#ep 8 literally being titled what’s for dinner…

[electricabsolution]

is there literally any connection at all between the no-food dinner in episode 1 and the waffle party in episode 8?

ricken and his pretentious friends describe the conversation/exchange of knowledge as the nourishment rather than food (although the convo is shallow, masquerading as deep, feeding their egos if nothing else…)

and the waffle party… is kinda the opposite? it’s supposedly THE highest reward, an actual meal and presumably sex. which would probably be nourishing if it didn’t revolve completely around Kier and the four tempers. theres food, but there’s no real sustenance. the innies aren’t allowed to feel love or companionship anyway. theoretically.

innie dylan definitely wouldn’t have ducked out of the waffle party early if he wasn’t already satiated by the fact that the other MDR workers were about to find out what’s actually for dinner.

[7nessasaryevils]

And so we begin... Gods I'm terrified... ep 7 of Wandee Goodday: how shall thee fuck me up?

- oh great we starting it right off with fucking cuddling on Yak's chest this is such normal non-boyfriend behaviour 🙄😑

- Yak my darling, if you're looking for psychiatrists, I'd recommend one that isn't a crazed Naga prince hell-bent on revenge on a reincarnated chicken... just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️ - although I am immensely in love that Dee does bring up therapy for Yak 🥹🥹

- them just comforting each other in a physical way that isn't sex... IM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE

- I have never hated a title sequence more than when it came right before I know yak was about to ask for a kiss as his reward 😤😡

- Yak being so fucking comfortable in Dee's space... I hate you both and I'm going to smush your faces together if it's the last thing I do

- WHAT PICTURE WAS THAT MY EYES SUCK!!never mind it was ter now im wishing my brain can unsee it

- yak my darling he loves you I promise!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- not me barely taking in the fact that Dee kept the picture rather than throwing it out (which... I will shake you for Dee!!) and then getting fucking smacked in the face with the first kiss poster... P'Golf you test me today

- normally I don't condone vandalism but today... YEAH YAK RIP IT

- Kao our king asking the important questions as always! (Psst shake him harder Kao please and thanks)

- Ter... I swear to god you try some shit I will snap you in half (though the sunlight is doing ✨fabulous ✨ things for Pod!) edit: in retrospect that sunlight is literally turning his eyes red P'Golf you actual fucking genius

- me as soon as ter starts speaking

- pfft Cher you absolute king ♥️♥️

-uhhh... is this the weight training equivalent of that pottery scene from Ghost??

- ohhh they're so stupid i wanna die

- Cher and Yak are the mother son relationship I never knew I needed ♥️

- CANDLE LIGHT DINNER

- TER I WILL END YOU

- ohhhh i have a bad feeling about this... but also Dee.. you dumbass put on pants at the very least when you're entering a snake's house!

- this sequence of events is most horrific and terrible and I do not like it

- I'm going to kill Ter. Anyone who stops me... beware my wrath. Yak should've broken his fucking nose.

- also the fact that Ter lives in room 666. HE IS THE DEVIL YOU ARE SO RIGHT

- nooooo yak! Baby!!

- Kao. sir. I'm going to conquer empires in your name! MY KING!!

- the break up episode is meant to be #11 not # 8 what is this?!??

- not the necklace... no please not the necklace

- I hate everything nobody talk to me

- oh cool yak made it hurt even more im going to rip out my eyeballs thanks

- NOT DEE REACHING UP FOR THE NECKLACE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

- the worst the worst the worst I'm in pain

- that's it. That's fucking it. Someone get me Vegas Therapanyakul on the phone right now, I need to order a fucking hi- never mind the idiot doctor fell asleep. My sincerest wish is that Dee knees Ter in the balls as he gets up.

- Taem baby girl what was that??? 😦😦🤨🤨🤨

- sassy english my beloved 🤣🤣

- oh... ohhh no no no no no no- oh what the fuck what the fuck YAK CONCENTRATE BABY

- did i fucking expect the grim reaper? No. And neither did Yak if that right hook was any indication ouch!

- yak and yei fighting... this epsiode really said how can i hurt Nessie today....

- ohhhh fucking fuckity fuck why won't this epsiode let me BREATHE

- yak's face when he see Dee!!!! His teary eyes!!! I ACHE THANKS

- ROOF TOP KISS SCENE MY FUCKING BELOVED IM SO FUCKING OKAY GEWNFUCKINGCHANA 😭😭😭😭

- also throwback to The Sign and their bolster light effect I have never been the same again

- I 'm just gonna die in a corner bye don't look for me I do not exist to any of you

This episode has finally culminated in the kiss we all have been waiting for and I don't know about any of you but I feel the same as I did three years ago watching Bad Buddy. The absolute joy and heartache in me as these boys who so clearly love and care for each other finally acknowledge their feelings.

Next episode is also coming for my existence and I shall keep myself alive until then to regale you all with my incoherent screams ♥️

Until next time! 🥊🩺

[mejomonster]

My question is how is justice in the dark going to indicate/hint the sexual tension though. (Yes suspend disbelief for a second I know it's likely it's just thoroughly cut or minimized to get to air period)

Just like. So far in the 8 eps it's stuck super close to all the elements of their connection besides the part of fei du making sexual jokes/come ons and Luo wenzhou eventually responding. Like, super close, to the point I'm quite satisfied and happy and over the moon they feel so much like they Should feel. Luo Weizhao is literally depicted as Pei Sus light in the abyss (like the title! Which is named after this), Luo Weizhao is literally his Home, his most emotionally intimate connection, that's very clear in the show.

I'm just. Curious how they'll either rework the sexual tension flirting to be Showable OR replace it with something? Because like take Tao Ze for example. Pei Su's flirting from the book is pretty much taken entirely and put on the show, except the one sexual implication joke "inviting me up to your house already isn't that moving a little fast." For all intents you can assume Pei Su IS courting Tao Ze. In retrospect, for a "straight audience" you can say pei su was just worried he'd lose his only stable emotional relationship but like... 1. That is actually true to book canon anyway so it's not necessarily wrong, 2. It's really hard to... not see Pei Su's specific treatment of Tao Ze as romantic pursuit moves, even if the reason is just "I don't want to lose my ge to his changing life leaving me behind." He asks him to get food, he gets Turned Down specifically by Tao Ze, he gets him a coffee machine and Very Pointedly says the girl should like Tao Ze which is him letting go and implying she should date him (and he'll let go of Tao Ze). Like I guess you could read it straight if... you're biphobic and think his flirting with girls rules out him courting Tao Ze?? But like except for cutting a line with sexual implications, so far Pei Sus been about as bi as I expected him to be. (Actually that seems the main thing cut - ALL of Fei Du's more sexual playboy inclinations are absent or only left implied in the show, which again makes me wonder how they'll handle that significant-chunk aspect of his and Luo Wenzhous interactions in the show).

If by luck the show can do as much as Guardian can (oh Zhao Yunlan asking Shen Wei if he's married cause he's such a catch, that did so much to set him up as into men and specifically shen wei framing their relationship interactions as with a flirtatious lean moving forward). Then I'm curious what they'll do? Since every bit of their relationship except a piece of it, so far is being handled fairly faithfully. Like... will they make Pei Su more romantically mushy inclined instead of "you want to try out sleeping with me?" Like is Pei Su gonna ask Luo Weizhao out to dinner, give him flowers, (I imagine bringing him food to station will be somewhere in show cause it's ambiguous enough), tell him he's pretty? Idk. The joke in the show in the car when Luo Weizhao says he's gonna sell Pei Su off and Pei Su says at least let me pretty up lol is the closest to their book sexual-leaning back and forth one ups that I caught so far. But I'm curious how the script writer adapted it more later? Because Tao Ze/Pei Su??? Definitely did get included in the show, but it had less of the sexual jokes in the book. Also just generally a cdrama might choose to tone that down, especially given its already dealing with heavy topics of drugs, prostitution, child abuse, family abuse, Pei Su being him (you almost kill a guy on screen as a cdrama protagonist? Color me surprised), police corruption. Oh and you know being a censored gay romance. I wouldn't be surprised if it wanted to tone down the sexual comments on its main characters.

On a mildly related note. I have a print copy of 默读 and I desperately wonder now if I got the uncensored print copy or the censored one. Because I have 2 copies of 镇魂 one simplified and one traditional, and both are uncensored, the simplified one actually has all the extra stuff too (it's my favorite version), the traditional is like the webnovel version with no Shen San extra. So like wherever I was buying my chinese print novels I got lucky with somehow getting the uncensored simplified edition before. I'm curious if my modu copy I also got lucky with.

Also reading modu in chinese has been a bizarre experience for me lately. I'm mainly reading the English translation right now. But on weibo I'll see fei/Luo excerpts and it'll be fine to read. But when I listen to the audiobook my brain feels fried with a lot of unknown words. And I remember reading it literally 6 months into learning with a machine translation next to the original text and I was absolutely drowning it'd take a week to read 1 chapter. Now I feel moderately drowning when it's description time in modu, but when it's character focused it's a very doable read. It's Harder to read than zhenhun. Also... to be fair, even in the English translation it uses a decent number of English words I don't know like maybe 10 a chapter. Which is pretty surprising as I usually am well read. So I suppose it's not surprising if I am confused by some words in English, I'm definitely confused about a few dozen words in the chinese version.

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

You can find my 2020 cdrama post here: dangermousie.tumblr.com/post/638449659546845184/2020-end-of-year-post-cdrama-edition

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2020; if it originally aired another year, it’s not on this list.

It’s been a pretty lackluster kdrama year. There are probably only 5 kdramas I truly loved and only three of them I was really obsessed over. Better luck in 2021!

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

42 Born Again - so bad, so incoherent, so insane, I have no idea why the leads signed up for it (and unlike some of the other watchers, I think it was awful from the very start.) There is literally nothing about this drama that makes sense.

41 Love with Flaws - a bunch of people who should be tried under the Geneva Convention.

40 Sweet Munchies - Jung Il Woo proves his inability to pick a functional script.

39 Meow the Secret Boy - if you ever wanted to bang a cat, this drama is for you. Not being a furry, however...

38 Do Do Sol Sol La Sol - I lost braincells just typing out this title.

37 When I Was the Most Beautiful - the only way it’s not the dumbest, most pointless melo of 2020 is because Born Again considerately came out the same year.

36 Woman of 9.9 Billion - if you want to watch an artsy French movie about miserable people, but only badly made, boy do I have a drama for you.

35 Lies after Lies - screams after screams.

34 Backstreet Rookie - people were up in arms about various problematic plots. I am a survivor of many plots much more problematic but even I couldn’t survive how utterly boring and annoying this drama was and how utterly irritating the leads were. This has taken Ji Chang Wook off my top favorites into “should I even check his latest Lovestruck in the City? Probably not” territory almost single-handedly (Melt Me helped, to be fair.)

33 Men Are Men - boring is boring.

32 Dinner Mate - two beautiful boring people eat out a lot.

31 Was It Love - no it wasn’t.

30 Alice - Joo Won in the shower can make up for a multitude of sins but not plot nonsense of such magnitude. When you find yourself thinking it would be better if he hooked up with the alternate universe version of his mother because at least then something entertaining would happen, you know it’s bad.

29 More than Friends - started out OK, then made me hate basically everyone and kept going.

28 Start-Up - honestly, it’s probably more decent than its place here, but the toxic and batshit fandom for it (the worst this year) made me feel like breaking out in hives any time it’s even mentioned.

27 The Spies who Loved Me - how to take a good cast and waste it.

26 Private Lives - it was good but it never took off with its concept and spent more time on the incoherent plot than the OTP which was its one strength. It’s a decent drama but coming after Heartless City and My Beautiful Bride from the same writer, it’s a disappointment.

25 Record of Youth - as high as it is due to Park Bo Gum hard carrying this entire awful drama on his shoulders and doing it so well I finished it. Alas, while he is in one drama (and that drama is great), the rest of the characters and the entirety of the script are a pointless useless mess.

24 Do You Like Brahms - excellent first third, mediocre middle, and terrible last third. I don’t know what musical term applies to this? Diminuendo, I think.

23 I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice - nice and mellow but nothing much happens.

22 Forest - mainly for Park Hae Jin’s excellent and frequently naked bod.

21 The Ballot - I didn’t love it as much as everyone did but it was well-made.

20 Hyena - more romance and less weird law stuff would make it better.

19 365 Repeat the Year - surprisingly solid.

18 The Game Towards Zero - see 365.

17 When My Love Blooms - very old fashioned, very lovely.

16 Chocolate - also very old fashioned and very lovely but also with Yoon Kye Sang performing medical procedures bleeding and shirtless. MMM.

15 (tie) Secret Royal Inspector - a fun if run of the mill sageuk.

