#even though it means i can no longer procrastinate writing

[canine-arts]

finished some cover art but not the actual fic itself... productive enough I'd say

[yiiiiiiiikes25]

hobbyism, intimacy, working it out on the page

some old school longform blogging about process & product & how it really can be that serious, with all the indulgence that implies

i can’t stop thinking about siken’s new afterword for the twentieth anniversary edition of crush, which opens with a fever dream: louise gluck calling to say “we’ll publish it as is, of course, but i have notes if you’d like to consider them.” @whatimages is in my texts commiserating about how we’d sell plural organs for twelve hours of clear-eyed line edits at a kitchen table, and from gluck, for god’s fucking sake. and yes, yes. obviously the nobel of it all. right. what siken’s done in the afterword, though, has i think a longer and rarer shadow than meet-your-hero wish fulfillment. like i said, i can’t stop thinking about it, and these days my focus is about four seconds wide, so i want to pay attention for a while.

i’m not a poet, or haven’t been since college; i’m not a widely beloved and revered literary figure, though any minute now fitzcarraldo will cold call me about publishing my raven boys fanfiction. what i am is someone procrastinating their hp wireless piece (which at current pace will be ready for the 2027 fest) by any means necessary. my inability to engage meaningfully with an entirely voluntary and ostensibly rewarding hobby, with few stakes and fewer parameters, fills me with a pretty incandescent rage: why can’t i do this? the inside of that question is: what’s it even for?    

here is siken’s answer to why he writes. it’s a poet’s answer, a literary figure’s. i’m not sure the “we” includes me, but let’s start here and work forwards.

siken’s work—the thrust of his labors with gluck—reaches for a confessionalist ideal of total vulnerability and honesty (though as he’s told us many times, whether and how it happened to him is not the point—he aims deeper than a photorealistic depiction of his own life). he’s working on our behalf, truth-telling on our behalf. so that the poems may be useful, so that the lesson or the gift he leaves on the table serves the reader, he faces the fact of himself and offers us an unswerving intimacy. 

i think some version of this is correct across genres and art forms. the work that means the most grows out of an artist’s most human, most intent, most feeling place, however that ultimately manifests in the piece; we can feel that quality and intensity as an audience, can sniff it out. maybe that’s a little mystical. siken would say even mastery without passion or courage produces “polished but lifeless” art, though, or the version of siken i’m projecting onto would. maybe he’d say passion and courage are necessary conditions for true mastery. probably he’d say it with less pretension. my buddy @letteredlettered calls this ‘putting your pussy into it’; i agree with her belief that this is the entire point of making art. what is a figurative pussy if not the most human, most intent, most feeling place a body has. putting your pussy into it is an intimate act. 

at any rate fic is storytelling, and web weaving, and often therefore confessional even when it's not explicitly so. in short i buy siken's room as the 'why' of a lot of art.

some additional context for my next point: it’s been a tough couple years, during which i’ve asked the question of “why can’t i do this” across almost every category of my life, along with “what’s it even for.” fanfiction and fandom as a hobby feel to me like something of a regression in the face of this difficulty; i’m retreating to something that was a safe part of my childhood and squeezing as much meaning out of it as i can. like almost all of my fixations, it’ll probably pass. in the meantime, i feel no small amount of shame about it: returning to YA generally; returning to harry potter in particular with all its cultural baggage; taking my hobby of writing emotionally elaborate intertextual porn for seven perverts on the internet incredibly, incredibly seriously. why can't i be goofy engaging in this goofy activity? why can’t i handle an activity with more innate rigor, more gravitas, more discipline? why can’t my hobby be weightlifting, or the history of constitutional law, or, jesus christ, writing original anything? (i would never dream of judging other people’s hobbies or fandom engagement this way, possibly with the exception of disney adults, and the reason for the former double standard is because if i’m compassionate, nonjudgmental, and understanding to myself the way i’m compassionate, nonjudgmental, and understanding to other people, i am no longer the specialest princess in all the land. simple.) 

but fic is art with training wheels, right? not just the scaffold of writing an intertext with existing IP, but community—a built-in audience, fellow writers with your preoccupations and tastes and kinks, people willing to go to the mat with you and your work. (fic is also simply a reason to yap, with everything that yapping can engender. fic has immeasurably enriched my twenty-year friendship with @or-dhuilleag, for instance, and brought me @flightspathfic and @garagepaperback, without whom i’m not sure i’d have made it through this midlife nadir.) 

one thing peculiar to the art of a beloved, revered, or widely read/viewed/experienced artist: 

siken earns the above platitude with the full force and grace of his afterword, which explores at length how his readers have transformed the meaning of his work in the twenty years since crush was first published. i think most fanworks by virtue of their niche intent & footprint, along with the ongoing conversation that comments etc make possible, are actually shared custody between author and reader—certainly unlike tradpub, fanworks can be tweaked and reworked by sneaking into the ao3 editor in the wee hours and fixing a sentence here and there. i’m sure other writers have different relationships to their work, but for me, at least, i feel intensely proprietary about mine. maybe in part because we are wandering together into a third person’s existing world & characters, i’m sharing my writing with you, not giving it to you. i would argue the former is more intimate than the latter.

one of the many pleasures of a friendship with @letteredlettered is her insight into what it’s meant to be read at scale—i can’t track down a pull quote in discord, and i’m sure she’ll correct me if i’m putting words into her mouth, but the gist is that there’s correlation between popularity and being pedestaled such that it’s no longer easy or inviting to be a part of fandom community. i wonder if the inflection point is around the scale at which people started treating her work with more entitlement than consideration.

what siken points to here is the question of who it’s for—whom it’s for. did it really never belong to him? arguing with louise at her kitchen table, had he already given it away to the reader?

(additional reading: compare siken’s take on crush with sufjan’s on carrie & lowell, wherein the full transfer of custody to the listener is because sufjan found the album to be a profound failure on his own terms even if it succeeded for the listener—“Maybe that's what's so frustrating about this record for me, is that I could see and feel and hear the evidence of my effort, and trying to make sense of it musically and structurally and narratively. But I knew deep down inside that I was dealing with something that was unresolvable, and that the final tapestry of the album was never really going to be a stand-in for my relationship with my mom. And that's OK. You kind of have to just live with the chaos of it. I don't want to disparage; I don't want to sound like I don't like this album. I think I want to disassociate from it. It ultimately has nothing to do with me anymore. The music is yours.")

--

what did it mean to siken, for gluck to meet his debut collection like this?

in the last few years, disappearing from my real life into the bowels of ao3, i have read probably fifty million words of fic (emotionally elaborate porn was only maybe forty-five million of it); almost to the exclusion of any other fundamental theme, we write obsessively, repetitively, and compulsively about intimacy. how and why to be close. how to allow it; how to earn it; how to risk it; how to tiptoe toward it, abandon it, reignite it, revel in it. it possesses us. for my money, the above passage is the most intimate thing i have ever read. his debut? a third of the book? twelve fucking hours as mother and son at her kitchen table?

this is what siken wanted us to know about this book that he believes belongs to us. the rest of the afterword guards his privacy closely, but this he wanted us to hear: that he brought it to a brilliant woman and she made it a taut new thing, made it nothing but the core of itself. that they did it together. it's pedigree, sure, but it's also the only new thing he told us about what wasn't on the page, for a poet who made a platform of the death of the author:

i think he told us a precious story, sharing this. what strange and sacred work they did. i get romantic about poets, i don't know. here, look at the whole setup:

look how they have sized each other up--"it was louise gluck," then "this was someone i could work with." "it was not the best in the pile...i kept thinking about yours, so i knew it had to be the one." and then finding, in person, that they are each a familiar size to the other, a familiar shape. look how seriously they take each other, finding the other worth the work. their measured esteem correctly and productively colluding.

i just fucking love editing, not that you'd really know from how this stream of consciousness wanders. i love it past it being the way to crystallize draft slop into meaning, i mean. i think it's the core of the intimacy that i find so shocking and exuberant in this hobby. my preoccupation is intimacy--maybe my whole hobby is intimacy. i open the doors of my google doc and let someone see me trying and failing, let them help me try again. it's an antidote to shame. it's an exchange of authority and power, it's showing them the half-cooked output of my brain and feeling their fingers muck around in there. help me fix my little story i dumped my entire heart and ass into! let's fight about it!

and lemme see what you're working on, lemme see how your language works, lemme listen so, so carefully for the core of what you're trying to tell me and whittle you back till it's all i can hear. lemme show you i'm worth the work. somebody come help me with that mixed metaphor. maybe part of the shame-antidote is because we're sinking all this effort into gay wandboys fisting. so indulgent! craft, baby. ambition, mastery, ardor. i mean god bless to everyone just vibing out, i'm often jealous.

look at siken shepherding us along here. my point ultimately--it’s not not kink. it lives close to the same place in my brain: being edited is the incandescent reward for the slog of drafting, which i truly despise. it's the well-lit kitchen table where someone i trust and fear drives me, hour over patient hour, towards a truer version of myself. i want them to carve me down to what is beautiful and necessary. i’m starved for it; i want it even before i put a single word on the page; i want to sit next to my friends and build every story from scratch with their attention and care and opinions on an iv line from their aorta to mine. can original writing have a process like this? can any other hobby? i am sincerely asking, because my interest in harry potter and draco malfoy absolutely has an expiration date. assume for the purposes of this question that an mfa is out of scope, you fucking perverts.

loop back to the why of writing. my fanfiction isn't going to be deathless literature: it does something else for me, right here, right now. siken writes to tell us, "i was in this room once. it is a difficult room. i left this on the table for you. i hope it helps." picture him in the difficult room. picture him at the table, reading aloud, his hands spreading the pages across the wood. picture gluck beside him, his brilliant twelve-hour mother, interrupting, arguing, helping. her attitude, his wire frames, winnowing down a third of his book. do you know more now about intimacy? is the room as difficult?

which is all to say: i'm writing something that’s due in a couple weeks. it’s one more story about why to be close. i want it to mean something. it means a lot to me, and i want it to mean something to you. i wrote this, too; i wrote it alone, but if you’re here at the end, i want to talk about it with you. tell me how i can make it better. tell me how we can make each other better.

