#ends but none the less i'm just mentally screaming each time i have to force myself to read them. even though i Want to read them

[inthecarpets]

I wish visual novel style games weren't so draining for my brain cause i want to enjoy the stories instead of suffering on with 'when does this episode end. When does it end. When does it end. I want to take a break and do other things!!'

[julemmaes]

Honey - part two

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au

A/N: I’m so tired yall have no idea. My eyes are burning and my fingers are cramping cause I’ve been writing all day to get this done, so yeah, I’m very satisfied and some of the blogs that I consider big or are big for a fact started following me and commented on the first part, so I freaked out a little, but I can tell that I’ll sleep peacefully tonight because of that, so thank you all. Enjoy!:)

Oh, and I almost forgot, the song at the end is called “Honey” and it’s by Johnny Balik (shoker, as my man Kieran would say)

masterlist

Word count: 4,966

Lorcan's least favourite day was definitely Friday, unlike all people his age. Not because he didn't like going out in the city at night to have fun and drink until you forgot even your mother's name, but because it was the only day of the week he had to work at both the shelter and the toy shop.

He loved working with the dogs and the few cats they brought in, and although he wasn't really a people person, he enjoyed spending time deciding with the kids and parents what was the best gift to go home with. And although Lorcan would never admit it out loud, he had grown fond of some of the regulars - especially a mother of three who he knew worked as a lawyer in one of the offices above the shop. Almost every day she would come in during her lunch break to buy one of those surprise sachets that cost a euro each and if Lorcan didn't see her coming before he went on his break, he would wait a few minutes before closing up just for her. Elide had managed to find out this detail a few months later after she moved in and he knew she would never stop teasing him because he had a heart of gold.

The phone vibrated in his hand just as he got behind the wheel and he wasn't at all surprised to see that the last message he had gotten was from Elide.

He huffed, not even opening yet another link that would surely send him to yet another website with information on why the world was ending very slowly and why humans were to be blamed entirely. He started the car and drove off towards their house.

Lorcan wasn't a bad person and he really cared about everything Elide was sending him, but he was tremendously tired and all he could think about was how much he wanted to take a shower and pass out in his bed. The fact that none of this was going to happen because Fenrys and Rowan had forced him to accept the invitation out to dinner made it all worse.

It took him less than ten minutes to get home and when he parked and saw the lights in their living room on, he seriously considered backing up and getting out of there to get to Vaughan's house before Elide noticed his car and he wouldn't be able to get away no more.

He was sure his friend would take him in without question if he asked to put him up for a night.

But luck was not on his side as Elide's petite figure appeared in the window and Lorcan could not see her face, but he knew she was smiling as she bounced and waved to greet him.

Despite everything, Lorcan raised his hand in turn and smiled back at her, knowing full well that even she could not see him so low and hidden by the evening shadows.

As he climbed the sixth flight of stairs and mentally prepared himself for two more, he could foresee the flood of words that would wash over him when he entered the house. Elide hadn't kept quiet for the entire day, sending him voice messages and staying with him on calls for the entire duration of his lunch break, so much so that at one point he had wondered if she had gone to class and then to work. He had discovered that yes, she had gone, but she hadn't paid the slightest attention to what they had explained and had gotten half the customers' orders wrong.

When he opened the front door, he recognized the melody of one of the songs she'd put on her apology playlist, the one he'd made for her nearly three weeks earlier after she'd found out he still smoked. She'd seemed so hurt that after he'd gone to bed and cleaned the tiles of his blood until they glistened, he'd stood at the kitchen table and spent hours and hours searching for the perfect apology songs. A bit dramatic perhaps, but it had had the desired effect.

He sighed, slipping off his jacket and putting it as far away from Elide's as possible, so that no animal hair would get on hers. He would clean it later.

The girl in question sputtered out of the living room with a beaming smile on her face, her cheeks strangely red and her eyes so bright they were glossy, "Hello, handsome."

"Hi, Ellie." he murmured, straightening his back and making the bones in his neck crack. Elide approached and Lorcan took a step back, bumping his back against the door, "I haven't showered yet," he put his hands forward to keep her at arm's length, "you can touch and hug me all you want later, but please not now," he begged her.

She gave the cutest pout he had ever seen, "But-"

"No buts, you can wait three minutes for me to wash up without dying," he continued, walking past her without touching her or making any overly sudden movements.

"You're such a pain in the ass," she complained, that adorable pout deepening all the more, "I can always take the antihistamine if I get allergies."

Lorcan shook his head, turning a confused expression on her, "I'd rather you didn't take medication just because you want to hug me."

It was true.

To their great misfortune, Elide was one of the very few people he knew who was allergic to animal hair. Any animal. More precisely, she was allergic to the mites that lived in the fur and the dust that accumulated in it in enormous quantities even on a normal basis. Given that the dogs Lorcan worked with were left to run loose in the fields all day, when he came home he was covered in anything that could kill his friend and roommate in one sniff and he didn't want to have to take her to the emergency room again because they couldn't tell if she was breathing properly.

It was why every night since he'd started working at the shelter he had taken a shower before doing anything else. It was why their water bill had gone up so much since they had found out about this allergy of hers.

"It's just a pill Lor, it's not like I have to get shots or..." she shrugged, as if to indicate anything more invasive than a simple pill.

