#endofyearrecap

[bilobasblogs]

What I’ve Accomplished and Learned in 2019

My fear of making this post and, in turn, solidifying my entire year’s-worth of lessons has brought a slight feel of malaise into the back of my mind; something I’d think of for a moment then try to forget about because of how exposing and ‘final’ it may feel. It made me feel a bit sick thinking about. Maybe because I felt like.. I had something to live up to? A certain criteria to meet? Maybe so.

All that being said, I’ve somehow, by the grace of God, motivated myself enough to write this in full. As the title implies, this is a (somewhat) cohesive list of what I’ve both accomplished and learned in this last year, 2019. I’m not sure if I will do this every year or not, but eventually I did realize it’s something I have to do for myself, and for my journey of self-evaluation. That's why I gave in. So without further ado, let’s move on to the first on my list. :’)

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

1. Removing myself from a toxic situation: A storytime.

Let me elaborate on that a little, so you’re not so lost.. Anyways! Back in 2017, I struggled a lot with depression and thoughts of self-hatred, even suicide. My home life has never been great, but at that point I had lost all my IRL friends and was alone. To make a long story short, I turned to Instagram as a home for my friendless self. I joined fandoms and posted regularly, but it led to me making friends with very manipulative and toxic people. And it wasn’t healthy. I would talk to them everyday, all the time. Eventually, everything came to a grand finale when my closest friend accused me of hacking/stealing his account that I apparently ‘had the password to’. (I had an old password. It was changed so I could no longer use the old one) He blasted me all over his account with a decent following, calling me names, and getting his friends to DM me messages of physical-appearance shaming. Top it all off with a “Go rot in hell or whateva” message from him, and I basically lost everything I thought I loved. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t end up in that situation ever again. I promised to focus on me, myself, and my mental health ONLY, in 2019. And I’d say I accomplished that. I’m proud of myself for that.

I was originally going to put this in the “things I’ve learned” category, but because of how big a deal this was, it had to be delved into a little deeper. And it ends with a big accomplishment; the restoration of my sense of self-worth and ability to appreciate myself. I’d call that a win!

2. Finally getting that new computer I needed.

Okay, not much of an accomplishment.. But I added it on this list because of how long I’ve actually had my previous computer. Probably for more than 5 years, if I’m being honest. It was an old, rusty, 32-bit disaster running Windows 7. The main motivation for me getting a computer was not actually how slow or glitchy it was, but it was because I bought Sonic Adventure 2 on Steam and couldn’t play it on my PC. I was pissed so convinced my parents to help me get a new one. Now I bask in all my Chao World Extended mod glory!

3. Concert tickets get!

Shortly after getting my new computer at the beginning of the year, my favorite artist and songwriter, Marina, returned to the music industry after a 3-4 year hiatus. As soon as a supporting tour was announced, I knew I had to get those damn tickets. It had been too long since the last tour, there was no way I was passing this one up! So after months of begging my dad, he FINALLY ordered them and we attended, not just any concert, but my FIRST live show ever. Forever grateful for that experience... for the most part. Eh, I’ll get back to that story later. On to the next!

4. Not one, but TWO dental surgeries!

Yes, it’s true. I actually got my braces on this year (my teeth were abysmal, to say the least...) and had to get two separate dental surgeries to remove my teeth. One for wisdom teeth, one for my back molars. This was to make room for my teeth separating and straightening out. It was hell. But not because of the recovery process, but because of how anxious I was while I was getting put out for the surgery. They kept trying to get me to fall asleep and I kept on talking! I was actually scared as the world went black, but before I knew it, I was lying in my bed at home in severe pain. Ahh, good times.

5. Self-expression and my venture into deviantART..

I’ve saved this one for last, as I feel it’s the thing that benefited me the most this year. I’ve taken the time to figure out what makes me feel creatively realized as a person. What makes me happy? What makes me feel good after I’m completely finished? I’ve learned that two things check those boxes: Drawing and writing. Even more specifically, songwriting.

I always had known from my earliest years that I wanted to be an artist. I clearly had the passion and was willing to always learn and grow. I never cried over ‘failing’ as a child, I always just wanted to do better. I think that quality pays off for me in the long run, because in January this year, I created my deviantART account. I was in need of something to fulfill me after the loss of my friends, and it seemed that making a DA was the the right thing. It combined social and artistic aspects, which was perfect for me. Now I have a fantastic, small little following on a profile where I just draw fun NiGHTS, Sonic, and Crash Bandicoot doodles. I’m really happy now.

