#even though ken levine is not involved so... yeah

[lulu2992]

Apparently, there are rumors that Vaas might return in a future Far Cry game. People started speculating about this because, on Reddit, Michael Mando recently said:

Vaas is my spirit animal - having co-created that character is something that will always be dear to me. I still get recognized as Vaas, and I still feel the outpouring of love for that character - makes me very happy. Who knows... maybe I will reprise the role very soon? :p

Okay so I’ve been following Michael Mando since 2013 and, believe me, it’s not the first time he’s said things like, “Vaas might come back soon, who knows? ;)” so it may be a teaser, yes, but maybe it’s just wishful thinking, especially since no new Far Cry game has been officially announced yet and, if he’s in it, I doubt he’s allowed to talk about it at this point.

I really love Vaas and I used to want him to return one day. The problem is this character needs to be handled with care and written with the same subtlety that made him the great antagonist he’s known to be. It’s because I love this character that, now, I’m not sure I want him to ever come back. I don’t want them to fuck him up...

That said, if they do bring him back, there are two writers I think should be involved in the project.

The first one is Jeffrey Yohalem, Far Cry 3’s lead writer. Good news: after working at Square Enix on Shadow of the Tomb Raider (!) and at 2K where he was the lead writer on... BioShock 4 (!?!?!), he’s back at Ubisoft, currently working on Gods and Monsters.

The second one is Lucien Soulban. Here’s a picture of him with Michael Mando, just because it’s cute.

And here’s what his professional profile says. On Far Cry 3, he was “responsible for creating the direction for the main villain, Vaas, and for Vaas's dialogs including the 'insanity speech'”. He also worked on Blood Dragon and was the co-lead writer on Far Cry 4.

So will Vaas be back “very soon”? Maybe, maybe not. But if they really plan on bringing him back, I think it would be cool if these two writers worked on the project.

[kariachi]

Some nice, chill polyam fic, because fuck it have most of my top Ben 10 ships in one big family.

~~

“Should we really be having this discussion when Rad’s not here?” The living room went quiet, everyone taking a moment to look amongst themselves, a silent bid for agreement. Argit was the one to break the silence, burying his fingers in Ken’s hair nonchalantly.

“Given he’s home three months out of the year at most? Yes.” Ken rolled his eyes and sat up for a brief moment before deciding, fuck it, he was comfy, and setting his head back in Manny’s lap. The floor wasn’t the softest thing to sit on, but there wasn’t room left on the couch, he didn’t want to sit alone, and Ossy shit or no curling up with Alan and Cooper would always be awkward for him.

“I just think, this is the sort’ve discussion we should have the entire family for.”

“He’s got a point,” Alan added, curled up in Cooper’s lap in one of the armchairs, “it doesn’t seem right.”

“Right my ass,” Argit shot back, “he doesn’t hang around long enough for discussions.” Ken patted Argit’s leg while Kevin fiddled with one of his ears soothingly. Yeah Rad sometimes shared Kevin with them (really everyone shared Kevin- except for Alan, obviously, given the whole uncle & nephew thing) but he came home for Argit and their mutual partner sometimes got aggravated at just how much time he spent off on jobs. As it was, he shook the two of them off and jabbed a finger at Cooper. “How long are you willing to wait for kids?”

Cooper went quiet and looked at Manny, who did the same. Both had the same contemplative look on their faces. For about twelve seconds.

“The rat has a point.”

“He really does.” Scowling, Alan elbowed Cooper.

“We are not planning children without the entire nesting here, damnit!”

“Oh come on, we didn’t even see him last time he was home! He walked in, locked himself away with Argit for a few hours, and then left again!”

“Still!” A put-upon groan came from Manny’s other side and Mike patted Ken’s shoulder as he stood up.

“Take my seat,” he said. “You already know where I stand on kids, and I’m not even getting involved in this argument- he’s no man of mine- so I’m gonna go grab a snack.” Kevin perked up.

“Grab me a beer?”

“And me?”

“Soda’d be nice…” Ken and Alan bit back laughter as the others turned to Mike expectantly, even as he crossed his arms and glowered at them.

“Do I look like a waiter?”

“Yes.”

“Shut up. Should I be taking notes on your orders?” Even Ken threw the puppy-eyes at him, and he was very good at the puppy-eyes. Mike sighed. “What do you want?”

“Just the beer.”

“And some sodas.”

“Maybe a bag of chips?”

“Ooo, and that bag of jerky I have above the fridge, if you could, doll?”

“And pizza!”

“Michael Jeremy Morningstar if you order him pizza I will hurt you.”

Cooper rolled his eyes so hard at that his whole head moved and threw Mike a grin.