[mejaemin]

como te quiero yo - h.js

chapter one ˖⁺‧₊˚✦

wc ✿₊⊹ 1.3k

synopsis ✿₊⊹ the relationship between rising artist joshua hong and you, popular beauty influencer, has finally come to light. this story follows you and your lover, living life happily despite whatever anyone says in the outside world.

warnings ✿₊⊹ established relationship, angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of hate/criticism, this is not an idol au, allusions to breaking up, it doesn’t happen tho !!! i love love and writing this made me feel single

author's note ✿₊⊹ happy birthday to shua !!! ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ i love this man so bad its not even funny. i couldn’t put it into words even if i tried. here’s a little something to celebrate his day ♡ it’s a little sad for a birthday gift so maybe (maybe) i’ll write smth happier for a proper one ??? until now enjoy this !!!

main masterlist | ctqy masterlist

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

it’s been just under two weeks since you and joshua have publicly announced your relationship and he’s already gone offline. it took months of discussion and procrastination out of fear, but with the support of both your teams, you decided to go public. it’s been almost a year since you got together, and it only feels right to say something. not everyone was happy, but you backed the decision up with the very unapologetic fact that you both were adults, fully developed ones at that, and to say either of you to really be single at this age would be a lie.

to say that joshua’s nerves were completely under control, you’d be lying. it’s not that he’s worried about disappointing anyone (though that’s still upsetting for him to think about), it’s more about the chance of fans not accepting it. they can whine and complain all they want, but for them to do so and then additionally ignore or stop being a fan would break his heart. it was already iffy for him to do something like this so early in his career, so for him to try something like this was quite dangerous.

don’t even get him started on you. you’ve already been popular on the internet for a while, and had millions of supporters across all platforms. you were loved by many, enough to feel comfortable with sharing the news. you waited for joshua to be ready, however, out of respect. when you first got together you revealed that you were no longer single, and for his own comfortability you kept it at that. ever supportive of his feelings, you stayed patient and waited for him to be ready to reveal whatever else he wanted to.

contrary to him, you were handling it well. with lots of experience, you were able to keep calm and ignore everyone’s negative comments. there were a few times where you were upset by comments towards your relationship, but again you weren’t afraid to clap back. joshua stayed silent, still afraid of upsetting anyone, but through the many couple photos and replies on live streams, you made sure everyone knew you weren’t quitting because a few people were unhappy.

enduring the past few weeks of this is what led you to where you are now, sitting across from each other at the dinner table of your shared home in silence as you eat. joshua’s non-dominant arm is stretched across the table holding your hand, his thumb leaving comforting strokes on the back of your palm. when you look at where you’re connected, the silver bracelet matching your own glimmers under the soft lighting of your dining room.

you’re really trying your hardest to stay strong for your lover, but it’s hard when you worry so much, especially with how he has yet to let you in. this is why you stay dead silent while eating, sacrificing your regular chitchat to make sure you don’t break. however, joshua puts his fork down and speaks up, calling your name in a soft whisper.

when you look up, he continues. “do you think we’re doing the right thing?”

you’re about to ask what he means when his eyes flicker to your bracelets and back up. the tears pool on your waterline as you respond. “us? of course we are, joshua. are you really thinking what i think you are?” the hurt in your voice couldn’t be hidden even if you tried.

his eyes widen and he immediately begins shaking his head. “n- no, baby, of course not. i just.. was now the right time?” when you finally manage to clear the tears in your eyes and look at him, he’s got a troubled look in his eyes as he bites at his lip.

you let go of his hand so you can get out of your seat. walking over to stand between his legs, you cradle his face in your palms and pull his lip from his teeth with your thumb. on instinct he wraps his arms around your waist and rests his chin on your stomach. you run your finger over his bottom lip, gliding over the teeth marks and reddened spots from being bitten at. you lean down to kiss his forehead, returning to your previous position to run your fingers through his hair.

your face is so full of love, trying so hard to show him how real your feelings are. your hands caress his skin with utmost care, knowing him well enough to be sure of the fact that there’s so much doubt and anxiety in his head that needs help being removed. he’s still new to this lifestyle, and so you coddle him that much more as he makes his adjustment. unfortunately, the start of his career was not so kind to him. you can only hope it gets better.

after a few beats of silence, joshua hides his face in your stomach, and you keep quiet to continue massaging his scalp. just a minute later you feel water begin to seep through your shirt, and his body shudders as he cries silently. you pull away, kneeling in front of him.

the sight in front of you makes your heart hurt, seeing the way he’s avoiding eye contact as tears continue to run down his cheeks. you bring your hands to either side of his face, thumbs gliding across his skin gently while wiping tears away.

“oh, love…” you start. just hearing your words has his head dipping down into his hands, his emotions getting the best of him.

you get up, leading him to your shared bedroom. laying down first, you invite him into your arms before covering your bodies in the comforter. he lays there on your chest for a few moments before clearing his throat, having calmed down.

“i just.. can’t stop reading comments, and i’m-“ he pauses, taking a deep breath. you return to stroking his hair, holding him close to your chest. “i’m worried that they’re right.”

you kiss his crown. “about what?”

“they think you could do better. that you could find someone bigger than me.” he speaks softly, almost mumbling.

“that’s not true, you know that.” you’re immediately shooting the idea down, refusing to let it even become something bigger.

“but seriously. i’m an inconvenience to you. if you were with someone who was as popular as you, you’d probably get support. but everyone’s mad because i’m just some random guy.” he’s sitting up now, looking into your eyes. it’s always been a thing for him to speak with you directly about serious things.

you grab his hands, holding them tightly in your own. the little magnet attached to the end of your bracelets comes together, and you can’t help but smile at it. “you’re not just some random guy, you’re my amazing boyfriend who could never ever be an inconvenience to me. i don’t care about how popular you are, because you make me feel so happy. you’re literally everything i could ever ask for, and truthfully, i’d rather have you than anyone of my status because they’re all assholes.”

he nods, choosing to stay silent. you squeeze his hands in silent reassurance, and he does the same. you speak up once again, “you don’t inconvenience me. you make my life infinitely better, shua. please don’t listen to them, okay?”

he takes one hand away to wipe his eyes one last time before looking at you, smiling softly. “okay.” he pulls you into a hug, your heart-shaped magnets splitting, your real ones connecting in your embrace. “thank you so much darling, for everything. i’m very lucky to have you.”

you pull your head away to kiss him, soft and full of love. “of course, love. i’ll always be here for you, and we’ll survive this. i’ll make sure of it.”

he hums, not responding in favor of keeping you in his arms. you stay just like that for the rest of the night, in each other’s arms. it started out rough, but ended so much better. words of affirmation are all that were needed to begin the process of healing wounds, and it proves that you’re right. nobody is being inconvenienced, and your love runs deep enough to prove that this is only a minor road bump, and everything will smooth out in the near future.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

taglist ✿₊⊹ empty… 💔

[liliavanrougelover]

If it's ok, could you please write the vice housewardens with an s/o who treats their housewarden the way sebek does malleus!!! (so with jade for example, the reader would be a huge azul fan, just to clarify :3) platonic with ortho ofc

-🍩

Housewarden's fan

Characters: All vice-housewardens (Platonic Ortho) (Ruggie is Savanaclaw's honorary vice-housewarden)

A/N: This took longer than I wanted. I'm a top-tier procrastinator.

Trey Clover:

He’s really thrown off

He’s happy that you like Riddle, but he wasn’t expecting it

And he definitely didn’t expect you to tell him that you’re a fan of Riddle

And if you’re as intense about it as Sebek is with Malleus, it will definitely throw both of them off so much

Riddle himself won’t know how to feel

“That was amazing, Riddle! You’re so talented.” He just poured a cup of tea. What do you mean?

Riddle does get an ego boost from it. It won’t show but he’ll feel so good about himself

Trey is just happy that you two get along

Ruggie Bucchi:

“Join the club.”

Ruggie isn’t a fan of Leona (obviously) but he’s aware that Leona has a fan club

Leona’s a prince, of course he has a fan club

Leona has to ban you from Savanaclaw because of how intense you are

You’re gushing about how cool he is to someone else and gets so creeped out over it

Ruggie messes with Leona about it, but also asks you to tone it down so you can come back to his dorm

Do you expect him to study all alone?

