#even if it was completely undeserved a lot of people would just have quit altogether but you kept going.

[strryskys]

STOPPP ITTTTT IM ACTUALLY ABOUT TO CRY

— To everyone I've had the pleasure of meeting here,

I just want to take a moment to say thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart. You’ve each been there in different ways, each of you bringing something unique and special into my life. Whether it’s a quick message that brightens my day, the way you listen and support me when things are rough, or the laughter we share that somehow makes everything a little easier—I’m so grateful for all of it, and for each of you.

You’ve all been a part of my life’s ups and downs, and I honestly can’t imagine getting through it all without your presence and support. Some of you have been there from the very beginning, steady and constant, while others have entered my life more recently, bringing new warmth and joy. Each one of you has touched my life in ways I can’t fully express, and I hope you know how deeply I value and appreciate you.

Thank you for being there, for being yourselves, and for allowing me to share a part of this journey with you. Whether we talk every day or just every so often, you mean more to me than words can say. Your kindness, patience, humor, and loyalty mean the world to me, and I’m so incredibly lucky to know you all.

Here’s to every laugh, every shared thought, every moment of support, and every memory we’ve made together. I’m beyond grateful, and I look forward to making even more memories with each of you. Thank you for being you—there’s truly no one else like you, and I’m so lucky to call you my friends.

With all my love and gratitude, always.

-Aly.

@starrveill :

Fawn,

Every conversation with you feels like stepping into a warm embrace—a burst of sunlight that seems to reach into even the cloudiest corners of my day. You have this incredible way of making everything feel lighter, brighter, and somehow more alive. I honestly can’t remember a single dull moment with you; every time we talk, it’s like a spark that adds so much more color and joy to life. You bring an energy that’s so rare and beautiful, and I’m so grateful for it.

Talking to you reminds me again and again just how special you are. There’s this light within you, something deeply genuine, and it’s impossible not to feel its warmth. I could spend hours with you, listening, laughing, sharing stories, and it would never be enough—I’d never tire of it because being around you is like breathing fresh air after being cooped up indoors for ages.

I love you in a way that’s beyond words, more deeply than anything I could ever fully express. If I could, I would take away every single one of your worries, anything that ever brings you down, just to see you at peace and filled with happiness. You deserve nothing less than boundless joy, endless laughter, and all the good things that life has to offer. And please know that, if there’s ever a way for me to make even a sliver of that come true, I’ll be here, always. You’re worth the world and so much more, and I’d do anything to see you smile.

@umgatochamadopercyval :

Clara,

Thank you so much for being such a steady presence in my life, even when we don’t talk as often as I’d like. I know I’m not always the easiest to keep up with, but you somehow manage to be patient and understanding in ways that mean so much to me.

Even in the times we’re apart, I always know I can count on you, and it’s such a comforting feeling. You put up with my quirks, my silences, and my scattered attempts to stay in touch, and I’m genuinely grateful for that. You’re one of those rare people who makes life feel a little easier, even from a distance. Thank you for being you, and for being there, no matter what.

@romaritimeharbor :

Aph,

Thank you so, so much for always listening to my silly ideas and endless rambles, for letting me share my thoughts and dreams with you, and for being so wonderfully patient through it all. It means the world to have someone as understanding as you, who genuinely listens and never makes me feel like I’m saying too much or being too much. You’re not only kind beyond measure, but you’re also such a genuinely amazing person in every single way—someone whose warmth, humor, and openness create this space where I can be completely myself.

Every time I see you on my dash, it’s like a little burst of joy, something that brightens my day without fail. You have this incredible way of bringing extra sunshine into everything you do, and it makes such a difference. Just knowing that someone as kind and wonderful as you is out there brings me so much comfort and happiness. You’re truly one of a kind, someone whose presence is a gift, and I’m so so grateful for you.

And on top of everything, you’re one of the most talented, creative people I know. The things you create are filled with this unique spark that only you could bring to them, and it’s inspiring to see. I hope you never lose that light, that beautiful spark in you that brings so much magic to your work and to everyone around you. Thank you for being you—for all the ways you make life a little bit better.

@kopivie :

Cinna,

You are absolutely amazing, and I mean that with everything in me. It’s hard to find the right words to capture just how much you mean to me, but I’ll try. You have this rare, incredible kindness and warmth that the world honestly doesn’t deserve. You give so much of yourself to others—more than most people will ever know—and you do it with such quiet grace, as though it’s just the most natural thing in the world. Even when life throws challenges your way, you somehow keep shining through it all, and it’s nothing short of inspiring.

It breaks my heart that the world hasn’t been nearly as kind to you as it should be. You deserve so much more—more happiness, more peace, more of the love and care you so freely give. The fact that you’ve had to face so much is a damn shame, because if anyone deserves the entire world, it’s you. The strength you have to keep going, to keep being this light for others, is something I admire deeply. And when things get tough, I just want you to know that I’ll be here, ready to tell the world to fuck off whenever it tries to dim your light.

Thank you for sticking with me through everything, for being such a constant, loyal friend. You’ve been there for me in ways I can’t even begin to describe, and that kind of friendship is something so rare and precious. Your presence in my life means more than I can say, and I’m beyond grateful to have you. You’re one in a million, a friend that anyone would be lucky to have, and I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, just as you’ve always been there for me.

You mean the world to me, and I hope you always remember how loved and appreciated you are.

@papiliotao :

Rei,

Even though we haven’t talked as much lately, you’re still so dear to me, more than words can capture. I honestly think of you as a sister—you have this warm, calming aura that just makes me feel safe, like everything’s going to be okay. Knowing you’re out there, even if we’re not talking every day, brings me so much comfort.

You’re so kind, and I can never be thankful enough for everything you’ve given just by being you. Thank you for being such a light in my life. You mean the world to me, and I hope you know that.

@kazumist :

Aki,

It’s been so long since we last talked, but I still think about how kind, funny, and incredibly talented you are. You’re honestly one of the sweetest people I know, and every memory of talking with you brings such a smile to my face. You have this amazing way of lighting up conversations and making people feel genuinely good.

I really hope we get the chance to talk more sometime, if we can both find the time! It would be amazing to catch up, and I just know it’d be just as fun and heartwarming as always.

