#even tho i got almost no story set down bcs i cant decide which way for it to go

[atempause-art]

just what exactly are you supposed to do when part of your job is exorcising the undead but then out of all people it's your husband who dies horrifically and crawls back up as a murder monster

[brothalynchhung]

2023 overview part 2

since when was there a text limit?

anywho lolla was so much even if i was alone

chicago food slapped the city was so much fun and yeah just enjoy being in america

the record stores 🫡

that kokoroko story omg the fact that i went to the same places as new jeans just a few days apart 😭 but still that store was my 80s dreams

BUT YEAH I SAW NEW JEANS AND TXT LIVE

JID RHCP DESTROY LONELY A BOOGIE BAEBADOOBEE KENDRICK AGAIN

so much fun honestly the vibes of an american music festival r unmatched

loved summer so much

then i went back to toronto and just waited for the torment to be over cuz i just wanted to get the fuck out of there

seriously chilling w that bitch nd her weird ass bf was hell

literally toronto was the worst place i went to this year.. lol

anyways its over and never happening again

now i know forsure im never going back i HAVE to make it somewhere else

ANYWAYS i left canada then came back around sept and had to deal w moving out

left my old isolated place

gunna miss that view tho lol and my old gym / salon but othat than thaat... BYE

then moved in w nada which is going okay i guess whatever

im in a weird limbo state in my life rn -_- after an amazing few months of travelling idk what the hell going on

i quickly got a job LOL ofc but i kinda got into it/entered it not rlly knowing what the fawk was happening in my life like uh yeah i guess okay lets just do this cuz i need to sell my furniture and put it somewhere and i need a visa

legit its just for the visa until i figure out where i wanna go -_- bUTTT

i havent had much time to even think about that or my future cuz...

of that stupid ass discord. .. group -_-

look its not even the group idc about them like yeah nice weirdos woo whatelse is new

but that stupid ass day i decided to go to the korean restaurant.. -_-

like i was doing so well man but then my eyes set on fire

im still figuring it out but whatever idk

like work was good tbh it doesnt even FEEL like work cuz yeah tbh after that hell job i just dont care about labor anymore like nah im NEVER putting my whole pussy into a job ever again im putting myself first always now so this current job just doing feel like shit

actually its kinda helping me get my mind off this bitch

idk man i met that bitch and now i cant stop thinking about him

blah blah typically me shit i obsess over someone and daydream crazy about them idk

hes cute tho ig i think hes better than all those other bitches i been w

OH ANOTHER THING THO I FINALLY BROKE MY 2 ALMOST 3 YEAR SPELL

thank god 😩

i mean it didnt go the way i would have wanted to..

i move too fast -_- and i think that was the problem

but after that spell broke i thought i would be done w it but nope

im crazy and started to get depressed

idk what i want or if im just using this bitch as a distraction from work/figuring out life

idk what i want bc obv this bitch isint anything special hes just kinda cute? but whatever HES NOT GL

so many red flags but im acting like a bull

brrr whatever the biggest this is just selling that fucking ass furniture

anyways the whole end of this year was just the new job, this bitch and me going crazy

the new job is fun the ppl are nice the client is annoying but its manageable thank god we got wfh but yeah even in office isint bad the ppl r nice which is the best part

the partying.. lol girl -_- i need to slow it down i cant keep on getting lit BECAUSE HONESTLY whats ruining me is the drinking

maybe if that bitch didnt exist in my life i would be fine and have control but jeesuss its like im trying to forget my current situation through him then try to forget him through partying and bullshit -________-

god please send me gl .. or whatever

or maybe i just need to act normal and stop being fucking crazy over a bitch i barely know that will do nothing for me and go back to focusing on getting shit done and FORWARD with my life

yeah -_-

anyways end of the year partying wooo work friends woo this weird discord chat group wooo delusions wooo

gym movies books learning japanese learning music theory (which i rlly need to get back to...) videos skateboarding art basically always encompasses my years

i just need to put myself out there more idk i need to get out of my head and start to do more

which is were im at perfectly idk why i had to go so crazy from oct-dec but whatever i think its over now

i cant suffer forever

anyways this was a long ass busy crazy year with so much travel beginnings and endings moving cutting off and meeting new people... im so so so grateful despite the emotional breakdowns and work stress and this bitch stress im sooo happy i think this was such a fun year and yeah we need ups and downs..

pluto in aquarius eh? so shit about to get crazier... nice -_-

i just want to make videos do my website idk FIGURE OUT WHERE I WANT TO LIVE sell my furniture and yeah ofc read read read movies movies movies be HEALTHY create more and realign my brain w my goals after this dumb bitch entered my life ugh (im doing it to myself fr) anddd idk what else make friends that are like me and MOVE FORWARD

remember self CONTINUE!! CONTINUE!!!

see u next year and hey future self if ur reading this i love you u can do it U SURVIVED THIS YEAR U CAN DO IT

[kaguraspetsims]

[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.

[maternalcube]

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

[upuptowonderland]

Open letter of pure emotion and feelings that are trapped, and i cant express when in a negative mind frame.

I have never in my life lied about anything that is truly traumatic. Yeah, duh, I've lied before, I'm only human. I wouldny lie about things that are serious horrible events.

But, I recently have run into a non concent issue, and fealt violated. No details needed, but i will speak about my feelings towards this situation bc my feelings are fucking valid, and I haven't felt this bad for a while.

Dear whoever i even have left in my life anymore.

I have lost someone who I absolutely love very much. That I was starting to build a life with. But...they left me for believing that; I "cheated" on them, and intentionally tore them apart fully out of spite and "revenge". WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE TRUTH.

To sum up the most difficult and fucked up disagreement we had;

I owned up to my wrongs. Yes, I wasn't the grestest person for communicating and going out of my way to hang out with a guy you werent quite comfortable with. But, he truly was only a friend of mine. A persom who has a big part in my life, and kind of lingers in my life forever.if i like it or not.

I sat there...looking you in your beautiful eyes, and agreed to your statement only to an extent, not cheating but not being the best me.i. couldve. I watched your heart crack, and that's when the flames were thrown. And you were jusy...so so torm and full of rage that i could barley get a sentence in. And due to my panic attack i could barley breath and speak.

