#even the shitty emperor

[embrace-your-illithid]

hungy

[wofworld]

john gaius would be like "i know a spot" and then leave you locked in a tomb made of ice for the next ten thousand years

[spoofyleaf]

LMK SEASON 5 SPOILERS

I attempted to use Google translate to translate the trailer, but I was fighting it the entire time, and I know it’s shit but anything is better than nothing!

[miraluking-respectfully]

felix being referred to more or less exclusively as "your soldier" in-game speaks to how little the writers put into his character beyond his noggin full of sith secrets & his relationship with the consular; still, i do find it kind of sweet and funny, in a way. he's not a republic soldier, not even your personal bodyguard; he's your soldier. the consular is a small nation-state in and of herself

[shadowglens]

cress is overall a very intimidating and intense person, and yet also often finds herself prone to being manipulated

[neighbourhoodtwo]

btw when i talk about the year of the four emperors this is whats going on in my head

[xo-adeline]

"The touch I never knew I needed..."

⋆°• ☁︎ - Learning how to touch (Sfw)

Feat. Michael Kaiser

AN - Just had a breakdown over AP Lang, emailed my teacher, feeling shitty<3

You always noticed how once you stated dating Kaiser had been okay, for lack of better words, with you touching him. Even if when you first started, it took a little bit for him to warm up to it, the only issue is that he had never once touched you. No hugs, hand-holding, or anything, even if there had been many attempts to try. The slight raises of his hand towards your face when the two of you were relaxing on the couch, just for seconds later, it to be pulled away and placed back in his lap, or resting on the sides of the couch. It was the immediate assumption that this lack of physical contact had stemmed from his father and the abuse he used to put him through, but wouldn’t he also be scared of you touching him if that was indeed the fact? With no answers, and even fewer speculations after each of your ideas were shot down by other facts, you stopped trying to figure it out, or, at least it wasn’t at the top of your mind anymore. 

Well, that was until he finally broke. 

The second you two stepped back inside your shared house he had hugged you. Of course, you were shocked for a second before hugging him back. However, it didn’t last long. “..Sorry, I just… You seemed upset at that party and I know that hugs help people.” He paused for a second before speaking back up as he started walking back towards the bedroom. “I didn’t hurt you… Did I?” To which you shook your head. Unbeknownst, to him, it felt…Nice…

With that he gave a small nod and continued his walk to the bedroom, making sure to softly close the door behind him as he made it inside. You couldn’t help but think about how weird it was. Out of nowhere the man that never once hugged anybody, not even after winning big championships and world-class titles, did he ever hug his teammates. Just hugged you because you looked sad? The mystery was only getting more and more weird when he asked if he hurt you, and that’s when you realized. Even if he hadn’t hugged his teammates he had put his hands on them. That’s when the flashbacks of Blue Lock TV resurfaced from your hippocampus. All his matches with Ness, the amount of times he had put his hands on him and it had ended with a teary-eyed Ness. He was afraid of hurting you. Just like his father had hurt him with his touch. 

The walk over towards the bedroom was slow as you tried to piece together thoughts and come up with a way that you were going to bring up the issue and try to reason with him, that he wasn’t his father, and you knew he would have never hurt you. 

A las when you had walked through the door he was teary-eyed sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up when you slowly opened the door. He faced away from you. He knew he looked pathetic and he would have much rather had you not see him like this. What kind of emperor would he be if he got all teary-eyed because he had hugged somebody? Emotions could only take control as you saw the way he kept himself shielded and turned away from you. “Kaiser. You’re not your father.. Just because you might have hurt some people before doesn’t mean you’ll hurt everybody you touch. You don’t have to take the same path he did.” You sat down next to him, your hand slowly landing on his upper arm. “...But what if I do. What happens if I try to hug you and I punch you or try to strangle you..?” “But what if you don’t..?” The second the words had left it was like every wall he ever had came crashing down, he had turned himself and hugged you again, letting himself cry into your shoulder, as you sat there, rubbing his back. There was no way he was like his father, his father wouldn’t have had even a fourth of the heart Michael did. And while the rest of the world saw him as God’s chosen emporer, the arrogant football star, you just saw him as Michael. The same guy who would come home after practice every day and give you a small kiss on the forehead, no matter how pissed off it was at his teammates, his coach, or even the world. You knew that even if he wasn’t in his right mind there would be no way he could hurt you, and you trusted that more than you could imagine. 

[rarepears]

A nearby country just had a new monarch ascend the throne. Cang Qiong, as was the norm, was invited to pay their respects to the new monarch, reaffirm the standing alliance between cultivators and mortals (which pretty much boiled down to cultivators kill evil things, mortals stay out of cultivation affairs plus some trade agreements), and ensure that the previous monarch's soul wasn't still lurking around the palace as a ghost. You know, the standard stuff.

So Yue Qingyuan didn't think much when he sent the usual delegation of Shen Qingqiu (to handle the political negotiation and come back with observations of the new Emperor), Shang Qinghua (trade agreements), and Qi Qingqi (to talk with the court ladies and government official wives for the gossip).

The last thing he expected was for the new Emperor to recognize Shen Jiu as the little brother who went missing when the previous Emperor - the new Emperor's paternal uncle, from what Yue Qingyuan understood - undertook a military coup to secure the throne.