“There’s a frozen one in the second chest freezer downstairs.” Also rolling his eyes, Mike nodded and left the room as Kevin gaped like a man stabbed by his own kin.

“You brought a frozen pizza into my house-”

“Oh chill, Kev,” Alan said, “they need something to eat when we aren’t around.”

“If they really loved us, they’d starve.” Trying not to smile, Manny threw an arm around Kevin’s shoulders, Argit abandoning him to settle in on Ken’s lap instead. “Disloyal blasphemers, the lot of you.”

“Yeah yeah, we’re the worst family you could’ve ever had, at least we’re not Tennysons.”

“Hey!” Ken glowered up at Manny, Argit’s hand going back into his hair.

“You don’t count, Sisriih, you abandoned them to join the Levin-Jones family, remember?”

“It’s the principle of the thing.” He shook his head. “Anyway, that’s another reason to have Rad here, none of you can tell me you don’t want the name ‘Dudesman’ on our kids and we can’t do that without involving him in more than making them.” An indecisive murmur went up, spreading across the room, though Manny just shrugged.

“Mike and I have already discussed it,” he said, “at least one daughter is going to be ‘Manuela Micheline Morningstar’ or so help us.” Again, the room went quiet.

Then Alan nearly fell off Cooper’s lap from laughing too hard. His husband just heaved a sigh and stared at the ceiling, muttering something Ken couldn’t hear under his breath. Meanwhile he and Argit shook their heads, Ken himself fighting back a smile as he did. Kevin, Kevin just stared at his laughing Manny with such a painfully unimpressed, disbelieving look that nobody was really surprised when he slipped out of his grip and headed for the other end of the couch.

“Move over, you two,” he said, forcing himself between them and the arm of the couch, making the whole lot shuffle down as he did, “only decent men I have left.” Argit grinned back at him.

“Well you had to have at least one.”

“It’s just a shame,” Cooper added in, “that we have to lose like a third of our family. If you don’t mind, Kev, since I’m about to be painfully available...” Alan took no notice of this, too busy still laughing with Manny and also too experienced to think Cooper’d drop him over anything less than the heat death of the universe, while Kevin reached out for the blond sympathetically.

“We’re here for you, Coop.”

“You won’t go through this trial alone,” Argit added.

“Thank guys,” Cooper said, pressing a hand to his heart melodramatically- really they all spent too much time with Mike- “it’s nice to know somebody is good and just in this household.” Ken snorted.

“Let’s not go too far. Think Alan and I are the only ones in this house without a record.” Cooper opened his mouth only for Alan to clamp his hand over it.

“Or deserve it.” He snatched his hand back to reveal Cooper’s tongue out and ready, though he still looked fond when he turned to Ken. “Are we sure we even want kids with these guys?” Ken heaved a heavy, put-upon sign, shaking his head even as he wrapped an arm around Argit’s waist.

“That’s the worst part, Al,” he said, “I’m pretty sure we do.”

[lulusoblue]

Wait. What do you mean by “Ken Levine going so out of his way to pretend BioShock 2 never happened that he broke his own canon”?

Well @sir-adamus also pointed out Levine’s other reason was to keep people from expanding on Infinite as well, but yeah Levine reeeaaally doesn’t want to acknowledge B2 exists because he wasn’t involved with it.

Here’s a list of some of the things he broke in his own canon:

1) The imprinting between Big Daddies and Little Sisters.

There was an ENTIRE LEVEL in BioShock dedicated to how it works, how Little Sisters are taught to see Big Daddies as “Mr Bubbles” through psychological conditioning and a specific pheromone/scent the Big Daddies have. Big Daddies are humans who are grafted and fused into their suits and also get the mental conditioning to make them into what they are.

BioShock 2 introduced the Alpha Series, where the Alpha Daddies had a father-daughter bond conditioned between them and an assigned Little Sister. Then to give reason why it didn’t come up in BioShock, the father-daughter bond turned out to be REALLY FUCKING BAD if something happened to the Sister, ranging from the Alpha Daddy completely shutting down to going on a massive rampage. Thus Rapture went with the Protector-Charge imprinted bond between future BDs and LSs, because Big Daddies could still function if they lost their Little Sister, and could stick with ANY sister rather than just the one.

Burial at Sea then goes on to say the imprint was the “Lion with a thorn in its paw” cause, to close a loop between Rapture and Columbia. Songbird’s imprint on Elizabeth was triggered by an act of kindness when Comstock & Co. set up a scenario of him crashing into the tower. Then Levine wrote how the same applied to ALL Big Daddies and Little Sisters because BDs are a hive mind apparently.

