#esp didn't stop her from shit talking me lol

[blackmagictrait]

so I kinda logged off for a while and missed a lot of shit but hi, I'm one of the people who had to leave The Server bc of gyarutrait/corpsetrait/dollie's weird shitty behavior as well as my general discomfort with the way black simmers were being talked over & dismissed (+ some other gen shady shit I won't get into). couldn't tell you what's going on over there now bc after I said I was dipping bc I was uncomfortable it appears someone kicked me from the server entirely. the cc sharing channels were useful and I used them a lot bc rebels is kinda iffy to navigate but oh well, guess that's that. anyway I've had gyaru/corpse/dollie/whatever tf blocked for a while now but if she makes yet another alt and comes back here's a message for her: fuck off forever & leave me alone. ❤ we all see thru you and have for a while, bye.

[baby-tini]

hey babes, I love you ever since I first found your blog. The first post I found was the 4some with the mikeysss😭😭 girl you write so good and I always wait for your posts almost everyday. I seriously love how you write fics esp the ones with @buse tagged on it..LMFAO WE GOT DADDY ISSUES FRRRRR. THE DABI FICS!?!?! I'VE BEEN EATING THEM UP. GOOD SHIT. those dabi fics fucked the depression out of my body😭😭

Can I please make a request..it's my first time asking so I'm kinda shy lol. Can we please get abusive! Kanto Mikey x devoted reader? Like reader is so obsessed with mikey (kinda like how sanzu is to mikey) and she'd do anything and everything for him and still loves him even if he hurts her physically and emotionally.

Can I also pls request smut..😔 (I'm a slut)

I LOVE UUU!! You can js ignore my request if you don't feel like writing it, babes. Kisses . 💋💋💋

TW- Stockholm Syndrome (not from kidnapping), domestic abuse both physically and verbally, victim blaming, manipulation, controlling behaviour, Mikey is slightly yandere-ish. A/N- This made me so happy too read, in all honesty. Your so sweet babes, I love you too and I hope you adore it. Kisses 💋 You loved Mikey, more then anything. You'd do whatever he asked, whether he wanted you too kill for him or even die for him, you'd do so with no complaints, no hesitation and absolutely no second thoughts. He knew that, you knew that, everyone knew that. But too be fair, you've known him since you were both twelve, you were with him through everything. You were there when his brother died, you were there when he talked about killing Kazutora after he got out of juvie, you were there for him when Draken got stabbed, you were even there when Baji died and he went crazy. Beating Kazutora almost to death before Takemichi stepped in. So, you couldn't just leave him, even if you saw the pitied looks from the... nicer members in Kanto.

You didn't really care for the pitied looks you got from his lackeys. If it wasn't coming from Mikey then it wasn't important. Mikey was everything to you, he meant more then everyone else, after Mikey took you with him, leaving Toman, he was all you had left. You truly didn't blame him for the way he treated you, he had a lot going on, it wasn't his fault. Sometimes he just needed a stress result, yeah, he hit you a little harder sometimes. But you were positive that he wasn't going too kill you, he always told you he loved you after anyway. He promised too stop for you, after last night, he promised he would never put his hands on you again, you had no reason too not believe him, sure he had little slip-ups, but no one was perfect.

You had been sitting in the room you shared with Mikey, cleaning and bandaging the bruises and cuts, Mikey had hit you a little harder last night, his lackeys pissing him off and leaving him in a irritable mood. Sure, he took out on you, but anyway you could help Mikey, you were willing too do it, nothing was too much for you, you were Mikeys, meaning you had too be strong for him. You didn't want Mikey too think that you couldn't take a couple hits from him, I mean, he could've hit you harder or even killed you. You've seen him fight, but he never did, that proved how much he loved you. Your head had snapped towards the door when you heard screaming and cries of pain. The bedroom door slamming opening open seconds later, the door knob creating a hole in the wall as Mikey Mikey sauntered in. Slamming the door so hard behind him that the frame rattled, staring you down, you could see his usually large eyes had narrowed into slits, reminding you of a cat before they attacked. His lips were curled into a deep snarl as his already black eyes got even darker, his tongue digging into his cheek as his muscles tensed up. The walk towards you was drawn out and slow as he analyzed you, when he did reach you, after what felt like tediously long hours, he grabbed you up by your hair, his knuckles turning white from the harsh grip. "Are you fucking serious?!?! You dumb fucking bitch, I ask you too do one thing, one fucking thing and that's too stay away from other men and you can't even do that, huh?" The hand wrapped in your hair throws you to the floor, his heeled boot digging into your stomach as you let out a groan. Your stomach sucking in on it's self to alleviate the pressure, but his heel just dug deeper. The gurgle of pain you let out was unrecognizable to yourself as Manjiro stared you down with a dark grin, his eyes reflecting static. Those staticy eyes stare into your own teary ones, the tears flowing down your cheeks from the pain. He takes his foot off your stomach with a scoff as he steps back a bit, giving you a command as he does so. "Up." It's only one word, but the weight it holds is crushing as you struggle too stand on your own. Your arms shaking as you push yourself up off the carpet. When you do successfully get on your feet, your legs wobbling as you keep your head down. Manjiro watches, his expression bored as he tilts his head in disinterest, his eyes narrowing at your unbalance. He gives a scoff before he walks over and grabs your arm, dragging you to the bed. Sitting you down, he runs his hands through your hair and moves it behind your ears, some of your strands sticking to your wet cheeks. He uses his thumbs too wipe at the salty tears.

"You love me right?" The question comes out of his mouth quieter then you thought it would. Especially given how angry he seemed only a couple of minutes ago. But the switch his tone of voice has taken now paired with the question, has you a bit confused, your eyes questioning when you look up at him. You thought he knew, you always tell him you love him, everytime you see him. So with a quick nod of your head, you scoot closer towards him. He hums, with a small smile, twirling a strand of your hair. "Show me then, show me how much you love me." His words are still soft as he unzips his pants, popping open the button as he stands up straight. It's an immediate reaction, like someone else controlling your actions, as you reach towards his pants. Quickly replacing his hands, you pull his pants and boxers down half-way before taking his cock in your hand. Scooting completely off the bed so that you're on your knees, on the carpet, you drag your hand in slow pumps up and down his cock as you kiss at the head, as an apology for your mistake. Gliding the flat of your tongue over his slit then giving it a kiss, you hear him let out a shuddered breath. One of his hands coming down to your head and running it through your hair as he pushes the loose strands behind your neck. Taking him a little deeper down your throat, you pump the base simultaneously. A quiet geoan falls from his lips as he tightens his grip in your hair, using it too move your head a little faster. Scooting closer on your knees, you bob your head faster on his cock. Feeling his fingers twitch in your hair, he pulls you closer so that you take him in completely, his cock bulging in your throat. "You feel that shit, that's my cock in your throat." He runs a thumb over the bulge in your throat. Pushing down, he feels your throat sputter around him and he groans. He lets you pull off him and take in air. Drool slides down your tongue and chin while you cough a little. Wiping your chin as you suck in air through your teeth, straightening back up you take his cock back in your mouth again. He hums, tilting his head back and exhaling through his nose while he pets your hair. You gives a harsh suck to the tip that has his stomach flexing. Tightening your hand around the base, he groans deeply, jerking your hand, you taste the pre-cum as it hits your tongue. He tastes sweet, so sweet, you're eager for more of it. As he starts getting closer though, he starts too fuck your throat, groaning from the feel of your throat spasming and convulsing around the thickness of his cock. He grinds his hips into your mouth as his thighs tense. You can feel he's getting close, by the way he's twitching on your tongue as his hand, that's wrapped around your hair, flexes. Going from tight and painful to loose and shaky. His mouth falls open as he pants, his thighs shaking as he cums down your throat, while holding your head all the way down. Your nose touching the blonde hair as his balls sit against your chin. "Don't swallow." It's a command that he gives you, as he pulls his cock from your throat. You don't, you don't swallow, instead keeping his cum sat on your tongue, the liquid tasting sweet as you take in the taste. He tucks his cock back in, as he pulls his boxers and pants back up. Re-doing the zipper and button then pulling you up and sitting you back on the bed. "Open your mouth fo me," you do, quickly unhinging your jaw and letting your tongue slip out. The white liquid flooding your mouth, mixing with your spit on your tastebuds. He hums, using a hand too tilt your chin up, making you look at him while his cum falls closer to the back of your throat. He uses his thumb to move the cum down your tongue, wiping his cum on your lips like gloss. Then taking two fingers, his index and middle, too fuck your mouth, pressing his fingers down on your tongue he pulls them out and gives you the go-ahead too swallow. You do, letting his cum fall down your throat as he stares at your neck, watching your jugular bob at the swallow. He hums again, with a nod of his head.

