#english-exclusive misgendering

[webtomo]

Tomodachi Life Mods

By far my most popular post on this blog is my post about the gay marriage mod by Kobazco. To my knowledge, this mod has been on hiatus for quite some time, and unfortunately will probably continue to remain on hiatus for a long time. This mod requires reverse engineering of the games code, which is complex and takes time.

HOWEVER, there are a multitude of mods that I would like to highlight that actually are available for download currently (including one that actually works around the gender issue). All of them are relatively simple to install (assuming you are either using Citra, or have custom firmware on your 3ds).

Below the cut, I have chosen some specific mods and addons I would like to highlight!

Gender Removal Mod

This mod aims to remove any and all gendered language in Tomodachi Life, replacing any mention of "He" or "She" with They/Them pronouns. Of course, this does not get rid of the gay marriage discrepancy, but it does prevent any of your Miis from being misgendered.

The only issue in my experience, is that the European version of the mod does not change pronouns in Mii News (which I believe is not an issue in the US version of the mod). Some visual stuff is also not edited, but is possibly subject to change in the future, though the developer has not updated the mod in over a year.

Japanese & Korean Tomodachi

This mod replaces Japanese and Korean text from those versions of the game with English text. This mod is relatively recent and still has a few issues, but I think this is a really cool mod if you want to check out the Japanese or Korean versions without having to manually translate text. Most of the text in this mod is not directly translated, and instead is pulled from the English version(s), but it does seek to translate the stuff that is not available in any English versions.

The biggest issue I have had with this mod is specifically with the Japanese version not being able to open Mii News without crashing. I have also had issues with it crashing on an emulator in both versions occasionally (and also has some text formatting errors). Regardless though, I will keep an eye on the development of this mod, as it is being actively worked on currently.

HD Mii Texture Pack

This is a Citra texture pack that gives the Mii faces HD textures. Though not technically a "mod" for gameplay, I do want to highlight it. This texture pack exclusively for Citra that just replaces the low res Mii face textures from the Mii Maker with higher resolution textures. If you are deciding to play the game in HD on an emulator, I think this is something you will appreciate, considering the Miis make up a good percentage of everything you see in-game.

I personally have had no issues with this texture pack, though it seems that some people have had issues with lag and crashing. So, I would just be aware of that if you decide to install this pack.

Tomodachi Enterprise

This is a mod that changes tons of food, adds custom rooms, clothing, activities, interactions, items, and more. This is a mod that I have not actually played myself (yet), but is one i am looking forward to finally checking out. This mod is currently in development and is being actively updated, and I would consider to currently be the most in-depth mod for Tomodachi Life.

The only reason I have not played this yet is other life obligations, but I have seen a lot of what's in it. I would still say that if you are interested in mods like this, I would definitely go check it out yourself!

---

But yeah, this is what I would consider to be interesting mods for the game if you are looking for something like that. All of these come from Gamebanana, and this is not the full extent of what is available on there, these are just some of my personal favorites. I suggest looking into it yourself if you are interested, or if you are interested in developing mods for the game yourself! I just wanted to highlight some mods that I find interesting. I may post some other mod related stuff if you are interested!

[genderkoolaid]

I'm not really familiar with it/its as pronouns. Like I've heard them from people before, but never truly understood why someone would feel that way. Like it's it not feeling like a person? Or is it something more than that? Idk. I really like knowing this kind of stuff because it makes me a better person so an explanation would be super useful! Appreciate you!

For some people it's related to their experiences with dehumanization and nonhumanity.

It's a little bit of that for me, but honestly I like it/its for the same reason people usually like they/them. It's non-gendered and that makes me euphoric. But it's also different than they/them. IRL I often tell people I use she/he/they, but people don't get alternating pronouns and will they/them me exclusively, which makes me dysphoric and trapped. So I like having a pronoun set that ISN'T any of the typical options because it reinforces that I am not being put in one of three boxes.

Plus it/its isn't a neopronoun, its already standard English, so hypothetically it's easier for people to pick up. But unfortunately people get Real Weird about it/its pronouns & even progressive people will try to like. save you from yourself by misgendering you

[secretlystephaniebrown]

https://www.tumblr.com/secretlystephaniebrown/776155396202233856/i-am-not-always-confident-in-my-writing-but-i-am?source=share drop the robot pronoun lore?