@yaminohimeyume :

Yume,

We haven’t had the chance to talk as much lately, but I just want you to know how much you mean to me. You are, without a doubt, one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and the kindness you’ve shown me is something I’ll always cherish. Even in the smallest interactions, you have this way of making me feel understood, valued, and supported, and I can’t express how deeply that touches me. I hope you realize just how special you are and how much I genuinely appreciate every little thing you’ve done.

Thank you for being such a wonderful presence in my life—a constant source of warmth and light. Your kindness and sweetness are rare and beautiful, and I’m beyond grateful to have had even a small part of it.

@nordicbananas :

Shroom,

Thank you, truly, for being there for me in every way that matters, for standing by my side and offering your support, from the very beginning. Your kindness and warmth have been such an incredible gift, something I genuinely cherish and hold close to my heart. You've always been a constant source of comfort and encouragement, bringing light into even the darkest days, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

I feel so incredibly lucky to have someone like you in my life—someone who’s as caring, genuine, and thoughtful as you are. You’re one of the sweetest, most understanding people I know, and the way you’ve shown up for me time and time again is something I’ll never take for granted. You have this amazing ability to lift me up just when I need it most, and your presence has been a true blessing that I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for.

Your friendship means more to me than words could ever capture. Thank you for being there, for every conversation, every laugh, every moment of support. Having you in my life has been one of the greatest gifts, and I’m so so grateful for all the ways you’ve shown me your kindness.

@lexisism :

Alexis,

I can’t put into words just how much your kindness and warmth have impacted me. You’re one of the most genuinely compassionate people I know, and knowing you has made my life so much richer. Whether in moments of joy or times of challenge, you've always been there with an open heart and a gentle strength, supporting me through everything with such kindness and care. There are so many ways you've helped and encouraged me, and I don’t know what I would have done without you.

You’re also incredibly talented—everything you create shines with your unique touch, and it’s a privilege to witness the brilliance you bring to the world. Each piece of yours is a reminder of your creativity, your dedication, and just how extraordinary you are.

Talking to you, spending time with you—it lifts me up and reminds me of the beauty in simple moments. I feel so incredibly grateful to have someone like you in my life. Thank you for being such a radiant presence, for always showing me what it means to be truly kind, and for making the world feel like a brighter, better place.

@milk-violet :

Mirei,

You are honestly the sweetest person ever, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Talking to you is like a burst of sunshine—it feels effortless and fun, like the world just gets a little brighter whenever you’re around. You have this beautiful, bubbly energy that’s so contagious, and being around you always lifts my spirits in ways I didn’t even know I needed.

Every conversation we have, no matter the topic, is something I genuinely look forward to. You make everything so much more enjoyable, and I love that we can talk about anything and everything without missing a beat. You bring such a joy and warmth into my life, and I feel so lucky to know someone as incredible as you.

Thank you for being you, for every smile you bring, and for being such a wonderful presence in my life. You’re an absolute gem, and I’m beyond grateful for you.

@floraldresvi :

Vivi,

I don’t think I can express just how much you’ve meant to me this year. You’ve been one of the main reasons I could keep going, and I’m beyond grateful for all the kindness and support you’ve shown me. You’ve been so sweet and understanding, never once judging me—only ever encouraging me, lifting me up, and being there through everything. I truly don’t know what I would have done without you by my side.

You’re so, so talented, and it’s incredible to watch you shine. Seeing the things you create, and the way you put your heart into everything you do, is such an inspiration. And somehow, even on my roughest days, you have this magical way of cheering me up like no one else can. Just hearing from you makes everything feel a little easier, a little brighter.

Thank you for being the incredible person you are, for believing in me, and for being a constant source of light. I’m so grateful for you, and I hope you know just how much you mean to me.

@strxnged :

June,

You are honestly one of the kindest and most talented people I know. Every time we talk, I’m reminded of just how much I cherish our conversations. Even though we haven’t been able to talk as much over the past year, each conversation with you feels special, like I’m talking to someone who genuinely understands and cares. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

Your talent never fails to amaze me. The way you approach things with such passion and creativity is inspiring, and I feel so lucky to witness even a glimpse of it. You’re one of those rare people with a warmth and openness that makes it so easy to talk to you about anything, and every moment shared feels like a gift.

Thank you for being the incredible person you are. You bring so much kindness and beauty into the world, and I’m grateful for every chance I get to know you better.

@meimeimeirin :

Meirin,

I don’t think I can fully put into words just how much you mean to me. You are, without a doubt, one of the kindest souls I know. Your kindness is something rare, and it shines through in every interaction we have. Even though we haven’t been able to talk as often as I’d like lately, I think about you so often, and I just want you to know how much you’re appreciated.

You have this sweetness that makes talking to you feel like a breath of fresh air after a hard day, like a reminder that there are truly good people in the world. And your talent—it's something I’m constantly in awe of. Everything you create seems to have a piece of your warmth and beauty in it, and it’s such a joy to witness.

Thank you for being such a positive, comforting presence in my life, even when we’re not always in touch. You make a difference, and I’m super grateful for every bit of kindness you’ve shown me. Just knowing you’re out there makes the world feel a little brighter.

@camvrin :

Oliver,

Where do I even start? Talking to you is like stepping into a whirlwind—in the best possible way. You’re so wonderfully chaotic, and that’s exactly what makes every conversation with you so much fun. I never know where we’ll end up or what twists the conversation will take, but that’s what makes it feel so refreshing. You keep things lively, spontaneous, and full of laughs, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

You’re not only hilarious, but you’re also genuinely one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. You’ve always been there for me, supporting me in ways that mean more than I can put into words. Somehow, no matter what kind of day I’m having, you always know how to lift my spirits and put a smile on my face.

Talking to you feels like one of those rare, easy connections where I can be myself completely, knowing I’ll always have someone who gets it. I could talk to you for hours on end about anything and everything, and it would never get old. Thank you for being such an incredible friend. You’re truly one of a kind, and I’m so lucky to know you.