I was trying to just tell you that i was forced into doing a sexual act AFTER I DID NOT GIVE CONCENT. But all i was thinking, and could say is im sorry. The thingd you said made me ALMOST believe that being a victim, in a non concent SEXUAL act was cheating. IT'S NOT. kept saying harsh ztuff.it just made my mind questuon mydelf on "was being assulted chesting? Im a piece of zhit. Im the reason vor it. I guess.i shoupdbe been a better person amd not have been ghere, it wouldnt have happened". You made me.feel a hesvy amount of.guily that i didnt deserve to feel.

You didn't know how it reslly happened, the only thing you were set on knowing, is that i "cheated" on you.

I didn't mention the assault until 2 weeks after it happened. My reasoning? I was terrified. But unsure of how to handle the situation. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and convinced myself he didnt meam to do what he did to me, bc he was under ghe influence. I faked a smile every dsy after that. You onow? It's very difficult to get away from someone that is a friend of your number 1 HOMIES. So hes over every day, and i acted like things were.okay, didnt tell anyone. Reasonsings for not telling snyone also, i truly believed that i would get hurt. And that me telling everyone, would just create moxed emotions amd i beliebed id get acused as a liar, not tsken seriously, and my friendship pushed aside for a scumbag.

I FINALLY TOLD YOU THO! I FINALLY.TOLD YOU THAT I DIDNT CONCNET. I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED. NO! I didnt tell you this to in anyway try and make you comenback into my life. I TOLD YOU because i thought you'd love me.enough to understand the pretty traumatic incident i went through. But no....i was wrong....you say im a whore...and.that its something that I "LEAD" on. Yelled st me for not doing something about it. While feelomg so helpless amd disgusting amd frightened?

Then started to give a notice of like...wow, it happened so horribly and i ghess.i was.being extra without knowing every detail. THAT'S NOTNIT THO! YOU then proceeded to tell me you cant beliebe me not that in lying, but couldnt trust my story fully becsuse im an aparent "manipulato" , and still told me that if were mesnt to be, well see eachother agaim when its time.

Every ounce of my happiness drained from my body. When you had the roommate, kick me out, and have the WHOLE house againdt me. When they truly have no clue what happened to me. But as always, like a woman, i got up and fucking left. Lol, THE AFTERMATH? OF ACCUSING ME OF SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER DO TO THE ONE I LOVE. you ready gor it? I'm homeless again, in the winter. Lets see, i lost ghe fu king man im in love with over something that wasnt my fault. And looked at as a liar and false acuser. Lost the people that i jave grown to adore, and relate to amd feel 100% confident. Becsuse you made me out to be s Cheater. And a liar they coupdnt trust. Lost my happieness i worked.zo hard go recive. My home. And my heart.

I personslly dont think i deserve the harsh consequences and treatment im reciving from the ones i thought cared for me.

Yea, i spoke about it kind of late after, but i would never acuse someone of such a harsh crime, if they didnt reslly do it.

BUT this truly....opened my eyes to...wow, dont get comfortable with people easily, because no matter how.close you are, people are able to change like its nothing.

I'm finally recovering from my sadness. And depression and fright of my.assult. I'm PROUD of myself right now...I got a new job, I have been sober now for more than a week. I see my dsughter so much snd my life is made. I'm still living, and if the people ive grown go love and care for truly decide they're no longer a person in mg life, jtll hurt. And ill be hurt gor s while. But i will have to remind myself that....was it truly a friendship if i get abandon for zomething i had no control over.

My head is fu ked up. I truly didnt want to lose Zachary. And I do want to hope to myself that sometime for him to cool down, and then we'll be eschothers again. I have no friends anymore...ni home.

BUT I'M NOT GIVING UP. whatever happens eith us, will happen how it needs too. I love you eo much...but you never give.up on someone you love...and thisnis your 2md time giving up pn me.

I'll continue to strive for me, kick ass, become the best person i can. And grow to learn to never let someone else destroy you.

[cheswirls]

i have so many thoughts and its about 430 am so lets get started before they get scrambled.

i decided to read red potter and the middleground, but because i finished one so early in the morning, i had to hold off on the other for a bit, until this -past, i guess- evening. i had read for sure a chapter of the middleground previously, maybe two, but i’ve read too much now that the recollection isn’t coming to me like it came in small bursts through reading through chapter one again. i think it was another instance when i got extremely busy and had to put it down, maybe tac2 took over, dunno, but i got back to it now bc im still on the post-playthrough-of-white high and anything deep in unova is good and lu is fantastic so i knew this would be fantastic and is was right.

it’s a very dark read? unexpected, then again, its centered around a war, so also i shouldve expected it. the realization hit me around the third chapter, i think, when the nimbasa incident happened. very dark and very good. and emotional, i dunno how many times ive cried tonight but its been a night/twilight. the whole story basis with the center legend of unova and all the olden history is really good, its all really boosting my unova high like this is exactly what ive been needing to find, and all the characters it brings in despite the animeverse of it all -benga, n, touko!!- and the roles they play just really made it better, its kind of shallow but i like it even moreso because of the additions and though the story kept me highly entertained and drawn in there were a couple moments when i wished like oh man i hope the story has n in it bc n man jus n i need n content and then bam mentioned and now hes officially in it sort of i mean yeah he is. in the story. and this was early on like during the first few chapters so i had to hold out but it was worth it like, the story is interesting with the anime characters and i knew it was gonna be aniverse going into it and it was good and fine and still is good and fine. 

i dont remember when i started wishing for touko but man oh man it happened and i was like damn this could happen i wish she was kinda here bc i think i had begun to pick up on something and then later i really picked up on it which i will get to later and them bam another happy revelation and i am still like. touko. shes here. shes a part of the story. this is awesome.

anyway before this gets too long to massively too long, this is basically going to be a big analysis and happy-rant post, so if you have not read the middleground by the amazing @pkmncoordinators, you should do so here but then like leave this post until you do and then come back, that would be good. the rest is under a cut to save peoples dashes, sorry this is mega long already aha.

