#entered a state where i wasnt super super happy with how she looks but am tired of fiddling

[microwave-core]

why she urple

[heyitsyn]

Complicated

Shirabu x Reader

a/n: im not very familiar with shirabu on a spiritual level like i am w the other characters but ill try my best!! 

request:  okok haikyuu hcs: shirabu is reader’s childhood best friend and messed up their last game in middle school because he changed his setting style to accommodate ushijima,,, and reader, as the manager is very very pissed and they get into a huge fight,,, so once they get to stz they’re academic rivals, reader became the vbc manager just to spite him (oh yea they definitely still have crushes on each other but it’s hard with the current situation) only if it’s ok!! not a lot of ppl write for him :

this is kinda the best friends-to-rivals-to-friends again-to-lovers

requests open!!

lets get our inhalers bc this finna be a wild one luvs

so, basically,

you and him were actually childhood friends since he lived next door to you

lets say you met when you were 5 and you just stuck on to this slightly cold and dismissive boy who was the shy type

idk bout you but i actually like that type

ppl dont really understand how yall got along bc you were the extrovert and the laughing type of girl

he only stuck around bc you were actually a smart person who helped him occassionally w your organized notes

but he still appreciates your time and efforts to be his friend despite his personality

plus, you also liked volleyball and together you both would watch volleyball matches in his house where you would see him with a smile that he unconsciously wears

like when yall were 8, you gave him a volleyball for his birthday since he lost his old one when he was playing by the river

at first, he was like, ‘oh, thanks, i needed this’

but then as he started tossing it up and down, you could see that bashful smile starting to surface

you shrieked, 

bc you rarely see it and you think its super cute,

and just wrap him up in a hug and he turns all shy again but with a soft smile and a soft blush

‘thanks, n/n-chan’

uh oh, feelings

stinky

since he mainly focused on doing homework or studying, not a whole lot of kids really approached him to hang out since they thought he only lived to study and play volleyball

but you didnt care bc youve been friends w this bun for a long time and you know hes not really like that

he has fun moments too

since you were the manager of the volleyball team, you always try to showcase how fun he was by trying to take the team to bonding places 

the team does think that shirabu has fun but only if its w you

anyways

one afternoon, you naturally just go to his house w him since your mothers know youre practically best friends and so you basically live in each others houses

yall were about halfway through middle school so shirabu has been studying more to get scholarships for schools

he was studying on the little table while leaning against his bed while you were just lounging on his bed after studying

‘ken-channnnn’

oikawa 2.0

‘hm’

you pouted at the distracted reply before sitting up and wrapping your arms around his shoulder from behind him and placing your chin on his shoulder

‘lets do something fun!!!! im boredddd’

he wasnt really fazed by the skinship bc youve been like that to him since day 1

but thats going to change soon

‘i have a new sudoku book over there that you could do’

omg what

‘ken-chan!’

you shrieked in betrayal before leaping off the bed and grabbing his arm to stand him up

shirabu was actually annoyed that you were distracting his studying but seeing a wide grin on your face made him double stop

am i,,,, catching feelings?

nah, he just going through puberty

‘lets go to the fall market! yuki-chan told me theres a new food place that opened and theyre handing out free samples!’

you excitedly told him and continued shaking his arm to persuade him in going

‘n/n-chan, this is my only free day from volleyball to study. i need to pass the test on friday’

you rolled your eyes at that lame excuse

‘i know. i set up the schedule differently bc you have a big test on friday! but you would still have time to study!’

‘but im still unfamilair with the topic-’

‘cmon, ken-chan! youre so smart you could rival buddha!’

‘i dont think,,,,, thats a right comparison’

‘either way, we’re going to hang out and have fun!’

he honestly didnt know why he was at this crowded market w you

shirabu is a whole simp

‘omg ken-chan! look! takoyaki!’

you dragged him to the stall and the nice old lady smiled before taking your order

‘1 box please. ken-chan, you want?’

he shook his head no and started taking out his wallet to pay

but you stopped him

‘no, you dont have to pay since youre not eating’

‘but i want to’

‘ken-chan! you need to save up for college!’

‘no its fine im pay-’

‘here ya go, dear. free of charge’

you both stopped at the nice lady’s sentence

‘b-but’

‘no it’s okay. its cute to find a boy who’s willing to pay for his girl since that doesnt really happen nowadays. i hope you have a great rest of your date!’

‘it’s not a da-’

‘thank you, maam’

shirabu takes the box and leads you out of there

you smirk and poke his tummy

‘you want to go on a date with me, ken-chan~?’

he turns red and looks away

‘no. it wouldve taken longer to fully explain the situation so just go along with it to make it faster’

you giggled

‘hm sounds fake but okay’

you both continue to walk around the market and even buy a few things like a mini buddha statue or a pair of cat ears for both of you

with everything you bought, shirabu payed with it all

you were pouting as you walked and he noticed so he nudged you with his elbow

‘oi, what’s wrong?’

you crossed your arms

‘hm.. i dont like that ken-chan is buying and spending money for me on things that symbolize our fun. i want to give ken-chan something to remember this day too!’

shirabu grows flustered but hes really confused

youve always been a thoughtful person who tries to be independent but unconsciously ends up depending on others like him

but your thoughts of wanting to do something in return for him just sounds like heaven right now

lmao what a simp

he looks around for a place that could have something that sparked his interest but nothing caught his eye

until he caught a photo booth by the corner

‘oi, n/n-chan, let’s go there’

you followed his finger and you gasped

‘thats perfect, ken-chan! let’s go!’

you drag him to the booth and you giddily enter the coins for the machine to start

but he was starting to think this wasnt a good idea

he was in a cramp space with you pressed against him

but youve always been glomped to his side since yall were kids so what was the difference now?

bc you catching feelings, fool!

‘ken-chan! its starting!’

he finally snaps out of his flustered state and he raises a peace sign with a smile

with all the pictures, there were funny pictures of you and him,

well mainly you

but he was happy to have them w you

‘ken-chan, you know i love you, but when will you fix your hair?’

he glared at you

‘i like it so its staying that way’

you giggled at his attitude

‘okay, ken-chan. at least it would make you stand out in the crowd so i dont have to look for you!’

you hugged his waist and he froze up, suddenly feeling awkward with this familiar position

its okay, shes naturally like this so calm down

dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry

after your hang out, he didnt even bother going back to studying

he just laid on his bed, looking at the strip of pictures with a fond smile

he was happy that you only showed that true, bright, happy grin to him

it was only for him

and he only showed his to you

bc you were you and you were the greatest thing, next to his parents, that he has in his life

omg that thought

he freezes and the picture falls on his face at that realization

omg, does he like you?

youre a great friend and his best friend and he wants to be your friend forever

but then, he realizes

youd separate one day and youd have a boyfriend and get married and have a family without him

no, he wasnt going to let that happen

he didnt like that thought

and thus, began his crush for you

and you were the same thing too but you noticed it later than him

oof, when this one girl confessed to him at the back of the school, you cried to him when yall got home

‘when ken-chan has a girlfriend, he wont hang out with me anymore! hes not going to be my friend anymore!’

