#especially after he “bucked it up” in 7x04 and we know that was chimney through buck's pov

[russellradio]

something so beautiful about eddie saying "what you always do" (meaning make it better) in contrast to buck thinking he always makes thinks worse by trying to fix them

[les-pompiers118]

Illumination (a 9-1-1 ficlet)

A little Buck & Hen coda piece for episode 7x04. About 1.2K words, not rated. Contains major spoilers for "Buck, Bothered and Bewildered."

Also posted to AO3 here.

“Hey, what’s going on with you today?”

Hen’s voice startles Buck off the frame of the open roll-up door at the back of the equipment bay, where he was—what? Gathering his thoughts? More like letting them run amok, because there seems to be no getting them under control at the moment. Even the mindless task of polishing the engine had proved too much, and Buck just… needed a minute.

It’s been approximately eighteen hours since Tommy kissed him. Eighteen hours in which his whole damn perception of himself has been turned upside down and inside out. So there’s that. But there’s also been an embarrassing amount of losing himself in the memory of it, and imagining what it might be like to do it again. Maybe with Tommy’s broad chest pinning Buck against a wall… or those rough, competent hands on Buck’s skin somewhere… Or—

“Nothing,” Buck answers, a little too defensively, but of course Hen can tell he’s lying.

“You’ve been distracted all day, Buck.” She gives him an unimpressed look. “Are you and Eddie still not talking about how you tackled him during a friendly basketball game?”

“I didn’t tackle him! It was more like… a mid-air hip check.”

Hen huffs and shakes her head. “You can take the boy off the football team, but you can’t take football instincts out of the boy, I guess.”

“Hip checking is hockey, not football,” Buck corrects her. “And to answer your question, Eddie and I did talk about it and it’s fine. He knows I just, uh, let my emotions get away from me during the game. I apologized for it. We’re good.”

“Then what are you all in your head about? Last time you were like this, it was when you were secretly contemplating donating certain bodily fluids to a certain former roommate and his wife. They didn’t ask you to help with baby number two already, did they?”

“No! I’m just—”

Buck breaks off with a wince. God, he’s not sure if he’s ready to tell anyone yet. He’s definitely not ready to make some big, dramatic announcement when he’s still trying to wrap his head around this. Not that he’s waffling about what it meant—the head-to-toe thrill that went through him when Tommy’s mouth collided with his. Buck recognized that sensation right away, with all the certainty of someone who’d accidentally touched a live wire. He’s not a kid, for Christ’s sake.

Talking about it—out loud—though. That’s a different story.

On the other hand, this is Hen. Who better to unburden himself to than her? And then maybe he’ll be able to focus on what he’s supposed to be doing here, at work, and save his personal mess for after the shift ends.

“Okay,” he begins, pulling Hen gently by the arm out into the parking area. “Okay, but please don’t tell anyone. I mean, anyone. But especially not Chimney.”

“All right,” Hen says slowly. “What did you do?”

Buck takes a deep breath. “I kissed Tommy.”

“You what!?”

“Well, he kissed me, actually. He came over to clear the air, because he was afraid he was the cause of some bad blood between me and Eddie. You know, since they’ve been spending so much time together, and it was driving me… Uh, I’m not proud of that, either.” Buck runs his hand over his mouth and pushes on. “Then we were talking, and he said he’d teach me Muay Thai if I wanted, and then the next thing I knew, he was just… going for it.”

“Wow,” Hen says simply, and even though Buck can’t bring himself to look her in the face right now, he can tell she’s genuinely shocked. “Wow, I guess you really never can tell with some people. Not that Tommy and I were ever especially close, what with the way things were when I first arrived at the 118. Huh.”

Buck stops himself from telling her that this conversation is supposed to be about him, not Tommy. Honestly though, it hadn’t occurred to him until this moment to think about whether Tommy is out or not. That’s not cool, Buck chastises himself.

“Uh, yeah that’s probably another reason this should just stay between us for now. We didn’t really talk about whether it’s okay for me to tell people. About him.”

Hen raises her eyebrows. “But you did talk, didn’t you? He didn’t just run off or something?”

“We sort of talked? He asked me out on a date. Saturday night.”

“And you said…” Hen prompts.

“Yes,” Buck tells her, with a whooshing exhale and a grin. “I said yes.”

“Okay, then. Good. So what’s the problem?”

She’s looking at him with that mix of patience and exasperation that he knows too well. Like he’s being dense.

“The problem is that I’m thirty-two years old, Hen! It shouldn’t have been such a surprise to me that I—” Buck lowers his voice to a loud whisper. “That I’m into guys, too. Like, don’t most people just know? While they’re growing up?”

Hen reaches over to squeeze his arm. “Not necessarily. There are plenty of good reasons why some people don’t figure it out until they’re older. Sometimes much older than thirty-two, by the way. There aren’t any rules here, Buck. Everyone has their own path to get there. But… you are there, you think?”

“Oh, god. Yes.” Buck gives a small laugh, just lets it bubble out of him. It’s like opening a valve, releasing the pressure inside of him. “I’m one-hundred percent there. No doubt in my mind at all.”