"You know I hate hitting you, I only do it because you misbehave. If you listened I wouldn't have too hit you, you know that right? Pretty girl?" You nod, licking your lips in order too clean the cum from them. He taps your bottom lip with his thumb, still covered in a mix of your spit and his cum. Letting your mouth fall open again, you take in each of his fingers, cleaning them of his own essence. You smile up at him, around his fingers as his taste hits your tongue again. Wrapping your hands around his wrist, you kiss at his fingers when he pulls them back from your mouth. "But I have no problem doing so when you misbehave though, you know that better then anyone that I don't take disrespect lightly. So, when I tell you too stay away from other men, I expect you too comply. You have a part of me inside you forever when you swallowed my cum, you need too understand that you'll belong to me until you die. Is that understood?" With a quick nod of your head, he kisses your lips before leaving you alone in your shared bedroom too think about what just happened.

[thebearer]

if we're going for soft dom carmy, what about reader using a safeword and carmy looking after them?

i'm kinda struggling thinking of many scenarios where this happens just because i believe that carmen would fall into the worst kinda dom drop if you did. i don't think it would happen often because he's so meticulous with sex in general (with everything, really lol) but esp when it's a little rougher of a scene- when he's a dom.

i think carmen would be very cautious when you played, especially with impact play or anything kinda rough-ish. he is very careful with watching how you react. he's gotten comfortable with knowing when you've had enough or just the slightest changes in tone.

with that being said, i could 1000% see you safe wording with carmen when he's kinda using it as stress relief. i feel like that's part of his thing, like it's an emotional release and he's in control, so he enjoys the dynamic when you do play.

he comes home just fed up. it was stressful at work, some shitty critic left a half ass review that soured his mood. sydney and richie got into it, and on top of it all, it's mikey's birthday coming up and carmen is not coping very well. he decides to play with you, and while you're a little aware he's stressed, you're not worried about it.

he doesn't spank you or choke you, he knows better than to ever do that when he's like this. but he does something he never does- degrades you. one of the appeals for you, is while he'll call you a "bad girl" or "needy" or "desperate" sometimes during a scene, he's never actually mean.

tonight is different. he's started off rough, no warnings or easing into it. no he's abrasive with his maneuvering of you. which is fine, i mean it's not what you particularly prefer, but you can take it if it helps him feel better. it's alright until he starts talking, low grunts through gritted teeth that leave you whimpering.

"stupid fuckin' whore, you know that?" carmen sneers, his pace punishing with every snap of his hips. "useless. this is all your good for."

you can hardly believe it's your carmen speaking to you, half convinced this is some twisted nightmare you were in. it wasn't, you were reminded, his hand yanking on your hair, pulling you back towards him.

"you hear me?"

"yes." you squeak.

"yeah? you just fuckin' ignoring me now too? not gonna fuckin' listen?" carmen growls, one hand around your jaw, pressing you to his chest. "think you're better than me? know better than i do? you fuckin' don't, alright? don't know anything, just a dumb little slut. only good for this right here. takin' daddy's cock, isn't that right?"

you could feel the tears prick your eyes. any pleasure you were feeling was gone. everything felt so violating... so wrong. "no, carm, s-stop."

"what? the fuck did you just call me?" carmen snapped, fingers curling around your jaw.

"carmen, stop. red, stop." you babbled. "red, carmen, i said red. stop."

carmen halted, his grasp falling off of you, watching you scramble away from him towards the end of the bed.

"baby?" carmen's eyes were wide, an eerie calmness in his voice as he scanned over your body. "a-are you ok? fuck, are-are you hurt? c'mere-"

"no." you barked, lifting a hand to stop him. your knees to your chest, covering yourself from him. you felt too vulnerable. "just... i don't want you to touch me." you shuddered.

"are you ok? do-do i need to do something?" carmen's hands were shaking, every ounce of anger her felt gone, fear flooding his system in strong waves that crashed over him.

"why would you say that to me?" you croak, tears streaming down his face. "what did i... is that how you feel about me?"

"no, fuck, no." carmen's hands are shaking, running down his face. "i-i-i thought you would like that. the, uh, the mean shit. i thought you liked it wh-when i did that-"

"-when you called me stupid? and useless?" the tremble in your lip makes carmen's stomach lurch.

"i-i would never... baby, please, you know- you know i didn't..." carmen's chest constricts, strangling his words. he's on the edge of a panic attack, one he's trying to keep down because the last thing he needs is to be consoled. especially when he's the one who's fucked up.

you wipe your cheeks with your wrist, still shaking with your own emotions. "i... i need you to leave me alone for a little bit." you look at him. "i just... i need to calm down, and... and i don't want you near me right now."

carmen feels like he might sob. the burn in his nose tells him he is. but he nods anyways, tongue too thick in his mouth to say anything other than another apology. he doesn't go to the living room or guest room like you think. no, carmen goes to the bathroom and you hear him retching into the toilet through sobs moments later.

it takes him weeks to feel comfortable even playing a little rough again, and when you do- after you beg him to- he is so careful and checks in every second.

while it doesn't happen very much at all, i think the very few times it does, it would be bc of something like that.

[svtjinny]

JUYEON :: RELATIONSHIPS WITH SVT

wc: just a lil over 2k. not proofread, lowercase intended!

SEUNGCHEOL, JEONGHAN & JOSHUA

jinny's fathers!!!! she's the only girl so obviously jinny's gonna get a lot of hate for it / how close she is with the members and these three are always there for her :( constant reassurance that she's not a burden to them and that it's okay to cry when she needs to. when jinny went on 'no prepare' w/ youngji she got drunk and cried over how much these three care about her SEUNGCHEOL ~ JICHEOL: since he's the oldest, he cares a lot about all 13 of his members. he does, however, check up on jinny often and make sure she's taking care of herself and not closing herself off from the group whenever she's dealing with scandals or hate. these two are just super soft UGH. on inside seventeen eps or on tour stops jinny will just randomly go up to cheol and lay her head on his shoulder or lap "just cause she wants to." they call a lot because she gets super worried esp around comeback szn and he's one of the only members she feels comfortable expressing her worries with & crying in front of. when they aren't being all sappy n shit tho, jinny's constantly trying to annoy him at the most random times. or she's teasing him over the way he moved his hands or said something LOL (and vice versa.. he'll walk past her and mock her english as pay back) fansites love these two trust me!!

JEONGHAN ~ JINHAN: speaking of hate, jeonghan is always the first member jinny goes to whenever she's getting negative comments or opinions from netizens. she puts a lot of trust in jeonghan and is always asking for advice from him. but moving on.... jinny HATES (she doesn't) playing games with jeonghan bcz he's either a smartass or he'll cheat his way to victory. in that one jeonghan vs. svt episode, she literally walked up to the seating area, said "i'm gonna write -1,000,000." and tried leaving (the staff wouldnt let her LMAO). jinny always the first to notice when he's trying to mess with the members she'll be like "yah! stop being a liar, you're like pinnochio." and it makes everyone laugh JOSHUA ~ JIJO: they bonded over their confusion as foreigners (+ vernonnie) OMG. whenever the members would laugh at a joke she didn't understand jinny would immediately turn to shua with confused eyes. anywayss, jinny values her relationship with joshua a lot!! being in seventeen meant staying in korea for large periods of time, away from her brother. joshua is like her older brother figure when she isn't in australia. but he also loves to annoy her at random times?? like on stage for example he'll come over to her and mess with her outfit or whatever's in her hands OR he'll keep switching between korean & english when talking and it frustrates her sm LOL. also loves to mock her english..

