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snowbazcomeoneileen-blog · 7 years ago

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Game Co. Chapter 2.

The First Date

Simon

So, I was right, he doesn't have a boyfriend. And he did agree to go out with me. By the time Baz walks out of our office door I am already starting to regret the whole thing. How much time will it take for him to figure out that I suck in the relationship department? It took one night for Augustus to figure me out. And a few nights more to further prove his point. Well, at least I know one thing I am good for. Except for the part when I was apparently not good enough, even for that.

Ok, just be your miserable self and he will never go out with you again. I try to avoid Baz’s questioning stare, as if he thinks that I know how to handle this weird situation. Instead I stare aside, catching a glimpse of his postman bag. I take sharp breath in, trying to embrace the fact that I am going on a date with a man who has that thing and a classic suit on. Alcohol, I remind myself, I can always drink alcohol.

“So, where exactly are we going?” I hope Baz won’t drag me to some fancy joint where the only thing you can do is sip an expensive wine with some unpronounceable name. Because really, what other kind of place might he know.

He startles. “Just– Sorry, I have to check something out.” Baz pulls out his phone, trying to hide his embarrassment. Don’t tell me that he has to check his working email right fucking now, because I bet that is exactly what he is doing.

“Take your time.” I shrug. I don't care. If this is that kind of a date, when we are both allowed to hang nose deep in our phones, I don't really mind. As long as I can do the same. I quickly check my WoW group chat. There is this raid planned for tonight, that I definitely can’t miss. Because my asshole teammates will kill me for sure or worse they will just kick me out of our guild and then, yeah, my life will finally reach its holy forever emptiness.

An elevator arrives and we step in simultaneously. Baz bumps his shoulder awkwardly against mine and then blushes. Well, that is kind of adorable. Why do I even pay attention to that? He stands a little bit behind me like it’s any other of our elevator trips, like we are not going on a fucking date together. Which makes me wonder how often have we had the same kind of ride before. When I haven’t even noticed what he looks like, what he wears or even the fact that he is a little bit taller than me. Which is annoying, but also makes me curious if it would make kissing feel any different. And then I make my mind shut up because really.

“Found it!” Baz shouts finally and looks up. Then he blushes a bit more. “I mean I found how to get to a bar I was telling you about.”

“Ok.” I shrug once again bringing myself to stare back at my phone.

“Postman bag yes or no?” I text Penny, because I need some distraction.

“Don’t tell me you’re stuck in an elevator with Baz again.” She texts back almost immediately and I smile. Stuck and going on a date, I think to myself, but since I don't wanna be killed by Penny through the mobile phone, I decide to keep that information to myself as for now. Yes, she has that power.

We get to the first floor and I walk out from an elevator. This time deliberately avoiding bumping into Baz. Or maybe it's him avoiding bumping into me. I can probably ask him what kind of music he is into. Or what he likes. And I would if it was somebody else. But I doubt he cares about music that much. At least, I’ve never seen him wearing any earphones. I doubt if he cares about anything at all, except for his stupid job and his fucking posh car. Which are two topics I have zero interest in whatsoever.

“I can give us a ride in my car.” He almost reads my mind and I suddenly feel irritated. Dude, chill out, we all know about your fucking BMW.

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.” I hear my voice that sounds too angry. “We are going for a drink. Which means alcohol. Which means no car.”

“Ok.” Baz agrees in a soft voice and I immediately feel ashamed for my behaviour. I really should be nicer to him. It’s not his fault that he is, well, him.

Ok, let’s try from the other angle. He does work at the games industry, right?

“Do you play any computer games?” I try to ask as friendly as I can.

“Sorry, no.” Baz says. “I came here from the book publishing business.” He adds as if he is trying to justify himself. Oh, ok.

