#even though i want to be
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started the semester with a high gpa, got an archivist assistant job And declared my minor in medieval studies
#i nearly died last semester but with good results so#but i also haven't made any lasting friends it seems which is likely on me bc i'm not geared to prioritize friendship over academics#even though i want to be#i just feel too removed from my peers and a lot of that has to do with me being unwilling to invest social energy#in what feels distracting and at worst ill-suited to me as a person#i'm better 'friends' with my profs rn than anyone#i can't seem to interact with anyone without an alterior motive arising on their part in the form of romantic interest#which i do not experience but no matter how much i say that it persists#i'd like a friend i could engage intellectually and creatively with
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues
#oh the experience of being 13 years old and seeing all my friends talking about wanting to have sex and obsessing over it#and being like 'we are all literally WAY too young to be having sex what the actual fuck are you talking about#why are you even considering it when we have much more important things to worry about. like how much middle school sucks'#you know what though. i still stand by this. that was an entirely reasonable thought to have and i WAS being normal about it#anyway#mine#asexuality
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Creaking Bigb!! I did these a couple of nights ago after watching bigb’s first wildlife ep >:]
#Wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#wlsmp#wlsmp spoilers#bigb#bigbst4tz2#bigbst4tz#creaking bigb#art escapades#traffic smp#trafficblr#I SAW THE NAMEMC UPDATE TODAY AND RAN TO POST THIS HEHE#I might do a new design based more on his skin but I wanted to post this regardless since I did it a few days ago#I like the subtly of this design… a little more creepy that way#same vibes as watcher bigb to me#I love him… weirdo <3#BRUH THE SKIN IS SO COOL THOUGH IM VERY EXCITED#namemc spoilers#I’ll tag that even though I did these before I knew lol#bro posting art every day… I missed her
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William Afton winning that “idgaf” award in FNAF
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#vanessa shelly#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#william afton#steve raglan#happy spooky month everyone!!#almost fnaf movie anniversary coming up so wanted to draw some stuff for it#MORE VANESSA THOUGHTS LETS GOO!!#now featuring some William thoughts#I can imagine that shooting her own dad was hard for Vanessa#even though he’s a monster it’s obvious that like#she still cares about him in some way from the brainwashing he’s don’t to her#kinda proves she’s different than her father#meanwhile William did not have that much of a problem#like I know he looked sad for a second after stabbing Vanessa#but he did decide in a split second that was the best choice#William when you catch these hands
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SNAPDEX: DAY 13 | DEX 104
cubert.... warmup for today, 30 minutes
#cubone#pokemon#pokemon art#art warmup#generally im starting to draw these slower. nota ctually a bad thing though. im wanting to take more time#i think when i started them i justified it by like thinking 'oh well its only ten minutes.#i can spare ten minutes'#but now ill start drawing and its like. well i want to slow down a little. what if i want to take my time. even if its just a sketch im#coloring thats fine#snapdex
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Danny is gravely injured by the GIW, his voice box is severely damaged.
Making use of his own voice is impossible, but through some ghostly means Danny doesn’t quite understand, he can mimic others voices he hears just fine.
It’s a ghostly ability he found out he had a few years ago, with just a sentence or two heard he can do a flawless impression of that person. Now it’s not so flawless. The mimicked voice warps and fluctuates pitch, it’s crackly and he has a hard time not switching between multiple voices with every sentence he speaks.
His voice is reduced to an uncanny frankenstined attempt at speech that activates the average persons fight or flight response.
It’s no surprise that Superman is startled when he calls out for survivors while freeing the ghostly captives and a “not a deer” version of his own voice responds back.
#bones prompts#dpxdc#danny phantom#dp x dc#I’m listening to creepcasts ‘the thing in the basement is getting better at mimicking people’#and even though that creepypasta is so corny and bad I wanted to mess around with spooky mimickry Not Right voice stuff with dpxdc
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Yeah, I don't know about you, Fidds, but I'd fold at this 🙏
Previous!!
Next!!
First!!