---

When Shen Yuan finally killed his super fucking evil tyrant uncle who had been sending a million assassins after Shen Yuan and his (unfortunately now dead) brothers, he got saddled with the throne. He knew that was going to happen! It was something he wasn't asking for, but it was either regain the throne or let his uncle finally succeed in killing him, the rightful Emperor, off. It was pretty shitty that his first month in this new world involved surviving a military coup in the palace where his new dad was murdered by his new uncle for the throne. If Shen Yuan thought being transmigrated into a body that drowned in the pond because of some harem politics for the crown prince position was bad, well, his life got a whole lot fucking worse.

But things were over. He was crowned emperor, had a million super tight best friends all high up in his government backing him, and even the cultivators were recognizing his reign as the legit one, so he was all fine.

Right??

NO! Because why the fuck was he just realizing now that his second life was actually taking place in PIDW and why the fuck was that Shen Qingqiu and the Cang Qiong delegation??? Like, he was busy living on the streets and plotting to retake the throne, sure, but how could he had missed that Cang Qiong was that Cang Qiong!?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Where in the PIDW plot line was he in now? How far along is Shen Qingqiu busy torturing the protagonist and how much longer does Shen Yuan even have to rule his country before the protagonist comes to conquer? How the fuck is he going to stop the plot from continuing - how is he going to remove Shen Qingqiu from the plot?

Shen Yuan isn't proud to admit it, but he rolls with the first shitty idea that pops into his head.

He claims that Shen Qingqiu is his missing younger brother - he had like three dozen of them to be honest, his second life's dad was one horny motherfucker - and tries to keep Shen Qingqiu from going back to Cang Qiong under all sorts of familial pretenses.

Shen Yuan is sure that Cang Qiong is merely humoring his insanity by letting Shen Qingqiu go along with it all, having "family dinners" and making small talk while being careful to skirt around any true political talk, but his plan hasn't backfired on him yet.

YET.

He's sitting on this ticking timebomb and Shen Yuan might be in his 40s but he still feels like the same stupid 20 something year old writing 5k word diss reviews on PIDW chapters some days. If only he had a system to help guide him out of his own mess.

(Meanwhile Shen Jiu: I HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER WHO LOVES ME???? but I'm still sus about his motives. I will reluctantly allow him to shower me in presents and praises and spend time with him to investigate more.)

[misterdetectiveswag]

❝ PLAYIN' THE GAME OR MY HEART?❞

summary; headcanons for kaiser as your spouse and teammate.

pairing; Micheal Kaiser x m!reader

warnings/tags; reader is playing for bastard munchen, not proofread, suggestive in a way that I don't get

a/n; i wrote this when i was relishing the thought of eating the sea food in eating shows, plz don't bomb me if ever the grammar is shitty.

★ when you two perform 1v1s and he loses, he tries to brush it off as not even trying.

★ his ego is fragile as fuck and he expects you to take care of him. even if you were the one to wound his pride.

★ as much of bitch as he is, he actually (kind of) takes care of you when you had a shitty day.

★ he's lowkey insecure of his looks, because of the fact he looks way too much like his mom for his comfort.

★ he's genuinely such a loser that it's embarrassing (affectionate).

★ if ever he's wearing anything more than eyeliner, it's a really thin layer of foundation.

★ plus on the topic of makeup, he prefers jaw or neck kisses cause he doesn't want you to ruin his makeup.

★ he gets so offended when you insult or mildly say something bad about how he goes about his morning, cause he sees it as his motivation.

★ he uses his name as an excuse for you to treat him as an emperor.

★ he really expects some praise. just stroke his ego and he'll be happy.

★ for some reason he gets offended when you tug his rat tails during make out sessions.

★ those phycological books helped him become adept in guilt tripping.

★ he vocally gets more cocky when you kiss the crown on his hand.

★ he'd gift you blue roses whenever it's valentines day.

★ you two never announced it to the rest of bastard munchen that you two are dating, but the romantic tension between you two didn't go unnoticed by them.

★ he is selfish with his stuff, even with you.

© misterdetectiveswag

[katakaluptastrophy]

There's so much going on at the end of the anniversary dinner.

There's Cytherea saying the dinner was "useful" and affectionately referring to the Fourth as "the children", when it of course transpires that the dinner was useful for identifying who to murder first, and when she will hunt and torment those children just weeks later.

Then, as the Fourth's whispered conversation about biceps grows in volume, this happens:

Their hisses carried. Abigail, who was standing nearby deep in conversation with one of the Second, reached out a hand to touch Isaac lightly on the shoulder in reproof. She did not even turn around or break off talking. The Fourth adept winced: his cavalier had a hard, resentful, told-off expression on her face.

The Fourth seem particularly upset by Abigail's silent warning. And with good reason. Isaac is the Baron of the Fourth. We know from the Cohort Intelligence Files that his father's title was held in stewardship. We also know that Abigail managed to get them rejected from the Cohort on age grounds, despite the fact that when they applied they were several years older than Judith was when she joined up. Which raises a interesting question: what is the Houses' definition of legal majority and does it differ by House? Did their rejection on age grounds perhaps have something to do with their education on the Fifth? Would they have been eligible on the Fourth, but were still considered children and in education on the Fifth? Regardless, at 13 Isaac is holding the title of Baron and Jeannemary is his cavalier primary. They are there formally as House scions in contention for Lyctorhood. They are, we have to assume, at this point in some legal way adults as far as the society of the Nine Houses is concerned. And there is Abigail - Abigail Pent, Lady of the Fifth, the House at that moment apparently actively annexing the Fourth - treating them as if they are still children and under her authority in public. Of course they're upset.