“Never mind.” I shrug. “I will call us a cab then.” Which gives me a perfect excuse to stare back at my phone again, while Baz stays silently near me on a windy parking lot. It’s so painfully obvious that we have absolutely nothing to say to each other and I wonder why did he even agree to go out with me. I am obviously not his type. I am not a cardigan guy. And I never will be. I don't have fancy clothes, a fancy apartment or a fancy car. I don't care about the things that Baz obviously cares about, like his job and being successful and owning things. In other words, I am a mess. All I have are my computer games and my manga obsession, and none of them count towards something a grown-up should even care about.

So maybe my psychotherapist was right and I need to change something. But it definitely wasn't why I went to him in the first place. The sad truth was that I felt kind of empty since Augustus left me, even though I knew that our relationship was mainly a relationship in my head and not in reality. The worst part was that deep down, I was ready to forgive Augustus his one night stand with the other guy, if only he was willing to come back to me; which of course he wasn’t. And this is what I hoped to talk about, instead, we ended up discussing the lack of grownup responsibility in my life, and thank you very much, it’s not something you wanna hear, when you just came over to talk about your fucking breakup and the fact that you miss your boyfriend, even if he really never was one.

You will hurt everyone around you. That what my shrink said. I give Baz a quick look, but he is so silent and awkward that I immediately look back at my phone. Well, this evening will be fun. Simon Snow and his phone, making terrible dates bearable since forever.

Baz

We walk inside and I give the place a quick look. Fuck . It's a sports bar. I can’t believe that I dragged Snow to a fucking sports bar for a first date. Idiot . Apparently, I suck at searching bars while being on intensive rides in elevator cabins with my crush. While having Snow stuck by my side in two by two meters closed space. While being so pumped up about it that I couldn't concentrate on fucking anything.

Snow hangs near the entrance, hands deep in his pockets, giving the place a suspicious look “Are you into sports?” He asks finally with surprise.

It's too late to back up now. “Well, kind of.” I say picking up a table as far from the TV with a football broadcasting as possible. “And you?”

“I am.” Snow nods and grins at me. “Mostly Quidditch.”

I frown. “Is that a pop-culture reference?”

“Kind of.” Snow just shrugs (he shrugs a lot). “So, who is playing?” He asks without any interest whatsoever and pulls out his phone once again.

“Manchester against … somebody. ” I desperately try to read the screen, blaming myself for leaving my glasses at the office. But Snow just nods, not even bothered to look up.

“Oh, great.” He says and then snorts from something that he sees on his phone’s screen.

I look around trying to not concentrate on the fact that I am sitting at the same table with Simon Snow. Alone. And I am desperately out of words again. Except for a brief exchange about my sport preferences earlier we haven't said a lot to each other. That is how entertaining I am. If he stands up and walks away right now, I won't even blame him. At least the bar is half empty and not exactly the place some of our co-workers will ever choose to hang out. Which means that Snow won’t freak out about running into somebody. Because who would be thrilled to be seen with me.

Once again, I try to come up with something witty to say. “Well, our project sucks lately, doesn't it?” No, not that. I see that Snow visibly shudder, then frowns, then puts his phone down.

“Please, let’s not talk about work.” He says narrowing his eyes. As if pretending that there is something else between us, except our project, is an option.

Fortunately, a waiter comes to our table, saving my ass. Snow looks at him with a visible relief. “Hi, my name is Ben. I will be your waiter tonight.” I give Ben a hateful look. I bet Snow would rather spend the evening with this guy than with me. I wish I was smart enough to pick up bar with uglier service.

Of course, Snow gives him a smile. At least Snow flirting with everybody else besides me is something I am used to. “Ben, bring us two shots and two beers. And please bring it quick.” He says and as Ben goes away, I try to remember anything, just anything that I know about Snow that can keep our conversation going.

“Do you like manga?” I ask remembering the pile of manga books that usually lay on his table. Snow looks at me with surprise.

“I do actually. How did you know that?” Because I am stalking your desk daily. “Do you like it too?”

I wish I could say “Yes”. I bet even Ben loves manga. “Not really.”

“Yeah, I know, it's stupid to read manga.” Snow mumbles. “I am too old for that. You just read one and then you hate yourself, and then you end up re-reading it and you hate yourself even more. As I said, it's stupid.” He sighs.

