#even/especially because Sheppard understands Problems with Authority

[lochnesswriter]

I have apparently used too many tags, didn't know you could do that, I'm still new here. Ideas in tags! But I want to see the conflict, and I want Sheppard and Lorne to win, but I don't have the first idea how to write that

What's the fic you would write if you had the energy for it? Ambitious, complex, novel-length—the fanfic you'd make if you could.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Critical Mass, Pt. 6

After leaving McKay in her office, Weir has the same discussion with Caldwell over jurisdiction and authority as they have had many times before and unbeknownst to her, it is actually Caldwell that is hosting the Goa'uld which she suspects not at all, possibly because of the resentment she feels toward him natively. Weir then starts interrogating the crew of the Daedalus and her conversation with Kavanagh is especially illuminating, but I will return to that at the end of the episode. Here, Weir gets hailed by McKay in the middle of her interrogation of Novak requesting her presence, and we may note that although he says "I have discovered," we subsequently find out that he has actually been doing what ever he has been doing together with Sheppard.

McKay: Elizabeth. Weir: Excuse me. Yes, Rodney? McKay: Can you come to the Control Room? I've discovered something important. Weir: I'm on my way.

We saw both Sheppard and Weir walk out of her office while McKay seemed to be somewhat at a loss and we left him standing still there, not sure what to do next. Weir and Sheppard both looked like they had places to be and things to do. We know what Weir did, she went directly to the Daedalus, but the only thing we know about Sheppard is that between the previous scene and this, he has put his jacket on. By the looks of it, he never got that far from McKay. When Weir comes in, she asks him what they have found so at least Weir thought that Sheppard had been right there with McKay while he was figuring this out. And given that Sheppard is actually able to give her an answer, it would seem that he had been here for at least a while. It seems as though with a possible undercover agent now on Atlantis, he does not want to leave McKay out of his sight and however much he might say that he trusts Cadman, McKay had certainly made a few good points. He might disagree with him on principle but he was still not leaving McKay unprotected.

Weir: What have you found? Sheppard: Guess what? Turns out there's no bomb after all. McKay: Uh, there's no actual explosive device. The explosion will come, but from somewhere else. Now, with the wraith on the way, we'll need to cloak the city, right?

Unlike previously, when Sheppard had walked by McKay's work station but still stayed on the outside of the desks, he has now parked himself inside the working space where the gate technicians are toiling and even though he is very obviously in the way, McKay merely goes around him and seems to think nothing of Sheppard being in his space. Sheppard is leaning his hand on one of the desks and seems to have placed himself so that he can look at McKay as he walks from desk to desk. Also, it seems as though Sheppard had understood what McKay was going for and was able to translate it to Weir in more simple terms but because McKay thought he made it too simple for Weir to understand what the issue is, he backs up a little. And let us just emphasize again that it had been Sheppard questioning why their bomb guy would have wanted to switch the distress beacon on that had led McKay to the answer.

Weir: Yes. McKay: Well, in order to do that, we need to reconnect the ZPM in order to supply the necessary power. Weir: And what about the stargate? McKay: I've physically disabled the DHD. It won't be able to dial, so it won't be a problem. Now, the ZPM, however, will be.

McKay sounds both excited and energized as he tries to explain their discovery to Weir. He is also clearly trying to explain it in a way that she might be able to understand, and it seems as though having explained things to Sheppard for over a year has really made him rather good at finding the pertinent information and dumbing it down enough for laypersons to understand. McKay is animated and in his own element as he is doing this, and we may note that although Weir had placed herself in front of Sheppard, had taken root between them, Sheppard is watching McKay from behind her. He actually cranes his neck to be able to see him better from his vantage point. And he really does not seem to like the fact that she is between them. It is making him antsy but he is trying to bear it because he realizes McKay needs to explain this to her. However, there is only so long that Sheppard can make do without attention from McKay. This is something that we see repeating time and again.

McKay: Now, as you know, the Zero Point Module controls the flow of massive amounts of power. Sheppard: Like a dam. McKay: No, it's not like a dam, it's more like a... actually, yes, it's like a dam. If you overload the dam, it breaks, which is why the Ancients put in place failsafes to prevent such a thing from happening.

Feeling the need to be included, Sheppard pipes up with an analogue for what McKay was explaining to Weir, informing us not just of the fact that he has a constant need for the man's attention but that he has been able not only to understand what McKay is explaining but is also able to dumb if down further, to explain it using his own words, which is also something that we have seen him do before. He is expert in translating McKay to a lay audience.

Back in Trinity (S02E06), we got the most peculiar line from McKay where he said to Sheppard that he thought that they had agreed that he would do the talking in the meeting. It is unclear whether they had a similar agreement here but McKay certainly seems to feel like it was a given that he would present this to Weir. He starts to disagree with Sheppard seemingly on sheer principle because we are meant to think that the two of them are fighting for some reason, exchanging those short but intense energy bursts, but just as soon as McKay starts contradicting him he notices that it is actually a good analogue and not only admits this to Sheppard but decides to run with it. What is funny here is that the thing that actually more accurately describes what McKay seemingly wanted to convey is "flux capacitor" (more accurately, lateral charge flux capacitor) but McKay was not about to say that to Sheppard after the exchange they had in Before I Sleep (S01E15) because he would literally never hear the end of it.

It is entirely possible that their previous exchange over this particular term is why McKay decides to embrace Sheppard's analogue so easily, and they definitely have that old married couple energy going on here. We see Sheppard basically roll his eyes when McKay starts disagreeing with him and then immediately comes around because neither of them seems to understand why they are even bickering. However, we may note that, assuming they have caught up the three months between The Siege (S02E01) and The Intruder (S02E02) by now, it has now been a year since Hot Zone (S01E13). It has been a year since they started hooking up. Whether or not the timing explains any of their behaviour here (just the fact that it has been a year might be enough for one or both of them to at least have a thought about where they are now), there actually are clear similarities between the episodes.

Sheppard: Like a spillway. McKay: Could we just stick with failsafes? The problem is, our Trust operative figured out a way to rewrite Atlantis' operating system and disable the failsafes, but mask it in such a way that the city sensors didn't detect it. Weir: So the dialling of Earth would cause the ZPM to overload.

Feeling proud of his original analogy, needing attention from McKay and unable to resist pulling his pig-tail, Sheppard inserts another clever remark to McKay's obvious exasperation. But do note the fact that even though he refuses to indulge Sheppard in this, McKay says "we". And by "we," he once more very obviously means himself and Sheppard. Weir may be standing between them and McKay may be trying to explain this to the leader of the expedition but they are still having a conversation between just the two of them at the same time, literally over and around Weir. In is only be placing herself smack in the middle of the two of them that she has even a prayer of getting included in their exchange.

The face that Sheppard makes in response to McKay essentially snapping at him (it is really a variation of the "Do you always..." whine from earlier) is interesting. He looks away from McKay and seems to shrug his head. He shakes his head minutely but it is not the same gesture as shaking one's head no but more wobbling it from side to side. It is almost as though he wanted to tilt his head to show his nonchalance, shake his head to communicate that he won't do it again, nod his head to show affirmation and roll his eyes to pretend like what McKay said did not hurt his feelings (it was not McKay's intention to make him feel stupid and only to keep his own thoughts together, but Sheppard may well have interpreted him as implying that because it is a touchy subject for him) but of course he cannot communicate all of this at the same time, so his face kind of spasms. And it is entirely possible McKay would be able to read all of this off of Sheppard's face, this is the kind of wordless communication they are known to engage in. Although Sheppard said not a word, his face was still saying many things while attempting to project nonchalance.

McKay: Oh, yeah! And given that dialling another galaxy requires tremendous amounts of power, we're talking catastrophic overload. I mean, the explosion would destroy not just the city, but most likely the entire planet. Sheppard: Can the failsafes be re-enabled? McKay: Yes, but whoever it was who did this anticipated the possibility that it would be discovered and they put in place a code to block access to it.