it took some reassurance from him and more from your mom, when you got home, to realize that you liked your best friend

and thus began the skinny love stage

the whole volley team knew of your pining and tbh, they thought yall were dating but you were just like, nah, we friends

if anyone were to look at you, they would think the same thing

but ofc, yall are insecure hormonal teenagers who think that the other doesnt like them and if they confess, they would be rejected and that would ruin their friendship and they would not be friends anymore and they dont think they could handle that so its better to keep the feelings hidden and remain friends bc if theyre happy, theyre happy

oml my entire love life

this continued on until the last year of middle school

bc not only do you suddenly stop being friends, you became rivals

so as volleyball manager, you helped the team with whatever they needed in return of them doing their absolute best and winning the game

the last game of the year, you were slightly confused at the way shirabu was playing bc it wasnt the normal way he sets

before, his sets were so good that he could give it to any player and they would spike perfectly

but now, it was so different due to the simple, almost lazy, and very high tosses

the team was slightly irritated bc they couldnt keep up with the high tosses so they couldnt hit it

in between the sets, during break, you pulled him aside as you wiped off his sweat

‘ken-chan, youre not setting properly to the others. theyre getting angry because it doesnt allow them to spike right.’

he glares at you, with almost manic eyes

‘its their fault for not being able to jump high enough. in order to get a point, the ace must get a high toss to aim a quick spike’

‘but theyre not able to jump that high, ken-chan!’

you whispered, worried that he was going too intense and they would lose the game

all the hard-work the others put in, all to waste

‘i dont care. i must start early and change early so ushijima could hit my sets in the future’

‘but they’re not ushijima, kenjiro!’

you whisper-yelled

‘right now, theres no ushijima, no oikawa, its just you and the team. your team’

he was shook that you used his first name and the way you were actually telling him off

youve never been like that before

but he was blinded by his goal in the future

‘why is he our ace if he couldnt even hit tosses meant for an ace?’

‘because hes not the ace you’re hoping him to be!’

‘kenjiro, listen to me, these boys have worked their asses off for years to even come close to playing against seijoh or shiratorizawa. im going to do everything i can to make that happen and im not going to let them lose just bc you are too busy focusing on the future rather than the present’

with the way he looked at you, you really thought he would listen to you and play the way his team needs him to play

but no, he played the way he thought ushijima needed him to play

in the end, due to the foreign and unfamiliar tosses, they were unable to hit as much points causing them to lose

you could never forget the looks on your fellow classmates, who were also going to graduate this year, as they watched the ball that shirabu tossed, hit the floor right next to them

to say you were pissed was an understatement

you were F U R I O U S ™

you held the hands of the first years as they were devastated at their first loss

but you caught the eye of your ‘friend’ and he was biting his lip in irritation and anger

as your team was walking to their locker room to get changed, you pulled shirabu aside

‘what the hell’

he stared at you

‘we lost. we lost bc they couldnt keep up’

‘kenjiro! are you not listening to yourself?! you lost because you couldnt accept the fact that your teammates arent ushijima wakatoshi! you couldnt accept the fact that they’re not tall enough! strong enough! ace-like enough! and for what?! for the future?! the future where you’re going to set for someone like ushijima?!’

‘i vowed to set for a player like him, y/n! i want to toss a ball to someone as powerful and as talented as him! thats a promise i intend to keep’

you were dumbfounded 

he was acting on his own reasons and selfish intent, even costing them a game, for his preparation in the future

‘i cannot believe you right now. i didnt know you were so selfish, shirabu. of all the years i knew you, you were never like this. so what changed?’

at the almost betrayed look on your face hurt him bc weren’t you always there to help him? to support him? wasnt that the reason you became a manager in the first place? 

‘you dont understand, y/n. i need to change the way i play now because it will greatly benefit me in the future’

honestly, you didnt even know why you were so angry about this

sure, it was volleyball and it was just a game

you had high school to win it again

but maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t being the shirabu you knew

the ken-chan you grew up with and harbored feelings for for years

he was turning to someone that worked not for himself, but for some guy he has never even spoken to

you blinked away the tears and looked off the side, away from his face

‘right. the future. yanno, if youre already like this, i dread to think about how you would act once you get that goal of yours. but i know one thing. im not going to be there to see it happen’

god that last sentence

he felt a piece of his world crumble bc were you saying goodbye? were you leaving him?

‘i cant see you torture yourself into changing into a new person, kenjiro. so good luck finding someone who can’

‘oh yea? well, i dont need you! i’ll be perfectly fine on my own and find someone better than you! youre easily replacable!’

that was a big booboo love

that fight costed him more than a decade of friendship and a few years of love

despite living so closely together, you refused to even acknowledge him and when your parents got together, you’d find some way to be out ofthe house or you’d lock yourself in your room

he tried many times to get to you and even cried to you, begging to not leave him

but you willed strong and you left him alone

omg she handled this so bad and i cant w puberting teenagers

eventually, he got tired of chasing you and was now angry at you for picking a team of people youve only met for a few years over him who’s been there for you since you were 5

he was betrayed, cold, and sad

however,

without each other to be there, you both studied even harder and eventually, you were both able to get into shiratorizawa

initially, you wanted nothing to do w that school since you knew kenjiro was going to be in it and that bastard ushijima wakatoshi was too

um,,, babygurl ushi did nothing to you

but your mother really wanted you to go to a nice school since she wanted you to go to a nice college

since yall werent friends anymore, he didnt know you wouldn’t be in shiratorizawa

so imagine his surprise when he saw you entering his class with the girls uniform on and a completely new hairstyle and hair color and were you wearing makeup?!

lmao she acting like they broke up

anyways, all he knows, is that boys were already looking at you and vying for attention and dear god, he didnt know how to handle that

for the first month of school, youd think you would just be ignoring each other like you did back in middle school

but nope!

somehow, yall were now talking again!

except it was a mean type of talking

you see, shirabu studied as much as he breathed and you were just a naturally smart sister who didnt study as much

but you still were able to make it to the top and currently, you were the 1st in your entire class

‘ara ara? 1st again? better luck next time, shirabu-kun~’

he glared at you from his seat as you passed by with a smug grin

this fueding is giving me vertigo

‘shut up. at least some of us work for our grades’

that was so weak lmao

but you turned around to blink your eyelashes, slightly mocking him

‘eh? are you saying that i’m naturally gifted? yanno, shirabu-kun, naturally gifted people are much better than those who have to work for it. you play with ushijima-senpai, right? so you’d know the difference between you two.’

bringing up ushijima always pained him but he kept repeating it to himself that he was doing it so that he could go to nationals

sensing his silence as defeat, you waved your hand and went back to conversing w your other friends

this continued on again for a while and he was already sick and tired of it

not only was it beginning to get annoying, it was beginning to hurt

he cornered you at your locker

aaaaa kabedon!!!!!!!