“It’s not stupid. It’s kind of cool actually.” I say, wishing I could squeeze his hand right now or let him know any other way that actually anything he might do seems cool to me.

His face lights up. “Really? If you want I can lend you some.”

“Thanks.” I nod and flush a little bit. “It would be nice.”

“So, what sports do you like?” Snow asks in the careful voice and I almost say None before remembering my white lie.

“Anything.” I clear my throat. “Football, tennis, basketball-” I get stuck in the middle trying to remember what other sports there might be. “You name it.” Smooth Baz, really smooth.

“So, you're into sports and I am into manga and WoW. Great.” Snow rolls his eyes in his slightly annoying manner and I almost turn around to see if maybe Bunce is somewhere near.

“WoW like in World of Warcraft?” I frown trying to remember what this game is about. Some multiplayer online role game. “Do people still play that?” I say before I can make myself shut up.

“Do people still watch sports?” Snow snaps back, but then just shrugs obviously losing interest on the topic, pulling his phone back.

Ben comes with our drinks and Snow immediately gives him a smile once again. A hot one. A sun shining all over this shitty bar one. And while I die inside, he just casually drinks his shot with one sharp move.

“Wow.” Ben says at that and gives me a look from tip to toes. Bet, he is thinking how could I even pick up someone as handsome as Snow. I wonder that myself. “Another one?” He says with a wink.

“Yes, please.” Snow nods enthusiastically, already starting his beer. I give him a worried look. He probably needs something to eat with that.

“Can we have some fries please?” I say and Ben nods before walking away.

“You know, I have this bet with Penny about you.” Snow’s face is a bit flushed after alcohol. “We bet on how long you will wear the same white shirt to the office. And as far as know I am winning. Because I said forever.”

I feel my whole face going on fire. “It's not the same one.” I protest furiously, but at least Simon is laughing. And he is not looking at his phone anymore.

“Prove it. Wear something else. This will win me twenty for sure.”

“Only if we are splitting the profit.”

“Oh, now we are talking.” Snow grins and continues drinking his beer, while I helplessly look at my shot. “You know, you have to drink it eventually.” He pushes my drink closer in my direction, but when I reach for it he pulls the glass away.

“Change of plans. Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. You will drink and then you should answer it as fast as you can. Don’t think too much.”

I nod. Snow considers a question for a while. “You are a long-term relationship kind of guy, aren't you?” He puts a drink back in front of me and shoots me a quick look. I look at him startled, but Snow just points with his eyes at my drink. I quickly take a shot and while the hot wave goes over my stomach I start to panic. What kind of question is that. And then. Am I that obvious. And then. Yes, I would like that. With you.

“Yes.” I say, trying not to look down.

“That's what I thought.” He takes his beer and makes a few large gulps. Fuck. What if I shouldn't say that. Who admits such stupid things nowadays.

Ben saves my ass once again, bringing Snow’s second shot and fries.

“Wait.” I pull his drink away. “It's my turn. I ask, you drink.”

“Oh.” Snow looks at me with surprise. “Ok.”

It's not really hard to come up with a question, as I’ve had one on the tip of my tongue this whole evening. “Did you ask me out tonight just to get back at your boyfriend?” I say and push him his drink back. Snow grabs it and once again drinks it in one quick move.

“If you mean the guy, who cheated on me with the first cute mouth he could get on his dick, then no. We are not together anymore.” Wow. I look at his sad face and that very moment I wanna kill his ex. I wanna kill everyone who ever hurt him. “I asked you out because you are cute.” He adds quickly, but I just raise my eyebrow. I know for a fact that it's a lie. I might be cute enough to get a drunk one night stand from time to time, but definitely not as cute as one of Snow’s boyfriends should be. Not as cute as his ex. Who turned out to be a cheating bastard and I hate him, but anyway.

