#even if you're spn based

[seeds-and-sins]

Light My Fire - Part Eight

Pairing: Ben "Soldier Boy" x Reader

Rating: M (Crude Language, Curse Words, Sexism, minor references to sex, WARNING: talks about death and self-harm)

Description: Phoenix tries to rectify the missing pieces within herself, but she struggles to figure out how.

Tagged: @tonixe@chernayawidow , @deans-spinster-witchs-favorites, @ophennie@virgoelf-blog , @my-obsession-spn, @capricxnt @demodemo909 @boywivlove

Song: Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac

"FUCK!" Homelander yelled, the tv remote broke in his closed fist. One of the flat screen televisions in the meeting room was set to channel 8 and Starlight was all over the news. Her little video had gone viral, her resignation given, Homelander thrown under the bus, this was all out war. Homelander was fuming, Ashley was gnawing her nails down to the skin, the Deep was posted at one of the chairs around the table, Agnes was sitting a few seats down from him sipping on a cup of coffee.

And you were standing there, arms crossed, staring blankly at the screen.

You were so tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally drained from everything. Just from living really.

When was the last time you slept again?

"Okay!" Ashley squealed, "We'll fix this. We'll fix this. Please. Oh my god! Fuck!" Your eyes slid shut, her panicking died in your ears, the world silenced for a moment.

"Phoenix!" Your eyes shot open, Homelander was staring at you with a look of desperation plastered on his face. "What do we do?" Your hands tightened around your biceps and your teeth dug into your bottom lip. What do we do? More importantly, what should be done?

"We don't have time to worry about Starlight." Your voice came out hoarse, in a low whisper. The room fell quiet. "She has a loyal fan base, but they aren't as loyal as our people. I wouldn't worry about her." Homelander nodded virgorously, licking his lips. The desperation in his boyish eyes faded and what replaced it was a sharp coldness.

"You're right. We've got to find Soldier Boy."

"But we need to make a statement!" Ashley's shrill made you roll your eyes.

"Go take a fuckin' Xanax, Ashley!" You commanded, holding up an admonishing finger. Ashley's lips shut with a resounding pop and she straightened, fear crawled up her spine and glued her to the floor. "I'll talk. I know how to charm a crowd. It'll put this off until we can get shit under control." Your command came out more as a question, Homelander's jaw flicked from side to side before he nodded. "Come on Agnes." The older woman rose from the table without protest, following after your quick strides with a waddle of her own.

...

"Good Evening!" You crowned your fingers and propped them up on the podium. "I appreciate you all being here for this impromptu press conference. Given the situation, I'm sure you know there are a few things that Vought needs to address."

"Where's Homelander?" A journalist shouted from the crowd, flapping his hand above the sea of heads to get Phoenix's attention.

"Homelander is off handling more important matters." The crowd broke out in shouted questions and mixed words, journalists reaching over eachother as they attempted to flag you down. You begrudgingly pointed at a woman in the front row.

"Isn't this important? Starlight has resigned? What is the future of the Seven? Why are you up there when you're not even on the team?" It went silent as everyone waited for a response, or rather, a staccato of responses to answer a staccato of questions. You paused, thought about the significance of your next words, what they would mean. You found a camera and stared into it.

"I want to make myself very clear..." Your voice penetrated the air, the room was thick with the tone that every syllable carried. "Starlight isn't a priority. Everyday Homelander, I, and many other heroes are trying to keep you all safe. We fought overseas so that the super villain threat could be contained. I underestimated the enemy and now the super villain threat is here. Us heroes need to be doing our jobs, not starting petty battles over social media. If Starlight wants to play her games and spread her lies, slander us, she is welcome to do so. But Homelander and I are going to focus on what is important: your safety, your lives."

An intense stillness blanketed the crowd, a few camera flashes. One journalist had the gull to raise their hand, when no one else would, not after a speech like that.

"What are your thoughts on the deathes of the TNT twins? Your former colleagues?"

Good. I'm glad they're dead.

"And your friend? Crimson Countess?" Your head tilted to the other voice, you swallowed and looked down at your fingers.

"Countess wasn't my friend, and neither were the Twins." You shook your head. "Not anymore at least. Not when they turned their backs on..." You paused. Me. -- Ben. "On you. The people. Some of the strongest heroes I knew for their time, and only Noir and I remain. The others worried about their luxury condos, their ratings, movie deals, royalties. None of them cared about what really matters. I don't mourn them. I don't think I ever will."

"But what of Soldier Boy? You were there when he died, did you mourn him?"

"I-" You had to take a deep breath, the emotions that swelled in you had nearly knocked you off your feet. You cleared your throat and held back tears. "I did. I do."

Soldier Boy was still dead to you.

"Soldier Boy died so that all of us could live."

...

 🎶 So I'm back to the velvet underground.  🎶 

 🎶 Back to the floor that I love... 🎶 

Three Xanax, two blunts-going on three-and half a bottle of whiskey later, you found yourself laying on your bed in a mess of comforter and pillows. Your suit was discarded somewhere, leaving you down to nothing but your underwear. And you were just laying there, staring up at the ceiling as you smoked from a blunt and sipped from a bronze filled glass. Your record player sung in the background, mellowing out your already distant mood.

 🎶 To a room with some lace and paper flowers 🎶 

 🎶 Back to the gypsy that I was 🎶 

 🎶 To the gypsy that I was... 🎶 

What did you have?

John?

He kept you around as an extension of himself rather than as someone he cared for. You were the arms of his authority, fingers curled around your enemies with a vice grip. In reverse, he was a reflection of you in many ways, uncaring, erratic, impulsive. You knew he didn't care about you. Not truly. You weren't sure he was capable of it. Maybe with some admiration, some approval, but love was a distant thought in John's head. He only ever craved it from others. And you were more than able to provide in the past, giving pieces of yourself to John without a second thought. Now you had no more pieces left to give.

 🎶 And it all comes down to you. 🎶 

 🎶 And you know that it does when. 🎶 

 🎶 Lightening strikes maybe once maybe twice. 🎶 

Your fans?

You would rather burn them all alive, throw them in a furnace and walk away. They didn't love you. They loved the image of yourself that you fronted, but they didn't know you.

 🎶 Oh and it lights up the night. 🎶 

 🎶 And you see your gypsy (ohh, ohh) 🎶 

 🎶 You see your gypsy. 🎶 

You?

That was all you had. Herodom was a quiet life, a lonely one. But it was never about saving people or doing some good in the world. As much as Starlight thought she was making a difference, the world would never change. There would always be criminals. There would always be greedy politicans and corrupt agents of the law. The world was cold and callous and it never retreated.

And you had nothing.

You were a victim of the chaos. Vought took you in, molded you into something vile and morbid, tossed you around in a bag of salt, and hurled you into the world for their own profit.

You were an experiment.

Your lips wrapped around the end of your blunt and you took a drag. Smoke flowed from your nostrils, it floated up toward the high ceiling and you watched it swirl until it faded completely.

Your head drooped to the side and your face wrinkled as if you were about to cry, before you suppressed that urge.

 🎶 To the gypsy that remains. 🎶 

 🎶 Faces freedom, with a little fear. 🎶 

 🎶 I have no fear, and have only love. 🎶 

 🎶 And if I was a child and the child was enough. 🎶 

 🎶 Enough for me to love. 🎶 

 🎶 Enough to love. 🎶 

Through a blurry haze, your half lidded eyes spotted a figure at the open double doors leading into your bedroom. You shifted a little, squinted, then slowly sat upright.

"Ben?"

He was dressed in his full suit, arms straight at his sides.

"Hello, hot stuff." He answered casually, stepping closer. He sent you a boyish smile that reminded you of his older self, all cocky, all confident, all play, no work.

"What are you-" The blunt dropped from your hand, hitting the marble floor. "What are you doing here?" His eyes darted down your body, hovering over your naked torso a little longer than necessary before raising back to your face.

"You didn't need me?" You dropped your head, a firm hand cupped on your jaw, the touch burned into your skin and your gaze was being directed back to Ben. He felt so real. He felt solid. He felt tangible.

 🎶 She is dancing away from you now (Oooh). 🎶 

 🎶 She was just a wish, she was just a wish (ooh, ooh). 🎶 

 🎶 And her memory is all that is left for you now. 🎶 

"Am I hallucinating?" Your palms rested gently on his chest, Ben's thumb scaled your cheek and he sighed.

"No."

 🎶 You see you're a gypsy. 🎶 

"This is a dream, sweetheart."

"Of course it is," You sniffled.

"You wouldn't be able to hallucinate, even if you wanted." Another voice chimed and when you glanced over, it was Vogelbaum. "Your body can't sustain the affects of foreign substances long enough for that to happen." He was in a bloodied labcoat and his words were slightly muffled through a gas mask. Your expression lit up with panic and your head was being yanked back by Soldier Boy's hand.

"Don't pay attention to that piece of shit." Soldier Boy drew you closer with his other hand at your hip. "Just look at me."

"Why is this happening? Why am I dreaming about this?" You whispered, Ben's hand moved to cradle the back of your head.

"Because I'm the answer." You blinked at him, then tiredly moved into his body. Your arms wrapped around him and you hugged him. Ben enveloped you in return, his strong and bulky arms holding you close...

"You even smell real."

"That's what happens when you smoke a lot of dope."

"Also, the cannabis you were smoking no doubt contained traces of LSD." Vogelbaum again. You squeezed your eyes shut and Soldier Boy grunted when your arms tightened around him.

"Can he just shut up for fucks sake?" Soldier Boy inhaled deeply and he exhaled with a sigh.

"You want my advice?"

"Not really." He grabbed your shoulders and drew you away at arm's length.

"Sometimes you gotta take life by the balls, kid." You blinked at him, your head sinking toward your chest. Soldier Boy rolled his eyes before grabbing under your chin and lifting your head again. "Remember back in the day. We didn't let anybody get in our way. We owned this fuckin' place."

"Oh no." You breathed, your palms rose to your cheeks and Soldier Boy relinquished his hold on you so you could pace away from him. "It's happening. This is it. I'm having the worst mental breakdown of my life. I'm going to destroy the world."

"Only in theory." Vogelbaum piped in again, "Theoretically your body can reach temperatures bordering that of the sun and in that instance-" Soldier Boy's shield came hurtling toward him out of nowhere. The Scientist disappeared in a puff of smoke before the metal could touch him.

"I hate that guy." Soldier Boy's head tilted as he considered you. "Listen..." He emphasized with raised hands. "The only person who understands you right now is me." He stepped toward you, and you hunched in on yourself in defeat."You have me. I'm your answer."

"You're also a figment of my imagination."

"Nah, honey, I'm out there. I'm alive. Come find me."

"You want me dead out there." Soldier Boy's lips quirked up in a handsome smirk and he shook his head.

"But, sweetheart, I don't."

...

When your eyes opened, they opened slowly, the blunt had burnt out in your bed sheet and your body was sprawled out across the bed in all different directions. You blinked at the ceiling, thinking about your dream, thinking about him. The thought left a gross taste in your mouth, your stomach jumped and a weight settled in your chest.

Gosh, you wanted to die sometimes, didn't you?

What was this? What were you doing here?

Why don't you just leave and give all this up? Just like you always wanted.

Because you can't.

You were tired.

It took a few minutes of blank staring before you rose from your bed and travelled out of your room.

"God help me!" You heard a voice exclaim as you entered into the living room. It was Agnes. She made an effort to cover her gaze from your nude figure. And after all these years, she still hadn't gotten used to your ways. You squinted at her, stumbling toward the onset of the kitchen.

"What are you doing here? I told you to leave." Agnes nervously clenched and unclenched her fingers, finally lowering her hand to look at you. Your eyes connected, Agnus' wrinkles creased with a furrowed brow, with concern.

"Homelander wanted me to stay. He's worried about you." You groaned, pouring yourself another glass of whiskey and downing it back with a wince.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." You poured the next glass, sipping from it as you held Agnus' expectant gaze.

"John just wants to make sure I'm on his side." You replied in a dull tone, hunching over the countertop.

"Are you?" You didn't respond. Not immediately. Your eyes flitted around the penthouse and you took in the expanse of space that had been your home for decades.

"Maybe I don't want to be on a side anymore, Agnes." You placed your glass down and stalked over to a wall that held various photos and movie posters and memories from the old days. You scanned each photo, as you had hundreds of times, with a trained eye.

"Please. Tell me what's wrong."

"Everything I do, it doesn't matter." Your eyes paused on a familiar face, and you felt a sadness engulf the entirety of your heart.

He was so good to you. Always trying to comfort you. Always at your side when you needed him.

"Do ya'maybe want to talk about it?"

"No."

You would go find him. That was final. You were sure of it. Screw everyone else. This man. He would be the one you went to. He was the one you needed. He would tell you what you needed to do and he would be genuine. Above all. He would be genuine.

"I'm heading out for a little bit, Agnes. Alone." You took quick steps toward your room.

"Wait, wh-where are you going? Homelander told me to watch you." You didn't respond, turning to close the double doors into your bedroom. At the last glimpse between the cracks, you saw her plop onto the couch with exasperation.