‘listen to me and listen well, y/n’

yessir im listening

‘whatever the hell youre doing, cut it out. youre not going to rile me up anymore and im not going to give you the reactions you want. i dont understand why youre doing this to me but you need to stop before i make you’

ohgodyessir

ngl, that tone of his voice was the lowest youve heard and it made you so red bc that was just hot

but you gulped before grinning wolfishly, hand pressed against his chest and the other snaking around his neck

you pulled him down to your level so you could lean close to his ear

‘now you listen to me and listen well, ken-chan, youre not my best friend anymore so you can no longer tell me what to do, kay?’

shirabu was just flustered at the close proximity between your lips and his ears that he completely missed your warning

he only snapped out of it when you walked away, heading towards your next class

you sat in class that day, wondering how to tease him more

clearly, just words wouldnt make him irritated

gurl why you doing this

and you were stumped until you saw a red-haired looking guy accompanied by a gray-haired looking guy coming up to you

ofc you recognized them from the volley team since you’ve,,,,,,maybe seen a few practices

you thought theyd just pass by but they stopped in front of you and you looked up w wide eyes

‘can,,,, i help you?’

‘wow shes cute!’

the red head shouted and you shrunk under the gazes of these tall men

‘sorry about him. im semi eita, second year’

you shook his hand and you introduced yourself before soon finding out this other guy was tendo satori

‘so what do you need me for?’

‘you see, we’re kinda in need of a manager. and i think its better to have a manager who is close to a player in the team. i apologize to say this but i saw you and shirabu-san by the lockers the other day and i think its best to have his girlfriend as our manager’

‘g-girlfriend?!’

you shrieked, shocked that they thought you were

at this mention, you got a flashback from the festival and you soon turned bright red at the label of you being kenjiro’s girlfriend

‘and youre so cute y/n-chan! i can see what our darling kouhai sees in you!’

‘no, you got it all wrong its-’

then you stopped

omg this was the perfect opportunity

no gurl stop jesus take the wheel

shirabu would hate it if you were a manager bc that would give you more room to tease him

holy

then you smiled

‘i accept, senpais. i want to see my baby in action after all’

they were ecstatic since it was a hassle to find a manager who wasnt infatuated w ushijima

you exchanged contacts and soon, you were brought to meet the team

oh boy when kenjiro saw you at the door, he dropped the ball on his head

what in the hell were you doing here

‘guys, this is our new manager!’

you peeked out from tendo and waved at them

‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, first year. and im glad to be your manager’

noticing shirabu’s shocked form, tendo and semi shared a look and interpreted as, hes so happy that his senpais chose his girlfriend for him so now he could show off and play better and that could hopefully turn his attitude to be more grateful and respectful rather than this dismissive and disrespectful behavior

but shirabu was dying inside

oh god, youre totally going to tease him during practice and hes not going to be at his best and hes not going to be able to prove himself to ushijima

‘oi! shirabu-kun! come be grateful to your senpais for letting your darling girlfriend as our manager!’

‘hey baby!’

omg, what

again, you have a loud and expressive personality so you were kinda shameless so you just ran up and hugged him

aaaaa this is so embarassing wth

‘didnt you miss me? oh, youre so cute!’

god, he knows youre only here to spite him

right on point, good sir

ugh you were practically teasing him as the manager and you were having so much fun making him all flustered

but he was also spiteful 

sometimes, he would stick his foot out whenever youd run towards a player and hed laugh at you embarassing yourself in front of them

youd return the favor by accidentally throwing his water bottle at his face

‘oh, gomen, ken-chan’

the entire time, the team was baffled to see the usual stoic and dismissive shirabu so freely laughing and actually teasing you

they think its just for good fun and not the aim of hurting each other since yall are dating and youre just flirting

combined w being academic rivals and now rivals during the team, you both were unintentionally becoming close again

the brutality was slowly simmering to a low heat

and turn the over on at 350 degrees

now, it was just to make each other flustered

the crush that you thought was gone, was slowly digging itself out like the zombies in plants vs zombies

and my god you were annoyed

from now on, you were nothing but rivals and a parasite on his side

him feeling the same

dating would cause too much and the hurtful words would eventually come back up and you concluded that you were just too different

you didnt conclude shit

one time, the team was walking from practice to a nearby convenience store to pick up food

ofc you were picking out a billion foods and you just shoved them all to his arms

‘my darling boyfriend would pay for it because he loves me. ya know what they say, make his pockets hurt’

he glared at you 

‘as far as i remember, i wasnt dating a pig’

ngl, that hurt a little bc hes calling you a fattie

but he still went up to pay for it and you intentionally bumped him with your hips to annoy him but it caused him to drop his wallet to fall

and out came his money and that picture

the picture from nearly 3 years ago

you bent down to pick it up before he could even move 

god, yall were so happy and young back then

it was awkward silent since you didnt give it back and yall walked out of the store and the team was sensing the weird vibe around you two

‘oi, what happened? its so tense!’

‘did you fight?’

‘did you get caught making out by the aisles?’

‘ong shut up, kai!’

yall kai is a third year senpai that i completely made up since we dont get insight on the senpais before ushijima

but the team noticed the weird aura around you two and decided to walk away to give yall some space

‘can-will you hand it over now?’

shirabu mumbled

you nodded and pushed it in his hands

‘why,,,, why do you still have it?’

‘you gave it to me. of course id still have it’

you were silent before coughing

‘can we talk?’

‘its about time we do’

yall walked away from the team towards your home but were taking weird turns and corners to prolong the walk

you looked up to see him and you laughed

‘this is ridiculous. its not fair’

‘what are you talking about?’

he whispered

‘i was so angry at you for saying that you dont need me and that you could easily find someone better because i knew that and i didnt like it. but i was so hurt that it came from your mouth. out of everyone, i would rather die than hear you say that to me. i think thats why ive been like this. i dont know, im being stupid. i was being stupid.’

he stopped walking and clenched his fist while glaring at the ground

‘you told me you were going to leave me. you were telling me that you wouldnt be friends with me anymore. i had to choose between you or volleyball and i wasnt at the right state of mind at that time so i chose incorrectly’

you noticed him not beside you anymore so you went behind him to rest your forehead on his back so he would see you since he preferred to be honest while not looking at you

‘ken-chan, we messed up big time, didnt we?’

his body shook as he laughed

‘i guess we did’

‘it was only over a game. i was so mean and dramatic and ive called you names and said bad stuff about you and im sorry’

‘im not innocent either. i said those words to you and im sorry’

despite slightly making up now, you both knew those feelings would have to wait because you were only getting each other back

‘can we start over, ken-chan?’

‘you want to?’

