#end up getting caught in the preliminary fight

[yellow-faerie]

Anyway I am 4k words into an au of the Second Kinslaying fic and instead of getting to the actual plot in this time, I have managed to have 4k words of Nimloth being good in a crisis; Oropher and his wife and this one guard who I'm attached to now; and like...only two Fëanorians have appeared??

This was supposed to be a Fëanorian centric fic!! How did this happen lol?

[nebuladreamerrr]

Hands of healing| Kylian Mbappé x Fem Reader

REQUEST: "Can I have some fluff where reader comes home from getting her nails and toes done so when she comes home the house is all quiet so she looks for Kylian and he’s in bed sleeping and notices his feet out of the covers so she decides to play mischief as she can’t resist to tickle him, poking his soles, scratching his arches and playing with his toes until he wakes up all annoyed and she bes all like “well who’s gonna compliment me” so she shows him her nails and toes done so he tickles her back as payback please💗"

Summary: Kylian has always aimed to win at everything, but y/n has set out to beat him in this tickle battle. Will she be able to do it?

Warnings: English is not my first language, and it includes feet kink

They had been long months, and little by little you had stopped prioritizing those small habits that could relax you in your day-to-day life in order to keep up with your routine.

Stress had become a constant in your life, something you had accepted living with from the moment you took the job, knowing it would come with certain demands. However, over the years, you had managed to discover some techniques that allowed you to relax and remember that everything was going to be okay.

One of your favorite methods to relax was to prepare a romantic dinner with Kylian at home. Although on numerous occasions you both had dressed up to go out and dine at some luxurious Parisian restaurant with excellent reviews, deep down you preferred to stay home. Together, you would help each other prepare dinner, which frequently ended in a fun flour fight. Once you finished, you opened a bottle of champagne to toast to your achievements and future endeavors. While watching a series and dining, you caught up on how your day had gone. At the end of the night, Kylian would usually take the opportunity to culminate the evening with a more intimate union, sealing the love you both felt for each other.

On many other occasions, due to the young player's hectic schedules, you had to find ways to unwind when you were alone. This often included going out shopping at a new boutique you had discovered, meeting up with friends and family, or visiting Kylian's family. But above all, you usually prioritized your aesthetics.

For you, it was a whole ritual to go to the hairdresser and beauty salon. From time to time, you treated yourself to relaxing massages and never skipped your manicure and pedicure sessions. These small moments of self-care helped you stay centered and recharge your energy to face daily stress.

Additionally, sometimes you treated yourself to a full spa day, with sauna, Turkish bath, and facial treatments. You even accompanied these sessions with a good book or listening to your favorite music, which transported you to a state of absolute relaxation.

You had also learned to meditate and practice yoga, two activities that, although difficult at first, had now become essential for your well-being. These practices helped you find balance and maintain calm amidst the daily whirlwind.

So today had been the day to put an end to that period where you had stopped prioritizing yourself, and you finally went back to getting your nails done. You loved the whole process: from the preliminary step of trying to choose the best color while the manicurist showed you the new shades that had arrived, to the moment you saw how delicately she filed your nails to shape and prepare them for painting. You couldn't forget the subsequent massage she gave you, which always left you with a feeling of deep relaxation. Moreover, so many nail sessions had made the manicurist and you very close, and whenever you saw each other, you caught up with enthusiasm.

You were very excited to show Kylian the new nail color you had chosen: "bougainvillea." You had chosen that color remembering how, a week ago, he had praised a dress in that same shade you had seen while walking hand in hand, saying that color would suit you very well.

With that excitement in mind, you decided to put the keys in the car and drive while listening to the new songs you had recently discovered. The music filled the vehicle and made you smile, anticipating Kylian's surprise when he saw your nails.

However, your excitement began to gradually fade as you arrived home and noticed everything was very quiet. There was no noise, and the curtains in your bedroom were drawn. With utmost stealth, you made your way to your room to check what was going on. When you opened the door, you saw Kylian resting face down, with his hand wrapped around the pillow. You watched as his muscles seemed to relax in rhythm with his breathing.

The scene melted your heart. You approached carefully and sat on the edge of the bed, watching him for a few moments. You felt grateful to have someone like him in your life, someone who supported you and made you feel loved.

Seizing this moment, you sat beside him and, with a gentle gesture, stroked his hair. Although he didn’t wake up, a small sigh of contentment escaped his lips. Touched by Kylian’s soft reactions, you turned your gaze to find your bag and reach for your phone, intending to take a photo. That’s when you noticed his feet were uncovered, and a much better idea crossed your mind.

You tried to hold back, convincing yourself that Kylian surely needed his rest, but in the end, you decided to follow this sudden thought, recalling how he used to do this to tease you. So, with great stealth, you got up and approached his feet, starting to gently tickle them. You began by playing with his toes, moving them softly and slipping your fingers between the arches. Kylian stirred a bit in bed, but continued to sleep, so you decided it was time to put your real plan into action.

After a few more massages between his toes, you decided to tickle the soles of his feet. Unable to withstand the tickling, Kylian wiggled so restlessly that he almost kicked you. Annoyed, he let out a grumble and opened his eyes slightly to see who was disturbing his wonderful sleep. Upon opening his eyes, he saw you with a playful expression, although you tried to look annoyed, showing off your nails.

"It looks like no one is going to compliment my nails today," you said with a tone of feigned indignation.