He’s also a little weirded out about it, but not to the point that he’d leave you because of it

He sometimes gets a little pouty because it feels like you like Leona more than him, even though he knows you don’t

Jade Leech:

Well, of course you’d be an Azul fan

Shut up, Jade. We all know you’re secretly surprised

He’s unfazed, to be honest

He will accuse you of liking Azul more than him to get kisses

He’s a little shit like that (affectionate)

When Jade actually gets jealous, he’ll just drag you out on a hike

Floyd also teases you for being an Azul fan

Azul will use it to get more money

Jamil Viper:

No

No

He can’t deal with this. Please

Say it’s a joke, say sike

The one person that he loves more than anything else is a Kalim fan

You tell him this and he just walks away. Literally turns around and walks away

He’s so conflicted

On one hand, he loves you. On the other hand, you’re a fan of Kalim

Don’t bring it up around him ever again, please

Rook Hunt:

Him too

You tell him you're a fan of Vil and he’s just like “Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be?”

You and him will sometimes just gush about Vil. Whether it be how pretty he looks today, his acting, his singing. Anything

And Vil…

“There’s another one…” -Vil

Rook wil also rant about Neige to you, even if you aren’t a fan of his

Ortho Shroud:

His best friend is a fan of his brother?

Well then, do you want to meet him?

Come over to Ignihyde and he’ll introduce… He’ll try, at least

Idia doesn’t let you into his room under any circumstances

Ortho brings you over and Idia is having a heart attack

Ortho tried

Lilia Vanrouge:

Immediately compares you to Sebek

He also introduces you to Sebek now you guys are friends

He’s happy that you like Malleus and Sebek (and Silver)

He’s just listening as you tell him all the things you like about Malleus

He just this soft little smile on his face

[manhattanstrawberry]

𝙄𝙣 𝙋𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙚 ━━ 𝙆. 𝙎𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙨𝙖

Synopsis: It’s been going on for a while now, the feeling of your skin on his has him losing his mind—wanting more than whatever this is, but he’ll be patient, hoping that soon this will be much more.

Tags: fwb kiyoomi🗣️, mutual pining, suggestive content, aftercare

Word count: 871

Author's Note: omg I had this idea the other day and finally decided to stop procrastinating and write it. I would love to flesh out the idea some more and do a series eventually. I hope you enjoy!!ღ

The air is cool and frigid and the feeling of your hands grabbing onto his shoulder a few moments ago lingers on his skin, providing him a pint of warmth as the blanket stretches across his hips. The waves in his hair are loose and dishevelled, some of the strands pointing in different directions than others, though he just looks like he’s in the middle of walking a runway or photoshoot— something you constantly tell him after your fingers make a mess out of his hair, his usual neat look casted away by your touch.

He sits up slightly on his elbows and looks to his left. Your bare back and the goosebumps that litter your skin every second you leave the blanket laid across your hips instead of pulling them up, greet him, urging him to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you to his chest to keep you warm.

You’re turned away from him, reaching for something in the nightstand, probably the little chocolates you always bring around his apartment and leave in any decorative bowl you can find.

He wishes you’d stop, he loves the chocolates (and you) and he's strict with his nutrition but everytime he catches a glimpse of the shiny red wrapper he finds himself indulging in your temptation. 

His suspicions are confirmed when he hears the familiar crinkling of the chocolate wrapper. You flop back on your back and bring the blankets up to your chest, folding the wrapper neatly before popping the sweet in your mouth. You’re staring at the ceiling and he looks down at you from his position. You’re beautiful and he wants to get back on you and remind you by kissing every inch, but he stops himself. The red mark blooming across his neck burns and reminds him of the situation at hand. 

“I think we should stop this Kiyoomi.” You sigh before a light chuckle slips past your lips. “It’s a bit crazy for us, no?” 

The smile doesnt leave your face as you turn your head to him and raise your eyes to look at his face. Of course he looks perfect even after hours of tugging at his hair and grasping onto him as if he's the last drop of water on earth. 

But sometimes that's exactly how it feels. 

And you’re not sure how much longer you can keep pretending. 

“I mean—gosh, imagine if our friends found out. I can’t imagine what Astumu would say if he were to ever find out about this!” You're laughing softly at the thought of friends finding out and how’d they react. 

“So what? It’s none of their business.” The blanket shifts as he pushes his body down to the bed, lying flat on his back. Kiyoom’s confused and he doesn’t intend on keeping his opinion locked away on this. “If you want to stop, fine but don’t let it be because you're thinking about others and what they'll think of it.” 

You pout at his words, watching as a pout of his own settles on his lips a heavy sigh leaving him afterwards. 

His skin feels a little warmer and he can feel your breath on his arm, you've moved closer to him and your hand reaches out for him. 

“Don’t get upset.” You give him a soft smile as your finger glides across his bicep, reaching for his jaw. Your hand settles on his jaw, turning his face towards you and there's a frown on his face, the one he makes when he's not particularly happy but he's not particularly angry either. His lips stay shut and he feels the need to close his eyes as he feels your finger move up his jaw reaching to his hair. 

“We can stop if you want to.” A whisper leaves your lips. The heaviness in his eyes immediately disappears and he looks at you with an expression you're not sure you have the skills to decipher.

“I don't want to.” His eyes flicker to your lips before focusing back on your eyes. “But if you want…?” 

“No! No, I mean no, I don’t want to. I was just thinking that— well, you know.” He looks at you with a blank expression telling you, No I don’t without needing to move his lips. “I was just thinking about it from an outside perspective I guess. It just doesn’t seem like—well us?” 

“Well it is us.” 

“I guess so.”

The soft smile never leaves your face and he’s got a gentle smile of his own as you move even closer to him. He closes his eyes, relishing in the moment, he's warm and he’s got you by his side. And although his body is only the tip of the iceberg of things he wants to share with you in life, he keeps quiet. 

He decides that for now, he’ll be grateful for what he has at the moment and one day you’ll feel for him as he does for you. 

(Although his patience is thinning.)

You watch his eyes flutter lightly as he relaxes more into the sheets, completely oblivious. Wishing for him to be yours, seems to be just a dream. 

But for those few hours on those days, he's yours. And you’re hoping that he’ll be yours everyday.

© manhattanstrawberry please do not plagiarize or repost my work

[greghatecrimes]

it's 12:30 am and i'm procrastinating sleeping because i took my adhd meds late this morning so:

in my headcanons there are five main categories of ways Thirteen's life could pan out after "Everybody Dies":

1. "The Good Place(s)" -> House writes Thirteen a letter and clues her into the fact that he isn't actually dead because he knows how much his offer to kill her means to her. She receives the letter around the same time Foreman finds House's ID in his office (so not long after the funeral at all). She gets to rest assured that he's going to be there when the time comes, and then is able to spend the rest of her time traveling with Amy, having fun, seeing the world, and filling her life with as much joy as possible. When she starts to get more symptomatic, House makes his presence known and reminds her that he's going to keep his promise. He euthanizes her when she says she's ready. She and Amy have had a handful of happy years together, but did so much in that time that they both have enough memories together to last a lifetime<3

2. "In the Dirt" -> Basically what I have been/am writing in ITD. Thirteen spirals after the funeral because House is no longer there to euthanize her. She can't bear the thought of asking someone else to do that for her and so she starts to feel hopeless, realizing she'll decline the same way her mom did. She ghosts Amy and starts drinking and partying herself into oblivion and is passively suicidal. House finds her before she can do something stupid and is there for her. The rest will be in my fic. Check it out if you like, it's on ao3 <3 I don't want to spoil the rest of the details and plot in one single post (am always happy to chatter about plot/details/etc or answer questions though!), but I will say this: the ending is soft and as positive as possible. ❤️

3. Chase Route(s) -> As soon as Chase hears Thirteen's eulogy at House's funeral, he knows what he needs to do. He gets her alone and immediately promises her that he'll euthanize her when the time comes, that he's not asking her if she wants him to, he's telling her that he's gonna be there for her and do it in House's stead. And Thirteen can accept that (after a lot of emotions) because Chase knows what it's like to willingly and purposely end a life. He knows exactly what he's signing up for and what he'll have to live with after she's gone.

4. Foreman route(s) -> Very similar to the Chase route, only Foreman got to Thirteen first after the funeral instead of Chase, and offered to euthanize her in place of House. I genuinely think he cares enough about her to offer. We never got Foreteen closure after 7x01 and I'm forever kinda bitter about it. They were friends! They had a deep and meaningful relationship even after they broke up! Foreteen (platonic or romantic), they could never make me hate you.

5. "The Bad Place(s)" -> I really don't think about these ones. Ever. It just makes me too sad. This is where I file all of the hcs people post about House killing himself immediately after Wilson dies. You cannot convince me that he wouldn't at least ask Foreman to make sure Thirteen had someone who'd be there to euthanize her before he ended it like that. In canon, he cares about Thirteen too fucking much to abandon her like that. See: The Dig, Charity Case, Holding On, etc.

There's a bunch more possibilities I could've listed, but I feel like these are the *main* categories that most scenarios can roughly fit into (or be similar to). anyways. lmao you can see how much I think about most of these. I was playing deltarune chapter three earlier and I guess that's why I'm thinking about all of the alternate universes tonight, all of the dozens of ways timelines could play out. it's interesting to think about (and emotional, but who doesn't need some good feels and catharsis every now and then?)

[2tsuuuun2]

Heh Season 2 episode 10 was the start of my contemplation of the idea of Charming gold and pala being potential friends.