*shuffles my notes* okay!

So this is exclusively to Glories, mind you, I’m not committing to this for anything else I ever write. Also I’m legally reserving the right to change my mind on any of this if it’s funny or angsty.

So roughly, in my world building there are three layers of castes, and each caste has their own pronouns. These pronouns connote societal roles, like consort, knight, etc. There are certain people who get Extra Special™️ pronouns: aka, the Prime.

Primes get a fancy unique pronoun that only they get. Priests have similar pronouns, but like, the neocybex equivalent of lowercase. It’s obvious both written and spoken to Cybertronians which one you are using.*

(Megatron refuses to use the Primal Pronouns and just uses priest pronouns for Optimus. It’s very scandalous.)**

Senators and the rulers of city states are the equivalent of he or she/theys. You get an EXTRA pronoun but you keep the old one.

Sparklings have a unique pronoun that they keep until their adult upgrades. It also is one of the only ones that doesn’t distinguish between castes.

If you change castes, you change pronouns. So Hound and Ironhide, who both got knighted, now have noble pronouns. They both use their old peasant pronouns in private because they don’t buy into this noble bullshit

A host-bot has plural pronouns. it's the equivalent of they/them in English and many people struggle to get it right. But if you get it wrong you’ll have cassettes dog-piling you, so it’s worth the effort. (Cassettes have their own set of pronouns to differentiate between mechs, beastformers, and flight frames.)

Medics also have weird pronouns. They’re just “doctor” with various signifiers to let you know what caste they’re supposed to treat.***

Starscream has so many roles/qualifications that were I writing in neo-cyber his pronouns would take up a paragraph. Shockwave has as many, if not more, but he will answer to literally anything if it’s logical that you’re talking to him.

Meanwhile, Megatron is proving a POINT by being in charge despite having miner pronouns. He could claim warlord pronouns. He could claim city-state ruler pronouns. He could even claim gladiator pronouns. If he catches you using any of them for him, you’re getting yeeted. Or having Ravage yeeted at you.

So basically, a pronoun has a lot of information packed into it for Cybertronians. It tells you someone’s caste, their job/ function in society, and maybe even their frame type.****

—

* In the future of the universe, Kup confuses the fuck out of people because he will use the primal pronoun interchangeably with child pronouns for Rodimus. That is very unacceptable.

**Optimus: if you're gonna misgender me can't you just use my old pronouns? I miss them :(

*** Ratchet has given himself every signifier because he will not be contained.+

+ Ratchet: my pronouns are “get on my table and let me make sure you’re not going to die”

**** And, in Starscream’s case, that he’s insufferable. It’s in the subtext.

[nonbinarypolls]

*This includes anyone who does not fall into the binary of "always, wholly, and exclusively male" or "always, wholly, and exclusively female," even if you don't necessarily identify with the nonbinary label specifically.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

**Neopronouns are pronouns which were coined relatively recently. In the English language, this includes any third person pronouns which are not she/her/hers/herself, he/him/his/himself, they/them/their/theirs/themself (or themselves), or it/its/itself. Examples include, but are not limited to:

ae/aer/aer/aers/aerself

ey/em/eir/eirs/emself

fae/faer/faer/faers/faerself

xe/xem/xyr/xyrs/xemself

ze/hir/hir/hirs/hirself

ze/zir/zir/zirs/zirself

[necromancelena]

I do understand where people are coming from when they say that English should just do away with all gendered pronouns and they/them should become universal but ultimately my stance comes to the complete opposite. I think there should be as many pronouns as there are sounds a mouth can make and I think that we should all go out of our way to use those pronouns even if remembering them is an inconvenience because not everything has to be convenient all the time. And while I think they/them is an okay default for when you don't know someone, going out of your way to exclusively use they/them for a person whose pronouns aren't they/them is still misgendering.

