#especially with the notion that love is a great strength but can also make for the most dangerous of weapons

[thegreatmelodrama]

One of my favorite and underrated lines from the Catching Fire movie is when Johanna says, “love is weird.” Because weird isn’t usually the first word that comes to mind when we think about love. However, it is so fitting. In some ways, it connects to Finnick telling Katniss about how Annie and his love for her “crept up on him.” Similar in many respects to how Katniss realized she loved Peeta. However, it also applies to platonic love as well. Katniss, who has a hard time making friends and is closed-off (and understandably so), came to love (in her own way) various people throughout the series besides Prim/her family. Cinna, Rue, Haymitch, Finnick, and Johanna (all to some extent -- at least in my opinion). Relationships forged within and from the toughest of circumstances. It reminds me of the pearl Peeta gives Katniss and how Katniss recalls Effie’s words (though factually wrong, are still important): pearls forged from coal. Beauty forged from pain. Love is weird not just because it can bring together the unlikeliest of people, but because it can emerge (even when we least expect or desire it) during even the hardest of circumstances. However, love can also fall apart, as we see with Gale and Katniss (though I will always argue that it was the decline of a platonic love). Basically, love can be romantic or platonic; it can happen at first sight or creep up on us. It can be expressed in all sorts of ways, emerge in all sorts of scenarios, take on all sorts of forms (whether they be positive or negative—some may question if it is love at that point, but that’s a different discussion entirely), and even break down over time right before our very eyes (sometimes unannounced to us). It can be/do all of these things at the same time. Love is just weird like that.

[hiddendruid]

IWTVTober Day 1: Church

Challenge Credit goes to @TAZAT0UILLE on Twitter.

Although many vampiric myths, especially those about how to deter a vampire, are patently untrue, the striking image of a cross is certainly one that drives into the heart of many a creature of the night. Though not because the great image of Jesus’ suffering stands a chance of cleansing the darkness from a vampire’s soul, not at all. Perhaps it is something as close to empathy as a creature of no human-like heart could feel.

Armand is not a Christian, never was. He had played at Muslim for a few weeks when he was Rashid. The sprawling urbanity of Delhi had been muddled with persons of many faiths: Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian. All walks of life. He does not remember what his family worshipped, when he had been Arun. But it was certainly not God, or Jesus, or whoever. No sight of a man strung up on two pieces of crossed wood had ever conjured in his mind a reason to be sorry for the sins he had committed, in both body and mind.

In Europe, the cathedrals loomed above the cities, stone giants with thousands of watching, carved eyes. Armand had never stepped foot in one, let alone went to bow his head to rattle off a prayer or two. Though his French coven had dwelled deep in the catacombs, nestled in the bowels of some church perhaps, he had refused to take any of the routes that exited into those echoey, marble halls. One evening, in the late spring of 1949, when the last of the freezing mists clinging to the streets of Paris were infused with the amber haloes of the streetlamps, Armand had listened to Louis muse about the oddity of churches here in Europe, how they were less grand in America, less tall. Louis had said that, in many ways, cathedrals were like vampires: cold and ancient, with the feeling as though every crack in the stone facade held secrets.

Deep in the black, twisted thing lodged between his ribs, Armand had felt as though that statement was aimed at him somehow.

Now, almost 80 years later, Armand sits in the Cathedral of Saint John the Divine one evening, eyes boring a hole into the back of a dark wooden pew as the others around him have theirs bowed in prayer. Why he decided it was here that he needed to sit, he can not answer. Truly, that evening, it was as if his feet had driven him to walk to this particular spot, wavering as he watched the parishioners make their way into the building for a midnight mass. Thoughts and whispers diffused the air, filling Armand’s head like a heady perfume. Inside the cathedral, packed in with the cattle, his head swims with the latent notions tickling his subconscious, sinking into his synapses like a balm that infuses into the skin.

Throughout time, he had found that human thoughts were at once both base and alight with something that even he, in his five hundred years of unlife, had failed to grasp. But then again, he also knew humans to be subtly manipulative with their thinking, as if they were aware that he - and supposedly an Almighty - was listening. He categorized and memorized the various shades and aspects of postulations that trickled from the cloud of human subconscious around him at all times. When the parishioners had their heads bowed in prayer, for instance, Armand felt himself awash with all kinds of soft, wishful desires, flowing through his veins and numbing his senses.

‘Please, Lord, help my wife to see that I love her.’

‘Lord, I don’t know if I have the strength, give me a sign.’

‘Please let him be okay.’

Notions of things that were surely not so out of their control, less the weakness of cattle had been underestimated. They always left a bitter sugary taste in Armand’s throat - at least how he’d remembered sugar to taste anyway. 

As the priest at the front of the cathedral begins his sermon, and the parishioners raise their heads, Armand can sense the thoughts becoming less fanciful. Brutish and honest, they bubble in and out of Armand’s ears and bounce through his brain like a spring, wound tight to be released at a moment’s notice.

‘I wanna get out of here so bad. I’m exhausted!’

‘Can this man hurry up so I can take a piss?’

Armand’s eyes remain forward, the buzz of human need around him boring into his head and nestling into the nooks and crannies of his skull. If it had not been for the unlucky loud man that had been stumbling around at 2 a.m. that he had drunk the other night, Armand would be - what was the lovely term he’d learned from Daniel? - ‘jonesing’ for the pumping, raucous blood of someone from this congregation. Maybe somebody in the back, who is thinking something along the lines of ‘where’s the nearest McDonalds?’ as they itch to type it into their phone.

Then, among the rabble, a singular wish, familiar from before, still held in that hopeful glow that lingers from the silence of prayer.

‘Let him be fine. Dammit, he better be, or I’ll. . .oh I don’t know.’

Armand’s head whips to the middle aged woman sitting just in front of him, brown curly hair tied back away from her face. In the unmistakable slump to her shoulders, the severe angle of her nose, and the streak of anger that laced her words, even as she speaks them in her head, he senses a familiar territory that he once hoped to claim, but let slip away. Of a young man twitching on the floor of a dingy apartment fifty years ago. Armand watches her intently, head tilted as he pushes into her mind, looking for more. His power digs into the woman’s brain like claws, dredging through the fluff of whatever latent thoughts she was holding before -

A flash. Studio lights on a book, sitting on a table between two large mugs of coffee and two men. One of whom rants and raves, familiar acerbic syllables decorating each explicit insult.

Daniel. 

Silver halo of curls surrounding his lined face, perpetual smirk lining his mouth, sat between the deep, carved lines of age adorning his cheeks and chin. Sunglasses perched on his severe nose, hiding his eyes.

Daniel.

As he spits words of contempt at the interviewer sitting across from him, the unmistakable shape of the words ‘Blow me’ plastering his lips as a loud bleep censors him. The smug confidence of someone who relied on the silver tongue and quick fingers on a notepad or laptop to survive, who would probably give a better sermon than the guy giving the sermon here, now.

If he were here. . .now.

‘Daniel.’

And, suddenly, like being thrown into the concrete wall back in Dubai, Armand is shunted back into himself, suddenly realizing that the woman who bore Daniel’s face is glaring at him, eyes laced with familiar ire and annoyance. She doesn’t speak, instead, she hisses softly under her breath, pushing the sound out between her teeth quiet enough so that it does not interrupt the priest, but sends the message nonetheless. She must think, perhaps, that Armand spoke the word aloud, and did not project it into her head like a volatile spear. With a look of what he hopes is remorse, Armand lowers his eyes, thinking that - in another lifetime - the tops of his cheeks would be warm with an embarrassed flush. 

When the service finally ends, Armand makes his way along with the stream of late-night parishioners out of the cathedral’s double doors. He eventually divests himself from the crowd and lays his back against the cool stone, head tilted up towards the sky. As he wallows in the aftermath of having his mind surrounded and infiltrated and filled with Daniel once more, he catches the woman from before exiting the building and striding towards a nearby side street, hands fumbling for a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and a lighter.

Armand peels himself from the stone wall and strides after her, his feet as silent on the stone as a cat’s paws, despite the low heel of his boots. The shadows of the night swallow him, swathing him in a cradle of darkness that allows him to track the woman as she continues smoking her cigarette and shivering in the night air.

Objectively, Armand knows he is not hungry and that if any passersby were to see him - not that they would, unless he chose to let them see him - they would think he was stalking this poor woman like a creeper. But her face, the slope of her neck meeting the collar of her jacket, the way the muscles in her jaw jumps as she exhales a cloud of smoke into the air, conjures psychosomatic memories in the all powerful mind of the ancient vampire. Rational thought has left his head. He is drawn like a poor, unsuspecting moth by the light of a jumping, roiling ball of fire trapped behind lantern glass. 

Then, the woman stops. Armand’s trajectory shifts as he ducks behind the corner of a nearby building. He watches her take one last drag and throw the cigarette to the ground, stomping it out with her shoe. Then, she swaps out the cigarette pack in her hand for a cellphone she pulls from her pocket, on which she types out a number quickly and with fumbling fingers. She puts the phone to her ear, turning in small circles like she’s expecting someone to leap out at her at any moment. Armand watches. He hears the phone ring and ring and ring, until a voice he would know and pick out from a crowd of thousands, even if he was blind, emitted from the speaker in a tinny, garbled tone.

Daniel Malloy’s inbox. Call me again, I fucking dare you. 

Beep. A soft sigh from the woman’s lips.

“Hey Dan- Dad. I mean, Dad. Hi. It’s me, you know your kid. The first one. Um. Yeah, just, thinking about you. Wanted to speak to you, I guess. You never answer, so I don’t know why I bother. Call me, please. Thanks. Bye.”

She hangs up the phone and keeps walking. Armand stays right where he is, watching her figure disappear into the night. He then turns his head to the towering silhouette of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine against the haze-coloured midnight sky, towers piercing the air like teeth. He feels a clump weight down his heart, like he’s listening to Louis ramble about churches again.

Louis. Daniel. . .

With a flick of his black coat - dramatic but necessary - he strides down and away, directions lost to him in his state. He just hopes his feet take him somewhere he needs to be. Away from what he’s thinking.

[inventors-fair]

Setting the Stage: Lyric Winners ~

Our winners this week are @helloijustreadyourpost, @hypexion and @reaperfromtheabyss!

@helloijustreadyourpost — Pin the Blame "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" by The Offspring

This card's pretty much what I was thinking of for how to subvert a notion. The Offspring are an abrasive post-punk sound with punchy lyrics. You've turned one of their first lines of this song into a kind of elegant musing from the queen on the throne. Is it an art? In real life, not really, you've just gotta rile up emotions until things get ugly, and in a song about strength, you don't want to be the one caught in the middle in the scenario that this card depicts. They're so distant from one another but smooth in equal ways. Great use of the prompt and a great card to boot.

Or like, I think it's a good limited common, anyway. There are times where it's literally a dead card because you're maxing out at -1/-1 for two mana on the early board, but if there's some go-wide nonsense, of course it's a blowout. I feel that this card is good in specific circumstances, like where GW has a Convoke-y feeling, tokens that allow you to survive a bigger swing with fewer creatures because you can easily and efficiently take down a big lad. RB/WB aggro probably isn't the place for it, but I like control cards just fine. If you're also up against some kind of Conspiracy 3 design board (I know, I know, designing for standard, but it IS Fiora) then this card gets your opponents far more open to your allies. Pile on!

@hypexion — Elise, Legend's Echo "Love is a Camera" by Sophie Ellis-Bextor

Oh, she's a SPIRIT. I actually just noticed that now. Ha! I mean, she's one to talk, but all the same. As cramped as this text is, everything feels sound. Opening this up in a limited or sealed pool might be a bit of a feelbad. I also think the possibilities to make it go absolutely nuts is cool as well. Standard sets can totally use some built-for-commander cards, and beyond that, she's a pretty hard-to-beat butt if you can throw some swords or whatnot onto her. And if there IS a larger Legendary theme, then the deck-thinning becomes more than that. Get reckless with your legends and have fun.

I think she shines best as a Commander card, though, let's not kid ourselves. Reanimation to combo nonsense means that you can Mardu battlecruise through a table with plenty of support these days, especially with legendary lands. How does she feel? She feels like a lonely, determined card that is less about the bloodshed and more about the memory-making. Having the "Bard" type really makes me reconsider how I see her image, and having seen the real intense lyrics that you're working with, I like the possibility that the echo is somewhat joyful, or at least less despondent than it would seem at first connection. She's living on the battlefield, after all, and she can look for more memories to strengthen her as she goes. It's a complex series of character possibilities and you did a great job conveying them.

@reaperfromtheabyss — Determined Scavenger "Take Cover" by All Time Low

The setting of Duskmourn turned me onto the notion more than the marketing ever did, I'll tell you that much. Seeing the survivors was certainly grim, and there's so much more that's been left behind. Seeing these little snippets, though, plays directly into the well-done trope of doing what one needs to to survive. The twist of the survivor perpetuating the horror under the illusion of self-preservation, though, is still wickedly heartbreaking. Determination and heroism can feel at odds in the face of overwhelming adversity. From my interpretation, the song exudes bitterness in a way that's definitely twisted into that sadism for this character. Ain't that what we're afraid of, in the end... Well, maybe not this guy.

I also like how the mechanics play into the whole survival aspect by being repeatable, intentionally so, in order to continue feeding into the determination here. Getting a big creature can be usually game-ending, but the fact that it's not optional makes this thing a real pain in the butt to work around if you don't know how to use it. I like it, though, because milling yourself out is perfectly flavorful with self-sabotage, and skilled players will know exactly how to work around their creatures in order to make this evasive assassin a beater and a half. The minor wording change I'd use is adding a "When you do" trigger, to make it after the end step say: "When you do, put X +1/+1 counters on ~ and each player mills X cards, where X is the exiled card's mana value." Having the mana value clause in the middle is a little weird, and the trigger being responded to can be important if you want to use delirium shenanigans at the end step in response.

Second verse is coming up, everyone into the pit... @abelzumi

[jynjackets]

Sorry to ask but why did you call Adria sexist? What has she done?

I don’t mind the question. I think it’s important to back up my claims so here we go.

If you watch her interviews, she's weirdly consistent about this really odd opinion she has about women.

Here she basically says men and women have different attributes when it comes to strength and toughness (which is sexist). Talking about her character that is known to "talk like a woman, walk like a woman," I don't even know what this means. But it comes off that she thinks there exists a single way a woman should act. Her character being a typical feminine-damsel type also implies her preference for this stereotype.

