#especially if any of their sensitivities or stims are incompatible

[whetstonefires]

Idk in my experience a huge slice of autistic adults have not gotten the kind of support they need to learn to communicate about their needs in a useful way.

And have consequently wound up either expecting other people to do basically all the work of both communicating and carrying out practical tasks because that's how it's always worked, or else just reflexively assume the worst of others and have a huge electrified shell of defensive resentment, where they try to do everything themselves without going through the grief of trying to cooperate, because trusting anyone else to take their needs into consideration just does not compute.

These behaviors absolutely do not automatically evaporate around other autistics. Although a less-fucked-up autistic housemate is more likely to be able to figure out what their housemate's actual problems are and work around or through them than an equivalently-sane neurotypical, that's not a magic pill and you still need at least one person to have their shit mostly together.

Or a sufficiently high degree of similarity in inherent brain and societal training to just grok, which does happen but is simply not a guarantee.

It's a heavily traumatized population prone to trust issues and to expecting communication to proceed according to arcane rules and then autofail, so two autistics with mismatched coping skills in the same apartment can be a goddamn cage match.

Non-autistics living with autistics:

They keep eating the same freaking food and it frustrates me so much! We can't have the "big scary light" on just lamps everywhere! Even when I try to find peace by doing stuff with them they just ignore me and do whatever they want. They can't even do the simplest of things like go with me to the grocery store every week! How do people expect them to survive in society??

Autistics living together:

So as long as we get my 10 packets of this really specific food, and some snacks, I'll be okay. Also is it cool if you go to the grocery store? I can clean the bathroom since thats bad sensory for you and the store is bad sensory for me. Can you turn on the lamp instead of the big light? It gives me a headache. Thanks man. Yea I'll unplug the TV for you since you can hear the high pitched noise. Do you want to do two separate things in the same room as bonding again this evening? Thats my favorite part of the day too.

[surveillance-0011]

Another Autistic Headcanon

Aka the headcanon one of my previous posts was about. This one will be longer and more in depth because I have a bit more to say this time around. Possible TW/CW for talk of/implications of ableism, as well as human experimentation and violence. Also mentions of meltdowns and sh/harmful stims at one point.

Anyways... Hangedman from House of the Dead is autistic.

Rationale

Firstly, I think it makes sense. Bats have good ears as is, and choosing someone with a sensitivity to sound could make sure this is not lost in the creation of a being that is both man and bat. By using an autistic person with aural hypersensitivity for this creation, Curien practically has the perfect sentry, scout, hunter-of-humans... you get the gist of it.

The Sega Saturn manual states that there were human text subjects. Certainly, in the creation of numerous lab grown “zombies”, at least one of said human subjects could be neurodivergent.

Anyways, onto things that are actually in the game(s). He does laugh a lot in both of the games he’s in. In the first game I’m pretty sure he shouts “Die!” (which I cannot help but mention is a sound clip from Virtua cop and not pitched to match his typical voice) every two seconds, and he talks through the battle in Scarlet Dawn and at one point in the battle he sort of mimics the sounds the guns make. Basically what I’m getting at here is that it could be vocal stimming (I think some of these could be considered echolalia specifically).

Also, in Scarlet Dawn, he doesn’t seem too upset about being, oh, I don’t know, literally set on fire. Hell, he’s still talking throughout the battle. Maybe he has some resistance to fire, but the lack of any pain or reaction reads like hyposensitivity and/or a major underreaction due to fixation on something else - in this case, attempting to murder our heroes.

Even his outfit (talking abt the first game) Could be seen as something meant to regulate or apply certain sensory input. Long fingerless gloves and leg warmers, the top that only covers half his chest, the only two reasons I can think of for that is strange aesthetic reasons and sensory reasons. The skin-tight-ness is probably for aerodynamic reasons but there’s the added bonus of pressure.

Headcanons

Very fidgety. Lots of vocal stims as well. Pretty much constantly moving and/or talking/making noise. A lot of the time he just talks to himself and repeats certain phrases.

If he ever gets really quiet, something is definitely wrong.