We had an ENTIRE LEVEL on how the protector-charge bond was forcibly conditioned on both parties, regardless of if you take BioShock 2 into account. It’s like Levine was going the extra mile to take that back and say “it was simple kindness” just to make a closed circle between Liz and Rapture. Maybe not him actively ignoring B2, but B2 ALSO had a level going into depth of the horrific conditioning of Little Sisters and part of its plot WAS to do with a stronger induced bond between a BD and LS. just sayin’.

2) Fontaine had a dressing room for switching to Atlas. Even though he made sure he was believed to be long dead before switching to his identity as Atlas. The “BioShock: Rapture” tie-in novel even explained that Fontaine went to Steinman for surgical tweaks to his face so people wouldn’t look at him and go “That’s Fontaine with hair and no mustache”, and Steinman also did surgery on one of Fontaine’s men to make him look like Fontaine. Y'know, so their proof in a time prior to the forensics of today their proof that Fontaine was dead was a corpse with his face on it.

Why would Fontaine have a dressing room. He faked his own death, he has no reason to switch between Fontaine and Atlas, even for comfort’s sake, when it is a big risk of Atlas’ followers learning the truth. Diane, Ryan’s ex, only found out Atlas was Fontaine when she stumbled in on him recording a diary in his Brooklyn accent. WHY WOULD FONTAINE NEED A DRESSING ROOM. HE CAN HARDLY CREATE MANY NEW IDENTITIES BECAUSE RAPTURE WAS INVITATION-ONLY AND ANYONE RYAN DIDN’T RECOGNISE ON THE INVITE LIST GETS THE SPY TREATMENT. THAT’S WHY ATLAS PISSED HIM OFF SO MUCH.

The dressing room p much served as a means for Liz to go “huh well i’ll be damned” and that was it. Maybe doesn’t break canon as much as Atlas’ hair changing colour, but still leaves either a big fucking hole or just makes Fontaine look a lot less clever.

3) Why would Fontaine not have choice over his own trigger-phrase? Why leave it to Suchong? Fontaine’s doesn’t trust people, he uses them. Jack is a big risk with a massive payoff and Fontaine just lets Suchong have some control beyond “grow the thing”? All to have Liz “close the loop” and give him the phrase between flashes of the future and whatnot. Again, Fontaine is looking less clever, Levine.

4) when the fuck did Fontaine have a department store the size of an entire building

5) Big Daddies, if we take BioShock 2 as canon as well, were already known and functional by New Year’s Eve. So much so there was already a Hypnosis plasmid that could work on Big Daddies, from the intro with Subject Delta.

6) Rapture was not turned into a warzone wasteland overnight. Unrest and damage to the city was a pretty slow burn, and wasn’t directly caused by one person starting trouble. Some places would probably be pristine but Rapture was springing leaks and full of spliced up people by New Year’s and citizens adopted the “Keep Calm and Ignore The Fuckery” approach. Atlas was gaining followers BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SICK OF THE CITY FALLING APART BOTH AS A SOCIETY AND AS A LITERAL LEAKING TUB AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.

There’s other points i’m sure but really I’ll just bring up a massive rage ball in the pit of my stomach.

tl:dr Levine broke his own canon to be petty and you should go play Minerva’s Den because it is best DLC for its contained story and it actually has Tenenbaum in it.

[kariachi]

Storyline thoughts for the earlier mentioned Morningstar Vengeance Mode (because I’m a digimon nerd that’s why). Warning, shit’s fucking long.

Okay, so, we start with Mike introduction as usual and it goes a lot different. Not completely different, but despite him and Kevin clearly not liking each other from the word go there’s a lot of changes. He doesn’t have eyes and teeth on Gwen for one thing- she and Ben are just a means to the Ruin Max Tennyson end and he’s going to make full use of them, can’t do that if one’s a half-dead thrall

Still flirts? Still flirts. It’s his default way of communicating with people in his age range who aren’t other Ossys or Elena. So he’s flirting with Gwen and Ben and sniping and snapping back and forth with Kevin because they’re too young to be thinking in terms of mating options but just old enough to be growly over territory.

The only other person who fights with him over it is Manny and he doesn’t even want the territory he just doesn’t want Mike to win. The others are either too far removed from their roots to want territory, are Erinaen and therefor non-territorial, live outside of territory range, or are Cooper and have accepted that the others are more dominant forces than him

Mike joins the team, everyone is happy except Kevin

Ken rescues happen, Max is found, mentions being happy about how well Mike is holding up among all his other ‘hi kids’ shit, Mike is notably colder than normal, is surprisingly affected by Max’s death

He is so fucking pissed, though that doesn’t come out until later. How dare he fucking die before Mike could ruin him. How. Fucking. Dare.