Reading through her other interviews she has a very narrow idea of what a woman should be, especially when it comes to ‘taking care of men’ and whatnot. I want to be clear it is one thing with having personal preferences to how you want your female characters to be presented, which is totally fine, preference is preference. But why this is problematic and moves past mere preferences is because she is saying one is better than the other. That women should be represented in this certain way.

She's done this not with just her latest character, but a lot of them.

Here she says her character is a "real woman" implying that there is a way to be an authentic woman as opposed to an inferior type. She also implies that her character is a real woman because she takes care of people. I don't feel the need to explain the issue with idealizing this.

It's again, her weird notion there's a difference between "tough" and "strong". Here she adds that women should 'own their femininity,' as if the opposite is what women are experiencing.

Not that this completely applies but it’s common for women who perceive other women to be adopting too ‘boyish’ of traits, to believe they are misogynists and rejecting their own kind. But this generally isn’t true— and the real issue with this is that it’s actually those that show conventionally masculine traits that are typically a minority and/or marginalized across women. Studs, butches, and tomboys helped pave the way and redefined culture for all women. In reality, they can be considered the epitome of feminism – proving that you don’t have to look, think, or act “like a woman” to be a woman.

It's, again, fine she may have had a preference. But to make a whole career where women are meant to be portrayed a certain way is such a red flag for me. Especially when she likens herself to them.

The rest of her snippets, to be very honest, it's just a bad fucking vibe I get from her, man. Like why would you say this?

and this?

"Sexist," one might say, might be a rather strong claim for someone who may, arguably, insist on a certain portrayal for women?

No, it fits because not only is this "preference" already largely overrepresented in media, but there are several ways of being sexist. The actress especially is exhibiting what is known as benevolent sexism, a more socially accepted form of sexism prevalent among both men and women.

Examples of benevolent sexism include:

basing a woman’s value on her role as a mother, wife, or girlfriend

focusing attention and praise on someone’s appearance rather than their other attributes

believing that people should not do things for themselves, such as manage money or drive a car, because of their gender

A lot of these can be done without intentional malice very easily! It could be seen as a complement telling someone "wow! I love your braids and lipstick, you really look like a real woman," or "my character is special and great because she is such a good friend and so loyal to this male character" without adding anything else. These, no matter the intent, are still very stupid and sexist to say.

I guess it's important to note where I am coming from and it is that I fucking hate toxic radfems. I hate how lesbian spaces drown out studs and mascs. I hate terfs and people who gatekeep identities because a certain representation isn't good enough for them. And while this actress's crimes are likely a misdemeanor compared to these awful gatekeepers, I cannot stand the stupidity of any hint of lateral violence. Especially when you’re relatively rich and famous you have a responsibility to not hold people back.

I can see that for others it’s not a big deal, hence “socially acceptable”. But it’s ideas she spouts like these that are poisonous to progress. The point should be that there should be no expectation for women. You can be anything you want because you want to. It's when I see comments to the things she says that make my blood boil like “yea! I love women who aren't so in our face ” (aka I don't want female characters with agency or opinions or as the lead) or “this is what a real woman is, sensual and feminine” (aka sexualized, long hair, tits, and ass).

I’m not above giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’s just kind of dumb. Like she’s not out here with a tradfem agenda or whatever. Outside of sexism she’s just bad at explaining anything. This is the last time I’ll probably criticize this woman because I already blocked her tag and she’s a flop anyway so she's easily ignorable. I really hate hating on women because they’re criticized enough, but there is a standard to be met when it comes to being aware and respectful. I wish I was cherry picking but I found all these interviews in like a 20 minute Google search and that's pretty damn telling of her career. She's also like 30 something years old. It's difficult watching a full adult infantilize her own character or see people believe she's "just naïve" when you can just say that they're being sexist.

[allthefujoshiunite]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks..

Of course I don't mind! This is a tough question though, because the scope is too broad, so I'll list some recent ones that come to mind.

Bokuto Koutarou (Haikyuu): Such a talented and fun character! But the reason I love him a lot is because, contrary to the way fandom reads his character, he's quite smart and extremely perceptive. As we saw in the 3rd Gym arc, he doesn't go through training mindlessly and when asked, he was able to condense three years of his experience into useful advice in a non-forceful manner. He's the real star (together with Yamaguchi) behind Tsukishima coming to terms with effort and volleyball. Again, contrary to people that make it all about Akaashi or Kuroo. I can give a 3 hour long ppt presentation about Bokuto.

Julius Novachrono (Black Clover): I recently started reading Black Clover so I'm around chapter 200. Julius immediately became a favorite because of his glimmering eyes, childlike curiosity towards magic, and compassion towards other people. I generally like characters that are unbelievably strong but instead of going around acting big, they just... vibe. And occasionally cause problems for the authority with good intentions.

Kageyama Shigeo (Mob Psycho 100): Talking about characters who are unbelievably strong, I couldn't NOT mention Shigeo. I ugly sobbed watching the last season and it never ceases to amaze me the way One incorporates the notion of power into his works. Forever proteccccc!!!

Bocchi (Bocchi The Rock): This series was easily one of the best one, especially in terms of its visual prowess, I've watched in a long while. I love Bocchi because she's an anxious mess and a lot of the time she's running away from reality, thus dream grandoise dreams on the daily, which is... very relatable tbh. She's also extremely cool when playing the guitar.

Emilico (Shadows House): I love Emilico because, she's a smart and strong young woman, but not in ways we conventionally define "strong" or "smart". She's a quick thinker and very practical, and her strength lies in her ability to move others and create a support system where everyone can rely on others when needed. I'd like to be friends with her!

Minare Koda (Wave, Listen to Me!): I'd probably think twice before befriending her but gosh she's a ball of fire! And it was so much fun watching her fuk up a lot but manage to somehow make it through the day! Plus, people who can find stuff to talk for hours unprovoked have my respect.

Sieon (Love For Sale): This is a BL manhwa by Dal Hyeonji that I will never EVER forget and will always carry in my heart. Sieon is the older male lead who works in publishing and he's one of the most, if not THE most, well-written characters I've come across. I felt like I had a lot of similarities with him and appreciated greatly that among the generic romance stories, we got one that was able to look beyond the cliches and was able to show there are different ways to love people romantically. Another 3 hour long Ted Talk topic for me.

Mitsuya Majime (The Great Passage): The Great passage is a series that I always remember fondly and Majime is the serious (like his name) quiet and book-loving male lead. He's especially particular about words themselves and I felt like he was my spirit animal. Love him to bits.

Karlyle (Define the Relationship): Another character from a BL manhwa. I'm super fond of Karlyle because he's so tender in every way. I adore characters (and also, tbh, envy secretly)who are naive but not dumb, maybe a bit inexperienced and they take smaller steps/are timid but always work hard towards what they want and are honest to themselves about their feelings. This probably won't make sense if you haven't read the manhwa, sorry... But I just want to encourage him and pull him into a tight hug! Deserves the best!!!

Katsuki Yuri (Yuri!!! On Ice): I wrote my thoughts on his character before on my Twitter (you can read it here if you'd like) but... yeah. Another talented, sweet, lovable character that I felt lucky being a part of the series' fandom and watched it week after week together with other fans!

Honorable Mention // Higuruma (Jujutsu Kaisen): His arc was brief, but packed the biggest punch for me. His backstory and fight with Yuuji will be the arc that I'll never forget in Jujutsu Kaisen. Masterpiece.

Hope this was interesting enough! Have a nice 2023 ~

[inlawchronicles]

Appreciating the love and support of a wonderful mother-in-law

When we think of a mother-in-law, many people may have preconceived notions of a difficult relationship. However, for those lucky enough to have a great mother-in-law, they know that this relationship can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling ones in their life. A loving and supportive mother-in-law can be a source of strength, guidance, and friendship. In this blog post, we will explore the key elements that make a mother-in-law the best one ever and how to appreciate and nurture this special relationship.

Communication: The key to a strong relationship

One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication. This is especially true for a mother-in-law and daughter/son-in-law relationship. Clear and open communication is the foundation for a strong and healthy bond. It allows both parties to express their thoughts, feelings, and expectations in a respectful manner.

As a daughter/son-in-law, it is important to communicate your needs and boundaries to your mother-in-law. This can include discussing how often you would like to visit or have her visit, how involved she can be in your personal life, and any other important boundaries that you feel are necessary. By setting these boundaries early on, you can avoid any potential conflicts or misunderstandings in the future.

On the other hand, as a mother-in-law, it is important to listen and respect your daughter/son-in-law's wishes. This shows that you value their opinions and are willing to work together to maintain a positive relationship. Communication also allows for the opportunity to address any issues or concerns that may arise, and find solutions together.

Respect: Essential in any relationship

Respect is another crucial element in any relationship, and it is especially important in a mother-in-law and daughter/son-in-law relationship. It is important to remember that everyone has their own unique beliefs, values, and ways of doing things. As a mother-in-law, it is important to respect your daughter/son-in-law's choices and decisions, even if they may differ from your own.

Similarly, as a daughter/son-in-law, it is important to show respect towards your mother-in-law. This can include respecting her opinions, traditions, and boundaries. By showing mutual respect, you can create a harmonious and positive relationship.

Setting boundaries: Maintaining a healthy balance

As mentioned earlier, setting boundaries is important in any relationship, and it is no different in a mother-in-law and daughter/son-in-law relationship. Boundaries help to maintain a healthy balance and prevent any potential conflicts or misunderstandings.

It is important for both parties to respect each other's boundaries and communicate them clearly. This can include respecting each other's personal space, time, and privacy. By setting boundaries, you can ensure that both parties feel comfortable and respected in the relationship.

Support and understanding: Being there for your daughter-in-law or son-in-law

A best mother-in-law ever is someone who is always there to support and understand their daughter/son-in-law. This can include being a listening ear, offering advice and guidance, and being a source of emotional support.

As a mother-in-law, it is important to remember that your daughter/son-in-law is a new addition to your family and may need your support and guidance as they navigate through this new phase of their life. Showing understanding and empathy towards their struggles and triumphs can help to strengthen your relationship and build trust.

Showing appreciation: The power of gratitude

In any relationship, it is important to show appreciation and gratitude towards one another. This is especially true in a best mother-in-law ever and daughter/son-in-law relationship. A simple "thank you" or a small gesture of appreciation can go a long way in strengthening your bond.

As a daughter/son-in-law, it is important to show appreciation for your mother-in-law's love, support, and guidance. This can include acknowledging her efforts in maintaining a positive relationship and showing gratitude for any help or support she may have provided.

Similarly, as a mother-in-law, it is important to show appreciation for your daughter/son-in-law's presence in your family and the love and care they provide to your child. This can include thanking them for their contributions to family gatherings or for simply being a part of your life.

Embracing differences: Celebrating individuality

Every person is unique, and this is no different for a mother-in-law and daughter/son-in-law. Embracing and celebrating each other's differences can help to strengthen your relationship and create a deeper understanding and appreciation for one another.

As a best mother-in-law ever, it is important to remember that your daughter/son-in-law may have different beliefs, traditions, and ways of doing things. Instead of trying to change them, embrace their individuality and learn from each other.

Similarly, as a daughter/son-in-law, it is important to respect and embrace your mother-in-law's individuality. This can include participating in family traditions and learning about her culture and background.

Being a friend: Building a deeper connection

A mother-in-law and daughter/son-in-law relationship can go beyond just being family; it can also be a friendship. Building a deeper connection with your mother-in-law can help to create a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

As a best mother-in-law ever, it is important to make an effort to get to know your daughter/son-in-law on a personal level. This can include spending quality time together, sharing interests and hobbies, and being there for each other during difficult times.

Similarly, as a daughter/son-in-law, it is important to make an effort to get to know your best mother-in-law ever and build a friendship with her. This can include having one-on-one conversations, planning outings, and showing genuine interest in her life.

Continuous growth: Never stop learning and improving

Lastly, a great mother-in-law is someone who is always willing to learn and improve their relationship with their daughter/son-in-law. This can include being open to feedback and making an effort to understand and respect each other's perspectives.

As a best mother-in-law ever, it is important to remember that your relationship with your daughter/son-in-law is constantly evolving, and it is important to adapt and grow together. This can include learning about new traditions or customs and finding ways to incorporate them into your family dynamic.

Similarly, as a daughter/son-in-law, it is important to be open to building a stronger relationship with your best mother-in-law ever. This can include making an effort to understand her perspective and finding ways to connect with her on a deeper level.

Conclusion

In conclusion, having a wonderful mother-in-law is a blessing, and it is important to appreciate and nurture this special relationship. By practicing effective communication, showing respect, setting boundaries, and being supportive and understanding, you can build a strong and fulfilling relationship with your mother-in-law. Remember to always show appreciation, embrace differences, and continuously work on improving and growing together. With these key elements, you can truly have the best mother-in-law ever.

[transamorousnetwork]

Men Are Changing For The Better

I love how All That Is is taking men in the direction of their evolution. It’s great seeing them struggle with limiting identities that, frankly, could have been cast away long ago. Those same identities are what can make being trans so dangerous and being trans-attracted so shameful.

But since we’re all eternal, men, like the rest of us, have all the time in the Universe to evolve. Still, some men are kicking and screaming while the Universe drags them into a better future. A future better for the rest of us, including trans and trans-attracted people. And for the men too.

This is not to say all men have been problems. Many men, are early adopters who embrace more fully all that they are, already find themselves feeling better about our continued evolution. They’re allies, partners and loving and supporting parents.

It’s the men in the middle of the bell curve who still struggle. That big bulge (pun intended) of hyper-masculine men in the middle of the curve are finally getting a clue. Many aren’t liking it. That’s why we have MAGA.

But women and people of color are liking it. So are some transgender women. And some men.

That’s another thing I love about All That Is. It happens simultaneously in the the now, creating more of that which I want to see. There, every person, every living thing, gets exactly what it needs. Every moment serves our collective evolution. It’s so odd that humans fight that evolution. Meanwhile everything else merrily goes along with it.

Signs of Progress

Two stories illustrate both men’s and our collective, progress. One describes how lonely men are and why they struggle. The other talked about Men’s changing role in society, especially now that women enjoy greater workplace prominence, larger incomes and more responsibility. The article describes how these advances are upending male role expectations both in the family and in the office. These advances threaten male self-image. I think they represent wonderful signs of social progress.

Today’s societies and workplaces no longer depend on male brawn to accomplish things. Income opportunities shifted, thanks to tech, but also society’s modernization, from blue collar, labor intensive work to Health, Education, Administrative and Literacy (HEAL) and STEM jobs. Jobs which women can do as well as, if not better than, men.

