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roosterforme · 2 years ago

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Old Habits Die Hard Part 5 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

Summary: Your embarrassment lingers, while Bradley's past finds a new way to interrupt his pursuit of you.

Warnings: Angst, swears, maybe some fluff

Length: 3500 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader (fuckboy college student Bradley)

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Bradley barely made it back to the house and into his bedroom before he was jerking off. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he groaned, reaching for some tissues just in time. You were too much. It was unbelievable. He had never had to work this hard for a girl before. He had never had to get himself off this many times before sealing the deal before. He was either losing his touch, or you were different.

But as he went to flush the tissues down the toilet and saw his bedroom door on the way, he knew it was the latter. And by this point, Jeff must know you were Bradley's Sugar and that he wasn't going to give you up without a fight.

He collapsed back onto his bed and couldn't stop thinking about you. He had walked you to your final class with a semi that was definitely evident to you. It didn't matter though; you had been embarrassed by what happened in the study room, even though it was actually unbelievably sexy. Bradley had seen a lot, but no girl had ever reacted to him quite like that before. Now he was thinking about wedging that door closed next week and fucking you right on the study table.

Jeff had been right, you were a nice girl. But now Bradley knew you could also get a little dirty. This was a combination he had never had before. His cock jumped again in anticipation.

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You were so embarrassed, you wanted to die. You had orgasmed from rubbing yourself against Bradley in the study room, and then you had to go to class. It was bad enough that he walked you there when all you wanted to do was jump him in the middle of the sidewalk, but then you couldn't stop thinking about him while your professor lectured.

It was a combination of everything with him. He had the prettiest brown eyes and soft, wavy hair. His voice made you wet, and he smelled so good you wanted to rub yourself against him all the time. And you got carried away. You bet Phoebe never did anything so needy before.

By the time Friday evening rolled around, you were still too embarrassed to even fathom going to the party. If Janessa was ever home instead of being glued to Tyson's mouth, you might have asked her for some advice.

But you had to go. You had already promised Bradley you would be there, and he'd probably just come find you if you didn't show. He had also been texting you nonstop. So you changed into your tightest jeans and your lowest cut shirt and pulled your hair back.

"Oh my God!" you gasped when you looked in the mirror to touch up your makeup. The hickey Bradley left on your neck was darker today, and it was so noticeable, you sighed in relief that you had worn your hair down to class earlier.

You snapped a quick selfie of your neck with your head posed in an appealing way and sent it to him with the caption Do you think anyone noticed this today?

He wrote back almost immediately while you were fixing your mascara.

I hope so, Sugar. When you come hang out with me tonight, everyone is gonna know who gave you that mark. And don't you dare cover it up.

You whimpered just reading the text. Knowing you, you'd probably embarrass yourself again tonight by rubbing yourself on him in front of his fraternity brothers or something. You couldn't believe he was even still texting you. But you really did want to go to the party, because you wanted to see him, and you were curious about the state of his bedroom door.

He had told you he painted his door just for you, but were there some other names up there now as well? Were more girls trying to get his attention? You'd be tempted to scribble them out if there were.

You strolled to the Beta house, almost reaching the front porch by the time you realized you were going to have to deal with Jeff at some point.

"Shit," you muttered to yourself. You were glancing around, hoping to see Janessa, but you had no luck. You were about to text Bradley and ask where he was, but you smiled and took off in the direction of the kitchen.

When you looked inside, he was there, sitting on the counter and smiling at you in his backwards cap.

"Were you looking for me?" he asked softly as you made your way toward him.

You could feel a warmth heating your cheeks. "That depends. Were you waiting here for me?"

"Of course I was, Sugar. Missed you," he said, jumping down as you approached him.

Cautiously, you eased your hands up his chest and around his neck. You watched his unguarded eyes as a genuine smile touched his lips.

"You really missed me?" you asked, running your fingers along his neck.

He responded by grabbing your hips and kissing you. You moaned as he turned you so your backside was against the kitchen counter. He had you gently pinned there, but his kisses were unhurried and lingering, every little nip and nibble going right to your core.

His fingers felt strong through the denim fabric as he held you in place. And when you reached your fingers up into his hair and knocked his hat on the floor, he didn't stop kissing you until you gasped.

"I don't know, Sugar. You tell me," he whispered, running the tip of his nose along your hickey and making you giggle. "Does it seem like I missed you?"

You smiled as he gently kissed along the mark he'd made on your neck the previous day. "Yeah, it seems that way, Beer Boy. Shocking, considering I embarrassed myself like that yesterday," you whispered.

Bradley examined your face with a smirk. "That poor kid. He's probably still thinking about your legs and your soft moans. His dick's probably been hard since he interrupted us. Never gonna feel satisfied again."

"Bradley!" you whined, burying your face against his chest. "Stop, I'm still mortified!"

He chuckled deep in his chest, and it was such a pleasant sound, you burrowed in deeper. "Sugar, that was so hot yesterday, I'm considering begging you to do it again. I already couldn't stop thinking about you, and that just made it a hundred times worse."

You bit your lip and looked up at him, and you just knew your cheeks must have been bright pink. "I can't stop thinking about you either," you told him.

He nodded his head before kissing you once more and then he picked up his hat.

"That's just the way I like it," he told you, putting his hat on your head and leading you out into the party.

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Bradley received a few curious looks as he led you through the house, holding your hand in his. People were used to seeing him with Phoebe or other girls wearing barely any clothing. They were not in fact used to seeing him with someone like you, and the fact that he'd put his hat on your head felt a little like he was claiming you in a way that was unlike him.

But every time you looked at him, he thought maybe he liked being this way. He liked working for and earning your attention. He liked you. He liked that you had your hair pulled up and everyone could see your hickey.

When he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed your cheek, about to suggest he take you upstairs, he ran into Tyson. He watched Janessa's eyes go wide as she immediately pulled you away from Bradley and started whispering to you.

You looked at him over your shoulder and smiled, and Bradley considered dragging you upstairs like a caveman.

"I'll grab us some drinks," he told you, and with a sigh, he doubled back to the kitchen with Tyson.

"Wow, dude. Does Jeff know about this?" Tyson asked him as he rooted around in the refrigerator.

Bradley snorted. "I'm not exactly trying to hide anything."

"No. You definitely aren't." Tyson opened a can of beer while Bradley grabbed two bottles of the kind he knew you liked. He knew better than to start drinking anything stronger. "You and Phoebe off again?"

Even just the mention of her name irritated Bradley. "Yeah. For good."

Tyson just nodded his head. "That's cool. Phoebe's mean." Bradley laughed a little bit as Tyson asked, "You know Jeff is going to freak out, right?"

Bradley distracted himself by grabbing the bottle opener from the drawer and putting it in his pocket. "Jeff has been fucking freaking out since July, when I got his best friend kicked out of Beta. So why should this be any different?"

"Hey, I'm on your side man. Chase was a dick, and he had it coming. But Jeff is used to being the top dog around here. Best grades, Dean's list and all that shit."

That was the thing about Jeff; Bradley made Dean's list too, but he never made a big deal out of it. He never talked about his scholarships, or how scared he had been that he'd get kicked out of school before his senior year for fighting. If he didn't graduate from UVA on time and without debt, he was absolutely fucked.

But Bradley honestly didn't care what anyone else thought about you and him. He was certain he'd be better for you than Jeff. "Then I guess this will take some getting used to for him." He turned and left the kitchen before Tyson could say anything else.

As Bradley approached you from behind, he saw the mark on your neck again. Gorgeous. He automatically kissed you there, startling you and making you giggle.

"Beer Boy! You scared me," you told him over the music. Janessa was looking between the two of you, openly curious as he kissed your neck. Bradley wondered what you had told your roommate. Just looking at Janessa, he was almost surprised he had ever been interested in her. Thankfully she was completely distracted by Tyson now, because Bradley didn't want any loose ends.

He kissed his way up to your ear and whispered, "Wanna go upstairs?"

You turned to look at him, and the subtle nod and trusting look you gave him had his heart rate speeding up. "Let's go," you told him, heading for the stairs with Bradley at your heels.

"Enjoy his big dick," Janessa whispered to you, but Bradley heard it so clearly, he had no doubt you did too. You froze in place and shot a confused look at Janessa before looking back at him.

Bradley let his head tip back as he stared at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "Thanks a lot, Janessa," he muttered, terrified to look at your face again.

"What? It was just a blowjob. Chill out," Janessa said, but she was already on her way over to where Tyson was playing flip cup.

Bradley exhaled deeply and chanced a look at your face. Now you looked a little bit concerned, and he wished he had no knowledge of Janessa's godawful oral sex capabilities.

"When did that happen?" you asked softly. Oh fuck, you looked like you might cry. "This week?"

"Fuck. No. Not this week, Sugar. That was before I met you. And it was just one time. And nothing more."

You nodded your head, pouting at him. "Oh. I just didn't know that Janessa was on your roster."