i played ghetsis’ battle theme through a chapter and it mustve been a shorter one bc it lasted me -30min- near the entire chapter. maybe the one beginning w the drayden and alder talk? or the dragonspiral tower one? or maybe theyre the same, its been a long night of binging this entire work. anyway. it set the mood for whatever chapter like i intentionally was like oh this theme is a little foreboding lets play it. and i had it down so low sometimes i could only hear the percussions to it, but it was still there, setting the tone.

otherwise, i found myself only keeping to n music. maybe there were a couple plays of unova e4, way in the very beginning of the first/second chapters, maybe, but for the most part, i kept with n’s songs. the bridge, some, the castle and battle theme, a lot. some renditions of such in b2w2 style. i tried to play through the music of n’s room in the castle, but i had to stop after a little into it, maybe ten minutes, because it was getting all these feelings out of me and i felt like if i played it all i would ‘tire it out’, so to speak, even though that hasnt happened w any of the tracks thus far, but i really want that to be a special one i  have on to draw inspiration from. later into the night/morning, whenever, i did decide to try out a remix of it via the b2w2 track of the same theme. the tune is in a slightly different pitch, but more than that, it gets distorted, almost corrupted, throughout and differentiates itself that way from the original, so i did end up playing through that no problem. i cant recall now if i ever played a theme back to back, i think i switched after the 30min was over, which, understandable, it’d been looping for half an hour. but i think i did play it again maybe once, which is fine. good.

but enough with music meta. its interesting, maybe thats where the draws of ‘where’s n?’ came from, but its not the focus.

oooh boy lets talk about various things that i will address here bc its 5am now and i need to not lose track. the n thing. um. the touko revelations. remember liberty, because the truth will set you free. the hero of truth. the opening chapter remarks. the possible sourgrapes. the viewpoints thing. there is probably more i will get to later in a different post but these are the current things for the morning.

first i wanna talk abt touko, hilda, whatever. small note so i dont appear brash, to ppl who dont really follow my content, i just dont really like the names hilda and hilbert. hilda is slowly growing on me, but missy always called the protag touko, and it really grew on me, and i live the name now, so thats what i always defer to her as. jus a preference thing.

so, i had no idea and i had every idea. oh my god. lu, you are so good at the foreshadowing stuff, serious. a master at it. i didnt pick up on the nimbasa trainer mention, or maybe i did but its been long ago now and i dont remember it. if she appeared before then i already dont remember the callback to it, oops. anyway. it was after that, for sure, if not before, that i did pick up on the brunette trainer and thought ‘damn if that was touko tho thatd be so rad’. really thinking it was in the electronic store in striaton, but that seems so far away from nimbasa like there mustve been something in between but i dont think so? so that. and then in the next, black city? abt the brunette trainer watching the tv, and i think i had the same thought except it was during ghetsis’ speech so between both moments brunette trainer was mentioned. i think i picked up on the repeated mentions of brunette trainer when she and iris locked eyes to see her also packing to leave the center. it was a thought more along the lines of ‘brunette trainers seem to be standing out to me more or are i guess being detailed more than other trainers’ than out of suspicion. i was picking up the repeated characteristic, but more of the notion that it was being named over and over, instead of anything real behind it. like, okay, there are a lot of brown haired trainers around, that works.

it was maybe in icirrus if that was the next thing, i tried to look and think i confirmed that was the next thing based on the recall conversation, so yes. in icirrus, my memory is really failing me sorry!!, somewhere, the first mention or maybe if that first mention was the brunette trainer across the hall in another room, my mind clicked. and it was like, oh, this brunette trainer might actually be all the same person. and i started to think again, wow, what if that person was touko bc i was really passionate abt it and i couldnt come up with who else bc i didnt have the focus i was still actively reading the store yknow? if was nothing about the being followed, i had to wait for the others to catch on and tell the reader before i got that aha. but i did! get! the touko part. it was when iris woke up from the comatose and all those scenes started playing out, maybe she mentioned not disturbing the others or cilan when they were talking, or georgia when she ran off, or something abt the trainer in another room, or a revelation dawned i guess somewhere in those scenes. and i was like oh my god that has to be touko god wow. im really losing my original train of thought i apologize. still recovering from sickness, and the whole long night thing. so something along that thought, but then it sorta got forgotten bc shit got real w virgil and the truth seekers being there, and i didnt recall again until she approached cilan during the counter sheidl -niiiiice throwback, by the way- training, and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!! that HAS to be touko and then she led him away and the whole scene played out and i remember scanning the page briefly, jus flicking my eyes over to see if i saw the namedrop and didnt, so i got entranced in the scene and then benga was like ‘hilda get the other three’ and TOUKO!!!!! WAS THERE OMG!!!! like confirmed, in the flesh, it was great its great what a great thing to add wow. and then the recall conversation happened and i began to pick up and was like wow they were being followed and didnt even remember the brunette trainer mentioned in nimbasa, barely remembered someone with a samurott led the charge to put out the fires, so that was a surprise. of course, that was such an intense scene, and i remember having a small breakdown around then bc burgundy said something about how she couldve been in one of those rooms and that chilled her and it sent me wild bc it was scary to think about, it really was chilling, this story really is dark che wow. 

so i was proud of myself for picking up on that, the touko thing, but i probably wouldve been in the dark completely had i read it and not recently played through white and mind being constantly on that region and those characters right now. 

that was super long. um. next thing is liberty bc i can remember it. the line is, im pretty sure, just remember liberty, because the truth will/can set you free. and its really only because im so into unova right now, but back at the first chapter today, my mind immediately picked up ‘oh liberty island’. except its not island, its liberty garden-island, thing, but still. the liberty just connected, and i had it, and so like when iris busted out like hey we’re not flying to nimbasa we’re going to liberty garden i was like yh guys cmon take a hint. but i really think it was probably creative and thought-provoking to others, a bit of a twister, to liek other readers like this isnt a callout on an easy riddle, jus a notion i picked up on easily. actually i remember the castelia thing confusing me, but there was also some disconnect because the liberty line want being used, it was just being mentioned that everyone seeking the seekers was heading to castelia, like the two were never paired i dont recall of. and it happened every time. i was like okay yes theyre at libery garden, then castelia was mentioned and i was like okay theyre at castelia. they never really crossed so they never crossed in my mind. it wasnt until the group landed in castelia i think that my mind connected, ah yes, liberty garden is off the coast of the city. i do wonder how plasma figured it out though. i think earlier speculation was on the touko-n relationship compromising the location, though im not sure how that would work in the first place, so it seems more likely someone jus picked up on the insinuation like i did, jus made the connection, tho i dunno who.