@mlkbwunnies :

Ying,

I can’t say it enough—you are truly kindness personified. From the moment we met, you’ve been nothing but incredibly sweet, thoughtful, and supportive. You have this gentle, genuine warmth that’s so rare, and just knowing someone as kind as you makes the world feel a little brighter.

You’ve been there for me in ways I’ll never forget. Whether I needed advice, a kind word, or just someone who would listen, you’ve always been right there, ready to help. It’s the kind of support that sticks with you, and I’m forever grateful for it. I honestly feel so lucky to know you and to have had your friendship in my life.

You deserve the absolute best in this world, because that’s exactly the kind of goodness you bring to others. Thank you for being you, for every act of kindness, and for the countless ways you’ve been there for me. You’re a treasure, and I’m so grateful for you.

@thestarswhisper :

Zee,

You are one of the most talented and sweetest people I know, and I’m so grateful to have you in my life. You’ve been with me for so long, through thick and thin, and knowing you’re there has been such a comfort this past two years. Even though we haven’t had the chance to talk in a while, I think about you often and appreciate you more than words can say.

Your talent is something I’m constantly in awe of. You have this incredible way of bringing so much beauty and meaning into everything you do, and it’s inspiring just to see the amazing things you create. Beyond that, you’re genuinely one of the kindest people I know, and that kindness is something I treasure deeply.

Thank you for sticking by me all this time, for being such a wonderful friend, and for all the ways you’ve supported me. I’m so lucky to know someone as remarkable as you.

@glacialheart :

Mika,

It feels like forever since we last got to chat, and I’ve missed seeing you around. I know life has been super busy for you lately, and I just hope you’re taking care of yourself and finding moments to breathe. You deserve all the rest and peace in the world, and I’m really hoping things ease up soon so you can take a break.

You’re genuinely one of the sweetest people I know, and I don’t think you realize just how talented you are. Your creativity and kindness leave such an impact, and everything you do seems to carry this beautiful spark that’s so uniquely you. Thank you for all the times you’ve been there for me and for being such a steady source of warmth and support.

I hope the days ahead bring you a fresh start and all the happiness you deserve, because you truly mean so much to me. Sending all my love, and know I’m always here if you need anything.

@strryskys :

Avery,

I just have to say how much joy you bring into my life. You are genuinely one of the funniest, most talented people I know, and every time I see you on my dash, it feels like a little boost to my day. There’s something about your humor that’s so effortless—you know exactly how to make me laugh, and it’s such a gift. It’s like you have this natural way of bringing lightness and fun wherever you go, and I’m always so grateful for it.

Not only are you incredibly funny, but you’re also so talented. Every time you share your work, I’m blown away by the skill and creativity you pour into it. You’re one of those rare people who seems to have this spark of inspiration and creativity that just can’t be contained, and it’s amazing to see. I feel lucky every time I get to witness even a piece of what you create.

And beyond all of that, you’re so sweet. You’ve always been so kind and supportive, and it means the world to me. Knowing I have someone as wonderful as you around makes everything feel just a little bit better. You’re a true gem and I hope you know how much you’re appreciated. Thank you for being you, for sharing your humor, your talent, and your kindness. I’m so glad I got to know you and be your friend.

@ruruumin :

Rurumi,

It’s been a while since we last talked, but I wanted to let you know how much you still mean to me. Even from the very beginning, you were nothing but kind and warm, and I can’t tell you how much that meant. I was in awe of you—not only because of your talent but also because of the genuine kindness you showed me right from the start. There’s something so rare and special about that, and it’s something I’ll always cherish.

Your work left such an impression on me; I still remember being completely captivated by your creativity and the incredible skill you put into everything you do. You have this unique talent that feels almost magical, like you’re able to bring your imagination to life in a way that’s truly inspiring. Every piece you create feels like a small masterpiece, and it’s clear that you pour so much of yourself into it. Being able to witness your talent is honestly an honor.

Thank you for being such a sweet and thoughtful friend, for your support, and for all the kindness you’ve shared with me. Even though we haven’t talked as much recently, you’re often in my thoughts, and I’m so grateful for the time we’ve shared. You’re truly one of a kind, and I hope you know just how amazing you are.

@oceanreveuse :

Anastasia,

It feels strange to put this into words, but I just need you to know how much you mean to me, even now. Even though it’s been a couple of months since we last spoke, I still think about you often, and I can’t help but miss you. I keep replaying our conversations in my mind, remembering how much brighter things felt with you around. It feels like there’s this empty space where you used to be, and it’s hard to ignore.

You’ve left such an impact on my life in ways I can’t fully explain. We may not have known each other for long, but somehow, in that short time, you managed to find a place in my heart, and I’m not sure that spot will ever really go away. You brought so much joy and comfort into my life, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I remember feeling truly happy for the first time in a long while, and that was because of you. Knowing someone like you exists gave me a reason to keep going, to hold on to the hope that there are people out there as wonderful as you.

I wish I could tell you all this in person, to let you know just how much I appreciate everything you did for me. I’m grateful beyond words for the time we shared, for the support you offered, and for the kindness you gave so freely. Even now, I find myself wanting to tell you about my day or share a small thought, hoping you’re doing well and finding your own happiness. You were someone who made life feel a little lighter, and I’ll always be thankful for that.

So, even if we don’t talk anymore, please know that you still hold a special place in my heart. You’re unforgettable, one of a kind, and I’ll always be grateful to have had you in my life, even if just for a while. Thank you for everything. I miss you, and I hope you find all the happiness you deserve.

@femivi :

Femi,

Even though we just met not even a week ago, I already feel so lucky to have crossed paths with someone as wonderful as you. From what I’ve seen so far, you’re incredibly sweet, and you have this amazing talent that completely blows me away. It’s rare to meet someone who can leave such an impression in such a short amount of time, but somehow, you’ve managed to do exactly that.

I’m genuinely looking forward to getting to know you better. I can already tell there’s so much more to discover and appreciate about you, and I hope this year gives us plenty of chances to connect, share laughs, and build some great memories. Here’s to what feels like the beginning of something really special—I can’t wait to see where our friendship goes!

— Here's to new beginnings, friends.