Hangedman also taps on things, wrings his hands when he’s nervous, etc etc etc,,  he actively seeks out tactile stimulation and pretty much has to be doing something or he’ll get restless. 

While sensitive to sound and also somewhat sensitive to sight, he’s definitely a bit of a thrill seeker, which is why he does not mind going up against the AMS agents. 

Used to have more harmful stims (hitting self, biting/scratching..) but he’s learnt to avoid them. Sometimes he still does those things during meltdowns tho, it’s hard to redirect sometimes. 

Sometimes he would ask Curien to put on music, whenever he had the time. He likes alternate rock, punk, that sort of stuff, it just has a lot of energy to it.

Usually can avoid sensory overload but he is definitely pretty sensitive to sound. Too much noise, especially if it’s sudden, can cause him to freak out. He also doesn’t like bright lights or the buzz of fluorescent lights.

Rather detached from his emotions and the real world. Hangedman is impulsive, he doesn’t always think about the consequences of his actions before he acts. He does not relate to others well, besides the bats he lives with and Curien. 

Though he doesn’t have much meltdowns, when he does they’re awful. He can get kind of aggressive and it’s hard for him to calm down.

Special interests are bats and vampires. Rambles about these two things to Chariot a lot, considering that they seem perfectly fine with just standing there and listening.

Becomes very fixated on certain things, usually focuses on certain tasks and routines and can forget about other things that are going on. On one hand, good for getting stuff done. On the other, he can be distracted for a while by certain things and sometimes will not realize if things are going bad.

(these next two are specifically related to Scarlet Dawn) The sudden change of his entire physical appearance threw him off for a little while, but he got used to it surprisingly quickly since he’s usually not very good with change. 

Two new stims with this new form are running his hands over the hair/fur on his arms and fidgeting with his earrings (by the way, didn’t make this post yet but I am 95% sure Hangedman has earrings in Scarlet Dawn). Thornheart doesn’t understand too much about autism but he’s fine with Hangedman doing whatever he has to do to stay content.

Though he does not know much about autism, he’s always known that he was not the same as others, both because he’s a hybrid of two different species and because of what he does know about it. He basically knows he has it, and that it affects certain skills, but that’s about it. Curien didn’t get to talk about it with him much.

Sometimes he does get frustrated from how different he is from others, even the other creatures, but for the most part he is satisfied and confident in himself. The fact that he’s even alive is amazing, considering how incompatible bat and human DNA could possibly be, so he really doesn’t see why he should get caught up on all these things he can’t help. All in all, he’s happy with his life and with himself.

[ocpdzim]

we need to acknowledge that conflicting needs are like, a thing, and that it is possible for people to genuinely have conflicting needs without one side necessarily being malicious or ignorant. only then can we reach an acceptable conclusion where the least harm is being done.

this is most obvious with accessibility needs. for instance, what if a group contains both someone with a severe, potentially deadly dog allergy; AND a person with a seizure disorder who must have their service dog with them at all times to help avoid a deadly seizure? what is NOT helpful in this case is to just side with one of these people, and condemn the other one. neither of them is trying to cause harm to the other- their needs are simply incompatible without a creative solution that would take work and compromise to achieve. 

of course, less severe conflicts are more common- i’ve been in situations where another autistic person in the room with me has been stimming in a loud manner that triggers my sensory sensitivities, and causes me a meltdown. but if they did not stim, they might have a meltdown themselves. neither of us is going to die from this, but it’s still a serious obstacle to us occupying the same space. 

regardless of the severity of the situation, it is completely unhelpful to try to decide on a “right” party and “wrong” party. even in cases where there is not as much parity- for instance, if the person with the life-saving seizure detecting dog had to share space with a person who has severe trauma surrounding dogs- the difference in severity of potential consequences must be taken into account but can’t just be used to determine a simple “winner.” 

sometimes compromises can be found pretty easily- perhaps if i and a person who stims loudly are in the same room, i can wear headphones and they can stim a little bit quieter, but not silently. it’s not ideal for either of us, but neither of us is pushed to a meltdown, and we can settle for both being a bit uncomfortable if it means no one is in crisis. 