JUN, HOSHI, WONWOO & WOOZI jinny is always fighting with them LMAO... there's no gose ep where they aren't arguing at least once (cough mousebusters cough). kir looks up to them a lot though! these four are always cheering for her in shoots, even when she appears in ads or on billboards!!! it's like they argue and then 5 mins later it's "go jinny" JUN ~ JIHUI: he loves to hype jinny up for no reason honestly. like she'll be showcasing a dance or talent for a variety show and all you'll hear is "WOAHHHH JINAA WOWWWWWW" from him LOL. jinny likes to mock him with his "nothing is spicy for me" stuff but then he pulls out a pepper or hot sauce out of nowhere? and she'll run screaming "moon junhui i'm sorry for everything i've never done to you!!!" pls. but also she loves whenever he goes on rants about things he wants to try in china with the members while they're talking backstage or smt because she!! wants!! to!! go!! too!! he bakes or buys her a lot of chinese treats and it makes her melt :( when hes asked to do aegyo or cute poses jinny cackles.. it's just so funny and cute at the same time HOSHI ~ SOONJIN: for seungcheol's sake, don't let these two partner with each other in games or stand anywhere near each other in relay dances. chaotic duo omg. if they aren't fighting, they're laughing at each other. and if they aren't laughing at each other, they're probably chasing each other or doing god knows what. their gose cameramen get weekly workouts at this point with their constant movement. ESPECIALLY IN DON'T LIE. when soonyoung does his silly little "watching the members' reactions" thing he immediately points at her and screams that it's jinny because there was a GHOST of a smirk on her face. or when they're playing random games she'll say he was too slow by a millisecond just to try and stop him from winning. WONWOO ~ JINWON: wonu found jinny crying once and ever since then they've gotten like super close. they'll be filming and then the camera goes to woolyn and jinny's just casually piggybacking on him. they don't argue as much as the other three but when they do it's HILARIOUS. "you stole my crackers, didn't you?" + "sorry.. i'm a foreigner what's a cracker? (except it's her imitating his pronunciation)" when jinny's solo was announced he was one of the more excited members. omg they also love to quote / imitate each other too. "tasty." (insomnia zero !!!!) and then theres wonu mocking jinny's silly photoshoot poses. but jinny gets so excited when she sees wonu after some time away cause he's like this gigantic teddy bear in her eyes.. there are so many compilations of jinny hugging wonu or hanging onto him at the most random times. WOOZI ~ 2JI: cue jinny dragging jihoon out of the studio at 1-2 am because he locked himself in there with his factory supply of diet coke. jinny is a producer and loves to make music and jihoon's always the one she goes to whenever she needs an opinion on a lyric or part of a song. they've had a lot of dumb moments together on trips like TTT and in the studio and both of them use it against each other. "hey jinny, do you remember when-" "NO. I DON'T REMEMBER." in every other game svt plays LMAO. on the rareeeee occasion jihoon gets tipsy he'll get super emotional with jinny and it's so funny to the rest of the members for some reason. in conclusion, jinny's like jihoon's reminder to stop working and jihoon is jinny's reminder of every stupid thing she's ever done.

DK, MINGYU, & THE8 jinny's brothers part one. they're besties!! 97z are always making her laugh or teasing her. these are some of the members she's known since she was a little girl so they're especially close :( drunk jinny is also extremely clingy and emotional and they always have to deal with it but whenever one of them brings it up, like in insomnia zero for example, she gets flustered and denies it so fast DK ~ SENNY: svt mood makers,,, they're always making jokes or laughing at something or each other (or making fun of seungkwan..). they both get so happy whenever they see each other ITS SO CUTE like there's this one gose ep where jinny came back after being in australia for some time and seokmin ran and hugged her so fast. ALSO BEST VOCAL DUO I SAY! jinny released a song with him as a feature and it blew up so fast bcz of how extremely good they sounded. jinny also loves to play as seokmin's supportive facebook mom LMAO. on her insta she has so many cringy pics of him doing LITERALLY ANYTHING n captions as "The Best ____" and a bunch of emojis. MINGYU ~ JIGYU: they've known each other since around the time jinny became a trainee and they have such a sweet sibling bond. gyu's so quick to judge whenever someone says something negative about jinny (when they aren't joking about it.. bc if they were joking he'd join in.) it's rlly funny to carats. they cook together a lot and whenever they're filming + cooking mingyu would just keep making fun of how short she is compared to him or some random joke he came up with on the spot. but anyways their food is so good,, everyone gets super excited whenever they cook tgt. also one of jinny's irl teddy bears!! when they see each other it's like those online friends irl meet-up videos the members have so many pics / vids of them dramatically hugging LOL THE8 ~ JIHAO: PLEASE minghao is always either chilling and living peacefully with jinny or teasing her abt her every move. in that one rice planting gose ep they were both sitting together loving every moment of the planting UNTIL HE GOT TO GET FOOD and started to tease her about how the food is sooooooo delicious and she should come and get a bite. but ANYWAYS. jinny loves to hype minghao up in whatever he does!!! once she went on weverse and started boasting about how good minghao is at art cuz they were painting tgt for a vlog. minghao helps calm jinny down most of the time too!! precious besties :[

SEUNGKWAN, VERNON, & DINO jinny's brothers part two. these three are her ride or dies istg!!! similar to 96z, jinny is always fighting with them... but they're also like partners in crime? dino vernon & jinny are like three kids trying to drag a tired mother (seungkwan) into helping them with whatever crazy over the top prank plan they concocted LMAO SEUNGKWAN ~ JIKWAN: never leave these two with a task alone. they will argue over the way the other is BREATHING. it became their thing to just nitpick each other whenever they could and it makes both of them laugh so hard when someone tells them to stop fighting. he said in a show once "i think we're good at teamwork!" and jinny gave him THE MOST judgeful look ever it became a whole meme and they spent like 10 minutes arguing over it... poor host. she showed up at the bss m/v recording and kept laughing at him, which caused them to argue ONCE AGAIN LOL. but omg.. best vocal duo ever pt.2???? them singing or hitting a high note together is what greets you at the gates of heaven it's HOLY. VERNON ~ HANNY: foreign confusion PART TWO!! nonnie helped jinny a lot pre-debut and she's so grateful for him. moving on tho.. vernon's a little demon around jinny like she'll just be on her phone or in the studio sitting minding her own business and then this dude will come up behind her and scare tf out of her LMAO there was this one tour stop where they were just messing with each other the entire time.. cheol was tired. mocks her english part 3 (?? i lost count..) "how do you say water?" "wa'er" *dying laughing* .. there was this one live and vernon was putting chapstick on (i like to think he's like any generic american guy and is an absolute monster when putting on chapstick) and they had this whole debate over how to put on it on correctly. back on the plus side tho, jinny is always there to help vernon put together music!! DINO ~ JINCHAN: jinny's bestie like they are so insanely close. chan's known jinny for years bcz they went to the same middle school! these two are always finding an opportunity to play around with each other or they'll just end up hugging each other at random intervals. carats love jinchan bcz you tell that they love and care for each other sm :( BUT THEN HE'S A LITTLE SHIT TOO?????? he steals random objects or food from her all the time but she could never actually be mad at him ofc. one of them would make some shitty joke and they'll both be on the ground laughing because they end up laughing at each other, it's a never ending cycle. she's the #1 chan supporter she's always cheering him on for ANYTHING...and vice versa! dino's like jinny's protective older brother istg. he's so quick to defend her in anything even if she's the one in the wrong LMAO.

from xia ! : svt being absolute devils whenever jinny speaks english....please she's TIRED.

[camphorror]

ok so hello people of tumblr. who wants to know what happened since i last regularly posted here????

i became friends with this girl at work i was loooowkey crushing on, we became too close way too quickly. she confided in me a month and a half into out friendship how she had a crush on a***d which caused her a sexuality crisis bc she was convinced she was gay until then. i felt weird but loved her too much to let something silly like this ruin the friendship. he started hanging out with us, i felt real fucking baaaaaad. life situations led me into telling a***d i liked him for ages. he said we're too good friends to ruin it, we're beyond that point! if i had said something earlier then maybe! then i found out he liked her!!! but he decided because of me he would stop talking to her!! i was living thru insanity bc of it. then me and him spent a month and a half being friends but also more than friends? but also "it's just good friends it's nothing romantic bc i said i don't feel the same i don't wanna ruin it you're one of the utmost important people in my life up there with my childhood friends blahblah" and we cuddled and hugged every time we met, texted every day after work until late at night, went thru a kissing/making out one evening after drinking a lot of alcohol drama. he initiated all of this!!! always!! i was in this weird grey area and thought everything is Fine because i know it's not a good idea

then almost a month ago he decided to ask her out! he didn't tell me in advance (despite the fact i told him if you ever choose to act about your feelings just say so). she did not tell me about it despite me being transparent with her all along, and despite telling me she thinks friendship is more important than all of this. so this went on for a week and a half, without me being told, whilst i was feeling weird asf and convincing myself i'm going crazy because of my anxiety bc everything was Normal. and then i found out thursday march 28th (haha a month ago exactly.. what a coincidence) because we were together and he said he can't wait for a "right time" like she wanted to. all of life collapsed from the feeling of betrayal from and anger at both of them. first i hated her, now i realised i hate him because he was at fault for all this messed up shit and took zero responsibility the one time we talked. i gave 2 of them chances to talk as some closure and we haven't spoken since. i truly hate him and think he's a shit person.