He brought his hands in front of his mouth like a prayer, looking her in the eyes, "How many times do I have to explain to you that if you take one type of medicine every day, after a while your body no longer perceives it as an extra foreign thing to help you, but as the norm and so it no longer has any effect?"

Elide grimaced, "I hate you."

He chuckled, walking backwards until he reached the bathroom door, just in case she had the great idea to ambush him and jump on his back, "Just wait five minutes."

"It was three before," she said frowning, "And, speaking of showers-" and then she did something that made Lorcan freeze in his tracks. He didn't register what was going on until Elide's shirt was too high up for him to avoid seeing everything. And by everything, he meant everything.

"Elide what the fuck are you doing?!" he turned around, screaming, then his eyes went wide, trying to figure out if what had just happened was true or not. He squeezed his eyes shut, closing his hands into fists, biting his knuckles, "You're not wearing a fucking bra." he said in a voice sharper than he had intended.

He heard her giggle, but the sound came out muffled, "Loorcaaan." she crooned, "Help."

"I can't turn around Ellie, you're naked," he pointed out to her with his eyes still closed, then in a lower voice, "God, you're naked. What has gotten into you?"

He felt her move as she walked around him and stopped in front of him, "Help." she said in a flat tone. Lorcan had to laugh, her tone reminded him so much of the way the green aliens in Toy Story talked.

"Help what?" he asked letting out an amused laugh.

"I'm stuck." she said slurring her words and he felt her move, she was probably wiggling to get out of her t-shirt. And if she was wiggling, that meant her-

Lorcan took a sharp breath, cursing under his breath and trying to quiet his wandering mind.

He arched an eyebrow, though he was pretty sure she couldn't see him either, as doubt crept into him, "Are you drunk?"

Elide was silent for a while, then giggled like a child, "Just a little tipsy."

"Ellie it's seven o'clock," he exclaimed amused, but surprised to learn that she had been drinking, "why on earth are you drunk at seven?"

"Just a little tipsy," she repeated like a broken record. Then she screeched like a pterodactyl and Lorcan burst out laughing again, turning and taking a step or two forward to avoid risking accidentally touching her once more.

"Alright, why are you just a little tipsy at seven o'clock on a night when we're supposed to be going out with the others?" he asked now a little more eager to know the answer.

He heard her snort audibly, "The world is ending, Lorcan, why won't you understand that?"

He opened his eyes wide, not believing what she was saying, pinning them on the picture their friends had given them for Christmas, the one with all their best pictures collaged on a coloured canvas.

And here he thought he was the dramatic one of the two.

He nodded to himself, "So you're telling me that the reason you decided to get drunk before you even went out is because of global warming?"

He heard a rustle and then something hit him on the head, "Sorry, I didn't mean to slap you," she said in the tone of someone who couldn't care less about having hit him, "Anyway, yeah. Global warming and forests catching fire and animals dying and plastic burning..." she took a deep breath and then continued for a few minutes, making a list of all the things she had learned that afternoon by reading all the articles she could find about why humans were the worst living thing in the world.

Lorcan stood patiently listening to her, occasionally getting lost when she introduced topics that were a little too specific, but listen to her he did. The way she was saying all those things was always reminiscent of the little green aliens, but he knew the subject was more serious than it sounded.

With his arms crossed over his chest, he didn't think he'd moved too much, but at one point Elide sneezed and he cursed himself for not having moved fast enough to go to the bathroom.

"I told you you'd get allergies."

"But I didn't even touch you," she squealed back.

"You know that's not necessary for even your soul to start itching too," he scolded her.

Elide remained silent for a while longer, then started talking again, "And we should seriously get some glass bottles, if I see you with those stupid plastic bottles again I'll kill you. Scout's honor." she threatened him.

Lorcan chuckled, "Elide you've never been in scouts."

"How punctilious of you." she scoffed at him, then gasped, "We could buy matching flasks, with glitter and," she gasped again, sounding increasingly excited, "We could have one of our pictures printed on it."

A smile broke out on Lorcan's lips and he knew that if he had looked in the mirror at that moment he would have seen the face of a boy lost in love. He pulled himself together, straightening his back, trying not to think about how he felt about Elide. It wouldn't have done any good to admit that those feelings were real and tangible inside him.

He was staring at Fenrys' face in one of the pictures they had taken on holiday that summer, when Elide spoke again.

"This is a list of things that should make you understand why we have to shower together."

Lorcan choked on his saliva. He coughed a few times, patting his chest.

How had they gone from polar bears dying from melting ice to them showering together?

"What are you talking about?" he asked her in a squeaky voice.

The fact that she was alluding to them showering together while he knew she was half naked behind him, a breath away practically, made him feel so many different kinds of wrong.

"We can't waste water Lor, it's not hard." she sounded exasperated, then muttered, "Sometimes I really think you're being obtuse or stupid."

Lorcan's eyes went wide, "Wow, thanks Ellie."

"You're welcome." she chipped.

He shook his head, sighing and running a hand over his face, "Don't you think there are plenty of other ways we can start saving the world, before we have to shower together?" he took the fact that she wasn't answering as a cue to continue, "Like start recycling?"

Elide gasped again, making him chuckle, "Did you sign the petition?"

