#escapingrealitywithmatchalatte

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Something I am scared to admit at 26, I never know love-I only know limerence. 🤎

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And I hate that this is true

My childhood trauma didn't make me stronger. it made me a people pleaser. it made me forgive way too much. it made me not speak when i'm supposed to. it made me an extreme empath.

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August 26, 2024

I finished reading If we were villains yesterday. Indeed this is giving The Secret History (but make it Shakespeare). 🖤 It took me almost a year to finish reading Dark Academia again, but I like how I never pressured myself to finish it faster but I took my time.

(I am writing this at 12:16AM, will write another entry soon, but rn here’s some of my favorite lines from the book).

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I already reblogged this quote, but it is so deep that I decided to have a journal entry about it.

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How can I person know everything at eighteen but nothing at twenty-six?

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It’s giving Jude and Cardan! ✨💗

“Let me get this straight. I, a Fae, have spent LITERAL CENTURIES studying the subtle arts of deception, glamour, deceit, and misdirection, and you, a mere human, can just stand there and say things that are untrue?!” “Yeah, that’s about right.”

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My current bed time reads 🤍

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You left your typewriter at my apartment

Straight from the tortured poets department 🩶

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A poem that hits me to the core >>>

disclaimer: words are not mine

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He doesn’t. Because if he knows me by heart, there will be no desire to run away and never go back.

— Fyodor Dostoevsky, Notes from Underground

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I’ve read somewhere that, “When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it's not.”

I think that explains why I love my mother so much but hates her with almost the same intensity.

I think that explains why I can’t open up to my father about anything that burdens me.

I think that is why I envy how my sister easily makes friend.

I think that explains why I don’t talk to my brother.

My world is filled with chaos, screams, and hurtful words.

Little did I know that my world is burning, since I was young. It is filled with flickering ambers of red and sunset.

My world is burning, and I only found out at 26.

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Another classic ✨📚

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August 1, 2023

Getting my life back together with journaling.

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EMMA. 🩵💐

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Mr. Knightley is the ✨standard✨

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My Taylor Swift The Eras Tour Film experience

This is the closest thing I could have since I wasn’t able to get tickets for Singapore and Japan. 🥺 If she ever decides to held a concert here in the Philippines-I am not sure if I can afford it.

So here it is, my The Eras Tour film experience. 💖🦋

I remember when I was in grade school (5th grade exactly) I heard about “Our Song” and I instantly got hooked. I started printing Taylor Swift songs, buying music magazines (from my own allowance), and writing Taylor Swift lyrics all through out my diary. I remember it was mostly Fearless and Speak Now (I was starting HS that time).

In HS, most of the girls in my batch dislikes Taylor because of her dating history. I got bullied sometimes especially I always defend her. I also got labeled as “weird” because my notebooks are full of Taylor Swift lyrics.

Fast forward when I was in third year HS, I had this “I was enchanted to meet you” situation with a guy in my class. But it was only a moment, yet it left like a crumpled piece of paper. In the same year that I had my heart broken, Taylor released Red ❤️.

I navigated my life with Taylor, her musics, her lyrics. I really don’t care that I got bullied because I love her and her music. For me, she’s the big sister I never had. Her music feels like a cardigan wrapped around me in a cold chilly night. The words are my cry for help when I cannot even communicate how I feel.

The day came when she released Speak Now TV, I also started queuing for tickets at SG. Unfortunately, since I don’t have a code or something, I wasn’t able to secure one.

It really made me sad. I did not survived the great war. I remember crying in my room, thinking I failed my younger self. I remember going to my workplace the next day with my eyes so puffy.

When she announced the film, my friendS (super plural because so many friends helped me because they know I was really really crying when I wasn’t able to get concert tickets), helped me secure the film tickets.

It was a great experience! There were so many people that the cinema is packed.

Some went into cute outfits, some had light sticks, and I was crying and singing the whole time because this girlie, who was bullied all throughout HS and college for being a swiftie, can’t believe that Taylor Swift is now loved by everyone and I even made a lot of friends from people I don’t even know before. 🦋💖

No matter what era you are Taylor, I will always be here.

Forever and always,

S✨🦋