For a while Kevin is the glue holding the team together despite himself while Gwen is a wreck, Mike is a more put together wreck, and Ben is trying to pretend he’s not a wreck. It takes a while for everything to even back out.

(Not sure if I want to modify What little Girls Are Made Of... Like, on the one hand I’ve been writing Mike as having the Spark for a while now, but on the other what would having him be verified an Anodite do for the story besides encourage Gwike?)

Eventually this version’s version of Darkstar Rising comes along- earlier, probably, and with a lot more shit with the Plumbers Helpers before it happens- and we don’t have Magister Dumbshit (I can’t remember his name, this works) talking about vigilantism and crap, but about the fact that Max authorized a bunch of underage civilians to get involved is illegal, alongside a whole host of other things that are brought up that basically boil down to both “sit down, the professionals will handle things from here” and “holy shit your grandpa was a piece of shit”

The Tennysons are freaking out, because some of the shit brought up is stuff nobody would’ve known to look into if they hadn’t heard about it from family, and eventually it comes out that Mike is the one who made the call.

This is where we get the backstory- Max was involved in his father’s death (how? I don’t know yet. I don’t even know how he went yet. Also how bitter Mike is and just how he ended up going this far may vary depending on if I decide to keep Devin a thing. I kinda don’t want Kevin one of the Plumber Kids for this... Devin was thing but not Kevin’s father? Or his father but nobody knows/knew it? Eva seems the type to get knocked up by a one night stand and roll with it.) Max was involved in Mike’s father’s death, it was classed as an accident or his involvement was small enough that it wasn’t considered or he was just there, who knows, whatever the situation Mike put the blame on him and has been working with the Tennysons to take advantage of Ben’s hero worship to gather dirt. He was going to ruin his life, but with him dead the least he can do is ruin his good reputation.

Ben and Gwen of course flip and cut all ties with him while Kevin is torn between “Can’t blame him too much” and “Yeah, fuck him, territory thief” (Kevin no, he was here first, stop). With Kevin’s help they’re able to fake some shit to restore Max’s good name, managing to both get Magister Dumbshit to let them keep helping with the Highbreed Stuff but also managing to get Mike in trouble with the law (only half on purpose, because damnit don’t attack their family and make them consider how shit their grandfather might actually be)

That last one’s fun, making sure Mike will want to return to start more shit while also giving us a bit of darkness for the Tennysons to grapple with and try to reconcile. It doesn’t become a theme, but they do have to actually stop and consider that they just got an innocent guy in trouble with the law, partly by accident and partly because they were angry. (Kevin, meanwhile, sits sagely. He knows the feel, been there so very often.)

We still get the team-up for the Highbreed Finale, which stays mostly the same, with just minor edits to fit the new canon. Mike’s involvement ends with him and Kevin glaring each other down and silently parting ways, both too tired after all that to start shit.

From that point Mike is a regularly recurring villain across the series with a few different story types- 1) Out for Max’s blood, 2) Out for Ben and Gwen’s blood, 3) Fuck Off Levin This Neighborhood Is Mine, and 4) Miscellaneous

He loses the first 2 types, of course, but sometimes manages a win in Type 3 episodes. Makes it a nice power struggle between him and Kevin as they try to ‘take over’ Bellwood and Undertown.

I’m not sure whether or not I’d keep the Dominus Librum inccident... On the one hand without Mike being all half-starved I don’t know that it completely fits, but on the other we could have him finally taking drastic action to stop being so fucking hungry. Could maybe tie it in with a modified In Charms Way...

The boys lose their powers as a result of the artifact and for a while get along great without them, mostly because they’re celebrating being normal for the first times in their lives and hey, who else are they gonna celebrate with. But the effects turn out not to last long and between that and Mike’s continued hate for the Tennysons, well...

Then, we get a different In Charms Way where there’s no fucking pseudo-romance angle, purely platonic manipulation, and have it happening at the same time as Dominus Librum. How might things have gone if friendships had truly blossomed? Will we ever know? *shrug*

Mike’s involvement in the Ultimate Kevin arc stays the same, this time being brought in despite everyone’s best interests because he’s the leading expert that isn’t half-eaten and also they’re hoping he’s as interested in powering down Kevin as Gwen is

He really is. Has been avoiding that fucker like the plague, has no intention of ending up gristle between his teeth

While all this shit is going down, he notices the similarities between his and Gwen’s powers and begins looking into magic- even winning a few fights with Kevin through it (seriously, please picture both of them having big maps of Bellwood with their territories marked off on it that they just growl over occasionally)- which leads into the next altered episode

Couples Retreat is entirely different, like the episode idea I offered a while back. Charm opens her door to a battered and tired teenager laying on the charm and asking to be taught magic. She’s surprised, a little confused, and Gwen is visibly against the idea, so she says yes. The rest of the episode consists of the Tennysons trying to get her to change her mind while Kevin celebrates in the background because a Mike in a different dimension is a Mike without claims to Bellwood.

