#especially since sm had them convinced they were complete flops that no one liked

[sunmisbf]

i can’t believe wayv performed at a venue w 17,000 capacity n it was sold out like what do u mean weishenville doesn’t just consist of me n my 10 oomfies on tumblr.com 😭

[coffee-and-kpop]

limerence | pt. 2

(n.) the state of being infatuated with another person

pt.1 | pt.2

Words: 5,734

Genre: G-Dragon x OC, Friends With Benefits AU, smut, some fluff/romance

Summary: “One more drink won’t kill you… I promise I’ll take care of you.”

A/N: Warning - there’s a small amount of abuse. I, in no way, know exactly what happens in SM/with their managers, this is all simply fiction.

My body ached, and my skin felt sticky under the silk sheets. The sun was barely streaming through the curtains of the bedroom I was in, but I felt completely awake, and semi-unaware of where I was. I fumbled for my phone, before finally finding it and reading the time on the face: eight o’clock.

Suddenly, I felt the light breathing of someone beside me. I glanced over towards the opposite end of the bed, realizing Jiyong was silently sleeping with the covers thrown almost completely off of his body, just as naked as I was.

If the pounding in my head didn’t signified how drunk I’d gotten the night before, then the naked man beside me, whose bed I was also naked in, definitely did. I fumbled out of the bed as quietly and quickly as I could manage, making sure that I didn’t wake Jiyong up at any costs. I threw on the pair of sweats he’d given me the night before, along with the t-shirt, both of which were just a little too large on me. I quickly found my dress and undergarments from the night before, and after stuffing them in to my bag, I made my way towards the door of the bedroom.

I glanced back once more at Jiyong, his bright orange hair in disarray against the red of his sheets. Quickly, I forced myself to pull my attention away from his tattooed chest and into his living room, where I tripped over not one, but two wiggling bodies.

I almost screamed, but managed to cover my mouth and bite my tongue simultaneously. Once my breathing was almost normal, I realized the two bodies I’d almost tripped over were, in fact, two dogs covered in fat rolls.

“Oh my goodness, hi,” I laughed, both at my own foolishness and at how adorable the two, now fully awake, dogs were. They panted at my feet, and I couldn’t resist stooping down to pet the two of them.

“Hi, oh you two are so sweet. You’re such good puppies, aren’t you?” I cooed as they licked my hands. “Oh, yes, you are. Now, let’s not wake up your daddy, alright? I’m trying to sneak out of here before he sees me, and I need your help to not wake him up, okay? Can you two do that for me?”

The dogs continued to bask in my affection, completely unaware of anything I was saying to them. Eventually, I managed to pull myself away from them and hurry towards the front door, pulling it shut as quietly as I could behind me.

Flustered, I managed to hail a cab and pay the driver handsomely for driving me as fast as he possibly could back to the SM Entertainment complex, where Noelle and I lived in an apartment right off the building adjacent to the dorms that the bands slept in. After pressing in the key code to the door, I scurried quickly into the hallway and towards mine and Noelle’s room, where I prayed she would still be sleeping after the late night EXO had at the awards show – and I was sure afterwards too.

Taking a deep breath to prepare myself for the possible questions Noelle would have for me, especially if she noticed I hadn’t come back the night before, I unlocked our door and crept inside to find our small studio apartment completely… empty.

Confused, I headed straight to my bed. I crawled in to it, depositing my bag in close on the floor beside it. I glanced over at Noelle’s bed that was just a short distance across the room from mine. I was even more confused to find that it appeared her bed hadn’t been slept in the previous night.

Pulling the covers over my head, I sighed deeply, trying to erase the memories from the night before that suddenly bombarded me. I couldn’t help thinking of Jiyong, how his bright orange hair flopped carelessly into his eyes; how his lips had tasted the first time he’d kissed me; how it’d felt when I’d been pressed so dangerously close to him, and only pulled closer. It didn’t help that I was enclosed in my little blanket cocoon, dressed in his clothes that I’d no doubt stolen and embraced in his scent.