I mean, we all know that the reason charming gold chose to team up with pala is for the upcoming stage with the guardians, and really its the start for Charming Gold to form an opinion on pala and notice his presence.

For how the series emphasize the fact that even pala's friends had forgotten he was participating in the movie. I think that's the first step if anything. There's also the fact that CG (his name is a mouthful istg) basically admitted to my funky little mind that he finds pala one of the least tolerable out of the running men.

And then we have CG whole situation of turning into a Pululu in pursuit for power and discovering that Pala's special herbal mixture can reverse the effects.

now time to enter the realm of fanfic-ism, I'll say that after the events of Season 2 Part 2 CG has been trying and failing (cartoon logic style) to steal Pala's cane continuously and eventually schemed that it's much more effective to LEARN how to make that mixture from scratch.

So, he decided to declare himself Pala's roommate in the duration of pala's stay in tree city (assuming the fact that the running men are staying there longer for popo to miss his home tribe's beaches.) With Pala's personality of going along with stuff I think the potential duo would've just generated mild chaos, as CG acting as Pala's shoulder demon.

And I also think that Pala just doesn't have much of a hateful bone in his body towards anyone really. I think the only opinions of CG Pala has been "the guy who is desperate for power" and "the 1000-year-old person".

Though, CG can try learning the mixture via watching Pala do whatever (like a creep :PP) It'll take him very long to realize that he needs a staff made from the wood of the soul tree for the mixture to even work as effective as Pala's. (Oh that prev. sentence is for later ramble posts for this fandom.)

now at the end, as close to the series as possible the running men has to defeat a God to save the world, and that God decided to terminate Pala first and its up for CG if he wants to save Pala or not.

nghhhhh such a FUN idea I hope I didn't mischaracterize these two but then again its still fun to type this daydream despite potential mischaractered.

...I want a fanfic of this now the problem is just the possibility of procrastinating on it hard to the point of losing love for the series and also being suck at writing in general...

[fictionalsownme]

Do you have any tips that you're willing to share when it comes to writing Wilford? Like, tips to keep writing him as in character as possible?

Hi! I’d love to share some tips!! 🥰 Wil is pretty hard to write for to be honest ^^" It can be easy to fall out of the rhythm of his character since he's just so strange of a guy haha but I guess that's what makes him fun too! each of the points ended up pretty long so hopefully I didn't get too ramble-y!

anyway! hopefully some of these pointers help out! 💞

some disclaimers really quick: all of these are my own interpretation but by no means does anyone have to follow these or do I think I'm right or anything like that! also, this is for wmlw!wilford since I pretty much only write for him so far :) let's get into it!

Wil has two modes depending on how grounded he is. The first is a go-with-the-flow airhead who has no idea what's going on and is completely unbothered by this. Everything just washes right over him, and he seems to think everyone else is like this too. He speaks in non-sensical idioms half the time, each sentence only barely connecting to the last. His accent is pretty over the top in this headspace too! The second is when he's a bit more grounded, probably leaning more Colonel than Wilford. In my writing, he gets like this when he's reminded of his past (similar to wmlw), forced to be present in the current moment, or emotional in some way, etc. His accent is less subtle and more typically british, and he speaks in longer, more logical sentences.

Stress the right words in his dialogue. This one might just be a quirk of my writing style because I love to overuse italics as you can probably tell haha but Wil emphasizes really random words when he speaks, so even just sprinkling it in every once in awhile I feel like adds a lot!

Don't forget his body language. In a similar vein to the previous point, Mark's performance of Wilford is reallyyy physical, and dependent on his mannerisms. How he moves his hands is a big one, they hang in the air or land in interesting spots. Same for his expressions, how he tilts his head, how he sits and walks around, etc. Don't forget to keep him moving often unless he's still for a specific reason (scared, thinking, etc).

Have Wilford 'MOTHERLOVING' Warfstache on standby. I play wmlw pretty much on a loop & on silent in the background while I write him if I feel like I'm struggling to get him right. The way Mark acts him is so specific with his voice and his mannerisms and everything so having the video to refer back to is super helpful even just to get the vibe down. Sometimes I'll watch the whole thing start to finish before I start my writing session, though,, maybe I'm procrastinating hehe

Try to balance his humor, sweetness, and attractiveness. This one is a little weird, and probably depends on your preferences and what kind of fic you're writing, but for me, these are the main aspects of Wil's personality I like to focus on. Like, let's not forget, he's totally ridiculous. But he also seems very sensitive, and you know... he's hot. He's a goofball! I found myself forgetting the funnier side of his personality while I was working on my fic so I figured I'd throw it in :)

He's not as violent as he used to be. so it's clear that Wil doesn't have the temper that he did as the Colonel, but I like to take it a step further and say that once we reach WMLW, he doesn't struggle as much with violence. This is a bit more headcanon territory but Wil's violence post-WKM was based in a (mis?)understanding that death isn't real in this world. I think that plus his desensitization to violence eventually brought him full circle all the way back around to just being kind of passive. He's not scared of violence or guns at all (ie kissing Abe's gun) but he doesn't really bother with them himself either. I just like him as kind of a harmless clueless puppy idk 👉👈 hehe

I hope these helped, and lmk if you have any more questions! I like rambling about my boy(s) kikiki 💞 thanks for the ask!

[chronologicalimplosion]

20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

I know this isn't exactly a fandom blog anymore and I don't really post about my fanfic much these days (maybe I should?) but @waterme-stories tagged me so the laws of the universe say I gotta. And I'm procrastinating my real work. Hi, Water!! It was really fun to read yours, thanks for the tag. <3

1. How many works on AO3?

49! A good chunk of em are drabbles, which I don't write much anymore. Definitely not a majority of the fic I've ever written, though, even though I've had ao3 for ages (long enough that my earliest fics are basically unreadable to me now). It's still wild to realize I don't have any doctor who fic up that's longer than a drabble.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

121,420

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

Great Minds (Spiderman/Deadpool)

Room for the Heart to Grow (Our Flag Means Death, Ed/Stede)

On and Off the Clock (Spiderman/Deadpool)

Lighthouse (On the Shores of the River Styx) (Spiderman/Deadpool)

Who Knew Debate was a Contact Sport? (Spiderman/Deadpool)

I'm going to give an honorable mention to Sowing Discord, the David/Patrick Schitt's Creek fic at #6 that was at the time felt like an absolutely unbelievable amount of engagement. It's not SC's fault the fandom was smaller!

Kinda insane that there's no homestuck on this list, cause those only got knocked off the #1 and #2 spots of my fics-by-hits list late last year. But the spideypool fandom is just that strong. I posted contact sport this year.

4. What fandoms do you write for?

I go through a lot of phases, and sometimes I go back to old loves. These days, most of what I post is Spideypool or Bill & Ted, but I've been writing a bunch of Leverage and early MCU fic as well, lately, and I just started outlining a Monster Prom fic I'm hoping to write for the @fourormore bingo even if it seems like the fanfic scene for those games never got off the ground.

My previous two big fandoms were Schitt's Creek and Our Flag Means Death. I still write some OFMD fic occasionally--I have a Jim/Olu-focused ot4 ficlet that is...... absolute filth and I'd like to have it done but there's a lot of other stuff I've been plunking away at, too. I'm not sure I'm ever going to write for Schitt's Creek again.

The only pre-ao3 fandoms I'm likely to pickup again are Danny Phantom and Doctor Who, but you never know. I love trying new fandoms for short challenges and stuff.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! Eventually. A lot of the time it's really energizing for me and then sometimes I just. Am too overwhelmed by the rest of the world. But I love getting comments, a single comment mentioning something specific that the reader liked feels way more real to my brain than like 200 kudos, so I try to leave and respond to comments as often as I can.

6. Angstiest Ending?

I don't really write angsty endings that often. I've been accused of being way Angstier than I intended with Lighthouse, and that one's not done yet, so..... yeah, that's a cop-out lol. I will finish it, though!! I promise!! I'm just so slow.

Probably The Best Revenge is Living, which was an OFMD fic about Jim finding out their Nana died during Ed's between-seasons Kraken Period. Ed is trying to care about Jim, trying to help them without showing too much weakness, but he also does use the threat of violence against a loved one to trap a grieving Jim on board the Revenge. It's sorta loving, sorta codependent, just... hurt and messy. But everybody makes it. I think in some ways I felt more free to write it like that cause it wasn't a shippy fic. I should do more of those.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

Hmm. This feels harder to quantify. My two shmoopiest fics in general are Room for the Heart to Grow and Skin To Skin, which are both Ed/Stede fics because those two make me an absolute sap it turns out.

But I think the one with the happiest ending, specifically, the one that had to work for it a little bit, is probably the Schitt's Creek fic Since Always Til Forever. David and Patrick certainly spend a lot of time talking about Happy Endings, at least.

8. Do you get hate?

No, I don't think I ever have on ao3. I've been incredibly lucky. But I'm also just not that big of a name in any of my fandoms, which I suspect helps.