‘yes’

‘then we will’

omg the whiplash this is giving me

so yall are finally becoming friends and your families are relieved yall made up again bc wowza those dinners were torturous

‘now that they made up, we can go back to planning their wedding’

‘MOM NO!’

slowly but surely, everything has been going steady and your friendship was getting better

but you didnt admit to the club about everything bc again, shirabu was like, ‘i dont feel like explaining everything’

you both still kept a rivalry but it was friendly this time with cute wagers like treat me to milk bread or banana milk

tOOrU oIKaWA’s fAvoRiTE fOod iS MiLK bREaD

he came over often and studied w you and yall would end up actually just watching a movie or watching brain games, unconsciously cuddled up on the couch

however,

this new closeness was doing damage to your heart bc you were again reminded of how much you liked this boy

initially, you thought it would just go away and never be seen again but it said

sIKe biH!

every time you saw him, youd unconsciously sweep away a stray hair and fix it to his weird crooked style

but whenever you do that, shirabu would get a close view of your face and omg you were freaking beautiful

and thats saying something from a guy who saw you through your awkward phase

hes unconsciously touching you more and showing more affection, even more than when yall were young

just being w you was emotionally exhausting as he holds himself back from doing drastic things but he was over it

he was done with all the years of pining for you so finally found the balls to do something about it

you were over at his place to study for exams and he was coming back up with juice

you were slumped over your calculus textbook with your hair in a bun and glasses on wearing his clothes

god theyre practically dating already

‘ken-chan, come help me with this’

he nods and goes to sit behind you

with his tall height, he was able to look over your shoulder and place his chin on it and tbh, you were so frustrated w the problem you didnt care about the closeness

‘you misplaced a decimal so everything got all wrong’

he mumbled

you gasped and made a noise of agreement before changing your answer

he didnt move though, instead wrapping his arms around yourwaist

‘oi, n/n’

‘hm’

this is a familiar scene

‘wanna go to the market tomorrow?’

at the mention of the market you stopped and leaned back

oh god your heart leapt at the feeling of his chest behind you but you composed quickly

‘should we?’

you turned to gauge his reaction at your closeness but he gently smiled

‘yea’

‘okay’

you havent been back to the market together since that day and it was so nostalgic as you both did the things you did back then

from the takoyaki to the stalls

it was so fun

but your heart was beating so fast

his smiling face and thoroughly enjoyed face was doing palpations in your heart

you looked away to stop staring at him and found the photo booth

‘look, ken-chan! the photo booth!’

he chuckled at the thought

‘should we go get another one?’

‘yes! come on!’

you quickly inserted the money and shirabu had flashbacks

but this time it was going to be different

‘okay lets start!’

the first picture, it was a peace sign

the second one was a wacky one

but the next one, was different

‘oi y/n’

‘what?’

the shutter went off just in time of him kissing you

the bright light caused you to close your eyes and you soon forgot what was happening

all you knew you were kissing ken-chan

your best friend

turned enemy

turned friend again

and now,,, were you lovers?

this rollercoaster is quite loopy

he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours

‘im sorry if-’

‘no balls, do it again’

and this time you lunged back for another

and again, this time, not only did you give him another photo, but you also gave him your heart

la fin.

yall what did i just write

[stateofgrace-acoustic]

Taylor and Me

with reputation out and me loving it so much, i keep getting really nostalgic and astonished by how long i’ve been a fan of taylor’s and al the things she has accompanied me through. so i felt like posting a little reflection thing, feel free to ignore totally :D

like a lot of people Love Story was the first song of hers I heard. i was on the bus home with one of my friends and she let me listen to it. i was so young back then, oh my god. (like 12?) i think i found it catchy, but didn’t think much about it afterwards until two people had a presentation on taylor in music class. (we were all supposed to introduce our favorite artists). they played some more songs from fearless, and i can’t recall exactly what my reaction was but i know i wanted the album. i asked the presentation people if i could borrow it, and i remember looking through the booklet thinking how beautiful it was. i think even back then when i was so young i sort of intuitively understood what an amazing songwriter taylor was and how much work and effort she puts into everything she does.

fearless was for me very much an escapism record. i listened to it to enter this realm of magic and fairytales and dancing in the rain that was so far away from my everyday life and issues. i could never really apply her love songs to my life in a direct way, but i still felt like they were relatable for me, in a more abstract way - the feeling that came with them, a sort of freedom and passion, was how i felt in my happiest moments, when i didn’t feel inhibited by fear and doubt as i often did. and her nostalgic and sad moments i could relate to my own nostalgia as well. 

my mom bought me the fanbook for christmas, and that’s when i started being interested in taylor as a person as well., and how she sort of became my role model. i read about her childhood and the way she tried to achieve her dream so hard until she succeeeded. about how she wasn’t afraid to put herself out there, to open herself up completely in her songs. i admired how she put kindness above all else, how in touch she was with her fans, but also how intelligent she was and how all of her decisions in her career were her own, how she didn’t let anyone else take control over what her life or ‘image’ to the public should be. all of those things and values i took to heart and tried to live them in my own life as much as possible. looking back now i couldn’t be happier with my choice of a role model. taylor helped guide me through some years that were difficult, as they are for pretty much every teenager i guess. ‘fearless is living in spite of the things that scare you to death’ was the motto i needed so much in my life, because i was very much defined and trapped by my fears in my teenage years - of social interaction, of taking risks, of failure.. taylor’s music was something i could always turn back to to give me strength.

i remember when speak now was announced, i was excited out of my mind. i wrote the tracklist down onto my computer and kept looking at it. i loved all the released singles so much and listened to them for days on end. i painted 13s onto my hands and danced around the living room. that is one of the main things that comes to my mind when i think of happy teenage memories: this image of me dancing to a taylor swift song. 

speak now was an album that completely blew me away. i loved every single track from the first listen. it is still so incredible to me how she wrote that album completely by herself at 19; how talented she is with lyrics and melodies that completely fit together. i had some fan account back then on twitter and didnt shut up about taylor ever. 

around that time, my parents and i were planning this huge vacation in Calfornia that would turn out to be one of my best - perhaps THE best experience of my teenage years, and we figured out that a the time we wanted to go, the Speak Now tour was in LA. my parents agreed to get tickets because they knew how much it meant to me, and also because they were lowkey fans themselves:D you can’t imagine how happy i was. it was my first concert ever, and the fact that i got to experience it in that huuuge location with so so many other people, it was like a dream. i was pretty far away from the stage at the side, but it was perfect for me - i think the huge crowd would have overwhelmed me. i was completely enthralled by the huge setup, the stage aesthetics, the costume changes, just how big and well planned it all was. i ended up thinking all concerts were like this, but i remember my dad saying that artists usually don’t talk that much during concerts. but taylor told the stories behind her songs, universal experiences that people could relate to, inspirational messages she wanted to get out to her fans. she really cared so much about connecting with all of us. when she was in the love story cage thing flying around the arena she even waved in the direction of our seating area even though we were so far up! 

my favorite song from speak now was always long live, and i had desperately wanted her to play the song for the entire night. i loved all the rest, obviously, but i was telling myself not to be disappointed if it would be cut out. but then, almost at the end, she did play it! you can imagine small!me standing there almost crying quietly singing along in a state of absolute happiness. the memory makes me tear up right now ahhh, it was such an amazing moment. 

then came up the red era, and i remember staying up til super late to watch the announcement of the new album. the thing is...to make it short, red simply came too early for me. i was not ready, and not being able to fully comprehend and appreciate, the emotional maturity and sheer genius of the red album. i did not really like wanegbt at first. when red came out i did listen to it a lot and like it, but like i said, i could not fully appreciate it. hearing the general fandom discussions i feel like a lot of people had a similar experience, because red was such a leap from speak now in terms of the tone of the writing. im also gonna be honest here, i was influenced by the negative portrayal of taylor in the media that kinda reached its first peak back then, and even though i didnt buy into what they said about her because i knew better, it still influenced me like subconsciously, you know? i was also a bit sceptical at her direction towards pop music. so overall, i became a bit distanced from taylor. i felt like i needed to ‘outgrow’ her. a lot of it also had to do with the fact that it was my Edgy Phase where i thought being normal was a bad thing and i wanted to be as Special and Grownup as possible. (i think everyone has that cringeworthy phase sometime in their life but i hate remembering it:D). 