[shaunashipman]

I'm a new 9-1-1 viewer (binge watched the first 6 seasons like two weeks before the new one came out and been watching season 7 as it comes out) and I'm so glad I found your blog because it annoys me how most of the conversation around the show is always about b*ddie and I really needed to find people who weren't b*ddie shippers. Like, I get why people ship it even if I don't particularly see it or agree with it but they're always trying to prove how this plot point or the other points at them becoming canon next episode and it's so annoying? Especially now that Tommy is in the picture because I think he's such a great LI for Buck and has so much endgame potential but they're all talking about him being a "stepping stone" for their ship and completely ignoring how this is a chance for him to be in a loving, stable relationship in the long run, something he absolutely deserves.

Honestly sometimes I feel like b*ddie shippers don't even care or like Eddie and Buck, they just want them to kiss onscreen and ignore their well written arcs just because they don't end up in them being canon (which honestly after seven seasons of the same clownery they should have learnt by now that maybe it's just not happening and that's okay! they're well thought out, fully fleshed characters that don't need to be involved romantically to have a satisfying storyline!)

welcome to the fandom, and my blog 👋👋👋

it is unfortunate that the show has so many great characters and dynamics that get consistently drowned out by a single fanon ship. i get it if you're just here for b*ddie, but to make a big fuss over losing a single scene in another couple's big episode? when you still got something? sometimes you need a reality check that the show is actually about other people too

fandom is not about hunting for hints that your ship is going canon. like, i have never seen a fandom that seems to spend more time "proving" their ship is gonna go canon than actually, you know, doing fandom stuff. (i was not in spn/destiel, idk what nonsense went on there) we're supposed to ignore what the TPTB say while we play with our dolls because it doesn't matter, not ignore what they say because clearly they're lying and misdirecting and building up to do what they have have said, as explicitly as they can in tv world, won't be happening. this obsession with "going canon" is, frankly, weird in fandom.

my blood pressure goes up when i read the phrase "stepping stone". even if bucktommy doesn't last, they will never have been a stepping stone. one, because it is a relationship, and relationships can't be stepping stones, that is such a cynical way to look at things and really makes me wonder about some of these people's real life relationships (yeah i know it's fiction, but y'all take it too far in your vitriol for it not to be invading your personal lives) and two, because b*ddie is not happening, so it can't be a stepping stone to it.

they have done everything they can except saying "b*ddie isn't happening" because in tvland ambiguity is your best friend. but ryan calling eddie heterosexual twice is not ambiguous. and i've already said, but ignoring what ryan has said about the coming out scene because it doesn't fit your headcanon is extremely disrespectful. it is fiction, but it is fiction made by people drawing from real life experiences and y'all are shitting on that

and tommy does have such potential!! they like to shit on us for saying that, "oh he's only been there for 4 eps, we don't even know anything about him", and, ignoring that we actually do know some stuff about tommy, more than we've gotten for other LI's, that's why we say potential. we are looking at possible future storylines and seeing how tommy could fit. we are looking at what was lacking in prev LI's (not in a deficient way, just in a compatibility way) and seeing how tommy can fill the spaces they couldn't.

we're basing our theories of him at least sticking around for a bit, not on wardrobe hints and coded gazes and what actors post on their socials, but by what we've seen on-screen, what has been said in interviews in black&white no hidden meaning, and by simple knowledge of story pacing.

and we could be completely wrong. that's part of it being a theory; the acknowledgement that it is not guaranteed . once you start insisting something is 100% going to happen, it's no longer a theory

wow this got long 🫣 sorry for making you read all that, if you're still here lmao. but conciseness is not my strong suit, so enjoy my babbling if you stick around, and feel free to drop in my inbox anytime

[fivie]

I keep thinking about how well grantaire and anna would get along (before she gets re-brainwashed)... i know you've moved away from spn canon with UMW but do you have thoughts on how your characters would theoretically interact with spn characters?

ah yes, the re-brainwashing was very unfortunate 😔

my main headcanon re. UMW characters meeting SPN characters is that if Enjolras and Grantaire met Sam and Dean, based on Enjolras's personality and him having the sword, they would absolutely assume he was the angel of the pair 😂 Dean would probably commiserate with Grantaire about the challenges of hanging out with a socially challenged angel, and Grantaire would absolutely go along with it. Then Cas would show up and be like 'hello brother 😐' and spoil his fun.

I think Enjolras and Dean would butt heads, but Sam and Combeferre would probably get along quite well. I hope the spirit of Victor Hugo can't see me typing this.

Ages ago I actually started writing a little crossover story just for fun but I found it really weird 😂 I don't know if I'll ever write any more of it so I'll put what I have under a cut here if anyone wants to read it lol

(it is definitely not UMW canon 😂)

Grantaire is in a long-abandoned barn in rural Belgium, idly sweeping up the ashy remains of the shapeshifter that had been terrorising the nearby village in the guise of a local cryptid legend, when Combeferre pops into his mind with a bemusing prayer:

Don't come back to my apartment right now.

Grantaire pauses, awaiting further details. If Combeferre were in danger, he's sure he wouldn't bother beating around the bush, so Grantaire isn't overly worried, but Combeferre has never told him to stay away before and so he waits, curious. A minute or so later, an even more bemusing continuation:

Or if you do, make sure you come in through the front door like a human would.

Sometimes Grantaire desperately wishes that the prayer communication line went both ways. Combeferre feels distracted, like there are many other things demanding his attention and he is snatching at quiet moments to send Grantaire fragmented intel. Finally:

Other hunters here.

With that, the pieces slot together. Grantaire personally thinks it would be kind of funny for him to drop in on a room full of Musain hunters, especially the ones who'd written him off as a drunken waste of space years ago, and he could always erase their memories after if it was going to cause problems, but he supposes that Combeferre's solution of just keeping him away for a while is simpler. He finishes his clean up and is just about to return to Jehan's house when Combeferre reaches out again.

Could use your expertise for this. Come back if you're able? But please be discreet.

Grantaire snorts. He thinks he'll enjoy having a conversation with Combeferre later about why it's okay to pretend that he's human to other hunters, but not to Enjolras or Combeferre himself. He's well aware of the difference and the reasoning, of course, but he does like watching Combeferre wrestle with a moral quandary.

Enjolras is here, too.

This last part sounds like a warning, and Grantaire supposes it is, and one he should be thankful for. He braces himself before flying back to Combeferre's building, going up the stairs with pointed emphasis and hoping everyone in the apartment can hear his very normal, very human footsteps approaching. He opens the apartment door, calling out a greeting, and he steps inside and the world stops.

The other angel in Combeferre's living room stares at him, his human face registering only mild surprise even as his luminous true form roils and sparks in shock and alarm and, of course, horrifyingly, recognition. Grantaire stares back for a wild, world-tilting moment, and then he flies in a mad flurry, grabbing Enjolras and Combeferre and taking them to the furthest side of the room, pushing them behind him. Combeferre, who had just expressly told Grantaire to be on his best and most human behaviour, calls his name in confused dismay, and Enjolras is saying something too, demanding to know what he's doing, and there are two other humans here too, making their own noise, but then—

"Hello, brother," Castiel says, and all the humans in the room fall deathly silent.

Grantaire doesn't answer. His hand instinctively twitches to curl around the handle of a blade not currently in his possession. He can feel the presence of his sword burning in Enjolras's coat pocket and he wonders if the split second it would take for him to get to it will mean fiery death for all of them.

Three thousand years, he thinks. Three thousand years he successfully kept his head down, and then Combeferre goes and invites another angel into his living room—!

"Aw no, brother?" one of the new humans repeats. Grantaire doesn't dare take his eyes off Castiel, but the human sounds exasperated. He also sounds American, which raises many questions but also answers the one of why they are all here and not at the Musain. Grantaire can only imagine the Musain hunters' reaction to Americans descending upon their home base. "Cas, are you serious?"

"He's pretty clearly serious." The other human puts himself in Grantaire's line of vision, stepping between him and Castiel with one hand raised placatingly. He's uncommonly tall and more than broad enough in the shoulders to be considered physically imposing by human standards, but his posture and expression are currently extremely non-confrontational—he looks nervous, and sort of concerned. He looks at Grantaire first but then, clearly finding no invitation in his stony face, tilts his head to look past him at Enjolras and Combeferre instead. "So, uh. Got yourselves an angel."

"As do you, it would seem," Combeferre says with measured calm. It's strange to hear him speak English. Out of the corner of his eye, Grantaire sees him take half a step forward and hisses back at him, "Don't."

"Hey, who are you? Do we know you?" the first human says suddenly. "Are you an old douchebag in a new meat-suit?"

"Dean," Castiel says in quiet admonishment.

"What? It's not like we can tell."

"You don't know him," Castiel tells him before turning back to Grantaire. "This isn't necessary. I'm not going to harm you or these humans. You should calm yourself."

"And if you want to harm Cas then we're going to have a problem," the tall human says.

Grantaire makes no attempt to calm himself. "Are you alone?" he demands of Castiel, whose vessel affects a faintly puzzled expression.

"I'm here with Sam and Dean," he says slowly, and Grantaire scowls.

"I mean," he says, "where is your garrison?"

"I no longer serve Heaven, Rachmiel," Castiel says in oddly gentle tones, as if he's just realised why Grantaire would be so horrified to see him.

"Do not call me that," Grantaire snaps with a sharp shake of his head. "You—what do you mean?"

"I am...fallen." There's a strange mixture of pride and shame in Castiel's voice as he says it. "My loyalties were tested and I found them to lie more with humanity than with our brothers and sisters."

"You…" Grantaire's mind, emerging from the initial shock, starts to piece things together, starts to remember. "I saw you. Last year. You were killing angels and humans. Hundreds of them."

"Hey, that wasn't Cas," one of the humans, Dean, starts to protest, while Grantaire hears twin sharp intakes of breath from Combeferre and Enjolras as they apparently make the connection between the God-Monster they'd seen on screen all those months ago and the mild-mannered man standing before them now.

"Look, okay, let's...We didn't come here to fight," says the other human, whom Grantaire assumes, through elimination, to be Sam. "It's complicated, okay? But Castiel is with us. He's not the bad guy. He's saved our lives more times than I can count and—hell, he helped us stop the apocalypse."

"Did he say the apocalypse?" Grantaire hears Enjolras mutter behind him.

"What did you two have to do with the…?" Grantaire looks at the two strangers properly for the first time and feels a fresh wave of hysteria. There is a lot to be read from their souls that he will unpack later, but most pressingly, he can see who they are—what they are. "You're the vessels." His undoubtedly wild-eyed gaze swings back to Castiel. "You're walking around with Michael and Lucifer's vessels? You brought them here?"

"Michael and Lucifer are both in the cage," Castiel says. "I do not expect they will be coming looking for their vessels."

"And they already know that they do not have consent to take either of us for a ride," Dean says with a grimly sardonic smile.

Grantaire's head feels like it's going to explode, which wouldn't kill him but would undoubtedly be very distressing for Enjolras and Combeferre to witness. He wills his vessel to hold it together.

"Grantaire," Combeferre says quietly—even that makes him jump. Combeferre speaks to him in soft, rapid-fire French that the Americans clearly do not understand and that Castiel politely pretends not to hear. "If he's really broken with Heaven, isn't that a good thing? For you to not be the only one?"

Grantaire casts a somewhat tortured glance back at him, not anywhere near ready to accept the idea that running into anyone from his family could ever be good, before looking inevitably back to Castiel, unable to keep his eyes from returning to the perceived threat in the room.

"It is good to see you," Castiel says, horribly earnest. "I believed you dead."

"Yeah, that was the idea," Grantaire snaps. Castiel tilts his head to one side like a confused puppy, a crease appearing between his eyebrows.

"You've been in hiding," he hazards finally.

"Pretty successfully, up until now," Grantaire says.

"Hey, just like Gabriel," Dean remarks. "You gotta wonder how many other angels flew the coop."

"Gabriel," Combeferre repeats in tones of disbelief that match Grantaire's own feelings. "The archangel? He also…?"

"Gabriel is dead," Grantaire says bluntly.

"Yeah, but he had a good run hanging out down here pretending to be a trickster god," Dean says with a smile that suggests not-so-fond remembrance. "What've you been hiding out as? Some other deity?"

There's an agonising sort of pause, and then it's Enjolras who says, not without bitterness, "A human."

Dean whistles. "That's a bold choice."

"Rachmiel," Castiel says, and Grantaire wants to scream. "Heaven will not hear of any of this from me. You and your humans are safe. Please. I—Here."

He puts one hand up as if in surrender while his blade falls from the sleeve of his coat into his other hand. He holds it up, slowly and demonstratively, before setting it down on Combeferre's coffee table and stepping back.

There is a very strange, very awkward moment where Castiel and his two humans look at Grantaire expectantly, waiting for him to return the gesture and disarm. Finally, Enjolras steps forward. He catches Grantaire's eye questioningly and, at his nod, takes Grantaire's blade out of his own coat and lays it next to Castiel's. Dean and Sam's eyebrows shoot up and Castiel gives a slow, considered blink, but mercifully all three of them refrain from saying anything about the matter.

[dotthings]

For some further context on my recent CW posts, some history. Since I'm an spn fandom old.

Never was I a fan of the CW Network itself. I started watching SPN when the pilot aired and it was on WB. The WB/UPN merger and Ostroff era followed. Ostroff didn't understand SPN. Most of SPN fandom back then had this feeling of SPN being on a platform where it didn't belong and it wasn't appreciated, but we loved SPN, and endured.

Pedowitz era was better about supporting SPN which I'm sure won some SPN fans over. But still, there was this atmosphere of long-suffering endurance from most SPN fans. We knew SPN was the red-headed stepchild there. Even with Pedowitz's support. Despite it being one of their big tentpole series.