really quick hero of truth revelation thing. it took me a couple reads to grasp, like iris realized something cilan didnt but he went away and it took me, i had to read it over a few times because she realized something so therefore the readers have to realize as well, and then i made the connection that cilan was related to the hero of truth therefore making him the hero of truth. that couldve been phrased better unless cress and chili are somehow included which i think not, too many motifs, but the point comes across. i might not have made the connection had i not read earlier in the day about iris slipping cilan reshiram’s pokeball, something i stumbled upon before i started reading the entire thing oops so maybe that was a giveaway that helped me work through it, maybe i just connected based on the ancestor stuff, dunno. 

i still havent figured out whos writing the chapter intros and its getting to me!! i dunno if we’re supposed to know yet, at first i felt like cilan, and then a vague collection of others, maybe trip with the camera capture in black city, and then maybe touko at the end tho i feel like something was mentioned that was confidential and that she wouldn’t have known about. then again i suppose sharing stories and then recounting could come into play, in which case benga could also be writing them.. i dont’ feel like its someone currently irrelevant, tho. like, i don’t think it’s luke, or bianca, or someone kinda disconnected like that. its probably a spoiler for you to say whom, which okay, fair, but i hope someone signs off on the intros in the last chapter, or that theres something to pick up on to discover it ourselves, or maybe its not important, but i really gotta know eventually.

someone mentioned days ago about something like not being into wishfulshipping and then something about sourgrapes was mentioned, i really dont remember that well, but i started to pick up on it throughout, especially with all the camping scenes, and remembering you liked sourgrapes so much, and is it possible to confirm that thats a ship in this fic? or, has a possibility? i think i’m picking up on it, but it could be friendship, im not sure.

these next two are the last two for now i think. first, viewpoints, because this story delves into such a cast of characters and i think the same story told from the viewpoint of others would be so interesting, like told through the eyes of benga or touko, or even elesa possibly, and if you ever like wanna divulge in that or after you get done wouldnt mind someone taking a shot at it and working with for accuracy reasons, that would be pretty cool. and you have your first volunteer.

second and last is the n thing. i think a little is just meta, which i want to make a full post on later in time, so this may or may not tie in not sure. just, real brief, isn’t n such an interesting character? i really just, i dunno if i like him like i like others, but i really find his dynamic interesting. keeping it short, bc meta, the boy really grew up differently than a “normal” human. the proper socialization was there, sort of, because he can walk and speak and was educated like hes a math geniusa nd stuff, but he wasn’t socially educated. a lot of people dont realize the two are different, i didnt until i took an intro to sociology course this past fall semester. anyway tho. he really wasnt socially educated, and you can see that through all representations -cant speak for spe actually i havent read the arc yet- even in the anime, though far less likely than i would have liked, having rewatched the n arc a few days ago. the disconnect from people is there. n had tutors, but other than that he was in a room with his only company being pokemon formerly abused by people. that was it. not even normal pokemon, but those he had to gain the trust of first because they were misled by trainers. he doesn’t really know how to act with people. he talks fast, hes very blunt, he doesnt know the meaning of personal boundaries, et cetera. he was, practically, raised in a cult. led to believe only the cult’s beliefs. and its only through getting out of his room and around unova, at least in the game, that he begins to develop his own thouhgts and ideas and morals, that he begins to doubt what hes been preached his whole life. this is getting a bit like so im gonna cut, but i just, n is such an interesting character. the tie in. already, in the tv announcement, his voice is ethereal and i could picture it, could play the sound in my mind based off the anipoke and the gens voices, because both of those are genuinely how n sounds to me, i can see it perfectly it just works like there is no other voice for him. i could picture that when he spoke. and already, with the dreamy, far-off gaze, and it hardening, i can see his characterization is going to be so great in the middleground, and im so excited. i recently finished a fic where his characterization to me was absolutely perfect, and even as it evolved, that standard didnt diminish, because the evolution was so seamless and good that the changes to him felt right, felt realistic.

im realizing now this sounds like a do-good-or-there-will-be-consequences thing, which is not my intention. im just, i really wanted a story with n, one i knew would be good, and the middleground is it at the moment. and i know youll do a good job because i liked tac so much, which featured n, and already its the little things with middleground!n that are already so good, and this was really just me saying thank you and i cant wait, and so thank you and i cant wait for more. i cant wait to see more of n, no matter how small a role, or how big iunno, he plays, its already so good for such a complex character with such a grey background. morally grey, ethically grey, realistically grey, just grey. 

all in all, the middleground is amazing so far, i love it so so much, and once again, i cant wait for more. thank you for such an amazing piece thus far, lu. its past 6am now so its taken me a bit to get through this post, i hope the majority makes sense. and i cant wait to see what comes next with the story.

[bukxwskii]

THE FRONT BOTTOMS//03.12.16

OKay so I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now because seeing The Front Bottoms was probably one of the highlights of my life and i need to get this night down because im so scared parts of the night will slowly start to go from my memory and im sentimental lmao((I’m also failing english so you’re getting this as a just a list of things that made this night great sorrynotsorry))

okay for starters i looked hella good this day, had a sparkly top on, my hair in sick space buns and i just felt so confident with this new look it was so great

I’d been looking forwards to this gig for ages and i’ve wantted to see tfb for so so long 

it was a day after my mocks finished so it was such a relief and almost a celebration

It was at my favourite venue (kentish town O2 forum) and we ate cookies in the queue 

we met the nicest girl in the crowd and we spoke to her until the support act came on

we then met these other guys who were really nice too and quite jokes although they didnt actually like tfb and were just there for the support at Gnarwolves so we were with them/bumping into them every now again in the crowd during gnarwolves and then they left to go get high

I cant remember if we then met these other girls before gnarwolves too or before tfb, hence why im writing this all down because these are my fav memories and i dont wanna forget!! but anyway we got talking to these lovely girls(basically this was one of the friendliest crowds at a gig i have ever been to which is a big reason why this night was so great tbh) and they told me they’d been judging everyone and decided I had the best space buns which actually made me feel so so good about myself….FIve minutes later though and the music starts, someone crowd surfs over me and kicks my space buns out:// i guess it was too good to be true, typical eh?

