#even tho i didn't even have a word for what it was then

[lucimaaie]

we pt4 ✧.* tlou

pairing - santa barbara!ellie x reader

summary - you and ellie make a promise.

a/n - okay fr my hands hurt i need to take a break but this is the endd (prob) did this need to be stretched out, prolly not but..i did it, lil angst, fluffy tho, wasn't sure how to end it but hope u like it

part 1, part 2, part 3

“texas. that’s still a ways down, isn’t it?” you said, looking down at the annotated map. it was worn out, having been dropped a few times and even dropped in the water but the picture was still clear.

you looked over at ellie at her lack of response. her eyes were laser focused on the road ahead of you, only tearing her eyes away for a second once she heard you call her name. she raised her brows.

"you okay?" you knew the question was one that probably wouldn't be answered honestly, but it was worth asking anyway. she was still shaken up from what happened months ago. being back in the cabin, you barely encountered runners or clickers in the middle of nowhere. she'd started to wonder whether or not it was worth it to drag you from the home you'd already shared together.

"m'fine." ellie scratched her outstretched arm. she'd been driving for hours and you knew she'd barely slept.

"i'd believe that if you weren't zoning out every few seconds." you folded the paper up and tucked it into the console, angling your body to look at her. ellie glanced at you, sensing you were gonna say something. "lemme drive. i know how, a little bit."

"a little bit's not exactly reassuring, peach." she rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times. "just sit back."

"but, you're tired."

"wiiide awake." she stretched the words out like that would reassure you more. her eyes were in fact wide in atttempt to keep herself awake and not swerve off the makeshift dirt road.

"baby." her eyes seemed to soften at the pet name. she let her head hit the head rest, looking at you with a smile. she shook her head as she looked back at the road.

"not gonna let you do it." ellie sung.

"it'd be great! i'd drive, you could take a nap. how's that sound? a nap."

"are you talking to me like i'm a- i'm not a baby."

"but you're-"

"my baby." "my baby" ellie mocked you.

"you're so..i love you."

"i love you too, will you let me drive?"

"you're relentless," ellie eventually pulled over and gave you the reins for a few hours. she didn't go to sleep the first two, still unsure about your driving skills. not that she didn't trust you but learning to drive wasn't exactly a concern amongst people today, so she would get it if you couldn't. but when it was clear you would hold up pretty well, she couldn't resist sleep anymore.

ellie flinched at the sound of a rattling in the car. she looked around to see the car stopped and you in front of the car, checking out something under the hood, probably having no idea what to do. ellie took a moment to breathe, reminding herself that nothing was wrong this time. there hadn't been for months, you were fine.

when she got out of the car, she wore a tired smirk. "you broke it."

"no i didn't." you looked stressed, leaning your hands against the hood as you looked into the mechanics of a vehicle you'd only found days ago. you couldn't even tell what model, these things were practically useless without gas. you bit your lip as you tried for the problem, having no idea how attractive ellie found you like this. "i swear."

"it's alright." ellie wrapped her arms around your waist from behind and kisses your temple and your cheek. "would've ran out of gas anyway. we got it on foot." she rounded the car to grab her backpack and wrap it around her back. she came behind you and moved your arms to put yours on. "unless you wanna rest a while?"

"no, no i took enough naps." you adjusted the straps of your backpack before lacing your fingers with ellie's. "let's go."

you had become grateful of the extra rest being in a car had given you. unfortunately it made it easier to become winded when you'd become used to sitting on your ass.

on the bright side, you were almost to texas. the only scary thing was the uncertainty of being somewhere this new without knowing if you'd find a place like the cabin. and you knew if were anxious, ellie felt worse. "you okay?"

"you keep asking that." ellie as she tried not to look at you, which she loved doing, only not when you were so adamant on getting an answer. she didn't want to tell you she was still scared over what happened months ago. she'd been through worse, but it felt like none of it would compare to losing you. if she lost you, she was done.

"you usually give me some smartass answer. like that one." you jogged down the hill to catch up to her. "like before." you looked at her from the ground.

ellie’s eyes flicked over to you. her eyebrows furrowed as she caught what you meant. this wasn’t before. not when you and her were essentially roommates and she tried to pretend as if she was falling in love with you. no, you were together now. she was trying.

she was pulled out of her thoughts by you tumbling down the grassy hill. “oh my-“ she tried to run down to get catch you but ended up slipping herself.

ellie was in shock as she landed at the end of the hill onto finally flat ground. she was just recovering from the fall, dusting herself off when she heard you laughing. “what?” she asked, completely thrown off guard between what she was already feeling plus the added embarrassment from falling on her ass.

she stared at your carefree expression, allowing herself to let out a laugh of her own. she didn’t exactly find the situation funny, it would be had she not had so much on her mind, but she laughed anyway. she couldn’t help but laugh. after a while, it died down into quietness as you laid in the grass.

ellie looked at your relaxed expression and she was reminded of her fear. “you can’t leave me.” she said quietly. “you can’t leave me o-or do anything stupid to get yourself killed, okay?” she turned to look at you, her eyes pleading.

“ellie.” you scooted closer to her, mirroring her. “i’d never.”

