#erm guys..i hazbined so hard

[ask-adam-the-dickmaster]

"Is..is that-IS THAT FUCKIN SANS?! HOLY SHIT-" Megalovania starts to play in the background ⚡

[serena-babes]

Hazbin hotel random headcanons

super unedited ⋆⭒˚.⋆

honestly wrote these off of the top of my head it's the most random assortment of people.

Lucifer, Charlie, Alastor, Vaggie, Angel, Husk, Sir pentcious, Adam

⋆ ๋���✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢⋆ ๋𓂃✦༢

Lucifer:

 He most definitely Drinks milk at dinner every night and I'm not talking a little glass I'm TALKING A GLASS a chalice even, filled TO THE BRIM, every night without fail.

(sorry to my milk drinkers) 

Either texts every two seconds or doesn't text at all there is zero in-between 

I dont know what it is but I feel like he doesn't season his food

An animal cracker is the most seasoned thing he has had in years I just know it 

Knows how to tap dance scarily good 

Screams like a girl

Puts hair in rollers nightly and has the most CRAZY ASS skin routine ever

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Charlie: 

Hasent spelled restaurant correctly in years but was a straight A student 

Chronic energy drink drinker 

Has one of those custom blankets but it's just her and vaggie on it 

All of her socks are mitch matched 

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Alastor:

Knows Morse code and can't swim

Plays slipping sound effects whenever someone trips around the hotel and then giggles to himself like a little schoolgirl

Has a diary

The type to say “Seems like we've gotten ourselves into a pickle” 

Cannot balance on one foot 

Probably heard dubstep one time and had a seizure 

Seasons his food CORRECTLY 

Either a “I shower once a week that's good enough” or a bubble bath with oils and rose petals everyday type of guy 

“Erm actually!”

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Angel:

Can't do math

Says womp womp in the most serious convos 

Bangs head on doors all the time due to height 

Phone addiction BAD 

Will only drink drinks if they are fruity He is the type to have to flavor their water 

Has the most IMMACULATE music taste

Chronic gossiper 

Uses :3 religiously 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Husk:

Also says womp womp at the ABSOLUTE WORST TIMES

Got beat by Angel so hard during uno one time and still holds a grudge

Black coffee every morning 

Cannot cook I already know it 

STRONG cologne scent 

Thinks texting is the stupidest thing ever 

After a long hard day, he goes home to go watch old Western movies

Wears wife beater tank tops religiously 

Idk hes pretty chill not much to say about him 

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Vaggie: 

Goes to bed at 8:30pm SHARP

Needs glasses

Is REALLY good at cooking 

Secretly enjoys fighting with people online (stan wars on twitter) 

Washes face with some random soap and somehow its always perfect 

Drinks Gatorade chronically 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

Adam:

HEAVY BREATHER even when hes not doing anything IT IS CONSTANT 

Would call people slurs nonchalantly 

Really bad at reading 

ALSO cannot swim

ALSO has a diary and writes in it nightly

Elon musk supporter

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Sir Pentcious:

(is that how you spell his name..?”

Eats cup mac and cheese every day

Scared of balloons

Loves those baby sensory videos with the peas and fruits 

Basically an engineer 

SO GOOD at just dance 

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹

[irrlicht-writes]

eight feet under

Characters: Husk, Alastor, Mariah, Alastor’s Mom

Pairing: Husk/Alastor

Summary: He almost didn’t take the call. It was late, and he was tired and people shouldn’t call other people this late anyway. But Alastor only ever called when he was bored or needed something. And Husk couldn’t deny him if he needed help, so he had to pick up. Fuck. He wished he hadn’t. It’d be okay. It’d be okay, because in the morning, all that would be left would be a dirty old puddle of old oil.

A/N: High School Hazbin Time! FTM Alastor, although he barely piques up here. Husk is MVP in everything

__________________________________________

He was tired when he got that call. It’d been a long day – every day was long – and he just wanted to sleep. And yet, here he sat, trying to do homework like an idiot. Mariah, bless her soul, was already asleep and fuck if he knew where his parents were. He just wanted them to come home on their own again – mainly because they took the fucking car and he really needed that shit.

So when that call came, he almost didn’t pick it up. It was after ten already, whoever wanted shit could wait until tomorrow, right? Only it was Alastor’s number displayed on the screen and he kinda had to pick it up. Either Alastor was just bored or he needed something. Husk really hoped that asshole needed something. Work had been terrible today and he didn’t think he could stand mindless babble now.

He sighed and picked up on the fourth ring.

“Al, what the fuck do you want”, he barked into the phone.

“I want you, Husky. Can you get here?”

That sounded weird. Want him? Since when? “Where the fuck is here?”

Alastor described it to him. What the fuck was he doing in a parking lot so late? He wasn’t gonna deal with drugs now, was he? Well, if he did, Husk would just take them away from him; what was that scrawny ass gonna do about it?

“I’m gonna be there soon.”

“Just hurry up, Husky, please.”

He sounded needy for whatever reason. Husk didn’t want to be worried, but there was little he could to about it. So he checked on Mariah very quickly. No matter how much he cared for Alastor, Mariah had to come first. At least they got along – a little too well, in his opinion. Fucking Husky.

