#even when he's given clear talking points he can't keep his shit straight

[cecoeur]

if he wasn't performing and you wanted to fire him why would you then go on to say there's always a chance he could come back if the other two don't work out? why spend all that time falling over yourself to excuse your actions only to then tell on yourself that actually he can perform and he could come back?

[torpedopickle]

I want to talk about how Dungeons and Dragons Honor Among Thieves is an excellent use of meta humor applied seamlessly to a story without ever breaking immersion.

Mild spoilers. I'll keep it vague so nothing will be spoiled if you choose to read on

This movie integrates many things that someone familiar with D&D would recognize from the narrative structure of a campaign.

There are some things in particular that demonstrate this particularly well

At one point, the party is joined temporarily by the character Xenk. But he really feels like he'd be an NPC party member controlled by the GM rather than a player. So when the other characters banter and quip, this character doesn't really join in or get their jokes cuz he simply wouldn't have the agency to. More examples of this would be how he's much more capable than the others, but he doesn't overshadow them. He provides aid if it's desperately needed, and will sometimes bail rhe party out of situations they can't manage on their own, just like how a GM should utilize an NPC companion. He even has a quote that perfectly reflects this. "I've given you the tools. Now you have to be the ones to use them". There's even a more direct joke about his NPC behavior. When he leaves the story, he walks off in a random direction, going straight forward, even stepping over obstacles and terrain unnecessarily. This all amounts to him feeling like a very clear GM controlled NPC, however he is presented in a way that still makes him feel entirely faithfull to his own world and does not break immersion

Other ways the movie plays around with the GM campaign structure would be the approach to backstory. The only time a character outright explains what their backstory is, in full, directly to us, is at the very start, to give context for the story going forward, as the character even puts it himself. Backstory later in the movie is told to us whenever it's relevant. Characters will toss in another fact or two about themselves in situations where mentioning a past experience would fit in. Much like how players usually prefer to build their characters.

And one of my favorite instances of being meta about D&D campaign structures comes in the second act.

the characters are faced with a complex and dangerous obstacle. The GM's stand in, xenk, explains the method of progressing through this obstacle correctly. But in true D&D fashion, the party immediately does it wrong and now the campaign has been derailed and the GM's setup squandered. So now they straight up don't have a way forward in the narrative. Logically, it should end there. But that'd be a shit campaign, so the GM would naturally bend the rules to get things back on track. So after the party fails the obstacle, one of them goes; "Hang on, that stick we've had with us the entire time isn't a stick after all! It's actually a magic staff that solves our EXACT predicament at this EXACT time". That is such a clear cut meta joke about GM's having to get things back on track cuz players are all chaotic evil. Is it a plot contrivance? Absolutely. One of the biggest ever. But it's what D&D is built on

[possiblylando]

An 'Early' Analysis of Chainsaw Man Chapter 138

Woah hey I'm back, I didn't feel like talking about the past few chapters cause I didn't feel like I had anything to add since they all seemed pretty straight forward. That being said this chapter gives me alot of talk about. So we get a name for Sex Offender Girl. Boy this woman only gets worse the more we learn about her. Mifune is quite literally a government plant in denji's high school.

It's refreshingly disgusting the type of shit these girls will put denji through. It's like Fujimoto keeps trying to one up himself each time he introduces a new "love interest" (Mifune is not a love interest she is a sexual predator let's keep this 100% clear). Maki was a groomer, Mifune is just a straight up Pedophile. She is going to have such a satisfying death I can feel it. This chapter goes on to confirm a few things. First off, Yoshida is apart of Public Safety. Which sorta debunks a previous thought I had of him being apart of another group. I am interested to learn 1. What Divison 7 does 2. Which Division Yoshida is in Given we know 4 was the rejects and 5 are hybrids. My best guess is that Division 7 is a sort of Espionage/Intel Division. Yoshida likely also belongs to Division 7 unless he's got some silliness going on, Which is very likely. Actually- I just now realized something. She calls it "Special Division 7" not Division 7. Looking through the list of Division members on the Wiki, That Special Prefix is very important. The Special Divisions are all full of freaks and monsters. This Sex Offender is more than likely a monster all to her own if she's apart of a Division we've never even heard of.

Public Safety is just as fucked up as actual governments. It's great.

I hate that she's winning me over. I want this woman dead stop making me think she's silly. Fujimoto is really good at humanizing horrible people. It mirrors real life monsters who tend to blend in with society and even seem charming on the surface. Moving on from this fucking Sex Offender. Asa continues to be the realest character in the series.

I doubt I even need to say anything about how real she is. Asa is a deeply disturbed and neglected person who's shut off from the world despite her own need to validation and recognition. She and Denji are different sides of the same coin. While she tries not to show it, The fulfillment she receives from praise seeps through. This scene specifically resonated with me a ton.

I wish we got a better look into Denji's thoughts in this scene. I can't even really get a grasp on what he must be thinking through all of this. In the last few days he's lost a major part of himself and has been replaced in face by a fraud and in action by a girl who he was forced to dump by his sister. There was a moment here before the reveal on this very page where I was thinking Swords was someone else. It was clearly someone from Part 1. He had a hoodie so maybe it was Violence? But that couldn't be real Violence was killed by Darkness. WAIT- BEAM? No I couldn't be beam he's been dead aswell. The Chapter is called Swordman so then maybe it's Katana man's return? No he wouldn't be on speaking terms with Denji after his testicles got mashed. So then-

Turns out it's the Longsword Hybrid from the end of Part 1. Yeah turns out he's alive. Which as many people have pointed out, Means the rest of the Hybrids are alive. So is Reze alive? Certain fans seem to think she is. At this point she seems to be the only match for Denji who isn't a complete psycho. But she still tried to kill him. But then Denji was still willing to run away with her at the end of the fight. If she does come back I hope she and Denji don't rush into a relationship, Let them chill for a bit before getting into anything serious Fujimoto please. If Reze really is alive I'll talk about her more in depth when she shows back up. But I need to say my peace.

The Whip Hybrid is going to be insane popular and so many of them are going to be just as Horny as Anime-Only Makima fans. I hope Swords ends up being chill with Denji and not another dickhead who tries to kill him. Denji needs another Male friend who doesn't treat him like shit. His only known ""friend"" in part 2 is yoshida and we all know yoshida has not been treating him well.

[blazehedgehog]

You hear about what's going on with Sam Procrastinates? What do you think of that?

I caught a whiff of it today, yeah. I'm sort of glad I'm mostly outside of that circle of influence. I know of a lot of those people, but I do not know them personally. I probably run my mouth on here too much and too freely for some of those types.

Especially seeing Sam get out there in front and be like "whoa whoa whoa whoa I'm trying to protect my business by distancing myself from leakers and bad actors" -- like, maybe I don't have the full context here, but trying to divorce yourself from leakers is a bit weird to me?

Keep in mind I'm coming at this from the perspective of being on Sonic Retro during the massive Sonic 4 leak, which lead Sega to partner with Sonic Retro. Some of the inroads paved during that partnership almost certainly lead to us getting Sonic Mania, given there are future Sonic Mania staff thanked in the credits for Sonic 4 Episode 2.

Like, I get trying to keep your nose clean. I try to do that, too. People get on my case for being spooked by emulation in my "Definitive Way to Play" videos, but people who really, actually know me, know that I've never had a problem with emulation ever in my entire life. Up until Tristan started buying me games to review for TSSZ, emulation was literally all I had. I could not afford games on my own, and I basically still can't. (I'm counting on next month's Twitch payout to cover my pre-order for Shadow Generations)

All of that is me trying to keep my nose clean. I've seen channels get shut down for talking too openly about emulation (particularly with setup tutorials), and even Discord servers are not as private as people think they are. The hammer can and will drop, and I'd rather my financial livelihood not be under it.

So I will never tell people to "just emulate it" in my videos and I have a rule against linking piracy material in my Discord. If you like me, and like my work, that's the way it's gotta be to protect that kind of stuff.

But that's on video. What I do in my personal life has no baring on that. I endeavor to capture all my footage from real consoles but I'm also living in a cramped little bedroom with maybe ten square feet of floor space right now, so I'm not digging out my Wii or my Saturn or my PS2 every time I have to capture footage of something. I emulate it.

I'm getting off topic. Shutting people out of your life because they don't align with your business is a bit extreme, to me. But again, I don't know the relationship there. At least in the clips Sam uses, he never seems very happy to have Shanny around, even though it's clear Shanny can and continued to join Sam's discord calls. I guess I just don't have any friends like that -- I either have personal friends, or... well, I just don't have very many "business friends." (Which depending on your view point, is or isn't a problem and one of the reasons my channel growth can be so sluggish)

So, like, whatever. Again, I dunno how a lot of that stuff goes. Ultimately, I guess I don't blame Sam for protecting his business, because again, I protect my business too, and it's clear Sam is more successful than I am.

I will say this, though, and I am about to step neck deep in the shit: I have never liked that Jaden Sonic Show dude. There was a time...

...Let's see... I had to dig around in Discord because I was so put off by this guy's videos I straight up erased them from my Youtube History, so this is the only way I even know I watched them:

I watched two or three of his videos around this time and this dude's tendency to just make stuff up, believe in bad sources, and push the worst rumors was infuriating. I would say it's not a stretch to claim he is eroding the overall intelligence of the Sonic fandom with his sensationalist, reactionary, straight up false information. He reminds me of the way I used to think about the game industry when I was 13, which is to say: deeply, deeply, deeply incorrect.

This is where I was going to pivot and say, "and he makes more money than Sam and I combined," because he has 150k+ subscribers. But according to SocialBlade, that doesn't seem to be true. Despite having 3x as many subs as Sam, SocialBlade claims The Sonic Show seems to make less than Sam Procrastinates.

I guess there are benefits to keeping your nose clean.

(And given I have a Youtube channel of my own, I have a vague idea how accurate these numbers are -- which is to say: I am not making $122 a month from Youtube, but I wish I was. I also understand why Sam is so protective of his channel's earnings, too)

Anyway, all of this to say, Sam seems in the right here. I do get a whiff of, like, the puritan Japanese Idol culture from some of this, where if you're a J-Idol you can't be caught drinking, or smoking, or even swearing. You have to maintain total purity or else you fall victim to a witch hunt, and there's a weird amount of finger pointing going on here that I don't know if it was deserved. Sam shouldn't have even needed to make a video like this, but like I said, that Sonic Show guy kind of seems like a vulture.

I would not put stock in what that dude has to say.

[eisforeidolon]

Better and far more legitimate question: why are so many destiel shippers so toxic and entitled that they think not telling them their ship is totes canon is both a personal attack and a hate crime?

Jensen doesn't hate destiel. He just has no particular interest in discussing fans' non-canon shipping and he's made that clear several times. He goes to conventions to talk about his perspective on the show he actually made ... Then gets fans demanding to know why destiel isn't canon because if Dean can fanboy Dr Sexy he must want to fuck him. Then gets fans shoving straight up porn in his face. Then gets fans yelling over him trying to get him to bring up Cass. Then gets fans trying to get him to read essays about how Dean is bisexual to "educate" him about how wrong he is about his own acting and character. Then gets fans wearing T-shirts telling him he's wrong about his own show. Then gets fans stating point blank that goodbye scene was romantic and trying to get him to expound upon that interpretation. And so on.

The vast majority of the time when someone brings the ship up to him? It's belligerently leading questions, trying to talk over him, or creepy invasive sexual shit - that all turns into online slander when he says no, says ship what you want, says nobody at the helm was writing the show that way and he wasn't playing the character that way. Gosh, I can't imagine why he'd be immediately uncomfortable and defensive as soon as the topic comes up given that context! Or why he's overly concerned with the presentation of the character when fans insist Dean literally just making eye contact with another man while talking to him, being a fan of something, or not reacting angrily to another man flirting with him is proof of how "gay" he is. Sure Jensen has said some less than PC things I'd expect of a 30-40 year old dude raised in Texas over the years, but if you really want to talk about who has shitloads of issues with queerness, unfortunate stereotypes, and toxic masculinity they aren't trying to work through? Let's start with all the destiel meta that begins with "lol no straight guy would ever ..." and insisting a guy who *gasp* dares to say he didn't play his character as attracted to men must be a homophobe in denial because he obviously did. 🙄

As to that confession, present an actual source of anybody but Misha and Berens saying any such thing about its intention - I won't hold my breath. At the same convention (Denver 2021) that Jared got so much shit for saying there were all kinds of love and all interpretations were valid and Jensen agreed with him, Misha in his panel with Alex said basically the same thing Jensen reportedly said in a previous M&G about an artist not telling people what to interpret out of an artwork and how he didn't want his interpretation to be the definitive word. But somehow that gets forgotten in all the other more leading, more bait-y shit he's said elsewhere.

Which brings me to my final point. Jensen says ship and headcanon what you want, but sorry, that's not what I intended or what the writers put into the text, it's just fan fantasies - and you lot insist he's a homophobe for not telling you what you want to hear and being uncomfortable when you keep ignoring what he's said and trying to make him give you a different answer. Misha lies to you, makes sly implications, changes his story back and forth constantly, was involved in at least one of those answers agreeing with Jensen about certain dialogue and actions being questionable for the male characters they were playing, all but admits he was falsely leading you on for years when he said he was sure going into season 15 the writers would never go even as far as they did, preps merch to release through his company to capitalize on that scene, and even queerbaits so hard he has to come out as straight - and you live up his ass praising him as some kind of amazing ally.

Well gosh, I wonder if maybe just maybe it's not about understanding or giving a shit about LGBT+ issues and toxic masculinity at all, only feeling entitled to being told your personal interpretations about this one single specific ship are The Real Story of SPN! Actually that's a lie, I don't wonder.

why is jensen ackles so toxic?

i have been a supernatural fan for over ten years and i have known for a while that jensen has never been a fan of destiel, which would be completely fine if he didn't always react uncomfortable and downright disgusted every time someone mentions it and / or the possibility of dean being queer. i have seen him become very defensive and even hostile when asked questions about these things at conventions. to this day jensen (& jared) STILL vehemently call castiel's confession "platonic" and "brotherly" while the writers, showrunners and misha explicitly called it a romantic confession of love.

my problem with jensen's behaviour is that it seems to be rooted in very toxic masculinity and the fragility of it. he has called emotional writing "unmanly" and "effeminate" and "something dean would never say to another man"; he was glad that dean didn't share many scenes with castiel in season 9; he desperately wanted destiel "to go away" and something else that really irks me: so many times when destiel was talked about, he brought up wincest, as if that is in any way the same. he seems to associate queerness with unmanliness, weakness and something to be uncomfortable about.

i can understand that destiel extremists have insulted his wife, insinuated ridiculous things happened between actors etc but this is no excuse for his downright homophobic comments and behaviour. he can also imagine dean however he wants and i know he thinks he understands dean better than anyone but it's so sad to me how much he seems to limit dean in who he could be TO OTHER PEOPLE. who does it harm if a bunch of bi people see themselves in him and his behaviour? i thought jensen understood just how much dean hid from everyone. it makes me sad that he seems to want to forbid other people from interpreting dean differently than he does.

he should really take some time to reflect if dean winchester's non-canon sexuality is really worth coming across homophobic for.

[thoughtslikeaminefield]

Summary: Sam intervenes. Part two of a three-part series about roomies to lovers.

Characters: AU Dean Winchester x female reader, Sam Winchester

Warnings/tags in this part: two F-bombs, recollection of sexual activity

Words in this part: 1,900

Notes: Shout out to @indecisive30something for their prompt.

And, as always, many thanks and all my love to my Ride Or Die @brrose-apothecary

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Since that afternoon, when Dean did make her come until they both passed out on the couch, sweaty and satisfied, wrapped in a quilt her grandmother made 30 years before, neither of them were able to look at the other straight without blushing, grinning, or both.

Yet, much like last time, they didn’t talk about it afterward, and the longer they put it off, the more awkward it became.

They were also spending an inordinate amount of time trying to act normal around Sam and Eileen; instead, they came across like they were trying to cover up a murder or something.

“Dude, what is with you?” Sam asks four days post-incident.

“What?!?” Dean stage-whispers, his gaze darting wildly around Eileen’s backyard, where several friends have donned swimwear and are sipping their beverages of choice until it lands on her, and his skin flushes.

“That. That’s what,” Sam responds, flipping the burgers and brats, feeling mildly amused and significantly annoyed by his brother’s utter cluelessness regarding their roommate. “Stop acting like you guys didn’t hook up again. You can’t sit still or keep your mouth shut for three seconds when she's in the room.”

Dean feels a flush of a different kind as he glares at his younger brother. “Horseshit. I’m zen as fuck.”

He lets his gaze float back to the object of his desire, glistening in the sun as she bobs in the pool with their friends.

Sam snorts and arches a sidelong brow. “This morning at brunch, you read the ingredients from every condiment bottle on the table before getting up for a newspaper and asking old man Fergus about his cats.”