“you swear?” her voice shook with emotions she wanted to push back down. "cause you've scared the fuck out of me before. i hate feeling like that."

“i swear on everything i love.” you pushed her hair behind her ear, your hand cupping her cheek. your eyes were filled with love as you swiped your thumb over her cheekbone. “that includes you y’know.”

“i-i got that.” she chuckled, blinking away tears. she wasn’t a crier but of you made her one to wear her emotions when she hated to.

“you have to swear to me too. no more martyr bullshit. i don’t need you to save me, i need you to be with me.” your words were a harsh reminder that she’d been thinking of what she’d be like if she lost you but not you if you lost her. “swear?”

“i swear.” she leaned up to kiss your nose. “on everything i love, i swear.” she said before laying a soft kiss to your lips, course it didn’t stay that way with both of your emotions on high. ellie pulled away with the need for air. she looked at you with all the affection in your eyes and swollen lips. “let’s get to texas, peach.”

thank you for reading!

[thedinanshiral]

On the choices we make

This week we got the last article in IGN First series for The Veilguard, and many are not happy.

Here's the article, feel free to read it whenever, at your own risk tho

SPOILER WARNING & DISCLAIMER: I'll mention some spoilers for the character creator options for the Inquisitor. And i have not really read the IGN article, just looked through it vaguely but Twitter made sure i knew what it was about. I also got these spoilers earlier when the embargo on the preview event was lifted, so it wasn't really news to me.

In short, the shocking part of the article people are upset about is basically most choices from previous games don't carry into The Veilguard in any significative way. This news caused a lot of people to despair, become disappointed, sad, and even angry. So here's my two cents explaining why the devs decision to trim down the ever growing tree of possible outcomes from all past decisions was a smart and necessary move.

First let's talk about the Warden. It's been fifteen years since DAO, the Warden has served their purpose. Expecting them to still keep on the spotlight forever just isn't realistic. Particularly lore-wise, they're tainted, they're getting their calling eventually, they can even die in DAO. Even if in some worldstates the Hero of Ferelden is alive, searching for a cure, enjoying family bliss with Morrigan somewhere, this is not their game anymore, hasn't been for fifteen years. And it makes absolutely every sense that Rook doesn't get to casually ask Morrigan of all people about her personal life and her partner. Considering the different origins as well it also makes sense if the Warden is simply referred to as the Hero of Ferelden in codices instead of specifying if they're Cousland or Mahariel, that way all origins are contemplated without the need to select which one we chose, yes i'll say it again, fifteen years ago. Please, play DAO again if you must, but just, please, move on. It's time.

Then let's be real here, DA2 is pretty much self-contained. We see the direct consequences of the DA2 events early into DAI. There isn't much to talk about DA2 choices after that.

And now, about DAI...people were left in the Fade, people drank from a well, Divines were chosen. And The Veilguard is not about that. Sorry, but that also makes sense.

The Fade choice: it's pretty much decided that whoever stays in the Fade during Here lies the abyss didn't make it. They're gone. Sad, i know, but it's also been ten years in game as well and Hawke, Alistair, Stroud and Loghain are only human, they can't survive that. The thread many hang on for hope is Flemeth's words to Hawke "We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment... and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly" , is not a hint towards them surviving the Fade, it's precisely about them jumping into it. Which is what happens in that quest. There's nothing in those lines about making it out alive, or out at all. It's "whether you can fly", not "that you can fly". People always want these games to be DARK FANTASY full of DIFFICULT CHOICES and CONSEQUENCES that CARRY OVER, but when they choose a loved character to make a sacrifice and potentially die suddenly they expect them to have plot armor and return like nothing happened and nothing was lost? That loss was a consequence of that choice, and we all have to live with it and move on.

The Well choice: Solas' reaction to the Inquisitor drinking from the well is a strong one, but the consequence of that was already shown in DAI, in worldstates where OG Kieran exists we can see Flemeth control the Inquisitor to restrain Morrigan when she's trying to stop Flemeth. There's no confirmation on this but it's possible this power is gone once Solas petrifies Flemeth in the epilogue scene. From there we can only headcanon what happened with that power to control whoever drank from the Well of Sorrows; did the power vanish once Flemeth died? Did Solas inherit it when he absorbed her powers? Did Solas decided to only absorb her energy but avoided taking that particular ability with him? Remember, he's against slavery, servitude, and controling others. He's more into killing people in their dreams, petrifying his enemies and blowing up dear old friends' favourite stuff with his insane mind powers for extra emotional damage. If Morrigan is who drank from the well, it could also be she found a way to nullify that binding to Mythal; we don't know it yet but seeing as she appears in The Veilguard with a headpiece similar to Flemeth's it could even be she eventually accepted Mythal's deal. Anyway, the protagonist this time is Rook, and whoever drank from the Well of Sorrows is not something that affects them, or the main events of the game surrounding the Veil and a double Blight. The Well was drank, let's move on from that too.