[emmaline91]

Hopin’ and Prayin’ and Wishin’

Here is my @lovefromoq gift for @findingtallahassee 😘

The shadows blanket the road this far out. They stretch from the tops of the evergreen trees and cast most of the road in darkness. Except for tonight, there are a few bright beams filtering down from the full moon in the sky. The only sounds come from the crickets and wildlife beyond the pines and it’s a solitary, lonely kind of peaceful.

She’s made a habit out of coming here; slipping out just after Henry’s gone to sleep and spending a precious few hours hoping. Hoping for what, she isn’t quite sure. Maybe for the resolute acceptance of how things have turned out. For her heart to stop aching and move on already. Sometimes even, she’s loathe to admit, she wishes for a freak accident that would take Marian away and right the universe again.

But mostly, she hopes he’ll appear out of thin air, grinning how he does, as he steps back into Storybrooke and into her life.

She knows it won’t happen, that he might as well be in another realm altogether. She understands why he’s gone, respects it even, but it doesn’t keep her from peering out down the road and wondering where on the other side he could be tonight.

The pavement is cool beneath her thin slacks but she likes sitting at the very edge where she can pretend the red line in front of her crossed legs is the only barrier keeping them apart. As if the two of them sit apart, the protection spell a curtain that only need be pulled back and they’d be face to face. She lifts the flask next to her and the moon beams off its shiny surface as she indulges in another sip. She’s not drunk, but the alcohol numbs things just enough, blurs the edges so she doesn’t actually cry. And it would be all to easy to let herself embrace her emotions and sob in self pity.

He was supposed to be her second chance; her redemption for the awful woman she’d been—and he was, for however brief a time. His integrity made her better. His morals brought her back to that seventeen year old girl she once was. Just “Regina”, not “Her Majesty” or “The Evil Queen”. He saw the real Regina under all those layers of guilt and anger and regret. And perhaps what makes her feel more despondent than anything is that she’ll never get a third chance. She got so unexpectedly lucky with Robin. She didn’t deserve him to begin with, but only he could have been her soulmate. Only he could understand every sordid detail of her past and still have the audacity to not only love her, but choose her.

Regina runs a hand through the front of her dark hair as she sighs. She misses him. She misses having another person unconditionally in her corner, misses not always feeling like the third wheel, misses the smell of damp earth and aged redwood.

She wants to scream to the heavens, or this “author”, or whatever higher power there might be that it’s so unfair! Only she knows damn well how fair her pain is; how cosmic and condemned her story has read. It’s her punishment for choosing revenge when she could have chosen forgiveness. Daniel’s death was the great catalyst of her life. And while she knows there are many who let their grief morph into hatred, there had been another way. It would have been harder, maybe taken longer, but she might have come out the other side a better person; a hero.

She won’t make that mistake again.

While it feels just as bad as it had years ago, even worse actually; she cannot tarnish what Robin stood for, just to try to ease the ache. If anyone was undeserving, it was that man. He had made mistakes the same as any of them, sure, but he worked for his redemption. Robin had found a way to do what she never could. He turned his pain into purpose. A purpose full of love and selflessness and renewal.

And now he’s been hurt once more, entangled in the web of her retribution; collateral damage for the penance she was paying. He had not known just what loving the Evil Queen would cost him, even if she had truly made a change. Yet, he had opted to accept the shit hand he was dealt and if only it weren’t for her he wouldn’t be hurting because of it. He might even be overjoyed to have his late wife back; his family reunited.

She prays for that as she slowly pushes herself to her feet now. She decides it’s the only thing she can do to wish him well, Marian too. If only she could have granted him a memory spell before he’d gone so he could forget about the wreckage she’d brought into his heart. Of course, her thief would never have taken the easy way out. And Regina can’t help but to hold on to the thought of him remembering her, remembering the true, sacred, magical connection they shared.

She suddenly has to lift her fingers to her face to brush away an errant tear. She will not feel sorry for herself, at least not anymore tonight.

Staring out down the still, vacant road out of Storybrooke, she sniffles and squares her shoulders to reign in her emotions and she hopes above all else that Robin finds the kind of happiness she knows he deserves.

This chapter of her story is closing, and she needs to let the dust settle on the pages and find a way to move on. If her heart is going to take it’s time mending, then she must stop her late night visits. She has a son at home and new, delicate friendships, and a town that seems forever under threat, and a population of people who she owes debts so great she may never repay them. But she must try.

She turns on her heel and heads back to her silver benz parked just off the shoulder, opens the door and gives one last, longing gaze down the vacant road.

In her mind, the protected barrier shimmers and parts and her handsome thief appears, Roland at his side, tiny hand clutched in his. Regina abandons the door, unconsciously letting her feet carry her forward a few paces. She let’s her eyes slip closed and smiles wide with the image of them behind her lids.

“Regina”, he says.

And it’s not until she reopens her eyes that it occurs to her the tone of his voice had not been quite right.

“Regina!”

As if awaking from a dream, her focus snaps back to reality and he’s still in front of her, rushing towards her more accurately, his arms outstretched. The the next moment she can feel him against her chest, can smell his woodsy scent right under her nose.

“Oh thank God, Regina!”, he nearly cries in relief and it’s all she can do to catch her brain up to what’s happening. Maybe she’d had more to drink than she thought? He pulls out of the embrace, but doesn’t completely withdraw his touch. He must have sensed her shock, perhaps too overwhelmed to see her to notice she didn’t hug back.

“Regina?”

Her eyes scan over his body, willing herself to believe it’s really him, but they land instead on the dimple faced child grinning up at her.

“Gina! We come to visit you!”, his little voice hits her ears and she raises her eyes back to Robin’s anxious gaze. The acceptance breaks around her and she throws her arms around his neck, afraid he might disappear.

“Robin!”

It’s the only thing she manages to say while she’s this overcome with emotions. He holds her back, just as tight and whispers her name quietly against her head and she finally finds her voice.

“Wha—why—what are you doing here?”, she breathes in disbelief. Her hand falls to Roland’s head below and caresses his locks to finally acknowledge him, but she needs to grasp her current reality before she makes a fool of herself.

“It’s Zelena”, he tells her with a bit of disdain, “We’re all in danger. I had to come back to warn you all, to help fight”

He glances down at his now frightened son and lifts him into his right hip for a soothing hug while Regina blinks in confusion.