“So?" Dean gripes without taking his eyes off her. "I was being neighborly.”

“You hate that guy and you’re allergic to cats.”

“What’s your point, Sam?” Dean turns to face his brother again, not ready to have the conversation but knowing full-well that it's happening anyway.

“I already said," Sam answers with a casual shrug. "You’re doing a shit job of concealing that you two got something going on again as if anyone cares.”

Dean drags his eyes back to catch a glimpse of her adjusting her ball cap over her shaded eyes. Even with her sunglasses on, the light reflecting from the pool is harsh and she squints, wrinkling her nose and clucking her tongue before laughing at something Meg has said.

Dean can't help but grin and revel in the butterflies in his stomach.

“In fact," Sam continues, "if you asked anyone in this county or the next one over? They’d be relieved you two are finally doing something about it.”

“She’s still married, Sammy,” Dean replies quietly, flicking his gaze back to his brother. “And you know that sonuvabitch’d make her life Hell if he thought he could — I ain’t given’ him any ammo.”

Sam is thoughtful for a moment before continuing more gently.

“At least tell me you aren’t holding out on her or yourself just because you aren’t ready to make it public yet,” Sam asks. “I’m not expecting you to take out an ad in The Lebanon Times, but I hope you aren’t just brushing it under the rug like last time...”

Dean clears his throat, shifts his weight, and downs the rest of his beer before tossing it in the recycling bin. “You want another one?” he asks Sam in an attempt to change the subject.

“Dean. Come on, man, don’t do this to yourself,” Sam lowers his voice, trying to snag his brother’s attention. “Don’t do it to her.”

Dean shakes his head. “Man, I’m not the only one in this situation; the road goes both ways, she could talk to me, too.”

Sam screws his eyebrows and stands up straight, abandoning the soft approach since his brother is clearly a moron. “What are you, three? That’s the oldest, weakest excuse for not taking initiative.”

Dean sighs, glances back toward the pool, and lets the memories of her wash over him — her husky voice, demanding more; her soft, strong hands, gripping him so tight; her scent like fresh-baked lemon meringue pie, sweet and heady and thick; and the way she falls apart so fucking easily for him every time.

“Alright, alright,” Dean holds up a hand in surrender as he backs away from his brother, headed to the cooler. “I’ll... come up with somethin'- say something. You want another one, or what?”

He doesn’t wait for Sam’s affirmative reply before turning and striding toward the cooler under the awning of the side patio. His own sunglasses are seated firmly on the upper bridge of his nose, but he fidgets with them anyway when the allure of her throaty laughter glides through the heat of the afternoon sun. Dean groans as he flips the lid of the cooler and reaches in for two bottles.

Just as he stands and turns back toward the group, she’s pushing up out of the water. He watches the rivulets of water sparkle across her bronzed, sculpted shoulders and down her shapely arms to her wrists. She twists her narrow waist and slides her perfectly heavy, peach of an ass to sit on the edge of the pool.

Her body looks like those statues of Venus but full of life and heat, breathing and hungry, sleek and strong. Her back is a work of art and he’s suddenly so hard in his trunks, he has to figure out how to walk back to the grill without coming in his pants.

AC/DC blares from the sound system, and she laughs again, head thrown back, baring her throat and kicking water in an arc aimed at Meg.

“Oh, my god, Meg, remember that trashy dance routine we did in high school to AC/DC?”

Meg splashes back, cackling. “We thought we were so hot!”

They each dissolve into giggles, and Dean can’t take his eyes off of her. He’s openly staring when she suddenly turns her head in his direction.

Dean pops each bottle top off with his ring and drops them in the recycling. She gasps on her laughter and bites her lip to stop from choking because that off-the-cuff move of his is just one example of how good he is with his hands.

Memories from mere days before, his hands up her shorts, holding her open wide and down as he mouthed at her cunt through the thin cotton, making her squirm and whimper. He worked her up from a puddle of vibrating sludge to a shining goddess over that three hours on the living room couch. And then he put her to bed and tucked her in.

Meg wades closer to her in the pool, away from Cas and Gabe, and wraps a hand around her ankle. “You OK there?” Meg asks soothing a hand up and down her friend’s calf.

“Yeah,” she breathes, answering Meg’s concern and trying not to dwell on the memories of Dean's hands on her skin.

Meg nods, sliding her shades down to the tip of her nose to gaze over the rim at her best friend of 20 years. “Nothing since Sunday?”

She told Meg about the couch incident. She gushed about it. Meg told her Monday night that she should go crawl into bed with Dean without a word, but that just didn't seem right.

She shakes her head in answer and drops her eyes to the rippling water below, remembering how she woke up alone in her bed Sunday night at 8:30 with an ache between her thighs like she hadn’t known in years. There was a sweating bottle of water and two Excedrin on her nightstand and her childhood bear was tucked in beside her.

“It’s OK, it was just a friend helping a friend out kinda thing,” she replies to Meg’s frown with a shrug. What goes unsaid hangs in the air, just like last time.

Meg cocks a brow and smirks in the Winchesters' direction. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

He’s watching them closely, the heat of his stare, radiating through his aviators. He licks his bottom lip into his mouth before lazily pulling it out from under his teeth as he taps his ring against the bottleneck in time with AC/DC.

"That's not how just friends look at each other," Meg asserts, as her friend swoons at the vision of Dean. There's something almost separately sentient about Dean’s anatomy. He fills any room, warms any space, quells any fears or insecurity just by showing up.

Meg's heart skips a beat when her best friend sighs and pushes to stand. For years, she's watched them dance around each other, and she wants them both to be happy.

“Have fun,” Meg sings from the pool, as her friend slips her feet into her flip flops and her cover-up over her head before making her way to the grill area.

The corner of Dean’s mouth curves with a silent smirk so maddening that only he’s capable of pulling it off without being a smug bastard.

“Hey, girl, you hungry?” Sam asks, not yet recognizing the swell of heat and things unsaid between his brother and her.

She can’t control the way her chest vibrates and her exhale shakes, and Dean’s cocksure smile splits into a bright, wide grin.

“Hungry, princess?” Dean asks, lifting his beer bottle to his mouth to tongue the opening before wrapping his lips around it.

“Not for that,” she replies, nodding toward the grill.

Sam does a wide-eyed double-take before chuckling. “Well, Dean, maybe you should see if you can find something she is hungry for.” He tries to hide a grin.

Dean bobs his head before tossing what’s left of his beer into the bin then offering her his elbow. “Shall we?”

She laughs in that way that makes Dean's toes curl then loops her hand through the crook of his arm. “Lead the way.”

As they saunter toward the door to Eileen’s kitchen, Dean looks down at her and asks, “you got everything?”

She blinks, feeling a little confused and a lot flustered. “Like what?”

“Phone, keys, your utmost certainty that you want this to happen,” Dean replies, his shoulders stiffening and his jaw tense.

He slides the glass door open and guides her inside the air-conditioned house, then closes the door behind them with a soft thud.

She turns to face him and draws a deep breath. His bright, warm eyes are filled with hope and anticipation.

“I don’t really know what’s on the menu, but you make me feel good and safe. I want that.”

Dean smiles and walks into her, enveloping her in his arms. “OK,” he murmurs against her damp ball cap before dragging his lips down and along her jaw. “Lemme take you home.”

She sighs and melts in his embrace. “OK.”

Part Three

If you like this, please let me know or buy me a coffee!

Dean Winchester Masterlist | SPN Masterlist | All Fic Masterlist

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [two] // daisy johnson

summary: same as the first chapter – it was too long to post in one so this is the remainder of it!

part one | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad

"What do you think?"

I raised an eyebrow as I poked my head inside the van, glancing around at the cramped space that had stupidly been turned into a living space. There was also, weirdly enough, a computer in the corner which made absolutely no sense.

"I think I have no idea what I'm looking at," I admitted, before looking to an excited Skye beside me. "What is this?"

She bit her lip to contain her grin as she patted the van's door proudly. "This is my new rig."

I almost laughed. "You're kidding."

Her smile lessened. "I'm not."

Now I definitely laughed. "Skye, c'mon, be serious. Whose van is this?"

Her smile disappeared as she clenched her jaw with annoyance. "It's mine. Sorry it isn't fancy enough for you, your majesty."

When I realised she was serious, I lost my smile and looked between the van and her. "Skye, where the hell did you get a van? You can't even drive!"

Clearly holding in her anger, she began to push past me and slide the doors shut. "He said you wouldn't get it," she mumbled to herself, but I heard.

"He?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. "Who the hell is he?"

"Miles," she snapped, stopping moving and looking to me. "Miles is the one who got me the van. He said it was a bad idea to show you and clearly he was right, Y/N. You took one look at it and laughed. He was right."

I smiled tightly, trying not to get worked up at the mention of Skye's new friend. She'd befriended this 'Miles' guy within the past few months and wouldn't stop meeting with him and his friends. He was in the grade above us, but just like her, he'd skip class and do God knows what.

Ever since she'd been hanging around them, she'd been standoffish and distant. She wouldn't contact me as much when she ran away, and she'd been skipping school more often than usual. They were clearly a bad influence on her, but she reassured me she was in control of her own life and knew what she was doing. Being the idiot I am, I fell for her pretty smile and convincing eyes, but this was getting too far now.

"No offence, Skye, but I wouldn't start listening to a guy who can't even make it to class on time," I said to her with a hint of annoyance. "Why do you need a van anyway?"

"Why not?" she countered with her arms crossed. "I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally taking responsibility. Growing up."

My expression softened. "I've never once said that you had to do either of those things."

"You don't need to say it," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes with a frown. "I know you think it. Everyone does."

I stepped forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and finding her eyes with mine. "Where is this coming from? Skye, I have never thought that. All I've ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. I'm just worried."

She shrugged me off. "Well, now you don't need to be. I've got this."

"You're seventeen, you should be in school studying, not staying in a van," I said tiredly. "You've been missing so much. How are you gonna graduate?"

She avoided my eyes. "That's another thing... I've been thinking and, well, I don't think I want that."

I widened my eyes with disbelief. "What?"

Still avoiding my eyes, she continued, "I don't think I want to graduate."

I was too surprised to find words so quickly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How can you not want to graduate?!" I asked suddenly, finding my words. "It's what you do! It's what we all do!"

She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "It's what you do, Y/N. I don't want to be at a place that makes me feel like shit. I can't keep pretending I fit in when I don't."

"This isn't you," I told her sternly. "We were supposed to graduate together. You're not stupid, Skye. I can help you study. You can't just give up."

"I'm not," she said with certainty. "I finally know what I'm doing. That's all."

I squeezed my fists together to contain my frustration. "And what's that?"

"The Rising Tide–"

"For fuck's sake!" I cut her off, before hitting the van door with frustration.

"Miles has taught me a lot!" she defended. "They do a lot of good, Y/N! I just want to be apart of something bigger. Something that can help me help others. And something that can help me find my family. My real family."

I clenched my jaw, knowing I was too late in convincing her otherwise. Whatever Miles and the others had told her about their stupid hacking group had worked – she was dropping out of high school and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"You're gonna be going to university and we both know I can't afford it," she said gently. "We couldn't stay together forever, Y/N. And my foster family definitely don't care what happens to me. I don't fit in anywhere."

I looked to her with glassy eyes. "You fit in with me. You always have."

She pursed her lips as she stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough," I added bitterly.

"That's not it and you know it," she muttered, shaking her head. "I have to do this. I have to figure myself out. Alone."

I felt stupid for letting her do everything she did leading up to this point. If I had just tried a little harder, maybe things could have been different.

"You're not alone though, are you?" I asked rhetorically. "You've got your new pals at the Rising Tide. It's their damn fault you're doing all this."

"They're not as bad as you think!"

"You've changed because of them!" I argued back. "They created a barrier between you and I. It's because of them that you've... that you've..."

"What?" she snapped, glaring at me. "That I'm finally thinking for myself?!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and straightened up. "Forget it, just– forget it. I've got a midterm to study for."

She snickered harshly. "Of course. Don't want me slowing you down."

I stayed quiet and turned around to leave. I couldn't see past my anger as I left her with her stupid van. 

Of course, the two of us had been friends for a lot longer than that silly argument, so I was quick to realise how much I actually cared about her and her life, and wanted to apologise for how harsh and unsupportive I sounded.

The next day after school, I decided to head over to her foster family's place to hopefully talk to her. I'd had enough time to think about it and knew I was a lot more levelheaded now that I'd had some space.

I knocked on the front door and waited before an older blonde woman answered. I recognised her as Skye's foster mum, Sally.

"Hi, Mrs Collins," I greeted with a smile. "I'm looking for–”

"Mary doesn't live here anymore," Sally cut me off instantly, surprising me.

I had almost forgotten that Skye's foster family knew her as the name she was given by her orphanage – Mary Sue Poots.

"She doesn't?" I asked with confusion. "But I thought–"

"Goodbye, Miss Y/L/N," Sally interrupted, before slamming the door in my face.

I blinked with confusion before turning around and walking down the steps. It had been a while since I last visited Skye at home. In fact, she made sure I never visited her at home. I guess now I knew why. But then where the hell was she living?

As I walked around the neighbourhood trying to think about where Skye could be, I saw a familiar van parked up on the side of the street and put the pieces together.

Guiltily, I approached the van and sucked up a deep breath before knocking on the side. It didn't take long for the door to slide open and reveal Skye herself.

"Hey," I said quietly, noticing her surprised expression. "Can we talk?"

She licked her lips nervously and nodded, before moving to the side to let me in. I climbed inside and watched as she shut the door before settling on the seat in front of me. I looked around and realised the little details I hadn't noticed yesterday. The little things that made this place Skye's and nobody else's.

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any," she joked to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.

I breathed out before meeting her eyes. "Skye, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted like that. If I had known that this was your home, I–"

"You didn't know," she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I didn't want you to know. It's my fault."

I pursed my lips, watching as she looked away with pink cheeks. It hurt me to know that she was embarrassed when I didn't care about any of this, I just cared about her.

"I want you to know that I respect your decision to join the Rising Tide," I said gently, making her look up. "If it's what you want, you should go for it."

"It is," she said with certainty.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth before asking, "Is there no way you can finish high school though? Graduate with me?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to, Y/N."

"But that's the bare minimum," I pleaded. "Hacking isn't a lifestyle. You need to work, too, and I can promise you that most places won't look to hire a high school dropout."

She leaned back in her seat and shrugged nervously. "Miles isn't graduating either. And he's got some friends who haven't graduated. They're all doing fine."

I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration. I promised myself I wouldn't argue with her, but the mention of her other friends was like a trigger.

"What now?" she asked with annoyance, realising I was annoyed. "You clearly have something to say about them."

"It doesn't matter," I said, biting my tongue.

"Sure it doesn't," she played along.

"It doesn't," I agreed.

"Yeah, and the Hulk isn't bright green," she said sarcastically.

I looked up and glared at her. She stared back challengingly, practically daring me to speak. So, I did.

"Your new hacker friends are the reason you're making these choices," I told her straight. "They're the reason you're making a huge mistake. The reason you're dropping out. And for what? So you can hack like them?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you look down on us, but we're more than that."

"Skye, I don't give a shit about them!" I shouted without meaning to. "I only care about you!"

"Then stop talking crap about my friends!" she returned angrily.

"Why do you care about them so much?!"

"They gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere! They made me feel like I belonged!"

I frowned, anger replacing with hurt. "I always offered you a place to stay. I only ever wanted you to be safe. You never needed to be different with me. You belonged. Always."

She swallowed hard and looked away from me ashamedly. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving."

I breathed out deeply. "School? Our town? Leaving what?"

"All of it," she said quietly. "I don't expect you to understand."

I looked down to my fumbling hands, a tear slipping from my eye. I had never felt so angry at someone before in my life. She was treating me like I was a stranger, as if I wasn't somebody who knew her inside out. She was treating me like she treated everyone else except her new friends. And I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Fine," I said, before moving to open the door. I jumped out her van and didn't spare her a glance as I said, "Have fun with the rest of your life. Sorry I didn't care enough."

She didn't say anything and I didn't expect her to. With a broken heart and headache, I left and didn't bother turning back.

—

"What do you mean she's run away?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Mr Lock said apologetically. "Her foster family got the note this morning. They're doing what they can to find her. She always turns up, you know that."

I knew her family didn't care if she was gone or not, so I knew Skye definitely wouldn't be found. Unlike usual, Skye hadn't contacted me before leaving, so something told me she wouldn't be turning up.

Our argument was over a week ago and I hadn't seen her since. It had been eating away at me the way we'd left things, but I couldn't find it in myself to face her. I had no idea what to say anyway. And I wasn't sure when she was planning on leaving, so I didn't think it was important right now. Clearly, I was wrong.

