#ends up washing them. i'm not bringing in any money right now and like at least he's working on something but he's not bringing in any

[iid-smile]

where do they take you on a date?

gojo, geto, nanami, utahime, shoko, haibara, yuki, toji, itadori, megumi, nobara, maki, inumaki, yuta, shiu, ino, sukuna, choso

if you were dating them series.

gojo satoru

amusement parks, streetball courts, zoos

gojo would definitely be a thrill-seeker, and he drags you along to all of the most extreme rides there are. if you're unfortunate, he'll get really sick afterwards and you'd have to take him to the kids rides. but then ten minutes later, he'll be going crazy on the teacups, enough for you to get sick instead of him.

he's the best at everything, isn't he? he'd teach you how to shoot and do a 1v1 with you, only to absolute smash the score 34-2 in record time. and the two pointer you got, he LET you have it. afterwards, if you're not tall enough, he'd lift you up and help you do a dunk. probably rips his pants at some point.

i know a zoo is random, but hear me out. gojo is obsessed with looking at cute animals, and he compares every single one to you. panda? that's you. otter? that's you. any type of fox? that's you. the baby voice is ON every time a baby animal is around. he gets fascinated by the reptile section because they remind him of digimon (random but ok) and reads every single fact file that he can, but he avoids the insect section like the plague and the only thing he'd willingly go to see is the butterflies. if there's any silly merchandise, he'll buy it, as well as a plushie of his favourite animal and yours.

p.s. DO NOT and i repeat, DO NOT try to scare him in the insect section. any minor spooks, and he will not hesitate to hollow purple.

geto suguru

perfume stores, onsens, cat cafes

i'm gonna be really honest, it's difficult to imagine geto doing anything as his evil curse user self (and because i refuse to rewatch the movie) however if he does take a liking to you, i do believe that he would take you to different high-end perfume stores to personally help you pick out a scent. he'll also restock on his own, and let you keep the old one so you can spray the clothes you stole from him ages ago with his perfume.

geto is a clean guy. he definitely takes care of himself (and his hair, but that's a whole other story) so treating you and him to a bath happens more frequently than you'd expect. he doesn't like going to sentos over onsens because they're less natural. his heat tolerance is unsurprisingly high as well, and he could stay in the water for hours if he really wanted to. is SO gentle when washing your back too, it would feel more like a massage if anything.

ummm... it just seems right. this one's for teen geto. he's probably a natural cat magnet. literally every single cat in the cafe would be all over him. if you get upset that no cats came to you, he'd try to put one on your lap, but it just came crawling right back to him. A for effort.

nanami kento

museums, restaurants, balconies

tell me right now that it wouldn't be cute if nanami took pictures of you taking pictures in a museum??? somehow, every single photo he has on his camera roll has you in it. would be invested if you're interested in a particular theme and bring you to more museums like that.

a true gentleman. he studies what you do and don't like to bring you to the beat restaurants that suit your tastes. will NEVER EVER let you pay the bill. if you try to insist, he already sent his card over to the waitress before you guys even ordered so there's no way they'd take your money instead. he'd also let you use your card to buy new clothes for said dates if you feel like the ones you have aren't fancy enough.

bonus!!! but if we're going to be realistic, that also means he does A LOT more work to make up for the lost money. nanami's a saver, not a spender. if he spends, he's gotta get that money back. be careful with what you pick!

you know balconies that give you a clear view of a famous or popular momument? one of those balconies. maybe for something like the tokyo tower or the tokyo skytree, then you'd get to see it light up at night!

ieri shoko

wine tasting, her bed, medical tv series/court cases

yes, she does like alcohol. no, it would not be ideal if she was getting drunk 1pm on a wednesday. consumes all sorts of drinks, but wine is the safest. to her, all wine tastes the same, or she can pick out even the tiniest details from different brands. no in between.

no, i do not mean this in that way!!!! shoko probably likes to sleep, but doesn't get many opportunities to. if she finally gets even a short break off work, the two of you will manage to get halfway through a movie before succumbing to sleep. she really doesn't move around that much while laying down, maybe doesn't even move at all. definitely looks really pretty in the morning (i can confirm) and the first thing she does is guzzle down a whole bottle of water and smoke a cigarette. stress is really something else.

shoko probably hyper-analyses medical shows and nitpicks on scenarios that are completely incorrect or different just for drama purposes. however, she loves watching dramatic court cases. especially paternity court, and judge judy. if you've seen that one video of rolling ray on divorce court, then you know how funny it is. definitely shoko's favourite and she always comes back to rewatch it.

iori utahime

haunted houses, shinto shrines, enjoying tea in a gazebo

you're the one taking her to a haunted house actually. put tape on her mouth, because her screams are crazy loud, and dangerously high pitched. one of the actors actually had to break character and cover their ears at some point, and that was only from a light scare. you'd have to yank her by the hand or arm to get her to go through the entrance, and hides behind your back the entire time.

not really a date, and she'll take you to one every year. utahime does wear traditional miko outfit, which i believe is linked to shintoism(?), so she probably used to go by herself before she even met you.

a gazebo is half indoors, half outdoors sort of, and this kind of vibe is relaxing. spring weather is the best time for dates like this. mild weather, just a bit of wind, and... pollen. utahime loves spring, but i also think she has a bad pollen allergy. she still does go on these dates knowing this because it does take a lot of stress off her shoulders, and illness isn't forever. she always brings different kinds of tea for the two of you to try.

bonus!!! would get so into world cups of any sport. even goes as far as dragging you out to bars or ordering pizza and beer for the games. trust me, i was surprised too when i read this in the fanbook.

yu haibara

unpopular restaurants, carousels, trees

haibara has a hobby of eating at restaurants that have little to no customers. he's totally convinced that the best food is made at these kind of places, and bonus points if there's a vending machine nearby. if you're unsure of the quality, he'll always try the meals before you do a few days prior, to see if he'll get sick or not after trying the food.

he has a lot of energy, so haibara really likes amusement parks! however, if you randomly spot a carousel in the middle of nowhere, he will drag you all the way and sit you down on the horse next to his. he's not even embarrassed having the two of you on them when only kids go on these rides. 10/10 experience still. he had the time of his life sitting on a miniature fake horse that moves up and down and goes 4mph in continuous circles.

he looks like the kind of guy that would climb trees to enjoy a view. the two of you would have a special tree that's particularly large and easy to climb, and in front of a flower field or river. even brings snacks so you can enjoy each other's company until it gets dark. if you're afraid of heights or not a good climber, he'll personally escort you all the way up, carrying you using one arm, you clinging onto his back, any way that feels most comfortable for you.

tsukumo yuki

anywhere on her motorcycle, fields, flower picking

she would definitely pull up to your house in the middle of the night and tell you to get dressed and hop on her bike. or just go in your pyjamas, she doesn't mind. she's very likely to go way over the speed limit, so beware. maybe does a wheelie out of nowhere just to scare you, but she also likes how you tighten your grip on her waist.

yuki could make the worst date ideas seem so romantic. she'll drive you out to the middle of literally nowhere, the sun would be starting to set, and as soon as she parks her bike, she's running off into the distance. rolling around in the grass >>> sitting down. she'd feel like a teen all over again and just be having fun. the dirty clothes when you get back are not as fun though...

kinda links to the fields. she'd give you a basket and tell you to pick whatever you want, because the flowers around here are 'wild and free'. don't listen to her, because they are not! she's probably got into trouble with the owner of the flower field so many times because that's where she get her bouquets from. lowkey a crime.

fushiguro toji

mini golf, tag along, casinos

mini golf just gives me major dad vibes. and what is toji? a deadbeat dad. he'd actually get so into it after a while even though his technique and swing would be completely off. he's such a loser unintentionally. and he WON against you even when the ball goes completely off course.

lazy bum. if you mention the fact that you're going shopping by yourself to him, you're not anymore. no, he doesn't have money. no, he's not going to whip out a ring and propose. he's just there, like a dog. he would be so useless it's annoying. ask him for an opinion on anything and he'll go "looks good to me." it could be a trash bag, and he'd say the same thing like a damn parrot! it, in fact, does not look good, toji. the only things he's good for are scaring off other guys and holding your bags.

you get to witness toji losing all of his money first hand! please don't get into gambling like him, because he would let you do so with his money, the little money he has left when he's lost hope. if you earn him a lot, he'll bring you a lot more often as a "lucky sign".... his distress would be funny though, because his reactions are so weirdly animated coming from him. just don't let him borrow any money from you afterwards.

itadori yuji

karaoke, movie theatres, anime conventions

the two of you singing your hearts out on a school night >>> would go crazy on the mic and he wouldn't care who else heard him. he may just sing bad to make you laugh, or sing so seriously that it makes you laugh. duet songs are sooo his thing and he'd hype you up whenever your part comes.

and he'd take you to watch something weird as well. itadori was so passionate talking about 'earthworm' whatever it was, imagine what else he could be into? i can also see him watching marvel movies as well. deadpool would remind him so much of gojo so he'd start buying the comics after that.

cosplaying with him!!! i think if his hair was more yellow with a bit of temporary dye, he could pass as a good naruto. also, he could look just like natsu from fairy tail. matching cosplays or not, he takes a concerning amount of pictures of you and a bit of him. mostly you. the two of you would make the mistake of buying a different kind of paint that doesn't wash off instead of face paint, and he'd be stuck with markings or details on his face for ages.

fushiguro megumi

puri kuras, build-a-bear stores, bridges

you force him to go to a puri kura. nothing is better than grumpy megumi having the most adorable filters and accessories slapped onto his face. half way through, he'd get a little into it and get used to your poses. maybe he'll do a heart with you at the end. maybe. behind his phonecase, he has the pictures hidden inside and looks at them before a mission.

you'd also force him to go to build-a-bear, but he's more willing to go here. is also willing to get matching ones. he'd pretend to be indifferent about choosing clothes, and then the next week you'd see his plush in a new shirt. sir... i know that didn't come from nowhere? would rather have you make a wish on his plush's heart instead of doing it instead, but if you beg ask nicely enough, he'll do it to yours. apparently they can have heartbeats too? megumi secretly wants yours in one of his bears one day.

bridges just feel like a good hang out spot yk? maybe ones that are above rivers in a quiet area, or a large empty road at night. it's like nobody's truly watching and holds an odd amount of privacy, which he likes. the cutesy side of him comes out as well. holding you close, kissing you, swinging your arms with his (the last one is more you than him, but he bears with it) anything he holds back from doing in public.

kugisaki nobara

shopping malls, boutiques/salons, the beach

this one's obvious. if the two of you get a bunch of money, this is the first stop. according to the fanbook, apparently nobara likes balenciaga and onitsuka tiger..? have you seen how expensive those brands are? either her spending habits or crazy, or she only buys for one use and then returns it the next day. or perhaps she just likes trying things on. still somehow manages to have a bunch of clothes in her closet.

100% believes in investing for summer glowups, even though she doesn't need one. is also 100% likely to get SCAMMED out of a bunch of money because of fake five star reviews. she can and will get her money back, even if that means somebody needs to get beat up. skincare, getting her roots touched up professionally, maybe her lashes or eyebrows getting done, new tights and underwear, anything that would enhance her features and make her feel better. she's proud and happy her appearance in general, but doesn't mind going the extra step to make herself look even better.

nobara is constantly torn between having a tan, or doing everything within her power to not get one. if models in magazines do get a little tan for their photoshoots in summer, then she'll try it out herself. looks so pretty with a tan! she isn't the biggest fan of swimming because the water is salty, but she loves ice cream and fresh fruit if she can get her hands on some. would kill to try drinking a coconut one day.

zenin maki

training, accessory shopping, feeding pigeons

training, but make it affectionate and flirty. i will forever stand by the fact that maki could be the biggest flirt if she wanted to. she would not take the sparring seriously at all and makes an effort to fluster you whenever possible. oh, and she won't hit you at all, melee or fists. gets you a cold bottle of water if you actually tried your best during it, or if your face just looks really red (i wonder why)

maki's legwarmers as a first year will be missed... if she wasn't occupied with being a jujutsu sorcerer, i think she'd like to dwell in her sense of fashion a little more, because it gives her a sense of character and confidence. she does have different pairs of glasses, as well as a variety of accessories that are already in her possession. wouldn't mind matching socks (even if they're silly, she can defend herself) or jewellery.

very VERY random, i know. maki is a softie deep down, but she doesn't always have time or ideas for dates. if she knows she'll finish a mission early, or has some time before a mission, she'll take you out to some open space nearby and pull out some bread she had prepared. at first, it would be calm, but if you accidentally throw a piece of bread too close to where the two of you are, then all hell breaks loose. weird hc, but i do think she's scared of pigeons, especially ones that aren't wary of humans.

inumaki toge

internet cafes, picnics, lego stores

gamer inumaki will forever be canon in my head. insists for you to pick whatever food you want, and also leaves out the part where he wants you to pay for everything. you may have to put a muzzle on this boy because you are not risking anyone hearing the foul things that could come out of his mouth. absolutely carries you in a game or two and is so proud of it.

i think he likes snacks a lot, so no actual food would be packed except for rice balls (intentional by the way) inumaki loves feeding you and does the pocky game for every single stick in the pack. the two of you may not even speak at all and just enjoy the weather/surroundings. please let him lay his head on your lap, and please play with his hair.

might be reaching a bit but inumaki enjoys silent activities, so building legos with him??? yes. i guarantee you right now that he has at least twenty already completed sets. he'd let you buy any set you want, and the other one you didn't pick but still wanted, he'd buy it for your birthday or any gift giving holiday. may spend his savings on a huge set that would take days to finish.

bonus!!! pranking people in school or even in public, to the point where it may or may not be bordering illegal. messing around with strangers using his cursed speech would be SO funny (until you get caught)

okkotsu yuta

ferris wheels, stargazing, aquariums

yuta's the cutest istg... he prefers calm dates over active ones, and ferris wheels are calm, right? would be afraid of heights, but he'd go if you want to go. he looks visibly shaken when you're nearing closer to the top, so please hold his hand! gets really flustered when he wants to do something cheesy like kissing you when it gets to the tippy top.

yuta really doesn't have that much time on his hands, so sometimes he'd keep himself awake to go on a date that he promised on (that explains the dark circles). if he said he would take you on a date on friday, that means from 00:00 all the way up to 23:59, he HAS to within that time, or that's just breaking a promise. so if it's really late and he can't really take you anywhere, the rooftop of your house, or even the school would suffice. he likes drawing shapes with the stars. it's like cloudgazing, but just harder for you to visualise what he's looking at.