“Eat this.” I push him the fries. “You are obviously drunk if you think that way.” Snow doesn’t pay attention to is food, instead he just finishes his beer. After he puts the empty glass down, I see that he is all messed up. His face looks sad and without looking at me he just reaches for his phone. Again. Oh, no.

What an idiot I was, thinking that this evening might turn out to be a fucking Cinderella story. Because here I am still pathetic and desperate not even able to keep up a conversation. No wonder that Snow stares at his phone all the time. It's hopeless, unless …

Unless it’s about sex. Snow obviously misses his ex and even if it's not about getting back at him, as he said, it might be about getting even. I take a sharp breath in. Can I turn this evening around if I ask him over? Is it possible that he will be interested in me at least in that way? I tense my grip around my beer glass. If it's about a one night stand, I can totally do it. It doesn't matter that I wanted Snow since forever. Because that’s what normal people do. They go to a bar and they fuck.

The uncomfortable tension crawls over my spine. I imaging inviting Snow over. I imagine Snow in my apartment, in my bed. I imagine touching him, kissing him. And then I imaging a different kind of universe where I am actually good at that, where I have at least one chance compared to all of his perfect exes.

“Snow.” I say with a dry mouth. “Do you wanna come over?”

The question hangs in the air and I almost can see with every passing minute of silence how it becomes more and more transparent. Till it’s almost invisible and I consider how exactly embarrassing it would be to repeat my invitation once again.

“Sorry.” Snow says quickly, not looking at me. “I have a WoW raid tonight.”

It feels it like a kick in my guts. What the fuck. What does that even mean? Is this even a thing that people use as an excuse nowadays?

“Speaking of that. I really should be going.” Avoiding my eyes, Snow reaches for his pocket and pulls out a twenty, leaving in under his empty beer glass. “See you at the office tomorrow.” He quickly stands up and almost runs to the exit. Except that half-way he turns just to wave his hand to the waiter and give him one last smile. And then he is gone.

I stare at my almost full beer glass, hearing only my heart pounding. “Great game tonight, huh?” Ben comes over and points at the TV screen. God, he is cute. I wish I could be brave enough to talk to him or to ask for his number, but what the point anyway, he is not Snow.

“I hate sports.” I say almost kicking the table. “And I do know what quidditch is.”

“Man, relax. Everybody knows what quidditch is.” Ben grabs empty glasses “It’s from fucking Harry Potter.”

Exactly. I stay at the table just a little bit more, finishing my beer, trying to watch TV, but mostly giving Snow a time to call up a taxi and get the fuck away from here. Because I really don’t wanna to bump into him on the way out. Or in the office tomorrow. Or ever.

An hour later, I turn on the light in my empty apartment and stare at the wall in front of me. It’s a good thing that he ran away, I remind myself. At least I haven't had a chance to embarrass myself completely. Bet I would be too anxious to touch or kiss him properly anyway.

As I take off my jacket and my shirt, the one that Snow apparently hates so much, I look around and try to imagine my apartment the way he might see it, if my stupid plan to drag him to my place for some kind of an intimate intercourse would work out. He definitely would see the same things that he usually sees when he looks at me. Nothing interesting, just boring empty walls and flat clean surfaces. Yet, I can’t stop wondering if he ever would sit on my couch, or drink my coffee or talk to me the way that he talks to people he actually cares about.

I wonder what his place does look like, bet it’s something awesome. Rainbows and happiness all over the place. Stop it. You will never see it. Just get used to the thought that it was your first and last time together.

I wish I wouldn't have face him tomorrow though. Should I just pretend that the whole evening never happened? Because he obviously would. It’s not like this night changed anything. Except for the part when I invited him over and he said no. Oh God, I would have to quit. At least in that case I won't have to finish this fucking report. Speaking about a funny night ahead.

I look at my watch, it’s almost midnight. With a sigh, I open my laptop and make myself stare at the document. I work for a few hours until I am too exhausted to think about Snow, to think about anything. I put my head down on my arms and fall asleep in the most pathetic way ever, right on the table near my opened laptop, with the report that of course I haven’t even managed to finish.

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