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deamaurea · 6 years ago

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Stone Tower and The Malice

This gets long, and I’m sure the only one who cares is me, but u know what this is a good fucking headcanon.

tl;dr - the Malice is to blame for Termina’s reputation as a land abandoned by the god, it has an insignia now, and the stone tower is a corrupted temple because temples serve a function of helping contain the malice.

I’ve always hypothesized that the plethora of temple’s in Hyrule and the other lands we see always server some type of utilitarian person. Very few are actual places of worship because with the amount of traps and puzzles built into them and that makes them too dangerous to be places of worship. There obviously some stereotypical temples mentioned (i.e. the Temple of Time is probably the best example of a clear place of worship). And in many cases, most don’t even really have structures of stereotypical temples. The Forest Temple is kind of my immediate thought when it comes to this. It’s more a mansion that’s been overgrown rather than anything else. And why build a Temple here? The Woods make it too dangerous--) Anyway, my headcanon is that many of the temples we see are actually containment areas. The Malice can’t be defeated. But it can be contained. The idea being that the Goddesses get humans to errect these massive multi-layer, puzzle structures to contain parts of the Malice. They’re usually built on sacred ground and that light element makes it hard for the malice to escape it. And while it cannot necessarily break out or destroy the temples-- In rare circumstances, they can be corrupted

There are instances where these supposed holy sites are corrupted and just infested with monsters and aberrations. Most of the time, this is Ganon’s doing, obviously, but i think in some cases- it’s not. The one’s that come to mind most immediately is the Ancient Cistern’s basement-- where you have to climb up a thread and avoid all these weird undead bokoblin things. That is reference to a Japanese short story which has both Buddhist and Christian inspiration, but the basement is supposed to be an allegory for hell (in case you weren’t aware. I promise I’m going somewhere with this). Now, it’s obvious the Ancient Cistern hasn’t been completely overrun yet, but if whatever is going on in the basement gets out? Bad times, my dude. The second one that immediately comes to mind is Ocarina of Time’s Shadow Temple.

"Shadow Temple... Here is gathered Hyrule's bloody history of greed and hatred..." -Painting Gosh dang if there’s any temple that has fucking haunted me since my fucking childhood it’s this fucking place and I can think of no better example for a fully corrupted temple than this place. It’s got everything, undead horrors like Dead Hands, infested with redeads, paintings that whisper dark clues to Navi-- almost as if they’re beckoning her into the dark-- AND A LITERAL ALLEGORICAL FERRY TO THE FUCKING UNDERWORLD.

A lot of this was probably built in homage to the Goddess of Death originally. She’s another long essay headcanon I need to write up, anyway-- as more and more dark stuff started to happen here (t’s hinted that the Royal Family would have their enemies taken to the Shadow Temple), I suspect the malice found it easier and easier to corrupt the temple. Hence, all the weird ass monsters hanging around. Although with the shadowy Goddess of Death it can be hard to determine what’s the malice and what’s her own doing. I’d like to think the Sheikah just kind of... let the Temple be corrupted because ultimately it became easier for the purpose they were trying to achieve which was interrogating or punishing Hyrule’s enemies. It probably saw a lot of use-- remember at the start of Ocarina of Time, the country is only ten years out what was described as a bloody and brutal civil war. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

Now, why have I talked at length about two other unrelated temples when this headcanon is titled the Stone Tower and The Malice? Well, obviously with those frames of reference in mind, and this idea that the temples were being built to contain something presented to you, I can now introduce Stone Tower.

Stone Tower is the fourth temple of Majora’s Mask, and arguably, one of the most mysterious. It’s another one of those temple’s that has just stuck with me because it’s so mysterious. Heck, everything about Ikana is mysterious. Anway, the first thing that should be noted is that Stone Tower seems to predate Ikanian civilization. Igos himself claims the tower is an impenetrable fortress, and that not even an army could topple it. There’s some debate whether or not it was the Garo’s base, but Garo are from an enemy nation which would imply somewhere farther away. To me, this implies that the tower most certainly predates any type of Ikanian Civilization. I follow the headcanon Majora’s Mask or the creature within Majora’s Mask was originally sealed in Stone Tower. There’s a lot of imagery that at least seems to suggest that that’s where the mask was once housed to me. Majora’s relation to the malice is also something I’d like to write on... eventually. Basically Majora is an eldritch horror that desires chaos so it’s probably just a break off from the Malice itself. The same energy, if you will. Anyway,the civilization that predated Ikanian civilization-- I think the original builders of the Stone Tower probably initially built the tower as a place to contain the malice, but then it began to become corrupted. From there, the Malice begins to twist and warp these people’s beliefs into one that spites the Golden Goddesses. The old bricks you use to get to Stone Tower more or less have incriptions of some type of creature licking the Triforce. I would take it one step further and say it’s imagery of a creature consuming the Triforce.

The malice’s ultimate goal, as I’ve stated before, is to ultimately consume all that the Golden Goddesses make. Whereas the Golden Goddesses are order and light, the Malice is entropy in darkness. It doesn’t have to have any reason for wanting to consume that’s just it’s very nature. So in this contained space, it begins to manipulate and twist the beliefs of those originally in the Golden Goddesses to hate and spite. Enough that the temple that was meant to contain this malevolent force is now a place of worship FOR this malevolent force. These ancient builders even gave the Malice an insignia.

The Malice has so tainted the temple, that it can even warp the gravity around. Hence why when you have to shoot the insignia with a light arrow. it causes the malevolent magic in the temple to react and warp the space around Link-- causing the illusion of “falling into the sky” I’M NOT DONE THO. (told u this would be a fucking essay)

Obviously when this ancient civilization forsook the Gods, termina became a land destined to die. That’s obvious, but the original builders evenually faded into obscurity-- likely consumed by the malice. They left behind the tower and Majora’s Mask. Again, the mask and it’s relation to the malice is probably another essay entirely. But okay what about the civilization that comes after? Well, that’s Ikana. Ikana, given that Igos du Ikana is all pimped out in gold was probably a very very powerful ancient civilization and the canyon probably was, at the time, a very nice place to live on the surface. However, things start to go a bit wonky when the war with the Garo starts.

We don’t know much about the war other than Captain Keeta was a general, and the Garo were enemy spies. However, there’s a litle bit more we can gleen about the fall out of it from Igos du Ikana:

“The Kingdom being ruined, and us left in this state...isn’t it petty little battles like these that caused it?” - Igos du Ikana, after you defeat him.

So it seems that infighting was also a major problem. Considering just prior to this his too lackeys were arguing about who is the best swordsman in Ikana. Anyway, my point being that infighting was a thing and they no longer have any faith in their friends. Those feelings have vanished from their hearts (this is another quote from Igos). I think on a surface level you could blame the Garo if you view the Garo as master spies able to disguise themselves. They masqueraded as Ikanians, and no one could trust one another cause everyone was worried someone might be an enemy. Well, the Malice tapped into that and fueled it. Something killed the Garo-- and the rest of Ikana and it wouldn’t be hard to believe that a witch hunt could have gone on to snuff out the enemy during the war and ruined the kingdom. So by this point the Malice in the Stone Tower has caused the ruin of two civilizations. And Igos blames all the trouble that the land is currently having on the “masked one who unleashed the evil in the stone tower” which implies that the tower itself already HAD evil in. The final interesting point of known is that when talking to Flat to get the song of storms Flat mentions, “My brother sold his soul to the devil and locked me in here”. That’s quite an interesting phrasing and seems to imply that there’s bigger problems in Ikana than just the evil unleashed by the Stone Tower. Ikana and the Stone Tower were already cursed because of the Malice. The devil that Flat mentions was not Skull Kid or Majora-- it was the Malice. The Malice worked insidiously to completely ruin the canyon region

And because of it Termina became a land that was all but abandoned by the Gods and destined to die.

#;ᴬᵐᵒᶰᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᴳᵒᵈˢ ⁽ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃᶰᵒᶰˢ⁾#Master of Malice;

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supremequeenofthejellyfish · 7 years ago

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I read your tags on that byeler post and holy shit i love u this made my day like this day just started but i wont read anything better, pls do tell more

OH MY GOD THANK YOU???!!!!! that whole thing took me like 45 minutes to write oh my god, its so nice to be noticed for once haha (also ur day just started? I’m so glad I made ur whole day lmao. It’s currently nighttime where I am.) Anyway, tumblr deleted like half of my tags from that post cuz I guess I wrote too many? idk man, it was horrible, whenever I tag posts I always check it on my blog to see if it worked correctly cuz tunglr.cob is always messing things up and BOI WHEN I SAW THAT I WAS FUCKING LIVID OH MY GOD U HAVE NO IDEA. Ok so I’m going to try and recreate my tags below from memory, in bulleted form. they won’t be exact but I’ll try my best (here’s the post now go read my tags if u haven’t seen them lol)

If you ask mike, it was only lasted a few days, and the rest of the gang looks into the camera like they’re on the office

At first, mike is pretty nervous about the topic, like he’s super worried (mike: do u h8 me bc I like bois 2???)

(Literally everyone at once: are you serious?? Have you seen will, That boy is gay as fuck.) (will didn’t say the second part he was not ready for that, ya boi was shook)

Mike is “low-key” relieved (and by low-key I mean extremely high key that boy literally collapsed on the couch from relief)

(Dustin: Mike seriously?? We’re ur best friends how could we possibly hate u??)

Even if any of them did have qualms, they wouldn’t show it. They were all outcasts, and they stuck together no matter what

Lets be real tho, they probably didn’t they are all best friends and love each other unconditionally

Mike hasn’t told anyone that he has a crush on will (eleven: Crush?? Mike ur literally in love with him.) he actually begs eleven not to tell them (Mike: Please, you can’t say anything to them, I’m not ready yet.)

Eleven agrees, but internally she’s all like: Mike, they already know, ur so fucking obvious, Lmao.

Except will tho, will low-key (read: high key) loves mike too, but neither of them have realized it yet because they’re both oblivious idiots

Everyone sees that they’re in love except for them and its so infuriating

Eleven has to endure mikes “pining phase” for MONTHS b4 she basically forces them into a room together (alone) to confess

She has to for her own sanity (but also because she wants her bffs to be happy.)

But seriously if mike didn’t say anything soon she would have to kill him and then herself (yikes, he was actually that bad lol)

Will went through a pining phase too (his started about a year b4 mike and eleven broke things off) although instead of pestering Lucas, Dustin, or Max about it he literally has 3 (three) spiral notebooks (college ruled, not that wide ruled bullshit) full of doodles of Mike with hearts around his head (and a fourth one in progress)

He was supposed to be using them for schoolwork, but he gets distracted a lot in class

No one (NO ONE) Is allowed to see those notebooks except for will himself

(Max, probably: Hey will can I borrow you’re notes, I lost mine? Will, slamming notebook #4 shut: NO! Max: *is visibly shook*)

poor Joyce has no idea why he keeps going through so many notebooks?

Anyway, the whole gang is together for a sleep over in mike’s basement (where else would they be?) and eleven takes mike aside and tells him that he has to tell will 2nite or she will fucking scream (she’s totally not kidding)

Mike: but what if he doesn’t like me back?? He’ll probably hate me if I tell him that……

Eleven: mike ur so stupid omg he fucking likes u back ok trust me

(She caught a glimpse of notebook #2 a while back when she and mike were nearing the end of their relationship, and she never told anyone.To this day, will doesn’t know that she saw it)

Mike: *skeptically* ok but even if that’s true I cant just say it in front of everyone

Eleven scoffs, drags mikes by the wrist over to will, drags will by the arm and basically throws them both into the bathroom and locks them in with her powers

Mike: ELEVEN!! OPEN THE DOOR!!! LET US OUT OF HERE OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!?!?!

Eleven: nope :) (how does she do that this is a verbal conversation) not until you tell him.

Will, a very confused boy: huh? Tell me what? Mike what the fuck is going on?!?! What is she talking about??

Mike eventually confesses everything to will (except the pining phase, that was fucking embarrassing)

(Eleven tells him about it later, and mike tries to deny it, but will thinks its so cute???? Like so cute he wants to puke hearts??? But that might just be the butterflies in his stomach)

Mike tries to be smooth when he’s confessing to will but he’s a stuttering fucking mess

Will is so shooketh he doesn’t know what to do with himself so he just grabs mikes hand and says “me too” (he’ll deny it later, but he was on the verge of tears pretty much the whole time)

Mike smiles like the big goofy idiot he is, and eleven, seemingly satisfied opens the door

The gang claps and cheers, and mike and will are confused. Then they look down at their hands, with their fingers still intertwined and are more confused

Lucas: took you long enough

Mike and will: ????????????????

Dustin grabs them by the shoulders and pulls them into a group hugThey stay like that for at least 10 minutes, mike and will hugging each other in the middle, and everyone else crowding around them

Mike pecks will on the cheek and then whispers into his ear quietly: “I love you so fucking much, Will.”

Will Is basically a tomato at this point, a happy tomato, but a fucking tomato nonetheless. (Mike had never seen him so red)

He buries his face into mikes chest, and whispers back: “I love you, too, Mike” (mike blushes almost as red as will)

The others pretended not to notice this little exchange, but oh god did they notice, and it was the cutest fucking thing they’ve ever seen

After awhile they break apart, because its getting hot in mike’s basement

mike and will are left standing outside the bathroom door, still hugging each other. (Neither of them wanted to let go just yet)

Will holds on to mike like his life depends on it, and eventually he hears “Jesus will I can’t fucking breathe”

Will lets go immediately, and mike puts an arm around his shoulder and leads him to the couch

Every one is waiting for them, and no one can stop smiling (especially mike and will, god, those 2 are so fucking in love with each other its not even funny)

this took me way longer than I thought it would omg. I added a few things that weren’t in the original tags that got deleted but they fit in pretty nicely? idk lol I thought it made it that much cuter haha. This was originally supposed to be just a response to the post but I got a little carried away. Tbh I probably put more effort into writing this than I put into my actual homework that I get actual fucking grades on lmao (help). Speaking of which, I have homework that I have to go do now, hahaha. hope u like it lololol

#anonymous #byeler #mike wheeler #will byers #stranger things #stranger things 2 #eleven #Max #Lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #Nancy wheeler #barbara holland #Karen wheeler #ted wheeler #jonathan byers #Joyce byers #did i miss anyone??? probably but whatever #ok now I really have to go do my homework

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survivormontenegro · 5 years ago

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Jury Rites of Passage

Before we wrap up this season, here’s what the final 4 had to say about our lovely jury.