Just as I was reciting, unintentionally, the most extreme moments of the night before, I was brought out of my reverie by a key being placed into our door, and it slowly being pushed open. I poked my head out from beneath the covers, suddenly extremely nervous to face my roommate and life-long best friend. She’d known I was out all night, for sure. There was no way she’d miss something like me not coming home.

“MaKenna? Oh, my gosh, I’d hoped you’d still be asleep.” Noelle crept in through the door, her face suddenly turning the cover of her flaming ginger hair. She was clothed in a pair of gym shorts and an extremely large black hoodie, which just caused the orange color of her hair to stand out more. I narrowed my eyes at her, suddenly realizing Noelle hadn’t come home last night either.

“Whose clothes are you wearing?” I asked casually as she flopped down on her bed across from me.

“Um, well… they’re uh… they’re Kris’s,” she replied, almost too quietly for me to hear.

“Kris? Are you serious? Is that who you’ve been out with?” I asked. I’d known Noelle had had a crush on EXO-M’s leader, but I’d never thought that anything had come out of the crush.

“Yeah, I stayed with him last night. Luhan decided to watch a movie with Sehun and Suho last night, so Kris’s room was empty and well…”

“You mean you and Kris had sex?” I asked, totally dumbfounded. Also, I felt extremely guilty. My best friend, albeit because she was caught, was telling me about her events with a boy the night previous, and yet I was hiding all of mine, and would continue to do so. Mine and Jiyong’s night was a onetime thing, and I was looking forward to putting it out of my mind.

“Um, yeah, well…” Noelle trailed off, her face turned away from me. Quickly, I flew out of my own bed and over to hers. I laid across her outstretched legs, which gave me a clear view of her face.

“Well?” I raised my eyebrows.

“We’ve actually been dating each other for a little while, secretly.”

“Noelle Jones! You’ve been dating Kris and haven’t told me any of it?!” I asked, completely stunned by my friend’s sudden confession.

“Shhh! Keep your voice down! We didn’t tell anyone. MaKenna, if their managers found out, I’d be fired. They won’t let the boys date anyone that’s not an SM celebrity, and I’m most definitely not an SM celebrity.” Noelle groaned, leaning back against her pillows. “But I like him too much to let him go.”

“Stop, this is too much adorable for one morning’s confession. I’m secretly dying over here.” I laughed, and was rewarded with a hit from Noelle’s pillow. “Is he really good in bed? I bet he would. Kris looks like an animal.”

“Oh my gosh, stop! That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!” Noelle groaned, glancing down at me. She smirked. “He was great.”

“Now I’m jealous!” I fake complained, groaning into my arms.

“Hey, whose clothes are you wearing?” Noelle asked, flicking the t-shirt I was wearing, which I suddenly noticed was printed with a ‘BigBang’ logo on it. The oversized grey sweats didn’t help in convincing Noelle that I was wearing my own clothes.

“Uh… Kai’s,” I said sheepishly.

“Oh, Kai’s?” Noelle raised her eyebrow suggestively.

“Stop, it’s nothing like that. We’re just friends, and besides,” I glanced down the sweats, lying through my teeth. “I’m not sure if these are even his. They could be Chanyeol’s. I just love wearing big clothes.”

Noelle expected an answer with nothing more than a teasing look. “Get off my bed, I didn’t sleep any last night. I need my sleep, especially after what Kris and I got up to.”

I quickly made my way to my own bed as Noelle turned over in hers for her after-sex nap. I needed my own nap, but suddenly I felt as awake as I’d felt all morning. Jiyong’s scent engulfed me, making my head light. Without Noelle’s distraction, I was forced to lie awake and think of nothing but his hands, his lips, the way his tattoos scripted along his body, and the amazing one-night stand I’d had with none other than the G-dragon.

“MaKenna, are you day-dreaming? With scissors in your hand? Because you’re, like, super close to my hair.” Luhan’s voice broke into, what in fact, was an actual day dream. I refocused, realizing I was actually pretty close to chopping off the right side of his bangs.