i think he cares for all living things and finds them interesting. his favourite? fishes! he's intrigued by how they technically live in a completely different world to humans, and how differently they function. if there's one of those walkways where the fish tank goes above your head and you can see the fishes swim above you, he'll be standing there for ages just watching. don't let him, because his neck will hurt after. gets really spooked if he sees sharks and they come really close.

kong shiu

late night drives, alleyways, jewellery shopping

your personal chauffeur, but there's no real destination in mind. maybe he'll take you places near the center or just busy overall like yokohama or shibuya so you can see how the buildings light up. shiu doesn't mind blowing off all of his gas so you can enjoy high speed roads with the windows down, and lets you play any music you want at any volume.

for smoking reasons really, but it just feels so intimate in a weird way. maybe it's the small distance between you and him, maybe it's the smell of smoke and how it clouds your vision. if you're not a smoker yourself, he'd buy you something sweet to mellow out his actions affecting you, most likely a lollipop, and makes sure you don't get too close to him.

this guy loves necklaces and rings on you. you get gifted a piece from a luxury brand every year for your birthday, AND your anniversary, AND gift giving holidays. will probably take you once a year to pick out what you'd like your engagement ring to look like, so he can follow the trend in your choices and have one custom made to look perfect. for when he actually proposes to you, of course. shiu may find marriage useless unless it's for tax benefits, but calling you his wife sounds much better than girlfriend. just that little extra reassurance on how he's committed to you.

ino takuma

arcades, skate parks, gyms

he'd try to seem like a cool boyfriend and try to win you something from the claw machines, then continue to mess up ten times in a row. you'd win it for him. play a racing game with him because he'd get so excited! air hockey too. he might let you win though. ino is also comically bad at the basketball games, and every single ball is a miss, and he'd get so sulky if you tease him.

he'd teach you how to skate! or he wants to try learning something new with you. he'd get the two of you a bunch of stickers, paint, markers, anything, so you guys can decorate your boards (or even each others). if he's a good skater, every time he rolls past you, he picks you up in his arms and takes you by surprise.

ino is definitely the type who'd want to impress you. he already is strong, but he'd pull just that little bit of extra weight on dumbells just to make himself seem a little better (please do seem impressed because that makes him very happy). he's the most encouraging spotter ever if you try lifting yourself, and follows you around everywhere you go in the gym. cardio? he'll match your speed. weights? he'll do the set with you at the same time. yoga? um... he'll try his best.

ryomen sukuna

his domain, high points in cities/towns, duck paddle boating

as if he'd take you on actual dates. if he's taking you on a date, it's against your will. will randomly pull you into his domain no matter the situation. sukuna refuses to admit that he just wanted to see or touch you, and dismisses it as the fact that YOU wanted to see HIM. we all know it's the other way around, who is he trying to fool?

you would be in the middle of beauty sleep and all of a sudden you'd wake up on a rooftop or hill. doesn't even elaborate on his reasonings, if he even has any. honestly, the view from so high up is nice, so you can't even be angry. he might threaten to burn everything in view down just to see your reaction. 50/50 chance he'll do it. really depends on where and how important the place is. (100% chance he won't do it if you go out of your way to ask him not to, which is every time) he's just amused, not soft. his words not mine

...i have no words. he swears on everything that he's doing it for you, and that you were the one eyeing the duck boats and telling him they were cute. he looks so out of place that people give him weird looks when he's on it with you. don't let him get pissed off or he can and will kill anyone that even gives a little glance in his direction, animals included (seriously don't let him do this)

choso

parks, art galleries, pottery classes

choso likes kids. not in a weird way, but he likes how they remind him of his younger brothers. if you've got a little brother of your own, he'd love to play with them the whole afternoon and make sure he tries out every single piece of equipment there. would tear up if your little brother calls him 'big bro'. keep him away from slides and swings, because he will get stuck somehow.

he has a weird feeling of connection to every piece of art in an art gallery. he'd walk up to a modern painting of shapes and say "this is so me..." umm, okay? ...it's lines and circles??? it's kinda cute how he feels like he resonates with everything though. analyses each piece like crazy and makes sure that no brush stroke is missed out. at least he's attentive. choso has a strong urge to touch literally everything there, so don't let him walk off and hold his hand the entire time.

wouldn't this just be so cute??? i can't even explain it. just you and choso making matching pots and painting them with the same colours or patterns.... he does mess up a few times here and there and gets really frustrated about it. maybe you'll press both of your fingerprints on the clay so it looks like a heart <3 100% buys you flowers a few days after the class so you can put them inside.

[wave2tyun]

summer flows

pairing: soobin x reader

genre: beach!au, friends to lovers, fluff!!<3

summary: when the waves come crashing forward on a hot summer day, soobin's love gets swept up and becomes unveiled ashore

warnings: none i think :0

word count: 2k

a/n: do you guys think i'll find soobin at the beach tomorrow??????!!!! be honest!!!!!😤😤😤 biggest thanks to my bestie @huekalover3000 for helping me pull through with it🤧🤧💞💞 to be honest i'm not so sure how i feel about this but let me just taking it as a win for kicking some writers block ass (also i read through this twice but if there's still some mistakes then ummmmm pretend you didn't see it until i wake up)

“do you need more ice?”

picking up the glass soobin was holding, you took a sip from the chewed-up straw before providing him with a verdict- the mojito that you had ordered barely minutes ago was now of a pale, yet still greenish color, with wet pieces of mint stuck to the walls of the glass like the slimy algae washed up on the shore. the alcohol had completely evaporated from sitting in such boiling heat, and the only flavor that your tongue could find a hint of anymore was lime, turned nastily sour.

“sure” you shrugged. even though your drink was already diluted past salvation, there was no way you’d pour your money down the drain just like that- after all, it had cost you an inadmissible twelve dollars; at least if it was a bit colder, then there might have been a higher chance you’d be able to leave the beach without feeling nauseous.

soobin scooped up the remnants of ice from the metal bucket, 3 pieces so small that they were the size of a pebble. he dunked two of them in your drink, the third one having slipped and fallen into the sand, yet neither of you could gather up the energy to say a word about it. to simply put it, the heat today had been unseasonably oppressive, downright unacceptable and even close to lethal. you’d believe that people’s first instinct would be to stay inside and seek the protection of a dimly lit room with an ac or fan turned on to the max- but soobin had somehow convinced you that walking twenty minutes to reach the beach through languid summer heat was the better option.

“how long has it been- shouldn’t we get going soon?” you asked, yet laid back down with your arms behind your head, closing your eyes.

with a tap on his phone’s screen, soobin looked at the time- it was six pm on the dot, marking a few good hours already since you came here. the overbearing sun was only now beginning to sink lower into the sea, painting golden hues over the beach as it prepared for sunset. with many families finding that as their cue to pack up and leave, the squeaks of children splashing around had also been significantly reduced. but soobin couldn’t bring himself to leave too just yet, this was, in his mind, the ideal time to stay.

“can’t we go swimming one last time? i promise we’ll leave right after that” he pleaded, hoping to stall for a bit more time here with you. given how many twists and turns you had to get through in order to find the place, he wasn’t so sure how willing you’d be to make the journey again.

so, in the end, he chose not to risk it- leaping from where his towel laid without an answer, and jumping straight into the cool water. it wasn’t quite in his nature to do something so impulsive though, and you could tell how flustered he was from the way he apologised with reddened ears to any people around he had accidentally splashed with water. with an amused yet defeated smile, you followed the footprints he left behind in the white sand at a much more leisurely pace than him- remaining on the shore, standing as you watched the tide lapping at your feet. the seafoam coming up shily touched your tiptoes, retracting its movements soon after.

“are you not gonna join me?” soobin asked, almost accusatory, tilting his head slightly as he swam closer towards you.

“still thinking about it” you teased, fighting back a laugh at the impatient sigh he had released.

since asking proved to be redundant, soobin proceeded with his plan B: throwing water in your direction- each time varying with a bit more intensity in his aim and deepening the stubborn frown between his eyebrows. much to his dismay though, you chose to give him no reaction, not appeasing to any of his continuous childish demands. his persistence wasn’t one to underestimate though- seeing that you still wouldn’t budge, he went on to take your hand in his, pulling your body past the edge of the sea and straight into the slightly deeper levels of the water. with the low temperature suddenly enveloping your body, an involuntary shriek made its way past your lips. 

“my hand slipped, sorry” soobin chuckled, unmistakable mischief hidden behind his brown eyes.

“my hand slipped” you scowled, sending droplets flying towards him in matching retaliation.

about to defend himself, soobin’s hand rose up, the motion turning you to close your eyes in anticipation, bracing yourself for another taste of saltwater. however, you found yourself clashing with his body instead as you were drawn in by him once more; one of his arms wrapped around your waist to catch you, helping you not lose your footing, the other one carefully protecting your head. with his torso not fully submerged in the water, and with the evening breeze beginning to flow, soobin’s chest felt cool against your back- but before you could properly process what was happening, a wave came crashing forward, sending the two of you tumbling in different directions beneath the surface of the sea. the moment he rose back up, soobin’s eyes shot wide open, ignoring the searing pain induced by the water as he worriedly looked around for your figure. squeezing your eyes shut and desperately rubbing at them with your hands, you were unable to even pry them open as soobin called out your name.

“are you okay?” he exclaimed, the concern having made his voice come out louder than he had intended.

“yeah but- fuck, it stings” you grumbled in frustration.

as a brief signal of having reached you, he softly placed a hand on your back before speaking: 

“wait right here, okay?”

even with the water slightly slowing down his movements, he walked in strides, trying to rush towards the shore. then, he grabbed his towel from the ground, hurriedly dusting off any clinging grains of sand with his hand. unscrewing the cap of his water bottle, he splashed a corner of the towel with it before returning towards you. careful not to let the material come in contact with the sea, he brought it up to your face, gently dabbing at the affected area in hopes to soothe your pain.

“better?” he asked in a shaky breath- relief washed over his face at the nod you gave in response.

“much better, yeah- thank you”

“come on, let’s get you back to the shore” he spoke gently, draping the same towel over your shoulders before leading you back, hand intertwined with his.

however, it was only momentarily relief soobin had felt- dusk was falling rapidly, and his shoulders tensed up again from the way he saw you continuing to shiver beside him on the sand, relentlessly rubbing at your bare arms and legs to hide away the goosebumps.

"still cold?" his hand gave yours a soft squeeze in concern; having been the one to suggest one last dip in the water, he now felt guilty seeing you shiver like this- perhaps he should have listened when you first suggested to leave. 

"let me warm you up a bit"

grabbing the left end of the towel, soobin slipped his body beneath the coral colored cloth, shuffling closer towards you to the point where your knees were touching. for you, that was already enough to make the air feel hotter again, but soobin went on, dragging his hand along your shoulders and across the expanse of your back in thoughtful, rhythmic motions. you nuzzled your body further into his, seeking his warmth, and for a little while longer, you remained just like that, holding each other close in silence. but as tranquil as the scenery may have been- the air hung heavy, it was a silence that begged to be broken, eyes moving from sand to stone, with fluttering gazes at your lips every so often.

“so…”

“so-”

with the same words escaping the both of you at once, you couldn’t help but laugh: “you can go first”

“oh i just-” soobin paused, blinking a few times before continuing “i wanted to thank you for coming here with me today”

“of course-” you lightly nudged him “you know i can’t say no to you”

soobin smiled lightly, then released a sigh. the stutter midway through his next words made you believe that they weren’t so much of an honest match to his thoughts.

“i’m ready to leave if you want to- just tell me”

absentmindedly, you traced shapes on a patch of sand in front, using a brittle piece of driftwood “i don’t mind staying here a bit longer” you mumbled “the view is pretty”

soobin’s eyes softened as he looked at you “you’re prettier” he said quietly, half-hoping that you wouldn’t be able to pick up his words.

the unexpected comment took you off guard- flustered, you continued to avoid his peering gaze. you decided to question him for confirmation, too unsure whether to take him seriously or not “what’s that supposed to mean?”

pink dusted soobin’s cheeks and his mouth froze slightly agape- rather than giving you an answer, he simply looked ahead at the sea, resting his head on his knees. before he could begin to overthink it, soobin felt your lips softly pressing against his cheek, followed by a low whisper.

“for calling me pretty”

unsure of where exactly this was all leading to, you backed away then turned your head, placing your focus on the distant calls of birds and the waves rhythm instead- trying to steady your throbbing heartbeat in full accordance to their pace. and you were slowly beginning to calm down- that was, until you felt soobin’s lips press against your temple. but they left your skin just as quickly as they had touched it- flustered by his own actions, now it was his turn to look the other way, avoiding your face.

‘what now?’ you thought to yourself, as if you were caught playing some game of chess. it felt like your entire friendship strongly weighed on your next move- no matter how you put it, there was no clear answer that came to mind. panic began to settle in when you saw soobin’s head begin to turn towards you again:

“are you sure about this?” you blurted out impulsively.

“i’ve always been sure about you” soobin spoke under his breath, voice whispering so sweetly into the gusting breeze. the way he smiled after that warmed your heart in a way the sun never could- that tenderness of his reflected onto his face so clearly, and even more so in his touch, as he leaned in to meet your lips, slowly closing the gap between the two of you: a short kiss- still too hesitant to continue with more than just a brush of his lips. soobin gently moved away, just enough to be able to look into your eyes again.

“should i stop?” he whispered, cupping your cheek. his thumb lightly trembled from nervousness as he caressed your skin.

“quite the opposite, actually-” you mumbled faintly, placing your own hand on top of his “do that again, please”

the kiss that followed was still almost as light as a feather- soobin built up the pace slowly yet diligently, but despite threading with so much care, his kisses soon became much more fervent, much needier. a hand dipped down to your waist to pull you closer, soft gasps and sighs escaping whenever your lips parted from one another. with a bit more self control, he pulled away once he was completely out of breath, and with his head falling down to your shoulder, he bashfully confessed:

“if we don’t leave now, i’m not sure if we’re ever getting out of here”

taglist: @huekalover3000 @maybabe00 @sunoooism @boba-beom @ujisworld @wave2vee

[angellesword]

BAGGAGE | SPECIAL CHAPTER

Summary: In television dramas, the male lead's mother bribes the female lead with money to get her to leave her son. But Jeon Jungkook is different. He isn't a mother to begin with. He's just...rich.

"₩33,354,771,840.," Jungkook says, voice impassive as he stares at you. "A Lexus LC and a house near your sister's home. I'll give you everything you want if you stay with me."