Charmcaster does not change her mind and the last we see of the two in UA is them in Charm’s library, going over the basics.

During OV half the time Mike is seen it’s with Charmcaster. His magic improves and he continues to hold a fucking grudge. They make a good team, she treats him like an annoying younger brother when she isn’t treating him like a student, it’s a fun team-up and the way she keeps correcting his form is hilarious. For the most part things seem normal, though sometimes Charm seems off.

Eventually though she starts acting too off and Mike goes to Cooper for help with whatever the problem is because he doesn’t exactly have many friends and Cooper is the best of moral grey. Cooper then goes to Kevin, and Kevin gets the Tennysons involved. This becomes a multi-episode arc where the old team get together again- Ben, Gwen, Kevin, Mike, with added Rook- to figure out what’s wrong with Charmcaster and fix it. They do. The final scene has Charm and Mike leave on shaky but maybe better ground with the Tennysons, a silent promise that maybe things could truly improve between the groups.

The flash forward episode has Charmcaster in the background

Mike is mentioned as not coming because even nearly 20 years later still Fuck Maxwell with a Pineapple.

[kariachi]

Okay, because I’m proud of what I’ve got so far and don’t know when or if it’ll get finished- have 3400 words of WIP.

Kevin is getting married off, they’re still working on the ‘to whom’ portion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all began, as these things do, with dinner at his mother’s. Nothing special, just Kevin, his mother, his girl, which really, he supposed, was why this was when things started getting serious.

“So,” his mother had said, midway through the meal, “I’ve been thinking that we should try for Looma.” It hadn’t come out of nowhere- fuck, his last birthday had included the line ‘there’s applications by the door, if you want to marry him get yours back to me by the end of the week’- but still Kevin paused in his eating, going so far as to set down his fork. Gwen paused at his side, eyes narrowing.

“Mom, I’d have to fight Looma to get her. And win.”

“You could win easy.” She, meanwhile, had not stopped eating and took a moment to finish a bite of stew before turning to Gwen. “You’d like her, she’s a good kid, competitive.”

“Looma is intense to say the least,” Kevin countered, “with a short fuse and strong ego.” His mother shrugged.

“Okay, she’d learn to like her.” Glancing Gwen’s way, Kevin rolled his eyes and groaned in the traditional ‘mothers, can’t live with ‘em, invested too much money to kill ‘em’ manner. Gwen just looked confused, face scrunched like she thought someone was up to something. Which was probably true, but that had nothing to do with the conversation at hand.

“Can I just clarify,” she asked, glancing between them, “what are we talking about?”

“Marriage candidates, Gwendolyn, keep up.”

“Mom, be nice.” One of the greatest remaining issues of his life, somehow his family liked Gwen less than Gwen’s mother liked him- and he’d set her son up with Argit! As if to prove this fact, his mother rolled her eyes much like he just had.

“Alright. We’re discussing who Kevin’s marrying.” And attention back to Kevin. “Looma’s a catch, even Luka and your cousins agree.” Kevin huffed.

“What if we don’t want to move to Khoros? You know she’d expect it.”

“It’s a great planet, wonderful food.”

“Lots of sand.”

“Rich culture.”

“Also giant spiders.”

“Stop! Stop.” Hands held between the two, palms outward, Gwen looked between them, eyes still narrowed and lips set in a frown. Eventually her gaze settled on Kevin’s mother. “What am I, chopped liver?” There was an opening there, and Kevin glared at his mother before she could take advantage of it. She continued on like she’d never planned to.

“You didn’t get an application in,” she said simply. “If Kevin wants to marry you it’ll have to be on his own time. Meanwhile, we’re getting him some good spouses.” Now Gwen was the one huffing.

“You can’t really have expected me to fill that out, it was over Christmas, and my birthday right after!” And foot, mouth, the snowball of disapproval ever grew. Kevin’s face fell into his hands as his mother finally set her spoon down with a glower.