15 Find Me In Your Memory - best melo this year.

14 Mystic Pop Up Bar - surprisingly good even though I wasn’t planning to check it out.

13 Where Your Eyes Linger - came out of nowhere but was tender and hopeful and lovely.

12 Itaewon Class - Park Seo Joon hard carries a drama that is already excellent. Love it.

11 Psychopath Diary - Yoon Shi Yoon is such a treat in a hilarious, cynical, dark comedy.

10 Kairos - more like ouroboros.

9 Queen Love and War - in a year where sageuks are very rare, this was solid and surprisingly moving and shippy.

8 The King Eternal Monarch - people didn’t like it but I did. It’s no masterpiece and both the leads and the writers have better dramas, but it was a lovely romantic fairy tale for me.

7 Mr. Queen - sharp, hilarious, and some of my favorite actors.

6 Psycho But It’s OK - healing, sharp cinematography and even sharper chemistry.

5 Crash Landing on You - the last ep pissed me off so much this drama is dead to me but I loved it so much until then I can’t place it lower in good conscience.

4 Train - who knew I would go this hard for an OCN drama or that OCN would do romance so well? But this time-travel mystery romance is just incredible and I shipped the OTP and rooted for the characters and loved every last bit of it.

3 Run On - this is the drama Record of Youth wanted to be but failed. Smart and lived in, you feel like you are peeking at real people, but also even four episodes in, I am so invested in the main characters separately and together, and care for them so much, it’s a little frightening.

1 (tie) Tale of the Nine Tailed - my perfect fantasy romance. I liked it better than Goblin, yeah I said it.

1 Flower of Evil - all the tropes I love in one incredible package. I would rewatch episodes waiting for new ones trying to puzzle the story and to stay withdrawal but it works just as well on rewatch. Lee Jun Ki brings his trademark tortured intensity and for once, both his leading lady and his script back him up and are worthy of that. It’s perfect.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It’s a tie between Tale of the Nine Tailed and Flower of Evil but if I had to pick just one, FoE, because it had me seriously obsessed and guessing about the protagonist and gave me the narrative tropes I love so much and an OTP that statisfied all my hurt/comfort kinks and then some.

WORST DRAMA

Born Again - honestly, this is so bonkers it almost becomes good but alas...

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Hyun Soo/Baek Hee Sung, Flower of Evil - he is so messed up, so on edge, so traumatized. Yet capable of so much warmth and caring even as he himself doesn’t realize his humanity. FoE is basically a story of a man pushed and punished by the world for his entire life who, because of one woman, finds a safe place and peace and slowly comes to life without realizing it, and watching his desperation to keep this small bit of normalcy is so heartbreaking and exciting all at once. Plus, you start the drama thinking he’s a psychopathic serial killer and end it (if you are me) thinking he must be protected at all costs and if anyone even looks at him wrong they must suffer, and that’s quite a change!

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Nam Ji Ah, Tale of the Nine Tailed - she is so funny and tough and smart and loving and amazing that I will totally buy that a literal demi-god will do anything and everything for her and love her for literal eternity.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Dad in Record of Youth - yes in a year with serial killers and supernatural demons, I picked a normal character from a mediocre drama. It’s his everyday awfulness to his family that hits so hard and I am sad he never got his comeuppance.

FAVORITE SHIP

Ji Ah x Yeon - a fearless reporter and an immortal demi-god who’s been hoping for his human beloved to reincarnate. A really rare set-up where the OTP is equally ride or die, so compatible and completely BAMF. I got why he waited for her for that long and then fell in love with her all over again. Perfection.

Runner up: Flower of Evil - he is so messed up he literally does not believe he is capable of love or empathy, but he falls in love with her anyway and so utterly she permeates his entire life. She is tough as nails and only believes what she sees and is the sole person who believes in him against the world. She loves him but he needs her. She needs him but he loves her. They are amazing.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Seo Dan x Gu Seung Jun, Crash Landing on You, North Korean x Conman were so good I shipped them harder than the main OTP and the end of that storyline pissed me off so much I dumped the drama and didn’t finish it for months (and it’s still dead to me.)

NOTP

Record of Youth - it started out and they didn’t have much chemistry but the dialogues were interesting and I thought the chemistry would grow. It didn’t and deteriorated, their dialogues became boring and relationship had zero development (about as much as the supposed female lead.) I think we were supposed to feel bad they broke up and they were going for a bittersweet open ending, instead I found myself happy about the break up of two incompatible, chemistry-less people and hoping for the love of God they never get back together.

FAVORITE SCENE

Yeon and the bridge of knives, Tale of the Nine Tailed - Yeon choosing to undergo the creeptastic bridge of knives for a chance to save Ji Ah, who at that point he is not aware is the reincarnation of his Joseon love because, as he says, he doesn’t care if she is or isn’t, it just would be more horrible to have her die than to undergo the horrific torture he is undergoing, and then the sequence with his catching her, her weeping over him and the fact that she is the original Joseon girl revealed and all the bandaging and his watching her sleep and all that loveliness, is everything for yours truly.

Runner up: Hyun Soo having that break-down at the cliff at the end of ep 15 of Flower of Evil as Ji Won desperately tries to convince him she is alive and he finally stumbles to her.

Runner runner up (it’s my list, I will do what I want): Do Won preparing to blow his brains out to give a chance to Seo Kyung to live in Train.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Seon-Gyeom, Run On. Yeah, I know. Im Siwan is tiny, delicate featured and has a runner’s build, none of which are things that normally appeal to me. But his character is so odd, so honest, so unflinching in pursuing what he thinks is right, so incapable of self-pity despite plenty of reasons for it, and so ridiculously attractive when he smiles, I don’t even care.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Kim Bum, TotNT - I started out being annoyed by him and ended up looking forward to his scenes and being distraught by his ending.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Honestly, none. I was fine with all the endings. I wouldn’t mind seeing post-end life of Tale of the Nine Tailed characters or the OTP settling into their literal new world in Train, but I am good.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Time jump that solves all the problems off screen or alternatively years pass and everyone is frozen - something that kdramas need to learn and need to learn badly. See Record of Youth, Brahms and Start Up.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men who are ride or die for their OTP - this was a great year for this - the male leads of four of my five dramas were beyond anything on that scale (only exception is Run On because it’s still too early to tell there.) Yes PLEASE.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

This was a banner year for that what with Start Up, Do You Like Brahms, Record of Youth, and Private Lives all starting out well and nosediving off the cliff but winner is Crash Landing on You. I loved it so much for bulk of its run but the last episode pissed me off so much I deleted all my files and called it a day.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Flower of Evil - I had no expectations of this drama and wasn’t even planning on watching it despite liking both the lead actors because yet another “look at evil serial killer be evil” drama with no romance was not my thing. Luckily someone convinced me there might be some romance and I peeked curiously. Honestly, their promo campaign was the most misleading and dumbest thing ever.

Runner up Psycho but it’s OK - I have never liked Kim Soo Hyun in anything before and the drama premise seemed WTF but it was shockingly good and KSH totally blew me away.

Hardest Working Lead

Yoon Shi Yoon - he starred in two (!!!) dramas in 2020 playing three characters and not only were both these dramas awesome in a lackluster year, but if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was the same actor and the fact that the characters shared a face, I would have never believed that they were played by the same actor. So good!

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

My Beautiful Bride and Deserving of the Name - I was obsessed with both of them and honestly, they were much better than the bulk of 2020 kdramas I watched.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

The Moon That Rises in the Day, Hong Chun Gi, Joseon Exorcist, Island,  Frightening Cohabitation, Snowdrop.

[irondad-not-ironsad]

WandaVision Episode 1 Reaction

Spoilers below!!

I enjoy the music over the marvel logo

But also a 43 second logo feels kinda long for a 29 minute episode- is it just for the premier or is this gonna happen before each ep?

Also I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that there is a title sequence, which will probably be similar in length. Combine that with the lengthy credits people have been complaining about, it seems that the percentage of the thirty minutes that is actually the story is lower than it should be

not that I don’t love a good title sequence! But I’ll take a well fleshed out episode over fancy logos, title sequences and credits any day

now that I’ve got that of my chest, on to the actual show

I like how they have the frame shaped like that of an old timey tv, combined with the black and white it really adds to the old timey sit come vibe

I like these bells

Ok I know I complained about to much time being wasted with logos and such, but i LOVE how cheesy this theme song is and I love them showing vision and Wanda driving tp there house in wedding attire

“A regular husband and wife” 2 seconds late *vision disappears into a cloud of sparkles*.... 1 minute 8 seconds in and I love this 

Even there acting is reminiscent of an old timey sit com this is amazing

feel like I should note he title sequence ends at the 1.36 mark approximately, which may not seem like a lot but again the show is less than thirty minutes so it adds up

Wanda talks with a fifties accent: I already love this show

Also I wish I had magic I could use to clean, I’m moving back into my dorm right now and Wanda’s powers would be SO helpful

Also I LOVE the laugh track

Also Wanda’s short curly hair is so cute

I love how neither of them knows what the heart means so they play it off by being like “yeah of course I know what it means, how could I forget? Do YOU remember what it means

Also Vision is literally part computer shouldn’t he have a photographic memory? 

Also how old is Wanda? I could have sworn someone said she was 19 in civil war, which would make her like 21 here? I think?? Idk tho, as a 19 year old I don’t think she has ever looked 19 in the movies, even back in Ultron she looked at least in her mid twenties

The face Vision makes when he makes himself human is so funny

Also Vision blowing Wanda a kiss and her reaching back to grab it is the perfect amount of corny that makes it still cute

Also I wonder what vision’s job is

The backing music is so funny

I can already tell Agnes is going to be some great comic relief in a show that’s already hilarious

“I assure you, I’m married. To a man. A HUMAN one!” I know I’ve said before that I was never the biggest fan of Wanda or Vision but I love Wanda in this show

Obv there is something clearly off here, but I feel like I need to mention that it’s clear this is some warped reality. If I had never seen any of the MCU before, I may believe it was just  witch and her robot husband living in the fifties, but the little details really make it clear to the audience (the majority of whom I am sure are familiar with the mcu) that something is off. This scene is one of those, where Wanda cannot seem to recall how long her and Vision have been together and plays it off by saying “It feels like we always have been together”

Is Agnes giving Wanda advice for the bedroom? is this really what I’m watching? Or have I wildly misinterpreted this?

Love the old timey lingo

Vision working a desk job is so funny

Love that vision doesn’t even know what they do at his job, I know it’s part of the false reality thing but also lowkey relatable

“you’re like a walking computer” “I most certainly am not! I’m a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter”

I started this like twenty minutes ago and have only gotten 7 minutes in because I keep stopping to type my reactions. I am going to try to shut up and watch, and stop screaming about every little detail for a bit 😂

Real quick though does Vision just go by Vision at work?

Ope apparently he does. 

I wonder if Vision took Wanda’s last name

Or is he Vision Stark-Banner since it was Tony and Bruce who made him??

He probably isn’t called that but I think it would be funny if he was

Love that instead of writing “dinner with boss” or “Dinner w/ Harts” or even just “Harts” he drew a freaking heart like im dying

if my lack of emojis seems weird I’m typing this on a computer which I never normally do and I’m to lazy to pull up the emoji keyboard, so basically imagine there’s a cry laughing emoji after everything funny

“No skeletons in the closet?’ “I don’t have a skeleton sir.”

Yup I was right, Agnes is giving her sexy time advice

“you should stumble when you walk in a room so he can catch you. It’s romantic!” that is the only way I will be flirting from now on

Also I got to say, I'm guessing it’s a fifties thing but those pointy bras don’t look comfortable

So she answers the phone “Vision Residence” Is Vision also their last name now? Does he go by Vision Vision??

They make the best facial expressions

This phone conversation where Wanda think they’re having a date night whereas Vision is talking about his boss coming for dinner is comedy GOLD

also I love the fact that they’re giving us stereotypical sitcom drama while keeping it clear that there are bigger problems than dinner with the boss

Fake commercial break is at 9.56 (these time stamps are for myself I want to calculate how much of the episode is actually the story)

I do love the fake commercials tho! And I suppose in a way they ARE part of the show

They missed the chance to make it the toastmate three thousand and make every ironman fan cry

The beeping toaster sounds like a ticking bomb..... also the little red light is the only color we’ve seen this episode I think

Commercial ends at 10.46

Also love that it was an SI toaster, still wish they had made it 3000 instead of 2000

How did Wanda confuse Mr. Hart with her husband? Not that I’m complaining, her coming out in a robe and covering Vis’ Boss’ eyes is HILARIOUS

“This is the traditional Sokovian greeting? Didn’t I tell you my wife is from Europe?” “How exotic!” “We don’t break bread with Bolsheviks”

Visions pants are SO high waisted

“It’s our anniversary!” “Our anniversary of WHAT?” “WELL IF YOU DON”T KNOW I”M NOT GONNA TELL YOU”

Poor Vision is trying to figure out what kind of company he works for this is sooo funny

Agnes coming in clutch with a full meal

So Wanda needs the ingredients in order to magic a meal she can’t just make one appear

Vision breaking into song was amazing

How did one chicken turn into like 30 eggs

Vision is singing old McDonald with his bosses wife this is great

“Diane!” “That must be my wife summoning me!” “She calls you Diane?” “Yes... it’s her pet name for me” “I’m coming... Fred”

So many clichés in this show but it’s done in such a purposeful way that it’s still funny

Also we have only seen three rooms: the kitchen, the living room and Vision’s workplace

“Well I think tonight’s going SWIMMINGLY”

Mrs. Hart is SO NOSY

But I love that they don’t know the answers

Wanda looks SO disturbed when Mr. Hart is demanding her and visions story, you can tell her mind is fighting itself and it’s so sad

Mr. Hart is choking, is it bad that I think he deserves it?

