#evangelliasks

[evangelifloss]

For the ship bingo, Lambdabern!! <33

Lambdabern, or as I like to call them Berndadelta, is THE SHIP. It is so good. What is better than eldritch-like Witch Lesbians who travel between worlds causing genuine tragedies for the funnies? Not to mention they usually do these things to try and fuck eachother over. If Bern is trying to do something abhorrent for the fun of it, Lambda will certainly arrive out of absolutely nowhere, and join the opposite "team" just so that she can make Bern's life harder. And don't get it wrong, Bern does exactly the same shit too. Basically if one of them is having fun in a universe, it is guaranteed the other is not far behind. Maybe the fact that both of them are equally terrifying to fucken everyone (aside from Featherine) is because you're going to be dealing with two insanely powerful Witches instead of one.

PEAK ROMANCE RIGHT THERE. I love them. They are so dramatic for eachother, and the concept of I don't know, being fuckin' normal about their love is virtually impossible.

Clarification on the choices in chart

I ship them as divorced: These two are the definition of contradiction. They're separated, willingly, by the Endless Sea of Fragments but they always find one another yet every time they do, they are so incredibly petty towards eachother. It's indistinguishable from a bitter divorced couple forced into a social setting together and they are so intent on viciously attempting to make the other humiliated in some way. They come up with increasingly complicated schemes for the sheer sake of trying to make the other lose. At the same time, they remember EVERYTHING about eachother, every goddamn intimate detail. They seek one another out across an infinite time-scape to have fun. They promise to meet up again once the fun is over. They have a mutual desire to inflict torture upon the other. They cuddle in a posh bed and share candies. They love eachother so much that either one of them suffering is a reason to celebrate. I could go on.

They're going to be the death of me: Literally. Meeting either of them will just end with me dying horribly or suffering a fate worse than death. In another sense, reading their insane mind games to force one of them to lose is so entertaining that any time they're pulling out every stop and twist, and backstabbing, makes me so entertained that it's a Bit Much for my brain. I get a serious case of brainrot WHENEVER I remember or come across scenes of their simultaneous and dramatic treachery towards eachother. Plus the fan-art and content is too good sometimes.

They should stay as far away from eachother: Every single time they cross paths, shit goes down and everyone involved becomes severely Traumatized. Or any underlying/current trauma of the victims gets irrevocably intensified. Plus, the longer they are apart, the more extreme they become. It's almost as if they miss eachother and want to make up for lost time by finding new, torturous and downright machiavellian ways to cause pain. This is amazing LOL

People that ship them need therapy: Anyone who is invested in umineko and berndadelta needs to find help.

It's more funny than romantic: Oh it is definitely romantic, but holy shit their dynamic is hilarious and for Witches like Lambda and Bern, conventional romance isn't their thing. You could say that they are romantic, but in an incredibly fucked up way that humans cannot replicate nor grasp. You can understand it theoretically but that's pretty much it. I don't even think a serial killer who has an obsession towards their designated Special Person could keep up at all.

Relationship Goals: I may be unhinged but even I think whatever the hell is going on between Lambda and Bern is a bit fuckin much. It's more about the dedication, their sincerity and exclusivity. I cannot imagine either of them having anyone else be sufficient for their needs. Cheating is only on the table when it comes to playing games in other people's tragedies. I can say with certainty that Lambda wouldn't ever kiss another person in an expression of love. And I can say that there is no miracle which exists where Bernkastel would lower her guard towards anyone other than Lambda (outside of their games of course, her guard is up lest the lamb win and disgrace the glory of The Witch of Miracles, Lady Bernkastel. Lambda would never let her live it down.)

The Aesthetic is everything to me: Granted I'm not a fan of Blue and Red/other bright "opposite" color coded pairings, BUT that is because it's become an oversaturated trope in most media these days. When it comes to Lambda and Bern however, it fuckin slaps AND Umineko was written a fair while back where it wasn't AS common, so I guess you could say I'm a little biased. Aside from the color, their actual designs are not only perfect complements to their natures but are really well done and unique. It's pleasing to look at. Another factor of their aesthetic is their titles, or rather, what "domain" they rule over. A Witch of Miracles, who can find just about any possibility as long as its existence isn't 0, with the Witch of Certainty who grants a desired outcome based on the determination and effort of the individual is SUCH synchronicity I have no choice but to admire it... and also get extreme autism brainrot whenever I think about it.

If you've read this far, I'm sure that you're just as clinically insane as I am and for those of you who haven't played umineko, go do that. There are Witch Lesbians. Also murder.

