#even their first meeting scene was so bittersweet it made me cry

[in-kyblogs]

.

[crossvise]

@bitchyunknownpanda

Summary; reader used to know Punk before he left, they have a bittersweet meeting when he comes back. Maybe Punk says something along these lines, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I miss you." cause he really does miss her and wants her back.

Warnings; some swearing, that’s it.

When you first heard the rumors of CM Punk coming back to the WWE, you shook your head chuckling, there was no way he would come back after all this time. He had made an appearance here and there as an analyst a few years ago but that was it- and you were more than fine with it, you hoped you wouldn’t have to cross his path again.

As the weeks went by, you didn’t really pay attention to those rumors until you heard he was actually coming back and your world was so close to crumble down. It had been ten years since Phil broke your heart as he left WWE and you, ten years you worked on yourself to not suffer anymore and for most part, you did well but you knew he was your first love and a pet of you would forever love him.

Of course, he had to show up on Monday Night Raw, two days after you successfully managed to avoid him during Survivor Series. But if you could avoid him during a long event, you could definitely repeat it on Raw- you had it all planned anyways, your match happened to be right before he would get to the ring, if you were unlucky you’d cross paths but by the time he’d be done with his talk, you’d be ready to leave.

Thankfully, for the most part it went as you hoped, you didn’t see him before your match, everyone wanted to talk to him anyways, so it wasn’t that hard to avoid him. Your match went well and after over fifteen minutes wrestling your opponent of the night, you finally got the pin.

Making it back to behind the scenes had never been this stressing before, you knew he was right there and in the end, it was inevitable to walk past him- seeing him was upsetting but you also felt sad, after all this time, it still hurt.

Hearing your name from his mouth made your heart aches but you didn’t turn around to confront him, you knew it would end up with you crying, no matter how strong you were. Thankfully, the timing saved you as he was called to go to the ring for his first promo since he left.

Without a word to anyone, you made it back to the locker room and showered as soon as you were out of your gear and make up removed. You thought you had been quick, apparently not quick enough as you heard knocking on your locker room’s door- it could’ve been anyone but it had to be Phil.

Leaving the door open for him to get in, you grabbed your jacket and closed your bag, “ what do you want?”

“ I just wanna talk- I tried to find you two days ago but you were nowhere to be found.”

You chuckled at this, of course you were nowhere to be seen that day, you spent all day and evening avoiding him, “ well yeah, I kind of didn’t want to see you.”

“ I’m sorry.”

“ It’s a bit late for that. I’m going to repeat myself- what do you want, Phil?”

“ I just wanted to talk, to say that I’m sorry and that I fucking miss you.”

You were taken aback by the last bit, you would’ve expected everything but this, “ it’s been ten years, you missed me for ten years and did nothing about it?”

Met with a deafening silence, you nodded and with a bittersweet chuckle, you roughly grabbed your bag and shoved him on the side to get out of the room and eventually the building. Usually, you would go meet the fans, sign their shirts or signs and take pictures but you didn’t really feel like taking pictures teary eyed.

As you were heading to your car, you heard distant footsteps but didn’t pay it too much attention until you threw your bag in the back of your car and heard Phil’s voice as he caught up to you, “ I did miss you for ten long fucking years, every single day I cursed myself out for making the worst decision I could have made.”

“ You broke my heart, hell you broke me!”

“ I know and I can’t do anything else than wish I hadn’t been this stupid and such a coward.”

Shaking your head, you wiped away your tears, “ why taking ten years to reach out to me?”

“ I was ashamed of breaking your heart, of leaving you the way I did and I’m pretty sure you didn’t want to see me.”

“ What changed now?”

“ I’m back and not planning on leaving anytime soon, I believe I couldn’t start by not apologizing to the person I’ve hurt the most.”

You nodded, after all it had been ten years and maybe the best thing was to accept those apologies that you’ve dreamed of for years, “ I loved you Phil, with everything I had- you were everything to me.”

“ I know. I can’t take it back or make up for all those years but believe me, if I could, I would.”

“ A part of me will always love you, you were my first real love and for that I’ll forgive you. Thank you for apologizing, and welcome back.”

A sheepish smile appeared on Phil’s face as you said you were forgiving him, “ I still love you, Y/N- I never stopped loving you.”

“ Don’t push your luck Phil. ”

“ I’m not, I don’t expect you to take me back in a heartbeat- I’m just wondering if one day, you would give me another chance.”

That was yet another thing you didn’t expect to hear tonight, and for a second you stayed silent, wondering if you could one day give him another chance, “ show me that you’ve changed, that you’re a better man and then, maybe, I’ll give you another chance.”

[yuff7e]

Hi this's my first time I requested to your acc so I hope I do it right.

I want to request Obanaixfem.reader that we are childhood friends that have some cute love promise together, but reader kinda move away so they lost contact.

Years pass they meet at demon slayer corps but he don't really remember her so reader select to let it pass, but kaburamaru remember her and approach her. That make him realise who is she.

Well let's say this make he confused who to choose between mitsuri and reader.

(This can end here but if you want more angst you can make reader go to protect Mitsuri from demon because she think Obanai like her and end up badly injured.)

Other is up to you. Feel free to ignore this if it make you uncomfortable.^^

𝐑𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐒

𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

aww anon this is so sweet!! i love anything related to obani and mitsuri and this was actually really fun to write, probably one of my favorite requests so far, hope you enjoy this one-shot :) ఌ︎

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐝

obani iguro -> mitsuri kanroji

♬♪ -> lıllılı.ıllı.ılılıı

the sun had just dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the demon slayer corps headquarters. the years had been unkind to you, marked by the grueling training and countless battles against demons. yet, the memory of a boy with mismatched eyes and a snake companion never left your heart.

obanai iguro. your childhood friend, your first love. before your family moved away, you made a promise to each other – a promise to meet again and protect each other from any harm. life, however, had its own plans. the years separated you, and the memories began to blur.

returning as a fully-fledged demon slayer, you found obanai among the ranks. but something was different. his once vibrant eyes now carried a depth of sorrow, and his demeanor had grown colder. worse, he didn't seem to recognize you at all. deciding to let the past remain in the past, you focused on your duty.

days turned into weeks, and you found solace in your duties, though your eyes would often wander to obanai and his companion, mitsuri kanroji. their bond was apparent, and the warmth between them made your heart ache. still, you kept your feelings hidden, even as they threatened to consume you.

one evening, while walking through the headquarters, you felt a gentle nudge against your leg. looking down, you saw kaburamaru, obanai’s snake, coiling around you affectionately. his eyes seemed to recognize you, sparking a flood of memories.

obanai approached, confusion etched on his face as he watched kaburamaru's behavior. “kaburamaru... what’s gotten into you?” you smiled softly, reaching down to pet the snake. “hello, kaburamaru. it’s been a long time.”

recognition flickered in obanai's eyes, and a myriad of emotions crossed his face – confusion, realization, and something unspoken. “[name]...?” you nodded, a bittersweet smile playing on your lips. “yes, it’s me.”

before either of you could say more, an urgent cry for help echoed through the headquarters. mitsuri was engaged in a fierce battle with a powerful demon. without a second thought, you ran toward the commotion, heart pounding.

arriving at the scene, you saw mitsuri struggling. the demon's attacks were relentless, and she was barely holding her ground. obanai was nowhere in sight, likely engaged elsewhere. knowing his feelings for mitsuri, you couldn’t let her fall.

summoning all your strength, you leapt into the fray, placing yourself between mitsuri and the demon. “hang on, mitsuri! i’ve got you!”

the battle was fierce, and the demon's strength was overwhelming. you fought valiantly, but a particularly brutal attack left you badly injured, blood staining the ground beneath you. mitsuri's horrified scream was the last thing you heard before darkness claimed you.

when you awoke, you found yourself in the infirmary, your body aching and bandaged. through the haze of pain, you saw obanai sitting beside your bed, his eyes filled with worry and guilt.

“you’re awake,” he whispered, relief evident in his voice. you managed a weak smile. “mitsuri... is she alright?” obanai nodded. “thanks to you, she’s safe. you saved her life, [name].” his voice broke, and he took your hand in his. “i’m sorry... for everything. for not recognizing you, for the years we lost... and for putting you in a position where you felt you had to protect mitsuri.”

tears welled in your eyes. “i thought you loved her. i couldn’t let anything happen to her because of that.” obanai shook his head, his grip on your hand tightening. “mitsuri is dear to me, but she’s not... you. seeing you again, realizing who you are, has brought back everything. i’m so sorry for not being there, for losing contact. but i don’t want to lose you again.”

his words were a balm to your aching heart, and you felt a flicker of hope. “i never stopped caring for you, obanai. i just... i didn’t know how to reach you.”

he leaned closer, his forehead resting gently against yours. “we have another chance now. let’s not waste it. i want to try again, to be there for you as i should have been.”

tears fell freely now, but they were mixed with a smile. “i’d like that. i’d like that very much.” as the sun rose, casting a new day’s light into the room, you felt a weight lift from your heart. the future was uncertain, but with obanai by your side, you were ready to face it together.

[secondgenerationnerd]

Stephcass slow dancing in the kitchen at home while it's raining and dark out listening to music please.

I was SEARCHING for the right song and vibes for this!! Enjoy my love!!!

——————

It’s like a scene from a romcom.

Rain pat, pat, pattering against the windows. The clock on the oven reading 1:37 am. Music from wireless speakers fills the room, mixing with the rain and the smell of brownies cooking. A bubble of perfection around the pair dancing on the linoleum.

Stephanie giggles as her girlfriend spins her. Socks sliding over the floor. Thick blonde curls, barely held back with an old scrunchie, falling free. Her worn tank top feeling more like a second skin, rather than armor. Because if there’s anyone she trusts in this world, it’s Cass.

Cass with her dark hair swept up in a dancer’s bun. Her dark eyes taking in all of Steph, twinkling with the unspoken joy she finds. A too big t-shirt— most likely Jason’s—hangs low on her. She’s always stealing her brothers’ shirts to sleep in. As a reminder of where she is.

Here in Gotham. In a new apartment with her Stephanie. With the woman who makes her laugh and cry and love without limits. If you ask Steph, she’d say she’s with the woman who makes her appreciate all the little mundane things life has to offer.

And now they’re living together. With a place to call their own. A kitchen to dance in whenever they please. A warm bed to share. Everything either could have ever wanted.

All my life…I thought it'd be hard to find…The one 'til I found you

Cassandra wasn’t made for life. She had been breed for death. To unleash it upon enemies on command. A weapon, a tool, an object to be used. Never her own person, never to be a part of anything. Just a killer.

Stephanie wasn’t made for love. Not the kind where people stayed for her. They stayed because of her, a difference that she learned far too young. People were usually happier when she left. Even when it broke her.

They weren’t made to last. Just cannon fodder in a war without end. Soldiers marching to their inevitable end. They gave up on soft endings and happily ever after years ago.

Until this. Until they gave this a chance. Until they shared so many firsts and were talking about more. Until they found their way to this cozy kitchen, with the pat, pat, pattering rain on the windows and the music

And I find it bittersweet

Warm hands hold the brunette’s face, hers settling on the blonde’s waist. Foreheads resting together. Breath mingling.

'Cause you gave me something to lose

Cass slides her hand up Stephanie’s back, meeting her in the kiss. Tasting the brownie batter they’d been stealing earlier. Tasting the coffee ice cream they’d split from the pint.

As the song moves to the end, the pair remain as they are. Stephanie nudges her girlfriend’s nose with her own.

“You are life.” She murmurs.

“You are love.” Cass kisses her again, arms wrapping around her waist. “We’re forever.”

Together, they stay in that perfect bubble. Just for a little longer.

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 24 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad

The atmosphere wasn’t as light-hearted as the previous day as everyone was dreading what was to come: parting ways for an unknown period of time. Like yesterday, Lily had woken up a bit earlier than the others as she wanted to cook one last breakfast for the triplets. She had decided to make brownies with smiley faces she’d drawn on it with white chocolate chips in order to raise her friends’ mood. It seemed to work as Nick, the first to join her in the kitchen, let out a chuckle at the sight of such a cute breakfast. Lily internally celebrated her success and offered an early treat to the oldest triplet, the same way she’d done for Matt with the pancakes. The blonde quickly accepted it and immediately complimented the girl for how soft the brownies were and how they melted in the mouth. He asked her if it was fine to get the recipe as he knew his mum might like them as much as he did.

“Well, certainly good sir!” Lily smiled as she took out her cooking notebook so that Nick could take a picture of the recipe. “Keep me updated if she ever makes it, I’d love to know what she thinks.”

“Of course”, Nick nodded after giving Lily her notebook back.

Soon enough, everyone was awake and they were all eating together. Lily had made a ton of brownies as she wanted her friends to have enough for the ride to the airport and even for the plane journey if they wanted to. Although the idea was sweet, they were all suddenly reminded of the goodbyes they’d have to say to each other later today. To not miss a moment between the five of them, the group had decided to head early to Tampa – where the closest airport flying to Boston was – so that they’d be able to have lunch together. They all preferred to eat there rather than stay in the girls’ house as it would lead to less pressure when it’d be time for the triplets to go.

~~~

When they arrived in Tampa after an hour of driving, the weather was nice enough that the five friends could have lunch outside. It was around one in the afternoon so they still had two hours before Nick, Matt and Chris were supposed to go through security. Having all been there before, they chose a café that they knew was nicely placed in the city, not too far from the airport but in a nice neighbourhood. Sensing that lunch was close to being spent in silence due to them all dreading the separation, Alex and Nick telepathically took the matter in their hands as they kept talking to lighten up the atmosphere. Like Lily’s strategy earlier in the morning, it worked as everyone’s mind was forgetting – for the time of lunch – that everything was temporary and fleeting, as all good things come to an end.

~~~

This was it, the moment that had absolutely not been awaited. Although Nick, Matt and Chris were happy to go home to their family and friends, they had spent such a great couple of days with the girls and having no idea when they’d see them again left a bittersweet feeling of uncertainty in the air. The plane’s departure was nearing and it was definitely time for the triplets to leave Alex and Lily. Silently agreeing, Chris and Nick were the first to say goodbye to the two girls with a hug and a promise of meeting again before they told Matt that they’d go check in their suitcase so he could take his time before joining them. Understanding what they wanted to achieve, Alex then quickly bid Matt farewell and told Lily that she’d wait for her outside.

Matt and Lily were now alone, standing face to face in the airport. The scene was worthy of a rom-com as they were simply looking at each other without speaking. Lily eventually decided to break the silence as she knew that staying with Matt for too long would soon lead to her crying. Lily was often a very emotional person but she didn’t want Matt to see this part of her yet.

“So, hmm… this is goodbye…”

“Yeah,” Matt awkwardly replied as he was fidgeting with the straps of his backpack. “They all said it already but this is only ‘see you soon’, not a definite goodbye.”

“True”, Lily agreed. “If this was an actual ‘adieu’ I don’t know if I’d even be capable of being there.”

“One day maybe,” Matt admitted. “But it’s not happening today, this is only temporary.”

“Who knows how long temporary can be? Even though this one was so short…”

“It’s not like we’ll cut ties,” Matt reassured. He didn’t know whether to put a hand on Lily’s shoulder so his hand was now awkwardly by his side. “We’ll keep texting and even call. We’ll play Fortnite again and you can tell me all about those Pokemon of yours that I’ll probably never catch. I’ll tell you about life on the West Coast and you’ll tell me about your customers. It’ll be the same as before, but with the bonus of now also being friends in real life.”

While he had been rambling, Matt didn’t notice how Lily was now looking at the ground. One look at him and she’d immediately sob – her eyes were already watering and it was becoming hard to breathe – so she just settled on stepping over the imaginary line that was between them and hugged Matt. Surprised at the girl’s action but hugging her back nonetheless, Matt was about to ask Lily if she was fine when he sensed her tightening her arms around him. He knew she was crying, or close to do so, and decided against saying anything – their actions would speak for the both of them. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes: Lily not moving an inch while Matt was occasionally rubbing her back with one of his hands as a sign of comfort. Unaware of the looks they had been getting – people thought they were a cute couple and felt sad for them that they were leaving each other, Matt and Lily eventually separated. Lily was the first to actually step back because she knew she couldn’t bear to stay too close to Matt. As she saw the time on the huge clock of the airport, she sighed and put her hands in her pockets. It was their final moment and they couldn’t delay it anymore.

“Goodbye Matt, until we see each other again.” Lily was smiling, but Matt could tell it was fake as it wasn’t as soft and pure as her usual one.

“Goodbye Lily, it’s only a matter of time until it happens.” Matt wasn’t even able to fake a smile like the girl facing him, but his eyes said enough that nothing more was needed.

Hesitantly turning back at the same time, Matt and Lily each went towards opposite directions. Not daring to look back, they kept walking until they weren’t even in the same room anymore – which wouldn’t happen for quite some time.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” Lily whispered as she was now standing next to Alex. “Crying for a guy like that.”

“It’s not, I assure you.” Alex took her best friend in her arms and this was the breaking point for Lily for she started sobbing on Alex’s shoulder.

“I do feel stupid though…” Lily mumbled. Stupid for you.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[jacks-wack-attack]

WATCHING AND DREAMING SPOILERS

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I’M CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW AND HAVE BEEN SOBBING FOR THE PAST HOUR. How is the Owl House over? I just. I hurt so much right and I’m so happy and I can’t breathe right because this beautiful fricking show is over and I can’t stop crying.

I was a goner as soon as Eda, Luz, and King reunited. I started to full on bawl and I haven’t stopped being teary-eyed since then. I was so HAPPY and it made me cry seeing them together and my heart. 