Or alternatively,

Filthy-rich Jungkook doesn't know how to propose to you, so he simply bribes you.

Will you say yes?

Word Count: 3.6k

Genre & Content Warnings: established relationship, fluff, friends to lovers, kissing

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Set in Baggage universe) {{Read end notes for clarity}}

****

As Jungkook’s best friend and girlfriend, it isn’t weird that he clings to you. He’s like a cat, clipping his claws and bringing you presents—this is evident by the random (but hella expensive) gifts piling up in your room.

Jungkook loves you (it's a simple fact everyone around you knows), although there are times Jungkook isn't sure how to show his affection to you the 'normal' way.

Take, for instance, now:

"Jungkook." Your voice on the other line lacks energy, immediately causing Jungkook's stomach to drop. He has a bad feeling he won't like whatever you will say.

"I'm gonna be late tonight. You shout eat first. Don't wait for me." And Jungkook is right. His brows furrow, lips protruding into a sulky pout because he hates what you just said.

"How late." But Jungkook doesn't give up. It's your anniversary, after all. How can you act so nonchalantly as if your relationship is for naught?

Don’t you love him anymore? The thought leaves a bitter taste in Jungkook's mouth.

"Really late, Kook." You sigh, but a hint of softness can be traced to your voice. You sound sorry. Jungkook's heart clenches. "We've lots of things going on lately, especially now that my final exam is scheduled soon.”

You are a twenty-five-year-old student taking up your doctorate degree. You don’t want to give up studying as you want to be an educator in the future. It's fun—your studies. You get to research and develop strategies to gain more knowledge and inspire your future students, especially those full of dreams. Studying also lets you catch up with many students who have become your friends. You recently flew to France as an exchange student. You are so busy with school that you no longer have time for Jungkook.

Jungkook has yet to discuss this dilemma with you. He can't because he doesn't want to appear like a needy asshole, but he also can't because although you’re back in Korea, you are still jetlagged and caged to your classroom. Jungkook hasn't seen you in months, and now you’re telling him you’ll be late for your anniversary celebration.

Jungkook has had enough.

"I'll wait for you." He forces down the lump in his throat, contemplating grabbing an antacid tablet to wash the bitterness staining his lips.

"But—"

"I will wait for you." Jungkook cuts you off. 

It's non-negotiable. Jungkook is not like any normal boyfriend. He'll pretend everything is okay even though it's killing him inside. He refuses to act like Jimin—this friend of his likes bossing Taehyung, his boyfriend, around. But he wouldn't act tough if Taehyung got busy with his modeling career. Jimin won't hesitate to show affection to Taehyung, acting like a clingy dog until Taehyung spends time with him.

Unfortunately, Jungkook is not a dog. He's a feisty kitten, and cats don't beg their mommy to canoodle them—they'll simply stay calm while planning how to let their owners willingly do their bidding.

*****

You swear you love your school. You really do, but on God, was it testing your patience.

"Shit." You cuss under your breath when you trip down the stairs. It's no one's fault but yours. Running while climbing the stairs isn't ideal, yet you cannot not do it.

You can't wait for the elevator; you want to reach Jungkook's home as quickly as possible. Your boyfriend's apartment is at the penthouse, so it took you a shit ton of running before you found yourself banging on Jungkook's door.

You’re tired. You’re so fucking tired you want to cry. School monopolizes your time so much that you fall asleep inside the train and miss your stop. You woke up slouching on the train seat, head hanging close to the pole as countless people bumped into you. You jolt awake with a stiff neck and judgmental stares from other people. Drool stains the side of your mouth. You can't help but bow your head and scurry from their funny eyes. Your embarrassment doesn't last long as you have more important issues to deal with.

July 21.

Today is July twenty-one, your fifth anniversary with Jungkook as lovers. You are clueless about it. You’d probably go on with your day hadn't it been for your alarm. Your phone notifies you that you have yet to log your yearly date experience with Jungkook for your anniversary. You are drowning with paperwork, and the event you’re looking forward to the most is forgotten.

You feel horrible. In the past years, you used to pester Jungkook to have a sweet bone on his body and indulge you during your anniversary. It's a special day, after all. You will never forget how you got together:

It was the year you graduated high school and started college. You chose a university near your hometown so you could still live close to home and visit your loved ones during breaks. For you, nothing much has changed. You got busier with school, but you’re still very much close with Jungkook. You hang out in each other's room, spending half the day doing whatever.

Contrary to what people think, Jungkook, although an asshole who likes teasing you, is fun to be with. He's a good listener, too, and is willing to try things as long as he doesn't have to go outside and exert too much energy. He's just a lazy bum who is highly attached to his bed.

--And apparently, attached to you too.

You noticed that your best friend acted differently a few months after starting college. Jungkook is weirdly quiet and seems to develop the habit of pursing his lips into a thin line whenever you tell him stories about the university. If asked if something was up, Jungkook would shake his head and shoo you away.

You tried to understand your enigmatic best friend for some time. You are very patient with Jungkook, acting like a mature adult who needs to look after a lost kitten and ensure the kitten gets his milk and plays with his toys.

Jungkook has lived a happy and healthy (although tiring) life, so imagine how upset you are when you find out your best friend got sick. Jungkook said he’ll help Jimin’s business and defer for one year to think about what he feels about college, but soon, he'll definitely get into a good university, too. You don’t understand why he's abandoning his health.

"I can't believe you, Jungkook." You click your tongue. You are currently inside his room. Jungkook is running a fever, curled into a ball, and shivering. He didn't even drink his medicine. "You stayed up all night playing video games with random strangers, didn't you? Will it kill you to go out of your room and eat? Just look at your face. You're so pale!"

You are trying to change your habit of screaming, but your voice raises slightly as you take in Jungkook's poor state. He looks like a stray animal seeking shelter.

Jungkook snorts and grips his blanket tightly. "Will you shut up?"

"I—what." You are at a loss. Here you are, pouring your care for Jungkook, and this is all you get?

You clench your jaw, heart going wild.

"I won't shut up, Jungkook. You're being unreasonable. Jimin had to call me because you only leave your room if he tells you I'm home. What's up with you? Didn't you already beat the big boss in the game? You reached the final level, Jungkook—"

"Ugh." Jungkook kicks the blanket around his body as he sits on the bed. You are beside him, startled by his sudden movement.

"Jungkook—"

"So noisy." Jungkook glares at you. "Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

"But you're ruining yourself for a game—"

"Who said I was playing games!?" The last time Jungkook was this angry was when he fought those who bullied you during elementary. Jungkook never liked confronting people, as it takes too much energy. He's too lazy for it, but now he can't help but scream in your face. His pale face turns a bright shade of red because of mixed emotions:

"I wasn't playing games. I am up all night studying." Shame. Frustration. "Can't you understand? I need to study harder to get into the same university as you. I want to be with you." Longing.

You are startled, your lips parting wide as this is the first time you see how honest and vulnerable Jungkook is.

"Jungkook."

"I know, okay?" Jungkook wipes at his cheeks aggressively. Your eyes dilate. Fuck. Jungkook is crying. "You're a college student now. You're busy. You have other friends—friends who don't make things hard for you. Friends who don't make you cook crab spring rolls, but I can't." His voice breaks, choking back a sob. "I miss you every day. I miss you at school. I miss you nudging me to eat breakfast. I miss you encouraging me to run another lap. I miss you hiding me behind your back when things get overwhelming. It's just that..." 

Love. Hurt. Comfort.

"I miss you."

It can't be said that this is all too sudden. Jungkook has been feeling like shit for months. He hasn't been himself ever since you started college. You painted his life since he was young. How is Jungkook supposed to function when he is a canvas and you hold the brush?

You might be the brush, but your feelings for Jungkook are the paint colors. Jungkook bottled up his emotions for a long time, and so did you.

No one's to be blamed now that the colors spluttered like torrential rain.

You can't help it. You grab Jungkook's cheeks with both hands and kiss him hard. But your heart is in your throat, and your eyes are tightly clamped shut as you’re afraid Jungkook would find the kiss appalling.

Jungkook doesn't. He melts against your lips. It takes him a few seconds before purring and kissing you back.

Your lips are soft. Jungkook is a breathy kisser, as if he wants to suck the air out of your mouth, making it seem like you are his oxygen. In truth, you really are.

"I miss you too." You stop kissing Jungkook to whisper this, but he chases after your lips, so fussy that you dare to stop.

You laugh and press your lips against Jungkook's. But you stop again. You are not done with your speech yet.

"And I love you, Jungkook. You've no idea how much crazy I am for you." You nearly lose your mind when attending university and can't see him. You hate seeing unfamiliar people despite your friendly and airy nature.

You miss doing your homework with him. You miss packing extra lunch to ensure Jungkook is eating well. You miss him. You miss Jungkook so badly that you run toward Jungkook's house every Friday right after your last class.

You miss Jungkook, so you can't help but kiss him more. You lick his tears away, too. Jungkook is hot—he's so, so hot.

Literally.

"Tsk." There's a warning tinging Jungkook's tone when he calls your name as you stop kissing him. Jungkook thinks you are toying with him, but you will never do that.

"I know. I'm sorry." You settle a kiss on Jungkook's forehead before brushing his hair with your fingers. "But you're still sick. You need to eat and rest."

Jungkook whines, his hands clenching into fists. He wants to kiss you more.

"But it's Sunday." That is all Jungkook can say. His words imply: If I sleep now, you'll leave, and I won't see you until Friday. I wanna spend more time with you.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Don't worry. You need to ask me out properly tomorrow."

"Huh?" Jungkook blinks innocently at you. He doesn't know how you end up straddling his lap. 

"Don't huh me." You click your tongue. "I've already told you I love you. Don't forget you kissed me back. You like me too, right?"

Heat flares up Jungkook's cheek. He nods slowly before looking at your eyes.

You chuckle. "Then it's settled. We're together now, but you will ask me properly tomorrow."

"We're together?" Jungkook asks dumbly—as if he didn't hear the same thing from you.

You are tempted to flick his forehead. But you simply look at your smartwatch and laugh.

"July twenty-one. Yes, Jungkook. We're dating already. Is that okay with you?"

Of course, it is. Jungkook has been in love with you since he was young. He only raises his eyebrows for acceptance, though.

You smile. "Good. That's good. You're officially my headache.”

For years, things have stayed the same. You indulge Jungkook in whatever way possible, but it gets progressively hectic this year, and you can't even see your boyfriend.

And now, you’re a minute away from missing your fifth anniversary.

"Jungkook. Answer the door." You are out of your mind, forgetting that you know your boyfriend's door password. It takes you a couple of knocks before realizing that, but when you do, Jungkook is already opening the door.

"Jungkook!" Your eyes are blown wide. You hurriedly look at your smartwatch, your heart dropping when you see the time.

12 am.

It's July 22 now. You miss your anniversary.

"Fuck." Your shoulders sag. You gather your boyfriend into your arms. "Fuck, Jungkook. I'm so sorry."

You are not a crybaby. You didn’t cry after what the people in the club did to you. But this is different. This isn't the club. This is Jungkook.

Tears well up in your eyes. Your distress is apparent. Jungkook has never seen you like this. It makes his heart ache.

"Hey," Jungkook calls softly. He wraps his arms around your waist. Jungkook's lips are dry. "Let's get you inside first."

You don’t fight him. You enter Jungkook's home, and you settle on the couch. It's late, but Jungkook is still wearing a suit. He hates suits as he prefers hiding his figure over an oversized hoodie while his shoulder-length hair is tied into a messy bun.

The Jungkook you’re facing now has cleaned up so nicely. And oh God...

"Your hair." You stutter a breath. Jungkook ties his hair into a bun, which isn't messy like how he usually styles it. "I heard you need to look presentable when planning a proposal," Jungkook explains why he changed his hairstyle.

Your brows knit. Your mind can't still catch up to the present moment. You are stuck looking at Jungkook. Your boyfriend is so, so handsome. And goddamnit, his lips look soft—as if begging to be sucked.

You forced yourself to look away and pay attention to your boyfriend's words. "Proposal." You say as you lick your lower lip, still high from looking at Jungkook, climbing many stairs, and missing your anniversary. "What happened? Are you planning to woo some new investors?”

You gulp.

"Please tell me it's not Professor Verlaine." Verlaine is among the smartest businessmen out there, but you can't forget how you ran after him yesterday at 4am to get his insights about your paper.

Verlaine follows a strict routine, especially now the semester is about to end. He doesn't have time for you, so you sneak up to him for a few words. The only reason he doesn't call security on you is because he respects your diligence.

You shake your head at the memory. You swear you don’t want to take the spotlight from Jungkook, but you are exhausted and can't help but groan.

"I hate the education system so much, Jungkook. The bastard made me run three kilometers with little to no breaks." You rest your head on your boyfriend's heaving chest. You want to apologize properly to Jungkook and listen to his milestones, but you want to yap more than ever and fall asleep. You’ve been studying for more than twenty-four hours straight.

Jungkook's stomach knots with worry ang guilt; he beats himself up for thinking you don't love him. You clearly do. But life is getting in the way of your relationship. This isn't ideal at all. 

Jungkook is a good boyfriend. He rubs the back of your head, encouraging you to voice out your grievances. You smell of commute and smoke. You probably dealt with your chain-smoker professors earlier. Jungkook doesn't mind, though. If anything, it makes him realize how much he loves you. He can kiss you all day, even in this state.

"This used to excite me, you know? But I'm tired of unrealistic expectations in school. How can I write a whole dissertation in a few weeks? I’ve had oral examinations and business projects, too.”

Sometimes, you are not free to learn as you are bound to follow what is written in the book and set by the education sector.

You long to express your idea and not be barred by endless examinations to test your intelligence. You want to explore learning habits and see how students can express their knowledge, not just through exams. But more than ever, you want a slow morning without skipping breakfast to run to the train station to get to your 7 am class. You want to laze around your home, water your dying plants, prepare meals for you and Jungkook, and host barbeque parties with your other friends.

Your school hinders you from doing what you want. But you can't quit if you want to achieve your dream. 

"My love," Jungkook calls when he thinks you have fallen asleep while ranting. You are very much awake, though. You’re busy daydreaming about a life you don’t have.

"Sorry." You feel defeated. "I rambled, didn't I?" You kiss Jungkook's cheeks. "And I took the spotlight away from you. Can you tell me about your proposal later? I just need to get some shut-eye." You need to go to school in a few hours. Jungkook doesn't mind that you are sleeping around him.

But not this time.