LESSONS I’VE LEARNED:

1. Never let somebody tell me my character, unless I know them extremely well and vice versa. I know myself well enough, and shouldn’t think differently of myself just because somebody else does.

2. Along those same lines, always listen to my gut. Never let a whisper here or a quip there influence me when I have a deep gut feeling about something.

3. An error and a mistake are not the same things. An error is when I fall down, which all humans do because we’re imperfect creatures. A mistake is when I choose not to get up and learn from the error as a lesson. A lesson will also be repeated again and again until it is learned and I decide to pull myself off the ground and continue going.

4. True forgiveness does not mean “I accept what you caused to occur”, it is saying “I accept that it has happened, and I’m letting go of the past I thought I wanted. And I am willing to move and do something with what I learned.”

5. There are two different ways to say sorry. First, is when you say sorry but actually mean “please forget whatever I just did”. The second is genuine and is when you say sorry and mean “I apologize for the wrong that I did, and am willing to learn and move on from it.”

6. I cannot shut myself down in front of people. I can’t shut people out. If I do that, I lose out on a precious time that could be spent with other amazing people. Sometimes it can seem like investing will lead to heartbreak, but it won’t always be like that. I have to invest, but I won’t invest in more than I can afford to lose.

7. Sometimes it’s better to let myself be wrong and learn than to try to be correct and refuse to grow.

Alrighty! That’s all I could think of for this very long, personal post. I know I don’t talk about my personal life too much on social media, so I wanted to make this end-of-year recap for myself so I don’t forget the lessons I’ve learned along my journey. If you got something out of this.. yay! I’ve sorta accomplished my goal! I also understand if this was boring as hell to read. But it’s special to me and I don’t want to forget 2019. David of the future will thank me later.

Anyway.. here’s to an even better and more fantastic 2020! Goodbye 2010s, I forever love you. The majority of my life has happened in the 2010s, and I’ve made so many memories in this decade. From the growth and blooming of the internet and memes, to more real/raw things like personal self-growth. I’ve gained a lot and lost a lot, but in the end I’m thankful for it all. I hope everyone’s holiday season was amazing and I wish you a great upcoming New Years into the next decade! Talk to you next time, loves.

much love, bilobasideya 💜

[thecitydarling]

2020, the year time stood still.

2020. What a year 

I think I can speak for everyone when I say good riddance 2020. What a year it truly has been. For me personally it started off strong as it usually does with lots of celebrations and just excitement because we were in a new decade but all those plans got thrown out the door just like everyone else. What then came was the heart-stopping moment of when a pandemic is unleashed onto the world and the reality of everything was that there were some things bigger than us. Like nature which took its course and unleashed what would be the greatest trauma all our generations had experienced. And what came out of it was the new normal and the now all too familiar terms of COVID-19, Pandemic, “social-distancing”, “six-feet apart” and of course wearing a mask which would then become the very issue that would divide a nation? Then there was the election and COVID stuck around and so I got familiar with all my surroundings. I explored California and stayed home. Usually big life moments or birthdays and celebrations mark the tidings in life but with a pandemic raging around us we just got to learn to appreciate all that we had including our health. This year has been a hard year for me personally I went through a lot of changes and learned so much about myself but ultimately I found that resilience is the best test and to keep marching on even when things get hard. 2020 also taught me that it’s okay to stop for awhile and rest. Enjoy the breeze and enjoy the life I had built. Smile more and hug those you love tighter because who knew hugs were so rare and dangerous. Whatever 2021 may bring I’ve just been reminded to cherish it all that much more. 2020 thank you but thank goodness you’re gone and with a vaccine in sight 2021 you’re already looking better. ALSO let’s believe in science again, when did so many people stop?! 

[thecorpsdancecrew]

Check out our new YouTube video recapping our adventures and expeditions during 2015! Thanks Kristain aka Reiner for putting this together! #thesurveycorpsdancecrew #yearbook #endofyearrecap

[frankencomics]

2014 End Of Year Recap.  Well, 2014 is almost over!

Usually I write up end of year recaps but I skipped last year since 2013 was an absolutely appalling year for me (long story short, a lot of problems with work and my personal life) so I wasn't really in the mood. I figured that this year deserved a recap though! This will be very long, fair warning.