“Oh, hush. I know what I’m doing. Who knew you could be so sassy.” I bluffed, laughing away his accusations. “I think you hang out with Sehun too much.”

“What can I say, he’s my best friend,” Luhan shrugged. Once I’d successfully trimmed his hair without getting distracted, I was able to turn my head back to the center of my distractions for that morning, and most of the previous mornings: Kris and Noelle.

Noelle was taking her time doing Kris’ make-up for him that morning; she was taking so much time that I’d already finished Luhan, Sehun, and Suho’s hair while Kris sat in her chair. Of course, the two tried to spend as much time as possible together, especially when the managers weren’t looking.

Noelle was standing between Kris’ legs, holding an eyeliner pencil in her hand and tilting his chin up with the other. He lazily rested his hand on her side, laughing as she pretended to scold him for not holding still.

“You’re so jealous,” Luhan said as he stood up from my chair, smirking. Of course, since Luhan was Kris’ roommate, he was the first to figure out the two’s relationship.

“I’m going to be sick, is what I am,” I snarled, shaking the hair from my towels a little too forcefully. In all honesty, I’d been nothing but jealous of the two since Noelle had told me of their relationship a week and a half prior.

“Sick with jealousy,” Luhan replied.

“Get out of my sight, LuLu, before I beat that smirk off your face,” I hissed, causing him to laugh loudly.

“You’re lucky Sehun is making me lunch, or I’d have to stay here all day just to tell you how jealous you’re acting.” With that, Luhan handed me back my last towel and disappeared out the door. I ground my teeth together, hating the fact that Luhan was able to read me so easily. Of course I was jealous. I was jealous that Noelle and Kris fit so easily, so perfectly, together. I was jealous of the fact that I didn’t have someone that great, someone I could fit that perfectly with.

“Ooh, someone looks grumpy.” I groaned as Kai sat down in my chair. If anyone could read me better than Luhan could, it was definitely Kai.

“I’m fine,” I said, placing a cloth around his neck. “Did the managers tell you how they want your hair? I can’t mess up the face.”

“Oh, yeah, please don’t ruin the face,” Kai laughed sarcastically. “I have no idea what they want done with it. Do what you think looks best. This music video concept sucks anyway.”

I smiled. “Have I ever told you you’re my best friend, Jongin?”

“Only a couple times a day,” he smiled mischievously. Kai was definitely one person who could brighten up my day. That, and the fact that Noelle had finally moved on to doing Xiumin’s make-up. “So what’s bothering you?”

I bit my lip as I rubbed mousse through Kai’s hair, debating inwardly with myself. I wanted to tell Kai so much, starting with my one night stand with G-Dragon. I wanted to tell him how badly I wanted something like what Noelle and Kris had. Hell, I wanted to tell him about Noelle and Kris. Kai had come to me so many nights, upset or pissed or sad because of something that had happened with their management, or because he missed his parents. Kai had told me so many of his secrets in the short time I’d known him, and yet I froze up when I tried to tell him one of my own.

“I… I did something,” I finally spilled, not able to meet his eyes.

“Oh?” Kai raised an eyebrow, although his head stayed perfectly motionless as I kept styling his hair.

“Yeah, something I shouldn’t have done. And I feel really guilty about it,” I confessed. However, thinking a little harder about that night with G-Dragon, I wondered how much I actually regretted. The sex had been great, and I’d even gotten free clothes out of it. “Or, maybe I feel guilty about not feeling guilty about it.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t feel guilty about it if you enjoyed it,” Kai said.

I stared, horrified. Did I actually enjoy hooking up with someone I’d only just met for one night? “I don’t really think enjoy is the right word.”

“What did you do?” Kai asked, more in a teasing way than in a curious way.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes. “It’s terrible. You’re going to hate me if I tell you.”

“Never. You’re my best friend. I mean, besides D.O, and Sehun. You’re my best girl friend.” Kai smiled.

I opened my mouth to spill everything just as the door was opened and one of EXO’s managers strode in.