"I just thought you should know," Mr Lock said with a nod. "The police will come by soon to get a statement from you."

As usual. Except this time, I actually had no idea where she was.

I nodded, my mouth going dry. "Thank you... can I go now?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Of course."

I left his office and headed straight outside behind the bleachers where nobody could hear or see me. The first thing I did was try to ring Skye, but there was no answer and no way to leave a voicemail. I tried several times, hoping she'd pick up, but she didn't. And that's when I remembered the burner phone.

Immediately pulling it out, I turned it on and saw the message from her appear on my screen. I was quick to open it, my heart racing like it did every time she ran away. I knew she wasn't coming back this time though.

Hey, Y/N. I know you probably hate me, but I felt like I owed you this. I said I was leaving and I have. I can't tell you where. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I've had too many of them and I couldn't bring myself to say it to you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I never wanted to, but I guess some things are inevitable, huh? I've managed to do it all my life, this isn't any different. I'm just sorry if I hurt you in the process. Anyway, this is pretty long and I don't even know if you read it, but yeah. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different.

The text ended there and I found myself rereading it to myself over and over, her words imprinted in my mind. I knew we'd argued and exchanged hurtful words, but I never in a million years thought she'd leave without saying goodbye. I thought I meant more to her than this. But no. I was just another foster family she ran away from. And I wasn't so sure I'd see her again.

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

[rimaiahwrites]

Red handed—

Chapter seven

After Erik drove away Israel came in to the house grinning even though he low key pissed her off.

She was still happy that she got to spend time with him, Erik was actually bringing happiness and excitement to her dull life and she couldn't be happier about it.

Israel walked right passed her brothers and into the kitchen, not even noticing all her brothers and their friends sitting in the living room looking at her like she lost her mind.

She grabbed a water bottle and began to chug it. Until she heard someone clear their throat. She turned around and started choking on the cold water. Noah got up from the floor and made his way over to pat her on the back.

When she got her choking under Control, she waved at them giving her best smile trying not to look suspicious.

"Who the fuck was that nigga you was wit'?" Her smile dropped.

"What are you talking about I-" Jay cut his eyes at her, daring her to lie to his face. Israel rolled her eyes trying to play it off. "He's Just one of my friends jay, relax."

"Since when do you have guy friends?" He asked walking into the kitchen. Everyone now quiet like he was some sort of king.

"Since when did I have to answer to you?" Israel spit back, looking him up and down. Jay was a bit taken back from her tone because it wasn't like her to get go smart mouth with him.

"Since you were born fuck you mean when? You forgetting that you the youngest?" He said cocking his head back like she just said the most stupidest shit ever. "no but You keep forgetting I'm grown. I can do as I please." She hissed slamming the freighter door shut. "I'm not no damn baby anymore, stop trying to tell me what I can and can't do I'm grown rather you like it or not, the fuck" she said stepping up to him as if he wasn't 6'0 and bulky grown man. not even realizing that she had raised her tone with him...or that she was cussing.

"Girl-" she quickly held her hand up to hush him. "No! I'm so done with this shit! Y'all three get to do whatever y'all want and y'all still live in mom and dads house and don't nobody say shit to y'all but when I hang out with someone of the opposite gender it's a problem? as if you did just sneak that girl In your room not to long ago, as if y'all wasn't fucking in there while mom was downstairs right under your room." She spit out dropping her head down a bit to give him a death stare. She was so irritated and had so much adrenaline running through her, she was shaking.

"You really can't say shit to me jay!" She said slapping her hand on the counter, and her other hand in her hip. Looking like a middle aged black mama yelling at her disobedient child while jay just stood there staring wildly at her but there wasn't much he could say. It was all true. She cut him up and now he was stuck not knowing what to say.

It was quiet in the living room and kitchen.

Jays friends didn't say a thing but they were fully entertained with the argument going on between the two Sibling.

"So what you just fucking random niggas now? Huh? That's where you was last night? At that niggas house being a hoe?" He shouted, veins popping out the side of his head. Israel face dropped at his words and they stung more then she thought they would.

You could hear a pin drop nobody made a move or spoke a word. Just a silent staring contest between the two. Jays fists balled, shoulders squared looking like he was ready to fight while Israel on the other hand was her eyes were getting glossy and her breathing heavy. She could feel the lump in her throat getting harder to swallow.

She cleared her throat and turn to walk back to get her bag by the front door. And heading up stairs, there was nothing else to be said. Israel now knew that her big brother saw her as nothing more then just a hoe, he has made it very clear today.

Israel waited until she was 18 just to talk to men and now he was calling her a hoe not even knowing that she only stayed for the night, And that was all. But there was no point in arguing with jay, he was stubborn and a asshole. if that's what he thought that's what he thought.

She shut her bedroom door and headed straight to her bed, stuffing her face in her pillow tears coming down like a waterfall.

She was Tempted to call Erik just so he could come get her of the hell hole she called home.

Maybe that was over dramatic but she hated it here, she loved her family but being with them 24/7 wasn't something she planned on doing once she turned eighteen. She honestly thought she would have been treated like her brothers were but then again she was never given a fraction of the freedom her brothers has. She was never treated like her feelings mattered, everything has always been about the boys.

You would think that since she's the only daughter her father has she would be treated like a princess and get away with everything but that definitely wasn't the case with her father. She was always the one to get yelled at first, she was always the first one to get blamed for something she didn't do and was always the first to get it the worst of her siblings.

Her father was a strict, mean military man that had no Sympathy for anyone and he clearly passed that down to his oldest son.

She was so sick of crying over them, she was so sick of being mistreated.

With tears still running down her face she sat up and took a deep breath feeling like she was dropping down into that deep hole she liked to hide herself in when she was feeling down.

His words replaying in her head like a broken record. She wasn't a hoe and she knew that and she knew that she didn't sleep with Erik but some how his words sank into her skin so deep that she felt dirty. Like she had committed some sort of sin.

She was only having fun, and finally getting the teenage experience she never got to have when she was younger.

Israel was tired of crying over things her family has said to her it was time for her to stop letting their words hurt her and effort her mental health.

She stood up from her bed and decided that she wanted to take a flower bath and just pray her troubles away.

-

Erik parked his black Mercedes-Benz G-Class outside of the were house he owned. This was the place he kept all of his weapons, books, important papers and information he had collected over the years of him being in college and the navy.

He and ten of his close friends that he met in the navy had formed a elite group of former navy seals. Their jobs were to Take down small governments and expose them. They also would kill small amounts of police officers and clans men which 9 times outta 10 were the same group of men.

About six months age they made a little mistake that almost got them caught which would've cost them their lives which is why they took a break to regroup to better themselves. Erik and three of his boys ace, zeik and Rae all trained the hardest they ever have far as fighting techniques, Brent, rocky and von all worked with weapons and the rest of the boys were hackers.

Today was their first meeting in six months. Erik has changed Plans and moved things from the original date so this meeting is important.

Erik walked to the side door of the warehouse and slide up the side  paneling to reveal the handprint scanner, that was the only way to get into it up less you climb to the very top and through the window but the chances of that happening was slim. Once he was into he went to the corner of the large warehouse and behind the staircase that lead you to go upstairs which was empty.

He walked into the staircase little door where there was a another door that used Voice activation to open. "State your name please." a robotic voice said as it Scanned his face. "Erik Stevens."

"Face scan complete, welcome back erik." The voice said as the heavy Metal door opened to Reveal his underground lab.  "Feels good to be back." Erik Chuckled as he walked down the steps. All of his boys turned their heads from the game of pool to Erik. "Ayo Erik where you been at motherfucka you was supposed to be here a hour and a half ago." Erik grin as he dubed ace up ignoring zeik interrogation. "Right and you be the main one mad if Someone else late to the meetings." Rae butted in.

Erik rolled his eyes.

"If y'all don't shut the fuck up, I gotta life to I just got caught up." He shrugged them off as he walked over to his desk. Rae eyebrows raised as he looked at the rest of them and they all were just as confused as him. Erik and "personal" just didn't go together in the same sentence, if he wasn't working out he was working. Erik was always work, work, work.

Brent smirked as he grabbed his water  bottle and took a sip "him must got a new bitch or sum'" ace snorted "nigga yeah right that nigga ain't been in a relationship in years, Erik fucks and dips." It was true. That just wasn't like Erik.

"All I hear is you motherfuckas being worried about me let's get to work!" Erik clap his hands exactly as he went into the meeting room with the rest of the men following.

-

After a four hour meeting they had finally figured everything out. It was now 10:46 and Erik was tired, Israel sleeping over had him exhausted since it fucked up his sleep schedule. On a normal day Erik was in bed 11 o'clock and up at 6 o'clock in the morning. Sleep was very important to a healthy life style. It was Proven that people that get at least 7 hours of sleep they live longer.

Soon as Erik got home he took a shower and got straight in bed. he didn't even bother putting on clothes.

It's almost been a week since Erik has last spoken to Israel since he had been so busy. It's been strictly wake up, eat, work, train and work some more he didn't really have time to hang or call.

He felt a little bad for it but he knew that she knew he wasn't ignoring her intentionally...at least he hoped she knew that.

Today Erik was going to the gun range with ace just to do some training and catch up with him since they really hasn't had the chance to do that.

Since ace's car was in the shop right now so erik decided to pick him up instead of him catching a Uber. Soon as erik pulled up to aces Apartment he saw he step out of his door and jogged over to the passenger side.

"Wassup E," he said as he sat his bag down in the back seat. "Wassup bro you ready to show these niggas how to aim?" Erik said jokily as he drove off.

Erik cooked his AMT and aimed it at the head of the paper man all the way in the range and let multiple bullets fly from it giving him a slight rush. He adjusted his safety glasses and gripped the handle of the gun again before pulling the trigger but aiming at a different figure. Him and ace were both in their own little worlds before the ringtone from Erik's phone pulled him back down to earth, it caught aces attention too.

It was Israel.

Erik beamed down at the screen but Debated if he should answer it or not, he wanted to he really did but decided it would be best if he called her later since he could barely hear from all the gun shots being fired.

"Who was that? Got you smiling and shit..." ace asked with his eyebrows raised. Placing his gun down to face Erik. "Nigga why you so damn nosy?" Erik cut his eyes at him while blindly putting his phone back into his pocket.

"What you mean nigga? I'm just trying to see who making my dawg so happy is that a crime?" He said jokingly jerking his head back. Erik rolled his eyes.

"It's was one of my friends." Erik stated before grabbing his gun again trying to get off the topic. Ace put his hand out and pushed the gun down before he could pull the trigger.

"What friend? cause the last time i checked we had the same circle of friends?" Erik sigh getting annoyed with aces interrogation. Did he want to tell his best friend about Israel? Hell nah. Because he know his best friend and he knows he's going to go over bored and start doing the most with questions.

"You don't know her. Drop it nigga."

"Her? So you got a bitch or sumn'" Erik shock his head not even meaning to slip up and say anything. It was to late to take back now. "Nah she not my girl, we just been chilling." Erik shrugged, as he corrected him.

"Lemme see what she look like nigga how you know I don't know her?"

"Hell nah nigga stop being nosy-"

"Ok but if I had a bitch I would show you-"

"She not a bitch tho." Erik said sternly in their back and forth bickering. As annoyed as Erik was ace had a point and they both knew it. Ace talked to him about everything and if he was interested in a girl Erik would be the first to know about it. Erik put his gun on safety and sat it down before digging In his back pocket to grab his phone.

He scrolled through his camera until he found his favorite picture of Israel. It was one she sent to him not to long ago, her hair was wild with tiny ringlet coils. Her lips and mouth were stained red from the dumdum that hung from it. She had her white silk night gown on and a dainty rose flower necklace that hung between her collarbone.

Erik handed him the phone and watched as he brought his fist up to his mouth. "Nigga she fine as fuck damn where you find her at?"

"A party I went to not to long ago, she was shy as fuck she would barely talk to me." Erik chuckled taking his phone back to put it back in his pocket. "We been hanging out the last few weeks, she cool." Erik said nonchalantly to make it seem like he wasn't feeling shordy as much as he was. To someone like didn't know Erik as well as ace did he would've them really thinking he didn't like her and it wasn't a big deal but ace knew.

"You feeling her?" Ace asked facing Erik now, Erik shrugged.

"Like I said she cool."

"Mm." Was all ace said. Erik didn't need to answer, ace already knew the answer.

[tinyboxxtink]

Weird Secret Friends *Chapter 3*

I fixed it!!!! Huzzah!!!

If you didn't see it earlier, it was crap-tastic on my phone.

I'm glad so far people love this. <3

Part 2

Part 4

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------------

When you returned everyone was laughing at chatting, except for Sonny who was drinking vodka and soda while on his phone. He looked up and saw you both returning, he jumped up to meet you.

“Hey, counselor. I hope Y/N wasn’t too hard on you,” He half laughed.

“Are you kidding me, Sonny?” You scoffed.

“She’s fine, Sonny,” He smirked. “I like a little fire in a woman,”

“Oh?” Sonny’s eyebrows suddenly raised, causing you to give Barba a look. He was blowing your cover!

“I mean, I expect it from Jersey girls anyway,” He flipped his compliment quickly.

“God…” You muttered, looking at the floor. Pick a side, counselor.

“Anyway, um,” Sonny cleared his throat, trying not to think about Rafael and you together. “So when do we do presents and cake? I’ve kind of got an early--”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rafael furrowed his brows at Sonny. “Did you-- Carisi did you really just say that?”

“Do you see a present table? Do you see a giant rat mascot running around?”

“...What? Did I say something--?” Sonny became flustered.

“What do you think this is, a fucking Chuck E Cheese?” He suddenly snapped, causing shocked looks from both you and Sonny.

“I’m sorry Barba, I--”

“Alright that’s it,” You stepped in between the two of them, glaring at Rafael.

“Excuse you?” Rafael crossed his arms.

“Y/N, knock it off,” Sonny hit you softly.

“You have been nothing but rude to my cousin since we got here, Mr. Barba,” You pointed a finger to his chest.

“He was just trying to be nice, getting you a gift out of the goodness of his heart, something you would know nothing about!” Maybe now you were overcompensating.

“Y/N!” Sonny said through gritted teeth.

“What?!” You turned to see everyone at the party staring at the three of you in shocked silence. “Oh…” Your voice turned soft, your face turned red.

“Well,” Rafael straightened his suit and tie, recovering from your little rant. “I guess I should be a gracious host and open it then, shouldn’t I?” He gave you a look.

“...Holy shit,” You heard one of the guests gasp. “That thing is over $1,000! My wife wouldn’t even get me that for Christmas,”

“NO!” Sonny objected rather loudly,. “I mean, that’s not necessary Barba. It’s just a little something, it’s fine,”

“No no, your cousin is right,” He shook his head as he walked over next to Sonny’s chair and retrieved the large gift bag and placed it on the table. Sonny bolted over, you trailed behind quickly.

“No, seriously Barba, don’t,” Sonny began to panic. You suddenly realized how this was going to look, maybe you shouldn’t have pushed.

“Carisi why are you being like--” Rafael was questioning him but was silenced mid-speech when he pulled out the briefcase. His eyes went wide, you swore you heard a few people audibly gasp, You looked around completely lost, finally noticing the absolute horror on Sonny’s face.

“....Is this a Louis Voutton Robusto 2 in Taiga leather, Carisi?” Rafael whispered, running his fingers over the fine leather.

“Oh my god,” You couldn't watch this. Sonny had such a big heart, too big of a heart. He tried so hard...why didn’t you step in sooner?

“Uh y-yeah, sure Barba whatever you want,”

“Carisi, can I speak with you a moment outside?” Rafael blinked rapidly, trying to wrap his head around what was happening right now.

“Do you guys need somewhere to make out?!” An obnoxious man laughed, making the other guests snicker.

“Oh shove it Buchanan,” Rita hit him. “Sonny’s just his puppy,”

“Oh god,” Sonny muttered under his breath as he followed Barba outside. He didn’t know which was worse for people to think right now.

“This is totally inappropriate, why would you even--” He threw his hands over his head. God it was one thing knowing Sonny had a thing for him, but for him to finally make a move like this-- in front of his peers? His colleagues? The audacity.

You wondered if you should follow them. You were the one to cause this mess, after all. Also you really didn’t like the looks you were getting from the rest of the party-goers. You quickly began to follow after them, you could hear Rafael yelling from a mile away.

“What the hell is WRONG with you, Carisi?!”

“I-I’m sorry, Barba I--”

“WHAT?!” Sonny’s eyes instantly went to you. “W-Why would you…? Why would you say that?”

“I’m sorry, counselor I just thought--”

“You just thought what, Carisi?” He growled. “That if you bought some ridiculously expensive gift I’d suddenly realized you were ‘the one’?”

“What?!” Sonny suddenly snapped. “What the-- what the fuck are you talking about, Barba?”