Before I go into what happened this year for me, I need to acknowledge that 2014 seems to have been a terrible year in general and for many people. I don't think I need to go into the horrible things that have happened in the world this year as many of you are familiar already, but I saw quite a few people I know and love go through their own setbacks and hardships. If 2014 was bad for you, I'm very sorry, I genuinely feel for you. All I can say is that it's over now, and you got through it, and I hope 2015 will be better for you. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know, and I'll do the best I can.

So 2014. Was it a good year in particular for me? I would say....yes? I guess I'll go with yes.

Yeah it wasn't exactly the greatest year of my life, and I had my ups and downs but overall 2014 was pretty good to me. I'm pretty satisfied with how it went.

If I was to divide my year into 3 parts, they'd be something like this: the 100 page comic I made this year (Onna-bugeisha), my trip to the Small Press Expo, and a certain career decision I made (which I'll get to later).

Most of the year was spent working on Onna-bugeisha. As of this date, I've made about 19 books, currently working on the 20th book. I almost burned out on making comics last year, and I figured something had to change. So I decided to take on a much bigger story, and change my illustration style while working on the book. I began working on it in January 2013, doing nothing but researching it while working on other books. I finished the script around October/November in that year and finished all the pencils in December. So from Jan 2014 until May 2014 I did nothing but work on the book.

It was an ordeal that I wasn't prepared for. Being so used to making 30-40 page comics, I thought the process for this book would be the same, only longer. Longer being the key word here. The first two months working on it were fine, but after that it felt like it would never end. That I'd still be drawing it well into 2015. I know it seems silly, after all, completing a 100 page book in 5 months seems incredible considering it takes other artists longer to do a project that size (I'm not bragging, believe me, I have the utmost respect!).

But like I said before, I'm used to making short comics, and I've become accustomed to finishing them within 2 or 3 months. So when those 2 or 3 months went and I was still working on the book? Yeah that wasn't easy, especially when I saw other creators pump out lots of books in the meantime. I felt like I should have gotten the book done by then, as ridiculous as that was. It felt like I wasn't being productive even though...I was being productive? So yeah, it was driving me crazy, I figured I'd never get this comic done :P

Lo and behold though, I actually did get the comic done, and it was an incredible feeling, more so than any other comic that I've done. I don't mean to be arrogant but I genuinely feel that Onna-bugeisha was the book that raised the bar for my work, in terms of story and the art used, and has inspired me to create a more diverse range of characters and themes in the comics that I followed.

It was a part of the Itty Bitty Launch that I did with ajadeart, nonstopive, Hayden Fryer and goodhordekeeping in May, which was immensely successful and I want to thank them for being a part of that launch with me.

It also did very well in terms of sales, it's probably the highest selling comic I've made (along with Beyond The Moon, a book I made last year) and critically it was received very well. Of course, like most of my comics it didn't set the world on fire but the fact that people like my work is so mindblowing to me, so I'll take what I can get.

I was fortunate enough to attend the Small Press Expo this year, making it my very first international convention (I reside in Australia). I was going to write a recap of it but I never got around to it, so I'll do it now. To say I was nervous was an understatement. Although I have had quite a few international sales in the past, most of my sales come from Australian readers, particularly many local comic creators that I'm fortunate enough to be friends with. I do appreciate those sales but I was very concerned that once I entered the US with my books, no one would really care. I'd be in the same room as Jess Fink, Ed Piskor, Charles Burns for Godssake! Why would they care about little old me?

Shockingly enough, they did! I had an absolute blast at the convention. I met so many lovely and wonderful people, who were genuinely interested in what I had to offer. I got a shitload of sales, possibly more than any Australian convention that I've done, and even the people who didn't buy my books still complimented me on my work, which meant so much to me.

I also got to meet some of my favourite creators like Ed Piskor (who I gave a copy of Onna-bugeisha to!), Liz Prince, Eleanor Davis, Darryl Ayo, Wendy Xu, Roger Langridge, Ed Luce and even Brandon Graham! They were all incredibly nice and friendly, and going through the room, I realised something.

Most of the conventions I've done here in Australia have been great, but it always felt like being a part of the artist's alley, you were always pushed off to the side to make way for the international comic guests and “bigger” local comic artists. I'm not complaining, that's fine! I accept that and I still have a lot of fun at the conventions. But of course it can have an averse effect on how you feel about your comics.

Walking through SPX, I saw all the big names in indie comics in one room, alongside other creators I wasn't familiar with but were doing their own comics. And I was right there with them. Aside from the “VIP” guests like Brandon Graham, Charles Burns, Michael DeForge and Simon Hanselmann, there was no “pecking order”, no one more important than anyone else. I was just like the creators that I admire. Sure, some of them have publisher deals and are more successful, but that doesn't matter. At the end of the day, we were all artists working hard to create comics, because we loved doing so.