Bradley shifted the beer bottles to his left hand and reached for you with his right. "I don't have a roster anymore," he said, his voice rough to his own ears.

You examined his face. He could just tell he was going to blow it with you. No way you'd want to be embarrassed by him. Re-painting his door was one thing, but actually being good enough was another thing entirely. And now he knew he had no chance with you tonight.

"You wanna go hang out in the living room?" he asked. "Or I can walk you home, make sure you get there safely."

Your brow scrunched up. "I thought we were going upstairs."

"Yeah, okay. We can still go upstairs. We can... drink these beers and talk."

"Sounds good," you said, taking his hand again and heading to his room.

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You were in way over your head now. This was bad. Bradley was bad for you, and you still wanted him. You were still going to his bedroom, and seemingly nothing was going to stop you from doing whatever he wanted.

You had been wondering where Jeff was, feeling a little apprehensive about him seeing you with Bradley. Everything felt like red flag after red flag cropping up in your path, but as soon as you saw that Bradley's door was just as you had left it, you felt more at ease.

Bradley watched you skirt around the edge of his room and flip through his English 400 composition notebook. "Is one of those for me?" you finally asked him, nodding toward the beers he was still holding.

"Uh, yeah," he replied, retrieving a bottle opener from his pocket. "Learned the hard way that you shouldn't open beers for girls if they don't see you doing it. I opened six beers last year and then I had to drink them all."

You laughed and he looked up to meet your eyes. "Yeah, some guys are creepy. Don't ever give girls open drinks."

"Never again. And those weren't the good beers either, they were shit ones that I had to force down."

"That would have been fun to watch," you said as you took a sip. "So why do you let me drink the good beers?"

Bradley smiled at you. "Because you're cute. And at first it was kind of fun to irritate Jeff. But now it's because you can have anything you want, Sugar."

You rolled your eyes and tried not to grin. "Is it okay if I sit on your bed?" you asked, swallowing against the nervous feeling creeping up inside you.

"Of course," he whispered. "Anything you want."

"You can sit too, Beer Boy."

And so he did. Right next to you, so your thigh was touching his. You sipped your beer silently, unsure about how to proceed with him. Bradley had gotten you so fucking horny yesterday, you came in his lap while you were both fully clothed. When you showed up to the party tonight, he had kissed you right away. He had kissed you in front of his friends. But now you felt apprehensive, and it was hard to pinpoint what would make things better.

Just as you were about to ask him to walk you home, he said, "The thing about you is... you're different. And I'm not sure what to do."

You turned to look at him as he peeled the label off of his beer. "I'm different?"

Bradley stayed focused on peeling as he said, "No.... you're not different. Better, maybe? I'm not sure. I think... maybe I'm different now. Like, I have been for months. And I've been trying to force myself to be the same, because it seems easier. I guess. That probably doesn't make any sense." He downed the rest of his beer in one go and set the empty on his bookshelf before he looked at you.

"It kind of makes sense," you told him as you set your bottle down as well. "I tried to force myself to keep liking Jeff even though I knew I liked you better as soon as I met you," you told him with a soft laugh.

He smiled sadly at you. "Look, Sugar, I can't change what happened with Janessa, even though I wish I could. I didn't even know you were her roommate then. And... I mean, I know it's obvious how girls see me now. And I know it's not always flattering. I'm... an easy option."

You were nowhere near as experienced as he was, but you didn't see him in an unflattering way. Bradley did everything better than Jeff did. He was funnier, sweeter, more honest, he kissed you better, he only touched you when you welcomed it. You ran your hand up his thigh, and you heard his breath catch. "I can only think of flattering things, Beer Boy."

"Sugar," he whispered, pleading with you in some way.

"Did you paint your door just for me?" you asked, turning to face him.

He shook his head and licked his lips. "No. I painted it for myself, too."

You leaned in and kissed him, accidentally knocking his hat off of your own head this time. You caught him off guard, and it took a few seconds for him to return your affection, but when he did, he took your breath away.

"Sugar," he whispered against your lips, his mouth soft yet firm against yours as he pulled you onto his lap. It was like the study room, but also completely different. This time you were really alone, and could have done anything you wanted with him, but his lips were more indulgent this time. He was working you up in a different way.

He rubbed his parted lips along your neck, stroking your collarbone with his tongue. You rocked your hips against him once, and immediately you were on your back with him on top of you. A startled laugh escaped your lips as Bradley sat up and tossed your shoes across the room followed by his, and then he was on top of you again.

"Just to be clear, I don't think we should sleep together tonight," he told you softly before stroking up your sides with his thumbs and kissing your cleavage.

Your broken moan was so loud, you watched a satisfied grin spread across his face. "So you're just going to tease me then?" you asked, your voice already sounding ragged. "Tease me and send me home?"

"No." Bradley kissed the tops of your breasts, and his flushed cheeks had you squirming underneath him. "I'm going to show you how sweet you are, and then I'm going to walk you home."

"Fuck," you whined as he worked his lips and tongue against all of your exposed skin. Everything he did felt good, and you were so wet and ready for more. But he never put his hands under your clothing and never said anything more than Sugar.

You were limp and needy and barely able to reciprocate when his lips returned to yours. You could feel that he was hard where his erection pressed against your thigh. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him to your core, rubbing yourself against him there.

"Bradley," you whined, knowing you didn't want a repeat of the library scenario, but you couldn't help yourself.

"You're not making my plans easy for me," he ground out. "So fucking hot."

He placed three firm kisses along your jaw and then wrenched himself out of your grasp. You could see how long and hard he was through his pants, and he adjusted himself as he sat up between your thighs. He just stared at you where you were propped up on your elbows, his eyes subtly moving along your face and your body.

When your breathing started to even out, you smiled at him and sat up. He collected you in his arms and held you for a while, letting you kiss and touch his scars.

He finally asked, "Will you let me walk you home?"

"Yes."

Bradley helped you put your shoes on and he gave you one of his sweatshirts to wear. It was huge on you, and you melted a tiny bit as he cuffed the sleeves for you. Then he kissed you against the wall in the hallway for so long, you thought maybe he was going to change his mind and let you take him back to his bed.

"It's so late, Sugar," he told you, taking your hand and walking down the stairs. The blaring music assaulted your senses once more as you both wove your way through the bodies and spilled drinks.

You'd been wondering where Jeff was earlier, and when you saw him making out with a girl from your biology lab, you felt nothing. Bradley glanced back at you, gauging your reaction, but you just smiled at him.

"Let's go," he told you, and soon you were out in the cool, night air with his arm wrapped around you and his gorgeous voice in your ears.

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Thanks for loving this FratBaby! Thanks @mak-32 for everything with this fic! This one's for you, Mak!

PART 6

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transformersbrainrot · 4 months ago

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MegOp is making me crazy as usual, but now I have some new, specific inspiration!

So it started with @that-fanperson-meg saying this under a post I made about the Transformers account posting a TFO MegOp edit.

I recognized the name of the song but had never actually listened to it, and hooooo boy, it activated something in the part of my brain that thinks about MegOp... So, I'm listening to this song, and I have the clearest vision that it's about Megatron's mindset/thoughts during his mental health's lowest point in the worst depths of the war. (fair warning, my analysis/brainrot is based on my own personal continuity/au, so there are some minor references to that, but it's all fairly standard, and I explain it a bit, so just go with it, and you shouldn't be confused.) Ok, preamble over. Time for the lyrical analysis:

I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late

Megatron assumes that Optimus is in just as bad of a place as he is. He's wrong, of course, OP certainly isn't enjoying himself, but he has an actual support system that he feels comfortable leaning on. On the other hand, Soundwave is the only thing even approaching a friend for Megatron (and he is waaay too closed off at this point to admit it). Starscream is a backstabbing, power-hungry sycophant with his own heap of baggage (I really gotta make a post about my version of all that sometime); Shockwave is purely logic-driven as usual, only interested in advancing the Cybertronian race via the Decepticon cause. By this time, Megatron feels like both sides are too deep into the war to even consider peace. He honestly can't fathom it.

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town again in my life

Megatron has always wanted to escape the path that was decided for him. But now, after losing what he and Orion had and the resulting fallout, he won't go quietly into the night, not before causing some irreparable damage first. And the war will do just that. He hopes the destruction the great war causes keeps pushing him forward, even out beyond Cybertron. At least then, he won't ever need to face the past and who he used to be. He couldn't recognize himself now if he tried, so he doesn't even try.

I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die

Even though it's clear to him that they hate each other and are not good for each other, Megatron still has some form of loyalty to what he and Orion had. If somehow, someday, someone were to ask him about them, he wouldn’t tell them about all their problems, but instead that they were good together. Maybe if this hypothetical future version of Megatron doesn't mention all the pain their split caused, then maybe it was a little less real. He knows that as long as Optimus is around, he won't be able to stop fighting; he's just too hurt and angry. He wishes Optimus would just die, that they both would.