“Uh I don’t know Carisi, maybe the fact that you have feelings for me?”

“What?” Rafael suddenly realized either you were wrong, or he was sticking to denial. Either way, he was probably busted.

“I bought you that briefcase because I want you to like me as a COLLEAGUE, Barba. Do you know what kind of clout you get in our field by being friends with the ADA? And-- And nothing I do ever seems to be good enough, I was afraid you’d never...accept me, unless I…”

“Bribed me?” Rafael asked softly.

“I--I don’t know, I--”

“Well,” Sonny shrugged uncomfortably. “When you say it like that it sounds dirty,”

“Right,” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“....But why, in the fuck--” Sonny crossed his arms now. “Would you ever accuse me of--- of that?!”

“Is it because you have feelings for me and you were hoping I felt the same way but it freaked you out when I made some ‘declaration of love’ in front of all of your work buddies?”

“WHAT?!” Rafael practically screamed. “Absolutely not--”

“I’m just gonna ask you one time, straight out,” Sonny approached Rafael, his stature over him becoming more obvious the closer he got to the ADA.

“Then why? Have I seriously given you an impression that I-- want your cannoli?” He tried to find an appropriate word. And he was genuinely asking, he had made damn sure not to act that way for so long, there was no way he had fucked that up.

“Uh...yes, yes you have,” Rafael tried to bluff. He had no idea how this situation had flipped, or if it was better for Sonny to think he had feelings for him, and not his baby cousin.

“That’s bullshit,” Sonny shook his head with a sarcastic laugh. “I have made damn sure--” He glanced at you again, he knew that look. That was the same look you had when you had broken his mom’s favorite vase and had blamed it on the dog.

“Damn sure what?” Rafael quickly tried to distract him.

“Damn sure you didn’t think that,” He answered hazily, thoughts filling his mind.

“Because you do,” Rafael tried to keep defensive.

“....This isn’t about me, this is about you,” Sonny’s eyes suddenly narrowed as he was quickly becoming aware of the glances you at Rafael were sharing.

“Ohh no I think it’s about--”

“WHY would you accuse me of trying to...seduce you?!” Sonny cut him off.

“Does that sound like something I would do, whether it was true or not?”

“So it IS--”

“DAMMIT, Rafael!” Sonny stomped his foot. He was getting bold now as the wheels started turning.

“What?” Rafael laughed like it was ridiculous, looking everywhere but Sonny’s eyes. “When would she even--”

“...Did my cousin say something to you?” His eyes were narrow, he was scowling between the two of you. Fuck. FUCK. Don’t panic. Keep your cool. Don’t move.

“When you followed her just now?” He crossed his arms again.

Whew. Well, thank God. At least that bullet was dodged.

"Was she? Because it seems like telling you was the worst thing she could do!!!" Sonny snapped.

“....She might have said something along those lines,” Rafael glanced at you with apologetic eyes as he threw you under the bus.

“Wha-- are you kidding me?!” You hissed at him, but Sonny was already fuming at you.

“Y/N!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He started to stomp over to you. “You can’t just throw your assumptions at people, because you think your ‘emotionally stunted’ cousin can’t deal with some confusing feelings he has,”

“Uh…”

“Ya can’t just SHOVE someone out of a closet!” He kept yelling, oblivious to the stares he was now getting. “Especially not to my boss!!!”

“Sonny, I--”

“See I knew it!” Rafael clapped his hands together, trying to rescue you after he threw you to the sharks. “I knew you had feelings for me, I didn’t need her to tell me,”

“FINE,” Sonny threw his hands up. “Fine, Rafael. You win, okay?” He struggled with tears forming in his throat. “Yeah, I’ve had some-- weird, feelings about you. For a while,”

You and Rafael just stared at him while he “came out” to an entire restaurant.

“And alright, maybe I went a little overboard with the gift, my bad,” He shrugged. "But that doesn't excuse Y/N for telling you her conspiracy theories!"

"Carisi…" Barba sighed. "She was just trying to help."

"Y'know what YN, would you mind finding somewhere else to crash tonight, i can't really look at you right now," he sighed as he turned and walked awkwardly out of the restaurant.

"Sonny I am so--" you tried to apologize.

"Well you heard the man," He grinned, totally unphased by what just happened.

"I'm sure he'll--" his face went from a soft smile into a horrified expression.

"Are you fucking kidding me Rafael?" You scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Well at least he doesn't suspect anything between us!" He pointed out.

"Yeah just that I'm a horrible outing twat," you rolled your eyes.

"Aw carino," He pulled you into a soft comforting kiss.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, afraid to turn around.

"How fucking DARE you say that, Barba. I'm not some fucking jealous teenager, although clearly that's your type,"

"Oh my god..." you heard Sonny's voice behind you. "Oh my God!"

You definitely didn't want to turn around now.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Sonny now stormed over to the two of you.

I can't fucking believe you Y/N! What the fuck is this? How did this happen?"

"Sonny I--" You tried to explain,

"And YOU--" He glared at Rafael. "You had the fucking audacity to sit there and start yelling at me for "inappropriate feelings'," he growled.

"Carisi…." Rafael put a hand up.

"What the fuck do you call seducing my baby cousin??" He snarled.

'Look Carisi I know you might be jealous, but--" Before Rafael could finish his sentence, Sonny's fist was hitting his face and he fell to the ground.

"Hey!" You exclaimed.

"This isn't about my feelings, jackass," he went to punch him again but you ran over and tried to pull him off Rafael as a crowd of spectators was forming.

"Which by the way, you have zero worry of those anymore, I'm not into perverts," he spat.

"Sonny!" You gasped. "...the hell is wrong with you?!"

"We're leaving," he instructed you.

"Like hell we are," you went to help Rafael up.

"Sonny, even if you were my dad, I'm a grown woman," you snapped. "You can't drag me out of here like a child,"

"YN," Sonny had that soft, scary, angry tone. "I practically raised you. I'm the closest thing you have to a dad. So when I say we're leaving, we're leaving."

"Either you come with me right now, or I'm disowning you," he threatened.

"Are you fucking kidding me Son?" You laughed at the absurdity of the threat.

"I'll stop paying for your classes at the community college," he threatened.

Well not only did he just threaten your academics but he embarrassed the hell out of you revealing you weren't even in a real college.

"So?" You stood your ground. "Go for it,"

"I'll stop paying your rent," He kept going.

"Well that's--" You started getting nervous.

"I'll stop payments on your car,"

"OKAY," You finally caved. You just wanted to stop revealing what a fucking sad sack you were having him pay for everything, just like a dad.

You looked at Rafael who was standing now, winding his bloody mouth with a handkerchief from a pocket in his suit.

"I'm sorry," you barely whispered with tears in your eyes and throat. The last thing You wanted to do was leave him there but as Sonny so blatantly pointed out, he basically owned you.

You gave him one last long kiss goodbye, to which Sonny made a disgusted scoff.

Rafael gave you a look of pleading, begging you to stay with him while he held onto your hand. You pulled your hand away from him and turned to Sunny

"Alright let's go Son," you said softly trying not to glance back at Rafael.

Sonny nodded triumphantly and walked out of the restaurant with you close behind, leaving Rafael alone.

[albertasunrise]

Mistakes - Chapter 4

Masterlist

You’d known it was a bad idea to get involved with Javier Peña. You were just another notch on his bedpost but you were a notch he kept revisiting. You know you should have stopped it, declined his offers to rock your world but you couldn’t and now you had to deal with the consequences. Consequences that you knew he would refuse to accept.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Sex

Pairings: Javier Peña x Reader

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

~

Javier had been back at work for almost two weeks.

Neither of you had spoken about that night since it had happened. Clearly, his memories returning to him had been fairly traumatic as he then struggled to know how to be around you after that. You hadn’t kissed again. You'd barely spoken. You just cohabited and you were finding it too difficult. So that's why you had come to the decision that you had.

Chucho had returned to Texas after Javier had started back at work and you had found yourself on Steve and Connie’s couch more and more, crying into one of their shoulders as you lost all hope that Javier would return to you.

You had hoped that the kiss and him, somewhat, remembering you would have helped move things forward but all it had done was make things worse and so after two weeks of silent suffering, watching him battle with his internal demons you’d decided that enough was enough. So you found yourself sitting on his couch, Alicia at the Murphy’s. You needed to be able to have a quick exit after you told him what you were about to.

Javier’s key turning in the lock grabbed your attention and after taking a few steadying breaths you stood from your seat and turned so that you were facing him as he entered, catching his eye as he looked up from throwing his coat and keys on the table.

‘Everything okay?’ He asked after a few moments, noting your nervous demeanour ‘Where’s Alicia?’

‘With Connie and Steve.’ You stated as you rubbed your sweaty palms on the front of your jeans.

‘Why?’

‘Because I need to speak with you and I didn’t want there to be any interruptions.’ You answered, your gaze never leaving him as he moved through his home, grabbings a beer from the fridge and offering you one which you refuse.

‘What do you want to talk about?’ He asked casually. If he was nervous about what you were about to say he didn’t show it.

‘I’m moving out.’ You got straight to the point and he stopped dead in his tracks, attention now on you fully.

‘What?’

‘I can’t do this anymore Javier.’ You declared, trying hard to keep your voice from wobbling ‘I can’t keep pretending that I am okay with all of this’ You continued as you signalled your hand around ‘I can’t stay here and endure the hurt of waiting for the man I love to come back to me. I thought that night that we were making progress but then you remembered a few things and now we’re back to you being closed off and distant with me.’ You paused, scrubbing a shaky hand over your face to wipe away your traitorous tears ‘So I’m done. I put in a request for a larger apartment a few days ago and it was granted.’

‘Wait so where are you moving to?’ He questioned, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

‘To a building a little closer to the embassy.’ You explained and he shook his head, anger now bubbling beneath the surface.

‘No, you can’t do this.’ He growled ‘You can’t leave. You can’t take her from me.’

‘I’m not taking her from you, Javier.’ You snapped ‘You will still be able to see her but I need to do what's best for me or I’m going to suffocate.’

‘I just need time-’

‘I’ve given you nothing but time Javi.’ You sobbed ‘Almost 3 months of it! But it’s clear to me that you regaining any memory of me is not your priority and so I need to remove myself from all this…’ You paused as you looked him dead in the eye ‘From you.’

‘Come on wait.’ He pleaded ‘Let's at least talk about this. I don’t want you to leave.’

‘Well, it doesn't feel like you want me here all the much either Javier so…’

‘When are you moving?’

‘I already have!’ You declare and his eyes grew wide before he sprinted to the nursery, noting that it's empty ‘The embassy moved mine and Alicia’s things to the new apartment today. I asked Connie to watch her whilst I spoke with you. I’ll collect her once we’re done here and that will be that.’

‘So what… You thought the best way to spring this on me was to tell me the day you’ve already left me?’

‘I didn’t expect it all to process so quickly. Give me some fucking credit Javier I have been pretty honest and upfront with you from the beginning.’ You snarled as you pointed an accusing finger at him ‘I tried to talk with you after everything and you shut me out so the way I look at it. You brought this on yourself.’

He stood there seething. Chest heaving as the two of you glared at each other, neither one breaking the intense eye contact that you were locked into. When he said nothing more you took that as your cue to leave, nothing more needed to be said.

‘Goodbye Javier.’

‘No, I’m not letting this happen.’ He sobbed, tears falling freely now as he grabbed you before you’d managed to walk out the door ‘You can’t just leave. I need you. Don't leave me.’

'You don't need me, Javier. You've made that perfectly clear.' You sob, heart breaking at the way he was looking at you but you knew it wasn't because you were leaving.

'You can't do this.'

Pulling your arm from his grasp, you shrugged your coat back into place and looked at him one final time.

‘Watch me.’

~

1 Month Later...

‘Where the fuck is Peña?’ You snapped, as you threw Steve a cold look.

‘He called in sick.’ He replied, shrugging his shoulders but his expression didn't match the action.

‘Sick?’ You questioned ‘What’s wrong with him this time?’

Steve shrugged again and you scoffed, downing the last of your coffee before standing and making your way out of the office you shared. You knew that Steve knew more than he was letting on but you found it difficult to care.

Things had been difficult between you and Peña since you had moved out. He’d spoken to you only to get updates on the baby and regarding work. You had agreed on a schedule where he could have her for a few hours in the evenings before Connie collected her and brought her back to you. It was easier than attempting to exchange pleasantries that neither of you wanted to share.

After refilling your coffee you stormed back into the office where your anger-filled rant continued.

‘You know that he’s refused to have Alicia the last few evenings?’ You growled as you angrily stirred your drink ‘One minute he’s begging me not to take her away and now he refuses to see her.’ You stop to take a sip of your drink before you resumed ‘And the worst part is, is that she won’t settle now because she hasn’t seen him. She got into a routine and now it's fucked. Can't the man just man the fuck up and take responsibility for his child at least?’

‘Perhaps you should cut him some slack.’ Snapped Steve, taking you by surprise ‘The man was used to seeing his infant daughter whenever he wanted and now he gets her a few hours an evening? He’s a fucking mess and no wonder. He misses his daughter, he misses you, though he’d never admit it, and he’s all alone now with very little memory of the last year of his life! I get that you’re upset but the two of you need to sort this shit out.’ He scooped up the folders on his desk and abruptly stood from his chair ‘I’m sick of watching and I’m sick of being in the middle of it. Talk to him.’

You were stunned by Steve’s outburst. You stood there frozen to the spot as you meditated on his words and you realised that you’d once again been so caught up with your own pain that you had ignored his. Grabbing your purse you fumbled around until you found what it was you had been looking for and after telling the office assistant that you needed to run an errand you were out of the door and sprinting to your truck.

You needed to speak to him.

…

It didn’t take you long to get to Javier’s apartment but after banging on the door for some time you knew he wasn't home and so you rushed up the stairs. Connie answered her door after three knocks and was shocked, to say the least, when she found you stood there.

‘What are you doing here?’ She inquired as she nervously shifted on her feet

‘I wanted to talk and to check on Alicia.’

‘Oh um…’

‘Connie, what is it?’ You questioned, noting her shifty behaviour.

‘She’s not here.’ She declared and your eyes grew wide.

‘What?’

‘She’s with Javi.’ She said as you barged past her ‘He came to see me, he was an absolute wreck and when he saw she was with me he begged me to let him have her for the day.’

‘Connie you can’t just let her go off-’

‘With her father?’ She snapped and you turned to face her ‘Hun he’s her dad and he’s been broken since you left. He hadn’t even known she was here when he arrived but when he saw her he sobbed.’

‘You should have told me.’

‘You’re right I should have and I’m sorry.’ She asserted ‘If I’m being honest I wasn't expecting you back so soon.’

‘Yeah well, I actually came to talk to Peña.’ You confessed, noting her shocked expression ‘Your husband kinda yelled at me about how I’d been acting and I realised I may have been a little harder on him than he deserved.’

‘He misses you.’

‘He misses Alicia.’ You scoffed, rolling your eyes when she shook her head.

‘Well yes but he misses you too.’ She continued, taking a seat at her kitchen table ‘He realised that he’d dealt with everything so wrong. He wanted to reach out but didn’t know how to. Over the weekend we helped him with a few things for the nursery, he wanted to get some new furniture just in case he finally got Alicia overnight and as we were building it he just broke. Sobbed his heart out to us. Please, just give him a chance to prove he’s sorry.’

You nodded as you mulled over her words, knowing that you needed to take steps to repair your fractured relationship with your child's father. Perhaps baby steps were the best way to go.

‘Okay. Can you drop Alicia off when he gets back? She’s got a check-up appointment and so do I.’

‘Sure thing you.’ Connie returned, smiling sweetly at you as she walked you to the door.

~

Standing by the car looking at your baby girl in her seat you felt your heart ache a little. You knew that this was the right thing to do but that hadn't made it any easier. You'd gone to your appointment and after being given the news that everything was perfect you'd gone home and prepared her a bag. A few bottles of breast milk, formula, diapers, changes of clothes and her favourite stuffed toy.

‘Right baby girl now I want you to be good for Papi okay?’ You said as you lifted her from her car seat and placed her in the carrier ‘I’m going to miss you like crazy but I know that you’ll have so much fun and I’ll see you tomorrow.’ You finished as you slung her bag over your shoulder and lifted her carrier before ascending the steps of the building you had once called home.

Making your way to his front door you knocked three times and waited.

Nothing.

You scrunched your face in confusion as you knocked again only to once again be greeted with no answer. You placed your ear on the door where you heard what sounded like Javier crying out and your stomach dropped. Without thinking you slotted the key you still had for his apartment into the lock and opened it quietly, leaving Alicia and her bag tucked safely behind the large potted plant beside his door. Pulling your gun from the holster at your waist you entered his home, weapon drawn and ready.

What received you made you sob.