As a result, more women fill workplace positions than ever before. Especially in STEM and HEAL positions. Their numbers have triggered better pay for women too, often making them family breadwinners. Something once believed was the exclusive purview of men.

Not any more.

All this challenges male self-image, the silly notion that somehow men should rule over all else because their earning capacity, historically derived from their physical strength, endurance and capability, makes them, better, smarter and, therefore superior. Hogwash.

Finding their place

That idea was always an illusion. All That Is has always been about cooperation among ALL THINGS. Not only between men and women, but also between humans and animals. The ancient ritual of providing food proves this.

Ancient man knew animals played a key part in their hunting success. It was less about men’s hunting prowess, taking their kill from nature with grit and cunning, and much more about the ceremonial cooperation between human and animal. Ancient hunters knew when, for example, a buffalo offered itself to become food for humans, that that buffalo played as important a role in the hunt as the hunter.

Which is why native people often honored animals. Especially animals that gave themselves to sustain their families.

Men have had it wrong for centuries and in many ways continue getting it wrong on many points. That’s caused many problems for men, women, children and society at large. Some of those problems are dire today. Thankfully men are finally getting the message.

It’s all good news

Thankfully too, we still have plenty of time to improve civilization before Mother Nature once and for all kicks our collective human asses. Humanity still counts on distortions many humans still hold about reality as accurate, that, actually, aren’t accurate at all.

Remember, we’re all eternal. Many men already understand their role in life isn’t about being some overlord over others, especially women. But there still are a lot of men who don’t have a clue. 

Thankfully, All That Is is patient and persistent in its instruction. That patience is finally paying off. Men are becoming softer, saner, more tuned in to their femininity. That doesn’t mean they’re becoming more like women. It means they’re becoming more human.

Don’t worry transgender women. If you still need a hyper-masculine man to validate your womanhood, plenty of those men still exist. The Universe is big enough to give everyone what they want. Including men through which transgender women can feel like women.

In the meantime, I celebrate those trans-attracted guys. Guys who struggle with the awesome, sacred path of self acceptance. They are on the leading edge of what it means to not only be men, but to be human. Men are changing for the better. And that’s a really good thing.

[astermacguffin]

What if the Mark of Cain manifests differently when it's imprisoning God and not the Darkness? If the Darkness makes the Mark bearer go insane with unbridled want for destruction, then what does sealing God make you do?

An obsessive desire for creation? Creation to the point of corruption? (Think of the Shimmer from the film Annihilation. Continuous reproduction to the point of begetting alien, cancer-like entities. A refracted, distorted notion of creation.)

Okay, so canon divergence from The Trap. They successfully seal away Chuck, then Castiel bears the Mark. (Jack won't be back until later episodes, so he's not here yet.)

At first, they think he's fine. Cas says he's not feeling any bloodlust just yet. (He does feel a certain itch under his skin. Not a desire to murder, but a desire to do...something. He doesn't tell this to anyone.)

His grace is getting stronger, almost archangel-like (if not more). It's incredibly helpful for hunts, and Cas is happy to feel his wings healthy again after a long time. Sam is happy for him, but Dean is suspicious of things (especially since he's a previous Mark bearer).

After a while, Cas starts feeling...burdened, almost bloated by grace. (After all, he does have access to an infinite supply of it.) He needs to have an outlet for it.

Cas tells them so and Sam suggests healing people. Dean gives the green light on the condition that he remains invisible and he doesn't go Godstiel on them again.

It's a great outlet, and for the first few weeks they start feeling normal again. But unfortunately, healing stops being enough to relieve Cas of his excess grace anymore. The mass healings start to pile up all across the globe and it catches everyone's attention. Some think it's a blessed miracle, some think it's a sign of the end times. They make him slow down on the healings after that.

Without an outlet, however, Cas starts feeling antsy and pained. They brainstorm on possible alternatives. Cas suggests going to Heaven and saving it from collapse by healing his brethren's wings and creating more angels out of consenting souls in Heaven.

He explains Heaven's endangered and dwindling numbers. Sam agrees that it would hit two birds in one stone: relieve Cas from excess grace and prevent the extinction of angels. Dean doesn't like the idea of more winged dicks so he shoots down the idea. Eileen says that since Cas is the one in pain, he should be the one to decide.

Ultimately, Cas defers to Dean's judgment (as always). Sam protests, arguing that he can't just shoulder that pain. Cas replies: "I've suffered worse, Sam."

Cas doesn't complain about the pain for about a week, so for a while, everyone believes him when he said he can shoulder the pain. One day, Dean finds him outside the bunker, groaning in pain as he bleeds himself out, his grace pouring into the ground and sprouting plants. Dean sees this and is finally convinced to allow Cas to make more angels.

What follows then is a series of escalating events:

While Sam and Eileen are practicing their witchcraft for spell they need in a hunt, Cas suggests to enhance Sam's physical and magical abilities using his grace. "It will make the process faster and safer," he reasons. He agrees, but Dean eyes this suspiciously.

During one of their hunts, they encounter a young and freshly-turned vampire. The boy begs them not to kill him, and Cas gives him a proposal. "Promise not to feed on humans ever again and I shall cure you of your hungers and your pains. Pledge your allegiance to me and you shall never be afraid of yourself ever again." The boy agrees, and before Dean could even protest, Cas slices his palm and feeds the vampire his grace.

They argue about the grace-feeding in the Impala. Dean notices Sam's pointed lack of complaints and figures it out. "You're in on this, aren't you? How long has Cas been doing this? He's going Michael behind our backs and you're letting him?"

Sam argues that it's different because Cas isn't making super monsters; he's making them less "monstrous" (whatever that means). Sam's obsession with his own "purity" is key to understanding him here.

One time, Dean catches Cas in his "garden" ("forest" seems more apt with how lush the greens already are) creating butterflies and bees out of thin air using his grace alone.

Reports of the miraculously healed people suddenly gaining new abilities like increased strength, heightened senses, and prophecy start popping up. Some are experiencing phantom limbs, talking about their sprouting "wings."

Sam is becoming addicted to Cas' grace to the point that he willingly lets himself be hurt in hunts just so Cas can cure him. Dean confronts him about this, but Sam just argues that he's "never felt this pure before." Eileenn shares the same concern as Dean.

Hunts are becoming less frequent the more monsters are being "cleansed" by Cas. The world is becoming disconcertingly quiet.

Cas' "garden" is starting to emit this strange aura. The plants and creatures growing inside it are starting to look more...alien.

One of the original angels goes to Dean and tells him of Heaven's affairs. The Host is stable again, but the angels he created are...not exactly angels. They're graced up and they sustain Heaven, but their true forms are "horrifying and incomprehensible, even to an angel." The angel adds that more than 60% of Earth's creatures have already been touched by Cas' grace.

The final nail in the coffin is when Dean catches Cas in the garden fiddling with his angel blade. It's emitting a strange glow, vibrating a subtle hum and looking as if it's liquid, flowing and distorting here and there.

Dean asks him what he's holding. "Oh, this?" Cas responds. "This is the Last Blade. Last, not in terms of time but in concept, for no other blade shall ever compare to it. The spark of creation. Fiat lux."

Dean's heart sinks. Of course. The First and the Last, Alpha and Omega. "Cas...the Mark, I think i-it's scrambling your brain, man."

"I know," he replies, eyes wet and apologetic. It's a small moment of lucidity amidst weeks and months of...whatever that was.

"Okay, okay, so you're still you, that's... that's good. Okay." Dean doesn't know how to approach this. Give him a fight and he'll know what to do, but this? Watching his best friend, the love of his life, be distorted into something incomprehensible? Yeah, this is totally beyond him.

"You know, I used to hate Chuck," Cas says. "How could the Father of All Creation be this angry, petulant child? But," he continues, "knowing what I know now, it's either regressing into a petty child or being reduced to insanity."

"Cas...what are you talking about, man?"

"No mind should bear this burden, Dean. No matter how infinite they are," he says, voice trembling in exhaustion.

(more below the cut)

He continues. "The awareness of everything is the awareness of nothing at all. Imagine perceiving every possible piece of information about the world all at once. Seeing light in all its forms all at once: ultraviolet, infrared, etc. Sensing all the neutrinos zip by, sensing gravitational waves, sensing the slighest bit of seismic activity."

Dean doesn't know how to respond, so he lets him go on.

"Knowledge can only ever be a slice of the Totality of Truth. Truth is absolute chaos, and Knowledge is the partial ordering of this chaos. One can sanely approach Truth only through organized paritions of Totality. Why do you think Chuck is so obsessed with stories? Stories are linear and finite; they're sensible snippets of the endless sea of possible worlds."

"So, what? Are you trying to—"

"I'm not trying to justify Chuck's actions, Dean," he interrupts. "I just want to contextualize them. Chuck's simplistic and repetitive narratives are what they are: manifestations of a chaotic Totality, gone insane trying to understand itself. Looking for simple things to hold on to."

Cas takes a deep breath. He speaks with a shaky voice. "I'm barely holding myself together, Dean. I can feel the universe beneath my skin."

He doesn't know what possesses him to ask, but he does it anyway. "What are you holding on to?"

Cas smiles at that. "You."

They stare at each other for a while, frozen where they stand. Cas, with unrestrained affection in his face. Dean, struck by shock and indecision. It's Cas who first breaks the silence.

"I think we both know what needs to be done, while I'm still lucid enough." Cas slices his palm and lets his blood drip down the soil. He then thrusts the Last Blade into the ground, lifting it when the soil glows.

Dean stared in awe as the ground erupts and a familiar shape rises from the hollow. "Is that.."

"The Ma'Lak box, yes. I also enhanced it with the Blade to be able to house things as powerful as me."

"Cas, wait, maybe we can think of another way to—"

"Dean," he says, calmly. "You know there's no other way. I wouldn't ask this of you if there was."

In any other scenario, Dean would've kept arguing, but even he knows that they're running out of time. Sam's grace addiction is getting worse and all the creatures touched by Cas' grace are slowly mutating into eldritch horrors. Dean offers a shaky nod. "Okay."

Tension visibly releases from Cas' body. "Thank you, Dean." He opens the box and enters it with ease. "When you lock this, bury me with the garden's graced soil. Once I'm under, my influence over the world should dampen."

Dean gives a wordless nod. For a while, they just stared at each other, Cas lying down and Dean trying to memorize every inch of his face while he can.

Cas presses his hand into Dean's left shoulder where his mark used to dwell. "My untainted grace," he whisper gently. "Some of it is still inside you. That's probably why you're not as affected by me."

Dean wants to say, I'll always be affected by you, but he holds himself back.

He takes his hand back, a bloody handprint now on Dean's jacket. "I love you, Dean," he says, breathless.

"Cas..."

"I probably would've built up to that if we had more time but," he makes a surprised laugh, "I am, as you would say, already 'losing my marbles', so."

The air quotes would've been funny and endearing in any other scenario, but it just makes Dean's vision blur up with tears.

"Thank you for everything, Dean. I know we've done nothing but repeatedly hurt each other these past few years, but I don't want to spend a deathless eternity with that as my memory of you. I forgive you, even for the things you haven't forgiven yourself for yet. And I'm sorry for everything, especially for ending things like this."

He should probably wipe away his tears to clear his vision, but Dean can do nothing but stare at Cas in awe, in fear, in grief, in reverence. They're both fully crying now.

"Goodbye, Dean."

"Wait, Cas."

Cas looks at him, waiting.

"Can you...can you say it again?"

He doesn't need to clarify what 'it' means. They both know.

With one last mournful smile, Cas says: "I love you, Dean."

And with that, Dean finally gathers all the strength he needs to shut the lid and lock the box. He stares at it for a while, unblinking. He forgot to ask, Can you hear my prayers down there? But it's too late now to ask.

The box automatically lowers itself into the hole it arose from. Now all that's left to do is to cover it again with soil.

Dean doesn't bother with a shovel. He gently buries the box with his hands deep in the soil, some of it getting trapped under his nails. He continues the mindless task, whispering a tireless series of I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I hope you're okay I'm sorry, over and over between his quiet sobs. Cas is quiet inside the box. No screaming or crying. Dean doesn't know if that's better or worse.

When the final clump of soil is pressed into the mound, he suddenly feels it: a visceral shift that echoes throughout the world. The alien glimmer of the garden dims, and the world corrects its axis. Dean screams his agony into the air.

That's how Sam finds him: sprawled over a mound of soil, crying his heart out. Dean doesn't need to say anything: he knows what happened. He pulls his brother off the ground and brings him inside the bunker.

For the first two weeks, Dean cycles through drinking and passing out in various places in the bunker. If he's not wearing the jacket, he's holding it with close to him. Sam gives him a considerable space to grieve while he monitors the world grace problem with Eileen. The grace mutations have significantly dropped since then and everyone's going back to normal.

Unfortunately, that means monsters are getting hungry again. Sam doesn't want to leave his brother alone after going nonverbal with grief and dysfunctional due to alcohol. Eileen assures him that she can handle hunts on their own and that the hunter network that they're building will lessen the workload.

Sam's attempts to sober Dean up finally work, mostly due to the latter having very little strength to protest. Dean remains sober an entire day for the first time in weeks, and all he can think about is: I haven't prayed to Cas in a while. The longing might have reached him, but never a coherent prayer.

The first time he goes out of the bunker in a while, he heads straight to Cas' garden. Sam's glad that he's finally going out because "the sun is good for you" or something, but he's really only here for Cas. He kneels in front of the burial mound (where a patch of an unknown species of flowers is already growing).

The first prayer he says to him in a while is: I love you, Cas. I should've said it while you were still here. Not saying it out loud and just strongly thinking about the words somehow bolsters him to get the words through.

He's crying again, and he knows he's losing coherency. In his mind, he's explaining about his hangups and his regrets and his continuous denial of his own joy, but one constant remains: he's beaming all his love and affection into this prayer.

He's halfway through explaining all the traits that he finds endearing in Cas when suddenly, he feels it like a snap. If the glimmer dimmed when he buried Cas, now it's as if it was never there in the first place. With an unsettling amount of certainty, Dean just knows that Cas is gone. For real, this time.

"C-cas...?" It's the first thing he's said in a while and it sounds rough in his long unused voice.

"CAS! CAS!!! " He's now screaming, ripping away the flowerbed with his bare hands and scratching the soil away. Tears are obstructing his vision, but he has no time to wipe them away. He needs to make sure that is really gone. His hands are bleeding and he doesn't give a damn.