[izzyfishie]

i watched both seasons of squid game with my mom! this is what she had to say

(for the record, i watch it by myself in korean because i heavily prefer it, but with my mom we watch the english dub — it’s easier for her to understand)

SEASON 1

like a lot of people, she disliked gi-hun at the start but ended up adoring him as the series progressed

“i hate sang-woo, i hope he dies a miserable and painful death”

not even joking when i say she told me she’d stop watching if i kept obsessing over jun-ho so much 😭 (i just got a little excited when he came on screen okayyyy)

she predicted jun-ho’s brother being the frontman VERY quickly, like episode 5 i think? she did not predict il-nam being the creator tho

she really liked sae-byeok, and HATED the thugs, she kept calling them greasy frogs and wishing death upon them

“he’s not dead” - her when jun-ho “died” (good job mom you have media literacy)

apparently her favorite s1 game was glass bridge, but she always complains about how much she hated the bridge exploding (fair)

SEASON 2

she absolutely ADORED gyeong-seok and his daughter, and had mixed feelings on no-eul

“he looks high and gay” - her @ nam-gyu

she also started fucking smiling when thanos died?? like ok mom damn ig 😭

“i don’t like him. i don’t like him at all” her @ in-ho

“you know nam-gyu? i think he’s gonna kill himself” - “yeah. he should.” - “oh.”

with hyun-ju my mom kinda started off similarly to geum-ja — misgendering and being a bit rude to her, but later ended up respecting her and being nice

she exclusively referred to min-su as “derek” for some reason?? 💀

“BAD BOY” - her @ in-ho

her favorite game from season 2 was the six-legged pentathlon (same tbh)

tbh watching with her went a lot better than expected- she hated it at first (violence) but over time she got used to it and her backhanded comments became funny, she said she really liked it despite the violence and although it isn’t something she’d seek out independently, she enjoyed it

and now we wait for season 3! i’m watching it first with my watch buddy when it comes out (we have plans already 😎🫰) but i’m going to rewatch it with my mother

[thewisewill80sbyers]

I feel like binary english people sometimes don't understand that in some countries we don't have any form of neutral pronouns and the only way most straight people are familiar with the word gender is when the far right politicians talk about "the gender agenda being taught in schools to deviate the children!1!1" here we barely have a way to express it in the written form people are always going to place me inside a binary here and you can't expect to change the whole language in a few years... it's something that takes decades especially when you have to create some way to do it from literally nothing... like I can't go around all day being angry at people for misgendering me here because there's no alternative to not do that even if I took the time to come out to all of them like I did with my friends they don't have a way to be "respectful" even if they want to unless we start communicating exclusively in English which would be crazy lol

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Uh can i ask something...?

I'm confused, because I can't understand...if Kiku after all is transwoman, why Oda calls her a man in concept art? Why Oden refer to Kiku and Izo not as siblings but as brothers? Why Izo himself calls Kiku brother and not sister? Why Kiku eventually uses male pronouns (sessha) when talking? Why Kiku calles herself samurai if she should be onna-bugeisha (female samurai)? (Does it has to do with when they reveal truth about her she says "sorry, i am samurai") I mean... Why misgendering yourself? I heard that Jap language has problems with gender differences, but it should not be that bad..? If all of it, why Kiku is transwoman then? The only thing that i actually saw is that her words about woman at heart actually being used by transwomen in japan, but outside of it seems like Kiku is just a example of trap pr femboy in japanese media as it often goes... I guess, as a professional, you may help understand what does it even mean and how does it work? Does that mean Kiku is a man? I don't get it...

Hey guys look, I'm a professional Kiku expert. I wanna put that on my next resume. I'm going to assume this is in good faith and not just a troll, but I'm also not exactly gonna sit here and debate this either. So...realistically what it comes down to for me is the things the character says about herself vs. people who don't know. Like...Oden in the diary. He'd just met a 1yo, makes sense to me Izo probably did all the talking. Makes sense to me Kiku couldn't express that yet. A big part of her story is subtle about it but coming to terms with it and her family. Same with Izo in a noncanon scene, he just came back. Remember, my read is there was always something there. Izo/Kin maybe were stern about it when you were young, Toki being around caused her to be progressively more outright about it, the month with Tsuru gave you your first real chance at being "out" for lack of a better word. And Oden's whole flaw in general would also mean he's just oblivious to any inner conflict.

As for the vivre card calling her male with a unique extra bit about the woman at heart line...that's where Japanese gets tricky. There's no real distinction like we might casually say "physically male" here. Same with the sessha pronoun. It might be gendered to a degree but it isn't exclusive like in English. Do you think Big Mom is transmasc? Brook genderfluid? No, but they do kinda use pronouns like that for social reasons. To denote authority and politeness respectively. Likewise while concepts like Onnamusha exist in Japanese history...we don't see it elsewhere in Wano. I'd also add you're being a little selective. Adding the "O-" prefix to your name not to mention speech patterns that don't always translate and honestly even being so demure and quiet about yourself are all strongly coded too.