Ali - Alex, you were someone who from the cast reveal of this season I was honestly terrified of lowkey. You just give off such a smart, strategic energy that makes you someone who is very daunting to play against, particularly since we didn’t meet till merge and I had just heard stories about your influence from OG Durmitors. While I stand by the necessity of voting you out, in that you held a lot of sway over the tribe, and were seemingly tight with Jones and Mo, I genuinely was so sorry to see how upset you got in the aftermath of your vote. I felt like the move needed to be swift and clean to remove such a threat from the game, but I apologise, a move so brutal and so blindisde-y would’ve been rough to be apart of, and for that I’m really sorry.

Benj - You were one of the first people to make me feel welcome when we swapped together thank u for always being so open to things and ur passion for the game was undeniable.

Caeleb - I can’t tell if Alex is gonna hate me or respect me. Regardless, I had to vote him off because he was too strong of a player. Everyone was just waiting for his command and then running with it, and I didn’t want to play that game. Plus, I didn’t think that Alex was alwaysss being truthful with me and just pulling me along until he was done, so I kinda felt like we had a little showdown. It was either him or me, and while he’s a sweetheart and a really amazing guy, I kinda consider him my TS rival. Love ya. I’m glad we were able to crush butt with our Grandma’s Boys in the premerge.

Tom - oh boy big boy Alex you are a killa of a game player I must say going against you really spooked me because you had a solid group of people but I’m sorry it had to be done :(

Ali - oh my god. When I saw that THE Jules was cast for this season, I can’t even describe how excited I was to play with you. Playing and working with you was everything I could’ve hoped for and more, you are smart, savvy and just a joy to talk to at all times, and we vibed on SO much this game. While I think your robbery was disgusting, I understand why others did it, your savvyness and strategic mind speak for themselves and you were of course a major threat. It’s been a pleasure to work with you and to be able to call you my friend.

Benj - LEGEND!!! When I saw you on the cast reveal I was actually shaking bc as u already know my friends who played almia with you said u were such a queen and so nice and they weren’t wrong!! It was a pleasure to get to play with you even though it was so short, and it was sad that we never really got to strategize and work together game wise but I enjoyed all of our talks sm!

Caeleb - Jules was always fun to talk to. She was super sweet and very good at figuring out where the majority was gonna be in the votes. I was really surprised that she cursed me because while I did tell her that I was gonna vote with her, I didn’t message her for a couple of hours before tribal so I didn’t think I was even being very believable. Overall tho Jules was sweet, fun, a bundle of astrology knowledge, and threw in a little bit of sass to make things lively and interesting.

Tom - wowee Jules you social butterfly icon. I’m sad you were eliminated and that I literally did not help at all by saving you I was in my inactive stage. I commend you on how bloody open you are about your sexuality and gender I guess you really are something special and this is not just because you’re on the jury I love how passionate you are about astrology and hopefully one day you can make something out of it

Ali - I love you and stan you unapologetically. We had a bumpy ride this season, and my one regret from this season, was not telling you about the Alex vote. I’m sure you would’ve been down, and it burned a bridge for me with someone I genuinely trusted and had a lot of time for. While I think your blow-up was ill advised, given that me/Tom/Jason were angling to save you, I can’t fault you for distrusting me after the Alex vote. I felt awful voting you out but once you set my game on fire, with the choice being you vs Tom, I had to side with who had my back and I felt would be a consistent ally moving forwards, so kept Tom and voted for you. You were also apart of some of my highlights from this season, like calling to work through JJ’s… JJness or drinking white wine on the tribe call. I know you’ve now hexed me three times, but I’ll take being hexed a fourth time, if it means we can be friends after this.

Benj - I have never met anyone quite like you before in an org and even though we didn’t talk much your presence in the game was so fun from calls to call outs. Icon! My FB org friends stan u

Caeleb - Easily, the person I talked to the least in the merge, Ian included. For some reason, Julia didn’t want to talk game with me ever, even though we would vote the same. Every conversation we had would kinda trail off with her failing to respond. I know she was active in calls, and since I wasn’t I think that made her write me off. I kinda wish things were different and we could’ve had a different demeanor throughout the season. Who knows maybe we could’ve made something actually happen.

Tom - lol

Ali - MY SON. The Nemo to my Marlin. While we like… never voted together from jury onwards, I am genuinely proud of you this season. We didn’t particularly vibe as players, and I don’t think I ever got the chance to see your strategic mind in action, but you played a great game this season, and I’m super proud of you. You kick-started some of the key debates of the season, like this stupid mountain llama mess, but you also kept the mood light and had a consistent positive impact on the season as a whole.

Benj - (El)MO! You were really nice in the game and we got along well on swapped tribe but didn’t have the best connection at merge so sadly ended up on the opposites sides a lot but I think u played a good game! I loved how happy u were to be here

Caeleb - A hero. I have such a tumultuous relationship now with Grandma’s Boys because I had to vote off Alex first, switch and vote Mo in the revote, and then fail to save Jones in F6. I think they might think I am a little bit scheming and never really was working with them, but honestly, I voted with Mo and Jones post Alex because they both were easily the most fun to talk to in the tribe. Mo was hilarious, a true king, and loyal to a fault. When Benj told me that he was voting Mo, I had a sinking feeling that Mo was gonna leave that day, but I held on hope that Ali would still vote Tom. I’m sorry that didn’t happen Mo.

Tom - this is a shame this one we got along quite well on durmitor then the tribe swap really uhm separated us literally. Two seperate bridges that just never came together unfortunately. Good luck and stay safe on that grindr game u play

Ali - Okay… of all people this season, we have had the most rollercoaster ride I think possible. Whether you know it or not, from me almost voting you out prejury, to voting you publicly at F10, to us somehow working together moving forwards. While I knew you needed to go around the time you were idoled out, I was genuinely so sad to see you go home, because I think you played one of, if not the strongest game this season. You took my vote for you in your stride, and being on calls with you and our weird fake rivalry was so much fun. We were on the first cast reveal together, and I hope we can be friends after this season is all done.

Benj - omg MITCHHHH I wish you had stuck with my plan otherwise you prob would have stayed LOL. King you were one of my favs from the first tribe and we stuck it out thru the swap and kept working together for basically every vote until you left! It was so fun to play w you. Ps… I was the 2nd vote for you when Jared left LMAO… I ofc never wanted u gone but me and Ali didn’t want Jared blowing up the fact we were allies so had one of us randomly vote with him.

Caeleb - The strongest player in this season imo. Like everyone talks about Ali being the favored to win rn because of his immunity run and his social butterfly nature. Mitch was stronger strategically by far. His moves were calculated and always put him in a better spot than he was in before, while also never putting a target on his back. I had my eye on voting him for awhile, and when Jones wanted to idol him out it was like some ESP type shit. He was so strong, and also funny, this season would not have been what it was without him.