But she was fine, sound asleep. He didn’t like leaving her alone when his parents weren’t home – what if they came back and did something? But then again, it wouldn’t change if they were actually here. So it’d be fine. He wouldn’t be long. He’d just get to Al, grab his ass and throw it into the – fuck, the car. He’d have to take the bike, like a teenager. Fuck. Fine. He had no other options.

That red-haired bastard was gonna be the end of him.

~

Twenty-two minutes after the call, he finally made it to the parking lot in question. Hopefully nobody would catch them out here. The last thing he needed were the cops on his ass for being out so late. And he also didn’t need Alastor’s dad on his ass as well, when he thought about it. He ditched the bike at the entrance, that trashy old thing and hoped Al didn’t just prank-call him, the motherfucker.

“Husky”, came a voice from the side and he was jumped.

Now, Alastor was the far opposite of a touchy person. Being touched was a big no-no, and even touches he himself initiated were very calculated. A hand, an arm, never the whole body, and if there was no way around it, contact would always be very brief. So, to get jumped by Alastor like that – legs locked around his hips and arms slung around his neck – made Husk worry very, very much. Was he drunk? He didn’t smell anything, and getting drunk alone in an empty parking lot sucked balls. Even worse was the fact that Al started nicking on his neck. Was he about to die?

“Allie”, he said and removed his friend from him. Alastor had none of that and just pressed up close again. Husk swore if that dude would have a dick, it’d be pressing too, and that was a fucking weird thought to have.

“Allie, what happened? Why’d you call me?”

Alastor took his hand and pulled him a bit. Walking was made hard by Alastor pressing against him. If Husk didn’t know better, he’d say Al was horny. But that dude had no sex drive, how would that work? Was he high? Did he take the drugs already and Husk was just here to clean up the mess? Alastor stopped again, and kissed his neck again. He might even bite a bit, but Husk didn’t really care about that.

They weren’t alone on this parking lot, and yet they were the only two living souls.

It was dark, but Husk didn’t need any fucking light to see that that puddle over there was blood. He didn’t need to be fucking smart to understand that that dude there wasn’t just taking a god-forsaken nap. He stepped closer in order to make out who that dead fellow was.

Fuck.

Fuck he knew that guy.

It was Rodney. Fucking Rodney, dead on the fucking ground, with Alastor – wait. Wait why was Alastor even here? Did he – did he kill that guy?

Yeah sure, Rodney had been spilling some bad rumours about Husk, but that wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to. People liked to run their mouths, and he was new and big and grim-looking – who else would they make rumours about? And yeah, sure, it upset him at times, ‘cause why the fuck couldn’t people just shut their fucking traps but – this?

He didn’t even ask Alastor. Who else would have done it? And that sorta explained Al’s behaviour too – and it turned Husk’s stomach sour. What was he gonna do now? His friend would be in so much – trouble wasn’t even the right word for it, for fuck’s sake. He’d go to jail. Fuck knew what else, then. No. No, he couldn’t let that happen. Alastor was stupid and needy and a dumbass and needed a good ass-kicking, but – Husk couldn’t let this sit. He needed to do something. First.

Get Alastor away from here. Figure out how much he remembered. Second.

Get the body away from here. Anywhere would work. Third.

Get rid of any evidence. Alastor wasn’t wearing gloves because he was stupid. Okay. Okay. He looked around. He couldn’t see any security cameras, and this was a low-tier store. He just prayed there wasn’t any footage. ...no. That wouldn’t be enough. Fuck. Okay. Okay, he could do this. First things first.

He grabbed Alastor – it wasn’t hard, he wrapped his legs around his hips again – and returned to his bike. He needed to call Alastor’s mom. Later. Get that asshole home first and pray his parents hadn’t returned yet.

Now, riding a bike while your passenger tries to hump you was extremely difficult. He couldn’t swat Al’s fingers away fast enough to stop him from unbuttoning his shirt. Fine. Whatever who cared.

Since Alastor was complicating everything, it was after eleven when they got home. And also he lost his shirt. Hopefully he’d find it on the way back. It didn’t help that Alastor was giggling and licking his fucking back. That was the start of the worst porno he’s ever been a part of.

“Husky, why are you naked?”

Of. Fucking. Course.

“It’s complicated, sweetie, go back to bed, yeah?”

“Are you and Allie gonna have the sex?”

Why the fuck did a three-year-old know about that. Had fucking Angel been here? “No. Al is very tired, sweetheart, and I was very warm. So I’m carrying him to bed. See? Nothing bad, go back to sleep.”

Mariah pouted. “I wanna be an aunt!”

“Yer never gonna be an aunt, please just go to sleep.”

She stomped back into her room. Husk groaned.

“We could have the sex, y’know~”

“Fuck you. Are you fucking done sucking on me?”

Alastor just giggled and it took all of Husk’s willpower to not smash him into the wall.

He hurled the guy on his makeshift-bed and then had to wrestle him down. Who the fuck got horny because he killed a guy? “Just go to sleep, Allie, please.” He wasn’t above begging, but Alastor didn’t even hear him.