This isn't to say that it wasn't an otherwise prosaic family interaction and that they don't have a loving and very familial relationship with the Fifth - we see them bobbing around after Magnus and in and out of the kitchen before the dinner, happily acting like the Fifth's children. But the casualness with which Abigail shushes Isaac is inescapably, for all of them, also political.

And Cytherea immediately picks up on this. It's what seems to provoke her moment of candid reflection on House politics to Gideon:

Dulcinea murmured, “Oh, Gideon the Ninth, the Houses are arranged so badly … full of suspicion after a whole myriad of peaceable years. What do they compete for? The Emperor’s favour? What does that look like? What can they want?

Cytherea perceives this interaction as political. As evidence that she's right - that the whole system is broken. She sees competition in Abigail's parental gesture, and suspicion in the frustration of teenagers who want to be grown ups. And she kills them all.

And there's two rather awful thoughts that follow from this.

The first is the extent to which Jod's shitty system poisons things. Abigail Pent, who just wants to nerd out about ghosts but is very good at whatever job she sets herself to, has a marriage with a man that she loves as an equal...and over whom she holds life and death authority three times over, as his feudal lord, as his boss, and as his necromancer. He dies because he is her cavalier, even though it's suggested that his cavaliership was in part Abigail's gesture against having to participate in the whole system in the first place and evidence of her plans to escape it. And despite the fact that they clearly loved the Fourth as their own, every gesture of that love was also inescapably part of a political manoeuvre set in motion by previous leaders of the Fifth to draw the Fourth further under their control. And with Isaac still, at least on paper, holding authority in his own right, prosaic parts of that relationship suddenly become matters of state and not the teenage drive for independence. And Cytherea looks at this and, for all her hatred of Jod, is unable to see him as the poison at the root of it.

Worse, we don't know what happened next. We know eventually the Fifth went to the Facility, but what did the Fourth do? Did they make up, and say their fond goodnights? Or is part of the Fourth's hysterical grief as they try to summon the Fifth's ghosts at the crime scene because they slunk off after this, and it was the last time they ever saw them alive?

[spoofyleaf]

LMK SEASON 5 SPOILERS

I attempted to use Google translate to translate the trailer, but I was fighting it the entire time, and I know it’s shit but anything is better than nothing!

[wtftarot]

PAC: What are the truths you need to face

Another thanks to @lifeofaie for suggesting this pac. If you've got a pac idea feel free to send it to my inbox!

This one can be a little bit of a call-out, but I mean, it is a reading on what truths you need to face.

as always this reading is for entertainment purposes ONLY and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. Remember use common sense and don't be a dumbass.

Pick either the Sword, the Cat or the Stars and head on to your reading

The Sword

This group is kinda heavy, please be gentle on yourself.

The High Priestess, Four/Cups, The Tower, and the Seven/Wands on the bottom of the deck.

So, y'all kinda already know what truths you need to face. The problem is you're fighting them off. Y'all may be asking spirit or your guides a lot of questions that you already know the answers to. I'm hearing 'where there's smoke there's fire". With the Tower here, there's one truth in particular that you know that if you let yourself look at it head-on, things will have to change. It could even be painful to look at it head-on, (if it is please have some support when you choose to face it) It's like, all the signs are there but you're still iffy on it. This could be a person who you've started to notice the red flags or a situation that you know is bad but you won't let yourself really focus on just how bad. A few of you I'm getting, keep reading romance/ what are they thinking PACs for a person that you know isn't treating you right and maybe ignoring when the readings tell you that. I'm not trying to be harsh or call anyone out. I don't think any of the truths this group is facing are easy, little ones. I'm actually hearing the word "catastrophic". I know how scary it is to face something that you know will hurt. Cause part of it is admitting that it hurt and actually letting yourself feel that hurt instead of pretending it's not there. You are so brave and so so fucking strong and you will get through this. The advice for you is this be gentle on yourself and fucking tough on the situation. This will be hard and you want to give yourself time and space to rest and rebuild your strength. Then kick its fucking ASS. Bad shitty work/living situation? Setting boundaries with a shitty fucking person? Digging yourself out of a mental health pit? All of these are fucking tough as hell but you survived, ya know what that makes you right? Tougher than hell, that's what. Be fuckin cut-throat when it comes to getting things to a better place and then REST, alright? Eat, drink a lot of water, and do things that make you happy. Cause this is fucking hard and you need to take care of yourself. You are smart and capable and you deserve fucking better. Another thing that your guides keep pushing is support, you fuckin need it. I dunno if y'all have been trying to deal with all of this alone or if you haven't told anyone you're struggling but you need to. I'm fuckin serious. Talk out loud to spirit if you have to, just saying things out loud or writing them down can really help you process what's going on in your head. I believe in y'all.

random ass vibes: 10:10, Blue, camping, birds, 90s, cat cartoons,

The Cat

The Emperor Rx, the Star, The World Rx, and the Eight/Cups on the back of the deck