but the thing is, i think i needed that kind of alienation to eventually realize that taylor had grown up just like i had, but that didn’t mean we had to grow apart. by the time 1989 was announced i had actually done a great leap in maturity and had outgrown this thing where you idealize celebrities, and was able to see taylor as a person, with flaws and insecurities like everyone else, and that this didnt diminish her incredible talent of what a kind and wonderful person she is. 

i was not the biggest fan of 1989 itself (multiple reasons; i still liked it though, just didnt love it), but paradoxically, I felt closer to taylor again during the new era than during red. i kinda missed the red era now and regretted that i wasnt more involved when it was there (i still do). but i loved taylor’s new attitude, i was glad she had found happiness in independence and relying on herself. i loved the cat videos and the polaroids and the voice memos that gave insight into the creation of the songs. also, blank space was my jam and still is. since that ive been a huge fan of this super smart move of hers of taking all the things people throw at her and embodying it ironically. iconic!!

so since i was a bit more involved again (though clearly not as much as in my early swiftie days) i wanted to see the 1989 tour, and did! throughout the show i realized how much had changed, but also everything - the important things - that stayed the same (her interactions with the fans, the speeches, etc.) and i had tons of fun. it was like a giant party with strangers - which is obviously a very different feel to speak now, but loved it :D

i was worried that taylor would go into hiatus after 1989 because she always talked about how it was her best work yet, and it broke so many records and won so many awards, that i thought she might be scared she couldnt top it, and taylor always wants to top herself. i ended up being right, though the hiatus was more about all the drama and accusations because people just cant stop being awful. they cant take the idea of a smart talented woman who also shows vulnerability. 

but ive been awaiting a new album all this time, because generally i thought taylor doing pop had so much potential, i just wasnt completely a fan of the general direction of 1989. however....i never would have imagined loving the album as much as i do. i wrote a separate review about it, but basically - i totally love how reputation is big and confident but also super up close, intimate and deep at the same time. it’s darker, but it’s a powerful and sensitive sort of dark at the same time, if that makes sense. i can totally vibe to the general mood of the album because i think i can relate it to how i feel about my life right now a lot. also loving how taylor has truly found a place of happiness and trust after having been let down by ...the world?...so harshly. i love the aesthetic of the magazines and the poems, just everything about this era.

so basically, this album has completely pulled me back again to stanning taylor, and i think it’s kinda beautiful how i’ve come ‘full circle’ and am now back to hyping her music again as i used to :) i connect some of my most life defining and most precious memories with taylor, and i am glad i somehow found back to her and her music as i start off my twenties. 

im looking forward to getting involved in the fandom again so much, and i can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us all :’)

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

“at least the jury is still out on that one, so to speak”

so to speak is right, phoenix :T

-

“I WANTED TO KILL YOU. WAAHHHH”

ok rayfa. easy there.

-

aw. the dad is so strong that he cant even bear to see the murder brat sad. 

hdgdhfgh im gonna die he’s trying to cheer her up by acting like the bad guy

at the risk of sounding tumblry, phoenix wright is a cinnamon roll, to pure or whatever 

-

...is this kooraheen’s ‘happy people’?

.....i don't like it

-

ahlbi doesn’t get to be an assistant but he does get to carry all my unwanted crap!

-

“first the high priest, and then his disciple! maya fey will pay for this!”

ah yes, she’ll pay for killing off people we recently proved to be dangerous insurgents. 

-

WHOA OK GRAPHIC 

-

well ok there’s no possible way Maya could have killed him that night.

“they think she came down the stairs and stabbed him” yes in front of 200 praying people. no, they weren't looking up but probably the sound of a knife being driven into flesh and also footsteps may have alerted them???

-

rayfa wants to know how a time of death is determined, not for real... but because she wants to know what the idiot groundlings believe ?

either she’s an idiot and she doesn’t realize its completely legitimate, or the writers are still trying to make fun of religion via the “science and religion don't mix” joke which quite frankly is getting REALLY TIRESOME

-

ok... well I'm not scientific expert but doesn’t the body eventually reach a steady temperature? how could you determine how long the body took to cool down if it was cooled down for a long enough period of time? also, it was really cold on that mountain. 

something tells me this will be useful later.

-

again capcom, pointing out how unlikely your plot is doesnt make it better. it makes it worse.

-

“I will curse you and your disciples for eight generations!”

I'm pretty sure apollo and the series has already been cursed, mrs. inmee.

-

every time she kisses his picture i cry 

-

Zehlot arrived at the same time as Maya, but Mrs. Inmee is more inclined to believe that Maya is a murderer? I mean yes she supposedly killed off the other two, but jeez. Talk about favouritism. 

-

they let us check out the trash again... simply for a joke about phoenix digging through trash. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

-

katchu-dehmal, eh? Pokémon gonna sue 

-

hey um mrs. inmee

you've got a little something on your wrist...............

-

“Puhray always prayed a lot”

the terrible naming convention just makes that sound incredibly stupid

-

“She may say these terrible things, but it was just the way she was raised, I guess”

um... a lesson in tolerance i guess

-

“I didn’t know him very well”

you didnt know the guy you stayed with for two years?? man i guess Puhray really did pray the most.

-

i love that theyre mentioning ramen and burgers

and also that phoenix is offering to buy for maya

its the little things that make this game liveable 

-

everybody loves steel samurai!!!

-

“Whooops... its coming undone... WHOA!”

yes, it is indeed a very sexy picture. nice legs.

-

“tentacled hag frog”

what is this, last airbender??

-

“a spirit’s memory is cut off at the moment of death”

well of course. that’s how Mia was able to come to court knowing what was going on and being able to set phoenix on the right direction!

genius retcon there, guys. I guess that’s why Mia doesn’t make a comeback in this game :/

-

“helped neighbouring countries seek counsel”

actually thats an interesting callback to the original games where they state that before DL-6, Misty and Kurain village were famous for helping out people in high places. this i do not mind so much.

... though i doubt this would prevent you being invaded, Kooraheen. Also considering she mentions ‘keeping their unique culture’ as an aside to that fact, and the fact that a lot of this fictional country is based off of Tibet... Ouch.

-

“ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS!!!”

hey, there’s that ol’ Khumerican spirit!

-

“so the queen can perform the dance of devotion? that’d be a sight to see”

Phoenix stop imaging the queen in a mini skirt.

-

“theres no reason to panic, the police are on his trail”

the police that let him run on foot out of a crowded courtroom. 

id say you can panic now.

-

in exchange for his visual youthfulness, phoenix has physically aged considerably.

meanwhile, Gregory Edgeworth was rocking major wrinkles at 35 and he was fit as a fiddle.

Oh Capcom, when will your beauty-based cruelty end??

-

are we legit going to search for Datz

-

ok now i rly wanna hear what a Warb’aad sounds like.

-

further proof that phoenix is a huge carnivore. i am pleased.

-

boy kooraheen isn't very accessible is it. stairs everywhere

-

i love that no matter where he is, phoenix is always buying food for children.