Raine fighting Belos gave me life. They are so wonderful and I loved seeing them fight him.

But Luz ‘died’ and I was in so much pain because the Collector is such a little sweetie and didn’t understand what had happened and I hurt so badly. But then Luz came back and looked damn gorgeous in the process, holy hell. And Eda recognizing it as Luz because she couldn’t choose what line she wanted to say was iconic.

Then they all came together to defeat him and I was so happy and I cried some more because seeing Luz in that look, with her family beside her, and then making a callback to the very first episode - “For I am the Good Witch Luz ... NOW EAT THIS SUCKER!” It overwhelmed me in the best way possible. But also, I LOAF YOU. AW MY HEART

They all reunited at the end. Eda kissing Raine’s face and the two of them  hugging in every scene. Luz and Amity reuniting and kissing gave me life. Gus going back to his dad, and Willow seeing her dads again with Hunter giving her support. Plus Darius and Eberwolf caring for Hunter and listening to his story and being his guardians? UGH this is what I needed.

But also Camilla meeting Eda and King filled me with more joy than I can express. And Hooty and Lilith reuniting is also so so good.

With Titan magic being gone, seeing Luz let the piece of paper fly into the wind was so bittersweet. Because I knew it was the end. And the credits were rolling. But it still made me crying knowing it was my final farewell, even though it was lovely.

I don’t think I’m ever going to get over this show and that’s okay. I love it with all my heart and though it has probably brought me more tears than any other show, it is without a doubt brilliant. Thank you Dana Terrace for making this masterpiece. It was so wonderful, and I will forever be grateful for it.

[bhobbiel]

Given Anime and Movie Reaction

I watched it not knowing anything besides it was a BL story with a band, and the hair colors (orange and black) of the two protagonists. I feel grateful I did not know much else and I watched the anime first (I was hesitant to watch before reading but I am glad I did)

I have not read the story up to or past the movie and anime- so no spoilers

Spoilers about anime and movie below:

TW: death and suicide

Wow wow wow I have not cried at a piece of media in a while, but episode 9 wow. (To be fair I was an a bit of emotional headspace but still have not felt that specific bittersweet kinda cathartic but gut wrenching movie cry in a long time! Especially not by something new I watched)

Incredible song/singing/ voice acting for the concert scene

This is just notes more than fully fleshed written ideas

I have so much feelings thoughts and analysis. I am reading the manga but I am not to where the movie and show end in the story.

I partially want to read from beginning to understand more of Yuki’s story

On beach- will not remember in 10 years. Someone online said does this allude to Yuki not thinking they will know each other in 10 years alluding to possible suicidal . But it is something somewhat common sentiment people say

I estimate they have probably already been each others lives around 10 years by that point. I

Gut wrenching like tearing up just thinking about that whole concert and flash back scene

Film studies classes often use the montage in the movie “up” as a good use of montage and covering a lot of story in a short amount of time. I feel like this montage is also a good example of an emotional montage. Not to be embarrassing but thinking about episode 9 still kinda tears me up.

Im sorry but them holding hands of Mafuyu from the arrest, and not long after their (I interpret) possible first time having sex with that emotional intimate gesture and eye contact. Even the annoyed face from teasing that only happens after knowing someone for a long time

No one will know Mafuyu from his abuse to his best friend to first romantic love. As much as memory and forgetting is a repeating sentiment there are some relationships and experiences that define who we are and what we carry

It just showcases an irreplaceable relationship. They grew up together. They saw each other in childhood tragedy to a deep first love. They have a dynamic that is once in a lifetime. One where fhy

Guitar: curse and a beginning

One could an

“He wanted to write you a song, but you wanted him to say let’s make one together”

One interpretation: Yuki was working and saving money to get a guitar to write a song for Mafuyu so possibly feeling rejected felt like he was doing everything for him but he did not see it

Mafuyu literally Carries it like a weight and only plays it via new love and friendships. From being open again

.

The guitar is the reason they meet and have romance. The tragedy of one love directly leading to a new one

It reminds me of a sentiment often of older married couples where one dies. Of like the deceased spouse would “want you to find new love” instead of feeling guilty of romance after them

I don’t know if I feel like that it is a sentiment any of the characters or it would make sense for them to have that philosophy but just something that I was reminded of.

“ I am not lonely, friends at school, I like someone new… I wish I could tell you about it”

——-

Yukis death

Shocking, confusing,

Normal type couple fight? Or just to an outsider or to Mafuyu as well?

As a reader it made me feel those feelings that you logically/morally know are not “right” but you would actually feel in that situation.

Like who was at “fault”? Did Yuki have chronic secret mental health problems? Was it impulsive? Was dying an over reaction to a cruel comment? Was it a real idea of proving devotion?

Would he be alive if Mafuyu did not say that? Did he really believe Mafuyu would not try to repair their relationship and took his comment to heart instead of trying to work it out?

I don’t get the feeling there was this super intention of making his loved ones feel guilty. There was love in his life

I am not saying these are “good opinions or questions” but they are real. It’s like going around in circles

It makes you go through the stages of grief and confusion that suic*de can specifically envoke. The confusion the anger the unresolved ness

Would something similar happen down the line even if he was not told that in that moment? Aka if they broke up later or if he was overall prone to suicidal ideation ?

It is interesting that Yuki mom gave guitar to him shows a lot

——-

The movie was more like ooof emotional in that young(ish) adult toxic learning curve romance. The anime was more objective tragedy and showed a once in the life time relationship that was cut too short in such a tragic way. It also showcased “firsts” which has a different feel both as a tragedy and just overall feel. I am young enough for the “firsts” feeling to not feel too far away and what that vulnerability feels like.

The movie (if you are a young adult) feels like a mirror of the pain and learning curves of romance of the clunkiness of your 20s. It’s the feeling of watching your friend make mistakes or you making your own in ways that feel overwhelming. I mean damn they showed that toxic on and off again dynamic omg.

Eventually it showcases I believe both the maturity and immaturity of romance (esp 20s). Both the outward facing personality and qualities one showcases and they more vulnerable truths not everyone sees

[nso-csi]

On March 3, SM Entertainment‘s Lee Soo Man shared a letter.

“SM was my challenge, my happiness, and my blessing.’

To all of SM’s family, whom I love, and to all those who have loved SM, Ever since I became a shaggy-haired ballad singer in the 1970s, I have lived my whole in the eyes of the public. I received love as a singer and MC that I didn’t deserve and since becoming a producer, the singers I’ve produced also received a great amount of love. This is why I feel even more apologetic about the things that have occurred involving SM.

When I founded SM in 1989, I was young and a start-up [sic]. I loved music, so I pondered what system was needed for singers at the scene. I studied the music business model in the west and built SM’s structure. Korea’s version of pop and the world of idols was accomplished through a combination of first-world business models and Korean-style talent development. The success of SM, JYP, YG, HYBE, etc, is a Korean miracle and blessing.

During the time from Hyun Jin Young, H.O.T., BoA, TVXQ, Super Junior, Girls’ Generation, Shinee, EXO, Red Velvet, to NCT and aespa, my youth also passed.

SM’s ‘Post Lee Soo Man’ era was a long-term dilemma for me. Entertainment is a world of creativity. Rather than pass on SM to my child or family members, I felt that I should give it to someone who is the ‘Best’ in the industry and to someone who will be able to make it grow.. If there is a problem with SM’s governance structure, then it should be improved, and if a professional executive is needed, I feel SM should be left in their care.

For me, ‘Best’ refers to producing. Producing involves enduring countless failures in a world of passion and creativity until a star is born. Behind the stage of a star who is able to run to the arms of fans and their chants, tears, and emotions, is a world of producers who discover these stars. Without the public, there is no star. Without a star, there is no producer. Without a producer, then the music business cannot succeed. This is the same in reverse.

The past two years were a time for SM to find the ‘Best.’ On the one hand, I chastised SM’s current executives that they must hurriedly prepare for an era without Lee soo Man. This is because I was ready to walk off SM’s stage. HYBE, Kakao, funds, conglomerates, and global companies overseas all wanted SM and came to me.

For me, the best choice was HYBE. Although it is a competitor of SM, BTS’s success is a source of pride for the whole nation. HYBE’s chairman is a music producer like me who had also experienced a time when he struggled. He is someone who has experienced eating junk food with trainees while spending hours in the practice room. He is someone who has experienced what it is like searching far and wide for investors. He is also someone like me, who was crazy about music, and he is someone who has broken records with BTS. I felt that he cared for the artists in the same way that I do. For those who have wondered, that is the reason why I chose him.

After finishing the first act of my life as SM’s champion, I am now moving on to my life’s second act. My next (destination) is where technology and culture meet. I will walk towards there.

I would like to say this to SM’s family members as well as the current executive team. I do not regret the time I spent with you all. SM was my challenge, happiness, and blessing. I also want to say this to the artists that were with me.

You were full of dreams when I met you, and through times that were bittersweet, we made music while crying and laughing. You, who poured out all of the energy in the tip of your hands to your feet to perform, were my teacher. I admire you, and I am proud of you. Thank you.”

— Lee Soo Man

trans.    source

[lightfulonion]

hello @skijjiki!!! thanks for tagging me friend!!!!

Favorite time of year: every single day that i grace this beautiful planet ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ I unironically love Christmas so much. I love the cold and I love the fact that we can slack for a little bit and I love having an excuse and indulge myself by seeing and meeting with my loved ones. I also love spring! (<- spoken with the privilege of someone who only has mild allergies) And summer when it isn't boiling outside!

Favorite drinks: boba, COFFEE, ginger ale, wine (the semisweet ones and especially semisweet red wine ❤), fresh squeezed orange juice, HOT MILK WITH HONEY and generally whatever has sugar in it

Collect anything?: Littlest Pet Shop!!! When i was in kindergarden there was that one kid that had SACKS of lps and from then on i decided that it was my fate to defeat them... (i just said to my mum to buy me lps whenever she could and i also asked her every christmas to tell santa claus i needed the big packs with them) I also have collections of rocks and shells from different beaches that i went to! Lately i try to collect stickers from cons and such (<-literally has went to one (1) con so far) and chupa-chups cans bc they look pretty 👉👈 (not sponsored)

Favorite fics: OH BOY OH BOY! DO I HAVE THE FICS FOR YOU! I'll try to be brief: 💼 OK NO JOKE, I'll try to be brief: (in no particular order, except for the first one) 1) it's not living (if it's not with you) by brella (hq!!) TOP 1!!! IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS FELLAS! Legit, tsukkiyama isnt even my thing but this one ticks all my boxes: desperate lead? check. the grumpy one mellows out for the sunshine one? check. the inherent value of change and becoming better by loving and wanting to express it properly and by that becoming a better person? check. GROUNDHOG DAY AU?? YES PLEASE! It's.. It's very good. Please give it a read if you want. (brella has written many good hq fics btw please check them out!) 2) Work-Related Risk Factors by parkernoir (mp100) Case fic, angsty and probably my favourite mp100 ever! It has Serizawa! It has Tome! It has Reigen trauma! It made me cry my eyes out in agony! I have a very soft spot for this. It has serirei in it but mostly it's gen if i remember correctly? yeah 3) beginners by silvercistern (mp100) fair warning it's about sex and it doesn't have just steamy scenes, it discusses generally sex and stuff. That being said it has ace Reigen in it and it made me cry 👍 4) The Negligible Self by ch_am (mp100) anything and everything by camp is a gift honestly. Angsty generally, full of whump specifically, it makes the soft, tender moments hit better and it's still in progress! Join the fun as i lose my mind with every single update! Yay! (people in the comments in ao3 are also trying to find out what is going on and it's fun) (it has a prequel too which is really good and canon-adjacent) 5) Kintsugi by SpicyChibi (mp100) it took me a week to recover from reading this. mp100 fanwriters have a way of capturing the vulnerability of serirei in a way that physically hurts me. Tender, good, I love them, I love them, I love them. Ongoing and 90,000 words so far. 6) Like A Cheap Suit, You Can Wear Me Out by Vulcanodon (mp100) written like a romantic comedy and made me laugh at every twist and turn of the plot. The last scene is forever ingrained in me and it actually makes me emotional. Case fic again and a very fun one 7) Heart Rate Rapid by Justkeeptrekkin (mp100) teacher au, all the children in one class, ongoing, literally finshed it yesterday, ACE REIGEN BELOVED. (so far no explicit content so don't pay too much mind to the rating, there are discussions of sex but only briefly and on a surface level) I love their banter and the transition from friendship to something more... sigh 8) where the night goes by bigspoonnoya (hq!!) 'the sad gay with the happy ending' tag got to me. I love bittersweet stories with happy endings (can you tell) and this one has kagehina in it.... utterly head over heels for stories where they meet many years later. 9) fake it, make it by zadderlee (hq!!) FAVOURITE KAGEHINA FIC RIGHT THERE! ongoing since good old 2019 but the author has said they are going to continue it at some point! good characterisation, i had forgotten how good it is but i keep getting back to this. 10) That Baby Does Not Belong to You (But It Could) by multifascinate (talkativelock) (hq!!) bokuaka with baby hinata. need i say more. oh, yeah and they are 20-somethings. And in college. the romance aspect is there but it mostly focuses on other things. And i love it.

anyway these are my ao3 recs bone apple teeth (pay attention to the content warnings and the tags. thanks!)

Favorite video games: i am an awful gamer but generally the story-based ones intrigue me and the ones that are fun to play together with friends! Disco elysium, Ace attorney, Mario Kart 8, Smash Bros and animal crossing!

i tag @livingonyoghurtandspite @horson @raph-red-fan and whoever wants to do this ✌ ( cough please give me fic recs i beg cough)

[your13threasonwhy]

holy shit im so mad.

!!!SPOILERS FOR SEE YOU IN MY 19TH LIFE KDRAMA AND WEBTOON!!!

(disclaimer-sorry if any of the characters names are spelt wrong or need a hyphen, i get things confused between the kdrama and webtoon)

i read the webtoon way before the kdrama came out and i am still, to this day, so emotionally attached to it like, its one of the most amazing things ive read and i still cry when i think about it too much.

so, imagine my excitement when i find out its getting a kdrama and my absolute dissapointment when i find out that they changed literally everything (this is an exaragation) that made the webtoon so amazing.

when the show came out i was basically begging my sister to watch it with me (since she hasnt read the webtoon) and we are currently seven episodes in because we had to go on holidays however, we will continue watching it (even though i spent a good hour and a half contemplating whether or not i would actually be able to watch it without combusting after i read what they changed) until the end.

so, like the the overly anxious person i am, i searched up the ending just to make sure they hadnt changed anything else apart from min-gi's character and adding han-na (who we will discuss later) and proceeded to rip my hair out after reading that they made the female lead LOSE ALL OF HER MEMORIES ABOUT EVERYONE SHE LOVED.

but before we get into that i want to talk about the things they actually did well, for example, the cinematography, casting and scenery were actually so amazing and its definitely so much better than the webtoon (however the webtoon does still have a special place in my heart) and i think possibly the only good plot change they did was make han-na the reincarnation of seo-ha's mother. as someone who despises sad/bittersweet stuff i love that they made his mother reincarnate and keep her memories even if he doesnt meet her (which i dont know if he does because im only on episode seven) because its so sweet to think that she got a chance to see her son all (sort of) happy and grown up. i also love the fact that they added more depth to her past lives and showed up more scenes of them as, in the webtoon, im pretty sure the only things we got that related to her past lives were- her and min-gi's friendship, her and doyun's 'relationship' in her first life and her being ae-kyung's uncle.

now, onto the things im sad they didnt keep in but that i could deal with, which is mostly min-gi's character as a whole and the convinience store scene with ji-eum and min-gi where they recognise each other from their past lives (which im assuming they dont do since they changed his whole character). apparently, in the kdrama, min-gi and ji-eum used to be rivals/enemies in their past life or whatever so he decides to like hunt her down and basically stalk her😭😭 and then proceed to tell her that she needs to stop speaking and being around people from her past life because it hurts them (something i will talk-type?-about in a bit).

the reason why im so mad at this is because they straight just basically made him antagonistic instead of HAVING HIM AND JI-EUM BE FRIENDS IN THEIR PAST LIVES AND HAVING HIM SAY THEIR LITTLE SECRET MESSAGE AND HER BEING LIKE 'omg someone actually remembers their past life other than me?' AND THEN HIM JUST TRYING TO HELP HER NOT REMEMBER HER PAST LIVES ANYMORE BUT BEING A LITTLE BIT MISGUIDED BUT THEN THEIR STILL FRIENDS AND THEY TALK ABOUT IT 😖😖😖. like, they just ruined his character potential so much my changing that and adding the stupid motherfucking thing about how interacting with people from your past lifes hurts them.

finally, the things i hate, buckle up folks because this is going to be as long as my dick/j. first of all, the ending and THE STUPID 'YOU CANT INTERACT WITH YOUR PAST LIVES' BULLSHIT. i think the ending and the knowing about past lives hurts people is just absolute boiling garbage because 1-it just doesnt make sense 2-it doesnt make ANY fucking sense and 3-why the fuck does she need to forget but the people from her past lives dont forget who she was as ji-eum and as her past lives??? like i would rather they all forget but they're still happy and her and seo-ha are still dating/married and they're all still close but whatever. second, the whole fucking plot change like they apparently made this whole thing that made ji-eum think seo-ha murdered her sister for some fucking angst instead of the perfectly reasonable (and just as dramatic) thing with doyun where she thinks they were married so she distances herself from seo-ha but it turns out they were sisters and her and seo-ha still get to be happy AND THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THE DEAL WITH GOD (which also relates to the ending) BECAUSE IN THE END SHE ASKS GOD TO MAKE HER STOP REMEMBERING HER PAST LIVES AND SHE GRADUALLY STARTS TO FORGET THEM BUT SHE STILL KNEW SHE HAD HAD PAST LIVES AND SHE STILL REMEMBERED EVERYONE SHE CARED OUT AND THEN (if i remember correctly) SEO-HA REFUSES GOD'S OFFER TO REMEBER HIS PAST LIVES BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANNA HAVE ANY OTHER LOVE APART FROM HIS AND JI-EUM'S😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭(not sure if thats what he actually says but you get the gist) AND THEN THEY GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER INSTEAD OF HER FORGETTING LITERALLY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE SHE EVER CARED ABOUT AND HAVING TO REBUILD HER RELATIONSHIPS WAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.

in conclusion, the see you in my 19th life kdrama was absolute trash and i think they should remake it. In this essay i will

[theood]

Season 10 of Bones was AMAZING!!! Especially the last few episodes of this season.