Listen, I don't really do relationship advice but some of y'all need to be told that you can't change him. You can't and no, he won't change for you. And you shouldn't go into a relationship expecting a person to change. That's not for everyone, take it as it resonates. You need to take action towards what you want. Y'all are dreamers and that's awesome. It seems though, they're just staying dreams. I'm a Pisces moon, I'm not judging y'all at all when I say this but y'all really kinda live in a fantasy. Y'all seem to have this tendency to ignore what's in front of you for what it could be. The way it's coming through is that y'all are leaving so fucking much on the table that could EASILY be yours but the fantasy obviously is more than reality could ever be so that's where your mind wants to stay. Thing is, y'all know we don't live in a fantasy and you want to do better in reality. BUT you see the fantasy you have as how things "could" be and when you do act on your dreams and they don't match up to the fantasy, you feel inadequate. Like you're not reaching your potential. So, you get down on yourself and never want to pursue your dreams. I know it's hard to accept that reality can never meet the fantasy we build up in our heads. Reality is messy and in our fantasy we never have to shit or floss or maintain what we have, we just have it. The truth is having to accept that life will never be perfect. There is no perfect relationship, perfect job, or perfect life. No routine is going to magically fix your life. The people you love will always have traits that annoy you a little bit, just like you have traits that annoy them a little bit, but you love each other and know you're both worth mild annoyance. It's time to ground your ideas into reality and let them be imperfect. Let them breathe. Y'all are limiting yourself to the idea of perfection. Your life IS going to be a little fucked up and messy no matter what. Some of y'all ain't even perfectionists, you just don't believe in yourselves and use things not meeting your fantasies as evidence that you can't do it. I'm not getting much in the way of advice for y'all other than to act? If this is your group then I'm betting you've had an idea of what this has all been referring to for you and know what action comes with that. Good luck!

random ass vibes: Gilmore girls? starting tarot reading (hell yeah!) a good nights sleep, 122,

The Stars

Judgment Rx, Four/Pentacles, The Hermit Rx, Two/Swords Rx and the High Priestess on the back of the deck.

So, first thing is: that you can't manifest yourself past the time some things need to take. Some things just take time. Y'all seem to be holding on to this idea that you're not the active force in your own life making things happen? It feels like there's a person or a group of people, or maybe you believe in fate but there's something that y'all are endowing with more power in your life than you. It's like to you it doesn't matter what you want, what decisions you make because it'll work out how this other thing deems it should. Your judgment doesn't matter. Some of y'all even feel like you don't have a say in who YOU are. Y'all may have had or do have really controlling parental figures. But FUCK. That's devastating, y'all. I can't imagine feeling like you're not the driving force in your own life. Listen, I don't believe in fate, destiny, soul-mates, or "meant to bes" and I am not judging y'all if you do but fate isn't engineering every single little thing in your life. It's not all that serious, I promise. You can just do things. It's not all make-or-break-life-altering-weight-of-cosmic-destiny-on-your-sholders. Your life shouldn't be focused on figuring out what your fated path is and sticking to that rigidly. Why? Cause that's not life, babe. That's following a script. The truth for y'all is that you are the driving force in your life and you need to start trying to see yourself that way. And this reading is looking to be short cause it's kinda existential, but you have free will and can choose and act and change things. If there is a "path" it's a vague one and you're making the rest up as you go. You can just step off of it. Anytime. Head in any direction you want. You don't have to be with that person if you don't want to just cause someone said y'all were soul mates. You don't have to choose that career just cause it seems "fated", if you hate it, hate it and leave. YOU make the decisions.

random ass vibes: Russian Doll (tv show), 144, reds and yellows, thumb bone part that looks like a chicken leg lol? Disorientation by Katie Mack

[svsssbrainworms]

🍃 SVSSS fic rec list

(shen yuan / bingqiu -centric edition) 3/3

[ au / a/b/o; bingqiu shameless fluff and smut ]

au / a/b/o 🌹

• I Wish You Were My Husband

Wherein Shen Yuan transmigrates into a harem intrigues romance novel (gay edition), Yue Qingyuan really fucks up, Liu Qingge is not suitable for his job, and no one even remotely sees Luo Binghe coming.

• Honored Eternal Path of Demise 

It's bad enough when Shen Yuan dies. It's even worse when he transmigrates into the worst horror game inspired by Proud Immortal Demon Way that could ever be imagined. But nothing is more terrible than transmigrating as the scum villain Shen Qingqiu, the character with the most violent and grotesque deaths the game has to offer! Couldn't he have transmigrated into the stallion novel instead? At least there his character would only have to die once! Now Shen Yuan has to navigate his new life as Shen Qingqiu while trying to keep not only himself alive, but also a cast of characters, each more suicidal than the next. A goal he is going to fail. A lot. Many times. Too many times! At least he can spend some time with his favorite character Luo Binghe while stuck in this mess.

• The First Law of Alchemy

Shen Yuan is jolted awake and finds himself worlds away from his comfy modern bed. Instead, he's in the middle of a summoning circle, but nobody seems happy to see him! Least of all the fearsome Emperor who takes one look, judges him as defective, and promptly throws him into the dungeons like trash. Excuse him if he’s not up to standard! It’s not like Shen Yuan asked to be delivered here! Where is he, anyway? This must be one long, shitty dream his sleep-deprived brain cooked up, right??? OR: That one BingYuan fic where nobody wants BingYuan to get together XD

🌹 • Better Lock It in Your Pocket

Shizun has a secret. When Luo Binghe figures it out, his true purpose in life becomes clear. Now, he just needs to make Shen Qingqiu accept him as human again so he can perform it.