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do And I hope I never get sober

Soundwave, the only even semi-positive influence on him right now, is the one telling Megatron it's darkest before the sun rises. Soundwave is a true believer in the original cause of the Decepticons, probably the last one in High Command; everyone else is either using the cause as a means to take out their pain (Megatron and Starscream) or as a means to an end (Shockwave). Megatron is finding it harder and harder to believe Soundwave with each passing day, and yet again assumes Optimus is doing the same. He's starting to hope it never ends. He's comfortable with it now; the war fills the hole that his old life left in him. All he really knows is that he can't bring himself to yield to Optimus and doesn't think he ever will. If he did, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.

And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way

Megatron is hoping that Optimus is suffering too, since he is, and doesn’t want him to feel anything positive through this since he cannot. But at the same time, he’s trying so hard to be a bastard so that it won’t hurt as much. He does still want to speak well of their past if he gets the chance, so some loyalty or fondness remains deep down. If there were good times to look back on, there would be sadness that those times are over. If Optimus has nothing good to say about him, all he would feel is relief that that part of their lives is over.

I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die

Megatron can't see any way out of where he's gotten them. To him, there's no path to peace anymore. The only solace Megatron can find is the hope that Optimus falls with him. Even now, the two of their fates must be interlocked, as if it were a universal constant to him - simple common sense. He just wants it to be over, even as he can't bring himself to stop.

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to-the-stars8 · 11 months ago

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Faith

Summary: Keeping faith was never easy for Jason, and the struggle creates a war in his mind that hangs between self-destructing and outright torment.

This was inspired by the artwork of @lethologicaee

Just letting you guys know that this story has a lot of heavy religious references and reflections of trauma, so if that makes you uncomfortable please do not engage with this story. Keep yourself healthy and happy, my loves.

Another warning, referenced drug use

Jason couldn’t remember what he saw after he died—if he saw anything. He only remembered seeing the Joker followed by waking up to darkness and the smell of dirt. The moment his eyes opened, not seeing but feeling the softness of his coffin, two things ran through his mind: Bruce and the noticeable absence of God.

There was never a moment in Jason’s life when he was a religious fanatic, but there were a few years with Catherine when he went to church semi-regularly. It was right after Willis had gone to jail and before his mother had fully developed her addiction. She had come to rely on religion for some comfort and tried to teach Jason to do the same.

“How come we’re going to church now?” He had asked as she buttoned up one of his nicer jackets. His hands were still too small to properly do it himself, and they were already running late.

She thinned her lips, thinking, and her sacred blue eyes flickered up to meet his for a moment before going back down to the buttons. “I think going to church could be good for us. I think we’ve run out of faith, and it could teach us to get it back again. To keep going.”

Jason grumbled, slightly annoyed that he had to get up so early on a Sunday morning, “And we need to go to church for that?”

“Yes,” Catherine said pointedly.

The Gotham Parish Church was one of the biggest and one of the nicest in the city. It had been around not long before the Waynes had come and was kept up by donations from other rich Gothamite families. It was a rare beauty in the Gotham smog. A diamond on the outside, he knew for sure, but he couldn't quite say the same for the inside of it.

Jason remembered finding it odd that he had to kneel in front of a big wooden Jesus figure but did it anyway as he followed Catherine’s lead. He stared at the figure, it was painted with vivid browns, beiges, and reds, and it left him feeling a little sad. He wondered why a man would die for people who did not care for nor knew him. He supposed it was for his godly father.

The only reason he kept going to church willingly was for his mother. When he looked up at Catherine during prayer, he’d seen her smile for the first time in a while. She looked happy, almost younger, even. The stress from her face faded and she looked at him with so much love coupled with optimism.

He found something similar in feeling, but couldn’t determine if it was Catherine’s contagious hopefulness or Father Thomas�� sermon of goodness in people. Eventually, Jason began to like the weekly routine and even found solace in it. He wondered if that feeling was the holy light Father Thomas talked about.

Then, he found Catherine sitting on her bed with a needle in her arm.

Jason tried to get her help, going to Father Thomas and begging him to do something. He only patted him on the head and said, “If she has faith then God will deliver from this sin.”

Jason had felt terrified and angry. Terrified because how could he get his mother to get more faithful, especially at her lowest, when he hardly knew the meaning of it? And, was angry, because he could not fathom the sin she was committing. What kind of god would abandon someone who was sick, much less mark them as a sinner?

It stirred a holy turmoil within Jason’s young mind that came to a sudden end when he found Catherine dead on the bathroom floor. Because, with her, Jason’s faith had died, too. It wasn’t until he was in Wayne Manor did he found a little bit of that again. It wasn’t the holy kind of faith, but, rather, the faith in love. With Bruce, he began to pray again and believed that, maybe, God was still there.

Bruce wasn’t religious himself, but always told him that it was always worth believing in something. That gave Jason the courage to ask Alfred, who had mentioned that now and then he would attend church if he could join him on one of those occasions. Ultimately, nothing ever came of it. Jason tried not to dwell on what he could have been if he had gone with Alfred.

Then, there was Sheila, and Jason had prayed for the past. He wanted a mother who he could look up to in the church light and believe wholeheartedly in God again.

Sheila had welcomed him with open arms, but, in the end, his faith in her was ripped from him. Yet, there was still Bruce who would save him— Both of them. The love he felt for Bruce was immeasurable, just as if they had always been father and son. It was because of him Jason died still believing.

Now, back from the dead, all that he was left with was anger and grief. He was angry at Bruce and God, and he grieved for the boy he used to be. With Bruce, his resentment was built off of another failed father who turned away; with God, it was deeper than just that. It was a fit of animalistic, sacred anger that made him want to tear the heart out of the very idea of faith with his bare teeth. Jason felt more of a fool when it came to God, tricked into hoping—praying—only to be turned away in the end.

Did he not believe in God enough, or would he have to get down on his hands and knees to beg for an unknown forgiveness?

Jason knew it would be pathetic for him to do it, to beg for the forgiveness of another father who abandoned him, but he would do it. He’d do it until the golden rosary cut into his hands, his knees had bruises, and his mouth ran dry from begging. He’d scream and cry for it if he had to.

He questioned if had sinned too much—If, in his initial hallowed anger, he had turned into Cain. Jason had offered the best of himself, but God had not favored him as he did others. The thought made him bitter. Jason knew it had to be a fault within him rather than God; that he didn't have the innate goodness he thought all people had. If he ever had it.

Each time he looked at the blood on his hands, Jason only thought of one thing, the noticeable absence of God.

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cirqosmos · 1 year ago

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#1 — Open The Door, Please? ▶ KOGA YUDAI.

warning: yandere content, noncon kissing, profanity. toxic relationship. implied noncon.

author's note: well idk, first installment to my goal of #100 fics for &TEAM (mostly for kei tho) also a somewhat 'explicit' practice outside my comfort zone so i can finish route 1 this week.. im coughing and laughing so hard again omg.

splayed fingers dug deeper on your jaw as you tried to stifle a gasp from the raging knocks behind the door, tears fighting it's best from streaming down your cheeks.

"(name)! open the door!" there the devil incarnate himself yelled on the top of his lungs, innocent eyes bloodshot opened as he punched the door relentlessly.

how has it come to this? and devil? why were you even calling your sweet, sweet boyfriend that way? what had happened?

well, you couldn't fathom it to your core as everything had move in such a speed that you unknowingly got on your sweet boyfriend, kei's nerves, back in the classroom.

you remembered it so vividly with the way the marmalades shade of the sunset reflected against his bead-like orbs, forming a reflection of a gemstone or of that an opal. his loose strands stick against his forehead as the result of his exhausting physical training. beads of sweat trailing down his jaw as he took a long inhale and exhale in-between, and yet the pretty smile on his faint pink lips never ceases to exist.

a pretty smile that was only for you.

yet it all started with him voicing out a rather desperate question after that, one that questions your loyalty.

and of course you defend yourself in return, throwing the question back at him. one question turned into two, and two turned into four and fourth question had the innocence adorning your boyfriend's face contorting into an expression you'd rather not remember.

hideous, no, it was more of an angel dropping low to the lowest point of hell.

kei spewed words that you couldn't imagine would come from his lips that you oh so adore.

"that piece of shit is staring at you more than he should! (name)!" kei lets out a scoff paired with disbelief, finally standing up on his feet. his height towering over you as he approached you menacingly.

"kei, do you hear what you're saying now?" you shook your head, filled with disbelief. taking a few steps back, your eyes refusing to blink. "this is not you!"

"oh you sweet dumb girl, what should i do for you to understand?" his bead-like orbs wavered in utmost affection for you as he cupped your cheeks with his large palms, "what should i do?"

"k-kei, this isn't you." you stuttered, you felt as if you're a little bunny encaged in a wolf's arms. "let me go, you're.. going insane."

"insane? love? just who's the one getting insane between us?"