The Divine choice: honestly? Not geopolitically relevant this time. The Veilguard takes place in Northern Thedas where the main power is Tevinter, which has its own Chantry and its own Divine. We're apparently not going south of the Waking Sea, so who rules Orlais or Ferelden and who sits on the Sunburst throne ruling over the southern Chantry is of no consequence to the regions we'll visit and the people we'll meet as Rook in this new game. Also, it's been ten years since all of that went down, whatever we made happen with the Inquisition could easily have been changed with a rebellion or two throughout the years.

The choices from previous games that affect The Veilguard are all from DAI, because that's the one game directly connected to The Veilguard; whatever happened in DAO and DA2 happened then and there and we've already seen the effects of those choices, sometimes in the same games they were made on. And the choices from DAI that carry on are limited to just three: Who the Inquisitor romanced, if the Inquisition remained or was disbanded, if the Inquisitor vowed to save or stop Solas. These are the choices that directly affect and are pertinent to The Veilguard events. DIRECTLY.

Now this has gotten some people bitter, like the game is serving Solavellans and dropping everyone else in the Amaranthine to die like their worldstates don't matter, but that's not it. Those two last choices are there even if your Inquisitor is not Lavellan, even if your Lavellan did not romance Solas. Remember, the Inquisitor and Solas can be friends too. They can even despise each other. I guess some could argue the romance option is there to cater to Solavellans too but i ask -rhethorically-, is it not relevant if the man set on destroying the world to return to a past long gone has a romantic history with the hero advisor of our new protagonist? Is it not relevant that this particular relationship was his only weakness, capable of changing his mind and stopping his hand??? Better yet, try to explain how it's not relevant. Considering who Solas is, what he intends to do, his role in determining the fate of all Thedas in the past as he is about to do now, Solavellan is very much relevant. A friend Inquisitor is also very relevant. An Inquisitor that wants his head on a platter i bet has much to say about Solas' role in this new stage too. As for the fate of the Inquisition i imagine it might affect how the Inquisitor can play their role as advisor to Rook, if they still hold the title and have some support from the Chantry maybe they can offer different resources or intel than if they're acting independently.

Every game so far has had many different options available, worldstates abound, paths can fork in so many ways and places it's insane to pretend it all carries on and on and on in every following game, when each game presents a new protagonist, a new institution, and its own theme and conflicts to deal with and resolve. In The Veilguard we'll be dealing with blighted ancient elvhen gods set on destroying the world. What is Hawke got to do about it? What could a senior, dying Warden do to save the world now? Even the Inquisitor can only contribute from the sidelines, maybe, we don't know yet.

Apocalyptic events will not wait for what was to come back to soothe our nostalgia. This time it's the Veilguard and Rook's time to save the world, and i'd say we let them. And let's give ourselves a new chance to make new, differenct choices, with different stakes and consequences we'll likely see soon enough probably backfiring on us. The devs worked on this game with the intention of giving us a full game, avoiding a repeat of previous questionable moves (like the main story truly ending in a dlc rather than the base game). In order to achieve that they had to focus, a lot, on how to carry the narrative forward and develop all these new characters, and let's be honest 100% now, that's pretty difficult to do if they're permanently looking back and dwelling on old characters and events. We can't move forward by looking over our shoulders to what was.

I strongly suggest everyone we give The Veilguard the opportunity it deserves, to be its own game as all the previous games were. For many players including myself their first Dragon Age was Inquisition so previous choices were not registered, we had no idea and still had a great time playing DAI and got so invested in it many went back to play DAO and DA2, and dive into the novels and comics, even Redemption, and that CGI Cassandra movie. So past choices not carrying over to newer games isn't the catastrophe some people are complaining over. Also please don't be arses to the devs over things like this, they worked hard all these years to give us their best, they deserve respect.

Lastly, i'd like to share a phrase in my language, "quién te quita lo bailado", which translates to something like "who can take away from what you've already enjoyed?" (the answer is nobody btw). If you already played previous games and enjoyed them, loved them, and played them 50 times over, that's yours, your experience, and nobody can take that away from you; the characters you built, your headcanons, that's all yours, for life.

Can't wait for October 31st so we can keep enjoying this world that for many of us feels like home.

[patrice-bergerons]

One underrated benefit of adulthood is that sometimes you get to fulfill the wishes of your 16 year old self -- e.g., by finally stealing captain jack harkness' look for yourself 😁

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[inkskinned]

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

[sysig]

Rainbows (Patreon)

[revolutionarygirlanthy]

asks user why they whitewashed anthy in their recent art (as in, paler even than movie anthy)

gets told to go fuck myself basically

lol

anyway: anthy is brown and if your draw her as paler even that her movie design you've done a racism.

[merp-blerp]

Gaylor/Kaylor and Oz: Parallels and Theories 🌼🌈❇️

CW: Light Spoilers for L. Frank Baum's Oz book series (books 1-15) and major spoilers for Return to Oz (1985). And this post is very late-stage-Kaylor-specific, so if that's not up your alley, that's chill.

Overblown Analysis Under the Cut ↓

As a huge Oz nerd, I and many others have noticed many Oz media parallels in Taylor's music. I wanted to piece together some I've seen mentioned and some I've noticed myself. More things could pop up as time goes on, so I could imagine me editing or making a second part to this post if necessary.