Tom - mmmmm big ol mitchy boi is it toiLET or toilet that’s the true question, an amazing ally friend and strategist who was skeptical of everything but had good intentions thank you for saving my ass in this game multiple times because I wouldn’t be here without you

Ali - when people google robbery, if your picture is not the top result, i will SCREAM. It says a lot that we literally never voted together during merge, and yet I stanned for you with my whole heart, and would’ve voted for you in the end. You have this raw likability, that makes you the best ever, but also SUCH a threat in these games, and after your iconic idol play, it was incredibly clear that you were the biggest threat and so critically needed to be voted out. You are such a joy, and I hope we can be friends after the season.

Benj - JONES!!!!!!!!!! Omg I was gagged when I saw that you were playing this season I had heard a lot about you but never met you until now and I was sooooo excited when we got swapped together!! Joining your side back then was such a good decision and ty for making it so easy to accept me and I loved talking to u throughout the whole game even if we were basically on diff sides most of merge! You would have wiped the floor against anyone at the end and I know one day u will get ur win! ILY

Caeleb - My true Grandmother. Honestly, I hope that post-game we can rekindle and be harmonious because I TRULY thought that Jones was one of the friendliest, kind, and joyous people. I worked to get people to switch their votes from Jones in F6, but I kinda expected that it wouldn’t happen because even I recognized that no one could beat Jones in a FTC. I felt like Sierra voting off her mother in BvW. It was truly my saddest day in Montenegro BY FAR.

Tom - I’m sorry Tunnel vision really got you good, You played such an amazing game and honestly to get to final 6 the way you did you should be so proud, you were by far the biggest jury threat because everyone absolutely loved your personality including myself. I really hope we can keep talking on the outside and your artistry takes you amazing places

Ali - I spent 40 days on a tribe with you, and I want to say it was a pleasure throughout. From talking about Big Little Lies to bonding over our warped sleeping patterns, we genuinely really vibed as people. One thing I loved about our relationship, was our ability to be rational and logical, even when we voted against each other, after the Jules and Ian votes particularly. I genuinely had so much respect for you as a player and your attitude after the Ian vote, and it was something I attempted to mirror after the Jules vote. You had to go at F5, because you played a phenomenal game, surviving being one vote from going home at merge, and it was for that reason I had to vote you out, but it’s been a pleasure, all fourty days of it.

Benj - We had the most up and down relation probably of anyone LOL from me voting you 4 times to us working together for the rest, it really was a ride and even tho we weren’t the most connected im so glad u had such a great season to return to after so long !

Caeleb - Omg go get ur Donna Summer record. Jason was probably the person I talked to a bunch but barely talked game with. We were always on differing sides of the vote, and kinda to my own demise for many of those, but as a result we talked about different things like eggs and records and gay stereotypes. It was a bold and profitable move when we talked post-Ian vote and set us both up for success for the rest of merge. Let's talk soon :)

Tom - Ahhhhhhh my closest ally in this game, i am so proud of the way we survived this game. I was really skeptical about working with you on budva but i am so glad i stuck to my gut of working with you and ian. Round 1 of merge we got absolutely blindsided and destroyed and every since then we had to fight so damn hard every single round to survive together. We were arguably the tightest duo in the game, we voted together every single round , 23 votes combined 8 tribal councils we were targeted at yet we made final 5 together. Through the dark times we stayed loyal to each other and got ourselves in such an amazing position in this game by getting with mitch and ali whilst also working caeleb. We truly went from the bottom to the fucking top and as much as i dont think i can pull this one out for us, i will give it my best shot. It was an amazing experience with you through all of our paranoia and stress that people were going to split us apart. Lets hope lightning strikes twice and i can pull out this win for you and ian because you both deserve to be right next to me <3 <3 Luv you mountain llama <3 <3

#rites of passage

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kk4pups · 7 years ago

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2tagged by @prettyel oof i got this late

nicknames? most everyone calls me pups, sometimes kk but i prefer pups

gender? a gal i suppose

star sign? leo babeyyyy

height? 5″2 Ish

time? 4;16 am

birthday? august 20

favourite bands? i dont really get into bands i just find songs and listen to them on repeat until i hate them, tho i dont have any in particular rn

favourite solo artists? ^ but i like boyinaband

song stuck in my head? nothin rn

last movie you watched? uhhhhhhhh dunno i dont watch em much

last show you watched? bnha was rewatchin some just 10 mins ago actually, ive rewatched the sports festival arc 13 times

when did you create your blog? my earliest posts r from june 2014 Apparently but i watched tumblr from a distance for a good while before actually making my blog

what do i post? whatever im into at the time, which is bnha rn, tho i rb lots of other stuff that i generally like, think that its funny, or important etc, i have no real format outside of tagging stuff and even then my tagging system is Barely there

last thing i googled? “uraraka casual clothes” i uh, was making a uraraka sim JKJDSSKDFJF it looks Nothing like her all my bnha sims look nothin like the chars theyre supposed to be so far, makin anime sims is, not easy, either that or im very bad at making sims, probably both

do you have any other blogs? yeah i run a splatoon screenshot blog @/squidshots, tho its kinda poorly run bc getting the screenshots is tedious so it doesnt update as reglarly as id like it to

do you get asks? not often, occasionally but i think most of em r my friends which w/e i enjoy them anyway

why did you choose your url? bc my dad told me “we think ur old enough to have an email” when i was 12 ish (mind u i Never even asked lol) and he was like “how does kk4pups sound for the address? ur nickname is kk and ur 4 pups so” and i was like “uhh i Guess” i used it for a game later and it stuck, kk is a nickname based off my first two initials for context, and i was very very obsessed with dogs for the first decade of my life, so, yah, i really like it tho thanks dad lmao

following? 326

followers? 251 and i just blocked 2 bots

favourite colors? dandelion yellow, hot/magenta pink, ms paint cyan, r and have always been my 3 favs since i knew and understood what colors are, if youve seen my fursona, like those colors, tho i like most colors

average hours of sleep? anywhere between 2 and 12

lucky number? 3

instruments? *vague iunno noise*

what am i wearing? overwatch logo tee, plaid red/brown/white pj pants that also have polka dots (not as ugly as it sounds trust me), one halloween sock, and one st. patricks day sock, clearly, i am a true fashion icon

how many blankets do i sleep with? 2-3

dream job? i wanna write cartoons babey! but realistically im probably gonna b homeless and dead in a ditch, cant wait!

dream vacation? not sure? ive thought about it a Lot n im really conflicted! on oneee hand just hangin out at zachs house and the general area where zach lives (bc i lived there too for awhile) and just visiting all the places i used to go sounds super nice but on the other handd a roadtrip w zach and erin over the states sounds super fun, but on Another hand a disney trip w them sounds really fun too, but on a Fourth hand id love to see seattle bc? its the ideal place for me to live but since i dont know where my (hopeful) work will take me i doubt ill actually get a chance, but on a Fifth hand a world tour with them sounds really exciting and idk!! whatever vacation if any i would wanna do w zach n erin bc honestly i dont think itd be Near as fun w/o them, but i do hope we can someday given the chance, ((also this sounded really gay sorry bye))

favourite food? popcorn i just had some

nationality? american, i dont know much abt my heritage other than the Literal Minimum amount of native american to Count (i am very white it does not show At All) and a decent amount of polish

favourite song right now? uhhhh none rn im at that point where im in between finding songs i repeat until i hate them so ive just had my whole playlist on shuffle this week

uhhh taggin Whomever wants 2 do this lol

#talk #tagged #thank u fr taggin me this was fun #i like talking about me

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cbocstar · 5 years ago

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hiiii it’s me colly!