Having multiple episodes following Sweets' death hurt though. My friend told me when he was going so I would be prepared and it still hurt. (They did him so dirty!!!!)

Everyone going through a "wanting to leave" thing almost made me think that season 10 would have been a good but bittersweet ending point.

The hint of Pelant being there even after death was such an exciting little tidbit. Though I have to admit I didn't care for the guy killing and removing tattoos. His episodes were just okay to me. I did really love the "solve the casein 48 hours" though.

Seeing Avalon again was also good. And seeing a fake compared to her. I literally do not CARE Avalon is a real psychic to ME. That ghost kid ep all but confirmed it.

Though, it leads me to wonder if Sweets stayed even through a rough birthday because he didn't want to move on. Avalon's "I heard the first ones always rough" does make me wonder if ghosts in Bones perhaps do have to generally choose if they want to move on or not.

Brennan meeting her mom in the one episode opens more questions on perhaps purgatorys and the like. It's weird huh? Bones making that stuff canon, knowing it won't be touched on.

I wonder how Aubrey was taken by fans when Bones was still airing. I'll admit I am not particularly "fond" of him. I don't hate him, but I'm also not going "Aubrey!!!" when he's on screen.

Season 10 truly was a breath of fresh air. It had SO many good moments and multiple scenes and episodes that made me really cry. I can tell if I rewatch, it's gonna be a tough season.

I'm excited to see how everyone is! And Booth and Brennan's new kid!

[mew-ya]

UGGH Maren maren I'm so excited to read this let me tell you. Going to give my play-by-play commentary.

So first off, I know I already gave some feedback on this cus I saw it in its early stages, but I just love this whole setup/vibe for young Maren. It feels very in-character for him to be the giant pokey dude with no one around him.

PUTTING OUT YOUR CIGARETTE ON HIM IS SO FUNNY OMFG and you know he'd be kinda in to that anyway from someone he's attracted to. also very fitting for him to be excited about a terrible pretzel, then get three of them.

"slightly garbled by his full mouth, which he does not hesitate to speak through" oh my god why is this so hot Maren I hate you. Also him insulting a band but also having a patch of it on his vest HES LITERALLY SO RELATABLE.

The lighter scene made me go OOHHH the SIZE DIFFERENCE I'm hooting and hollering. I hate/love how much I can relate to this reader lmao, I was the same way when I was in college--unable to do anything even if my mom couldn't even see it but desperately wishing I could just be myself. I wasn't as rebellious as them though, but god I wish I could've been.

The visual of sitting on Maren's flexed arm during a concert is truly adorable. Absolutely some shit he'd pull--if was sweatin he would never admit it haha. I enjoyed the bits of them enjoying the concert together, time spent together at a concert really feels like a different breed. Wish I'd been able to go to more when I was younger! The mosh scene was great too, reader kind of half trying to impress Maren but also just being genuinely curious and wanting to do it!!

Loved the detail of Maren finding perfect holes in reader's argument and them just being like WAIT. HES RIGHT? FUCK. Very Maren lmao, like I'd want to talk to him about my problems but I also think he'd make me cry (in a good way)

Him spreading the information about the band is so DGKHDFG tiny lil Maren and then the entire crowd rioting cus reader set them off is such a fun idea!! I can't help but go into panic mode in my own brain because I know how often this sort of thing leads to deaths by trample but I liek to think that the bigger guys here were very conscious of where they were walking. And LMAO of course Maren would've stolen a guitar, what a story it'd have now. I haven't really come up with any stories for where he got his banjo or guitar, this is makin me wanna cook up some ideas. Just like "Where'd you get that black guitar?" "Stole it" what." "From a pedo" "…what" "Stole it from a pedo" "…ok"

Oh good lord getting taught to play guitar IN HIS LAP IM SCREAMING thats so good…

I ended up reading the next bits really fast because they're super hot lol the kiss…the thigh…the dry humping size difference stuff <3 My shit!! I love the "just let me sit on you and you can get smaller and we can figure out the size" and then the riding him and him being like "ok my turn" DFKGHDFG RARRGH you got him so good!! I loved every moment of this fic, genuinely thank you so much for taking your valuable time and spending it writing my boy. This was such a fun and hot read!

i also loved the final bits -- i think the bittersweetness of it is awfully fitting for him, and the obvious loneliness hes experiencing. hes someone who spent most of his life not really being a consistent part of others lives aside from his pirate crew. kata was such a change for him. i'm interested to think of how this reader might react to seeing his wanted poster...and probably how amused they'd be many years later to find that he ends up marrying Katakuri, a man who is similar to reader but Worse(tm)

it makes me want to make more work of young maren & his interactions with the world since his life didn't really revolve around Katakuri/WCI shenaningans until later. (he did technically meet Kata when he was 28 but his memory gets wiped so not counting it)

"The Fall of Ideals"

Character: Maren (young adult version)

Reader: AFAB

Word Count: 11.3k

CW: recreational drug use, explicit N.SFW content, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, size difference/size kink

Summary: Going to the Riptide Rock Festival instead of studying for your exam was one bad decision. A chance encounter with a stranger leads you to making several more.

Ao3 Link

[Happy Birthday @mewiyev! I swear I'm normal about Maren (hides word count) >.> In all seriousness, I truly adore this amazing character that you've created and I hope that shines through in this gift! Thank you for sharing him with the world!]

“This next song has never been heard before!” The lead singer of Violincense announces into the mic, prompting screams of excitement from the crowd. “We’re debuting it here at Riptide, the single for our next album–we present to you, Smokescream!”

The sound drifts from afar as you hurry back toward the crowd, having left to throw away your empty cup between songs. A rookie mistake, you soon realized, as the crowd closed up behind you, and now you were having trouble penetrating the throng of bodies. Had you any experience with these things, you would have just held onto the damn cup. Now you’re going to miss getting a good view of the band for what is possibly history in the making. You know Violincense was on the cusp of making it big, and here was your chance to watch it happen, front and center.

The crowd had formed itself into groups roughly based on size, with the tallest people closer to the back and sides. Some people of average height opted to stay close to their big friends, often sitting on their shoulders. One especially big man even wore some kind of shoulder-mounted table, carrying six of his friends. You can't help but feel a little jealous as you squeeze past them. You’re here alone, after all.

“S’cuse me…” you mumble, feeling out of place. Everyone else was dressed in band shirts and worn jackets, spiked bracelets and collars and chokers. In comparison, you look plain, but even if the trip to this venue hadn’t been last minute, you would’ve had nothing to wear anyway. It wasn’t your wisest choice to abandon studying for your big upcoming exam and blow all your food money on tickets, travel, and board for a rock festival. But now that you're here, that all seems like minor worries, a drop in the bucket of life. Who knows when you would get to do something like this again?

The Riptide Rock Fest was one of the biggest rock festivals on the Grand Line. Sporting multiple stages across the grounds and a myriad of different tents, it was a three-day haven to all fans of rock music genres. Each day had one big headliner show in the evening, with lesser-known bands filling the side stages throughout the day. It was currently the second day of the festival, and Violincense was one of the small bands you had been especially excited for, so you were eager to get back to a good spot before they started.

Alas, you were still stuck behind a wall of taller folk, unable to see the stage. The sound of drumsticks striking each other sounded as the band counted off, before a heavy guitar riff started the song. You paused to take it in, then shook your head and kept anxiously making your way along the perimeter of bodies, unable to find your way in and too polite to push through.

Finally, you spot an opening: closer to the middle and slightly off to the side, there's a little bit of space. The only person there is one of the big people, some guy that has to be at least fifteen feet tall. For some reason, he's being given a wide berth by those around him, but you don’t give it any thought as you dart for that spot before it gets taken. 

As you get closer, you see the potential reason people are leaving him be: rows of large, menacing spines stick out of his back through his clothes. However, those spines are far too high up to be a danger to you, so you step into place next to him and are at last able to get a decent view of the stage. Up close, the man is even more massive–not just tall, but thick-bodied and muscular, his burly arms alone bigger than you are. You decide to just avoid eye contact and return your focus to the show.

Smokescream, like all of Violincense’s music, sucks you right in from the start. Hearing the band live is a completely different experience. Sure, a studio recording could let a band trim off the imperfections in the sound, but it isn’t the same. This was how music was meant to be heard, you think. The fast-paced, harmonic chords strike you personally, heavy drums feeling like they’re replacing your heartbeat. Swept up in the music,  you’re so invested you don’t notice that the huge man is staring at you until halfway through the song, when you glance and accidentally meet his eye.

You stare back for a moment, stunned. He’s astonishingly handsome, if not a bit intimidating; a broad jaw and strong nose that balanced his features well, long, reddish brown hair that matches the color of his spines, a simple goatee, and gauged ears. He's wearing a black leather vest covered in various patches, but no shirt, showing off his husky build, a pair of faded green cargo shorts, and platform boots adorned in belts. His light skin sports a fair share of bruises and he's a bit scuffed up, likely from a mosh pit. Unlike you, he looks entirely in his element. 

The man watched you with a sour, unimpressed look, eyes slightly narrowed. Suddenly self-conscious, you look away, distracting yourself by pulling out one of the spliffs you had rolled earlier from your pocket and lighting it. After a few hits, you’re able to relax a little more, turning your focus back to the stage. You don’t think about the man until the next song comes to a close, the crowd cheering on the tail end of the final notes, when he leans over slightly in your direction.

“Do you need something?” he asks, sounding annoyed.

It wasn’t just his spines that kept others away. You’re abruptly aware of the prickly energy he’s giving off, his tone as guarded as his body language. Still, you have no idea what he’s talking about, so you just give him a look of confusion in response.

“What are you doing here?” he presses.

You look over at the band, then back up at him. “...Is that a trick question?”

“I mean here, in this spot.” He points at the ground. “Do you normally make a habit of approaching strange men?”

“You talked to me first,” you point out, pulling the cig from your mouth.

“Everyone else got the damn hint,” he says gruffly.

“I’m too short to care about the spines,” you say, wondering what his problem is. “And anyway, I wasn’t aware you owned this section.”

He leans forward a bit more, towering over your space. “It ain’t the spines you gotta worry about, small fry.”

“What are you gonna do? Bite me?”

“That’s right.” He smiles, showing off pointed teeth. It's not a friendly smile, but it looks good on him anyway, though it makes you uncertain–he really is enormous, easily a threat to someone your size.

Maybe it’s because you’re in a new place, already out of your comfort zone. Maybe it’s the few beers already in you at that point. But instead of giving him space like a sane person would, you instead respond, “don’t threaten me with a good time.”

That makes him smile even wider, leaning forward just a bit more. “I’m part Fish-man, you know. My teeth are razor sharp.”

“Even better.”

He laughs, his face lighting up in his amusement. You feel your face get warm and quickly stick the cig back in your mouth before you say something else embarrassing. He has a nice laugh.

The band announces that they are playing their last song of the set. Neither you nor your neighbor speak for the entirety of it. Either he likes the music too much to bother you, or he decided you were alright after all; regardless, he leaves you alone until the song is over. After the cheering of the crowd dies down, he turns back to you.

“I gotta say, I didn’t expect that coming from you.”

You rub the back of your neck, distinctly aware how plain you look. “I know I’m not dressed for a concert. I don’t really own any band shirts.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not allowed.”

“Not allowed?” He suddenly looks uncomfortable. “Are you a teenager?”

“Nope. Just a college student with a ruthlessly strict mother.”

“She sounds like a bitch.”

“Don’t call my mom a bitch,” you snap, all playfulness gone.

He isn’t thwarted even slightly, lip curling into a sneer. Reaching out with one giant hand, he pokes you in the chest, easily making you stumble back and imposing the difference in your strength. “What are you gonna do about it, small fry?”

Maybe it’s just your imagination, but you could have sworn he had gotten bigger. You falter for a second, shocked that he would get physical and a bit intimidated. Then you get mad. If he’s going to be a cunt, you would be a cunt right back.

You stub out your spliff on his finger, hearing it sizzle. The man jerks his hand back with a yelp. “Ow! Fuck!”

“I'm not gonna let you push me around,” you bluff, pretending to be braver than you are. Jerks usually prefer easy targets, but there's still a chance he might get aggressive. You bare your teeth and pray he's all talk. “We're surrounded by people. Try me.”

“Are you stupid?” he growls, cradling his burned hand. “You could get seriously hurt, messing with guys like me. Sheesh…and you still haven’t taken the hint.” He grumbles, sticking his finger into his mouth, but he does not do anything else, and you deflate a little in relief.

Violincense announces that they're playing an encore, and the crowd roars as they launch into a familiar track–one of their most popular songs, Nightingales.

Attempting to ignore your surly neighbor, you close your eyes to really take in your favorite part of the song. Then you stare at the stage intensely, trying to burn the image of the band playing it into your memory. As it comes to a close, you glance at the huge man again. He’s closed his eyes, too, a serene look on his face as he listens. Right then, you feel bad for him–he just wants to enjoy the music in peace, like you. Maybe you overreacted.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him once the music stops.

“Whatever,” he spits, then mumbles, “you must be lonely, talking to me.”

“Yeah, I am,” you shrug. “But I’d bet you are, too. I mean, have you heard these lyrics?”

He looks surprised that you’d admit it so casually. Then he huffs, looking away. “I know em’ by heart.”

The crowd starts to move around you as the band packs up their things. You stick your hands in your pockets, feeling awkward. “Hey, uh, look… I’m sorry I did that. Really. I’ll make it up to you,” you said. “Want a pretzel or something? I’ll buy.”

The man visibly perks up, giving you another look of surprise. He’s kind of cute like this…

“They’re stale and oversalted,” you say enticingly, offering a hesitant smile. “But the cheese dip is…well, it also sucks, but at least it’s hot.”

“Fuck yeah,” the man grins from ear to ear. “I won’t say no to free food.”

You both head to the food tents, introducing yourselves on the way. You learned his name was Maren–“just Maren,” as he said after you gave him your last name. A lot of the patches on his vest were of bands you liked, so you were able to find some common ground despite the rough start.

You ended up buying Maren three soft pretzel sticks, just because he was so much larger–it only seemed fair. His attitude did a complete 360 at that, thrilled at the gesture.

“Thanks,” he says, and you nod, pulling out a program flier to see where the next band you wanted to watch would play. Maren peers over your shoulder as he shoves a cheese-slathered pretzel stick into his mouth. “Where ya headed next?”

“South stage,” you replied. “Shitty Kitties is playing soon.”

“Hm,” his voice is slightly garbled by his full mouth, which he does not hesitate to speak through, “Shitty Kitties? Kinda gimmicky, don’t ya think?”

“They're cool! The lead singer is a puma zoan. He transforms his vocal chords to do these crazy growls.”

“Exactly. A gimmick, not real skill.”

“Who cares how he does it, so long as it sounds good?”

“He leans on it too much. He can’t sing for shit, small fry.”

“Small fry,” you echoe, “is that a Fish-man thing?”

“Because of your shirt,” Maren points. You’re wearing a graphic tee that has cartoon french fries and tater tots, engaged in a shootout and bleeding ketchup.

“This my favorite shirt,” you say defensively.

“You have dorky taste.”

“Why do you think I’m talking to you?”

Maren grins. “Watch yourself, sweetheart. I haven’t decided if I’m going to eat you yet.” Despite his words, he’s less intimidating with a bit of cheese sauce smeared on his mouth.

“There you go again, threatening me with a good time,” you joke.

He smiles back, and your stomach does a weird little flip. For being kind of a jerk, he really is good-looking. Still, it’s probably in your best interests to wish him well and part ways here.

“Wanna go to the south stage together?” Maren asks.

“Yes,” you immediately reply.

You only made it to the Riptide Rock Fest by doing what you weren’t supposed to–what was one more bad decision?

Maren stuffs the rest of the food into his face, finishing it in two huge bites, and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. You stare as he licks the sauce off his hand, following the trailing of his tongue. He meets your eyes as he does, grinning to himself when you break eye contact to look away and clear your throat.

“What is it, sweetheart? See something you like?” he teases.

“No–I wasn’t–you’re just messy,” you stammer, failing to save face. Trying to distract him, you point up at his vest. “Hey, isn’t that a Shitty Kitties patch? What gives?”

Maren looks a bit embarrassed. “That was from years ago. I’ve had this jacket for a long time–hey, don’t change the subject, now.”

Caught red-handed and losing your buzz, you start to walk away, feeling your usual shyness resurfacing now that the intoxication is wearing off. Maren follows you, hooking his thumbs into his pockets and chatting as you walk. He has no trouble making conversation, and picks up the slack where you falter. You find it easy to talk to him, and the more you talk, the more you want to know more about him. However, he dodges questions relating to himself, either outright ignoring them or just deflecting with more questions. By the time you make it to the south stage, you feel like you're talking about yourself too much, but he seems to prefer it that way.