"i don't give a care anymore, let's quit it. kei." your lips trembled, yanking away his hands—taking a firm resolution against the taller boy. "let's break up."

his wavering orbs immediately switches to an soulless one.

excruciating silence consumed the comforting shades drenching the classroom. this was not how you expected everything to turn out. especially not his next words you hope you'd never hear.

a melodious giggle escapes from his lips, sending shivers down your spine. the boy lowers himself down to your height, somewhat conveying a mocking tone. "baby, you've seriously gone.. dumb, aren't you?" he furrowed his brows, waiting for your answer. "well, that must just be a mistake, isn't? take it back."

"no." you replied immediately.

"what?"

"i said no, i won't take it back." you tried your best stay as brave as you can, yet your right hand gripping your trembling left one says otherwise and kei was quick to notice it.

his eyes softened as his demeanour switches once again, fixing his posture as he caressed your hair down. "i'm sorry, i scared you didn't i? c'mon, it's getting dark. let's just go back home, hm?"

"no! i said no!"

kei reached out for you in desperation. "(name), i said i'm sorry—"

you hung your head low, stepping as far as you can away from him—your feet almost stumbling against the table. "koga yudai, please you're scaring me. just—please let's not meet for awhile."

"huh?" kei tilted his head down, loose strands swaying below those eyes of his that kept switching between tenderness and chaos. "no, no, why do you think i'm gonna agree with that?— fuck, i knew it. they're getting inside your head."

and before you knew it, you ran. your feet bringing you to somewhere as far as you can away from that madman.

but your ears caught on to his last words echoing through the hallway, a gasp left your mouth as you took one last look at him—leaning against the doorframe in such a leisure manner, observing you intently.

amusement spreads over his lips, giggle escaping one after another. "do you really think you can run away from me?!"

his frightening words had adrenaline surging all over your body, you ran for your life. you kept running and running with your mind clouded by him that you got lost somewhere in the town, stumbling upon an abandoned neighbourhood. your city was truly a silent and secluded area, consisting of only elders and roaming around when night falls.

people quickly returned to their homes, recuperating in their quarters which resulted in such a deserted street.

it was only then that you realise how truly foolish you are to forget that between you and your boyfriend, he had the upper hand in this very situation.

and truly, he was right.

judging by how your heart kept sinking and sinking with every punch the door receives, you were beyond frightened that the door might break at any point due to how insanely mad he was.

but then, it went silent. utterly silent that you can feel the cold crawling across your trembling bare legs.

"honey, open the door please?"

you pushed yourself deeper against the wall behind you, searching for refuge you knew was no longer there, a refuge that won't hide you away from this double-faced monster.

a voice so tender and deceiving, paired with the light knocks—a stark contrast of how he was a few seconds ago

"can we not fight anymore please?" kei begs, looking down as he rested his forehead against the door.

you gulped down your throat, refusing to be fooled by the monster behind that door. yet it wasn't until a minute later that you heard a low murmur that gradually turns into faint cries.

"(name).. it hurts."

a slight pang engulfed your beating heart, hesitation soon arises—manifesting through your feet rubbing the floor in unison with your thoughts.

"i can't do this alone without you." kei's lips trembled, taking a huge exhale with every deep cry. "you're all that i need."

"please, don't leave me alone."

you stood up on your feet, shaking enormously as you approached the door little by little.

little by little, till the faint cries grew clearer and audible. your hand reaches out slowly to the knob, yet you immediately paused. wondering why are you letting yourself get fooled by those innocent cries behind the door?

you took a few steps back, placing your clenched fist on your chest as a comfort. shifting your gaze to the window with a newly found plan emerging from your mind. yet before you can do so—

"are you not really going to open this door? don't let me count." kei's faint cries dissipates, replaced with a voice so deep it crawls through your soul. "i know you're here."

your eyes grew wide, fear taking all over your hesitance—sending you into a total crying mess as he begin to count. your feet scattered around before you made up your mind to the window, you tried to pull the the window open yet the enormous distance from the window to the ground had your heart sank.

yet you can't think, you should jump or else—

bam! bam! bam!

the door flew open in such a way that it had you emitting a shriek, your feet fighting it's best to stand up amidst it's constant trembling.

there he was; black familiar lush hair and bead-like eyes that held insanity within it. those features you so adore and yet fears so much to your core.

"ah, ah, not so fast." kei's head tilted downwards, emitting a rather playful demeanour paired with his small smirk. sprinting to your helpless form before you can jump over the window, his hands wrapping around your wrist pulling you to his chest. the smirk on his lips grew wider and wider as he finally caught his prize; you.

a game that was rigged from the very start. too bad, the wolf will always wins the game.

"hm?" he hummed, placing his chin on your head as his right hand rubbed your back softly. comforting your crying frightened form, trembling so hard in his caged-like embrace. your hands on his chest trying it's best to push him away yet he won't budge one bit. "hush, don't cry."

you could hear his heartbeat with your ears against his chest, he felt so warm and so comforting that you wanted to return the embrace, his words held so much affection and care for you that you could fall asleep right and there yet reality was sickeningly awful to you.

kei lifted your chin with his index finger, forcing you to meet those orbs you found so adorable. and before you can act or say anything, his lips finds its way to yours.

kei's saliva seeps through your tongue as he deepens the kiss, his carnal desires manifesting ever so strongly by how his long fingers dug deeper and deeper to your nape. his left arm wrapped itself around your waist, as he pressed his body against yours to the wall.

you fought for air, yet he fought for you. his eyelashes remained still and firm as he continues to relish himself in your lips, you who is his lover he oh so adores.

he was alot more stronger than you and it didn't cost him an ounce of energy as he lifted you up from the floor, placing you on top of the table. smashing everything out of way with his hands. resulting in a scattered objects across the floor.

his lips never leaving yours as he does all of that, only pulling away at last to get a cough of air. your head drops down, gasping relentlessly with tears spilling from the corners of your eyes. his hands returned to your form, spreading all over your back before pulling a fistful of your shirt—ripping it.

"kei, stop!"

he slips his hands beneath your shirt, meeting your bare skin and up your bra strap. snapping it playfully as he smirks, "love, don't you think you have to own up to me for pissing me off?"

his large hands pulled your thighs open, pulling you to his hips as deep and close as he can. desiring so much of you that his fingers pushes away your hair locks, wet lips trailing down your bare neck and shoulders.—sending goosebumps down your back and legs.

kei grew more irritated with your hands pushing him off, opting to pressed it on the table rendering you more helpless than ever.

"i told you to open the door earlier, now look what you have gotten yourself into." kei murmurs with his teeth biting off your shirt's button, tongue licking and nibbling your collarbone.

"now, be a good girl for me and tell me who owns you."

#18092023

#k smut #andteam smut #&team smut #koga yudai #&team oneshots #&team imagines #andteam k #andteam imagines #andteam oneshots #&team x reader

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peerreview3d · 2 months ago

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Talking about the parallels in my stancest art/fic because this is my blog & I get to do what I want.

The art itself is directly based on the infamous hospital scene from End of Evangelion (down to the cum splatter position, yes) but the fic is then based on the art so there will be some difference.

Tangent, I hate that the hospital scene has been memed to death because it contained so much but "haha what a nice friend visiting his coworker at the hospital I sure hope nothing bad happens"

Asuka was critically injured, Stan was experiencing the lingering effect of the memory wipe (figurative death), the only people so close to Shinji/Ford, basically dead. Shinji/Ford were at their lowest point, they're both barely holding onto reality by a thread, nobody could even fathom what they went through, it all so fantastical that Ford would sound insane to anyone else, and Shinji is bearing a burden so special that no one can relate to.

They are both scared and helpless, uncertain about their future, everything, but they had to keep going, because they're born with a "gift", a burden. But the person who should be by their sides aren't there.

Shinji wanted Asuka to relentlessly mock him and make him feel like he is something real and alive. Ford wanted Stan's affection, to feel loved by the only person in the world who's capable of it, to make him feel alive.

This is the only way they can form a human connection with the ones closest to them, expressing their unrequited love for other in the most primal way with mock intimacy they could never experience, because they both couldn't get themselves to open up to others, living in this self imposed emotional isolation and continued to hurt the people they love in the process.

"I'm so fucked up" A repulsive display of an act of love, something they can only express through vulgarity. It is the physical that connect them because they are too scared for emotional connections.

