#evan buckley's stutter

[30somethingautisticteacher]

Every Part of Me

"Th-that was amazing," Buck murmured, nuzzling into Tommy's shoulder. His voice was soft, still slightly breathless. "Thank you for...for taking such good c-care of me."

Tommy smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to Buck's temple. "Always, sweetheart," he replied, his tone warm and affectionate. "And your stutter? Absolutely adorable."

Buck froze for a moment, insecurity seeping into his veins. "O-oh," he said, tensing slightly in Tommy's arms. "Is it that...that noticeable?"

Tommy looked at Buck curiously, observing the shift in his demeanor. "I mean, it's definitely something I notice, but I think it's charming. Are you okay?"

Buck's next words came out slowly and deliberately. Tommy could tell he was doing everything in his power not to stutter. "I'm fine. I just didn't realize it was so pronounced."

Sensing Buck's discomfort, Tommy's voice softened. "Baby, relax and talk to me."

Buck met Tommy's eyes, and his walls came tumbling down. "I-I've never...never really talked about th-this before," he began, his voice trembling slightly. "I've had the st-stutter my whole...my whole life. My parents p-put me in speech th-therapy starting at three. I tried, so h-hard to do well. My-my parents hated... hated it, but it never really got b-better."

"Oh Ev-" Tommy began, but Buck continued, his words coming faster now as if a dam had broken.

"I remember my parents getting so...so frustrated with...with me. 'Just sp-spit it out, Evan, we haven't...haven't got all day,'" Buck mimicked, his voice taking on a bitter edge.

Tommy once again felt intense anger towards Buck's parents, fighting the urge to voice exactly what he thought of them. Instead, he listened intently as Buck continued.

"Dr. C-copeland said strong emotions...emotions seem to tr-trigger it," Buck explained, his stutter more pronounced as he delved deeper into his painful past. "And that it w-was probably w-worse around my parents because...because of how they make me feel."

"I was so...so lucky to have M-maddie," Buck said, a hint of warmth entering his voice for the first time since he began his story. "I n-never really...really got p-picked on about it because... because of her."

His lips quirked in a small, fond smile. "A kid c-called me Blabbering...Blabbering Buckley once, and she g-got so angry about...about it that it n-never happened again."

"Just... just recently I've r-realized that strong e-emotions doesn't n-necessarily mean negative...negative ones," Buck said, his eyes meeting Tommy's with a mix of vulnerability and affection.

He took a deep breath before continuing, "I feel...feel strong emotions w-with you all...all the time, Tommy."

"Oh baby, I feel strong emotions with you too," Tommy said, his voice filled with warmth. "I am so glad you shared all of this with me. I never, ever want you to feel bad about your stutter. It's something so endearing and so uniquely Evan. I love it, and..." Tommy paused briefly, his eyes locked on Buck's. "And I love you, Evan."

Buck beamed, hearing those beautiful words for the first time. "I love...love you too, T-Tommy. So...so much."

Tommy pulled him in for a heated kiss, pouring all his emotions into it. When they finally parted, Buck's eyes were shining.

"Thank you for loving all of me," Buck said softly. "Even the parts I don't love about myself."

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Oliver saying Buck has never had to work to get a love interest, oh I want to see Buck so giddy and clumsy and awkward and just completely out of sorts when he finally realizes he has a crush on Eddie. So much so that the rest of the fire fam looks at him like “Boy, are you good???” 😭

[jackabbot]

9-1-1 • S3E03 ↳ “The Searchers” + bonus

[asraindarkness]

evan buckley’s stutter you are so important to me.

[watchyourbuck]

Eddie: how tall are you?

Buck: mmm about 6’2

Eddie: right

Eddie: and on your knees?

Chimney: *chokes* GUYS PLEASE

[willmiwi]

Okay so silly little thing I want; no NEED: I want buddie to be either fighting or flirting w each other on a call and get told by some of the victims "oh my god GET A ROOM !!!!". I just knowww their hearts would drop out of their ass *evil smirk*

[evanbuckleykinnie]

He really noticed it on a random Friday afternoon, sat around the table as Bobby cooked and Hen and Chim went about their usual routine of prodding and poking at Buck to get a funny response from him.

It wasn't like he'd never noticed it before, the small stutter that presented itself as Buck spoke. Sometimes it came out in frustration, other times during heated discussions where passion was like an all engulfing flame, and then there were the times it came out when they were speaking quietly between themselves and Eddie was staring too intently without realising it. But on that Friday afternoon, it finally clicked in his head that he had noticed it and had always been noticing it.