Weir is not dumb, and her comment tells McKay that she had understood the gist of what he had been trying to say. And just by McKay's tone, if one did not know about his tendency to dissociate and cut off his feelings in stressful situations, one might think that the very real chance that their entire planet was going to blow up unless he personally finds the way to stop it from happening (no pressure!) did not even phase him, like he was treating this as a puzzle to be solved and was even excited about it. The way he is explaining the situation to Weir, it is almost as though he is enthused over having figured out their plot to destroy them when once again there is not one person among them that understands the danger they are in more acutely than he does. And this is why Sheppard, who knows him best, does not allow McKay's earlier snappy comment get to him but asks the question as it occurs to him, figuring it is important enough to speak out loud. Because the notion that the entire planet might blow up freaks him the fuck out, seeming to be the kind of danger that he cannot protect McKay from never mind how many Cadmans he might assign to look over him, and it seems as though he has to trust McKay to be able to save them instead.

Cadman: And I'm gonna guess that cracking this code isn't gonna be easy. McKay: No, not at all. It is extremely complicated. Weir: But for now you've already disabled the DHD so it's impossible to dial Earth. McKay: Yeah, but unfortunately, any number of systems can be used in conjunction with each other to overload the ZPM. It'd be a much more gradual build-up than dialling the gate--

Here, we see how McKay's response to Cadman is much more condescending than his response to Sheppard where both their questions were more or less as relevant to the topic. His tone makes it sound as though Sheppard had asked a pertinent question where Cadman had asked the stupidest question he had ever heard where his intention was probably to communicate to her that if it had been easy, he would have cracked it already and they would not even be having this conversation so Cadman should stop wasting his time. It seems like McKay is taking what ever is ailing him that seems to be connected to Sheppard out on the people working with and for him, and while Cadman is there right now to take the brunt of it, it seems as though both Zelenka and Kavanagh had been suffering through the same lately, Zelenka now being tormented by children off world and Kavanagh having suffered enough of his temper to have requested a transfer after only three weeks of working under him. Because McKay loves Sheppard and has very rudimentary interpersonal skills (and Sheppard is not much better when it comes to "feelings" and expressing them), the only way McKay knows how to deal with the resentment caused by his recent adventure with ascended women is to chew out anyone else who gives him even the slightest opening to lash out on them.

However, let us note that although Sheppard is standing behind Weir, he is looking at McKay. He has not even attempted to check out Weir's posterior and there is no sense what so ever that he is even trying to keep himself from doing it. It is just not something that interests him whatsoever when McKay is right there in front of him for him to look at. He can fix his eyes on McKay and he can draw his eyes away from McKay, but McKay is the thing that is at the dead centre of his attention at all times that they are in vicinity.

McKay: ...which would cause an instantaneous power spike, but equally as effective in its results. Weir: And we can't disconnect the ZPM because we need the cloak for when the Wraith cruisers arrive. McKay: Bingo! Which is why our bomber activated the distress beacon, alerting them. And that is how the wraith coming to Atlantis is connected to detonating the bomb.

Sheppard turns his face away as McKay reaches his conclusion that disconnecting the DHD is not enough to deter the threat but that the overload and subsequent explosion are still very much up and coming. With this, we are able to see that he gets to the implications much faster than Weir, already across the finish line as she is still making her way there. And where McKay seems to be able to not display any emotion whatsoever regarding this state of affairs, Sheppard seems to have a much more difficult time not feeling, not showing his feelings, having to actively push down the terror that is building up in him. We have seen him worrying his lip when when he is trying to deal with his emotions and here he seems to bite down on his lower lip really hard, taking his whole damn lip inside his mouth. His breathing also seems heavy and laboured, and he can't even think of anything to wisecrack about this situation. And although McKay is telling them all that Sheppard had basically been right earlier, that it was Sheppard's "OK, why?" that had led him to this conclusion he is taking no pleasure in this. Sheppard is feeling helpless because it does not seem like there is anything he can do to save them from this threat.

Also, there is some clever camera work here again, obscuring the way Sheppard has his body turned toward McKay and the way he moves to open his body by drawing his shoulder back when McKay moves from across the platform, the camera following McKay and hiding the way Sheppard turns his body just the same as Weir when McKay moves closer to Sheppard to acknowledge his contribution in him having reached this conclusion, and maybe likewise feeling like they had had Weir between them for long enough. If he could not be sure the planet was not going to blow up in the near future, he needed to be closer to his man. It is not just Sheppard who needs to hang around McKay but McKay also needs Sheppard to be near him while he is working.

Continued in Pt. 7

[thejacketandthehook]

Breaking Dawn 6/?

Title: Before Dawn

Author: thejacketandthehook (aka everystareverywhere)

Summary:  Emma Swan and Killian Jones only had one thing in common: Emma’s best friend and Killian’s brother were dating. But Emma and Killian could not get along. That was, until the day they had to work together through a tragedy that no one saw coming.

Rating: General (but that will change to Mature in later chapters)

Word Count: 22,955

Disclaimers: I own absolutely nothing.

Author’s Notes:  So, I’ve been in the mist of writing this particular story for almost two years. And I’m hoping that if I have support, I’ll be more motivated to finish it. So my story is based off of the movie “Life As We Know It” starring Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel. And below is the first chapter. I hope you enjoy.

You can also read it here: A03

@searchingwardrobes

When you lived with someone, it became easier and easier to learn the little things about them. Things that no one else was privy too, or was even aware of. And there were things about Killian Jones that Emma came to realize. And most of them were actually good things, even though she couldn't believe that. For instance, she was surprised to learn that unlike her, Killian was actually a morning person. Which was a good thing, considering that he worked on the docks and often had to be there just as the sun was rising. He was also up by the time Henry started to stir, so that also was a major plus for him. Also, that he never drank coffee. Not that he was much of a tea person, but coffee was something that just "tasted disgusting." Emma almost dropped her coffee mug when he proclaimed that one morning. Also, he was exceptionally neat. Everything had its place, and it just made sense to keep it all organized.

And he could cook. Not just heat up some spaghetti and meatballs cook, but actually cook. She was stunned when one day she came from home work to the house smelling like meat, garlic, and onions. Emma almost floated to the kitchen, her nose her guide as she took in that magnificent smell. For someone who basically lived off of ramen noodles, the smell coming from the kitchen might as well have been from heaven. Her mouth watered, her stomached growled (she didn't even realize she was hungry) and her mind could think of nothing but what was making that wonderful smell. She was expecting to see Mary Margaret in the kitchen - as sexist as that sounded, Emma was certain that Mary Margaret could cook like a master chef; she just had that look. So she was stunned when she saw Killian actually putting a huge pan of something into the oven and look over his shoulder as he closed it. "Ah," he said, either ignoring Emma's jaw that hit the floor, or not noticing it. "Dinner should be ready in about a half hour. The mashed potatoes have to turn a slight golden color."

"What are you--" There was so much moisture in Emma's mouth, it was almost embarrassing. She was acting like Pavlovs' freaking dogs! "What are you making?"

"Sheppard Pie. A classic back in England." He wiped his hands on the towel beside the stove before working on the dishes that piled up in the sink.

Emma dropped her bag on the table and said, "I got it. I'll do the dishes. After all, you made dinner."

He smiled. "I can live with that." He stepped aside and wiped his hands again.

But the surprises just kept on coming.

"Wait, you can play the guitar?" Emma asked dumbly almost a month after Mrs. Gold's appearance. She watched Killian take a guitar out of the case and put the strap for it around his body.

He raised an eyebrow and looked up at her from under his hooded brows. He looked back down as he started to tune it. "See how I'm holding a guitar and currently tuning it, that could give you some indication."

"Just because I know how to turn an engine on doesn't mean I'm a racecar driver," she responded, crossing her arms tightly across her chest.

He chuckled light. "Touché."

Or the fact that he knew how to sail a boat. And not a little motorboat, no, but an actual boat, with sails and such. He's talked about bringing Henry out onto the water with him, but that Emma put her foot down. She's sure that he's great at sailing, but doing so with a baby a little over a year old? No. That she would not agree to.

"Why don't you come too?" he would ask.

Emma would shake her head no, with no explanation, and leave the room.

Of course, though there were things about Killian that made her raise an eyebrow. He had traits that continually got under her skin.

His language was something that Emma had to continually tell him to watch, especially since Henry should be saying his first coherent word any day now. Emma would die if his first coherent word was "bloody."