Mrs. Hart keeps cheerily repeating stop it, and gone is the stereotypical sitcom camera angles and and the backing music is switched for something eery

This is lowkey scary, Mr. Hart Dying while his wife keeps cheerily saying Stop It and it just feels creepier the more she repeats

Wanda looks distressed and vision is just looking to her for what to do, her old timey accent is gone and she sounds nearly robotic as she tells Vision to help

Poor Wanda, she is so clearly going through it mentally right now

Laugh track is back, and just like that the Harts are leaving, despite only having one bite of food

And somehow Mr. Hart is impressed? Was Wanda rewriting reality to make them so?

I know that this is clearly some alternate reality and nothing is right, but wanda and vision deciding to choose that day as there anniversary and this little convo here is soooooo cute

Aw her making them rings and them both saying I do is soooo cute

And vision saying “and they lived happily ever after’ is so sweet but also so sad in context

What is that little remote vision is holding meant to be?

And love the hexagon closing in on them with the cute music playing to end the episode

Are the people in these credits real? Because it lists the start as Wanda Maximoff and Vision but are the rest actual people?

So there is some sketchy dude watching the maybe fake credits so there's something going on there

The actual credits start with 7.13 left and I’ve been told there's no mid or post credits scene. I’ll let them play while I finish this up anyways

8 minutes and 49 seconds of this show is the logo, title sequence and credits. Out of 29.36 total this means only 20 minutes and 47 seconds is the show, which I suppose is standard for a sitcom but I think I felt deceived by it showing as 29 minutes

Also 50 seconds of “commercial takes the show time down to 19.57 if anyone was wondering

I swear tho I’m not all that bothered by the length, just did the math in case anyone was curious like I am. 

I thought I was going to really enjoy this going it, but it still really surpassed my expectations and I can’t wait for episode 2!

This is my raw reactions, but I’m sure that as I mull it over more I’ll be posting more about the show

This is somehow a perfect combo of lighthearted comedy and mild horror

I wanna let this episode stew for a while, so I prob won’t watch episode 2 for at least a day

Also what are your guys’ thoughts on this format of reaction? Did I write to much?

Also what did y’all think of this episode? Feel free to let me know what you think of my reaction, and whether you agree or disagree. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[aspiestvmusings]

WV PARALLELS

SPOILERS for WandaVision..up to ep 8

PARALLELS, CALLBACKS,  FORESHADOWING... DETAILS..

throughout WV & MCU: 

First look at Westview Wanda driving through WestView as she first arrives in reality - the town & the people seem in a non-happy state (people alone & depressed, town in ruins, she alone) in 1x08 flashback VS Wanda & Vision driving through WestView as they first arrive in the TV freality (everyone fake-happy & not alone, buildings & businesses flourishing  in 1x01

Wanda creating new "life" Wanda's birthing screams & energy spending: Wanda "giving birth" to Vision in ep 8 VS Wanda giving birth to the twins in ep 3. I feel like in a way her subconcious was reminding her of the "birthing pains"

Heart & abbreviating The heart drawn on the wall calendar on the date Friday, August 23rd was an abbreviation & was referring to Vision's boss & his wife coming to dinner in 1x01... when neither could remember the significance of the heart or date. Also... "Who needs to abbreviate?" (when theyre both superheroes) VS The heart Vision drew on the property deed of the land he bought for them. Next to the text "to grow old in" - V. (abbreviating his name) in the 1x08 flashback VS The heart on the calendar on the Date Wednesday the 10th in the opening credits for Wandas sitcom freality in 1x07 VS The heart on top of a building in the 1x02 episode sitcom intro

  Skeleton in the closet In 1x01 Vision tells his boss Mr. Hart that no, he does not have a skeleton, when he's asked if he has a skeleton in his closet VS In the 1x02 sitcom opening credits we see Vision go through walls & floor/ceiling. As he moves downstairs from the closet we see wht appears to be a spider & spiderweb there. And... bones.

Flourish! Vision as the magician Illusion using the phrase "fllourish!" for his magic tricks (that Agatha messes up & Wanda corrects) in the TV-freality in 1x02 VS Wanda after seing the state of the town & people (that to her seem like her own experience) making the place flourish (alive again)! 1x08 flashback

Stop it! Ms. Hart keeps saying "Stop it!" (with more & more concerned voice) as Mr. Hart chokes in 1x01 VS Wanda keeps saying "Stop it!" (with more & more concerned voice) when she sees Visions body being dismantled...like a machine in the 1x08 flashback.

  To grow old in... Vision's plan was for them to move from big city to a small town, build a house & start a family/life together. Grow old together (even if he as a synthezoid presumbly doesn't grow old like Wanda as human would. Though maybe his human form could & perhaps she as  Nexus being/witch can/will live for centuries..but they didn't know it back then?) as he had planned their life together in IW (making me suspicious if they got engaged or something...) as revealed in WV 1x08 flashback to the property deed that lead Wanda to WestView VS Wanda creating a sitcom world where decades change...she literally created an alternate reality where they live his plan for them..they grow old together..in a small town... as seen throughout the WV show...

  Watching sitcoms on TV: Wanda & Vision family watching TV  every night before going to bed in Wanda's TV freality on WV VS Wanda watching TV with her family in Sokovia - the last happy memory before trauma hit her (1x08 flashback scene) VS Wanda & Vision first bonding at the Avengers compound while watching TV together (1x08 flashback scene). He's learning "being human" with her help & she's learning about dealing with her trauma with his help.

  Traditional Sokovian greeting In 1x01 Vision saves the day by calling Wanda covering the bosses eyes with her hands " a traditional sokovian greeting" when she thinks she's welcoming her husband home VS in the 1x08  flashback to her childhood we see that her mother covers her eyes with her hands the same way. Yet another subconcious detail from her real life.

Made-up superhero names: Hayward asking JImmy in 105 is Wanda has an alias or nickname “No funny nickname?” VS in 1x08 Agatha giving her a “nickname/alias when she says "...and that makes you The Scarlett Witch" ... Only...in this context it seems more like  royal title than a superhero nickname.

Shakespeare Vision quoting Shakespeare in WV 1x02 VS Shakespeare mention related to Trevor Slattery in IM3

 Universe of Colour

The paint cans that Wanda & Vision use to paint the nursery in WV episode 1x03 are Simser brand (crew member), but they also feauture other text, like "universe of color"VS the colours of each charactes magic...will make up a whoe spectrum/rainbow...especially in finale battle...

All these colours combined...give you the colours of the rainbow (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet)...so  do expect there to be a rainbow above WestView...at the end of WV, cause that would tie into the coours of the different magic + it never raining/always being sunny in sitcom reality as it does rain outside the reality...and the spectrum (Monica's powers) of colours of a rainbow appear to us when sunshine + rain are combined

Wanda's magic powers are red (like aether/reality stone...and she can warp reality, even though her powers were amplified by the yelllow mind stone).

Vision's magic powers are yellow (just like the Mind Stone that gave him life)

Monica's magic powers are blue ("thanks to her connection to Captain Marvel, who got her powers form the blue space stone?")

Agatha's powers are purple...with a bit of black mixed to it (like the power stone is...but she seems to absorb others powers that are other colour: the blue magic of the other witches in her coven & the red magic of Wanda's)

Billy's/Wiccan's powers are ???

Tommy's/Speed's powers are ???

Fietro's/Quicksilvers powers are ???

Dr.Strange's powers are orange (like the soul stone, even if his task is to protect the green time stone)

Dottie's colour is yellow...it seems...based on her flowers.

Mind-reading & Visions of the future/past Wanda reading Tony's mind in &  showing him a vision of the future trama...amplifying his deep fears about not being able to save the world & Ccommenting how she didnt need to do much, because he was so ful of self doubt, fear & all that.. in A2: AoU VS Agatha reading Wanda's mind & showing her visios of her past trauma...amplifying her deep sorrow & commenting how she is so full of self doubt & hope that it didnt take much to trick her with Fietro.... in WV 1x08

I just (can't) feel you

When the Mind Stone keeps "hurting" Vision, Wanda "reads the stones mind" says "I just feel you" to Vision in the beginning of A3:IF VS As Wanda is destroying the Mind Stone & Vision is dying, too, he tels her "You could never hurt me. I just feel you" at the end of A3:IW VS When Wanda is trying to connect to/with Vision on the table at SWORD, she cannot & she says "I can't feel you" in the 1x08 flashback scene.

Visions of the dead Wanda seeing Vision dressed as the WV character, but looking exactly like when he died in A3: IW w. the mindstone ripped out... in WV 1x0? VS Wanda seeing Fietro dressed as the WV character, but looking exactly like when he died in A2AoU w. the bulletholes in the shirt in WV 1x06 VS Peter seeing Tony as an Iron-Zombie rising from the grave in the illusion Mysterio created to play tricks on him in SM2: FFH

  Hammers Wanda giving Vision the meat tenderizer (it looks like a small hammer) & him holding it in WV ep 1x01 VS Vision lifting & giving Thor's hammer (Mjölnir) to Thor in A2: AoU

  Plants When Agnes introduces hersef to the new neighbours she brings a plants as a housewarming gift in WV episode 1x01 VS This is the first things that glitches in episode 1x07 as Wanda "loses control" of reality

The fallen pose Vision in A3: IW after Thanos killed him VS Vision in WV ep 1x06/1x07 after exiting the hex & faling apart VS Monica in WV ep 1x03 /1x04 after being thrown out from the hex VS Nat in A4:E after falling on Vormir...

Half of the universe When we see Wanda drive through Westview as she first arrives we see that she sees only half of the people - everyone she sees is alone... it's like half of the people are still missing (even if the blip happened & the missing are returned). Westview looks like the world during the 5 years she missed, half of everything gone, people missing their otehr half. This is excty how she is feeling & exactly what happened to her in A3: IW...Thanos first took half of her away by kiling Vision, and when she returned her world was still in the same state...she did not get the happy ending (that Tony talked about in his goodbye message & what the news report on screens...about happy family reunions)...her worls is still in ruins...figuratively & literally... as is WestView...at first glance...to her. The state of WV in the flashback represents the state of the universe during the five years she was gone.

  SNAP "Sugar Snaps" - the name of the breakfast cereal Wanda eats in 1x07 VS word SNAP is on a billboard for Lagos towels in WV 1x08 flashback VS  Thanos snapping his fingers in A3: IW & wiping half of he universe "out of existence" VS  Agnes snaps her fingers in 1x08 as the illusion fades..and she sits in audience VS Agens’ line “this menu can be done in a snap” in ep 1x01 

Life under a dome/hex (bubble): Wakanda is located inside a giant protective dome/bubble - an "invisible" energy field protects it & the barrier stops intruders VS Wanda creates a giant protective dome/bubble (hex-shaped) around WestView - an "invisible" energy field that stops people from entering or exiting...

STAGES OF GRIEF The show is abotu the past, and the future. About different realities. About grief, loss & moving on. About the stages of grief. If you pay attention  you can see references to eaach stage in Wanda’s behaviour throughout the episodes... 

10 = X The age when Wanda's powers manifested... probability hex...was age 10  VS When Billy & Tommys powers manifested... mind reading & speed they were 10 VS 10 = X (roman numerals) = X-gene (mutants)

Hero or Villain "Be good" - Vision to Wanda, WV 1x06 VS "I can be good" - Agatha & "No, you cannot" - Agatha's mom, WV 1x08 flashback

Wanda VS Tony "Don't let them make you the villain" - Monica & "Maybe I already am" - Wanda. WV 1x07 = The world sees Wanda as a villain (after Lagos, during the Hex), & she's struggled with this all her life. She is afraid of her own powers, just like regular people are. She doesn't fully understand them either. Vision was the only one who didn't see her as the villain. She is punishing herself for her mistakes. In many ways her backstory, and story arc, and mental state are very similar to Tony's. 

  Grief Monica & Wanda - their experiences are similar. Both blipped, lost loved one...twice. Both grieving... The way Monica describes the feeling she felt when under Wanda’s mind control = is the same as Wanda explained her feelings to Vision in the Flashback to Avengers compound “drowning...” 