But that "woman at heart" line? There's really no ambiguity there. It isn't something a Japanese trans woman might say, it's as exclusive and cliche as if an English speaker said "Ehhh...woman trapped in a man's body" in that scene. Even moreso because no one really uses that English phrase much anymore. Not to mention we do have places where Kiku calls herself a woman or passes up a chance to correct someone who says as much. Same with your ancillary stuff like SBS answers, etc. Which to me is a hallmark of your trap/femboy characters. It's a cliche in and of itself to have them spell it out immediately so no one has to feel bad/awkward. Likewise...that wouldn't jive with asking to bathe with the girls because being undressed around strange men would make you uncomfortable.

End of the day, Wano's a subtler arc that trusts you to read between the lines a little. Kiku's story all makes sense as a trans girl who seems to have always felt that way making the best of a rigid society that imposed a very masculine role on her. She'll play that part when the people of Wano and her family need her too, but it's consistently framed as tragic you have to feel that way much like most of the lady samurai movies she's inspired by. We've also seen Oda play with so many characters in this space too, it's pretty clear Kiku's treated a little differently.

[maifazcomics]

After a little discussion i had about if the ARG is important to understand and appreciate Sea of Stars and the Saboverse as a whole, i have some thoughs

Mainly that: no, you don't need to read the ARG

It was always planned as something only for the most hardcore of fans, the ones actively searching for more stuff

There are only three informations that are at the moment ARG exclusive:

- the Demon King in The Messenger (AKA Dweller of Strife + the Acolytes) is a pale copy, and the real one's remnants are inside Clockwork Castle

- Resh'an and Aephorul were lovers, and created the Elixir of Life to escape until society accepted them

- the Shopkeeper is a woman, and she descended from The Watchmaker

The rest is just community fluff and Resh'an being incredibly emo, nothing essential

I feel like these informations are important, but they just weren't able to be explored yet.

Continued ramblings below:

About the DK, with Picnic Panic being part of a planned three-act DLC (Barma'thazël's Revenge) that they stopped working to prioritize Sea of Stars, and the final one presumably having you reach Clockwork Castle, this could have been explored there. Or maybe in another game. We still have 3 more books to go, in the end

Shoppy descending from the Watchmaker... with the DLC being called "Throes of the Watchmaker", this has the potencial to be explored there. Or not. They are characters so far apart, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS APART, knowing this information would change your whole perception about the games? This only happens because of the curse of knowing stuff lol, and as someone that knows I would like to see this being explored. But my point is that this isn't fundamental.

And Shoppy's gender... people misgendering her after playing The Messenger bothers me, but it isn't the devs fault IMO. They never use pronouns with her in the game for a reason (iirc Thierry said he didn't want anyone to assuming stuff about the Shopkeep, and that's one of the main reasons behind him writing first in English and having ENG as the only canon language), and people using he/him are taking that out of their asses. Just a one minute Google Search and you find that information, you don't need to read all the ARG logs

There are other stuff like Primals or Shoppy being the first Messenger, the Artificer giving the scroll to Monk that Bowman got because she got transformed into the Queen of Quills and then gave to Ninja, or the entirety of Void Logic being explained and still making us confused to this day, and this is all fluff. Like for real, all that was needed to be in The Messenger for the BIG LORE is already there, and for Sea of Stars too

And for the big elephant in the room, Resh'an and Aephorul being really gay for each other. This is something not even the ARG explored further! Resh'an said that at February 2019, when we didn't even knew who a Fleshmancer/Aephorul was, then when he got to tell the community about him Resh'an explicitely said that he didn't want to elaborate further on his personal past with Aephorul. And with Sea of Stars, we got a taste of that, but it was only their introduction to the world!!!