“So where are your friends at?” Maren asks, as if it would be unthinkable for you to have come by yourself.

“Where are yours?” you try.

“Came alone.” It was the only direct answer from him in the last twenty minutes.

“Me too.”

“What, your friends don’t like rock?”

You shift from foot to foot, unsure how to respond in a way that doesn’t make you sound like a complete loser. “I don’t, uh… I don’t have any friends,” you admit. “Not where I live, anyway. After I graduated high school, mom moved us halfway around the world. Relocated to the best college she could find. I haven’t made any new friends since. Most students at that university are the entitled, wealthy type.”

“And you’re not?” Maren teases lightly.

You wrinkle your nose. “I got a full ride through scholarships.”

“Sure, sure,” he grins when you make a face at him, enjoying riling you up, “so you’re the nerdy type of smart! I knew it.” 

You doubt he really knew it, and are starting to wonder if he’s flirting with you. He seems to like your company, anyway. Oh, shit, is he flirting with you? 

Suddenly uncertain, you went for the only distraction you could think of, digging into your pocket for another pre-rolled spliff. “If I was actually smart,” you say, “I wouldn’t be here. I should be studying for this huge exam, but…” you trail off.

“But…?” Maren prompts.

“I felt like if I looked at one more book, I’d completely lose it.” You pat your pocket to search for your lighter. “All I ever do is study. I’m sick of it! I had to do something else or I’d snap. And I’ve always wanted to go to a concert–ugh, where the fuck is my lighter?”

Maren pulls a lighter from one of the many pockets on his shorts. “Here,” he says, crouching down low in front of you. You reach to accept the lighter from him, but he gently bats your hand away and instead holds the lighter up to your mouth. His hands are so large compared to the tiny spliff that he has to lean in close and focus, his tongue sticking out slightly. Carefully, he lights the spliff, his face filling your vision, and you find yourself staring again. The warmth from the lighter’s flame almost doesn’t register over your own heated cheeks.

“There we go,” he says, eyes darting up from the lighter to meet your own gaze. You glance away, the eye contact a bit much for you sober, and when you look back, he’s still leaning close, now smiling big. “Something wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” you reply quickly. “You, uh, want a drag?”

“Depends. What’s in it?”

“Just weed and tobacco.”

“Hell yeah, hand it over.” 

You hand him the spliff, and he takes a deep drag, nodding to himself in approval. “This is good shit. You’re not as straight-laced as you seem, huh? Guess momma doesn’t know about this.”

“I have special hiding places for it,” you say. “No matter how much she digs through my shit, she won’t find it.”

“Sounds like you need to live on campus.” Maren passes the spliff back.

“I do,” you say bluntly, taking a drag and exhaling in a sigh. “She searches my things when she visits.”

“Yeesh. Why do you defend her?”

It’s not as simple as Maren makes it sound, and you aren’t sure how to put that into words. Luckily, before you can think of an answer, a familiar, high-pitched snarl echoes over the speakers. You look to the stage as the crowd cheers, but the view is completely obscured by other concert goers closer to Maren’s size. If you want to actually see Shitty Kitties, you’ll have to part ways and head up further to the “smalls” section of the crowd.

“Aw, hell. I guess I gotta go,” you say reluctantly.

“Wait!” Maren shouts to be heard over the lead singer’s introduction. “You can sit on my shoulder!”

“You’re full of spikes!” you shout back.

Maren pauses, thinking for a second. “No big deal! Here, sit on my arm!” He flexes one burly arm, patting it. “No spines and a perfect view of the stage! Deluxe seating, compliments of Maren. Whaddaya say?”

You blink, flattered at the offer but not wanting to impose. “But…won’t you get tired?”

“Nope!” Maren flexes his arm further, showing off his impressive muscles and grinning proudly.

He doesn't want you to leave, you realize. The thought gives you butterflies in your stomach that the spliff doesn't help to calm. Maren is roguishly attractive and good company, and he wants you around–why not accept?

“Alright,” you nod. “How do I get up theRE–!”

The moment you consent, Maren picks you up, wrapping his hands around your hips and hoisting you onto his upper arm as your words turn into a cry of surprise. Suddenly fourteen feet off the ground, you grip the fabric of his vest tightly, tucking your legs under his arm to hold on.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall,” Maren says cheerfully, patting your shoulder with his upheld hand.

You giggle nervously. From up here, you can see above the heads of the taller people and have an excellent view of the stage. Just in time, too, as the lead singer of Shitty Kitties finishes hyping up the crowd and begins counting down to their first song of the set.

“One, two, three!” The lead singer yells, then snarls into the mic.

“Oh! Oh!!” you exclaim. “This is Blightmare!”

Maren grins at your excitement. He nods along to the music, careful not to move you too much, and you pass the spliff back and forth as you enjoy the song. Blightmare was an old cult classic, one of your favorites. Once it hits the main verse, you're far too enthralled to not scream out the lyrics–hell, everyone else is.

“ROWR! I’m the wrong kinda crowd / I’m the devil in the day / and I’m no good for you / but you like it that way!”

You glance at Maren to see that he’s singing along, too. You can’t hear him, much less yourself, but you both grin at each other as you sing. The high of the spliff compounds the intoxicating feeling of the music, until you wrap one arm around Maren’s upheld one so you can steady yourself while headbanging.

“Fuck yeah!” Maren shouts, throwing devil horns up with his free hand. The both of you get swallowed up by the energy of your surroundings, screaming along song lyrics and pumping your fists for every song that plays. The set concludes what feels like far too early, and people begin to move around the two of you as they make their way to other stages.

“That was amazing!” you laugh, exhilarated. 

“It was pretty cute, hearing you try to growl like the lead singer,” Maren says.

Your chest tightens in a good way, and you giggle nervously, shaking your head. “My vocal chords will regret that tomorrow. But fuck it, right?”

“That’s right!”

“I didn’t know this would be so much fun! I’m so glad I came!”

“Is this your first time?” Maren asks, crouching down so he can let you off him.

“Yep. First concert ever.” You land and get your bearings, patting down your jeans. “There are lots of things I’ve missed out on because all my time was spent studying. Morning drills before class, prep school after, then homework in the evening.”

“Why don’t you just quit?” Maren asks like it’s obvious, and you balk at him.

“What? I can’t do that.”

“Sure you can. It sucks, you clearly don’t like it. So quit.”

“You don’t understand,” you explain. “Mom gave up everything to get me here. We were dirt poor. She would even skip meals to make sure I was fed. She worked hard to give me this opportunity! I can’t just throw that away.”

Maren doesn't look convinced, but he doesn’t argue, either, merely shrugging. “Well, alright. Where ya wanna go next?”

You look down to hide your smile, thrilled that he wants to keep hanging out with you. Pulling out the flier, you squint at it. “A band called ‘M-K’ is going to play on this stage. What’s ‘M-K?’”

“Monochrome Kaleidoscope.”

“Oh. Well, they’re up next. And on the east stage, there’s Taka Tora Batta… and BB Thunder on the north. They should all finish around the same time, right before the headliner plays on the center stage.”

The headliner for the second day was Preyer, a band with a self-described “carnivore gothic” theme that was rapidly growing in popularity. Maren hadn’t brought them up at all yet, which was surprising–they seemed to be right up his alley, considering his taste in other bands.

“I don’t have a preference either way–I’m good with whatever,” he says.

“Me too. Why don’t we stay here, then?” you suggest. “We can move up closer and get a better spot in the crowd. If we go stand right at the border between the large and small section, you won’t have to hold me up the whole time.”

“I don’t mind,” Maren winks, making you flush warm, “but alright. Sounds like a plan.”

You feel far more at ease walking through the crowds with Maren at your side. Concerts are supposed to be a group event in the first place, and with such an open venue, you had some concerns about being by yourself. But even other big people would think twice before starting a fight with Maren, which was all the more reason you should have never gambled on ticking him off earlier. A stupid risk, but in a weird way, the action seemed to gain his respect–and now that you had each other to hang out with, you’d never been happier in making such a string of poor decisions.

You and Maren find the good spot you had mentioned earlier, the people behind you all larger like him, and the people in front of you average-sized. Maren opts to sit down, as he’s still tall enough from there to see over the “shorties,” as he calls them. You, on the other hand, can't sit without losing sight of the stage, so you lean against him instead, mindful of the spikes.

Monochrome Kaleidoscope was a band that seems to be a mix of electronic and jam rock subgenres. They switch off between playing songs from their newest album, Shatterstatic, and having jam sessions right there on stage, improvising for five minute segments. The drums and synth players decide on a beat and background, and the rest of the musicians jump in with their instruments one at a time. You've never seen anything like it before, and let Maren know as much in between songs.

“Oh, yeah, M-K’s great.” He gives you a lazy grin. “I need to see if their merch table is selling patches later. Don’t have theirs yet.”

“If you hold our spot, I’ll go look for you,” you offer.

“Alright! Thanks, sweetheart.”

You flush warm and quickly excuse yourself before your flustering becomes obvious. As you weave through the “smalls” section, you couldn’t stop smiling to yourself. Maren is the last person you’d ever expect yourself to crush on. A small voice in the back of your mind tells you not to get too smitten, to keep your wits about you. You have only known Maren for a few hours, and he didn’t want to talk about himself. Maybe there was a reason for that, and that reason could have been a dangerous one. But he liked your company. And you craved the attention, truth be told. You never realized how starved you’d been for it.

The merch table was an assortment of stickers, buttons, patches, guitar picks, vinyls, and even some pricey tone dials. All of them had black-and-white designs around the band’s logo. Your hand hovered above the patches. For a moment, you considered getting two. But you didn’t have anything to put it on, and if your mother found it, she would likely throw a fit. The thought brought you out of your high somewhat  After tomorrow, you’d go back to your regular life. Back to the mundane rigors of academia and arithmetic.

There was no doubt this was the only time you’d get to hang with Maren. He’d eventually go back to whatever island he was from–hell, he might have even been a pirate (a scary thought,) in which case there was a slim chance you would ever see him again. You clenched your fists as you decided, right then and there: this weekend was your only chance to try something new. So what if he was literally rough around the edges? So what if you’d regret it later? You were far more afraid of the regret you’d feel if you didn’t take advantage of this opportunity.

Maren might only be your friend for a day, but that was one day more than you had in years. With that in mind, you went ahead and purchased a patch for him, and a guitar pick for yourself. You didn’t know how to play guitar, but the pick would be an easy-to-hide memento. 

When you returned, two songs had passed, and Maren was standing, looking far more scuffed up than when you’d left him, his hair all messy and a new rip in his pants.

“Woah, are you okay?” you ask, reaching up to touch his forearm, where a fresh bruise is forming.

“Yep. A mosh pit formed behind me, so I joined in,” he replies, letting you examine his arm. “So did they sell patches over there?”

“Yeah! Here,” you take the patch out of your bag and hold it out to him.

Maren’s eyes go wide. “You–you didn’t have to buy me one.”

You shrug. “I, uh…I wanted to. No big deal.”

He looks genuinely taken aback, a faint dusting of pink contrasting with his freckles. Then he smiles big. “Aw, thanks, babe. That’s real sweet of you.”

You’re already flustered from the pet name, so when he reaches up to brush your cheek affectionately, your brain nearly short-circuits. Face burning, you deftly avoid his gaze, staring at his arm and changing the subject.

“That looks painful,” you say, tracing the edge of the bruise.

“Nah, it’s nothing. It was fun. You should try it!”

“Moshing?” you blink at him, incredulous. “No way. I mean, me?”

“Why not? You can start one up in the ‘smalls’ section. I know you shrimps need to get out your terrier energy.”

“Wha–hey!” you laugh, making Maren grin.

“I’m serious. You said this is your first concert, right? Trying new things is good for you.”

You’re not sure what part of knocking into other people is good for you, but for some reason, you feel yourself drawn to the idea. You shouldn’t be, but what if this was the only concert you’d ever get to attend? And what is it about Maren that makes him so convincing? He’s not even pressuring you, not really. You just want to look cool in front of him, despite the fact he probably thinks you're a total dork. You want him to like you so bad, but clearly he already does, so why are you considering this?

Maren sees you looking out over the crowd hesitantly, and raises a thick finger to point. “See those people down by the southwest row? The ones jumping up and down? They look primed for it. All you have to do is scurry over there and give them a little push.”

You bite your lip. “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” he nods. “Don’t shove people who look like they don’t want to be involved, and don’t use brute force on anyone smaller than you. Help up anyone you see on the ground. Other than that, go nuts.”

You take a deep breath. “Okay…”

Maren salutes you as you head forth. You walk a little quicker, gradually picking up your pace. When you reach the aforementioned group, you're at a brisk jog, and, feeling a bit nuts, you shove into the most energetic looking guy there. 

He stumbles slightly, looking surprised. You freeze.

Suddenly you're shoved from the side by a random girl. She shouts something at the group as you recover, and then the man you shoved comes back and pushes into her. There's more yelling from the group, and then four of them start throwing themselves into the crowd around them. Pulse racing, you collect yourself and join in, running at the nearest person.

The lead singer shouts and points at your section of the crowd. The guitarist jumps in, shredding an improvised solo like a crazy man. Suddenly the area around you seems to erupt, your small group becoming a massive, frenzied pit of at least 30 people. You get jabbed with elbows and shoved into bodies, never knowing where the next impact is going to come from, but your adrenaline is pumping like crazy and you don't want to stop. 

A particularly hard shove sends you off your feet. You hit the ground and tense, expecting to get trampled, but multiple hands come out of nowhere, lifting you back onto your feet. You pause, get bumped into, and resume throwing yourself into the swarm. 

You get knocked down several more times, but every time, hands reach out from the crowd like magic and pull you back up. It's only after you're out of breath and hurting that you decide to call it quits, making your way to the edge of the mosh pit, through the crowd, and back to Maren.

“Ahh!” you inform him, overcome with adrenaline. It feels like you just got off a roller coaster. “I–I did it!”

“You were like a little tornado,” Maren chuckles. “How was it?”

“Fun!” you shout. Your body hurts in various places, and you're banged up and bruised, but grinning like a maniac.

“Attagirl!” He holds out his fist to you, and you punch it.

It takes you a bit to catch your breath. You lean against Maren in the meantime, trying not to smile when he loops his arm around your hips.

“It looks like they have so much fun playing,” you say after MK finishes their last song. “I’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar.”

“Why don’t you–wait, let me guess: you’re not allowed?” Maren raises both brows pityingly, and you lightly punch his arm.

“I just haven’t had the free time.”

“I could teach you, if I had a guitar,” he says, then pretends like he’s thinking hard, rubbing his goatee. “Tell you what. You sneak backstage and steal a guitar, and I’ll teach you to play a song.”

For a moment, you find yourself seriously considering it. Then you laugh at yourself. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? A straight-laced person like me, committing theft.”

Maren laughs too. “I think breaking the rules would do you some good.”

“That’s not the kind of person I am.”

“It could be.”

“It’s not, and I’m okay with that.”

“Boooring.” Maren sticks out his tongue.

“That’s okay, too.”

He regards you for a moment. “You seem to have it all figured out.”

“I have to,” you say simply. “I mean, my own mother doesn’t know me. If I don’t know who I am, then no one does.”

“…”

“Anyway, if I get caught and jailed. I’d be kicked out of college, and then I’d lose everything. So no theft for me.”

“Would that really be so bad?” Maren says suddenly.

“Wha–of course. Everything my mom did…”

“Okay, but it doesn’t make sense to me.” Maren looks at you seriously. “What’s the point of all that sacrifice if you aren’t happy?”

You open your mouth, but can’t find a response. The words sink in slowly, slowly, and you try and wrap your mind around them. He…He's right. This punk you've known all of several hours is completely and totally right, and you have no idea what to say.

“Uh,” you say. “Um. Wow. Okay. I mean, yeah. Yeah, you have a point there.”

“Don’t sweat it too much, sweetheart.”

Easier said than done–you’re mulling over what he said for the rest of the set, only breaking out of the trance when it finishes and the crowd starts to move. You and Maren get up and follow the flow of the crowd. Everyone’s headed in the same direction–the side shows are all done, and it’s time for the headliner at the center stage.

The excitement at seeing Preyer live cheers you up a bit. You like several of their songs, and you’ve heard they have a great stage presence. Some of the people around you even have signs, though they don’t look nearly as happy to be there as you would think someone who went to the trouble of making signs would be.

Come to think of it, Maren doesn’t seem all that enthusiastic, either. His grin is entirely absent, like it was when you first met him earlier in the day. After you both find a good spot to stand at the center stage, you decide to bring it up.

“I guess you don’t like Preyer?” you ask.

“They sound alright, but the bandmates themselves are douchebags,” is his reply. “I’m not about to hold up a sign over it, but I’m not going to cheer them on, either.”

The comment strikes you as weird, and you follow Maren’s gaze to get a proper look at one of the signs someone’s holding. Rather than a message of endearment, like you expected, there is bold, bright red letters reading out:

‘PREYER OF CHILDREN!!!’

The other signs read similarly, and you frown. “What's with those signs?”

“You haven't heard?” Maren says.

“No… Did something happen?”

“You could say that.” He narrows his eyes. “The lead singer of Preyer likes to hook up with underage fans.”

“What?!”

“Yep. Several teenagers have come forward about it. Apparently drugs were involved. But there wasn't any hard evidence, so nothing’s been done.” 

“Oh! That’s awful!”

“Sorry you had to find out like this.” He pats your shoulder, resting his giant hand there. “I know it kinda ruins the vibes of the festival.”