Hii it’s been a long while since I wrote out my thoughts on here. I just wanted to recollect and self reflect on some feelings i’ve been feeling lately. SO it all started in march when I noticed I was beginning to feel more of myself again. Like I just felt more of me. Like the sadness is yeah its still there and the betrayal i felt from craig is always going to be there i think. And the trauma and the anger I have for him of what he did to me and put me through will always be there. But I found myself finally feeling like ready? Ready to take a leap of faith and get myself back out there into the dating pool/pond. AND LET ME TELL YOU!!! It is so fucking exhausting. I hate the swiping. And I hate feeling writing my bio to the point where I feel like i’m selling a pitch to shark tank. LIKE SEELLLING MYSELF AND MY QUALITIES of what makes ME special or what someone will get out of when they date me. LOL idk it’s so hard. I think that’s another thing I need to work on. Loving myself. And taking ownership on yes I am weird, yes I am shy. But yes I am awesome and I am beautiful. It just takes time to see that. Anyway I was losing hope on these datin g apps when i would get bomboarded with dudes asking me questions on if I live at home, or if i live alone. And it made me self conscious like. Is it bad that I live at home with my mom? It’s so expensive to move out. Like I cant even afford living in the bay area if i did try and move out and find a roomie. LOL. I guess i feel ashamed, because of that. And whenever I would match with someone they would either unmatch themselves right away after i message them. or they just never replied. So it was kinda frustrating i guess. Like whats the point? Anyway my school friend and my brother suggested me to try out the dating app of Meetme. And LOL i was skeptical because of the amount of messages I would receive the first time I downloaded it. And So i tried it again. And I just got sooooooo many messages from dudes. And the ages just ranged from 18-21; 40-60 year olds. And It just made my stomach sink. I just I cant see myself dating someone that’s 40 and me being 27. Idk I just I cant. ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE MESSAGING ME ASKING IF I WOULD LIKE TO TRY OUT LIMP DICK LMFAO?! HELLO? WHAT LOL or if i would like to be their substitution to viagra. creeper bye. And so it just made me really freaked out. And then at this time Steven messaged me and I was just cautious. But he made me laugh and he was the only one that was close to my age. So I felt like that was fine. But the overwhelming messages from 40-60 year olds creeping on my profile and asking me if i wanted to lick them or if i was interested in finding a daddy. Just I couldnt. So I decided to just delete my photos because ya girl just was creeped out at that point. And steven then messaged and asked me if I was quitting because he noticed I was removing my photos and i just explained to him and he was just really shocked. And i asked him if he ever experienced that on his end and he just said no. So I was just like LUCKY DUCK. Anyway, we talked more on the app of meetme messages. He made me laugh. I thought he was pretty charming and cute as well. He has a list of interests that is sooooo different from me which made me feel very insecure or uneasy. I’m not active and I have had bad experiences of camping and outdoors but I am always willing to try new things. And I feel like I just couldnt do long distance anymore. especially after the abuse I went through with craig and phillip. I just I can’t do that anymore. I need someone here for me physically. And steven is literally a few miles away so i was glad. SO we do have a shared interest which is anime c: and cute animals and food and books and gaming. And he asked me out on a date to go to Dave n Busters.

SO GUESS WHAT ya girl went to dave n busters. that was the first date. met him upstairs. I awkwardly walked over and gave him a hug while I shivered and we played a lot of games together. Then we had cheeese BURGERSS. There he let me have some of his beer which I took a few sips didnt enjoy it though. LOL and He just laughed. Then he mentioned about how there’s sea glass on the beach and how he wanted to show it to me. And I was just like uh i guess? I just have to be back at this time to get picked up. And he’s just like oh we will have time dont worry. SO I WENT IN HIS CAR (and my friend has shamed me for it lol saying how stupid i was to go in his car lol on the first date and how lucky i am to be alive and not killed and stuff) And I dont know It just didnt register in my head until I got to the beach so i did send my location to my best friend. so she knew where I was. even tho my girl is in texas and im in california LOl. so when we got to the beach we actually picked up sea glass and it just it felt like a movie. or something I read in books. It was soft and slow and I just felt safe. And we just huddled together as the wind pushed us together. And I asked to hold his hand and he just laughed exasperated and was like “OHMYGOD U DONT HAVE TO ASK just hold my hand its fine” and yeah so i got to hold his hand. After the date we talked on the phone and it just nice. Second date: Steven took me to the science museum playground for kids. It was so much fun we saw cute animals and interacted with the science experiments. There was a lot of sequin textures sensorys and it just was so nice. LOL he drew a lit hand sign while i tried to make an xD face, but failed. Then we were hungry so he took me to have poke (IT WAS MY FIRST TIME LOL) and it was delicious but i was kinda hungry still. After he took me to this old bookstore and we roamed the aisle looking at different books. Then he took me to his place where we shared our first kiss. I was really shy and scared but we took things slow and sat on his bed and cuddled. He was really upset when he found out that I never cuddled before. I didn't understand why he was upset but he just told me he felt sad that I never had that intimate connection. And at first I was bored but towards the last hour I felt really cozy and it just felt nice, the way his hands wrapped around my waist. I did get aroused which kinda freaked me out because I never really felt that sensation before. LOL so it made me really anxious. LIKE CALM DOWN COLLEENY. Third date: We did some shopping at TarzHay (target) lolol and daiso together. it felt nice. Then we went back to his place to have dinner. He shared his dinner with me and it was really good and after we cuddled and kissed and watched youtube videos together. And it just was really romantic. Fourth date: Went to a movie on a work night. we saw The saga of tanya the evil. And it was fun watching anime with him. And I was just soo shy i didnt hold his hand I just we just focused watching the movie together and enjoying each others company. Fifth date: went to fanime (anime convention) for the FIRST TIMEEE last saturday ( may 25, 2019) i met up with him there! I cosplayed as kiki from kiki’s delivery service. it was fun! So he was playing ddr well competing in the tournament. for a lil 3 hours ish. After we went to get something to drink so he bought me a drink...it was sweet but somewhat bitter but i did enjoy the sugar that was decorated coated around the rim of the glass. And i got hyper ish LOL And steven just laughed. But i let him finish it for me because I couldnt. Then we went to go walk to get food. in line there was a guy talking to him. And the guy asked us what we were and if we been here bfore. and steven said it was his first time not being alone. and i said it was my first time. and then I just stuttered and got shy because we havent discussed what we were to each other. Like we just only talked about us liking each other a lot. And how we both enjoyed each others company. So I replied with “we dd-d-d--dateing? We on a d ate. we dating. date. uh yeh uh” and then steven wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in close to him and added “ yeah we are going steady.” AND OOOOOOO I BLUSHED SO HARDDDDDDDD. aaaa still blushing LOL Anyway lol food was delcious. i had a bento curry chicken box. Then we sat down and rested our feet in the hall and he took a nap on my thigh lol. it was cute and i just scratched his forehead bc i was too scare to scratch his head LOL. and then we watched the season 3 of attack on titan together and he held my hand and my arm and it just felt nice. I curled up against him and we just enjoyed watching 5 episodes together. Sixth date: today saturday june 1, 2019 is gonna be the sixth date. sooooo ILL JUST KEEP U POSTED On what we are gonna do. loool time for bed

#personal #ceerainrambles

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calvinlepesh · 6 years ago

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yes here you go

Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it. ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing. Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.