#stancest #m's thoughts

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evansbby · 1 year ago

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Hi girlie it's hopped off the shower girl after seeing the poyt 5 notif❤️❤️ FIRST OFF I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT WOW. NEVER HAVE I READ A FIC IN SUCH URGENCY. You just happened to update during one of my morning classes and I swear I did gymnastics just so be able to read that shit😭 I finished the quiz quicker than everyone and passed early so I could run off to read it. And OH MY GOD. Words can't describe how much I loved this fic. During the first scene w peter and omega, I could barely hold my shit. The fact that omega told him that she wanted to stay w Steve🥹🥹 and honestly I felt a little bad for peter but when he kissed her???? Oh hell nah. And when Steve arrived all fucking furious w veins popping out of his forehead and all of that??? God, I was so relieved. I was a little scared when he started beating up Peter because I think that was the first time I really saw him go blind with rage (except the last time he beat up Peter on pt 2 ig). But I loved, loved, loved, LOVED how he immediately stopped and held himself back after hearing Omegas words, after hearing she won't forgive him if he continues. I was so touched by his character development because in the past he never even listened to her. It really showed that he was willing to change for her and it broke my heart seeing him break down in the car after hearing Peters words (which were true. He deserved to hear them even if he is trying to get better. He was the biggest piece of shit to omega for no damn reason and made her life hell) and omega scenting him in hopes to calm him down because that's what calmed her down🥹🥹 and it actually working. I feel like that scene kinda humanizes him for me.

During their drive to her omegas childhood home, I literally felt awkward with them in the car and the atmosphere just felt so new to mee. I felt like I was seeing a different side of both the characters I loved that I've never seen before, especially with Steve trying to be more light hearted and gentle with her. We really see Steve's insecure side too and how much he really cares when omega answers his question if she still loved peter and his relief when she says no. I also adore omega for learning to stand her ground and setting boundaries like THATS MY BABYGIRL (even if she's me). That's why it broke me when she got to her childhood home and realized that no one was home, that her mom has possibly left but she couldn't even fathom that idea so she just denied it and made herself believe that her mom was just working another job and she's just coming home late and with Steve being so concerned but he gave in and decided to wait an hour for her. It was so sweet yet heartbreaking when he decided to go through her childhood stuff, it was adorable that he kept the pictures of her in his pocket and lightheartedly started reading the journal of his baby omega but the moment he got to the part where her mom's boyfriends were staring at her. Like he finally found out the reason why she always wears the hoodies he hates so much and I really wonder how he felt then and I hope he feels like shit. Seeing omegas relationship with her mom honestly hit home for me. I kinda have a similar mom but she's more present in my life. She deserves so much better than just a mom that leaves her for her boyfriends. and when I found out that she just wrote a note for omega WHAT A BITCH. Seeing her break down like that in her childhood home felt like her lowest point in the series (besides the tub scene) with the only difference that Steve was actually giving her love and hope. I just couldn't get over when Steve said "I'll hire the best investigator to find her" and "FUCK THEM BOTH, I WANT YOU." finally!!!! I was rooting for them so bad. Steve's desperate response when omega said she wanted to die was so satisfying to me. Mans was so scared that he changed his entire personality. He promised her that he'll change for her and their baby🥹🥹 that's the sweetest shit I've ever heard.

And ugh my thoughts are so jumbled up rn but there was this one scene I loved when omega saw Steve blushing after he called her cute. Ahhhhhhhhh. That's what I've wanted from him from the start. Why couldn't he just be a gentleman and charm omega???? He's such an asshole.

STEVES MOMMY IS MY FAV CHARACTER. I love her. She's omegas first mother figure and friend. I was a bit scared of how the parents meeting would go but I knew I had nothing to fear the moment she was introduced. She's just such a strong and motherly role figure that omega always needed. She's just, ugh. I adore the fact that she's so understanding towards her and treats her like her own daughter. We also find out that omega was the first girl that Steve brought home!! But when Steve arrives and her mom immediately gasps and comments on his shaved head. Steve is just such a mommy's boy, I've never seen him act like that. You mean to tell me that that asshole from 4 fics ago was this?? Their little banter and Steve's worry for his mom showing and how he's afraid to visit her because he's afraid to see what cancer has done to her. And Steve's mom trying to act strong for Steve😭 I was bawling. It just hurt so much. We just saw so much domestic omega and Steve during their entire stay. It just felt so light like I wasn't stressing out every second.

Also the sex in the shower?? With Steve being a menace and talking to omegas coochie😺😺 like okay. I almost forgot he was a fucking freak. He was sooo butthurt when omega couldn't say I love u back and I kinda hated him for a bit when he left her with her thoughts, knowing just how broken she was and she thought that he was actually leaving her but we know that he can't do that. The man can't live with her. and when he finally came back to comfort omega, at least he was self aware enough to know that he thinks he doesn't deserve her but that he'll never let her go. Every little bit of him just apologizing and genuinely changing for her, little by little to be better for her and be the man she deserves just fills me with so much joy. I never thought we'd get here.

Both of them visiting the doctor's office and knowing that everything would be fine. They were both so anxious and nervous but they're so happy to have their baby and each other🥹🥹 omegas fears of being her mom finally coming down after she sees her baby and promises that she'll never leave her. Omegas the mom we all deserve fr.

One of my favorite scenes was... STEVE BEATING BUCKYS ASS THAT BITCH DESERVED. I WISH I COULD'VE KICKED HIS NUTSACKS TOO. I knew he was a fucking creep and I was Bucky's biggest hater from DAY 1. You had it coming bitch!!!!! And thank God for omega for standing up to that miserable bitch. Like yeah! He's just an insecure piece of shit. "He always gets better cars blah blah blah" bro?? I wanted to slap him for every word he said. I was waiting for this bitch to get beat up. FUCK YOU BUCKY. Thank fuck for Steve beating him up.

Aside from all of that, I was just living for the tenderness in the last parts. They're finally happy and content being with each other, with Steve finally treating her like a person and making her feel the love she so deserved. I actually appreciate that he did a proper engagement and didn't just leave it at the sweaty ass locker room. His entire speechhhhh. And omega finally marking him. She trusted him enough🥹It just felt so well earned to me. Like he didn't change overnight, he didn't suddenly become a new person. It happened gradually, just like how it does in real life. It felt bittersweet to know that one of my favorite fics of all time is ending but I'm glad that it's ending on a good note with baby rosie (cutest baby ever), mama omega, and daddy Steve. I'm definitely rooting for them and I'm sure omega will overcome her darkness one day one step at a time.

Thank you for writing this masterpiece of a fic. To this day, this is the most touching piece of literary work that I've ever read and I never really imagined that I would say that about a fanfic. But this was literally life changing for me. And there were so many scenes that just hit home for me especially with omega struggling with her self esteem and her relationship with her mom. This was the only time I was really on the tip of my toes waiting for it to be published and following through. I loved interacting with Steve and I loved interacting with YOU. You're the one who made this entire thing possible. Thank you so much. I know it must've been tiring to keep the hype going and having the motivation to write. I know cause I'm a writer too and I know just how difficult it is. Thank you for diligently reading all the asks too. I feel like no heartfelt message goes unnoticed by you and it really gives me the courage to give more feedback to my fav fics because I was honestly kinda nervous beforehand. I hope you take a good rest because damn. 37.4k? I'd die before I wrote that much. and I'm looking forward to your future works and I know I'll eat all of them up.

Thank you for all your hard work ❤️❤️❤️!!!

SHOWER GIRL YOU ARE LITERALLY ICONIC AND ILY! And the fact that you sent another long ask after this one??? With more feedback??? GIRL!!!!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹 (I’ll answer that one too, and ofc will tag you as 🚿 anon hehe)

So you’re actually one of the first people to comment on how ew it was when Peter kissed her! It just gave off weird vibes, like it was a competition to him and he was losing to Steve and so he kissed her. Idk…. When I wrote it that’s I intended it to be, like that kiss did not have pure intentions. Maybe it was desperate which is understandable but still… nope 👎🏼

Ahhh I love how you caught on to the awkward vibes in the car! In a way, they were starting fresh in their relationship. Before this, it was more about lust and sex but now… they’ve opened up to each other and Steve respects her a bit more and actually treats her like a person… so ofc it’s awkward at first! He doesn’t know how to act! Neither does she 😭😭😭 but they try their best! It was one of my fav scenes to write.

ALSO YES! After omega’s breakdown, Steve was literally so scared of losing her that hE CHANGED HIS WHOLE PERSONALITY like you put it perfectly he literally made it his main objective to change his personality to become a better alpha so he could make her happy again 🥹🥹🥺🥺 UGH PLS

Shower anon, I really really appreciate this review. Like you don’t even understand. I feel like you understood exactly what I was trying to convey and I love that you commented on almost every single part 🥹🥹 it seriously means the most to me. 💖💖💖

ily 🚿🚿🚿🚿

#anon #🚿anon #poyt ask #poyt 5 ask

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youwillbeokayamemoir · 2 years ago

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He saw me.

When I had decided that romantic love wasn't my lowest priority, he walked into my life. He saw me. And he didn't try to change me. But that's the middle of the story. Let's go back to the beginning.

When I was in high school, I dated someone in college. We started talking because I told him to stop asking my older but more innocent friend weird personal questions. Then he started grooming me instead.