“It's not ruined,” you say quickly. “I mean, maybe this particular concert is, but I'd rather have known.”

Maren nods. “That bastard let down every single person who came out here. Everyone who looked up to him.” His grip on your shoulder tightens, his smile tense. “He doesn't deserve to be the headlining show. He doesn't deserve to play at all.”

You shake your head in agreement. When you next glance up at Maren, he has a sly gleam in his eye, his grin stretching like he just thought of something funny. 

“Maren?”

“I'm gonna head to the restroom. Wait for me, sweetheart.”

You both already made pit stops before coming to the center stage. He might just need to go again, but even having only known him a few hours, you get the distinct feeling that he's up to something. Before you can say anything, though, he pushes through the crowd behind you and disappears.

You wait for him. The time passes, and several minutes turn to half an hour with no sign of Maren. Just as you really start to get concerned, you realize that the crowd has grown unusually tense. It's not the excited kind of tension, either, not an eagerness for the show to start. Rather, every few minutes you look around for Maren and see more and more people looking restless, even angry. People are starting to turn to their neighbors and talk. 

Something is definitely going on. You focus, trying to pick out individual conversations.

“... serious! He slept with a minor, and…”

“...gave alcohol to a kid…”

“... can't be true! He's a good guy...”

“...she was my daughter's age…”

The rumors of what the lead singer did are spreading like wildfire, it seems. You've never seen anything like it. You're not sure how it's happening–there are some protesters, but not enough to cause this–until you see a shock of familiar, burnt-orange hair a ways down the crowd.

But, wait. That can't be Maren. He’s 15 feet tall, and those guys over there are only about 7. You squint, confused to see that yes, it's definitely Maren, albeit shorter somehow. He's got his hand cupped to someone's ear, their face changing from neutral to shocked to angry in quick succession. Maren pulls away and works his way to another section of the crowd, and you suddenly know exactly what's going on.

Maren’s making sure not a single concert-goer hasn't heard about what's happened! You're in shock. He didn’t strike you as the type to care that much. That, or he just wants to start trouble. You're reminded again that you really don't know him that well, but you can't bring yourself to look down on what he's doing, either. 

You lose sight of him as he disappears into the crowd again, and don't see him until the band has finished setting up, when he seemingly materializes next to you.

“Those pretzel sticks didn't agree with you, huh?” you joke. “Looks like the crowd does, though.”

“Imagine that,” he grins. 

The lead singer starts speaking into the mic, only for the crowd to erupt into a cacophony of boos. You glance at Maren, who’s joined them in full force, then at the crowd. You can't help it– you join in too.

The lead singer tries to pacify the crowd to no avail. He can't get a single word in. He grows more frustrated with each attempt, until he finally screams, “Fuck you! We are Preyer, and we're going to rock your world! Five, six, seven, eight!”

The band launches into their first song. It's a shame–the music itself is good, but you can't enjoy it the same, especially not with the undercurrent of jeering. You figure the best option at this point would be to just leave, but Maren has other ideas.

“Charge! The! Stage!” he starts chanting, and your eyes get huge. Before you know it, the people around you pick up the chant. It's barely audible over the music, but steadily, more and more people start joining in, and it grows louder, and louder.

Maren notices your alarm and crouches down next to you, shouting so you can hear him over all the noise. “All good, babe?”

“All good? You're starting a riot!”

“Fuck yeah, I am!” He holds his hand out to you. “Are you with me?”

You stare at his hand for a moment, wondering how you got to this point. You knew, you just knew hanging out with him was a bad idea. He was everything you weren't! Everything you were taught not to be, brash and opportunistic and self-concerned. He would only make you worse, you were sure. But…god help you, you wanted to be like him. You wanted just a piece of that energetic confidence, to feel the warmth of the fire that burned within him. 

Even if you would get burned.

You swing your arm and clasp Maren's hand tightly. “Yeah!”

The crowd festers, the chant spreading like a plague, madder and louder until even avid fans are screaming it. The dissent is close to bursting, but it isn't quite enough. It needs something to push it over that edge. You look around. The larger fans toward the back seem eager to go, but people your size at the front, while angered, are still in place. Those at the back can't move forward until the ones up front do, not without trampling the smaller concert-goers.

You suddenly have a really, really bad idea. It's so, so unlike you, but, hell. If you want to be different… Maybe not at home, but here, maybe you can be…

What's the point of all that sacrifice if you aren't happy?

Fine, then. You'll make the change for yourself, if you have to.

Without warning, you start pushing through the crowd. Maren shouts after you, but you don't stop, and his voice is swallowed up by the chorus of rage. Heart pounding, you elbow and shoulder your way past the throng of people, row after screaming row, the stage getting closer and closer, the music so loud it's deafening. You can't hear the crowd anymore, nor your own crazed, panicky breathing. Only adrenaline keeps you going. Up at the front now, you can see a line of several security guards dotting the space before the stage. You break through the last line of people, charge forward, vault over the divider, and leap for the stage. 

Somehow you make it. You scrabble up and on. A security guard grabs you by the foot, but you yank your leg, your shoe coming off in his hand. The band keeps playing, but the lead singer stops. You charge him, and he scrambles back. But you're not going for him, much as he deserves it.

You grab the mic and scream one word with all your lungs:

“RIOT!”

All hell breaks loose.

The crowd roars, surging forward like a busted dam. The band stops playing. The security guards who followed you onstage are swiftly overwhelmed. One grabs you, but is pulled off you by three other people. The stage is quickly overrun, shouting and chaos all around. You get pushed and jostled by the rush of bodies. Equipment is being thrown, instruments trashed, wires torn. You can't see anything past the bodies and can't gain enough footing to move in any direction of your own choosing. When the larger people from the back reach the stage, you start to worry about getting trampled. Your fear is quickly realized as you're knocked hard onto the ground.

Out of nowhere, a large hand grabs you and pulls you high up–Maren, lifting you into one burly arm.

“You alright?” he shouts.

“Yes!” you half shout, half laugh. 

He grins wide. “Cops are coming. Hold on!”

Maren runs away from the stage. You cling to his vest, but his hold on you is secure. The people around you are going every which direction, some still charging for the stage, some making a break for it like you are. Policemen start cutting into the crowd, rushing to protect the band.

“Where are you going?” you ask him once you've gained some distance from the crowd.

“No clue,” he says, glancing over his shoulder.

“Let’s go to the Saltwater Inn! I have a room there.”

“Where's that?”

“Head south.”

After you're a safe distance from the chaos, Maren slows to a stop and sets you down, catching his breath. You're panting, too, mostly from adrenaline.

“That…that was…” you pant.

“That was insane! You're amazing!” Maren yells.

“I don't know why I did that!” you yell back. “I–I hope no one saw my face! Oh my god…”

He laughs, one hand on his hip. “I was wrong about you, sweetheart. That was pretty ballsy.”

Right then, you notice that Maren has a guitar in his other hand. “Where did you get that?”

“I stole it from backstage while everyone was distracted.”

“Maren!”

“What? You did far crazier back there.”

You should feel guilty, and normally you would, but his toothy grin just makes you break out into a matching smile.

“Okay, good point. But let's not stick around.” You tug on his free hand, and Maren lets you lead him toward the inn.“I saw something weird while you were in the ‘bathroom’,” you say while you walk. “I could have sworn I saw another, smaller you in the crowd.” You give him an accusatory look.

“Heh. Yeah, that was me. I can change my size, cuz I'm a porcupinefish type Fish-man.”

“This isn't your normal size?”

“Nah, but I prefer it.”

The two of you chat as you make it back to the nearby Saltwater Inn. You were lucky enough to reserve one of the last rooms available back when you impulsively decided to attend the festival. The bed was made for someone Maren's size, so you overpaid, but it was worth it to be within walking distance from the festival. You ask Maren where he was sleeping that night while you both remove your shoes, only for him to reply that he had been camping out. At that point you weren't surprised by his answer.

“Wellll…” you flopped back onto the oversized bed. “If you wanted to…you could, you know…stay here? With me?”

Maren flops back next to you, making you bounce and giggle.

“Wellll…” he mimics your tone. “If you're gonna twist my arm about it….” He flashes you his signature grin.

Faces inches from each other, looking into his sparkling eyes, you're suddenly and totally overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him. But you haven't kissed anyone in years, and he's so attractive, you don't even know how to begin to process that urge. Cheeks warming, you sit up abruptly and clear your throat.

“You said you could teach me to play if you had a guitar,” you say.

“That I did.” Maren sits up and picks the guitar up off the floor. It's huge, jet black and crimson and covered in stickers. He gently sets it in your arms. “It's a bit big for you, but you should still manage.”

Maren goes over the basics, then spends a few minutes trying to position your fingers. When you still struggle to mimic him, he changes strategies.

“Here,” he says, and picks you up by the hips, making you yelp in surprise. His large arms coming to rest over yours. Like this, it's easier for him to reposition your fingers on the frets. Your face quickly gets hot, but Maren is entirely focused on teaching, his grin more relaxed than it has been all day.

Despite everything you've gone through since meeting him, you don't think he's ever been as attractive as he is when he's guiding you through a song. The intent focus on his face, the warmth of his skin against yours, his low voice praising you as you do well–it all makes your head spin. He goes at a slow, steady pace, teaching you one section at a time, until it’s an hour later and you’re playing your very first song.

You’re brimming with excitement as you finish. It’s your first time playing music, and you think you’re in love. You look up at Maren with a sense of awe and wonder. You created music, almost by yourself. He seems genuinely thrilled to have shown you, too.

“Well done, sweetheart,” he says. “Did you like it?”

“Maren, I loved it! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“It’s the least I could do,” he says.

You set the guitar aside and lean back against him, and he wraps his arms around your waist and holds you.

“I’m glad I met you, Maren,” you say.

“Me too.”

You crane your neck back to look up at him. He grins, but it’s not as intense as usual. It’s soft, in a weird way. That feeling of wanting to kiss him washes over you, and Maren acts like he can sense it, because he cups your cheek.

“Whatcha thinking about, sweetheart?” he almost whispers.

“I–I. Um, I.” You giggle nervously. “I think you’re really hot, and I want to kiss you.”

“Yeah?” He leans closer. “What’s stopping you?”

“Nerves, mostly.”

He chuckles. “Alright, then. How ‘bout I kiss you first?”

You nod, heart racing so fast you think it’ll bruise your sternum. Maren’s thumb strokes your cheek as he takes in your flustered expression. Then he leans in. You shut your eyes, and a moment later, feel the smoothness of his lips pressing to yours.

Tingling, burning warmth courses through your veins at the contact, a taste of his fire. You open your eyes just as he pulls away, his face flushed like yours.

“Fuck,” you say, surprising him into laughter.

“Good?”

“Yeah. Really good.”

“Again?”

“Please, yes–”

He leans in again, and you shift in his lap to straddle one of his giant thighs, lips slightly parted as he kisses you a second time. He guides your arms to wrap around his neck, and you stretch up to meet him so he doesn’t have to bend so much. The second kiss is longer, lighting up your entire body with its passion. He’s not as intense as you expected, almost hesitant in his kissing. You’re not sure you’re doing well, either, but he stays put, so you gain confidence, parting your lips slightly and humming in approval. His tongue probes out to trace your lips, and you gasp before sliding out your own to meet his.

At the touch, you feel the blood rush between your legs. It’s a bit ticklish and wet and so warm, and as Maren closes his mouth to suck on your lower lip, a soft moan trickles out of you before you can help it.

You want him badly, you want all of him. You can feel the desire pouring out of him, too, that inner flame blazing bright and consuming you. He seemed confident throughout the day, but you can’t help but sense that you’re both seeking a kind of solace in the other. It’s been so long since you’ve been close to someone, especially like this, and he’s working up a need in you that’s impossible to ignore.

Maren moves his hands down your back and to your ass, squeezing before tilting you back slightly so he can deepen the kiss, tongue filling your mouth. His kisses turn messy and you do your best to keep up with his heated, dizzying pace, a second moan breaking free when he moves to kiss your neck. You tilt your head to give him easier access, his head filling the space between as he starts to suck on the skin, making a jolt rush straight to your center. You can barely feel the scrape of his sharp teeth, but he doesn’t bite. Maybe it would be dangerous, but you can’t help but feel a bit disappointed.

“Ah…Maren,” you breathe, “Bite me, I–I want you to bite me.”

“Huh? Wait,” he pulls away, giving you both a chance to get your bearings. “I wasn’t kidding when I said my teeth are sharp.”

“Just a nibble?” you plead. “Small and shallow?”

“What are you, a masochist?” Your face burns, but he’s grinning. “Hah! Alright, but hold still, sweetheart. I’ll try not to make you bleed.”

“What are you, afraid of a little blood?” you challenge.

Instantly one of his hands is in your hair, gripping tight by the roots to keep your head still. You moan at the roughness, feeling his grin against the base of your neck before the razor points of his teeth rake your skin. You squirm, and his other hand comes up to grab your shoulder to keep you from moving. The anticipation rockets your arousal from a spark to a burning need, but thankfully he doesn’t make you wait.

There’s a slight, sweet blossoming of pain as his teeth barely sink in. You gasp, legs squeezing his thigh, your breath hitching again when his tongue follows, soothing the sting. He licks back and forth along the spot before slicking his way back to your neck to suck another bruise there, and you can’t help it, you start grinding on his thigh to grant yourself some much-needed relief.

“Fuck,” Maren curses in surprise, pulling back to watch you. The sight must make him impatient, though, because a moment later he grabs your wrist and puts your hand on his crotch. There’s a very large, very hard bulge there, far bigger than your hand. You don’t hesitate to stroke him–you have to work your whole arm to do so–and are rewarded with the beautiful sound of his first moan. His hips cant forward, pushing into your hand, and he’s panting slightly.

“Lie back,” you instruct, and Maren complies, lying back onto the bed. You reposition yourself between his legs so you can grind your crotch directly onto his bulge. He throws his head back and gasps at the same time as you do, his hands coming to grab your hips and pull you onto him harder.

Before you risked buying a small, discreet vibrator, you used to get off by grinding on stacked pillows. The sensation of grinding on Maren, however, was so much better that you found yourself whimpering. His bulge was large enough to provide a firm pressure against your entire vulva, and his breathy, restrained moans only fueled your need. After all the teasing of his kisses, you were already worked up, and it didn’t take you much longer before you were rapidly climbing up and over the peak, a soft cry as you cum.

The orgasm wracks your body, and you hump him desperately throughout it until it finally subsides. You go still, leaning against his belly and catching your breath.

“Why’d you stop?” Maren raises his head to look at you. His brows rise in realization. “Did you cum?”

“Y-Yeah,” you pant. His toothy smirk makes you feel tingly all over again, and you crawl up his body to kiss him some more.

You make out feverishly, all earlier hesitation gone, replaced by hot, needy kisses and nibbles. You pull away just long enough to take off your shirt, throwing it to the side before your bra follows. Maren’s hands are on your breasts in an instant, kneading the soft flesh and making you moan into his mouth. It turns to a sharp cry as his thumbs find your nipples.

“Ya like that?” he husks, and you nod quickly, going to kiss him again and whimpering against his lips when he continues to rub the sensitive nubs. He grants you a brief reprieve as his hands slide down your sides and hips, fingers hooking under the band of your pants, and you break away to remove them and your underwear.

Maren slides a finger between your lower lips, eyes widening at the amount of slick he feels. “Shit, you are so wet.”

“Maren, please–”

You don’t need to say anything more. He slides his middle finger through your folds, up and down, up and down, building up an anticipation that shatters as his finger sinks inside you.

“Ahh!” you cry out as he pushes it deeper, grabbing his forearm to stabilize yourself. His hands are so large, fingers so thick that he can reach all the way to your cervix without stretching. You clench down on the thick digit, dizzy at how easily just one fills you up.

Maren starts to pump his finger slowly, and pleasure shoots through you. The muscles of his forearm flex beneath your hand as he soon fingers you into a mess, your legs shaking as you grind into his palm. He’s biting his lip at the sight of you coming undone on just his hand.

“Kuh, keep going!” you pant desperately. “More, more!”

“More?” he pushes his ring finger at your entrance. “Like this?”

“Yes! Nnnh–!” Your back arches as he pushes the second finger inside you along with the first, the stretch persistent and pleasant and filling. The slick, wet squelch rings in your ears. You rub your clit desperately with one finger, eyes rolling back.

“Shit,” he curses. “Look at you, so needy. Who woulda thought under all that, you’re just a needy little slut?”

Maren slides his other hand up your side to flick at your nipple with his thumb, and his fingers curl abruptly inside you, making you cry out in surprise and delight, the mounting pleasure spiking in intensity. He rubs insistently at your g-spot, and this time, when your orgasm slams into you, he can feel it fluttering around his fingers.

“Ah, ahh–!” You curl forward, almost weak from the intensity, shivers going through you along with the throbbing of your clit. “Coming!”

“I know, sweetheart. I can feel you,” he says, kissing your forehead. “It’s cute how easily you cum.”

“I want my third one to be from you fucking me,” you state intently. His eyes go wide a moment before he laughs.

“Can’t get enough of me, huh?”

“That’s right. I want you to make me regret ever having run into you. I want to think about tonight for the rest of my life.”

Maren’s blush deepens, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he grins. “You keep catching me off guard, you know that? Alright, then. You think you can take it, then I’ll give it to you.”

He pulls his fingers out of you and uses the slicked digits to tease your nipples. The stimulation is different with the new lubrication, but in a good way, a sigh falling from your lips as he works heat into your body anew. You take his hand, pulling it up to your mouth, and lick the sticky fluid from his fingers. His breath hitches as you surprise him once more, a tender moan coming out when you start to suck on his fingers, one at a time.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Maren groans, his other hand reaching down to undo his zipper. He hastily shoves his boxers down to pull out his cock, jerking himself to the sight and sensation of your little mouth on his fingers. “How–how do you want to do this? I don’t have a condom.”