-

alright enough fun stuff. into the absurdly spacious sewer we go!

-

I'm legitimately laughing my ass off why is it so funny that Ahlbi didn’t know his dog could track scents????

-

AAA WE’RE IN

WE’RE IN A FUCKIN SEWER

IM YELLIN

-

...oh my god no... i stg... dont you dare 

OH GOD 

OHHH GOD 

fuck....

i dont know who’s stupider: the rebels or the police

-

he... can eat... an entire apple... that is half the size of his face... in one bite.

this, truly, is a man to be feared

ranger hobo, your new nickname is Potential Vore Machine

-

>phoenix likes apples

further proof he is a good boy

-

wow thats even worse

i thought they’d just put their base in the sewers, but no; their base is an OLD LAW OFFICE AKA THE FIRST PLACE YOU’D LOOK FOR LAWYER REBELS

again, not sure who’s stupider: the rebels, or the police?

-

“public enemy #1 is a lawyer? didnt see that coming”

clearly you expect more from this game, phoenix

-

“Im gonna sell out my best friend!”

>doubt

-

OH OK NEVER LOOK SURPRISED AGAIN CLOSE YOUR VORE MOUTH JESUS CHRIST

-

if he wasnt a rebel anymore he'd have kicked your ass since youre a lawyer, phoenix. its not that hard to put together that he’s lying. ...for some reason. 

-

LAME. YOU cant show him your badge??? bullshit.

-

fucking christ even when he whistles his mouth is larger than it should be. 

-

he really is rebel!larry isn’t he

-

so Dhurke has a power glare, huh? 

GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH, GLARE OFF WITH EDGEWORTH

-

“is this a law book? the dragon’s mark has been branded onto the cover...”

pfffttt edgy 

-

hmm. must be a new law-book if the defence culpability act is in it, since if i remember correctly that law was only recently introduced.

-

i love that Dhurke’s shit is just everywhere in this stupid house

-

...no way is he actually doing to

i...

like

i can’t even say punk’d. Phoenix, why would you try on a jacket that once belonged to a rebel leader while inside a rebel base that you’re not even sure is friendly to you? 

like i 

sense of preservation just goes out the window at the idea of looking cool?? actually to be fair that kind of makes sense for Phoenix so 

phoenix you should take it home and get it dry-cleaned.

-

“hmm this is an old photo...” says phoenix looking at a photo that’s as bright and shiny as the day it was taken. also he correctly guesses that it was taken 20 years ago based on... what evidence??

actually if he actually acknowledged that thats OBVIOUSLY APOLLO THERE then he’d have an actual metric to go by but NOPE! just bullshit magic deductions!

-

yeah or Nahyuta’s pulling a long game and you assholes are too impatient 

i cant believe I'm defending sadmad :/

-

WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU TELLING ME....... THAT KID WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE APOLLO....... IS APOLLO?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

-

somehow Datz carried Phoenix through a tiny trapdoor and into this room huh

-

yay psyche locks!

-

YES!!!! YEEEEES!!! I GOT TO PRESENT MY BADGE

Soj... you may not be... completely horrible.

-

yeah phoenix, he was going to stab you if he thought you were on the side of the Queen

feel even stupider about that jacket now?

-

“Keera was working with the government the whole time?!”

well i mean what other motivation would they have? even if they were doing it for religious reasons that still lines up with the government’s intentions. 

this whole thing has a blacklisting smell on it too.

-

“a lawyer killed the queen, so the public turned against lawyers”

if that was how things worked, America would loath actors. 

-

“why does he have to jump like that before running off”

cause he’s a cartoon character 

-

“Well I guess we’re friends now”

oh phoenix 

my lonely baby

-

also where the fuck is Shah’do? That dog is a better policeman than every official in Kooraheen.

and i love that nobody notices people entering and exiting a sewer in broad daylight.  

-

well that was exactly where i thought it was

-

WOW GOOD GOING PHOENIX YOU DUMBFUCK

“HURRRHH I THINK ILL GO FIDN TH  SOOPER SECRET REBEL BASE WITH THE FUCKING PRINCESS IN-TOW. GENIUS!!!!”

OH YES, AND THEN TELL HER EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. AND THEN LET HER COME INSIDE WITH YOU WITHOUT THE INTENT TO SHUT HER UP

BRILLIANT!!

PHOENIX WRIGHT, TRULY THE REBEL’S GREATEST ALLY.

-

ohhhhHHHHHhhhh

well well well well well well

this is interesting

-

“I think I’ll take a picture of this super secret rebel base”

hhhnnngghhhh

-

search every nook and cranny eh

-

“if the rebellion ever happens, i hope its bloodless”

while that’s sweet of you phoenix, you can count on it now, sincE YOU’VE REVEALED THE SOURCE OF THEIR WEAPONRY TO THE ENEMY

-

“What’s this? A bloodstain?”

Hope it is not Chris’ bloodstain...

-

CURSED NOISE

CURSED NOISE

TURN IT OFF!!!

-

this is where capcom hides characters they don’t like

Klavier is somehwere in this room....... festering

-

well we’ve come to the end of another investigation 

tbh I'm starting to get into the storyline, though it still doesn’t feel like an Ace Attorney game

it’s more like... it’s like someone took their Ace Attorney AU and made an entire game about it. It’s got some cool points to it, but all in all, it just doesn’t... fit, I guess?

Oh well. onto trial #2 and saving Maya’s butt once again

[namjoonbby1]

The Assassin

Pairing - Namjoon x Reader [All of the guys are in this]

Genre - Assassin/Spy Au

Word Count - 4k

Part - 12/12

Y/n is accustomed to living a very secretive life and not being able to trust anyone. She finally puts her trust in someone only to have her life put in danger, how will she win this battle?

A/N - SO this is the very last part of “The Assassin” and I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who read this especially @booksbandsandtvshows​! This part took forever to finish because I wasn’t quite sure how to end it but I hope the ending is acceptable and I hope you guys enjoy it.

Also I’m super excited to tell you guys that I’m working on a Hoseok x Reader Au series in which Hoseok is accused of murder. I’m also working on a Taehyung x reader au series in which the Oc falls in love with Taehyung but they come from two totally different backgrounds. So look forward to those! :D

Masterlist

Character Profiles Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight  Part Nine Part Ten 

I blinked twice to make sure that it wasn’t a facade. That the man who was presumed dead was not really standing five feet away from me.

When I opened my eyes he was still there. He was mouthing something but I couldn’t hear what he was saying. My vision was going blurry and and I couldn’t bring myself to speak.

I looked at him again, gun still pointed to Taehyung and then I heard his voice again.

“Baby can you hear me? Please put the gun down.” He said.

“Namjoon?” I asked again voice shaking as I looked at him with disbelief.

“Yes, it’s me. I am alive so please put the gun down and let me explain everything.”

“How - how is this possible?”

“I see you made it out.” Taehyung said shifting his view to Namjoon. “Good thing my boss is dead, or else he’d be pretty upset with me.”

“Someone needs to explain to me what’s going on right now.” I demanded.

“I will explain everything to you. But right now I want you to put your weapon down, okay baby?”

I looked at Namjoon and then looked at Taehyung again before finally lowering my gun.