More like anything else, this feels like something to be explored on the next books (just explaining this better, Thierry Boulanger, aka Creative Director and Writer and some other stuff, has come and said that his dream is to tell this grand story in 5 arcs/books (books because Sabotage works directly with Resh'an, translating the books he writes into videogames) book 1 being TM and book 2 being SOS). This narrative, at least for me, feels like it is about them. About these "gods", the harm they created to this world, and how Resh'an wants to redeem Aephorul. It feels... like a slow burn. And that's why i think they didn't want to tell this right now

Like, Time Shards. We didn't have much lore about them in TM, then SOS comes and BOOM, Time Shards indicate the presence of a timeloop. And maybe Resh'an created them too?? This recontextualizes the nature of the Messenger narrative. And them being More Than Friends can be that too, both for the general public and the Lore Nerds. We still don't know about their society back then, or if the flashback cutscene was pre or post elixir, or why specifically Aephorul became evil, etc. This all feels intentional, ya know

The rest of the ARG is just a bunch of fun interactions the characters and the community had, and a buuuunch of foreshadowing to what we get to see in Sea of Stars. Either Clockwork Concierge (AI Core) hinting about his past with Caël and the Kids, Arty saying he was a robot, or Resh'an literally infodumping about the Guardian Gods, Dwellers and World Eaters. We see all of this in Sea of Stars, and that's amazing!!!! It's so cool to see all of that being real, and that makes me confident that all of this unresolved stuff is something thar Sabotage wants to make real too

/rant over

But would i recommend reading the ARG? oh sure i do. It's very fun. The narrative framing of the games being books written by The Archivist and SaboTeam working for him is so interesting. And also, we get tons of insight into Resh'an's mind and how he's just extremely depressed, how he misses Aephorul and yearns for being loved but doesn't know how to deal with that when people love him back

Also Clocko's adorable

---

EDIT: After chatting with someone, they pointed something about Shoppy's gender that is really relevant to bring out. Yeah yeah, Sabotage wrote the game with English in mind and in ENG they didn't pronoun her at all. But two things

First: in many languages got translated into, including Quebecóis which is a script Thierry himself wrote, since you need to gender stuff, the Shopkeeper got treated as male because of defaulting. So if you played the game on those languages, and didn't follow any stuff related to it, you just assumed Shoppy was a man and moved on with your life.

Which, by the way, is something I MYSELF made. I stopped following the ARG in 2019, so I didn't see the conclusion about her gender for years until some months before SOS came out. And as something I still haven't told, I come from the forbidden land of Brazil, and the PTBR translation of TM is one that suffers from that, so I defaulted her as a dude for years and years

And second: even if you played the game directly on english, if you speak a language that also does the male-defaulting, you probably did that too, and that is not your fault

In the end, this isn't anyone's fault. I may have been too mad at seeing native english speaking redditors calling her a dude? Yeah maybe. But yeahhhhh we live in a society in the end, and them being explicit on the text about her gender on the future would help that at lot

Thankfully on the easter egg she's referred as a woman on SOS in PTBR, which is GREAT

[0rotsu]

Isn't Orochimaru more canonically genderfluid than transfem?

lol why do you make it seem like the two are mutually exclusive?

i am transmisogyny-exempt (full disclosure) but, speaking from a transfeminist perspective: transfemininity is not socially perceived, even by many progressives who might call themselves allies to transfeminine people, as being 'binary' womanhood. because of cissexist standards, when it comes to femininity, trans women are not granted the same acceptance that cis women are. similarly, transmisogyny-affected nonbinary people are not granted the same acceptance that transmisogyny-exempt nonbinary people are. it's literally why transmisogyny is the measurable, tangible force that it is. transfems are not "allowed" to be women because of the transmisogynistic belief that their proximity to 'maleness' or the boogeyman of so-called 'male socialization' prevents them from ever truly experiencing 'female' femininity—despite the fact that transfeminine people are, consistently, subjected to misogyny before ever actually coming out as transfem due to the way transfemininity is so strictly policed.

so, while it is true that orochimaru is canonically nonbinary, i would strongly encourage people to challenge the idea of what 'nonbinary' looks like because, from what i've observed, i notice that a lot of people (and english translations of 'canon' itself) accept that orochimaru is nonbinary or genderfluid yet they persist in gendering them in a masculine way… almost as if they are using orochimaru’s gender fluidity as a way to continue misgendering them as ‘male’, which is something many, many actual, real-life transfeminine nonbinary people struggle with. to quote a close friend of mine, “if you’re transfem and you use ‘all pronouns’, the only pronouns anyone will ever use for you is ‘he/him’.”