“What are you talking about? Where is Mari—“

“We can’t talk about it now”, he cuts her off urgently, gesturing with a discreet nod to the boy in his arms. “Listen, I promise I will explain everything later. But we don’t have a lot of time to gather the others and make a plan”.

He slides a gentle hand down her arm as if to assure her it’ll be alright despite his ominous warning. Roland wiggles in his grasp and his father sets him on his feet a moment before he bounds off a yard or two and squats down to examine a rock on the pavement.

“I’m just so happy to see you, Regina”, Robin cups her cheek in his chilled palm, “didn’t think I would again”.

His words rush off his tongue before his lips are pressed to hers, desperate and needy, fueled by the current perils only he knows they face and his all consuming love for her. It is a reunion kiss that can only come from resolutely believing they’d be separated permanently.

Regina responds with all the heart she can muster, their lips moving fluidly together as if the last few weeks had not eclipsed. When they finally break for air they are both grinning like fools, foreheads resting together as their breathing falls in sync, and she swears she suddenly feels whole again, as if her arm had been missing and has just now been returned. She lets the feeling wash over her, soaks it in selfishly for a minute because she knows how fleeting this absolute contentment is now.

There are still a thousand questions running through her head, a dark cloud churning and billowing over their little town and every life in it, but with Robin’s hand in her own things feel possible.

She tightens her grip and they start toward her car, ushering Roland away from his picture in the dirt as they go. They let their hands slip apart to round the car and Robin opens the back so Roland can hop inside excitedly, insisting that he’s mastered belting himself in. Once he’s safely buckled and shut in, Robin pulls his handle but catches Regina’s eyes over the hood.

They both have a flurry of emotions hidden in their expressions, but one sticks out above them all and Regina knows this one to be the only true importance in the world.

“I love you”, Robin declares, the lines around his eyes wrinkled from the joy on his face.

Her chest swells with such happiness that her dark eyes moisten with tears and she doesn’t care that her voice cracks when she finally speaks the words herself.

“I love you”.

Fin.

[justanoutlawfic]

Happy OQ Valentine’s Day!

