#especially because i KNOW im being singled out since im stealth at work and read as a flamboyantly gay man

[petshopbutch]

got told by my higher ups that i make corporate "uncomfortable" (explicitly bc of the way i look, e.g. my hair and my jewelry) so it's official: new job hunt begins tomorrow.

[over-under-through1]

The Christmas headcannons that no one asked for but I’m giving anyway

the first time the boys spent christmas with the girls was their sophomore year of highschool. the girls found out they had been alone for the holidays for the past 3 or so years, and that wouldn’t stand anymore

it was a little awkward cause this was the first time the Prof met them all together at the same time

all six of them have a yearly tradition of Secret Santa

they still do the “individual” gifts for each other, so secret santa is more about the guessing game than the actual present given

one year Brick got Buttercup and literally had a mental breakdown cause he didn’t know what to get her

he called Blossom up screaming about how “YOUR SISTER IS UNREADABLE WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GET A PERSON WHOS POKER FACE IS ON YEAR ROUND”

this is especially great considering how Brick is a literal human(ish) lie detector

so he’s able to read people well but Buttercup is the one person he can’t get a grasp on

he tries SO HARD but to no avail

he ends up getting her boxing gloves (with Butches help, cause that boy and Mitch are the only two people on earth who even partially know what’s going on in her head) . she loves them, but trying to guess who got them for her was a mess

Butch got Bubbles exactly 3 times in a row for a few years, and without fail every year he got her lesbian earrings. his reasoning for this was “she makes them so obviously it’s something she’d like as a gift”. it didn’t run through his brain that “hey, maybe since she has the materials to make these exact earrings I should get her something else”. he’s trying, that’s what’s important

Bubbles lives off the peppermint mochas from starbucks during the holiday season

so Buttercup’s gift to her every single year is a giant pack of peppermint mocha mix

it’s literally half the size of Bubble’s face, but it only lasts her 1 week

Bubbles gets scared for everyone’s health and she doesn’t want anyone to catch a cold (even though they have X and literally none of them have ever been sick from a human disease before and they also live in California so what??) so she forces everyone to wear at least 3 layers at all times

Buttercup makes the scarves because Bubbles “doesn’t trust corperate chains, they don’t make em thick enough”

Blossom (surprisingly) makes Butch and Buttercup take a picture with Brick to post to the official team instagram with the caption “our most festive team members” (green and red). the picture is the three of them standing pin straight and grumbling as Butch is shaking and about to freeze his ass off

did I mention that Butch gets the coldest out of everyone? he cannot handle cold weather. anything below 65° is torture for him

luckily Buttercup comes to the rescue and knits him a shit ton of clothes to combat the “frost bite”

well, it’s more like Butch taps on her window at 2 in the morning and starts groveling at her feet

“I HAVENT SLEPT IN 2 DAYS BUTTERCUP PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU I NEED THIS DEAR GOD I’LL DO ANYTHING PLEASE JUST. ONE. SWEATER.”

“jesus christ- fine you big moron god, I’ll make you the fuckin sweater. go home”

there’s a lot of christmas movies. like. a lot.

Butch’s favorite is Home Alone 3 (disappointed everyone noises), Brick’s is Miracle on 34th Street, Boomer’s is The Santa Clause, Bubbles likes the original 2D animated Grinch, Blossom likes The Polar Express, and Buttercup is that one person who says her favorite is Die Hard

Mitch once suggested that The Nightmare Before Christmas was a Christmas movie and he was barred from the Utonium household by Buttercup for 3 weeks

she is very serious about her Halloween movies. The Nightmare Before Christmas is strictly for the spooky holiday.

and how could I make a winter post without mentioning one of my favorite headcannons

Buttercup being a stealth wizard who sneaks into Butches room at 3am, grabs armfuls of hoodies, then rolls out

she gets caught by Brick but since Brick is the ultimate bro (well... debatable. he’s the ultimate bro but only for BC) he lets her go and never speaks of the incident to anyone

Butch is very confused on how the HELL she keeps getting ahold of his GOD DAMN HOODIES

news flash Butch: you’re a heavy sleeper. you gotta work on that

Happy Holidays everyone!! I hope you enjoyed this post

[dragonofyang]

why r u called dragon or yang if ur white? not trying to be aggressive but like if those r names u chose for urself u might wanna check that white privilege

I appreciate that you’re not trying to be aggressive, but I think you and I need to have a frank conversation about the assumptions made in this ask and nature of the question you are asking me.

