#even though re reading alot of my old writing is yucky

[tinytinyturttlesoup]

Spoiler: a snip bit of chapter two from two nardos

Casey stands, looking down at the boiling kettle. He hears the screaming high-pitched sound, can feel the heat from the steam bubbling and blowing past him. He can feel time passing, his lungs deflating, his heart beating. The noise of it all rolling over and through him.

He turns off the kettle. When was the last time Leo had let Casey touch him? It had to have been a few weeks ago. Casey touched Leo’s shoulder in an attempt to be friendly, to offer some kind of comfort, and Leo had just…he pushed him away. Swatting at his hand like it was nothing. They aren’t the same, Casey’s mind repeats over and over. None of them are the same. But Casey can’t help himself. It’s the glimpses. Leo’s laugh. Donnie and Mikey fussing over him. Raph’s stature and strength. April’s wit. And it’s Casey’s grief. He lost everyone he had ever known in one minute and then gained them all back the next. He thinks back to the key. The portal, big and buzzing with energy, the technodrome descending above him. The lack of gravity and the bright colorful sky as he looked at the key. Leo screaming in his ear to pull it, begging Casey to take the key and run. He froze. Until Sensei’s words compelled him to act. “Casey, it’s not about me.”   Then he shut his eyes, grabbed the key. and ran. Each step settled on the uneven rubble of a New York that was starting to look more and more like his own. A buzzing noise droning in the back of head, as the weight of everything fell on his shoulders. Finally, he had tumbled over to catch his breath, stopping to take big grasping gasps. He caught it again looking at Leo’s sword. He kneeled in the dirt and grime and grieved. Really grieved. He sobbed until his throat was raw, his chest aching. Whether it was from his lungs struggling to catch up with him, or the pain of accepting his loss, he couldn’t tell.

Casey shakes his head and the memory away. But the train of thought remains as he opens the cupboard and pulls out three mugs. It hadn’t been fair of Sensei to trust him with this. He was just a kid. It should have been Sensei. It Should have been the both of them. Casey opens the box of tea bags, a brand he has found to like in this new world. What was left for him after that? What did he have left? The world was saved but was also unrecognizable. He was a hero but with no home to return to. The life he had wanted with his family was gone. He had secured that none of them would ever exist. They wouldn’t need to exist; they shouldn’t have ever had to exist. He pours the water into the cups. The light fragrance of orange and chamomile prickles his nose and washes over his face, his buzzing mind calming down from the smell of warm tea. Casey looks at the steeping cups for a long moment.  If the timeline he was a part of shouldn’t have ever existed in the first place…

He brings the cup to his mouth, feeling the heat of ceramic burn away at his chapped lips. As he takes a tentative sip of hot tea, the warmth flows through him before settling in his core. Maybe he shouldn’t exist either. Casey is pulled from his thoughts as Mikey tiredly strides into the room. Casey offers him a small smile and a cup of tea. Mikey takes it gratefully. “You’re a lifesaver, Casey Jones.” “Anytime.” The two of them sip on their cups a moment or two before Mikey finally breaks the silence. “So, are you doing ok? It was pretty intense in there.” Casey huffs a pathetic attempt at a laugh. “Nothing I haven’t seen before. My Sensei had night terrors pretty often. I used to help Master Michelangelo calm him down. I guess it just makes sense that this version of him would have them too.” Mikey shifts his eyes over to Casey, a small worry obvious on his brow. “That must have been hard, to see him like that.” Casey grips the mug tighter. “It was, the first couple of times, but that was just the reality of it. I never blamed him for it.” “Of course not, but…That sounds scary. Seeing someone who was a mentor to you freak out.” Mikey knits the worry in his brow tighter. “Why did I show you that? If you had to make a guess.”

Casey thinks for a moment. “Probably, because, it was pretty hard to hide. I was always by his side. And if I wasn’t, then the screaming would wake me up. To be fair, it’s not like you wanted to show me. I don’t think either of you did, but I wanted to help.” “Oh.” The two of them sit in silence for a minute. “Casey,” “Yes?” “Did- did they ever get any better? Leo’s night terrors I mean, or-” Mikey holds tight to his mug. Casey sees something that looks like worry or guilt wash over Mikeys face. Casey can’t help but smile at the glimpse of something familiar. Mikey will always worry about his brothers, no matter the timeline. “They never got worse. But to be fair, it’s not like Leonardo has ever been very forthcoming when it comes to his mental health. And we never had a therapist with us in the trenches or anything. We all just sort of…coped. Did our best to make the situation bearable.” Casey watches as Mikey’s frown starts to deepen. “But you did have this power to make everyone feel better.” Mikeys face lightens at that. His expression becoming more bashful. “Oh. Well, that just comes with practice. I’m sure future me had plenty by the time-” “No. I mean, you had an actual power that helped people calm down.” “Oh. I did? Do?”  Casey nods at Mikey before smiling into his mug. A part of him has this weird little satisfaction in watching the turtles discover things about themselves from the future. “You used it on me when I was having hard times too.” “Oh.”  Mikey beams a little bit. “What did it feel like?” Casey thinks again. “Like- A heavy blanket. Warm and friendly. Or a hug on the inside.”

Mikey laughs, and after a while, Casey does too, before once again falling into silence. “Casey?” “Yeah?” Mikey puts his hand on Casey’s shoulder. The gesture feels warm, soothing and familiar. Always familiar. Mikey smiles at him. “I’m so glad you’re here.”