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dahliaunderthesky · 7 years ago

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Diary #1

Hi notepad! I have come to the conclusion that writing all this shit when I am so goddamn behind on telling my diary shit would take too long and hurt my hand so I’m gonna type it. I do prefer a physical copy of a diary but this will have to do for now. Ok so its been a lot asss time since I filled you in. Leme tell youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. so I guess you have to hit space or this shit goes on forever but I like the way it looks on here so whatever. Its been a while since i’ve typed on this computer and these over grown nails are a pain in the ass with these keys. anyway, I bought myself nails a month and a half ago because I haven't in two years and wanted em. But now I don't have the money to keep up with them because of Christmas presents. I bought my dad $200 paint so that was a big dent in my fortune (ha). So I am in dept to myself because I need to keep a certain amount in my bank at all times but that shit is lower then it should be. Dick face McGee is a dick face like usual.Some lady at the drive thru asked for whip cream on her coffee and he walked up to me yelled "I HATE FAT BITCHES" and threw the fucking whip cream can at the wall. So me being pissed hes acting like a fucking pussy ass baby over nothing yell "I hate rude assholes!" He didn't say anything to that he just went and sat down to play his computer game. (Since I plan on posting this shit on tumblr I guess wow I’m so cool I’m gonna fill anyone reading in) So I work in fast food I’m a teen and its my first job. If u haven't gotten a job yet fast food is usually the first job u get but if u can avoid it I highly recommend it. I tried to but I didn't think the place I work at would be the much like a fast food place because of what it sells. Anyway I work with this asshole guy hes like 4 years older then me, asked me out I said no, hits on every girl he sees, is ugly as sin (inside and out), and has anger problems and is known to break shit at my work place. Why he is still hired is beyond me. Anyway After that I had enough working with him (I have to close with him and that means we only work alone together and hes a dick in front of every other worker so imagine how he is alone. Also hes a racist! And is proud. Makes me sick. SO I asked my boss to stop having me work with him and junk and he said it was cool but I realized the only reason he is still hired is because he is exactly like my boss (my boss isn't racist though). My boss also has anger problems wow! Here’s some things dick head McGee does around me that no one knows tho! He asks me to 1)close the store early. 2) leave for an hour to go work out or do something else. I’m more then happy to tell others this shit because I hate him and he should work for the money hes getting. I always say no to these questions btw. Oh hes also a dick to customers of course. Anyway my boss says yes to me not closing with him and I feel like i’m on thin ice because even if I am a good worker I can be easily replaced anytime for the slightest inconvenience. Oh yeah lets call this kid neck boy for now since I don’t wanna use names I guess. I call him this because he has a neck tattoo. Hes hot, nice, sweet to customers, everyone loves him but if only he wasn't a stoner. Smoke weed idgaf but he does it everyday and throws up everyday because of it. Its also Xanax and shit too. He has been calling out sick literally everyday every week and he isn't gonna be fired or talked to or anything bc my boss loves the kid. I’m a shy teen girl he doesn't give a shit about me lol. enough about work though, Nicole (my best friend) is in Washington filming a movie! She road in a limo and shit and is in a really nice cabin and everything and it looks so cool. I’m proud :,). She finally got the court (im gonna stop explaining shit from now on) papers. I didn't know it took this damn long for shit to go through with the court. I hope now you know who gets her shit man. Oh! I went to a toy donation drift event last weekend. It was super cool because only pros drove. I road with someone I haven't before and he asked if he was better then my sisters boyfriend and I was thinking "well iv’e ever feared for my life with him" It was a lot of fun though lol. I feel super safe with my sisters boyfriend driving (because hes a pro and knows what hes doing) so driving with someone who almost crashes and gets crashed into is interesting lol. Hes not bad at all he just spun out a little and we were in a like enclosed track where everyone goes at once so you can easily crash but I don't think anyone crashed into each other that event. Nicole and Matt tried setting me up with one of Matt's friends which I am all for man iv’e been single for 4 years. I still have standards of course lol. He was a nice guy but just not for me. Hes one year younger and likes drift but I thought he was a drifter, no he doesn't even have the car for that shit lol. Oh I forgot to mention my whole family and I drift. He kind of just sent shirtless pics of himself, talked about himself, never asked about me, etc. I gave him a second chance and talked to him in person at my work but it was still meh. I confirmed hes not my type with that. Also he comes to my work through the drive thru and expects a damn convo like dude I’m working right now my crab ass boss is behind me eyeballing every move I make and I have other customers now is not a good time. He even tweeted "when the employee ignores you." He said my works name so I know it was me. I’m not ignoring u I’m busy. also were not dating stop. Matt is also super (Nicole's boyfriend) bored since Nicole is gone for the movie. He asked me to hangout and we have never talked outside of Nicole. So Im like ehhhhh maybe not. I mean I want friends and I’m down to hangout but it would be so awkward. I asked nicole if it was cool first bc idk how relationships feel about boyfriends hanging out with girls anymore. My grandparents are coming this Friday which is cool but I have no idea what to get grandpa for Christmas and nana’s package is just not here. Idk where it is they said its delivered but nope. I learned sign language so that’s cool. Oh! fucking dick face McGee was walking past me and his arm was out when he was fast walking and it hit me in the stomach and really fucking hurt. He was like sorry haha. It was an accident but im still salty about it. Im getting my fourth tattoo on the 22nd. I hope it turns out well because its more detailed then the others. All my tattoos are where I cant see without a mirror so I was like wait 3? What are they lol. I have one on my ribs, back of my neck, and my back. The other day at work a guy came in ordered a donut and then told me how he worked for 26 years and that people are telling him hes unemployed and was like "CAN YOU BELIEVE IT 26 YEARS AND THEY SAY I’M UNEMPLOYED" like dude idk you if you don’t have a job right now, you are unemployed atm please go away. It was just out of nowhere. Not sure what else to update you on...Oh well bye bye for now! 12/13/17