“I think I killed the wrong twin.” Taehyung said causing me to look up at him.

“What did you just say?” I asked.

“Did you ever wonder who was the assassin who slit your sister’s throat? It was me.”

My vision was going blurry again and I felt myself unable to keep my balance. Taehyung noticed this and quickly grabbing the gun out of my hand shooting Namjoon.

I looked over and watched as he fell to the floor. I quickly snapped back to my senses and kicked him causing him to drop the gun.

He tried to retrieve it but I quickly took out the pocket knife that I had and held it up to him.

He started to chuckle to himself.

“What about my sister? You were the one who killed her?” I asked.

“We are assassins, our job is to kill people. It’s what we do.” He simply stated.

“You have a hard time killing people don’t you? You are good though and I want you on my team.”

I pinned Taehyung against the wall. My knife now positioned at his abdomen.

“Tell me what you know about my sister, now!” I yelled.

“It doesn’t have to be this way. We could work together, we could kill together.” Was the last thing he said before I slide my blade into him.

Taehyung gave me a look of disbelief as he looked down and saw that he had been stabbed.

I took out the blade and stabbed him again over and over until he fell onto the ground.

I immediately ran over to Namjoon to see if he was still alive, I could tell by his shallow breathing that he was.

I took out my phone to call Yoongi and ask for help and as I awaited for them to enter the warehouse I looked around.

My mother, father and Taehyung were all laying on the ground dead. I thought about how I was once close to all three of them. How I had never imagined hurting any of them and how I was responsible for killing two of them.

I was weak again, but this time I had no desire to fight to stay awake. My head was spinning my vision was clouded by tears and I was passing out once again.

Namjoon’s POV

The injuries Namjoon had sustained weren’t too bad. Yes he had been shot again but the bullet wound was superficial. He thought that he had trained Taehyung to have better aim but apparently not.

Namjoon arose from the bed and saw Jin smiling at him with a relieved look on his face.

“He’s awake.” He called to everyone. “How are you feeling?” Jin asked.

“Where is y/n?” Was the first question he asked as he came to his senses.

“She must have passed out. Her wound opened up and so I had to stitch it back up. She just needs rest, she’s been through a lot.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook called as he walked into the room. “I thought you were dead.” He said hugging him tightly.

“Yah, be careful he was shot just hours ago.” Jin warned.

“You look good for someone who was supposed to be dead.” Yoongi stated as he, Jimin, and Hoseok entered the room.

“It’s good to see you too Yoongi.” Namjoon joked.

“What happened to you? We have been so worried. I saw you get taken out of the warehouse. We thought they had killed you.” Jimin said.

“I was completely blindsided. They knew our plan the entire time. Taehyung had been giving them all of the information they needed. They held me as hostage for a while before giving the orders to kill me.” He said.

“So what happened? How did you escape?” He asked.

“I didnt escape at first. Taehyung shot me and everyone thought I was dead, including him but I manged to find my way out. I had to take the bullet out myself and I passed out. I woke up a day later.” He said.

“So this entire time Taehyung was never on our side?”

“No. He was working against us, for the government.” Namjoon stated.

“I cant believe he tried to kill you.” Jimin added.

“Well he didn’t get to carry out those plans, y/n killed him first.” Yoongi said.

“I tried to stop her…” Namjoon said.

“Why? He betrayed all of us.” Jungkook asked.

“I know he did. I may have not had the best relationship with Taehyung but we did grow up together. I thought maybe we could convince him to turn around.”

“Well, I guess we will never know. Im just glad you are okay.” Hoseok added.

Everyone spent time with Namjoon for a while until the room finally cleared out leaving him and Jungkook alone.

“You are really quiet over there. Is everything okay?” Namjoon asked.

“How can you just sit there like everything is normal?” Jungkook asked.

“Jungkook, I survived.”

“But I thought that you hadn’t. Do you know how I felt when I thought that you were dead? I can’t handle this anymore hyung.” He said as tears started to fall out of his eyes.

Namjoon wasnt an emotional person but seeing his little brother cry was staring to get to him.

“I’m so sorry I put you through that. I never asked you if you accepted my career choice and I put our lives in danger. I haven’t been the big brother I should but I promise I will make it up to you.”

“Im just glad that you are alive. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. What any of us would have done. Y/n was devastated when you went missing. She even chose you over the government.” Jungkook said.

“You don’t have to worry about anything ever happening again. I have the means to get out of this buisness and we are going to be happy, no more killing.”

“Im glad. I want you to be happy too hyung.” Jungkook said as they heard a soft knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in.” Namjoon replied unsure as to who was there.

The door open and y/n stepped in. She looked like she had seen a ghost and she wouldn’t take her eyes off of Namjoon.

“Babygirl, come here.”

Y/n walked slowly over to Namjoon and Jungkook, a tear falling down her eyes.

“I’ll leave the two of you alone.” Jungkook said as he exited the room.

“Please sit down.” Namjoon said motioning for y/n to sit on the bed next to him.

She stared at him in disbelief for a while before placing her hand on his face.

“I thought, I lost you.” She finally said between tears.

“I know and I’m sorry. I’ve missed you so much baby.” He replied.

“Namjoon, I thought I would die without you. I can’t believe you made it out, are you okay?” She asked.

“I’m good now that I get to see you are okay. How are you feeling?”

“I keep passing out, my body feels weak and I apparently reopened my wound.” She replied.

“I know you’ve had a significant amount of stress lately. Losing me and then finding out about your parents I can only imagine what you are going through.”

“Do you know everything… about me?” She asked.

“You mean do I know about your real occupation? Yes Taehyung told me everything. About how you are an assassin and I know about your father.” He replied.

“So you know that my parents are not my real parents? The government made them kidnap my sister and I when we were infants.”

“I’m so sorry. I know very well how it feels to have the government take away someone you love.” He said pulling me into a hug.

“There’s so much I need to tell you and so much that you need to tell me.” Y/n said holding on to him tightly.

“I know, but I just want to hold you right now.” Namjoon said scooting over so that y/n could lay on the bed with him.

“Please never leave me again.” She said looking up at him as he held her in his strongs arms.

“I will never leave you. I love you so nuch.” He said placing a kiss on her forehead.

Y/n’s POV

Namjoon and I must have dozed off because as we woke up Jin was hovering over us.

“It’s so nice to see you two lovebirds reunited.” Jin said as I opened my eyes. Namjoon looked down at me and I smiled at him.

“I don’t think I’ve slept that peacefully in ages.” I said.

“Neither have I.” Namjoon added.

“Sorry to interrupt this love fest but I made food for us all. I need to check on your wounds as well.” Jin said.

He checked on our wounds and then we headed out to join everyone at the dining table. All of the guys smiled as we approached hand in hand.

I sat at the table next to Namjoon and across from Jungkook, I looked up at him and smiled. He looked so happy, the fact that his brother was back surely calmed his heart.

As we ate Namjoon discussed his plans with us. How he had enough money for them to never have to work again. He told them that he wouldn’t kill anyone else and wanted to live a relatively normal life with his family. Everyone agreed that it would be best and that they wanted this for sometime.

With my father dead the government wouldn’t be after any of them anymore and they could live safe lives. They talked about how glad they were to have Namjoon back and they even told him that Jungkook had put his fighting skills to use when they went to find Namjoon.