"Which-" he trailed off. She was talking about the petition to have a door-to-door rubbish collection service introduced in their town. Something that would force everyone to sort their garbage. "Yes, I signed it."

"Good." she whispered.

"I signed them all," he reiterated, because it was true and he knew that Elide never sent him stupid petitions, that whatever she sent him must be important and it didn't cost him anything to put his email and name on a website if it meant he could make a difference in his own small way.

"Thank you. I really appreciate it." she said in a weak voice.

Lorcan felt strangely uncomfortable all of a sudden.

And not because of the fact that Elide was naked behind him and had just confessed to wanting to shower with him, but because he would have wanted to turn around and kiss her, not do what any other guy would have thought of doing with a half-naked girl. No. Lorcan just wanted to kiss her and take his time in the process, savour the kiss and not be hasty and quick.

He wanted it to be slow and heartfelt, he wanted her to feel every single thing he couldn't say out loud.

"Lorcan?" she whispered, "I'm always stuck and I'm starting to get cold."

He blinked, "Yeah, you're right." then interrupted. They were silent a few seconds, "You really can't pull your shirt down?"

"No."

He took a deep breath. Then another.

"Okay, I'm going to turn around and keep my eyes closed, please stay still so I don't touch- anything. I'm not touching anything. I'll try to help you." he stammered, clasping his hands along his sides. She made a simple grunt of assent and he huffed, raising his hands in the air and lowering them slowly until he touched her head. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and then released the elbow that had gotten stuck in her shirt.

"Yay." exclaimed Elide.

Sensing that she was moving freely on her own, Lorcan pulled away again and when the sound of clothes stopped, he asked, "Are you done?"

"Yes," she said singing.

His shoulder sagged a little and he smiled. He opened his eyes, ready to move Elide to the side and go take that holy shower, but whatever he'd thought when he'd asked if she was done must have been the exact opposite of what she'd thought, because Elide's tits were freer than ever between the two of them.

Lorcan grunted, slapping a hand over his face to cover his eyes, "What the fuck, Ellie. Stop flashing me, I'm begging you."

He heard her giggle and then a gust of wind and her laughter fading down the corridor let him know she had run off. He opened his eyes tentatively, peering through his fingers to make sure she wasn't still in front of him and sighed with relief when he finally managed to get into the bathroom and lock the door behind him.

He leaned against the sink, clutching the ceramic between his fingers and staring at his reflection in the mirror.

He never thought the first time he would see Elide's tits would be under these circumstances. He ran a hand over his face again, trying to somehow erase the image he knew he would never forget.

He had just stepped into the shower when he heard something very large and heavy slam against the door. Something that seconds later burst out laughing. Lorcan could only follow as he imagined a half-naked Elide running towards the bathroom and failing to stop in time.

"Are you alright, honey?" he asked her just in case. He turned on the water, hissing when he found it frozen, but not moving from under the jet. After all, a cold shower wouldn't hurt him.

"Let me in." she shouted, slamming her fist against the door, "Let me iiin!"

"Are you dressed?"

"No."

"Then you can't come in."

A scream of despair followed by what could only be a fake hysterical cry made him burst out laughing again, but then for a few minutes all that was heard was the sound of the shower and water falling from his hair.  

"Ellie, are you still there?"

The answer came quickly, "Yes."

"Are you still naked?"

"Maybe." then he heard her move against the door and realised she'd been sitting on the floor.

Perfect, he was stuck in there. He reached for the phone and thought of something.

As he finished untangling the knots in his hair and washing out the conditioner, Elide was talking about how harmful the soaps they used were and had even gone so far as to say that they should both shave their heads so as to minimise their impact on the environment.

"What did you do today?" she asked him suddenly.

Lorcan didn't answer, dialling the number of a certain blonde girl who could help him out of this situation. Aelin answered after the fifth ring and Lorcan knew full well that she had done it on purpose, hoping he would hang up so she wouldn't have to talk to him.

"Hello?"

"Listen, something kind of weird happened and I need-"

"Who is this?" Lorcan arched an eyebrow, pulling his ear away from the phone to check the number. It was Aelin's phone. And the chick's voice on the other end was her, he was sure of it. "God, Lorcan, I'm fucking with you, what's up?"

"Funny," he deadpanned, "Elide's already drunk."

"What? But it's not even eight o'clock."

"I know, I came home and she was already like that."

A few moments of silence passed, "Okay, and what do you want me to do?"

"Well, she took her shirt off at one point."

Lorcan waited for a reaction, but Aelin didn't respond.

"And now she's naked in the hallway and blocking the bathroom door and-"

"She's what?" the friend burst out laughing.

"She's naked," he gritted through his teeth, "And she's blocking the bathroom door. I don't know how to get out and I don't want to open the door and push her off and risk hurting her. Is there any way you could come over here and help her? Help me?"

"I’ll make sure she'll never hear the end of it." Aelin laughed louder and Lorcan heard Rowan ask her what was going on. The blonde took breaths before saying, "Ellie flashed Lorcan and how he's stuck in the bathroom because he's afraid of a pair of nice-looking boobies."

"So are you planning on coming?" he asked before he completely lost his patience.

He imagined her wiping tears from under her eyes, "Yes, we'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"We?"

"Me, Ro and Fen. He's the one driving tonight and he picked us up."