What changed my mind about CW's capacity for quality series, as a platform, was Arrowverse. I was already a DC fan, and I got into Arrowverse for a while.

Until every one of those shows got FUBAR'd for me and I gave up. And I was salty. Because I really loved Arrowverse. And there is no excuse for that many bad decisions on that many shows except a systemic issue with the platform.

I'm a fan of the shows. Not the platform. Not in any era. I have supported the shows, and the creatives, and often felt they deserved a better platform.

Ostroff, Pedowitz, Schwartz era--it's different flavors of fail, it's all not great. In their own ways.

So the great idealization of CW Network by the cw stans who seem to love the platform more than they care at all how the platform abused the shows they supposedly love, is weird to me.

Late Pedowitz era, leading up to the sale, improved on some of the systemic inclusion issues that had me utterly despising the entire platform. Someone at the top finally got it together and mandated better efforts. Because it was up for sale. Have to gloss it up for potential buyers.

Reminders that CW:

Never made a profit

Was WB/Viacom CBS's cheap quick way to make a buck off streaming

Would have collapsed much much sooner if not for the Netflix deal

Had shows fans adored and abused the shows and the fanbases

Had terrible substandard marketing

Little quality oversight on set life or stories

Meddled in shows in not good ways including queer censorship and how PoC were treated. Or looked the other way with toxic showrunners and their bad decisions.

Virtue signaled with its other rep while PR tire fire after tire fire flared over inclusion issues. But hey, here's a GLAAD award and look, we have all this other rep so you can't complain!!!! True intersectional rep was not valued there. This is a reflection of systemic industry wide issues, but CW was an unusually blatant tire fire that exposed them on main again and again and again.

Because it was a mess and nobody cared and it was there to make a cheap buck for WB/ViacomCBS

Made things even more difficult for creatives who were trying to tell better and more inclusive stories and were grateful for the opportunity to make TV shows at all. Sure, CW gave a lot of opportunities to new voices. And then its systemic issues ruined shows and made things harder on creatives.

Actors were mistreated often

This current era of trying to wash away classic CW problems existing whatsoever after all the justified fan rage I saw from multiple fan bases year after year after seen all the harm done.

The idealization of classic CW and denial of those issues at CW and revisionist history from people claiming to care about systemic TV industry issues continues to be surreal and irritating to witness. That erasure is actively harmful to the very cause people claim to support. By erasing that troublesome history at classic CW, that is enabling these industry issues to continue without criticism.

If you're running with "Nexstar CW sucks and is the only era it's okay to criticize" and trying to silence anyone who criticizes og CW you are not in fact advocating for a better TV industry.

Love the shows. Support the shows. The creatives.

The megacorporation does not love you. It never did.

[bredforloyalty]

Hii would you like to share your favourite fics?? In any fandoms tbh i just trust your taste a lot 🫣

oh i am an animal i don't think i have good taste i have the taste of someone who's always horny and a teeeeny tiny bit fucked in the head jcsgbhy but i'm honored you asked and i'll share<33 you said you don't care if it's more smut or more plot so i didn't worry too much about that 👍

first off, a warning: most of these are explicit, involve incest, rape, child sexual abuse, and more!!! also most of them are on the shorter side + all are male slash! you'll be able to tell based on the pairing and the concept (i'll describe them a little) so just go by common sense and, idk. beware ahaha i'll go from some pairings to assorted and then the rick and morty ones will be under the read more (i feel like i can't leave them out because some of them genuinely made me insane and changed me as a person or allowed me catharsis like very very few fics before and even though it's repulsive to most others i can't deny that. there are big favorites in there. favorites of all time if i'm being fully honest). let's go..

gcest:

ghost dancer - by the lovely and talented rye @ supersonic1994!!!! noel overdoses on coke. i looove the image of kissing your brother when you think you're about to lose him forever,, does that make sense? love is love is love when one is desperate and if it's deep then it can transcend taboos and boundaries of self and all that shit. you know

things we never see - told through jill furmanovsky, their photographer, noel comes back (after they had almost broken up and he went to san fran without telling anyone). when it comes to them i do love an outsider pov. speaking of outsider pov,

you never notice you are blind - five times alan mcgee thinks he catches something between them and one time he definitely does. it is what it is

i don't really want to know - Nawt consensual, made me a bit sad hehe liam is not sick like him

some that are like, unhealthy jealousy possessiveness dubcon angst and so on: sins like scarlet, fishhook, what am i gonna dream now

samdean:

hungry til well fed - by the wonderful bug @ deanjohn (and mandymovie)!!! iconic cannibalism fic, just so them

brighter wound - wound blood pain codependency babeyyy

take the things you love - hathfrozen is iconic also.. i loved the heaven fic (you'll find it. if you want) but i want to share this because i like how conflicted sam is about their relationship and about the way dean treats him. smutty though

manhattan for beads - what i wrote down is this is the one where they try and it doesn't work and it's heartbreaking. so yeah candle_beck can be trusted w spn, iconic too

serpent round your heart - one of the first ones i read haha ^^

deanjohn:

where the evening splits in half - bug fic also!! all of bug's fics are great do check them out if you're interested in this pairing or dadson at all, seriously.. "Sam says, "I know how you felt about the man." No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t know that Dad was a pig. He has no idea how far down Dean was in the mud with him. How dirty they both were, how much Dad ruined him."

midnight midnight - first time, dean hooks up with men so john can take blackmail pics and he gets jealous and yeah, hooray

and you learn how to settle for what you get - sex again but they're fucked up so it's always fucked up. dean never asked for it

waltjesse:

like i'm underwater - by the amazing @ kuleaxoxo!! yayyy power imbalance!! "Mister White's showing him off, isn't he?"

monaco - jesse gifts walt the watch. dubcon

i'm asking you to - rape roleplay, ignored safeword

others:

countercontrol - terence fletcher/andrew neiman, "Andrew leaves; but he always comes back. He likes to think that it’s of his own accord. But then he thinks of those paintings of staircases with the optical illusion of the stairs going nowhere except winding into each other, going the same place again and again, and ultimately going nowhere."

beach fag - roman roy/jeryd mencken, "Roman wishes he was a kid with an adult boyfriend."

the serpent under it - aaron stampler/martin vail, look i fucking love primal fear this is post-canon they get together etc. important to me

simple pleasures - edward nygma/bruce wayne, this is a big favorite i can't leave it out because when this was um coming out i was fucking obsessed. it's long i don't even read long fics

there's a head in the refrigerator - michael afton/william afton, this one's sort of self-explanatory..... i felt we needed necrophilia representation here

rick and morty:

bitter and begging - FAVE.. after the jealousy and possessiveness in vindicators 3 (the episode with the avengers copies that morty is enamoured with. who rick slaughters when he's off his shit and then covertly confesses how much he loves morty basically). this one really got me i think i cried because it's all so sad but um. full of love

that's my boy - this is the first of a series, i like that it's the start of.. the sexual abuse and they're still uncertain like i enjoy the in-betweens and when lines are crossed

love is a solitary thing - this one i love so much, it's about morty's fantasies and unrequited feelings for rick

safe - gen, morty starts talking with another morty whose rick rescues mortys from abusive ricks. i always really liked how the multiverse is like a prism? you can explore the different facets of their relationship and the possibilities and the extremes through it, you can have your characters meet their worst and their best versions, i just think selves from different dimensions are a great tool. in storytelling. and eliciting emotions. anyway rovingotter is fucking solid here

hands - a favorite.. the atmosphere... "He wonders if he'll still be sitting here in ten years, handing Rick his screwdrivers, feeling that hot instinctive rush of pleasure at knowing what Rick is going to ask from him before he even asks: bred for it."

the shape you made me - morty's stream of consciousness. i usually don't give stuff like this a chance but when i tell you that this affected me. because fuck it did affect me

the damage has been done - um..... internal cardiac massage fic 🥴

repurposed - "Is it ethical to leave the horrors of the universe at a boy's fingertips?"

and last but NOT least there's this series that i haven't read in full, just a little bit broken, that fucking killed me. tbh! i sobbed at some parts legitimately. maybe that's just on me i don't know maybe it isn't. the first 5 are crazy. admittedly alcoholism runs in my family too (lol!) and their relationship is so tragic.... this fic is about when rick quite literally stole the kid's dreams, concocted an entire plan to erode morty's love of heists and make him stop writing his heist movie script (and having any aspirations or plans outside of rick). when i watched that episode these are exactly the emotions i wanted more of.. it's madness......

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱5)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After Dean finds out that Tessa is a part of the cultish actions and suicide bombings, he takes Tessa back to Castiel's headquarters to see if he can get her to tell him why she's doing this and who is behind framing Cass. All the while, you see how Castiel and Sam worry about Dean. You recall hearing about the brothers through the grapevine and you've never heard of something like these brothers have. It makes you begin to wonder if being human was really so tricky, if you had been missing out since you never had that chance like other demons.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: mentions of suicide bombing, suicide, death of a character, SPN level violence and gore. Mentions of torture. May not be suitable for all audiences. Continuation of the previous chapter, heavily based on Season 9 Episode 22 so there will be major spoilers if you have not seen this episode.

Previously…

"I don't know exactly why Sam wanted you to come along. But if he expect you to talk me into slowing down he really needs to understand that I'm fine. Everyone's got their shit they need to handle and this is mine." Dean told you in a less argumentative tone.

"Then you really need to start asking yourself how far you're willing to go. How many people are you willing to lose? How many loved ones will you leave behind because you won't accept the help. This mark? It's not a gift, Dean. It's a curse. And you have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

Now…

Dean had located Tessa and insisted that he should go and talk to Tessa alone because he wasn't sure how Tessa would react to him approaching her with a demon by his side.

You couldn't blame him for that. You knew demons had a bad reputation everywhere you went, plus it didn't really matter what he said as long as he got the reaper there so he and Sam could do their little interrogation.

You had to admit, it was rather puzzling to you why a reaper would get themselves caught up in this angelic mess of things.

While you waited on Dean to return with Tessa, you sat in a separate interrogation room. No one asked you to be there and you weren't getting questioned luckily. You just wanted to get away from the glares of the angels around you. It was pretty annoying more than it was anxiety inducing. Plus if you were there it's not like they'd get anything done because they'd be arguing with Hannah about if Castiel really told you to be there or not.

So the interrogation room was where you chose to go because it was a lot quieter than Castiel's office. It gave you a space to think, even meditate a little on things.

You thought about your short conversation with Dean. You remembered the interaction with Sam and Dean in the car. You remembered the tension between them and you could understand why Dean was angry for Sam going behind his back. It was a form of deception.

What you couldn't understand is why Sam would go to such great lengths to try and save Dean. If he could even be saved. Were siblings really like that?

Then again you wouldn't necessarily know for sure because the closest thing you had to siblings were the demons that went into hiding with Abaddon that taught you the best methods of murder and torture from what they could remember from the Knights of Hell. The only time Abaddon was ever involved was to supervise your "exams" and see how you were progressing, so she wasn't exactly the best maternal role model.

You remembered when you opened your tattoo parlor in Cincinnati. The humans that came to your shop were all interesting. You didn't know why, but they'd tell you about their lives or their families, their celebrations and their problems. Being human sounded like such a tricky thing.

But even with those interactions with your clients, you hadn't seen anything quite like Sam and Dean. You've heard through the grapevine about the brothers over the years. Some of your clients had been hunters, and if it wasn't through hunters, you knew of a spell or two that would connect you to some sort of demonic radar that you used to use back in the day to catch up with the world especially when the End Times were supposedly upon you before Sam and Dean saved the world.

Anyway, you've heard about when the great John Winchester died supposedly to save his son, heard how Sam was supposed to die but Dean Winchester took his place in Hell and stayed there for 40 years Hell time. You've never heard of someone sacrificing themselves like that to save their brother. You heard that it wasn't the first time they've almost killed themselves to save the other.

You weren't sure if it was what humans called love or pure stupidity.

Either way, you couldn't help but be more intrigued by these two brothers the more you were with them these past couple of days.

As you sat at the table, you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to think. Then you could practically feel another vision making its way into your mind.

Everything around you was pitch black. Then a reddish smog surrounded you and a door slowly appeared into the distance. You took a glance at your surroundings just to realize that you were alone. Sam and Dean weren’t there, neither was their little angel friend or his underlings. It was simply you standing in front of a red door. For some reason it was like the door was calling to you and you slowly started to walk toward it and you slowly opened it up.

When you did, you saw a hallway cluttered with bodies of humans, demons, angels and monsters. Their bodies had so many gashes, their heads were bludgeoned, some of their features were missing and the victims were all mutilated. The walls and floor were painted and splattered with shades of red and black with the mixed blood of these corpses. You couldn’t even tell if the floor you were standing on was carpet or wood with how much blood was all over the place. You could smell the iron mixed with the sulfur, it was nauseating, even for someone like you.

As you stood in awe, you heard footsteps. From around the corner there was a red almost smokey figure, faceless and formless yet somehow it was able to walk around on its own. It reached out in front of itself and its arm extended only for your eyes to widen as you realized it was coming after you. But before you could even think of running or fighting it off, it gripped you tightly and the walls surrounding you seemed to crash down. Even the door you entered through was reduced to rubble.