“They should have been ready an hour ago. Get out, now.” He grabbed Kai’s arm roughly, pulling him away from me. I bit my lip, reaching out to stop him. Xiumin quickly escaped Noelle’s chair and followed the two out.

“I hate him,” Noelle growled. “Kai is going to have another damn bruise. He bruises so easy. Why can’t they just simply ask the boys to go? They’re perfectly capable of going on their own.”

“Come on. I’m going to have to finish Kai’s hair on set, or it will be my fault it looks like crap.” I grabbed my purse and hair kit and made my way out of the door and towards the green room, where EXO was filming their first scenes for their music video.

I was able to fix Kai’s hair in between close ups, and be on stand-by for almost four hours as the boys were pushed to their absolute limits, and beyond, in order to perfect the choreography for their video.

“YOU IDIOT!” I heard a roar from across the room, and glanced up from the touch ups I was giving Suho before his part in the video. My gaze immediately found Tao hanging his head as a manager pointed into his face. Even though Tao towered over the shorter man, it was clear in Tao’s body language how frightened he was.

“I’m sorry,” Tao mumbled, but even from my spot across the room I could hear him. The room had gone completely silent.

“You’re sorry? You’re sorry you’re an idiot? Do better.” The manager seemed to be satisfied with his yelling, because he began to turn away from Tao. Suddenly, he turned back around and shoved Tao’s chest as hard as he could, causing Tao to tumble backwards and fall on what I knew was already an injured ankle. “Disgusting.”

Kris quickly tried to help Tao up, but was stopped by the same manager. “Don’t you dare help him, or you’ll both be punished.”

Instead of listening, Kris quickly grabbed Tao by the shoulders and hoisted him up, just as a few tears slipped down Tao’s cheeks. He quickly wiped his face and turned away from the rest of the group.

“I told you not to do that.” The manager’s voice had gone quiet, which was even scarier than when he was yelling. Slowly, he made his way to Kris and slapped him across his face. I heard Noelle let out a shriek, before she quickly covered her mouth with her hands. Kris’ face stayed absolutely still, as if the slap had barely phased him.

“Which of you will dare defy me next? How about you? Should I punish you as well?” The manager made his way over to Lay, who, out of all the members, I knew to be the least in need of any kind of punishment. Just as their manager began to step too close to Lay’s already frightened face, I stepped forward.

“Stop! He’s done nothing,” I screamed, causing the whole room to stare at me. I clamped a hand over my mouth, realizing what I’d just done.

“Who the hell do you think you are, girl? Disrespecting me like that. How dare you tell me how to discipline my band?”

“I…I…” I couldn’t form words. I just stared, horrified, at the people surrounding me.

“GET OUT!” The manager roared. I quickly grabbed my things and strode from the room, not able to look any of the members in the face. I slung open the door and walked as fast as I could towards our work room.

“What in the hell was that?” Noelle had followed me from the filming room, and was currently hot on my trail.

“I just… I couldn’t let him hurt Lay,” I sighed, throwing my bag into the room and slamming the door shut. I didn’t want to be anywhere near SM at the moment. “I need a drink.”

“A drink? Seriously?” Noelle asked as I turned and made my way towards the exit to the entertainment complex. Once outside, I quickly hailed a cab. Noelle followed me inside the vehicle, although I could feel her apprehension about the whole thing.

“MaKenna, let’s talk about what happened back there,” Noelle said after I told the cabbie to take us to the closest bar. I shook my head, staring out the window.

“I couldn’t help them, Noelle. I couldn’t help them or I’d lose this job. They’d fire me.” And if they fired me, I definitely wouldn’t be able to help the boys. I’d have to leave them alone to face the horror that was SM Entertainment.

“I know. I hate it, too. Seeing him do that to Kris. I don’t know, it almost felt like he’d hauled off and slapped me in the face too. I couldn’t take it.” Noelle sighed. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

We spent the rest of the short ride in silence. Quickly we paid and made our way inside. I took a seat at the closest bar stool I could find and ordered my favorite poison: tequila and tonic. Noelle ordered her own drink, and after two I was feeling a little more calmed down after the scene we’d witnessed.