took a whole week off work after that first happened. was depressed at home. one day i decided to dress nicely and go meet my friend who just came back from abroad at the city of christ..... told her everything. then she took me to see a cool hostel i'd like bc it's in an ancient building. guy who works there studied with us but i didn't remember him lol. we talked & had wine then i got tipsy i overshared everything. he was the most charming and cute person i met.... (& a proper proper leftist too). we spent 3 hours there with him despite my friend wanting to kill me bc that WASN'T the plan. he was overly friendly, had a very interesting vibe.. esp abt the situation... then he told me how he's going abroad the next day and perhaps is gonna break up with his ldr gf... we sat together whilst my friend was in another room/on the side on her phone (I APOLOGISED PROFOUNDLY) and he even showed me pics of him from the gym... my biggest regret is when we left, had food with my friend and just got on the bus, he texted me on ig that i should come back to say bye again.. i didnt... then he came back from abroad last week and sort of said if i got the time i should come visit.. so of ci did lol but the Vibe was gone (as like... he didnt break up with the gf and therefore there was no vibe & i was fine with it lol). he asked me if i want him to teach me how to fight and i said yeah so besides updating him again on my woes we also literally fought with each other which was fucking fun. like he was properly teaching me what to do in a fight. i'm still feeling sore (that was 2 days ago) he is so cool and i wanna be his friend now that i am not cr*shing on him...

besides that life is still grim and i am going back to work in a day and gonna have to see those 2 people who ruined my life again aaaaand i know my mental health will take a dive. what do you even do when this shit happens

[sillyhahasilly]

HC REQQQQQ

cal's date ideas w his girlfriend, or how he would react while being in a fight with her

I will do my best anon 🫡 (also I've used gender neutral language, but I did think of these as him dating a girl.)

dates!!

hate to say it but I don't think cal would be the bestttt at this. he would try, but he would be the type to no show or blow u off to from what u understand to hang w andre (they ARE hanging but also planning mass murder). he would not put u before zd lol.

BUUUTT

I feel like first date would be the movies. prob horror? but if u didn't like horror yall would see smth else, but he would prob be obv abt not liking it much. throughout the relationship he would continue to take u to the movies sometimes, but it's one of those things he is more likely to skip on (esp if it's smth he doesn't like)

u have to remember the mf doesn't drive. I hc him as being unemployed too. you would be picking him and he would be ur passenger princess 💔 he would also do the thing like "ahh shoot. I don't have money on me.. could you??" and you'd be paying. ok enough slander for him in this section.

"I know a spot" and he would take u to the woods but it's nice cause there are "cool rocks" or smth. and it would be nice!!! yall would hang out and talk. cal would have emotionally intimate talks w you, most of it half-truths, but sometimes u would get glimpses into who he really is. (after zd u would think back to some of the shit he said and wish u did more to make sure he was ok.) the stuff u would talk abt would mainly be suicidial ideation. I don't think he would get into homicidal stuff w u, or only under the guard of satire (like saying ugh I want to kill that guy, but u don't actually mean it. cal does.)

yall would smoke weed together all the time. esp at his ik a spots.

you wouldn't go on dates in busy places like theme parks or even museums. there is js so much this man wouldn't do I think. :/

but anyway ur dates mostly consist of going off somewhere by yourselves and chilling.

this depends if u calm hanging at home a date - but yall do that sometimes when cals house isn't busy. if his house is busy w his siblings you guys go to a empty park or woods (in walking distance if u don't drive)

fighting >:(

most of ur fights are abt him being distant or treating u like shit. bc he can rlly treat u like shit sometimes.

when u fight he acts like it's not a big deal, which can make u feel like ur overreacting, and if u voice that he doesn't deny it. not very great.

he doesn't have much of an emotional reaction to ur fights.

doesn't have a problem admitting he is wrong if pressed about it, but he doesn't fix the problem usually.

he tells u to calm down.

he is really good at cheering you up after fights, tho. he can always make u laugh and sometimes is able to change the entire course of the fight by js making u laugh.

he doesn't have a problem saying sorry.

but if u guys leave on a bad note and u decide to stop talking for a bit he will take a awhile to talk to I again if u don't fold first. not cuz of stubbornness he js doesn't do it

[edenwolfie]

For the writer ask - 13, 17, 27, 28, 36!

Hallo and thank you for the ask! I'll stick to my fanfics for answering these :)

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? I always always struggle with sex scenes, they tend to not take too long, but are then followed by the most god awful amount of editing to try and make it at least vaguely sexy. Local aroace tries their best lol. Otherwise I don't think I struggle quite as much as that with much else?

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? I think it was probably Madam Yu from my MDZS fic series Just Say Yes. Every scene she was in was a trial for me to get my head around because the series was very much a 'fix-it everything you can' kinda deal, but I also didn't want to drastically change anyone's character, so she was a difficult line to walk. Mostly I avoided this by keeping her out of scenes when I could lol. I remember one or two people wanting a chapter from her POV and just, I would have died of frustration and the fic would have never been finished lol.

27. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? I have to be honest, writing Xie Lian for Compass has probably been my fave. I feel like I just get him (whether this is true or non lol) and can just go when writing him.

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know? So much random shit; working in a medical setting, working in a school setting, working in a retail/food service setting, illustration (traditional & digital), animation (2D & 3D), sports (springboard diving, soccer, skiing), music (esp. cello, bass guitar, singing, with group orchestra, choir, bands etc), D&D and board games, and cooking/baking. Probably some other stuff I'm forgetting, but oh well! I think only the music, art, and retail/food service topics have wormed their way into my writing thus far, I'm not much for a modern setting, so a lot of that doesn't tend to apply lol.

[from weird questions for writers ask meme]

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. Well, let's go with Compass cause it's still in my brain, and the extras are still WIPs. So here's some random brain faff (under the cut):

- Hua Cheng scared the shit out of Xu Hao when he came back to town and cornered him like 'who the fuck is the new guy? name? age? occupation? appearance? birthday? tax file number? etc' and Xu Hao is just like, that's just Wujin he's just our lil guy now. i don't know shit. please blink. - Hua Cheng basically spent the month he was gone out of Ghost City after Zhongyuan having the worlds longest panic attack and sculpting the most frantic bunch of statues he could to prove to himself he still remembered how Xie Lian looked. This also stopped him destroying anything because he was Not Allowed to break them. Is why he got himself out of the city, because otherwise a few blocks were gonna go bye bye. - Dianshui remembers in very awful detail how she died but she will not ever fucking share that with anyone. - I already shared this with a commenter but re: the wine Xie Lian gives to Hua Cheng in Ch 4 (the one where he had worked for the winemaker for a while), there's so many bottles in the cellar because the winemaker is now a ghost now and still making the wine so Hua Cheng likes to buy them as the winemaker spoke kindly of Xie Lian. - The section where Xie Lian makes the drinks for Chunchun's ex was called "Evil Ratatouille" in my WIP doc for absolutely no good reason.

[rosenecklaces]

Elain and Azriel for the ask game

Hii bestie tsm for the ask 💓

- For elain

First impression: she was just like me fr LMAO No but in all seriousness, I don't know if sjm intended to write a typical young girl with no job that just isn't fan of doing stuff but... that's me? I have getting better tho but when I started acotar almost two years ago I don't particularly hated her because I am just as lazy and kind of "in the clouds" ( tho we don't know if she and nesta took care of the house/cleaning so there's that)

Impression now: Azriel better square the fuck up or I make her my wife. I love the gradually little glimpses of who she is that we had been given, I am delighted by her grow and who she had become since the first book to acosf. I am glad I didn't gave up to read the rest of the series because GOD I needed an unapologetically soft and kind character that isn't a pushover and actually haves narrative relevance, is surprising to find (for me) esp. in a fantasy book series

Favorite moment: All? Lol genuinely practically all she does and says I'm like "yes queen get into it". But if I have to choose 100% the killing of hybern and "don't you touch my sister", the headache powder scene and the "come find me when you wish to begin" it was hot as hell + omg "and that makes him entitled of my attention?" The way I GASPED I was clapping and screaming like crazy I swear, also when she confronted lucien and called him out for his betrayal and left him GAGGED god I was smiling like crazy

Idea for a story: I'm into creepy shit and I think seer elain have potential for some spooky and gothic kind of stuff. "mother nature" elain is also an idea I'm interested in. Would love if she haves some weird extra connection to the cauldron/the mother too