The scene was replaced with the familiar setting you were used to while you were growing up. It was the torture chamber your mother, Abaddon, assigned to you as a child when she was training you to become a ruthless killer. The figure stood at your table of tools and held up a special knife that could kill both demons and angels. Much like Ruby’s blade did.

Then the figure walked towards you with your weapon before motioning to the chains holding up a body. When you looked to see who it was, you could see that it was a version of yourself you didn’t quite recognize. It was a version of you without a mark from your father on her arm. This version had fear on their face, she was shedding tears.

“What has she done?” You asked the red figure.

It waved its hand and opened up was seemed to be some kind of vortex. You saw the things this alternate you had been through and it seemed to be some kind of reality where this ‘you’ was human, not a demon.

You could see that this version of you had also met Sam and Dean. Dean had the mark and you could see what he was going through. But this version of you was knowledgeable in how to maintain the pain of the mark. This version of you saw what happened when Dean wielded the first Blade, what happened when he tried to kill Metatron. He became something you didn’t recognize and the human version of you made a deal with a demon.

Eternal suffering for some sort of mistake you made but you couldn’t tell what the mistake was.

“She forgot who she was meant to be.” A feminine voice said. Then a figure stepped from behind the other version of you that was chained up.

Abaddon.

“You’re dead… the Winchester boy killed you.” You said starting to get on the defensive.

“So he did. It seems you’re having another vision. Similar to that one your father gave you.” The deceased Knight of Hell said and rolled her eyes.

“But you see this mess this human is in, don’t you? She became a little too curious about humanity. It started with more meaningful interactions with her little tattoo parlor customers, then it escalated to the curiosity of the two brothers.” Abaddon continued as she cupped the human version of yourself by her jaw.

"Because of that curiosity, she traded the immortality of a demon for a human life to experience humanity. She would rather walk amongst these worthless beings than be who she was bread for. She befriended the hunters and sacrificed everything and when Dean succumbed to his fate, she couldn't accept it and made a deal."

“She became pathetic. Useless. Weak. All because she wanted a taste of humanity.” She said and walked towards you, the red figure changed the view in the mirror to a version of you from your childhood.

"The deal was she would trade her life and be tortured for eternity in exchange to save Dean's life as a penance for trading her demonic ancestry for humanity. That was her consequence. Of course, I don't want this future for someone with such talents. I remember when you were so much younger, learning your trade." Abaddon continued and looked in the mirror.

This version of you could have only been ten years old. Your hair was in a ponytail, your body was covered in blood as you held a knife. The mark in your arm seemed to glow as you had just finished up your first Massacre in Virginia.

The conspiracy of the Lost Colony in Roanoke Island? That was no mysterious disappearance. It was an exam. Your first exam and you had passed with flying colors according to your mother.

You killed all of those people. You killed the men, women and children so effortlessly, heartlessly. It was a blood bath and Abaddon's demons cleaned up after you making it seem like the entire village simply disappeared.

“You must always remember what you were bred for. No matter what. With all of these human interactions, you must never forget what you are. You are nothing but a killer, Y/N. And once the Winchesters supposedly defeat Metatron, you take the blade back and you kill both of them. You resume your path and come out of hiding.”

You remember how good it felt when you held that blade for the first time after retrieving it from the ocean. It was a foolish decision to throw it back where your father had it. It felt so exhilarating to slaughter all of those demons with it.

"Or, you can kill Dean when the time is right. Your father is right, he was born to be a killer. Show him a taste of your world. Not only could you become Queen of Hell, but you would be the demon that finally killed a Winchester. Better than that, you would turn him into a demon like your father became."

"The Mistress of Murder should not hide in the shadows. You were made for more than hiding like your father…” you could hear your mother’s voice fade away.

The next thing you knew, you were awake again in the same interrogation room.

You couldn’t help but wonder what the hell that vision was about. A human version of yourself... Yes you were curious about the boys, but why would it end up being almost like torture if you never actually cared. You've only just met them. So what if anything happened to either of those boys? If they died because they did some stupid move, what were you supposed to do about it?

The only reason you were here was to get Dean to learn to keep his mark under control. Then you didn’t care what happened next. He was still human after all so there was room for error. If he suffered the same fate your father did, that was beyond your control. Maybe Sam would get in the way or maybe their angel friend would interfere causing a fatality. Who knew?

But there was a point made in the vision… you had every right to claim the blade as your own. Why shouldn’t you take it after these hunters get done with their angel on angel business? You knew how to use it better than they did.

But the matter of killing Dean... It had been so long since you've killed a human, but Dean couldn't be the choice. Your mother just wanted to be the Queen of Hell but she was dead now. Crowley was in charge, you had no interest in Hell. You honestly didn't find an interest in killing Dean specifically.

If you wanted to kill a human, you wanted it to be worth it. Something that would make that high last a little longer than just a few moments before the urge to kill would hit you again. Neither Winchester would fit that for you.

What got you the most was the fact that the other version of yourself preferred humanity. Then trading her life for Dean? Just because you were curious about human emotion didn't mean you would be stupid enough to actually go through with something like that.

You refused.

"You wounded her, Dean." You heard a voice bring you from your thoughts.

"What the hell?" You wondered as you stepped out of the room.

Dean found Tessa at a theatre and even saw the ambulance as his proof of her being there. A stupid idea to take an ambulance if you were trying to avoid standing out.

He waited behind a pillar and heard footsteps he hoped belonged to Tessa and when he turned around he saw her making her way up the stairs to the entrance.

"Hey there, Tessa." Dean s poke and the reaper turned around and looked at the hunter with confusion.

"You're supposed to be at the hospital tonight aren't ya? If you wanted to sneak out of work, I wouldn't have taken one of their ambulances. They have GPS after all." The hunter said.

"What are you doing here, Dean? Are just into musical theatre that much?" She asked, matching his sarcasm.

"Not unless it's Fiddler." He smirked and Tessa rolled her eyes

"We need to talk." Tessa shook her head.

"Can't. Kinda busy tonight. Got a date." She said and when she turned around, Dean grabbed her arm and her jacket slipped, revealing the carvings embedded in her skin. Dean's eyes darkened at the sight.

"I don't think so." Dean said and handcuffed the reaper. When Tessa tried to stop him, he pinned her against the side of the stairs.

"Where's the other one? Where's Constantine?" He asked and Tessa clearly wasn't willing to tell him anything.

Dean could tell she knew where he was and was refusing to say a word. He sighed before he dragged her off to the Impala so they could get back to Castiel's quarters.

Once they made it back, Dean got on the phone with Sam.

"You'll never guess who I ran into. Say hello to Sam, Tessa." Dean said all she could say to his brother was that Dean was a freak and Dean rolled his eyes as he walked into the building where there were a couple of angels talking with Hannah about something.

Dean hung up the phone and as he walked through the building he almost made it passed the angels before Hannah came towards them.

"Tessa? What are you doing?" Hannah asked and Dean looked at the reaper.

"You wanna tell her?" The reaper resumed to silence and Dean slipped her jacket to the side to reveal the Enochian symbol on her chest. Hannah couldn't believe.

"O-Oh my God..."

"There is no God. Only Castiel." This caused Dean to scoff.

"Yeah, and you're done." He said and escorted Tessa to the interrogation chambers.

He was determined to get to the bottom of this with any means necessary. But if only he knew what the angels were saying behind his back. But he could hear those footsteps behind him. He had every intention of ignoring them but he knew they wouldn't exactly make it easy.

"You wounded her, Dean." Hannah said

"All I did was mess up the carving to break the spell. Disarming her really." Dean said only for another angel to start to comment.

"And now what will you do? Torture? Kill her? So predictable now." the Angel asked. It was the same one he had just had his little interview with that told him about Tessa. She seemed like a bitch and he was so tired of people trying to question his logic and constantly undermine his techniques.

Another door opened and Dean saw you walk out, he assumed it was to see what was going on. He thought you were back in Cass's office.

"You need to understand that only one person can make those judgement calls. Yes what Tessa was planning to do was horrible but Castiel deserves to know what's going on. He's the one holding us all together so we can all go home." Hannah said, trying to persuade Dean not to torture the reaper just for interrogation purposes.

"We have rules and we want to live in peace rather than fight our way to every conclusion or hurt people just to get the answers we want or need to get." She continued. Before Dean knew it, he was being surrounded by angels and he didn't like the looks of this one bit.

Sure he could take them on. He was confident in that. But for the sake of making things easier on Cass, he went back to listening to what Hannah had to say that she felt was so vital to keep him from his task.

"You can do this without harming her. You should talk to her and I encourage it. But you need to leave the blade out here." Hannah spoke, referring to the angel blade she knew he was armed with.

Dean listened and he thought all of this was a waste of time. He looked at Hannah and asked, "Are you asking, or is that some kind of order?"

Then an angel beside her interrupted, "We aren't asking."

Dean looked at the angel that spoke when he wasn't asking him the question. A thought crossed his mind to use the angel blade in his hand and drive it through is neck. But of course if he wanted to get this little intervention over with, he knew he needed to comply even if it wasn't exactly sincere.

He handed the angel blade over to Hannah and walked into Tessa's interrogation room. Unfortunately for him, Hannah decided to tag along.

You watched the entire thing in the hall and you were amazed at the self restraint Dean seemed to have. But then again, just because you have the mark doesn't mean you lose your whit. There's a certain way for things to be done. Maybe he did have self control after all.

You glanced at Hannah who was looking into your direction. Maybe Castiel told her you were some kind of short leash for Dean's loss of control. A lie possibly but who knew what Castiel told the angels, you weren't there when he said it.

Either way, Hannah motioned for you to come into the room and you lifted a brow before following them to observe what exactly Dean would do to the reaper. Could reapers even die? They've been around longer than even Cain himself. Then again, only a reaper would know how to kill itself if they're the ones behind the suicide bombings.

"Let's start with something easy.. who do you work for?" You could hear Dean ask with his gruff, semi irritated voice. You couldn't blame him for being agitated after being surrounded by angels. He really didn't need a baby sitter.

"Castiel." Tessa answered only for Hannah to call her out as a liar. The reaper looked at the angel and glared.

"There are some things that creatures like you will never understand. Sacrifices must be made in war." She said.

"Oh so if humans get caught in the crossfire it doesn't matter? You go after one of the bad guys and if humans are in the way then it's just no big deal, right?" Dean asked as he clasped his hands together and leaned forward on the table. All you watched the reaper do was shake her head before it was her turn to speak.

"Not really. In the grand scheme of things, they really don't matter."

You listened carefully and thought about it. Reapers had always been a neutral sort of being. They were simply the harvesters of souls. They were the collectors of what was already dead. They were never chosen to actually kill like Tessa was. Death himself never did anything like this to your knowledge. You had never heard of a situation like this.

"When Castiel chose me, and told me it was because I was string. Others are too weak. They can't even stomach the idea of what I was chosen to do."

At this, you saw Hannah lunge over and Dean stood up and held her back before escorting her out of the room to talk her down a bit.

You couldn't hear what they were saying because you chose to stay in the room. You looked at Tessa who was staring at you.

"And I suppose Castiel recruited you too? Or are you here to interrogate me too and tell me what I'm doing is wrong?" She asked and you lifted a brow.

"From my understanding, I'm just here to serve as more of a... suppressant for something Dean's going through. The younger brother's idea more than the angel's.. from what I gather." You said, not really interested in going into detail.

"I see. It's not unlike the Winchesters to work with demons and angels alike." Tessa said and you hummed nonchalantly.

"You see what I'm saying though... anytime there's been a war between Heaven and hell, Demonic or Angelic Civil Wars, there are always human casualties. Look at all of the human vessels that have been taken from their families only to be killed when a hunter intends to kill a demon or angel rather than exorcising them." Tessa continued.

"Tess, Dear, I really don't care about what you have to say. Everything dies eventually. Demons, angels, monsters, humans, I suppose even reapers now, they all die in the end and all that's left are the ashes. You don't need to have me see your point. Dean and the angels are the ones that need convincing." You said before you heard the door opening up again.

Both you and Tessa turned and saw that Dean was the wone re-entering the room.

You sensed it was close. You thought Sam told Dean to leave it behind. What was he planning on doing to Tessa?

Dean was honestly surprised that you were still in there. But he wasn't really concerned with you right now as he looked back at Tessa.

"Y/N, can you leave us be for a second?" He asked. He watched you narrow your brows with skepticism but he knew you wouldn't've questioned anything right

"I'll be outside." You said before you stopped when you were beside him and said one last thing.

"Don't be stupid with that thing."

Then Dean watched you walk out of the door.

"Why don't we talk about us now that everyone's gone... I mean we have our own chemistry so that ought to make this at least a little easier." He began. But Tessa smiled.

"Sure. I remember when we first met at that hospital. You were dying." She said with a little grin.

"Yeah, good times... Listen. I like you for an angel, reaper, what have you. But you've got to be honest with me... Why are you really doing this?" He asked.

"Castiel." She said yet again.

"Oh please, forget Cass. I'm not asking about that this time. I mean you. You personally. Why are you doing this?" He continued to question while he stood in front of her.

"I mean why would somebody want to call it and make themselves some kind of bomb for a war they aren't even a part of? I know everyone has their low moments, trust me, I've been there. But I've never been low enough to pop my own top."

The reaper saw the slightest hint of sincerity in Dean's eyes. But a human like him could never understand why she agreed to do something like this.

"I.. I can't take the screaming.." She trailed off as she stood up and walked towards one of the corners.

"Screaming? Who's screaming?"