Part 1: Rainbows 🌈

In the 1939 film, Dorothy's home, Kansas, is portrayed as a dreary sepia or greige color, that way the contrast to the gorgeous technicolor of the land of Oz could be even more effective on the audience. Somewhat surprisingly I guess, this sepia color is reflected in the book, with Kansas being described as "the great grey prairie" and even W. W. Denslow's original illustrations of Kansas being colored in greige; the pages don't include more color until Dorothy is swept into the cyclone on her way to Oz.

So many of Taylor's lyrics describe events turning her world from colorless to colorful or vice versa. "The rest of the world was black and white // But we were in screaming color" from "OOTW", "You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else" from "Illicit Affairs", "If all you want is gray for me // Then it's just white noise, and it's my choice" from "BDILH", "Like a rainbow with all of the colors" from "ME!" turning into "I'm just... in shades of greige" from "The Prophecy", etc.

For TTPD, from a gaylor perspective, the sepia and greige theme of the album is supposed to reflect that for Taylor the closet is colorless and sad. It also invokes old Hollywood and how closeting is an old-fashioned practice figuratively and literally. Closeting is a practice based on outdated mindsets and fears and it's been a practice since Hollywood as we know it today was beginning to be established. MGM Dorothy actress Judy Garland was in at least one lavender marriage and might've been queer herself, but the latter isn't as confirmed as other victims of closeting of the time like, say, her husband Vincente Minnelli. Taylor often utilizes vintage imagery in her music, romanticizing it, but the song "TTPD" (and other points in the album) calls her out for it with her lover having to remind Taylor that they are living in modern times despite being held down by old-fashioned ideals. The Wizard of Oz (1939) film is arguably the epitome of old Hollywood nostalgia, so it makes sense for Taylor to use it as a way to tell the story she wants to tell, especially if it's a queer one since Oz is very special to a lot of queer people.

For what it's worth, Ashley Park performed the film's song, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on The Drew Barrymore Show in what looks to be the Christian Siriano rainbow dress. Fun! Curiously, I can't find a video of this performance, I just happened to stumble upon this GIF on giphy.com and an article talking about the performance.

As an extra tidbit, in the Oz books, the rainbow is personified in the character Polychrome, the youngest daughter of the rainbow. She happens to be featured in one half of a certain famous quote from The Road to Oz. Polychrome comments, "You have some queer friends, Dorothy," to which Dorothy responds, "The queerness doesn’t matter, so long as they’re friends." This quote is theorized to be the inspiration for the phrase "friend(s) of Dorothy" in queer slang. And it's nice to have a friend like Dorothea, of course. Speaking of which...

Part 2: Dorothy and Ozma 🌪️🌺

Dorothy Gale needs no introduction, but I will give Princess/Queen Ozma one since she's a more niche character. Ozma is the rightful ruler of Oz. The "Wizard", Oscar Diggs, was not meant to rule over Oz. He went to great lengths to usurp the throne from Ozma's father, Pastoria, and hide Ozma away as a baby, dumping her on a witch named Mombi, who enslaves her and disguises her as a boy named Tip so she and others won't know her identity. She learns the truth about who she is and takes back her throne in book 2, The Marvelous Land of Oz (This backstory is why Ozma is a trans icon, along with a sapphic one). Ozma and Dorothy meet each other in book 3, Ozma of Oz, and are inseparable from there on. A common queer interpretation of Oz sees Kansas as like the closet and Oz as being out and free. A part of why the queer interpretations of Oz work particularly well in the books is because in The Emerald City of Oz, Dorothy and her Kansas family move to Oz permanently when Kansas stops being liveable for them. So Dorothy becomes the second ruler of Oz and Ozma's "constant companion" at Ozma's "proposal", as L. Frank Baum describes it. Dorothy is the only person allowed in Ozma's bedroom unannounced, which is cutely domestic. Baum's story and John R. Neil's illustrations of the two often depict them as being very close, holding hands, and kissing. It's not really knowable if Baum intended for it to be seen this way, but many modern Oz book fans see them as a couple.

Naturally, there's the theory that Taylor's song "Dorothea" is about Karlie, as well as the fact that Karlie dressed up as Dorothy for Halloween 2023 and did a partly-Oz-inspired photoshoot in 2010, among other Oz-themed things. Also, after the first book, Baum had a falling out with Denslow and appointed a new illustrator, John R. Neil; Neil's design of Dorothy sports a blonde bob, which reminds me of the "Karlie Kut" a bit, even if that's coincidental. Since the Karlie as Dorothy theory is pretty well established, I want to forward a theory about Taylor taking on the role of Ozma.

For starters, Taylor wears a gingham green dress in her music video for "Karma (ft. Ice Spice)" as she skips and sweeps down a yellow brick road in red shoes, looped braids, and lemon beret. This outfit is a bit perplexing, as while it seems very Dorothy-inspired, it actively makes itself just different enough from how Dorothy is illustrated in the first Oz book and seen in pop culture. It could be suggested that this is for copyright reasons since 1939 Dorothy is not in the public domain yet and using that likeness would require making a payment. However, thanks to the book specifically describing/illustrating Dorothy as wearing blue and white gingham and pigtail braids, these features can still be used, as all of Baum's Oz novels are in the public domain. Oddly, the only potentially copyright-able aspect of Dorothy's costume is the one that Taylor kept, the ruby slippers exclusive to MGM's '39 film, since in the book Dorothy's shoes are silver. So why were all these unnecessary changes here?