#diary

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kgysj-blog · 8 years ago

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day 2 - 4/26/17

dear depression, wassupppp biotch you still havent gotten me yet ayyeeeee *quickly knocks on wood* anyways imma talk ab my day/issues!!!!!!! so i woke up & wore this dress bc i didn't feel like wearing pants ya feel me ? well i made it to school in 4 minutes bc ya girl attempted eyeliner this morning AND IT DIDNT SUCK TERRIBLY WOO!!! oh yus. anyway i felt pretty today :') i got to first period (English) •total side note but the song that just came on is 'how would u feel' by ed sheeran and i absolutely fucking adore it man• and when we i got there i expected us to finish wuthering heights which i also absolutely adore. instead we had to do two worksheets front and back and it lowkey kinda sucked :/ but it's ok I finished them!! also it was sent around that the teachers met this morning to decide which day will be the last day for seniors to show up which makes me feel lit as fuck like let's fuckin go FUCKKKKKK white plains HAHAHAH :)))) then i got to second period (math) and coach ford wasn't here today so she left us a worksheet to do that had 36 equation problems & don't get me wrong, that shit easy af, it just takes time to write it all out fr. well im in a class where everyone likes to talk other than the guy that sits beside me (connor w. my mf nigga). well i start this worksheet w one headphone in & these inconsiderate fuckers who aren't even doing their work START TALKING LOUDLY and it nearly made it impossible to finish this long ass worksheet so I put my other head phone in and crank the music up as loud as possible. well it's be about 5 minutes and connor has done the same thing w the headphones, and these rude humans throw a pencil at us bc my music was too loud. MY music was too loud. well GUESS WHAT?! if you'd stfu i wouldn't even have to play music :-)) anyway i finished that bitch in ab 10 minutes then I took a good ass nap till break. after the bell rang I was walking to drop my back pack off in coach crews classroom and doddie and nugget pull me in a classroom & doddie has ranted ab this guy (not gonna name names) making fun of her and making sly comments ab her being gay!!!!!! it lit me tf up. but it was gucci she rented it all out and posted it on her spam & i ab died. then i went to break & saw my buddies and then went to third (anatomy). Me & brettford finished up our poster which looked good af & turned it in. then I saw dots spam post & ab died hahahahah I commented "can I tag him" then "I'll tag him" then "he's a little bitch" bc he is!!!! the girls doddie pulls are like gorgeous & his ex gf was not that pretty :/ I don't wanna be mean and say bad things ab other girls but :/// then we went to fourth period (economics) and Matthews hit me w some more of her bullshit. she stays mad at me fr solely bc of the table I sit at bUT GUESS WHAT! those are my mf niggas and imma sit w them bc this is the last time I'll frickin be able to bc #senioryearbitches but onward w the entry, we had to do this question thing on liz murray (refer to precious entry on who that is) and then we got to do our handprints on the wall bc #senioryearbitches. me and brettford did our hands together Bc he's my bestie and I love him!!!!! then i left and went to the store (gas station-stewards) to get pizza and when I got there, there was no mf pizza -_- I was mad af. the lady said it would take 12 minutes to cook another & it was already 11:53 and the bus gets there at mf 12:05 to pick us up so I had to tell her I had to go :/ so I went back to school and then to career tech & all was gucci. I fell asleep during class bc idk I get exhausted in moms class it's crazy Idek why. but then i got on the bus and i realized i had a text from the human im not supposed to be talking to :/ it said hi. so I said hi. Then he had screenshotted doddies spam post and said it better have not been ab him and he's dumb bc it wasn't -_- we talked ab it all for a while and then I told him not to worry & he said alright & I said okie and he didn't reply aha but I had to text him what dot said bc he had asked me to text her earlier so i did and sent it to him. then this mf replied like two hours later and sent me a beer pong game thing and we played for a while (i whooped that ass three times in a row) anndddd he stopped replying again. but i guess i needa get used to that bc im not supposed to be talking to him anyway. we decided Sunday we were gonna stay out of each other's life's until I was better & we have literally spoken every single day since then lmaooooo but it's okay. I got in my feels heavvvvyyyy ab him during moms class which is why I went to sleep I guess. Idk I just miss him n stuff.. it's okay tho no sadness!! I went home and sat and talked w dad for a little bit and it was nice I luv my dad. after I showered and all that I was chillin in bed listening to music & Dad brought me fresh flowers to my room :/ I had told him Sunday I love fresh flowers & then monday on our way to bham for my javelin lesson i told him a little bit about my depression stuff & told him about why I can't talk to Peyton right now and all that and I think it made him sad a little. :( but he is the sweetest most of the time and it made my heart super happy!!! but anyways that's all for today :-) it's 11:54 so imma hit the hay, goodnight!!!! love, g

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briinleyisms · 8 years ago

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LMAO HEY MTV IT’S MARCY WELCOME 2 MY CRIB

“LMAO” AKA “ ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) #squadgoals”

ok so lowkey have had this muse for like ten years (ive been rping since i was seven fucking beat me) but every rp i bring her 2??? drops after like??? five days likE LISTEN THAT IS NOT HOW U RUN A RP LISTEN!!! UP!!! PUT UR BACK INTO IT!!!

anyhoW ok unlike ivan since i was still figuring out his bg w rosie when i posted his ‘intro’ i actually got brinley figured out and there’s a long version and a short version. imma put the tl;dr up here ok bc the non-tl;dr is overwhelming. personality is like.... toTALLY POINTLESS WHO CARES ABT PERSONALITY but it’s at the bottom i guess :\

TL;DR:

ok basically she was born into a death cult in aliso viejo, california (tbh i just looked up rural places in ca and chose the most recently established one i could find lmao) called ‘the children of the revelation’ bc im extra. lots of fear-mongering revolving around the idea of The End of Days™. leader was a total prophet and totally abused his prophet power. planned out ritual for end of days was lowkey highkey terrifying (‘let’s go die in the river of miracles’!!!!!! [too extra help me]) and one of the ‘apostles’ was like ‘i quit’ and left iN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!! and lowkey basically kidnapped a few ppl including BUT NOT LIMITED TO brinley and they wound up in hillsboro and ‘apostle luke’ eventually left and now she’s in the oikos house. fin.

also sik tattooz bro.

ACTUAL VERSION THAT IS LONG(ER):

TW: cult (ofc), death, violence

firST it’s of note that i considered being rly fucking extra by putting quotations around her name bc her birth name is genesis like the book of revelations which brings me 2

my Extra™ title for this cult: “The Children of the Revelation”

so it was like a commune located in some place in CA that’s apparently rural and has only recently been established called ‘aliso viejo’ and lmao watch one of yall live there

but yeAH OK commune not just a church like the church of scientology like full on “u chose this life time 2 prove ur dedication”

alright so just full disclosure that i really really want to get this right and i know no one who has ever been in a cult (let alone a death cult) and i myself have not (as is likely expected) so i have already done research but i plan on doing like 100x more since this is a really serious subject. serious to the point that i’m not even using text slang (although i will when i get on with the intro post i just gotta).

anyhoW w that info out of the way time 2 get 2 the actual like point of the cult

first of all her mom joined the cult before she was born (ofc) and she was the gift!!! between her mom and one of the leader’s ‘apostles’!!!

so!!!

basically: “lmao ur not leviticus enough 4 us.” (probs their slogan)

ok but obviously that’s scratching the surface like the real fuckery lied w/in two thing:

literal death cult (will get to that)

also doomsday cult

which sometimes go hand-in-hand anyhow

ok so the doomsday thing is what was more prominent in her life since she was 16 when she #escaped and never rly disobeyed (so many things 2 get 2!!!)

the leader’s name was ezekiel (cheever this is actually salem circa 1690) and he perceived himself as a prophet and naturally.... had prophecies. one of the most prominent ones was that the rapture would occur at 11:59PM on December 24th, 2011 (take away four days and add a year and u got the end of the world according 2 misconceptions abt the mayan calendar!)