My response is under the cut (sorry mobile peeps, I have a lot to say)

I think the biggest thing I have to address before I get into the history and semantics of my url is that first and foremost, I am not 100% white, anon. I’m white-passing, so I understand the confusion, especially since I’ve only recently taken to using my own face as my icon instead of art. I don’t fault you for that, since cameras historically have been machinated to function and read pale skin better and the lighting I have in my icon and the header image of my blog when you view it from the dashboard helps wash my skin out. Color and light theory work against showing my skin tone a lot of times, so unless I’m in direct sunlight wearing things that bring the color balance of a photo to black, I’ll look white, especially if it’s been a while since I’ve gotten any substantial sunlight. That said, I do experience a very conditional privilege as a white-passing person, but my passing is entirely dependent on how I as a person am read by other people. I have had everything from “hey you’re exotic [because of your race]” to “oh hello fellow person of my ethnicity” and been racially profiled by the police despite having security clearance at my place of work. Somewhere there’s two photos of me with my mom’s and dad’s sides of the family respectively and I’m either the darkest child in that photo or the lightest one. That holds true even now as a young adult, I’m almost always whiter than any Latinx people I know and at least have more saturated color in my skin than any white people I know. That’s all IRL, though. Online, I can easily just state my ethnicity if I choose to and people accept it, because the internet is a great equalizer in terms of first impressions. It’s not my skin or my voice or how my eyes are too light to belong to a Latina girl, it’s the words I use and I am judged by my character rather than the race somebody thinks I am. That said, this is the first time somebody’s assumed my ethnicity online, which is why I’m taking the time to reply to this the way that I am, anon, because I feel this could be a beneficial experience to you and to other mixed people out there who face the same questions and accusations and assumptions as I do. I am too white and too dark, I am commodified as exotic and therefore sexy to some, I’m “one of the good ones”, I have been asked if I wear color contacts (I don’t, but that’s a surprise to far too many people), I have a running list on countries/ethnicities people have guessed because they think they can pin down exactly where I am from (spoiler, I was born in the USA). Fundamentally, I am not white, but I can seem like it. I can be as affable as a proper Midwest-raised girl can be, but that doesn’t change that when people say “all the Mexicans should go back where they came from” they are speaking about me as well. They just don’t realize it. It’s not their fault that they don’t know my ethnicity, just as it’s not yours, but it doesn’t change the fact that assumptions can breed danger for me, because now if I don’t act correctly, I could become a target for racially-fueled vitriol or sexual harassment. Again, it’s not inherently your fault for assuming that you knew my ethnicity, but I strongly recommend you do not do this in the future to me or anybody in your life. If there is someone in your life who does not mind answering such questions, then speak with them, and my inbox/IM is always open to discuss things off anon if you have further questions.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m going to address your primary question: “why r u dragon or yang”. I’m guessing that you meant to type “of” instead of “or”, but just in case you meant “or” that’s what this paragraph is going to address. Dragons are not culturally or ethnically closed mythical beasts the way that the Native American Thunderbird is or how Hinduism is a closed religion. Dragons and other great serpents have existed as a concept pretty much everywhere humans have, and I have a very close spiritual tie to dragons and commune with them whenever I partake in my witchcraft.