My main theory is that Taylor is subtly invoking Ozma in a way that would still be recognizably Oz-ian, as I don't think most people would catch on to the Oz reference if Taylor dressed as a more accurate-looking Ozma. Hence why the gingham and red shoes are present even though Ozma is never described as wearing anything like that. Ozma is often depicted in long flowing white or green dresses. And while Ozma's hair is usually free in Neil's illustrations, her hair is sometimes tied into a bun, and Taylor's looped braids seem to be in the same family as a bun (I don't know how else to say that, I hope you get what I mean...). The lemon beret is hard to explain. As far as I know/can recall, lemons have never played a major role in any Oz media, so my guess is that the hat is meant to match the yellow brick road or maybe slightly invoke the fighting trees from the film and book. Since Taylor's outfit is similar but not the same as Dorothy's, it could be interpreted as Taylor dressing as someone adjacent to Dorothy, or a friend of Dorothy's, and Ozma would definitely fit that title. Ozma is also a fairy, so this also lines up with my Taylor is the beast to Karlie's beauty theory, since a fairy is a creature. And as the small, coincidental cherry on top, Ozma was originally described as blonde like Taylor in the story's text, despite the fact that Neil always drew her as a brunette. Dorothy's appearance outside of her clothes is rarely if ever given, that way anyone could see themselves in Dorothy, her design not mattering too greatly. The only clue to her physical looks is in the illustrations, but the consistency changes over the Oz series when it comes to Dorothy's design, so again it doesn't matter. Kind of like how, whether a song has male pronouns or not, it’s always describing Karlie, the "design" of the muse not mattering. And it actually does make some sense for Ozma to have the ruby slippers, even though she never had them in the books, but more on that in the next part. If Karlie is Dorothy, Taylor is Ozma.

An alternate, more flimsy idea is that Taylor is dressed as Dorothy in her green dress returning to the Wizard with the wicked witch's broom as proof that she melted her. However, this doesn't quite work for me personally, as in the film, Dorothy never got a green dress from the Emerald City. And while book Dorothy did get a "green" dress, she never had to bring the witch's broom to the Wizard and her dress wasn't actually green but white; it only appeared green in the Emerald City due to the green spectacles everyone was tricked into wearing by the shamming Wizard. And of course, book Dorothy's slippers weren't red like Taylor's, but silver. Maybe I'm being too particular, but to me, the details of the two titular versions of Oz make this idea weak.

Another idea is that Taylor is dressed as an amalgamation of Dorothy and the witch, which is definitely an interesting thought. In the 1st book, both Dorothy and the witch have no magic of their own and need to obtain magical items, like the silver shoes or the golden cap. But the difference is that the witch uses her power to do evil while Dorothy doesn't know the power she has, even by the time the shoes get her to Kansas again, as they presumably could do way more than that. The idea of Taylor combining the two is interesting, but again the red shoes put me off.

I think the Ozma theory works the best (and I think it's the cutest).

The story of Ozma being unrightfully taken from her throne and hidden away from everyone and herself reminds me of many stories told through Taylor's music. Lyrics like "I (I) don't (don't) like your kingdom keys (keys) // They (they) once belonged to me (me) // You (you) asked me for a place to sleep // Locked me out and threw a feast (what?)" from "LWYMMD" and trapped imagery in MVs like "Willow" feel somewhat reminiscent of that story.

Taylor isn't any kind of genderqueer as far as anyone publicly knows for sure, but Taylor definitely seems to have no problem with aligning herself with masculinity and taking on male roles. Take things like the wonderland photoshoot (Lordy! 🤭), Taylor semi-confirming she's Folklore's JaMEs, "The Man", "Peter", and maybe etc. Ozma being a girl but forced to present as a guy for years could be seen as similar to Taylor having to paint some of her songs about women as being from a male perspective, or some songs never being officially said to be from a male perspective being assumed to be so anyway, like "Question...?"

One more small parallel between Taylor and Ozma: Ozma is often pictured as wearing two poppies, one on each side of her head, seemingly in her hair or connected to her crown. Reminds me of "Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair" from "The Great War".

Part 3: Return to Oz 👠

Return to Oz (1985) is an unofficial sequel to The Wizard of Oz (1939) made by Disney. It takes the stories of The Marvelous Land of Oz and Ozma of Oz and combines them into an original story. At least in America, this is the only feature-length film to feature Ozma and attempt to vaguely adapt the novels more closely. (Context for RTO photos in the image descriptions, which is the case for every image and GIF on this post because why the hell not)

Return to Oz adds a setting that wasn't featured in any of the Oz books: a mental hospital. Aunt Em and Uncle Henry, concerned that Dorothy isn't sleeping and won't stop insisting Oz is real, send Dorothy to a mental hospital in an attempt to get her help (not out of malice). As we know, TTPD features the theme of asylums prevalently. The treatment chosen to help Dorothy is electroshock therapy, similar to Taylor receiving electroshock therapy in the MV for "Fortnight". In "Down Bad", Taylor says, "They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about the existence of you", just like how Em and Henry thought Dorothy needed psychiatric help when she talked about Oz being real.