Tessa turned around and looked at Dean, "All of them. All of the souls that are trapped and can't get into Heaven now that it's been locked up. You don't understand how much confusion and pain they are going through. And I hear them constantly."

"I just want to help them, Dean. It's my job to help them cross into the veil. But I can't do that anymore. I can't help them and they're suffering, and there's not a thing I can do about it."

"Then when this offer came up.. it didn't seem so bad.. Death, nothingness. It seemed so quiet..."

Dean listened and she was right, he couldn't understand what she was going through. He couldn't imagine what something like that was like, "So why didn't you just use an angel blade on yourself?"

"I've thought about it... but when Castiel gave me a reason for this, it seemed like the best option."

When Castiel was mentioned again, it didn't make any sense. The Castiel he knew would never do something like this. It wasn't in his character. He wanted, needed to believe that his friend wouldn't go behind his back again. Not after the last time.

"See that's where you're wrong."

"Am I? Is it really that unbelievable that the Castiel you know would raise an army and lie to you about it? And trust me, Dean, I'm not the only one that's feeling this way, who's willing to sacrifice themselves just to hear the silence."

"Do you have any names?"

"If I'd tell you, it would ruin the fun of it all, now wouldn't it?"

Dean's jaw tensed for a moment before he shook his head, "No, that's not how this is going to work." He said as he pulled the First Blade from behind his back where he's stored it. "You see, the fun's just getting started."

Tessa's eyes widened when she saw what he was holding before she looked back up at him, "Dean, what have you done?"

"What I had to..."

"Welcome to the club..."

Dean felt Tessa suddenly grip onto his shoulder and pull him towards her. He could feel the blade begin to pierce her skin before she said one last thing to him.

"Thank you..."

Then she pushed herself further into the blade until her eyes and mouth started to glow with the bright white light. She let out a wail and Dean had to look away from the brightness. Then, Tessa's body dropped in front of him.

He found himself lost in the moment, in that trance as he looked down at the blade that was covered and dripping with the reaper's blood. That calm returned again and your words described it perfectly, it was the best high he could have even if it was the worst kind of poison.

You heard the wail and you turned around and saw a bright light coming through the window of the door. Hannah and some other angels came rushing in.

"Why weren't you watching him?" The angel in the doctor's coat asked while Hannah opened the door.

When all of you walked in, you saw Tessa's body on the ground but when you looked at Dean, you saw the blade in his hand. You could almost feel the relief he had been feeling, and yet you had your own sense of yearning to have that blade back within your grasp again. You couldn't deny it even if you wanted to.

"It's not what it looks like," Dean tried to explain.

Sam and Castiel finally made it back to the headquarters and when they did, Hannah told them everything and lead the two into the interrogation room.

There, Castiel and Sam saw Dean tied up to a chair with duck tape over his mouth as if he were some kind of prisoner. You were in the room watching him.

"You killed Tessa?" Castiel asked Dean, calmly yet clearly upset at this news.

"Not exactly. She knifed herself when she had the chance." Dean replied, although he knew that the chances of them believing him were slim to none especially since he was in the room alone with her.

"Oh yeah, Dean? And why would she do something like that?" Sam asked as he uncuffed his older brother.

"Sam, I don't know. She was talking all kinds of crap."

"Oh really, and that's why you decided to bring out the first blade and use it on her?"

Dean went silent for a moment.

"We had a deal, Dean! If you hadn't brought that stupid thing along, Tessa would still be alive and we wouldn't be in this mess! We could have gotten more answers out of her!"

"Oh and you think I wanted this to happen? I didn't think she would kill herself with the damned thing!"

"I don't know, did you want it to happen? I mean because it's like you can't be separated from that blade anyway!"

"Alright you two, enough." Castiel piped up and looked at you.

"Hannah said you were supposed to be watching him." He said and then they were interrupted.

"Um, Commander?" Hannah asked and all of you looked at the angel, "You have a call. It's from Metatron."

"Great..." Dean muttered and all of you went back to the main part where all the other angels were working.

Sam, Dean and Castiel walked over and saw Metatron on the screen looking as smug as ever.

"Castiel... I'm alive by the way. Your little bomber that you sent failed." Metatron said.

Sam and Dean both looked at Cass, then each other, then at Metatron again as they all listened to the two angels speaking to one another. Apparently the reaper Constantine went after Metatron and tried to kill him in the same way Tessa intended on blowing up the musical theatre.

Metatron was trying to say that he was doing what he had to do when Cass accused him of more deception and lies. He also revealed that more angels are leaning more towards his side rather than Team Trench Coat.

You were listening and crossing your arms just observing anything. You had no idea things were this bad and in a way it seemed oddly political amongst the angels. All they wanted was to go home right? But didn't he cause the fall?

"I'm offering this one time deal. Any of your angels can join me. No matter the treachery, no matter the sin, I will still take them in under the condition that I am their god, and they serve me." Metatron said.

How had you not encountered this guy sooner. Even looking at him made you want to end him. Now you could sort of understand why Dean wants to use the First Blade on him so badly.

Hannah naturally was trying to be a loyalist for Cass and ask why any of them would join Metatron.

"Look around you. You've already had a taste of Earth, the free will God gave the humans. Do you actually like it there? But you still need a leader. You joined Castiel the first chance you got which is surprising."

You were already getting tired of listening to Metatron's voice and you were thinking of the millions of different ways you could cause him the most pain.

After more trash talking and more of this Metatron guy revealing more of Castiel's flaws to the angels, things were getting tricky. You swore you saw something like this on the news with politicians or something of that nature. Metatron was saying so many things that would make the angels question the trench-coat wearing angel's morals. Then he finally hang up.

"He's a liar. We need to focus on the task at hand."

"Was he lying about the grace?" an angel said.

Castiel wasn't denying it, but he continued to say Metatron was lying about everything else. It was clear that the other angels were having trouble believing Castiel.

"We need proof that we can trust you." Hannah spoke calmly, recalling what an angel said of the way Dean held a knife to one of their angel's necks.

"Punish him." Hannah finally said, motioning to Dean, "He murdered Tessa. He broke our rules. He is out of control."

"Oh you all can go straight to Hell." Dean rolled his eyes and tried to walk off but then more of the angels took Dean and held both of his arms so he couldn't move and faced him towards Castiel.

"Hey wait a second-" Sam tried to intervene but then more of the angels did the same thing to the Sam.

You watched as some angels tried to walk towards you, "One hand on me and you won't have the choice of Castiel or Metatron. I'm not the one that killed anyone." You swore as your eyes changed to red.

"You gave us an order, Castiel, and we gave you our trust. Don't lose our trust over just one man. This is justice." Hannah said and handed Castiel the blade.

Castiel took the blade and looked down at it before lifting his gaze and he looked at Dean. Castiel could feel all eyes on him in that moment and he knew this choice was important.

All he wanted was to get his people back home. They were right about Dean, he is out of control, but that was why he told Sam to find you to try and help it from getting worse. He thought of everything that he had been through with the two brothers.

He remembered how he felt lying to them once before. He hated lying to them, even if his intentions were in the right place.

"No... I can't." Castiel finally said and lowered his blade.

Hannah looked hurt as she looked at the man she called Commander, "Goodbye Castiel..."

You watched as all of the angels in those headquarters left, leaving you behind with an angel and two humans.

You saw the sympathetic look on Sam's face when he realized Castiel saw everything, saw the look of rage with Dean when he realized how ridiculous all of this was just because Tessa died. There were so many emotions in the room and you didn't know how an angel or the two mortals would end up recovering. Then there was the matter of Dean bringing the First Blade.

You had the strong feeling that the next car ride you would be on would be both quiet and tense...

Once you made it to the bunker, Sam and Dean cast a spell that would make you immune to the demon wardings around the bunker so you specifically be able to enter.

"We still have to talk about this, Dean." Sam said.

"Here we go..." You muttered under your breath, preparing yourself for sibling drama and you looked at Castiel, "Does this sort of thing happen a lot?"

"The two fighting? More than it's preferred." Castiel said as both of you went to the library so the brothers could talk. But you could still hear them speaking and you could even get a look at them from where you were sitting.

"Dean, you know we have to talk about this..."

"About what? Yeah, Sam. I lied. But you've been nothing but an infant about this thing the whole damn time." Dean said, growing stern.

"Wow, Dean.. I know your apologies typically suck but this is the worst." Sam began just for dean to interrupt.

"You think I'm apologizing? No no, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you how this is gonna be whether you like it or not."

"I am the only one who can wield this thing, and you know that. I am the one that has to kill Metatron and from this point on, so I'm the one calling the shots. And until I jam that blade in that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. From now on this will be a dictatorship." He said.

From what you could see, that was the last thing that Dean said and you watched Dean coming into the room to talk to Sam.

Dean looked at you and all he could think of for a split second was that conversation. You were warning him to think of the people he would be willing to lose. He knew Sam wasn't going to like the way things were from now on, but this is just how things had to be. And he hoped he wouldn't lose his brother over this in the end.

You maintained the eye contact before you stood up and walked past him so he could be alone with Castiel.

You found Sam setting his stuff down for the time being in the kitchen and you cleared your throat a little. Sam looked up at you and he straightened up.

"Sorry you had to hear that..." Sam said and you shook your head.

"Don't worry about it. I don't have any siblings but I assume it's only natural for them to fight once in a while." You shrugged and you looked up at the taller hunter.

"Can I ask you something?" You began and Sam nodded, "Why did you go on a whim to find me? If Castiel thought I was a rumor, why would you go after me if it's was a wild goose chase?"

Sam sighed and he looked down.

"For Dean..." He trailed off.

"He's all I've got and... and it kills me to to see what he's becoming and he doesn't even realize it. I want my brother back. He wasn't always like this." He continued and you tilted your head.

"What was he like before the mark?" You asked.

"Well, I mean he's always had that anger in him. Both of us had been hunting out entire lives, we've lost so many people and a part of Dean's anger comes from the fact that we've lost so many people." Sam began describing his brother.

"But beyond that, he always tried his best to do the right thing, even if it wasn't the right way. He would at least listen to reason if something was being done the wrong way. He's always had a sense of humor about him. Sarcastic as hell. When we were younger we would even play harmless pranks on each other once in a while to break up the monotony of the dreariness hunting brings. He really does have a big heart, or at least he used to."

"He was someone I was able to look up to, whether he knows it or not. We may not always see eye to eye and we may have wanted different things but... Dean had always been there for me. When I was a kid and our dad finally let me start to hunt, Dean was always there to mend my scratches. He'd always tell me as a kid how important it was to never lose hope, to never give up even when things are at it's darkest. So that's why I can't lose hope on Dean. I know the big brother I used to know is still there somewhere. The mark is just burying it deep down with anger and whatever makes him want to kill everything he comes across."

You listened and you could hear in his voice how much Sam seemed to admire the brother he used to know. These two brothers only grew more and more interesting to you and you wondered if that was why Castiel hung around them. Even chose them over his own people.

"Y/N... I think it would be best if you could hold onto the blade for a while... After all, you know about its effects and maybe once Dean has a better hold of everything, maybe you could give it back to him then so he can kill Metatron. Maybe sneak it away from Dean somehow and hide it somewhere. We still don't have leads on Metatron but we can't afford him using it on a whim like he did today."

One of your brows arched upward. You hadn't expected for Sam to outright tell you to take the blade back. You've thought about taking it anyway, but even that could be a dangerous thing.

While you guys were talking, there was some sort of alarm going off in your mind, you sensed a different presence and didn't think you four were the only one here and you thought you heard some kind of door open.

You and Sam rushed back to meet the others but there stood an angel you didn't recognize. Not that you knew very many to begin with.

Dean saw Gadreel and he was already on the verge of seeing nothing but red. He was the man that killed Kevin. He possessed Sam for the longest time. Now was the worst time for him to come waltzing into the bunker.

"I mean no harm." Gadreel began.

"I've thought about what you said, and you're right." He continued but it was clear that everyone in the bunker was on their guard.

"Metatron is.. Something must be done. I can give him to you, I know where he is." He said

"The bombers? Those were his agents, not yours." He said as he looked at Castiel. "I understand if you don't trust me, and I understand. But we have all made mistakes. I know I have made many. But please, give me a chance."

Dean was still so unsure about this and he honestly wasn't sure if they should take this chance. If Gadreel thought about double crossing them then...

Well, Dean walked over and offered Gadreel his hand to shake. But instead of this handshake being one that stood for an alliance, Dean pulled the First Blade from behind his back again and slashed Gadreel in the chest.

Your eyes widened when you saw Sam and Dean holding Dean back and you could tell that Dean was so far from done when it came to this specific angel.

Castiel resorted to placing two fingers on Dean's temple and making him fall asleep for a moment while they tend to Gadreel.

You were finding out quickly that these boys couldn't stay out of trouble for long....

You looked at Sam for a moment and you could now see why he was concerned.

"I don't think taking the blade from Dean will be easy. Or even if it's a good idea at this point..." You said.