"Okay," Lorcan murmured, "but they can't come up to the house."

"Why?" drawled Aelin, "Because you're jealous?"

He counted to ten, restraining himself from hanging up on her, "No, because this is going to be humiliating enough for Elide without two more of her friends seeing her half naked, so please just come up alone."

Aelin huffed, "You're right, but you're no fun."

They said their goodbyes and Lorcan put the phone down, starting to blow dry his hair.

"Lorcan."

"Lorcan."

"Lorcan."

Elide hadn't stopped saying his name for half a second throughout the call and it was starting to annoy him. Then he shook his head, no. He wasn't annoyed by Elide, it was Aelin.

That girl could get under his skin like few could.

"What?"

"You didn't tell me what you did today."

And Lorcan did, so that at least she would stop slamming her hand against the door.

He told her about the last man who'd come to see what dogs he could give his daughter and how he'd seemed so much like the guy who'd abandoned them on the side of the road after not even a week and it had pissed him off. He told her the morning had been even worse, because one of the children had started opening all the toys on display and his mother, who had been right next to him the whole time with her eyes fixed on the phone screen, hadn't stopped him and it had been up to Lorcan to tell him he couldn't do it. It was only then that the woman had realised what a mess it was and had simply apologised to him, running out of the shop so fast that he hadn't even noticed they had left. He had to call his manager and he was not exactly pleased to hear this story, but he also said that they would donate the toys to the church down the street, which was responsible for distributing them to kindergartens in the neighbourhood. That cheered him up a little.

By the time he had finished his story, Aelin had arrived and once he had taken her to her room. Lorcan could finally go out and get ready himself.

***

It was after midnight, the entire group was rocking out on the dance floor of their favorite outdoor club, a place called "The Wild Night" that was on the edge of town, closer to the forest than anything else, and normally Lorcan would have joined his friends to dance and sing, but there was a problem.

A big, huge, handsome problem.

And the problem was called Kyllian.

He couldn't figure out whose idea it had been to invite the boy with them that night, but whoever it was, this person's days were numbered, because Lorcan would kill them first and then use the limbs of their corpse to kill Kyllian.

Kyllian who had now been rubbing up against Elide for hours and who had offered her more drinks than stupid charming grins - and he really was reserving a lot of those for her.

"If you don't stop looking at him like that you're going to make his head explode," someone said, throwing themselves onto the small bench next to him.

He turned his head so fast he wondered how he had managed not to break his neck, "What are you talking about?"

Fenrys arched an eyebrow, "Even if you weren't staring at Kyllian like you wanted to see him disappear off the face of the earth, everyone here, including Elide," he told him with so much as a glare, giving him a slight shove, "would know that you're not really into what's going on on that dance floor."

"He's right," Rowan said to his left, sipping the drink of Aelin's she'd left him. When the hell had he sat there?

Lorcan didn't answer, remaining motionless with his sullen expression.

"I can give you a hand if you want," Fenrys murmured, sucking on the fuchsia straw sticking out of his equally pink glass.

He inhaled through his nose, "And how would you do that?"

"You have to trust me."

"Never." said Lorcan as Rowan said at the same time, "Don't."

Fenrys looked at them both with his mouth wide open and a hand to his chest, "I'm hurt." then finished what was left of the drink in one gulp and stood up abruptly, staggering a little, but holding himself up nonetheless. He cast a glance over his shoulder at the two boys still sitting, grinning, and Lorcan knew immediately what was going to happen.

"Ellie!" he shouted, turning more heads than necessary, "Love of my life!"

Kyllian pulled away from Ellie just enough for Fenrys to grab her hand and spin her around a few times until she burst out laughing and begged him to stop. The new boy didn't even seem to exist anymore as his best friend laced her arms around Fenrys' hips and rocked left and right, increasingly drunk.

Lorcan's heart clenched in his chest as he heard that sound so carefree, so happy.

He didn't realise he was smiling until Rowan cackled beside him, "God, you're fucked."

He didn't pay any attention to him and stood up, keeping his gaze fixed on her face.

He heard Lysandra and Aelin calling his name, hyping him up and threw them a real, quick smile that made them scream even louder, as if they were fans at one of his concerts. When he finally reached Fenrys and Elide's side, the blond spun her around ninety degrees and for a moment she closed her eyes, giggling, intoxicated by the amount of alcohol she had ingested, but when she opened them again and saw Lorcan standing in front of her, a smile as wide as he had ever seen it spread across her face.

"I'll leave you Ellie, you're in good hands," Fenrys told her, winking at him from above her head.

But neither of them even looked at him.

His eyes locked into hers as they both took a step forward and found themselves a caress away. Her chest rose and fell in an agitated rhythm. After all, she'd been dancing with everyone for hours, so much so that Lorcan wondered how she hadn't thrown up yet.

His gaze ran over her body, her bare shoulders, the line of her collarbones, and further down between her breasts. Breasts he'd had the chance to see for a millisecond a few hours before and remembered perfectly. The darker shade of pink that had characterized her-

"Lorcan."

He felt his heart pounding in his throat.

She had never said his name like that.

His eyes went up, sliding over lips so full, so perfect, up, over her nose and then up again, finding hers and the music changed, becoming slower, the lights dimmed as the strobes were turned off. Elide seemed to recognise the tune as her lips parted slightly, "Lor," she repeated. He raised a hand until his knuckles brushed her cheek and when she let go a shuddering breath, Lorcan began to sing under his breath.