When Dorothy stays over at the hospital for treatment, a character named Nurse Wilson (Kansas doppelganger of Mombi) escorts her to her room; Nurse Wilson wears a black dress very similar in style to Taylor's black dress from "Fortnight".

When the power goes out and the electroshock therapy isn't given a chance to begin, a fellow patient revealed later to be Ozma helps Dorothy escape the asylum by freeing her from the bed she's strapped to and bolting with her. Ozma and Dorothy slip into a river while running away, in which Ozma finds an abandoned chicken coop for Dorothy to ride through said river to Oz, Dorothy fearing Ozma drowned during the process until the end of the film. This is similar to Taylor and Post Malone's character escaping the asylum after Post cuts the power in "Fortnight". Ozma unstrapping Dorothy from her bed is similar to the nurse who unchains Taylor from the bed in "Fortnight", theorized to be played by Karlie herself. And Ozma finding the coop for Dorothy to ride away on is reminiscent of Taylor clinging to her piano in "Cardigan". Clinging to something when in rough water is common imagery, so it could definitely be coincidental, but I thought I'd mention it.

In this film, Ozma is trapped in a mirror by the witch Mombi, reminiscent of Taylor depicting herself as trapped behind glass closets in numerous MVs. After Dorothy saves Oz, she is the one to free Ozma from her glass prison by touching her hand and guiding her out of the glass, similar to Post and Taylor in the last scene in the "Fortnight" MV. Ozma in the mirror behaves like Dorothy's reflection, which reminds me of Taylor having Post's tattoos when she wipes her face in the mirror as if to say she's a reflection of his character.

Dorothy gives Ozma the ruby slippers before leaving Oz (Disney paid for the right to use them). That could help to explain why Taylor wears the ruby slippers that Ozma never had in the books if she's truly dressed as Ozma. And notably, when dressing up as Dorothy for Halloween, Karlie wore a full Dorothy costume, except for the ruby/silver slippers, arguably the most important part. As if Karlie was in "Kansas" and gave Taylor her shoes.

Dorothy chooses to return home in the end, but Ozma gifts her a way for them to communicate: through her mirror. This way Ozma can watch over her and when Dorothy wants to return to Oz, Ozma will make it happen. I've mentioned the parallels with the glass closets, but this also reminds me of "A tiny screen's the only place I see you now" from "Dorothea". In the book and '39 film, Dorothy uses her shoes to get back to Kansas, but in RTO, they are presumably going to be used to get Dorothy back to Oz when the time is right. So maybe after Taylor potentially comes out she will use Karlie's ruby slippers to sweep into the rescue and save Karlie from Kansas/the closet and back to Oz/freedom with her. Outside of RTO, it could also work the other way, with Taylor using the shoes to go home, especially with all the lyrics Taylor's had about returning home to/with her lover. Kansas doesn't represent anything bad in the original story, so it's possible that Kansas isn't a debilitating cage/closet, just home where you feel safe with the ones you love. Ozma also encourages Dorothy to keep their communication secret. Dorothy wants Aunt Em and Uncle Henry to know of Ozma, as she calls for Em to come and look as soon as she summons Ozma. But Ozma seems to see it as best kept quiet, no exact reason given to the audience from what I can tell, but it's understood by Dorothy and Ozma themselves. Pretty similar to Kar and Tay maintaining their closet for reasons we gaylors don't fully get to know, at least not yet.

(I didn't know where to put this little factoid, but in this film, the only times Ozma really smiles is at Dorothy. It's not important, just a bit cute and sad.)

And as a bonus for you Spade riddle fans out there, when Dorothy meets Ozma in the hospital, Ozma gifts Dorothy a pumpkin because "it's Halloween soon". The pumpkin is a Kansas doppelganger to an Oz character called Jack Pumpkinhead, who calls both Ozma and Dorothy "Mom" because Dorothy saved him from Mombi and Ozma built him and brought him to life. A bit reminiscent of Karlie and Taylor having Levi and Elijah if you ask me. I'm admittedly not a huge riddles person because it goes a bit over my talents, but I think they're intriguing and I'm curious if the riddles and Oz/RTO together would mean anything.

There's debate on whether Post's character is supposed to represent Taylor working with herself to get free or Karlie. I think it could be either or even both in a convoluted way. I like both theories. If "Fortnight" is based on RTO, the roles of Ozma and Dorthy seem switched, with Dorothy rescuing Ozma from the asylum. However, the tattoo mirror scene suggests that Taylor is mirroring Post's character, or playing him, and if that's Karlie, maybe the MV could be seen as Taylor playing Karlie in a sense since they're "twins" whose pasts are "parallel lines", while Post is either playing Taylor or Karlie; they are one and the same. The MV is really interesting to ponder in general.