So, this may be a complete wreck but I’d like to draw your attention to a few things before you read you’re present ;) 1. Im pretty sure I gave away my identity already because... 2. I’m working off my iPhone (it’s sad but it’s true lol) and... 3. Mobile Tumblr just refusesss to make things easy on me. 4. And also, I waited to write this last minute like most other things in my life. But aside from all that, I do hope you find even a tiny bit of enjoyment in this. Our beautiful sunken ship deserves a bit of light today ❤️ P.s. I’d love to write for you again in the future if you’re ever interested. HOPIN’ AND WISHIN’ AND PRAYIN’ (An Outlaw Queen fic) The shadows blanket the road this far out. They stretch from the tops of the evergreen trees and cast most of the road in darkness. Except for tonight, there are a few bright beams filtering down from the full moon in the sky. The only sounds come from the crickets and wildlife beyond the pines and it’s a solitary, lonely kind of peaceful. She’s made a habit out of coming here; slipping out just after Henry’s gone to sleep and spending a precious few hours hoping. Hoping for what, she isn’t quite sure. Maybe for the resolute acceptance of how things have turned out. For her heart to stop aching and move on already. Sometimes even, she’s loathe to admit, she wishes for a freak accident that would take Marian away and right the universe again. But mostly, she hopes he’ll appear out of thin air, grinning how he does, as he steps back into Storybrooke and into her life. She knows it won’t happen, that he might as well be in another realm altogether. She understands why he’s gone, respects it even, but it doesn’t keep her from peering out down the road and wondering where on the other side he could be tonight. The pavement is cool beneath her thin slacks but she likes sitting at the very edge where she can pretend the red line in front of her crossed legs is the only barrier keeping them apart. As if the two of them sit apart, the protection spell a curtain that only need be pulled back and they’d be face to face. She lifts the flask next to her and the moon beams off its shiny surface as she indulges in another sip. She’s not drunk, but the alcohol numbs things just enough, blurs the edges so she doesn’t actually cry. And it would be all to easy to let herself embrace her emotions and sob in self pity. He was supposed to be her second chance; her redemption for the awful woman she’d been—and he was, for however brief a time. His integrity made her better. His morals brought her back to that seventeen year old girl she once was. Just “Regina”, not “Her Majesty” or “The Evil Queen”. He saw the real Regina under all those layers of guilt and anger and regret. And perhaps what makes her feel more despondent than anything is that she’ll never get a third chance. She got so unexpectedly lucky with Robin. She didn’t deserve him to begin with, but only he could have been her soulmate. Only he could understand every sordid detail of her past and still have the audacity to not only love her, but choose her. Regina runs a hand through the front of her dark hair as she sighs. She misses him. She misses having another person unconditionally in her corner, misses not always feeling like the third wheel, misses the smell of damp earth and aged redwood. She wants to scream to the heavens, or this “author”, or whatever higher power there might be that it’s so unfair! Only she knows damn well how fair her pain is; how cosmic and condemned her story has read. It’s her punishment for choosing revenge when she could have chosen forgiveness. Daniel’s death was the great catalyst of her life. And while she knows there are many who let their grief morph into hatred, there had been another way. It would have been harder, maybe taken longer, but she might have come out the other side a better person; a hero. She won’t make that mistake again. While it feels just as bad as it had years ago, even worse actually; she cannot tarnish what Robin stood for, just to try to ease the ache. If anyone was undeserving, it was that man. He had made mistakes the same as any of them, sure, but he worked for his redemption. Robin had found a way to do what she never could. He turned his pain into purpose. A purpose full of love and selflessness and renewal. And now he’s been hurt once more, entangled in the web of her retribution; collateral damage for the penance she was paying. He had not known just what loving the Evil Queen would cost him, even if she had truly made a change. Yet, he had opted to accept the shit hand he was dealt and if only it weren’t for her he wouldn’t be hurting because of it. He might even be overjoyed to have his late wife back; his family reunited. She prays for that as she slowly pushes herself to her feet now. She decides it’s the only thing she can do to wish him well, Marian too. If only she could have granted him a memory spell before he’d gone so he could forget about the wreckage she’d brought into his heart. Of course, her thief would never have taken the easy way out. And Regina can’t help but to hold on to the thought of him remembering her, remembering the true, sacred, magical connection they shared. She suddenly has to lift her fingers to her face to brush away an errant tear. She will not feel sorry for herself, at least not anymore tonight. Staring out down the still, vacant road out of Storybrooke, she sniffles and squares her shoulders to reign in her emotions and she hopes above all else that Robin finds the kind of happiness she knows he deserves. This chapter of her story is closing, and she needs to let the dust settle on the pages and find a way to move on. If her heart is going to take it’s time mending, then she must stop her late night visits. She has a son at home and new, delicate friendships, and a town that seems forever under threat, and a population of people who she owes debts so great she may never repay them. But she must try. She turns on her heel and heads back to her silver benz parked just off the shoulder, opens the door and gives one last, longing gaze down the vacant road. In her mind, the protected barrier shimmers and parts and her handsome thief appears, Roland at his side, tiny hand clutched in his. Regina abandons the door, unconsciously letting her feet carry her forward a few paces. She let’s her eyes slip closed and smiles wide with the image of them behind her lids. “Regina”, he says. And it’s not until she reopens her eyes that it occurs to her the tone of his voice had not been quite right. “Regina!” As if awaking from a dream, her focus snaps back to reality and he’s still in front of her, rushing towards her more accurately, his arms outstretched. The the next moment she can feel him against her chest, can smell his woodsy scent right under her nose. “Oh thank God, Regina!”, he nearly cries in relief and it’s all she can do to catch her brain up to what’s happening. Maybe she’d had more to drink than she thought? He pulls out of the embrace, but doesn’t completely withdraw his touch. He must have sensed her shock, perhaps too overwhelmed to see her to notice she didn’t hug back. “Regina?” Her eyes scan over his body, willing herself to believe it’s really him, but they land instead on the dimple faced child grinning up at her. “Gina! We come to visit you!”, his little voice hits her ears and she raises her eyes back to Robin’s anxious gaze. The acceptance breaks around her and she throws her arms around his neck, afraid he might disappear. “Robin!” It’s the only thing she manages to say while she’s this overcome with emotions. He holds her back, just as tight and whispers her name quietly against her head and she finally finds her voice. “Wha—why—what are you doing here?”, she breathes in disbelief. Her hand falls to Roland’s head below and caresses his locks to finally acknowledge him, but she needs to grasp her current reality before she makes a fool of herself. “It’s Zelena”, he tells her with a bit of disdain, “We’re all in danger. I had to come back to warn you all, to help fight” He glances down at his now frightened son and lifts him into his right hip for a soothing hug while Regina blinks in confusion. “What are you talking about? Where is Mari—“ “We can’t talk about it now”, he cuts her off urgently, gesturing with a discreet nod to the boy in his arms. “Listen, I promise I will explain everything later. But we don’t have a lot of time to gather the others and make a plan”. He slides a gentle hand down her arm as if to assure her it’ll be alright despite his ominous warning. Roland wiggles in his grasp and his father sets him on his feet a moment before he bounds off a yard or two and squats down to examine a rock on the pavement. “I’m just so happy to see you, Regina”, Robin cups her cheek in his chilled palm, “didn’t think I would again”. His words rush off his tongue before his lips are pressed to hers, desperate and needy, fueled by the current perils only he knows they face and his all consuming love for her. It is a reunion kiss that can only come from resolutely believing they’d be separated permanently. Regina responds with all the heart she can muster, their lips moving fluidly together as if the last few weeks had not eclipsed. When they finally break for air they are both grinning like fools, foreheads resting together as their breathing falls in sync, and she swears she suddenly feels whole again, as if her arm had been missing and has just now been returned. She lets the feeling wash over her, soaks it in selfishly for a minute because she knows how fleeting this absolute contentment is now. There are still a thousand questions running through her head, a dark cloud churning and billowing over their little town and every life in it, but with Robin’s hand in her own things feel possible. She tightens her grip and they start toward her car, ushering Roland away from his picture in the dirt as they go. They let their hands slip apart to round the car and Robin opens the back so Roland can hop inside excitedly, insisting that he’s mastered belting himself in. Once he’s safely buckled and shut in, Robin pulls his handle but catches Regina’s eyes over the hood. They both have a flurry of emotions hidden in their expressions, but one sticks out above them all and Regina knows this one to be the only true importance in the world. “I love you”, Robin declares, the lines around his eyes wrinkled from the joy on his face. Her chest swells with such happiness that her dark eyes moisten with tears and she doesn’t care that her voice cracks when she finally speaks the words herself. “I love you”. Fin

[maggot-pie]

some time

I remember when I was aching;

was it because it was getting cold?

Or because of the loss and grief I felt?

I couldn’t tell

but it became hard to feel completely myself.

I’d have many dreams of him and I;

we were disconnected in every one.

For months, every night I’d go to bed,

knowing I’d see him in some form,

& I’d wake up unrested, often in tears.

Though reminders of him weren’t only in my sleep;

he haunted my waking hours too

because I could not forget

nor could I forgive.

Pain still burned my chest

& made me gag,

my stomach churned-

fuck it was bad.

How I felt was not something new

but the quantity of the unforgiving waves

was almost unbearable.

Death reared its head in my life,

of someone very important to me.

She helped raise me,

despite her pain.

While I watched what she went through,

she was there for me

while my father was absent

& the times my mother was taken away from me.

With change being inevitable,

I had to swallow my grit

& say goodbye for the last time.

Those months went by

& I made myself productive

with a tool I had learned very well;

high functioning anxiety.

To my surprise,

there was someone new

that I met by accident

on an October night.

I knew I couldn’t be present,

I was still hung up...

I was afraid

that I would hurt them.

I wasn’t ready

& even with my honesty,

they didn’t respect me either.

Without warning,

they read me poetry of their lost love

as if I was someone to share it to.

When I set a boundary,

they did what they wanted to anyway.

They checked out other women

while I was with them,

called me old when I told them I couldn’t do this,

then told me they loved me within 10 days of meeting me

in a sad effort to make me stay.

