else. The secrets were what ate away at her more than anything else, but she'd grown up being taught the importance of keeping them enough to let well enough alone.

It helped that he was easy on the eyes.

“Is something the matter, my lady?” he said quietly.

“Just — Hawke,” she croaked. “I'm not a — it's just my — Hawke is fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm — going to go over there.” She pointed vaguely in the opposite direction and wandered that way immediately.

Alright, with a voice like that, she was pretty sure she couldn't blame Anders one bit, she decided with a huff. She kicked a stray piece of stone and watched it bounce down the edge of an overhang into the darkness below.

Sure hope that didn't awaken something.

“You alright, Sparkles?” Varric's voice floated over her as she scuffed her boot into the stone.

“I would be if you'd stop calling me Sparkles,” she shot back automatically.

He laughed, a hearty sound from the center of his chest. “Trust me, you'll like the alternatives I came up with even less.”

“Try me,” she muttered.

—

She'd been beginning to nod off against the rather large rock she'd slumped against when someone shook her awake by the shoulder. “Are you alright, love?”

Why did everyone keep asking her that?

“Just tired,” she mumbled automatically. Maybe if she convinced enough people, she'd start believing it herself.

“Have you even eaten yet?”

“Why, were you too busy picking fights to notice anything else around you?” Ouch. That wasn't fair, and she winced the second it came out of her mouth. She squeezed her eyes closed and took a deep breath. “Sorry. I'm — I didn't mean that. This place makes me jumpy. I don't know how he stands it.” She jerked her head at Nathaniel, casually reading something by the firelight. She was babbling and she knew it, but she was too wound up to make herself stop.

“Journey. Breathe.” Hands on her shoulders, gentle touches drawing her back to reality. “I'm fairly certain the Deep Roads could make an arse out of Andraste herself.”

“Are you so smitten, that I could insult you to your face and you would still compare me to Andraste?” she teased as she tipped her head back and finally met his eyes.

“Keep looking at me like that and I'd let you get away with a lot more than insults,” he breathed before planting a kiss on her forehead and pulling her to her feet. “And you haven't eaten, have you,” he said finally with a flat stare.

“Is that a statement or a question?”

“It's a very exasperated healer who doesn't wish to see the light of his life waste away into nothing before we see daylight again.”

“You're certainly one to talk,” she grumbled, but she let him lead her back to camp anyway with minimal complaint. “Light of your life, you say?” she prodded with a grin when he thrust a bowl of beans into her hands. “What colour?”

“Hmm.” He paused thoughtfully. “D’you know the moment you open your eyes in direct sunlight after a night of drinking so much you forget your own existence?” His grin broadened. “That colour.”

She smacked him on the chest in offense. “Prat,” she snorted.

She trailed off when she looked up and saw Nathaniel watching them with an odd expression on his face. Anders cupped her face between his hands. “I'm with you,” he said firmly. “Past be damned. This is just a favour for an old friend. Nothing more.”

She didn't know how to respond to that, so she just squeezed his hand and left it alone.

—

It was impossible to mark the passage of days in the Deep Roads; Hawke awoke from a markedly troubled sleep and helped tear down the camp in exhausted silence. The entire place reeked of death and rot tinged with the sickly sweet scent of something that wanted to be enticing but managed to land well on the other side of foul. It reminded her of her first trip into the Deep Roads, and of her less than glamorous voyage to Kirkwall before all of this ever began.

“Where did you learn how to fight?” Nathaniel asked curiously after a skirmish with darkspawn left her winded and depleted enough she managed to knock back an entire lyrium potion without gagging. Sweet, metallic, and unnaturally cold as it slipped down her throat like distilled sweat. The taste still made her shudder even as she stuffed the bottle back into her pack.

“My father taught me,” she said with a grimace. She spat the last of the taste onto the ground. “Ugh. Awful stuff.”

“Was your father also an apostate?”

“Of course not. The Circle gave him permission to traipse about the countryside with a wife and three children. Sometimes they sent Templars after him, but only as a friendly little game.”

“I'm choosing to interpret that as a joke that wasn't at my expense.”

“So you're an idiot and a poor comedian.”

He snorted. “And you're remarkably short tempered for a Champion.”

“You didn't think I killed the Arishok with my winning personality, did you? I'm sorry to say you're going to be awfully disappointed.”

“You're working so hard to win me over,” he said dryly. “And here I've been told I'm quite likeable beneath the scowl.”

“Is that so?” She squared her stance in front of him and planted her hands firmly on her hips with a smirk. “What happened to the last person who tried to win you over?”

His gaze flickered ahead of them to Anders as his expression darkened. “I watched him die,” he muttered. He took a deep breath. “We're falling behind. We shouldn't linger.”

[dismalzelenka]

for the relationship askmeme: #1, 8, and 35? :3

Ooo thanks for the ask, these are very good questions. :3 I'm just gonna do handers and not the trio because I just realized if I do both halves of every dyad that's six answers for every question oops idk if I have the energy for that lmao

Journey has a bit of an adrenaline kink and occasionally gets inappropriately aroused in dangerous situations. Her first meeting with Anders, she startles him while he's alone after hours in his clinic and Justice slips out and yells at her. So the first two things she notices about Anders are 1. oh shit he has beautiful eyes and then 2. oh shit idk what's happening but he's very cute and also could probably really fuck me up, I wanna bang that man like a screen door in a hurricane.

Anders is wildly attracted to her reckless bravery. When she comes back to the clinic the next day to talk to him and cracks jokes about Justice instead of being nervous or afraid he's like wait what. She asks him out to dinner, and the whole time she's just really chill about everything, and she's very cute and small and confident and strong. She kisses him kind of roughly in front of the clinic after and he's like holy shit she's got hella upper body strength, oh no she's really hot.

Before Anders, Journey was not into romantic love. Her girlfriend, more or less, in high school was an aro lesbian, and they had a lot of really spicy sex, but they weren't exactly in love so much as they were teammates on the track team who banged regularly and eventually grew into close friends who banged regularly. Romantic love scared her because she wasn't sure she really dug the idea of letting someone get that close to her. She and Anders actually started out as friends, then roommates, then roommates who banged occasionally, but at some point she realized whatever she and Anders had, that was definitely turning into something very close to romantic love. She had some uncomfortable self searching to do at that point before she realized, oh fuck, I love this man, in a way that she's never, ever felt for anyone else before.

Anders, on the other hand, is kind of a hopeless romantic. He doesn't like to admit it, especially earlier in his life, but he idealizes the concept of having someone to adore and care for and dote on, and he initially found and explored that in Karl. Arguably he was in love with Journey long before she realized she was in love with him. Merging with Justice toned that down a little initially, but his relationship with Journey as it developed drew it back out of him, and eventually Justice begins to see the merits of that kind of devotion, especially to someone who supports the ideals he shares with Anders.

Oh yea. For sure. Actually I'm gonna answer this one for nahanders because Journey and Anders are both cat people and Nathaniel is squarely a dog person. Eventually they end up with two fat ginger cats (Ser Pounce and Biscuit Junior) and a very lazy mabari (Tyrdda Bright-Paws). Anders requires some convincing about Tyrdda, but when they meet her as a puppy she immediately decides she likes him specifically and between Nathaniel's puppy eyes and the actual puppy eyes he can't really say no.

Tyrdda adores Anders and is always begging him for cuddles. Pounce has decided his favorite napping places are Nathaniel's chest when he's home and Nathaniel's clothing when he's away. It's an adventure in chaos and expectation adjustment for all three of them tbh 😂

Ask me about my ships!