"No." He holds your face. "I have to tell you about the proposal now."

"Huh? Ah." You force yourself to stay awake. You really don’t want to upset Jungkook. Besides...your boyfriend sounds serious. "I guess I can spare some time."

You have gotten nervous about Jungkook's tone. You can even go as far as to say that your drowsiness fades a little.

Thankfully, Jungkook goes straight to the point.

"I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."

"Huh?" Now, you are wide awake. Your heart trembles violently against your chest.

"Jungkook." You call, voice strained. "Are you serious? You don't want to be my boyfriend anymore?"

Please say no. Please.

"Yes."

Fuck.

You feel your heart drop. Heat crawls to your face as your lips part. No words come out, though. You don’t know what to do or say.

Jungkook is breaking up with you. Jungkook doesn't want you anymore.

"I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore because I have a new proposal about our relationship."

What do you mean? You want to ask, but you’re still too stunned to speak. Luckily, Jungkook explains.

Jungkook takes your stone-cold hands. You don’t feel anything. You don't realize that Jungkook's hands are shaking. More importantly, you don't feel it when Jungkook hovers a ring on your finger.

You only realize what's happening when Jungkook forces a nervous smile; his tone is delicately soft when he asks, "Will you do the honor of marrying me?"

You let out a strangled gasp.

"Jungkook." You call.

Jungkook panics. He swears he can already feel the rejection in your mouth. He can't.

"Hear me out first." Jungkook schools his expression to be neutral. It's okay. He tells himself. He has prepared for this moment.

"You have no reason to say no." He doesn't mean to be aggressive, but he sounds like one. Jungkook can't take back what he started.

He pushes through.

"₩33,354,771,840." Jungkook tightens his hold on the ring and your hand. "I computed your average yearly salary as a future professor until retirement." 

Silence permeates the room. You are just staring at Jungkook.

Jungkook clears his throat, “And then I multiplied it by ten—that’s how I came up with the amount.”

You have no idea what Jungkook is saying.

“You said you wanted a Lexus LC, so I brought you one. I bought a bare house near your Jisoo-unnie’s home because you said you want to live closer to her. It’s up to you how you want to design it.”

Jungkook is proud when he adds, “Everything will be yours if you agree to marry me. You can quit now if you’re not happy with school. You can work as my full-time wife or build your own school. I can help you with the capital. I will be your number one investor.”

“Are you bribing me, Kookie?” You ask when you recover from the initial shock. You can’t help the playful smirk creeping up your face.

Jungkook snorts. “No. They’re merely your perks. You will marry me because you love me.” Confidence is not something Jungkook focuses on. He only says things he has analyzed—just like his tactics in business. Based on his calculations, you will say yes after hearing his proposal. Jungkook got nervous and afraid earlier because he had yet to say his piece. But now that he did…

“My assets are hundreds of times higher compared to what you’ll make in the future. I want you happy, my love. I can give you what you want.”

It pains Jungkook to see you looking tired with bloodshot eyes. He wants you to freely experience what it’s like to be happy—this is mainly why Jungkook works hard to earn money. He longs for you to have a comfortable lifestyle.

“Jungkook.”

Jungkook ignores your defeated look. “So, what do you say, will you marry me?”

Silence engulfs you. Jungkook mentally recomputes his chance as his heart beats erratically. He says his chance is 98/100.

Perhaps he needs to convince you more—

Jungkook’s train of thought halts when you lead his hands into inserting the ring into your finger.

“It’s a yes, then,” you say after the ring slides to your finger. You smirk at Jungkook. “I’ll let you marry me so I can officially be your wife. What do you say, Kookie?”

Jungkook nods. He grabs your face and kisses you hard. “Mn.” He hums as he licks the seams of your lips. “Let’s get you a collar for here too.” Jungkook’s lips paint bruises on your neck. “That way, you’ll be mine in all aspects.”

You laugh.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s send out our wedding invitation soon, too.”

Jungkook nods. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Kookie.”

- End - 

*****

A/N: I originally posted this as a Haikyu!! fic, but I figure, why not share it as a JJK fic to people here on Tumblr and give you guys a break from the original baggage plot? I wrote this all day, heavily inspired by what I want to happen in my life. Seriously, I need my Jungkook too. My corporate job has been stressing me lately, so my brain daydreams of things I know will not happen to me in real life.

Sighs. I want to eat and just write fics all day.

Note: THIS IS IN NO WAY RELATED/ CONNECTED WITH THE ORIGINAL PLOT OF BAGGAGE. (This doesn't contain spoilers on what's gonna happen in chapter 12 onwards. This is merely an alternate universe where Jungkook didn't fuck up and isn't a coward about expressing his emotions to OC. There's no Soobin here, though.)

See you soon!! What do you guys think about this?

[lucy90712]

Ooo part two of the request he runs into you with a rock on your finger and your newborn baby and he’s gutted. Gutted that the baby should’ve been his.

part 1 Jude's POV

"I'm sorry I just don't think we are right for each other" I said for what feels like the millionth time in the last few years 

Since seeing y/n again I decided that I needed to move on, I blocked her accounts on Instagram and deleted her contact off my phone so there was no temptation to talk to her or see what she has been doing. I thought that would help me move on but it hasn't I still think about her all the time. I never took down the pictures of us in my house because when I tried to do it the place felt so empty it no longer felt like a home so I put them back up. Everyone has told me that I just need to do it and move on in fact they tell me that I need to go to therapy and talk about my feelings but I don't want to as it's just too painful to talk about. 

Over the last few years I've tried to see other girls and some of them were so lovely but because they weren't y/n I just had no feelings towards them. There was always something that wasn't right some just wanted my fame and money and others just weren't my type. One girl was nearly perfect she was sweet and beautiful but I just couldn't make myself have feelings for her so I ended things. Nothing has ever gone beyond a few dates I kissed a few of the girls but never went any further and they certainly come back to my place as then I'd have it explain the pictures. All I've had is situationships and meaningless one night stands which is all I deserve after the way I treated the only girl I ever truly loved. 

After ending my last situationship I had to go for a walk on my own to clear my head as all of this is starting to get stupid. It has dawned on me that maybe I do need to go to therapy or talk to someone to work through what is stopping me from moving on and letting myself love someone else. My way of living solely in the past isn't healthy and it's starting to really ruin my life as I'm not letting myself enjoy going on dates and finding someone who is right for me. It seems like an impossible task right now to move on but I know I can do it y/n did it so why can't I. Going outside and letting myself think has given me a new lease of life I'm ready to go home and and finally take down the pictures and remove all the other things that remind me of y/n even if the house feels bare for a while I can add things that have no memories tied to them. 

Just as I made it to the park near my house to just sit and think with no one else around I saw someone sat on the bench I usually sit on by the lake. It was a couple with a newborn baby but I couldn't see either of their faces at first. A few seconds later they moved and I nearly fainted when I saw who it was. It was y/n and Carlos with what must be their baby and y/n had a ring on her finger so they must be engaged. My friends told me that she moved out of Madrid a while ago and hasn't really been back but here she is right in front of me. I haven't seen her since the first night I saw her with Carlos and I thought I'd never see her again but there she is on the day I decide that I need to move on. The universe really has awful timing but I guess seeing her living her life with another man is all the more reason to move on. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Your POV

"Did I leave my rings in the bathroom?" I asked Carlos from the bedroom 

"Yeah they are here I'll bring them out" he said 

"Thank you I had to take them off to wash my hands after she was sick and then completely forgot about putting them back on I swear baby brain is going to kill me" I said 

"It's ok you don't need to stress about it if you forget to put your rings on I don't care as long as you and little one are ok nothing else matters" Carlos said handing me back my rings 

"I'm so glad we are here getting to see friends has made me feel so much more human and not like I've just crawled out of the grave" I joked

"See I told you getting away from home and having a different routine would be good you've been at home for over a month now it's good to get back some sense of normality" he said 

"How about we go for a walk in the park before we meet everyone later" I suggested 

"Sounds good I'll get the baby in the stroller" Carlos said

Carlos has been the best since the baby arrived 5 weeks ago of course he still has practice sessions but every second he can he spends helping me and making sure I'm ok as well as the baby. I couldn't ask for a better husband he has been the best partner since we got together but he really stepped it up once we got engaged a year and a half ago. It's crazy to think we have been together for 4 years now and married for nearly 1 especially when we met at such an awful time in my life but Carlos has truly shown me the bright side of life. 

Walking the streets of Madrid and going to the park I used to walk through when I lived here feels a little bit weird I haven't been here since I moved away 3 years ago but this place holds a lot of memories some good some bad but the bad memories are so far in the past they almost don't matter anymore. As Carlos pushed the stroller while holding my hand as I walked next to him I couldn't help but think about the last time I came to this park which is when I broke up with Jude. After ending things I didn't know where to go so I came here and just cried my eyes out which I think is my lowest moment in life but yet here I am just a few years later at my happiest with my perfect little family. 

We walked around for a while before the baby got fussy so we sat down on a bench by the lake so I could feed her before we meet friends for dinner. It was lovely and peaceful as there was hardly anyone else around so we sat there and talked for a while even after the baby had eaten and fallen asleep again. Eventually we had to leave so I had to place the baby back in her stroller as slowly as I could as not to wake her which is a skill I've developed since she was born. As we turned around to leave I saw someone else walking down the path in the park who looked familiar then I realised it was Jude. 

I haven't seen him since that night in the club years ago now and honestly until today I haven't really thought about him it's been so long that I've moved on. Sure what he did was awful and ruined me for a while but things have changed and I don't like to hold a grudge so weirdly it was nice to see him as I have no idea how he's been since I left. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Jude's POV

Before I could turn around and go the other way she had noticed me and waved with a bright smile on her face the smile I used to love seeing everyday. Some weird force of nature was pulling me towards her I know I should just wave back and walk another way but I'm drawn to her something in me needs to be closer to her and talk to her again. It's this part of me that has stopped me from moving on but maybe seeing her one last time and having her tell me how happy she is in her new life will be what I need to hear to realise I have to move on. 

The closer I got the more obvious the ring on her finger became and that's when I could see that she actually had two rings a beautiful engagement ring that was very much her style and a wedding ring that was equally spectacular. She was never someone to love jewellery with big gem stones or anything hugely fancy so the two more understated but still tasteful rings are exactly what I knew she would've wanted. There was a time I looked at engagement rings for her but I never actually bought one and now I regret not just taking the plunge as then this could be us. Being closer to her also allowed me to see her baby in the stroller, the baby was very small so clearly a newborn and dressed in white with pink flowers so likely a girl. I could see a lot of y/n in the baby even though she's very small but the thick black hair stood out as a feature passed down from her now husband Carlos. It got me thinking what our kids would've looked like would they end up with her best features like her lips and her beautiful eyes and would we have boys or girls. A lot of hypotheticals were flowing around my brain. 

"Hi it's been so long how have you been?" She asked bringing me back to reality 

"I've been good life has been keeping me busy but it's been good" I lied as not to make her or myself feel bad 

"Congratulations on everything you've won with the team I hear you've done really well" she said 

"Thanks how have you been I see a lot has changed" I half joked 

"Yeah it's been a crazy few years but it's even crazier now that this little one has arrived she keeps us up at all hours of the day" she laughed 

"Well congrats she's beautiful" I said 

"Not when she's screaming at 3am" Carlos joked 

"It's been great to see you again but we have dinner with friends to get to it's been lovely to catch up I hope life keeps treating you well Jude" she said 

"You too I hope you all stay well" I said letting them leave 

I sat down in the bench the two of them were just sat on as they walked away while trying to tell myself that her walking away was her leaving my life for good and my signal to let go of the past. It still hurts that she's so ok without me while I've been a mess but I don't know what I expected she's always been such an amazing person so someone was always going to see that and want to be with her. I suppose I'm glad that Carlos seems like such a nice guy as I did want the best for her and he seems like the perfect husband so if it can't be me I'm glad it's him who can make her happy everyday. 

It's finally time to move on she has her life and clearly doesn't think about her time with me so it's time for me to do the same. No one will ever be her so I need to stop trying to find someone who is she might've been my first love but that doesn't mean she has to be my last. 

[catofthecanals289]

Australian summer 👀 🤲🏻

ooh another old one. One of the first thigns i wrote for maxiel *ever* I'm pretty sure

-

The January summer sun draws long shadows on the dry grass, creating sharp contrast despite the washed out colors of the place.

The ground is dusty and warm to the touch, and Max knows it will cling to his clothes and sweaty skin like a tan that will always fake on his pale dutch skin, but he can’t bring himself to mind. Not when he can hear Daniel laughing, when he can see him throw his head back with another bark as his niece says something in her squeaking little, adoring voice. Not when Daniel’s sister leans over having sat down in the shade of the tree Max doesn’t know the name off but is leaning against, legs stretched out in front of him, and says: “He probably told you already, but he’s so happy you came.”

She doesn’t mean to this pony riding event that Daniel had promised to his niece and nephew, but Max feels it counts anyway, making him shrug and lift the bottle of lukewarm water to his lips.

After a couple of gulps, he lets it sink again, exhaling.

“Yeah, I know,” he says, and it comes out softer than intended , but Max’s cheeks are already flushed anyway. “I know,” he repeats even softer.

It’s not enough.

“He wasn’t sure you’d come,” Michelle says.

Across the paddock Daniel laughs again, loud and honest and beautiful. If Max closes his eyes, he can taste it on his tongue, can feel it against his lips.

“I know,” Max says again, his heart heavy in his chest.

Daniel waves at him. His niece and nephew do too. Max waves back, so does Michelle.

“He’s getting too old for his, Max,” she says, her hand down again, expression gentle but serious. Max can’t stand it, but he once thought he couldn’t stand summer in winter either. “For these games, do you know that too?”

Max shakes his head. “I’m not playing any games with him.”

She doesn’t believe him, but neither does Daniel some days, and Max has no idea how to fix it. He thought, maybe, coming here, getting onto a plane after New Years, would be a start. Now that he’s here, on the other side of the world, he wonders if maybe he should have come sooner.

They’ve never spend a New Year’s together.

Six years of this, of them, and not one New Year’s.

“I wouldn’t be here, if I was,” he adds, and he doesn’t look at her, instead looks at his own hand, runs his thumb over the spot that shows a rose on Daniel’s.

He didn’t get it for Max, that’s not something Daniel would do, but Max always felt like in a way, it still ended up for him, his, and maybe that’s foolish, maybe that’s self-absorbed, but maybe that’s how Max feels about Daniel too, about this thing between them, that after all these years, he should be able to put a name on.