Honestly i can remember the first support act, they were called Apologies, i have none but i cant actually remember their set. I guess no memories means it cant have been that bad tho??

Gnarwolves though were so sick, the crowd was so so mad and they put on a hell of a set. I’d listened to them before and knew who they were but only after i’d seen them live did i realise just how good these guys were and i would definitely see them again if i get the chance 

Every single second the front bottoms were on stage i had the biggest smile on my face, they were so so amazing and i actually love them and their music so much. Like not even just fangirling i have so much respect for this band and still dont understand why those guys we met didn’t stick around to see tfb

If i were to say the crowd was dead I’d be telling the biggest lie. For some reason I live for the feeling of near death, struggling to hold yourself up, having a lack of breath, being severely dehydrated and overheating, either being pressed up closer to someone than even thought possible or being in the pit throwing yours into and onto people left, right and centre in time to the music. Not to mention the surprise of suddenly having someone’s body part flung over you’re head from behind you and being expected to hold this person up when you can barely hold yourself up. To any non gig goer you wont understand and when i start to think about it i dont really either but theres something about being in these crowds which makes me feel happier than anywhere else in the world.

Having said that, and meaning it, during the encore some people had already started to leave and i wasnt bothered about being right at the front so for the last couple of songs i got myself a little space and danced and sung my heart out knowing full well i probably looked like the biggest twat going but i honestly didnt care in the slightest.

‘WITH TEARS IN MY EYES I BEGGED YOU TO STAY YOU SAID HEY MAN I LOVE YOU BUT NO FUCKING WAY’ Putting every last emotion and breath into sing/screaming this made me so unbelievably happy and one point me and this guy sung the hey man i love you part to each other and god singing to strangers in the crowd is probably on of the best feelings i cant explain it. 

Okay so these next bits werent actually at the gig but it was still that night so im counting it.

So me and my mate got on the tube absolutely buzzing and chatting away about the gig and this guy opposite us obviously realised we’d been to the same gig as him and he was listening to his music so he started humming and singing along and as it was the front bottoms we joined in singing and so he took his headphones out to play the music out loud and it was just quite jokes. also he was really drunk and basically invited us out with him but we had to get the train home

then on the way to the train station we stopped at a shop and got some grapes and water but let me tell you grapes are the best after gig snack like its soo refreshing.

we then got on the train home and oh my god this is my favourite train ride and favourite story to tell ever, basically me and my friend sat on one table of four and there was another one next to it with this drunk guy(Nick from Sevenoaks with a brussel sprouts christmas jumper) on and we were just happily sat with our grapes and cookies on the table still buzzing and this group of drunk people in their late 20′s probably came and sat on both tables(there was like 8 of them) and they were the funniest people and at first we were just kind of listening in to thier conversations and like laughing to ourselves but then one of the guys was like ‘omg do you guys have food!?’ so we were like yeah and passed over our grapes and cookies to them(bc sharing is caring) and that kind of made them start talking to us and it was so eventful like being the sober one you realise how much shit drunk people chat it’s so so funny and anyway we were talking to them for quite a while as i think we were all on the train together for like a good hour and somehow we got on to the subject of relationships and one of the girls asked Nick the one who was originally on the train if he had a girlfriend and he was like no so then they asked me and i said no to so they got the bright idea to set us up and they all were so excited and were like come on molly swap seats swap seats so i’d be opposite him and i was just there like nahhh and i kid you not they like dragged me up and made me move seats and then they put the grapes and cookies(which they’d pretty much ate all of) on the table in between us to make it ‘date like’ and then one of the guys went all speed dating mode and starting asking us both questions about us so we’d get to know each other and this may sound weird but trust me it was the funniest thing ever to happen. We also got them listening to tfb and we were all sat on the train listening to them so yeah that was a pretty fun train ride

So yeah that was the night I saw the front bottoms and even though it was the whole night that made this i cannot wait for the front bottoms to tour again and if you havent already….LISTEN TO THE FRONT BOTTOMS !!

[thegeminisage]

hella spoilery zeldablogging from earlier tonight

feel kind of bad cause i had to look up the gerudo maze desert thing but i was SOOO close on my own

oh my god there's a lady over here by this shrine failing at cooking and all the recipes she teaches me give me dubious food

there are PILES of rotting garbage that have flies around them and the thing in the pot is sending up this black cloud of smoke lmao

wow the blood moon came in the middle of me clearing out an enemy camp :/

good god there's a stable out here in all this deep snow? how?? would the horses not, like, die?

aww beedle's here but he's cold ):

WOW you can upgrade the boy gerudo clothes but not the GIRL ones? that is SEXIST

oh noooo shield surfing DOES damage your shield i hate this i love my current shield what if i can't find another!!!!!

lol the ridge tower si surrounded by water and electric enemies. Great

omg i found the royal lab ruins ):

ok, i gotta begin prioritizing here

while i'd LIKE to complete all 120 shrines before i beat the game just for the armor, i don't think that's going to be possible - i haven't even unlocked some of them yet bc i don't have the snowballs or the quest takes so long

but the most important thing to me is memories

so after i check out all the ridge shrines on this map i'm gonna get the hyrule field map as well and get those memories

and i'll just save a lot and if i fuck something up and trigger endgame stuff i'll reload

god idk how to do this trial on the thunderplanes so like...im gonna let it be

see? i could never do all 120 before tmrw night

PLEASE this memory i just got was so cute zelda was being a nerd over plants and caught a frog she wanted link to eat :')

i love this zelda like i'm super not crazy about her voice actress sounding much older than i think of her as, and the fantasy british accent, but she has so much more personality than many of the others

ah, and i see now why she loved the silent proncess so...can't be grown domestically, only thrives in the wild

much like herself if you watch some of the other memories haha she feels trapped by her own destiny that's easy to see

i think it's super clever how even with a map you still have to look around for shrines bc they are hidden semi-underground

and i wish i had more time to stop and enjoy the little things like that, but i CAN come back and explore later, i can't unlearn a plot point

this spoiler fear might be a little baseless...tbh i also want to finish the main story tho bc like

i want it to be something i play in my free time, not something i obsess over 24/7 and HAVE to play and think about all the time

it's been a beautiful fun and absolutely life-changing experience but also it's been two weeks and i gotta get back to my actual life, i can't be Like This indefinitely

i'm kinda stunned that it took me this ling tbh? like, even skyyward sword was like a week and a half the first time iirc and i did that at like, a pace where i could stop and explore, i remember thinking how huge skyward sword was

omg im so glad i decided to ride epona down to where i need to go next rather than fast travel + walk bc 1. faster maybe? and 2. THE MAIN THEME PLAYS WHEN YOU'RE ON EPONA OVER THE NORMAL HORSE THEME i could weep