the idea was that if u obeyed what ezekiel told u 2 do (he believed he was the fourth reincarnation of christ) u would end up going 2 heaven on judgment day but if u disobeyed...... yikes.

it depended on the magnitude of the ‘crime’ but for the most part if u disobeyed more than two times u were killed. u were hung or drowned and u were made an example of.

if u disobeyed less than two times and ur ‘offense’ wasnt worthy of immediate death dw!!! u can scrape by w torture!!! and also be made an example of!!!

so basically u were at ezekiel’s beck and call. every little bit of labor he asked u 2 do was like.......... if u didnt do it yiKES!!! ofc children werent expected 2 perform any laborious tasks rather just 2 listen and take in everything ezekiel and his apostles told them.

his ‘apostles’ who (as u can infer) served as his right-hand men were the fathers 2 all the children who would be born inside the cult. they kept ppl in line. they taught the kids when ezekiel was busy. those sorta things u kno???

ok so imma skip over some of the details that are like.... worse??? like theyre all bad but like these are the things i j feel like shouldnt be brought up in an intro post but theyre in the hella long rough-draft bio here that i went ahead and put up for this purpose rly

SO THAT BEING SAID THIS WAS SORTA A WAY 2 SHOW THE SORTA ENVIRONMENT SHE WAS RAISED IN AND IT SOUNDS FUN AND I WOULD LOVE 2 BE A PART OF IT.

so ok imma try 2 make this next part go quicker

basically the ‘judgment day’ was closing in and ezekiel’s plans were rly like no thank u ( (TW: SUICIDE) ’hey guys! 2 make sure we get into heaven not only do u have 2 follow all of my commands since im jesus’s fourth reincarnation but we all also have 2 walk into a river with rocks in our pockets at the time the world is supposed 2 scorch with hell’s fire!’ (END TW) fun christmas activities for u and ur bae.

as it started closing in it was basically all ezekiel talked abt during his ‘sermons’ like wtf??? what a church service.

‘apostle luke’ (i hate myself) was like “ok..... ok the more u talk abt this the less believable it sounds..... like wtf jesus’s fourth reincarnation??? pics or it didnt happen.” and after some months he wound up concocting this plan 2 #escape bc honestly???

so he eventually eSCAPED in the deAD OF NIGHT and basically kidnapped ppl like ok sure luke

one of said ppl was brinley which i kno is unexpected. (honestly i think this is like??? maybe the third time i brought her up in all of these bullets??? honestly @me

“wAS NOT WILLING 2 GO!!! WAS NOT HAPPY 2 GO!!! WAS NOT READY 2 GO!!! NEEDS SOMEONE 2 FOLLOW!!! DOES NOT KNO WHAT 2 DO!!! DOES NOT APPRECIATE THIS!!! IS SHOOK!!!” - everyone luke fucking kidnapped then basically had 2 serve as a stand-in ezekiel for

they ended up in hillsboro after like 84 years and he was like “OK EVERYONE GETS NEW NAMES!!! :D” and tbh he probs just pulled out one of those baby books pointed 2 a random name and bam!!! that was their name

so even tho i’ve been calling her brinley this whole time just 2 make it??? not confusing??? genesis became brinley and she was no longer a book of revelations she is apparently a name that’s most prominent in utah

over time ppl pce’d out (not rly bc they wanted 2 but bc they needed 2 like u get what i mean.)

it ended up j being three ppl in their shitty apt!!! one luke one brinley and one kid who has a name but 1) i havent mentioned it yet and 2) i dont want 2 go look for it in the bio tbh

doomsday came and brinley was shook!!! rly rly shook!!! trying 2 find out what 2 do that would be similar enough 2 what thE CHILDREN of the corn would do!!! and luke was like ( x )

a lot more climatic than im acting like it was but this is so long i dont want 2 spend too much time on anything anymore but ok minor point is homemade inkin’ machine (legit mainly bc ryan ashley -dave navarro voice- [has/had] what it takes... to be ink master. -end voice-)

ok luke left eventually and idk so did the kid idk that’s in there and at first she was like “lmao idk what 2 do ig imma squat [man ivan and brinley #parallels] and keep doin what im doin” and she did and ok

aFTER ALL OF THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE she wound up w the oikos (bc honestly u can only squat for so long and who the fuck would be like “yes! i would like 2 be inked by a kid on the street who doesnt rly have anywhere 2 put anything! yes!” [i would be like that #exposed]) and is now somewhere where ppl dont think the world will end soon wtf

personality but who cares abt that:

WOW THAT WAS LONG

ok!!! so i never rly had a clear definition of her personality i just like... waited 2 see (BEFORE THE RP CLOSED FUCK THAT) but then i watched a long-ass chipotle commercial (theres this one part where a cow is basically abt 2 be slaughtered and idk it’s so sad it was rly playin up that pathos i wanted 2 cry) and i was suddenly like!!! a lightbulb!!! “aha!!! basically fiona apple’s cover of ‘pure imagination’”

SO 2 GET ON W THAT

it’s been five years since she escaped and started desocializing from that lyf she knew but like............ five years compared 2 sixteen i mean which one’s gonna weigh the other out tbh (i just typed ‘way’ i cannot believe myself pls send me back 2 first grade)

so ok literally LITERALLY it is this song like im tryna think of how 2 explain it???

like the lyrics of it are (u kno willy wonka) v bright (albeit a bit ??? during that spin part) but the bg in fiona apple’s cover is so??? dark??? and honestly fiona apple’s voice just makes everything seem darker (i love fiona apple shes such a queen)

so it’s a v contradicting song

and she has a v contradicting personality

like ok one big thing that fits this contradiction is she feels like she needs someone 2 follow??? since that’s how it’s been almost all of her life??? (come 2 think of it i wouldnt be surprised w my subconscious if that’s the reason she’s still in the oikos house [asides from jobless but]) but at the same time like??? she WANTS 2 be independent??? she WANTS 2 be able 2 build a life for herself and around herself and not someone else but??? it just doesnt work that way???

MORE CONTRADICTION!!! bc of that whole ‘death/doomsday cult’ thing she is a p paranoid person??? but??? at the same time??? c h i l l ??? i mean in any case shes always gonna be lowkey paranoid but she doesnt??? rly act that way most of the time??? this could also be filed under “very curious about the norms of this brand new society but also very wary and prefers 2 Not™”

MORE!!! lmao ok religion idek what 2 do here honestly it’s so fucked. she knoWS IT’S SO FUCKED IT’S SO FUCKKING FUCKED but 16/21 years like??? v hard 2 get over that??? buT IT’S SO FUCKED. like no hate no discriminate (speaking of no discriminate highkey bi i love wlw) but also “everyone is a sinner and so am i we are living in sin we are going 2 burn it is only a matter of time satan where u @???” so like??? scared and wary??? but also??? fucked.

A LOT OF FUCKING FUCKERY.

A FIONA APPLE SONG.

THANK U AND GOODNIGHT

if u would like 2 plot pls do feel free 2 like this or hmu

and if u actually READ that all then holy shit ur a saint u would make it 2 heaven on rapture day

#( sure marcy || ooc )#hillsboro:ooc #cult tw #i highly recommend clicking on every link i worked v hard on them.#personality = a song i heard on a chipotle commercial wth

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