Javier was laying on the floor, a redhead bear beneath him and both of them were coated in a thin layer of sweat. Your stomach twisted as you stumbled back, gun dropping to the floor with a thud which then grabbed Peña’s attention. His blissed-out expression soon turning into something completely different.

‘Shit.’ He breathed before you snapped back to reality and looked at him with an expression that broke him completely before you fumbled for your gun and turned to leave ‘Wait.’ He called out to you as he pulled on his jeans and sprinted after you, catching up as you made it to your truck, the baby in your arms ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I came to give you Alicia for the night.’ You stated, looking at him now with a stone-cold expression ‘Connie told me how broken you'd been without her and how much you missed her. I felt bad that you had only been getting her for a few hours in the evenings so thought that maybe this would cheer you up a little’ You proceeded ‘She said you missed me too but clearly that's not true.’

‘I do.’ He stated and you snorted in response before pulling open the back door to your truck, placing Alicia in her seat.

‘Right.’

‘Fuck, I do.’ He roared, instantly regretting it when Alicia started to bellow ‘Look I’m sorry you saw what you saw. It meant nothing. I met her at the bar and we got to talking and-‘

‘You ended up fucking her on the floor.’ You snapped as you threw Alicia’s bag in the footwell and started to make your way to the driver's side door 'Some things never change eh Peña?'

‘Will you just stop.’ He begged, grabbing your arms and spinning you so you were facing him.

‘Why Javier? Why should I do anything for you?’ You sobbed ‘You say you miss me? Well someone who misses someone doesn’t then proceed to fuck a randomer he meets in a bar. He tries to talk to said person and maybe work things out.’

‘Would you have talked to me?’

‘Why do you think I’m here Javier?’ You growled ‘I wanted to talk... To try and have some sort of relationship with you, for our daughter's sake whether that was friends or something more but now… Now I’m done.’

‘Can I still have her tonight?’ He pleaded, eyes then falling on his screaming infant in the back seat of your truck.

‘No.’ You spat, shoving him back and jumping into your truck before locking the doors ‘We’ll work something out but I won't have my baby around one of your whores Javier. I rule the line at that.’

Turning the ignition you threw it into drive and you disappeared, leaving him stood there staring off after you. After a few numb moments, he allowed himself to cry, hands covering his face as he fell to his knees and allowed everything he'd been holding in to flow freely and that's what it took.

Looking up at the dark stain on the concrete pavement ahead.

He remembered everything.

~

Part 5

[spacecatchako]

i don't want to be alone anymore (sfw)

you and daichi have been best friends since your first year of high school. now that you're in love (and adults) where will you go from here?

pairing: sawamura daichi x reader

wc: 3,373 words

contains: seemingly unrequited love, confessions, covers the nationals arc, friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort towards the end, fluff, reader literally has a breakdown and daichi comforts them, reassurance, cuddles, petnames (baby, princess, doll)

a/n: no, i didn't have any idea how to tag this. this fic is a little all over the place and there are several timeskips. the reader is implied to have issues w family and friends so keep that in mind lol. also i marked diff sections of the fic with ✨ this emoji so if u want to skip over certain parts and go straight to the hurt/comfort feel free babey

you were used to being lonely. sure, you worked hard and you had dreams, but there was some part you that remained unfulfilled. it was like a void that gradually dragged you down. you'd managed to supress it for most of your life up until high school, until all of a sudden something changed.

you met sawamura daichi. he was cute, a first year player on the volleyball team. daichi was kind to you. the two of you became fast friends after meeting on the first day at karasuno. during your breaks in between classes the pair of you would talk about anything and everything- volleyball strategies, your latest sketches, even other classmates that were giving you a hard time. you could be silly with daichi. there was no pressure with him, no need to pretend to be perfect.

but there was something scary about this too. by your second year of school you'd been friends with daichi for about a year. it was then that the realization hit- you had never felt this safe, this accepted, or... this loved by another person. when you'd get anxious because of classes or have issues with your family daichi became a shoulder for you to lean on. he'd go out of his way to send you check up texts and leave you little handwritten notes. the first one that you received was a little post-it note that said "you'll do great on your test today! i believe in you- daichi." he'd blushed like crazy when you confronted him about it. it was new to see your usually sturdy and level-headed best friend blush over a silly note that he'd left. there was something different between the two of you after that first note. instead of walking you home like usual he started to keep a hand on the small of your back.

you hadn't been looking. you'd been talking about how awkward your family was when a stray cat slunked into front of the two of you. you almost walked straight into it before the cat bounded away, crossing the empty street and looking back once to meow at daichi and you.

"sorry, is that too much? i just... want to make sure that you don't trip."

you were confused until you realized what had happened. daichi had steadied you by putting his hand on the small of your back. it felt good, for some reason, to trust him to steady you. trust wasn't an easy thing to come by.

you smiled a tad awkwardly before steadying yourself on your own two feet. "not at all daichi. i don't mind."

daichi smiled and the pair of you kept walking. his hand had stayed where it had been. you felt... guilty for being so touch-starved. and for your best friend, of all people?

"how ridiculous" you thought to yourself. when you came home you knew that no one was there. time to start dinner before your family came home. you'd probably retreat to your room and text daichi when that happened.

daichi was so good and so nice, and by your third year of high school the tiny, lingering bit of attraction that you had had for him flourished into a full-blown crush. you felt embarrassed and guilty. never had you let someone get this close to you. never had you ever let anyone write you notes, check in on you, give you genuine-sounding compliments. it was the little things like "are you okay y/n? you seemed a little quiet this morning. are you getting enough sleep?"

graduation came and went. the notion of parting with daichi and your other friends- asahi, suga, and kiyoko- left a pang of grief in your stomach. you were attending a local university and daichi planned to join miyagi's fire department after nationals. you'd still be close to him and he'd still be living at home, but it was weird to think that you'd be seeing one another a lot less.

nationals was when everything boiled over. you'd promised daichi that you'd be in the stands at every game of the competition, cheering him on.

"id love it if you were there, don't get me wrong. but don't feel like you have to jump through hoops for me! it's a bit of a long trip, i don't want you tiring yourself out." he confesses sheepishly. but you really wanted to go- his mom and siblings couldn't because of school and work, but they'd given him their best wishes.

"I'll hitch a ride with saeko and the crew. she and i work at the same restaurant on the weekends. we already talked and she said she'd be more than happy." you chirp. daichi seems a bit less worried about you after this, but then he remembers.

"um. y/n. you know that saeko drives... well, not badly, just... scarily?" he only seems to be partially joking.

you laugh at his worried expression. "I'll be okay pal. we'll make one of saeko's taiko buddies take the wheel."

daichi mock sighs in relief and you laugh together. this was the last moment that daichi had before nationals where he wasn't laden with anticipation over whether karasuno would succeed or not. he felt relaxed, with you. he thought you were cute, and awkward sometimes, and smart, and... good. so good. you didn't always look to him like he was an authority figure and you were small. he didn't feel the pressure to make sure you behaved or kept you in line because you were good at putting up a front and keeping yourself "in order." sometimes daichi wished that you would let him take care of you, let him listen more often. he wished that you would let him love you.

oh.

oh shit.

"daichi? um, daichi?"

daichi blushed and was snapped back to reality. he... loved you? that's what that care for you was all of these years. that's why he wanted to know if you were taking care of yourself, if you weren't burning yourself out with pleasing your family and school and work. sure, he thought you were cute. he picked up on all of your idiosyncrasies, even sometime pointing them out to you. he had had an inkling that *maybe* he had a little crush on you... but the care that he had come to find that he had for you was so great. he had to do something- everyone was leaving for school and the championships would be over and then when would he see you again? there was this great, big fear of losing you due to confessing. but that fear was minuscule compared to you, his studious and independent friend, pushing him away and forgetting.

"sorry. i was just lost in thought."

✨

yes, you, saeko, and the taiko group arrived a *tad* late and missed the tokonami match. yes you felt guilty for missing it. but when karasuno won against inarizaki and you saw daichi and the team celebrate the win, it was all worth it. you cheered as loud as you can, and once the players cleared from the court, you scrambled to greet daichi.

you see him in the lobby and almost leap into his arms. he laughs. "aaa, hey y/n." he croaks.

you giggle. "hey daichi. congratulations. you were amazing out there."

he's smiling through the sweat and fatigue. you notice, out of the corner of your eye, asahi and suga slowly backing away to leave the two of you alone. suga clicks his tongue, making daichi whip his head around, and he gives the captain a thumbs up." daichi sighs and sets you down, and the two of you are left in the stadium lobby. volleyball players and spectators mingle around, getting food and shopping for merchandise. daichi runs a hand through his hair and turns to you.

"do you want to go outside? there's something that i have to tell you."

anxiety shoots through you. if it's daichi, it can't be bad. of course not. that's one of your best friends. right?

the two of you make your way to the front doors of the stadium and get some fresh air. the sky is blue and the wind is refreshing against your skin. daichi, still sweaty and tired from his game, seems to enjoy it too.

you giggle as he stretches. daichi sits on a nearby bench and gestures for you to do so too. you notice a little shake in his hands as he does so. he's fiddling with the zipper of his karasuno jacket in that cute way that you know he does.

there's a sense of unease, and it's up to you to break the silence. you're alone with sawamura daichi, your best friend and longtime crush.

"daichi? what's wrong?" you ask, concerned.

daichi looks to you, a flush on his cheeks and a light in his eyes. he looks so cute, even when he's tongue-tied and tired from a game.

he takes a deep breath, and the words come out.

"i like you a lot, y/n"

you blink, confused. then it hits you. your crush, sawamura daichi, likes you. like, the boy that you think about way too much, the boy that you feel safe with, the absolute gentleman who cares about you and respects you instead of walking all over you, likes you.

you realize that you haven't said anything before you stutter.

"i-i like you too, daichi. so much."

he's blushing. your face is growing hot despite the winter air. the two of you, literal adults, are reduced to awkward messes because of this confession.

"o-oh. that's... good. i think that that's good." daichi awkwardly says. he laughs a little, then it turns into a full-blown bellow. you can't help but laugh too at how ludicrous the situation is. two friends who have known each other for years, caring about each other, eventually falling for each other. who knew?

"also suga made a bet and told me to confess to you if we won against inarizaki. he told me after the tokonami match. i agreed." daichi huffs after the laughter subsides.

"of course he did. im glad that he did it though." you joke.

"yeah. because then i wouldn't have you." he smiles, getting up. he extends a hand to you, helping you from the bench

"let's go back to the group. i don't want to miss lunch."

✨

it's been months after nationals. you and daichi are in a relationship, happy to be with one another. he's taken you on so many wonderful dates and his family seems to love getting to know you more. but there's still something that's missing. you've always struggled to open up to people completely. even daichi doesn't know what you're like when you completely break.

that changes one day when you have to travel from your dorm, to your parents house, then to daichi's for a date. it was supposed to be casual- just you and him in your pajamas, watching movies and eating takeout. but after being berated by your family for your career choice it triggered something in you. you felt like a little kid again, being told that you're not enough, being slowly manipulated by your family into burning yourself out. dachi helped the loneliness subside, but you knew that, inside, you were still the same little kid. that thought made something inside you recoil, but you pushed it down and made your way to daichi's.

you settle into his bed, your partner beside you. you take a good look at him- your man, sturdy and stronger from work at the fire department. suddenly, you can't help but break for some reason. tears flood your eyes and they won't stop for some reason.

"baby? baby what's wrong?"

you didn't deserve him. why were you even friends with him? someone this nice, this gentle with you, this kind? you wanted him to kick you out for crying. you wanted him to break up with you, because good things don't last.

you were so embarrassed and you'd felt so weak and stupid. you'd never been allowed to cry before, you'd always been told that it was a sign of weakness. good children didn't cry, so now that you were grown up you shouldn't either.

daichi hadn't judged you. he just set the tv remote down and moved in to hug you. other people's touches usually made you flinch and swat them away, but it was never like that with him. not when he supported the small of your back when you fell, not when you jumped into his arms, not when he took your hand after your mutual confession.

the two of you were hugging now, your chin on his shoulder and his head tucked into your side. you could stay like this forever. he was so warm. you could feel the two of your heartbeats almost sinking into one as your sobs quieted down and your breathing slowed to normal. this was the effect that he had on you. it was in this moment that you realized that you loved him- you truly did. the brown-eyed, sturdy, kind, careful, gentle boy that you'd met on the first day of high school had become your friend. then he was your crush. now that you two were adults, he was your first partner. the first person that you had ever fallen truly, deeply in love with.

you felt weak for desiring a love that was this tender. pessimistic you has you thinking that maybe all of the bad things that happened when you were growing up- your family being distant, friends leaving, you feeling alone all of the time- were a sign. a sign that you didn't deserve love. but if you were undeserving, if the pessimistic side of you was right, maybe you could have this moment to keep instead. is that it? if a whirlwind kind of love was too much to ask, you could just keep these moments with daichi close to your heart. if it was possible to take this feeling and keep it in a bottle, you would.

in between sobs, you vent.

"everything sucks, daichi. my family has always been so critical of me. i never get to see any of our friends anymore. im trying to succeed at school but my family won't get off my back. i feel so alone."

daichi pulls away to look at you. his palm is cupping your face and uses his thumb to wipe a tear away. you sniffle. you struggle to meet his beautiful brown eyes, averting your gaze. but you can feel his gaze on you, and when you do finally find the courage to make eye contact, he looks at you with nothing but affection. for some reason you don't feel judged by him. you don't feel... bad for crying in front of him anymore. he's looking at you with nothing but acceptance, nothing but care.

"hey." he starts in a small, gentle voice. "i know how you feel about crying, doll. but it's okay to cry. no matter what your parents say about you, you're a good person. a lovely person, even. you're a good friend too. what they think is stupid." he smiles a little. you love that smile- the way that his eyes crinkle a little and his cheeks dimple. he holds one of your hands in both of his. "i love you. you're good, and smart, and kind, and hardworking. you forget to take care of yourself sometimes, but i think that that's okay. while you're learning how to show yourself more compassion I'll take care of you in the meantime. whatever you need, doll. you're safe with me. no matter what. okay?"

you're crying again. great. you don't stop yourself this time and you throw yourself into his arms. he's there, waiting for you. you let yourself sob into his chest while he gently rubs your back. he holds you in his big, strong arms and hugs you closer. you don't feel suffocated and you don't feel humiliating to be crying. you feel safe. it sucks to cry over what your family thinks of you and it sucks that you don't feel like enough. it sucks that you've felt alone for most of your life. it sucks that you feel guilty for wanting love and it sucks that sometimes, you feel guilty for loving daichi so much. but as he holds you and presses a kiss to the top of your head, nuzzling your hair, all of the pain is tinged with something warm. something safe. something so, so safe. a feeling that you'd never felt before.

it's in that moment that you know- daichi isn't a whirlwind. he isn't a storybook prince that will whisk all of your problems away. no, he's somehow better. he's a pillar of support, a source of comfort, a prince in his own right. no, he won't save you- you still have to take care of yourself. but he'll support you, fill in the gaps, love you unconditionally. maybe a fix-it-all is too much to ask, but you couldn't care less about that now. all that you want his daichi. he takes care of you. he respects you. he loves you, despite your flaws and your feelings of weakness and those moments like now when you just need to be held. he loves you.

when you've stopped crying your voice is croaky and you feel gross. you look up at daichi and he hands you a box of tissues from the nightstand. you're an ugly crier, you know that. but daichi doesn't seem to judge as you dab at your eyes and look to check your reflection in his room mirror. it feels wrong to leave the comfort of his arms, but it also feels like instinct to check your composure. when you're done you turn around to face him, eyes tired.

"do you want to talk about it doll?" you're about to object, in a prefunctory sort of way, but he cuts in. "baby, i don't mind. really. i just want to know that you're okay. i just want to know that you feel safe. you've endured a lot and the way that you feel matters."

you sniffle. "im fine not talking for now daichi. im... tired. just tired. from crying. i just want to sleep." when he shows you nothing but understanding, you stutter out one last request

"ww-will you hold me?"

"of course, princess. ive got you."

you clamber back to bed. daichi and you shift positions so that he's laying down and you're against his chest. he smells like that nice, crisp soap that he always uses. you bury your face in his chest once more, before laying on your side to the sound of his heartbeat.

you sigh. "i love this sound. it lets me know that you're here with me. it let's me know that you're real."

daichi chuckles warmly. you can hear the sound reverberate throughout his chest and it tickles your ear. he's so sweet. it's then that he promises something to you.