#no Stan don't use the puppy dog eyes Fidds won't be able to say no!!!#yeah I don't know where this is going but i made more lol#should i keep going i actually don't know#are you guys liking this PLEASE ANSWER ME 😭🙏#stan has hit the luck goldmine in his lifetime of the exact opposite#the last time he was this lucky he was born and even he's not too sure how lucky that actually was 🙏#Fiddleford does NOT want to rebuild that portal guys 🙏#i have a feeling that he might anyway though 🤞🙂↕️#cole's art#art#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#gravity falls comic#yeah cause i am drawing comics now#that small drawing i did as a joke has really run away from me..#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#vampire fiddleford#werewolf stan pines#werewolf stan#gravity falls halloween au#i love you guys that followed me for this 🙏#why is stan spilling his guts about pushing his brother into an interdemensional portal to the first shmuck that walks by??#well..... idk he sees Fidds and hears that he knows Ford and he sees him as Ford's friend and he thinks oh man he deserves to know#mullet stan
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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an Angel
#moist von lipwig#discworld#going postal#terry pratchett#fanart#marcia#literally shutupshutupshutup i knOW he is not that cool but i really wanted to draw wings#i dont think im drawing him lame enough even though he is not all that lame#i mean lets be real if youre reblogging this youve read this book you know i mean#he is just so shaped as a character#lame in some aspects overcompensating in other and perfectly capable and even admirable in some other other aspects too#regardless he is not that cool.#illustration#digital art#original art#artists on tumblr#character art#marciaillust#the alternative caption is “And then an Angel appeared” which is a direct passage from the book but i dont want to discourage the uninitia#ted from reblogging; the tumblr art sphere is already dying lolol
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dungeon meshi is my favorite road-trip comedy film
#dungeon meshi#my art#laios thorden#senshi#marcille#chilchuck#chilchack#izatsumi#laois#laius thorden#sorry guys I don’t know which spelling is correct here#chilchucks car is a beat up beige Honda civic#laois never got a license because even though he’s actually a good driver he just never cared enough to do it#plus he wants to travel in some wacky way. like on a five person tandem bicycle or some shit#marcille never got a license because just fucking look at her#plus she gets motion sick in cars. she just would#senshi walks everywhere and has no need for cars#izatsumi just learned what a car was two days ago and she’s pissed that chilchuck doesn’t have a lambo#chilchuck doesn’t have time for any of this. he has to get his daughter to soccer practice at 5
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thnks fr th mmrs
#ok fine i finished it. trying something newish- messier less refined quicker? even though it took me forever.#i wanted to add another photo strip but eh#wolfstar#marauders#sirius black#remus lupin#james potter#peter pettigrew#the marauders#marauders era#hp#*
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#original comic#artists on tumblr#comic#indie comics#every heart a doorway#seanan mcguire#id in alt text#my comic#my art#i started re reading it as this was loading and realized i shouldve drawn nancy with streaks in her hair#oughhhg i love this book#beyond this the aesthetics are also just so on point for my interests#like the creepy/gory subjects and the literal murder to be solved lol#i think id have probably gone to a nonsense world that pretended to be high logic#the opposite of kade's fairyland#crap now i want to design a world eVEN THOUGH IM BUSY ENOUGH
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Production houses: but if the writers stay on strike we can't guarantee the future safety of your favorite shows 🥺🥺😭😭
Viewers who 1, have already lost their favorite shows because they were cancelled in spite of good ratings and good reviews or 2, have stopped watching new content entirely until the entire series has aired and concluded as a result of so many good shows getting cancelled on cliffhangers and thus leaving said viewers unable to gain closure with those characters and with a hollow viewing experience, so they've begun a, watching older shows they know came to a planned conclusion or b, revisiting their old favorites and enjoying the nostalgia or c, reading new books or fanfic instead: YOU ALREADY CAN'T GUARANTEE THE FUTURE OF OUR SHOWS SO GET FUCKING WRECKED AND PAY WRITERS WHAT THEY DESERVE!
#wga strike#support the strikes#writer's strike#writers guild of america#writers guild strike#edit; well this blew up a little#i just wanted to add that all our favorite shows are absolutely nothing without their writers#the bare freaking minimum is that those writers get paid a liveable wage#they are so underappreciated even though tptb would have nothing without them#a living wage is the bare freaking minimum pay them what they're worth for the work they do
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Apple Zai
#bungo stray dogs#bsd dazai#Bungo stray dogs dazai#bsd art#bsd#my art#yes that was the file name: apple zai#ngl I don’t think I will attempt to draw leaves#or apples for awhile lol#I hope the lighting isn’t too crazy I tried#I might’ve gotten carried away lol#I haven’t even attempted bgs in so long#I had fun trying to paint the leaves and apples though?#it started off as a silly sketch and then I wanted to put some effort in it somewhat
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The Mikes and Vanessas celebrate 10 years of FNAF!
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#michael afton#mike schmidt#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#freddy fazbear#fnaf movie#security breach#fnaf anniversary#HAPPY FNAF anniversary week!!!#I WANTED to draw a lil thing in celebration 🎉#I’ll probably draw more things throughout the week in celebration#no doubt I’ll have more to draw after announcements/games drop#SUPER excited !!#SO OBVIOUSLY Michael and Vanessa are very excited for the anniversary#they still like Freddy’s after all#they need any excuse they can get to have a good time#though Mike and Vanny aren’t as enthusiastic you could say#Mike think they probably shouldn’t celebrate at all#seeing they’ve only had bad things happen to em 💀#and Vanny is just not even arguing just straight up nah#I bet they’ll get more into the spirit as the week goes on tho 🩵💜#it’s been awhile since I’ve last drawn all 4 of them together!!#so felt the most fitting for rn they return the crew ever
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