"Come on, you can't think there's been no one!" Chim had exclaimed over a mouthful of some spaghetti concoction Eddie hadn't really felt like eating that day. "Statistically, there's been more than one woman who's faked it for your ego."

"Oh, definitely more than one." Hen had chimed in, smile small and amused in a way Eddie had grown rather fond of.

"But I've never felt like anyone lied to me." Buck insisted to both of them and, bless the poor guy, Eddie believed Buck believed that with his whole heart. "I've- I've read about guys, you know... Not putting in the effort. I've made sure I put in the effort." Blue eyes scanned the table, falling on him. "Come on, Eds. What about you?"

Eddie had shrugged, caught off guard. He forgot, sometimes, that he wasn't just a spectator in the presence of everyone. Pulling on a small, sympathetic smile, Eddie held up his hands as he reclined back in his seat.

"Can't help you here, man." Buck's responding scoff had brought a small chuckle out of Eddie before he could stop it. "Look, I'm just saying... I haven't really been on the playing field in a while and the last person wasn't really someone who'd spare me the humiliation, y'know?"

"But I put in the work!" The response was bordering on desperate, distressed in the way this ribbing routine was designed to get him. Buck's ears were red, eyes wide, hands flailing wildly. "Look I- I.. I mean.. Sure, maybe not at first but- but.. Surely not as many as you're tryna say, Chim."

The click happened there. Something small, barely perceptible to most, had shifted in the way Buck was speaking and Eddie had clocked it as if a neon sign had suddenly appeared above the man's head. They were getting close to the limit, pushing and nudging Buck to the ledge of actual and genuine distress. Eddie knew the signs, he just hadn't really thought about them before. The more frequent repetition of words, the raising of his shoulders, the way his jaw worked even before he'd said what he wanted to say.

"I don't know what to tell ya, Buckaroo. With your track record? There's been at least five."

An eruption was about to happen. Eddie could see it. Hear it in the breath Buck pulled in, how it hitched in his chest like the rush of words were already tripping over themselves before he'd even formed them. A shadow was forming, ugly and cloudy and full of that self-doubt Buck always seemed to have floating above him.

"Hey, Buck, it's probably less than that. I'm sure you're a capable guy."

The silence that followed was thick. Oppressive. Eddie had spoken before he'd even registered he had something to say. He hadn't thought the words that had left him, he had actually vocalised them and there was no way of physically clawing them back into his mouth so he could chew them into mush and swallow them down.

Four pairs of eyes landed on him, all holding very different emotions. Bobby's were plainly observant, if not slightly amused. Hen's held that same amusement, but there was a warmth in them that had Eddie resisting the urge to squirm in his chair. Chim's were full of an incredulous sort of shock. But Buck's...

The shadow had passed, leaving those pretty blue eyes bright and clear. Doubt visibly changed to something surprised. A gentle, almost apprehensive type of surprise that had Buck's head cocked to the side ever so slightly as he stared at Eddie, or right through him. And then that, whatever that was, turned into a smug satisfaction, the corner of his mouth pulling up into a smirk.

"Thank you." Buck's eyes found Chim, much to Eddie's conflicting feelings of relief and dismay, hand gesturing towards Eddie. "You see?"

Eruption averted, doubt neutralised, but at what cost? Chim had gone back to bickering with a much less distressed Buck, Bobby was back to stirring whatever he had in the pan he was working over, but Hen still had her eyes on him. Eddie's face had burned as he attempted to avoid her eyes without seeming any more off than he already seemed, focusing on grabbing some random piece of bread he had no appetite for just to give himself something to do.

As he chewed, and as Hen finally gave up on trying to meet his eyes again, he had noticed Buck's ears had remained red. Redder than usual. The corner of his mouth remained pulled into a sort of half smile even as he argued about his bedroom abilities and Eddie had been certain, as he sat there, that he was being watched through peripheral vision. He had thought then that maybe, just maybe, knowing Evan Buckley so intimately yet so painfully silently, was worth it for just a little bit more of... That. Whatever that was.

[lookforanewangle]

me writing in buck's stutter every time he's upset or nervous: don't worry baby I heard your stutter with my own two ears, I won't forget

[theotherbuckley]

I need the 118 responding to a call involving a sex incident where both parties are male. Buck in his newly found bi discovery just making an absolute fool out of himself not knowing how to act.