🌹 • Moon Thistle Madness

After the events at Maigu Ridge (where dual cultivation didn't happen and they sorted that out another way); Shen Qingqiu has come to know a type of peace he hasn't felt since Binghe was a little student running around his path. Luo Binghe is currently in his care, restricted to the bamboo house to repent for his wrong doings against Cang Qiong Peak, and looks after him just as before. As if nothing happened and he was still his perfect little alpha lotus student. And then the system kicks back in with a new update. It's taking forever to load and it's driving Shen Qingqiu crazy! What the heck is it?! -- Or the one where Shen Qingqiu gets a rude awakening after a beta-only mission and goes feral!

bingqiu shameless fluff 🪷 and smut

🪷 • Wine-Flushed (Your Rosy Face Is Rosier Still) 

“This is all really mine,” Shizun is loudly whispering into his curls. He presses a kiss to the crown of Luo Binghe’s head, then places a few more as if dissatisfied with just the one. Then he pulls Luo Binge’s head away from his bosom without warning, holding him at arms’ length. Binghe feels his gut tighten with instant reaction when he meets Shizun’s half-lidded, liquor-sweet stare. Or: Luo Binghe puts his drunken husband to bed, but it’s BingMei, so there’s lots of feelings and some tears.

🪷 • sweet thing, just call me yours

Post canon, Shen Qingqiu suddenly has a thought: if they're married, and Luo Binghe calls him 'husband' - that has to mean that Luo Binghe is the 'wife,' right?! Luo Binghe is thrilled to hear this conclusion, but still tries to work with his husband's thin face.

• The Shizun Motivational Rewards Programme

Whereby Luo Binghe just wants some attention, and Shen Qingqiu is weak for his little white lotus.

• a thousand jars

The first time Shen Qingqiu feels it, he thinks he’s experiencing some sort of minor qi deviation. “Shizun,” Luo Binghe asks quietly. “Are you okay?” “Am I not allowed to look at my husband?” Shen Qingqiu asks, doing his best not to get snippy. After all he’s a Peak Lord, a powerful cultivator, a man that has cheated death. There’s no reason for him to act like a needy spouse. “My lord,” the servant leans down again with their voice practically purring as they refill a cup that’s only a quarter empty. It catches Luo Binghe’s attention, interrupting the beaming look he had been about to shoot towards Shen Qingqiu. Despite the fact that Luo Binghe looks more bemused than entranced, Shen Qingqiu feels the porcelain cup in his own hand crack.

• look at me

Luo Binghe is jealous of the attention Shen Qingqiu's showing other demons. In Shen Qingqiu's defence, they look really fucking cool. “We cannot leave our guests,” Shen Qingqiu starts. Quicker than he can comprehend it, Shen Qingqiu is flipped around, and immediately pressed against the wall once more. Normally, Shen Qingqiu finds Luo Binghe’s jealousy cute, but this time it punches the breath out of his lungs. Luo Binghe looks down at Shen Qingqiu, thick lashes lending to the lethal look in his eyes. “Of course,” Luo Binghe murmurs, reaching forward and running a knuckle alongside Shen Qingqiu’s cheek. Shen Qingqiu is so used to Luo Binghe’s extortionate expressions that when he turns something smoother, darker towards Shen Qingqiu, he’s at a loss for words. “We would not want to displease them.” “Now hold on—”

• Mommy? Sorry, Mommy?

Luo Binghe accidentally calls Shen Qingqiu A'Niang in bed. Shen Qingqiu goes along with it. No one does too much thinking about why that happened.

• Shen Qingqiu, Resident Milkman

In which I explore Shen Qingqiu lactating. The first chapter/series up involves Bingge going back to his past body, with a Shen Yuan who transmigrated much earlier. Bingge is now Shen Yuan's disciple, lactation ensues.

• The Mirror is the Window to the Soul

Ranking high among suspicious objects in the world of PIDW (below only the general flora) was the mirror. So when Binghe shows up with one, Shen Qingqiu shouldn't be all that surprised that he ended up looking... not quite like himself. Or more accurately, not like his current self. What was more surprising though, was that Binghe didn't look quite the same as his normal self either.

• Hold Me Down, Lift Me Up 

After five years of marriage, Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu are getting better at communicating their desires. Still, Luo Binghe is taken by surprise when a visit to the dream realm reveals Shen Qingqiu’s interest in a less gentle form of intimacy. Determined to indulge his husband’s fantasy, Luo Binghe devises a roleplaying scene for them in the waking world. But as their game begins to stir up some of Luo Binghe's long-buried insecurities… can they both manage to stay in character?

[starberry-cupcake]

We're back! again, if these silly recaps help lift your mood in any way, it makes me very happy ♥ I baked chocolate chip cookies for this so imagine I'm sharing them with you 🍪

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

also @unexpected-tigers linked me to an official house quiz and I did it so, if you want to know what I got and how I answered, I'll add it under "read more" after the recap

CHAPTER 44

listen, I need to start listing things I got right and things I got wrong but I forget at this point what I said

you're gonna have to remind me if I got something right and I didn't catch it because I remember what I got wrong more easily than what I got right

such is life

I'll do my best to try to tally but

I got wrong the narrator, I assumed that, because they were insulting harrow, it might be harrow too

but I forgot about gideon also being a pro at insulting harrow so, guess what?