Control vs Chaos Wanda can & does control everyone & everything within the hex, except: Vision (though she cerated him & he is essentially part of her, she can't control him), the Twins (she can't control them with her powers, and they have powers of their own, separate from hers and Visions), Fietro (who is under Agathas spell...in a way) & Agatha (who plays along), and later on Monica. Everything & everyone follows her script & directions...exctly, but not these superpowered individuals.

People think that order & chaos are opposites - Vision, A2: AoU

Wanda & Vision are connected in many ways. They've been connected even before they met. Both got powered up by the Mind Stone. Which awakened the magical powers in Wanda & gave life to Visions corporal form. They are also connected via Tony Stark: Wanda's trauma was caused by Tony's past mistakes & Vision's humanity was created by Tony’s attempts to build a better future. They are so much of the same MIND STONE. He's science & order and she's magic & chaos... two sides of the same thing... Vision started out as Jarvis & was supposed to be all about order (he started out as pure science...trech). Jarvis is in many ways Tony's best creation - he's all good. But Wanda is chaos..that she needs to learn to control (Agatha didn’t find a teacher, Wanda should...)

It’d be too long if I’d inlude also the commercials & the group chants “this is all for the children” (not expained yet, will be ...soon) So a lot is missing from this list... 

[bxebxee]

Do you have any kdrama recommendations? I want to watch another Miss oh but could also use some other recs. Thank you and p.s. I love your writing, thank you for sharing them with us ☺️

I have TONS of kdrama recs! Under the cut because it got long. 

1) Signal (16 episodes) - I enjoyed this so much, but it’s another one of those shows where you’re either automatically into it starting from episode 1 or not at all. I cried so hard at so many places because some of the storylines/events hit close to home. Fantastic acting, fantastic script, amazing direction… This had everything I ever wanted in a drama. It made me miserable at times in the best way. There was never a wasted moment. Also, I fell in love with ALL THREE OF THE MAIN LEADS.

2) Reply 1988 (20 episodes) - Great storytelling. Also, I know everyone had SO MANY issues with the whole romance portion, but it was never the writer’s intention to have the focus of this season be about who the husband was. This drama was hilarious at times, and there were so many moments where I had to pause so I could laugh without missing anything. This drama is particularly special to me because I watched it with mom and she pointed all the 80s stuff and we #bonded lol. 

3) Heartless City (20 episodes) - Noir done medium rare. It was visually pleasing to watch and Jung Kyungho… TTTT i’m a SUCKER okay. I’ve literally liked him since I was in high school, sue me! Anyway, I have a MAJOR issue with how they handled the main female protagonist’s story and the romance because it could have been perfect had they done a specific thing differently but… *shrugs* it was still good. 

4) Rebel: Thief Who Stole the People (30 episodes) - Literally the Hong Gil Dong legend has been done to death, but I’ll never get tired of it. Fun fact: I actually really don’t like historical dramas with few notable exceptions. This was great though because the writers set the backstory of Hong Gildong to mesh with Yeonsangun. Also, there was a specific brotherly moment that made me weep so hard while I was watching this eating dinner with my parents. And the DIALOGUE IN THIS. THE DIALOGUE. Oh my goddd, the oneliners are brilliant and it’s a historical drama!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

One last thing about this drama: I probably have a serious emotional attachment to this drama because of actual events that were happening in Korea. I doubt the writers were truly intending to have the timing of the show fit so well with real life events, but one of the best lines of this drama was “We don’t need to change the king’s mind. We just need to change the king.” 

5) High School King of Savvy (17 episodes) - I cautiously recommend this because of the whole minor/adult relationship. Also, I love Seo Inguk

6) Squad 38 (16 episodes) - another Seo Inguk drama! I love him! The humor in this show is amazing. The title itself is a portmanteau. 38사기동대 is pronounced “38 sagidongdae.” “Sagi” means scam and “Gidongdae” means unit/task force, and they put it together alksfjasdk! A tax collector goes around scamming rich tax evaders into paying their taxes. And that’s all I’m going to say about this drama because I want you to watch it.

7) Misaeng (16 episodes) - as an office worker, I #relate. Not much in the way of a story, but more character focused. It’s so good. It’s also really heavy stuff, so it can get really depressing to watch. 

8) Liar Game (12 episodes) - WHERE IS SEASON 2!? This drama was based on a manga. I never read the manga, but this drama was pretty good!!! There’s also scamming in this.

9) Oh My Ghostess! (16 episodes) - Park Boyoung plays a timid girl who gets possessed by ghosts, and Kim Seulgi plays a spunky ghost who has no recollection of how she died. Romance and Supernatural. There’s also a cooking element. (I literally wanted to write a ghost possession au just because of this show.) Bear in mind that this drama was super funny at times, but it also had really dark moments.

10) Splash Splash Love (2 episodes) - that’s right. 2 Episodes. Just Watch This if you don’t watch anything else on this list. It’s fusion historical, but it’s saved because Kim Seulgi is so funny. 

11) Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-ju (16 episodes) - it’s the lighthearted, coming-of-age rom-com I wanted after heavy dramas made me weak and emo. 

12) Let’s Eat Season 1 - I’m specifically recommending season 1 because I disliked season 2 so much. Season 1 had everything - food porn, mystery, romance, and did I mention the food????

13) My Daughter Seoyoung (50ish episodes? I think?) - It’s been a long while since I’ve seen this drama, but it was so much fun to watch. It’s one of those typical kdramas where an honest conversation would solve a lot of problems, but the acting makes it still enjoyable to watch and suspend your disbelief. Lee Boyoung and Lee Sangyoon had really good chemistry. 

14) Second Time Twenty Years Old (16 eps?) - Moral of the story: Be Good To Your Mom! It was such a heartwarming drama. Also, Choi Jiwoo is gorgeous. Like backing up a second, I found like a ridiculous amount of similarities between the main character in this drama and my mom, so obviously I’m rooting for the main character like 234235%. 

15) Who Are You—School 2015 (16 eps) - don’t be fooled. despite this being a “high school” setting drama, don’t take it lightly. I thought everyone acted really well and made this fun to watch. Bullying Is Bad!

16) High Society - Park Hyungsik but it was handled in such a tongue-in-cheek way that you could forgive it INSTANTLY.

17) Strong Woman Do Bongsoon (16 eps) - Park Boyoung AND Park Hyungsik AND Ji Soo. (But no really, this drama was so cute and I fell in love with Park Boyoung all over again.) 

18) Scent of a Woman (i forget how many eps. probably 16) - This is one of the CLASSICS. Woman-With-Terminal-Illness-Wants-To-Go-Through-Bucket-List. Romance Ensues. But it’s handled with such grace and depth in storytelling. 

19) Angry Mom (16 eps?) - suspend your disbelief for a second and imagine that your mom enrolls in your high school to find out who your bully is and then beat the ever loving shit out of them. :’) This show actually addresses some heavy topics. 

20) Valid Love (20 eps) - this show was fucking depressing and only watch it if you’re in the mood to get real emo real quick. I honestly had no idea what this drama was about going into it. All I saw were teasers for the main three characters, and I thought it was going to be about a drama regarding infidelity or a love triangle. Boy Was I Wrong. Infidelity was a big part of the drama, but it’s not the kind you’re expecting. 

21) Yong Pal (16 eps? maybe? i dont remember lol) - i fucking LOVE revenge dramas. Kim Taehee in red lipstick and REVENGE REVENGE REVENGE. It has a weak third act, but I’ll forgive it considering KIM TAEHEE IN RED LIPSTICK.

I am tired, so here are the rest without my lame opinions: 

22) It’s Okay, It’s Love

23) Pinocchio 

24) I Can Hear Your Voice 

25) Healer 

26) Witch’s Romance 

27) Discovery of Romance 

28) Kill Me Heal Me 

29) Can We Love? 

30) Fight My Way

[viilette]

1-49 for the meme

1 - First things first, did you have a good year?One of the best years of my life 2 - How old did you turn this year?173 - Do you feel your age?I feel older by centuries 4 - Did your appearance change in anyway?My hair went back to its natural colour, got my nose pierced, got contact lens instead of ugly ass glasses5 - Post your favorite selfie.Nope6 - If you traveled, where did you go?Germany, Poland and Greece + all over the UK as usual7 - Which fashion trends did you love?Idk I only just got into crop tops8 - Which fashion trends did you hate?The return of mom jeans9 - What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?Girls t shirt from topshop 10 - What song sums up this year for you?Either Skin by rag n bone man, Some Nights by fun or Pride by American Authors.11 - What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?The Architect - Paloma Faith, Coast Modern’s self titled and Warm Glow EP - Hippo Campus 12 - What was your favorite movie of the year?this is gay but Paddington 2 was amazing 13 - Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?Don’t think so 14 - Favorite new TV show?Versailles15 - Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?None really. Humans possibly? 16 - What food did you try for the first time?Curry bratwurst, fucking delicious17 - Did you make any big permanent changes this year?So many18 - What was one nice thing you did for someone else?Made my mum dinner at least once every week19 - What was one nice thing you did for yourself?Accepted myself, who I am and what I want20 - Did you develop a new obsession?Too many 21 - Did you vote?If the labour leadership election was this year yes if not no, I genuinely can’t remember 22 - Did you move?Nope 23 - Did you get a job?Sort of, a volunteer one with a charity25 - Did you get a pet?2 new dogs, 2 new gerbils and 3 new guinea pigs 26 - Do you regret not doing anything?There’s someone I should’ve kissed at one point that I didn’t. I don’t regret it now but I did then 27 - Do you regret doing something?So many things28 - Have you done anything that scared you?Again, so many things. I talked to strangers, I went to a college where I knew no one, I wore clothes that I didn’t feel confident in, I confronted people, I opened up to people. Maybe that’s the most scary thing I did. I told people things that I hadn’t ever told anyone before.29 - Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?I don’t think so30 - Did you lose anyone close to you?Yes31 - Did you fall in love?I think so. Yeah 32 - Did you fall out of love?No33 - Did you start a new relationship?Yes, kind of 334 - Did you go through a break up?Yes35 - Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?All the new people I’ve met at college that I adore + Liam + Zoë 36 - Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?Idk37 - If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?No38 - What was the best moment of the year for you?Lying in a field at 3am, drunk and looking at the stars while talking about life and surrounded by people I love more than anything 39 - What was the worst?1 year anniversary of my dog dying, holding my mum while she cried 40 - Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?Starting college maybe? Leaving high school changed me but college didn’t. 41 - Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?Camp 2k17. I changed so much and I’m so glad I did 42- What are you most proud of accomplishing?My pretty good GCSE results 43 - What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?Everything. 44 - Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?Nope45 - Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?Like every vaguely socialist politician that I liked apart from Jez.46 - If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?I think my resolution was to be more honest with myself and I definitely achieved that. 47 - If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?Lose the people that don’t really care about me. Spend more time with the people that do. 48 - If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do? Who would you go this?Literally don’t care where I’d go or what I’d do as long as I’d be with Megan 49 - What do you wish for others for the coming year?Genuinely just want everyone to feel happy and wanted and special. Last year I was an emo fuck who hated everyone, that’s not fun at all. Kindness and compassion are fun. Optimism is fun. I live for people being kind to each other and being happy and finding the best in everything and that’s all I want to see.

[whatadeepdarkdaze]

New World Pt.1 EP Release Party at Congruent Space in Chicago, IL, USA on June 9th, 2017

 Here comes one of my famous long ass, very in depth Tumblr posts and stories. This time, I am going into the depths of the experience, emotions, and thoughts of this past weekend- when I flew out for the New World Pt.1 EP Release Party at Congruent Space in Chicago, IL, USA on June 9th, 2017

It was also Spring Awakening Music Festival this weekend June 9th - 11th. Sadly, I couldn’t fucking go to SAMF because I am “young, illegal, and lame” (which that right there is a great album title according to Jahan). I am gonna be writing this shit day by day, everything that happened and took place! Here we go!

June 7th, 2017

This was the Wednesday in the week before the epic weekend was to come. This was my last day of school before finals. I was lucky enough to get out of work this day and the following day since 1) prom season was beating my ass (I work at a tuxedo shop), I’ve been working so much to the point where I’ve been having migraines everyday for the past week and a half. Getting out of work gave me time to prepare for Chi and to get any last minute things done…I had a lot of shit to do. I got home from school and I was giving myself a little break before I got up to work on the shit I needed to do. I was chilling on the couch on Twitter and Krewella is having a tweeting spree. Keep in mind- I thought I was being kinda lowkey talking about going to Chi this Friday to the point Krewella didn’t know. My friend, JoJo, texted me one day a couple days ago and basically said “Yo, if Yasmine and Jahan don’t know you are gonna be in Chi, we should like surprise them. Like you should hide behind us (the Travel Krew) and then we would be like ‘Guys, we have a little surprise for u!’ and then you would pop out from behind us!” I was fucking down for this shit, it would cute as fuck! After discussing this, it was kind of a plan to be a surprise. So yeah, I thought I was being lowkey and shit talking about everything on Twitter. I thought if I did tweet anything, Krewella follows me and Yasmine and Jahan follow me, but the odds of them actually seeing me tweets…yeah, I’ll be ok, they probably won’t see anything. So going back to Krewella doing a tweeting spree. I tweet them something that I would always normally tweet, just showing my love and shit. I tweet saying “u guys u guys u guys u guys…… ILY". Then a minute later, they reply saying “love u bb see u FRIDAY!”