Eventually, Sam comes running towards him. "Dean! Dean, stop!"

He tries to hold his brother back, but Dean just keeps on clawing away soil. "Sammy, Sammy he's gone, he's not there anymore, Sammy I have to see, please, let me see Cas again, I need—" he breaks into sobs again, and like a puppet with its strings cut off, he slumps into Sam.

"Dean, it's okay, it's okay..." he says softly to his shaking brother.

Eventually, when Dean calms down, he looks at the carnage he's done and starts sobbing again. The flowers, his last evidence of Cas being here, are all destroyed. Now Cas truly is gone.

. . .

When Cas first heard Dean's confession prayer, he was overcome with joy. When he realized what that means, however, his stomach suddenly sinks.

He hears before he sees the Empty arrive, slithering like black goo.

"Wow, were you excited enough for eternal slumber that you wanted a preview?" The Shadow teases in Meg's voice.

At first, he was dreading the Empty, but now that he thinks of it, it's actually the perfect prison for him: a vast, endless nothingness for him to fill with his creations.

And if Jack wasn't in Heaven, that only means that he's in the Empty, and he can't wait to see his son again. Even when blinded by the madness of the universe, he can never forget the joy of being a father.

"Yes," he replies, "I'm actually glad you're here now."

. . .

Somewhere around the globe, Billie drops Jack back.

"Don't worry, kid. You'l reunite with your father very soon."

(to be continued)

[oops-all-knuxadow]

Now that he knows Shadow is fighting for his life, Knuckles needs a game plan. But he can't do it alone.

This story contains graphic depictions of gore/body mutilation.

Part three is Here!

Bandage, Part four

--

The island is quiet. Most of its wildlife has settled into their respective bushes, burrows, and trees for bed, while Knuckles remains awake under the stars.

Shadow is slowly but steadily continuing to bleed, despite losing much more than what could possibly come out of him from both the fall and the cleanup job in the river. His body is producing it from seemingly nowhere, trying to replenish itself. It's just as fascinating as it is horrifying, because Knuckles doesn't know what the fuck to do about it.

His options are...limited. He can stay nearby, waiting for his body to get the hint and stop all function, but as time continues to pass his weak, little pulse doesn't seem to be going anywhere. He can also just snap Shadow's neck in the hopes of finally putting him to rest, but the idea is so upsetting that the echidna won't make a move to do it.

Because he has hope. A third option. As he stares openly at the dead - at the near-dead - hedgehog, he feels like somehow he might be able to come back from this. It's a notion Knuckles would never entertain for anyone else, but he's thinking of the brief battle he had with Shadow.

He remembers the unbelievable speed at which he moved, the incredible strength hidden under lean, dark fur, and the electrifying spears he could summon at a whim. This hybrid being was (is?) insanely powerful, and he wouldn't put it past him to have some sort of regeneration ability.

It seems, then, since he hasn't succumbed to his wounds, and Knuckles won't finish the job, he must play caretaker. He briefly entertains taking him to a hospital, but the staff would likely take one look at Shadow and cart him off in a body bag.

Knuckles brings his communicator up, contemplating who to call, what to ask for. Sonic is ruled out automatically; after speaking to him earlier, the echidna can't bear to give the hero any hope that Shadow will pull through this. Though it's remarkable he made it this far, his heart will not beat steadily, and he's still a mess of broken bones and torn muscles and punctured organs that he doesn't even know how to begin to mend.

Tails can't be called, either, which is unfortunate. He's the best person to go to, especially for something requiring a wealth of medical knowledge like this, but Knuckles knows he'd tell his brother about it in a second.

Amy? They've never been particularly close, but he doesn't know if she could handle a secret like this. He doesn't know if she could stomach the sight enough to help, and she's in love with Sonic. She's out.

The Chaotix, as great as they are, can't be trusted to handle anything that isn't a case. They simply don't possess the skillset necessary to be of any use. Knuckles scrolls through his contacts with slowly mounting panic, rejecting person after person.

Can't help. Can't help. They'll tell Sonic. Can't help. They'll tell Sonic. Can't -

He stops, hovering over Cream's name, hesitating for only a moment before hitting the call button. There's only one more name on his list after her, and he won't touch that one. It's too risky.

"Mm...hello? Mister Knuckles?" The little rabbit yawns, awoken from her bedtime. The situation is too dire for him to feel guilty about it. "Is everything okay?"

"Hi, Cream," he says, "I need to talk to your mom, it's really important. Can you get her for me?"

She agrees, asking him to wait a moment. The echidna doesn't ask her to hurry because he doesn't want Cream to be concerned. Instead, he takes a deep breath and passes the time by tracking Shadow's pulse again.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Then an almost imperceptible beat. More nothing. More nothing. Over a minute passes before he gets to feel another one. He's so focused on the task he almost misses the voice over his comm.

"Hello?" Vanilla says, voice just as groggy as her daughter's. "Knuckles? Cream told me you needed me."

"Vanilla, I..." He begins, trying to choose his next words carefully. "Can you keep a secret?"

"That depends," she says, "if it could put my daughter at risk, I don't think so."

"It won't, I promise!"

"Well..." He can hear the nervousness in her tone, and prays to Gaia she will help him. "Are you sure I'm the best candidate to keep this information private? Is Sonic -"

"NO!" Knuckles yells, then quickly corrects himself. He can't be snapping at people after waking them up in the middle of the night. "Sorry, I'm sorry. Sonic can't know, it's very important that you don't tell him what I'm doing. Okay?"

There's a period of silence that the echidna knows only lasts for a few seconds. It feels like eternity.

"Okay, Knuckles," she relents. "How can I help?"

"I need a first aid kit, and all the towels you can spare."

"...That's all? Just a first aid kit and towels?"

"And..." He wracks his brain to remember what it's called. "A needle kit? No - sewing. A sewing kit. Something durable enough to make it through skin."

"Are you injured? If you tell me where you are, I can come and take you to a hospital, dear," Vanilla offers, and the concern in her voice is touching despite them barely knowing each other.

"It's not for me," he says, speaking faster. "Please, we can talk when I get that stuff. Can you bring them to me?"

"Not for you?" She asks. "Then why -"

"Please, Vanilla!"

The rabbit clicks her tongue. "Don't raise your voice, I've only just put Cream back to bed. I'll gather what you need. Where should I meet you?"

"Angel Island." The guardian sags in relief. Things are looking better, but he's careful not to let the hope in his chest grow too large. "Can you show me how to use the needle when you get here?"

"Yes. I'll be there in about half an hour, alright? Do I need to bring anything else? Are you sure you're alright, Knuckles?"

"I'm...not sure. Any other medical supplies you think will help. Thank you, Vanilla."

"You're welcome."

[danpuff-ao3]

shipping asks! a couple of random ones: i’d like to hear your thoughts on snape x any other lightning gen character (positive or negative - you pick!), & if you had to ship every one of the marauders with one lightning gen character each, what would your pairs be? as much or as little explanation as you’d like 😂

Oooh!!!! Hello there! These are fun!!!!! You know I love those age gaps so this is perfect. 😍

Let's see...

Snape x any other lightning gen character

I'm guessing by "other" you mean "other than Harry" since obviously Snarry is my one true love. 😂

For Hermione/Snape, while I understand why people ship them, I more so friendship them. For Ron/Snape, a fic with this ship was recently brought to my attention, and while I don't see this pair at all, I really need to check out that fic to see what all the fuss is about. (Seraphim Beneath the Christmas Tree, for the curious.) On the darker side, I can appreciate Ginny/Snape where Ginny is a Lily replacement. I see lots of gorgeous Luna/Snape art and while I appreciate the visual contrasts, I'm just...unsure? (Though there's a great Snape & Luna friendship fic I love, also a Christmas fic: Nargles at Christmastime.)

But the two Snape ships I'm most intrigued by would be Draco/Snape and Neville/Snape.

For Snaco: Head of House and one of his own students? Hot. Even hotter if you like the Godfather Snape headcanon. So Head of House/student and godfather/godson?? Yes, please. There's also the same visual contrasts that Snuna has, only it's slash!! There's also the fun "pureblood rich boy falls for older, poor, ugly man" which is my kink.

Do I see a genuine, healthy relationship? Absolutely not. Is it even love? Ehhh. I see this as more sexual, especially on Snape's end. Draco is young and pretty. And especially after Dumbledore's death, when they go on the run...perfect time for sexy shenanigans.

Specifically I like to think of existing Snarry, then Snape kills Dumbledore, Harry is angry and betrayed, Snape is stressed and heartbroken, and he uses Draco as a second best option. Whether Harry and Snape ever reunite, who knows. It's a sadder story if Draco and Snape stay together and Snape just settles for Draco, and Draco stays because...Well. I can see Draco falling for Snape before I see Snape returning his affection.

One Draco moves past being fussy and particular, if he can see Snape as a protector and a hero, I think that would do him in. Recognizing his strength and bravery; respecting his intelligence and his power; finding appeal in his protectiveness and possessiveness; appreciating the hidden romance, and mystery. I think the war could really do a number in demolishing whatever reasons Snape is the "wrong choice" for Draco. I think he'll take what he can get. Maybe fall into bed with Snape for the sex, catch feelings, and by the time he realizes Snape doesn't actually return them...well, he holds onto hope and sticks with it.

Even in a world where Snape would rather be with Harry, but Harry is either dead or doesn't forgive him...Draco will at least take comfort (and smugness) in that he does have Snape.

(I wrote some unrequited Snaco in Midsummer if you like angst! But cw for implied mpreg.)

(Other Snaco rec: Custard Tarts for the Tart by iamisaac.)

For Sneville: Another case of unrequited love (which I explored some in Romantic Notions.) During school years, I can see the case of a fear/crush on Snape. But I especially see it postwar when Neville deals with complicated feelings of his unpleasant history with Severus combined with now seeing him in a new light, as a hero. Think of events they might meet at! Snape the spy, Neville the snake-slayer.

Another super unhealthy dynamic. In my eyes, the imbalance of their personalities on top of their troubled past just makes this not work out in any decent way. Even when Neville comes into his own more and gains more confidence and strength, there will always be something a little off about his dynamic with Severus. This is another one where I see "in a world where Harry is dead or doesn't forgive Severus, Neville is the one he settles for." (Sorry, Snarry truly has rotted my brain.) It could be cute in a very questionable and angsty way. They share a garden. Neville supplies ingredients for Severus' potions. They have a little cottage and a quiet life. And really kinky sex.

(Humiliation kink helloooooo.)

I do have a Sneville + Snarry fic I've considered. Wartime fic. Harry asks Neville to look after Severus (as if he needs it 🙄) and...things happen. Very sad. Very hot. Just how I like it.

(Other Sneville rec: Night-blooming heartease.)

I'm feeling very exposed right now, let's move onto the simpler questions!

Marauders x Lightning Era

Let's go hardest to easiest, hmm?

Peter...Jesus lord idk. Hmmm. 🤔 I almost wanna say Ron because of the Scabbers of it all. 😂 Oh the questionable smut potential! Instead, let's go...Zacharias Smith. Sorry, I can't get rid of iffy Peter feels, so we stick him with the jerkface. OR...for Death Eater-y reasons...Crabbe or Goyle???? Sorry, anything I think of for Peter feels wrong and/or mean 🙈 And all of my ideas belong on the darker side of fic.

Unless we're going the time travel route and I can imagine Peter in better days as a better person...in which case...huh. Colin, maybe?? I wanted to say Neville, but I like Neville better for Remus.

James: huh. The first ship that came to mind was Hermione because of my dear friend @bluesundaycake, but I've never actually read Hermione/James or thought about it too much. I've never really thought of James with Lightning Era characters at all. I can see the case for Hermione. Smart as a whip, brave as all heck. But also...Ginny???? People laugh that Harry/Ginny is basically Harry hooking up with his mom, so here it's like...James hooking up with his late wife/ex wife (whichever the situation calls for. 😂) Unless it's time travel and he just shifts his crush on Lily to Ginny instead?? Plus they can bond over Quidditch! (Bonus points if Lily and James are divorced, and Harry and Ginny once dated and are broken up.) (For maximum drama and weirdness, y'know?) (Super hot.)

Remus: okay I really like Draco/Remus. Similar to Snaco for all the contrasts. Rich pureblood boy with his poor half-blood werewolf boyfriend?? Daddy will be so mad!!!! And I love it. Plus how calm and patient and charming Remus is with bratty, demanding, spoiled Draco?? Killer pair. Draco will feel safe with Remus; Remus will be excited by Draco. And I know I've mentioned before, somewhere, that this ship reminds me of me and my partner, so I have extra soft feelings for them! 🥰 Just think of Remus smiling fondly/indulgently while Draco paces around, ranting about his day, talking with his hands. Or pouting for one reason or another. Or Remus having to defend Draco and getting all calm-angry with attackers and Draco being all dreamy-eyed over it!!!! (Only One Word by EntreNous.)

I also really like Neville/Remus. A very drama-free pair. Two soft boys just doing life. Very calm and quiet. They garden together and read together. The very stable, healthy couple everyone else looks up to and goes to for advice. Better as a background pair, but cute all the same! Though there is a very good fic for them by swtalmnd called Flora and Fauna.

Sirius: there can only be one, and it's Draco/Sirius. I'm stupidly into it. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it. They're cousins! The age gap! The proper pureblood and the rebel! Opposite sides of the war. Yadda yadda yadda. Both are drama queens. Both are hot. Sirius teaches Draco how to properly let loose and have fun. But he also cleans up well (surprisingly) and can play the part for Draco as needed. Meanwhile, Draco brings a challenge into Sirius' life, and gives him someone to chase and bicker with. They'd have a lot of fun together I think, and a lot of passion! (Old Dogs and New Tricks by youcantseeus.)

ship asks

other answers: here

[capricorn-stark]

Batboys with a Plus-Size SO

warning: none

request: Batboys with plussize readers? Maybe Marvel Men as well? One of the two? Both? I love them all 😌🥰

a/n: for 🤍 anon 

Dick Grayson

Lots of hugs - unless you weren’t comfortable with them, but if you were okay with it, you’d be on the receiving end of a whole lot of them, mainly because I feel like he would give really nice hugs somehow

He’d like wrapping his arms around you, around your shoulders, resting them on your hips

Just ways to pull you closer to him no matter where you might be

He thinks you’re gorgeous because you certainly are, and he will not waste an opportunity to hype you up about it

Especially when you’re feeling great in a cuteass outfit or just generally feeling yourself, he’ll absolutely feed off of that energy and tell you exactly how amazing you look

If there’s ever a time you just so happen to not feel that confident about yourself, you can forget it, because he’ll pick up on that so fast

He’ll point out every single part of you that he finds beautiful, whether that’s physically or by expressing how you make him feel emotionally - and that could be him telling you how much you brighten up his every day, how much you make him laugh

And to him, you’ll always be the most beautiful person in the world no matter what

Jason Todd

One of the many perks of getting the Lazarus 180 treatment is shooting up in height and practically doubling muscle mass 

Like, this guy’s 6″ tall and is about 225 pounds worth of muscle

Not to mention he can lift up to 1,000 lbs 

So would he want to pick you up and spin you around, ignoring any sort of protest unless it was just something you really weren’t cool with?