You take his fingers out of your mouth with a pop. “I have the implant.” You glance over your shoulder and flush hot all over at the sight of his massive cock in his hand. Naturally he’s proportional, and there’s no way it’s going to fit as he is. “Um…you’re huge, Maren. I don’t think it’s gonna–wait, you can make yourself smaller, right?”

He looks conflicted at the idea. “How small are we talking?”

You weren’t sure what his aversion to being smaller was, but you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Thinking for a moment, you offer, “what if I mount you, and you just shrink until it goes in? If you get to a point where you don’t want to keep going, you can stop and we’ll do something else.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Maren nods, seemingly put at ease.

You tug at his vest. He chuckles and removes it, then his pants and boxers. As soon as he’s naked, you throw your arms around his neck and start making out with him again.

“You know,” you say between kisses, “perk of you–being smaller–can kiss and fuck me–at the same time.”

He hums in response, not outright rejecting the idea. At his current height, riding him meant he couldn’t kiss you without breaking his spine. But at his current height, nothing was going to happen anyway.

Maren’s heated kisses work you back into a frenzy of need until you’re breaking away, licking the large scar on his left pectoral before kissing down his chest and belly, until your ass is pressed against his cock. It’s so big it touches your lower back, leaving a smear of precum on your skin.

“Okay,” you say, taking hold of his cock and positioning yourself over it. Maren sucks in a breath at the touch, and you follow suit as you press the blunt head against your vulva. It’s like trying to fuck an eggplant, it’s just not gonna happen, though the wet, smooth skin does feel good against you. “I’m ready.”

Maren nods and lets out a sigh. You feel a slight shift, not immediately realizing he’s changing, until a second later when you realize his head no longer reaches the pillow. He shrinks slowly, losing inch by inch, and you wiggle your hips a little to feel if he’s small enough yet.

You both gasp as he starts to penetrate you, but he can’t get further than the head.

“A-Almost,” you stammer. Another inch of height off, and you’re able to sink down onto him slowly. “There! Yes!”

Overall, Maren’s only lost about four feet of height. At 11 feet tall he’s still huge in comparison to you, and you’re a bit surprised at yourself. 

He must be, too, because he asks, “It’s not too much?” 

“I think–I can handle–nnng…” You lose focus as he bottoms out. His cock is still huge, bigger than anyone you’ve been with or any toy you’ve used, and the stretch hurts just a little bit. But he seemed so reluctant to get smaller, you don’t want to push him any more than he has. You just need some time to adjust, and you tell him as much.

“Ya sure, babe?”

“Yeah…It’s, it’s kind of good like this…” you hang your head down, looking at the point where your bodies are connected. There’s still several inches of him left out. He’s so thick that the broad head of him pushes firmly against your g-spot and doesn’t let you forget it’s there. You lift your hips experimentally, and the movement makes you both gasp again, a jolt of intertwined heat.

“Fuck, how are you taking so much? Little thing like you,” Maren’s hands rest on your hips as you start moving up and down. “You like big dick, huh, sweetheart?”

“Y-Yes, yes,” you pant as you start riding him in earnest. “Oh–oh, fuck, Maren…”

“You’re more wild than you let on. I think you’ve been waiting for something like this, huh? Waiting for someone like me.” His breath is heavy, his husky words encouraging. “So wound up when we first met–turns out all you needed was to let loose, hmm?”

He’s not even dirty talking, not really, but the way he speaks to you just makes you wetter. You’re able to keep going thanks to it, keeping the friction from getting uncomfortable. Panting, you roll your hips as you ride him, grinding him where you need him most.

“Tell me how it feels, tell me how that big dick feels,” Maren says.

“Good! Feels so good!”

He rewards you with a sudden, hard spank, and you gasp.

“You got tighter! You are a masochist.”

He smacks you again, making you cry out. “Maren!”

“That’s right, sweetheart, say my name!”

Smack!

“Maren-!”

Your pace slows as you tire–the festival has you drained–but Maren doesn’t hesitate to grab your hips, bracing his legs against the bed to thrust up into you. His tongue pokes out slightly as he pants, bouncing you on his cock, and you’re able to rub your clit now that he’s picked up the slack.

He moans, grip tightening on your hips as his pace picks up. Each thrust shoves you closer and closer to the edge until you crash over it with a strangled cry of his name, orgasm ripping through you.

“I got ya,” he pants, his hurried thrusts work you through your orgasm, head spinning at the feel of your walls spasming around him. “Gonna…ah, shit, I’m gonna cum…!”

He stops abruptly, pulling you down onto him so hard it hurts a little, head thrown back and moaning from deep in his gut. His cock throbs as he empties inside you, and then there’s no sound left but the both of you catching your breath.

He softens inside you, but is still so large he doesn’t fall out until you get off of him. You collapse next to his side, resting your head against him, a thick haze of relief and sated pleasure fogging up your brain.

Maren’s arm slings over your body, pulling you closer. You look up at him. He smiles when your gazes meet, that charming, devilish grin that got you here.

“You good, sweetheart?”

“Never been better.” You match his grin. “Next round, can you fuck me against the wall?”

“On the wall, on the table, on the floor…” he trails off, and you both giggle. “What about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?”

“One more day of the festival left.”

You cuddle into his side. “Will you spend it with me?”

Maren’s gaze softens. “Of course, sweetheart.”

It turns out that Maren has far more stamina than you do. He puts you through your paces, and you’re exhausted and sore the next day, leading him to practically carry you around. The final show is incredible, and when the day comes to a close and it’s time to part ways, you tear up a little. Maren’s as cheerful as ever, but you can see past the front he puts out just a little, now–you know he’s bummed, too.

“Keep your chin up, sweetheart. Maybe someday we’ll meet again.” He says, wiping at the corners of your eyes. “Promise me you won’t miss a guy like me too much?”

You smile and nod, even as you lie through your teeth. “I promise.”

[depressoexpresso-anon]

Ok, here is my breakdown and my thoughts on the ending of Bittersweet Chapter 3.

First off, I wanted to say thanks to Yuuri for blessing us with Bittersweet and this amazing fucking story, as well as the start of Shattered, which I presume, is the start of Auron's story.

This isn't important, but I enjoy that Al's fancy is take-out pasta (fr same). Also, his happy little face thing about it got me like 😊😊😊

Then the conversation between SugerBoo and Al and the trust he has for them is just gold, but it's a tad reckless.

Cause if I was in Al's shoes, I would bring up the gun and talk about the choice they were going to make, if it was a good idea, and what consequences might have followed with their actions.

This also leads to the idea that Al may have possibly known about the gun before the listener left to meet up with Jesse. And what we knew from previous episodes, the choice that they made may have left them going to jail, a possible run-in with Auron, or probably dead.

Also, the reassurance that Al made about being 'pure' is a very nice touch to tie it up. It also leaves me thinking, if Al would do the same speech if the listener did kill Derek. Tbh idk.

Also, the shared dream thing that the trio had. 👀👀👀

I know it's not the same but it's pretty fucking close in my book.

THEN WE GET BLESSED WITH BABY SETH!

I literally lost it when I saw this cause he is so tiny and his hair is basically Crypted Hunter Seth's hair.

If you look at past Jesse and current Seth, he really does look like her.

This shot made me happy (even though it's not happy). Cause for me when I get invested in characters, I wanna know every little detail about that character. So seeing Al's baby picture and a flashback to when Seth was younger made me go 'OOOOOH SHIT!'.

Then this scene is just a chef's kiss honestly.

Cause we get to see Seth finally confront Jesse about all the shit she has done.

And I know he confronted her before in episode 5, but that was with current events. This time it's about his past and all the hurt he felt with her being away.

You can even see on Jesse's face that she is finally realized her mistakes as a mom and is probably feeling so much guilt for putting her son in pain.

SHE IS ALSO CRYING TOO!

Even though this part was short it's what they both needed.

Seth needed to tell his true feelings about his mother and what he felt during the years she was gone. While Jesse needs to face the truth and accept that she had hurt her son, and possibly nothing she can do will ever fully fix her bond with her son.

Then after expressing his emotions he goes from this.

To this

I feel like Seth from Chapter One would just beat the shit out of that wall till his hands were fucked up.

But he didn't.

He realized that he was angry and frustrated and just let it all go.

That is growth.

Cause in the very beginning Al mentioned that Seth grew more angry and bitter when his mother cut ties with him.

So his time by himself and the time with the listener and Alphonse, really helped him with his anger and frustration towards his family and the world.

He's learning to let go of anger and just move on with peace.

Jackie's art = good shit. PERIOD!

Also its urger time.

When Al called Seth a little bitch and was teasing him fr filled me with serotonin.

THEN THIS FUCKER IS JUST!!!

YUMMY

I fr am feral for this man rn. I still need to get to know Auron more to fuck with him. BUT! I am a little slutty whore baby for people who dress nice and do crime.

Like he looks like a mob boss in the 50's and I am LIVING FOR IT DARLING!

Also, the bruises on both of his hands fucking mean that he went ham on Derek.

He probably tortured him as well.

I can just imagine him beating the shit out of Derek behind closed doors and having all of the grunts listen to Derek's screams and begs him to stop.

And when he's finally done and comes out of the office, he gives them all a look of 'do not cross me.', before pouring his own or having someone pour him a drink.

Ok, Tumblr won't let me do more than 10 pictures so ima do part 2.

[fandomcrysis]

All the hours I lost // 02

Part two: We're on earth to break each other's hearts

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x gn! reader

Genre: Itty bitty fluff and pure unfiltered angst

Warnings: Cursing (I have a really really dirty mouth :/), kinda delusional reader , fighting, alcohol, manga spoilers? well more like you'll need the manga to get more context to the story (Shibuya Incident arc)

Summary: When the initial magic of novelty wears off, when the honeymoon phase ends. Slowly the bittersweet moments just turn bitter and everything you so carefully tried to take care of withers. Yet you refuse to believe fate made a mistake connecting you. (Soulmates au)

Word count: 4.7k

A/n: Part two of my fic to @yuujispinkhair ’s Enchanted to meet you collab. Again I can't stress enough how amazing she is. 💕💖💘

This is a song fic, to get the full context please check out All too well by Taylor Swift! (You don’t have to it, makes sense without it but it makes more sense with it)

Well, another big boy fic, it's funny because I cut a whole ass scene from this one (it will go into part 3 instead) and it's still almost 5k words. I'm a huge fan of angst as is, but now I'm actually not doing too well so I feel like I'm in my joker phase xdddd. My villainry is just writing really hurtful angst, or at least I hope it is. (I will cry if it's bad angst instead hdhjfbsdjb) but I promise the next part won’t be this bad. Please enjoy~ 💕

This isn't beta read and I'm painfully dyslexic. So if you find something please let me know so I can correct myself.

Lovely people on the taglist💕: @cerealfrdinner797 , @brumous11 , @nappingwithyuuji

Part one

1 year 2 months 1 week 6 days 10 hours 3 minutes 1 second

“How about this one? Do you think he’ll like it?” Gojo shoves a blue plush lion in your face, to show it off.

“‘Toru, he’s one, you can buy him anything big and colorful and he’s gonna love it,” you state calmly while taking the winking lion from him. It fits all the criteria so it might as well be the one.

“So, can we get it? And this too then? They are both really cute, I can’t decide.” The tall man gives you a purple bear this time with a suspicious look on its face. Both the lion and the bear come from the same line of brightly colored wild animals, and you are sure Satoru will try to buy each one of them, one by one, if you don’t step in. It’s your friend’s son’s first birthday party and you don’t want to outdo his parents so you need to limit your partner.

“Baby, choose one and we’ll get him some kind of block puzzle with it. It wouldn't be appropriate to steal the spotlight with a huge gift,” you reason with the big kid that is your boyfriend. He takes one sad look at the lion plushie and he puts it back, from the looks of it the decision was a sad one but not a hard one.

“That was quick, I expected a whole scene. What made you choose the bear?” you question him in a cheery voice when you get to the puzzle section in the next aisle. He has the bear in his right arm hugging it to his torso. Satoru looks up from the 'find the pair’ game he picked up and looks at the bear with a little smile.

“It reminds me of my best friend,” his grin is wide, as he goes back to the puzzle in his hand. You look at the bear, curious what kind of person Gojo Satoru’s best friend would be. The bear is an eggplant purple, its thinner, tilted eyes make it look foxy and the mischievous smirk on its face gives the impression that he’s up to no good. Looking at the bear you can clearly see how a person like that would be friends with your boyfriend, they both look way too happy to wreak havoc.

“Do they look this shady?” you inquire further, while you look at another set of blocks.

“Yes, he does.” He sounds distant like he’s lost in the past.

“And is he? I mean as shady as he looks.” You latch onto this opportunity to know more about his life, although you have a feeling that you won’t get a lot out of him.

“He’s even worse than he looks,” he muses, now looking at the bear. The fondness in his eyes is clear, it makes you wonder if he would ever talk about you this way.

“Then I get why you are such close friends,” you say with a little smirk on your face, waiting for him to catch on. When he does he rolls his eyes at you with an amused smile.

“Do you really think I’m shady?” he pouts hoping that you would say no, maybe even give him a kiss.

“Of course, I do. I can’t name one person shadier than you. I literally met you while you were breaking into an abandoned church.” You hand him a puzzle to see what he thinks.

“You’re mean,” he replies with a sour look on his face which makes you giggle. How are you supposed to take him seriously when he has his hands full with children’s toys and he pouts just like a kid?

“Am I now?” You put your hands on your hips, waiting for him to approve of the gift. While he is busy with that, your eyes wander on the plushie again. He looks like he misses his friend. People don’t seem that lost in the past when they’ve met their best friend just the day before.

“Would you like the bear?” you offer him suddenly. As much as you want to know more you don’t want to get shut down again. Today is a good day and you don’t want to turn it bittersweet. That’s exactly why you force yourself to stop thinking about how you accepted that he will never let you in.

“What?” He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“You look like you miss him. If you want we can get Kei the lion and you can get the bear. It would fit right in with your house if you ask me,” you explain, although you can’t help but point out how out of place it would be in his mancave. But maybe seeing that large bear in his house from time to time would make him feel better. He peaks at the toy, then back at you and pulls you in a half hug, as his other arm was full with the plushie. He presses a long kiss on top of your head, you reciprocate the hug by wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning into him.

“You really are the best, Love.” He murmurs when he leans back, as a response you press a quick peck on his lips. You marvel at the fact that you made him happy while watching him go back for the lion with the biggest grin on his face. After you gathered everything you wanted to buy, Gojo ventured off again to look at something while you were paying for the toys.

“You two are really adorable together, it’s rare to see people this in love,” the cashier smiles at you while he scans your items. You smile back at him and look back over your shoulder to your boyfriend before thanking him.

“And how old is the kid?” he inquires further as he puts the bear in a big bag.

“He’s one. I hope we got the presents right for his age.” You converse with the cashier hoping that you didn’t get anything he can’t use. Now, you kind of regret not asking your friend what to get.

“Oh no, these are perfect. I was just curious. Let’s hope the young man grows up to be like his dad.” You don’t want to correct him on the fact that you aren’t shopping for your child, it’s not like you’ll see the cashier again, there’s no reason to. As for the comment, you know he means well, and he probably refers to being tall or handsome or strong or just generally any of Gojo’s traditionally attractive traits. You know that, but honestly, you can’t stop your gut reaction.

“Oh god no, I would probably go insane if I had another Satoru running around.”

1 year 6 months 2 weeks 2 days 12 hours 22 minutes 50 seconds

“I can’t keep doing this, Satoru. And you can’t either. We’re supposed to be soulmates damn it. You can’t introduce me to even one of your friends! Hell, do they even know about me?” You are at your limit again. You were patient, you did your best to trust him, but you’ve known each other for a whole year and a half. And it’s been more than 6 months since the night at the park. Since his empty promise to try harder for you.

Nothing happened since, at least not on his end. You don’t know his parents' name, let alone met them. You on the other hand introduced him to your family because your parents were talking your ear off about finally meeting your soulmate. So, you took him home for dinner with your family. As expected he charmed your parents like it was his job, he actually made an effort to not come off as the jerk he usually is. You remember staring at him starry-eyed trying to digest the reality that you might marry this man one day.

“Calm down, please. It’s not a big deal, I just never got around to it,” he tried his best to diffuse the situation but it was just fuel to the fire. How can he say this? How can you trust him when he disregards your feelings like this? Again and again, he proves to you that he doesn’t care.

“How fucking dare you? How dare you tell me it’s not a big deal when you see how upset I am? Do you care this little about me? After everything? Is this just a game to you? To see how far you can push me? To see how much you can get away with? Do you find seeing me like this amusing?” It all just pours out of you. After months of hopeless pining for a functional relationship, you just can’t hold back anymore.

“What? Why would I enjoy this? You keep painting me as a fucking villain and you as the innocent victim.” He starts to lose his calm a little, which just escalates your feelings as well. He has no right to feel justified when he is clearly in the wrong.

“When you do this day in and day out I can’t do anything else just assume that you like making me suffer. And what the fuck do you mean that I’m painting myself as the victim. You hurt me a lot, a lot of times, you can’t sugarcoat this, Satoru!” You want to solve this in a more civilised way, but you can’t get a hold of your emotions. One cat got out of the bag and now every single one is jumping out.

“How about you don’t push me to do things I’m not ready for? You ask for too much! I open up a little and you try to rip me open to learn every one of my secrets. You have no business snooping in my life!” You should just leave before things get more ugly, but every single thing he says is so infuriating that you can’t just leave it like this.