IT WAS GIDEON

WELCOME BACK, BABE, WE MISSED YOU

CRYING TEARS OF JOY

of actual joy, not mercygirl-joy

to be fair, the narration was very different from gideon's perspective, to account for 1) the twist and 2) the fact that gideon's gideon-ness came out more and more as she got closer to the surface of perception in harrow's body

something she kind of explains later

but yeah, I got that wrong

however, I did get the purgatory situation of canaan house somewhat right and I forgot to mention it last time

ANYWAY, BACK TO GIDEON

CUE 'I AM THE BEST' BY 2NE1 IN THE BACKGROUND

someone stabbed harrow from the back, which is very shitty behavior from whoever it was

so gideon comes back into the real world with the immediate danger of her vessel, necromancer and partner in crime having been stabbed

and she was "left behind" because harrow is back in her canaan purgatory river bubble

with her ghostie ghoulie friends

gideon immediately finds out that harrow can't fight for shit

she's determined to kick the stabber's ass but it's gonna be hard when she's used to her massive guns and ninja warrior disposition and she's inside the body of a baby kitten

gideon's very eloquent commentary is "Fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, fucking hell. Help. Yuck. Aaaargh."

it's so nice to have her back :')

she's talking to harrow in the second person, as she's been doing all this time unbeknownst to those of us who didn't catch it

"which proves that you can put the swordfighter into the necromancer but you can't, wait, hang on"

god, I missed her

gideon is also coming to terms with the fact that harrowcita has regenerating abilities now

she is very angry at the awful state in which her two handed sword is

if you knew, gideon, about the relationship between harrow and your sword and how layered it was...

"Harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it"

so gideon starts taking control of the situation because the beast is chasing them

absolutely no chill over here in the emperor's bolthole

and by "them" I mean gideon and harrow because idk where the everliving fuck everyone else is

I know the emperor is hiding in weenie hut jr but the rest are supposed to be fighting

except for whoever was going around stabbing people

and idk where not!dulcinea is at this point either

maybe someone's using her to stab harrow idk, I'll never stop blaming her for things, even indirectly

gideon is doing a great job with what she has available because she's "a good girl and you're an evil nun"

she's also still going on about harrow leaving her behind and saying "you never got rid of being so absolutely fucking goddamn sad"

chisus christ gideon, tell us how you really feel about her

gideon looks at herself in the mirror and sees harrow with her eyes and her expressions, which is very uncanny valley

"This was your shell, but it was all filled up with me. God, the double entendres were hard to resist"

yandere twin would appreciate that one, I think, maybe

gideon proceeds to taunt harrow to come back by using her voice to say things like "Oooooh, Palamedes. I am measurably less intelligent than you. Put your tongue in my mouth and I'll flop my tongue against it."

"Ohhhhhrr, Gideon. I was so dumb to think a tub of ancient freezer meat was my girlfriend. Please show me how to do a press-up. Also, I'm very obviously attracted to y—"

no no, by all means, go on

please, gideon, go on with that idea, let's see where it takes us

in other important but not as spicy events

gideon cuts the beast thing in two with her own sword

but now we've got the heralds to go through

"Don't worry, honey. I'll keep the home fires burning."

same energy as

CHAPTER 45

we're back in hotel california canaan house au river bubble

I'm sure that description makes it all super clear for anyone reading

abby and her hubby are taking harrowcita to the secret hideout of the lost boys aka the room behind the tapestry that is now untouched by the body horrors going on in this version of canaan house

and where all our ghostie ghoulie friends are hanging out

it was a person's room, says harrow, and I think we all know it was alleged gideon's aka ortus, but we'll get to that

I need to point out the fact that harrow says she always thought not!dulcinea showed signs of "suppurating ego" but that she could never convince gideon to "see past the appealing eyes and softly clinging dresses"

I KNOW, GIRL, IT DROVE ME FERAL TOO

apparently harrowcita's invite also got to the kids of the fourth but abby sent them back to the river with a kiss in the forehead and their lunch packed

because she had adopted them, as we all know

she said "if only Silas had asked me, what has happened to his soul worries me horribly"

of course I didn't remember that silas was mayonnaise uncle and had to do math for a while in my head

maybe he's out there looking for duracell bunny nephew's soul that is still travelling through the river

abby learned a way to send them back into the river but everyone present wants to help deal with this haunt situation harrow's got going on

honestly, props to martita for hanging around, judith is a lot less cooperative

abby also thinks there's something wrong with the river and that the emperor is unaware of it because he doesn't know about the river beyond

she has studied a lot about it

and that the fact that the "beyond the river" concept has been looked at with scorn by everyone for so long has made the potential studies of it stagnant

I love her a lot at this point

I mean, I'm still 100% a camilla girlie, I'm putting camilla's photo in one of those glittery clear files and covering it with heart stickers, don't get me wrong, but this woman is fierce af

abby, you know more than the emperor, you're more worthy than he is, please murder him

NOW IT'S TIME TO GET EMOTIONAL

GRAB YOUR TISSUES

IT'S ORTUS TIME

man, ortus won me with this chapter, he's great, let's keep him

let him be happy in the infinity of time with his fifth polycule

harrow tries to tell him that he doesn't have to apologize to her, that she owes him for crux murdering him and his mom

(interlude for "her unconscious gracelessness to Camilla Hect; a girl whom, in reality, she should have taken by the hands and thanked her profusely for every time she tried to save her cavalier")

(glad we're in agreement there)

they talk about how gideon died and ortus tells harrow that gideon never did anything without intent

"she had been outplayed by Palamedes Sextus, outgunned by Cytherea the First, undone by Gideon Nav"

damn, harrow

LISTEN TO THIS PART YOU FOLKS

"I should have offered help. I should have died for you. Gideon should still be alive. I was, and am, a grown man, and you both were neglected children."