That said, “dragonofyang” is a username I’ve used for the past 10-ish years, originally stemming from when I joined DeviantART at the age of 13. I’ve since deactivated the account since I hadn’t touched it in over five years, but when I joined, I was taking my first forays into paganism and was absolutely blown away by the gods, the concept of the five elements, spells, how the yin and yang symbolized balance and how it wasn’t just a religious concept but a way of life. On that site I took my first forays into Wicca and spoke with many witches, all of whom encouraged me to explore my spirituality and taught me many things about safety in practice, stealthing to avoid judgment by closed-minded religious folks, and how enriching it is to have a personal or working relationship with a pantheon or single deity/spirit guide. If I’m being perfectly honest, it’s also a remnant of my edgy phase because I really wanted the username “DragonofDarkness” but that as you can guess was taken already, but in my research to find something that described my new phase in life I got very deep into the symbolism of yin and yang, at least as deep as a 13-year-old with limited internet knowledge could get. Yang is the bright, it’s the bold, it’s the daytime and it harbors a bit of cold, of dark, of nighttime within it, but that makes it richer. Ever since I was little I’ve always been fascinated by magic, and this was a new take on how the world worked that my little kid mind was just blown away. Naturally, being a bit of an edgelord, I misunderstood it as a principle and focused on how deep and dark I really was underneath, ya know, typical 3edgy5me shit, but as I’ve grown, I’ve come to accept that yeah there’s some shit in my life that hurt me or was bad, it doesn’t overshadow the good and I’ve stopped trying to be an asshole because that’s actually not as cool or deep as people try to make it. I look at my username and I see how I’ve grown as a person, from somebody who doesn’t understand the concept of balance very well or where my spiritual journey would take me and I look at myself now as somebody who’s made but a few steps further in the road to life. I look at my username and remember that yang means the sun, the light and that without the yin, growth would not have happened.

My username also has some ties to my current spiritual practice, though less overt, because my patron deity is the dragon god Quetzalcoatl. Dragons in Mexico represent the sun, and jaguars represent the night, and in my practice, both dragons and jaguars have made themselves apparent to me, and in a sense they balance each other out in a way similar to the yin-yang symbol. I felt the call to Quetzalcoatl about six years ago now and I have much to learn from him still, but he’s continued to teach me about balance, in the day and night, in the human and the animal, in the violent and the peaceful. I’ve come a long way from being some edgy 13-year-old kid, thankfully, but I know my journey isn’t over.

That being said, if my username is offensive and a misuse of a Taoist symbol (such as if it’s a closed religion and use of its symbols when you aren’t initiated is offensive), I’d like to speak with Taoists directly and learn how and why so that I might not offend in the future, especially since I’m unsure if Dao jiao/Dao jia are closed a religion/philosophy. But it’s also been my online name for 10 years now and I’d have to change it on many platforms in order to fully rescind my offense, and if possible I’d like that sort of change to be as unobtrusive as possible because many people know me primarily or exclusively by this username. So unless I come to a point personally where I feel my username no longer suits me, or my ignorance addressed by those more educated than I, I will be keeping it. I am not the most educated person on the internet, and my resources are sometimes limited in terms of educating myself properly, so if there is something I am to learn then I request that I be taught. I am always willing to learn and better myself as a person.

[stompsite]

Im-prey-ssions

So, I started Prey 2017 up around midnight last night. Eleven hours later, I had to stop playing because I needed sleep. The only reason I’m not playing Prey 2017 right now is because I promised you I’d blog once a week, every week, and since I was busy apartment hunting, playing Prey 2017, and going to the hospital.* I still feel awful; I need several treatments, not one every six months, but dang it, I told you guys I’d write something this week, and I’m gonna do it, even if it’s just one draft. Then I’m going to go play more Prey 2017.

So, right off the bat, this game’s like a 9/10.

Like, if that’s what you want to know, there you go. I love playing this game. Now to get into the nitty gritty. I’ll be talkin a lot about positives and negatives, and I’m trying to be somewhat comprehensive. Just bear in mind: from what I’ve played so far, I like it as much as Dishonored 2 and Doom, my favorite games of last year. It’s Extremely Good.