“We should have the sex, Husky~”

Now, well, of course Husk would like to have sex with Alastor one day. And he’d definitely be on board, if it weren’t for the small fact that there was a fucking corpse out there with Alastor’s fingerprints all over it.

“No.”

“Come on, Husky, I know how to do it, I’ve watched videos.”

And wasn’t that a terrifying image. “I’m sure you can, dove. But I ain’t gonna have sex with a guy that can’t take his binder off, yeah?”

Alastor squirmed and then turned around. Thank fuck.  “Let’s talk about fucking you in the morning, yeah?” Alastor just grunted. At least that was taken care of now. Not that things were going to be easier. “Go to sleep, Al.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, he just rushed out the door again, phone in hand. He called Alastor’s mom. Hopefully she’d still be up and not worried sick, about to send a search party out.

“Husky! It’s so nice of you to call. How’s my favourite lovebird?”

“I, uh, I just called to let you know Al’s stayin’ over tonight –“

“Well, of course he is. He’s said that to me before he headed out. Don’t tell me he just sprung that on you! I’ll have a talk with him tomorrow.”

Oh. Well, that was good. At least that meant Al had an alibi. And nobody knew he’d be meeting Rodney in the parking lot. That was, if Rodney hadn’t told anyone. Husk couldn’t do anything about that.

“Well, ehm, he... I just thought I should tell you again. Sorry for disturbin’ you.”

“Husky, you could never disturb me! You and Mariah should come over for dinner again soon.”

She was way too chipper for the mother of a killer, not that she knew. And also, her open show of love felt very suffocating to Husk.

“I, erm. Yeah, sure, I’ll think about it. Anyway, I gotta go sleep now, bye.”

He hung up the phone before she could tell him she loved him. He didn’t need that shit right now.

~

Rodney was still there. For some reason, he feared he’d be gone. But that only worked in movies. Rodney was there, and he was very much dead. Okay. He needed to take him away. It’d be weird on a bike, and he wouldn’t be able to take the main roads, but he could do it. But first – he needed to know.

He slowly stalked the store, every step taken with caution. So far, he hadn’t spotted a camera. It could be they only had them inside. He hoped or it, at least. After rounding the whole building and spotting no camera whatsoever, he felt a bit relieved. That was one worry off his back, at least. He couldn’t do anything about the blood puddle though. He hoped that by morning, it would simply look like old oil, maybe. He bent down and picked Rodney up. Dude was heavy, but that was a staple with dead bodies. Burning him would be by far the best method of getting rid of the body, but Husk didn’t have the means to create such a large bonfire – people would see. He returned to his bike.

He used his belt to tie Rodney to him, at least somewhat. Dude just had to stay on, and the belt would help with that. He needed a shovel, and luckily he knew where to find that. It would take a while, because he had to be careful. There was no point in speeding, if he had to stop every so often to pick Rodney back up.

His destination was a little shack ways behind the tree line. It was mainly used as a pit-stop for eager wanderers, but it held a shovel. Husk didn’t allow himself to stray from the path – not because he feared he’d get lost, but because he didn’t want to leave too obvious foot-prints. At least Rodney wasn’t bleeding anymore.

He opened the door to the hut and hauled Rodney over his shoulder. He hoped the movement wouldn’t make him bleed again. He was getting stiff. He had to hurry. He grabbed the shovel, having no intent to return it, and left. He couldn’t bury the body too close, because there was always the risk of discovery. No. He had to go deeper into the woods.

Husk stopped when he couldn’t see the shack anymore. Granted, in the dark that probably didn’t mean much, but he didn’t have any options. He tossed Rodney onto the ground and started digging.

Husk didn’t bring any way to measure how deep he dug, so he had to do it on instinct alone. He figured once it’d be hard to reach the edge, that’d be enough. It was going to be a lot of work.

Three hours later, he was exhausted. But he did it. His arms were shaky, but the hole was deep enough now. He hauled himself up again, and dragged Rodney in. He was all but stiff now. Okay. Now it was time to close the hole. And then put some leaves and twigs over it and pray to whatever entity existed that nobody would find this spot or dig it up for whatever reason.

At five, he dragged himself out of the woods, back to his bike. His whole body was shaky, and in two hours, he had to wake Mariah up. Everything was gonna be okay. His shirt was still gone, but he cared not for it. He could explain. His horny boyfriend wanted to dry-hump him on his bike, what was so weird about that?

Husk arrived home a few minutes shy of six. Shower. He needed to shower. He stashed his bike in the garage and put the shovel next to it. He didn’t know what to do with it yet. He’d figure it out. Not now. He needed to shower, wake Mariah up and hope everything would be alright.

 Twenty minutes later, he sat naked on the makeshift-bed, with Alastor’s binder in hand. Having taken it off now wouldn’t do much good, but hey, two hours without was better than nothing, right? He didn’t know what to do.

He was afraid.

If somebody found out, he’d take the blame, but... what about Mariah? He was sure Abby would take her in and care for her, but... he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to leave Mariah behind. That was the whole point of coming here.

 His parents were still not home.