"Tell me everything and hold no lies. Say you're waiting for better skies," he leaned forward as his other hand slid to her hip and Elide moved closer, until their bodies were fully joined to each other and one of her legs was between his and their hips were one thing moving in sync with the music. He felt Elide's breath against his neck and had to suppress a shudder when she too began to sing along with him.

"Oh, but honey don't taste like summer no more. Stick around now, I miss you every night,"

He lowered his head even more, brushing her nose with his own. The hand that had been on her cheek had slipped over her shoulder and was now tracing the path down her back, grazing the top of her bottom until it rested on her hip.

"Elide," he whispered, breathing on her lips. She closed her eyes, pushing herself up, towards him, and Lorcan held her tighter, moving his fingers over the exposed skin between her miniskirt and the black top she was wearing and there he was. Elide was there, with him, and she was so close to his body that he could feel the heart beating in her chest.

She was there and the next second... she wasn't. Because Elide had snapped away and was now vomiting on his feet. Lorcan held his breath as she was shaken by another gag and he had just enough time to take a step back that she threw up again.

The people around them quickly scampered away, creating a small circle of spectators and casting a quick glance at his friends he saw that they had a large audience. He just hoped Elide was too drunk to remember what happened the next day.

He looked down and grimaced, all sorts of emotions swirling inside him as the girl he loved clutched at him and puked her dinner all over his clothes.

He cursed at whoever decided how things went for breaking the best moment of his life with vomit and then gathered her hair into a loose ponytail, tying it with an elastic band he kept on his wrist specifically for these occasions.

He heard her whimper and put both hands on her shoulders, stroking her in circular motions to help her warm up. Aelin and Lysandra appeared next to them shortly after and when Ellie was firm enough on her feet to walk, they stepped over the pool of vomit and Lorcan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pushing her towards the exit.

"Let's go home, Ellie."

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[elizabethrobertajones]

Any spec on what the turning point for Dean and Cas could be in ep 12?? I'm thinking they tell each other that both their lives are essentially doomed, but would love to hear what other people are thinking

I’m afraid I have deliberately not given it any thought, though one or both of those reveals makes a lot of sense for making them re-evaluate each other… Now we’re so much closer to that moment and have those cards on the table we have any actual currency to speculate with, which we didn’t when we first got that tease…

Honestly, re-reading my season 10 spec while tidying up my blog has seriously changed my “nah I don’t speculate” stance from mostly being about not riling up wild hopes, to, wow, we are seriously so easily distracted by shiny plot ideas that the fandom, cumulatively, are completely wrong about everything all the time, and correct speculation is an anomaly and usually based on taking your kind of spec you suggested, which I feel is occam’s razor sort of spec on the most obvious, easy facts when assembled close to the time… And even then it might not be so much of anything at all. 

For example before 11x06 or thereabouts fandom got really riled up about a huge DeanCas conversation that “never” happened. I think using that as data for the kind of spoilers they give and what in canon actually happens/they were apparently thinking about as a big deal, does sort of map well in general to the oooh huge scary spoilers they give us, especially about character dynamics, turning points, emotionally huge moments, etc etc, where whatever they were thinking was huge and important just doesn’t meet what fandom immediately expects it to be, regardless of how it felt to the cast, crew, writers etc when delivering it. For one thing they may be speaking in at least a little marketer hyperbole, and it’s not a bad thing either for them to be very invested in some characters or scenes which they felt took a lot of emotional energy or concluded or explained something very important, but one way or the other comes across way less than intended in the final product, or just isn’t interpreted that way by fandom. 

We have a real tendency to assume every time any comment comes out about Dean n Cas being in the same room or having a talk or having a dramatic scene together, that it’s going to herald something enormous for them, and I’ve been seeing that anticipation not pay off the whole time I’ve been in fandom - such as right now I’m stalled out of sleepiness circa just before 10x03 in my blog archive, and so much spec and excitement is going into how Dean n Cas are going to meet and what demon!Dean might say to Cas and how much it would hurt Cas to see demon!Dean etc. And I do actually think what we got is really good and there’s a huge symbolic importance in Cas saving Sam from demon!Dean and restraining him like that and putting an end to the brother murder feud stuff and restoring balance as their third wheel, then reflecting on humanity with Sam as they wait for the cure to take hold… There’s a lot of good stuff there, but fandom wanted to see, before the episode, some serious demon!Dean and Cas banter, maybe them in a fight, and using it as a lot of exposition for their relationship, of course, none of which happened because they didn’t even look each other in the face once on screen which Dean was a demon. It’s literally now, 4 years and change later we get a dark possessed Dean with Michael doing basically what we expected in 10x03 but obviously as he’s lying it’s a step removed from how demon!Dean eviscerated Sam emotionally earlier in 10x03 with direct personal attacks from his little black demon heart. So we still don’t have that exact thing we wanted for Dean n Cas. 

(Though I assume season 10 is why it was easier for Michael to focus his attacks on Cas than Sam, because Sam’s already been through this with demon!Dean, and Cas hadn’t so Michael gets 2 goes at him and spends more words on belittling Cas even in the bar scene where Sam and Dean were there too.)