Daniel was never meant to be Max’s. He was meant to live in the sun, to have laugh lines drawn onto his face by summer warmth and happiness, he was meant to live and love, and none of that with Max because Max’s one true love will always be racing and Daniel sued to feel the same, but Michelle is right, he’s getting too old for this, he’s getting tired. He hasn’t said so yet, still talks about winning, about believing, about having that passion, and most days he sounds like he believes himself, but others the tiredness in his eyes gets a little too dark, a little too blurry and then Max can see it clearly, can hear it loudly.

Daniel wants to be done. Soon.

He loves the polished streets of Monaco, loves the yachts and the money and the champagne parties but he loves dirt roads and February barbecues more. He loves sleeping in, and waking up to no city noise around him. He loves the ranch he lives on back here, in Australia, and he loves his family, wants one of his own and Max isn’t the kind of guy who can give him that.

“I want to be with him, always,” he says slowly, carefully, *honestly*. “And it’s easy in Monaco. No one question why we’d both be there. We live there. We are friends. But being here, in Perth, it’s different. It’s-”

“But would it be so bad?” Michelle interrupts him, voice low. “If people knew?”

“It would be,” Max answers after a moment, looking over to where Daniel has lifted the little girl onto his shoulders now, walking towards Max and Michelle and their tree, His brother in law with his son next to him.

“Why?” Michelle asks with a sigh.

“Because I’m not done racing.” *And I won’t be for years. Ever, maybe.*”And no matter what they say, I can’t have people know about me and Daniel and race in Qatar. In Malaysia. In Saudi Arabia. Or- Any of those places.”

Her eyes don’t leave his. “What about we race as one?”

A small, sad smile makes the corner of Max’s mouth curl upwards.

“What about it?” he asks, voice a little more raspy than usual.

When the others reach them, Michelle gets to her feet, plucks her daughter from her brother’s shoulders and spins her around, making the little girl giggle and squeal and Daniel smile, all sweet and soft, and nothing like the bright, loud laugh he wears so often than Max loves all the same when it’s honest, never growing tired of it. But this, this small, little thing, it’s not for anyone, not for fans, not for reporters, not for rivals, or for the world. Not for Max. It’s for Daniel and Daniel only, an unconscious little thing.

“I love you, you know,” he says, voice still too rough, too raspy, once Daniel has set down, smelling like horse and sweat and him.

He wishes Daniel didn’t look so surprised. Not after six years.

“I know,” Daniel says anyway, that soft, sweet smile back on his lips. Still looking at Max, he presses a kiss to his own hand, lips covering the rose tattoo.

He’s never said so, and Max would never ask, but it’s something Daniel does when he and Max can’t kiss, when it’d be too risky, when he knows that it’d make Max uncomfortable.

If Daniel was wearing a cap right now, Max would be flicking the brim of it in answer, but as it is, he taps the tips of his index and middle finger against Daniel’s forehead, right where his wild curls begin.

“And I’m glad I came,” Max goes on, because if nothing else, he needs Daniel to know that. “I’m glad I’m here.”

“You hate the Australian summer,” Daniel counters, smile wider now, showing teeth. He puts his arm around Max’s shoulders and Max has to fight the urge to turn into him, to make this something more than buddies, something more than best friends, and breathe in more of Daniel scent, and press his face into Daniel’s bare skin, right where his tank top reveals too much sweat glistening skin, down from his armpit over his ribs to his stomach.

Max wants to slip his hand under the fabric and splay his fingers over the little rolls that slouching has created in place of Daniel’s abs. He wants to climb in Daniel’s lap and grind down on his crotch, wants to feel Daniel grow hard for him, wants to see the wild, dark lust in his eyes, wants bruises on his wrists and bite marks on his throat.

He wants to wake up next to Daniel every morning and go to bed with him every night.

He wants to sit on the roof of his jeep with him and watch the sunset.

He wants to kiss him and love him and fucking marry him too.

He wants to watch the laugh lines on Daniel’s face that he eyes so critically in the mirror these days grow deeper, wants to be there to see his hairline get thinner little by litter and make sure that Daniel knows that he’s not one bit less attractive, not to Max, not to anyone with a brain.

But Max wants to be a world champion too, and that’s all there really is to that.

“I don’t hate it,” Max says, and he means to just knock his knee against Daniel’s, but it stays, instead, side pressed against Daniel’s.

Daniel looks down, eyes crinkling, the corners of his mouth curled up. His smile grows a little wider when Max puts his hand on his thigh, too sweaty and too warm, heart thumbing in his head like it’s about to break.

“No?” Daniel says, voice low. “I’m glad.”

[favoriteblogonthecitadel]

Six Song Soundtrack Game

Tagged by the beloved @isayashai !! I loved reading through the songs you picked <3 And I had my eye on this tag game, so tysm for tagging me!!

Rules: If tagged, make a new post with links to music and/or lyrics describing the following: 1. An event that defines your character's past 2. How your character sees themselves 3. How others view them 4. Their closest relationship (platonic or romantic) 5. A major fight scene 6. End credits song

Doing this one for Xiomara Shepard with her ME1 self in mind specifically. Song titles/lyrics below, and since I like how they sound together, here are all of them in a playlist :)

Atlas: Eight by Sleeping At Last

I remember the minute It was like a switch was flipped I was just a kid who grew Up strong enough To pick this armor up And suddenly it fit […] But I can't let you see All that I have to lose All I've lost in the fight to protect it I can't let you in

If you’re wondering, yes, I’m very normal about Earthborn Ruthless Shepard. Particularly normal about Xiomara getting recruited from a chaotic environment and tossed into the super rigid expectations of Alliance training — struggling with culture shock within that structure, until the moment she gets to put on armor for the first time. It just... feels right to be ready to fight things, any things she gets thrown at, and becoming a soldier gives her everything she needs to pursue that instinct. From then on she thrives on the skills and attitudes she learned as a child, because apparently gang and Alliance cultures have some commonalities (they both reward desensitization to violence and loss of the self to the best interests of the organization).

2. Sometimes by Gerry Cinnamon

Sometimes, just sometimes Well alright, maybe all of the time I'm on a false ego trip Well I'm a renegade of sorts I roam the concrete jungle Hunting idiots for sport And now the cocaine scene It picked me up and made me frown That's when joking says that music helps the medicine go down Hey, it makes you feel alive More like demons of the night Flinging powder up your nose It's the way the water flows Yeah that's the way the story goes

For a character who relies so much on confidence and aggression, her inner dialogue is a lot more grounded; resigned, even. She has a job, it’s dirty work, and she does it well while finding acceptable ways to cope with it (also questionable ones, but what's life without some risk?). She doesn't feel any particular inclination to change her lot in life, until she finds the Beacon and faces a Bigger Picture she wasn't ready for.

3. MONEY by The Warning

Moral code updates three times a year Truth that's dipped in gold is just as sincere I'll never ask for forgiveness I come with God as my witness I pray he'll wash my hands It's sad and true, and the world hurts Sold your soul that's how it works We're human after all Are you worth your weight in gold? Going once, going twice, sold It's all about that cold, hard cash, hon Ow!

This is how I’d anticipate a lot of people view the Butcher of Torfan turned Council Spectre (and the mere concept of a human becoming a Spectre, tbh).

4. L.A. Kid by Act As If (for Xo and Kaidan)

You were an L.A. kid You were fighting hard You didn't need no one To set you apart You took me by surprise And stars fell from the skies You say you lost your heart And the lights went on 'Cause when you saw me, it was gone It was gone, it was gone And now that I I've got you here My days are long But you know when I'm coming home Coming home, coming home

They’re in love, your honor. <3 Neither of them was expecting it or looking for it, but once they collide, they're home.

5. The Pretender by Foo Fighters (for the final battle with Saren)

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face that you have to face, mirroring your stare I'm what's left, I'm what's right, I'm the enemy I'm the hand that'll take you down, bring you to your knees So, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend What if I say I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays? You're the pretender What if I say I will never surrender?

Heyyyyy so what if we were narrative parallels in our relationship with the threat of obliteration? What if we were both ruthless and flawed but one of us felt like a Chosen One forced to minimize the damage of the apocalypse, and the other could give zero fucks about compromising with false gods? What if our final confrontation after months of mutual hunt happened in the room that ordained both of us into the same Vigilante job, and it was not just a physical fight, but a conversation about which of us is a hero and which is a puppet? What then?

6. Raise Hell by Dorothy

Gotta raise a little hell Young blood, run like a river Young blood, never get chained Young blood, heaven need a sinner You can't raise hell with a saint Young blood, came to start a riot Don't care what your old man say Young blood, heaven hate a sinner But we gonna raise hell anyway

It's just Xiomara vibes honestly, and it goes well with the mutiny thing near the end of the game!

[storyofmychoices]

Through the Pain

[Jun Seong x Emilia Charles Masterlist]

Pairing: Jun Seong x Emilia Charles (F!MC) Book: The Deadliest Game, Chapter 6 Word Count: > 1,300 Rating/Warnings: Teen (to be safe), mentions of in canon (chapter 1) death, a little survivor's guilt, emotional hurt/comfort

Synopsis: Emilia takes Jun up on his offer to try the punching bag. (A more emotional rewrite of Jun's Chapter 6 diamond scene)

"Punching it out really does work for you," Emilia teased with a playful smile as her gaze flickered over his glistening torso. 

"Usually. But the talking also helped," Jun admitted with a slight but grateful nod. 

The pair stood in a comfortable silence. The heaviness that once filled Jun's gaze was lighter now. She was grateful for that. There was a killer on the loose, and while she didn't suspect Jun, she also didn't need to worry about him pummeling Steve, even if he did deserve it. 

A wave of warmth washed over her. How could so much have gone wrong? 

Her career might be over, thanks to the creative desert she was lost in, better known as writer's block. As Emilia's attention drifted to the black punching bag hanging from the ceiling. The distant rumble of thunder echoed in the space. The dark clouds mirrored the turmoil brewing within her. The color was dark and empty, like the creative drought in her mind. She stepped closer, her thoughts shifting to Jun's unyielding assault on the bag that seemed to bring him relief. 

And then there was Nick. 

Her best friend. 

The one person she trusted above all else. 

Taken. 

And for what? Money? 

Her stomach turned as everything flooded back. She had tried to be stoic about it, not for herself, but what else could she do? There was a murderer among the guests, and tensions were running high. Someone had to keep it all together and try to solve the murder if they hoped to make it through the weekend. 

Her fist lightly touched the bag. Not a punch. Just an acknowledgment that it was there.

"Wanna give it a try?" He questioned softly, bringing her back to the present. 

"We should get back," she shook her head, trying to refocus herself on the task at hand. "Farah and Dante will be looking for us."

"You can take a moment—" Jun began as he moved closer, his hand resting on the side of the bag. "—if you need it. You don't have to always hold it together. It's okay to let go. The only reason anyone is holding it together right now is because of you, but it's okay to let go."

The corner of her lips pulled up slightly. She knew she didn't have the best poker face, but she had hoped she was doing a better job than that. "Is it that obvious?"

"No, but it's my job to read people, to detect motives and threats before something happens."

She nodded thoughtfully, eying the bag once more. "Got any tips?"

"Keep your elbows loose and throw your weight behind your fist." 

"Right. Nothing to it."

Jun stifled a chuckle beside her as she shifted her position back and forth, trying to get it right.

After a minute of adjusting, she threw her arm forward, making contact with the bag that barely shifted under her touch. "You make it look so easy! Not fair!"

"You just need to work on your positioning." Jun shifted behind her. "May I?"

Emilia nodded as Jun lifted her arms with a tenderness she didn't expect. He bent her elbow just right, keeping it up. His hand traveled down her forearm, closing around her fists, adjusting her finger and thumb position. 

"Jun," his name slipped softly from her lips at the sight of his raw, reddened knuckles. Her free hand brushed gently over them. "We should take care of that."

"It's nothing." He recoiled back, letting go of her. "I've had worse."

"Just because you've had worse doesn't mean you should!"

"I'm okay, I promise. But, before we get started—" He walked toward the end of the gym, returning with a pair of red, padded gloves. 

"Really?" Emilia's brow raised in question. 

"Just because I chose to be reckless and not use the proper protection doesn't mean you should?"

"I can handle getting my hands a little dirty," she tried to protest, but he already lifted her hand in his, slipping the gloves over her hands one at a time.

Jun stood back, his arms folded across his chest. "Keep your body loose... and it helps to think about something you want to hit."

She lifted her arms as Jun had shown her moments earlier, staring down the punching bag. Inhaling slowly, she tried to imagine the physical manifestation of writer's block. Her arm darted out once more, connecting with the bag. Another punch followed, releasing the frustration that had been building inside her from not being able to write. 

Her muscles tensed at a thought she had been trying to avoid.

Maybe if she hadn't been so preoccupied with figuring out what came next in her manuscript, her attention wouldn't have been split. 

She punched the bag again, the storm outside roaring around them. If she hadn't been so preoccupied with her writer's block, maybe she would have watched the other guests more closely.

Her brows knitted together as she focused on the bag.

Nick had only ever asked for one thing. 

Her fist made contact again, the bag shifting further.

Keep an eye on his so-called "friends".

She let out an infuriated grunt as she punched through the pain. Harder and faster. 

Nick. 

Her oldest friend.

Her best friend.

The closest thing she ever had to a sibling.

Her gloved fists beat against the bag with every bit of force she had. It moved a little with each hit. Nothing compared to Jun's, but it didn't matter. She continued, forgetting herself, forgetting Jun. Her anger and frustration raked through her body. Her eyes swelled with the tears she had been holding back since that moment.

She shook her head, trying to forget the broken vision of his bloodied body on the ground. Her vision blurred as she continued punching the bag. "He didn't deserve this." She mumbled, her body aching, but she continued. "How could you take him from me?" 

Strands of hair stuck to her wet cheeks, further obscuring her vision, but she hardly noticed as she continued. 

"How could you leave me like this?"

She sobbed as her punches slowed. Her shoulders slumped as she let her body feel the weight of the punches she had thrown. 

Jun moved carefully behind her, resting his hand on her shoulder. 

The unexpected touch pulled her back; she spun into him, her fists ready to attack. 

"It's just me," he said softly.

She fought against his comforting embrace, beating his chest, but he didn't flinch; he took her punches, guiding her closer.

"It's okay," he reassured her. 

"It's not fair," she sobbed, letting go of everything she had been holding in. She rested her head against the warmth of his shoulder as he brought her into his arms. 

"I know."