Unpopular opinion: OH fuck I have a lot of those but gonna try keep it basic= She wouldn't have kids on her own but she would adopt, I see she+ az are more of the adopting side. She's morr chubby than her sisters and her arm are way stronger that you would think (this woman is a gardener full time c'mon) and I feel, in her mind, she is way more "rude" and the only think stopping her from insulting someone in their face is her self control and education, she is big lover of nature and animals but insects is a no no for her ( especially when they eat her flowers!) She likes parties and knowing new people but her social battery can get drained easily

Favorite relationship: Tamlain :)... could you imagine LOL, obviously elriel they are my 4 lifers. I also like some morlain and vasslain and casslain on the side,nice and cute. I like the archeron sisters messiness and their moments, little but good for my heart

Favorite headcanon: she's bi but tbh half the characters i like I see them as bi sowrry. I like the dusk theory a lot and I'll forever be a believer of it. I think her seer powers are just the tip of the iceberg and she actually haves mind powers (Jean Grey type of powerful) and I think she knows of her charms/how people views her and use it as an advantage she definetely could kill a person and get away with it ( gaslight gatekeep girlboss 💅)

- Azriel

F.I : 100% tought he was gonna be the typical "mysterious bad boy that doesn't give a shit and is cold as ice" I was so ready to ignore his ass, then he started to talk and do some stuff in his first pages and I was like "hmm, maybe your just like me fr.." and OH. MY .GOD I was RIGHT

I.N: He couldn't get over his crush of allegedly 500+ years? he didn't like to lost his breath in meaningless convos? he loves knifes and daggers and doesn't like to be touched by sweaty people? he hides his emotions because God forbid people realize you can FEEL? he's honest but also polite? his touch starved? like-, the online fandom tricked me... he isn't some sexy mysterious god he's just me but more baddass and a hot emo 🤷🏽‍♀️. He's everything to me now, he's like a brother to me he's my lost twin he's an emotional represed emo too weak for a woman's touch and I love him so much if sjm ruins him if someone speak ill of him if anything (more) bad happens to him I'm going to kill everyone in this room and then myself — I'm very normal about him yes.

F.M: as with elain love them all. In my top there's his moments with the archeron sisters, defending feyre and understanding nesta, the seeing and befriending elain slowly. The "im getting her back" whole scene, fucking hell that was awesome. carrying elain while injured and gotta ad the putting the necklace in elain, man's hands where SHAKING love that for him. Bonus the "I don't know what your talking about" to rhys when he knew damn well he catched him in the act, "what if the cauldron was wrong"+ knowing he would win in the BR, Slayyyyyyyyyyyy king

IFAS: hmm, gonna go with him finding his his step bros and killing them for what they did 🤷🏽‍♀️ give me vengeful azriel the bastards deserves it. As with elain, him as a high lord of dusk could be so nice. I also wish SJM didn't had ruined his+ rhys and cass relationship with the illyrians, she did awful making him hate his own people it could had been interesting exploring his illyrian blood more

Unpopular opinion: OH BOYYY AHAH. I don't believe he's a crazy sex casanova that had lovers left and right 24/7, just don't see him this much sex drived as cass/rhys, I do think he has various lovers but the number is exaggerated/no one really knows if those where different people or a same group he trust on. I REFUSE, you heard me, REFUSE to believe he has decades pining for Mor, that was 100% exaggerated and the way he felt for elain so naturally and kinda quick makes me think he has not being that crushing in mor for a good while (he also knew she likes women there's no way the spymaster couldn't know, of course he wouldn't tell anyone something so private of mor). He's older than cass and a little bit older than rhysand/same age (he gives me oldest daughter syndrome is all). For me shadowsinger is some kind of person that can literally heard and feel stuff others can't, I do think he can heard messages from the wind/any elements with vibration (like a BAT :) ) of course the shadows are a plus to detect stuff and protection but shadowsinger seems like a more highly sensorial power of a fae. He's an introvert and hate loudlyness ( sensible to big noises) except if is a family gathering

FAV.R: ELAINNN, elriel 4lifers friendship and romance and sluttyness in one package mwahh Delicious. I also like his dinamic with Cass and Rhys (AS BROTHERS AND BESTIES don't get it twisted), I kind of have a crackship of him and Varian yah, he seems like his type for some reason. I also think azriel could had a crush on Helion (well who wouldn't is the real question) and yeah bi azriel all the way idc

FAV.H: His shadows being from Hel and maybe he's connected to it so that's why they came to him ( maybe koschei knows and sees him as worth having by his side?). I like to think he is indeed into poetry, his mom likes it a lot and he picked it up from her, which gets me in the next point that is about him being a fae nerd lol, I feel he would had read a lot about bodies functions and anatomy for his torturer job, a lot about the other courts and stations, temperatures all that stuff, survival stuff for rough missions, how to cook without much resources, rosehall must be a place with a big garden so I love thinking he even gave elain advice when they talked about her plans, overall this guy reads a lot and loves to do so but mostly about practical stuff/poems and philosophy ( he's a workaholic but that's canon I think). I see him as more slim in body than cassian and rhys, kind of a little waist & big shoulders like rhysand but his arm and legs are more thick (since training) also larger, he's taller than Cass. I'm an azriel with big nose and curly emo haircut truther all the way. He doesn't know how to sing and haves a BIG sweet tooth

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

reading log #5 starting w nonspoiler talk

Cell of Empireo [ endings ]

i liked the writing a lot!!!!! every character was super interesting

haruki (atou) , shinano n reiji (isoi) have a funnie group dynamic but haruki's interactions w everyone else are also great. my fav character outside the trio is aiba rn

the monsters themselves didn't really scare me that much personally (other than pochi?) but the horror aspect was still really strong n it put me on edge

for people who like character driven reading-heavy horror stories w religious themes i def recommend trying/watching this game, maybe it can help you with learning japanese too lol

a lot of coe fans are finding me on twitter now smile ^_^

/// spoilers for coe start from this point on——————————

arrival point s

god when i saw the arrival point s ending were reiji dies i thought it was the true end n i got sofucking distraught you have no idea. thank god for the actual happy ending it was so cute. it really hit me when haruki said he knew shinano for less then a week it's straight up the "i've only had x for 5 minutes" meme

origin beta's boss form design went OFF like DAMNN

sanemitsu/minoru is really interesting. obvi his situation w haruki isn't good n at the same time i Get him n i like that he tried to treat hatsutori like a human being; i can't wait to see the dlc n find out more abt him. also the way reiji loves him so much is ouououugh... father n son.................

utsugi is scary to me like imagine that a guy becomes so devoted to you that he won't stop hailing you as a savior n he commits war crimes in a science facility n kills ppl n rips off your lower half n keeps you locked up in a secret room wtffffffffff. pretty gay too hashtag messy qu**r representa-

enomoto also freaked me out ngl. esp when she started acting like That right after her exposition

arrival point a

I FUCKING KNEW KANOU WOULD SHOW UP AGAIN but he didn't in s route so i was like huh so he's just dead??? well he still is though, n it seems my theory from the prev log was technically both wrong n correct (i thought he'd be super powerful or another origin - that was the wrong part)

speaking of incorrect theories -- in the scene where atou blacks out n wonders out of the safe room n karen finds him, i got really scared thinking that he ended up killing her dad riku n aiba who were in that room (he didn't lol)

i also thought that atou's bio brother reiji n our reiji were the same person at first so i was flabbergasted

(for anyone reading this part w out knowing anything, they just have the same name. the brown haired reiji was saved n adopted by the biological father (sanemitsu) of the black haired reiji after the latter died. which is why haruki atou n reiji isoi consider each other brothers so if you see ship art of them anywhere RUN AWAYYYY)

arrival point b (suicide mention warning)

kanou shooting himself in this route made me go "ooooooh that's why i've seen fanart of him getting his head blasted open ok"

good lord the twist ending w yanagi holy shit

arrival point c

KAREN :( i honestly wasn't expecting her to die in any of these routes so seeing her punt kurachi out of the way n get sliced was *JAWDROP JAWDROP JAWDROP*

the route goes to hell after that like damn. made me fear how depressing/messed up points d n e were. riku :((( yanagi :(((

atou w da brown hair shiiiiiii

arrival point d

wasn't actually has bad as point c.... is what i said before the ending w karen

arrival point e

aiba-only route babeyyyyyy lets go aiba love aiba *is in pain*

n finally a clip (no sound)

[ray-the-fanatic]

2k12 tmnt for the fandom asks

(sorry i haven't answered yours yet, been having an off day but i'll get to it soon 🙏)

(lol no worries take your time friend!)