I was reminded of what Brian Michael Bendis once said: “If you make comics, you have broken into comics” (or something to that degree). You don't really believe that when you spend so long making comics that barely anyone buys, when it's not your “day job”, so to speak. But when I was in SPX, I really did believe that. And it made all the difference in the world.

Of course, a side effect of this was upon returning home, I couldn't really look at the Australian comic scene the same way. Oh I still enjoy it and I'm friends with many comic creators, but SPX just presented a very enticing world for me, one where I felt I belonged, and if I may be candid I never really felt like a part of Australian comics, despite what others may think. So it was a little depressing. But that's just something for me to deal with, I can't forget about all the support I've had here in Australia as well as overseas.

So yeah, SPX 2014 was one of the best experiences I've ever had, and I haven't even got into how much fun the SPX Prom was, or the Ignatz Awards, or seeing the Hanselmann get married to comics (which was uh....heh, yeah). I have to thank mkhoddy, caitlindmajor, animatorlex, pikitiapress, lukehumphris and Nicholas McIvor for letting me be a part of the table. You guys are the best. I do hope I get a chance to do it next year.

(Oh, and I'll tell you a fun story about how I met Brandon Graham. It was about 12:30am and most of us were in the hotel bar as the SPX Prom was winding down. I was chugging beers with Luke Humphris when he pointed out a guy with a tattoo on his neck. I looked up and saw it was Brandon Graham. Almost choking on my beer, I mentioned how much I was a fan, and Luke suggested we go up and talk to him. Before I knew it he was walking up to him, and in horror I followed. Luke slapped Brandon on the back and was all like “Hey Brandon, long time no see! This is Frank!” and nervously, I shook his hand. We talked for a little bit about Fil Barlow, New York and how the convention was. God knows how I must have looked, being slightly drunk and all. He's a pretty cool guy, and I thank you Luke, for being audacious enough to go up to him :P)

If you're still reading this, let's talk about that career decision I mentioned earlier. Having problems at work last year had forced me to reevaluate my life decisions and where I'm going. Late last year I decided to pursue something I've wanted to do for the longest time: teaching. Of course, I use the term “decided” in a very loose way, as I spent a great deal of the year agonising over going back to school or not, not helped by that awful 2014 Budget proposed by the Australian government and the bullshit surrounding university fees.

Not to mention, I wondered what this would mean for my comics. Would I be able to keep pursuing them if I spent most of my time studying? I'm a big advocate of organising your time properly so you can make comics whilst doing a full-time job, but would studying throw that all out of whack? I was also reluctant to mention it to anyone as I was worried they'd try to discourage me with a number of excuses. As hard as it is to believe, I do honestly care what others think and admittedly, can get very affected by the littlest things they say. I tend to overanalyse quite a bit.

Eventually though, out of sheer frustration, I decided to go for it. I mean, at the end of the day I can't wait around for circumstances to be just right, they never will be, and that goes for everything I do. So in August, I applied for some courses. You cannot imagine the relief this brought. I'm still waiting on the results, I find out in a few weeks. If I get accepted, this is not the end of me making comics, I will still pursue them and fit them in, they will just be smaller compared to my previous output. It'll be better for me anyway, after seeing what Alisha Jade has been doing with minicomics I think they may be the way to go for the time being, there's much less pressure to do a full story. So fingers crossed that things work out for me in 2015.

So, there you have it, that was 2014 for me. This doesn't encompass everything of course, but just the things I felt defined this year for me. I didn't conquer the world but I think I did alright, I've grown in a lot of ways and this can be seen in my comics that I produced this year (it's amazing to me that I still managed to get out 4 books this year considering how much time was spent on the 100 pager).

Honestly though, what mattered the most this year was you guys. I feel fortunate and blessed that I have some amazing followers out there, you people are the kindest, funniest, most intelligent, most beautiful human beings out there. I mentioned on Christmas Eve that I care about every single one of you, even if we don't talk to each other, even if I don't follow you back, and that still rings true. I hope everything works out for you all, now and in 2015. If, heaven forbid, it doesn't, I will still be here, ready to listen and lend a helping hand, in any way possible.

Here's to a brilliant 2015! -Frank.

http://frankcandiloro.com

http://frankencomics.bigcartel.com