The pitter-patter of the rain against the windows brought a soothing comfort, blending with Jun’s steady presence, allowing her thoughts to quiet.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, trying to recompose herself. "I came here to help you, and now I'm the mess." She took a step back, her gloved hands brushing over her cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears and hair stuck to them.

 "I've seen worse." His lip curved up ever so slightly. "Let me." He slowly lifted his hand toward her face, waiting for her nod of permission. The back of his hand trailed carefully across her cheeks, drying her tears. Despite the calluses on his knuckles, his touch was softer than she anticipated, catching her off guard. His fingers grazed the area, slowly gathering the wet strands of hair and tucking them behind her ear. He lingered for a moment, his touch gentle and reassuring.

"We are going to get through this," he insisted, his confidence giving her strength. 

Emilia nodded, lifting her hands to him. 

He carefully took one glove off and then the other. His hand hovered over hers a moment longer than needed, his thumb grazing her knuckles before retreating. "I won't let anything happen to you." 

She wanted to believe him, but her thoughts went to Nick. Jun couldn't protect him, but neither could she. No one could. No one knew. He was alone. At least they had that—they weren't alone. They had each other, Farah and Dante too. She knew not to trust anyone... but still, she trusted him, for better or worse.

"I know." She met his gaze; his dark eyes held an openness she hadn't seen before and one she welcomed. "Thank you, Jun."

"It's my job," he insisted, though they both knew it was more than that.

A/N: This is part of my Stolen Moments: brushing hair away series. This not what I indented to write. I just planned to make it a more flirty scene between Jun and Emilia and him brushing her hair back after her punching the bag like in canon, but I ended up ditching my 200 word outline 5 words in and wrote this which is more emotional but I think it's far more true to the character. MC never had any time to grieve the loss of Nick, and I feel this was kind of a breakthrough for her.

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I can't believe I wrote over 1,000 words! IN ONE DAY!!! I am literally crying right now! I don't know if it's any good. It's not edited. I was too afraid I'd start ripping it apart.

[readerhead]

Hits different

summary: it has never been so difficult getting over a guy

pairing: Matt x reader

warnings: some angst? idk, maybe if you have abandonment issues can be a little triggering (let me know if you think I should add any)

word count: 1.2k

a/n: okay, I'm really excited because it's my birthday! I wanted to gave you a gift because of that (I don't care that they should the other way around, I'm a giver <3). Now that I'm of legal age in Thailand, I want to communicate you: ANOTHER ONE BASED ON A TAYLOR SONG. Sorry, it's just midnights always makes me think of Matt. It's my first time writing "angst" so I hope you have an enjoyable time reading this :)

----------------------------------

The reflection on the dirty mirror of Josie's was judging you. You were a complete mess, from your hair to your makeup. The long hours taming your hair, quickly went to the trash. All frizzy and disheveled now. The burgundy lipstick, blurred. The mascara, smudged and dry under your eyes. Your dry throat made you gulp and the acid on your taste buds reminded you of how you were throwing up in a stranger's shoes moments ago. A stranger you briefly made out with. Not that you really wanted, but your friends told you you needed this. Finally, you finished washing your hands of your vomit and decided it was time to call it a night. Why was everything feeling so wrong?

Someone called a cab for you. Was it one of your friends? Josie? Perhaps the stranger? Once inside you started weeping, trying to not make any sound. The driver gave you a sad look from the rearview, as if your emotions were contagious.

You remember clearly why your stomach had that reaction. While kissing that guy, you started wondering if he was also kissing others. Did he like another? Was that the reason he disappeared? Was he in love with another? Did he even think of you? The image of him kissing a random woman, being there for her, loving her was what made your insides turn around, leaving a disgusting gift near the bar's door.

“If he’s the one, you’ll know” your friend started comforting you when you started shedding tears at the song that played on the radio on your first date which was blasting through the speakers.

“But he treated me so well. I love him. I’m so in love with Matt that it hurts.” you didn’t remember how you started talking about him, but you also didn’t remember talking about anything else.

“What hurts?”

“My heart. It’s like a little rodent is gnawing it bit by bit, after being sanded down with sandpaper and then burning every piece in the sun. And the worst is that I can't do anything to stop it.”

“Come on, girl. Love’s just a lie. A trick from companies, lawyers and the government to take your money.” another friend tried to cheer you up.

“You’re literally gonna get married in two months.” she shut up knowing you were right. “I wanted him to move in, even gave him a key, and he ran away.” you took another sip from your drink. “He was so perfect. Like out-of-a-Jane-Austen’s-book perfect.”

“He wouldn't be so perfect if he let you go.” you were quiet, thinking. “You know what you should do?” You look at her hopefully. “You should flirt with other guys, maybe kiss a few and if one of them’s lucky enough bring him home. That always made you get over any guy before.”

“Exactly. You used to switch from boy to boy like they were toys. Always saying you needed space or ghosting them. That the freedom felt like a beach breeze.” you were so disgusted. Matt wasn’t a fleeting random guy, he was the man that made you want to settle down. “Always shunning commitment.”

A couple weeks had passed. You woke up from dreaming of him. This time you blamed it on the movie you watched last night. ‘This ending is more realistic, otherwise he had left her’ this was what you said to the screen with your mouth full of popcorn when the love interest died. You found one of his blue shirts in your closet. Damn, you loved how those fit him. You took it and when the scent of him started invading your nose, your eyes started watering like a reflex, without your permission. That morning, every time you closed your eyes you remembered something about him.

“Do you think I can do it?” with his head in your thighs, you were massaging his hair while insecurities about your work were eating you alive. The feeling of his locks and his relaxed face were the only thing easing up your stress.

“Of course you can. You are the most capable person I’ve ever known.”

“But do you believe in me?”

“The faith I have in you could make the big guy up there jealous.” the outside of his eyes wrinkled. The reason? Easy, the sweetest smile you have contemplated in your life. All your self doubting was gone at those words accompanied by that view.

That’s the memory that popped up to your head when you passed the couch in your living room. The next one happened when you were waiting for the coffee to finish.

“That can’t be true! It’s not fair.” the wooden spoon pointing at Matt.

“Yet it is.”

“Bullshit.” he laughed.

“I doubt Columbia taught me wrong.”

“Maybe your professor lied to you.”

“And he took all the time to learn braille so he could change what was written in my books?”

“Maybe. There are a lot of creepy crazy people out there.”

“Could you just stop arguing and give me a kiss?” he said, grabbing the wrist that was still threatening him, getting you the closer he could.

“Only if you agree with me.”

“I agree that it ain’t fair.”

“It works for me.” you gripped his shirt, sealing the conversation with a kiss.

Before him you would have argued that injustice was inherent to human kind, however he made you believe in the good, in people, in this world.

You looked at your phone, killing time scrolling to social media. You saw a post of your friends, they went to a bar last night and you didn’t blame them for not inviting you after the little show you put up on the last night you went out.

Taking your mug you sat in the stool nearest to your fridge, the one that gave you a better view of your hall. Perhaps he would show up. At least that's what you told yourself every morning when you had breakfast sitting there, boring your eyes in the door as if it was going to make him materialize.

People usually talk about opportunities as trains and you were more than willing to take it, but you were waiting in a disused station waiting for one that never came again. You were exhausted from all these metaphors in your life, reminding you how you lost him. You had enough with literal events. It wasn't easy seeing him in the news a couple days before when his firm won a big case against some big fish called Fisk.

You were so immersed in your thoughts that you almost didn't hear it. What was that sound by your door? You didn't want to get hopeful, it could be just your neighbor. Was that a dingling in your lock? The only one with your house keys was… It couldn't be him, could it? Were you still dreaming? The expectation had you holding your breath and, when the door finally opened, you didn’t know how to feel.

“I know you probably just want to kick me out,” did you? You had daydreamed hours and days about this, how would it be like the next time you see each other, if he would be the one reaching out for you, if he would really want you back. “you have every right to do it, but at least I think you deserve an explanation. Then, if you want me to leave, I’ll understand.”

----------------------------------

a/n: am I a bad person for leaving an open ending?Maybe? Anyways, the song is 'Hits different' by the genius Taylor Swift. I know it's in the title but I put it here in case someone doesn't know it :)

[gaysebastianvael]

🎶 9 Ship Songs 🎶

Rules: List nine songs for one of your ships

Tagged by @shivunin thank you!! Just nine? HA....anyway I did three songs for three ships (and I can do a million more.)

Taliesin x Sebastian

I Will - Mitski

And we're not out of the tunnel I bet you, though, there's an end Stay with me Hold my hand There's no need To be brave And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

Let's Get Married - Bleachers

And I know it’s bad when we look out But bad, bad people don’t live in our house so I’m gonna get right for you honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah And I know it’s hard enough to love me But woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let’s get married" Don’t wanna walk alone So let’s get married

Read All About It, Pt. III - Emeli Sandé

At night we're waking up the neighbors while we sing away the blues Making sure that we're remembered, yeah, 'cause we all matter too If the truth has been forbidden, then we're breaking all the rules So come on, come on Let's get the TV and the radio to play our tune again It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events There's no need to be afraid, I will sing with you, my friend

Somhairle x Dorian

Stray Italian Greyhound - Vienna Teng

I’m not that kind I’m so good at shooting down any notion This tired world could change It’s all been bought Or at least that was my line No use in spending all that emotion When there’s someone else to blame But you had to come along didn’t you Rev up the crowd, rewrite the rule book Where do I go when every ‘no’ turns into ‘maybe’

Never Look Away - Vienna Teng

Let me uncover the silver in your dark hair The weight of your bones I want to witness the beauty of your repair The shape you've grown For you are made of nebulas and novas and night sky You're made of memories you bury or live by So if you're out there in the cold I'll cover you in moonlight If you're a stranger to your soul I'll bring you to your birthright

I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen

It's like everything you say is a sweet revelation All I wanna do is get into your head Yeah, we could stay alone, you and me in this temptation Sipping on your lips, hanging on by thread, baby Who gave you eyes like that? Said you could keep them I don't know how to act Or if I should be leaving I'm running out of time Going out of my mind I need to tell you something

Royce x Fenris

Stay - Mïrändä

'Cause I have a heart Despite what you may think and what I say And I wouldn’t have it any other way Even though it hurts It’s killing me with every passing day You can heal me now, it makes it worth the pain But don’t leave me now, I’m begging you to stay Oh it’s happening again I know this feeling like I’m losing everything is slipping through me and I’m gone I’d leave it all for a moment with you, is that wrong?

Give Me a Try - The Wombats

I know, sometimes I lose the plot and I cause a scene What do you dream of on the west coast When my head is aching in GMT We could be gigantic, everything I need Vicodin on Sunday nights This could be worth the risk, worth the guarantee This could be the drug that doesn't bite Just give me a try Just give me a try Been kind of hoping you might Get up and give me a try

Wonderful Way - TOUCAN

No matter what happens, darling we’re laughing Sweeter than the sap in a maple tree Just being with you is sending my heart Tumbling more than it would be in a washing machine Oh, my, my, this phosphorescent furnace, fueling our desire Oh, my, my, how pleasant to be burning if you’re the fire

[mia-gaymer-213]

Well, everything is going down hill.

One half of my family is completely dis functional, none of them seemed to have married for love. The aunt who wants kids, can't have cause the uncle doesn't want to. And the other uncle who wants kids, is going to end up having none cause my aunt can't handle it and she needs to take care of herself. She's already down bad, having a baby at this moment is not an option.

Mom and dad are almost the same. Sure, they have two kids, they're married and have been together for 25 years. But doesn't look like a healthy relationship. I used to believe my mother was still with my dad cause of the money. If they got apart right now, she would have to move out the house and go back to live with her mom. And who knows which of them is taking the kids.

And me? I had to go through the lost of a beautiful little kitty named Chaos, and she wasn't even mine. I cried so hard, cause I had her in my arms the day before she died. I didn't even washed the shirt I held her in. After that, hughe discussion with both my best friends, almost lossing one of them. He hasn't come back yet. No texts from him. I had to tell him the reason why I didn't fully trust him, and it's a childhood trauma.

Days after telling him and writing it down on my PRIVATE diary, my stupid yonki uncle who I hate and will hate for the rest of my life, read my diary and found out what that childhood trauma was. (it's something really serious and a delicate trauma). He entered my room without my permission while I was gone, searched my room until he found my diary and read it. What fucking gives YOU the right to do that? Anyways, he told my mom, and my aunt who doesn't want kids. I had to tell my mom the trauma. I never wanted that to be known to any of my family members. But it happened.

Everything is just bullshit lately. I feel like I have depression, and I'm in need of a psychologist or a psychiatrist to help me. Cause I don't have anyone else to help me at this point. I had a lot of projects in mind. I can't do them no more, cause I just can't bring myself to do anything at this point. I just want to drink and forget about the world. I want to get away from my house, be alone for a while. I want to drop out of school, cause I don't think I'll be able to handle it, but it's not the right choice. I need to finish it.

I need someone who can help me go through this, cause I honestly don't feel I can get through anything anymore... I need something that makes me want to keep going, cause at this rate, I might not make it to the end of 2024.

Worst part? I'm just 17 years old. I'm still a kid. I haven't gone through nothing yet but still am so fucked up that I can't feel happy for a whole day. I'm fucked up. A LOT. And I don't understand what's wrong with me, neither I know what to do anymore.

I shouldn't be going through this. Teenage depression is killing me...

[nathank77]

6/21/24

3:45 p.m Edited/Added to 3:40 p.m

I went to Walmart twice today. It was a busy day. I was wearing my Yankees babe Ruth shirt. Christ I forgot that if you wear a Yankees shirt everyone talks to you about the last game and everything lol

I had two couples bring it up lol one actually talked to me about the game last night and I'm like yea I know what's going on 😅

And another said, "Yankees fans have the right of way." I should only wear these when I want communication lol I forgot that it's like a conversation starter but like yea I like the Yankees but I don't watch. I don't know if they are winning or losing or if it's even baseball season lol so that's the problem they are like they lost yesterday and I was like yea I forgot but they'll win soon lol I don't fucking know. Lol

Well I came into some extra money, not a lot but enough to get two lamps and I fucking love it. I also got a bulb that fits into the desk lamp but I mean, it's less bright and idk.. I took the light that's on the fritz and put it in the corner where the desk lamp is maybe I'll try to fix it I think I did but I got to see.

I had to go with black on both sides. I had the new black one and then a different color one and it was driving me crazy so yea it looks fucking nice. The silver one (the one on the fritz) now lives near my desk lamp but may end up in the trash or attic. I mean it works as a spare.