“It hurts that I had to walk away from them. I can’t stand not knowing what’s happening to them right now. They could be hurting them even more right now, and I can’t do anything about it,” I groaned, downing another drink in a couple of gulps. I welcomed the scorching burn of the alcohol as it travelled down my throat and settled like a lake of fire in my stomach.

“I think Kris might leave,” Noelle said suddenly, staring intently into her drink. I turned my head to narrow my eyes at her.

“You mean he’s going to break up with you?” I asked.

“No, well maybe. But I think he’s going to leave SM. He’s going to quit EXO.”

“How do you know?”

"I don’t. Not for sure. But sometimes he’ll say something that just makes me wonder what exactly he’s planning. There’s a lot of stuff he doesn’t tell me, MaKenna, and that scares me.” Noelle quickly ordered another round for us. The alcohol was making it both easier and harder to process the events we’d just witnessed.

“I think I should go back to the complex and wait for him. I need to make sure he’s okay,” Noelle said, handing the bartender enough money to cover her drinks and a tip. She slipped off the stool and grabbed her bag. “Are you coming?”

As much as I wanted to, I wasn’t near drunk enough to deal with what I’d face when I went back to the complex. I shook my head slowly, taking another burning swig. I’d lost count of how many I’d had. “No, I need to stay. Make sure Tao is alright for me, please?”

“I will. Be safe, alright? Call me if you need anything.” Noelle disappeared quickly from the bar. I turned back around in my seat after watching her go and ordered another drink.

One thing I realized about getting sorrowfully drunk was that I absolutely hated doing it alone. I watched as an hour slipped by and I drank a few more drinks. I could tell the bartender was beginning to worry about my wellbeing, He even offered to listen to my problems.

Instead, I paid and asked him to call me a cab, because the floor was suddenly spinning very fast. Finally, I saw the bright light flash on top of the cab out front and, stumbling, I made my way into the backseat of the cab.

“Where to, ma’am?” The driver asked me.

“I… I don’t want to be alone,” I mumbled against the seat.

“I still need to have an address, or I can’t take you anywhere.” I spouted off the first address that came to mind, even though I couldn’t remember for the life of me whose address it actually was. It wasn’t like I knew very many people in Seoul outside of the SM complex.

“We’re here, ma’am. I need you to pay, please.” The driver’s voice was causing a pounding to erupt inside my head. I quickly handed him a wad of won and fumbled with the door handle until I could get it open, spilling myself out onto the sidewalk before an apartment complex.

I walked towards the door I knew I wanted, beating on it haphazardly with my fist. After a few minutes, I realized no one was coming to the door. For some awful reason, this realization caused tears to spring to my eyes. It seemed as though the fact that no one was home had unearthed a deep sadness within me.

I sunk down to the ground, my back pressed up against the door. I sobbed uncontrollably into my hands, the tequila in my system making it hard to think of anything besides how awfully sad it was that I couldn’t remember exactly who I wanted to come to the door.

“MaKenna?” I’d folded my arms across my knees, and managed to lean my head down so that I was somewhere between crying and sleeping. At the sound of my name, however, I glanced up sharply.

I met the eyes of G-Dragon, and immediately my eyes watered again. The last person I wanted to see was Kwon Jiyong. And yet, I was so happy he was home. I’d waited so long.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He quickly placed the grocery bags he was carrying down on the stoop outside his door and gathered me in his arms. “What are you doing here?”

"I didn’t want to be alone, and I’m here, but I don’t know why. Last time was a mistake and Tao got pushed down and I just… I couldn’t take it.” I sobbed as my words ran together helplessly, placing my head on his shoulder. Suddenly, I reached out and ran my hand through his thick, now dull, orange hair. “Your hair changed.”

“My roots are showing. I just need to have it redone. And you’re drunk.” I could feel his chuckle against me. “Come on, let’s get you inside. You smell like a bar.”