Anyway… I’m just reflecting a lot on the role of fandom speculation even beyond wild spurious screaming that anyone can see as overblown and off the mark, and the sort of actually thoughtful and well-meaning examination of spoilers injected with wish fulfilment that still ends up making a lot of expectations and creates nothing but pits for the actual delivered story to fall flat in, and even when the story does a good job, when something has been hugely hyped, it STILL ends up getting a more lukewarm reception than expected and there’s always still a bunch of people looking at it side-eyes because they had a much better version they’d expected or wished for or just tried to model based on what we know while assuming the show will immediately and directly address everything we want all in one go. 

Obviously I have a lot of faith in the show to deliver and think it really does in most cases really get in there with the emotional stuff and we get pretty frequent episodes spilling all the goods… But even just the case study of demon!Dean vs Michael!Dean and seeing that we still haven’t wholly met the expectations of fandom four years ago for what might happen between Dean n Cas in this sort of scenario, specifically when it comes to emotional exploration and exposure between them, it’s really hard for me to think that a promised turning point might be anything like the avenues fandom takes it, and at that point my brain just disengages from the whole thing except the mechanical answer of “seems likely” about the secrets they’ve got about their horrible promised deaths… augh why are they like this… and beyond that I’m not even going to let my thoughts start wondering about scenarios this comes out, because it means whatever happens, I’m just falling into the traps that make people unhappy with the show, instead of being able to enjoy it. 

And that’s very much a fandom problem vs casual watching, because watching a ton of other stuff without fandom, I speculate a lot and get things wrong and right, but because there’s no social capital involved in rightness or wrongness it’s water off a duck’s back without any need for complicated mental gymnastics and an entire personal character arc about why it’s wrong to get worked up about it and learning step by step to let it go and get back to a casual viewer level of water off a duck’s back re: speculation and not feeling the peer pressure of social currency value of speculation forcing me to be right or wrong about anything and blarrgh that’s 4 years in a very fraught speculation-heavy fandom to come to some of these places :P I’ve seen, and been trapped in the middle of, speculations completely destroying multiple friendships, and it’s really got me to a “it’s not worth it” place where I’ve had to block some people and disengage from others just because of the insanity that it causes. 

Blergh, sorry for replying to this with a manifesto on speculation but it’s extremely upsetting to me and I’m ignoring a whole bunch of speculative asks so maybe this is a blanket answer to a whole lot of my inbox >.> 

[skullinitium]

He doesn't sleep often (Good Omens fic)

Hello! This will be my first time posting Good Omens fanfiction. Please note this is also my first time writing Good Omens fanfiction.

Please note that there's some graphic descriptions. I don't have much faith in my writings but I'm also not risking triggering or upseting anyone. The area will be labeled for you to skip ahead cause I'm on mobile.

Yeah it's basically the entire dream sequence, but I am really really REALLY not willing to risk it and you can get the gist of what I'm trying to write anyways so yeah.

Red lines indicate the part to skip, so skip until the end of the second set of red lines if kinda graphic descriptions of burning and decapitation are not your area

--

Angels do not need sleep.

This isn’t to say they can’t enjoy it, but they don’t need it.

That’s not really why Aziraphale doesn’t sleep, though. See, he only ever seems to have nightmares when he lets himself lose to unconsciousness. It was something to do about always keeping himself on guard and gated, and when will the dam break except when he has no way to protect himself? Regardless of the mechanics, he doesn’t sleep a lot. Actually, he could count how many times he’d gone to sleep with two hands. 

Tonight was one of the nights he went to sleep. 

You can’t blame him. The weight of the last week, saving the world, and then his demon’s behind can mentally drain even a celestial being. He was bound to pass out. 

Needless to say, adding a layer of exhaustion to the whole nightmare business seemed to make things worse.

He’d been reading a book lost to mankind’s history, stubbornly ignoring the weight of exhaustion in his mind, and didn’t notice when he’d lost the battle.

--------------------

In the realm of dreams, he watched everything around him getting destroyed. The skies turned dark with ash. Not a patch of green was to be seen on the ground, where all life on it’s surface had burned. No humans were left, except as bodies, if you could call the charred, disfigured stumps as such, to say nothing of animal remains. Around him, in less battered appearances, were demons and angels alike, some groaning and shivering as they bled, or burned, or melted away, all so slowly, and all so overcome with agony that it drenched the air around them, like a soggy towelette draped over his nose. Even though the world around him burned, he felt so frightfully cold, down to his very bones. He’d raised his hands to his arms, to try and rub some warmth into them, and that’s when he noticed.

He was covered in blood. Elbows deep in the dark liquid, mostly dried and coagulated. If his digestive system were functioning at the time, he would have keeled over and wretched right where he stood. Oh, God! A sword lay on the ground near him. Was it his? Had he done this? How many of them were taken by his hand? How many looked into his unfeeling eyes, knowing it would be the last thing they saw? He was going to be sick, stomach or not, and his eyes roved all around him wildly, when he saw-

Our Father, who art in Heaven.

No, no, no, no no no. He couldn’t- There was no way- 

Hallowed be thy name.

A mess of red hair, so often well kept and styled, matted with blood and dirt. 

Thy Kingdom come,

His skin, black and blue with bruises, deep gashes just centimeters shy of hitting somewhere important. Marred with fighting, with war.