SEND ME A FANDOM

 I’ll tell you:

The first character I first fell in love with:  I feel the answer is well know XD I love Raph! I mean makes sense he was my favorite in 03 but I turly loved what 2012 did with him as well. He such a cocky shit at the start of the show and its not that he stops that trait but you do see how he develops for the better as the shown went on. Him feeling he was better and should be leader to how he more takes to his role in his team. You see him go from someone who cracks under pressure when given leadership to making sure he's always prepared, how he makes sure none of them esp Leo are left behind how he lets his softer side come out more when Chompy comes in. HE's also a little smart ass and people need to let him cuss he's had it u-u

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: 

Shinigami, I sort of dropped off watch 2012 during season 4 so I didn't see her much outside a few epsiode I caught here and there. I havent quite gotten to when she is in the show now either outside clips and such I have seen. But I expected me to feel as I do Renet shes fine but there. Honestly though? I love her. I like how she isn't the usual gloom and doom but even laughs at Mikey's jokes i dunno I just enjoy her.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: 

Renet, I wouldn't say I hate her. Much how I just wasn't much for the 03 version I would say gose the same in 12. I like her just fine shes a fun charater for the episodes she comes in for and such mostly love the season 5 monter arch. I personlly love her most for the fact she shares a VA with Terra from Teen Titans so it was like getting Beast Boy and Terra back. She just there she's fine I dont find her annoying but Im not hyped about her personally myself.

The character I love that everyone else hates: 

I wouldn't say he is hated but I do see Casey tends to not get much love or people will makes statments about him I just don't agree with like saying he is selfish and uncaring. When you do see that isn't ture. You learn that he and raph talk about stuff like what happened to spike. You see hes the one April talks when at the time who she thought was her mom wanted to leave and she had to pick to stay or go with her. Casey dose care about the turtles he often right there when they need help, he covers them in their battles and like the nightmare episode from the farm house arch he was ready to beat an old man for possibly being the reason they were going to die. I genuinely just love Casey my re watch has made me love him even more I just can't get over his stupid laugh sometimes XD

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

Slash, NOT that I hate him either I thought he was villain longer though? but he had such a sudden turn around and it felt like such a waste to me. I felt like he could have been good as Raph arch enemy over Xever. Could been used to add to Raph and Casey friendship/partnership. I still like Slash I just wish he had been a villain a bit longer just for all untap story he had to offer.

The character I would totally smooch: 

Give all the turtles smooches on their heads they been through it in this shown u-u

The character I’d want to be like: 

hmmm mr murakami? I dunno dude seems to be enjoying live got hos own businesses willing to make stuff for the turtles he seems chill despite getting dragged into stuff from just knowing the turtles.

The character I’d slap: 

-Raph I love my boy but he needs to be slapped u-u

-Leo also needs a slap sometimes

-Casey he exsits hit em

-Donnie i love him to but smack this boy A pairing that I love:

Rasey uwu I love these two no matter the series I gotta ship these idiots im a sucker for the best friends to lovers trope A pairing that I despise:

hmm I don't think I have any sure theres some I dont ship or personally like much but eh cant say I have a ship I like hate you know? Besides I rather spend time enjoy what I love anyway.

[thebearer]

Throughout the show esp in the beginning we see the Gallagher having each others back and the older ones are always protective over the younger ones so just thinking about how lip’s three boys would be with Amelia 😭😭 like she comes home crying from school one day cause someone pulled on her pigtails and her brothers come after the little boy and warn him to stay away. She doesn’t only have lip wrapped around her finger but her brothers as well. Like sure they’ll fight with each other and get on each others nerves but once someone else messes with one of them it’s over.

as much as they fight, and they do, that's their baby sister. they'd ride out for her.

i feel like freddie would be a good seven or eight years older than her just bc (following the show but eliminating tammy lol) he was a whoopsie. jude is two years younger than freddie and five years older than amelia, and ronan (we agreed on ronan right??? lmk if we didn't i don't think we've established baby boy number three) is fourish years younger than jude only a yearish older than amelia (bc she was a total and complete whoopsie).

but amelia rides the bus with ronan in elementary school. she's a little second grader, and he's in third so they sit in different places. he doesn't see until they get off that she's crying. some older boy, in his class, was messing with her.

she's crying in her room, won't tell anyone including you. ronan tells freddie and jude when they're like, "what's wrong with mia?" about the boy, and suddenly, the boys are gonna go outside to play. you don't think much about it until they come home later. jude's nose is bleeding and they're all dirty, like they've been rolling around in dirt. none of them will tell you what happened, not even lip- though he thinks he knows.

the boy's mother calls furiously, telling you that your boys beat her son unprovoked. you know your boys wouldn't do that, but you assure her you'll talk to them. lip offers to, going up to their rooms. gives them the classic "violence isn't the answer" type spiel.

"i don't care if this guy pissed you off, alright? you can't just go around beatin' people because they make you mad. the kids like ten anyways, so ronan, if you got an issue you can't get your brothers-"

"-dad, it wasn't ro. he was picking on mia." jude says.

lip pauses, his face falling. he really thought they were just being stupid like he and ian used to be. getting into shit because they were bored and wanted a fight. not this.

"what?" lip snaps, looking at each of his boys. "what'd he do to mia?"

"he made her cry on the bus." ronan admits. "i didn't see it because i sit on the other side, but she said he was yanking her hair and-and stole her pencil box and broke all her crayons and pencils."

"you didn't say he did that." freddie grit, eyes cutting to ronan's.

"i forgot." ronan shrugged lightly.

"stop." lip held up his hands, looking from boy to boy. "this kid was fuc-messin' with your sister? that's why you beat on him?" all three boys nodded slowly.

lip crossed his arms over his chest, shrugging lightly. "he gonna bother her again?"

"no. we scared him, pops. he pissed himself." freddie grinned proudly.

lip snorted lightly, running a hand over his face. "yeah? ok. well, i take back what i said. none of that shit applies when it's about your sister. good for you takin' care of her. all of you. proud of you." he beamed. "don't tell you mom i said that."

"we won't." jude nodded.

"but if he starts again, you tell me or mom ok? we'll get it handled. gonna call the school anyways and get her moved away from that little shit." lip muttered.

and that he did, calling the school board in true gallagher style and demanding she be moved, which she was. the kid never bothered amelia again, not when he knew the gallagher boys would be after him.

[sunflowerinpearls]

Husbands' words are not matching actions and vice versa. Hes been "venting" to "me" in front of our oldest (turning 16 may 10) on our "current" marriage?....problem(s).

I tried my best to keep my mouth shut and one time he asked me to play a song so I for one am so plugged up i cant really hear much, sometimes even music is too loud (sensory processing disorder) and I guess i didnt even hear him say something and the child caught on to what was happening and said "you're ignoring dad again"

So i spoke to her instead of him since she said it, & I said "I didnt ignore him. I didnt hear him. I was hyper focused on the song he requested me to play."

And then he went on just one of many other rants in front of her, asking "you dont think I ever hyper focus on anything? When Im home on my days off, I feel like im your servant" All day anytime I asked for help, to him I was demanding it and not appreciating stuff he did and then he would not stop talking about every single thing he did today around the house and for our children and its like.... ok cool.