to put this bluntly, transfeminine people are regularly regarded by transmisogyny-exempt people as being 'genderqueer' or participating in 'genderfuckery' or whatever because of the ways that transfemininity is clocked. no amount of transfems insisting upon their womanhood being 'binary' has ever prevented the force that is transmisogyny from acting upon them in this way. it is a regular experience of transfems to be categorized as 'genderfluid' by others, for example, simply for crossing the gender boundary from male to female.

people can postulate all they want about the fact that orochimaru's gender presentation is still considered identifiable as 'masculine' (and how it's only construed feminine because of western biases regarding things like robes and long hair) but you can't suggest this as though there aren't women who, for example, wear pants/trousers or have buzzcuts lol... to me, orochimaru's gender presentation in boruto, particularly, exists in a comfortable zone of ambiguity for them and it allows them to safely present as both masculine and feminine, even while most actual masculine characters dress in a way that is ‘masculine’ as understood through a modern and western lens. the gender boundary orochimaru is crossing is still what makes them transfeminine.

[bilesproblems]

genuine question. not taking into account people with differing attraction orientations yk. how does the mpsec lesbianing work. bc as far as i know lesbian is just homosexual nonman? pls don't just be like "erm well that's not what lesbian means dumbfuck little radexclus bitch" i need an actual explanation that isn't just "because you're wrong lmao"

i hope this doesn't come off as rude im trying to learn i like knowing both sides of arguments and every time i try to get someone to explain i get attacked (not anon because i will forget that i put this in pls pretend im anon)

In the nicest way possible, do you think nonman is a single gender and not inherently inclusive of an mspec experience?

Mspec lesbians come in many forms, and as you've already accounted for SAM users, I don't need to go over that. But for others, the meaning varies. For me, I am not attracted to men, not sexually (well, not anybody sexually lol), not romantically. Platonic and aesthetic, totally. But as a romantic orientation (and sexual para-orientation) I am a lesbian, exclusively. I only feel attraction to women and various nonbinary genders, and I'm unsure of how I'd feel dating a bigender man but I think it would be alright as long as they were also a woman. But see here, the thing is, "various nonbinary genders" includes people who are separate from being women. This means that, while being fully and exclusively lesbian, it is inherently mspec and to imply otherwise is horribly enbyphobic and misgenders us all

For others that I know, it is an uncertainty. One feels attraction to women, men, and potentially elsegender people, but the attraction to men/attraction to people who are not women (depends on the person) is a lot more infrequent and/or weak, to the point where it's hard to even be sure if it's real attraction. In this sense, a bi lesbian would be somebody who feels like they're on the line between the two, or in a blurry area right between, and they aren't sure which they belong to.

For many... It's reclamation! Lesbian was fully nonexclusive for a long time. The movement that changed that was led by TERFs. It was not the natural progression of language, but a disgusting movement that aimed to remove bi women, trans women, butches, nonbinary people, and transmascs from being lesbians despite them all being historical parts of the community. I get why exclusive lesbians would want their own space and label, but we should have made a new one instead of taking over an existing one and kicking people out. A very small amount of bi people today are retaking their place as lesbians, because they never should have been kicked out in the first place

Also, many people don't like the nonman definition because "nonman" excludes bigender enby people and women from being lesbians just because they're also men. And it has racist origins as a term... It's not inherently wrong to use but many people do dislike it being imposed onto the definition of lesbian as such a large label because of that. I don't hate it, but I think it's kinda a bad definition... I need to rewrite my definition but lesbian is a word that deserves a definition that would make your English teachers proud, because it's such a loaded and beautiful word with so much history and variety in experience.