“What? I asked too much? I asked you to do the bare minimum. To not treat me like you are ashamed of being with me! Do you have any idea what too much is? How about we talk about moving in? Or getting married? And what do you think of kids? I think two of them running around would be amazing right about now.” You can’t help the poison dripping from your voice. This all painfully reminds you of the nights you spent listening to your own parents scream at each other. Reminds you of how you swore you’d never be like them. Despite that, here you are. You’re just glad there’s no one around to witness it. Regardless, you continue.

“But it’s not like I could even think of bringing any of these up! Your side of the venue would probably be completely empty at the wedding!” You are screaming at this point but you couldn’t care less. In Gojo’s penthouse, there are no neighbours anywhere near so it’s not like they would call the cops on you.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about! Why would you even bring this up?” He isn’t screaming thankfully, but he is getting louder as well.

“Are you fucking delusional? Why do you think I bring it up? Everyone has kids and weddings or a ring on their finger at the very least! We are not getting younger Gojo and I don’t want to go to parent-teacher conferences and playgrounds in my fifties just because you couldn’t get your life in order in time. If you even want kids that is. I have no idea about that either because I can’t talk to you about anything related to our future.” You are an emotional mess as you collapse on his couch, defeated. You feel lightheaded as the situation hits you. You don’t know how this argument will end but you are sure of one thing: this will leave a scar.

“Talking? Is this what you call talking? You are screaming and breaking down again.” He doesn’t address anything about the actual problem, he can’t say anything to that. Somewhere in the rational part of his brain, a small voice tells him that you are right. A bigger part, however, refuses to admit blame.

“Do you think I’m enjoying this? Do you think I like that I have to have a complete breakdown for you to acknowledge me? I don’t trust you enough to bring any of my concerns up anymore. At this point, I don’t know which is worse, the fact that I’m afraid to bring anything up to you or that you are a fucking stranger in my bed.” You curl up on his couch as he starts to pace. Your words cut deep, but he can’t face that he is hurting you this bad.

“Why can’t you just trust me? Talk to me? I’m your soulmate.” He doesn’t stop for a second, he goes round and round, which doesn’t help you calm down. His restlessness is just unnerving you even more.

“Just because we are soulmates, it doesn’t mean everything will magically work out. This relationship is just like any other. And even if it wasn’t, we aren’t the only soulmates, somehow everyone else can work it out!” You stand up because you can’t just sit around. You go to his kitchen, which is only separated from the living room by a counter, to get a glass of water. You try to make an effort to calm down.

“There it is again! Why are you so fucking obsessed with other people? Why can’t we just do what’s good for us?” He goes to lean on the counter in front of you as you take out a glass from the cabinet. It would be nice knowing that you are this at home in his house but right now you could barely see from the anger.

“What’s good for us? Relationships work because of compromises. There are no compromises here, I’m doing everything I possibly can to make this work and you are acting like a butthurt kid just because I asked you to treat me like your lover not like a secret. In all reality, this isn’t a relationship. This is an affair, a distraction. You aren’t committed to me at all.” This hurts to say. It hurts so much because it’s true. You wouldn’t be at all surprised if it turned out that he is actually married already.

“What do you mean I’m not committed? I haven’t even looked at anyone else since I met you.” Satoru sounds a 100% convinced that he is right with this point. You can barely fathom how he thinks this makes him looks committed.

“That just mean that we are exclusive, not that you are committed. You just show up whenever you want to have some fun and leave. This is all we are.” You take a deep breath, yet your fury doesn’t subside so you continue even though you won’t be able to take these words back. “But prove me wrong. Look into my eyes and tell me that you would be here if I wasn’t your soulmate. I know I wouldn’t.”

Gojo Satoru is speechless for maybe the first time in his life. He silently watches you, dumbfounded, as you take a sip of your water, tears running down your face. You consciously make an effort to calm down, which is not easy with the heavy silence looming over you. But after a while you feel strong enough to go through with this.

“Satoru, we are clearly dysfunctional. We tried it, it didn’t work out. We can’t do the same thing over and over again and expect things to change. You made a point to show, time and time again, that you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone to meet me halfway. You don’t have to, it’s not an obligation, you are right about that.” ‘Deep breaths, Y/n, you can do this. Breathe in, breathe out, baby.’

“I… just can’t work with the little to nothing you are giving me now. Let’s just split while we can do it in peace. Neither of us is happy right now, so we’ll just keep jumping at each other’s throats.” You somehow manage to power through the break-up, you finish your water while trying to stop your silent sobs. Gojo is sitting on a bar stool, he holds his head up with one hand while he just stares at the counter before him.

Once you place your glass in the sink you go to change back to your normal clothes and gather everything you need. The whole house is eerily quiet, and the glass, metal, and marble interior just seems so much colder than it was a few hours ago. When you get back down Satoru is still where you left him, he doesn’t say anything, not even when you bid goodbye. You can’t even guess what it is that made him speechless.

Satoru is stuck. He can’t do anything but repeat your words in his head. He relived your breakup dozens of times in his head trying to make sense of it. It’s like he’s twisting the knife again and again. He can feel the pain but he still can’t rationalize you leaving. You are just… gone? He can feel everything he usually keeps under control overwhelm him. It’s paralysing. He feels like he’s drowning.

1 year 7 months 0 weeks 4 days 16 hours 17 minutes 56 seconds

You are in complete darkness. You can’t see anything. You can’t hear anything. When you start to panic due to the lack of information you finally hear a familiar sound; Satoru’s voice. You spin around so fast you almost feel light-headed, but when you see Satoru you actually feel like fainting. He is locked in a box, and no matter what you do you can’t get him to notice you or get him out of the box. You scream at the top of your lungs, you bang on the box until you can’t lift your arm anymore, it’s no use. You feel so helpless, it breaks your heart…

You miss him a lot. Well, that’s an understatement. You miss him every minute of every day, he just won’t leave your mind, not awake, not asleep. Your heart aches and that doesn't stop. It probably never will as long as you are away from Satoru. These past two weeks you can barely do anything, worst of all; you can barely sleep. Sometimes you even refuse to. You don’t care how bad it gets, you’ll do anything to stop the nightmares. Especially this recurring one about Gojo being locked away. It feels so chilling despite it being the least hurtful in theory.

You don’t have to think a lot about what the dream could mean. You shut out Gojo and it feels like your heart is trying to get revenge on you for the hurt you’re causing it. You know you love Satoru, and you are so afraid that there’s nothing in this world that could change that. Not time, not space, not his behaviour. Even now, you lie awake after waking up from that damned nightmare again. You barely got an hour of sleep and you aren’t sure if you can go back to sleep again.

You try so hard to remember all shit he did, all the times he brushed you off, all the times you cried alone in your apartment because he couldn’t make it when you needed him the most. Your heart and mind is trying its hardest to bury every one of Satoru’s wrongdoings under the happy memories, but you don’t want to forget. You can’t just erase everything, your love for him isn’t supposed to be unconditional. He needs to do better so you can forgive him.

Probably this is why you could go through with leaving because you think that he will come back to you. You think that whatever you have is strong enough to pull him right back to you, it has to be. You are soulmates for a reason, you have to be. Saying that you met at the wrong time is a lot easier than trying to come to terms with Satoru being the wrong person for you. Whatever this whole soulmate thing is, it can't make a mistake that big, can it?

There has to be something else, you just can’t accept that. It already is hard enough to do something else other than drowning in your self-pity you don’t need to open that can of worms. During the daytime you have to suck it up and work, you are an adult and nobody will else take care of you. But at night you can give in just a little, just let the emotions take over...

Why can’t you be like every other soulmate, why can’t you just work? Why can’t Satoru just trust you? You were going on and on about you trusting him, but wasn’t he the one who didn’t trust you? He couldn’t share absolutely anything important about himself. He didn’t feel the need to let you in his life, so how could you let him into yours?

1 year 8 months 1 week 5 days 14 hours 35 minutes 16 seconds

Work parties suck, you can’t let loose because you are working with these people and if you do, you are the topic of the office gossip for a while. That being said, everyone has those days, and sometimes you severely overestimate how much alcohol you can handle. Only this time it isn’t the case; you are just fine. Well, you aren’t fine but you aren’t drunk. Just heartbroken. Having to deal with everyone bringing up Gojo during the small talk was draining you.

You know they don’t mean to hurt you but lying that you and he are doing well over and over again broke you little by little. You couldn’t admit it, you are still very much in denial and want to avoid this whole thing. Unfortunately, you can’t, so you just say what ends that conversation the fastest, this way you don’t have to deal with the pity either. So yes, the few drinks you’ve had might have something to do with you weeping in the bathroom of the party venue, but they aren’t the sole cause.

You haven’t looked at pictures of you together in weeks. It was painful, but of course today everyone and their mother asked to see your boyfriend. In any other situation, you would bless the skies for giving you a man that knows how to take a picture of himself. Not today though. Seeing how his eyes sparkle while he’s looking down at you sleeping on his chest or how he playfully pouts as you take a photo of him while waiting for your food. They brought back so many memories. It’s hard knowing he’s not with you.

The one photo you keep showing everyone, it was your background too before it got too painful to look at. Gojo took the picture in an elevator mirror, his arms are around you and he tilts his head so his temple rests on the top of your head. You on the other hand barely peek out from his bear hug. The sheer happiness is evident though. Your eyes are a thin line, and even with lower half of your face buried in your red scarf, it’s clear that it’s from the wide smile on your face.

You miss these days. The good days, the days full of laughter. Right now you don’t even care why you broke up in the first place, you just want him back. You try to suppress your sobs, because in this state you can’t even talk. You hardly make out anything through the glossy wall of tears, but you somehow make it to his contact or at least you think you do. Your thumb is hovering over the call button. The only thing in your mind is missing him. You miss him so much, your chest never stops aching no matter what you do. You’re psyching yourself up to press the button when a familiar voice calls out.

“Y/n, is everything alright?” When the sound of your name registers you look up. It’s one of your colleagues, they stand across the room from you, looking concerned and confused. The adrenaline rush is instant from feeling like you just got caught committing some kind of crime.

“S-sure,” you try to answer confidently, but your sobs don’t let you say anything without stuttering. “Just, you know, lovers quarrel.” You quickly add because you realise you need to explain it somehow. People don’t just randomly break down. You know they wouldn’t tell people about you breaking down even if you were visibly intoxicated. You, however, aren’t the type of person to rely on chance, not when you can do something about it. This is why you purposefully give them a personal answer that they would feel bad about spreading.

“Do you want to talk about it?” they ask carefully, even though you two aren’t close you know they want to help you. As much as you appreciate it, you really don’t. You just want to go home and find something Gojo left in your house so you can cuddle it to sleep. This way you can pretend he is just away on a business trip. You take a deep breath and go to the sink and you lean on it.

“Well, not everything is sunshine and rainbows, but we’ll get through it,” you reassure them as you gather yourself enough to start covering up the fact that you cried. You need to leave this damn toilet sooner or later.

1 year 8 months 1 week 5 days 15 hours 03 minutes 39 seconds

You’ve just got out of the taxi and finished paying the driver when you feel the buzz in your pocket. At first, you think that it’s probably one of your colleagues sending you way too many messages at once. There were quite a few who got carried away with the drinks, giving you big hugs and promising to check on you when they got home. As if you were the one who needed to be checked up on.

After a second or two it was obvious that your phone won’t stop vibrating, instead insisting on getting your attention. You sigh, getting it out of your pocket. You don’t want to deal with anyone at this time of the day - night? - it’s late and you just want to get to bed. Alas, you gather your remaining energy for one more social interaction. With another deep breath, you glance at the caller ID.

‘Gojo Satoru’

You do a double-take. Your chest suddenly feels tight, the all familiar feeling of anxiety taking over you. Your hands start to shake as you rush to take the call. You are so afraid he will hang up before you get the chance to talk to him.

“Hello…?” you trail off, unsure what to say when you pick up. You daydreamed of this for weeks, but you didn’t think it would be in these circumstances. You imagined that he would show up at your house unannounced with a bouquet of beautiful flowers; asking for forgiveness. Or maybe he would keep ringing your doorbell at 3 am, too drunk to stay away from you. You didn’t expect a call. At night. Especially not from a sober Satoru.

“Oh, hey. I… I didn’t think you would pick up. I should’ve thought of something to say before calling you, haven’t I?” He sounds tired. During all these weeks you never thought about Gojo doing as badly as you do. It never crossed your mind that he might be tossing and turning all night as well. That he might have the same nightmares as you do. You assumed it’s hard on him too, but he was always fine. Seemingly sailing through life without a care in the world. He never sought you out for comfort, or at least he didn’t show it if he did.

“Satoru… Is everything alright?” Your voice is as shaky as your hands are while you try to slip your key into the lock of the gate.

“Yes. No… Shit… I guess I just wanted to hear your voice… God, I miss you so much. It’s unbearable.” he mutters, the pain clear in his voice. You feel your eyes already tearing up. You miss him too, more than you could express.

“Toru-” you start, you aren’t sure how you want to finish the sentence. But you don’t need to as he cuts you off before you could get out anything else.

“No, this was a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have called you, especially this late. Just forget about this. Okay? It’s not right… I’m sorry. I love you.” He doesn’t even wait for you to react. He hangs up.

As you get into your apartment, completely on autopilot at this point, you don’t even bother to wipe away the tears. Looks like he wasn’t happy with only breaking his promises, he needed to break you too. All over again; trampling on the pieces crushing them to even smaller shards.

Masterlist

[captnjacksparrow]

Hi! Do you think Kishimoto really intended to write Naruto and Sasuke as not just friends or brothers? Were all those scenes, posters, arts that can be seen as romantic unintentional? For example the kiss was accidental and drawn solely for fun but what about the information we got from databook about it, Sasuke remembering the kiss when he thought he was dying, Naruto's nose bleeding when kurama mentioned this kiss. What was the need for all this if they are just friends?

What was the need for all the mentions of ‘Accidental Kiss’ if they are just friends?

Comic Relief!!!!😑😑😑😑

Atleast that's what other shippers would say!!!

Let’s see where the ‘Accidental Kiss’ has been Referenced throughout!!!!

Reference No.1

Do you remember this guy????

This is that guy.... Probably the second shipper of SNS fandom after Kishimoto. His name is Tobio. Let’s just ‘Thank’ Tobio for a second.

This Databook says,

“Tobio, male, genin, 12 years old. In the explanation meeting for the academy graduates, he casually ends up pushing Naruto, causing Naruto and Sasuke to share a passionate kiss...”

Hmmm.... Interesting, Passionate eh????

If you can squint your eyes and view that Databook picture I’ve attached for Tobio, you can find this Kanji 熱烈.... Like 3rd line, 5th and 6th Kanji....

熱烈 =  "netsuretsu" = passionate, ardent

If this was accidental, why is this word choice, I wonder???

Kishimoto is the No.1 Shipper of SNS. No doubt.

Moving on.

Reference No. 2

Apparently there is another Mention of this Kiss in Data Book 1 in the Glossary Page. LOL....

Even the term ‘USURATONKACHI’ has its place in 1st DataBook Glossary page which is understandable. But why ‘First Kiss’?? As if the readers don’t even know the meaning of that term....

フアーストキッス = “Fāsutokissu” =  First Kiss

The Databook says,

"First Kiss = The first kiss anyone longs for. But Sasuke's was stolen by Naruto...!?"

Do we really need this explanation??? ROFL...

Reference No.3

“Naruto unravels the obstinate Sasuke’s heart in a bittersweet way....?”

Well, What the fuck is unravelling obstinate heart anyway???? It was just a freaking accident that was supposed to be forgotten by both the parties involved!!! If I am an author and if I wanted to make some comic relief like this, I would’ve stopped this ‘Accident’ here in Chapter 3 itself. I wouldn’t be bringing it up in the story again.

Reference No.4

“No, more like miso... but I don’t remember! What did I ever do to Naruto anyway?”

HaHa... Very funny.... He says he doesn’t remember but he remembers!!!! And he thinks it was intentional from Naruto’s side!!!!

Reference No. 5

If I am dying, anon, I won’t be thinking about something embarrassing or disgusting!!! I would always think about something that I don’t regret and made me happy!!!!

Reference No. 6

This is from Chapter 572.... With just 125+ Chapters to go, Why is this unnecessary callback which waste 2 panels’ space???? And Why Naruto was giving off an exaggerated Panicked reaction for an ‘accident’.... He could’ve easily said “Hey!!! It was just an accident”..... 

Reference No. 7

I don’t know which Official Databook this is from.... But again it got a mention which is totally unnecessary....

BONUS

Reference No. 8

I heard that Kishi exclusively drew this for the Anime opening. I don’t know whether this is true or not. But anyways, why is this ‘unnecessary reference’ in an Anime Opening??? Who asked for this anyway?

So, Totally 8 References???? Ummm.... I just don’t understand this..... 

What was the need for all this if they are just friends?

My answer is very Obvious. They were never meant to be written as Brothers or Friends. Am not saying this just because ‘They kissed each other’. Because for God's Sake,

Friends/Brothers don't confess every time they meet. 

Friends/Brothers don't repress their feelings.

Friends/Brothers won’t be obsessed with each other.

A Friend won’t be getting an heartbreak or crying if the other person don’t reciprocate. They just ignore or forget about that friend.

Or Better!!!!!

“People like you are those I will never acknowledge as Ninja... Being a ninja isn’t for Fun and Games”

In Short, Sasuke behaves like a Total Jerk here....