Part 4: Miscellaneous Oz Connections ❇️

Lightning round (filled with tons of reaches)! ⚡️

In the "ME!" MV, Taylor and Brandon running up to the green building with a rainbow beam on it whilst in green marching band outfits looks similar to Dorothy and her friends running toward the Emerald City in the '39 film.

The all-pink soldiers in the marching band scene of "ME!" remind me of Glinda's all-female red army in the books.

In "loml", Taylor sings "The coward claimed he was a lion", a reference to the cowardly lion.

The men in the "ME!" MV falling from the sky with umbrellas reminds me of Dorothy and her cousin Zeb falling through the sky with an umbrella down to Oz in Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz.

Taylor might've been in a Wizard of Oz play at her school in 2006. The linked post doesn't give too much evidence admittedly, but I think it's worth saying that the play at least happened at her school.

I wasn't sure where to put this mini-analysis, but I think it's interesting that Taylor associates Dianna Agron with Wonderland and Karlie with Oz and the differences that could suggest. Alice and Dorothy go through similar adventures, but the two go about them very differently. Dorothy adapts to Oz very quickly and loves it there, enough for it to be her second home. Meanwhile, Alice certainly doesn't enjoy Wonderland as much as Dorothy loves Oz, itching to get out and stay out. Dorothy is very active in her role, making friends and changing Oz forever, while Alice passively goes through the motions and lets things happen before escaping to the next thing. It seems like Baum wrote the Oz books to give children lessons on friendship, feminism, and more, while Lewis Carroll wrote the Alice books with the exact purpose of saying nothing and giving birth to the genre of "nonsense writing". And Wonderland is definitely a dream in the original two novels while Oz is a very real place in the books. I know the associations seemingly have to do with the muses’ actual taste in fairytales, but I wonder how the differences speak to the story Taylor’s spun in her music about them. Assuming both Oz and Wonderland are freedom to some degree, does Wonderland being temporary speak to Taylor and Dianna as a couple, while Taylor and Karlie are still ongoing IMO, just like the Oz book series to this day (Canonical Oz books are still being written by different authors. There’s 40+ of them)? Is there something in the fact that Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is an English fairytale and The Wonderful Wizard of Oz is considered the first American fairytale, and Karlie convinced Taylor to stay in America and live in New York rather than London where Dianna was? Do Alice and Dorothy’s different reactions to their discovered worlds speak to how both Karlie and Dianna feel about closeting vs being out or maybe how they feel toward Taylor in some way? I genuinely have no clue, but it's some interesting food for thought. (This isn't Dianna, Swiftgron, or Alice's Adventures in Wonderland slander btw, I don't know enough about Swiftgron besides the basics to do that.)

In Conclusion 🌼

I have no way of knowing if Taylor has even read the Oz books, seen Return to Oz, and knows all this information, but I think it's fun that these connections are there. If there are more connections you thought of or ones that you think I missed, let me know!

Thanks for reading!

[drumlincountry]

Every ✌️🏳️‍🌈💖queer vocab as gaeilge 💖🏳️‍🌈✌️ infographic I see has like aerach, maybe ait, and then the same list of terms that were directly translated from English by USI in like 2016. Cowards. Tell me the slurs.

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe

[keyh0use]

We know how well Barry comforts Rafe, but I’m curious if you have written about Rafe comforting him (or trying to, anyways) when Barry cries either openly in front of him or when he thinks Rafe can’t hear/see him? Can’t help but wonder how he’d deal with it

Have I written published pieces about this? Probably...you don't read my stuff and I write too much to even remember what happened in the previous chapter of whatever I'm currently working on, so really your guess is as good as mine. Unfortunately I can never settle on a proper hc for how Barry was brought up; big, loving family who lend support and thrive off physical affection or a broken, abusive one. Which plays a big part in how I think this scenario would go. Regardless, I do make him very emotional because I feel he is underneath all the sarcastic comments, and that his chill persona is only 50% real. But he masks well after so much practice, either from his upbringing or the army or drug dealing.

Rafe doesn't care about some stranger whining about a breakup in the country club bathroom or one of Rose's snobby friends sobbing in the pool house after one too many margs BUT he's not unfeeling or clueless when it comes to those he cares about. I've written and hc that Rafe was responsible for his sisters a lot of the time growing up, mainly Wheezie, because Ward was very untrusting when it came to who he let around his children unsupervised. (In case they revealed something, embarrassed the family name, got a reputation for not looking after his own kids, etc.) So Rafe is a pro at making a slow, calm approach followed by easy questions, picking away at the tension until whoever is ready to let it all out. He'll side-hug and shush softly and then provide solutions, because solving the problem is how he would show he cares.