He also kept forgetting that he wasn't living in a bachelor pad anymore. He would hog the television for hours, watching a soccer match after soccer match. Emma had no idea how he could stand to watch people running around after a ball and call that entertainment.

What drove her crazy, in all honestly, was how freaking amazing he was with Henry. Sometimes, just a few times, Emma watched Killian with Henry and in the back of her mind she could see why Elsa thought she and him would have been good together. He loves Henry, that's a no brainer. And he doesn't mind being silly, if it makes the baby laugh. Killian's favorite thing to do was to blow on Henry's tummy, make him squeal and laugh at the same time. And in moments like that, Emma smiled because she forgot that her best friend was gone and she was suddenly taking care of their house, their child, what should have been their future. When she saw Killian with Henry, she almost wanted to turn around and tell Elsa that maybe he wasn't so bad. She would never admit that she liked him, but she could say that she more than tolerated him.

Emma wasn't the only one who was surprised at learning the little things about Killian. The man himself was shocked to learn the little tidbits that made up Emma Swan. Like how she was not a morning person. Get her up before seven, and you might as well be asking for a suicide mission. One morning, when Henry was crying nonstop while Killian was in the shower, she had gotten up to take care of him. Killian was surprised when he walked into the kitchen, rubbing his wet head with a towel, to find Emma still in her pajamas (a baggy shirt and boxer shorts that made his heart speed up in a way he really didn't like), her hair a huge mess and black circles under her eyes while Henry was nipping at the pieces of bagel as he sat in his highchair. When she saw Killian, she muttered, "Yours" as she passed him, presumably going back up to bed. For reasons he didn't know, he couldn't stop thinking about that morning for weeks.

Or that she was messy. She left dirty cups in the sink and it seemed like her supply of shoes just kept multiplying. Though he didn't really like going into what they called her bedroom (which at one time was the guest room), he had to once to put jewelry back in her room before Henry got it. Though the bed was made, the rest of the room liked like a bomb exploded; clothes everywhere, shoes that he was sure she stepped on continuously, and a garbage can overflowing with trash.

She also ate like she was in high school. If Emma had her way, they would eat nothing but grilled cheese sandwiches and onion rings. While Killian agreed that both of those things were amazing, neither one of them could (or should) eat that every day. When he inquired what she did with Walsh, she simply shrugged and said, "We discuss what take-out we're going to get. Neither of us cook."

But he also noticed how, when she got home from the work, the first thing she did was go over to kiss Henry on the head. Whether he was sleeping, watching television, or just babbling to himself, she always kissed him on the head. Or that at least once a week, she needed to have a glass wine at dinner. Or she was always ordering stuff for Henry through Amazon. He didn't know why he liked knowing these things about her; he just did. It almost tickled him to know that he was probably the only person who knew that Emma cried whenever that commercial about the two people falling in love over gum came on. Okay, maybe "cried" was the wrong word; more like she teared up. Point being that she was a woman who had a lot of walls up and she didn't like to show too much emotion. So when she did around him, he felt honored. Like he was being rewarded for good behavior or something. He liked it.

What he didn't like was the Walsh probably knew what she looked like first thing in the morning too. Or that she was messy. Or that she licked Nutella off of a spoon when she was stressed. She watches The Princess Bride (and had the whole movie memorized) when she's upset. He knew he was the only one who saw her get emotional, because he knew what she was like around other people. But when you live with someone, you can't put your walls up 24/7. And he liked that. He liked that he saw her tear up, show emotions.

He just couldn't understand why he didn't like Walsh knowing things about her too. It was like he wanted to keep her a secret or something. He didn't want other people knowing things about her. It was stupid, idiotic. He told himself that constantly. But that didn't stop the pang of something deep in his gut when he saw her stumbling into the kitchen and automatically going to the coffee maker. Because Walsh, he was sure, has seen her like that. And he didn't like it. Not one bit.

He told Robin about his problems, during one of his nights off that he got. Emma and he kept pretty close to their schedules, which helped trying to balance their once normal lives for what they were living now.

Robin, however, was useless. He just simply chuckled and told Killian that Emma was getting under his skin. "Better watch it, mate," he said, gulping his beer. "You might find yourself falling for her."

"Not bloody likely," he said, gulping his drink as well.

~*~

Emma forgot it could get this hot.

It was a muggy and humid 95 degrees Fahrenheit, and it only day two of what to seemed to be the week literally from Hell.

"Good Lord, I didn't think Maine could get this hot," Killian said one late evening. He stood in front of the small fan that they found in the basement, trying to cool himself off.

"I can't believe they didn't have central air," Emma commented, bouncing Henry on her lap, though how he kept laughing was beyond her. Her lap was all sweaty, and he himself had small sweat beads along his forehead. When she noticed that, she quickly wiped at it with a damn towel before giving him his bottle filled with water.

"It's an old house, Swan. The cost of that would have been outrageous. Plus, who knew it could ever have such a long heat wave in Maine?"

"The meteorologists say we've broken a new record,"

"Well, I will always remember where I was the week we had a heat wave that broke a record," he said, moving away from the fan before clasping in the chair. His shirt was undeniably soaked through, and Emma most certainly was glad he didn't take it off. Because she didn't need to see him with his hair chest glory. Not that she knew what he looked like without a shirt--Wait, no. That wasn't actually true. There was that one summer that Liam and Elsa took Killian and Emma to the beach once. They only did it once because Emma and Killian fought so much, no one really could enjoy themselves. She even commented when he took his shirt off that no one wanted to see that. He gave a remark that made her roll her eyes and stick her tongue out at him.

"I'm sorry," Elsa had remarked after she watched their exchange. Liam and Killian were walking over to the water, and Emma was so happy to have a few minutes of quiet. However, she could tell from Elsa's tone that what she was about to say would not be a genuine apology, but rather a comment. "But are you two twelve-years-old?"

Suffice to say, neither Emma nor Killian went with them to the beach again.

Killian continued with his rant. "I was in a house with no air conditioner, sweating my --"

"Killian," Emma said sternly before purposely looking down at Henry who was watching his uncle with the upmost fascination.

He changed paths. "Sweating profusely."

"There is an air conditioner," Emma finally remembered.

"What? Where?"

She took a deep breath. "In the Master."

Killian's eyes looked up towards the stairs. "Oh."

They were silent. It had been four months since....the funerals, and neither of them have stepped foot inside of that room.

Henry started munching at his hands, getting them all wet. "Oh, he's biting his hands again." Killian got up and went to the freezer to get him his teething toy.

Killian gave him the toy, and Henry started happily biting at it. "We have to do it, Swan."

"I know."

"For Henry's sake."

"Of course."

Killian walked over to the stairs. Emma picked Henry up and held him against her hip. "We can do this," she told him, as well as herself.

"I know. It's just..."

She took his hand in her empty one and squeezed before dropping it. "I know."

He nodded. She did know. That's why doing this with her, just going into this room...She knows what that means. No one else would truly understand, but she gets it.

They went upstairs and walked down the hallway together. When they got to the room, Killian took a deep breath before opening the door. It creaked and slowly opened. Emma straighten Henry on her hip before fixing her shoulders and walked into the room.

She almost wanted to walk right back out.

Here's the thing with unexpected deaths: everything looks normal on the surface. And that's what killed Emma. Because everything looks normal. Elsa's make-up table was waiting for her to come back. In fact, her little stool was pushed back just enough, probably from the last time she sat in it. Liam's shoes were lined up in front of the closet, waiting for him to come back and pick one to wear. The remotes for the television and Amazon Fire were sitting on top of each other on the nightstand, next to the book Liam was reading, a bookmark poking out of it. The pillows were crooked and Elsa's dresser had clothes sticking out of it and it was just a little too much. Because this room....This was Elsa and Liam's private place. Of course Emma was in here before, and Killian was too. Just usually with either Elsa or Liam.

Killian walked in next to Emma and took her hand. "We can do this," he reminded her. "For Henry."

The little boy in Emma's arms had no idea what was going on around him, and kept munching on the ice in his hand. Emma rubbed the back of his head as Killian stepped further into the room and over to the air conditioner. It took Killian a few seconds to figure out why it wasn't turning on ("Plugging it in usually helps." "Shut up, Swan.") but then the machine started making the sounds of turning back on and suddenly the place was finally going to cool down.