[achilles-rage]

But imagine hot sexy firefighter buck being used to hiding his loser tendencies

But he starts feeling comfortable with you and let’s a little bit of his loser side out slowly and sees that’s makes you love him (and go feral) even more so he goes full loser

YES maybe you met him after his Loser Buck Phase™ so he tries to hide it because it was lowkey embarrassing when he couldn’t talk to a woman. but when you see him perched on his chair in the living room going through substacks and his glasses sitting low on his nose, you’re weak at the knees and desperately trying to pull his laptop away from him so you can get on your knees kiss him<3

[buckleyflower]

Holy mother of God is not the ep title, don’t let them fool you. Holy mother of God is what leaves my mouth every. single. time. I see this work of art of a man.

OLIVER STARK as EVAN ‘BUCK’ BUCKLEY 9-1-1 - S08 E11 · Holy Mother of God

[asraindarkness]

i can’t believe some ppl don’t see buck’s stutter??? like the boy literally has it specially when he is excited or stressed. LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WATCHING???

[alchemistc]

"How is he doing?" Maddie asks, and Tommy doesn't know how to answer that.

The thing is, he's watched Evan put on a mask. For a week and a half now, Evan has curled into Tommy's arms and taken the support Tommy offers, but the moment anyone else reaches out he's a different fucking person. Steel spine and marble face, not a wobble or a stutter to his words, the consummate professional.

It's startling to be the one who gets to watch the mask fall away. See the marble melt, the steel bend under the heat and the weight bearing down on him.

He knows that song and dance. He's perfected it.

To see Evan take up that mantle makes his chest feel caved in, and sometimes it happens so quickly and purposefully that Tommy wants to gag, to scream, to sob.

"He's grieving. We all are." It's not enough. But Evan has made it clear that he will not bend or break in front of the people Bobby asked him to take care of, and Tommy can't betray that.

Maddie rolls her jaw. Her expression is half-teary, half-murderous. Like she should be the one who has to witness that flint-strike change in her baby brother. Like she should carry that weight when Evan can't manage it for another minute.

Maybe she should. Maybe Tommy's stepping in where he doesn't belong.

Except Evan has been shockingly explicit, and honestly a little fucking demanding, about what he wants from Tommy.

Tommy's just grateful there aren't any uncertainties, in this moment in their lives. Tommy knows exactly what he's here for right now.

Beyond that...

"Has he talked to you?" She's still on the verge of tears, watching Evan out of the corner of her eye, brow furrowed in concentration at the kitchen island, garnishing whatever dish he's brought his family this evening.

Tommy blows out a breath. "Maddie..."

She shakes her head. Turns to look at him, head on. Even sitting he's nearly a head taller than her, but she has a fierceness to her that makes the size difference meaningless. "If you leave again it will break him." It's an accusation and a promise all at once. The fire in her eyes tells him she knows intimately what it's like to be on his side of the equation. She's also wrong.

Evan is one of the strongest people Tommy's ever known. He'd survive it. He'd thrive, eventually.

The rub is that Tommy has seen behind the curtain now, and decided on his own that he wants to be the one Evan can trust to pick up his pieces.

And that means Tommy has to confront his own shit head on. Quickly, and in a fashion that somehow allows him to share that piece of himself with Evan in a way that won't have Evan trying to be strong for Tommy, too.

Tommy contemplates how he can phrase what he wants to say without sounding like an ass. Without sounding like Maddie should mind her own business - of course Evan is her business. "Right now what he needs is to be the one taking care of things."

He'd watched Evan meticulously rip a funeral program to shreds last night, the pieces getting smaller and smaller until they were nothing more than mulch on the coffee table. He'd spent the previous hour crying, and the following one setting up a fucking catering line of casseroles they'd cooked one by one until about four in the morning because the oven was too small to handle the load.

Forty minutes ago he'd watched Evan paste on a smile when his sister answered the door, and Tommy had removed the steadying hand he'd had at his back, and received a grateful elbow nudge in response.

"What happens when that changes?" Maddie asks. Less accusatory, this time, though no less seeking.

Tommy manages to hold her gaze without spontaneously lighting on fire. "Then he'll need us to take care of things, for a while."

It's not enough. He knows it. She knows it. But the only factor he's not entirely sure of is who Evan Buckley will be once the mask slips somewhere he doesn't mean it to. The only thing he isn't sure of is where he'll be allowed to be, once Evan comes out the other side of this.