“That’s wonderful. Even so, give yourself some time to process it, okay?”

“I will. But, uh, how long does processing take?” Buck asks helplessly. “I feel like I’m back in that hurricane. There are about fifty different emotions hitting me from all directions right now, and it’s kind of hard to function.”

“That’s just the nature of the beast, I’m afraid. It’s a scary thing, having that big revelation about yourself and figuring out what it means for your life.”

“I’m not scared. More like… in a daze. Every time I think about it, it knocks me back again. And then I think about tomorrow night and I start to get all jittery. Nervous. Cause I’ve never done this and I have no idea how to go about making a guy like me.”

“He already likes you, if he asked you out, right?” Hen says. “So focus on that. Anything else?”

Buck considers it, tries to loosen the tangle of feelings that’s filling up the whole of him right now and lay them out in an orderly way. Hen doesn’t rush him.

“It’s just a lot,” he says eventually, giving up on putting it into words, “and I kinda wish I could switch off my brain for a while.”

“I’m sure. Trust me, all those messy, upsetting emotions will settle down, and then you’re gonna feel really good about it.”

“Oh, I already do,” Buck reassures her. “I mean, I did last night even, right after it happened. And now, still. Just kind of… illuminated on the inside. That sounds weird, doesn’t it?”

Hen shakes her head, then puts her arms over his shoulders and jerks him into a tight hug. Buck returns it gratefully, glad to find an anchor in this crazy day, at last. When Hen speaks again, close to his ear, her voice is uncharacteristically wobbly.

“That’s the joy, Buck,” she says. “That’s the joy of it. And that’s what makes the struggle all worthwhile.”

[sure-i-exist]

Ok so Buck’s behaviour in Buck, Bothered and Bewildered (7x04) is obviously yeah he’s jealous and wanting attention, and plenty of people have pointed out it kinda seems like he’s actually going for Eddie’s attention at times (literally in the episode Tommy is surprised by it being his attention), and I’ve decided I wanna make a list of each of the scenes where he’s going for some attention and who specifically I feel he wants it from.

The Hangar - obviously this is entirely for Tommy’s attention, especially considering there was an entire tour we didn’t see that happened beforehand.

By the Sewers, Talking with Eddie - in this scene to me it feels like he is actually mostly thinking about Tommy here and feeling jealous of Eddie for already being close with him. But there is some feelings around Eddie as well and it’s from this conversation that his feelings about the both of them get complicated and mixed up.

Talking with Maddie (1) - again his feelings are a little messy here, he knows he’s definitely feeling some way about Tommy and he’s thinking a lot about him and doesn’t know why considering he just met the guy like 2 weeks ago (and he also doesn’t get why Eddie seems so close with him when he’s also only met him 2 weeks ago). He’s feeling strange about it all and externalising it as jealousy over Eddie and frustration at Tommy.

At the Gym - this is entirely just wanting Eddie’s attention. Including when he invites Chimney for the Thursday basketball thing, in the moment he’s only thinking about Eddie.

The Basketball Game - firstly I just wanna say in the lead-up to the event, after asking Chimney and during the couple days before the game, Buck is actually thinking more on Tommy, he’s who his thoughts keep leading to despite him trying to be more focused on Eddie over it. And that’s confusing him. While actually there, it’s a case where his mind’s occupied with Eddie but his eyes keep going to Tommy. And his confusing thoughts and feelings are pissing him off a little bit (along with the general feeling of being left out), he doesn’t know what’s going on but at this point he’s definitely aware that he’s thinking about both men but he doesn’t know exactly what he’s thinking on either of them.

Talking with Maddie (2) - he’s feeling really bad about Eddie. And he’s thinking and reflecting but he doesn’t yet know whose attention he’s really been after. This conversation will make him continue reflecting and he’s still not certain on his thoughts and feelings, but things are starting to clear and sort themselves after this.

And finally…

At the Loft with Tommy - He’s still not entirely sure what he’s thinking or feelings in regards to the whole situation. He feels bad, but that’s about all he can identify at first. About halfway through the conversation he starts to feel more confident, and through speaking one-on-one with Tommy (something he hasn’t actually done since the hangar) he realises his main goal to begin with was actually Tommy’s focus and attention, because he’s reminded of how cool Tommy is and how much he enjoys just talking with the guy. And he says as much, he says “trying to get your attention has been kind of exhausting” - this catches Tommy off-guard, who hadn’t realised Buck wanted his attention at all, he thought Buck solely saw him as a threat to him and Eddie relationship to one another. And then Tommy kisses him. And it’s surprising but it’s good and now things are very quickly starting to make sense for Buck. Why he was thinking about Tommy so much without even needing a specific reason, why he felt threatened when Eddie and Tommy were getting to be seemingly so close. Things start to click. And he’s gonna keep thinking and things are gonna keep starting to click into place for a good while after that, after Tommy leaves.