“Oh, I’m sorry, is my son not worth wasting two hours of your precious holiday time-”

~~~

“I cannot believe your mother, and you just went along with it!” This was the struggle he faced when it came to spending time with Gwen and his relatives together- in the end, he had to deal with all of them.

“Babe, I’ve been expecting my family to be involved in my love life my entire life. If anything the fact they’re looking to get me multiple spouses this young says a lot about my desirability. At my age Kay had like five offers. And she included you in the conversation! Forward progress!” Kevin flashed a grin that was met with nothing but pure scowl.

“And you were going to discuss this with me, when?” Wait, stop, what? Huh? Kevin’s face scrunched in confusion.

“I have? Multiple times?” Gwen continued to scowl. “When we started dating I told you my family was going to arrange at least one marriage for me and you’d have to share, you were cool. I told you when they started getting offers, you were cool. You were there while three of my siblings got married off, you were cool. My family passed out marriage applications at my last birthday. You were cool. Excuse me for assuming, you know, you were cool. We need to hash out details, but that wasn’t really a priority until now and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re busy people.” The scowl remained, but she stopped aiming it directly at the side of his head. Instead she leaned back in her seat and turned it out the passenger window.

“I wasn’t even on her damn list.” It took effort for Kevin not to sigh, something he was half sure would get him killed.

“You can’t be surprised,” he said, “my family doesn’t like you and you didn’t fill out an application.” The scowl deepened and came for him again.

“It was due over Christmas!” This time he didn’t even bother trying to hide the groan.

“Gwen, please, you just finished arguing with my mother over this.”

“It’s true! I was set up to fail!”

“G. Babe.” He was this close. “I swear to Zak, if you try to have this argument again I will drop you off at Feli’s. She will gladly spend the next three hours telling you how big a fuck-up you are and how you don’t deserve me.”

“Kevin…”

“She’ll gloat.” Gwen scowled at him for another long minute, then turned back to the window.

“Have I mentioned how much of a bitch she is?”

“Nearly as often as she says that about you.”

~~~

“So, your ma made a very nice offer-”

“Oh fuck.” Kevin groaned, going limp under his car. “Don’t tell Gwen.”

“Aw, but Earthboy, I was hoping to rent a billboard and everything. ‘Kevin Ethan Levin-Jones’s mother offered him to me’ in big bold print. Was down to choosing the color.”

“Do not,” he repeated, sticking a pointing finger out in Argit’s direction, “tell Gwen. She’s already in enough of a mood about this whole thing. Surprised I haven’t heard from Ben yet.”

“Give them time.” Kevin returned to his tinkering with another groan.

“What’d you say? When she offered?”

“I told her I was flattered- I mean look at you- but I’d have to talk to Ken about it before I made a decision.”

“Okay,” Kevin said, nodding, “that makes sense. Things going good with him?”

“Great.” He couldn’t see it, but he could hear and practically feel the smile on his old friend’s face. “He might say yes you know. Feels guilty about it ‘cause you’re dating his sister but he does think you’re a nice piece.” Chuckling, Kevin shook his head.

“Of course he does. Fuck that’d make it worse- not only does my family like you more than her, but her brother gets a chance at a hunk of me via you?”

“Well in your family’s defense, I don’t like Red either.”

“Yeah, because you’re incompatible brands of asshole.”

“Come on, Kev, you can’t blame them. If nothing else this is the girl whose immediate reaction to Feli was passive-aggressive implications of attempted boyfriend snatching.” Fuck, if there was a moment he never wanted to remember.

“You don’t know pain until you’re trying to get a word in edgewise for introductions, and your girlfriend is unwittingly accusing your sister of incest, and your sister is just letting her dig her own grave.” He heaved a short, tired laugh. “You shoulda been there though, the look on Gwen’s face when I finally got to tell her who she was talking to- Priceless.” Argit chuckled.

“Oh I know, Feli has described it to me in detail. She’s described it to a lot of us in detail. I think she’s gonna get a painting done of it, hang it above her mantle.” That, sounded like something just about any of his sisters would do, and a few of his brothers. Kevin silently vowed to keep an eye out for such things.

“Just, give me a heads up when you two come to a decision, before you talk to anyone.”