I got daylight bulbs, light bulbs were complicated I've never bought one before lol and wow the choices are overwhelming. I also had to return two storage bins cause they were damaged. They let me keep them so I'm getting back the cost of the two since they were sent as an unit. That's awesome cause they were slightly burnt but I mean they are usable. It just saves me money and I won't need to purchase more.

I got to wash my glasses cause they are so dirty from sweating outside. I also can proceed with the attic at any point but not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I'll do a bin at a time since it's so fucking hot.

My room is almost perfect. I'd like to replace a poster or two but that's like months from now. I'd like to get particular art like silent hill or scream or something. I bought two of the COD posters but the others someone gave to me and they fit and I love cod so it works.

The hallucination earlier today was so ummm manageable. Like i could almost feel myself starting to recover but now it's back to being normal lol idk if I got 7 hours of sleep. I got close. I think when I'm hungry it makes it worse. I know when I'm tired it's worse. Idk I still don't think I'll ever recover but here is my pad:

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

hello writing, my old friend

I've been missing you. I've turned off my Spotify DJ and queued up Bring Me Your Love, I'm freshly showered, my water bottle is refilled. I ended my shower with ever-colder water, gently mimicking the cold plunge, and I struggle to get a deep breath but I linger. I flossed and moisturized. My eyelids feel heavy and my studio is peaceful. I'm on the edge of a shiver and it feels good - I almost don't want it to come. I like the tingle, the anticipation, the pleasure.

Today is day two of wellbutrin. I had some nausea the first day, but no noticable side effects today. I've been on the multivitamin for a few weeks. I've gone several days without (ooh there goes the shiver) those brutal, delightful Alani Nus. I've researched and validated a perfect green smoothie recipe; I've gone through two and a half gallon bags in the past two weeks, and bought n washed two more from the farmers market yesterday. I still haven't smoked besides my one binge day, and I'm hardly drinking.

I don't know how I feel. I've missed you so much, Tumblr. I miss my old blog, my followers, the community, the exposure. I miss the accountability, the continuity. I was seriously considering giving her access to it, but that would violate his privacy in the process. Because he's there now, isn't he? Reading my posts, saturating my dash, texting me to make sure I'm ok. I want to spit. I made all my posts private and I've been refusing to engage. I want him to have access to me, want him to want me, want him to want me in his sacred writing, too. But it's messy and I'm angry and I'm really fucking tired and I just want bliss. I want hard conversations and blunt truths and abundant love; I want pleasure, play, screaming laughter, easy touch, exertion and recovery and comfortable, peaceful silence.

Watching her work situation is painful, and also validating. My own work life continues to haunt me. I know I could be fired at any moment and have to start from scratch, and I know I would desperately long for the opportunity to have this all back. But I can't help but want more, and I've been deeply grieving the dissonance of seeing myself not live up to my expectations - I've sunk to the lowest point and I can't believe I haven't gotten caught. I dread my check-in meetings, and it's eval season.

Personally, I'm proud - nearly elated - that I can feel myself coming out of this. I've been feral, numbing and howling and circling the drain. It feels like a miracle of privilege and chance that so much continues to go well. But I haven't been able to work and I'm mortified that it shows but no one has said anything.

I've also ghosted my therapist. Cancelled a session under the pretense of preparing for a trip, told her I'd reschedule when I got back. It's been weeks. I'm still mad at her, mad at myself, for getting so friendly that my suicidal outreach seemed like a joke. I tried to tell her it was bad, tried to tell her it felt like too much, but I also laughed and joked and charmed and lied. I'm mad at both of us for falling for it. I don't want to repair it. Not right now.

I'm still not getting a full deep breath. I'd like to sleep soon, but I suspect that despite my yawn and heavy eyelids, I'll toss and turn for a while longer: too warm, too distracted. I haven't done my daily meditation yet. I could read Meg's book, or the new Patrick Rothfuss, or that new AlAnon daily reader that I bought and never cracked open. I could make tea or give myself a massage or do some yoga. I could listen to my Spanish audiobook and enjoy the lesson without any urgency to sleep.

Once I'm a bit healthier, I do think I'd like to try donating plasma again. I imagine I'd need to disclose the Wellbutrin. I could use the extra cash. I'm going all out for my best friend's 30th and I do have the money, but I'd like to earn it back soon.

I really haven't had sex flashbacks since she started asking if I'd had flashbacks. Maybe it normalized them, took the sting out. Maybe I'm lying to both of us. I still haven't come, but it does feel good. We watched the series finale of Feel Good this morning and I started crying when Mae's mom apologized for not wanting to know, and had to leave the room for the Scott confrontation scene. Some wounds run deep.

I'd talked to my best friend about my sex/online history this past December, and earlier this week I told her my medication/diagnosis history. She hadn't know about my dad's stuff until this past summer. It's crazy to think that we went a decade without me sharing any of that.

Oh God and I haven't even written about AG's show yet. I don't have the energy right now, but I tend to not circle back when I mention wanting to write more about things. I hope I remember forever. Love, love, love.

I'll come back more, I promise. I'm here for the long haul. I'm doing it, I'm trying, I'm feeling, I'm here. I'm here. I want to keep being here.

[justsokaela]

Sometimes the only time I truly feel safe and 100% comfortable talking to my parents is when we're watching tv together

I am just constantly on edge around them, worried about when I'm going to fuck up. I like my routine and feel good lately and not-stressed despite living at home with my parents at age 33 because I'm too busy to interact with them much and I wake up early and go to bed early, typically. But the way that my stepmom expresses her stress and anger about everything else going on- what my 18 and 21 year old siblings are doing (or doing wrong, not doing, or somehow offending her) makes me still feel self conscious about MYSELF.

Like if she freaks out about my sister who is a complete slob by the way for hoarding dishes in her room - when I am seen while bringing my one single dish and cup that I used that day back upstairs to wash or put in the dishwasher I get met with the eyes of judgment and frustration - as if I am just like my sister, leaving dishes to stack up for days and making a smell and also making it harder to clean them later? I don't fucking do that, and I haven't done anything like that honestly ever, because when I was a teenager, I wouldn't have so easily gotten away with that. I wasn't even allowed to have any dishes in my room except for water cups or bottled drinks, now that i think about it. And I was never that obsessed with drinking sodas and shit to begin with.

When I buy something, with MY own money, earned at either my fulltime professional job or one of my side gigs, and it's not saving or something I necessarily "need" I get judged for it. I'm not irresponsible with my money. I just want to enjoy life while I can because with the rate of inflation and wage increases not happening and how I'm literally not good enough or educated enough or skilled enough or more importantly experienced enough to do any kind of job that actually makes enough to live off of - and be something I'd be good at and somewhat enjoy (because what's the point of earning enough to cover basic living needs if you're miserable and have no life in the process). So today, I'm rushing to work, I'm late - I'm already upset because I typically wake up at 3 to go to the gym, workout, do some personal things and then get ready for work - no rush, never late, already productive. Because I was anxious around my mom last night, I decided to stay up later and help out after dinner and I cleaned the whole kitchen to placate her after letting out a visceral scream about my sister hoarding dishes again and leaving the upstairs bathroom a total mess, and her noted sarcastic jabs at my dad trying to "nicely" tell him that he needs to get off his phone and help out and do the taxes and put away the thawing meat she asked him to do hours before and just fucking pay attention to the stove while she's running around back and forth while she's trying to make us dinner.

So I did the dishes from dinner and cooking, and extra cleaned all the counter tops and organized things and put things away and packed up the leftovers. And then I get to bed at like 10, so of course I'm not well rested enough for a 3am gym session. But then I forgot to set a backup alarm for "sleeping in" times and end up waking up at 6:40 and desperately needing a shower, because I was too lazy to do it yesterday. My room is a complete mess, I need to sort through all my clothes and put things away, I had no outfit set up for today and had to dig around just to find a bralet, Zero pooped on the floor while I was in the shower even though I had JUST let him outside, I feel fat in everything and hate how even today, right now, in this moment, I'm feeling shitty about myself because of stupid patriarchal societal beauty standards and I look like shit and my hair is too wet to blow dry and I don't have enough time to air dry it. Then, when I'm rushing to get to work, I can't find my fucking car keys. I had them last night, and now I can't find them. My mom reminds me that she sent me back out to roll up my windows because we were anticipating some rain. Maybe I left my keys in the car? Sure enough, I fucking did. Thankfully I didn't lock myself out of the car again, but no, instead, this time, I LEFT THEM IN THE IGNITION.

someone could have just easily taken my car and driven away, because I'm so stupid and careless! And then, because I left them in the ignition, turned just enough to activate the battery so I can roll up the windows, by fucking car battery was dead and needed a jumpstart.

I asked my dad to help, since I don't know how to jumpstart a car nor do I have a jumpstart kit or know where he keeps his anyways, and he takes his sweet time getting dressed and coming outside.

I'm feeling like a complete idiot and I hate myself for creating this situation. I feel stupid because I don't even have my own battery jumpstart kit that I SHOULD know how to use. I'm late to work, and I'm trying to mentally figure out how to word the email - and thanks to my anxiety about all my previous jobs being total asshats to me about situations like this - I was panicking that my being late today would equal myself getting fired.

Then my dad does the thing and he talks to me about it like I'm supposed to understand what he's saying. I don't know shit about cars, I have zero interest in them, and all of it confuses the fuck out of me whenever I try to learn anything because books and the internet are all full of overwhelming perspectives and information and I'm already stressed out about how that happens with EVERYTHING ELSE that I need and actually want to learn more about. Then he's trying to talk to me, so i roll down the window while i let the engine run a bit. he's like i was just gonna open the door, you shouldn't roll it down. I don't understand why, and in my mind i'm like, why would I do that when I can just talk to you through the window? I need to go to work and don't want to open my door. He just goes "nevermind. Have you checked your oil lately?"

first of all, how is that relevant to what's going on right now? Do I need to check my oil now, did you see something when you had the hood open? I just had the oil changed and all the other fluids flushed and changed out in the past month, I'm not due for another oil change for at least 10,000 miles. He's like "that's not the point, have you checked your oil recently? you're supposed to check it frequently when you get gas." okay but I JUST had it changed. It should be full. It shouldn't be contaminated. What is the point of asking me this, I NEED TO GO TO WORK I'M ALREADY HALF AN HOUR LATE.

"you need to know the rate that your car is burning oil."

"NOW?" "well you're car is leaking oil." "WHAT WELL WHY DIDNT YOU JUST LEAD WITH THAT I GOTTA GET THAT FIXED." 'You can't afford to fix it right now."

"well if it's leaking that's a big problem, i don't think i really have a choice. but if its leaking I'm concerned that my mechanics didn't say anything when I literally saw them LAST WEEK. and he's like "well it's normal, it's not leaking that much. but you should check your oil every time you get gas."

no explanation as to why that time is the necessary time. also, I've NEVER seen him nor anyone else checking their oil while filling their tank up at the wawa or whatever. So hypocrite much? You criticize me for not knowing how to check my oil, for not checking it every day or fucking whatever because I trust my mechanics enough to expect that they have filled it with clean oil very recently, all completely irrelevant to me needing to jumpstart my car, which I'm already feeling stressed out, frustrated, and self-loathing and STUPID to begin with. I couldn't even thank him for helping me because he just stormed off, annoyed at ME for being defensive because I COULDN"T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HIS POINT WAS AND I WAS ALREADY IN DISTRESS.

I'm tired of being met constantly with criticism from my parents.

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and twenty

time for a longer entry for once... i think.

i only met l once this week because he was busy studying for his theory- and practical driving tests. bro, i got like makeout abstinence. one makeout sesh a day keeps the sadness away or something. god, i'm insufferable.

monday was a mess. i went thrifting to look for a cd shelf thingy but ended up with five cds instead. i got automatic by the jesus and mary chain for l and zenyatta mondatta and ghost in the machine by the police, faith by the cure and era vulgaris by queens of the stone age for me. i originally got a morrissey dvd too because it had a lot of the smiths songs on it but ended up not buying it BECAUSE... when i went to check out my stuff my card declined? i had money and my limit was high enough but it just wouldn't work. i tried taking away the morrissey dvd in case my limit actually was being pushed but that didn't work either. thankfully they were able to hold the stuff while i went to take out some cash. i did however call both my mom and my sister in distress.

i actually don't remember shit from tuesday.

i dyed my hair on wednesday! black! i also trimmed my bangs and i might've made them VERY short. i like microbangs though, like, that was what i was going for anyways but it's always just as big of shock each time i trim it. i usually trim it once it starts reaching my eyebrows. anyways, microbangs together with the black makes me feel so alt and cool. i mean, i AM alt, but still. i'm just now getting used to the new look but i've been told by three people now that i fit black very well which is a compliment i haven't gotten for any other color ever so...

i lost crazy much hair while dyeing it and washing it out though, it was almost scary. thought i was gonna end up bald.

in my second class on thursday i had my camera on and s dmed me in the zoom chat and told me my hair was pretty :( it made me so happy :( she asked me if i dyed it recently and then complimented it again TT she's always so sweet, love her!

on thursday i received two packages! one was my digital camera. i'm so excited to start bringing it everywhere and take cute y2k:ey pictures. the quality is just as shitty as i wanted it to be. the other package was a copy of turtles all the way down. i've only read two chapters so far but i'm so excited to read more, i love john's books so much. i'm so excited about having the english hard cover too. it's so pretty.

thursday evening i went to l's place. his parents were gone for the weekend so i expected to stay more than one night but ended up just sleeping there one night because he had plans with his friends friday evening. my way there was a mess, i took the wrong train and ended up two stations wrong. the train line splits in three after a few stations and i just realized the names of the stops started sounding unfamiliar. i got off and switched tracks and went one stop and after walking off at that stop i realized i was supposed to go another stop in the same direction before i was able to switch trains so i had to wait like 10 minutes for the next one and got on that one and then wait another 10 minutes to go on the right train.

at his place we listened to some music and exchanged cds. i gave him the the jesus and mary chain cd and he gave me röd by kent. i also brought some popcorn i had bought before being reminded of the fact that we don't have a microwave at home TT i also brought a vegan chocolate bar. it was white chocolate with rasperries and it sounded so good but i didn't really like it so i brought it for him to try but mainly for his younger sister who i thought would like it since she's allergic to milk and eats a lot of vegan stuff anyways. she ended up really liking it which i'm happy about. later we made dinner with her. i didn't really help but i'm like never allowed TT i try to offer help but they always say there's nothing i can do TT i feel so mean TT

after dinner me and l watched scott pilgrim vs. the world. it's way better the second time and it was so nice to just cuddle and stuff and i almost fell asleep by the end :') after the movie things got a little ;) though. very nice!