Two things were going through my head- 1) Aw yay! They replied back! I feel the love, I love them so much like what the fuck, they are amazing! 2) Alright, how the hell do they fucking know that I am gonna be there on Friday?- I was questioning it so much and freaking the fuck out on Twitter, but hey, I wasn’t complaining. Alright, so after that whole tweeting spree, I got up and went to my room and finished up this 6-8-19 Krew Video Project I put together for Yasmine and Jahan for the next day which was the 7 year anniversary of 6-8-10! I was editing in last minute submissions from the Krew and adding my own intro and outro. Even though I was basically attacking people to send in submissions and extending the deadline from June 1st to the fucking day before I am supposed to send it over to them and asking for maybe a lot in the project prompt, I was able to put this shit together and make something absolutely beautiful and touching for Yasmine and bring my vision to life for this project. I am so fucking proud with everyone who took place in this fucking project. At around 9:21pm, I send the video over to Jeremy, one of the guy’s of Krewella’s Third Brain management team, through email. In the email, I say “here is the 6-8-10 project i made with participation from the krew please show this video to yaz and jahan tomorrow so they can see it for krew day https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrZb6dTEjFw please let me know what they say or what their feedback is or honestly u can just tell them to tweet me or dm me or something! i can not wait to see them in chicago this friday for the ep release party! thank u so much jeremy for ur help!” Keep in mind that I told him to show it to them TOMORROW THE NEXT DAY, which is the actual 6-8-10 anniversary. After sending it, I am chilling and making dinner, at around 9:37pm, Jahan fucking tweets me saying “omg. just saw the project you put together. biggest smile on my face right now. about to head to rehearsal but ill respond more lataaaa!!” Like what the fuck…not even 20 minutes ago was when I sent the email with the video link and Jahan already watched it and shit. I was beyond conflicted with how she saw it that fast! I was freaking the fuck out and just so overjoyed that she loved it, like mission accomplish for making Jahan smile over this project like aye! I really meant for them to watch it the next day, but I am was complaining she saw it earlier though. Then a minute later, she tweets me again saying “pls tell the rest of the KREW that was involved that they literally made my day. <3 you guys!!!!”

My project I did with the krew fucking made her day, how else can this be any more perfect? I was just fucking satisfied at this point and just damn proud of myself and everyone who was involved, I surely felt the love. Later in the night, I was just checking my email and I get a reply email from Jeremy around 11:59pm saying “Will do! This is awesome :)” Like shit, this whole timing thing is just really fucking me up, but hey this confusion is totally okay I guess! Then, I go to bed.

June 8th, 2017

Happy Krew Day! Happy 6-8-17! Happy 7 Year Anniversary of 6-8-10! My plan for this day:

Go to school and take my chemistry final and refrain from listening to anything from the New World Pt.1 EP

Come home, film my reaction for the EP

Edit and upload the video

Pack for Chi

Go to bed

Fuck the chem final and I am gonna skip to writing from step 2 on my little list of shit to do. So yes, I come home and set up my filming equipment and get to filming. I decided I would listen to the 4 new new songs of New World (Calm Down, TH2C, Fortune ft. Diskord, and Parachute) and not the rest of the songs that have previously came out as singles (Team, Be There, and Love Outta Me) since I have already listened to them. It would just be a waste from to the react to the songs I have already heard and plus, this will keep the video as short as possible. As I am filming, I finished listening to TH2C (this song is such a summer jam, the vibes are just so fun and happy, I fucking loved it), my phone is just blowing up with notifications from Twitter. I grab my phone and look to see what’s up. Fucking Yasmine tweeted at me twice around 3:01pm saying “Em, i’m straight up trying to not cry on this flight to Chi watching this video. my fucking heartttttt. i’m so full of happiness right now” and “is there a tweet thread that everyone involved is on? idk how to even come close to saying thank you for this. i love you all so much”

I read these tweets in front of the camera and was able to record my whole reaction to these tweets for the video. Not only was this video gonna be a reaction to New World, but also a reaction to the tweets from Yasmine about her reaction to the project I put together. I was so happy that I basically almost made Yasmine cry tears of happiness and shit. I satisfied the happiness of Yasmine and Jahan, like mission accomplished. I was beyond overjoyed ok. Alright, moving on. I filmed my reaction to Calm Down next, which was really hard and ironic because I couldn’t calm down when I was trying to listen to Calm Down because Yasmine tweeted me and shit! Calm Down has to be my favorite song from the EP, at least out of the new new songs. The song goes hard and their vocals are fire ok.  Then, I listened to Fortune and that song goes a little harder and is definitely a good ass follow up to Beggars with Diskord also and then Parachute, which is just a chill ass song, such happy vibes and it is heart warming in a sense. This EP was just made so damn well and the fact that this was their first major release on this very own independent record label, Mixed Kids Records, is just amazing and I can’t put into work or emotions how fucking proud of them I am. After filming, I got straight to editing the video, also including in my reaction when Yasmine tweeted at me. Around when I was adding the outro to the video, I started my little vlog for the trip. I definitely knew I wanted to vlog this trip because I would be with krew, I was seeing Krewella for the first time in 3+ years, I am traveling by myself to fucking Chicago, the birthplace of Krewella, how else could the circumstances be any more perfect for vlogging? Plus, I have never really vlogged seriously because I’m a pussy when it comes to talking to a camera in public and I wanna keep the memories from this trip as best as possible! Finally, I finished editing and uploaded and shared my reaction video on Twitter with everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yeMgmwXPdY&t=332s

I was excited for everyone to watch it! I finally took the time to pack and put all things I needed together, especially since I needed to pack light and I was flying by myself for the first time on standby. I thought the weather in Chi would be breezy, cloudy, and humid from what I checked like a week ago, so I fucking pack ripped jeans, a couple shirts, pjs, and underwear. After packing and looking at my flights, I went to bed.

June 9th, 2017

Rise and fucking shine. I wake up to a FaceTime call around 1am from one of my best friends from the krew, Gina. She is drunk and lit as ever. She is telling me all kinds of random things, like “Emily, I love you!”, “I hope you have a great time in Chicago.” “Stay safe.” and more random shit along those lines. Then, I say “Yo, thank you, I love you too. I actually need to wake up now to get ready to leave, so thank you!” Then, her friend grabs her phone saying “Got to go bye!” and abruptly ends the call. I got up and hopped into the shower. I got out of the shower and got changed. While traveling, I was wearing this black lace-up shirt I was going to wear to the venue, leggings, my KREWLIFE crewneck, and my black converse. Then, I did my makeup. I made sure my makeup would literally be bulletproof, so it would last throughout the flights, the show, and other shit. I knew I was probably gonna be meeting Yaz and Jahan for the first time in 3+ years so, I had to look somewhat okay whether it would be before or after their set, and I knew hands down I would be sweating like crazy from their set. So, I beat my face and packed away my makeup and the rest of my toiletries. I put together the rest of my travel documents and shit. Soon enough, it was around 3:30am and my mom, dad, and I left to go to the airport. My flight was departing at around 5:55am. I arrived at the airport around 4am. I checked in, and my mom said bye to me once I got in line for TSA Pre-Check. After going through TSA, I headed to my gate and just sat there waiting, checking on my Delta App whether I could get a seat or not. Finally after waiting for a little, I got my seat, 12C, for this first flight from Philly to Detroit! I boarded my plane and was finally on my way to Chi! I was in a 3-person row and luckily I had the aisle seat and there was just another businessman in the window seat with no one in between us. I just slept and listened the New World on repeat the whole time.  Finally, we landed in Detroit. Once I walked off the jet bridge and into the airport, I headed over to my connecting flight’s gate, which luckily was in the same terminal and was several numbers away so I didn’t have to walk too too far. I got to the gate, gate A29 to be exact, and just checked the Delta app on my phone and the airport screens for any seat updates. The app and the screens were telling me two different things and I didn’t know which one was the most accurate one to follow. I was freaking out that I would either not get a seat at all or have the slightest and slimmest chance of getting a seat. I finally grew a pair of balls and went up to the podium and asked the lady what was happening. Luckily, she reassured me that I should be making the flight and that it would be even better if the people ahead of me on the standby list didn’t end up showing up to the gate and that I just had to sit and wait for my name to be called. After waiting very fucking anxiously, I was called up and given my slip with seat 13A on it. I boarded and settled into my seat for this little over an hour flight to Chi. I was in a 3-person row again, but this time, I had the window seat and two businessmen took up the middle and aisle seat, which wasn’t too bad. While taxing to our take off runway, I sent Jojo my arrival information to give her an idea of when and where to pick me up. I was also messaging Seancriag  on Snapchat and he was saying, along with Jojo, that I would most likely be meeting up with him at the airport so she could get us at the same time. Again, I slept and listened to New World the whole flight. I woke up and as I opened my eyes, the bright ass blue water of Lake Michigan was right in front of my face. The ripples in the lake was breathtaking. Soon enough, we started our descent and I began to see the amazing coast and city skyline of the beautiful city of Chi! 