As some of you may be aware, I really did not like Prey 2017’s demo. There are a few reasons for that, chiefly the fact that I desperately needed to go to the hospital. Literally everything was irritating me and getting under my skin. Everything. This includes Prey 2017’s melee system. Now, let me be clear here: I don’t like the melee system. I didn’t like it in Dead Island, and I don’t like it here. But the melee system is a small part of a huge game, and I happen to enjoy that game a whole heck of a lot.

Would the game be better without a stamina bar? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. The stamina bar adds nothing but annoyance to the game. It does not benefit Prey 2017’s design in any way. If they patched out the stamina system tomorrow, Prey 2017 would only benefit.

So, after the demo, I was pretty worried.

Now, something like 10 hours in: this game is a delight. I love how the station feels persistent; leave a room, come back later, find all the bits you moved right where you left them. It’s WONDERFUL!

The level design overall is Extremely Good Stuff. So far, my favorite level is Psychotronics. It feels the most reminiscent of System Shock 2, and it has two of the my favorite moments in the game so far, which I won’t spoil here. There’s an area above two big metal pods I’m still trying to figure out how to access, so I’ve got reasons to go back.

The Arboretum is fantastic. Crew quarters are ace. On and on I could go; I like every single level in this game with the sole exception of G.U.T.S., which is a long tube with zero gravity and some annoying enemies with it. Zero G outside of the station is super cool. Zero G in G.U.T.S. isn’t my thing. As a System Shock 2 comparison, G.U.T.S. is The Body of The Many. But this is one level out of like... a dozen, and as far as I can tell, you don’t have to use it again once you unlock the elevator. 

One of the coolest features of Prey 2017, which I hope everyone copies in the future, because it’s great, is the crew tracking feature. Everyone who dies leaves a corpse behind. You can use computers to pick a person to track, then find their corpse. Doing so can net you things like key cards and supplies, which opens up more of the station, allowing you to explore.

There are two kinds of Looking Glass fans, those who prefer Thief and those who prefer System Shock. I’m one of the fans who prefers System Shock; I enjoy exploring more than sneaking. It’s why I prefer S.T.A.L.K.E.R. to System Shock. It’s why I’m enjoying Prey 2017 so much. Finding a keycard and having that ‘oh yeah, I remember where that is!’ moment, going back to that spot, and finally getting to open a locked door you’ve been keeping in the back of your mind for the past few hours... it’s a great feeling. 

One of the issues I had with Bioshock is that you rarely had a reason to navigate Rapture. Bioshock 2, my favorite game in that series, went in the opposite direction, turning into a series of linear sandbox maps, like Thief. Dishonored and Dishonored 2 do the linear sandbox thing too. It’s perfectly fine design, but I’ve been hungry for a game world that I really felt like exploring.

Prey 2017 is the first truly satisfying game world I have explored since S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky in 2008. The entire thing is open, you just have to find the right keys and hack the right doors and lift the right crates. It’s a game that rewards exploration, not with a “+100 XP: Crawled a vent” popup, but because as you explore, you get this really satisfying sense of “oh, this goes here, and that goes there, and it all works like this...”

Prey 2017 satisfies my exploration itch. You have no idea. It’s why I didn’t want to stop playing until I physically couldn’t play anymore. The only games that have held my attention so strongly in the past few years were Dishonored 2, Doom, Metal Gear Solid V, and Mad Max.

The symbiotic relationship between “hunt for crewmembers” and the station’s many locked doors creates this insatiable urge to explore. I love it.

Do I have complaints? Yes. The stamina system doesn’t benefit the game. G.U.T.S. isn’t fun to explore or traverse. The dudes who stop you from moving are just Not At All Fun To Encounter. The combat is something where I sigh and go “oh well, here I go again.” Great combat should be emotional combat; there should be highs and lows, a great rhythm, elation and relief in victory.