Thy will be done.

Yellow, slitted eyes flicked all around, not having noticed him yet. The one thing that stays the same, the only pillar left standing, one small unchanged thing to keep him grounded. One constant, that can, will, and has kept him grounded not less than six thousand years.

On earth as it is in Heaven.

Aziraphale watched, unmoving, until those yellow eyes settled on him. It contorted into expressions he couldn’t read, until it stayed still long enough for him to see it, that though every other part of him didn’t display it, his eyes clearly showed his pain.

His fear. 

And lead us not into temptation.

They’d started gravitating to one another, approaching each other in the nearly barren playing field, all that was left of what was once earth.

But deliver us from evil,

The sound of beating wings suddenly made themselves welcome in his ears. Dread filled him, and shook him down to his very core. Crowley looked at him with concern, and it took him a second to realise he was physically trembling.

Crowley didn’t hear the beating wings. He wouldn’t see them coming. He couldn’t-

  “Crowley-“

He was cut off by the sudden appearance of angels, no less than six, surrounding him.Surrounding Crowley.

All of a sudden he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t hear, or speak, or do anything, except shake where he stood.

For thine is the Kingdom,

 “A demon. One of the last few,” an angel stepped forward, eyeing Crowley with disgust, and ignoring Aziraphale altogether. He was still unable to move.

The power and the Glory,

And suddenly Aziraphale saw it, one of them, hiding a sword. It glowed even in the darkness of the world. A holy sword. He could see it clearly in his mind, piercing through the demon, leaving him in anguish for moments before releasing him. Destroying him completely.

But why was Crowley looking at him like that? No, not just at him, but also behind him. Eyes flitting back and forth, he was panicked, and tears pricked at his eyes as he started walking, still in a daze, toward Aziraphale.

For ever and ever,

The angels around him quickly subdued him, holding him back by the shoulders and arms, forcing him to kneel.

And there it was again. The holy weapon, this time in an angel’s hands.

His heart would not listen, and beat so fast, so strong, that it would kill any human.

Crowley was shouting now, seemingly out of his daze. He was struggling against the holds, screaming at him.

 “Aziraphale! Behind you!”

He didn’t understand what Crowley said. It wouldn’t sink in. Why wouldn’t it sink in? Something was in his mind, and he couldn’t think, couldn’t understand.

Why weren’t any of the other angels looking at him?

Amen.

Suddenly, he was burning. It seemed a jar of hellfire had been positioned behind him, at him, and opened right when Crowley was there, unable to do anything but watch.

Aziraphale screamed, engulfed by a pain unequaled by any he had felt in all his years of existence. He fell to his knees, still unable to stop shouting, even as the flame scorched his throat, into his mouth, and even in all the pain it brought him he screamed. Crowley was positively livid, even the four angels holding him could barely keep him from diving into the fire to save the angel.

 “Azira-“ The shout was cut off by the sickening sound of a sword meeting something akin to flesh. The fear consumed Aziraphale mind and body, and in spite of himself, he looked up, at Crowley.

The howl that left him should have been impossible. It was inhumane, at best.

The sword had gone straight down towards his- clean through the neck- 

And his head-

Aziraphale wished the fire would engulf him faster, just end it all. End this pain. 

--------------------

And he woke up. 

Coming back to the land of the living was a quiet affair. He nearly threw himself out of his chair, gasping in lungfuls of suddenly fresh and sweet air around him. A look at the time told him it was three in the morning, not five hours since he fell asleep. His throat felt absolutely wrecked from what may have been his dream screaming turning into real screaming, though it was nothing short of a miracle that none of his neighbours heard.

The aftermath of the nightmare didn’t really hit him for awhile. He had enough time to get himself a cup of tea, sit down on his chair, and absently sipping, before it all came crashing down within minutes, and he’d dropped his cup of unfinished tea in lieu of curling in on himself and sobbing in a way only these nightmares could bring. It was definitely up there among his worst, but not the worst, he must admit. Perhaps there was something not okay with the idea the internal hell he went through was not yet his worst, and yet it was the truth. It simply was not the worst.

It still took him hours to calm down, to uncurl from his foetal position, and stop the tears completely. 

It wasn’t his first time, dealing with these nightmares. Every time it happened, he simply hoped Crowley stayed away long enough for his throat to recover, and the life in his eyes and being to come back. He need time to build up the dam once more, ignore everything behind it almost overflowing when he throws more weight into it. He needs some time to hide the emotions away, and he’s usually been fortunate in Crowley not visiting him in those times.

Nine times, now. He’ll be fine, he just needs to stay hidden.

--

Please note it's 2:30 am and I have no idea why my mind always goes "RIGHT TIME TO WRITE" when I should be asleep but here we are. I barely understand what I wrote, wahoo.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I mean tbh I'm not much of a john green fan (Idk why, I think it's just that the writing style and my reading style don't mesh) but also like HIS STORIES ARE LITERALLY BREAKING DOWN THE MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL FANTASY WTF ARE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT "boy gets girl" UM BASICALLY BOY HAS TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT GIRL ISNT ACTUALLY HIS PERFECTLY SCRIPTED DOLL OR SOMEONE DIES????? OR BOTH??? I WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO USES THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO HATE ON HIM

THANK YOU!!