9. Do you write smut?

It's a pretty new development still, but. Yeah. I really came out of the gate swinging with Skin To Skin.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! When an idea really strikes me. Not many have gotten to see the light of day, though. I do really wanna write a Doctor Who/Bill & Ted Crossover, and I have PLANS for a Leverage + Spideypool fic.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. That would be cool! I have gotten comments in other languages, that's always nice.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

Sorta, once, though there's only two chapters. So Glide Away On Soapy Heels was a silly Homestuck/MCU crossover shipping (beta) Mom Lalonde and Tony Stark. IIrc Shi and I brainstormed it, I wrote the first chapter more-or-less intending it to be a oneshot, she sort-of-surprised me with the chapter 2, and we were planning to alternate chapters but I don't know that I ever actually knew where I was going next.

I used to write like that all the time for original fiction in like middle and high school, but these days I find the particular guilt-spiral having a coauthor creates when I don't have time/spoons to go as fast as I'd like to be a real nasty trap.

14. All time favorite ship?

Stealing @waterme-stories' answer to say I'm way too poly for this.

I'm going to say MCU Bruce/Tony. I'm such a sucker for gay scientists. I lowkey shipped it before I was done working through my internalized homophobia enough to read or write slash. I used to RP Bruce. I can still pick them back up and start writing with no preamble. And also it's so under-represented in my bookmarks and I've apparently never published a science bros/boyfriends fic. But I love them, your honor.

If you were wondering what ship dominates my bookmarks, though, it's Stucky. Which I only started reading like three years ago. There's just so much truly incredible Stucky fic.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I usually try not to post things I'm not relatively sure I'll be able to finish, these days, although I know Lighthouse has been sitting for uh. Quite a while. I promise I'm getting back to it. I just. Need to finish a couple of Bill & Ted WIPs first.

Most of the WIPs I've actually abandoned are because I'm not inspired to write in the fandom anymore, and I feel like I've gotten too out of touch with the characters. All my old homestuck fic is in that boat.

Out of the recent-ish stuff that I did start posting, probably the biggest bummer is If You Want to Survive, which was my messy Stede/Izzy fic where they both grew up at the same boarding school and Izzy made Stede worse. I had big plans. That fandom got kinda weird to be in. I think I'm probably just letting that one go.

I also had soooooo much stuff outlined in the Edit Wars series, which was my trans!David Rose Schitt's Creek AU where the Blouse Barn opened back up under a new name except they could never settle on a new name, and Patrick took a job there instead. And I'm not saying never on that one, and thankfully since it was a series of vignettes I don't have any cliffhangers or incomplete fics, but there's basically no Wendy!! I had plans for Wendy!! And her daughter!! And for more David & Alexis scenes!! Ugh, let's be real, one extremely enthused Schitt's Creek friend could get me back on that bandwagon.

But I'm starting stuff all the time. There's so much stuff I've started, gotten invested in, outlined, realized it was going to be too long, and then never gotten off the ground with. My Jim Jimenez Ella Enchanted AU is pretty damn high on the list of ones I'm bummed I'll probably never actually write.

16. Writing strengths?

I think I write sensations really well. Flavors, body-feelings, pain. The stuff that sits right at the skin, the way it feels to be in a room. I'm also pretty good at one-on-one fight scenes and group dialogue. I think I have a knack for capturing character voices, and having characters with sticky voices is often what draws me to keep writing in a fandom past the initial idea. I can be incredibly concise when I need to be, honed by drabble-writing and poetry, although I'm out of the habit more and more lately because my betas keep telling me to leave everything in.

I also get told that I'm funny. I'm always surprised to learn this when I start getting comments, but it makes sense.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

I don't write many long fics. It's hard for me to stick with stuff past the initial intertia and balance the tone/emotions for that long. It's really hard for me to just shrug off the details and keep things moving, even when that's the tone of the source material. I struggle with describing action that's not in some way intimate (hence the bit about being good at writing one-on-one fight scenes lol) or describing a space clearly rather than emotionally/evocatively. Any time a character needs pop culture references I'm absolutely screwed. Idk why I keep writing Deadpool. Send help.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

These days I really don't have strong opinions or well-formed thoughts. I try not to do it unless it's like a well-known saying or a couple of words. Sometimes I'll do that for Spanish or French, if it's something I happen to already know, but normally I'll just specify in the prose what language it was in. I do not have the time, skills, or resources to properly translate fanfic into a language I don't speak.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

In my memory, it was Star Wars Prequel fic that featured baby Anakin getting whisked off to some multiverse. I wrote it out on the family computer and saved it to a flash drive.

First fic I actually posted anywhere once I knew about online fandom was Twilight fanfic where there was an insert character of my best friend. I'm not sure I even changed her name, actually.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

If I can't pick literally all of Edit Wars then I think I'm going to have to pick Learn To Live On Less. Some of the Things Some of the Time is an extremely, extremely close second.

God, who do I know on tumblr who writes fanfic still. @qwanderer @writingfish @mattholicguilt @chocolatepot @thistleraven

[youcouldmakealife]

are there any unexpected challenges when moving between two such tonally different works as sait and cott at the same time?

Interestingly, it's sort of the opposite! I've learned that having a tonally serious series at the same time as a more lighthearted one is great because I can work on either depending on my mood and what headspace I'm willing and able to enter at the time.

The stories of the week and the month also help for that -- they're much easier to pop in and out of versus the series, which tend to involve longer writing sessions and a lot more 'editing as I go' than the stories of the week, which are done in short sessions or sometimes, if it's clicking well, in big chunks or even all at once (the dream).

But having two series that are so different kind of counters my excuses? 'Oh I'm not in a Holden headspace today, he's too up tempo and frenetic' can be countered, quite easily, with 'may I interest you in the saddest man in the world, then?'. It's actually nice with alternating POVs too, because, barring my not knowing what comes in the next part, the answer could also be 'how about some James, then?'.

So depending on how my writing's going, I could have just one upcoming part in the works or like, bits and pieces of five (especially toward the beginning or end of series; I probably have snippets from 5 or 6 upcoming parts of SAIT right now, because we've reached the final 15% or so), all because whatever my brain wants to write, that's what we're writing.

The result of that is that I'm now pretty consistently productive, when, if I force myself to focus on one thing, that could either go well, or it could mean I get fuck all done. (mostly the latter)

I've had some pretty major breakthroughs since I started doing this professionally, since 'don't feel like it' is all well and fine for your hobbies, which should be providing you joy, but not so much when it comes time to pay the bills. Part of it is treating it as work (not the 'ugh, work' part, though sometimes, unfortunately, that's true, even if it's your passion, but the 'I don't feel like doing <insert task>, but I've got to do it anyway to because it's my job' part of work.)

One of the biggest breakthroughs was ignoring 90% of writing advice (and productivity advice, and frankly, general advice) as not applicable to me, rather than thinking I'm a failure at following said advice (which so often is just people writing what works for them and acting like it's a universal tenet and not simply a process that works for them).

Knowing my brain is literally wired differently has been really helpful in accepting that, not blaming myself for it, and going to find the things that do work for me. And I've found a bunch! That I will get into later because I...have turned this into productive procrastination (one of my most commonly used strategies) and I should be writing at the moment.

But later! I'll post some things that work for me, and may or may not work for you, who knows, none of this is cut and dry, we're all making it up as we go, even (especially) the people who claim otherwise.

[actuallyadhd]

Book: The Procrastination Equation Subtitle: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done Author: Piers Steel, PhD Publisher: Random House Canada Year: 2010

This isn't going to be a really formal book review or anything, I just thought I'd provide you guys with the pertinent information, in case you want to read it yourselves. :)

So, basically, Piers Steel is an industrial psychologist who specializes in procrastination. He teaches at the University of Calgary, in the Haskayne School of Business. He started studying procrastination because he procrastinated, so once again we have an expert who used his own problems to influence his studies. :D

The procrastination equation isn't a real equation - that is, it's not something you can plug actual numbers into and figure out what your procrastination number is. It's more of a theoretical approach to the definition of procrastination, that explains how and why people procrastinate. Written as a mathematical equation, it looks like the picture at the top of this post.

In other words, what we expect to receive for a task, multiplied by its intrinsic value (to us), all divided by how impulsive we are times how far away the due date is, equals how motivated we are to actually work on the task in question. The less motivated we are, the more we're going to put it off. This is why so many post-secondary papers are written the night before they're due: the papers are assigned months ahead of time, there is no certain expectancy of a good grade, and young adults are rather impulsive and don't really like working hard on things anyway. So the motivation to write the paper is really low until just before it's due.

One of the things I found really interesting about this book was the stuff about how brain function affects procrastination. Basically, it's the conflict between the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex that buggers us up. In reading about this, I kept thinking to myself, "he's describing ADHD!" but he never uses the term once, in the entire book.

The limbic system is the part of our brain that makes us do things when we want to do them. It's basically the seat of impulsivity. (Oh, by the way, he uses the word "impulsiveness" throughout the book. I prefer "impulsivity," even if my spell checker doesn't believe it's a word.) The limbic system is perfect for a hunter-gatherer society. Of course, evolution means that we are always perfectly designed for the environment we no longer live in. :)

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that deals with executive functioning. It's where we make plans, follow through on plans, and all that other great stuff that is basically contrary to the nature of the limbic system.

On to the practical stuff...