And people get paid to do what i do here at home, every single day all day long. Didn't say it would be easy, however I did ask for help. He tried to say he understands im frustrated bcuz im home all day and i guess i interrupted and was rude bcuz i said "Its not THAT, at all" (cuz its...not?) Lastly i stumbled upon his fave song & started playing it & asked him to plz get me my night meds bcuz I am so fucking cold to the touch, esp to others. And moving makes it hurt.:// He said "You can just not play the song now. Thanks." So uhh.. Like all I am learning here is 1) I need to stop asking him to help me w/ literally anything and like he has said in the past which I clearly shouldve listened to: "If you (*me doing this: "cough" "cough") WANT something RIGHT NOW!, I'll have to get up and get it myself or wait until I he is ready to do it." And 2) I've been right all along. I cant count on even my own Husband so like uhh.... okay. And Now to him, I'm just a burden. Let alone ya know, i guess having influenza and not doing shit around the house "today" (literally just today, and actually, i still did some stuff which is better than none lol) and hes acting like he deserves a fucking gold medal. For what? Being a husband a father and taking responsibility of everything whilst your wife is ill? K. Never asking you for shit now. Ill send lists to him at work if the house needs anything. He hasnt had sex from me in a month because for the past 2 months steady, I have been sick with an upper respiratory virus affecting my asthma and everything else and now this so uhh, my bad. Next time I'll just faint (again) & hit my head probably (again) and then maybe, theyll see that hes just gonna send me by myself and come pick me up when Im done being in there because he has to sleep for work tomorrow. Not to ya know, dare mention that if the bulging disc in my spine "RUPTURES", all signs & symptoms of paralysis will hit fast & clearly that would become a huge Emergency Situation... So I was "told to do it anyway" by him even after explaining the deck was covered in thick broken shattered ice chunks and with my slip on shoes that are the only shoes i can wear, I told him "I'm not doing that" and now it's my fault it was left outside until when he came home (3 1/2 hours before home). I feel as if my health is a major burden to him and maybe its time for me to get an inhome nurse... Some people just arent built to take care of anyone else. And maybe idk, maybe he is starting to see that I a really honestly, not in love with him at this point anymore. Maybe tomorrow or next month or next whatever, or maybe never will I be back in love with him.It seemed to me like the exact day that he was hired on as a manager at his workplace, things shifted. He dropped a huge bomb on me. I had to then last night, inform my family that I'm doing gene testing to see if i am a carrier of a breast cancer gene for reasons. They're also testing for thyroid & ovarian seeing as those run heavily. My chances before gene testing was uncomfortable to talk to our 3 kids about but they were as accepting as they can be, as their Mother my main priority should be my health so that Incan get better so that I can continue to do what I freaking LOVE DOING SO MUCH!!!!!! Like I truly do so why continually, continually say outloud in front of the 3 kids that "well I've done all of this and all of this because you asked for help" and it all started over me asking him if he can take lily her cup of water since shes coughing so badly. My flu/asthma/sinus shit is awful and my heart problem make it hard for me to walk sometimes let alone climb stairs.... He's acting like he deserves a gold medal when im always keeping the house up and im not doing that. What im doing is showing him what all i have to do during the day, some updates on what i dod and whatever else i wanna send.

I told him that its unfair to us completely that he doesnt turn off "Manager" when he walks through the door. He had a conversation to me and said hes not gonna be able to shut that off when he comes home and he has to take on so much responsibilities and he feels like he needs to be inside the house alone without myself or the kids or the pets for like half a year to get his straight. Bruh. Like no. Just do better. Idk how many people told me that Id never do this and id never do that and here i am proving them wrong every single day.

But every time he speaks to me like this, I am taken back to a time where I was told "your mother never should've made you." At i think 4-5 years old? I am disabled for many reasons. And I can tell everyone all the time until I'm fucking blue in my own face that, when I say that I cant do something and I ask for help, the help is met with a "your legs work" or "you're capable. You just dont wanna wait" No duh. Thats why i said "now please". Would you rather I give you another reason to hit me 3x flat-cupped handed times on my face again and say that "If I wanted it right now and could have gotten it right now for myself"

Im tired of asking for help and being treated like nothing other than a burden and his biggest fucking problem. How was I supposed to know that I was going to this sick on your 2 days off and that every time I asked for anything, you were upset.

I guess i was right and I'm just a different person now because of trauma processing and healing. But being sick enough to make 4 separate appointments during the 2 month span and if this gets worse, this one too. So I feel like he wants me to say something to him or do something for him, but all Im getting from this is "do not ask me for anything". Isnt your spouse supposed to be the one taking care of you when youre sick? Hes already lost me emotionally. And right before our ten year wedding annivarsary. Cool.

Advice?

[corvigae]

Heloooooo your Tav is a cutie (mine’s also a wizard, gotta love the Annoying class)! What’s your party? What’s her favourite person? What’s her background and backstory??? tell me everything

YEEAAAHHH WE LOVE THE NERD ASS CLASS!!

Thank you!! Lately my party's been Shadowheart, Astarion, and Karlach. At all times it's always Shadowheart and Astarion and then the third spot is more fluid for whoever provides the most utility/story at any given moment, but the way I have Karlach specced she's a fucking beast of a tank so I'm thinking I'm gonna be keeping her around for a solid while, lol.

Her favorite person is almost definitely Shadowheart, they clicked pretty quickly and somehow despite Lunarae being the most nosy bitch in the world and constantly asking her about herself and her past, Shadowheart didn't get annoyed with her prying and just. started opening up to her instead?? So they're absolute besties, and like I've said before, even thought the game only allows you to romance one origin character at a time, as far a I'm concerned they are also girlfriends, despite the fact that she's also romancing Astarion.

Speaking of which I have so many thoughts on Lunarae and Astarion but they're all kinda just swirling around in my head constantly and hard to exactly pin down. But basically when they first met Astarion thought Lunarae was a ridiculously naive, self-righteous idiot who wanted to be a hero and was going to get herself and everyone around her killed while doing so, and really did not like her much at all. Then as they started travelling together he was like "Okay so I guess she can actually handle herself in a fight alright. She's still self-righteous and naive and annoying as fuck, tho." But then as time goes on he sees a bit more past just the "wanting to help people and do The Right Thing all the time" aspect of her, and sees her be a little shit and tease people sometimes, be really level-headed and able to lie or talk her way out of situations, and her being a little goofy with her looting and hoarding compulsions and how incredibly vindicatedly happy she gets when she finds a good item in some random pot or some shit, and he starts to think of her as a whole person that he actually kind of likes and respects, especially after he finds himself on the receiving end of that unrelenting kindess of hers like when she lets him feed on her or when she gave him the Necromancy of Thay book. Not to mention they're both just unabashedly Down Bad for each other, honestly. He's still frequently frustrated with her unwillingness to indulge in the tadpole's power and her insistence on being the hero, though, and for Lunarae's part even though she really likes him and thinks he's interesting and silly and he makes her happy, his constant thirst for power and frustration with her annoys her in turn, and they're still often butting heads on issues of morality. This kind of plays into another aspect of them that I think is interesting though is how they kind of balance each other out? Because let's be real, at least some of Lunarae's approach to Astarion is "I can fix him," and maybe she can slowly coax him into giving at least a little bit of a shit about other people, but the thing about Lunarae is that she's so constantly giving? She never says no to someone who needs her help, she never stops trying to do her best for others, and she never stops giving, to the point where it can be a real detriment, actually. So she could really benefit from somebody who can teach her to be at least a little bit selfish and care about herself and her own needs sometimes, actually.

This is already a long-ass post so I'm gonna put the rest under a readmore, esp since her backstory isn't all that fully fleshed out, so it may be kind of cingey rip

As for her background she's a Sage bc of course her nerd ass is, and I debated on whether I wanted to actually give her a serious DnD Backstory™️ or if I wanted to just have her be the only normal, well-adjusted person in the party and just play that for laughs, but the more I think abt it the more I think the backstory I thought of for her helps make her determination to Do The Right Thing and constantly help people and also be hyper-aware and vigilant of Wizard Hubris make a lot more narrative sense. So her big backstory is basically that she was raised by a single mother who was a very powerful and respected wizard with a very high up and prestigious position in their city. Her mom was always thrilled to nurture Lunarae's innate curiousity and love of learning, and taught her how to study magic fairly young (She never really taught her spells directly though, she still had to learn them herself). Sometimes she had a tendency to treat her more like her apprentice than her daughter, but Lunarae was always eager to learn and didn't mind all too much. The thing about Lunarae's mom though was that she was an incredibly ambitious wizard, and treated power as a sort of commodity that one can hoard and should constantly be striving to obtain, and eventually she came up with a magic ritual that would significantly increase her pwoer and make her one of the most powerful mages in history. She of course excitedly told Lunarae about this ritual, and about all the good she could do in the world once she had all this power at her disposal, and Lunarae agreed to help her pull it off. She was getting ready to go on a trip to visit a friend at the time, though, and her mom agreed to wait until after she got back to attempt it. What Lunarae found when she returned, however, was just carnage and destrution. Her mom had apparently gotten impatient waiting for her to return and had decided to attempt the ritual herself, and whether she had done something wrong or the ritual itself was just too unstable, it had not only failed, but failed in such a catastrophic way that it had leveled her home and about 10 city blocks, with the only thing remaining just rubble and viscera streaked across the smoldering, broken buildings. In picking up her life after that, Lunarae briefly considered turning away from magic entirely, but she knew she couldn't do that - she loved it too much, and it was the only connection she had left to her mother. So she instead resolved to use her magic to help people as often as possible, to be a force for good in the world, and to also be cognizent of that fact that wanton lust for power, even with good intentions, can be deadly.