Emma sat down with Henry on the bed, the little boy dropping his ice before getting up and jumping on the bed. He was falling more than he was standing up, but he was laughing.

"Careful lad," Killian insisted before walking over to him. He held Henry's hands, who now more stable, jumped even more.

Emma couldn't relax, and instead walked over to Elsa's vanity. Elsa loved her make-up, and had more brushes that Emma had ever used in a lifetime. Though make-up was never high on Emma's list of needs, she knew how foundation worked, and mascara, and eye shadow and such. But when you get into highlighter and eyelash curler, Emma shook her head.  She had no idea how those things worked, and honestly didn't care at this point. Oh, she wouldn't care if Elsa put it on her, in fact she loved those nights when Elsa wanted to test a new product on someone and Emma was a willing subject. She herself just had no idea how to use it.

"Oh, I forgot they had Netflix in here," Killian said, sitting on the bed as Henry cuddled up next to him. "What do you want to watch, lad? Mickey Mouse?"

Emma smiled over at them before going and sitting next to Henry on the bed. Henry started sucking his thumb and within minutes of watching Killian try to find something that would entertain him, he was tight asleep.

Emma leaned back on the bed, prompting herself up on the pillows. Killian then leaned back as well, and noticing that Henry was sleeping, whispered to Emma, "Want to watch anything on Netflix?"

"Are we going to Netflix and chill?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Emma wished for them to come back in. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips, certain that Killian was going to make some comment. After all, she opened the door to it.

But when she heard nothing but the sound of the air conditioner, she opened her eyes and saw him just looking at her with a small grin.

"Did you just position me? Because --"

"Oh, shut up," she muttered as she fidgeted.

Surprisingly, he stopped talking. She gave him a small glance (he was still grinning) before looking back at the screen. Killian was clicking through the choices before --

"That one!" she said.

He stopped before looking at her. With a raised eyebrow he asked, "Lucifer?"

She shrugged. She didn't want to admit that she had a small crush on Tom Ellis, from watching him in a British show that she had stumbled across a year ago named Miranda. She especially didn't want to point out that Tom Ellis was British, with dark hair, and (from what she saw in interviews on Youtube) was a total dork. She especially didn't want to point that out because if Tom Ellis had blue eyes, it would sound like she was describing the man sitting next to her.

"I heard it was good," was her only defense.

Killian looked at her before pressing the play button. "Let's see if you're right, Swan."

~*~

They watched the first three episodes before falling asleep during the fourth. They tried to stay awake, but the heat and a one-year-old will do that to you.

~*~

It was a Tuesday night, which meant that Emma was blessedly free. However, Mary Margaret wasn't picking up her phone and Emma really didn't feel like making small talk with Regina, so she was kind of just hanging out in her bedroom. She should go out. Go to a club for a while. Or a bar, at least. Maybe see a movie. It was weird seeing a movie by yourself, but Emma read somewhere that it was actually a wonderful experience. Or she could call Walsh and spend some time with him. She saw him on Sunday, but for some reason she just didn't want to spend another night hanging out in his apartment or going to some restaurant. She was so sick of eating out. Killian made such wonderful meals, she was actually getting spoiled.

She was thinking of maybe reading a book when she could hear the sounds of someone (hopefully Killian) running up the stairs and towards her room. Without knocking, he slammed opened the door and before she could yell at him about privacy or ask him if Henry was alright, he said, "Mary Margaret's in labor."

Emma jumped off her bed before asking, "How do you--?"

"I just saw David bringing her to the car. He said her water broke."

"Oh, they must be so thrilled! They're gonna keep us updated?"

"I asked David to do so, but I bet he's gonna be really busy."

"Right of course. We should go see them, when the baby arrives."

He nodded. "I was thinking that too. We should bring flowers. Or something."

"Maybe food. Don't women want regular food after they give birth?"

He raised an eyebrow. "How would I bloody know?"

"I just meant--I don't know either, but I'm sure that that would be a good idea."

"Whatever you say, love. I'll keep you updated."

"Yes, please."  

Hours had passed and they still hadn't heard a word. Neither were too concerned, though. Emma, especially, remembered Elsa's delivery with Henry. Though Emma had been patiently waiting in the lobby for any update, she was told later by Liam that Elsa yelled insults at him that would have made a sailor blush. "But," he smiled down at his boy, "twenty hours of labor was worth it for this fellow."

"I don't see you pushing a baby out of your body," a slightly drugged up Elsa retorted.

"Nor will you ever see that." Liam then leaned down and lightly kissed his wife's forehead. "You're bloody amazing, though."

Emma was actually at work the next day,  trying not to roll her eyes at Graham as he once again missed the bullseye badly, when her phone rang.

"Killian?"

"Yeah, David said she had the baby."

Emma practically bounced in her seat. "And...?"

"And what?"

"Killian!"

He chuckled. "A boy. Mummy and baby are fine."

Emma smiled wistfully. "A boy. Does he have a name?"

"No, not yet. When is your lunch break? I'll come by and pick you up."

"On what, your motorcycle?"

"No, love, the...Liam's car. I found the keys."

"Oh. I get off in--" she looked down at her watch "-half an hour."

"I'll be there."

When she hung up, Graham was looking over at her. "What?"

"Nothing. Just sounded so...domestic."

"Shut up. You try living with someone for three months and not sound domestic from time to time."

"It's not a bad thing, Emma. I'm actually quite proud of you."

"Proud?"

"Yeah. You are living a, dare I say it? Normal life with a man you can barely tolerate. I'm proud of you."

"Shut up, Graham."

Sure enough, a half hour later, Killian pulled up in Liam's CRV. Emma jumped into the passenger's seat before taking a deep breath. "Did you stop at Granny's?" She said, referring to the diner that both Killian and Emma have considered to be their second home. Which is ironic, considering that was where their first date was held.

"Aye. I got Mary Margaret a turkey sandwich, unsure if she would want to eat anything more than that. But I also got you a grilled cheese."

Emma reached behind her to pull out her sandwich as Killian backed up and pulled out of the parking lot. "Oh, my God, thank you! I've been craving one all day." As she opened the container she asked, "Henry's at day care?"

Killian gasped before saying, "Damn it! I knew I forgot something!"

Emma almost dropped her sandwich, ready to turn this car around and go back home before he chuckled. "I'm kidding, love. Aye, Henry's at daycare."

She shook her head before muttering, "I hate you."

Killian smiled, knowing that she was just saying that.

~*~

           They walked quickly into the hospital, smiling from ear to ear. Emma barely remembers even asking the nurse for Mary Margaret's room number, but luckily Killian caught the number and lead her down the hallway.

           Knocking gently, Emma slowly opened the door to reveal an exhausted looking Mary Margaret on the bed and David standing by the windows, gently bouncing a buddle of blankets in his arms.

           "Can we come in?" she asked.

           "Of course! Of course!" Mary Margaret insisted as she gestured for them to come further into the room.

"Congratulations you guys," Emma commented before going over to Mary Margaret. On sudden impulse, Emma leaned down and quickly gave the new mother a quick peck on the cheek. Mary Margaret looked surprised by this, but other than giving a small smile said nothing.

"Yes, congrats to you both," Killian said before placing the bag from Granny's on the small table in front of Mary Margaret. "We brought this, thinking you might actually want food instead of flowers."

"Oh, that's a lovely thought," Mary Margaret replied, tears gathering in her eyes. "Sorry, sorry. I'm an emotional rollercoaster right now." She reached over for a tissue before wiping her eyes and giving a small laugh. "You're gonna have to excuse me."

"Of course love," Killian said with a small smile.

"Is that him?" Emma asked as she walked over to David.

David smiled down at his son. "Yes. May I introduce you two to Mr. Leo Nolan."

Emma leaned over David, gently holding onto his shoulder. "Hello Leo. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Hi Leo," Killian said, also smiling over at the boy. He looked back over at Mary Margaret. "And how are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Probably as good as I look."

"You look bloody amazing."

"That's what I told her!" David insisted.

Mary Margaret scoffed. "He lies and you swear to it," she said as she shook her head.

"Do you want to hold him?" David asked Emma.