[host-pathogen]

TW: TRANSPHOBIA EXPIERIENCE (god why me), also some swearing

note: on art my trans-coloured sona ripping apart terf's (fart's) flagterf — trans exclusionary radical feminist fart — feminism appropriating ridiculous transphobe

guten abend, meine freunde. i want to spill out my hatred and also share disgusting situation that happened to me. this august i've published my meet the artist on other platform (it hadn't english lettering, so it wasn't here). i've pridly anounced myself as trans and nb. and i will not reject my identity for someone's air-built painful perception that there's more than two genders. "why such thoughts?" you may ask. well, a few days ago my partner find out what i got publishly disgraced 'cause of my transgender. how sweet. i'm convinced once again that some individuals' brain convolutions stopped working somewhere at the beginning of puberty, which is why the narrowness of their thinking causes exclusively condescending pity. yeah, it's hard to be slow-witted in modern society when where's so much useful and correct information, and you're still thinking in such medieval terms. i despise terf/fart or other transphobes and openly express pure rage to this kind of "people". i hate any radical movement no matter if it regards quirphobia or other important aspects of my/other's lives. and i won't tolerate if such individuals will come close to me or my close people. there's no meaning if the hatred is shared. so all that pile of lousy sh*t: terf, homophobes, any other transphobes, sexist, racist and etc. — go to hell. go away from me and my relatives. 'cause i will tear apart anyone, who will insult my loved ones. and they will do the same for me. one thing that drove me feral — commentaries were fully misgendering me. believe me, you don't know how much i'm pissed off. there's no words to descride it. but i think other trans-persons will understand me... sadly. misgendering person on purpose is just hideous. it's banal rudeness and direct insult. if someone's gender for whatever reason huffs you (which is, honestly, weird and kinda selfish, especially if there's no logical reason), then simply don't contact with that person. no talking behind back either. don't have courage to say calmly you're complaint in face — then shut the f*ck up. btw, that post with hate on me was published anonimously :) baby pissed their pants, yikes, how saaad. uhh... if you knew how much i'm tired of this... i don't ask pity for me, i don't need it, but... to turn heat down i want to talk a little 'bout myself. right now i'm firmly confident in my identity. i'm almost a fully formed person, and i have enough background to tell that with determination. i will not bow to some randoms' convenience. i will not "accept" my birth gender. my gender, my identity — is only my own choice. no one don't have even a single right to tell me who to be, no one couldn't know wnat's in my head. i went through a lot and will never again submit to someone’s desires just to be comfortable. i suffered from dysphoria from an early age, I felt out of place. i was burning from tantrums and tortured myself both mentally and physically from hatred of my appearance, personality, everything. i almost f*cking died because i felt wrong. and now when i'm finally feeling better some dumbs dare to say "she's just having an episode"? hell, no. ✨ i am transgender, i am nonbinary, i am who I really am. ✨ all my scars show my way. too long i was choking my true identity, so now i will not cut myself for some stranger's comfort. my life belongs only to me. and i'm the grandmaster here. i am insanly happy thanks to my loved ones. they except me absolutely, they don't demand to fit the norms of conservatism. they value the real me. i love you. 💕

and i want to say for other people, suffering from pointless hatred and humiliation. not only trans, not even only queers! it's devastating how many people can't just be free... i hope someday the society will open their eyes. but for now... dont't give up and be yourself!

[smileymoth]

i'm estonian (also in the finno ugric languge tree like hungarian :D) and we also just have 'tema' for all people regardless of gender . i started learning english when i was 10. i'm 23 now. i still mix up she and he CONSTANTLY. i've misgendered my parents so many times its stupid. my mom almost exclusively calls everyone she bc she forgets theres multiple sets of pronouns

Whenever ppl complain abt neopronouns being hard I just think abt the fact that wow this person has literally never learned a second language in their life. She he they are neopronouns to me bro. You're not special. Get to it

[dragoninahumancostume]

You know

Someone said "if you think you're faking it, you probably aren't"

And do you actually want to be a girl?

Idk??? I feel good with he/him pronouns but exclusively in English and in Spanish pronouns just. No. And i sometimes just wanna be a femboy, a male dragon and/or an emo boy. And there's not really any reason that's keeping me being a girl besides my family so not really? I get like giddy (?) when called he/him too and it feels so nice when people call me by my chosen names because my actual one doesn't feel like me in the slightest

I guess I don't really want to be a girl, but I don't really know what it would feel like being a boy either and i misgender myself so often that it feels wrong to even try to gender me like a guy

I'm mostly just rambling but I don't think I actually wanna be a girl, but sometimes I stop to think and it feels like I just do it out of insecurity

Srry for the long reply

[queerrambles]

Hi. This is going to be a LONG ASK. I'm sorry.