Finally physically seeing Chi for the first time in over 10 years from the last time I was in the city visiting family and seeing the city for the first time after discovering Krewella was just astounding. I honestly couldn’t believe I was here, and I wasn’t in the city just to be a tourist and visit the city or just see family and/or friends- I was fucking here for one thing and one thing only….KREW! I was just hyped. I bet the businessmen next to me saw me smiling at the window like a fucking freak. I just kept taking in the view as we were landing and before I knew it, the landing gear of the plane touched down on the runway and we were taxing to the gate, gate E16 in terminal 2 to be exact. It was around 9am when we landed. I was texting a lot of people basically announcing to the world “Fucking PhillyKrew has arrived in Chicago, what the fuck is up?!” I was texting Alex in all caps because we were legit both arriving and taxing to out gates at the same times and we were both just freaking out and expressing such explosively happy thoughts that we were finally here! I was texting Jojo where I was and updating her. My plan was to call her up once I got into the airport and was making my way over to where she would get me. As we were arriving at the gate, I knew I was gonna be so fucked for this trip because I just felt the scorching hot heat from the sun through the window. I didn’t know it was gonna be that hot in Chi! Like shit, I fucking packed only jeans and I am arriving in all black wearing a thick ass crewneck! Finally, we made it to the gate and I was walking on the jet bridge just feeling the heat and the excitement running through me. As I am walking from the gate I was arriving at and into the rest of the airport, some random ass person just comes up to me, shoving an iPhone in my face and says “Are you Emily, aka PhillyKrew?” and shit- IT WAS FUCKING SEAN! I have met krew from Twitter in real life before and I haven’t felt that krew meeting and feeling and emotion in a long ass time and feeling that transfer from online friendship to real life friendship was EVERYTHING! When I acknowledged it was him, my fucking jaw legit dropped towards the ground. First thing I said was “Stop!” and he said “You are live from the Travel Krew” and I was like “Are you serious?!” Ok, let’s be real here- I was fucking honored to be featured in real life on the Travel Krew story, like fucking goals of knowing them for a year now aye! The feels were just in the air! We hugged and just started walking and talking. I was so fucking excited and nervous, my heart was beating so damn fast I could feel it in my throat, chest, and stomach ok. I was just talking to him and telling him how close I was to missing this flight because of the seats. Sean was telling me how he arrived at around 7am and he just walked all the way from terminal 1 to terminal 2 from where he arrived to get to my gate just to meet up with me and how he had time to kill. Ugh, just such good ass vibes! I honestly couldn’t be any happier. Finally, he called up Jojo and Paola as we were walking outside so they could get us. We were looking for their black Kia and soon enough, their black Kia rolls up from around the corner with Calm Down blasting with Paola (aka my Ate) literally halfway out of the front seat window recording us. My thoughts in my head- “Holy fuck, there is honestly no other more perfect or epic or insane way to meet krew and pick up krew for the first time, what the fuck yo, my heart is exploding!” Paola got out of the car and Jojo was driving and Paola and I hugged and it was fucking amazing to hug someone from the krew who wasn’t more than 4 inches taller than me; I finally didn’t feel so left out! Ugh, life was perfect! After Sean put his stuff in the trunk, we all climbed into the car and I said “Hey!” to Jojo! We drove off from the airport grounds and began making our way to the hotel the Travel Krew was staying at, the Amber Inn. I finally whipped out my vlogging camera for the first time since I vlogged at home and just updated that I finally met part of the Travel Krew for the first time and that we were making our way to the hotel to prepare for the EP release party. The drive wasn’t bad, we were just having deep conversations while stuck in traffic. We were talking about how I was real and they were real, it was cute as fuck. Finally after driving across town, we made it to the hotel. Once we parked and got out of the car, the first thing I did was hug Jojo. We grabbed our shit and headed up to the room, 304. I felt fucking honored to be walking into the hotel of the Travel Krew because cramming themselves with all of their stuff to see Krewella in hotel rooms was their thing! Once we got in the room, we started preparing for the release party. I met their friend, Brooke, who was already in the room getting ready. I grabbed my flannel and jeans and headed into this small ass closet and changed in there. They were kind of amused because I was able to shove myself in a closet like that because I am just so tiny. I got out of the closet, put in my hazel contacts, and touched up my makeup. Afterwards, I pulled out my camera and began to vlog a little more while waiting to leave. Paola and Sean were the major stars of this portion of the vlog I made. They were dancing, pretending to DJ with this towel Jahan gave them in Cabo and explained the whole story behind it and how they had to get it signed to give to the winner of their contest who won the towel. I made them each give little outfit of the days to show their chosen attire for the release party. I hated vlogging because I am just so fucking awkward and shit, so Paola took the camera for a little bit and did her famous little swipe transition. I just updated the vlog explaining the situation and plan for now. Paola had her krew jersey on the bed and I asked to try it on and she gave me the okay. She is small as fuck like me, so she had the XS in the jersey, which is the smallest size available and I’ve been debating for months now if I should get one with “PHILLYKREW” on the back, but the whole sizing situation was freaking me out and I was very unsure on what to do. I put it on and it was fucking swallowing me and I was swimming in it. Yes, I knew that jerseys should be big on people, but for me, it was a fucking dress and very overwhelming on my body. I was like “Hell no, I honestly can’t get one.” So, that was a little bumming, but it’s okay.  Finally after a little bit, our uber arrived at the hotel and we got in and started making our way to Congruent Space. The rest of the Travel Krew was already in the front of the line to save spots for the rest of us. Alex was also texting me saying her and everyone else (aka the OG Krew I like to call us) were in the front of the line as well. All of us the in the uber on our way were just gonna do a little cutsies in the line because we are important krew from Twitter and we have high priorities. In the uber, Sean sat in the front with  the driver, Jojo and I were in the first row in the back, and Paola and Brooke were in the very back row. For some reason, the driver didn’t have the air on in the rear and we were all just dying in the back. We repeatedly kept asking to turn the air on, but the drive said it was already on. The backseat console for the air was on rear lock, so we even asked if he could unlock the shit in the back so we could fix it and he was just ignoring us. So we just had to suffer the rest of the ride in the heat. I whipped out my camera and recorded this little rear lock air incident and we were all just making hot, dying, sweaty faces. I updated the vlog that we were on our way to the release party as well. I got a bunch of texts from Corinne and Bianca and they were both freaking out and asking “Holy shit, are you in Chicago?! What the fuck, we are too. WE CAN FINALLY MEET YOU!” and just other really ecstatic texts. I fucking didn’t know they were coming here! I then looked on Snapchat and I saw they legit flew in the previous night! I was excited to meet them and everyone else. Finally after a half hour drive, we arrived just a block away from the release party. We got dropped off and we walked to the venue. We saw the line and we were dropped off from behind the line. Because we had cutsies, we just walked past the rest of the line and no one really gave a shit, which was fantastic. As we were passing the line, I saw a couple of familiar faces in the line. As we made our way to the front of the line, Sean, Jojo, Paola, and Brooke met up with the rest of the Travel Krew and I headed towards my beloved OG Krew fam. There were so many people that I either haven’t met yet at all or haven’t seen in a while! They were standing in a circle talking and me being my little self, I squeezed myself in their circle and was like “Hey!”. Alex was the first person to respond to me and she was like “Oh my gosh, you are finally here!” and we hugged. I began to say “Hey!” to everyone and giving everyone a nice hug. Someone spins me around and it’s fucking Bianca. Bianca was one of the people I’ve known for over 3 years and this was my first time meeting her! She was like “Holy shit, you are Emily. Come here!” and she gave me a really tight hug. She was shocked at how tiny I was, which I found amusing. I just felt the love from everyone, especially from meeting people from the OG Krew for the first time and meeting people from the Chicago Krew and shit. Just such good vibes. Then, I go a little back in the line and the Travel Krew is there. I go up to them and Brie and Deanna came up to me and scream “Hey!” and I finally met them for the first time and I absolutely loved them from meeting them off Twitter and they were tall as fuck! Deanna told me she forgot her gift for me, but I was like “Girl, it is okay!”. I didn’t care for anything else at the moment. I had my big ass loving krew fam around me and I couldn’t ask for anything else to make this any more perfect. Corinne finally came back to the line after going somewhere from down the street and she was like “Girl hey!” and we hugged and met for the first time, she is lowkey my long lost sister. We were all just talking and having a good ass time just waiting. Paola and Jojo got me a blended coffee drink from across the street, because we didn’t really eat much, and this was the first thing I was putting in my stomach since I left home, and it was just scorching outside. We were taking a bunch of pictures and shit too. 

I whipped out my camera and made a little update, showed a little bit of everyone in my vlog. Alex spotted a couple of dogs going into the coffee shop across the street and she flipped out and her heart was probably melting because 1) the heat and 2) the dogs. I got her whole reaction to that on camera, which was all cute and funny. As we were waiting, people just kept going in and out of the front door of the venue, locking it as they went through the door. I kept peeping in the door and the place looked very white and clean and small, so it was gonna be very interesting to be in there. We kept seeing Nathan and Jeremy in the door setting up. Sam, the videographer and photographer for the release party, kept coming outside and taking videos of all of us in line, which was really cool. After sweating and waiting for a little, Nathan came outside and told us to line up on the other side of the door. All of us in the front of the line made sure we were in the front still and everyone behind us in the rest of the line just followed us. After waiting for a little more, Nathan finally opened the door and let all of us in. It was weird because we legit just walked into the place. It was announced beforehand that there is free entry if we download the WAV app. The whole release party set would be live streamed on the app for others to see and experience the set who weren’t physically there. I thought that we would just have to show that we downloaded the app in order to get in, but we just walked in without showing anything. I mean I wasn’t complaining, but it was weird. Anyways, we all just walked in and of course, us in the front of the line were the first ones to walk in. I turned on my camera and started recording us walking in. When you first walked in, it was this entry place, kind of like the “lobby” of the place and then you walked in further and there was this set of stairs on the left which led to this room with a projector playing a slideshow of pictures of Yasmine and Jahan from the New World cover art shoot and then you would turn in that room and there was the room that the table and equipment was set up and that was where the set would be. I walked up the stairs and Jahan and Yasmine were there greeting and hugging everyone. I see Jahan first and was like “Oh my god! HI!” and she was like “Hi!” and then we hugged and I have no idea what else she said because I was just numbs in my senses because of how happily overwhelmed I was. I’m pretty sure because I was vlogging, I told Jahan that this was for my YouTube channel and Jahan said “I saw your video! Thank you! It’s amazing!” Anyways, I move to the side and she keeps greeting everyone else. I was still recording and then I finally see Yasmine. I was like “Holy shit.” when I first saw her. She came up to me and was like “Oh my god! Emily!” and I was like “Yazzy!” and gave me a hug, then she hugged Alex right after me and recorded their hug and Yasmine said “It’s so hot!”. So yeah, that happened. It was beyond amazing to have finally seen them, hugged them, and talked to them for a little at least in person for the first time in almost 4 years. I couldn’t believe this was all happening to me and around me. I was just in a dream being there with everyone. After greeting everyone, we all  headed into the room where the set would be happening. We all saw their mom and it was my second time seeing her in person and she is just so damn cute. She was waving at us from behind the DJ equipment and table and then came from behind and started talking to a bunch of us. I was too shy to say anything to her to be honest, I would’ve been like “Seriously, thank you for bringing Yasmine and Jahan into the world and raising them to be the most amazing and beautiful and talented human beings in the world!”. Then, all of us just started pouring into this room. The OG Krew and the Travel Krew made sure we all got the very front of the crowd. I swear all of us were dominating the crowd there, like fucking high priority people man! We were all chilling and taking pictures and just preparing for the insanity that was coming for us.

I was recording a little bit for my vlog and updating it. Paola was live streaming to the rest of the krew who wasn’t there and I made a little appearance on there. I got a couple of good shots. I was filming myself, Bianca, and Corinne and Corinne was like “Am I gonna be in your vlog?” and I was like “Yeah, go!”. So, she said to the camera “Aye! What’s good? We’re here with the one and only PhillyKrew. The only PhillyKrew out here! Aye!” I loved when she said this! Here is how my standing position was: I was front middle; Alex, Emma, Milly, Matt, and Jordan were front row up against the table and equipment and I was standing behind them; on my left, there was the OG/Chicago Krew; on my right, there was the Travel Krew. I was surrounded by all of my friends and it was perfect; I was perfectly sandwiched between all of them. Bianca said “Emily, I am gonna lift you up and carry you!” I was like “Shit, are you serious!? Okay, I’ll let you know when!” It was reassuring to know that I could see eye to eye with Yasmine and Jahan during their set at times because I am fucking short. I handed my flannel and bag to Alex to put on the stage where she put her stuff, along with everyone else. Finally, Yasmine and Jahan hopped behind the booth and started talking into the mic and giving a little introduction to the set. They were giving a shout out to Congruent Space and their team for pulling off everything. They were talking about Nathan and how he was part of the reason 6-8-10 even happened and they were talking about their early beginnings. It was a great start to their set. Finally, we opened up with Fortune, which went hard as fuck and everyone loved it. I am not really gonna go into deep depths with their set. It was fucking fire and insanity. Being able to experience seeing them perform and throw down so hard after waiting over 3 years was lowkey life changing and breath taking. Bianca picked me up so many times. I only remember a couple certain songs that she lifted me up for- Beggars, part of Team, and Superstar. Every time she lifted me up, I was making eye contact with Yaz and Jahan. They probably saw me really singing every lyrics when one of their songs was on and I was in the air. I was going hard. Bianca and several other people were able to give either one of the girls their phones and they recorded some epic footage. Speaking of footage, for the first half of the set, I was recording shit from my vlogging camera, but then every time Bianca would lift me up, I would put my camera in my front right pocket of my jeans and it just kept falling out and Jojo kept picking it back up from the ground. I just decided to stop with the camera and I left it on the platform with the rest of my stuff. I kept recording shit on my phone though. Holy shit, every time Bianca lifted me up, Sam kept pointing his camera like right at me, so I thought “Holy shit, is this for the recap video? Oh shit, my sweaty ass face and my body in the air is gonna be on there!” Oh well, same thing happened when the live streams were happening. Every time I would open my phone to record something, I would glance at my notifications and people kept messaging me and tweeting at me that they see me raging my ass off in the live streams. I was lowkey embarrassed and proud at the same time. They dropped too many good songs. Of course, they dropped all of the songs from the EP. They dropped a couple of fire throwbacks, like Killin’ It, Alive (Pegboard Nerds Remix)- which lowkey killed me when they dropped it because that’s my favorite Alive remix-, some remix of Live for the Night which I can not really remember exactly at the top of my head, some remix of Me & U by Cassie which is a throwback my sister and I jam to, they fucking dropped Breathe and gave a whole entire introduction before they dropped it saying this is one of the first trolly songs they ever did and that they only drop it in Chicago and I swear my heart legit dropped through the ground, and they dropped this remix of I Want It That Way. Their set was just ultimate perfection. Holy shit, they brought this little baby husky in and had the pup up there with them, it was precious as fuck to see Yasmine holding a cute pup during their set, like that poor pup’s ears and cuteness overload. Jeremy and Jahan were tossing water bottles to the crowd, which was a blessing and I caught one from Jeremy. During Party Monster, Jahan was doing a little water bottle shower and dropped the bottle which was funny. I have never sweated so damn much in my life. I was holding in that energy and sweat I released during their set since 2014 and being able to unleash all of that was amazing. I was wearing jeans and my jeans…shit, everything I was wearing was just soaked, drenched, and saturated in so much sweat and was sticking to my body. My face and neck was dripping. I was so worried my makeup was gonna be gone by the end of the set. I just felt like this whole thing was the Get Wet Tour and Sweatbox Tour combined! The last song they played and ended the set with was Parachute. It was so nice to close out the set with it, it was so beautiful and the crowd was singing together and when Yasmine and Jahan hugged at the end…I swear everyone in the krew’s heart melted. Such a great moment to remember and to witness, like the two sisters we love and adore just showing their affection and love for each other was beyond precious. Finally, their set ended. They talked about the following day being at Spring Awakening and how they are gonna throw down during their set and how afterwards, they wanted the krew to come hang with them and Yasmine wanted to drink and Jahan wanted to smoke with everyone. They said they were gonna chill after the set for an hour or so and that everyone can get the New World shirts here only in the front. The crowd started dispersing and it was my goal to talk to Yasmine and Jahan, get pictures with each of them and a picture with both of them- this is literally what I’ve been waiting for for years now. I kept asking Alex to help me find them because I was being a pussy and shy. Finally after pointlessly roaming around, Alex guided me to Jahan! We just had a conversation and I have a good chunk of it recorded for my vlog. I was recording at such an awkward angle because I was trying be lowkey about it and not get all up in Jahan’s face. We were talking about a lot of different things. I told her their set was amazing after waiting years to see them. She was like “Oh my gosh. I remember when we first met you. You were so young and a little nugget. You were all quiet wearing your beanie. And now, you are all grown up and a lovely lady!” Fun fact: I didn’t wear a beanie when I first met them, but I was wearing a snapback backwards though. I told her I was recording for my vlog and she told me to get up close shots of her sweat. She was asked if I was going to Spring Awakening. I was like “Yo, I literally can’t go. I’m too young.” She was like “We could honestly try to do something, but like liability because you are young.” She asked how old I was and I was like “16.” and she was like “Oh shit you got like 2 more years, but we have a tour coming up and it’s going to be mostly all ages” and she was just giving me the details on it and everything, but she couldn’t say much. Jahan, Alex, and I were just talking about how sweaty we were, J said her vagina was sweating, like shit, TMI. She was telling me how well put together the krew project I made was and that she loved my krew wall and how it made her smile! I was so happy, I have no other way to describe it in the simplest way. Great fucking talk. I asked her for a picture and she said yeah. Again, I am short, so I didn’t wanna look like a short loser in the picture, so I took a “selfie” with Jahan (I fucking hate that word so I put quotes around it) and then, we didn’t really know that else to do. Alex suggested that Jahan should carry me so, Jahan got low was like “Get on my back” and I was like “Oh shit, what the fuck, is this really happening…”. So, I got on her back and Jahan started doing squats with me on her back, so I just held on for dear life because I was trying not to fall off her and look like a total loser fool (since at the moment, I already felt like a loser) and she just kept going, up and down, up and down. Then finally, she stopped and smiled for the picture Alex took. 