Absolutely. 

He’d like just showing off his strength in general, you’ll be standing around one minute and the next minute he’ll literally sweep you off your feet with an all-too smug smirk on his face

Will wrap his arms around you from behind, literally just pulling you into random hugs

He’d adore your curves, definitely believes in thicc thighs saving lives

Likes running his hands down your curves, from your waist to your hips and lower still

You being comfortable with your body and being confident in general is just something that he would find incredibly attractive

But honestly, he’d be attracted to anything you’d do

Tim Drake

He would just adore your body and everything about you, honestly

PDA or even getting touchy in general definitely isn’t a thing for him, but you’d probably end up being an exception after he gets used to dating and being in an actual relationship - unless, of course, you’re not cool with it, which in that case, he would be okay with keeping a distance

But if you are cool with it, I feel like he’d actually be into cuddling

Cuddling with you would be heavenly for him, especially with the amount of stress that boy has to deal with all the time

Just putting on a movie, getting under the covers, and being able to hold you and just generally feel totally relaxed and comfortable

He’d love how warm you are, the softness of your skin, the lil extra pillowyness you’d have - he loves all of it

You’ll find yourself needing to drag his ass to bed a lot, especially after arguing over him routinely sleeping past 3 am to take care of “work” while being hunched over a computer screen

And most nights he’ll just listen to you and come to bed

Then he’ll just wrap his arms around you, bury his face in the crook of your neck, and promptly pass out

You’ll get used to this routine. Eventually.

Between your cuddles, caresses, and nap-dates, he’d come to think of you as just being his ultimate source of comfort from absolutely everything

Damian Wayne (aged up)

The label of "plus-size" just isn't a thing for him, it’s not something he really even thinks about

He sees you, you look fine as hell, and he just heads over to shoot his shot

And by shoot his shot, he’d be casually hanging around, off-handedly flexing the weirdest things about himself while trying to act way too cool

I don’t mean he’s saying stuff like how he’s rich, one look at his outfit-of-the-day and pain-stakenly styled hair can tell you that much

But he’d be talking about stuff like how he once rescued a cow from a meat slaughterhouse

Y’know, things that would make you concerned for his well-being and wondering what on earth any of what he says has to do with you, but he’ll eventually realize his tactics weren’t working and will actually manage to take you out on a real date after toning down the flex-factor

But like Jason, he’d be less about how you look and more about how you carry yourself - he’d also be attracted to confident people who just so happen to be hot as hell

So if you ever did feel insecure about your looks or anything of the sort, he’d see it as a ridiculous notion because he knows perfectly well that you’re so much more than any sort of insecurity

Would he be good at telling you all of this? Of course not - he’s literally Batman’s blood son, and Talia wasn’t necessarily the best at communication either

But your size wouldn’t matter to him, because once he finds you to be an interesting person and a compatible partner, all he’s focused on is taking you on fancy dates, showering you in expensive gifts, and you’d get the message in time

And again, the fact that you also happen to be hot is just something he would see as a very nice perk, and he’d definitely be appreciative of that

_____________________________________________________________

Batboy Headcanon Tag List: @daddyissuesmademe

[light679]

Genshin character’s favorite musicals:

I've been obsessed with musical soundtracks lately, so here's a little blurb of what I think some Genshin character's favorite musicals would be and why.

Childe: Hamilton. Something about the way Hamilton never stops trying to be better, to achieve more would definitely resonate with him. And of course he’d probably definitely vibe with the music of it.

More under the cut!

Xinyan: A Star is Born. Of course, the story of being a rock star would resonate so well with her. But to some extent, I also think the main character, Ally’s i securities would resonate with her as well. Different situations, but the notion of being judged by appearances would definitely be something she’d feel strongly about, since it happens to her. Seeing someone overcome that and being celebrated for their music would be a great feeling for her to watch.

Zhongli: Rent. While Zhongli may be less familiar with the nuances of paying rent and some of the aspects of the film surrounding AIDS, I feel as though the messages of living for the moment and cherishing your loved ones would make him really emotional in the way the musical does it. The Life Support scene will make him cry every. Damn. Time.

Hu Tao: Corpse Bride. Not only does Corpse Bride Involve the undead, but the musical shows the world of the undead being so interwoven with the living that I feel it would be an interesting watch for Hu Tao. Not only that, but the music is so fun and cooky at times that Hu Tao would absolutely love it.

Thoma: Aristocats. Thoma would just have such a fun time watching this one. Not only does it speak to his love of animals, but the jazzy music and the wholesome story of the animals finding their way back home would just be something he loved so dearly.

Albedo: Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory. This musical would start off as such an enigma to him; how do the accidents related to the kids eating the candy actually happen? Can candy be made to do any of these things in the real world? Why would someone envision a world where candy is so potent and important, yet be dangerous during experimentation? He’d rewatch it so many times trying to understand the thought process of it until he found himself humming the songs and really enjoying watching it and debating with you.

Klee: Klee would 100000% be that kid that loves frozen. The amount of times Albedo has had to watch Frozen with Klee would be astronomical. And Albedo can’t stand frozen ofc

Kokomi: the Little Mermaid. Mermaid vibes! Jk. Of course she’d love the notion of a musical about mermaids, but that aside, the idea of wanting something different for your life than others expect of you fits so well with her thoughts on being a Divine Priestess

Bennett: Hercules. Bennett would be amazed by Hercules. Someone who has all the looks, strength, smarts? Everything seems to go right for Hercules, even when times are tough he pulls through. Bennett would have be so impressed with someone like that, aspiring to be as strong as Hercules.

Kazuha: Pocahontas. Pocahontas is so well connected to nature that of course it's something Kazuha would resonate with, especially with a large portion of the conflict centering around wanting to sabotage that nature to colonize. And of course, Kazuha clearly has respect for girlbosses. So a girlboss connected to nature fighting to maintain peace and avoid that? You bet. Although, Kazuha will often discuss at length how much he wishes there was more focus on that than the love story.

Raiden Shogun: Mamma Mia. Ei loves her light novels and what musical feels more like a light-hearted, light novel than that musical? The love story that goes along with the upbeat pop music is much easier for her to grasp and enjoy than some of the other more confusing light novels she's read previously. That's not to say Ei doesn't like more complex musicals and concept, but the feel-good ending would be one of her favorite pick-me-ups after a long day.

Xingqiu: The King & I. Being someone who loves to read, there is a high likelihood Xingqiu would have sought out to read Anna and the King of Siam, which was based on Anna Leonowens' memoirs. Since The King & I was based on these memoirs and real-life experiences, this musical would of course be fascinating to him. Of course, any musical inspired by real-life events would be interesting to Xingqiu, but this one in particular would be a favorite of his.

Jean: Lion King. This would be one she watched often with Barbara. She'll claim she watched it so many times throughout her life because her younger sister was a fan but in honesty, Jean was really taken with Simba's storyline of suddenly having a huge responsibility and many people looking up to him. And despite not being perfect, things working out in the end and everyone still respecting the young king. The symbol of the lion becoming king reminds her of the Dandelion Knight and Lionfang Knight titles she aspires to.

Diluc: He doesn't like musicals. It's actually Les Miserables because the music and storyline of it made him incredibly emotional, but he'd probably kill anyone who saw him crying to it.

[astrowithkaro]

I love your content!! Can I request july 31 for your language of birthdays series please?🥺

Language Of Birthdays: July 31 - Leo

The Day Of Of Human Portrait

Those born on July 31 take a special interest in what it means to be a human being. Philosophical and moral questions concerning the nature of humanity absorb them, especially where unusual and abnormal aspects of people are concerned. Consequently

no question concerning the behaviour of mankind is off limits to them, and rarely will a subject be too upsetting to examine and discuss. Stories of persecution, imprisonment, tyranny and torture may hold a fascination for those born on this day. as do martyrs, saints and other highly spiritual figures, and their acts of kindness and courage. This is not to suggest that those born on this day reserve their interest in humankind to the exceptional alone; on the contrary, they are also absorbed with the everyday life, customs and habits of people.

July 31 people have a great need to share and communicate what they have learned. The more introverted personalities born on this day often record their impressions in writing (diaries, letters, essays) or fine arts, particularly drawing and painting; extroverted July 31 people may wish to make their contribution through direct social interaction. In either case there is a marked descriptive or visual talent associated with those born on this day. Both the introverted and extroverted types often display an interest in promoting their notion of the ideal man or woman, or the ideal society.

Most July 31 people put their work ahead of all else, which may not always make them the favourite of their family and friends. As family members they are not infrequently the subject of controversy and the object of criticism. Some July 31 people may even choose to live alone precisely for this reason; it is as if they are too much involved with mankind in general to have time for a great deal of personal interaction.

Those born on this day generally have a practical, realistic outlook but may tend at times toward the pessimistic. If their assessment of life around them becomes overly negative and then gets turned inward, it can make for true unhappiness. Thus the realism of July 31 people can be valuable and healthy but must never become a destructive negativity. Those born on this day must remind themselves that the immediate world around them can be greatly improved through their efforts, and that their dedication to more universal social issues may be of less usefulness. Perhaps practicing daily acts of kindness themselves constitutes their best chance of becoming the ideal human being they so greatly admire.

Strengths:

Visual

Expressive

Observant

Weaknesses:

Anxious

Disturbed

Isolated

Advice

Those born on July 31 must beware of neglecting their health. They may be so taken up with the welfare of others or in intellectual concerns that they forget about the importance of a balanced diet, healthy sleep patterns and constructive physical exercise. A well-balanced diet, with a high proportion of grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and a moderate but regular protein intake is suggested. Endless ruminations may cause insomnia if July 31 people are unable to "clear their screen" at bedtime. Any healthy pursuit that helps take them out of such a pattern, such as reading, meditation, or perhaps sex or conversation, is a good idea. The above mentioned interest in human behaviour and interaction makes team sports attractive to many July 31 people but unless professional athletes, those born on this day should keep their involvement at a moderate level.

Don't let pessimism occupy a central position in your life and work

Your realism should not be a prescription for unhappiness

Share your knowledge and bring insight to those around you.

[chidoroki]

Isabella - 73584

I had a serious debate with myself over whether or not I wanted to sit down and spend my weekend writing another one of these praise posts. I was content with just doing one for each of the Fullscore Trio kids and ending it there.. but apparently I love this woman too much to just ignore her on her birthday. So here were are on September 9th with a list of all her best and my personal favorite moments as to why I believe she’s such a great character, antagonist and mother (yeah you heard me right). Considering she only shows up in the beginning and very end of the story, this post ended up longer than I originally anticipated, which just goes to show how many thoughts I really have about this woman. (for real, this rivals Ray’s post in terms of points but there’s far more words)

Since she also has some backstory and certain events differ between manga and anime (thanks to the second season), I’ll try to go in chronological order between both timelines instead of chapter by chapter, which might be a bit confusing as we’ll jump around the story a lot but just to bear with me as I try to makes sense of it all.

(spoilers for the entirety of The Promised Neverland & ch181.7, so if you haven’t read/completed the manga yet, consider this your first warning, because I’m literally going from start to finish with this one last time. I promise.)

- I’m not sure how well she compares to Emma when it comes to athleticism, but Isabella seemed to have no trouble climbing up and down trees when she was younger.

- Not only that, but she managed to scale the wall by herself using a method that requires a fairly impressive jump. It’s also implied that this is how she climbs the wall again so many years later when chasing the soon-to-be escapees, which helps prove that even at an older age, she hasn’t lost her touch.

- Was chosen to undergo training to become a Mom, which required high test scores and the current mother’s recommendation. She accepted the offer in order to keep living and survive as human the demons couldn’t eat.

- Based on Sienna’s comment, is it fair to say Isabella is on par with the full score trio? I mean, the woman is basically flawless.

- She was practically untouchable during her time at headquarters while training too apparently. Mom positions are scarce so the environment where these ladies fight (physically/mentally/emotionally) to even snag that job is highly competitive, and yet Isabella never let anyone deter her from her goal of becoming a Mom, which probably led to the “Iron Lady” nickname she received now that I think about it.

- She was the youngest ever to be granted the Mom position at..what, 19? 20? Somewhere around there, but impressive nonetheless considering they’re forced to have a child, build up a strong, emotionless exterior and endure so much fear. (but my goodness, the woman doesn’t age at all. she looks just as good when the story actually starts as she did her when she was a bit younger)

- It became common knowledge among the Sisters that she was also very successful in the way she raised her children.

- Her success greatly benefited the farm, as she offered up countless high quality goods, which sounds terrible, I know, but believe me when I say she gave her best effort for her children. Even though she held the Mom position, the amount of power she actually had in this system was pretty minimal, especially with how much she valued her own life. She couldn’t afford to make any mistakes or risky changes, so she settled with doing the most with what she was capable of. She provided her children with a normal lifestyle, not only to keep up the orphanage facade, but knowing that their lives would all be cut shorter than they anticipate. She gave them love in hopes that no one would ever have to feel the dread she felt after Leslie’s death and/or finding out the truth. She tried to delay that horrific fate by encouraging them to learn all they can (like teaching the trio about strategy and chess) so they could achieve higher tests scores and (unknowingly to them) add a couple more months or years onto their lives. Yes it was her job to raise these children to such high standards but she excelled at it for their sake too.

- And I know y’all will just throw Ray in my face like, “oh but he was her actual child and she treated him horribly/different.” Okay but deep down I don’t think she actually wanted to? When they both realized they were truly mother and son, Isabella couldn’t just dote on him and start treating him as such. I’m sure Ray wasn’t too fond of Isabella at this point in his life either, knowing that she sent several of his siblings away to get killed. They probably would’ve gotten along just fine in a perfect world, but since they were both aware of the hell they’re trapped living in, they emotionally distanced themselves and formed a business-like relationship as a result of Ray’s deal, which benefited them both in different ways. For Ray, it was more practical, with the obvious notion of living as long as possible along with obtaining various rewards and knowledge of the outside world. For Isabella, it helped emotionally by simply just ignoring their true relation. I believe if she clung to that realization, it would break the orphanage illusion and eventually wear down her “Iron Lady” exterior that she relies so heavily on.