[kiss2012]

final 911 thoughts…

k tommy’s entrance in 7x03 kinda slayed ngl. the fake static LMAO

“i’d follow your hunches any day” “it’s cap and athena let them fire us” CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB

eddie’s incredulous happy little laugh when they saw the flare <3

this show is at its best when 1) it’s about the inherent goodness of humanity and how everyone deserves to be saved, 2) when the members of the 118 are in Situations, 3) when they r all a happy family, and 4) when they are flagrantly disobeying orders to save the people they love

TJE BACHELOR HAHAHDHHSHSHHSHAHAHAH

u don’t understand how funny this is to me (person who watched the most recent bachelorette live)

making buck bi in the bachelor episode literally the greatest thing they have ever done.

I LOVE MADDIE CHIMNEY AND JOSH TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO THE BACHELOR IS DHDJKDD

scream at joey’s face when the contestants proposition buck and eddie

once again buck continues his trend of either flirting on purpose or flirting without realizing he’s flirting.

HOW DID ANYONE GET THROUGH THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK ARE BUCK EDDIE AND TOMMY ALL DOING

buck saying he’s “keeping his options fluid” LOL.

look im glad to see harry even if the actor’s different i missed him but WHERE IS MAY

ravi i love you so deeply

oh my god ravi looks so beautiful

“you and tommy have a lot in common: both in the army both like watching half-naked men pummel each other” WHAT???? WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING

so i understand exactly what’s going on with buck right now he is certifiably insane but he’s obviously jealous over eddie and jealous over tommy and worried about being replaced especially with chris and insecure and confused about what he’s feeling etc. but eddie 😭😭😭 what’s going on babe

I LOVE MADDIE

ok seriously did we need a rehash of the WORST athena plotline to date???

BUCK IS SO EMBARRASSING.

oh my god i physically can’t watch this

ummmmm yikes

i’ve seen a lot of people both blindly defending buck for this and a lot of people hating on it and i don’t really think it’s that simple. like i think it was wrong wish we could see him apologize but it is some delicious drama. like suck ur teeth in hand over mouth kinda drama.

chimney pretty much summed it up and maddie was so right…love u madney

maddie’s hilarious for being like yeah buck i understand where ur coming from i also made desperate bids for my friend’s attention. when i was a 14 year old girl.

“so stop acting like one” YEAH LMAO

END OF 7x04. WOWWW THAT WAS A LOT

you’d think seeing half of this in gifsets would’ve desensitized me to it. but it hasn’t.

this would have been the perfect opportunity to have tommy talk about how he regrets his behaviour during the begins episodes and talk more about his friendships with hen and chimney??

tommy. BUCK!!!!!!!

scream.

um im sorry i cant blame tommy for leaving buck at the curb after that hot chicks comment. and then the “bro”??? im in agony.

i thought u guys were joking this is marisol’s like fourth appearance on screen and we’ve barely heard her speak let alone seen her interact with eddie but he “really likes her” and they’re moving in together? um excuse me??? WHY ARE THEY LYING TO ME I DONT KNOW THIS WOMAN NO ONE KNOWS THIS WOMAN NOT EVEN EDDIE KNOWS THIS WOMAN

ohhhh my god that post about how unlike tommy eddie’s always treated buck like an equal partner no matter what from the very beginning. yeah…

denny is so sweet.

MADDIE AND BUCK COMING OUT SCENE MY BELOVED

disaster bi buck fr (affectionate)

the “christopher is out of town for a couple days” is still killing me. where is he.

eddie is such a dreamboat truly who wouldn’t be in love with him

so many shannon mentions this season thank you…i miss you shannon

if you need me i’ll be thinking about eddie’s thumb on That Spot.

this end scene is the best buck has looked all episode the choice to have him literally bathed in sunlight is so real and true

7x06 time oh my god im so scared

maddie and hen look unbelievably stunning. jesus christ.

eddie looks beautiful in his beautiful pre-destroyed pink suit. buck…your suit was a Choice. i will free you from whoever is doing your hair like that pls buck just let me in i can fix it pls

eddie wasn’t overtly bitchy about tommy being there until he saw tommy hug buck. he’s so funny.

HENREN AND RAVIIIIII 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and all three of their outfits r a slay

can’t explain to you how much i love clipboard buck if clipboard buck has no lovers i am not on this earth etc. and a karaoke bachelor party really is such a thoughtful idea even if it’s not what chimney wanted

but once again buck is so embarrassing i can’t do this

thanks we had a…time. HFJFJDKD

MONTAGE <33333 buck and eddie’s bestieism is off the charts im gonna cry…

“i am 911” maddie buckley the woman that you are…

i unapologetically looked at a million spoilers for this episode but i still don’t know What happened to chimney and im scared

kevin and the lees 😭😭😭😭

CHIMNEY GOING BACK TO THE KARAOKE BAR HE AND KEVIN WORKED AT. OH IM SICK

“telling buck no is like telling a dog not to jump your leg” is definitely. a line. that. they chose. for this episode.

I LOVE YOU CHIMNEYYY

home and he went to the lees. god….

IM GONNA BE SAD ABOUT KEVIN FOREVER

moment 1363673 of buck giving me the worst and somehow most affectionate secondhand embarrassment i’ve ever felt in my life

perfect episode no notes. actually one note WHERE WAS ALBERT. but other than that im in shambles time to listen to islands in the stream on repeat