We fought all the time. His family hated me. His friends hated me. I can't blame them for finding me obnoxious. I was a CHILD after all. And I guess it was easier to focus on what they didn't like about me than to focus on what the fact that he groomed a 14 year old into a relationship just before heading off to college.

It was only when I went off to college and found out that many people actually find me quite charming and funny that I realized that he didn't even like me. All of our fights were basically about how I had embarrassed him in some way or how insecure I was. So I finally broke off a 4 year long, emotionally abusive relationship.

Less than a year later, I was in a new, emotionally abusive relationship. I said he we shouldn't date because he wasn't over his ex. He aggressively pursued me. I gave in and entered a relationship only to successfully make his ex jealous enough to "want to talk about dating again." He broke up with me but continued to fool around with me while "talking" to his ex. When she decided she was done after all, he said he wanted to be with me again.

Two years and two expensive college transfers later, I was finally free of any emotional attachment to him.

Then, I jumped into a new, emotionally abusive relationship. This time, though, I was the older woman. He was an 18 year old virgin who had never had a real relationship. I was his manic pixie dream girl. I told him he didn't want to be involved with me. I told him that love makes me crazy. (I thought that was the pattern.) And he pursued me anyway. I gave in.

Oh boy, was that an absolute clusterfuck of a shitshow.

Nine months later... I drunkenly yelled what is, hands down, the most comically cruel thing I have ever said out loud in mixed company, "Have a great night! He fucked me on Tuesday!"

Even if it wasn't the kindest way to tell someone that their "boyfriend" had been cheating on her, at least it was honest.

I spent the better part of the next 10 months trying to understand how unbelievably sad and lonely I was. I couldn't fathom why I would miss him so much.

So, I wallowed. I searched my soul. I started writing about my ache and heartbreak on Tumblr. I made out with guys but never did anything. I couldn't be trusted. Something was wrong me. Love made fucking crazy. I was always my worst self in love.

So, I decided to actively avoid romantic entanglements.

And then I met him. I met a guy who made my heart skip a beat. We would only be in the same place for 8 weeks. I tried to ignore it. When he started flirting more overtly, I decided to skip the plesantries. I made myself completely vulnerable, risking proving how crazy I actually am, and I told him everything. I told him about how I liked him. I told him about my past and my reservations.

And he didn't call me crazy. He validated every feeling. He shared his own reservations. He didn't try to persuade me either way. And he let me be me. He saw me.

Which, of course, made me melt.

We had 7 really weird but sweet and lovely weeks together. We saw each other a couple more times. Each time letting go of each other a little bit more.

But not enough. He kept my heart for years. I learned what it meant to fall in love with someone new while still deeply, deeply loving someone from your past. And, it was only recently, when I finally decided that I needed to let him be the one to decide if he wants to remain close friends m, that I realized he accepted me fully, but he never saw me fully.

If he saw me fully, he wouldn't have let me go. And it made my heart ache, still does, to fully acknowledge the fact that he didn't choose me. I never mattered to him as much as he mattered to me. And even almost a decade later, that fucking hurts.

But, actually, I think he was exactly what I needed. He prepared me for him.

He prepared for the man I met at a totally screwed up time. The man who fell in love with me while I was practically juggling romantic entanglements. The man who told me how he felt and got a firm "No, I'm fairly confident falling in love with you will make me crazy" and said "Okay." That man saw me completely and accepted me as I am. And, when I was ready to choose him, he chose me too.

He chose me, too.

#love #memoir #abuse mention #tw gaslighting #heartbreak #healing #romantic relationships

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gabechevarriaaa · 1 year ago

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NOVEMBER 9, 2017

TESTIMONIAL DINNER SPEECH

Let me start from the beginning.

Entering UP, I never really wanted to be a CPA. I didn’t even know exactly what “accounting” was. I pursued it because it has been my family’s dream for me for the longest time I could remember, and because at that time, I didn’t know what to do with my life anyway.

By 3rd year college, I was miserable. I hated it. I was failing quizzes and exams. And it was new to me, having been an achiever all throughout elementary and high school. The more I felt frustrated by my grades and couldn’t tell my family about it because they have such expectations from me, the more I turned to debate because at least it was something I felt that I was good at.

This went on over my last years in college. Failing exams, taking removals, failing removals – it goes on and on. It’s not like I didn’t study because I knew I did. I didn’t know what I kept doing wrong. I didn’t know why I still couldn’t understand. I didn’t know where to get the same determination that my classmates had. Sometimes at 3AM before a 9AM exam, you just find yourself crying.

I didn’t blame anyone for my frustrations, and I never faulted my family for letting me take up Accountancy. At a certain point I accepted I was a mediocre student and all I could do was survive, sem after sem, and aspire to graduate on time.

I did. But that isn’t the real goal isn’t it? Not the reason why you’re still all here fighting? Because deep inside, amidst the temptations to just give up, we don’t just want that sablay. We want that title.

Around a month before leaving for review, it was like a truck hit me. It all suddenly became real to me – that I was leaving home in the pursuit of a title that is the key to my future. Honestly, I was scared because I knew I didn’t know enough at that point, and I couldn’t fathom how 5 months could be enough to relearn everything. But instead of letting my fear get the best of me, this time I was resolved to claim it. No more playing around. No matter how hard, I was going home a CPA.

Just when I thought I couldn't get any more pressured and stressed at this crucial point in my life, I lost a treasured long-term relationship. It's no secret. And no words could describe the magnitude of how devastated I was. I didn't want to eat. I couldn't find the focus to study. I couldn't think through the pain and the anger. In every way, I felt lost.

But then, in seemingly a flashing moment, I realized my dreams were independent of temporary people. I am Gabriela Echevarria, and I was going to be a CPA before the year ends, with or without a boyfriend. So I got my shit together.

But it wasn't easy. You can't be strong by tomorrow and without any help. Moving on from someone, and moving towards a goal required time, prayer, and a lot of work. And on my part, a lot of drinks. I needed to constantly remind myself that no heartbreak, no temporary person, is worth losing the CPA dream for. I wasn’t going to be a CPA for a future I envisioned with someone else… I was going to be a CPA for myself. And of course my family.

I lost so much in Iloilo but it gave me back so much more. I was at my lowest point. I lost a love I thought would stay but it was also there that I learned to love even better. Myself. My family. Old and new friends. One unexpected special person…from Davao. Sa Iloilo ako nasaktan, pero sa Iloilo din ako natututong magmahal ulit. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

The girl who boarded the plane to Iloilo is not the same girl who boarded the plane back home. Because the girl that the island met carried with her a mountain of self-doubt, whether or not she could do enough to pass the boards that October. But the girl who went back home, is someone I could say, is a girl that I actually like – stronger; knows what she deserves and will not simply settle; believes in her capability to achieve what she puts her mind into; understands that the probability of failure is always on the horizon; trusts that God has His own perfect timing; and knows that everything happens for a reason and a purpose, at the time they are supposed to happen.

If I was sitting there now with you, listening to my speech, this is what I would tell my undergrad self:

First. You are not your INCs, or your failed exams. Your future self is not defined by who you are or the level you are at right now. It is never too late for you.

Second. You have your own path, you have your own journey, and you have your own struggles. Stop comparing yourself to your classmates and stop underestimating yourself. You are stronger than this.

And, third. No matter what you're going through, no matter how insurmountable it seems, and no matter how small you feel in the circumstances you are facing...find comfort in people who would support you unconditionally.

The silver lining of my journey is that success tastes sweeter now after everything I've been through. Through it all -- the cluelessness with which I entered UP, the failures in undergrad, heartbreak, homesickness, unwanted plot twists in life, but as well as all the happiness and the blessings -- CPA 2017 is real for me. I claimed it.

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feuxx · 2 years ago

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My "Great things that happened in 2022" list

(in no particular order)

Rejoined tumblr

Still can't believe I'm moots with so many incredible talented people in here what the hell ;w; <3

FINALLY managed to make friends in the merlin fandom (❤️)

Participated in ACBB !!!!!!!!! (THE MOST ICONIC FEST OF ALL TIME)

Had the honor of working with Slantedknitting, one of my most admired writers (❤️)

Passed one (if not the one) of the most important exams in my life

Received SO MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT from you all (💖💖💖)

Still can't fathom it when people say that my art is unique and recognizable and that they love it 😭❤️❤️❤️

Gayble 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Failed to get a bingo but had a grand time with the Merlin bingo fest 🤣

Participated in a DTIYS and had so much fun with it!!!

Grieved with yall about the 10th anniversary of the finale: we were mourning but we were mourning together 😭❤️

A little word to people who have made my 2022 memorable under the cut (in no particular order)

@lauradonnelly : My beloved tas, I can't stress how lovely and important you were to me. I'm not a great conversationalist and I felt bad that our conversations were not great as I was also very shy and not good at keeping a conversation flowing. But that you took the effort to welcome me when I joined tumblr, to dm me and send me messages!! Even though you were so busy with your irl things!!! I wouldn't have so much fun making and keeping a tumblr if it weren't for you. Thank you!!!! <3

@coffee-writes : Cofffeeeeeee 😭❤️😭❤️😭 Words fail me to even begin to unpack how grateful I am to you and how amazing and wonderful you are!!!! I hit the lowest of my lows this year and each time you were there to gently cradle me and hold me as to not let myself fall apart, despite your own struggles!! I'm also so glad that you joined me in the bbc merlin fandom and that we could share an unhinged love for it!!! 🤣💛 I love you so much, thank you!!!!