To my shock Namjoon wasnt upset at all, he was proud but he told Jungkook he wouldn’t need to ever be in a situation like that again. Jungkook was glad, he had always imagined joining his older brother’s group of Assassins but once he got to experience it first hand he didnt like it.

The conversation drifted from a serious one to a playful one when Yoongi made a joke about liking the feeling of being in charge and Namjoon said he was glad he was back to keep Yoongi in his place.

I looked around at the smiling faces of the guys and even though I had lost so much, I had gained so much more. I felt the familar feeling I had when the boys had first welcomed me into their home and I felt sudden pain in my chest and my breathing stopped momentarily. I stood up immediately and exited the room.

I walked into Namjoon’s room trying to steady my breathing and moments later I heard footsteps approaching me. I turned around slowly to see Namjoon nearing me with a soft smile on his face to reasure me.

“I can’t stop thinking about them.” I said letting out a loud sigh followed by tears.

“About who? Your parents?”

“I killed Tae yesterday. I killed him and I killed my father Namjoon. And I know he wasn’t my real father and I know Taehyung wasn’t a good person, but I feel horrible about it.”

“You had no choice. Taehyung tried to kill me, twice. He was going to kill you too if you didn’t act first and that man who posed as you father for years, he was a horrible person. I’ve seen him kill innocent people and I know this is hard for you to hear but you did what you had to do in that situation.”

“Still he took care of me for my entire live and I took his life away. I’m nothing but a murderer.” I said as I started to shake.

Namjoon pulled me into him again holding me up.

“Look at me babygirl.” He said and I struggled to meet his gaze. He stared down at me, oh so sympathetically. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You did what you had to do to protect those whom you love. You have the boys and I, we will never leave you okay?”

“Mhm” I said. I was slowly starting y8o be soothed by his calming words and my breathing was slowly down.

“There’s somehwere I need to take you.” He said. Reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of paper with a number on it.

“What is this place?” I asked.

“You’ll see, let’s go.” He said.

After a car ride that seemed to go on for forever. We finally arrived to our destination. It was a small house in a secluded area.

Namjoon parked and turned off the car. He looked at me and smiled before placing a hand on my thigh.

“Why are we here?” I asked.

“Because someone is waiting for you inside.” He said.

“Who?”

“You’ll see. I will be waiting here for you if you need anything.” He said unlocking the car door for me.

I hesitantly got out of the car and walked up to the house. I looked back at Namjoon and he gave me a reassuring smile and I smiled back. I knew that he wouldn’t send me into a dangerous situation, I just had no clue who I was meeting.

I knocked lightly on the door and waited for someone to answer. Within moments the I heard someone unlocking the door and my heart rate increased.

When the door finally swung open I was astounded by the person that appeared in front of me. I was speechless and couldn’t say anything. All I could do was to cover my mouth out of shock.

“Y/n- ah” She said as she pulled me into a hug. Once she spoke to me tears started to stream down my face. I held my hand to touch her face making sure that she was real and that I wasn’t dreaming.

“Unnie?”

“I’ve missed you so much y/n- ah.”

“How, I watched them kill you.” I said with disbelief.

“They didnt kill me. Everything was staged to look like I was murdered.” She said.

“Why?” I said between tear, I felt as though I cried more in the last couple of weeks than I did in my entire life.

“Because you were always the stronger one. When I ran away they decided I needed to be punished and they knew you needed a push. The government suggested killing me and our “father” agreed, but it was mom who begged for my life. So they decided that they would kill me, but use me. Use me for the same purpose as you, to carry out their assassinations.“ She said.

"But why pretend to kill you then?” I asked.

“The staged my death so that it would make you a better assassin. The wanted you to know that there was no escaping the government. So instead of killing me, the faked my deah.”

“That was almost 5 years ago. What have you been doing for that time?” I asked.

“I’ve been hiding out here. They still nade me complete assignments but that was the only time they let me leave this place.” She said looking around at the house.

“So this entire time mom and dad knew you were alive when I had to suffer from the awful fact that my sister was nurdered?

"Yes they knew. Mom wanted you to know but, she couldn’t tell you. You know father wouldn’t have hesitated to kill her if she had disobeyed his orders.”

“I’ve had nightmares, about your death all of the time. Do you know how agonizing it was for me when I thought you were gone?”

“I know and I tried so hard to contact you. You know how the government is though, they watched my every move. There was no way for me to reach out to you without putting the both of us in danger.”

“I killed him. I killed our father. ” I told her.

“I know you did. I met your husband Namjoon, he’s been in contact with me.”

“Since when?”

“The plan was for Taehyung to kill him and for me to take care of the body. But when I tried to I discovered that Namjoon was still alive. He was passed out so I brought him back here. I was so scared that I had betrayed the government by keeping him alive but when he gained consciousnes, he told me he was going to go kill our father and that I would be safe. So when he felt well enough to leave I gave him my number and told him to contact me.”

“I can’t believe that this is happening, I can’t believe that you are actually here.”

“Im so glad that you are safe and now that our father is gone I can be free.” She said.

“Really, how?” I wondered.

“Because y/n you released us both from the government’s grip. I know longer have to hide out and kill for them. Neither of us do.”

All I could do in that month was hug my sister. It had been do long since I was in her embrace. She was so warm and soft and I was feeling emotions that I never thought possible.

I asked Namjoon to leave me there and I stayed there for a while with her. We had five years of our lives to catch up on. She told me about some of the assignments she had been forced to do and I felt awful for her. As she told me everything, the guilt that I had for murdering the man possing to be our father dissipated. He in know way ever cared for us and he used both of us, mainly my sister.

I ended up spending thr night with my sister and when it was finely time to go, I really didn’t want to leave her bit she assured me that we’d be in touch everyday.

Four months later

“Good afternoon passengers. This is your captain speaking. First I’d like to welcome everyone on Rightwing Flight 86A. We are currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet at an airspeed of 400 miles per hour. The time is 1:25 pm. The weather looks good and with the tailwind on our side we are expecting to land in Bora Bora approximately fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. The weather in Bora Bora is clear and sunny, with a high of 90 degrees for this afternoon. We should be landly shortly but until then enjoy the flight.”

I looked over at Namjoon who was half awake. “Did you hear that we are almost there.” I said.

Namjoon rubbed his eyes and shifted in his seat to to look at me. “Mmm really?”

“Yes I’m so excited to spend time with you on the beach. I said kissing Namjoon on the cheek softly.”

“Me too.” Namjoon said

“Me three” A voice said from behind us, it was Jungkook’s.

“I would say me four but not if you guys are just going to be making out the entire time.” Yoongi added.

“Well it is our belated honeymoon.” Namjoon replied.

“It is also our family vacation.” Jin added.

“Well whatever it is. Our honeymoon or our family vactation, I’m just happy to he here with all of my family.” I said.

“I’m happy that you guys accepted me as a part of your family as well.” My sister added from the aisle across from us.

I smiled at her and looked around before my eyes drifted to Namjoon. He was smiling down at me and he grabbed my hand taking it in his.

“I love you babygirl”

“I love you too.”

This ending was garbage, sorry.

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