There's a nonbinary person in my English class (English is our second language,) and I accidentally misgender them all the time. They use different sets of pronouns in each language (the equivalents of she/her and he/him in our L1, but exclusively they/them in English,) so I get them mixed up ALL the time. I have told them that I don't do it on purpose and apologized for this, and they say they don't really mind, but I don't want to be that person, yknow? Specially because I am queer too and I fucking hate when people ignore my identity like that.

But it gets worse. They came out during a presentation in class. We had to tell an anecdote and they decided to talk about the first they went to the doctor to get HRT. So when they finished, I asked their pronouns, in front of classmates and the teacher. But everyone else but me who was present that day decided to just completely ignore this information. Also many students casually missed that class and we have many other teachers, so there's also a lot of people who didn't get the information at all. So they all just continued exclusively referring to this person as a she/her girl. And they never corrects them.

I really try to remember using they/them pronouns in English and only he/him in our native language to makeup for all the people who only use she/her, but again, I accidentally mess up all the fucking time. Other people using she/her for them so confidently confuses me.

But, this is the worst part, I don't correct other people who misgender them either. Because we are the only two openly queer people in our class, and I just fucking hate explaining queer stuff to nonqueer people. Even those who were there when they explained they're trans and want to be referred with other pronouns, nobody listened and I don't think they even understood what they meant. And I really don't want to be the one to explain it.

I don't try to get people to use multiple pronouns for me irl because, personally, I just don't want to have that conversation with nonqueer people. Specially people I only see in class but don't care at all about in my personal life. But I know this isn't about me. They wanted people to use those pronouns. All people. And I feel so bad. Even if they're not correcting us, it may be just because they don't want to argue or be "difficult"? They're very chill and quiet and don't like conflict. I don't want them to feel like not even the other queer person in the room is willing to support them. But. Well.

Ughh I feel like such an asshole, making this about me and my own comfort, and ignoring their wishes.

This situation has shown me that it's really easy to be a good person in theory but take the easy (bad) road in practice. It's so easy to defend hypothetical people in hypothetical situations, but when I actually meet a nonbinary person irl I don't know how to support them AND I AM NONBINARY TOO.

I should be supporting the people who come out of the closet, instead of trying to get them back in just because I'm not ready to come out too yet.

Idek I just needed to rant about this.

If you have any advice, I'll appreciate it, but I understand this ask is a mess, so no pressure. This is my issue and I need to be better, etc etc.

I just want to say that I'm sure that your classmate appreciates the effort you put into referring to them with the correct pronouns. People make mistakes. You're not a bad person for making mistakes. A bad person wouldn't care or try at all, or even be worried about this.

And keep in mind, you're not responsible for what other people do. It is in no way your fault that people keep using the wrong pronouns for your classmate. Your classmate explained that they want to be referred to in a certain way, and your other classmates chose to ignore their wishes. That's not on you. You're not at fault for their disrespect.

You say you want to support your classmate, but you do not want to correct other people for using the wrong pronouns. Something you could try is, when referring to your classmate, put a slight emphasis when you use their pronouns. It should be subtle but still noticeable.

And then, maybe on a day when you feel like you can handle it, you could try actually correcting 1 person. Just 1. I would recommend starting with a friend. And you don't have to explain a whole lot! You could say, "Some people prefer to be referred to in a neutral way." If they press, politely tell them that they should look it up on the internet. That way, you're not having to explain too much.

Remember: you are not a bad person! Everyone makes mistakes. You are not responsible for how other people behave.

If anyone else has anything they'd like to add, feel free to do so in a reblog or comment!

[seasidewanderers]

it's funny (funny weird, not funny haha) how I use masculine pronouns in Italian, which doesn't have an agreed upon neutral pronoun, but in English I exclusively use neutral pronouns. I still manage to get misgendered a half of the time by people in my life who know this and speak both languages. it's really fucking frustrating

my favorite thing as a trans person is to use the pronouns i see people using less for someone in a friend group who introduced themself with a pronound set;

all your friends only use she for you but you're a she/he? i'll be balancing out those he's for you!

trans woman who uses she/they and no one has used she pronouns for you all night? don't you worry, i got you 💚

oh you use he/it pronouns and everyone is too scared of the "it" and now you're being he/him'd only? looks like they're about to hear me it/it's you all night and if they complain i'll be a huge bitch on your behalf :)