First there was a self-assessment quiz (it's in chapter two, if you decide to read the book). People procrastinate because they have low expectancy, low value, or high impulsivity. As it turns out, my problem is mostly with impulsivity. In other words, I postpone doing things until the last minute because other stuff keeps catching my attention. I do the other things first, not because I don't think the first tasks are important (value) or will pay off in the end (expectancy) but because whatever it is that I end up doing instead is just way more interesting in the moment--long-term thinking just isn't my strong suit. (I'm pretty sure this is due to ADHD because I would always do all the research for a paper right when it was assigned, and then sit on my notes and let things percolate until the night before it was due. So I'd be completely prepared for the assignment and not complete it, even though I had everything I needed in order to do so.)

Chapters 7-9 are the ones that have the actual practical approaches to combat procrastination. I took notes on all of them, but of course not all of them are techniques that are going to be useful for me. I'm going to copy my notes anyway, though, because some of you guys might get something out of it, too. :)

Each bold header below has to do with a reason for doing something; the italicized sub-headers are the names of the ways you can deal with problems in that area, and are followed by explanations of how the methods work.

Expectancy

Success Spirals (+)

Set an ongoing series of challenging but ultimately achievable goals; maximize motivation and make the achievement meaningful.

Think of an area of life of real interest and strive to improve just a little beyond your current skill set.

Break town the tasks that daunt you into smaller and smaller pieces. Keep formal track of your progress. Count your successes.

Vicarious Victory (+)

Find an inspirational role model and/or a positive social peer group.

Seek inspiration from stories or others; it is easier to believe in yourself if you are surrounded by people who believe in themselves--or you!

Join a community, service, or professional organization.

Start your own support group; can be anyone, as long as it is mutually encouraging friends.

Wish Fulfillment (+)

Visualization, either mental contrasting (what you want vs what you have) or creative visualization (what you want, as per The Secret; not as effective as contrasting).

Think about the life you want; focus on just one aspect (break it down!); elaborate on what makes it attractive (e.g., diary, collage, quiet concentration); mentally contrast future with present, focusing on the gap.

Plan for the Worst, hope for the Best (-)

Rather than believing you can entirely and easily beat the problem of procrastination, believe that you can beat it down.

Determine what could go wrong, reflect honestly on past experiences, and ask for advice; list ways you habitually procrastinate and post it where you work; avoid pre-determined risks as much as possible; develop a recovery plan ahead of time; use the recovery plan.

Accept that You're Addicted to Delay (-)

Acknowledge powerlessness over procrastination: truly acknowledging that any single failure of willpower inevitably leads to the collapse of all your self-control gives you far more motivation than believing that occasional lapses can be safely contained.

Keep a daily log of procrastination habits; acknowledge that a weak will is the biggest problem, and "just once" is the beginning of the end; accept that the first delay justifies all the rest of them.

Value

Games and Goals

Finding the balance between the difficulty of your task and your ability to do it is a key component for creating flow, a state of total engagement.

The rist of procrastination diminishes when tasks are relevant, instrumentally connected to topics and goals of personal significance.

You need a string of future goals that you find intrinsically motivating to hook your present responsibilities onto.

Frame long-term goals in terms of the success you want to achieve (approach goal) rather than the failure you want to prevent (avoidance goal).

Make tasks more challenging; connect tasks to long-term goals (what you find intrinsically motivating); frame goals in terms of what you want to achieve rather than what you want to avoid.

Energy Crisis

Spoons (mental and physical).

Do difficult tasks at peak performance times; don't get hungry; exercise lots; make sleep predictable; respect your limitations.

You Should See the Task I'm Avoiding

Doing other things instead of the thing we're supposed to be doing - getting things done, but not the "right" thing.

Identify something you've been putting off, then things that are more enjoyable and do them instead/first.

Double or Nothing

Procrastinators tend not to reward themselves for getting things done.

Anticipated rewards make the work more enjoyable, which helps winning.

List rewards you can self-administer, promise yourself these rewards; consider ways of making tasks more enjoyable (pairing) without overriding the work.

Let Your Passion be Your Vocation

Finding work you want to do is a major step toward avoiding procrastination.

http://online.onetcenter.org/find/descriptor/browse/Interests

Look at careers involving activities you love or like doing; filter out all the occupations for which you don't possess skill or ability; rank by demand.

http://careervision.org

Impulsivity

Commit Now to Bondage, Satiation, and Poison

As you get closer to a temptation, your desire for it peaks, allowing the temptation to trump later but better options.

Throw away the key: eliminate the alternatives.

SatiationL meet your needs in a safe and managed manner before they intensify and take control (schedule recreational activities first, then add chores - "unschedule").

Try poison: punish failure.

http://www.stickk.com/

Identify your temptations, then...

Put them out of reach or far away;

Satisfy your needs first; or

Add disincentives to make them unattractive.

Making Paying Attention Pay

Inside out: pay attention please!

Frame in terms of abstract and symbolic features.

Ascribe negative qualities and consequences.

Outside in: now you see it, now you don't.

Regain stimulus control by making it harder to access or even notice the temptations.

Declutter and replace the clutter with triggers for tasks you usually procrastinate on.

Make workplace a cue by working until motivation disappears; then go elsewhere to goof off (this could be just another profile ont he same computer so you have to log off and back in if you are going to goof off).

Use covert sensitization to make distractions less inviting; focus on abstract aspects of temptations; eliminate cues; replace distraction cues with work-related cues; compartmentalize work and play as much as possible.

Scoring Goals

The finish line is just ahead.

Set corporeal goals with real deadlines, use mini-goals to get started on a task, structure the goals so that they are appealing (i.e., inputs [time invested] vs outputs [what's produced]).

Full automatic.

Intentionally adopt a routine; make an explicit intention to act (if-then is pretty good for this).

Frame your goals in specific terms so that you know precisely when you have to achieve them; break down long-term goals into a series of short-term objectives; organize your goals into routines that occur regularly at the same time and place.

"Optimal self-control involves not the denial of emotions but a respect for them."

[littleplantfreak]

~Mari's 100 Follower Event~

Hi! I made it to 100 followers which is quite the feat y'know. So although I don't normally take requests I figure it'd be refreshing to try it out! I'll just cut it off at 15 requests (if I even get that many lol) and I'll post to let everyone know when I've reached that number. Otherwise I'll just end it on Monday with however many I get.

Here's the do's, don'ts, and won'ts!

My blog is primarily Wind Breaker, so although it's silly for me to have to say, I'd like to be safe and specify that currently it's only for Wind Breaker characters

I can write for any character, but I don't excel in all of them and if it's one I'm not used to writing, it may take time (please be patient with me I'm so slow even with normal writing)

I can write SFW and NSFW and I'm pretty fine with most kinks (except for maybe scat, incest, or something extremely non-conish. Dubcon is new for me to write but I can try my best)

I don't really feel comfortable writing too much about self harm, miscarriage, other kinda sensitive topics like that, because I don't always have the ability or experience to properly handle them. If there's one you want to ask about though, by all means ask because i may not know if I can write it until you tell me what you're looking for.

I can do either headcanons or just plain writing a scenario/scenes/fic/drabble. If you don't have a preference I'll just pick whichever seems like it'll work for that specific prompt.

If you can't think of anything to request, you could always ask for a sequel to something I've already written or with characters i haven't done that prompt for before. Or you can get on my ass to finish something I've talked about writing but have been procrastinating >_>

I'm always up for AUs.

You could also just bring up something about a character and I'll yap about them if that's want you want. If you didn't already know from following me, I never shut up.

Oh! If you're asking for headcanons please limit the characters to 5 maximum and if it's a longer writing piece maybe 3 max. Otherwise it'll take me too long to go through everyone else's requests :(

I'll have a special tag I keep this event stuff in, and it'll be linked in the masterlist as well.

If there are similar requests, I might pair them up

Sorry I wrote so much! And thank you guys for being so sweet and awesome all the time. You really make it tons of fun to write and chat here, so even if you don't have a request, my DMs and inbox are always open!

[thatoneperson747]

Hi

So while procrastinating writing the fic I'm working on, I decided it was time for me to read the Royal Ranger. I only have book one, and I've had it for about a year now, but I never read even the first page. I've heard stuff throughout the fandom about it, but I've tried to stay away from royal ranger specific posts in order to not spoil the book for me.

If you also haven't read it yet and want to avoid spoilers, stop reading now. You've been warned.

Here's the things I knew before reading:

Will has a beard now. This is very controversial.

Alyss dies. She was burned to death. Also very controversial.

Horace and Cassie have a daughter named Maddie. Maddie becomes Will's apprentice.

And that's about it.

I decided that since the Royal Ranger was so hit or miss for the community, I'd document my thoughts on it (as a personal record, if you will) and see how my opinions change, if they change at all. Feel free to laugh at me if I make predictions and they end up being completely wrong lol

I've read the first seven chapters, and here are the main thoughts I have right now.

1. Is Will now just Halt? When he was first being described during the scene with Henry Wheeler, I dead ass thought Flanagan was talking about Halt. I mean, Will is grey already? Like, fully grey. He's described as having a "steel-grey beard." Not grey and brown, just grey. Halt???

2. Alyss' death fit her character well, but why did she have to die? Keep in mind, I was never the biggest fan of Alyss - I thought a character as interesting as a diplomat should have more personality than just "the main character's girlfriend" - but come on? We barely got to see them married. Idk man. I feel like her death would be better justified if they had actually like. been together longer? 10/10 for writing her death though, saving a poor child from death seems really in character for her, especially considering that's pretty much what Baron Arald did for the ward kids (he didn't die for it but still, he saved them from a childhood of neglect and almost certain death). I feel like it's a great wrap to her story, although I wish her story was longer.