"Sure!" she exclaimed before dropping her purse on the chair and holding her arms out for the newborn. She remembers the first time she held Henry, and is once again surprised by the weight of the baby. Or rather, the lack of one. "God, how can babies be so light?" she remembered asking Liam and Elsa. "I've held books heavier than him."

"Hi Leo," she said now to the baby in her arms. "It's so very nice to meet you."

"Can I hold him?" Killian asked.

"Of course," Mary Margaret said as David squeezed in next to her on the bed.

Emma handed Leo over to Killian, who gently took him in his arms. He began very gently bouncing Leo, and Emma tried very hard not to smile at the imagine.

When she looked over at the couple on the bed, she noticed David watching Killian with a small smile that new fathers can never seem to get rid of, but saw Mary Margaret looking straight at her with a smile of her own.

"What?" Emma asked, but Mary Margaret simply shook her head and looked over at Killian.

~*~

Emma and Killian were walking down the hallway talking about Leo and leading back towards the lobby when Emma turned her head to the left. It wasn't like she saw something out of the corner of her eye, or even that a voice in her head said to turn left. She just did. And she saw the hallway. The hallway that only a few months ago she, Killian, and Walsh ran down to get to the stairs. The hallway that would lead her to the biggest change in her life (and for her, that was a pretty big deal).

"Swan!?"

Emma quickly looked in front of her to see Killian about four feet ahead. He walked back, his eyebrows knitted together, concern all over his face. "Swan? Are you okay? I called you a couple of times, and you just stopped walking."

"Yeah, no. No, I'm fine. I am. I just..." She looked back down the hallway. Just like in movies, she could almost see three ghosts running down the hallway, heading towards the stairs. She wanted to burst into tears. How could she be so happy just minutes ago, so happy about a life coming into this world, when her best friend and her husband died in this very building just months ago? How could she walk into this hospital and not even pause for a moment to remember them?

Was she forgetting them?

Emma almost had to stop the gasp of breath from leaving her mouth, but knew that she couldn't stop the tears gathering up in her eyes. She was moments away from losing it, she just knew it.

Killian gently touched her arm. "Emma? Love, what is it? What's going on?"

Emma simply nodded her head towards the hallway. She knew that Killian understood, because a moment later he just simply went, "Oh."

So gently, Emma almost didn't even realize it at first, Killian put his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the exit. They said nothing, both holding back tears as they walked to the car.

When Killian unlocked the car, Emma ran towards the passenger's seat and opened the door as quickly as she could. The door hadn't even shut before she let out a loud gasp and the tears that had been threatening to fall, came quickly down her face. She took a loud breath as Killian got into the car and shut the door, his head falling back onto the head rest.

"I didn't even think about them!" she sobbed. "How could I not remember them when we got here?"

"Because of the baby," he said quietly, though she was sure that his voice was shaking. She couldn't see through the tears in her eyes, but she was certain that he was crying too.

"But I didn't give them one thought, Killian! Not one thought! What kind of friend am I?"

Killian gave no response. Or maybe he did and she didn't hear it. She was sobbing so hard, her head pounding from the lack of oxygen and how hard she was crying.

She didn't know how long she was crying in the car, whether it was a few minutes, or more like thirty, but when she calmed down enough to take deep breathes, she noticed that Killian was holding out napkins.

"Thanks," she muttered before taking them and blowing her nose in a completely unladylike manor. Then she rubbed her eyes and when she looked at the napkin, it was all smudged from her mascara. Great, she thought, I probably look like a raccoon.

She kept rubbing her eyes, reminding herself to breath as she did so. When she finally calmed down enough, she looked over at Killian. And then she wanted to break down again. Because he was not unaffected by her outburst. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was all red, probably from crying and then rubbing his face with the rough napkins.

"We're not forgetting them, Emma," he said when they both calmed down. "You're not...You're not a bad friend."

She sniffed, but said nothing.

Reaching over, he gently took her hand in his as he said, "I read...I read a quote once...'Babies remind us that time moves on.' And it's true. That's all that happened here, Emma. Leo...Leo is the future. Henry is the future. But Liam and Elsa...they are never far from my mind, and I know that Elsa is never far from yours. So, no, you're not a bad friend. You're just thinking about the future. As we all should be. And you know," he squeezed her hand as he continued, "you know that Elsa would kick your ass right now. And Liam would kick mine. We just saw a newborn baby, Emma. And that's a beautiful moment."

She nodded before doing something she never in a million years thought she would do.

She leaned over and kiss him on the cheek.

When she pulled back, she simply whispered, "Thank you." He gave her a small nod before letting go of her hand and turning on the engine.

[geekgirlnavigatingtheworld]

Who volunteers for a suicide mission into an area which has seemingly devoured all previous expeditions who venture into it? 

“Annihilation” is based on Jeff VanderMeer’s “Southern Reach” Trilogy. VanderMeer is a master of modern weird fiction, and he’s one of the authors I follow pretty devotedly. When I want my brain to explode around things I never would have thought about, I pick up some VanderMeer and read, happily. He disturbs me. He unsettles me. He takes me through reaches of imagination I wasn’t aware existed.

So, when  I heard about “Annihilation” I had two thoughts. “How the fuck are they going to manage that?” and “I have to at least see their attempt.” Today, I found out how they did.

Area X is adjacent to a startling phenomenon called “The Shimmer”.  Lena, a scientist at Johns Hopkins, ends up at the Southern Reach base because her fiance was on a mission in Area X. To find out what, exactly, happened, she volunteers to join a crew of women (three scientists and one soldier) who are going into The Shimmer to collect data.

The movie is broken into acts denoted by geographical regions. It’s appropriate, because here, the setting is the story. No one really understands what’s happening in The Shimmer. All they know is no one comes back from it, no communications get through, and the area is growing. It’s told in a series of flashbacks, with fits and starts, because we’re getting the story from Lena’s perspective.

Natalie Portman plays Lena. She’s smart and conflicted. There are things she’s sure she knows about the natural world, so when she confronts the reality of The Shimmer, she starts questioning everything, especially herself. Portman gives her strength and resolve without sacrificing the complexity her character needs to be believable.  Her motives for volunteering seem crystal clear at first, but as her story unfolds, we get layers of reasons that change our own perceptions of the character.

The team is led by Jennifer Jason Leigh’s Dr. Ventress, a psychologist. She’s perhaps one of the most unsettling things in the movie.  Dr. Ventress is clearly unhappy and dissatisfied with her work and the lack of answers they have about The Shimmer. She’s gone past angry into a kind of numb resignation.  Leigh makes her solid, efficient steel in an increasingly flexible reality, and she comes off weirdly unemotional, even though she appears at first glance to be one of the most honest people in the group. She’s an authority, and she’s the kind of authority who is dependable. She’s the sort of person others look to when the world has gone completely out of whack.

There’s a geomorphologist in the group, Cass Sheppard, who’s played by Tuva Novotny. Cass is the member of the crew who seems the least confused about her own reasons for joining the expedition. She’s a level-headed presence who seems curious about her fellow explorers. She’s also the one who seems the most open to conversation, even if no one else wants it.

Anya Thorensen is the group’s muscle and protection. Gina Rodriguez makes her brassy and street smart. She’s smarter than the average “shoot first, ask questions later” trigger happy idiot, thankfully, because anyone less perceptive would put the entire group in bigger peril than they are. She may not be sure about what’s going on, but she’s certain and sure-footed about how to make her way through it. When she makes up her mind, she sticks to it.

Then there’s Tessa Thompson’s Josie Radek.  Josie is a physicist who’s just finished her post-doctorate degree. She is also a cutter. While the movie doesn’t delve as fully into her motives as other characters, Josie is the character who makes the most sense. She’s the character saying all of the things the audience is likely thinking the deeper into the movie they get, albeit, she does it more diplomatically than most of us would. The thing I loved about the character is she’s kind of that stereotypical quiet genius, the sort of shy brilliance who rarely speaks up, but when they do, you’d better be listening, but she never wilts into the background. Josie makes important contributions through the film, and to realize this is the same woman who played a badass drunken Valkyrie in the lastes Thor film, is a real revelation about her talent. I can’t wait to see her next role.