- Like can you imagine how much you would have to harden your heart in order to quite literally walk children to their death every couple months for years on end and just move on like it’s completely normal? Now imagine how earth shattering it must be to think about doing the same to your actual child. All those years spent perfecting a fake smile and emotionless exterior like she was trained to have and her son shatters it in an instant. She becomes completely terrified about how he’s actually alive and in front of her right now and there’s nothing she can do to truly save him.. and yet she still recovers so damn quickly I can’t even comprehend it! But there’s still some sadness in those eyes. You can’t tell me otherwise. That one moment of weakness speaks volumes to me.

- So now with her general backstory FINALLY out of the way, we can finally start with ch01/ep01 and how her laugh is sweet and innocent. I say that because (all hidden emotions and motives aside) that’s exactly how she’s supposed to sound in this moment, not only to us but to the children as well.

- She of course checks Emma’s tracker a moment later but other than that I still think it’s a pretty genuine moment between the two.

- As previously stated, her ability to raise high quality children is unmatched, which is clear as day thanks to the fullscore trio.

- Despite their crazy level of intelligence, the trio has yet to win a simple game of chess against Isabella, even when teamed up.

- She treasures everything about the kids.

- She really cares about them, even when it’s time to send them off with a smile, which we know is thanks to her strong facade.

- But mother dearest isn’t really fine. She doesn’t like walking kids to their death, especially so young. But she can’t let them (or even herself) know that. She can’t show weakness, so she hums Leslie’s song, which is a tool she’s used for years in order to give herself strength.

- Don’t worry, I disliked her this moment happened too, just as the story intended. And here’s where her fantastic antagonist role begins for all the world to see.

- A true champ at jump scares.

- Acts completely calm the night after a couple of kids found out the secret of the farm.

- She uses the tracker in plain sight, sending whomever went to the gate last night a threatening but silent message.

- Correct Norman, that’s the “Iron Lady” for ya. Also the name of ch03 for us. Well, “The Iron Woman” but same difference.

- She switches from calculating and manipulative breeder to sweet and pleasant mother so quickly and effortlessly it’s incredible. Isabella even checked Emma’s pulse in this scene to see if she was acting normal.

- At this point she still had no idea who went to the gate (Ray didn’t tip her off yet, at least I don’t think so) but her guess couldn’t have been more precise. The level of fear she drives into both Emma and Norman was great too, but then again her presence is enough in any scene to give us chills.

- Notices her watchdog isn’t at his usual post and starts to get suspicious.

- Not only of him, Emma and Norman, but Don and Gilda as well, thus giving the five extra chores to finish in an attempt to slow down any escape planning, such as cleaning vacant rooms, organizing the pantry and inspecting spare linen.

- While the trio believes Isabella was being too soft and patient in finding her targets, she effectively catches them off guard by bringing in Krone for assistance. The trio soon realize they were actually preparing the sister’s new room and those mundane chores were just an excuse to buy time.

- Look at her, all smug. Checkmate indeed. (and totally not important, but her eyes are such pretty shades of purple)

- The sass and her no nonsense attitude.

- Immediately puts Krone in her place the moment she even thinks about shipping out the targets. Of course holding off on shipping the targets would benefit the farm, as it would produce higher quality merchandise as time passes, but plant 3 is run by Isabella and she’ll be damned if an assistant thinks they could waltz right in and decide her children’s fate.

- She check’s Emma tracker again despite her claim of knowing exactly who the targets might be. You can never be too careful.

- Her precious children managed to win a game of tag against Krone, which is still impressive considering the kind of training the sister has gone through, so kudos to her teachings.

- Knows right away that Krone was trying to take advantage, which allows Krone to realize that the opening she had to learn more about the children was all planned by Isabella herself. Her intimidating nature is enough to scare adults too.

- Reveals that Krone was mostly summoned in order to keep Ray in check after his failure.

- Despite the trust issue, Isabella still keeps up her end of the deal by requesting the items Ray asked for, thanks to the odd perks she had under Grandma Sarah which allowed her to order goods that weren’t on the supply list.

- This hug between her and Phil is just too cute not to mention.

- I imagine she makes this comment because she knows exactly how long a rope must be based off her own almost-escape.

- It’s just something about how this scene is framed alongside this dialogue that makes me think “oh, like mother, like son.”

- I blame her very thoughtful planning for my first big freak out when I watched season 1 blind, like ma’am that’s my favorite boy, please don’t.

- She conspires with Grandma Sarah in order to get rid of Krone for good, which renders the evidence sister just found out about the children’s escape completely useless. Sarah believes there might be some truth to it, but ultimately ignores it and puts her faith in Isabella’s ability of controlling the children & the situation.

- She then cuts Ray off and ends their six-year long deal, opting to control the situation herself from now on. Also, how she wanted to keep him around until the very end is kinda bittersweet. Does she mean as merchandise? Or because she wanted him to live as long as possible? Ah such a tricky little comment.

- She also tosses him across the room like a rag doll.

- Thank god for this panel existing and actually being adapted into the anime so I could hear it because I had absolutely no memory of her laughing in this moment.

- “She says it so nonchalantly,” Norman said once upon a time, and it’s still so frightening.

- As insane as her ideals seem given the circumstances, nothing she says here is really a lie.

- She has the strength to quite literally break a leg and that cracking noise still haunts me to this day.

- It wasn’t even a spur of the moment thing either. Isabella came fully prepared with bandages to fix up any injury she was willing to inflict and that thought alone is terrifying.

- Not only that, but she broke it so cleanly that Emma’s leg does indeed heal perfectly in the exact time frame she estimates. This entire moment is so unfairly impressive, like ma’am how dare you do this to Emma of all people.. like why couldn’t you at least use that kind of force to snap Peter’s neck instead or something?

- To make matters worse, she then reveals Norman’s shipment date. And it’s the following day, which sends the kids into a very understandable panic.

- Needless to say, November 2nd, 2045 was a very successful day in the life of Isabella. Woman was putting everyone in checkmate in ep08 and my anger on full blast.

- This sly smile she sends Ray’s way after announcing Norman’s shipment to the younger kids is so cruel.. it’s perfect.

- I can only imagine she asked about Ray’s whereabouts because she knew the boys were close friends and she hoped they would at least say goodbye to one another, but that’s just me.

- Puts an end to Norman’s parting words in such a simple and chilling matter.

- The way she just openly threatens Emma with others just out of earshot.

- Norman out here asking the real questions. If anything, I say she’s more “content” rather than happy. I don’t think she’s ever really thought about her own happiness, at least not often enough, hence the slight pause. This entire time she’s been focusing on how to make her children’s lives perfect, but for herself she just wants to survive in this hellish world they’re all living in.

- I’m honestly still not sure who’s final decision it is to send people to Lambda, either Isabella, Peter or someone else (honestly never bothered to check), but whether or not Isabella had any say in the matter, I’m sure she’s at least a little glad that Norman gets to live a bit longer? Perhaps that’s a stretch, but I’m putting the idea here anyway.

- I say this because I believe that’s part of the reason why she offered Emma a Mom recommendation, not only because our girl’s high test scores, but in hopes that she could live a longer life.

- Although she really stresses in an intimidation fashion how pointless Emma’s efforts are now that Norman’s “dead,” the cliff remains a major hazard and her leg is still bandaged up, Isabella still tries so hard to convince her to give up, like Ray has, in order for Emma to end her own suffering. It was the first instance during my blind watch-through were I started to get the hint that Isabella might actually care about her kids, and of course I know now it’s because she didn’t want Emma to experience the same pain she did after Leslie’s death.

- With Emma and Ray both broken, things went by rather smoothly for Isabella those last two months, though she continued to keep a close eye on them.

- Her humming is so soothing. And why it took me this long to bring up “Isabella’s Lullaby” is beyond me, but oh my god, that song and any other soundtrack that uses its melody is absolute perfection.

- Had enough sense to not let her guard down the final night, even though her efforts were ultimately unsuccessful, but the idea counts.

- Though her caretaker side is focused on more during the fire, some motherly instincts do kick in as she instructs Gilda to get the babies from her room and lead everyone outside to safety. She was also concerned for Emma’s well being, hoping all the smoke didn’t get to her when the girl vanished. (i know you can argue “she’s only worried because they’re merchandise” which is fair but c’mon, i swear she’s not completely heartless)

- Took a hot minute (ahha) but Isabella eventually realized that the kids were actually escaping solely based on what they were wearing on their feet. I’m sure Emma’s discarded left ear was a big tip off too but to come to that conclusion by noticing the shoes they had on during all that chaos is surprising.

- She looks completely insane here but I always thought this shot of her was nicely animated with all the fire (or embers? sparks? whatever they are) flying around. The laugh she does before this is also a nice bonus. Oh, and she somehow managed to secure a radio from the room Don had locked.

- Figured the fifteen kids would head towards the bridge and called in headquarters to block it off.

- But when the children didn’t appear at the bridge, she just happened to know exactly where else they might try to cross the cliff.

- In the anime’s case, Isabella climbed the wall and ran there quick enough to engage in a stare down with Emma before she finally slid down.

- The moment I knew I was doomed.

- After the 15 kids successfully escaped, Isabella admits defeat, for she couldn’t really see how much her children have grown to outsmart her.

- This iconic quote, which conveys so much truth and sincerity. There were multiple occasions where she had to distance and restrain herself due to the system that controlled her, but the love she was able to show the children was genuine. If she wasn’t held back by the strict rules enforced by Mom position, I don’t doubt she would’ve treated Ray better or became far more emotional whenever a child had to leave for good or seriously injured, instead of donning a fake smile and being closed off.

- She realizes with this unspeakable loss in merchandise, the reputation she worked so hard to build up is meaningless now and that the farm no longer has any use for such an incompetent caretaker. She figures she’s as good as dead anyway now, so she wastes no time in actually helping the escapees by reclaiming the ropes to hide their exact method and route of escape, if only to grant the kids some extra time before the pursuers really locate them.

- She doesn’t act bitter as a result of her loss, instead choosing to wish the escapees luck with the future they grasped for themselves and care for the children that were left behind.

- She’s just so pretty y’all. Thank you anime.

- She was named “Best Antagonist” (and rightfully so!) back during the 2020 Crunchyroll Anime Awards, winning over Askeladd (Vinland Saga), Overhaul, (My Hero Academia), Garoua (One Punch Man,) & others.

(Post-season 1 spoilers ahead, even though the anime is completely finished at this point, but will be touching upon her special chapter more as well.)

- Completely owns up to her mistakes that caused the farm a massive loss in profitable goods and is ready to received whatever punishment necessary, which she expects to be death.

- Only.. she’s not being killed, she’s actually being promoted to Grandma. Though Isabella was directly responsible for the children’s escape, the blame ultimately falls on Sarah who couldn’t correctly control Isabella, thus leading the old lady to be shipped out in place of the goods Isabella lost.

- Peter also notes that the farm found more worth in Isabella than Sarah, so her past merits also played a part in sparing her life, as having a woman like Isabella in charge would surely produce the level of quality the farm needs.

- Isabella eventually accepts the promotion, though she can’t help but feel hesitant and shocked about the whole deal. This woman was ready to embrace death and finally be free from this cruel world, but now she has to witness not only more kids being shipped off, but moms and sisters in training as well (yay old chapter reviews coming in clutch).

- She could have very well just refused Peter’s offer, but we all know how much Isabella originally wanted to survive, so she doesn’t just accept because this man dangled a sense of freedom in her face, she also agreed so she could have the opportunity to help her children in any way her newfound power would allow her.

- Of course, her transition to Grandma happens a bit differently in the second season, but I will give some bittersweet thanks to the anime once more for the obvious but curse them for also having this entire scene dark as hell. Let me see her beauty darn it! I can only fix the lighting so much until it looks overexposed and bad again.

Anyways, Sarah is still alive at this point and taunts Isabella with the escapee’s lives just to see how she would react, which gave her a small sense of hope. Then some demons pay a visit later on and also ask if she would want to see the children one last time, but Isabella tells them that not only would she be too ashamed to face them but that they would manage to survive Grandma’s capture plan, which involved several men blowing up their shelter. It’s now clear to the demons that these children are special, and while Isabella agrees, it’s not for the same reason the demons think so. The demons believe the kids are special because of how they were raised to such a high quality. Isabella calls them special simply because they’re her children, just as any mother would.

- In the anime, it’s the demons who offer Isabella the Grandma deal if Sarah’s current plan were to fail (which it does) and she takes it and the freedom from Grace Field House without question. Do I still believe she had similar intentions to help out the children like she did in manga at this point? Of course.

- Not even a full month into her new job did she start preparing to help Emma & the others by considering who from the current Sisters she wanted to recruit to personally assist her destroy the farm entirely.

- A month later and Isabella had already decreased the number of shipments that took place at Grace Field, which obviously helps raise the quality of the children by default, but it also means less death and gives those kids a chance to live longer.

- She completely anticipated that Matilda, Jessica, Sienna & Scarlet were conspiring against her and caught them quite easily, as they were among the top scorers.

- Each had a fair chance at becoming Moms but with those positions limited, it was obvious to figure out they were trying to force Isabella’s seat open by creating some suspicious activity to place on her almost perfect record. Unfortunately for the girls, our new Grandma is too smart for her own good and I love it.

- The four women are apprehensive to join her insane plan to go against the farm, but Isabella assures them there’s no freedom if they follow the system’s rules and betray her. The harsh reality they’re all living in will continue unless they stop competing with one another and combine forces to defeat the true enemy.

- To persuade them further, Isabella mentions the children they all gave birth to are still alive, bringing out an array of emotions from the women that they each thought they had buried deep down.

- THIS! Just all of this is wonderful and shows just how much Isabella learned from her children who once defeated her.

- To fully gain the women’s trust, she gives them Ray’s farewell note that he originally left in order to bait Krone, as proof she won’t double-cross them at any point.

- I love the fact that she kept the note close to her because it acts just like all the other various toys and items she saved in her secret room back at plant 3. The original owners were all precious to her so she kept a piece of them behind to remember them in a place only she knew about. As I said before when mentioning her “I wish I could have just loved them normally” quote, all the love she had for her children had to be suppressed when she was under the system’s control, but that doesn’t mean she never cared. Because she did, and if I haven’t made at least that clear by now then I’m failing.