Thank you so much for reading!!! Part 6 is already in production and I'm hoping to get it out as soon as possible within the next few days! From the bottom of my heart I thank you guys so much for reblogging and liking the posts for this story.❤️

I want to give a special thanks to @roseblue373 and @deans-spinster-witch for the feedback in practically every chapter so far, it really means a lot and it truly puts a smile on my face when I see your usernames in my notifications. So thank you so incredibly much! 💕💖

Tag List:

@roseblue373 @deans-spinster-witch @johannelis2302nely @justtrying2getby-blog @alternativeprincess94 @doctorlexilouwhosblog

[scoobydoodean]

There is a bunch of drama that I've never seen you involved in but occasionally I will come to this account if I want a good opinion on some of the more widespread drama. Also because I know one of your anons will probably have asked about it. I like how you back up your answers with citations, because even if I disagree with your interpretation it means I can always understand where you're coming from. Whereas a lot of spn blogs will just say what they like and I'm not always convinced they actually remember what happened in the show.

This will sound like a weird response, but thank you for understanding that what I do here is literally just writing down my interpretation. Some people apparently fucking hate that I cite things because they see it as pretentious and arrogant and like I’m insisting there’s only one way to interpret every single thing. I just rarely use qualifiers like “I think” and etc. I am not out here demanding that everyone cite every little thing. I am literally just writing my opinions and why I have them and my usual jam is thinking of a bunch of scenes and citing them because that’s just where my mind goes and I have a severe spn hyperfixation and The Scenes are swirling around. And apparently some people vibe with it. There are other ways to do great analysis. One of my beloved mutuals (sadly not on Tumblr anymore) wrote thee most beautiful spn posts that were rarely cited. I do think our interpretations need to be grounded in what we saw and not entirely based on things that never happened, but they don’t have to be cited by episode number or gifset links to accomplish that. It’s just how I do things usually and some people are like me and they like it or it helps jog their memory and I like that we can all have fun together spn blogging. Anyway xoxox <3

[charmac]

I really liked your answer to that last anon! I just got into this fandom (and macden) and it's the first one I've been in many years. I was still a teen when I was kinda obsessed with shows like spn and bbc sherlock, and after those I just can't help but think that I'm once again just reading too much into the choices of the writers etc :/ like I want to believe my own eyes but I'm afraid to lol

What you have to try to remember (and constantly remind yourself) is that Sunny isn't like any other show, it's not Supernatural relying solely on Network demos to stay alive, and thus constantly feeding into bait to draw views, it's not a writers room completely removed from the actors.

The heart and soul of the show is completely, from the ground up, Rob, Charlie, and Glenn, in almost complete control. So when you see things the actors do in the show and you think "ugh I'm reading into this just like Destiel, those looks mean nothing, this is just the actors playing it up for..." For what? They've been renewed through 18, they don't even really rely on bringing in a large audience, it's FXX. They make this show for themselves, the audience is just a bonus.

Shows like Supernatural have teams that are often separate, so when something is written it might not be acted as the writers intended, which might not be edited as the actors and writers intended, which is all overseen by the Creator(s) and Producer(s), who have different visions and intentions for their show, which is heavily guided by what The Network allows/approved and believes will bring in views. So what you see in Credits is like any 'normal' show: Created by X, Produced by Y, Written by Z, Top billed cast: A, B, C. What happens with long-running shows like Supernatural, is that all the players develop different ideas and attachments over time, so you'll end up seeing the actors play their characters (and thus relationships) in a way that's a little different from the writers writing it and what the creator(s) want and what ends up in post is some conglomeration of all of these ideas, then pushed out a certain way by The Network to hold their demo and draw views. So you "read into" what you're seeing, it's very much there in many forms, but it's being chopped at the throat and comes out disjointed. Because XYZ ABC all have different ideas and attachments and visions from each other and they have enough sway based on long-standing to (kinda) have their voice heard. You're not reading into something that doesn't exist, you're reading into something that exists but is being butchered and warped by conflicting visions and power. (Just Misha Collins opening his mouth post-SPN Finale is perfect proof of this, lol)

Now look at Sunny, it's not that. Episodes like Bowling are really great examples: you look at the credits and it's: Produced by Rob, Charlie, Glenn; Developed by Rob and Glenn; Created by Rob; Written by Rob, Charlie, Glenn; Top billed actors: Rob, Charlie, and Glenn. So what you're immediately affirmed is that there's very little disjoint even possible. And, not even credited, we know Charlie and Rob were heavily involved in editing and post production (per TASP, Glenn was in Hawaii when they did post on Bowling). So what you're seeing is ALL deliberate, as intended. They are acting out the script exactly as it was written because, they wrote it. And then it's edited exactly how they want it to be because, it's their show and they sat there in the editing room. The final product isn't some conglomeration of different teams with different intentions, it's RCG from breaking the idea in a writers room to approving the final cut of the episode. There's no conflict, your eyes are telling you exactly what the intention of every moment is.

(And per the Meg Ganz Argument: she was quite literally a fan of the show, hardcore Macdennis shipper when they brought her on in 12. Post filming Season 14, she was still tweeting about shipping them. You don't work as an EP, in the writers room, and as a director for a show for three full seasons (ONE BEING TWELVE) and walk away from S14 still hardcore pushing your ship if there wasn't way more going on behind the scenes than we even know.)

Welcome to Sunnyblr! Believe your eyes, trust the structure, appreciate the hints, knowing it's all very deliberate, and be certain RCG(M) know what they're doing, and definitely enjoy driving us mad with it all. We're in it for the long haul, there's just always so much preamble :)

[eisforeidolon]

Hey there, I hope you don't mind me dropping in here on a topic from a few days ago and harping on about it (I'm not very well-versed on ask boxes so I'm a bit unsure of the etiquette. If I commit a major faux-pas, forgive me). Apologies if this ends up a little long and a lot sarcastic - I have opinions about this. It's given me a fair bit of grief over the years.

Y'know, I see these 'abusive Dean' takes float across my dash a fair bit (apparently not being into Destiel or Wincest means I must be a Bitter Sam-girl instead and hate Dean, according to Tumblr). The oh-so-delightful 'abusive husband Dean and beaten wife Sam' takes. People calling Sam 'beaten wife coded' in general. One based on a grand total of two instances where he flinched cause Dean made a loud violent noise near him (who the hell wouldn't, you don't need to be 'beaten wife coded' to flinch when someone chucks a chair at a wall, it's almost like Sam has some kind of trauma about various other things and might be generally jumpy...). Or taking the end of S10 out of context and choosing to forget that Dean was nearly fully taken over by a mark of fratricide (which he still managed to overcome, they conveniently fail to mention that). And I just... ugh.

What I never understood about these takes is like... why? There's trying to paint your fave in a good light and a character you hate in a bad one, but then there's making the heart and soul of the show itself into something so ugly it ruins it for other people, like your Anon, and honestly this happened to me too a while ago before I forced myself to stop listening to the greater fandom and find a few I trusted (like you). Even still, it gets all up in my head sometimes. Why are these people finding such glee in making the central relationship so awful? What are you getting out of this show if you think that about it?

Like, imagine looking at the finale through this lens. Congratulations, you turned something sad but ultimately bittersweet into something horrible, the 'beaten wife' dedicating the rest of their life to their 'abuser' then being forced to be with them for eternity, and this is portrayed as a good thing. Why would you ever want to view it that way? Plus, it's rather forced if you take it as a whole - the few times Sam stood there looking contrite while Dean did something stupid pale in comparison to the number of times he calls him out on it, even in the later seasons (14x12 Prophet and Loss, anyone? 15x17 Unity?).

I guess people can take from media what they want, it's obviously not my place to police people's enjoyment, but I just never got the appeal. It seems so counter to what the show was clearly actually trying to do, yet they tout it as fact (now where have I seen that before). Like it's somehow a bad thing to enjoy the show on its own terms. Coming across these takes still kinda bums me out. This goes for people insisting it's the other way around too - I can't stand any brother vs. brother stuff either, it's never anything but bad faith, and honestly kinda misses the point. Some of these people boggle my mind with their lack of empathy.

If there's one thing this fandom is good for, it's honing your ability to roll your eyes and move along. It's full of so much absolute batshit insanity that you'll never survive if you listen to every take. Trust me, I've tried. Do you know which tags to block to avoid this kinda stuff? Cause I never seem to be able to.

Sorry if this was a bit of a rant dump, heh. I'm usually a chronic lurker, but this discourse in particular bothers me immensely.

You're absolutely fine, I mind neither bringing up previous topics nor excessive length (be a bit of a hypocrite if I did, tbh). And yeah, it's one of my least favorite SPN fandom discourses, too.

It does feel like it's pretty hard to find any corner of the fandom where you won't at least occasionally see one side or the other's worst faith not!fave-brother-is-terrible takes. And oh, do I hate the 'beaten wife Sam' half of the 'Dean is an abuser' discourse equation just as much. Like, supposedly they like Sam, so why on earth would they want to pretend this stubborn competent badass of a character is actually a helpless pathetic marshmallow?! Same with Dean on the opposite side of the fandom - it's not just the character they're constantly maligning I can't recognize, the character they "like" similarly bears very little resemblance to the one I'm a fan of!

So far as I can tell, some people just desperately need their favorite character to be the best one who is always in the right. Whether it's over-identification or what, I don't know. They seem to think they achieve it by reframing large portions of the canon as justifying, unfairly attacking, or insulting that character as necessary. Except they don't see how from the outside it very often looks entirely absurd, regardless of if they're doing it in favor of Sam, Dean, or Castiel. Which is not to say there aren't parts of canon which treat all of those characters ridiculously in one way or another? But it's the total fixation on it only being the case with their favorite character in every possible situation where it gets weird.

Every great once in a while, I do manage to come across a take that really annoys me. But for the most part? The extreme ones are just so absurd, so divorced from what anyone even vaguely trying to understand the other characters' motivations and what the show quite obviously intended? I just can't take it at all seriously. Especially when they (as they so often do) get canon details wrong or pointedly "forget" all the canon points that blatantly don't fit their narrative.

Unfortunately, like with a certain ship, when it comes to tagging? You're kind of at the mercy of the self-awareness of the poster about how much other people may not want to see their hot takes.

[shallowseeker]

srry for the giant wall of rambles I got too thinky bc I was chopping apples and having a suspiciously nice day

do you think cas actually likes bees or if its a fandom trait based on Crazy!Cas who liked bees because of the hivemind resembling heaven?

also i imagine heaven and angels like parasitic creatures while hell is leeches/fungi/deep sea type scavengers

You're apologizing to ME about giant walls? Now, that is a little funny.

BEES & THE QUEST FOR MEANING I've gone back and forth on the bees, but mostly I think it's harmless, and I've made peace with the fact that I'm just not that into it.

Over time I've landed on putting the bees in a more biblical/theological space and leaving them there. I don't even think Cas liked them so much as he was desperately checking out of life and struggling to find meaning in a universe that felt monotonous and horrific -> the wars and sex and the unhappy dogs that can only think in ovals.

Because of his shame and depression, Cas could find no meaning or joy in the rat-race of life. He wants to be a non-participant because, “I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again.”

Here, I view Cas as Ecclesiastes. He was despairing over meaninglessness and the useless "striving of wind." I do think it was a motif that was 100% on purpose, too, because war, work, and career dealings are accompanied by fans, windmills, and industrial stirrings a lot in SPN!

It's very cool. It even appears in The Winchesters companion series, when Mary is facing her childhood!

//

Other Cas Things Interest Me More

Anyway, Cas and bees. Cas doesn't ever really return to them again after he moves past his struggle with his season 7 nihilism/meaninglessness. He seems more enamored with trash TV than bees. "I missed television," is the very first thing he says after getting out of Purgatory, lol.

He doesn't seem like much of an environmentalist either and seems perfectly willing to hand-slaughter pigs and eat shitty food. (To me, Lucifer seems like more of the environmentalist or even AU Zachariah from season 13's Good Intentions.) Or even Cain!

I think in later seasons, Cas seems vaguely aware of and attempting to be appreciative of the fleetingness of the time he has with his human family.

We see this theme in Naomi's words sometime in season 14 (I think?):

NAOMI: "Everything ends, Castiel."

We see it again in Cas’s words to Jack in season 14’s Ouroboros:

CAS: "The point is that they were here at all and you got to know them, you. When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them."

He also, unlike characters like Sam, seems to not get too hung up on agonizing over moral relativism -> judging from his words to Claire in season 10's The Things We Left Behind:

CAS: "Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst."

And then, there's also his words to Apocalypse-World Cas, "We're the same," & "Yes, we are."

My point is, Cas seems to have made peace with and understands that morality is relative to where your allegiances lie, and he seems good with preferring his allyship to humans.

He also seems to be more focused on the here and now rather than preserving the future indefinitely, which in my mind, goes with bees-as-work and bees-as-future.

You could argue that Jack changes that for him in 12x19 The Future, but I’m not sure… It still seems pretty family- and legacy-focused.

///

HEAVEN AS HIVEMIND This is another area where I really break from the fandom.

I don't view Heaven as a hivemind so much as I view it as a police state/military power, or else I don't think it would be structured the way it is. It's got this rigid party propganada, "We're heartless. Only humans feel emotions and true joy." I view it more as a surveillance state.

On the whole, I think Angelicity deals with the motif of epic, professional repression. On a lower level of existence, I'm reminded of the studies where men say they don't feel emotions but test as having them in equal or more intense measure when you measure psychological arousal and adrenal stress. I view Angelicity as a narrative exaggeration of traditional, brutal, stoic masculinity— a higher, Heavenly masculinity carried to its extreme.

It's got insanely brutal, inhumane emotional expectations. Grace, as my lovely father pointed out, looks a lot like traditional view on virility; it’s powerful and heals all sorts of emotional and physical ailments, but it’s finite and prone to performance issues.