At least that's what worked with Wheezie when her ant farm smashed on the driveway after show-and-tell (Rafe helped her order a new starting kit and cleaned up the broken glass and dirt) or when Sarah had a project due the next morning she forgot about. (He knew where the key to his father's office was and broke in to raid the supplies closet, then spread out on his sisters bedroom floor to help her glue information cards to Bristol board)

But would Barry appreciate Rafe trying to step in and tell him what he should do? I doubt it. Chances are Barry already knows what needs to happen and is just frustrated and overwhelmed. In the early days he could lash out, act angry in place of hurt and it would be convincing. He would tell Rafe to leave him alone, or he'd rush outside with the excuse to smoke or take a call and hide around back. If Barry cries, there's a chance Rafe would be able to tell, so he practices breathing to calm himself down like he's taught himself to do when he was hiding away in his childhood bedroom or surrounded by dozens of other men in the barracks. (I mean think of when the pogues robbed him. Was his first instinct to hunt down Rafe at the country club and subtly ask for help? Yeah. Is it likely he went home and kicked the now empty bag his stolen money was stuffed in before collapsing on the bed to shed a few tears? Also, yeah. I hc that Barry sends all his spare cash home but even if that's not the case, there goes his car payments and rent/mortgage, and rainy day fund and any potential trip to the emergency room.)

So...I don't know that this would happen before there's something serious between them, because I think Barry would go to great lengths to avoid any potential slip-up with big feelings, besides anger, since men don't tend to think that's an emotion. (And this isn't just about crying, either. He'd fall for Rafe hard and keep his mouth shut, suffer through months of lingering touches and longing stares because like hell is he showing his belly first) I mean I could write it, but I don't think it would be very interesting..

Alright, so they're dating or whatever, and Rafe comes back to a silent trailer. Barry's definitely off work and his truck (or whatever vehicle you want buddy to have) is parked in the usual spot in the makeshift driveway. Fishing poles are by the front door right where they were left last night, worn-out wallet is on the scuffed-up kitchen table, dirty boots are left by the couch. Rafe would creep down the hallway and peek into the cramped bedroom to find Barry on the edge of the bed, face in his hands and shoulders shaking. It wouldn't be loud and whiny and dramatic, frankly, like Rafe cries but it's unmistakable what the older man is doing.

And it would naturally freak Rafe the fuck out because it's such a foreign sight. Rafe would tell himself to approach the older man as if he's dealing with Sarah or Wheezie but abandon that the moment he hears a sniffle, rush in and kneel and try to get Barry to look at him, talk to him, give him one single hint about what's wrong. And Barry would be so embarrassed even though he's been on the other side of this interaction a million times before, tears are dripping off his jaw and his face feels so hot and Rafe is bombarding him with questions. What happened? Did I do something? Is it your mom? Barry, what happened? Are you mad at me? Did I do something? (He's insecure, of course he is, and is so used to being the problem so Barry can't blame him for worrying) And Barry would shake his head but wouldn't answer. So Rafe would lay him back, hold him and it's strange for both of them. Rafe would untangle unruly curls with slender fingers and chew on the nails of others, trying to keep from prying and upsetting the dealer any more. Barry would feel so, so embarrassed; open his mouth and close it, contemplate shrugging the whole thing off and pretending everything is fine. Then something small would make him cave like Rafe wrapping him up in an awkward hug (that's crushing, despite the odd position they're in) or kissing his head, and then he would have to let it all out.

Or, better, Barry would know he's safe with Rafe and seek his boy out when upset. This feeling inside him has been building and building until it reaches a dangerous crest and if he doesn't get it out, he'll probably lose it. So he waits with wet eyes for Rafe to show up, long legs barely over the threshold when Barry knocks into him. Yeah, it's the first time Barry has cried in front of Rafe and so what, the kook is relieved and grateful he's being trusted. (Even if his heart was beating erratically when he felt the collar of his (pink) shirt dampen) In either scenario, or any scenario the older man is crying really, I'm sure Barry would be plagued with doubt about the whole thing. Since the very beginning of their relationship, they fell naturally into certain roles...would Rafe think of him as less of a man now? Would Rafe stop crying to him? Would Rafe treat him like he's fragile? Was Rafe laughing with his little kook friends behind Barry's back? No, of course not. All his worries are settled when Rafe doesn't look at him differently afterwards. Once Barry's tears have been wiped away, his kook is being just as bratty and arrogant as usual, expecting Barry to act as a guard dog (when Rafe is quite literally so fucking capable of handling himself, not that Barry's ever complaining) and carry in all the groceries and let Rafe be passenger princess and toss him around in bed, not even bringing up what happened earlier that day.

[florida3exclamationpoints]

I'm gonna post this hopefully quickly and then go make bracelets to distract myself bc I wanna get it out but not have to come back to it later . And I will be whining about this on main a lot so I might as well give yall some context first

[keeps-ache]

ouhhh i'm turning into my grandmother [chewing on wriggley's gum]

[titansarmy]

bianca di angelo really projected HER fatal flaw on her brother and we all just accepted it. 

[truecorvid]

lord please forgive me i am getting into fights in tiktoks comments again

[rubberbandballqueen]

the best part abt being enrolled in a calculus iii course is that it means i finally passed calculus ii. i have been enrolled in no less than FOUR different calculus ii courses, three of which failed to work out for various reasons, and literally NONE of this (calculus ii being a necessary course for me to take in college) would have happened had it not been for NUMEROUS FACTORS beyond my control but it's fine it's cool i'm learning NEW MATH for the FIRST TIME in FOUR YEARS and i am LIVING