It triggered a memory of someone in my past

that did that same thing in a much shorter time

among other things that I will not mention.

The audacity of that disrespect,

their inability to even realize their wrongs

upon other things that I will not mention;

I couldn’t tell them that I just wasn’t interested,

that I was actually quite disgusted.

I told them we could be friends

but they denied that completely.

I couldn’t handle

such a selfish person,

so I left

& hurt them anyway.

-

The time I knew him

was about a year,

a whirlwind romance

that swept me up & kept my heart full

til it didn’t.

It was more than a year ago,

& the memories don’t hurt so much anymore.

I think I am ok now.

We became friends

who at the same time,

became lovers

though he refused to call us together.

I really did love him.

The way we laughed when we shared our stories,

the way we cried when we shared our pain,

the things he did to show he cared,

the things I knew that meant a lot.

I thought we were the same

& maybe that was why it was so easy for me

to love who he was;

his mind,

his heart,

his soul.

I knew kindness in him,

while others saw him selfish.

I knew youth & innocence,

while others saw him childish.

I knew goodness in him,

while others thought he lacked.

But after awhile, he did not want me

the way I wanted him.

He did not love me

& that was a hard one to swallow.

I take responsibility

for being insecure,

for taking his unkind words to heart,

for having him see me go through a fucked up time,

for having him deal with my erratic emotions

because of something I could not control,

because something had broken me,

because I was thrown into something so unexpected

that made me forget my strength,

forget my hardships,

amplified my insecurities,

& put my anxiety on overdrive.

It took me so far away from myself

when I know what I’ve been through,

where I’ve been,

& who I am.

To him, I am so sorry for those things,

but only

those things.

In the end, with all the things that happened,

in my right mind, I have a good memory-

in a sad mind, it’s even better.

It makes things hard to forget,

it makes pain hard to forgive.

We had a strong connection at the start

which became broken in an ugly way;

an awful tug of war

that neither of us won.

Maybe we met at the wrong time

or we were just wrong altogether.

He hid his feelings from everyone,

so it shouldn't have been

such a surprise

when he started hiding them from me.

The push and pull,

the constant changing of his mind,

he couldn't make a decision

& it made me very sick.

That decision between his false freedom

& my true liberation;

to me, it was an easy choice

but he made it seem very hard.

In the end, with all the things he said-

all the insensitive things,

all the gross & selfish things,

all the petty & thoughtless things,

he showed me where his mind was

& where his heart actually lied.

In the end,

he did not treat me like an equal.

He chose to treat me as if I was nothing,

he chose to treat me as disposable.

I was a vessel for his secrets,

a guarded place for his mind

but after awhile,

he did not treat my feelings as if they mattered

& because he did not treat me as a friend,

as an object

or a lover,

I did not know who I truly was to him.

He kept accusing me of infidelity,

of dishonesty

when I’ve grown up watching

how it destroyed people I love.

(When he shared that part of his past,

I asked if he thought if he was undeserving

& his answer revealed a true part of him

that the rest of him denied.

When he said he wasn’t a typical sign,

that he wasn’t manipulative

that he wasn’t vengeful,

when the things he said and did,

not just to me but to someone he called his friend,

to someone in his past,

not that he wasn’t without hurt

or that he was without reason,

they were exactly that.)

When he refused to even call us together,

when he kept having second

& third

& fourth

& more thoughts,

it made me assume the same.

I will admit

there was someone from my distant past

who contacted me asking how I was.

I replied to them

& even so without desire,

it didn’t feel right

but even so, I still did

because of all the disgusting things he said.

His wit could not control his mouth

& his moves were ruled by self-centered means.

His heart had made him a fool

so his mind told him that I was an enemy.

When his mind told him not to trust me,

he pushed me further away.

When his soul no longer recognised mine,

I stopped recognising his too.

When his actions contradicted his words,

his words contradicted his actions.

When his actions cut deeper,

when they reopened old wounds,

I started to expect

the thoughtlessness,

the laziness,

the lack of decency.

He forced me to see the sides

that everyone else saw,

& the connection we shared

was lost.

He said to never leave anyone behind,

but he did not lead by example.

Leaving you in the past

is the same

as letting me down

& making me feel small

& letting your demons rage so far inside you

& changing your mind as if my feelings were invalid,

& allowing insensitive, lustful, inconsiderate jealousy in my life,

It’s the same

as when I needed you most, I chose the comfort of that someone else

because of a mistake that you chose to do

when you accused me of the very same thing,

when you fucking knew that it was wrong

& then you chose to treat me as if I was the one to blame.

I don’t know if you ever realized

how much you made it clear

that I didn’t matter to you

when you were the first to say

you’d be there for me.

You can tell me

that you didn’t mean to be that way,

that you didn’t mean to make me feel like that,

that you apologize,

but without changed behaviour,

your sorries will always mean nothing

& you deserve no place in my life.

Things were done,

things were said,

things that can’t be taken back,

things that I’m sure we can't forget

& can't erase.

I tried to change

to tend his wants,

to fit his needs,

& all it did

was take a part of me away instead.

I tried not to judge

or hold hard feelings

but it proved to be very hard

& eventually,

every time I looked at him,

those ugly parts were all that I saw.

He forgot to respect my heart,

he forgot to respect my mind,

& for awhile,

I let him keep a firm hand on my soul.

Even though I tried reassuring,

though I told him I’d be there,

though I thought we were twins,

because of his past trauma,

because he kept choosing a past person,

because he chose a life of fake people;

people he had problems with,

people he had evil eyes from,

people he couldn’t seem to let go

because for some reason,

longevity over genuinity

mattered and meant more.

He did not trust me to hold his heart,

to take good care,

to keep it safe,

so he helped tear my own to pieces.

He was made of flames

& coarse salt;

I could not breathe.

Left an awful taste in my mouth

that I could not rid,

& no water cured

for he was water too.

But I’ve learned how to swim,

for he did not break me,

for I remembered my strengths,

for I am water too;

a cold drink on a hot day.