//

In the show, practically every angel we see onscreen rebels, and angels are a huge motif for ongoing Civil War -> "brother against brother."

Despite what Lucifer and Cas and Naomi say, most angels are shown to have their own ideas, and on the whole, are shown to be reckless, angry, wrathful, impulsive, incredibly petty, and emotionally volatile.

I think what tends to happen is people hear the party line about heartlessness and obedience, and that clouds them from what the series actually shows us again and again: angels rebelling left and right and being brutally beaten down and lobotomized for it. (The lobotomies don’t even work all the way!)

Angels have constant, ongoing Civil War because they disagree with each other, even when there's only a handful of them left (Ex: Dumah Vs. Naomi in season 14).

Cas is not unique. That's the tragedy of authoritarianism. He only THINKS he is.

Cas's tendency to think of himself as unique and to think of his dealings with other angels as being "like teaching poetry to fish," is why he reaches for tyrannical god power in the first place. He thinks that, because they don't agree with him, they somehow don't have free will. Which is… kind of a flawed premise.

It's very complicated...but I think the reality is that until recently, Cas was right there with them, beaten down and hammered into shape. Hell, roll back a few years, and he'd have slaughtered himself alongside the others.

//

I think back to Anna's insistence that angels can't feel and are heartless, which is itself contradictory because Anna wouldn't have fallen in the first place if she had been emotionless to start with.

I prefer that she fell to be "allowed" to experience the emotions she probably already had…and had brutally repressed over eons of military dissociation and totalitarian training.

//

Being a soldier wears on you:

We see that, the longer Dean is a soldier, the more he too begins to lose sight of what is right or wrong. Season 15 Dean is so distraught and lost that he vaguely resembles season 4 soldier!Cas.

CAS: "I don't know what's right or wrong, or if you passed or failed here."

//

I LIKE YOUR COOL IDEA!

i imagine heaven and angels like parasitic creatures while hell is leeches/fungi/deep sea type scavengers

Deep sea creatures and fungi are wicked cool. See, you have ideas! You should just write them. I'd read that. Deep sea creatures would make excellent demons too, what with the whole "absence of light" and being down deep and all.

There's something horrific about being alive on all levels, isn't there? We all have to consume something to keep going. One of my fave religious essays is called The Horror of Eating, and it posits that Gods are so scary to us because we naturally put them above us, with us as the food/sacrifice to them. Brrr. This is why the sacrifice motif appears so often.

I guess...as humans, we empathize and humanize our food sources, which is a big part of our incredible neuroses...

[liminal-zone]

fanfic round up 2023

(2021, 2022)

LIST OF FANWORKS

Posted

Crave (LOTR | haladriel | tentacles and rings of power | rated E)

somewhere in the haze (LOTR | Celeborn/Sauron | mutual stockholm syndrome | rated M)

taking me with your song (The Little Mermaid (2023) | Ariel/Eric, Ariel/Ursula | tentacles and possession and mindfuckery | rated E)

can't escape the ghost of you (The 100 | clexa, clarke/the judge | being fucked by the divine wearing the face of your dead lover is better than therapy | rated M)

Eating fire (SPN | Claire Novak | the girl who was castiel grieves for her fathers | rated T)

Bound (SPN | megstiel | a demon and her angel | rated NR)

uncharted territory (Supergirl | supercorp | the dangers of being hated by a luthor | rated M) (technically, just chapter 4 counts for 2023)

nothing can go wrong when you're in love (Nimona (2023) | Nimona/Gloreth | when your boss’ boyfriend looks like your ex, ugh! | rated Gen)

through a father’s eyes (Narnia | King Lune | dads gotta dad | rated Gen)

atomic blonde (Narnia, LOTR | Susan/Eowyn | it’s not the first time a power beyond understanding ripped Susan away from her home to fight in another world’s war | rated M)

Beware how you give your heart (LOTR | haladriel | a fourth age haunting | rated M) (a wip!!)

a little touch in the night (LOTR | haladriel | a love letter in tiny bites | rated T)

+three yuletide offerings to be revealed in January!

WIPS

MCU: the king and queen of Asgard wrt Valkyrie/Carol Danvers

MCU: the final conclusion of my winterbaron sugar daddy fic

LOTR: Doriath trash party wrt Melian/Galadriel

LOTR: “Sauron becomes a tree”

LOTR: dark Galadriel/Samwise and their garden of the world

LOTR: healing generational trauma with fourth age Arwen and her peepaw

The Matrix: Trinity and Smith as mirrors

Good Omens: Crowley haunted by his angel

Star Wars: A really scandalous dinluke sex pollen

Total number of completed works/fandoms written in: fifteen completed works in 2023 for a total of just over 32k words; six LOTR, two SPN, two Narnia, the rest sundry & various.

OVERALL THOUGHTS: ::taps the top of this car:: you can put so much monsterfucking in this bad boy, jfc.

PERSONAL FAVORITE: Getting unblocked by the most unlikeliest of sources and FINISHING MY SUPERCORP HATESEX. uncharted territory finished FIVE YEARS LATER. This has been a weight on my shoulders for years; I always knew it ended with a sadistic Lex Luthor torturing Kara (oop), but it was time passing and The Flash (2023) that got me where I needed to be to get that banged out. I’m really really pleased how that ended, and that I actually can finish a WIP.

MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED: Bound is really exceptional. It was part of my WIP amnesty week, and a revisitation and remix of a meg masters fic I wrote in 2013 after I had a terrible life-altering accident. My favorite 2023 additions are how she can only speak in the language of Sodom at the end. It’s not a GREAT fic, but I really love Meg and I love Meg & Castiel.

MOST POPULAR: Definitely Nimona (nothing can go wrong when you're in love) with 1,200+ kudos. Y’all, the teen/gen fic in younger fandoms hits hard. OOPS. re: my deeply funny stats for the little mermaid tentacles fic with over 3k hits and 86 kudos. AHAHHAHAH. welp.

STORY WITH THE SEXIEST MOMENT: OKAY, so this is sexy specific to me: in Crave, Galadriel taunts Sauron about how he has to fuck Ar-Pharazôn (a mini love letter to my beloved 5ummit!) and this, to me, is everything: “And you’ll never enjoy Ar-Pharazôn’s little prick again,” she says, drinking in the horror of his recent memories, a soured scheme. “Your play at feigned pleasure in service to a base creature will be ash in your mouth now. You will only think of the taste of my cunt with his cock shoved in your whore mouth.” The crass words burn on her lips but she can sense how he trembles, even in this form. “You’ll hunger for the taste of me. And when he’s dead, when you’ve sucked the miserable mortal life out of him, you’ll never take a lover again for the rest of your unnatural life,” she says. “You know where your dick should be sheathed. In me and no where else.”

MOST FUN STORY TO WRITE: Okay, I traveled for work a LOT this year and one night I was feeling down and angry about the world and asked on twitter that for every like, I’d write a soft haladriel headcanon and by the end of the night, i had the bulk of a little touch in the night and I was such a happy delighted lil soul. Such a highlight of the year.

HARDEST: A tie between Crave, which was writing on hard mode since I’m violently anti dominant Sauron (oop), and uncharted territory since I had been blocked for years.

BIGGEST SURPRISE: The delicious lush connection of Celeborn/Sauron in somewhere in the haze that STARTED AS A JOKE and now I’m full rarepair conspiracy theory into it.

DID YOU TAKE ANY RISKS IN WRITING THIS YEAR? Posting SPN in 2023, lol what was that. And neither of them explicitly destiel. Girl. Both tanked but I love those two fics.

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TELLING STORY: Okay, one of my yuletides this year is really too close to something I’m working through in therapy. Oop.

FAVORITE LINES/SCENES: Okay literally everything in atomic blonde, that fic is nonstop bangers imho. I love this especially:

“Ah, there it is,” he replies. Stops, and turns to look into her eyes. To drink in her fury. “This isn’t your world, Daughter of Eve. Take your cursed horn and your beautiful face and take the little shieldmaiden too for all I care and leave Middle Earth to me. Grow old and find joy in women’s work.” He blinks, nonsense words emerging out of him: “In Christian Dior dresses and Chanel lipstick, in Italian leather handbags and silk nylons, in handsome British officers and those American boys who offer more than kisses, in the rumble of a Jaguar and the cries of healthy babies who do not fear war. Live and die on an island far, far away.” He blinks again. “I do not want you here.”

MY FAVE PART OF FANDOM IN 2023: Repeatedly saying “you hear me, baby? hold together” at the haladriel fandom like Han Solo does to the Millennium Falcon and we did! We made it another year!!! Let’s go, 2024!!!! (YOU HEAR ME, BABY. HOLD TOGETHER.)

2024 WRITING AMBITIONS: same as last year’s: Write more steadily and consistently. Get back into the drabble mode. Make time, take time, just do it. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, it just has to be creating something. The joy of creation is like nothing else. Chase that high.

2024 FICS ON THE IMMEDIATE HORIZON: Jan 1 - htp trash fic exchange Feb 3 - rffa exchange March - haladriel exchange!

[omegaverse-guide]

Omegaverse 101

So you've encountered the term for the first time - maybe you're 12 or very offline, or you've heard it before but heeded someone's advice to not look it up - either way, you're here, wondering. What is omegaverse, or alpha/beta/omega dynamics, as AO3 puts it? Here's a brief overview for you!

What is the omegaverse?

It's a trope mostly used in fanfiction, that has been spreading into published fiction, manga, and recently even into anime and tv shows. It can appear confusing to outsiders, since there is no unifying canon a/b/o authors draw from, and the details vary wildly between each story. The core is simple: On top of your gender, which is still identified at birth and works the same as it does in real life, you're also assigned to be an alpha, beta, or omega, though this tends to happen later in life, usually around when puberty happens. Whether you're male, female, intersex, non-binary, or any other sex/gender does not determine what you present as.

Alphas can sire children, even if they're afab. They tend to be seen as aggressive, competitive, and natural leaders. Whatever you associate with stereotypical, hypermasculine behaviour in the real world, that's now associated with alphas. They can go into ruts, a period of time where they get extremely horny and often aggressive/protective, and they may or may not be able to control themselves during that time. They generally have big dicks, though exact measurements are rarely given. Those dicks can swell at the base during sex, to lock them and their partner together for a while, which is called knotting.

Betas are essentially just baseline humans. They can have sex and feel horny, but only in the same way a real human can. Sometimes they're infertile, but other times they reproduce the same way actual humans do. Storys are rarely about betas, but they tend to be seen as rational and calm, good to have around to diffuse whatever the alphas and omegas have going on.

Omegas can bear children, even if they're amab. They're generally seen as submissive, caring, and weak. Women, basically, just more exaggerated. They periodically go into heat, which makes them horny and extremely appealing/irresistable to alphas in their vicinity. This is also the time period where they're fertile. Male omegas tend to have small dicks. Sometimes they have a pussy on top of that, other times their asshole self-lubricates and is connected to their uterus, whichever the author prefers.

How did we get here?

The terms originate from behavioural studies of wolves, and so does some of the biology (yes, wolves do have knots. in real life. if you didn't heed the warning to not look up omegaverse, at least heed mine not to look up wolf dicks. or any other animal dicks). Parts of the trope are pretty old - what's a heat if not a Pon Farr (Star Trek) for werewolves? Then, in 2010, a request was posted to the supernatural kink meme, requesting J2 smut with what became the basic tenets of the trope. It fit the already popular werewolf fic in the massive spn fandom, and spread like wildfire in just a few years far beyond spn or werewolves, and here we are.

Notes

Almost all omegaverse is m/m. Het omegaverse has found success (and a lawsuit) in original books, though I can say I haven't read any. The only het omegaverse I've ever read was fic with a female alpha and male omega, so don't ask me about this. Rare brave fans do write f/f omegaverse, and they have all my respect and gratitude. However, they're the exception, so for the purpose of this and any further discussion on this blog, please assume all parties are male unless specified otherwise.

Omegaverse can be abbreviated as A/B/O, or A/O if you don't have/don't care about betas. Some people simply use abo without the slashes, but abo is also a slur for aboriginal people in australia, so proceed with caution if you insist on using it.

There is NO one true way to write an omegaverse story. Nobody has the copyright to it. People will expect some of the above framework if you classify your fic as omegaverse, but you can do whatever you want forever. If you've read published manga, many of them share an explanation graphic that gives some base rules, but you don't need to stick to those, nor should you expect others to. It's a wild west out here. Write and read stories that do the trope how you like it, and don't read the rest. It's that easy.

[dotthings]

Ohhhh it's time to have a conversation about season 6 and unreliable narrators. Something, in general, that's an important theme on spn throughout the series.

In 6.06 people are cursed to speak the truth. But some of those outbursts aren't confessions of things they are guilty of, they are truths based on what they believe, what they fear, what their perceptions told them, they are not objective truths. Audience knows more than the characters do.

For example, Lisa's "truths" to Dean while she's under Veritas' spell:

LISA You've got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out? Just, what, drink half a fifth a night and you're good? DEAN You knew what you signed up for. LISA Yeah. But I didn't expect Sam to come back. And I'm glad he's okay. I am. But the minute he walked through that door, I knew. It was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen. And as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy. That came out so much harsher than I meant.