Stealing a second helicopter was as good as locking in for the long haul. Tommy will need to explain that, at some point, even if the response he gets rends him limb from limb.

"And you'll be there. To take care of things."

It's the worst kind of kinship imaginable. Two people so terrified of being hurt they'd prefer to be alone.

"As long as he lets me," Tommy murmurs, and pastes on a smile of his own when Jee-Yun clambers up into his lap to show him a doll with half its hair ripped out at the root.

[apartmentsmoke]

Probationary firefighter Evan Buckley, trying everything he can to get his Captain's attention - but even his best rescues get him nowhere, no clap on the back, not even a damn compliment.

And it's not like Captain Kinard is incapable of them. Buck's seen him shoot the shit with DeLuca, play Chimney in basketball, praise Hen for her quick thinking. He only dislikes Buck.

Buck starts acting out more. He's taking risks in the field he hadn't been previously, and the first time Kinard rounds on him, after a dangerous rope rescue that left Buck bruised and bloody, he's happy.

He keeps it up until Kinard has no choice to pull him into his office. Kinard keeps it professional, says he's concerned, Buck's fellow firefighters are concerned, and if Buck keeps this up he might not have a job soon.

Buck promises to do better and god, he tries. He does everything by the book. And Kinard goes right back to ignoring him. The slaps on the back from DeLuca, Chim and Hen's quiet support - they're not enough. He needs Kinard to notice him. He hooks up while he's working through his feelings, asks her to tell him he's doing good while he's eating her out. It helps. It's still not enough.

Next shift, he pulls his riskiest move yet. It gets him pulled into Kinard's office, and Kinard is standing this time, and he looks pissed. Buck is thrilled.

"Do you get off on this?" Kinard asks him. "Is this your current stop in your adrenaline seeking adventures?

Then, quieter, like he's admitting something to himself - "Maybe I'm not the right Captain for you. Maybe you'd do better at a different house."

Buck panics. He's come to really like working here. "No - I think you're a good Captain, I like working at this house. I want to stay."

Kinard breaks eye contact. "I don't know what you need, Buckley. But you can't keep doing this. You're going to get yourself killed and I -" Kinard looks upward, and Buck is fascinated. He's never seen the Captain like this before. "I don't know if I could watch that. If you want to stay here, we need to work out a strategy."

Pay attention to me, Buck wants to say. I need you to pay attention to me.

He takes a step towards Kinard and notices Kinard's breath hitch.

"Buckley," Kinard starts, and Buck kisses him. In the split-second before Kinard pushes him off, Kinard kisses him back.

"Buckley, I can't." It's a weak protest, and Buck steps back up to him again, holds Kinard like he'd hold a lover. Kisses his jawline.

"Buckley -," Kinard says again, then "Evan," and that's when Buck knows.

Kinard bullies him back against the wall, crashing his lips against Buck's. Kinard gets both of their dicks out, and his hand is huge and hot around them both. Buck buries his head into Kinard's shoulder, breathes out his name into his ear, and he's thrilled when he feels Kinard shudder. He doesn't expect the next words.

"Tommy," Kinard says. "My name is Tommy."

Buck comes straight into the curve of Tommy's hand. Tommy covers Buck's mouth with his free hand. Buck puts his tongue to good use, swirling it around Tommy's fingers, until he feels Tommy's hips stutter and then stop as he spills.

They're breathing heavily against each other for a moment until Tommy shifts away. He tucks himself back in, and Buck does the same. Buck's happy and satisfied; Tommy noticed him and he got a great orgasm out of it.

Tommy's wiping down his hands with one of the rags they use for cleaning engines. He looks up at Buck again. "I'll see you next shift, Buckley," he says. "You're dismissed."

Buck leaves Tommy's office with a spring in his step and plans to suck Tommy's dick the next time he gets the chance.

Three days later, Buck comes in to his next shift to find a new Captain, Bobby Nash, and the news that Tommy has stepped down.

[gayofthefae]

Yes I am constantly reminding myself that this wasn't "special little treat for episode 100". They made a commitment to the direction of his storyline.

i somehow only now just realized that this thursday we might (most likely) see buck kissing tommy again. like buck kissing a man was not a one time thing, y’all. he knows he’s bisexual so he’s gonna be kissing men, or at least one man, semi-regularly now probably.

how am i meant to deal with this? i barely survived one kiss. how am i meant to just be normal through this all?