KASS IS BY THIS BRIDGE HI BUDDY I LOVE YOU

i solved the puzzle! this time im talking to him BEFORE i go in

he told me it was stupendous ;_; thanks pal

aw dude another memeory and it played the trailer music but

is zelda really only SIXTEEN about to turn seventeen? how old is link?? i guess under 21/18 if they wouldn't let him drink...

jesus, they're just babies ;_;

also, she quoted link's horse advice so like

this + the dialogue options gives the feeling that he does actually speak, you know? so as much as i love mute link i also like these glimpses into his personality as well, bc he's always been such a blank slate

he's empathetic, playful, sometimes downright goofy, and very tenacious - confident, but not in a cocky way, and obviously always a bit shaken when he gets a memory back

it's nice getting to know him a bit, even if you have to patch most of it together - kinda like narrachara lol

;w; it's so nice to have epona gallop over when i call her again

omg i think i found kass's house! i see his journal :3

haha i got this song "when the blood moon rises stand naked on that platform" ok nintendo

i wonder if you get all the puzzles do you get to tell him who you are ):

im tempted to unlock this one now lol

like, it takes a long time to get here and it's almost the blood moon

SIGH this is gonna take awhile but it'll save me time later

oh lmao it was JUST the blood moon so i'd actually have to wait a SUPER long time nvm tbh

well. welp. welly well well

i guess.......its time for hyrule field tower

Im Scared

wow. holy shit. i can see the great plateau from here...and it looks so small. i can see the temple of time, i can see the tower from which i first saw hyrule castle. i can even see the little path i nearly followed, when catching sight of my first moblin and becoming curious, before i got myself back on track. damn. Damn. i have come FULL CIRCLE, holy shit

and like, it's just the way i played it. hyrule castle for last. but you know? i love that shit. journeys ending the way they began. gets me in the feels every time

i'll be honest, THIS i could really stop and explore. forget those awful snowy mountains. this is where the #history is

oh god. i see a guardian down near that tower. please god don't let it be a mobile one

FUCK

i saw two still ones and relaxed and a mobile one snuck up RIGHT FUCKING BEHIND ME

[wheezing]

i don't wanna stop and grind but i worry i might HAVE to get some guardian armor before i can do this, even just one piece...!

i have a diamond circlet so all i'd need from the prof is the chest and/or legs........oh god. jesus fuck

motherFUCKER the range on those still ones, i wish i had been able to take them out...!

oh jesus i made it

this is it. final tower. thank fuck

there'll be more guardians, way more. i gotta at least check and see if i can afford some arrows without setting myself back further for the armor

i think i had all the mats i needed actually i just needed cash...maybe i can cook to earn some since i sold my monster parts

k, i only have enough gears for the chest OR legs, and i don't have enough rupees for either... :/

i COULD buy some arrows and still have enough mats for the armor but then i'd be setting myself back HUGELY re: rupees

ok, i FINALLY got the chest, jesus, now i can go back to hyrule field

altho it doesnt have any def and without even going to the fountain i know i cant upgrade it so rly is it worth it at all, but w/e

also, i read online that if you can learn the timing of parrying their lasers they go down REALLY easily but i suck so much at combat

i guess i'll just wear my anti-guardian stuff, i have daruk and mipha's abilities and fairies AND FAST TRAVEL if anything goes wrong

YES i did it holy FUCK

oh my god! three-shotted!

oh

i just climbed a small hill and got my first look at the rolling green plains...i missed you

no, no, i gotta go get epona to make this perfect, there's a stable i can warp us both to

omg it's the very first people i ever encountered outside the great plateau again

NOOO i hit epona when i was aiming for a monster baby i'm sorry!!!

i gave her an apple and some pats to say sorry ;w;

"legend says that an ancient voice resonates inside that sword...can you hear it yet, hero?"

frankly i'm glad they finally got their timeline shit together bc even tho the games are SO far apart im LOVING these continuity nods

yeesh, only two memories left but they're both RIGHT at the castle...im scared LOL

): i wouldn't feel right taking epona any further

reasons i never have money: cannot physically stop myself from buying arrows

oh, hyrule field is just beautiful ;___;

ohh god im scared

its fine its fine they wouldnt put a memory that close to the castle and then make you go back to impa if hat wasnt POSSIBLE its gonna be ok

awww no zelda sees link as a living reminder of her own failures?? whyyy

ha i love fighting guardians for the first time in ages im like COME TO ME LET US BATTLE

im uh. still working on the timing, but

oh JESUS

my mouth fell open in horror i climbed over a wall to get to the outsideish of the castle (castle town ruins, so says my map) and

the music was already creepy but jesus CHRIST

there's no color except for that blight evil goop stuff...no life...it's awful

poor hyrule, oh god

it's a lot like finding hyrule castle town devastated in oot when you first wake up, except of course this time we've nothing to compare it to visually, only emotionally...

i see a fuckton of guardians too so its a good thing i learned not to be scared of them

ok, god, i can do it, just one memory, i know RIGHT where it is

apparently the hylian shield is in here too and i am sooo sorely tempted

i mean if i have to get that fucking close anyway...