I also loved how “Annihilation” dared to say “You know, we’ve sent primarily parties of men in to do this exploration, maybe that’s a mistake.”  Because, most certainly, women are conditioned by society and culture to respond to things very, very differently than men are. It’s great to see a movie acknowledge it without trivializing it or taking it to awful, condescending places it doesn’t need to go.  Yes, women respond very differently, and it makes sense in a situation where conventional methods fail to try something different.

These women all got meaty, complex roles. They didn’t have to be melodramatic or go over the top to make something palatable out of a few meager lines and some basic subsistence plot-gruel. They got a movie. They got to represent female scientists and soldiers in a terrifying situation and bring this utterly warped reality to life. It was a joy to watch from that standpoint. They were more than just girlfriends or mothers or sisters or daughters. They were actual human beings working through a devastatingly complicated problem.

I’d say “Annihilation” veers solidly into horror territory, but it does it beautifully. There are sci-fi and thriller elements here, as well. The books are full of very freaky visuals, and this movie does parse them out, but it uses the ones it chooses to incredible effect. This movie beautifully retains a growing sense of creeping unease all the way through. Things are not right, even when they’re explained. When we get explanations, they’re the kinds of things that should scare the absolute shit out of you when you contemplate the ramifications of what they’re saying, especially with each new piece of information we gain regarding The Shimmer.

I admit it, I see a lot of movies, and it’s awfully easy for me to call tons of things before they happen. “Annihilation” did not fall into such disappointing predictability. Yes, I love a good mindfuck movie, I love it when concepts and visuals stick with me and turn over and over in my mind, pulling my imagination out through my ear, scrambling it, and stuffing it back in to turn over some more. “Annihilation” was that mindfuck for me. I’m going to be thinking about this one for a long time, even after I watch it again. And I will be, because I have a feeling it’s going to be another one of those movies where every time I watch it, I get something new out of it.

[ntrending]

This year’s Super Bowl stadium is an avian death trap

New Post has been published on https://nexcraft.co/this-years-super-bowl-stadium-is-an-avian-death-trap/

This year’s Super Bowl stadium is an avian death trap

U.S. Bank Stadium, home to Super Bowl 52, is very, very big, and very, very reflective. Its glass—200,000 square feet of it—mirrors perfectly crisp vistas of the Minneapolis skyline. It does it so convincingly that migrating birds often barrel into the glass at full speed and fall to the ground, dead.

In fact, the stadium is the deadliest building in Minneapolis according to a report released last year. That report, prepared primarily by the Audubon Chapter of Minneapolis, found that 60 birds died and 14 were stunned after crashing into the stadium glass in just one fall migratory season. That would add up to 360 stadium-killed birds in three years. (The runner-up for Minneapolis’s deadliest building picked off an average of 42 birds per season, according to a previous study.)

Even with that dangerous reputation, Audubon’s Minneapolis chapter thinks they’re drastically underestimating how many birds die at the hand of U.S. Bank Stadium. Volunteers surveyed the grounds from mid-August through early November, but weren’t allowed inside every single day. They also lacked access to the roof ledges and upper patio, and couldn’t account for any fallen birds disposed of by maintenance staff or hungry scavengers. So in actuality, 60 avian deaths is probably an understatement.

Of course, any building featuring a large piece of glass can be problematic for our feathered friends. But what is it about this year’s Super Bowl locale that causes so many birds to meet their makers?

It’s a perfect storm of size, reflectivity, and location, according to Christine Sheppard, an ornithologist and Director of the Glass Collisions Program at the American Bird Conservancy.

First, the stadium has a wild surface area covered by glass: 200,000 square feet is bigger than four and a half NFL football fields. And it’s not just any old glass—it was created specifically to act like a mirror, because architects wanted to see the city of Minneapolis sharply on the stadium’s surface. That’s a big problem for little bird brains.

“Birds don’t understand glass,” Sheppard says. “Even people think they can see glass, and they can’t. They run into glass all the time.” (She’s right.) Like humans, birds will sometimes think transparent glass simply isn’t there, and try to get to what’s on the other side. But with reflective glass, they’ll fly toward what’s being reflected, whether that’s blue sky or trees that could hide a resting place or a food source.

U.S. Bank Stadium reflects both of those things, which makes it especially dangerous; birds don’t really care about getting a front-row seat to the Super Bowl, but they’re infinitely more likely to seek out a spot in a lush tree or zip toward a patch of open sky. And when they go for those sweet spots at full speed, it’s often the last thing they do.

To complete this avian-death trifecta, the stadium sits in the Mississippi Flyway, a migration route for over 300 bird species spanning from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico and South America. The stadium is also located less than a mile from the Mississippi River, which is “a huge attractor for migrating birds,” Sheppard says. “They’ve gotta eat, and at the edges of rivers and lakes is where you find a lot of food.”

Aside from the fact that it’s a bummer to see so many dead birds, the animals are an important part of basically every ecosystem out there. They eat insects that would otherwise destroy crops and forests, along with others that could give you West Nile virus or malaria. Even owls, who are occasionally glass collision victims, do some superb work controlling rodent populations.

But there is a solution: bird-safe glass. “You can put patterns on glass and birds will see them,” Sheppard says. “If they have dimensions that birds don’t think they can fly through, they’ll interpret it as a barrier.” Typically, bird-safe glass follows the two-by-four rule; if the pattern has polka dots, for example, each dot has to be no more than two inches apart horizontally and four inches apart vertically. Any bigger, and birds start to think they’ll be able to squeeze through.

Developers can apply bird-safe patterns to large swaths of glass using silk-screening, fritting, or an ultraviolet coating. When New York City’s Javits Center installed fritted glass panels in place of older, highly reflective ones, bird collisions decreased by 90 percent. And according to Audubon, bird-safe glass can cost as little as 5 percent more than regular glass.

The Audubon Chapter of Minneapolis initially pushed for bird-safe glass on the stadium, according to chapter president Jerry Bahls. Bahls says it would have cost an extra $1 million to make the stadium glass safe for birds at the time—a fraction of the $1 billion total price tag—but the Minnesota Vikings and Minnesota Sports Facilities Authority ultimately decided against using it to forgo extending the project and spending more money on labor. Bahls says it would now take around $10 million to retrofit the stadium, which could help quell the estimated hundreds of millions of birds dying via glass collision in the United States each year.

To further examine the situation at U.S. Bank Stadium, Audubon, the Vikings, and the Minnesota Sports Facilities Authority are collaborating on another, more thorough study. It began in spring of 2017 and will continue through fall of 2018. With more comprehensive data on how many birds die after crashing into the stadium, and in which areas, Bahls hopes to make a better case for bird-safe glass.

“To me, one death is too many,” says Lori Naumann, a wildlife specialist with the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources. Naumann says migrating birds face a lot of obstacles on their journey, including cats, moldy bird seed, and habitat loss. “I’d rather not see any deaths when it’s completely preventable.”

Written By Jessica Boddy

[dr-futbol-blog]

Epiphany, Pt. 5

On the outside, Teyla is finally starting to see the problem where Ronon is still laying the blame on McKay and intending to keep him there to solve it. His insistence that McKay not leave could also be motivated by Sheppard having asked him to keep his eye on McKay following recent events, and since Ronon is not going to leave Sheppard out there alone, he cannot keep his eye on the both of them if McKay leaves. Ronon attempts to impress the authority of his physical stature on McKay but McKay is not easily intimidated, especially when it comes to saving Sheppard. He has faced much more frightening things that Ronon head-on to rescue Sheppard.

Teyla: The blossoms have aged several hours at least. McKay: We might be able to pick him up in the jumper but I need to get back to Atlantis. Dex: You're not going anywhere. McKay: It is a time dilation field, which means that time is passing much faster on the other side of the portal than it is here for us.

Just as Ronon is blaming McKay for what happened and taking his frustration out on him, McKay is starting to feel like Ronon is purposefully wasting their time being obtuse, and he does not have time to think of how to explain the trouble they are in using small enough words. He has no bandwidth whatsoever to be intimidated by Ronon, all of his energy is going to figuring out how to help Sheppard. We can hear in his voice how serious he finds the situation, how hard he is trying to hold himself together long enough to be able to fix this.

McKay: I'm not sure of the exact ratio, but I need to go now. Dex: Why? McKay: I don't have time to explain temporal compression theory to you when every moment we stand here debating this, literally hours could be going by for Colonel Sheppard relative to us. Look, hours equate to days, and days for us could mean years for him. Do you get it now?