“I was at a bar,” I slurred matter-of-factly. Suddenly, the ground rushed away from me in a whirl of sickness. It took me a moment to allow the nausea to pass, and to realize Jiyong had picked me up from the ground to carry me inside his apartment.

He settled me on his couch and tried to untangle my arms from around his neck. I panicked, suddenly realizing he was trying to let me go.

“Please don’t leave me,” I sobbed, grabbing clumsily onto his shirt. The soft fabric crumpled in my fists as he looked down at me.

“I’m not leaving you, don’t worry. I just need to get you some Advil and water.” He tried to pull away again.

“No, please,” I cried. After a moment, Jiyong sighed and pulled my fists away from his shirt. Instead of walking away, however, he gathered me in his arms and settled his body behind mine on the couch.

“Why do you do this to me?” He asked softly, stroking my hair gently. I closed my eyes, because his words were too loud.

“I had a bad day at work,” I confessed after a moment, when it seemed the fuzziness wasn’t actually going to go away, even in Jiyong’s arms.

“So you decided to go get shit-faced because you had a bad day at work?” Even through the tequila in my head, I could make out his angry tone.

“I… They were being mean to my boys. And I tried to do something, but I made everything worse instead. So,” I shrugged, chomping down on my bottom lip. “Alcohol made everything better.”

“What boys? Do you mean EXO?” Jiyong asked, the angry creases in his face relaxing into a more concerned expression.

“Yes, EXO. You know, Kai and Chanyeol and Kris and Tao and um… there’s other ones too, I’m pretty sure…” I trailed off, glancing up at him. The fuzziness in my brain was making it real hard to focus on anything but the way Jiyong’s lips parted just perfectly so that I might be able to nestle mine between them.

“I’ve heard some rumors about SM, but I didn’t want them to be true. Are you sure you’re safe working there?” I tilted my head as much as I could against Jiyong’s arm, looking at him curiously. His lips were just so perfect.

“I don’t really remember…” I trailed, not in the slightest bit able to focus on his question. How could a pair of lips be that perfect? I knew he wanted to ask me another question, but my head was trying to split in half, and I was pretty sure another word out of Jiyong’s mouth would be the final blow. So instead, as he opened his mouth to utter more sounds that I wouldn’t be able to understand, I leaned forward and grasped his bottom lip in between mine.

He groaned in surprise, his whole body going rigid. I sucked harshly on the plump flesh, causing him to suddenly clamp his lips down around mine and move them accordingly. He pressed the warmth of his tongue against my parted lips, and I swallowed around it greedily. It flicked against my own, against my teeth, the roof of my mouth.

Finally, I broke away to subtly kiss the corner of his mouth, down to the ridges of his jaw. I heard the rumble of a groan in Jiyong’s chest, and I frowned against his skin, because beyond the alcohol, it almost sounded like a groan of defiance. And suddenly, I realized in was.

He grabbed my face and pulled it away from his skin, I frown creasing his brow. “MaKenna, we can’t do this. Not again.”

“Please, I need this, Jiyong,” I whispered, trying to make my voice as sultry as possible. Obviously it worked, coupled with the fact that I was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, letting the pads of my fingertips brush against his heated skin briefly every now and then. He stared at me for a few moments longer, while a swirl of lust and confliction went on a rampage behind his beautiful eyes. I tucked my bottom lip deep between my teeth, meeting his eyes with a pleading stare of my own.

“MaKenna…” he groaned, so needy. I smirked a little, letting my hand trail down to the outline of his pants. I slowly rubbed along the outline of him, working my fingers around him until I felt the growing twitches under my palm. When his hips bucked into my hand, I slipped beneath the waistbands of his pants and boxers, feeling the velvety softness of his skin against my hand.

I heard him let out another low groan, tossing his head back against the couch violently. He grabbed the sides of my face between his hands, bringing my attention away from my task and towards his lips. As he frantically kissed me, I worked my fingers around his length, slowly pulling him until I felt the blood rushing through his veins. Teasing the tip of him, I loosely worked my hand up and down as his hips bucked frantically, deep moans spilling in between our lips.