lord i googled it and apparently this memory is super hard to get you gotta Activate some shit but they did it this way they made it so you have to go back out i know i'll be able to come back out i WILL

ah, apparently you need to fight a stalnox for the hylian shield.ok. ok. good, great, Nice, Perfect

haha im soooo scared ;_;

ok, apparently the two paths are COMPLETELY different, so One Thing At A Time

we'll start with the memory, it's more important

tbh, i can't even bring myself to go in. i gotta go around anyway to get to the starting point of this path so i will

lmao i am almost PHYSICALLY ILL with dread this is SO stressful

JESUS

the music went all scary and the map is in 3D like a beast!! which i knew but it's so Much

and i got a cutscene of the calamity screaming with the Classic ganondorf theme i'm Dying how the fuck does anyone just get this memory and LEAVE holy shit

oh my god the main theme comes in!!! jesus

even ballad of the windfish a little?!?!

oh FUCK and ofc with the lightning

haha aww there's a "leave area" button on the map i can bail whenever i guess tat's reassuring

not yet!! i'm gonna have Courage

ohhh i dipped into a doorway just to wait for revali's thing to recharge and the music changed!! so i got scared and went back outside lol

oh god the higher you go the oranger the sky turns it looks like the blood moon jesus fuck

I MADE IT INSIDE

oh god, zelda's STUDY, the rooms all have names bc ofc they do

holder of the triforce of wisdom of COURSE she had a study she's such a nerd im crying i bet she loved it here and it's totally decimated

a silent princess sprouted in her study too ;_;

HER LULLABY IS PLAYING IN HERE IM GONNA CRY

oh good there's the memory!!

ohhh this picture of how it used to be is hurting my heart it was BEAUTIFUL

holy FUCK dude

ok old man is struck from my heart forever he was such a DICK to zelda no wonder he called himself a fool

link knelt right away but god damn i would have interjected on her behalf

you can't expect a person to pray 24/7!!!!

and deny her her passions, which are obviously machines and learning!

omg she has a journal in here and i almost missed it jesus

TODAY SHE MET WITH IMPA im cryin

omg this is her finding the sheikah slate!!!

jesus, and she found the shrine of ressurection too and hoped she'd never have to use it, and Yet...

oh GOD i hit leave area and it plucked me down in the middle of castle town nope nope nope fast travel outta there

ok to impa and then last memory i can do it and then do stream

and for once not play again afterwards bc to be quite frank i could never stress myself out this bad right before bed again, FUCK

hylian shield and all the rest of it tomorrow

h o ly fuck

he DIED protecting her, or he was going to, but she stood in front of him for once and finally unlocked the power, that's how she unlocked it, for HIM

i'm WEEPING and the sword made the fi noise from SS

even the sheikah warriors ran like sheik in smash bros

im gonna cry that was so much!!! there's so much continuity

fi is in TWO GAMES like...that was such direct referencing!!!!

SHE HAS BEEN FIGHTING ALONE FOR 100 YEARS jesus CHRIST she is SEVENTEEN

ok, im gonna watch all the memories in order and then quit for the night

i just realized the ceremony scene is where she mentions embers of twilight and adrift in time - putting us on the mm/tp timeline

aaaah im sad

god and i LOVE her princess dress i wanna see it in her classic pink why is everyone in this game blue??

so like, despite me not being crazy about zelda's voice ACTRESSS and the VOICE she's using, she actually does the best ACTING out of the entire cast

high key loving this zelda who is smart but has trouble with feelings, also

holy SHIT

ok so one of the first memories i got was of zelda coming down mt lanayru

amd it was badass and i enjoyed it

but there's SO much in there once you know more context

mipha was highkey about to spill to zelda that she was in love with link

revali's distain for link

urbosa seems less stern and more caring now that i know her better

now i know what zelda was trying so hard to do

"we have to keep trying until we find the thing that unlocks your sealing power [long shot of link]"

and "i'm not a child anymore" ofc it's bc she just turned 17! like link in oot!

oh man oh man

i love so much link's expressions in these serious moments especially that very last look into zelda's eyes before he "died"

it feels a bit like, with the other stuff i was talking about, i'm getting just a hint of character

and it's kinda close to My Headcanon but even if it wasn't i just like getting to know him

warped back to the temple of time & i'm leaving it there for the night

tomorrow: The End

(and my shield)

[skychaser787]

Love, Simon novel vs. movie comparison. Spoiler Alert! (180710)

So this is going to be a 70% factual comparison (and of course because this is tumblr i’m going to sprinkle my opinions and rants here and there) of the movie “Love, Simon” vs. the novel “Love, Simon” (originally “Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda” by Becky Albertall). The list is definitely incomplete and i may add some more stuff in the future but these are the more “important” comparison of the things that caught my attention.

So here we are, my what’s-probably-going-to-be-really-awful comparison of the novel & the movie:

Where’s Alice?: Alice is Simon’s older sister who’s absent in the movie. Btw, she doesn’t normally come home for christmas, and she’s dating Theo, who’s Martin’s older brother.

Regarding Lyle, Suraj and Mr. Worth: They don’t exist in the book

and Ethan and Sophie: They were implied in the book. But in the movie Ethan got his own character and Sophie was shown as a text message

and Jackie: She doesn’t exist in the novel but i love their exchange in the movie.

as for Taylor: The opposite. His character is slightly more well developed in the novel.

Email address: Simon’s email address in the book is hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com. It’s frommywindow1@gmail.com in the movie. Both are referencing to different songs (Ok so a search from the web told me that it’s Elliott Smith’s “Waltz #2″ for the former and The Kinks’ “Waterloo Sunsets” for the latter)

Starting scene: In the novel, everything started when Simon forgot to log out from his email. But i found the introductory scene in the movie to be very refreshing.

Scenes that got cut: There was this part in the novel where Abby, Nick and Simon went together to Atlanta and they entered a gay bar / restaurant, and Simon got picked up by this college guy named Peter and got drunk. (And grounded for 2 weeks for the matter). As a sidenote, this was the key event that led to his parents’ acceptance in the novel, as opposed to him talking separately to his mum and dad in the movie

Scenes that got cut 2: In the novel, Simon did 2 theatre performances.