@insane-ohwhyfandoms : Fyre 🥺💖 Thank you for taking notice of me in sprinter-bot channel, I don't think I'd have have succeeded to make friends in mfbc if it weren't for you welcoming me so warmly!!!! Even now, I feel so blessed that I have such a wonderful close friend in you. I couldn't have foreseen this and each time i think of it, I have this silly smile on my face at the thought. Thank you for you! <3

@glaftwlet : Hi dear!! You didn't know this but to me, you were one of the first to call me by name in the merlin fandom and it made me go "oh my god people know me? people remember me???". It was at a moment in my life where I felt very lonely and I really needed it. I can't explain how giddy and excited i was for the whole day, knowing that someone were aware and took notice of me. It may have been inconsequential to you but it meant everything to me. so thank you <3

@arthursknight : Cee!! Love of my life, light of my days, I could not imagine a world where I wouldn't have the honor and the pleasure of meeting you. I'm so so so glad that you sent me that friendship shot. Your love and gentle comprehension really helped me back in the summer this year. I'm so so so so lucky that the universe let us cross our paths and that I got to know you. (Also you're the hottest person alive so xxxxx 😘💖)

@aemelia : I know we joke around but truly i admire your passion and commitment to The Book of Merthur. You're one of the funniest, sassiest of the people i know on here and i love receiving your messages and partake in the salt you spread. It makes my life more fun! 🤣💖

@excited-insomniac : Hi sophie 🫶 You're one of my favorite authors of ALL TIME and frankly I do NOT get why you're not more famous in the fandom. Everything you write is incredible!!!! And I'm incredibly honoured and flabbergasted that we've been talking, and becoming friends!!!! Like!!!!!!!! aaaaaaa 🫶🫶🫶🥺💛💛💛

@aithusar : Hi Loaf!! 🥰 Honestly i half-fell out of my chair when I noticed that you followed me. You're such a cool person and that you regularly rb and leave incredible tags make me blush each time!!!! It's like knowing someone is a Taste Haver and then they like your bullshit???? Like holy fuck perhaps I am doing something right. Additionally, i was stupid, ignorant even, about the beauty and importance of gifs. and then i saw the light (your gifs) and holy fuck 🛐🛐🛐 i was Changed after that.

@burglarhobbit : Liz 🥺💛!!!!!!! My love!!! You're legit one of my favs!!! (favorite person, favorite writer, favorite reason to stay awake, you name it). I'm so happy that 2022 brought you to me and I couldn't be happier and luckier that we've become friends. 😭💕🫶

@mykingdomcomeundone : Honestly we have not talked much but seeing you in my notifs was always a daily highlight. You were my "blorbo from my dash" 🤣💖 Thank you for making me smile!!!

@nextstopparis Hi Roya 🫶 I'm but a humble admirer of you. You have the best tags, your takes are all right, and your edits kill me inside but they fuel me at the same time. I wish you the best new year that you possible can have, despite everything and all life circumstances that there may be. 💕

@queerofthedagger hi love 💕One of my highlights this year was seeing that you followed me! To say that I was "immensely flattered" is an understatement. 😭🫶🫶🫶 I'm so honoured to be moots with you and each time i see that you rb something from me or even tag it "prev" i die inside a bit (of happiness 🫶). Happy new year and thank you for the love!!!! 😭💕💕💕🥰

#feuxx notes #my end of the year recap #thank you for everything I'm so lucky <3

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monkey-network · 4 years ago

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Why 'Pizza Delivery' IS The Best

Many moons ago, I talked about Band Geeks, an episode of Spongebob often proclaimed as one of the best episode in the series. Then again, in the back of my mind, one other episode stood out as what could arguably be the true number one. One episode iconic in the character, the story, the comedy, the emotion it has for a mere 11 minutes, and I wanted to talk about all this myself. We're seeing how Pizza Delivery is considered The Best. Let's do this...

The Pairing

The episode's setup is honestly so simple, it's driven me stupid. Out of every episode, this magically gives us the Krusty Krab pizza, a platinum item of Mr. Krabs that's never been replicated since. Mr. Krabs has Spongebob join Squidward in the delivery when he didn't really need to. Squidward could very well have told Spongebob to go away, leaving it to him, but it makes sense that Spongebob would be so dedicated in his job enough to go. It especially helps that this is the first and earliest episode of Spongebob and Squidward working alone together, their clashing spirits being the focus throughout. It all adds to the greatest dynamic where Squidward puts up Spongebob's antics believing it to be a simple job, both ending up tastefully dumb in their own right. The episode would not have work if Squidward was more bitter about everything or if Spongebob acted too aloof. It has the perfect blend in character where the dichotomy between the two is so grounded. Which leads well into...

The Comedy

With the character dynamic comes the great, memorable comedic timing of Spongebob and Squidward bouncing off each with their conflicting outlooks. Squidward is very much defeatist, willing to give up at the drop of a hat and is in disbelief of anything working out while Spongebob's the opposite, keeping his chin in spite of everything looking not in his favor. I'd say this is amplified with how you can see it. The episode doesn't shame Spongebob and/or Squidward for how they perceive the adventure, them being an extension of the child and/or adult audience. They're both a couple of dudes in the same situation and they run with this this in the best way with every moment. There isn't a single joke in this episode that doesn't appear to work within the confines of their chemistry. Everything they do, everything they say is in line with who they are, and it never amps up their personality to get the considered best laughs. My favorite bit being...

The Pioneers

Everything with Spongebob's enthusiasm for the pioneers on their journey hits every time. It's fitting not only with the point of the episode, but Spongebob's character overall, a sponge never afraid to express the ways to get the job done. Fact that Squidward follows along until it backfires at him is all the better, leading to my favorite Spongebob joke where we finally get the best vehicle in the game. The Rock is the one off joke you can't help but be with Spongebob and find joy in something so stupidly simple. It's on par with the Paper episode, the fathomable length of imagination just makes a man smile every time I can think of this one joke. But with this riding high comes one of the most devastating scenes in Spongebob.

The Customer

There's a bit of a balance when it comes to when Spongebob finally delivers the pizza himself only to get rejected just because the customer didn't get a drink with it. The guy never comes off as tastelessly cruel despite being one of the most despicable characters in the show's history. He's a character you can enjoyably hate. It's remarkably unfair, but never feels out of place because there's a rarity that customers can genuinely be like that. For an episode so early in the series, it's one of the rawest moments to see Spongebob be punished for something he didn't see coming. It's hard to truly wrap the brain around the customer's sudden volatility, but it's nonetheless effective in breaking our pluckiest character.

This moment is really something. It's not the first time Spongebob is sad or breaks down, but it's the first time Spongebob gets emotionally beaten down by somebody else. While Plankton in an earlier episode makes him tear up, for a quick moment this one rando managed to kill Spongebob's spirit entirely and you feel it. Not even Squidward managed to do this regardless of how much he might've resented Spongebob, at least not yet in the series, so it's all the more fitting and impactful that he would see his coworker at his genuine lowest. It's definitely enough for Squidward to make his most memorable stand.

The Squidward

Squidward Q Tentacles rarely gets moments where he truly stands up for Spongebob, so it's great and natural that this is the first. Even after everything in this adventure, Squidward never really hates Spongebob's optimism. Heck with many great episodes centered around the two, Squidward never despises Spongebob's outlook but feels it's unfair that he can live hapless while Squid feels like he can't whenever he tries. At his best, his cynicism is realistic enough for those who grew up with the show to find him the most resonating character. Which is why when he sees Spongebob broken, in tears, he goes to set things right.

It's one of the most gratifying moments of Spongebob and I couldn't imagine it going any other way. It really brought the nuance of the two's relationship to a great direction, I say letting those who grew up with Spongebob ponder how Squidward saw his friend. Even when the episode immediately ends with Spongebob inadvertently soiling Squidward's moment with the Krusty Krab, it was nonetheless satisfying along with everything else that happened.

The Conclusion

Everything about Pizza Delivery feels perfect, around the same height of perfection as Band Geeks. While we aren't with many characters, the moments with Squid and Sponge are at their most realized. Spongebob overall is a character comedy and this episode is a testament to that where we see the two at their best and funniest. Not to say this was where the show peaked, god no, but this episode really paved the way for Spongebob to be as iconic as it is now. Both as a kid and adult,

it never ceases to be the Best

#Pizza Delivery #spongebob squarepants #spongebob #spongebon squarepants #Squidward #squidbob #nickelodeon #cartoons #analysis #awesome #long post #Good Stuff

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admiringlove · 4 years ago

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doubt

+pairing: tsukishima kei x reader

+synopsis: tsukki, the boy you’re desperately in love with. the boy who holds your hand softly as the two of you walk home together from school. the only question is, does the boy love you back just as much as you love him?