[weaponsdrawn]

OUGHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE UR TAG RABT I NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED THAT...... LIKE. YEAH HES KIDNAPPING TOONS N SHIT BUT ITS ALSO LIKE HES NUMBER ONE.HYPE MAN FOR SON BOY SO THERES LIKE HE DOES THE ATROCITIES BUT THERES A PART.OF HIM THAT CARES...... ITS JUST NOT ABOUT TOONS LOL LMAO

Also again sorry for the delay I was gaming all Friday tbh, and it's like UR SK RIGHT... it's like tbh I feel like even if they do the horrors they don't have that guilt but it's like the only reason they'd probs even have some sort of second thoughts is like either they just really fucking hate how things are run here or like... getting destroyed on a daily basis does some shit to ya. If that makes sense. Basically what I'm saying is I like to think Robert's leadership causes horrors that the cog bosses didn't mind causing/being complacent in to sprial out of control and now it's like Fuck Bro We're In It Now but none of them (minus CJ) can bring themselves to leave for... Like different reasons. Oops that was a tangent

Tbh honestly YEAH Allan is the most interesting to me as well!!!! I esp really love your take on him in the sense that he definitely isn't the worst boss but like. That's not saying much. And it's like again ofc he cares his son is the prime example of that and he's like a bit goofy too but it's like at the end of the day he's still a cog and he gen wants toons to like... explode. It's neat to me ngl. Honestly I always felt like as a boss he cares about his Sellbots the most in a business way (and ofc he cares about the CFO n his son too. And he gets along ok with Thomas in the sense that theyre friends but rarely get to talk much) but that's it everyone else he doesn't care about unless hes forced to bc they're higher ranking than him(see: Robert fuckinggne Cyger) or it's like. For sales n.shit. real lying thru ur teeth type stuff. I'm not making sense lol rip

Tbh honestly for my the cog boss I ended up latching onto is the CEO lol.... there's something so interesting Abt them bc again from fanon and cannon bc you have like this absolute stubborn and terrifying boss that like will not hesitate to hurt ppl and tbh from the banquets just really fucking loves flexing how better they are than everyone and yet. They're like so fucking scared.of a tiny little angry Robert Cyger. Shes genuinely so non-confrontstional when shit gen hits the fan she fucking crumples up like wet tissue paper (also yeah I'm used to using she/her for CEO) and it's like. Jesus Christ woman you are so pathetic. And yet like so intimidating and there's something like probs so clearly wrong with her but like barely anyone can bring themselves to genuinely try to stop her either bc they don't care/have any personal motivation to tell her what a fucking trainwreck she is or like. They don't wanna be at the receiving end of a cannon/golf club. So you just have like this fucking big boss with the emotional fortitude of melted silly putty who's main objective is Not Lose My Position who's just going down with the ship and dealing with these toons bc she wants to keep this kind of power so badly....... SO YESH hope this makes sense and it's so fun chatting with you omg

HI IM NOT SURE WHERE. OR HOW TO REPLY BUT THANK YOU HFBGDBFGFH i think about the cogs way too much. if that wasnt insanely obvious but all the boss cogs have a special place in my heart because i know theyve done and seen some shit BUT YEAH IM REALLY GLAD YOU LIKED MY HEADCANONS FOR THEM THOUGH i think theyre all a mess in their own right and its for the best that way. maybe i will do stuff for robert and crystalline in the future??? who knows. but yeah expect more boss cog content {specifically allan cough cough} from me bc ummmm yea. theyre the weird little creatures i keep in a reinforced box in my mind

HI SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE BUT YW YW YW YW UR HCS ARE SO WONDERFUL... I LOVE FHE BOSSCOGS TOO. THEYVE SEEN THE HORRORS THEY CAUSE THE HORRORS!!! tbh I can't wait to see what else you make!!!!!!

[chickensarentcheap]

Ask Game

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

🍷 Do you drink and write?

💖 What made you start writing?

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

Tyler and Esme have some really good banter together and there's been a few times that they've made me laugh. They're very playful and shit talk each other like best friends do. I think the one that made me laugh the most was when he compared her (because of how small she is, esp compared to him ) to an angry goat that could head butt him in the nuts

2. I write Tyler exceptionally well, IMHO. And I think I portray a very realistic relationship between him and Esme and how she deals with his struggles with addiction and alcoholism (I wasn't going to be the writer that just pretended it didn't exist or pretend his issues magically disappeared) and his struggles with mental health issues. Particularly his PTSD from being a war veteran.

3. I always tend to have something around that I can indulge in when the feels get to much during the harder stuff lol

4. I used to write fan fic for CSI and CSI:NY many moons ago and then stopped about eleven years ago. I haven't written a thing since other than some Thor stuff in a notebook I have. And then when they still had Extraction in post production and BTS stuff started coming out and we learned the basics about Chris' character, I started writing for him. The movie hadn't even come out and I already had a notebook full of stuff.

5. I research things as they come up mostly. So not a whole lot. A healthy amount I guess. Like Australia's SASR that Tyler was part of (canon). I wanted to know everything I could about them.

6. @tragiclyhip and @youflickedtooharddamnit are extremely good at picking up on things. But I've stumped people more than they've figured things out lol

7. We'll go with Esme.

8. Omg the first fic in the series. It's so bad in my eyes. So, so, so bad. LMAO

9. Sometimes I can write a chapter in two days. Other times it takes me a week or two. All depends on the mood and my muse behaving lol

10. Hmmm. I think the third one was the hardest to write. Emotion wise. After Tyler had been tortured and almost killed and the aftermath of that on Esme and the kiddos. They had a very young family at that time and the kids struggled badly.

[gwyns]

I find it interesting that all ships can agree there was romantic coding between Elain and Azriel prior to ACOSF but when it comes to Gwynriel, the consensus by Elriels seem to be that there's nothing there. Not even the possibility.

I wonder why that is. 🤔 Does admitting it put a crack on their ship? It shouldn't. They are still free to ship whoever they want, but at least acknowledge that 'a thing of secret, lovely beauty' was romantically coded.

Ignoring it is ignoring textual evidence from the book, which we know Elriels love to pull. It's hard for me to take people seriously when they are so stubborn in their reserve that they won't allow the possibility of something else to take place, esp when the book/text hints it.

Maybe if this was Nesta and Cassian we were talking about (or even Feysand), then sure, I wouldn't think anything, or anyONE for that matter, could come between them. But this is Elain and Azriel, the two who, I'm sorry to say, have the least amt of connection than the other couples. Yes, they became friends earlier than Nessian and Feysand but the level of connection there is not as deep. Try and pull any deep conversations the two have shared and you will find none. Any declaration of LOVE? Nada. Yes, Azriel was willing to risk his life to rescue Elain but let's be honest, the bat boys are the first to throw themselves in danger so I wouldn't considered that a declaration of Azriel's undying love for Elain.

If the next book was going to be Elriel, SJM would have provided more than just the almost kiss, which took place in Azriel's POV. Take away the exclusive chapter and you will find that Elain and Azriel's relationship has not progressed anywhere. Elain can still barely manage to maintain eye contact with Az and neither of them can hold a conversation (with each other) longer than 4-5 sentences. Unfortunately that doesn't scream endgame to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Didn't mean to make this post so long. Thanks for reading until the end. 🤍

agreed. i understand not wanting to acknowledge the romantic coding of a ship you don't like but if i can do it with e/riel then they can with gwynriel. do they really look at lines like "a thing of secret, lovely beauty" or "you're the new ribbon, az" and think it's not romantic? or are they just trying to act calm and claim that anything having to do with them is automatically platonic. if so, the same can be applied to e/riel with much better results imo lol

as for az helping save elain. it's been said before that he would be the first to throw himself into any kind of danger and so that's what he did here. i think it has more to do with his low self esteem than any kind of "true love" nonsense.

so true anon. if sarah, someone who wrote feysand, elorcan, CHAORENE doesn't write the heart stopping romance for e/riel then..... i'm sorry but it's unlikely to happen. excluding his chapter the only interactions they had were when azriel was being a douche and underestimating elain (so glad amren told him not to, wish she had slapped him upside the head while she was at it) and saying what she shouldn't do instead of encouraging her (something he did with gwyn btw), them at dinner when he smiled at her for 0.3 seconds and she looked away quickly and them staring at each other (their favorite hobby) on solstice. wow. i can't handle all this romantic tension guys 😍😍

even when taking into account his chapter i think it's telling that it ended with him thinking of gwyn. honestly he didn't seem to give one shit about elain after their scene together. was he upset with rhys for cockblocking him? yeah sure but i feel that could be explained with his jealousy towards what he has and him pulling rank and bossing him around. not everything is about elain. just like when talking about her not everything she does or thinks or says somehow ties her to azriel. they're two separate characters who exist on their own.