ORTUS, MY MAN

THIS MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL

"she and Gideon had become women before their time, and watched each other's childhood crumble away like so much dust. But there was a part of her soul that wanted to hear it —wanted to hear it from Ortus's lips more, even than from the lips of God. He had been there. He had witnessed."

"I will hope better for heroism in my death"

ORTUS I'M HOLDING YOU TIGHT AND CARESSING THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD LIKE A PUPPY

harrow finds the "g&p" note

GUESS WHAT

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT

ALLEGED GIDEON IS ACTUAL GIDEON THE FIRST

AND HARROW THINKS OUR GIDEON WAS NAMED AFTER HIM

I mean I had trust in my alleged gideon theory BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED THE OTHER PART MAYBE TOO???

sixth house please accept me

she also finds another note, similar to the rant notes she had been finding, which reads: "the only thing our civilisation can ever learn from yours is that when our backs are to the wall and our towers are falling all around us and we are watching ourselves burn we rarely become heroes"

are the letters clues on the angry spirit that's haunting harrow?????

does it relate to gideon???

but when harrow is about to ask ortus about gideon ("less like tragedy and more like carelessness" 👀) abby interrupts

abby, interrupting me again when I'm getting to the good stuff

but I can't be angry at her because she says she'll exorcise the Sleeper

YOU GO ABBY, YOU LORRAINE WARREN THAT STUFF

And that's where we leave it for today!!! my willpower is strong and I know I can't make these too annoyingly long. Which is why, if you wanna know how I did with the House quiz, look after "read more". If not, see you for the next one!!! Super soon!!! Sending you all hugs in these difficult times ♥

So, this is the quiz that I did, the official author-made one.

I GOT *drumroll* A TIE BETWEEN THE SIXTH AND THE FOURTH

The author said that, in the event of a tie "Pick the House descriptor most like yourself, or most like the person you secretly wish you were, or with the colours you like best."

We all absolutely know where I'm going if I'm left to pick between those two.

To be totally transparent, I'm gonna show you my very messy notes, which I wasn't initially planning on showing, so I apologize for them not being neat and tidy. I added the skull I have in my desk as aesthetic compensation for the messy handwriting.

I picked 1st the pen and flimsy because, if I'm doomed and this is it for me, I want to go out writing. The bottle, because I considered a vessel for separating things or for keeping something in safely would be useful. The rapier, because I always take a swiss army knife in my purse with my keys and the rapier was the closest thing to that. The flare gun, because I might as well try to signal somehow, at least some of us could get saved. And the raft not to try to escape, like the answer said, but because if we're more than one person in the boat, having more space, even if somewhat leaky, could help out for different situations.

I did consider every potential option that could be turned into food but I'd rather die of something else than food poisoning of any kind.

I got the Fifth in second place, and I wouldn't have minded if I got the Fifth, honestly. In 3rd place I got Seventh and Eighth as a tie, I'm not gonna ask about that. The Second got fourth place, the Third got fifth and 0 points for the Ninth, I'm so sorry.

You should have seen my face when I saw a portrait of the Emperor was an option to take with you lmao

[phoenixyfriend]

Mandalore's Royal Concubine AU

HI

INSANE THOUGHT

YOU KNOW THAT POPULAR AU WHERE MANDALORE IS ITS OWN EMPIRE AND WHENEVER IT TAKES OVER A PLACE IT BRAINWASHES THE CAPTURED REBELS INTO BEING LOYAL CITIZENS (yes I know it's called the Integration AU)

I want one of those where you keep hearing about The Emperor but it's Plagueis, and you hear about Maul and Tyrannus and so on.

And then like ten chapters in you run into Jaster (40-ish) and the mistress he got after taking over Naboo, a 25yo Sheev Palpatine.

Dolled up and ostensibly brainwashed and known to have the Force but not any known ties to the Sith, he's just DAINTY and likes Naboo fashion and the readers are constantly hunting for The Truth. Is he a Sith that was successfully brainwashed? Biding his time? Looking to break away from Mandalore with Naboo but not a Sith? Working against the protagonist because he IS loyal to Jaster? Etc

A lot of the stuff you see people do to Obi-Wan, tbh.

Concubine Palpatine...

Also, if we go a bit down the line and instead have it with 50s-Jaster and early-40s bedwarmer Palpatine, we can have the protagonist that's meeting him for the first time be early teens Obi-Wan.

Palpatine has been in Jaster's bed for like. Twenty years by that point lol.

WAIT NO. NOT JUST A CONCUBINE. THE MAN'S A WAR PRIZE TWKYMSKTZKGZ

Palpatine, being Force-Sensitive and politically important, had led a resistance against Mandalore In His Youth, but failed. May be a Sith plot to infiltrate that went sour when the brainwashing actually worked? May have been a Sith plot that failed because nobody expected Sidious to LOSE and now they've washed their hands of him. May have just been a generally shitty Force-Sensitive but unaffiliated with the Sith because Naboo was on the other side of the galaxy from the Sith Empire? I don't know and neither do the readers.

Suggested by @threebea:

Either way he wants to do terrible things to Plagueis, either for his own revenge or on behalf of his husband

Subplot people trying to say Obi-Wan is their love child and could potentially steal the throne because Sheev is also a redhead (it's not true) but dealing with both assassins and they're trying to pull power way from Mereel

Obi-Wan: .... I'm not how is this even a rumour!?