This is Kishimoto’s initial draft for introducing Sasuke in Chapter 2. What a mean comment it was!!!! If only Sasuke was like this to Naruto in the Original Manga....... I wouldn’t be writing this blog here!!! 

Add this panel to the Manga and I will jump out this ship immediately, I promise!!!! Because this is a proper panel to show an Enemy turned Rivalry turned Friendship dynamic!!!

Instead of doing this.... All I found was 2 repressed Guys finally acknowledging an un-labelled Bond between them in where if one gets hurt the other would always feel the pain!!!!!

I have seen Kishi written strong friendship like Kakashi/Obito. They never repress any feelings or obsessed about the other or act like a Tsundere. They are the best example of Rival turned Friends turned Enemy turned Friends again!!!! Obito evolved his Sharingan and gave up his life for Kakashi and yet all I could feel was an Unconditional Friendship. Nothing more. 

Naruto and Sasuke never gave me that vibe. 

I think we should send a petition to Kishi to remove some totally unnecessary panels from the Manga to make their bond Dudebro Friendly!!!!! 

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Stuck on You (Levi Ackerman x Childhood Friend! Reader)

A/N: Hi, guys! I just want to preface by saying that this is a TWO (maybe a three if i decide to write an epilogue drabble) PART SERIES, and I have just a few more scenes to write before I can post it! I don’t expect this one to do so well, to be honest, but it’s been so long since I’ve written anything I’m proud of and I think I’m happy with how this turned out. So yes, stay tuned for part 2 which i will link at the end once it is posted. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, season one/no regrets ova spoilers

Word Count: 3.5k 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 years ago

“Why is it that you always seem to be on my case the most?” Your frustration was obvious and your patience dissipated, feet shuffling in their spot as you finally turned to face him. “You never nag Isabel this much.”

For a moment, Levi didn’t respond, scanning your body for injuries. After asserting that you were indeed okay, he stepped over the unconscious man who laid on the ground, jaw set in anger as he walked forwards until he was so close you had to tilt your head slightly to keep eye contact.

Your snappy behavior was uncharacteristic. It only fueled his temper. The raven shook his head in disapproval, trying to keep his anger in check as you glared at him defiantly.

“Isabel doesn’t make such careless mistakes,” he pointed out coldly. “You almost got yourself hurt, (Y/N)! What would you have done if I hadn’t shown up to cover your ass?”

The both of you stood there in silence for several minutes, gazing at each other and listening to your uneven breathing. His face, unlike so many others, never really did reveal everything he was thinking. Feeling. You were dared to search for something else in his steady gaze besides disappointment, but for once, you could not tell what you saw. It was infuriating, humiliating, and hurtful.

“Sometimes I wonder if there’s even a brain inside your thick fucking skull.”

His harsh words didn’t normally cut you, but this time you flinched, looking away from Levi as all the fight drained out of you.


Wearing your jewelry out at night was a careless mistake, that you could admit. What was hard to swallow was the fact that you had just been mugged, and nearly assaulted, yet all Levi could do was find the time to scold you, not seeming to care at all if you were shaken up by what happened.  

It didn’t scare you that the other man’s hands found their way onto your skin. It didn’t scare you that something bad could have happened had Levi not knocked him out. You weren’t afraid of any of it; you were afraid that all the raven-haired man could see you for were your mistakes.

“So you think I’m a burden then?” you asked, choking up.

Your change in tone caught Levi’s attention. You suddenly looked smaller, and more vulnerable than the last time he looked at you. He sighed again, shaking his head softly. It took all your strength not to shy away from his fingers as they threaded through your hair, stopping on your shoulder and tugging you against him. You let Levi do it nonetheless, knowing this was his way of saying sorry; knowing this was his way of saying: “I’m tough on you because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”  

You pressed your ear against his beating heart, letting the sound soothe you.

“No, brat. I don’t think that. Let’s just go home, and forget about it,” his voice was more gentle this time.

You sniffled and nodded, chest bursting as Levi placed a feather light kiss on the top of your head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You never thought you’d miss the Underground. Especially when taking into consideration the miserable days after Levi, Isabel, and Farlan took that fateful deal, and were forced to leave you behind.  

Your feelings on the matter were conflicted, of course, but you were relieved and happy that the people who mattered most had such a big opportunity. They didn’t need to see you crying, nor hear about how scared you were to be by yourself. Each one deserved better than that, so you put on a brave face as they reassured you over and over that they’d come back. You beamed as brightly as you could, sending them off with words of encouragement as you continued fighting off the lingering feeling of dread as they left. 

You didn’t want to be a nuisance. Never wanted to be the reason they’d hold themselves back. 

Although he didn’t show it, Levi took it the hardest. He implored you to stay alive, in a scolding tone that he only ever used when he was worried. You could hold your own, but weren’t a fighter like the other three. The stern male had only ever been thankful of your gentle nature in the past, surprised to be cursing it now that he couldn’t protect you. But for him, you’d try your hardest, knowing that with a little faith and patience, you could be reunited in the future. 

The goodbye had been bittersweet, your lips slotting against his for the very first time. In a way, the way he kissed you seemed more like a promise than a farewell. His arms were wrapped around you all night, warmth lulling you to a sleep that otherwise, would never have been able to claim you. 

Parting afterwards the following morning became all the more difficult because of it.  

When Levi pulled a few strings with his newfound respected status and got the military to sponsor your citizenship, you were over the moon. Becoming a soldier was the last thing you expected out of your life, but wherever Levi and the others went, you would gladly follow. You felt at home again, throwing your arms around the man for the first time in months and giggling at the fact that while he accepted the gesture and patted your head awkwardly, his lack of affection never changed. 

But you were quickly learning that the ideological existence that lived right above your head was just an illusion. You came only to find your friends dead, and Levi more closed off to you than he’d ever been before. Up here, things were far from perfect, and as time went on, you instead yearned for the past if only to appreciate it better a second time around. And although things slowly got better, life was not yet finished throwing its hardships your way. 

The last person you had left slowly became out of reach, as time apart inevitably distanced the two of you and gave someone else the opportunity to fill that hole in his heart. 


Reality, you found, was much crueler under the blue of the sky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You don’t have to deny it, Levi. I know you better than anyone. I see the way you look at her,” you whispered, wringing your hands together in a feeble attempt to rid of the painful churn in your stomach. “I see it because you used to look at me that way.” 


It was admirable, at least, the effort you put in to keep your voice even. But the silence that followed those broken words was pitiful. The silence made it even more difficult to meet the gaze of the man in front of you. Levi had every opportunity to deny the truth of your burning statement; to bring you back into his arms and reaffirm his love like he used to. Like he would if maybe things were different. 

You knew, he had no desire to do that now. Instead, the Captain’s eyes screwed shut and a light sigh escaped his perfect lips, the warmth of it tingling your skin. It was nostalgic, almost, being alone with Levi like this. His face was nearer to yours then it had been in months, enough so that you could make out every tiny detail. The irony of it seemed mocking: for once, you couldn’t bear to look at him. Not that you needed to, with every feature of his sure to forever haunt your memory. 

But now all you could see were the interactions they had. Your vision consisted of watching as their bond and understanding grew. It was created in such a short amount of time, but hardly unpredictable with the amount of time Levi and Petra spent together. Even if Levi himself had not realized it, for you, it was plain as day. You knew him better than anyone. Could see that there was no pain in Levi’s eyes when he looked at her. Afterall, unlike you, Petra wasn’t a painful reminder of the past.   

Despite his physical closeness, this was the most detached you’ve ever felt from the male. The space between you was strange and unfamiliar. Lonely and cold.

At your words, he exhaled through his nostrils. 


“I would never be unfaithful, (Y/N). I never have been,” he spoke firmly, in that certain tone of speaking only he could manage. “I promised I would never leave you.” 

A tear spilled down your cheek, despite your best brave face. It was too much to handle, even for a calloused girl like you. Because despite everything, Levi had always been there. It seemed scary to have life any other way. 

Said man took your hand gently, handling it like porcelain. It wasn’t until his skin touched yours that you realized your fingers were shaking, and your facade was crumbling. His gesture was another reminder of what once was. The familiarity of his skin a testament to all the time spent simply existing with one another.

How did it come to this?

“A lot has changed since then, it seems,” you laughed softly, for once pulling away from his touch. “I bet you can’t even look at me without thinking about those two, huh?” 

You never once thought it was his fault. Even if you told him that, you knew Levi would always take accountability. Knew he would blame himself for taking Isabel and Farlan away from you. You should have seen this coming. It was inevitable that your love would be tainted, and that he’d find it somewhere else, even if it was unintentional. 

“(Y/N), wait—“ there was a small panic that awoke in the raven’s steely eyes that only those who truly knew him would be able to detect. 


“—You know how I feel about you, don't you? I want to be the one who you'd wake up next to every morning. The person you'd trust enough to spill all your secrets to, the one you want to hold close, the one who would make it hurt too much to ever let go. I want to be the person who can make you smile, or laugh until you can't breathe. Your first and last thought of the day, and the one you wonder about even when they’re not around.” 

You swallowed a whimper, fists clenched at your sides as your restraint came undone. It was all you’d ever wanted since you were small and starving and Levi was all you had to hold onto.

"But more than anything I want you to be happy. You deserve it.”

And because that’s how much I love you.

“I’d spent the rest of my life with you, if you asked me to,” the stoic Captain stated, as simply and mindlessly as if reciting the weather. 

You knew it was true. You also knew better than to let your mind wander to that fantasy, or to let a world come into fruition in which you stopped Levi from pursuing his happiness; held back simply because his loyalty knew no bounds. You refused to be that selfish. You’d rather die a miserable death, a thousand times over. Rather endure this anguish for as long as it resided in your heart then watch his indifference turn to hatred as years of a one-sided relationship droned on and on.

He doesn’t want you anymore. 

“I know, Levi.” You paused for a long moment. “Petra's wonderful. I don't hate either of you, I want you to remember that." 

You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying desperately to forget the feeling of Levi’s lips on your skin, your face against his chest. The warmth between your ribs or the butterflies in your stomach, or the fireworks of passion that only he could make you feel. Tried to forget the rare but special, secret words of affirmation only your ears got to hear, and the goosebumps they’d send across your skin. 

You wanted to erase it all, if only to make it easier to walk away with the knowledge you’d never feel any of that again.  

It was pathetic. 

There wasn’t anything left to be said. So with the task near impossible, looked at your lover, your best friend, your rock, your Levi, and turned away.

You only managed three steps before a voice followed you and a hand closed around your wrist.

“Is this what you want?” He sounded apathetic, but you knew better. His underlying worry only made the pain feel worse. 

“I don’t know.” At the very least, you were honest.  

"Will I see you again?"  

As adaptable as he was, Levi was never a fan of the unconventionality that was “change.” He was never surprised, quick to go with the flow, even if he preferred certainty and steadiness. 

This conversation, though, was one he never expected. 

"Of course," you forced a tiny smile, knowing it was more convincing than it felt. "I just need a breather. I'll be back for dinner." The words tasted bitter in your mouth. 

That was the first and only lie you'd ever tell Levi Ackerman, having handed in your resignation papers to Erwin just yesterday.

Forgive me, Levi. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow fluttered down from the sky, coating the local shops and roofs of buildings with a thick, white blanket. Merchants and store owners alike grumbled their disapproval, bustling to sweep the front of their shops. The air was crisp and biting, yet you relished in the feeling and absorbed the atmosphere. Drunk garrison soldiers loitered around merrily, cheeks flushed from alcohol, catching the flakes in their hair and occasionally slipping on hidden ice in their drunken stupor. It made you chuckle softly, the residences of Wall Roses’ inconvenience the source of your contentment-- this was your first time seeing snow, the real thing a thousand times better than anything you read about in any book. 

You strolled through the marketplace, a basket holding bread, dried meats, cheese, and several fruits resting in the crook of your elbow. Your coin purse felt lighter than it had that morning, yet you carried on nonetheless, curious as to what Wall Rose had to offer. Children ran past you, throwing snowballs at each other and nearly running into you because of their haste. The sight made you grin as one of them bumped into one of the street market’s booths, knocking over a few items as he went. 

The woman behind the counter chastised them, her shouts growing louder when they barely spared her a glance and blended into the crowd of shoppers. Nick nacks and books were left scattered in their wake, askew on the cobblestone ground.

“Need help, ma’am?,” you asked her, picking up the objects from the ground. 

“Thank you, dearie,” she sighed gratefully, taking them from your hands. “Kids these days, so reckless and always in such a hurry.” 

You laughed airily, mirth swimming in your eyes. 

“You’re just lucky they didn’t steal anything,” you joked, reminiscing about your own thieving past. Your attention turned towards the noting the soldiers now dozing off on top of their card table nearby, tutting their behavior lightheartedly. “Levi, if only the police were like that back when we--” 

Out of habit, you turned around to meet his gaze, heart clenching when you remembered he wasn’t there. Your fists clenched to prevent you from smacking yourself at your carelessness. He’s not here, dumbass. 

“What was that, hun?” the woman behind the counter inquired, preoccupied in sorting her things. 

You put on your best smile, shaking your head before your thoughts could fill with images of a certain raven-haired, steele-eyed, heart-stopping male. The back of your eyes stung, the momentary joy of your first real winter quickly fading away.  

“Nothing important.” 

This is for the best, (Y/N). You’ve only ever gotten in the way, his whole life. Let the man be. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few years since that last encounter with him. Part of you still wondered if Levi tried looking for you after realizing your true intentions of never coming back. You hoped he didn't, imagining instead that he'd made the most of the opportunity you'd given him. Prayed that it wasn't all for naught and he instead pursued what (or who) truly made him happy, instead of worrying about other people. In truth, you became content with life, learning to look back on memories fondly and being thankful for their existence. 

Residing above ground was enough reason to be grateful in itself, and you did your best to make the most of it. Your days were now spent in ways that paid tribute to your humble beginnings: individuals from the underground who managed to secure citizenship to the surface were put into your care. You helped men, women, and children alike assimilate into living on the surface, which included introducing the area, and assisting in finding housing and jobs. It was rewarding work, but more than anything, reminiscent to be able to see the wonder when their eyes meet the clouds for the very first time. The flickers of hope from your clients were things you carried with you every day. Your chosen profession left plenty of free time, however, as it was relatively rare for individuals to pay the hefty toll of climbing up those stairs. 

Your life was average, and for the most part, uneventful. The quietness that accompanied mediocrity proved to be comforting, however. It was a far cry from the days of constantly looking over your shoulder and needing to carry a knife in your boot, just in case.

At first, it was difficult not to cry at the thought of the stoic, raven-haired Ackerman. The heartache weighed down in your chest for a good amount of time. The simplest things reminded you of Levi, but after a while, instances where he’d cross your mind became fewer and further between. With a nicer home than anything you previously owned, a livable income, and an overall peaceful existence, you didn’t have any regrets. 

At least, that was what you told yourself until you heard the news. 

On off days you worked as a waitress at one of the many taverns within Wall Rose. Large tips were one of the many perks that drew you in originally. The chatter of the customers and frequent bar-goers was a welcome ambience, and an opportunity for you to combat the occasional feeling of loneliness. 

Occasionally, Scout Regiment gossip would filter through, especially about Humanity’s Strongest and the new titan shifter Eren Jeager. Updates were nice, knowing Levi was safe and thriving in what he did best. But as you placed a pint of beer on one of the tables and overheard a heavy set man babble loudly to his comrade, dread splashed over you in waves.

“The Captain was the only survivor in his squad. He wasn’t even with them when it happened, poor guy. He must feel terribly guilty.”     

Your vision became hazy as you tried not to panic; of all the rumours that filtered through the drunk mouths of customers, you had never heard bad news like this before. The last you’d heard, human kind was given a beacon of hope, and things were looking up after Eren Jaeger managed to plug up the hole in Trost. 

“Excuse me, but which squad did you say this happened to?” you heard your voice say. 


Across the table, the other man took a swig of his drink, and grunted indignantly. 

“Levi Squad, the best in the military I heard. A shame, but I suppose even the top in the Survey Corps are still just suicidal maniacs when it comes down to it.” 

No, no, no, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen!  

After that, everything became white noise. You could only register every third movement, heart thundering in your ears. The tray you’d been holding to carry the drinks clattered as it fell to the ground, causing a few gasps and strange looks to be thrown in your direction. In your horrified state, dread weighed down like lead in your body. You rushed to the back room, tears clouding your vision as you tried not to stumble. 

You gripped the edges of the washroom sink, dizzy with this newfound information.   

Levi has now lost more people that he loved, and was probably experiencing the same survivor’s guilt as he did with Isabel and Farlan. He was most likely suffering alone right now, never having been one to let people see his vulnerability so easily.

You did not witness first hand what your friends’ deaths meant to him. When the Captain waited for you at the top of the staircase, his expression never seemed out of the ordinary. Levi was kind enough to let you enjoy your first few days up with him simply enjoying the newfound freedom. He made the excuse that your two other comrades were out on business somewhere, and would be back to see you soon. Maybe, at the time, your excitement blinded you from the deeper emotions hidden in his voice. 

When you found out the truth, their passing broke you. The fact that Levi shouldered any blame, however, is what twisted the knife. He had been grieving by himself; feeling that pain without anyone to comfort him. He had to put on a brave face just to see you; secretly spending that last month alone, probably relaying over and over how he would break the news to you. 

Your remorse increased tenfold when it was him who held you, and him who put you back together, just like he had to for himself. And now he was by himself all over again.

I have to do something. 

Splashing water on your face, you straightened up and looked in the mirror, a sudden surge of guilt coursing through your veins.

You refused to let Levi be alone this time around, no matter how he might feel about you now.

~~~~~~~

Part Two!