Jahan put me down and then we kind of just departed and she went off talking to other krew and I was just trying sink in what the hell just happened. Then, I wanted to talk to Yasmine. Alex tried helping me find her and hey, she was right behind us talking to a bunch of krew. I was like “Alex, how the fuck do I get her attention to talk to her?” and Alex being the funny person she is, she said “ Just fall down.” I said “What? What do you mean?” She said “Just literally trip and fall down right in front her and she will have no other choice, but to get down and help you and talk to you.” I was like “Hell no, I’ll look stupid.” She said “Emily, I’ll push you then.” I said “No, holy shit. I might as well just make myself fall.” Then I imitated falling and said “Ouch oh no!” and we both just laughed. Finally, we got Yasmine’s attention and I started talking to her. I was also vlogging at the weirdest angle with Yazzy. We were just talking about the set and how Bianca was carrying me and Yaz said “You needed to be on someone’s shoulders” because of how fucking short I am. At that moment, I thought to myself “Fuck this, I am being short-shamed by the krew today. I am sad.” Then, we were just talking about how everyone from the krew was here and that nothing like this has really happened when literally all of us were together. I didn’t really talk to Yasmine as much as I did with Jahan. I asked Yasmine for a picture and same fucking deal with the whole short-shaming situation. I took a “seflie” with Yaz and then we also didn’t really know what to do for our picture. Then, here comes Alex again suggesting Yasmine to carry me like how Jahan carried me on her back. Yasmine opens her arms and was like “Come on!” and I was just like “Oh shit, here we go again!” Yasmine was carrying me in her arms and we took our picture. 

Yasmine put me down on the ground ever so slightly. Such amazing, yet conflicting moments with Yasmine and Jahan carrying me, like what the fuck just happened?! I was content as can be. Yasmine asked “Are you going to SAMF?” and me being a loser, I said “No, I can’t, I’m young as fuck.” and she was like “Oh shit, yeah! I always think SAMF is still all ages.” I think I mentioned wanting to sneak in somehow, I forget, but she all of a sudden went over to Nathan behind the counter with the shirts and started talking to him. She came back and was like “Ok, here is what we can try to do. We could possibly pull the cousin card on you with Nathan and put you on the guest list, but our guest list is literally exploding, so we will get back to you.” I was in disbelief because I always thought they literally can’t do anything considering my age and that I talked to Jahan and Jeremy about it, with both of them basically saying no. I said “Oh shit, okay!” So that happened, I was trying to not get my hopes up, but I was chilling. Yasmine started making shirts behind the counter, which reminded me that I had to get a shirt for myself and Tiffany since she texted me ahead of time asking to get her one. I recorded a little clip of Yasmine printing the design on the shirt and she said a little message to the Krew for the vlog. Then, I asked for a shirt and they asked what size and I was like “Shit, the smallest size you guys have!” So, I ended up buying a small. Then, Alex asked Yasmine if they were saving a shirt for Tiffany. Yasmine said she didn’t know if they would have any left over. I was like “Yeah, she texted me asking to get her one!” and Yasmine asked me what size. I called up Tiffany and just double checked on the size and then I got Tiffany one. My little shirt mission was over. I asked Alex if she was getting one and she said “I legit brought $20 for this trip and the shirts are $20.” I was like “What? I’ll get you one!”, but she refused. I was like “Girl, alright whatever you say.” As I was standing around the shirts, I was talking with Jojo and Paola. I looked over the counter and saw Nathan and I was like “Paola! We need to get our family photo with Nathan!” She was like “Yes! Get him!” I shouted for his name and called him over to take a picture. Nathan, being averagely tall, was sandwiched between me and Paola. As we were standing taking our picture, I think Jojo was taking our picture and got the attention of Jahan to look and Jahan said “Aww!” So, we smiled and took our picture. 

Afterwards, I asked Alex again if I could get her a shirt and she kept refusing. I asked her what size she was and went behind her and looked at the tag of her shirt and made my way over to the counter. I got her a shirt and handed her the shirt. She kept saying I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I felt good as fuck and generous, especially because she does a lot for the krew and this was the only chance to get the shirts. Yasmine and Jahan made their way over to us and took a huge group picture with some krew. I thought this would be perfect  to ask both of them to take a picture with me. I asked them and of course, they said yes. Alex was taking the picture again and surprise, surprise, we didn’t know what to do for the picture. Another suggestion was made for them to both carry me! They both put out their arms and they carried me like I was sitting on this Krewella throne or something. It was cute as fuck. Alex took a bunch of pictures and they came out either really derpy looking or cute. I was so content, yet conflicted because literally every picture I took with them, they were fucking carrying me, like what the fuck was that? But, hey it was creative and I weigh like 100lbs, so why fucking not?

They put me back on the ground and I thanked them for the pictures. They went off and, of course, went on talking to other krew. I was standing around Paola and I whipped out my camera and started updating what was happening. I did a little recap of the set and talking to Yaz and J. I asked Paola if we could take a picture, just because we are related and short!

Then, I got a picture with the Krew Wifeys!

I was beyond satisfied with the pictures I was able to get with everyone. We were all just chilling, talking, and hanging around. Jahan was telling us that they were going to be filming a music video for Fortune and that they were legit going to walking around Chicago, hitting up old spots, and just plain winging it. Jahan’s hair was messy in a bun from the set so she asked Milly to braid her hair in 2 french braids. She sat on the little staircase and we all kinda gathered around and just talked about a bunch of shit, like the EP, the music video, SAMF, and when they were in high school. I told J congrats on Mixed Kids Records. I also was able to ask her this question I’ve been wanting to ask. I asked “Will you guys ever do an acoustic song or cover soon? Because it has been a while!” She said “Oh yes! We would love to do one. It’s like one of the easiest things to do and we love doing it. Definitely sometime soon. We will think about it!” I was excited knowing the fact that they would be willing to do another one. They could probably do an acoustic version to Be There or Parachute or something, which would be amazing. I have always been obsessed when they made acoustic covers and songs in the past. The Alive acoustic version and the Watercolor cover they did with Evan Duffy….ugh those legit melt my heart and when I listen to the Watercolor cover, I straight up cry. So, if they were to do another one, or a couple, it would just complete everything. So, hopefully that shit will be on the way soon. Yeah, we were all just chilling & talking. Finally, the Travel Krew had to go because they had to prepare for & go to SAMF since they got ticket for all 3 days. I was rolling with them so I had to leave as well. I told Alex to hit me up later if she wanted to hang & chill since she wasn’t going to day 1 of Spring Awakening. I said by to Jahan and thank her for everything. I went over to Yasmine and she was coloring and drawing this thing for a fan and I was like “Alright, I am peacing with the Travel Krew. If anything happens with the cousin card, just slide into my DMs! Bye, love you, and thank you for everything!” and she said “Aw shit Em, ok I will definitely slides into your DMs!” Then she gave me another hug and as she said what she said, she did this sliding motion with her hands and body which was cute. I said bye to everyone else and gave hugs to everyone that I could. I walked out of Congruent Space with the Travel Krew and we walked away. We were heading to the CTA to go back to the hotel. I was having this amazing deep ass convo with Deanna, she is so sweet, I literally love her, while we were walking. We were walking on this bridge and below us was just lines of traffic and across the way was the beautiful Chicago skyline. 

We all stood there taking in the the view and took pictures, then we continued walking. We got to the station and because we were tourists and weren’t locals, we had issues figuring out how to work the machines to buy passes for the CTA. After figuring shit out for a little while, we took the CTA and had to transfer lines. In between transferring lines, we stopped at this center place that looked like a mall or business building, and when you looked up, it look super trippy. Sean had to go to the restroom and we were all starving. We grabbed food. I grabbed a number 9 from Taco Bell and Brie got something from Taco Bell too. Everyone else grabbed food from various places and we all sat down and just ate. We were discussing the release party. I was seeing everyone’s messages and tweets saying they could see me in the live stream, so I looked at Krewella’s FB live stream and was actually able to spot myself a little bit which was epic. I couldn’t finish my taco since I ate my crunchwrap supreme already, so I gave my taco to Deanna. Finally, we were done eating and took the green line back to the hotel. We got in the hotel and I just sat on the bed just still taking in everything that happened. The girls were getting ready for the festival and Sean and I just sat they sadly watching them because we were gonna be left behind. When they were done getting ready, I took a little group photo of them and I jokingly told Jojo to give me photo credits when she would post it. Sean hopped in the shower and the girls left. Sean came out of the shower and aired out in front of the AC which was hilarious; I even sent a picture to Paola. We were just chilling and talking. Sean told me the whole history and story of how the Travel Krew came to be. The whole story was fascinating and touching. I loved hearing every second of it! We just kept talking about a bunch of random stuff. I FaceTimed Sam Zupko for a little and just told her a little bit about what happened. We were bored as hell and we thought about finding Yasmine and Jahan filming the music video on the streets or getting dinner with other krew that wasn’t at day 1 of Spring Awakening, but nothing happened. Sean told me Thomas and Jenno would be arriving later in the night, so we were kind of just waiting for them and the girls to arrive. Yeah, not much happened in the evening after the release party. Let’s just say I took one hit of shit and felt 1,000x my weight and melted in the bed and passed out and woke up to Thomas being in the room and then passed out and then woke up to the girls arriving and Jojo and Deanna kept checking on me like this child and then they brought chicken and food in the room and smelled the food and I got the spins and puked a couple times and then changed and Deanna put me to bed…Yup, that’s how that day and night ended!

June 10th, 2017

I woke up the next morning with my sister texting me she was arriving soon in Chicago to meet up with me. Everyone woke up and one by one, we all just started taking showers and getting ready for the day. Everyone, but me, was preparing for Spring Awakening since today was the day Krewella would be performing. I took a shower and changed and did my makeup. Paola was making fun of me saying how I was doing my makeup in front of everyone and that it was iconic or something. When I was contouring my nose, she was like “Oh shit! Contour that nose girl! Filipinos don’t have noses!” I laughed so hard. My sister arrived at the hotel room. I was being a bum because I wanted to see krew, but there was no shot. I was asking Alex to keep in touch with Yasmine for me in case anything happened. Jojo, Brooke, Deanna, and Brie were getting ready for the festival still. Jenno, Paola, Thomas, my sister and I headed out and were on our way to Giordano’s for our first deep dish pizza, since that's was Yasmine and Jahan recommended. I got an extra key from Jojo to the hotel room, so that my sister and I could get our stuff later for when we would be checking into our own hotel near Midway Airport. Everyone else at the hotel room would just meet everyone else at the festival. We took the CTA to this Mexican part of the city for pizza. Paola called ahead of time so that they could get the pizza fast when we would arrive at the restaurant. Keep in mind that we weren’t told that we were basically ordering take out. So, while walking from the CTA to the restaurant, I updated my vlog again with that was happening. Paola and I were talking about filipino food and how Jahan and Yasmine would probably like Filipino food and I made a statement that they should go over to Paola’s place and that she would cook them this huge Filipino feast and that I would fly out there just to attend this feast. Finally, we made it to Giordano’s. We all went in and Paola went up to the counter saying we were the ones calling from the phone. We planned on eating in the restaurant, we legit called just to speed up the process of getting our pizza. The guy behind the counter working there, his name was Nick B I think, was saying "Because you called in your order, that is take out so, no dining in!" Even though we weren't from the area & this our fucking first time ordering at this place & we literally didn't know any better, he fucking told us we couldn't eat in the restaurant, despite the fact there were literally 7 empty tables! Paola even told him we would fucking tip them & we would clean up after ourselves. I swear I thought it was because we were all Asian. We got our pizza & walked outside & sat at this bench right on the side of the street & in front of the restaurant & sat there & ate our pizza.