3. Crowley was done dirty. What the actual f u c k Flanagan? The Corps Commander, the man, myth, and legend gets a paragraph to explain his death. It's such a lamely written death too? Crowley, a ranger, who was probably in peak health, just nopes out one night. At least he was smiling..? And maybe it's the fact that TEY is my favorite part of the series so far, but Crowley deserved way better than that shit. Also I'm surprised that I managed to not know about Crowley's death before this?? I actually cried reading it. He was such a precious little man in TEY, how could you do this Flanagan???

4. Maddie is a bit of a brat. Not even a bit, she kinda just is. To be fair, Cassie was that way sometimes as well, but Maddie just seems... I don't know, too much of a 'I-do-what-I-want-and-you-can't-stop-me' kinda person, but in a bad way??? Like that one kid in school who would never listen to authority figures and got everyone in trouble all the time? I hope she mellows out because she could be a great character, I think. It's said she takes after her mom, but I'd like to see her act like Horace too.

5. Gilan. Just Gilan. What?? I never liked his relationship with Jenny much, he seems quite a bit too old for her (at least 5 years, most likely quite a bit more since Halt had a few years between Gilan and Will), but he's so relentless in asking her to marry him? Huh??

And also, BOLD of Flanagan to assume Gilan would be hesitant about letting a girl into the corps. This man has traveled with Cassie. He's traveled with Lydia from Brotherband. He knows women are capable. I mentioned not liking his and Jenny's relationship, but like. he even respects her. She's a business woman, she owns her own restaurant. No one can possibly convince me that Gilan doesn't drink his respect-women juice DAILY. It feels out of character for him.

6. Poor Duncan. That's the end of the sentence.

7. Those guards are hysterical. Ah, yes, let's just casually not mention or try to stop the princess sneaking in and out of the castle even though this could end really really badly. Perfect logic.

And yeah that's all I got right now. I'm very excited to see how my opinions so far change! I'll document them here too in case anyone cares. Feel free to reblog with your own RR opinions and the like! I'd love to see what you guys think of my takes lol

[miss-anachronism]

It’s exam season, and you know what that means! I’m procrastinating by writing fic!

I dont think this one will go on ao3 (maybe it will idk). It’s also not beta read so if theres any horrid mistakes uhhh. Ignore

Tags: fem!Merlin/Sonja, character study, Sonja & Nara

Content warnings: corpses. Lots of corpses. Shipwrecks. Dismembered body parts. Etc, etc.

Fic under the cut!

Sonja usually finds these calm mornings peaceful. After the rattling of last night’s storm, the horrible whistling of the winds and the rumbling thunder that wouldn’t let her sleep, the respite seems like a reset, or sorts. The smell of the rain, the chill in the air; it does much to soothe her racing nerves. Today, she is glad for that comfort; she breathes in those salty winds, seeking for absolution.

The beach is littered in corpses.

It’s not uncommon. After a storm of that magnitude, and so soon following a shipwreck, it's completely normal for the sea to dredge up debris and bodies alike, washing them up on Rustport’s shore like a cat dragging a dead rat back to its owner.

A few Whispers have gathered on the beach as per usual, shooing away any scavengers searching for treasure, covering each body for later identification. Sonja watches a pair of them pull a bloated corpse up on shore, its ghastly face and mismatched body marking it as a Graveborn. For them, identification is near hopeless. They are bundled up and buried without a name.

Raking the beach for bodies is well above Sonja’s pay grade. It’s probably one of the least glamorous jobs that the Carmine Whispers handle, trying to match body parts together, pulling bloated, waterlogged corpses onto the shore. She knows that Tesio never bothered himself with this. And yet, every time there’s a storm, she finds herself drawn here. Drawn to the stench of rotting flesh mixed with salt, drawn to the pale, bloated bodies hidden among the beached wreckage.

A severed arm sits in front of Sonja, the stiff fingers gently swaying in the soft push and pull of the ocean. Small, surgical threads still cling to the severed stub, though they no longer hold the broken flesh together. A Graveborn’s remains.

Sonja takes a step forward, and gently prods at the hand with the tip of her cane. The sharp point forces the fingers to unfurl, revealing the pale, purplish palm.

Nara had a small scar near her thumb on her right hand. This hand is unblemished.

Sonja sighs.

The hairs on the back of her neck stand a split second before she hears the slight shuffling of sand behind her, followed by a quiet cough. Sonja furrows her brow. There's only one person who can sneak up on her so effectively- and only one person brave enough to try. She looks over her shoulder.

All of the Hypogeans and monsters she’s fought, all the enemies that have fallen at her feet, all of the trials she's withstood and mastered… and yet, Magister Merlin’s greatest rival is still early mornings.

Anne blinks blearily at Sonja, seeming as if she’s struggling to keep her eyes open. She shudders in the sharp sea breeze, hugging the wool cardigan she’s hastily thrown on tighter around her body. Her white dress flutters in the wind, revealing leather boots that haven’t even been properly tied. Her brow furrows as the wind aggressively snatches at the few stray hairs that havent been caught into a tangled updo.

“You look horrible,” Sonja mutters dryly. It’s not even true. Anne rolls her eyes.

“Good morning to you too.”

“What are you doing up?”

Anne’s gaze falls to her feet. She digs the toe of her boot into the sand, watching as it dips with the pressure.

“Lucca told me you were dredging up bodies. I thought you might like… an expert opinion, of sorts.” She glances back up to Sonja with a tight, strained smile.

Sonja can’t find the energy to find the humour in her little joke. She sighs, and turns back to the water. She hears the sand shuffle as Anne moves to stand next to her, joining her in quiet contemplation.

The waves gently lap up against the beach, softly kissing the sand before they retreat, shy once more. The hand gets pulled with them, beginning to drift out into the open seas once more.

Sonja skewers the palm with the tip of her cane, and drags it back onto shore.

“Well, doc,” she sighs, gently nudging the limb off the sharp point with the toe of her boot, “what do you suggest we do with all of… these? Is there a protocol for burying unknown Graveborn?”

Anne purses her lips. “I don’t think so. Really, the same you’d do with all your other unidentified dead. Though some places take… precautions. Manacle the hands, put heavy rocks on top of the coffins… just in case. You know, they come back.”

“Seems cruel,” Sonja mutters. To come alive in one of those coffins, to push against not only layers of dirt, but rocks, pressing the lid in, splintering the wood, splinters digging into your fingers as you try to claw your way out- Nara always hated splinters, she’d try to hide them from Sonja because she hated getting them pulled out so much-

…

Sonja tilts her head towards the Whispers raking the beach. They’re still a ways away, preoccupied trying to sort through a large pile of wreckage, what looks like the remains of a mast.

Slowly, she inches her hand towards Anne’s. Their fingers brush. Anne isn't wearing her gloves today, her skin is cold in the chilly morning air. Her fingers unfurl, slowly intertwining with Sonja’s.

“We’ll give them a sea burial. Somewhere a little further from the coast, and in proper coffins. The… estranged limbs can be cremated, and the ashes spread, or sunk, in the same place.”

Anne hums, eyes glued to the horizon. “I like that. If there’s one thing I’ve come to learn about sailors, it's that they prefer to embrace in death the waters they struggled against in life.”

Out of everything, it’s that that draws a soft chuckle out of Sonja. She catches herself quickly, shooting another rapid glance to the Whispers to ensure they aren’t paying apt attention. They aren’t- though with Anne, she isn’t so lucky.

”What?” The great Merlin asks, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“Nothing,” Sonja mutters, willing her face to lie flat again, “you just have… a very poetic way of seeing the world.”

Anne huffs and glances away, suddenly bashful. “In a good way, I hope,” she mutters, failing to hide her grin.

”Of course,” Sonja mutters, rubbing her thumb across the grooves of the rose on her cane. “Dura knows we could use some poetry around here.”

“Oh, there’s poetry everywhere, if you look for it,” Anne sighs, resting her head on the soft fur that covers Sonja’s cloak.

“Is that so?” Sonja mutters, allowing herself to enjoy the soft weight on her shoulder.

Anne hums in agreement, but she doesn’t offer up any more explanation. Maybe she doesn't need one. Sonja doesn’t read much poetry, but she has to admit there is something rhythmic in how the waves lick at the corpses on the beach, how Anne’s thumb gently rubs across her knuckles, how the muddled voices of the Whispers seem to merge and mingle with the harsh caws of the seagulls.

“She’d have loved you.”

Sonja isn’t sure what happened between the thought forming and the words leaving her lips.

”Nara would have?” Anne asks. The words float in the air as if the wind is trying to convince them to stay.

“Yes. She was always asking me to tell her stories. You have so many… and such a way of telling them. She’d listen to you for hours, I… I know it.”

She can picture it so clearly. Nara, curled up in a blanket on the floor of Anne’s library, a mug of cocoa in her hands. Anne in her chair, a pile of storybooks beside her, parsing through them to find just the right one, something with a brave princess who befriends the dragon instead of killing it. Nara would listen to half of it, and then take off part way through, narrating her own ending, describing in detail how each character would get their happy endings, or comeuppance, if they deserved it. Anne’s eyes would crinkle at the sides as she grinned, nodding along, agreeing in the end that yes, Nara’s version was much better, and they should just go with that. They’d never get through a single book. Anne would help Nara write her own.