but other times it’s harder. if the person who cannot be around a dog or they’ll go into anaphylactic shock and the person who requires a service dog present to stop them from dying of a seizure want to go in the same space, they can’t just “meet in the middle.” they can’t bring in half of a dog. 

but even then, neither of them is wrong or ableist for having a need that is in conflict with the other’s need. the right solution here is not to vilify one of them, or to throw up your hands and say “too bad, i guess neither of you can come,” it’s to search for alternatives. maybe one of them can participate in the meeting via video chat. maybe they can take turns coming to group functions on different days. it has to be solved on a case-by-case basis. 

the reason i bring this up is firstly because i think it’s vitally important to approaching any disability issues in depth, but also because i see similarly conflicting needs between other groups. 

for instance, for an out nonbinary person, people asking their pronouns is nice and helpful.... but for me, in the closet, it puts me on the spot to have to make a snap decision between outing myself or misgendering myself, which is very painful and stressful. for binary trans people, it can out them or cause them to worry they don’t pass and to experience dysphoria (especially if they’re the only person in the room being asked about pronouns). 

but, if people simply stop asking, there arises a whole new set of problems- do you default to “they/them” without asking, which is great for people who use “they/them” but not good at all for the rest of us, or do you assume people’s pronouns based on their presentation, which is great for gender-conforming people but not good at all for the rest of us? which approach do you decide is “wrong?” 

when i ultimately come out of the closet someday, neither of them would be any good for me, as a nonbinary person who doesn’t use they/them, she/her, or he/him. no one would ever get my pronouns right without asking me. do my needs matter? between the groups who actually do stand to benefit from one of the two approaches, whose needs should matter more?

the correct solution here is not to say “one of these sets of trans people is wrong and transphobic actually because they [like/don’t like] being asked about pronouns and/or prefer [defaulting to they prounouns/assuming pronouns based on presentation].” it’s to say, “these people have conflicting needs and we need to discuss and work on a solution that would work best as a one size fits all.” it is very likely there IS no solution that everyone will be 100% happy with- but we need to work towards finding the most mutually agreeable one while treating one another with respect and patience instead of tossing each other underneath the bus while actual cis transphobes look on and laugh. 

[onwardmotley]

#the ones in group one who don't strictly NEED that level of external support#but are used to getting it and thus don't have *any* life or people skills#to apply to adult independence#are mostly middle-class and wealthy white boys with caring parents who were diagnosed young#but not always#but you put one of them and a bitter type 2 in a housemate situation you are setting up True Hatred#especially if any of their sensitivities or stims are incompatible#also one person can blend both behavior sets#and there's other ways it can play out#these are just especially common patterns from what i've seen#(Not that neurotypicals can't also suck real bad at communicating in similar ways for similar reasons#because ultimately we're all just people.)#but as often as autistic to autistic communication works out#you see people lashing out in response to behaviors they've rigorously trained out of themselves#or mutually failing to pick up hints because they were dropped in a manner developed to appeal to neurotypicals based on extensive feedback#about How To Say Things Correctly#etc#and there is also that whole pattern where the autistic with the best coping or emotional management or masking or whatever skills#winds up carrying their whole friend group#which can be beautiful or exploitative depending

Non-autistics living with autistics:

They keep eating the same freaking food and it frustrates me so much! We can't have the "big scary light" on just lamps everywhere! Even when I try to find peace by doing stuff with them they just ignore me and do whatever they want. They can't even do the simplest of things like go with me to the grocery store every week! How do people expect them to survive in society??

Autistics living together:

So as long as we get my 10 packets of this really specific food, and some snacks, I'll be okay. Also is it cool if you go to the grocery store? I can clean the bathroom since thats bad sensory for you and the store is bad sensory for me. Can you turn on the lamp instead of the big light? It gives me a headache. Thanks man. Yea I'll unplug the TV for you since you can hear the high pitched noise. Do you want to do two separate things in the same room as bonding again this evening? Thats my favorite part of the day too.