- Can her intentions and love for her children be any more clear? (possibly, i’m not done with this darn post yet. how you guys holding up? i’m going a little insane at this point.)

- Anyways! Second season didn’t make the rest of the story easy so apologies for any timeline mishaps as I switch between both anime and manga events from here on out.. like how in manga Isabella is informed of the escapee’s return to Grace Field via Peter, while the in the anime it’s her who helps lures them back with a fake transmission via the radio they stole.

- Just before Emma & the others do return to Grace Field on November 13, Isabella finally reaches out to the farm’s many other Sisters to recruit them. She waited until the right moment to inform them of her crazy takeover plan so Peter wouldn’t become suspicious from all of headquarters acting/thinking differently (you know, like how Emma kept the jailbreak plan under wraps until the night of). These ladies also feel a bit wary and even think of Isabella’s offer as a joke, but with some real, heartfelt encouragement, she manages to win over every single woman to her side.

- The moment when it was first revealed to us that she was not only still alive but was also promoted to Grandma is still so powerful.

- She snaps Nat’s finger back into place after Peter broke it. (and considering emma’s group infiltrates the farm right after this, i’m pretty sure that ch170 with rallying the sisters took place before this..i think?)

- Gave me a minor heart attack.

- *CLAPS FRANTICALLY!!!* The moment she truly won me over.


- While her betrayal against Peter in the manga is fantastic and quite possibly one of my favorite moments, the anime did give us a little something too. It shows Peter spewing utter nonsense to Emma about how she’s destined to fail, only for best girl to bite back with such a fantastic quote, and then Isabella drops the act and switches sides. While I agree Emma’s comeback is “wonderful,” it’s the English dub that completely wins me over in this scene by having Isabella comment “Now that’s my girl” instead, like bro.. hearing that makes me so happy.

- For real dude, you have several highly skilled women pointing guns at you, I think her betrayal is crystal clear.

- This is like the perfect example of how she had to conceal her feelings while bound by the system. She just misses these kids so much y’all but she can’t let her true emotions show yet.

- Having her call Peter a boy is beyond hilarious to me. Also, how she disagrees with him on so many levels is excellent, like how he believes in experimenting on kids and having the right to call yourself their parent just because you created them, while Isabella believes in raising and loving children normally and that you earn that parent title by actually being part of their lives. To be fair they both inflicted pain on kids (Nat’s finger/Emma’s leg) but Peter’s action was a mistake in itself. Isabella got frustrated back when Krone even threatened to ship out the kids who discovered the secret, so you can bet she’s probably pissed off at this boy for harming one of her kids on purpose.

- The best mother-daughter moment ever! It’s such a shame it never got truly animated since the second season decided not to give the children guns, but we get to see a small smile from Isabella after Emma decided to still call her “mom.”

- The anime never gave Peter the chance to run away, like he (somehow) managed to do in manga, so we had the chance to see someone actually shoot at him. Well, in his general direction at least. Isabella lands a perfect shot not even a full second after he pulls out that disc. Accuracy on point.

- Said this once or twice in the past in manga so I’m glad the anime brought it back.

- Remains cautious and keeps her gun raised at Peter when Emma approaches him and rightfully so considering he still had his knife hidden at this point.

- Refuses Emma’s offer to join the kids in the human world at first because she knows that her (& the sister’s) actions shouldn’t be forgiven so easily, but with some rather blunt sympathy from Ray and encouragement from her other children, she finally gives in.

- This entire post summed up in one image.

- She apologizes even though distancing herself from her kids and preparing them for death were just required of her role as a caretaker. She wouldn’t have done any of that in a normal world. (do i sound like a broken record yet? probably)

- The emotion you hear in her voice during this entire dub scene hits my heart in all the right places.

- She still thinks of Leslie after all this time and I think that’s real cute.

- Her protective nature is on full display when she protects Emma from this bastard of a demon. A truly surprising and heartbreaking moment, considering this is the woman who’s survival used to be her top and only priority in the past, but now doesn’t hesitate to give her life in order to save her kid (and by extension that small girl emma saved. also, major heart attack for me).

- Despite being critically injured, this woman still possess enough strength to hold back a demon twice her size. She doesn’t even pay any mind to its nonsense. Like the demon, people often think this is when redemption arc starts but I believe it started way back in ch37 when Isabella retrieved and hid the ropes the kids used to escape. Ever since she admitted defeat on the wall that night, she threw caution to the wind and began cheating the system in hopes to one day assist the kids achieve a brighter future. Despite all the work she’s done behind the scenes, Isabella believes there’s still so much more she can do to atone, so even though she’s already received the children’s forgiveness, she continues to assist them by jumping in and saving them directly from demons for once in her life.

- Ma’am it’s sweet you’re so concerned with their safety, but we should be asking you that question ya know? (but then again emma was the same way after she woke up from her coma).

- Knows that just apologizing and saving Emma isn’t enough to suddenly forgive all her actions and wants to do so much more for the children as a result. Even though I already acknowledged all her subtle and hidden moments, I wish we got to see her care for them more openly.

- I simply can not read through ch177 and not get emotional. No matter how hard I try, I always feel tears start to form in my eyes. Oh my god, how cruel that death can be this beautiful. It’s so unfair.

- *uses old chapter review because I’m too upset right now* “She apologizes for everything. For not treating him right and loving him as a mother normally would her own son. For making him despise his life so much and enduring so much pain that he thought the only escape was suicide.”

- “She leaves him with one last wish to protect everyone, and that completely breaks me because you know exactly how much they both care for their family. Not only would they literally die for their family, but they would live for them too if someone asked. Truly like mother, like son.” (aaaaaahhhhh)

- Her, umm.. ghost (along with Conny’s & Yuugo’s) help Ray reunite with Emma in 2049.

- All my tears aside, the anime did something right by actually keeping her ALIVE!

- Have you ever seen something so GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL in all your life?? This image is so powerful it literally tossed aside any salty feelings I had that night with how the second season ended. Seeing her like this grants me so much happiness y’all, it’s truly unbelievable. I still can’t get over it and hopefully I never will.

Okay, now I’m done, thank god. Sorry this is like ridiculously long, especially since she’s absent for sooo many chapters. Also find it so hilarious how drastic my opinion of her changed from the beginning to now, from “bitch” to “oh my god I love her so much.” I know people will always have opposing opinions whether she’s actually a good mother or not and that’s totally fine. Wasn’t trying to convince y’all of that either because yes, some of her actions are real unforgivable, but she was suffering under the farm system too and just followed through with what she was trained to do in order to survive, but while other Sisters fought to climb ranks and help themselves survive, Isabella ultimately wanted the best for her children. The more power she gained, the more risks she took and once the system crashed so did her facade.

An absolute queen.

[fangirlovestuff]

Seasons of Love - Chris Evans x reader

a/n - hey lovely people!! this idea would not leave my head and i really like it so here i am writing it:) the years in the fic are according to chris’ birth year (1981). also, this is more chris centeric, which i haven’t really done yet and i liked how it came out, i’d love to hear your thoguhts on that if you have any! enjoy<3

Summary: the story of chris and you, told through specific seasons of your life. a fluffy (and a bit angsty) coming of age story.  

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: like one bad word i think, a teeny bit of angst

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Summer, 1998. 

It was a special summer. Chris always knew he'd remember this summer forever. It was the first summer he fell in love.

"Summer is full of possibilities."

You and Chris just finished hiking a trail not too far from home, your water bottles nearly emptied due to the heat, your clothes slightly disheveled. Not too different than any other time you did that together.

The two of you were sitting down under a tree, watching the view, when you spoke that sentence.

"It is," Chris agreed. He turned his head to look at you and continued, "that's kinda awesome."

"Yeah," you said softly, still not looking at him, "but it's also scary as fuck." You chuckled dryly. "It's our last summer. What if we don't make the best of it?"

"It's not 'our last summer'," Chris chuckled, "it's just…"

"Our last summer," you completed with a grin once you saw he was struggling to find the words, finally turning to face him.

"Whatever," he laughed.

"What do you want to do this summer, Chris?"

He frowned slightly. "I'm serious," you continued, "what do you wanna do? Really."

"I don't… know. Same old, I guess?"

"See, that's why summer is so scary!" you turned your whole body to face him now. "It feels like in no time, our entire lives will be just 'same old'. And we'll have endless possibilities, but it will still be just same old! I refuse to admit I'm that boring," you huffed, "at least for now."

"So, what do you want to do this summer?" Chris asked with a smile, amused by your antics.

"Something remarkable. Something I can tell my children about and say, 'when I was your age, I did…' whatever it is we'll do, you know?"

"I guess," he shrugged.

"Okay, so what's something you've always wanted to do but never thought you could?"

He pretended to contemplate it for a second, and before he could open his mouth you cut in, "and don't say something like eat only candy for a week! Something real," you pointed two fingers towards your eyes and then to him, as if to indicate you're watching him.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled, raising his hands in mock surrender, "something real."

A comfortable silence stretched over the two of you as you both thought about it. In truth, you both knew the answer. It was as clear as the summer sky stretching out above you. But in your still teenage minds, it seemed to be as heavy as the noon heat.

When your eyes met his, you laughed softly. "I feel like we were thinking about the same thing, which is kinda stupid honestly. I mean, why wouldn't we ju-"

He swiftly leaned in and planted his lips on yours, the kiss only lasting ever so long before the smiles you both sported got in the way. Your eyes were still closed when you spoke, but you could feel Chris' gaze on you when you started, "yep," you finally opened your eyes and smiled, "definitely thinking about the same thing."

That summer was made of so many forevers Chris truly thought it would never end. Moments that seemed to stretch on in the most beautiful of ways, as if the universe was giving you her blessing, giving you time.

You knew each other so well sometimes Chris thought you were more in his head than he was. And every time he looked into your eyes, every time you laughed, every time he kissed you, every night you spent watching the stars, every day you spent at the beach, or at home, or really wherever, he knew that fear of yours didn't come true.

You two did the most remarkable thing you could've – you've fallen in love.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Autumn, 2000. 

Autumn in LA was different than it was back home.

At home, his mom would probably be stocking up on candy for Halloween, and his siblings would be playing around with their dog in the fallen leaves, and he'd be forced to take a jacket with him even if it wasn't even that cold outside because people cared about him.

Not that in LA they entirely didn't, but it wasn't the same. Mostly because you weren't there.  

You two talked a big game, sure, always making plans to meet soon. But with the both of you being so far apart, and being so busy pursuing your dreams, it never came true.

And when it finally did, after a while, it wasn't like it was that great either.

"I don't… I don't think we… this-" you fumbled over your words and sighed. "I don't want to hold you back."

"I know. I don't want to hold you back either," he sighed, rubbing your arm in a soothing manner.

You were laying on the couch, his arm around you, pulling you close, and really, it was a weird position to be having this conversation in, but at the same time, he kind of couldn't imagine it happening differently.

He understood what you were trying to say. He thought you were right. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt to hear it.

"I just… I don't think long distance works that well with us," you continued, and then sighed again. "Ugh, this is terrible."

"it kinda is," he chuckled quietly, and you slapped his chest lightly in annoyance. "You know I understand, right?" he said, more serious this time.

"I know. You know I don't really want to do this, right?"

"I know. But I know why you are."

"Good," you said softly. "My flight leaves tomorrow at 8, so we probably won't see each other in the morning."

"Okay," he replied, simply wrapping his arm tighter around you.

He didn't know if he dreamt it, but the next morning, in the early hours before the sun rose, you came into his room and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

"See you later," you softly whispered, and a few minutes later, the faint sound of the apartment door shutting reached his ears.

Fall at home was a fun time. Chris loved Halloween, loved watching the beautiful leaves fall, the world around him preparing for a winter's slumber. The air was crisp, the heat, on days when it appeared, wasn't as heavy, and the cold not that harsh. It was beautifully balanced.  

Out here though, he started seeing fall not from an outside perspective, but, in a way, from a tree's perspective.

The beautiful leaves fell, and he couldn't reach them again. He was left to stand bare against the oncoming winter cold, a sight that to an outsider would seem impressive, a feat of the majestic strength only nature can possess.

To Chris, it just seemed lonely.

He knew it was a natural process, drifting apart. Just like the leaves falling, it was somewhat inevitable, wasn't it? high school sweethearts were too lucky to be true. But that didn't stop a small but powerful part of him to hope. A hope that didn't come true, and now, where did that leave him?

If autumn at home was balanced, this autumn was anything but. It was almost as if he'd lost an organ, a limb. He couldn't balance the way he did before, he'd have to find a new way, but for now, he just existed in the unbalanced. It consumed his mind, what could he have done differently? Could he have stopped this?

Of course, these questions can't really be answered. Not by him or anyone else. So, he'd grow that limb back. Spring would come, and the leaves and flowers would blossom again.

But that fall, you two fell apart. And in those moments, the bareness of winter seemed insufferable.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Winter, 2006. 

Winters always seemed long to Chris.

As a kid, it was because he couldn't really play outside as much, his mother fearing he'd catch a cold. So, he was sentenced to long days inside, which were often very nice honestly, hot cocoa and warm blankets never in short supply. But kids sometimes can't help but want what they can't have, can’t they?

Well, that notion clearly never left Chris, even if he's not a kid anymore.

Winters were always long, but without you, they seemed longer than ever.

You talked on occasion. You come from the same relatively small town, so losing contact wasn't truly an option, especially because you used to be so close. People would always joke about you being a package deal, hanging out together so much it became second nature.

If Chris became too bored in his own house, or just plain tired of his siblings, it was the obvious thing to go to your house, and vice versa. Now, that refuge wasn't an option anymore.

At first, it was noticeable, like a gaping wound that wouldn't close that he couldn't help running his finger over, checking if maybe it healed already. Now, it was only a dull reminder of what used to be.

It's not like Chris didn't date. He did. And from what he heard (again, small town, friends from childhood. People always filled him up on what you were doing, even when he didn't ask.) you were dating too.

He really had no right to say that it bothered him.

You came up in his mind less and less, as time went on. But winters, being gray, and void of sun, full of storms, were always more introspective. That one especially, no one special really being in his life. Not that it wasn't fun, but he missed home, being grounded, happy. He was happy, in a way, just not the way he was used to.

It was full of contradictions, his mind struggling to make sense of his entangled feelings. You weren't there, and it hurt, but really it was so long since you've been there, and there's no one else at the moment, so was he just missing you or did he just miss loving someone the way he loves y- loved you?

