#even tho he’s not rlly getting any in this fic whops😣

[may-nr1rooftoptriodefender]

CHIHIRO

pairing: aizawa shouta x reader (oc- ish)

warnings: mha vigilante spoilers!/mha s5ish spoilers!, mentioned sexual themes, alcohol, trauma and angst😔

i’m back! so i didn’t write a summary cause i wanna let y’all get right into it… it is not proofread it is 6am i wanna sleep and i’ve been sitting here for 2 hours so my bad… i’m very excited for this one and since they made my boy oboro just dissapear into thin air??? i decided to give him some love (he’s still dead but like, oboro- centric okay🙄)

also, there’s not rlly smut in here but it’s implied so read at ur own risk!!

masterlist

Aizawa Shouta’s life was full of regrets. Some were small, quick mistakes that are forgotten easily. Others were heavy, forever burned in his mind, dragging him down. Some things you can’t let go. Moments full of guilt. His past is a heavy weight on his shoulders. Every single regret made him the man he is today.

There is one day, that will haunt him forever. A day that formed every future decision of him. Just at 16 years facing the cruel reality. If he had been faster, better, stronger… He was unprepared and naive. A life taken too soon, he made sure it’ll never happen again. Everything is planned through, rational. He had to push these kids hard if they wanted to stand a chance. He may be brutal, but he only does what’s necessary.

Maybe it helps him to accept his best friends death. That it wasn’t his fault, that he does the right thing. To move on and improve. He always thought he was good at that, being calm and collected and such. If only he’d stop holding himself back.

You’d never find someone like Shirakumo again in your life, that’s what Aizawa always thought. Still, there is one person hitting too close to home. He hated that. How could he let go of this terrible accident when there was such a perfect copy of Shirakumo constantly in his business. He didn’t want to see that all too similar smile, the rare cloud like hair he’s never seen before, or the bubbly personality that could always lighten the mood.

It hurts to think about.

When he was still in High School, she was a lot smaller. He hadn’t seen her often back then. Only a few times when he visited Shirakumo, but of course he knew his little sister. Family was always important to Shirakumo, something Aizawa could never fully understand. He didn’t hate his family, but he didn’t value it as much.

She was 4, maybe even 5 years younger. He didn’t really care about her back then. After Shirakumo’s passing he only saw her at the funeral and then luckily he didn’t have to face his dead friends family anymore. It made him so terrible guilty.

The next time was years later. She was in her last year of High School when he faced her again. If he was honest, he had forgotten about her but seeing how she had grown up to look like her big brother, of course he recognized her. It was more surprising that she remembered him too.

She seemed happy to see him again. It made him uncomfortable. He’d run into her more than often during patrol. She’d always come up to him and talk. It seemed like she wanted to get closer to him, for the wrong intentions, he quickly realized. He would never dare to even think about Shirakumo’s sister like that, and she was still in High School. So he pushed her away.

When he was still in High School, before the accident, Shirakumo told him that his sister seemed to have a tiny crush on him. He barely interacted or talked to her, he thought Shirakumo was ridiculous.

Well, after all those failed attempts at getting closer, he might’ve been right, a little bit. How embarassing. Despite him pushing her away they still stayed in contact. It wasn’t too bad to have someone who shares the same kind of emptiness. The loss of a loved one.

After her graduation, he barely heard from her, which he was kind of grateful for. She was nice, but she was hung up on her dead brothers friend trying to find comfort. They’d both have to live their life. Move on.

And that was it.

Well, not really. It should’ve stayed at that, because now he was in too deep. She studied medicine. She didn’t take the same path as her brother, for now obvious reasons. If that was her decision or their parents, he had no idea. He was happy for her. Still saving the people. Rescuing the ones in need. Some own kind of heroic.

He didn’t really know until he ran into her after a rough night on patrol. She was training to become a doctor, so she started as a nurse in some hospital in Musutafu. Aizawa was more than suprised to see her walking into the room, fixing him up. She looked rather suprised too. Scolded him to be more careful and then sent him off.

Somehow luck wasn’t on his side the following weeks, maybe even months. The villain rate increased rapidly so he had no choice than to come into the hospital more often than not. He’d rather fix up himself, if the wounds were easy to take care of. At some point she was getting tired of fixing him up, but still did it.

She is the spitting image of her brother, just more feminine and he hates it. He wants to hate it. But it gives him closure somehow. He was selfish, and he knew. They started to see each other outside of the hospital too, what a suprise. When she starts her morning shift, he ends his patrol, so sometimes one of them bought coffee since they were in the same area. Just a quick exchange and then they’d go off to do their job. Or sleep.