Once I noticed a sheen of sweat along his brow, and how uneven his panting had become, I tightened my grip around him, speeding up my ministrations just so. I smirked as that was all it took, and with just a few more bucks of his hips and a low moan into my mouth, Jiyong spilled over the back of my hand. As his warmth dripped between us, his tongue languidly battled with mine until he finally pulled away, his chest heaving harshly.

“Let me clean you up, baby,” he said finally, glancing down at my hand that I’d just managed to pull away from him. He grabbed a depleting box of tissues from the glass coffee table, pulling my hand up and slowly wiping any remnants of him off my skin.

“What are you doing to me?” he asked again as he concentrated on running his fingers softly along the plump veins that ran along the back of my hand. I quickly pried it from his grasp, hating the way he was looking at me. I stood up from the couch, his hooded gaze still following me as I ripped away the first layer of my clothing. Once I was in nothing but my undergarments, I turned back around to look at him, raising one eyebrow in a silent challenge.

Jiyong and I spent the next hour intertwined together, moving from his living room to his bedroom in a flurry of stripped clothing and roaming hands. Pressed against him, his lovely lips twirling and sucking around my skin as he brought me tumbling over every edge possible for him again and again, I was able to block out the rest of the world. In his little fortress of silk, rocking into me in the way that made me curl my toes and cry out, SM and Exo didn’t exist. Noelle and Kris were the farthest things from my mind, because for just an hour and thirty dollars’ worth of alcohol, Jiyong’s fiery skin pressed so deliciously against mine elicited a since of peace and forgetfulness in me that I’d realized I’d been chasing desperately after for months.

I tore at his skin, trying to pull him closer to me, wanting to keep him inside of me for as long as possible. He was the only thing I wanted to focus on: the way his hands curved just so around my waist and hips; the way his eyes couldn’t focus on one thing, until at the end, when all they latched onto was my own; the breathtaking way his lips left no part of my icy skin melting away beneath him. And when it was over, he let me, exhaustedly, crawl into his arms in all my sticky messiness and fall breathlessly asleep against his skin.

I woke up the next morning in a seeming since of déjà vu. The sun, the sheets, Jiyong on full display beside me. Everything was exactly how it should, and shouldn’t, have been. I slowly slipped away from the bed, trying to find more articles of his clothes that I could steal.

Once I’d finally pulled on a pair of patterned sweats, which were way more expensive than normally stolen clothes, I felt sure, and a scoop necked grey t-shirt, I began to pick up my clothes and shuffle towards the door.

“You’re leaving again?” I heard a voice ask behind me, still thick with sleep. I cursed, narrowing down the list of suspects who could be questioning me. While I knew G-Dragon had two dogs, I deduced that they wouldn’t be speaking to me in perfect Korean, and therefore, the voice asking, demanding, if I was sneaking off again was the same voice I was trying to escape from.

“I… yes, I have to be at work. I was hoping you’d be asleep,” I gasped out, suddenly feeling very shameful under his gaze, as if I was a child who’d just been caught stealing candy after bedtime.

“Was this a mistake, too?” He asked suddenly, and I jerked my eyes back to meet his. Sleep was still clinging to him desperately, but now a new determinedness was trying to surface beneath his messy waves of hair and bare chest.

“I… I…” I stuttered for a good three solid seconds before shutting my mouth and glancing back at my hands, obviously giving G-Dragon my answer. I heard his awful, scornful scoff as I continued to stand there under his hateful gaze, knowing I deserved the full blow of it.

“Just leave,” he rasped out, his voice suddenly sounding so very far away. “You have to be at work anyway.”

I tore out of his apartment quickly, not daring to stop and pat the two wiggly fat rolls lolling happily at me feet. What were their names? I wondered, feeling a sudden heaviness because I just really wanted to know what G-Dragon’s pets were named. Instead, I hailed a cab, and clambered in. As I sat in the back and felt warm tears spread down my cheeks, I realized how what I assumed was an escape was the exact thing I was trying to escape from.