Eyeliner: In the movie it just got shown briefly that Simon performed with eyeliner. But in the novel, before the entire Martin saga, Abby drew eyeliners for Simon and (according to Abby) Simon looked “fucking hot”. Abby redrew his eyelines during their final show when they’ve patched up

Scenes that got cut 3: In the novel, after Simon and Bram were officially dating, there was this talent show where Leah played drum and Nora played the guitar (as helped by Nick). And since Alice was there it led to a pretty different ending which i’ll discuss later.

Martin is blue?!: The novel mentioned explicitly how Simon thought that Martin could possibly be blue. And the emotional havoc that follows thinking that he has fallen in love with someone who has blackmailed him and publicized that he’s gay.

Lack of interaction with Calvin?: The novel was more explicit in explaining how Simon kinda liked Calvin too (esp his bangs). The scene where he asked Calvin if he’s blue is only in the film. In the novel, Calvin fooled around with him and pushed him down the hallway in a rolling chair before the entire Martin saga happened. But after, Calvin casually mentioned that he’s bi and that they should hang out sometimes. (PS: I do think that Miles Heizer was a great choice for Cal. That bang is on fleek)

and lack of interaction with Blue...: I think the novel did a better job in developing the story on how Blue and Simon liked each other. Their exchange of emails, their convos, and how they fall for each other, romantically and “physically”.

Blue didn’t erase his email in the novel: He didn’t know anything about the tumblr saga nor did he let Simon know that he knows him. He never checks tumblr and they kept on talking. (PS: In the novel, Martin claimed that he deleted that post on tumblr before the admin could even remove it)

English test: There was this part in the novel where his teacher gave out Bram’s test results to Simon instead and it got full mark. Hint: In the novel, it was mentioned that Blue was a language genius and Simon vetted his email countlessly before sending it to him. And they tried to guess each other’s identity based on their english teacher.

Eliott Smith shirt: Blue (Bram) left an Elliott Smith tshirt on Simon’s locker with a little message (and it contains his phone number too) that Simon only found 2 weeks later as he kept that shirt under his pillow. On a side note, Simon’s parents found out that Simon was drunk bc Simon insisted to Abby that they go back to his house first (after getting drunk in Atlanta) because he needs to get that shirt. And he got grounded. (PS: The last line of the message says “So if you think i’m not attracted to you, Simon you’re crazy” AND ISNT THAT JUST THE CUTEST LITTLE THING ON EARTH OMG WHYCANTIHAVEASWEETHIGHSCHOOLLOVESTORYTOOTHOIMLATEBY1.5YEARSNOW)

Bram’s subtle hint: In the movie Brant drop some subtle (i forgot if it was oreo or halloween) hint to Simon when the gang ate together. But in the novel, that never happened and Simon was trying hard to find out who Blue was. Instead, Simon dropped some subtle hints to Calvin (which is obv not blue) and Simon also asked Blue some stuff that indicated that he thinks Calvin is blue.

Halloween party: It did exist in the novel but it was not a central event like it was in the movie. Also, Leah’s sleepover scene and John Lennon getting drunk scene were only in the movie

Waffle house: The 3 of them visited waffle house more than once in the novel. Also that screaming scene didn’t exist in the novel.

Simon making up with Leah: He carjacked Leah to waffle house in the novel. He ran up to her while she was walking her dog in the movie.

Simon’s involvement: Simon was much more subtle in getting Leah and Martin together in the novel, it’s as if he doesn’t do much. Simon didn’t make up lies in the novel, and the waffle house thing was Martin’s idea in the novel.

Martin’s public confession: Nope that didn’t exist in the novel. But i do think that it’s better to have such scene as it makes more sense why he decided to leak Simon’s secret. I found that the reasoning in the novel (Abby was disinterested in him before christmas) was rather weak compared to the embarrassment he got in the film.

The bullies: In the movie the 2 jocks were publicly mocking Simon and Ethan in cafeteria and Ms. Albright sternly scolded them. In the novel it was more like a series of subtle harassment and she dealt with them by revising some school policy conduct of anti bullying and tolerance before the theatre show, in front of the audience (because they crossed out Simon’s playwright character name (Fagin’s child) to become “Fag”). I liked the movie version better tho. The flow was better.

Coming out to his parents: There were more interaction and emphasis on how Simon came out to his parents in the movie which i found to be more heartfelt. Also his dad’s original line in the novel was: “Let me guess, you’re gay, you got someone pregnant, you got pregnant”.

Simon and his friends: I was also quite moved with the scene where during the day when school started again, this entire blackmailing saga “costs” him his friends. In the novel, Abby and Nick got together because they spent the new year together after Simon got drunk and grounded and that’s what pisses Leah off (in the movie it’s because Leah liked Simon but Simon set him up with Nick). But the novel delved deeper on how Simon felt like a jerk because he doesn’t even know simple trivia about his friends and ended up finding out more about it.

Ferris wheel scene: The part when Bram joined Simon and they kissed together at the top (and cheered by everyone) was only in the movie (EVEN THO THAT IS ALSO EQUALLY AS CUTE). In the novel, the carnival was almost over and the park was rather deserted and they just hold hands together. They shared their first kiss in Bram’s car (during one of their lunch break) where they decided to go out on an oreo date (and it was winter and it was raining too) AND IT WAS ALSO EQUALLY AS CUTE I AM JEALOUS

Bramon: They were quite cheezy as a couple in the novel AND YES I STILL FOUND IT CUTE 

Ending: The ending in the movie was Simon, picking up Nick, Leah and Abby as usual, and they got 5 coffees this time, and he picks up Bram, and Leah moved to the back seat, and Bram got into a front seat and they give each other morning kiss (AND I’M JEALOUS WHY CANT I HAVE A CUTE LOVE STORY AND A BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT TOO sorrynotsorrytoethanandcasper). In the novel, Alice, Nora, and Simon’s parents are off to this restaurant called The Varsity leaving Simon and Bram alone in his house for 2 hours where they made out.

Appearances: In the novel it said that Simon was blond, had grey eyes and wore spectacles. (Hey but Nick Robinson was a good choice nevertheless. At least he got his specs on during the flashback in middle school). PS: i was imagining Martin to be this thin, somewhat nerdy, bespectacled guy with curly hair but oh well.

PS: And i think Keiynan Londsdale (Bram) is pretty cute. Way to go Simon. Great choice.