It is probably for the better that McKay took up a post contracting for the military instead of staying in Academia, as his method of teaching leaves a lot to be desired. He tries to explain the issue to Ronon as succinctly as he can but he does not have enough presence of mind not to be condescending about it, and although Sheppard is not here to witness this, it is probably incidents like this that contributed to him describing McKay as condescending in McKay and Mrs Miller (S03E08). What is interesting about how he does describe temporal compression to Ronon, however, is that it very much resembles how the feeling of the distorted sense of time caused by dissociation could be described. "Hours turn to days, days to weeks" is something that is frequently used to describe the time dilation that accompanies dissociation, making one's suffering seem unending. The way McKay describes what might be (and is) happening to Sheppard here is very similar to what we have seen him experience on a smaller scale multiple times.

Let us also note the fact that he calls Sheppard "Colonel Sheppard" here. He is not doing it because that is what he frequently calls him or because this is what he calls him in his mind. We have heard McKay call him this only a few times and always for a reason, and even though we will not hear him call him John until Adrift (S04E01), he most certainly has been doing it just between the two of them for much longer. Most often what we hear McKay call him is just Sheppard, without the title. The fact that he is using it here is in the service of impressing on Ronon that this is about much more than the two of them and their buddy Sheppard. This is the military commander of the Atlantis expedition that they have misplaced, and the chain of command puts him in charge here. He is using Sheppard's authority to impress on Ronon how important it is that he understands and lets him go without making any more trouble. While McKay intends on saving John, he is trying to convince Ronon of the fact that he is doing this for Colonel Sheppard, and because it is Colonel Sheppard, they need to hurry. Because they are doing this for Colonel Sheppard, Ronon needs to get on with the program and stop wasting his time.

McKay: Teyla, I need you to follow me back as far as the puddlejumper and I'll explain what I need you to do on the way. And you, stay here! Dex: And do what? McKay: Don't go through, if that's what you're thinking. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Give me the knapsack.

At the end of the first season we saw McKay musing about leadership, having had to reflect on his own position on the expedition during his time in the senior staff, heading his own science division. We saw that having grown close to Sheppard had made him appreciate what goes into good leadership on a whole other level. We have also seen him use that internal model of Sheppard that he keeps with him, that he keeps in his heart to help him out of tight situations, a perfect example of this only in the previous episode. In a dire situation, he is able to emulate his approximation of Sheppard to do things that he would otherwise be unable to do. And it very much seems like he is doing that here. He is displaying efficient and exemplary leadership: delegating tasks and taking care of the people he needs to work with him.

In the middle of all of this, he is able to see that Ronon is impulsive enough to try jumping in after Sheppard and that is the last thing they need right now. He orders Teyla to come with him to the jumper (without making it seem like an order), and he tells Ronon to stay put. We may also note that it is McKay telling Ronon not to go through, not to do the thing that he had been wanting to do himself ever since he watched Sheppard get sucked in, that suddenly makes him think of what Sheppard would need while he is there, to look at it from his point of view. They need to get him some provisions. Sheppard has been in the cave going on two days by now and he is not just starting to lose his hope, he seems almost to be losing his mind.

Sheppard: Rodney, Teyla... Ronon? Come in? You guys are starting to worry me a little bit here.

And so we switch from McKay having very obviously thought about Sheppard to Sheppard thinking about McKay. McKay is the first word we hear him speak as we return to him, and although he now adds the names of Teyla and Ronon to the list, it is entirely possible that some of the time he has been speaking to McKay alone, just like we saw him do previously. This is him adding the others to his message because his messages to McKay do not seem to be going through. What is significant here is the sing-song quality in which he speaks their names. It is almost as though he is speaking the names as prayers or mantic rituals, invoking the things he names, like he could invite them to appear just by speaking their names. It is also really curious that he sings the names of Rodney and Teyla together first while looking up to his right and then Ronon while looking to his left. It is as though they evoke different emotions in him, different memories. Looking to the left and up is for remembering visual images where looking to the up and right is constructing visual images which suggest that thinking about McKay and Teyla made him remember something, a specific memory or feeling, where the thought of Ronon made his mind go "big guy," or something similar.

Sheppard also looks up at the ceiling as he confesses that he is starting to worry "a little bit," which in Sheppard-to-English means that he is freaking the fuck out. The fact that he is willing to admit it even to himself, that he is speaking it out loud instead of trying his damnedest to repress the feeling is concerning. We see him do some self-soothing touching before he can even come out and say it, rubbing his brow with the tips of his fingers. But it is the looking up at the cave ceiling (which of course has nothing there for him to look at) that is the most concerning. People frequently do this, straining their eyes to look up, when they are trying to hold back tears. That is what he seems to be doing here. That is also why he speaks their names in the sing-songy voice. It is an attempt at keeping his voice from breaking, not able to say McKay's name using a normal speaking voice without choking up on it.

McKay: Empty your pockets, everything you think he might need to survive. We might just buy him a little more time there. Come on! Dex: Go! McKay: Good!

They gather up everything they have to put together a care package for Sheppard, and this at least seems to be something they can all agree on being a good idea. And even though McKay should by his own admission already be half-way to Atlantis to figure this thing out, he makes sure to throw in the care package through the portal to Sheppard personally. He needs to be the one to do it, he needs to know that there is something he is able to do for Sheppard in this situation. Sending the knapsack through is his only connection to Sheppard, and as much thought and love as he puts into it, Sheppard also is able to receive that on the other side. Having been deprived of human connection for so long, he can appreciate the thought most of all.

Sheppard: What the hell took you guys so long?!

A lot more time seems to have passed for Sheppard as we re-join him, and instead of having left the cave to look for water he basically seems to have made the decision to die right there rather than to get one inch further from where he had last seen the others. He has lit a fire to keep himself warm because he is probably starting to suffer from hypothermia. We find him sucking on the last bits of nutrition from a power bar, and he is also suffering from severe dehydration (and we do not want to be thinking about what he might have had to do to stave that off for a bit longer). Terminal dehydration takes approximately seven days and he has to be nearly half way there by this time.

We see Sheppard look at his hand and make it into a fist, and this might be caused either by the dehydration giving him cramps or the fact that he had punched the barrier so hard previously as to injure his hand (or that the has been punching it some more since then). Sheppard looks at the wrapper of his power bar before crumbling it up and discarding it on the cave floor, and we may remember both that we (and Sheppard) have watched McKay eat power bars with gusto previously being that he is hypoglycemic (and it is that fact alone that makes Sheppard glad that McKay is not stuck there with him), but we also later in Harmony (S04E14) learn that Sheppard usually gives his own power bar to McKay. It is for these reasons that he might very well be thinking about McKay as he sucks on the wrapper here, his lips on the covering of a phallic thing that reminds him of McKay.

The cave suddenly trembles as though from an earthquake and it is unclear whether this is caused by the care package bag coming through the portal or by some natural occurrence of the ridge. Regardless, it stirs Sheppard from his seemingly extremely morose thoughts to noticing that a bag had suddenly appeared through the portal. And much more than water and provisions (for which he is thankful), it is proof that the others are working on getting him out, they are thinking about him, they have not abandoned him after all. Sheppard can tell himself that he knew they would not all he wants but his deepest fear is abandonment. He wraps his lips around the first water bottle he finds in the knapsack like a man dying of thirst, and if it is not McKay's bottle, he certainly wishes that it were. Just hearing from them makes him feel less alone.

Continued in Pt. 6

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Storm/The Eye, Pt. 6

Upon hearing that Sheppard managed to cut the power to the gate room and having apparently crippled the Genii strike force, McKay also shifts to a higher gear. He tells Weir that if called upon, she needs to lie for him. He realizes that they need to help Sheppard any way they can, knows that he's not very good at that kind of thing and also knows Weir is a world-class negotiator, so he anticipates what they're going to have to do and makes sure that she knows to do her part.

And even then, when called upon to do it and believing himself a terrible liar ("I'm a terrible bluffer. I've lost small fortunes at poker. Look, my eye twitches, I laugh inappropriately, it's not pretty"), he immediately jumps in to reinforce the lie Weir tells Kolya. All to help Sheppard.