Both of Lisa's speeches there get taken by some to be raw, objective truths. But they aren't. There's a grain of truth. Dean does have all kinds of PTSD and a drinking problem, and Dean and Sam do have some dysfunctional and codependent issues. But Lisa hasn't hit on the deepest truths or the whole truths and she's speaking out of fear. There's things in Lisa's speech that aren't The Truth.

Why did Dean shove Ben? Because Dean was a vampire at the time and he was protecting Ben from himself. Dean's PTSD, his angry grieving, his drinking, that isn't why he shoved a child who is like a son to him. Lisa's scared of Dean now, and believes Dean is something he's not, because Dean didn't tell her the truth, he didn't tell her he was turned into a vampire.

This speech of Lisa's is often taken as proof that Dean and Sam only need each other and that Dean is incapable of maintaining other relationships and that's not canon. It's not what canon is saying. Canon is about the tragic irony that Dean believes it's the truth but it's not. It's also not The Truth that Dean can never be happy with Sam or find fulfillment inside his hunting life. Lisa's greatly catastrophizing everything, which is understandable. She's a mom protecting her child, the guy she loves is acting weird, I would kick him out too.

And look at the tests being put on Dean and Lisa's relationship--Dean turned into a vampire. Sam being soulless. Yeah, it's the life, mostly it's the life and there is a thing there about the difficulties of a long-term relationship with a civilian who can't process that level of horror and how screwed up things can get, and yet Lisa has handled everything with equanimity. What derailed it is Dean didn't tell her the truth. How would all this have gone if Dean hadn't been turned into a vampire, and if Sam had returned whole?

Lisa would rather know it wasn't really Dean, that Dean is so strong he was fighting off the vampire bloodlust, and he would never hurt Ben. Even has a vampire. He pushed Ben away to protect Ben.

That is The Truth. Not that Dean is such a mess he can't function or that he's dangerous.

And not that Dean doesn't want a relationship, a home. He wants both--he wants to hunt. He also has other things he wants. It doesn't have to be a white picket fence life, but Lisa and Ben represent Dean having a significant other and a child, and he and Lisa have a go at trying to let Dean have both.

Now let's look at Dean's "truths" that he spills to Veritas. (I'm bolding a few things in particular)

VERITAS Hey, Dean, I'm curious. What do you really feel about your brother? DEAN Better now. As of yesterday, I wanted to kill him in his sleep. DEAN I thought he was a monster. But now I think... VERITAS Now you think what? DEAN He's just acting like me. VERITAS What do you mean? DEAN It's the gig. DEAN You're covered in blood until you're covered in your own blood. Half the time, you're about to die. Like right now. I told myself I wanted out... that I wanted a family. VERITAS But you were lying. DEAN No. But what I'm good at... is slicing throats. I ain't a father. I'm a killer. And there's no changing that. I know that now.

As with Lisa, these are not lies. This is what Dean believes, based on fear, they are not objective truths and we know these are not objective truths about Dean, we know this is Dean's self perception. And Dean's belief that he is only good for killing is a series long arc.

There are actual truths mixed in with the self-perception. What Dean confesses to Veritas is that he really does want to be with Lisa and Ben, that this wasn't a lie, it's sincere, but now he realizes he can't because he's a monster, he's a killer, that's all he is so he can't be near these kind people who love him.

Dean's self perception is that he's just like soulless Sam.

Yet what have we been seeing on screen in S6? Dean's caring like a beacon. Dean as the warm center caught in a web of other people's lies and ruthlessness. Dean's caring, Dean's heart, Dean's multiple facets. Soulless Sam mimicking Dean to pass as compassionate.

Yet Dean thinks he's the monster and that Soulless Sam is a mirror of himself.

What are Dean's innermost fears? That he's nothing but the kill. That his only purpose in life to have blood on his hands and slay monsters and he has no other worth and he can't have anything else.

Those are based in fear and his self-perception. They are not Truths.

Lisa's speech. Dean's words to Veritas. These are not proof of what some people think they're proof of.

That is the tragedy of Dean, that Dean is so many things, audience (at least, the perceptive part of audience) can see it, and Dean can't. Dean can't see his own heart. Dean can't see his own capabilities. Dean can't see all the things he is. To himself, he is nothing but a killer who acts like someone without a soul.

[fandom-hoarder]

Considering OP is yelling at ppl to leave them alone when questioned on specifics because a post that says “the grooming in spn fandom is insane” (specifically Wincest) was “not a callout” and only “a legitimate safety concern” about “a space is known for well you know”, they are not worth the time. They also reacted very rudely to an anon who only wanted to apologize for following them (thinking that OP was anti Wincest and trying to respect OP’s boundaries). Just not worth it.

[I held onto this in my drafts for a day, but I think I'm just gonna publish it after all. Even though v did a much better job of addressing the op directly, imo, I'm not interacting with the op. I'm also going to gather screenshots in a posterity post, but it will likely be unrebloggable.]

Hmm, I debated publishing this ask, because I'm really just. So tired. And annoyed. And it's not a great combination for tact. Nevertheless...

I haven't seen the yelling myself, just avoidance and redirection. Flippancy. But maybe it's happening in a space I can't see, or between people I've blocked, idk. If so, it sounds a lot like it IS January 2023 redux 🙃🙃🙃 -- I HAVE seen it now, and my suspicion still stands, though still not 100%.

People need to stop making such serious accusations when they refuse to back it up. Words fucking mean things. Saying a certain sector of the fandom--that ostensibly you're also a part of?--has a problem with grooming and is stupid...that was NOT worded in a way to help people stay safe. It was worded like a vague callout post to scare people. We've seen those before. 🙄

A post that was actually concerned about grooming in online spaces *in general* would list some things to be aware of, things to recognize, tips for getting out of a situation. But no, it's this vaguepost without anything specific, with the one question in the notes asking for an explanation or if it's sarcasm-- unanswered [eta: well maybe they responded and I can't see it, since I realized I had op blocked]-- and one reblog from a person who claims it wasn't about wincesties specifically, when it demonstrably WAS??

So who is doing it, and where/how? I don't necessarily think it's a good idea to make public posts with names that devolve into personal beef and worse, but if someone is making the accusation that there's a grooming problem in the fandom they need to come with receipts or at the very least descriptions of the situation??

This isn't cutesy. You know exactly what anon is talking about, as shown later. Reblogging the post unaltered gives at least the appearance of agreeing with it as written.

This isn't to make light of! You reblogged it.

This isn't helpful.

If there was no one specific, why reblog a post specifically about the wincest fandom having insaneeee grooming? It wasn't "just in general." It's not a joke, yet this reply looks entirely unserious.

I am too old to keep seeing this type of shit go through the fandom at regular intervals, especially when it's so often a false accusation based on interpersonal drama. The only purpose this serves is riling up the dash. It's exhausting, and waters down the gravity of the accusation by making it a phrase that cries wolf.

I'm not even saying outright that the post is a LIE; just that it has seriously similar markers of past drama that was approximately 90% unaddressed purity culture biases about fiction, 9% interpersonal beef, and 1% actual concern for a human being who was an adult, but young. And it led to the utter gutting of fandom, loss of acquaintances, deletion of a glut of fic-- all due to smearing the reputation of a writer by using horrible UNTRUE AND INCENDIARY ACCUSATIONS.

So I'm sure many of you already understand why I take umbrage with these types of posts! Who knows if it's about fiction or something real? 🤷‍♀️

And since there's no further context to be found, the way it LOOKS on the dash is that someone is taking creeper!Dean too seriously. It could be about something else, but who knows.

[zepskies]

hey!! this is for the supernatural ship exchange :)

* prefer male ships

* i'm a deeply empathetic person, i care a lot about others and sometimes i forget to care for myself because of it.

* I can be very silly, especially late at night. I like giving things voices, or petting every dog I see, or giving nose boops.

* on the flip side of my sensitive/kind nature, i can be very feisty. I’m also DEEPLY sarcastic

* i would consider myself a brave person. I don't struggle to have hard conversations with people (i don't like them but I'll do it),and I've stood up to every bully I've ever had

* i would consider myself a wise/intelligent person (i give good advice), resilient, but also easy going.

* INFJ | Pisces sun, cancer moon, libra rising, pisces Venus | Ravenclaw |

* In a partner, I look for someone who will support and listen to me. I also look for someone who is self sufficient (I can’t deal with laziness). Most importantly, they should be kind (i.e. If I’m ranting about things like sexism in a tv show, I want them to be able to understand why it’s important to me.)

* I’m the singer/guitarist in a rock band so music is very very important to me. I also love to draw and I read pretty much all the time. My ideal day is going to a coffee shop and then a bookstore. Which reminds me— I drink an obscene amount of coffee. I’m also a geek who does go to comic con (*boos are heard throughout the audience*)

Hey, lovely!! I’m very excited to dive into this for you. 💜

(For others’ context, we agreed to do a little ship exchange for SPN characters based on our personalities!)

I debated on this, but I kept coming back to one of our guys for you…

Sam Winchester

(More below the cut): ⤵️

Sam is also an INFJ: deeply a feeling type, introverted, intuitive, but also a very precise decision maker. Even though you two are the same personality type and have some hobbies in common, you still have plenty of differences to balance you out.

Sam would appreciate the fact that you're so deeply empathetic. Someone who cares about others is a very attractive quality to someone like him, who's very passionate himself, and has literally dedicated his life to saving people. And the fact that you take the time to truly listen to him is something he doesn't get very often (besides Dean).

He would also be very amused by your silly side, especially on late nights while researching for hunts, when you're both exhausted but trying to push through that invisible wall of tiredness. Maybe you'd take up funny ways to distract him from reading...

And maybe those funny distractions turn into fun distractions, where Sam may just have to clear off the table for you. 😏

Like you, Sam can also get a bit sarcastic at times. 😅 Sometimes you two might butt heads, all passive-aggressive like, but then he'll make it up to you with those earnest eyes of his, so you can talk out your issues more sincerely.

While Sam shares the quality of bravery, he would also see that and like that quality in you. He not only finds confidence attractive, but also someone who doesn't bend on her principles.

He respects the fact that you're so opinionated, and not only would he listen to your rants, but he would offer his own opinions respectfully, which could lead to some very deep and meaningful conversations between you. (Though he could also be a balancing force for you; if you have moments of getting a bit hot-headed, he'll figure out how to diffuse you. 😂)

He would find your career fascinating! He loves music himself (maybe not the same genres as Dean, but he does listen to rock music). He'd be very supportive, going to your concerts and sitting in the front row. Maybe he wouldn't be the most boisterous of fans, but he's certainly dedicated to you and your success. 💗

And as Dean so often teases him, Sam's a big nerd himself. He's probably never gone to Comic Con, but he's up for that experience with you, as long as you keep him close and help him navigate the cosplayers. (He has some experience with LARPing, so that's kind of close? 😂)

Sam would also love to go on bookstore dates with you. He'd take you to his favorite coffee shop (or yours), and he'd get coffee or tea depending on his mood. He might remind you every now and then that too much caffeine isn't all that good for you (but he really has no room to judge, so feel free to tease him about it 😂).

Then he'd browse the rows and rows of books with you -- whether it's a huge Barnes & Noble, an independent bookstore, or a second-hand thrift shop. He doesn't really care, as long as there's books (and you).

You two often find yourselves exploring the bunker's library together, wiping dust off of old books to see what little treasures you can find, whether it's a book you've read before, or something old and interesting you'd never find otherwise in this vast collection of knowledge.

You and Sam could snuggle up on the couch together and read in a companionable silence.

Sometimes his fingers brush up and down your arm absently, unintentionally distracting you. Or he smoothes your hair out of your face, or even sneaks a kiss or two. Moments like these are when he's his most content, and at peace.

Also, this man is by no means lazy. He may not be the best cook, but he has a "can-do" attitude to pretty much everything, and he's willing to figure it out with you and/or for you. If you need help, an encouraging word, support, or a listening ear, Sam can and will be your steady rock as a partner.

This was my first time ever writing a ship for someone, so I hope I did this justice for you @perseephoneee! I feel like I already know a lot more about you. 💕 And I'll be sending you my info shortly.~

[laf-outloud]

This is so true! I think any personality that we see is what's left over from playing Dean for so long. Otherwise, Jensen (without Dean) is very much a blank slate.

He also changes based on the role he just did, right down to his wardrobe. When he was Dean for years we saw him in more flannel and "Dean-style" outfits. When he was SB suddenly he's showing up at cons in Playboy t-shirts. With Beau he started wearing more sweaters and that style clothes.

And his behavior also changes based on who he's with at that moment. He's much more palatable with Jared. With MC he becomes a drunken jerk. With JDM he seems more cocky/arrogant (they wouldn't go to a tattoo shop unless they were recognized and got to jump the line? I wouldn't brag about that one boys..).

Hell, he doesn't even use his real voice most of the time! He adopted the Dean voice for SPN and just... never dropped it. People have even made comments about him in M&G's and being surprised about how high his real voice actually is.

I literally have no idea who Jensen is. I think "Dean-lite" is the closest we get to Jensen's actual personality (and he's even said as much at cons) but it's still a mystery. And no, I'm not saying we ever "know" celebs or that they owe us that, but branding-wise it makes it more difficult.

Oh, I hadn't even considered the clothing styles, but you're so right! It seems he's trying to portray himself as a character actor who can change with each role, and yet his off-screen persona and his onscreen acting still come through as a personality actor (i.e., Dean-lite - except in TW, strangely enough). Therefore, if Jensen can't even figure out his own brand, how are casting directors and producers supposed to figure it out?