"im here, darling. and i am not going anywhere."

your eyes water a little at that. "i love you, daichi. you're my best friend."

he sighs, and it's like you can feel his warm, gentle smile from where you're resting. "i love you too, doll. so much. you are the most precious thing in the world to me."

you know in that moment that you are loved- genuinely, indellibly loved. the roughness and loneliness that you once endured is no more. despite everything, you're learning how to love yourself and to take care of yourself. it feels so, so lonely sometimes and the work seems endless. but whenever you need someone to catch you when you fall, you know that your love, daichi, will be there. forevermore.

his heartbeat relaxes you as you snuggle deeper into his chest. the last words that the two of you utter to one another are ones of love before you both drift off to sleep. you love him- so, so much. and he loves you.

tagging some folks in the longest fic that ive ever written because aaaaaa. if u want to be added to my taglist or taken off plz send me an ask!

@ceo-of-daichi @honeybunny-sawamura @daichis-kitty @goldenshoyo @daichidaichidaichi @kingtamakimurder

[mcu-fan-fics-blog]

The Helping Hand

This is a Repost from my Ao3 I wanted to bring it to Tumblr. I hope you like it Its currently 5 chapters I will be uploading the rest throughout the rest of the week.

Word Count: 3300 approx

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.4

Chapter 5: Age of Ultron pt.2

Ch.6

"Y/N you can't keep coming in and not talking." Your therapist tells you quite frustrated. "I'm paying you aren't I, I'll do what I please with the time I pay for." You say finally making eye contact with her. She only sighs. "Y/N I find that often people ask for help in the most obvious yet concealed manner."

You turn away, she continues. "You said it yourself you're paying me… If you don't want me to ask these questions, walk out and stop paying me." You look back "I can't… because I feel like I might just explode at any point." She nods encouraging you to continue. 

"Recently I went through something that combined with all the other shit i've gone through… I can't cope. I don't know how." You wipe your eyes and continue. "I've never been stable, but i've always been okay with that. I've never lost anyone in a traumatic way." Your therapist lifts their head. "Who have you lost?"

"I never knew my parents so I didn't really lose them. I knew that Howard was going to pass and I got closure." She jumps in when she realizes you stopped talking. "And what makes this loss different?" You look at her with a tear rolling down your cheek. "The fact that it was my fault."

Three Weeks Ago 

Wanda speaks first "I read your mind and all I saw was destruction." He promptly asked her to check again. He then goes on to have some sort of existential crisis not knowing what he actually is. I didn't really start to listen until Clint mentioned where Nat was… Sokovia. You immediately got pale once you heard what Ultron was planning to do with Sokovia. "I need to make a call" you say mostly to yourself but Pietro heard you. 

No one noticed you stepped out of the room but him. "Who do you think you're calling?" You jump as he sped in front of you. "I need to warn my family they need to get out." Pietro only laughs "Forgive me but you don't seem like one to have family much less in Sokovia of all places. Why don't you just tell me the truth"

"Im aware you might not know me but I'm Y/N Krast… I run the practice I need to warn my friends.  They'll spread the word and start an evac." He sighs. "You need to tell the rest of the guys. It might not be the best move." You nod and walk back into the room there all in. Tony notices you and walks straight to you fearing the Maximoff kid did something to you. 

"Did he do anything kiddo because if he did I swear to…" you cut him off. "Im fine but I need to ask you something." He nods telling you to proceed. "Can I warn my friends back in Sokovia? They can help get the people out of there." Tony looks at you and nods. "I guess it can't hurt to take some precautions. Do it." You smile and walk out the room Dialing David immediately. 

"Y/N are you okay, it's like three in the morning." You're relieved to hear his voice. "Listen to me David, you need to get as many people as you can out of Sokovia. The people are in danger." Davud sighs "Are you having another melt down remember breathe. In and out…" 

"David this is not a game, you have to get as many people as you can out now… Tell Viv too she needs to get her family out. Do as I say David please the people will listen to you." David starts talking again, the panic rising in his voice. "Y/N what do you know… more importantly how do you know?" You raise your voice. "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE DON'T QUESTION ME! Just do it." 

David, shocked by your reaction shifts his tone. "I'll do my best. I need to go." He hangs up not even giving you a chance to say goodbye. (This is what you'll end up regretting later.) 

"You truly care for these people… your family or friends." You look up and see the last person you expected. The witch is standing there in the doorway. "Yes, I do care, Wanda because believe it or not we're not all bad people." The comment came out more spiteful than you expected wincing at your own words. You're about to apologize when she beats you to it. "I'm sorry about earlier." She looks down picking at her hands. 

You sit down on the steps facing a window and signal for her to sit as well. She joins you reluctantly. "I'm not going to bite." You say. Drawing out a small laugh that made your heart flutter. "Did you see inside my head?" You ask. Her head tilts at your question, but ultimately she shakes her head. "Yeah it happens sometimes I can't control it." You nod. "For the record I dont think youre a bitch. Well I did in the moment…" she cuts you off laughing. "I believe the words you used were 'Crazy Bitch'." You chuckle. 

"We should get going…" You stand, helping her up and go to the team. “I contacted my friend David, and I texted my… other friend Viv. They’ve started evacuating people as we speak.” Tony nods and gives you an understanding look. “Now what's our plan to save Nat.” Steve goes on to explain his plan which consists of getting as many people as we could out then fighting Ultron. Once you arrived in Sokovia the streets were desolate. Not a soul in sight.

Pietro gazes in astonishment. “Your friends are good.” You nod relieved seeing that David and Viv did what you asked. “Well check if there are any people left behind…” Wanda cuts in. You weren't given the time to check for any last bystanders when she city starts shaking, and there are bots everywhere. You realize that Sokovia is flying. Tony then informs you of Ultrons plans. You all split up fighting the bots and Bruce made his way to Nat. Not long after Hulk and Natasha had made their way to the now floating Sokovia. Long story short the bad guy was defeated, and all was right in the world again.

Present 

“Alright Doc, have you been following this I know first hand it can be a little complicated.” She nods as you continue. “Well my friends, not the Avengers. Umm… their names were David, and Vivian.” She notices your struggle to continue but you power through the tears building in your eyes. “You see, saving the world came at a price, a price that I was willing to pay, but not like this. I got to the compound, and dialled David and what did I find?” She tells you to continue. “Five… Five missed calls from David telling me that he was going to stay behind in the Practice with Viv.” Tears are now streaming down your cheeks. “Now I imagine that you know what happened to Sokovia ‘Boom’.” You signal with our hands telling her that it was all gone.

Suddenly a timer goes off and your walls are up again. “Y/N you can continue if you want to, I don't…” You interrupt her standing up and heading to the door. “Actually I think that, that was enough for today.” You say walking out. It was confirmed both David and Viv dead… and it was all because of you. After this you distanced yourself. Declining Maria Hills offer to become an Avenger, and also walking away from the Stark Industries collaboration. Unfortunately falling down a deeper hole than you'd ever been in with our addiction. When walking out of the office building your shrink is in when you bump into someone.... 

“Long time no see Y/N!” You recognize the voice immediately. “I saw you following me last week, as a matter of fact i've spotted you multiple times Natasha.” She laughs, and you roll your eyes. “Now why are you mad Y/N what did you think would happen? You ghosted everyone after Sokovia, why are you angry?” You sigh and start walking away but she stops you. “Because you were right Natasha there was a cost to this and it's taking quite the toll.” Natasha lets go of your arm confused “What are you talking about everything came out great.” you laugh bitterly “For almost everyone else oh and feel free to tell Pepper than I'm not taking her calls no matter how hard she insists.”

“Does this have anything to do with the drugs Y/N because if it does I know some people that can help you.” The way she says it almost makes you believe that she cares, but at the end of the day you know she had orders. You look at her incredulously walking away again, this time she doesnt stop you.  

Natashas POV

“Well if you're not going to tell me guess i'm going to have to find out the hard way.” You walk into the building Y/N just came out of and make your way to the Shrink's office. You not so nicely asked for Y/N’s file. As youre reading the file you remember her words bitter and angry “For almost everyone…” Now it makes sense her friends died and no one was there for her. Fuck. You pick up the phone and dial Pepper. “I know what's going on. Call a meeting in the compound and I'll get there in thirty minutes.”  

You meet up with everyone at the compound. You share the files with the team and everyone is shocked talking with each other until you notice Wanda. She doesn't look surprised. You pull her aside. "Why are you being quiet? What do you know about Y/N." She sighs "It was an accident alright when we came back I looked into her head. She looked so happy I was curious… When I looked she was grieving, tearing herself apart." 

You look at her. "And you said nothing you let us believe that she just didn't care." She laughs. "She doesn't! She doesn't want your help, she made that quite clear already. The one person she thought that she could count on was some guy named Logan." You querk your head, was she jealous, are you jealous. You shake your head. "What else did you see?" Your ask casually. Testing the waters you didn't want to expose Y/N but you have to know what she knew. 

"Was there something else I was supposed to see?" You shake your head no, and make your way back to the team. There's fighting over who should talk to her. "I think Tony should go…" Steve says like it's nothing. You almost laugh. Tony gives you a dirty look. "I think pepper should go." You say matter of factly. She asks you to elaborate. "She cares for you the most, but she is angry not at you in general." She nods and everyone else agrees for lack of a better idea. 

Peppers Pov 

You walk out of the compound with Tony by your side. "You can come if you want to." Your say to break the silence. He shakes his head. "When are you going to tell her that you're her father." He only sighs "I can't tell her… I can't ruin Howard for her because she loved him." You quickly counter "It's going to be worse the longer you wait." You continue "The only reason I didn't push before was because you weren't sure but now you are Tony she's your daughter." 

"That's exactly why I can't tell her now she's dealing with a lot. It's not a good time." You nod "Fine." Is all you can say. You walk into Krast industries expecting to be greeted by a busy work floor but are surprised when you see the exact opposite. You do see a familiar face though commandeering the floor. Logan. "Hey logan how are you? I'm hoping I could talk to Y/N." Logan stops in his tracks. 

"What do you mean if i've seen her? I thought she was with you guys." He says the panic growing in his voice. "Umm… no she's not been with us for a couple of weeks now. Are you sure you haven't seen her and what's going on here." 

Logans Pov 

Of course you knew where she was, but you weren't about to tell them. "Yeah no I've talked to her on the phone I just figured she was with your guys." Pepper is still confused about what is happening. "She asked me to get ready for major remodel… all our employees will work from home for the time being." She nods. "Do you know where I could find her? I really need to talk to her." Well that's not going to happen now. Seen as she's currently passed out on your couch. 

"She might be at home… She does this sometimes. She runs, but i'll give you her address if you really want to talk to her."

Your Pov 

After running into Natasha you went to a bar. A complete rookie move. You knew better, but at the same time you didn't care you've been loading up taking a larger doses and mixing with alcohol. You called Logan to come pick you up and he was there like always. "I can't lose you Logan, I wouldn't survive it. Why does everyone I love die?" He holds his tongue you can tell. "Tell me what you're thinking it's not good to hold your emotions in…" He laughs bitterly. "You think I'd survive losing you Y/N this feeling goes both ways. You're blind to my pain Y/N seeing you like this hurts me it shakes me to my core."

"I'm not blind to your pain… I know you better than I know myself. I'm going to therapy, and before you say it i'm actually talking this time. I'm getting help." He nods "Every step of the way that includes relapsing. Y/N just don't make me lose you." You nod tears building in your eyes. "I won't." 

When you wake up you're in Logan's apartment it's nice. Your head is pounding. You decide to go home… in hindsight that was a horrible idea. You have no idea where you are and also have no idea where you're going.  "Fuck… taxi, TAXI." 

They dont fucking stop you dont blame them you look like trash, hell you feel like it too. You make it to a coffee shop and just sit there. Waiting for what you don't know at least not until the owner comes around. "I don't want to have to kick you out but it's nearing closing time, want me go call a cab." 

You laugh "See id say yes and please but I don't remember where I live." He nods feeling bad for you. "Having a bad day, want to talk about it?" You sigh “I would, but sadly my opening up to complete strangers quota is full for the day.” They laugh handing you some coffee. “It 'll help you sober up, So what is it? Alcohol, meth, let me guess pills.” You widen your eyes. “Don't worry, I'm not judging I meet people of all walks of life.” You nod. “Do you mind if I make a call my friend is probably worried sick.” He hands you his phone and you dial Logan (the only number you know by heart.) “Y/N where are you ive been worried sick. Why did you leave?” 

“I went out for coffee you know to sober up faster I needed air.” He sighs “Can you make your way back or do you want me to pick you up?” You turn from the barista person in front of you. “Um I want to go home but I can't for the life of me remember my address.”  David gives you your address and calls you a cab. You thank him and end the call. “So it looks like I'm heading home in a minute the taxi won't take long.” He smiles reaching his hand out to take their phone back. “I’ll see you around probably…” You nod "probably not.” You say hesitantly, and he laughs. You Are interrupted by the taxi honking its horn. “I hope to see you around by the way. I'm Zack Gordon.” your smile drops immediately. 

You compose yourself before he notices your change in attitude. You plaster on a fake smile and make your way out turning one last time. “We’ll see each other around Zack.” He smiles. The whole cab ride was silent, you're contemplating fate. What are the fucking odds of all the cafe’s you could have walked into you walked into his. When you least expect it you’re in front of your house. You walk in and immediately notice something off. You walk into your living room only to see someone sitting in the dark. You know who it is immediately. “Always with the theatrics, it's starting to get old. Would you like something to drink.” She sighs “Y/N I want to talk.”  You sit clapping your hands causing the lights in the house to turn on.

“Right Pepper talk, i'm listening” Her eyes widen, showing her confusion. “Look, I'm not angry with our team or you, but I just have some crap to deal with… Alone.” Pepper looks down. “You don't have to go through this alone, you have us now.” Your eyes bolt to hers. “And how exactly do you know what i'm going through… You know what I don't need to know because it doesn't matter.” you sigh “I’ve gone through life alone. I dealt with the punches life has thrown my way by myself. This won't be the exception.” You see Peppers complexion turn red, she's angry. “Why can't you stop making yourself a martyr, talk about dealing with children? You and Tony are the only ones who can make me this irritated.”

“Because I'm broken Pepper and before Natasha or Wanda decide to tell you I'm an addict. Everything is wrong right now so I need to take a step away, I need to get clean.” Peppers eyes soften moving to sit next to you. “You know i'm not leaving your side right?” Your eyes begin to water. “I relapsed… it's bad Pepper. I've never fallen this hard and I'm scared.” She hugs you. “I’ve never had this… people who really care it was just Logan and I.  As of recently it was David, Viv, and I. Now I lost them and I can't. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, and I'm so tired Pepper I don't know how much more of this I can take.” 

“Okay come on Y/N let's get you to your room.” You and Pepper stand on your way up the stairs and you start to stumble. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this. I am very sorry I drank coffee to sober up but it didn't work.” She nods “It’s okay we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” You both finally make it to your room and as soon as your head hits the pillow you fall asleep.

When you wake up you are surprised by your surroundings you didn't quite remember how you got here. You sit up and hear chattering downstairs. You go down stairs, the memories of last night making their way to you now. THE AVENGERS HAVING BREAKFAST IN YOUR KITCHEN. You watch as thor brakes your plates making you flinch. “As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm I dont think Y/N would appreciate us breaking her plates.” you clear your throat and as you do everyone goes quiet. “Good Morning everyone.”

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK IS WILD'N BEHIND SUGA- AGAIN

It's official, Jikook don lost their minds- or they is madly in love- whatever y'all kids call it these days. Chilee, can't even tell the difference any more at this point. Sigh. When I tell you Jikook is real. Please Jikook is real.

Remember the thing they used to do behind suga in interviews when they were teens? Holding hands behind Suga and what not? They. Are. Still. Doing. It. Again. In. 2020. y'all

I can't with their asses.

I've said this before, I don't do these kinds of analysis- video analysis I mean. I literally can't do it. Lol. If I could I would. Y'all don't know how many days it's taken me to work this simple video edit. And even that I still had to solicit the help of my bestie- I'm starting to think she's more delusional than I am at this point. Lol. Bless her.

Anywho, we went through all that trouble falling on the video editing skills we don't have- well I don't have, I think she did great; not because of Jikook sneaky ass holding hands behind unsuspecting Suga in the the dynamite MV shooting sketch video- which Suga, It's been seven years and you still don't know what goes on between Jikook behind your back?? Jikook are smooth criminals but I'm starting to think Suga in on this. Smirk.

Suga is an accomplice y'all. Enabling these shenanigans as if he don't know. He knows!

Since my last post on VMinKookJoon's tensions, where I talked briefly about the subtle tensions that I've been noticing between Tae and JK throughout this year, it's come to my attention that Tuktukkers are running around the internet claiming the tension between V and Kook, in one of the clips I pointed out, had been because JK had been mad and Jealous over Jin wrapping his hands around Tae...

I respect their hustle. I really do. Plus, I don't like to meddle in other people's delusions- it brings me no joy whatsoever.

But...

Jk wasn't jealous over Tae shit- In my humble opinion. Was he mad at Tae? Yes. Did Tae notice JK was mad at him and hence drew a sad face? Yes he did. The video evidence is there. All of that happened.