It's because like satine and he for whatever reason used Palpatine as a cover somehow when they were teens and it has 'evidence' that there's a connection

Sheev "didn't want his child treated like he was and gave him up/smuggled him away" (sad sob story)

Obi-Wan: now both Mandalorians and Sith want to kill me for potential throne stealing, and I mean I'm a Jedi, they already wanted to kill me. but this feels more personal somehow

Sheev: ......... (Does not even like Obi-Wan and owed Duke Kryze a favour or Kryze was his ally before his death or w/e)

(Sheev brainwashed or not will absolutely use this tho)

I think there's also potential in 22yo Jango trying to "adopt" Obi-Wan (against the kid's wishes, of course) and explaining away the Palpatine situation with "stay away from him, he's always plotting."

"I thought you said he was successfully integrated."

"He was! But... you know those stories about evil stepmothers? And conniving concubines? He's... both. So just stay away."

Obi-Wan so maybe he's not integrated and he's an ally (no no he is not)

I also think it would be funny if the integration DID work and DID make Palpatine loyal to Jaster, but 80% of his non-sex actions result in "please stop helping me" because the methods are always way outside what even integration-happy Mandalore is comfortable with.

Fully corrupt, but for Jaster

Palpatine is having some palace intrigue and poisoning officials

Jaster: wait no

He's full on Dowager Empress vibes but he's not even married to the guy, nor is the guy dead.

All the political intrigue and skill of the prequels but. As a royal concubine.

Should definitely have beef with Jango for whatever reason

Jango: my childhood was a nightmare because of that man ><

But Palpatine covered himself way too well for it to be proven.

That's why he's 'adotping' Obi-Wan! Needs a force sensitive that he controls (that Palpatine doesn't have access to).

God, he DEFINITELY wanted to send Jango to boarding school. I don't think Jango ACTUALLY got sent away, but Palpatine probably managed a few Summer Sleep-Away Camps.

Palpatine: so you can be perfect for your father

Palpatine: (and get out of my hair ... Maybe have an accident that would be swell)

I want him to have pet Mandalorian peacocks. Drive home the absurdity.

I've decided this AU also has a primary plot about a Mysterious Stranger that keeps showing up to help Obi-Wan (actually help, not Jango's "help") and it's implied to be a member of the lineage, like Qui-Gon or Xanatos or something. Obi-Wan begs to be his padawan, before even knowing exactly who it is. And then, it is revealed to be! A time-traveller! Anakin, but as an adult! He hasn't even been born yet!

And then! The second twist behind the twist! Is that Anakin is not from the future but from a future, specifically! Canonverse RotS!

Ahsoka may or may not have been pulled along. And/or Rex.

Fuck it, maybe even Padmé with the twins?

Generally, all their important future knowledge, must notably that Palpatine is Sidious! Is useless.

Everything is just Too Different.

And in the middle of all that shit, Obi-Wan is introduced to the boogeyman of Anakin's nightmares, a Mandalorian concubine.

[almacambiondaughterofsaleos]

Kuczo From Emperor's New Groove Refutes the Bs Sheltered Excuse For Stolas

I know people use the sheltered excuse to cover for Stolas' crappy behavior but I see another character who I think refutes Stolas should be given leeway because he's sheltered is Kuczo from "Emperor's New Groove". The reason why I say this is because why he became such a selfish pos is that he was always sheltered and spoiled to think that way. However, one thing that the narrative doesn't do is shield him from being criticized for his selfishness and callousness. The main plot happens because of his shittiness and taking people for granted like his long time advisor (although that one did have justification because she was trying times to rule behind his back).

Throughout the story he's made to reflect on the fact that his actions affect others and that he can't keep acting the way he is or he will end up alone as a result. And even at one point in the story he even tells off his own narration to feel sorry for himself because at that point we saw that he brought everything on himself and is now paying for it. That is something Stolas would never do because he will frequently deny he's not anything but the complete victim and blame everything after everyone else when it's obvious he's to blame for his own misery.

That's the difference between Kuzco and Stolas as characters is accountability from the narrative. Kuzco's ignorance doesn't give him the excuse to be a pos and he has to learn be a better person or be stuck the way he is forever. Stolas on the other hand is babied and we are supposed to find his ignorance charming rather than obnoxious. And even when it's pointed out he doubles down and claims he's done nothing wrong which shows he is adverse to actually learning to better himself. And ironically Kuzco is just a year younger than Stolas' daughter who acts more mature than her dad. And youth doesn't stop him from being someone who needs his actions corrected.

And most of all entitlement both Kuczo (in the beginning) and Stolas are both entitled characters due to their ignorance. Kuczo for example is so entitled he thinks that there is nothing wrong with bulldozing a village to make a resort for himself while leaving many homeless and when turned into a llama he demands one of the villagers who he told what was going to happen to take him back. Meanwhile, Stolas thinks nothing of extorting someone for sex and then expects to have a relationship with that person since he called it off. However, one character manages to show how toxic this mentality is and how selfish they are for it. The other is treated as deserving of it and thus doesn't get admonish for not caring how others feel until he gets what he wants. And ironically even if Kuczo had moral lapses before truly changing, he comes off as more likable than Stolas.

It's interesting that an almost 25 year old Disney movie can get this character right but a supposedly adult animated show can't. It really shows what happens when let a creator pet blind the story and allow them to get away with more and more shit.