Side note: thank you my love Roseofcards for the ask, this was such a banger to write. I also had to write it twice, because tumblr crashed. Don't ask me how long it took to write this reply in one session... let's just say, there's no movie night tonight.

[evangelifloss]

YESSSSSS!!

Now the real question is which blu bone I'll get if he beats me to the afterlife 🤔

🥺 can I have one of your bones 👉👈

Lmao if I cark it first I'll give you one of my pinky fingers

DEAL

[evangelifloss]

one piece

(Send me an anime and I'll tell you why it sucks)

You really went there huh, asking me about One Piece when the fans are completely fuckin rabid... thank you for the opportunity.

Ironically, I am a HUGE fan of media pirates. I LOVE pirate centred franchises/shows/movies, and you can bet that I have huge brainrot over the first 3 pirates of the carribean movies (anything after that is terrible and I don't consider canon). I even have a period accurate, hand made pirate get up I use to go to festivals... so why don't I like One Piece? By all accounts it should be my no.1 anime but well, let's get into it.

One Piece sucks for a multitude of reasons and while yes, the main known problem is the art regarding the women characters and I am on this team, I also have other opinions on why I won't ever continue the anime. To sum this first gripe up: WHY THE FUCK DO MALE CHARACTERS GET KICKASS CRAZY DESIGNS OF ALL SHAPES WHEN EVERY WOMAN CONSISTS OF : Pretty face, massive honkers, zero stomach, big hips, and long legs.

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE BIG MAMA'S FOR FUCKS SAKE. Also why did the only uniquely designed female villain involve her making babies... like c'mon. Do we always have to add reproducing as a major plot/character defining trait for a woman?

With that said, onto the other issues.

For starters, it's completely inaccessible for the new fan. Unless you started watching when it was only 200 episodes long, which generally speaking, is already a commitment to some, as of right now you cannot expect someone to want to watch a series that has over 900 episodes that is still ONGOING. For a newbie, this is not only daunting, but it isolates them from engagement with the community. EVERYTHING is spoiler-town, and blacklisting one piece spoiler tags won't work because what is a spoiler for the newcomer, is old news to the fans. It is incredibly lonely to be unable to engage with the community because of how far behind one is. A huge character death related to Luffy regarding someone whose name starts with A is so well known now that I found a t-shirt with the panels of said death smack bang on display. For me, that was a MASSIVE spoiler... and i couldnt be angry because it happened a long time ago.

Now, I don't mind long animes, and a pirate anime with an obscene amount of eps should be a dream come true, but with the age of the series and length, ive been indirectly spoiled so much that i pretty much know all the important bits anyway, and with that onto my next gripe.

Anime isn't accessible any more because streaming has become incredibly regulated. I live in Australia, so my choices are already limited and I can't pirate the old animes due to every site being nuked. Do I support pirating anime? Not really, it's not my go-to but I don't have access to even trying out a "classic" any more. Luckily with one-piece, it's popular so it is available on a legal, paid subscription service. With that said, I'm not the wealthiest so for me, I can't afford to have a subscription. Ergo, I can't even watch one piece if I wanted to.

Which leads to the alternative: read the manga. Now this is possible, I can in fact do this and I have! I read pretty far and enjoyed myself but... I got bored. Nami's fish people story, Sky arc, alabasta, now those were bangers. Everything else was meh enough where I legitimately don't remember anything other than those three arcs. I don't expect every manga to have phenomenal arcs the entire time, but since one piece drags the hell on (anime more guilty of this) none of the other story arcs spoke to me. There was a formula to the story and it got repetitive. Frankly, I quit because I was bored.

With a 900+ ep anime following an even longer manga, whose entire narrative is based on finding the One Piece, no matter what the One Piece is, it will be massively disappointing. All this build up, mystery and hype regarding on what the treasure actually is cannot be resolved in a manner that fans will find satisfying. I can guarantee you that if the One Piece is the "friendship we made along the way" type deal, the fans will probably lynch Oda. If the One Piece is an actual treasure, which, compared to the intensity of the series as a whole, the fans will also probably riot. Basically since the whole story is so long and the mystery of the One Piece is over 20 years old, no matter what the treasure actually is, it cannot live up to the expectations anymore.

Also as far as I'm aware, there's no queer rep. I can forgive alot of it due to the fact One Piece started in 1997, but it's 2023 now and with the sheer volume of characters, world, countries, lore, I find it strange that everyone featured is GENERALLY ambiguous with an obvious leaning towards hetero. Do I want zoro and luffy to become gay? No! That's not what I'm saying. Do I want romance to be in this series? No. Not as a focal point. Do I think that there should be some diversity in the world the straw hats explore? Yes, absolutely. It's incredibly weird to me that with the massive universe of one piece, there isn't a single canon presence of queerness.