If you've not seen the moment I am talking about please check my previous post to see what I'm talking about. I said I was going to delete it- well I lied. Lol.

The tension between Kook and Tae in that Dynamite Shoot Sketch wasn't because JK was jealous that Tae and Jin were flirting and playing around behind him, it was because Tae had almost accidentally exposed Jikook flirting behind Suga- Something, I assume JK thought V had done on purpose. Hear me out.

Tae was sad because, he genuinely didn't intend to pull on JK's shoulder the way he did causing JK to toggle slightly away from Suga- I wish I could show you this in a video analysis. This is frustrating! But I suck at tech stuff. Ugh!!!

What had happened was:

At the start of that scene, Jimin it seemed wanted to be close to JK- by close I mean he wanted to touch up on JK, feel up on him, kiss up on him, love up on him, hold him, slow dance with him, make love to him- Uno, horny grown up couple stuff. Lol.

Don't mind me.

I don't know what was going through his head in that moment but clearly he was craving some form of physical connection from JK hence why he initiated that contact.

You could see the progression of them drawing closer and closer to eachother, trapping Suga in between them.

Listen, JM is scary when he is high on adrenaline! That's when he starts rubbing JK's thighs and foot and- sweet lord he is wild. Chileeee!

He placed his hand in his pockets and pushed his body against Suga's but once he does that he takes his hand out and tugs on JK's arm or something- smooth criminal this one.

JK noticed what JM was up to so he did the same thing- pushed his body against Suga and held JM's hand. Then there was a cut.

It's hard to spot except for that the two had ended up after the cut sandwiching Suga in between them. Had it not been for Tae that moment would have gone undetected.

Whatever they were doing behind Suga, it seemed Tae had clocked on. He turned his gaze in their direction briefly and looked away suspiciously- Tae... How that man is great at acting but sucks at hiding his feelings beats me. Lmho.

This is the same person y'all swear is hiding a relationship in BTS? He mustn't be feeling emotions for this person then. Chileee.

Dude glanced at JM and exchanged what I could only assume was a disapproving stare at JM in the process. I bet he wanted to scream, 'let's not hold hands behind our hyungs' in that moment. Lol.

I think JK noticed Tae glancing at whatever they were doing with their hands behind Suga but kept his cool- so Jikook, y'all did all of that with a straight face? Damn they slick!

Unfortunately, Jin pushed Tae- I don't know if that was by accident because Jin was just playing around with Tae. However, because Tae had his hand wrapped around JK, he had ended up dragging JK along with him- That's when the Taekook saga began. Lol.

I believe JK had assumed Tae had done that bit on purpose because as I've said it is part of Taekook's dynamics - Tae is constantly teasing and shading JK and even sometimes passive aggressively exposing Jikook's antics as seen in the dynamite MV reaction VLive.

Remember in their earlier dynamics, that moment when JK wanted JM to stand next to him but Tae was in the middle so he kept poking at Tae's ribs to move? And JM too was low key pulling on Tae's shirt to move at the same time but Tae deadass wouldn't move?

I'M DEAD🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tae is that friend! Chileee. I just love him to bits!

I think Jk found it ironic that Tae should place his hand over his shoulders when a few seconds ago he had attempted to separate him from his man which is why he had that look on his face when he glanced at Tae's hand on his shoulder.

Frankly that thing is something that I feel irks JK a lot. Not just when Tae does it, but when RM or Hobi or Suga or anyone else does it.

That's what most of these Jeonlous moments are about really, especially in recent times.

For example, him elbowing RM to get his hands off Jimin in their recent Home performance wasn't because he was jealous. It's more so he was annoyed. If you paid attention to the 'fan service' bit Jikook did in the bedroom scene it's clear they had been given a talking to- to keep things PG, just as RM had indicated in JK's bdae VLive when he said they had all agreed before filming not to do and say certain things.

I could see then why it would irritate JK if anyone else would freely do skinship with JM but then censor him if he tried to do it with Jimin too- know what I mean?

Most of these 'jeonlous' moments are just JK basically saying, let's all be held to the same standards- if I can't do this with Jimin, atatatatatat, neither can y'all.

Gotta keep the same energy.

This is what I mean by stress. You can hide a relationship but you can't hide the stress that comes with keeping that relationship a secret. These kinds of tensions are bound to arise as a result of keeping Jikook a secret.

I mean there is a reason Jikook try so hard not to look like a secret. There is a reason they play off some of their interactions as 'fanservice'. They do that to take the edge off because keeping secrets is hard.

And so when you look at that moment, and you see how freely TaeJin were 'flirting' and having fun openly, but JK and JM had to sneak behind Suga's back to have a moment; and to have Tae pull on JK like that- I get why JK would be triggered. But honestly Tae didn't do it on purpose. Not this time around. Lol

Chileee, JK! You scare me! Lmho. He out here scaring people for no reason! Had Tae looking like he about to call Jimin to arrange a heart to heart meeting with Kook again. Chileeee.

It broke my heart watching that bit because Tae honestly didn't do that bit on purpose. I can vouch for him, JK. It is why Tae had that look on his face. He hadn't intended that bit.

This does not mean however that each time or all the times that Jk has pulled away from Tae when Tae has tried to hold his hands or do certain things with him like in all the times I've mentioned or during the recent On:e concert, that it's because he felt V was trying to sabotage his moments. That's a silly thought.

I can pull out a list of all the times there's been tensions between those two especially this year and I can tell you only a hand full of those moments have anything to do with JK's relationship with JM.

Some are about him trying to enforce his personal boundaries which he does with all the members as well, among other things.

Taekook have their own issues going on which has nothing to do with JM. Whatever falling out they had had in the past, Tae has been really trying to rebuild their connection- they both have been putting in the effort and I hope they can fix things and go back to the way that they were before because I kinda miss the old them. Sigh.

Anywho, when JM noticed what had happened- that Tae had pulled on JK's shoulder , I think he too thought Tae had done that bit on purpose. He dropped his hand from Hobi's shoulder and composed himself. I think he tried to take his hands down but JK wouldn't let go of his hand. Lol.

So when the music started playing and they were all dancing, JK and JM were the only once dancing with Just one hand each and you could see JM's shoulder inches away from Suga- Yoonminers I see you. I love y'all but JM wasn't holding Suga's waist. Don't get any ideas. Lol.

When they started moving away at the end of the video, that's when you can clearly see JM's hand drop down from behind Suga.

Listen, Jikook are smooth criminals but they ain't slick. They tried it. All that body pressed up against Suga, chilee I thought they were going to crash that man.

Jikook have been pretty sneaky this comeback. For good reason I guess. Jk throwing the boy with love sign at JM after JM kicked him during the second day concert, and this moment right here amongst others so far are my favorite.

I love it here.

Please go watch the original footage for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

My conclusion is, 'Jikook gay, Jikook married' Jikook is real, keep supporting them.

Signed,

GOLDY

[artsyxloner]

Not Just a Monster

Warning: None

15. Running out of supplies

We were running out of water, that's what Eun-Hyuk told me, there was a small Secret group meeting We had. I was Currently in the Storage room packing and dividing the rations.

With Ji-Su, Jae-Heon, Eun-Hyuk's and Hyun-Su he was finally able to come out and Socialize with others. I was happy he didn't have to stay Cooped up in that small room.

Coming out from the closet I saw Ji-Soo carrying a pack of water bottles it must have been heavy because she looked like she was in pain. And her face was more Paler now than before.

Going over I picked them up for her, this time I asked, I was getting concerned. " are you okay?" I whispered, laying the water down. She was caught off guard by the question.

" Pardon?"

I stopped at what I was doing, " I know there something wrong you should tell someone." We packed food and other Essentials, putting them in small crates and boxes. " I'm fine plus if there was something wrong no one will be able to help-"

She was interrupted when someone busted in through the door. It was Seung-wan he started to yell, getting angry. " Stop!" We all looked up at him.  Has he gone nuts already?

" did you think I wouldn't notice if you guys, ran away?"  I raised an eyebrow, we aren't Secretly running away, where did he hear this from?

Eun-Hyuk and came in, as did the other guys. " give me my share!" He ran towards Jae-Heon grabbing the food he was holding. Trying to take it away from him. " Fuck I can't trust anyone anymore!"

He screamed out like a mad man, Jae-Heon grabbed him trying to calm him down. " clam down, let's talk!" But Seung-Wan pushed him against the glass Freezer. " don't touch me!!" He pulled out a box cutter knife pointing it Jae-Heon's neck.

My eyes widened thinking he was going to cut him. " I'm not going to die here like this! I'm going to leave here by myself!" He then pointed it at Eun-Hyuk I started to walk forward but Hyun-Su grabbed my hand and shook his head.

"  give me the car keys." He pushed something pasted him it hitting the wall getting closer to Eun-Hyuk with the knife. " Give me the car keys you asshole! Give me the car keys you son of a-" he screamed, his hand shaking with the knife.

He was about to get cut Eun-Hyuk but was stopped by Sang-Woo. He pulled him away and punched him straight in the face. He fell, groaning in pain, but he grabbed him pulling the mad man up.

Dragging him away, I should have been shocked by what I just saw but in this world it was normal I wasn't Surprised but we humans shouldn't act like this towards each other, we should at least have some common courtesy.

Following them Seung-Wan was on the floor. " why don't you go out there then?" Sang-Wook Insisted, Seung-wan started to scream like crazy. " you don't know how it feels. To have your life and someone else's hands!!"

" what are you doing?" Gil-Seob came in to view. " do you want the kids seeing this?" He questioned, I turned my head to them. " Who cares what the kids see you're not? We're all going to die anyway!!" It all got quiet for a moment.

We all were staring at him until Gil-Seob began to walk towards him. " No... not all of us will." He crouches down to Seung-Wan level. " people who act stupid As you do. Just because they're afraid are the ones who die first!"

He then slapped his knee, " get a grip, and more importantly Take care of your own life." He told him the guy looked like he was about to cry. After that, it was silent and very awkward.

Like the air was on thin ice if you stepped on it, it could break at any given moment. Everyone then began to leave because of it. But before I went, I hadn't realized I was holding Hyu-Su's hand the entire time.

It was Firmly gripped in mine. Did Hyun-Su know we were holding hands? I mean it's not that hard to Acknowledge plus he was holding it tight. Taking a glance at him his eyes were peering down at our interlocked fingers.

A blush formed on his cheeks, eyes wide and big. Letting go, I was kinda embarrassed. He looked up my way, but I left before he could say anything. My stomach was feeling queasy like I needed to throw up.

I knew why though I was getting feeling for Hyun-Su and it was too many feelings for my stomach to handle. I said that I should live life but it's hard when you don't know when you're time is up and that you're gonna turn into a monster anytime soon.

Going to the bathroom, I splashed water on my face, trying to calm myself down. I can like him right? Even though we were both infected he just didn't know it yet. Is it worth it though, I would just end up getting my hopes up? 

Why is this so complicated, I grumbled.  Knowing liking someone in this Situation leads to trouble and never turns out good. When I was done having a two-sided conversation with myself I went back into the day-care-Center to clear my head.

But Eun-Hyuk stopped me, " I need to talk it's important." He insisted, Motioning for me to follow him we walked into the office and I saw, Gil-Seob and Du-Sik. What were they doing here?

" We need more supplies," Eun-Hyuk began, " food is running sort so is the water as you know it's Been Contaminated we need to get outside resources." He said this writing it all on a Chalkboard.

" first Mr. An has been scouting out the area to make sure it's safe for the person that goes out, Mr. Han is fixing the car and Reinforcing it. And Lastly Soo-Nico you will go out and get the supplies we need."

He explained as if the others already knew about this and volunteered me for the job. " I'm not doing this to use you Soo-Nico you are the best chance we have out there." He said as if I was the only one to do it.

I guess I was the only one able to do the job since I knew were every monster out there, including their whereabouts, how they kill, and how to escape if necessary.

Thinking it over, it was for everyone's survival including mine. So I agreed to it, not seeing I had a choice either. We all made our way to the Day-Care-Center telling everyone we were having a meeting.

I sat in the left corner of the room on a desk. While everyone piled in, seeing Hyun-Su he sat next to me on a stool. Things were still kinda awkward soon we didn't say anything to each other.

Soon Eun-Hyuk brought in the chalkboard I saw just a few moments before he stood in front of it, " we need to Venture outside, we only have five days' worth of food. We'll search the Convenient store first."

He told us, good for him I know a store that still tons of food. " isn't too dangerous?" Jae-Heon, questioned, well yes it was. " we've been preparing, Mr. An has scouted out the area And Mr. Han is working on the car." He explained.

" Hang on there, four eyes who's going then, I mean are we going to draw straws?" Byeong-ll wondered, wanting to know who will go out.

" it's an important mission only Who is likely to succeed will go and knows what it likes out there." He finished, they didn't have to guess they all knew. " Soo-Nico will go out there with her experience."

Everyone's eyes landed on me, including Hyun-Su. " but didn't she get caught up in that spider web?" Someone I didn't even know the name if asked. Eun-Hyuk nodded, " Yes but she got out on her own."

He defeated me, which I was shocked by. Soon the meeting was over and they all left, telling me good luck. I didn't expect it though. Going back outside, I don't know if I was ready?

" So you're going out there?" Hyun-Su spoke, it Startled me when he did. Getting over my mini heart attack I told him yeah. "I'm the only one so who else?" I laughed

I was expecting him to but he wasn't. His face was blank. " but do you want to?" As if he read my mind a few minutes ago, I didn't but there are some things you have to do. " I wouldn't do it if it wasn't necessary but it is." And it was, but Hyun-Su seemed to understand.

" Just be careful."

I smiled, " sure, whatever you say." I was happy he was genuinely concerned, but he shouldn't be, leaving him alone I walked out but saw Ji-Soo running to the restroom she was sweating badly, and she looked deadly pale.

Clutching her side, I knew something was wrong. Going after her, she was banging on the only working stall door. " hurry up, you're still not done?" She was bending over in pain Groaning.

Eun-Yoo was in the stall. She began to talk but there was a short pause. " –yeah I need more time." She said making her wait on purpose. Shaking my head I went over there.

Grabbing the doorknob I shook it violently. " hey open up she needs to go in there it's urgent!" I demanded, hitting the door. Ji-Soo wasn't looking so good.

" that's too bad for her, she should have come yesterday if it was so urgent." I couldn't believe her words, " Hey, do you have a death wish!!" I threatened, " what I'm using the bathroom to survive, you know." I rolled my eyes she didn't understand the situation.

" Hey, Eun-Yoo hey! Hurry up! Come on." She banged on the door. Leaning against it, like she couldn't keep herself up. I have enough of this bullshit. " Eun-Yoo! Open the door right now, she in pain." I heard her sign from the other side.

" I would be careful how your talking to me don't want a little Secret to get out." She laughed, Just as I said that she fell to the floor.

I let out a scream, moving next to her, " Ji-Soo?! Ji-Soo?!" I shook her trying to get her to wake up. Soon Eun-Yoo came out, staring at her she gazed over letting out a small scream.

She ran over, " Hey, what's wrong? Come on wake up!" Now that she was on the floor pasted out did she care? " are you turning too? Because you couldn't take a shit?"

She shook her harder, " Hey, wake up, Yoon Ji-Soo. W he acts wrong wake up!!" She cried, screaming, I was too tears fell my cheeks not knowing if she was dying or not.

[fritae]

The Missing Piece (Chapter 12)

Closer.

gang! au / ceo! au

characters: dabi x f. oc, lov

status: ongoing

read on ao3 here.

a/n: i really like this chapter heh, hope u enjoy! 😚

The staircase leads all the way to basement. I wondered why they would hide such steep, hidden steps in Dabi's office when they could create (much) shorter, more accessible ones from the first floor.

But I'm guessing that's the point.

This isn't supposed to be easy to reach. And Dabi's office is the one place no one would dare enter.

Aside from us, of course.

The basement is completely dark, forcing me to draw myself even closer to Dabi. I enjoy the weight of his hand in mine. He has a firm, tight grip. But just as the thought warms my cheeks, I shake it out of my head.

Within seconds, Dabi turns on the lights.

My eyes widen, taking in the sight before me.

Blood.

A lot of it.

Though it looks dried, like it's been there for ages.

I spot a wall of different sized knives on one hand. A gun display on the other. A shelf of jars, filled with a murky looking liquid and...I don't even want to know what that is inside.

Dabi watches me.

There's a simple, plastic white table in the center of the floor with a large white board behind it.

The place is much messier and less...classy, than the rest of the Blaze.

But I have the feeling it's because it's not meant for outside eyes.

"You okay?" Dabi asks.

I nod, squeezing his hand to comfort myself.

Before the others reach the bottom, he whispers in my ear, "Whenever you want to leave, let me know. You don't have to be here."

"Okay."