“Sure thing, Kev.”

~~~

Alan appeared to be having some sort’ve crisis, laying on his couch, staring up at the ceiling. He’d been like this since before Kevin’d showed up, looking forward to an afternoon with his niblings, and the only sign he’d moved in the hours since was the half a sandwich he knew nobody else had made for him. In true younger sibling fashion his brothers and sister didn’t seem to much notice, just rolling their eyes when they saw he was still there and dispersing through the house.

Kevin was so proud.

“Alright, Shortstack,” he asked, leaning over the back of the couch, “what’s eating you?” It took a moment for Alan to respond.

“I’m next.”

“Next?”

“Once you’re married off.” Ah. Okay. That explained that. Kevin purred at him.

“You’ve got time you know. Not like wedding bells are ringing tomorrow.”

“Yeah, it’s just…” Alan sighed. “The future. It looms. College and marriage and kids-” Finally he moved, hauling himself up on his elbows just enough to have to crane his neck to look Kevin in the eye “-do I even want kids?” Kevin shrugged.

“Do you?”

“I don’t even know right now.” And there he went, collapsing back down. “Guess I should figure that out.”

“Don’t rush yourself. Like I said, you’ve got time.” What had been a soft smile turned toothy. “Don’t think Cooper’s figured that out either.” Alan looked at him, lips tugging into a smile.

“You guys are going to try to get Cooper for me? He’s not exactly…” He gave a little half shrug, which Kevin mirrored.

“Oh we’re gonna have much higher standards for everyone else, trust me, but the kid’s going places, he gets on with the family, and the two of you have been practically melting every time you’re around each other for over a year.”

“What can I say,” Alan said, smile morphing into a grin, “he lights a fire in me.”

“Boooo.” Kevin gave the pun a solid two thumbs down, followed by a quick exchange of raspberries. Puns or no, it was always nice to see one of his niblings smiling. “At least make puns based on each other, damn.” Alan blew another raspberry and shook his head.

“How are you not freaking out?”

“Honestly, Shortstack,” Kevin answered with a shrug, “I think I might just be numb to change at this point.”

~~~

He wasn’t really. Numb to change. He just had a million different ways to distract himself from the potential negatives of a situation, especially when the situation was like this, where he knew those negatives were unlikely to come to pass. After all, his family loved him, was maybe a little too overprotective if he was honest, and even if they did mess up and get him somebody awful, he’d have other spouses to turn to and also eviscerating would probably happen.

His mom was really good at eviscerating.

She was where he got it from.

But one’s brain never listened to logic if it could try to panic, especially not if you were mentally ill, so distractions it was. Such as, for instance, baking, his favorite form of cooking for it’s more exacting, technical requirements. Today he had Manny keeping him company while he worked. Ostensibly he was there to taste test things, make sure they weren’t poisoned, which Kevin had warned him was a bad move because he had various breads and pastries with long proofing times planned, but he’d insisted.

In the end Kevin had made a batch of maple blondies for him to munch on, something Manny was doing with gusto while watching him force bagel dough to submit to his will.

“‘ey ‘ev?”

“I know it’s good, dude, but swallow before you choke.” He couldn’t see the man sat behind him, but he heard him swallow and blow a raspberry at him before continuing.

“How’s the marriage arranging going?” And there went plans of distractions.

“It goes. Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing much, just, heard there was some drama going on.”

“What? No. There’s some Tennyson Drama trying to horn in on Levin Drama territory, but I have five older sisters hovering, there will be drama only over their dead bodies.” Manny chuckled.

“Thank fuck, was worried for a minute there. I, uh, may have filled out an application, so...” He didn’t stop kneading, not immediately, but Kevin turned that information over in his head. Manny had filled out an application. Manny, who had known him since they were babies and so really should’ve known better, had applied for a position as his husband. His girlfriend had not.

Kevin half-collapsed over the counter, shoulders shaking as he struggled not to laugh.

“Hey!” He was glowering at him when Kevin turned to look at him, and the Ossy raised his hands in surrender.

“Not laughing at you, promise!” he said. “Wasn’t expecting you to be the only person I know of who put in an application.” Though in thinking about it he certainly wasn’t against the idea. He just, hadn’t known there was any interest there. And his siblings and parents liked him, especial Val, so maybe he was in with a shot…

Manny shrugged.

“You’re smart, you cook, and sometimes, if you squint, you’re almost cute. Figured I may as well give it a shot.” He bit into another blondie, pointedly chewing and swallowing before he continued. “Who else is on the list?”

“Don’t know.” Kevin shrugged as he spoke and returned to his work. “Right now I know of three people who’ve been options, including you, and to hear some of my family speak it’s a long list. Family’ll pick out who they think are the top candidates, then I’ll get to say which ones I like the sound of, and then they’ll see about making final choices and getting things arranged based on that. Unless of course you’re Argit or Looma, at which point you apparently just get handed me on a plate.”

“Argit’s my competition? I’m a shoe-in.”

“Argit and Princess Looma.”

“…well fuck.” Grinning toothily, Kevin looked over his shoulder at him.

“Luckily, you’re almost cute too, that’s gonna earn you some points.”