+genre: angst; fluff.

+word count: 1.6k

+warnings: none.

+author’s notes: this is an older fic, please note that my writing style has gotten better and i am producing newer fics that are better than this one. not that this fic is necessarily bad(it’s good i hope) but just my style has improved much more.

— request.

HIYA! I saw the request were open so I just wanted a full angsty Tsukki imagine. Do anything you want, I want that ANGST :DD

You and Tsukki had been dating for the past few months. Yamaguchi, being the neutral friend of the group, would always come to the rescue if the two of you had a fight or need help in talking to one another.

However, tonight was different. The dusk comes as a promise of starlight, of those eminent pearls of the twilight that sit as if cushioned upon pure black velvet. The heat of the day has ebbed to a soothing warmth. The sunshine has lost its luster, and the colors of the atmosphere are softened.

You, a teenager who had just gotten a 76-percent in Physics, was itching to find some comfort. You had pulled countless all-nighters for these exams. You had stayed up so many nights studying the reflecting rays and the incident rays and the formulas that you were just disappointed in yourself. You were in a bad mood already; expecting some calming words from Tadashi or Kei, you walk towards the volleyball gymnasium to find Tsukki, who looked so concentrated on the practice match being played.

The boys were practicing in so much perspiration and purpose, that you felt like simply watching them excel from afar. You sighed as Sugawara and Daichi greeted you before ending practice ten minutes earlier than usual, as everyone seemed drained. You waited patiently as the boys went to get changed, Hinata giving you a high-five and complimenting you before leaving.

"I'll walk you home after changing, will you wait for me?" Kei says as he picks up his bag and slings it over his shoulder. You nod, "Sure thing, Kei."

The blond walks over to the club room with everyone else, and you notice that Kei had left a shirt in the gym.

You headed to pick up Tsukishima's shirt that he had left behind. And as you headed up the stairs of the club room, you could overhear Tsukishima and Yamaguchi talking.

Talking about... you?

"Tsukki, shush. They're your [S/O]," Yamaguchi mumbles with paranoia evident in his tone. Tsukishima scoffs halfheartedly, looking away. He rolls his amber eyes in ignorance and continues, "They lied saying they studied for the Physics exam. Why would they want to lie about studying? It's them that got the lowest grade of the class, not me."

You hide next to the half-open door—heart breaking into pieces as you hear Tsukki say those words—and Yamaguchi gasps slightly when he sees you. You gesture him to keep quiet as you wanted to hear what Kei had to say about you. Truth is, you felt as if he was slowly falling out of love with you. He never gave you any song recommendations anymore, he never walked home with you, he never even bothered to talk to you, which was what pained you even more.

“Tsukishima, why would you say that about your own partner?” Suga asked to lighten the mood a little, but Tsukishima only replied, “I don’t like it when people lie to me.”

And then, the boy continued.

"It's annoying to even be with them, at this point. They're clingy, and—"

You clutch the shirt in your palm tightly, walking away. You didn't want to hear anymore. Rapidly blinking to stop the tears brimming at the corner of your eyes, you sped up your pace. Your shoulders dropped in resignation as you tightened your chapped lips in a straight line. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, as you grabbed your backpack and began the walk towards your home. What could you do, anyway? Beg him to stay with you a little longer? Obviously not, that would make you look desperate.

But what could you do, anyway? You didn't want to admit it, but you were desperate. You were desperately in love with the sarcastic remarks, the signature smirk, the teasing eyes, the nonchalant "good morning, [Y/N]-chan", the recommendations of songs that would blow your mind, the sweet midnight trips to your house just because he was bored, the small lingering kisses that would make you want more, and what else? There was so much about Tsukishima Kei that you were in love with. You couldn't put it into words even if you tried. You imagined a future with him even though the two of you were high-school freshmen.

You were alone, walking the empty streets as tears welled up from deep inside your heart and coursed down your cheeks. Like a warm waterfall in the middle of autumn. You were being killed by your own unruly thoughts that were getting the best of you. How was he going to break up with you? Was this it? Was he simply never going to talk to you again?

You finally got home, shrugging your mother off saying that you weren't in the mood for dinner as you wiped your tears and ran up the stairs.

You avoided Tsukishima for the whole week. After all, what good does a clingy [S/O] do other than annoying their partner?

"[Y/N]!" you hear Tadashi's voice echo through the corridor just as you're about to leave. You stayed behind for a couple of extra minutes because you liked the soothing silence your school provided. The bell ringing, the leaves of the trees rustling, the smell of books and chalk, the nostalgic feeling overwhelming you of memories buried deep.

The school was a safe place without anyone around.

"Ah, Tadashi!" you grinned, you grabbed your belongings and rushed over to the boy, greeting him once again. He rubs the back of his neck nervously as he asks, "You haven't talked to Tsukki all week, have you?"

"Oh, I haven't? I didn't notice," you chuckle nervously, obviously knowing that Yamaguchi was concerned about you since the day he had seen you overhear his conversation.

What you didn't know, was that Tsukishima was standing merely five feet away, hidden inside a classroom. He was quizzically standing there, not moving an inch so he could hear what you had to say. Did you want to break up with him? Was that why you hadn't initiated a single conversation with him? Was that why you would leave your home earlier than usual so you could walk without him? Was that why you wouldn't even bother to look at his message(even though he had only tried to contact you twice—one text, and one call)?

"[Y/N], I know you heard when Tsukki complained about your grade in the Physics exam," Tadashi grimaced, gritting his teeth as he tried to look away from you. You widened your eyes as you tried to find a suitable explanation that would fix the problem in front of you.

Tsukishima, on the other hand, was shocked. He didn’t know you were there that day. His hands were in his hair as he slowly sunk to his knees. His breathing becoming more rigid, more uneven as his mind went frantic. You had heard him call you clingy. You had heard him openly criticize you in front of the whole team. You had heard him say such mean things about you.

He couldn't fathom what you were feeling.

"It's not like I care about Physics anyway," you giggle, trying to lighten the mood, "Even if I got a low score, I still passed."

"Can you not joke around?" Yamaguchi asked in a deadpan tone that made you get goosebumps. You sighed, looking at him right in the eye, and claimed, "The other option is I cry and face my overwhelming sadness that my own boyfriend called me clingy and dumb even though I try so hard to be a person he deserves, so no."

To say that Tadashi was taken aback, was an understatement. You smiled as you let out a dry chuckle, and walked away.

That night, Tsukishima Kei was the one crying himself to sleep.

"Good morning, [Y/N]-chan," you heard an all-too-familiar voice behind you as you walked out to buy groceries. You stopped in your tracks, [E/C] eyes widening as you let out an unintentional hum.

"Can we talk?" he asked. You turned around hesitantly to see that his features no longer displayed the desultory expression he used to display. His forbearance was dying by the passing minute—he was worried as he stepped toward you, but stopped as he witnessed you take a step back.

His amber eyes searched for some comfort in yours, but he couldn't find himself to look at your face—as if your hurt expression would break him down even more. He never meant to hurt you with his snarky laid-back words. He didn't even mean most of them.

"I'm sorry if I have been a clingy or annoying [S/O], Tsukishima," you mumble, kicking a pebble lightly. It doesn't even pain you to say it anymore—your voice is calm and emollient as if you didn't mind saying these words. He grimaced at the fact that you didn’t call him “Kei” as his guilt uproared even more.

Your tone caused him to wince as he looked up at your face. There was no sign of apathy, like your tone. Instead, your eyes were shut tightly, as if you were trying to stop yourself from having a breakdown right there. He stepped closer to you, hoping that you wouldn't walk away this time, as he placed a palm on your head—gently fiddling with the strands of your [H/C] hair. His touch is like embrocation; the sudden relief of all pain cast inside has been let out along with a single tear taking its course on your cheek.

Your furtive façade breaking down slowly as he held you in his long, yet firm arms. You were like a gossamer—so delicate, that Kei was scared he'd break you.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things about you. I shouldn’t have ignored you," he mumbled into your hair as he embraced you tightly. You shook your head in disagreement as you muffled out a reply, "I was the one that didn't do well. It's my fault."

"You did your best," he mused. You hummed indulgently, as he held your hand in his, "I'm walking you to wherever you're headed."

"You don't even know where I'm going," you chuckled out, as the boy smiled down at you, "So? I meant it when I said I’d follow you anywhere when we began dating.”

#tsukishima kei #tsukki #haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyū!!#haikyuu angst #haikyu x reader #tsukishima oneshot #tsukishima imagine #tsukki angst #tsukishima angst

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