"And," He takes another glance at the stairs as the others begin to appear. "Again, Rina. This place does not exist. Anything we say here does not leave this room. Got it?"

I glance warily at the knives.

"Why are you so worried?" I try to smile so he doesn't pick up on my nervousness. "I don't have anyone outside of you guys anyway. Who would I talk to?"

My comment seems to confuse him. "What about-"

"Welcome to the League!!" Toga jumps off the last few steps and swings into full view.

I shoot Dabi a look. "The League?"

"The League of Villains, of course!" Atsuhiro follows Toga, a dramatic grin on his lips. "Only the baddest group of bad boys in town."

"And girls!" Toga calls out.

"League of Villains?" I cackle. "Who came up with that?"

Tenko scowls.

Oop.

Dabi lets go of my hand and motions for me to take a seat on one of the plastic chairs.

I pick a red chair near the board.

"So what is that you guys really do?"

"I told you," Dabi says. "Special services to people willing to pay up."

Given where we are, that suddenly feels a lot more sinister than it did when he first told me.

I look back at the knives and jars in the background.

"So like, a gang? Where you steal things and hurt people if someone pays you enough? Like the movies?"

"Guess you could put it that way."

"And there's actually people that pay for this stuff?"

Dabi shrugs. "It's a niche market."

Woah.

There's a lot more questions in my head, but now is not the time. Maybe later.

As Dabi moves to take a seat, his abdomen brushes against the edge of the table and he hisses in pain.

It releases blood again.

"Fuck!" He grips the skin.

I move closer to him, gripping his hands again. "It still hurts?" I ask worriedly. "Is there anything we can do?" I look around at the others quickly.

"Yes!" Toga says, a little too eagerly.

"What is it?"

She hops over to knives behind us, and takes a moment deciding which one she wants.

She brandishes a short but sharp blade and lets out an excited squeal, as though she enjoyed this.

"Fire please!" She calls out.

What's she doing?

Dabi groans and pulls a lighter out of his pocket. He tosses it toward her, and she carefully holds it under the edge of the blade, running it up and down for several minutes until it turns red.

She's going to seal the wound so it doesn't get infected.

"Lie down, boss," She says in a sing-song voice.

I clear the few papers were scattered on the table and move so Dabi could spread himself over it.

He lifts the edge of his shirt to his midriff, and my breath catches in my throat when I see his abdomen.

The skin is covered in large swaths of reddish purple.

Like parts of it were burnt off...

I gasp.

"These are old," Dabi looks at me. He's watching me carefully, wanting to see just how I'd react. "Still want to be here?"

I swallow my anxiety as I stare at Dabi's mismatched skin. I won't give him the chance to say 'I told you so.'

This must be why he wouldn't let me dress the wound.

He didn't want me to see this.

No wonder the stab didn't phase him.

What else has his body been through...

"Here I come!" Toga grins.

She was all too eager to take the scorching knife and press it to his stomach.

Dabi clenches his teeth immediately, leaving me to hurriedly stand next to him. I squeeze his hand to soothe him, but he grips mine back so hard I think he might break it.

I brush his hair out of eyes and press my hand to his forehead to calm him.

"It's okay," I tell him softly. "It's over."

The others stare at Dabi's wound uncomfortably, like they've been under Toga's knife before.

I wonder if they have similar wounds.

Dabi releases his harsh grip on my hand and begins to breathe slower.

One things strikes me though.

Despite all the pain he's undoubtedly feeling right now, not a single tear drops from his eyes.

I think it might just be him trying not to appear weak in front of us.

But as I look into his eyes, I'm surprised to find them completely dry.

"Are you superhuman or something?" I joke with him.

He looks at me quizzically.

"All of that and you didn't cry?"

Dabi closes his eyes. "I don't cry." He grits his teeth.

I roll my eyes.

Whatever you say.

The others slowly help him sit up straight. I take the first aid kit from Atsuhiro, picking out the cotton, gauze and antibacterial wipes.

Dabi is less reluctant when I try to wrap the area this time.

"You can hold onto me if you want," I tease as I wrap the gauze around his body.

A small smirk appears on his lips. His arm suddenly snakes around my waist, pulling me close to him.

I blush and the gauze falls out of my hands.

Dabi tilts his head. "What's wrong? Thought you wanted me to hold onto you?"

The guys snicker behind us.

I push him away from me, and he laughs as I take another piece of gauze and try again.

"You guys can talk now," I tell them focused on what I'm doing. "What exactly happened today?

Did Mr. Lane find out about the League? Is that what made you a target?"

Dabi is silent.

His silence puzzles me. I look to the others to see if they knew anything.

"Dabi tried blowing up his car!" Toga volunteers.

I frown.

Could this be just because of how Mr. Lane treated me?

No. There's no reason for it to mean that much to Dabi.

Enough to get angry, sure.

To harm Mr. Lane?

Doubtful.

"Why would you blow up his car?" I ask.

Tenko pulls up a chair. "We did some research on him. He's working with some really shady people. And Dabi told us about the whole Todoroki affair."

I shoot Dabi a look.

"They're trying to trick people into thinking they're heroes. That they should be put on a pedestal and admired. There's people out there telling their kids to be like them. Meanwhile they're going around-"

"Enough," Dabi interrupts Tenko. "Point is, they're fakes. They built up their media empires off that fake image. And we're going to expose them."

"But you guys are also doing...you know," I don't know how to say it in a way that isn't offensive. "I mean, you tried blowing up his car. And I'm guessing you probably have done more...if I'm not reaching."

Their eyes harden.

"We never pretended to be good."

I know I should stay silent, but I keep going.

"Right, but you have a double image too. There's the Blaze, and then there's the League."

They shake their heads.

"The Blaze is to funnel money into the League. Yeah, sure it's a front, but those who need our services know where to find us. We can't have masses of people finding out about the other shit we do, can we?"

"But how did this all start? What are you trying to achieve?"

"We just hate hypocrites. We'll help a bad guy to bring down a worse guy. Those that act like angels in public are our favorite targets. I don't care if we have to steal, blackmail, or kill them," Dabi's eyes shine with evil. "Whatever it takes to beat their egos down. Reveal the private faces they hide. Until they're forced to show their bloody hands before the world. Someone like Enji is using Lane for media coverage. Lane is depending on him for protection and cash. We can take them both down."

"What if you get caught?"

He dismisses the question, like it's not even worth his time. "By who?" He scoffs. "Lane? As soon as we take down Enji, Lane's done for. Since he's your old boss, we can give you leeway with how badly you want us to go after him." Dabi says this like that's what I'm genuinely concerned about right now. "Lane's a scared little prick anyway, as soon as he saw me he bounced out of the car and screamed for protection." He laughs like he can picture Mr. Lane's pathetic position as we speak. "But he'll fall. Just like the rest of them."

"I meant the police, Dabi."

The question puzzles him as if he's never considered it before. But the look in his eyes tells me they're even less of a concern than Mr. Lane.

"Don't worry about that," He says. "That's the least of our problems, to be honest."

I nod.

I let them speak uninterrupted for the rest of the night. They have business to take care of, and if I keep asking questions like this, they'll never get to finish. It's enough that they waited all day for me to leave so they could start. Can't hold them up at night as well.

The Todoroki name was brought up several times, among others. It seems strange now, considering Dabi knows it was Mr. Lane's relations with Enji that led to me leaving the company the way I did. Turns out he knows a lot more about Enji than I do.

I try to keep track of the other names as well, but there's so many and I'm so tired, I can barely keep up.

"Here's where Rina comes in," Dabi continues.

My eyes widen at the mention of my name.

"Enji's using Lane for his image. Rina, you said they were working on a movie or something?"

"A documentary, yes."

"We need to make sure that shit doesn't air."

I bite my lip, trying to remember as much information as I could about the documentary. It was supposed to air already. I remember Mr. Lane saying it would be within the month.

But it hasn't yet.

Which means I need to find out more from Al.

"My roommate still works at NNTV. She's the floor manager so she might have some idea of what's going on. I can ask her."

"You sure you can trust her?" Dabi asks with a frown.

"Well, I'm not gonna tell her any details, she's the one that's gonna need to have trust in me, no?"

Atsuhiro cracks his knuckles and rubs his neck. "I don't know, I don't like the sound of that. We have our own ways of finding stuff out so-"

"It won't hurt to try," I insist, looking at Dabi since he's the one that has final say on these matters. "Having 2 avenues of information is better than 1."

Truth be told, I just want to feel useful. I want to feel like I have a role to play, not just that I'm here to "sit and watch".

I want them to feel good about me being here, not apprehensive about whether this was a good decision.

After some deliberation, Dabi sighs. He looks to the others for input. "Might as well?"

"I mean she's here," Tenko says monotonously. "Might as well use her."

Dabi nods and then turns to me. "Just don't be stupid with it. Lead her into the conversation, don't bring it up out of nowhere. She'll be curious about why you're bringing it up. Don't say anything that'll make her ask questions. The more questions she asks you, the more suspicious she'll be."

"Relax guys, I got this." I smile. "Besides, she's a chatterbox. She'll open up at the slightest nudge and go on forever. She's the one that told me about all the.." I grimace. "..issues with the Todoroki company."

Plus, she's my friend! Of course, I can trust her. We've been roommates for years. If anyone could tell me about Mr. Lane's current plans for the documentary, it'd be her.

"So it's settled!" Toga claps. She takes a marker and goes up to the white board, drawing a flow chart with all that's been discussed today. She adds my part last, circling my name and underlining it several times for emphasis, over a big red INTEL SOURCING.

The sight of that makes me smile, like I have a role to play in all of this. I look around at the others but they're all preoccupied with moving things around and discussing their own parts.

The lack of enthusiasm isn't surprising, I mean this is normal for them.

But all I can think of is how exciting it'll be if I have something to contribute the next time we meet. If they'll call me down, and look at me expectantly. I imagine the looks on their faces with glee and the thought almost makes me giddy.

"Okay, are we done here?" Dabi asks.

A bunch of 'yes'es and 'yup's fill the basement.

"Alright then," Dabi grabs a leather jacket from on the wall and checks to make sure his keys are inside. Then he walks my way and grabs my arm.

"Time for you to go home," He says, moving me in front of him.

"But-"

"Now," His eyes narrow. He moves his head in a silent nudge, telling me to turn around and make my way upstairs.

The others watch us curiously, and Toga lets out a snicker at my expense.

"I'm jealous!" She calls after us. "Wish I had someone to drive me home!"

Dabi groans, nudging me to keep moving.

"Bye guys," I wave back at them from halfway up the steps. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

They all wave warmly and I can't help thinking how grateful I am that they trusted me with this.

It feels so weird emerging out of Dabi's office like this, from a secret path that leads deep under the building. But Dabi simply presses another tile in the walls, and the entrance reseals itself, as though it never existed.

We make our way to his car, and I hurry to catch up to him. The height difference certainly doesn't help.

He unlocks the car and slides into the driver's seat. I follow into the passenger's seat and shift awkwardly in my place.

"Where do you live?" He asks as he readjusts his rearview mirror. No sooner had I told him the address, than he revved the engine and sped away from the Blaze.

The ride is quiet for a while. Regrettably so. Dabi hands me a box of disinfectants to wipe the blood off my hands. I wonder how many times he's had to do the same thing before coming into the office.

I fiddle with the hems of my shirts as I try to think of something to talk about. Dabi doesn't seem to be in as big of a rush to speak, his eyes darting from the rearview to the side mirrors periodically as we cruise down the mostly empty highway.

"Dabi?"

"Hm."

"When they said you were gone today, were you really in the basement the whole time?"

Dabi takes a moment to answer. "After I got back, yeah. Couldn't exactly walk through the front doors looking the way I did." He glances at me before switching lanes.

"Were you avoiding me?"

"Partly."

I nod. "Now that I know about the League, do you think you'd avoid me in a case like this again?"

"A case like this won't happen again."

"Okay." I respond quietly. "Cause you know I get worried."

Dabi seems to be deep in thought.

"You worry a lot for someone who's only met me a month ago."

I smile. "Well, of course. We're friends aren't we?"

Dabi spares me a look before switching lanes again. "Right." But he doesn't look like he fully believes me.

"You think you'll be able to handle your friend?" He changes the subject.

"Who, Aliyah? Of course! I told you, we're really good friends and she's the kind of person that loves gossiping anyway. It'll be a piece of cake."

He grunts. "Okay. Because to be honest, that's part of why I wanted you at the Blaze."

I don't know why hearing that makes me feel slightly sad, but it does. "The documentary?"

"Yeah. I mean you work in the media industry. You'd know about that stuff. People like Enji have the industry wrapped around their palms. When you told me he was cozying up to NNTV, I figured you'd be the person to handle all of that for me."

I nod. "So why haven't you asked me before today?" Come to think of it, he even sounded reluctant about agreeing.

"I don't know," He sighs. "Still not sure I want you mixed up with all of this."

I roll my eyes. "I'm not even a member, remember? I'm just getting information for you," I tease. "What's so dangerous about that?"

"That's what worries me," Dabi glances at me, his brows pulled together. "That's all you see it as."

"What am I supposed to see it as?"

"What it is," Dabi gets increasingly agitated, but he tries to keep himself calm. "I'm not sure you're taking this seriously enough, Rina. The closer you get to us, the more at risk you are. The more people that know you work for me, especially what kind of work," He looks dead serious. "The more danger you'll be in."

I roll my eyes. "But no one knows anything about you, Dabi. I've been here for a month and I'm only just finding out about all of this. And I'm sure there's much more I don't know. How would people outside of the League even find out?"

"Same way we find out shit about them. Lane's using his Todoroki connections to supply him with information and protection. They're good at what they do."

My mouth drops. "You mean the Todorokis know about you?"

"Well," Dabi's jaw hardens. "They think they do."

I wait for him to say more, but he leaves it at that. We ride the rest of the distance in silence.

Once we pull up in front of my apartment complex, I try to put a smile on my face.

"Thanks Dabi." I tell him as I unlock the door.

He nods without looking at me. "See you tomorrow."

Those words trigger me immediately and I let go of the handle.

"Don't say that."

Dabi looks confused.

"You said that yesterday and had no intention of seeing me." I cross my arms. "You broke your promise."

"Don't be dramatic, no one says that shit as a promise."

"See you tomorrow means I'll see you tomorrow," I tell him seriously. "Otherwise, just say goodbye or something else."

He leans his head forward against the steering wheel and sighs. "It's just a stupid phrase, you're overthinking it."

I frown.

"See you tomorrow," He gives up. But still, I don't leave.

"I mean it!" He says. "I. Will. See. You. Tomorrow. Good enough?"

I grin. "Mhm, thank you!" I lean over to give him a quick hug before I leave, and he immediately recoils, like my body was made of ice.

"Handsy, aren't you," He mutters, craning his neck to look at me, without getting too close.

I pull away.

"Always have to ruin the moment, don't you," I counter, slightly disappointed. I turn to open the door, and suddenly feel him pull me back in.

"How do you do that?" His voices comes out low and raspy.

I look into his eyes. "Do what?"

There's that frustration in his eyes again.

"Fucking making me feel bad about shit I'd never fucking feel bad about." He growls.

The way he says it makes me blush.

"Cut that shit out."

"Yes sir," I mumble.

He leans his head back.

Then, he hesitantly opens his arms.

I shake my head, pulling my purse over my shoulder again. "Not gonna force you to do something you don't want to do."

I open the door this time, and just as I'm about to step out of his car, he pulls my arm again - harder this time, and I fall back into the bend of his arm.

My heart is pounding faster. I shake my hair from my face to get a better look at Dabi in the dark.

"Why are you so much fucking work," He mutters, his face inches away from mine. I swallow.

He leans forward to hug me closer to his chest. The leather jacket feels surprisingly smooth against my cheek, and my hand finds the back of his seat to balance myself, careful of coming near his wound. He holds me to him for a few long breaths and I smile against his chest, knowing he can't see me right now.

When we pull away, I look at his face once more. But Dabi avoids my gaze.

"You don't have to play along with me," I tell him, a teasing smile on my lips. "I'll only expect more from you next time."

"See you tomorrow," He mumbles, still without facing me. His foot is on the brakes but he's already pulling the gear shift into Drive.

And then, just before I leave for good and with no time to think this through -

I press my lips on his cheek.

Dabi's eyes widen immediately and he looks at me in alarm. "What-"

"Bye Dabi!" I wave with a laugh as I hurry out of his car. I run to the door of my building, grateful for the dark to hide my red cheeks.

Dabi remains in front of the building for a moment, his head still turned my way in shock.

I close the door behind me but hurry to the window, peeking the corner of my head out just in time to catch him shaking his head and rubbing a tired hand across his eyes.

There's no way to describe the relief and warmth in my chest, when he eventually pulls out of his spot.

But just before he can drive off, I swear I feel him smirk at the window.

As if he can hear the adrenaline thrumming in my veins.