It’s not like a great stealth game, where you don’t want to enter combat because stealthing is more satisfying. It’s not like System Shock 2, Alien: Isolation, or STALKER, where combat can be thrilling and terrifying in equal measure, due to player vulnerability. It’s... just kinda there. It’s easily the game’s greatest weakness.

Prey 2017’s combat is annoying. The enemies feel samey (they’re all fast, teleporty, and take a bunch of shotgun damage before they die) and are way too visually consistent to be exciting. If you look at System Shock 2′s enemies, there’s a lot more interesting visual variety in the designs, which makes the experience more enjoyable. There was a lot more tactical/strategic depth in System Shock 2 as well.

Fortunately, you spend far more time exploring than you do anything else. It’s so effin good, man. Like... I’m over here writing about Prey 2017, when all I really want to do is go hop back in Prey’s world and explore Talos I some more. The level designers outdid themselves.

Even fundamental, basic stuff like mantling and crouching feels super good to do. The game world is just a joy to exist and interact in when you’re not fighting dudes. The only problem I have with the game world is that certain areas (especially the maintenance/labs area) have really predictable enemy spawns, which makes the world feel a lot less ‘real’ than it might otherwise.

Basically, I like the game. I like it a lot. I like it better than every game that has come out so far in 2017. It’s right up there with Dishonored 2 (which I adored) for me. It’s engrossing, thrilling, and awesome.

With some better combat and enemy design/spawning, Prey would be as close to perfect as a game can get. If my opinions change significantly as I continue the experience, I’ll probably right a review. If I was the scoring type, it would be an easy 9/10 for me.

So, one last thing: the default settings are a bit strange.

Change mouse sensitivity to 50, turn off Damage Numbers, rebind ‘tab’ to inventory, and bind your mouse wheel to weapon changes. It’ll feel a lot better. It’s still kind of weird to navigate menus (you can’t use the scroll wheel to scroll down lists?), and for some reason, moving your mouse moves your ENTIRE CAMERA when reading computers (compare this with Doom 3′s more satisfying implementation of computer screens). Sometimes, clicking works, other times, you have to press F, and sometimes, you have to press G. It’s kind of strange. It makes sense to use G to, like, repair items in the world, but less sense to use G on a menu where it seems like F or Mouseclick will do. 

The game has a ton of these weird little UX issues that, if tweaked, would significantly improve the game. I wish they’d been caught prior to release, but I hope they get patched.

There’s no FOV slider, but that should be coming soon. For some reason, the intro videos are unskippable. You can’t click through them or anything. You can, however, turn them off by editing your game files.

I do have Extremely Negative Impressions about how the game’s been handled, though. You see, I like Prey. That’s the Real Prey, the 2006 FPS Prey. The one with Blue Oyster Cult and Art Bell. I liked that Prey a lot. If you install Prey 2017, and you have Prey installed, 2017 will be installed in Prey’s directory. It’s frustrating.

It’s also frustrating that the game is named Prey at all; did we really have to lose the original game on Steam for THIS? Did the sequel really get canned for us to play this? I can take Prey 2017 on its own merits, and it’s a great game, but the way Human Head was treated, and the way the original game is being treated leave a really bad taste in my mouth. I love Arkane. I love Bethesda. I don’t like how the whole “Prey” situation has been handled. They could have given this game so many names and avoided the problem entirely.

The Prey for the Gods Situation is really bad. Some Bethesda PR dude said somethin on GAF about “we have to protect our trademark,” but that appears to be untrue. Here’s CDPR talking about that very subject. So it seems like folks at Bethesda are being dishonest, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

It sucks that a game I’m loving right now is associated with so many negative things.

Overall, best game I’ve played since Dishonored 2, appeals to my personal sensibilities a lot more, I don’t really like the combat so I try to avoid it as much as possible, I love this world so dang much.

*I was in the hospital because of my illness.