And don't get me started on early one piece racist caricatures. Again, started in 1997, not exactly a progressive time especially not in Japan. It is however, still a problem to me.

Also I miss Nami and Zoro's melanin.

[evangelifloss]

for ship bingo, jessica and kanon maybe? 💕

I am so ecstatic to have an ask... thank you my good blogger!

I love Jessikanon and it's my favourite servant ship considering that Shannon is kinda... with George and whoooo boy, red fucking flag central.

Jessica and Kanon's relationship is so pure, like you've got this quiet boy with extreme social withdrawal and the worst self esteem but Jessica sees past that. She's better than her adult relatives for many reasons, but in this context, it's because she sees Kanon as a human being. Not furniture, not merely a servant and even though he pushes her away, she doesn't abuse her power and take it out on him like what her mother does to Shannon (albeit for different reasons, i.e, the ushiromiyas bully her due to their superior ranking). It's honestly so charming that Jessica sees past social hierarchy. And in that same vein, Kanon comes to realize that he has someone outside the servant ring, who cares about him unconditionally.

On the same end it's so angst-y because his self esteem makes him believe that Jessica deserves someone better than him, and he turns her down because of this despite reciprocating her love. Aaa it makes me feral!! Absolutely feral!!

Let them be happy ffs. Golden land is Goated but does it really have to be a "you have to die to get in" deal 😂😭

And my reasonings for the choices I picked are explained below!.... I still don't know how to make an under the cut edit, sorry folks.

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HUGE SPOILERS DO NOT PROCEED UNLESS YOU'VE FINISHED UMINEKO

Exact opposite of relationship: Kanon wants to orchestrate the rokkenjima massacre... Jessica is not exempt from this plan

Concept more appealing than execution: Execution writing wise was perfectly fine, I'm talking more meta. The concept of Kanon and Jessica is amazing, but you kind of have the whole massacre to take into account. AND Kanon's gender identity which Jessica is unaware of.

Projection Central: Both of them are in some way, projecting their issues onto eachother, or rather that their inner conflicts make them seek eachother out. It's much healthier to an extent on Jessica's side, but the two of them are still projecting in some way.

My feelings are mixed: I actually do love them as a couple, and I ship them, but then we have the whole Kanon identity thing to unpack and Jessica is completely unaware. They clearly want to be together and I think that it would be so caring, but the basis of their relationship/mutual attraction is a lie. If Jessikanon actually went ahead, she'd eventually have to find out about who Kanon actually is. And she's the Heir to the Ushiromiya family, so if she managed to make it official, it's her duty to produce more heirs... that's a massively huge problem.

People that ship them need therapy: Anyone who reads umineko needs therapy

Signing off!

~Evangelli

[evangelifloss]

Stop calling ppl who ship fictional characters pedo you dumbfuck you're watering down the term pedo

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to make this. I'd been wanting to for quite some time.

Also if you sincerely believed what you are saying then you wouldn't use anon.

Have a nice day

[evangelifloss]

CONSIDER IT A BIRTHDAY, CHRISTMAS, NEW YEARS AND BEING MY MOST CONSISTENT MOOT GIFT 💝 I bought u funny checkmark because I wanted to, so PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF SATOKKY DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO DO ANYTHING IN RETURN. Except maybe be my frien like you always have been

Woe! Checkmark upon thee!

OH WAIT I DIDNT KNOW THERE WAS AN ASK TOO OMG 😭❤️ THANK U SO MUCH DEAR MOOT!!!

[evangelifloss]

What’s Satokky?

It's a nickname for a character from Higurashi/When they Cry. Satoko Houjou! I call her Satokky >:)

[evangelifloss]

SATOKULT RISE UP 😤😤😤

IF THERE ISNT ANY SATOKK DEFENDERS LEFT IN THE WORLD, ASSUME I'M DEAD

Let us continue the fight lmao, some people really need to learn about how children work and then how trauma expresses itself.

[evangelifloss]

I am Mahmoud Helles, the owner of the donation campaign.The campaign aims to expel my family from Gaza and expel my wife to Egypt due to her serious condition with a kidney injury. Please enter my page and then share .https://gofund.me/53fa2830🌹🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸🌹😭

Idk how to verify this but I'm not about to risk doing nothing in fear of being misled

[evangelifloss]

I'm sorry for my earlier ask. I was having a bad day

Appreciate it anon! I've only just gotten online so I didn't read any of my submissions yet, but yours was at the top of my notifications so I saw this first.