Manny proceeded to drown himself in the blondies.

~~~

“Alright, all your options, ready to go!” To say Kevin was nervous, sitting there watching Luka reenter the kitchen with a stack of files, would’ve been a serious understatement.

Today of all days he was keenly aware of where he was- in a home he’d seen more of, when his father was alive, then he’d seen his mother’s, talking to a man who’d had more a role in his early raising than anyone related by blood. Luka was his father’s longest standing spouse, the only one who had followed him to Earth, and it was no secret that half his siblings had been given the information on their potential spouses right where he sat now. Right where things felt most like home. At an old, old table stained, scorched, scratched by the use of every child from his eldest brother to his youngest nephew, files were placed down by the same clawed hand that carded through so many’s hair.

Kevin tamped down his nerves to exchange a smile with him.

There were a lot of files. Some traitor part of his brain said it wasn’t that many, but he shut it down before it could give him a number. It was more than four, it was too damn many.

“I take it I’m popular,” he half-asked half-nervously chuckled, fidgeting with them. Luka took a seat next to him, tail resting supportively against his leg.

“Well, you know a God, you hang out with a Hero, your father was a High Prince and a Hero, you’re a Hero and also one of the most powerful members of our species even at your young age. So, yeah.” He nodded. “You could say you’re a little popular. We narrowed it down to the best prospects and the ones we thought you’d enjoy the most.”

“Huh.” Kevin nodded back. Letting out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, he began to sort through the pile.

“Remember, you don’t need to make a decision today. Take some time, weigh your options.”

“I know…” He did not recognize the majority of these people, though he supposed that was to be expected. Despite not having his attention, Luka carried on in the calm tone of someone who had been through this ten times counting his own experience in Kevin’s shoes.

“We haven’t heard back from Argit, so we’ve kept him in there just in case. And that one, Prince Hunter Alba Rhon, very well bred, supposedly has a great sense of humor, loves to read.” More nodding from Kevin.

“Looma and Manny are still in, huh?” Luka chuckled, not unkindly, and leaned back in his chair.

“He doesn’t have much to his name, but he’s a good kid from some good families, and he’d complement you well. Looma, well she’s just you with a shorter fuse, more limbs, and an inheritance.” Taking a moment to blow a raspberry at his, fuck what number was it at this point? at his not-first-father, Kevin set Looma’s file off to the side. Whether that was his keep or discard pile he didn’t know yet.

“I really don’t want to move to Khoros. All my stuff is here.” With a fond look, Luka ruffled his hair.

“We don’t want you to move to Khoros either, but Eva will do what she can to get you the kingdom she thinks you deserve. Plus, your father is proof enough that long distance marriages can work.”

“Dad was a fucking miracle.”

“Language.” Kevin opened his mouth- “Don’t you dare.” -and closed it again. He took and released another deep breath.

“How am I supposed to do this, anyway,” he asked. The pile of files felt… daunting.

“Listen, Little Monster-” Kevin rolled his eyes at the old nickname, it’d bothered him for a while, but he’d mellowed back into it. “-don’t worry about anything to do with their clans, breeding, connections. That’s for the rest of us to worry about. All you have to do, is read the files and pick the ones you think you would get along best with.” The look Luka got was suspicious, but he smiled on.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

There were too damn many files there. Kevin had time, but he didn’t feel like he did and there were too damn many files there. For a third time, he sighed, and moved Argit and Manny’s files onto Looma’s.

“Alright, where should I start?”

 ~~~

He’d gone through the files. It’d taken him five thousand years (two weeks) but he’d done it.

“Managed to cut the list down by seventy-four percent!” Helen raised a brow at him, then looked back at the stack of files on his desk. Kevin could see her doing the math in her head.

“You had twenty-three options?” Her tone was incredulous, like she couldn’t believe her math. Kevin didn’t blame her.

“Yeah. But! I have it down to six now!”

“Damn.” In a flash Helen had stood up, grabbed the files, and returned to her spot on his bed. “How many are you supposed to narrow it down to?” With a shrug, Kevin flopped onto his back.

“There’s not really a set number. One to three to start with, maybe? And I should probably run them by Gwen.”

“I think,” Helen said, “she would toss all of them.” It was a good bet. “She feeling any better about all this?”

“I, really don’t think so? She keeps changing the topic when I bring it up, but she’s been moodier than normal. And I haven’t heard anything from Ben about it.” That was the scary part. He’d expected Ben to call him and bitch him out on his cousin’s behalf weeks ago, but no. Things had been, not really normal but there’d been less ‘you’re being an asshole’ then he normally got when Gwen was upset about something involving him.

He’d have to ask Argit if Ken talked to them.

Either way, Helen did not look enthused by his answer.

“Yeah, that can’t be a good sign.” Kevin tossed her a shaky grin.

“Cross your fingers for me?”

“Gladly.”