At some point she gave him her number and threatened him if he wouldn’t call when he was hurt and she was off duty. If it was still an attempt to get more of him, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it’s just her being herself, it is how she acts around other people too. Always friendly and trying to help.

And then the day came where he actually had to call her. He dreaded that day because it meant there were more boundaries crossed than he was comfortable with. But she insisted. He had to. For them.

It happened more often that he would end in her apartment, getting stitched up in her bathroom. That was okay. Friends helping friends.

Shirakumo’s death date came closer. The mood was always sour during this time. His birthday too. He wasn’t the best at coping. He’d just sit in his empty apartment staring at the floor, maybe visit the graveyard if he didn’t feel like a complete failure. Yamada himself said he was always an ass to be around during that time.

Not his fault Yamada is better with emotions than him.

It was around one week before the day. He felt so alone, which he would normally prefer, but this was different. Maybe he could see her, they’re so much alike, it would help him. He was certain. So he called.

He was in her apartment again, this time on the couch rather than the bathroom. She sat down beside him and no one said nothing for quite a while.

“Why did you call? Normally I only see you to fix you up.”

“…I miss him.”

“oh.”

She got up and quickly came back with a bottle of some liquor and two glasses. He doesn’t remember what liquor.

“I didn’t know this was gonna be a shit show today..”

“M’sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

It should’ve stayed at that but he had to push, push for answers. She reminds him so much of him, it hurts. Always fixing him up, puttin him back together and listening to him sulking about Shirakumo even though he was her brother and not his.

“Why are you doing all this.”

“What… Oh Aizawa, I always found you admirable. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I know you don’t seem to be too fond of me, and I totally understand. I’m doing this more for myself, as selfish as that is.”

‘We both.’ he tought. He hated himself for sitting in this apartment. He should be the mature one. Two ‘adults’ sitting on a couch together and sulking for apparently two different reasons.

‘This is getting too much. I can’t do this.’

He doesn’t remember how long he’d been sitting there. The atmosphere was tense, and he could feel himself heating up from the liquor.

She broke the silence first. “Would you say something?” she sounded so desperate. He was desperate too, for closure. He needed something even if he didn’t want it. It was totally his mistake. Totally.

How could he end up in her bed that night. Something to add on the list on regrets.

He couldn’t fuck up more. His best friends little sister, his dead best friends little sister. He should be ashamed. She lies there, hoping for more than just a night of..whatever.

How could he do something like this to Shirakumo. He promised to keep away from her, tell no one about this, apologize- Hell, anything just so this never happened.

Somehow, he always found his way back. His mood only worsened from time to time because he said it’s enough one too many times. He patrols, passing her apartment building, and somehow, he rings the doorbell. Every. Single. Time. Of course she opens, and he’s all over her again just to quickly disappear the next morning.

He ends up hurt, and despite his better judgement goes to her apartment to get fixed up. He may take his shirt off so he can get treated, but hers is next. And every single time he tells himself: ‘Next time, I fix myself up.’

Somehow that never happens.

Then he starts to call her to come to his apartment when he’s having a hard time. But the difference is, he can’t run away. She happily stays in his apartment cooking breakfast before leaving around noon. It makes him uncomfortable.

She thinks of this as more, than just finding comfort. Maybe she doesn’t see why he is doing it and how he regrets it every time. She wanted this for what, years? She seems much happier. He isn’t a person to talk about feelings. He made it clear enough that they are not a couple or anything close to that.

And she’s aware. But there’s hope. That he gets attached to her. He reaches out so of course he wants to see her. She thinks of them more as friends but less than a couple while he thinks it’s clearly a mistake he can’t stop making.

She has some sort of sense to know it’s wrong. When they hastily pull of their clothes, he always sees that she’s pushing the picture of her and Shirakumo down, so he can’t see. It’s on a shelf right at the front door. And even if they go to her bedroom, the frame comes down every time he visits, cause he shouldn’t see.

And when she catches him before he can sneak off, she brings him to the door, where she pulls the picture up again. And there’s always this hopeful look everytime he leaves. He hates it.

He wants to hate it. He wants this misery to end. They won’t ever be together and he knows, she doesn’t. She wouldn’t understand. Because the worst is, she’s pretty yes, but she has so much resemblance with him. When she lays on her bed, he just buries his face in her neck or really anywhere, so he doesn’t have to face that hair, that look. He just can’t.

He doesn’t think she’s noticed yet. She seems quite happy with their arrangement.

It goes on for years.

——————————————————————

hello! i’m back with the aizawa brain rot😔

so i’ve been working on this as a longer story but i had to start somewhere… would y’all wanna see more?

if yes, be prepared for angst😝

song “chihiro” by billie eilish