“You’re looking for her, aren’t you?”

Sonja presses her eyes closed, tight as they can go, until little lights begin to dance behind her eyelids. “Yes,” she whispers, “of course I am.”

The waves lap against the shore. Once, twice. A bell rings somewhere deep in Rustport. The wind picks up, carrying the voices of her subordinates with it.

“Well,” Anne mutters, gently giving Sonja’s hand a squeeze before slowly loosening her grip, “she’s not here, so we’re sitting ducks. I suppose you’ve combed everything West of here?”

“I… yes,” Sonja confirms. Anne’s hand slips out of hers, leaving her palm sharply cold in her absence.

“So we go East,” Anne concludes. “The two of us can move faster than the poor souls who have to collect the bodies.”

“… you don’t have to help.”

“I guess not. Parsing through corpses is a bit of a poor date idea.” She presses a finger to the corner of her mouth, as if in deep thought. “Treat me to damedangler tonight, and we’ll call it even.”

There’s something serene about how Anne’s hair flows in the wind, how her voice seems to chime in time with the breeze, how the bags under her eyes seem lighter in the morning sun.

“Deal,” she says, the word leaving her before she can think about it. Anne smiles at her, sad but true, and offers her hand. “Okay,” she whispers. “Let’s go find her.”

And what can Sonja do but let herself be pulled along?

[sancta-seraphina]

Can yo u talk about some of the changes please? Just curious! but only if their not too spoilery

Hi anon,

I want to start this by saying I really did love the old 2019 version of Holiest. I think it's better now, but I loved that original version.

Actually, the longevity of the project is something a lot of people might not know about, so I wouldn't mind commenting on that, but after I answer the question.

About the chapters themselves:

One of the immediate changes for previous readers is that the entirety of the first chapter has been rewritten. It is much longer.

Chapters 2 through 5 have been reworked to accommodate for the removal of some characters (a separate topic).

Chapters 6, 7, and 8... I decided I didn't like, so those have been rewritten too. The content itself stayed the same. I just didn't like the writing, I felt it no longer reflected my writing style. I kept some things where I could suffer them, though. They also have some sparkly new scenes, which I will talk about below.

Chapter 9 is currently planned to be the same, however, I may just decide that I hate it. In which case, it will suffer the same fate as 6, 7, and 8 (same content, just rewritten).

As mentioned, a huge change was the removal of some of the characters who were, in my opinion, complicating and distracting from the story. This also included reducing the number of POVs (some scenes were simply rewritten to be from a different POV). Currently we have Lucifer as the main POV of the story for obvious reasons, with other scenes from the POV of Beelzebub, Jehoel, and newly, Metatron. The only thing that upsets me about this is that those characters who were removed were female, and my cast does not satisfy me in terms of having a lot of female characters.

Metatron is another significant change. Previously, he was only in three (3) scenes in the entire story, because I didn't actually need him until the last chapters despite him being so important (unlike The Harrowing, where he has a prominent role, Lord save us). But Metatron became really popular on my instagram, so I decided to work in more scenes with him and also to write from his POV [which you can get a preview of in today's excerpt].

The plot? Is the same. The worldbuilding? Also the same.

The map? I'm ignoring it (by which I mean procrastinating), BUT I've also made additional maps for the novel that can be previewed on my [patreon]. The illustrations? Uh, are not going to be the same and I'm kicking myself for it.

The method of publication? Totally different, it's no longer free—it's going to be a physical book now.

Anyways I hope that answered your question without spoiling too much.

The other thing that I wanted to discuss is the longevity of the project.

Although I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself right now to get the novel back out there, Holiest is nothing new, both to my long-term followers (hello to anyone who knew me in grad school or earlier, and also to all those who re-followed me upon changing blogs), and also to my life in general. It didn't have a name until 2016 or 2017 (I forget which), but my main character, yes I'm talking about Lucifer, literally dates back to 2007 and I still have my first drawing of him with that timestamp. Maybe I'll be brave enough to share it one day.

And the story has always had the same themes, even from its beginning days in '07, '08, and '09: with a heavy emphasis on mental illness/psychosis (of the devil in particular), angels in Hell, and Revelation-inspired visions/hallucinations.

As mentioned, the novel itself was completed in 2018 (I did not write during college/grad school due to lack of time, and I graduated in 2015. I do have endless artworks of the characters from throughout my time in college) and I began publishing in August of 2019. Also my patreon itself dates back to 2017.

But I like to take my time when creating, don't outsource my illustrations to others (please understand how much time art takes), and I am a company dancer in a ballet. So yes, it has been over five years now since first putting it online.

Anyways, although it's been updated, it is not changing in terms of what it is, it has been here for a VERY long time (which others can attest to), and it is also NOT going away.

[enchanted-lightning-aes]

what would be Tegan's reaction to seeing Hwan play a violent video game!

hehehe, thank you so much for the prompt, kly! initially, i thought i'd have difficulty but somehow i've gotten a burst of inspo and it turns out i'm still capable of writing internal thoughts for any character POV. (as long as i have the creative juice to churn it out...)

that being said... idk which chapter this could take place but this is a gist of how tegan encounters something that rocked her perspective... hwan and violent video games. ✨✨✨

send me a prompt? for any oc, dynamic, fandom characters, concepts.

Word Count: 791 T.W/C.W: depiction of gory video games, sksksk

***

Tegan happens to be hanging out at Hwan's apartment.

She has no clue on what makes her say yes to Hwan's invitation on watching play video games. Clearly, she must be out of her wits that she decides to accept it. Even though, there are plenty of other things (such as writing her screenplay draft) she should be busy with.

But as of this moment, she's down for getting out of work. The screenplay contest is due by April, which is several months later. She doesn't need to worry about procrastination. No! She'll make sure to avoid it as much as she can.

After all, she still has tomorrow and the next day. Surely, one day of not writing it would ruin her progress?

"You want something to drink?" Hwan asks, opening the fridge. "Water? Or juice? I even have fruit tea. Mango and grapefruit."

"No thanks, I'm fine." Tegan smiles despite her heartbeat increasing each millisecond. "Um, I'm just gonna… sit and watch! I don't need anything. Well, for now, I mean. I guess."

Hwan nods, closing it. "Okay. You can ask me for anything later then."

Tegan chuckles and her voice just trembles the longer she does. "Sure."

As soon as Tegan plops down on the couch, Hwan picks up the controller and occupies the corner. She presses a button and stares at the T.V screen, which was paused earlier. Just sitting approximately seven or eight inches away from here. Probably out of respect or so.

Tegan peers at the video game CD package across the table. Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge.

A game with a ninja? Hwan sure has a lot of games in her collection. Other than the ones on her tablet and Nintendo 3DS.

Swish! The metallic talons pierces the enemy's torso, slashing their weapon at other enemies they come approach. Leaving splats of blood across the wooden plank.

Despite how gruesome and damn bloody it is, Hwan doesn't flinch at the screen. She goes on with pressing the controls and moving the character towards another location. Where the character has a cutscene and it proceeds to a boss fight where she attacks and then dodges any attacks, still maintaining a decent amount of health level.

Her insides vibrate while her pulse rate quickens at the enemy's health bar going down.

Tegan fans her face a little. "Is this the type of, um, fighting games you usually play?"

"I mostly like games with katanas, swords and other pointy weapons," Hwan answers, striking another slash at the boss. Barely taking her eyes off the T.V screen. "I'm picky about games with guns. It usually depends on whether they're interesting enough."

"Ooh, okay." She chuckles to herself after the boss is beaten. "Is there a difficulty mode for this one?"

"Yeah, there's five instead of the usual three." Hwan controls the joystick, navigating across the area. "I have to unlock two extra modes. Since this is a new save, I don't have them yet."

"Hmm, that's cool."

"Thanks. I've been playing this game for a few hours already. After some levels, I'm going to play another one. Are you gonna be up for it? Or are you gonna go when I'm finished with this?"

"Well, if you don't mind me watching more," Tegan answers slowly, rubbing her hands together. She ignores a flutter in her stomach. "I can stick around. For another game or two."

"Good." Hwan runs the character's talons onto an enemy. "I thought you'd leave. I mean watching this game must be gross with most of the blood and stabbing."

Leave? Leave after watching Hwan gaming with such quiet enjoyment and hacking and slashing enemies like there's no tomorrow? Playing a gory video game that doesn't scare her in any way. Just maybe few worries about losing the character's health level.

"It doesn't bother me much," Tegan says. "I've been dared to watch a lot of horror movies, and trust me, those? Have sent many chills down my spine. A video game like this, though? Just tolerable since it's CGI."

"Horror movies, huh?" Hwan sounds amused. "I'm thinking of playing Silent Hill 3. It's a horror game. Do you think you're up for that?"

"Hell yeah!" Tegan grins. "It sounds totally brutal."

Seeing this cool and collected woman playing a violent video game with such cool grace… It's been quite an enjoyable contrast. She just slashes and stabs everyone in her way. That's what makes it… pretty fucking awesome.

Knowing she might be playing bloody games on her Nintendo 3DS at work? Even more fucking awesome.

With a jovial sigh, she leans back on her seat and flicks her eyes back and forth. Between Hwan and the bloody video game she's having a blast with.

***