(still a virgin).

lowkey would wanna go into detail just for the memories for future old me who might have a sucky memory but i am also in fact posting on the worldwide web! maybe time for a physical and private journal?

i had to wait agessssss for him to wake up the day after. he sleeps for so long. it's funny because it's not very different from how long i sleep for but when i sleep at other places than home i always wake up so early with a full energy bar.

on my way home the train was fucking with me again. i literally got onto the right train but it went the wrong direction? like it literally arrived from the right direction but went back the same way? HOW?

saturday was nice. me and my sister went to the plant store and i got two plants for my room and a pot for the bigger one. i was gonna pick up a sellpy package on the way home anyways and i'd get a pot for the smaller one then anyways. on the way back home we accidentally went on such a detour. i actually have no idea how to use that word? just gooogled it. omväg. vi gick en omväg.

the sellpy package was exciting. the shorts fit really well and they were even low waisted!!! so exciting!!! i got four rings: a mustache ring, a black heart ring, a pink heart ring and a small ring with emerald colored dots. i got a dan and phil poster. such a relic. i'm currently trying to press it straight so it'll actually stay on the wall. i got the pots. it was two in one, a big one that i used as a holder for my brush pens and a small one for the tiny plant i bought and it ended up fitting perfectly. i also got a little cow decor thingy that's supposed to hang on the side of a pot and it looked so cute on the pot i got at the plant store. i also got a vase of a swan. i thought it would be way smaller than it was, like... i literally thought it was an egg cup which is why i got it so i could use it as a little cup for trinkets but it was MASSIVE. my sister wanted it though thankfully!

my cousin came over in the evening and we had dinner. my sisters boyfriend had made mashed potatoes and meatballs. that might be my favorite food of all time. with brown sauce and lingonberry jam and peas and fried onion, UGH, so good. afterwards we played cluedo and had some drinks and then we played our little question game we do where we write down silly or deep questions on a piece of paper and then just draw them and everyone answers. it's so simple yet so fun.

today has been really nice so far. i've been in a really good mood. i put up some leftover kpop prints on my wall. even though i don't care too much for it anymore, it's still fun with less empty walls and honestly, putting those prints up and listening to kpop reawakened something within me. it was so nostalgic and i mean... minhyuk is still a gorgeous man.

i'm on my second coffee right now and i've been writing this entry for so long now. my sister and her boyfriend went to town and they had dinner so now i'm contemplating what to eat. they had max and them mentioning that is making me really crave max so i think i'll probably order myself some max.

i've actually been thinking about doing diary stuff more in real life as well because i've been feeling so inspired by life is strange. like, i think the little profiles max makes of people is such a cute idea but getting pictures of people would be difficult. i'd wanna write about everyone! like, just making a really detailed page about anyone, like a classmate or siblings partner or whatever. it seems like so much fun. i'd need a polaroid camera though or a printer of some sort. i wanna get a polaroid camera anyways so might as well start doing that once i have it. i just need to get my bullet journal here, it's still back home and those are way too expensive to just be buying new ones all the time. it's also so empty. polaroid cameras are so expensive too, like buying film all the time too. so much pressure getting good pictures but that's also kind of the charm, you only get one, maybe two, tries.

sotw: kent - saker man ser

[verdadurmaz]

"I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but you're terrible. Like, the worst of the worst," she trailed off, a brow lifted as a crooked grin spread on her mouth, "but I'm also the worst, so I don't mind it. Rules are meant to be broken anyway. They're just a little different now." The ring that hugged her left hand was a solid reminder of the big step she'd finally taken with the woman that had ruined her for everyone else.

She hadn't expected anything other than understanding from the dear friend at her side. Judgement wasn't something they afforded one another, no matter the topic at hand. "It sucked because he was a good guy, but I wasn't ready. I kept thinking that one day it would just click, but it didn't and asking him to wait any longer didn't seem fair to him." The heart really did want what it wanted and nothing more.

The guilt she felt was washed away with an eye roll and a gentle nudge. "Once again, I am declaring that you're the worst, but sure. Home lessons would be nice. Are those free or can we pay by having you join us?" She was teasing, of course, but she looked towards the other to gauge her reaction.

"Of course I love you no matter what." That's what friends were for. "You mean you aren't banking a million dollars a year from pretzel-bending?" It had to bring in good money, or maybe Verda had gotten it all wrong.

Businesses, especially owned by her friends, were something she'd support until the end of time. The merger at hand sounded like a good business venture considering she'd stopped by after every session. "I think it's genius. Really, I do. It goes hand in hand if you think about it? I bet if you asked, you'd find that most people end up here anyway before or after sessions." To bring them together in a more official setting? It could be a lucrative move if done correctly.

Nodding, Verda took a sip of her drink and offered a shrug. "Thinking from the current owner's mind, I'd be interested in seeing if you'd keep the current staff and management teams, of if you'd restructure. They might not be for sale at the moment, but I think the right offer would open ears and minds."

"Is it my fault if you enjoy it?" A coy smile teased at her lips as she turned and dipped her chin toward her rising shoulder. "Haven't you heard— rules are meant to be broken." It was nothing more than giving her friend a hard time as she wasn't one to meddle in a relationship. Plus, Hana knew Verda could use some stability in that department.

A broken heart was the reason Hana had found it difficult to date or commit to anyone, even the times she'd thought she'd wanted to she hadn't really. The scars her first and only attempt had left across her heart were reason enough not to try again.

Sympathy for the fallen reflected in her expression as she listened to her friend. "My heartbreak and bitterness aside— I think if you were honest with him there's nothing to regret. Not everything works out, even with the best of intentions." Raven hair picked up in the breeze blew off her shoulder just as Hana shrugged. "You're not going to be the hero in everyone's story." As hard of a pill as that was to swallow the sooner it was accepted the easier life became. "Home lessons?" A brow rose at the possible insinuation but then a grin set and Hana nodded. "Like something for you and the wife to do together?"

Adamant, her head shook, "nope. You'll love me for it and will just bother me for some more." With a smirk, Hana leveled a gaze at her friend, "c'mon, how do you think I'm rich at yoga?"

The freshly ready iced vanilla matcha latte held high in the air above her head, Hana called out, "amen!" Where would she be without the women in her life? Absolutely nowhere.

Now Hana realized this might not be the biggest, greatest, or worthy of being whispered news to everyone but she appreciated the reaction it garnered out of Verda. If anyone maybe got it, the woman who'd opened up her own bakery might have for sure. When she pulled back a little Hana made a hushing motion with her hand in wanting her friend to lower her voice. "I think it's big..." Truthfully, she wasn't sure. "But I'm serious and want to integrate it more with Humming Bee." A brief glance around, she had to be sure the owners weren't around or the manager. "I'm going to be talking to my lawyer about it and ask her what kind of offer i should make. I mean, they're not listed for sale or anything so it probably has to be pretty generous. Wh–what do you think?"

[missymurphy1985]

The Late Shift - Tommy Shelby X Fem!Reader One Shot

Prompt for Tommy Shelby - “What’s the matter love? You get nervous when I look at you like this ?”

Requested by @gypsy-girl-08

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @jardinsecos @bitchwhytho @gypsy-girl-08

Clearing the last of the dirty glasses away into the back room of the Garrison, you made a start on the bar top. Spilled beer, whiskey, and rum had congealed together into a delicious blend that smelled simply divine... You couldn't wait to clean it all up.

Drunken assholes, the lot of them.

"Ah come on now y/n, we're not all that bad are we?"

Shit, did you say that out loud?!

"Mr Shelby, I didn't realise anyone was left in here..."

"Can't have you closing up by yourself can I, anything could happen to you."

"I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you."

Tommy walked round behind the bar and pulled out a bottle of the fine Irish whiskey from the cupboard - reserved for him and his brothers. Perk of owning the pub, you thought.

You ignored him, and carried on cleaning the mess on the bar top before it stained. Washing off the debris and liquid into a bucket at your side.

He was watching you. His eyes never left you once, which after ten minutes or so, was becoming rather unnerving. a few times you'd caught his eye, and quickly looked away, carrying on your usual lock up routine. Your actual boss, Tommy's older brother Arthur, usually locked up with you, however he'd been one of the worst offenders of the beer spilling antics this evening, and John and Polly had had to carry the incoherent mess home an hour ago.

You'd finished the bar top, and threw the dirty bucket full of slop out the back door. His eyes were still on you, you could sense them. You must've dropped some of the water on the floor as you skidded across it on your way back inside the main room.

He chuckled a little, but you straightened yourself up and carried on your nightly duties. Stacking the chairs on the tables, and heading to the back to bring a broom in.

If he carried on staring you'd end up smashing that broom in-between his eyes. Who the fuck stares at someone for nearly twenty minutes solid?! You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, a tingle through your spinal cord. Rushing between your legs, if you were truthful...

Fuck girl, get those thoughts out of your head, he's the devil of Small Heath!

But he's a damn fine devil of Small Heath... With eyes of piercing ocean blue. Eyes that had been watching your every move for the last twenty minutes....

You caught yourself smiling, before stumbling a little, knocking into one of the tables and scrunching your eyes closed at the sound of them clattering onto the hardwood floor. Looking up slowly, you saw his eyes were still on you. He hadn't moved from his spot behind the bar, although he did have a smirk on his face.

“What’s the matter love? You get nervous when I look at you like this?”

"I'm sorry, Mr Shelby, I'll get these picked up..." You knelt down to pick the table up.

He knocked his drink down in one, and poured two glasses. Walking over, he lifted you from your position on the floor and stood you next to him, handing you one of the half filled whiskey glasses.

He stood the table up for you, and placed two chairs either side of it, indicating one of them for you to sit at.

"I have to finish cleaning..."

"Arthur can finish it in the morning. Serve him right for leaving you alone tonight, eh?" He held up his glass and you clinked yours against it, looking to the floor to hide the blush in your cheeks when he winked at you.

"You've served us well over the years y/n."

"How do you mean?"

"Working late shifts here, as well as taking bets all day in the shop."

"I need the money, Mr Shelby."

"I have a proposal for you. Means you won't need to work here at night any more."

"I'm listening.."

"I need someone to help me with my diary. My affairs. Writing letters, dealing with my mail."

"You need a secretary?"

"I need you, y/n. You're good with numbers, you're organised. And I can match what you're earning in two jobs with just one. What do you say?"

"I say thank you, and where do I sign?" He chuckled and leaned back on his chair, his eyes locked onto yours.

"The signature can be dealt with tomorrow. I have conditions I need to discuss with you first."

"Conditions?"

"Lizzie told me what you used to do. Before you worked for us. I need assurance that you won't go back to that while you represent my family's name."

You looked to the floor, ultimately in shame. Lizzie was meant to be your friend, and here she was confessing to your boss that you used to be a whore, just like her...

"She only told me because she's jealous love."

"Jealous?"

"She's seen the way I look at you."

You didn't know how to respond, so you stayed silent. Sipping your whiskey whilst maintaining eye contact with him.

"Which brings me to the caveat of my job offer," he stood up, and circled round. Coming to a stop next to you, leaning against the table.

"You service me as well as my books y/n, and I'll double the salary."

You nearly broke your fucking neck with how quickly it snapped up - your mouth hanging open in shock. His eyebrows raised on one side, he sipped his whiskey.

"I beg your pardon?!"

"Trust me, once I've had you, you won't want to whore it out to anyone else."

"Very high opinion of yourself there Thomas..."

"Not just my opinion love."

"And what makes you think I'll say yes?"

He lifted you roughly from your seat and pushed you against the wall behind him, pressing his body firmly against yours.

"Your heartbeat is saying yes."

"How do you know that's not fear?"

He held you in place and lifted your dress up, hitching your leg in the air and sliding his fingers through your folds.

"Pussy always get this wet when you're scared?"

Two fingers pushed inside you, making your eyes roll back in your head as he found the treasure he was seeking. Over and over his fingers pressed into it, rubbing it harder, your juices gushing over his hand.

Suddenly his hand stopped.

"Your answer?'

"Fuck yes..."

"Good girl. Now cum for me..." His fingers picked up again, a little tougher now as he chased your orgasm. His eyes never left yours as his fingers rutted into you hard and fast. Your hands clamped onto his shoulder as you started to cum, your breathing coming out in short, sharp bursts...

"Don't stop, please..." His thumb circled over your clit, and your whole body shuddered with your release, your juices cascading down his hand onto the hard floor beneath you.

You barely registered his trousers being removed until he'd sat on one of the small stools behind him and pulled you down onto his hard cock, your walls still spasming from your orgasm, a deep groan from him as he felt them pulsate around his length.

"I love feeling a woman's cunt cum around my cock y/n, I'm gonna need to feel it again - ride me. Show me my investment will be worth it, eh?"

"Yes, Tommy..."

You leaned back, resting your hands on his knees, and started to grind on him. His cock was deep enough for you you feel him against your cervix, and it wouldn't be long until you did as he asked.

His hands roamed over your still clothed upper body, squeezing your breasts over your dress, as you rode him a little harder, feeling your orgasm building again.

"Good girl, riding me so well aren't you? My own personal whore? You gonna do what I tell you, when I tell you, understood?"

You nodded, gasping, as your hips rotated round on him.

"I want you to suck my dick in the office, you'll get on your knees with your fucking mouth open. I wanna fuck? Bend over my desk."

The thought of it all alone was enough to send you spiralling. Your nails dugs into his shoulders, and his hands moved to your waist, lifting your body up and down on his shaft.

"I can feel you cumming again, my girl, make a mess for me eh? Make it loud, I wanna hear how good you feel..."

"Tom, yes... I'm gonna... Oh shit..."

"Cum on my cock, come on..."

"Yes, fuck yes...." Your head flung back as your hips stilled suddenly, and your legs began to shake. He lifted your spasming body up and pounded up into you, chasing his own release which followed moments after yours. His hot seed emptying inside you, coating your walls with a thick layer of cum.

He held you close, your breasts pushed against his upper chest as he rested against you. Your arms over his shoulders, stroking them.

"I have my own condition, Mr Shelby."

"Name it."

"I don't want to be paid for this."

"You want to be my secretary for free?"

"Hilarious, Thomas. You know what I mean."

"You want me to fuck you for free?"

"Yes."

He stroked your cheek and leaned up a little, his lips brushing yours softly.

"Deal."