I am air & a hurricane,

I am earth, I make the ground shake,

I am shards of everlasting glass,

I AM flames & coarse salt;

I have burned that bridge

with much remorse,

with many thanks,

with definite loss but more I’ve gained,

with only love left inside of me

& I have never felt so free

[mgahunahuna]

Entry #4: Feeling and Thinking Self

Identify 3 beliefs that you find unhelpful. What are the things you are doing to help you handle these unhelpful beliefs? Does it work or not? Other ways that you can handle these thoughts better?

I’m someone who has a lot of insecurities. It’s not something I try to hide from people, but it’s also not something I choose to openly discuss. It’s not that I’m a private person. In fact, I’m particularly open about all other aspects of my life. It’s simply because I feel uncomfortable about my insecurities. I rarely try to confront them myself, what more with other people? Unfortunately, my discomfort with these insecurities has ultimately contributed to the formation of unhealthy beliefs that have permeated my life.

These beliefs have often acted as drivers of my decisions. They have also, in some instances, replaced my being altogether. They have started to control every fiber of my body. No amount of external intervention has stopped these beliefs from existing. They simply demand to exist. They have created the void that currently haunts my life. I get sucked in no matter what I try to do. But it was only until recently did I discover a new perspective when dealing with these beliefs. That maybe, just maybe, I shouldn’t try to get rid of them, but instead to learn to live with them. As humans, it’s completely normal to have insecurities. It’s being able to control these insecurities that matters, not allowing them to impede what we want to do with our lives.

For this reason, I’m going to talk about 3 beliefs in my life that I find unhelpful and unhealthy. I am also going to intertwine some of the things I used to do, and some of the things I do now when it comes to coping with these beliefs.

Belief 1: I am undeserving of love.

I’ve been single all my life. I’ve never been in a serious and committed relationship. Up until college, however, this didn’t bother me at all. Many of my closest friends in high school were in committed relationships and it never really crossed my mind that I, too, wanted to be in one. However, being exposed to more people with relationships in college kind of shocked me. I thought to myself, “Am I being left behind?” It seemed like almost everyone around me had people that they were seeing. And even if that wasn’t the case, most of the people I knew had at least someone that they had established a connection with.

And for the first time in my life, I was craving some sort of attention and affection from a significant other. And so began the search of finding that person. At this point, I was quite hesitant to do so, especially with the many multiple failures I had in high school that ultimately discouraged me from ever finding someone else. But I thought, well, I’m far away from home, with a whole new place to discover, maybe I might just find someone for me. But, boy, was I wrong. It was the same situation all over again. I thought, maybe I’m just not cut out for this.

But you know what I realized? This craving for attention and affection was probably just me trying to adjust to the fact that I’m far away from the people I hold close to my heart -- my parents, my best friends, my family. It was then I realized that I didn’t have to look so far to discover the love that I was longing for. Around me I had some of the best people that I now confidently call my family. My college constants, my barkada, the people I collectively call Barangay Cebu. These people have nothing but love for me and for that I am eternally grateful. These people helped me understand that I am deserving of love.

I realized that sometimes you don’t need to look outward for the things that you’re longing for. You probably just need to look around. Sometimes we look to far out that we miss the things that are right within our periphery. There will always be people there for you, you just have to learn how to appreciate them well enough.

Belief 2: My self-worth is dependent on other people’s perceptions of me.

It’s actually quite funny how much of my self-worth I place in the hands of other people. I think I owe this to the fact that I am unable to give myself the validation that I need because I’m not yet the person I want to be. So instead, I look for this validation in other people. I want people to validate this deformed version of me because I can’t give bear the think of giving myself that validation. I acknowledge, however, how unhelpful and unhealthy this belief can be. In fact, it’s made living quite difficult.

This belief has made me so conscious about everything that people say and think about me. It’s gotten to the point where I am so consumed by these thoughts that I forget who I truly am, independent of other people’s perceptions of me. However, I realized how destructive this can be, and vowed to not let this belief take control of me.

What I realized is that I can’t keep placing my self-worth in the hands of others. In the instance that no one can give me the validation I seek, what will happen to me? Instead, I need to learn how to value and love myself. Above all else, I need to realize how worthy I am and how valuable I am. This isn’t only relation to how worthy and valuable I am to other people, but more so how worthy and valuable I am in general. Yes, I might have something to offer to the rest of the world and the people around me, but because of the simple reason that I exist is enough to prove that I deserve to be here.

So now everyday I start my day by looking at the mirror and telling myself that I’m worth it. It’s not much, but it’s definitely helped me see myself in a much better light. I used to wait for other people to give me that validation at the start of the day, but now I can give it to myself.

Belief 3: I don’t deserve my accomplishments; I just got lucky.

This belief is one of the beliefs I’ve held since childhood. I didn’t necessarily grow up in a competitive environment. My parents never forced me to get good grades or to always be at the top of my class. That was an expectation that I placed on myself. Because of this, I always strived to be Number 1 -- in academics, in extracurrciculars, in life. I didn’t want to be at the bottom because I believed that nothing can ever be achieved at the bottom. I wanted to succeed. Looking back, I now realize how toxic this mindset was. But as a kid, I never really dug deep into my philosophies. I just did what I felt was right.

But this very same philosophy ended up making me feel very empty. There was no sense of fulfillment from any of my achievements or accomplishments. Instead, I find myself ruminating or overthinking about every single detail that surpassed.

I won a debate competition? No, that’s probably because the draw I got was easy.

I graduated valedictorian? No, that’s probably because my teachers weren’t tough on me.

I got accepted into Ateneo? No, that’s probably because my course is easy to get into.

But you know what? This mindset is so mentally draining. It doesn’t allow me to be happy for myself. So I promised myself that I would no longer allow it to control me. For this reason, this is now the mindset that I carry:

I deserve my accomplishments because I am lucky. I am lucky to have been blessed with countless opportunities that have allowed me to reach the point that I am in right now. I am lucky to have been blessed with amazing people that have supported and encouraged me throughout my entire journey. I am lucky to have been blessed with the talents and skills that I possess.

To me, it’s all about perspective. These three beliefs are some of the reasons why I’ve always held myself back. But to see things in a different light not only allowed me to be more content with myself and my life, but it has also allowed me to discover new opportunities with a renewed sense of optimism. I hope this continues for the next few years in college, because God knows how much I need it.