Like I totally 100% get if people don’t like the books because of the genre or his personal writing style- but manic pixie dream girls? boy gets girl? Pick up the book or check your reading comprehension oh my God.

Like? Just? Stories breaking down awful tropes like that are so important? Stories about seeing people as actual complex human beings are important? Especially since humans do tend to lean toward self-absorbed tendencies (which isn’t necessarily always a bad thing) but it forces you to look outside yourself and see people not just as who they are to you, but who they are to themselves?

Paper Towns isn’t “boy gets his manic pixie”, it’s “Girl is deeply uncomfortable and unhappy with the life she’s been living and puts herself first, taking a leap of faith to find her own inner peace even if it means having to leave behind people she cares about; Boy, who’s been crushing on her since they were children, is deeply worried about this and wants to find her. Over the course of his search, he starts to understand and face the fact that he doesn’t actually know her enough to be in love with her, and starts to see her less as an enigma in tight jeans and more as a confusing, complex, actual human being. He still wants to find her because he’s worried about whether or not she’s just run away or if she plans to harm herself. His friends help him out because they aren’t shitty people and they end up helping each other understand some things. Upon finally finding her, they talk things out. Girl does in fact have somewhat unidentified feelings for Boy, but she’s acknowledged from the very first chapter that his view of her isn’t the most healthy and that’s why he didn’t hold her back from leaving in the first place. Boy is no longer worried for Girl and wants to get to know her better as she is and not as the character he had invented in his head. They part ways on good terms and we’re never quite sure if they actually keep in touch.”

Looking For Alaska isn’t “boy gets his manic pixie”, it’s “Boy who’s felt alienated his whole life decides a change of environment will help him find some happiness in life, and to his surprise he actually ends up falling in with a tight-nit group of friends. He develops feelings for Girl, and while Girl definitely thinks he’s cute she’s very much in love with her boyfriend, and actively tries to set Boy up with another girl in an attempt for him to see his romantic feelings for her are just superficial and then he can move on and they can just be good friends. Girl struggles a lot with her mental health and self worth because of a childhood trauma, and while all of her friends love her, none of them really understand the problems and therefore she doesn’t open up to them that much. After a tragic accident, Boy and his friends are left to grieve alone and try to put the pieces together, trying to understand what happened, trying to see Girl for who she was as human other than a hot prankster. They all deal with guilt and grief in their own personal ways, grapple with religious beliefs, and desperately try to understand what Girl had running through her head on a daily basis, which they come to deal with is impossible, because no one can really know another person inside and out to the fullest extent, especially when one person doesn’t open up too much. They band together to honor her memory and you’re left not knowing exactly if things will ever be okay for them again but knowing that they did grow in how they act, view and treat other people.” (also, Pudge had more chemistry with the Colonel than anyone else lmao)

Will Grayson, will grayson is “Boy starts to fall for a Girl but the romance is put on the back burner to him realizing relationships are a give-and-take thing and that his best friend will always be there for him no matter what happens, and he should act more appreciative and give him the same effort and attention he receives from him”

I know a lot of the complaints for Fault in Our Stars was that people started romanticizing illness, but that wasn’t his intent and that’s not how he wrote it? He was inspired to write the book after working in a children’s cancer hospital and after a fan-turned-friend died of thyroid cancer at just 15 or 16 years old? It was written as a tribute? And the plot isn’t the beauty of illness? It’s that life gives you shitty things but it also gives you good things and you need to appreciate every moment you get in this life? It’s about dealing with fear of the unknown and confronting the fact that nothing lasts forever? It’s dealing with the fact you can’t know everything and letting yourself love someone even though you know you’re going to loose them?

I also remember when I was in high school I loved that he didn’t write down to his readers- even though they’re YA Novels he didn’t shy away from ~big~ words or storylines like he writes- and that’s why a lot of his characters get labeled “pretentious”, and like, they totally are, but in a very believable way. Like, I definitely related to some of his characters when I was in high school. And I also liked that he still made them kids, like they’d be spouting pretentious or fake-deep shit and they’d get it wrong, because not everyone gets it right. Not everyone remembers or interprets quotes correctly, not everyone understands everything, not everyone gets the math right. Hazel’s speech at Gus’ funeral? The whole infinities spiel? Like, that’s not right, and that was done on purpose because she’s 16 and emotional, so she doesn’t have to remember it or understand it correctly. I liked that. It was also good for me when I was young and still like, impressionable and shit, to actually see something that wasn’t screaming manic pixies in my face??? Obviously???? Like none of the girls have to be fun or quirky, they’re also bitchy and emotional and have real thoughts and problems and make sure they get treated correctly. They don’t let themselves get turned into manic pixies by the boys in their lives, they tell them off- like that was so good for me? And also reading from the POV who goes from point A to point B in trying to understand the people around him, it makes you start to realize whether or not you’re doing that to people in your life, it makes you aware of that and you’re able to deal with that.

So like…the fact that like 99% of the complaints I see against John Green don’t add up with anything he’s ever written? Is just ridiculous? It makes literally no sense? Why is it trendy to hate on anybody? Let alone a man who writes decent books about treating people decently, does a lot for charity, dedicates time to educating people on world problems and overall just enjoys helping and teaching? Like? You can’t find anything better to do with your time?