McKay says that he's a terrible liar. He believes that he's a terrible liar. But we see again and again that he can pull it off quite well when it's really needed.*

And Sheppard also seems to be trying to help them (or him, thinking Weir is dead), managing to cut power to the grounding station, too. It's possible that this was motivated by his belief that the Genii would need McKay to fix it and hence continue keeping him around and therefore alive. You can see that while McKay was having real trouble bluffing, as soon as the power is cut, he's able to use the truth much better to stall the Genii. Like Sheppard actually did help him, unwittingly, to do something he wasn't able to do without his help.

Again, it's very noticeable that when Kolya tells his people to "take Sheppard with overwhelming force" when their reinforcements arrive, he is looking directly at McKay.

Why? Why does keep looking at McKay every time he mentions Sheppard? What possible reason would he have to do that if not to gauge his reaction to Sheppard's name being spoken? To let him know through a look that he better not try any funny business because they're going to get the Major sooner or later. He's looking at McKay when he says this even though Weir was the one just lying to his face.

Also noticeable: we keep getting shots of Sheppard doing his little commando routine, and he seems extremely focused. Not upset, not mourning, not enraged. Focused. He is executing a strategy methodically. He also has the life signs detector on him the whole time and keeps glancing at it. While he's using it to look at the whereabouts of Genii soldiers, the fact that he cut power to the grounding station suggests that he had a pretty good idea that one of the three dots there was likely McKay. Keeping an eye on him the only way he knew how. If the Genii were able to discern which life sign was Sheppard earlier, it follows that Sheppard likely would have been able to discern which dot is Rodney, especially having much more experience using it.

This is lampshaded by the conversation Ford and Beckett have in the jumper bay:

Ford: Life signs detector. Beckett: These wee dots don't tell us much about who's who. How do we know which one's the major? Ford: He'll be the dot getting rid of the other dots.

Ford knows his commanding officer. But Sheppard also knows McKay. As we've seen, he knows McKay well enough to anticipate his actions.

This, again, is lampshaded later in the episode as Beckett tells Ford: "I really only have a basic understanding of how Rodney and his team configure the power." Sheppard may or may not be more intelligent than Beckett, we're never really shown or told either way. Sheppard is not a mechanical engineer. But he's still able to figure out exactly how McKay has set up the generators probably because watching McKay work is like his favourite pastime.

Sheppard then kills fifty five (55) people by lowering the shield as the Genii company are attempting to enter. Fifty five actual human beings.

Pop quiz: did he do this a) to avenge the death of an authority figure (as a man with a known problem with authorities) he was ready to send to another galaxy in the previous episode and whose presence he had largely ignored returning from his earlier mission and in Rodney's lab earlier or b) to save a man he hand-picked for his team, who has saved his life at least twice, who he keeps talking about to other people, whose company he seeks out in his free time, he can't stop looking at, is physically drawn to, whose abilities he has blind faith in, who he has observed keenly enough to be able to anticipate his actions, who he keeps poking good-natured fun at, expects to finish his sentences, and is a vital asset to the entire mission?

I wonder.

Anyway, again something Sheppard does makes Kolya turn to McKay:

Kolya: Tell her the procedure! McKay: I can't! I don't know what he's done! Kolya: Tell her! McKay: Well, he must have entered his own personal command code! Kolya: What is it? McKay: I don't know! Weir: Only Sheppard would know it! McKay: Trust me – I'm not that brave! I would help you if I could!

That's what he says. Earlier, he told us that he's a terrible bluffer so he must be telling the truth here, right? But it doesn't seem like Sheppard did anything particular to the shield besides raising it. We are later told that he entered a code to lock the gate but raising the shield was a simple task operated by the pushing of a single button they stumbled onto as one of the first things they ever did upon arriving at Atlantis (and he hardly had time to enter two codes). There is no reason to believe that McKay didn't know exactly how to undo it. When push came to shove, McKay could lie to help Sheppard, and extremely convincingly at that. Note also that McKay already lied about the command codes previously to save Weir's life.

Note also that "trust me" is something often said by liars. McKay tells Kolya, "Trust me, I'm not that brave!" But the entire reveal at the end of the episode is that McKay has been lying about not being able to raise the shield, and he's been lying about this so convincingly that he not only fooled Kolya, he fooled the whole audience. So not only can he lie when he really has to (even when he's being beaten), he can lie well. When the occasion calls for it. And he's doing all of it to save Sheppard. Rodney was just that brave.

Even though he clearly fears for his life, he continues to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Kolya is enraged, having lost a company of men in one fell swoop. He very much wants to take it out on McKay (and note again that he wants to punish McKay for what Sheppard does, like they're an extension of one another).

And McKay is able to save both himself and Weir by again reminding him that they're both needed. This is also a lie, since he's been lying about Weir being needed the whole damn time. He has saved Weir's life several times by now.

And make no mistake, he did that for Sheppard. To help him any way he could.

Even though they are separated, they are both trying to keep the other safe. Just like they did in the Genii home world, the first time Rodney was being held hostage by them along with Sheppard.

Kolya gives in and contacts Sheppard via the intercom. They have the following exchange:

Kolya: Major Sheppard, I have a proposition for you. Sheppard: Kolya, I'm having a hard time keeping up. What's the score again? Kolya: My men have informed me that not only have you disabled some crucial generators but you've stolen key components that make it impossible for them to be restored. Sheppard: Yeah. I did that. Kolya: There are two flaws in your plan. Sheppard: Always open to constructive criticism. Kolya: One: the assumption I would believe you'd rather destroy the city than let it fall to us is childish. Sheppard: Doesn't sound like me.

He's flippant. He's sarcastic. He's antagonizing Kolya, attempting to keep the man's attention on himself rather than on anyone or anything else. He is neither enraged nor mourning the loss of the love of his life, or potential love interest. In fact, this is a direct continuation of the conversation they were having before Kolya threatened Weir and pretended to kill her ("I guess we're even!"). And this is precisely when we return to the topic:

Kolya: Second: if and when I determine Atlantis unsalvageable, Doctors Weir and McKay become obsolete. Sheppard: Weir's alive? Kolya: Doctor McKay was able to make a strong case for keeping her alive. Sheppard: Let me talk to her. Weir: Sheppard! We're both here! Sheppard: It's good to hear your voice. Weir: Yeah, it's good to hear. Kolya: We have less than one hour before the storm hits full force. If the power is not returned to Grounding Station Three within the next ten minutes, Doctor Weir dies. Sheppard: Again, you mean? Kolya: Her death will buy you another ten minutes, after which – should the power still be out – Doctor McKay dies. We will then leave with what we can, and the city will be destroyed.

I want to point out a few things.

While Kolya is trading with Sheppard using the fact that he didn't kill Weir but had only pretended to, he still feels the need to tack on McKay's life into the bargain.

Of course he's happy Weir is alive. Among other things, it means this guy isn't a complete psycho and it might be possible to negotiate with him.

Kolya mentions McKay three goddamn times here.

Weir is real quick to let Sheppard know that McKay is alright, it's like the first thing she does; she clearly understood that he would want to know this and would not be able to directly ask about it. The relief we can hear in this "It's good to hear your voice" is at least partially in response to this. It's good to hear your voice [that just told me McKay is alright].

He's real flippant about the possibility of Weir dying again here.

McKay's life is still the final bargaining chip, still the thing Kolya seems to think Sheppard cares the most about.

The phrase "Doctors" Weir and McKay again presents them as a package deal.

And once more, while he's able to joke about Weir dying again, it's threatening McKay's life that seems to really agitate Sheppard:

Sheppard: Well, that's not enough time! Kolya: If you don't mind destroying Atlantis, stay where you are for the next twenty minutes, starting now.

That is when he steps into action. Twenty minutes, starting now.

Continued in Pt. 7

.* And, as discussed previously in connection with the Rodney from the alternative timeline, lying is especially necessary when you're a civilian gay dude working in a military environment where your peers are going to need your help upholding DADT. You would learn to lie like a pro. Never mind that he's likely also lied to himself for most of his life. But Rodney, big brother Rodney that comes from a dysfunctional family, definitely lies really well when he's doing it to protect someone other than himself.