We didn't have any plates so one of us had the balls to go in & ask for plates & we got paper plates. We didn't have a pizza cutter so we had to cut this thick ass pizza with a paper plate & scooped each slice onto our plates. I tried scooping my slice, but it broke, so then I had to grab it with my hands and I ended up grabbing two slices instead and I knew I was fucked because there was so shot I was gonna be able to finish it. We were talking and chilling and eating our pizza, roasting the guy in the restaurant for being an ass. It was all fun. We finished eating and Monica (she was also at the release party) finally met up with us to go to the festival with the Travel Krew. We all started walking to the park where the festival was happening at. As we were approaching the festival, we saw the fencing with big SAMF banners covering it. The closer we got, the closer we go to realizing who was sound checking. We heard a familiar song that we all knew by heart...it was Be  There, which meant...fucking Krewella was sound checking as we were walking toward the entrance of SAMF. We were all freaking out. Monica and I were kind of screaming and jumping all around. We kept walking and they started sound checking with Team. We finally made it to the entrance and everyone was waiting around and sitting on the grass or getting in line to get in. We were waiting for everyone else to arrive from the hotel. We sat on the grass and just listen to Krewella sound checking. They switched to Fortune and a bunch of their other songs to sound check. We were all so happy and hyped. We were recording the excitement and them sound checking on our phones and sharing it on social media. I was happy as fuck, I had to admit, but in the long run, I was too depressed and sad that I wasn’t gonna be able to go. Hearing them sound checking and getting a feel for the atmosphere for when they would be playing their actual set really killed me on the inside. I kept saying “It’s fucking worse to be right in the city while SAMF is happening and not being able to see Krewella than to be far away at home from Chi while SAMF is happening and not being able to see Krewella.” It’s like I was so fucking close...shit, I was right at the fucking entrance! But, there was nothing happening for me. I had a feeling Yasmine wouldn’t get back to me in any way, whether it was through Alex or herself in DMs. I was fucking sad. I kept talking to Monica about it and she was just trying to reassure me and make me feel better, but nothing was helping me to be honest. I was in a huge predicament. I could either be the most hopeful and optimistic person ever or be fucking down in the dumps and negative about everything. In there case, I was being positive in the way that I thought Yasmine would end up getting back to me about the cousin card working, then I was being negative in the way that I knew nothing was gonna happen and I wouldn’t be able to go at all, like how it was supposed to be from the beginning. I tried to keep my hopes low- so that I would be used to the fact and already expect nothing was gonna happen or if shit did work out, then my hopes would be risen and I would be so happy. Time went on with listening to them sound check and after a little while, they were done and the rest of the Travel Krew arrived. Brie and I were talking and I was just letting out my sad face feelings and she hugged me and the second she hugged me, I started crying and balling my eyes out. It fucking sucked ass, I just wanted to cry for the whole day. The security guards started yelling at us and told us to either go in line for the festival or to leave and go somewhere else. The rest of them were eating the pizza from earlier so we just went across the street. They ate the pizza and gave whatever they couldn’t finish to some random guy. Finally, they were making their way to the lines. Everyone was already across the street. I able to catch Jojo and I said “Ok, I think this will be the last time you’ll see me. We are just gonna figure out what to do and go back to the hotel room later to get out things and check into our own room. Thank you for everything.” I hugged her and she also reassured me and we said our goodbyes. That was the final second I saw the whole Travel Krew. But as I was walking away going to...some place, I still didn’t know what my sister and I were gonna do, Deanna was walking in my direction and she just got down getting ready. She was on her way to the lines. I was talking to her and said the same thing I said to Jojo and she said “It was amazing finally meeting you for the first time, we will bring you to your first festival, I promise!” Then we hugged and I tried so hard to not cry when we were hugging. We said our final goodbyes and she went on into the festival. I was literally pacing back and forth conflicted with what to do. My sister was giving me bullshit about the situation and it felt like everything she was saying to me was her just blaming me for how I felt, that I shouldn’t have let Yasmine get my hopes up and that I shouldn’t have expected anything. I wanted to leave so bad...leave the festival grounds, leave the city, but me being me, I was still hopeful. We decided to chill around the festival at a Starbucks in case I would get any news. We walking 6 blocks to Starbucks, I got my iced peach green tea, I sat there, and I sat there waiting for nothing. I threw in the towel and we left. While walking to the nearest station, I was getting so pissed at my sister, she was just irritating me and making me feel even worse than I already did. I was crying while walking. Shit, I was a mess. We just took the CTA back to the Travel Krew room. We grabbed our stuff and on our way out, I did that awkward goodbye in the hotel room, like literally saying goodbye to the room itself and the fun memories I had in it, despite the fact I legit stayed there for a day and night. We took the CTA to our hotel, the Sleep Inn near Midway Airport. This hotel I legit paid for myself and I just had a job since this past January and I felt old paying for it and booking it...real talk thought- I was proud of myself, yet I hated this whole “adulting” thing. We checked in and kind of chilled. I was really emo- I didn’t wanna do anything, I didn’t wanna go anywhere, I didn’t wanna see anything or anyone...I was just numb. I felt really shitty and bad for my sister because she literally flew out this day only to keep my company and occupied while everyone else I was in Chi with was at the festival. She wanted to take to see  Chicago and explore the city and go to the basic tourist spots, but I really didn’t have it in me.Krewella set was at 5:50pm and I was just waiting for time to pass. My sister took a nap and when she woke up, I was watching the Travel Krew live stream from Instagram or Periscope of Krewella playing their set at SAMF. I was still numb and all sadface at the fact that I was literally a couple miles away from the madness I was watching from my phone. Just to get my mind off all of this and for time to pass for the set to be over so I didn’t have to suffer anymore, we went out to dinner at TGI Friday’s in the lot of the hotels around our hotel. I got boneless buffalo wings because I wanted something small and I didn’t have much of an appetite. We went back to the hotel after eating. My sister got ready for bed and crashed. I was on FaceTime with Sam again and she was helping me cope through my numbness. All of a sudden, I got texts from Corinne saying “come to our hotel tn. we needa kick it w you before you leave” She wanted me to meet her and everyone at her hotel after SAMF. She gave me her hotel information, it was the Comfort Inn near O’Hare Airport. Just from basic knowledge, I knew that my hotel and her hotel were ways apart. I googled directions and uber direction and it was 40minutes away and around $40-$50 for an uber. There was no shot I was gonna be down to pay for that. I suggested that our friend, Kody, would scoop me and we would go to her hotel room together. I texted him and he got back to me saying “Fuck it, I’ll come by and get you.” He told me it was his friend who was driving and after waiting a little, Kody and his friends got me and we were on our way to their hotel. It was an interesting car ride. We got gas across the street from the hotel and of course I paid because I offered since I felt shitty about them getting me, but fuck it really. Like, when the hell will be the next time I’ll be in Chicago with krew. We got into the parking lot of the hotel and literally waited for an hour for them to arrive back from the festival. WE waited and talked and chilled in car. The guys were literally putting their legs out of the door because we were waiting for so long, so long to the point where Kody’s friend had to pee, so he peed in the parking lot right next to the car. We went up their room and we just hung out. 

Everyone was so fun. Bianca and I ate this amazing ass cake. There were multiple occasions where we had to quiet down or else we would be getting kicked out. The room was really smokey. They were passing around tequila and they made me take some and it tasted like literal ass and Corinne got a video of me taking it and dying. Lalo was calling me “Philly Cheesesteak”, which was honestly a great nickname. Corinne and I established she was my old Ate and when my sister was texting me to be back at our room at 3am, Corinne told me to text her “My other Ate told me otherwise” which was funny. They were saying “Oh my gosh! I remember when PhillyKrew made it on the scene. You are young and you have been around for a while!”, I felt very satisfied in a way. It was hella fun just hanging with them. We were taking pictures and videos and shit, but then it was time to leave. I knew I was gonna have to pay for take a fucking $40 uber at 3am alone, with probably some creepy ass guy. I asked Bianca to walk be down to the uber. I said bye to everyone and it was hella fun and nice to have hung out with them. Lalo said I was chill for a 16 year old. I hugged everyone and they said “It was so nice to finally meet you. Girl, hit us up when you are in town!” I love them! Bianca walked me down to the lobby and outside barefoot. We talked and shit and I fucking love Bianca. The uber pulled up in and Bianca peeped her head in the window and told the driver to make sure I get to my hotel okay. I hugged her and we said our goodbyes. The car was weird as fuck. I lied about literally everything trying to make myself seem older, I mainly talked about Krewella just to stall and cover shit up. I was texting Bianca the whole time. My sister was freaking the fuck out on the phone. I made it back to the room okay, I took off my makeup and just went straight to bed.

June 11th, 2017

I woke up to my sister telling me to get up and that it was 7am and we had to be in the lobby and have breakfast in time for the shuttle going to Midway Airport at around 7:40am. Our flight was at 9am from Midway to Detroit and then another flight from Detroit to Philly and we would arrive home around 2pm.

Nothing really happened much on the flights. We made both flights. I got some ending footage for my vlog. I was listening to New World on repeat and also wearing my New World shirt from the release party and my KREWLIFE crewneck. My dad got us from the airport. I got home and walked into my room, just looking around and seeing how I felt my room when I left for Chicago. I was just sitting on my bed reminiscing on the moments of happiness and excitement I experienced just a couple days ago leading up to legit one of the BEST days of my life. I was so fucking torn and depressed it was all over. I felt like I had nothing else to look forward to to be honest. Again, I was just in a whole numb situation. I was beyond grateful for and amazing and mesmerized by the trip I just had. It was a fucking dream. I’ve been waiting for this for years now and I just couldn’t believe it was over. It was like I just woke up from a dream...and you had that dream and it went by so fucking fast right in front of you and you can honestly barely remember the deep details of the dream and it felt like it happened so long ago. I was so numb. I began going through the footage I took for my vlog and it was just bad and good all at the same time. Bad because I had to force myself to look back on the amazing memories I just made and that I wanted to relive over and over again. Good because I was feeling all nostalgic and happy and grateful I was able to experience and record all of this. Then, I started editing my vlog. I edited throughout the whole night until I was brain-fried and wanted to crash. 

Now back to the present day. It has taken me literally day to fucking finish this whole story, typing it up and adding the right pictures affiliating to whatever I was writing about. I am so fucking grateful for meeting the people I met for the first time, for seeing and reuniting with the people I haven’t seen in a while, for flying safely and excitedly to literally heaven on Earth, for experiencing such an insane set by Krewella for the first time since 2014, for living in the moment and sinking into everything that was happening...just grateful for EVERYTHING. I am so amazed at this part of my life. I was able to escape my reality... my shittiest ass reality that makes me feel so damn, lost, empty, dark, lonely, etc. This reality, this real world, this real life I have...it’s the fucking worst. As much as I wanna enjoy it, I can’t and I haven’t been able to for the past 2, almost 3 years now. But, I had my KREWLIFE. This life, this fantasy, this dream is what I have to escape to, to fall back on when life is pushing me down. I am so grateful, for everything, for everyone. I can get into depths about this and get all mushy about it in another post. If you had made it this far reading this monster of a post, thank you and I will end this soon.

 It’s June 21st at 12:21am. I am listening to Parachute and I legit just felt the lyrics “We survive on the memories” and “If I could bottle up this feeling. Dancing on the ceiling. Won't sink when I need it. Don't think just believe it.” so hard...I felt the real emotion and meaning of these lyrics as I am typing this. So fucking relevant to wanting to go back to the release party and this whole trip. I can’t wait for the next time I see Krewella and krew and have a perfect trip or day or night like that again. It is all a vicious cycle when it comes to this part of the KREWLIFE- 

Wait for the next chance to see Krewella and be with the krew

Go see Krewella and krew and rage the day/night away and make some crazy, unforgettable memories

Come home from all of the perfect insanity and madness, and feel all depressed it is over and wanting to relive it all

Repeat