The clean snow a perfect juxtaposition to his clouded mind, he decided to take a walk.

The streets were bustling as always, everyone walking around with a purpose, a destination in mind, which allowed Chris to slip between the crowds, unnoticed. He went to a coffee shop, got something hot to busy his hands with, and continued his aimless journey.

He ended up at a park, sitting down on a cold bench. He took a sip from his cup, wincing slightly at his still hot beverage, before sighing, closing his eyes for a split second before opening them again at the vibration of his phone.

Pulling his phone out of the pocket of his jacket, he held the cup carefully in his other hand as he opened the message.

Think of the devil. Although, you were anything but.

How are you?

Before he could type up an answer, his phone buzzed with another message.

I'll be in town in a week, thought we could maybe get a coffee, catch up. If you want.

He chuckled at the wording. Not a question, but a statement. Well, maybe there was some type of question there, between the lines, but to him, the answer was just as clear as the one to your question many summers ago.

Sure. When are you coming in?

Maybe, spring will be here closer than he thought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spring, 2015. 

Spring was the season of rebirth, the blossoms thriving once more, the weather warmer by the day.

You once told Chris spring was your favorite season.

"Really?" he asked, turning towards you, "why?"

"It's a rewarding season. It's like… for the entirety of winter, the trees were standing bare, the animals were confined to their lairs, more or less. And now, they've made it to see the beauty, the profusion. The next year, they do it all again, of course, but spring will always be there to show them it was worth it. Plus, the weather warms up, but not too much, which is a blessing. Especially to your sweaters," you joked, referring to the countless ones you'd pretty much stolen.

But Chris knew what you meant. The blossoms of happiness were spreading out across his life these days. Not everything was perfect, of course, but it was as near perfect as it could be.

"So, what do you wanna do for your birthday?" you asked next, surprising him with the sudden change of topic.

"Uh, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it," he shrugged. "but there's a while yet. Why, you had anything in mind?"

"Not really," you said, "that's why I asked. Anyways, think about it, will you?" you smiled and patted his shoulder affectionately before getting up, probably to put your empty cup in the sink.

He didn't know the answer to that. He had everything he could want and more.

There was something inexplicably comforting about spring. As a kid, springs always seemed like endings to Chris. The end of the school year, the end of a long winter. Only as he grew older he realized that springs are also wonderful beginnings. It was a fresh start, but also respected the past. It seemed to value the experiences of the past, yet prompting you to open a new page, giving the opportunity to start again.

Chris took that opportunity with both of his hands, especially when it came to you. Sure, every spring there would come the time of his birthday, but that was minor. Really, he celebrated you, all year but in spring especially.

Spring was the season of going to concerts together, you laughing at Chris as he's doing his best not to get recognized in his cheesy disguise of sunglasses and a hat. It's the season of going on spontaneous picnics because, "look how beautiful it is outside, Chris!", and he can't tell you no about anything. It's the season of taking Dodger out for long, long hikes, so when he comes home he falls right asleep, usually in your lap. It's the season of going out in the afternoon and it's warm, but by the time you come back it's night and it gets chilly, so Chris gives you his jacket, teasing you about how you always forget your own.

It's the season of preparing for summer as well, going through the cabinets and moving the winter clothes to the back and the summer clothes to the front. It's the season of finally using the pool again, and inviting his nephews and nieces over as well, and watching you splash around with them, carefully of course. It's the season of remembering that first summer together, and how far you've come since, together and individually.

Growing up was never easy. Growing up together was insufferable sometimes. But you fought, and you grew, and you talked things out. Spring, in a way, resembled the fact that you could overcome anything. Even after the harshest winter comes spring in all of its glory, blossom and vibrant colors.

And so, you two set out for one more great spring, and everything that will come after it. Summer was full of possibilities, but together, these possibilities didn't seem all that scary anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

please tell me your thoughts<3 and stay hydrated besties!! btw, i opened a taglist for only chris & his characters fics so tell me if you’d like to join it / move taglists or really whatever you want to tell me i love talking to people:))

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline @procrastinatingsapphictrash

Chris & co. taglist: @patzammit 

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Never felt the rain

Summary:  Could you write something with Bill having a young daughter and when she asks him to go playing outside in the rain while he was working, he brushed her off, so she went out on own her own and got lost, so Bill thinks she went missing like Georgie?

A/N: here you go anon, I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think, it would mean a lot! Also, thank you for requesting this, it had me writing again after a long time and I really missed it, so thank you

Bill has a habit of writing as soon as rain starts drizzling from the sky. He doesn’t usually maintain a schedule, especially not after going back to Derry for a second time an gaining six friends who flitted straight back into his life and who each deserved as much of his time as the others, but when it rains, he forces himself behind the computer.

He draws the curtains shut, puts on a pair of noise cancelling headphones, and hopes that the downpour stops soon. According to his therapist, it’s because the weather reminds him of the day Georgie died and he turns to writing as a distraction, and while she might not be wrong, Bill prefers not to think about the specifics. All he knows is that as soon as dark clouds gather, he retreats to his study.

Audra knows this, and has, to Bills great shame, been a victim to his snappish behavior when he gets disturbed, so she leaves him be, and takes their daughter, Lily, on a mother daughter retreat. It’s their own routine that work well for the both of them, and so far, there haven’t been any problems with it.

Today, the bad weather struck out of nowhere, the rain spatters drumming their own beat on the windows and the foundation of the house, and Bill and remembers how bleak Georgie’s last day on earth had been. He retreats to his study in quiet without informing his daughter or wife about his plans, and slips into an imaginary world, where there’s no rain or bad memories.

He gets lost in it, thankfully. The rhythmic tapping of his keyboard and his own hushed voice lull him into a state so fully focused it allows him to forgo his environment. That includes ignoring the rain, but also the wooden door opening behind him as a small child sneaks in, big blue eyes full of a playful innocence.

He doesn’t hear Lily calling out to him, and is only notified of her arrival when her hand tugs on the sleeve of his shirt. It startles him, a cursed ‘Jesus’, slipping from his mouth before he clamps his teeth over his lips to stop more from tumbling out.

‘Daddy’, Bill reads of his daughters face, before he finally clads off the headset and hears her voice filter through.

She’s Georgie’s age now, and she resembles him a lot. For one, she looks up to her dad with as much wonder as her uncle did, a daddy’s girl through and through. She has the Knick for adventure too, though Bill is not sure that’s always a good thing.

‘What is it honey?’ He asks her with a soft voice. He suppresses the twinge of annoyance, now he’s broken out of his concentration, it’s hard not to notice the outside, and it’ll be difficult to reenter his writing groove.  

‘Can we play outside?’ She suggest, lips contorted in a devious little smile that proves that Audra must have said no to her question, and she’s now trying her hand at the person she has wrapped around her finger.

Bill’s gut reaction is to agree. How could he not, when he made the promise to himself to always be the best dad he could be, ever since finding out Audra was pregnant. He swore to himself that he’d never neglect his child, never put her on the backburner for anyone or anything, and that he’d enjoy, relish in every memory he’d be allowed to make with her.

But, he can’t. Not in this situation. Not when Pennywise only came back a mere four months ago, and he was forced into painful memories and past mistakes. Not when he’s relatively convinced that IT’s gone for real, but not 100% assured.

He smiles painfully, and gently pulls his daughter in his lap. It’s not so much that he’s trying to spoil his daughter, it’s just that he loves spending time with her as much as she adores spending time with him. His heart twinges painfully at the notion of disappointing her.

‘Not right now Lil, Daddy’s working.’ He presses a kiss on the top of her head, and squeezes her a bit tighter when a particularly hard downpour causes his heart to clench painfully. If only he had given Georgie a hug like this before letting him out that day.

It’s far too late for that regret now, but he won’t allow the same fate to be bestowed upon his daughter.

‘Please?’ Lily pouts, blinking her eyes in a way that is entirely disarming. She’s so good at convincing, she would make an excellent actress one day. ‘It’ll be so much fun.’ She leans in closer on Bill’s lap, bumping her forehead against Bill’s chest. ‘I promise I won’t step in any puddles.’

It’s a complete lie of course, and Bill can’t help but grin at the idea of Lilly thinking she’s being sneaky about the whole thing, but still, he can’t concur.

‘Later, alright buttercup? And I promise that I’ll spend an entire day with you tomorrow?’

Lily doesn’t smile, so Bill does the one thing he’s become a pro at since becoming a dad; ticking her until she can’t help but laugh.

She shrieks instantly, squirming away from Bill’s fingers as the dance over her sides until she’s nearly toppled of his lip in her haste to escape him, and then giggles long after Bill’s stopped.

Once that too dies out, she bites her lip, seemingly scanning her chances of getting him to agree on going out anyway, but then she concedes.

‘Alright then’, she says a little bit disheartened, but agreeing none the less. She slitters back out as quiet as she came in, but not before a kiss over her shoulder and waving at Bill.

‘See you later dad.’

Bill smiles and waves back, crushed by love and grief battling in his heart for the upper hand, then he puts on his headphone, covers his ears, and he neglects to hear the front door open and lock with a deafening pull.  

----

In the end, it’s the guilt that makes him give up only a half hour after Lilly came in to ask for his time. He peruse the last line he’d written, he hadn’t managed to find his flow after the interruption anyway, and closes the document of his new book for the day.

He still can’t find the strength to go outside in this weather but perhaps he can convince Lily that watching a movie and snacking on popcorn is a much better activity then getting wet and cold.

He shuffles into the kitchen, where Audra’s is already at, and wonders if they have enough corn to put together homemade popcorn.

‘Do you think Lily will want to watch a movie? I’m thinking Disney might be the way to go?’ He inquires Audra absentmindedly while scouring the pantries for the ingredients he needs. He knows, just from the sounds of Audra’s voice that something’s the matter.

‘She’s not with you?’ Audra chokes out, voice pinched in panic.

Bill’s heart stops for a full second, before rabbiting so hard his chest feels like exploding.

‘What?’ He asks, but the words feel foreign, like he’s not the one saying it.  Audra’s responding look is enough to give him all the answers he needs.

----

The rain remains unforgiven towards Bill, the background of the yet another great tragedy in his life. Cliché as it is, it does help cover up his tears, about the only positive thing in his situation right now. Audra is next to him, on the same level of utter panic as Bill’s, but he hopes for her sake that he appears more composed then he actually is.

He viciously wishes for the losers to be with him now, but calling them would take up to much time and they live too far away to be of any aid anyway.  

His neighbors are aiding in the search, but they’re not enough. He doesn’t trust them like he trust his friends, he doesn’t want the life of his daughter depending on strangers.

They keep telling him that she’s fine, that she’s most likely having the time of her life without realizing how her parents are in shambles, but Bill can’t believe that. Lily’s been out for at least thirty minutes, that’s the time they noticed she had disappeared, and even Bill is shivering his socks off. He can’t afford to think about how cold Lily must be.

He separates from the group of searches after the weird glances he receives unsettled peeks when he ducks on his knees and calls out for his daughter in a sewer. Audra, who knows in part what happened to Georgie, lets out a sob.

Bill feels bad for leaving his wife all by herself, but he wants to cover as much ground as possible. He can’t wait at their front porch praying for Lily’s safe return, he knows from experience how feeble that is.

The options of where Lily could be are limited. Her friends live too far away for her to have walked to them, and there was only one place kids of her age liked to hang out. Still, when the park turns up nothing, he scours the area surrounding it, yelling out Lily’s name until his voice skips and a hoarse tone underline his words.

‘P-p-please.’ He screams with his head thrown back towards the sky, his stutter going unnoticed. ‘H-haven’t you t-t-taken enough from m-m-me?’ He’s unsure who he’s calling out too.

Bill’s attention is pulled towards a curtain that wobbles open, and old lady peeking from behind it, judging him with curious eyes. The first one to gossip apparently, but the last to help. Just as with Georgie. Bile threatened to spill as Bill walks on.

With his energy running low, as does his hope, Bill concedes to try and walk in the other direction of his home, to see if anyone else has had more luck than him. Then, seemingly using up all of Bill’s luck for the rest of his life, a wobbled; ‘Daddy’, cries out.

He’s never backed up so quick, and when he lays eyes on Lily, he’s never run that fast towards her either. It’s the pure and utter fear you experience as a kid, when you get lost in a comic in the store and you swivel back around to your mom, but she’s gone somewhere and you can’t find her.

That’s the feeling that linger when you lose someone close to you. And when she pops back up, that’s the utter relief Bill gets to taste now.

He’s back on his knees before he can comprehend it, and his hand curls around Lily’s back and head, cradling her so close this chest it’s nearly suffocating. Bill weeps, caressing his daughters hair as he checks her over.

‘Oh honey’, he chokes, swelling multiple times to force back the lump of tears.

Lily’s crying too, though it seems more out of reluctant than anything else.

‘I’m sorry dad. I just wanted to go out and play. But I fell and I think my bike is broken. I’m really sorry.’

Bill sorrow laughs. He can’t stop the ridiculous laughter that’s so absurd.

‘Lily, I couldn’t care less about a bike’, Bill explains, and he means it every bit. He pulls her back in a tight hug, allowing himself ten more seconds before he has to let go of her.

‘Please don’t ever do that again,’ he whispers, leaving a quick kiss on her head. He holds her as close as he wish he could have done to Georgie, if he had been found alive too. Maybe later, tomorrow or the day after, he’d have a more firm conversation about how sneaking out is not okay, but today, the relief wins over every other emotion or lecture.

‘Is mom mad?’ Lily asks, her own arms clenched around Bill’s shirt so tight it’s clear that she also had a large fright.

Shit, Audra. In an instant, Bill picks up his daughter, arm holding her up by the knees. She’s old enough to walk, but Bill has longer legs and walks faster.

‘No’, he assures her, despite a conformation of Audra. He’s sure his feeling are rekindled in his wife too. ‘But we have to let her know you’re okay. She’s worried too.’

‘Okay’, Lily agrees easy, her head resting on Bill’s shoulders. The rain isn’t that cold anymore, now that he has his child back in the safety of his arms.

----

That evening, Bill, Audra and Lily are cuddles together on their couch, watching Aladdin. Lily has long slipped to the land of dreams, but Bill and Audra want to keep her close for a little while longer. Maybe they’ll all spend the night here anyway, regardless of future back pains, but that’s a discussion for later.

Bill swipes one of Lily’s curls from her forehead gently, smiling when she snores deeper, then settles again.

‘Love you buttercup.’ Bill says, in his mind, he thinks, ‘I’ll never let anything happen to you.’