With a soft laugh, Kylian replied, "Darling, they look great, but you could have woken me up without tickling me. I almost kicked your cute face."

"Very funny! But well, you can’t do anything about it now. I’m leaving you here to rest," you said, trying to pull away.

"Not a chance," Kylian retorted, quickly getting up to scoop you into his arms and put you back on the bed, knowing what was about to happen. Kylian wanted revenge and was going to give you the same treatment.

He quickly started tickling you, tracing his fingers all around the soles of your feet. The room was soon filled with your laughter, which triggered Kylian’s contagious laughter. While he couldn’t stop laughing knowing his girlfriend was now getting the revenge she deserved, he couldn’t help but think about how soft your feet were and how sensitive they were to his touch.

Taking advantage of this, he grabbed a soft feather and began to stroke all the curves and arches of your feet, running the feather around your toes. You felt a surge of intense sensations and twisted even more, laughing uncontrollably.

“No, Kylian, that tickles even more!” you yelled through your laughter, trying unsuccessfully to pull your feet away.

“Oh, really?” Kylian said with a mischievous grin. “Then I’ll keep going a little longer.” The feather glided smoothly, causing a mix of laughter and desperation.

After a while, both of you were exhausted from laughing. Kylian finally stopped tickling and lay down beside you, wrapping you in his arms.

“I’m sorry, darling, but I couldn’t resist,” he said, kissing you on the forehead. “Your feet are just irresistible.”

“Don’t worry,” you replied, still smiling. “It was fun, though definitely unexpected.”

Kylian looked at you with affection. “I love you, you know? These moments with you are what make everything worthwhile.”

“And I love you,” you said, snuggling closer to him. “Thanks for always making me laugh, even when I don’t expect it.”

You both stayed there, enjoying the tranquility and closeness of the moment. Despite the jokes and tickling, you knew that the love and respect you had for each other were what truly mattered.

[i-heart-hxh]

That question and your answer about Gon's thrill and excitement for dangerous situations where he risks his life were really interesting. I definitely agree with him having self-esteem and abandonment issues and those being part of the reason for that behavior, but I think that part of it is also that Gon has a kind of big ego, before he took the Hunter Exam he had already shown abilities that were way above anybody his age and even people older than him, he even caught the Master of the Swamp which seems to be a legendary feat for the people of the island, then during the Hunter exam he performed better than most people even during the preliminaries, he most likely noticed that too, it was like that until he had that encounter with Hisoka in the fourth phase where things didn't go the way he wanted them to go and he knew he could not do anything to change that, when he cried in front of Kurapika after getting punched by Hisoka imo was more out of frustration than anything else, so I think Gon was used to accomplishing most tasks or challenges that came to him with ease and doing them his way until that dart guy got him and Hisoka helped him. And the biggest example imo about his need to satisfy his ego is during the fight with Genthru, some people talk about him being selfish during that fight, and I agree, but the reason for that selfishness imo was that need to satisfy his ego by fighting Genthru his way instead of following Killua's plan and ending the fight without many complications or injuries.

I generally agree, and I actually think this ties directly into the self-esteem issues! While Gon isn't the sort to brag or intentionally show off, I do think he's self-assured in his abilities early in the Hunter Exam, which makes perfect sense when you think about it--he was a big fish in a small pond on Whale Island. I'm sure as he got older it got harder and harder for anyone else to compete with him. He's used to being able to do what he wants easily, and his abilities weren't typically challenged there. His talent/genetics from Ging gave him an automatic advantage over others. While I don't think he tends to assume his own superiority (like Killua does to a degree, especially early on), I think it's still a bit of a shock to him when he starts to encounter threats like Hisoka that are legitimately difficult for him to handle.

Like I said in the original post, he uses strength and power as a way to soothe his lack of self-worth, so when he isn't able to win/achieve what he wants in the way he wants to (this is important as well), he starts feeling inferior and worthless and like he has to push himself harder in order to be strong enough and convince himself he does have worth after all. So the degree of ego he has and the self-esteem issues go hand-in-hand. Gon strongly conflates his physical skills and power with how worthwhile he is as a person, when of course that's far from the only thing that gives him as a person worth and meaning.

I think the selfishness/ego/self-esteem issues fed into each other in the Greed Island fight as well--he wanted to believe he could do things alone, his own way, and still win. Because even though he appreciates his friends and allies, if he's not able to do things on his own terms and by himself, he can't use it as easily to assure himself of his own value.

And him wanting to do things his own way/alone in order to prove his own self-worth is a big piece of what leads to what happens between him and Killua in Chimera Ant Arc.

Thanks for the ask, it's interesting to explore Gon in more depth and bring up more aspects of his character! Everything fits together like a puzzle with him.

[pacifymebby]

t r o u b l e / chapter thirty four

"uh..." it had been a long time since I'd stuttered over the sight of a boy, a long time since someone's smirking at me had stolen my tongue. But there I was, trapped between my brother's smirk and Bonnie's. Blushing, shy and struggling to think of something clever to say. So in the end all I did was smile and nod my head, shrug my shoulders as if to say "I suppose so."

I averted my gaze as quickly as I could, tried to hide my eyes from both of them by looking at the floor instead, pretending to focus on the spring in the wood. Pretending to be admiring the gym Tommy had designed for me and Sylvie.

"Did he really build this for us?" I asked looking around once more, turning in a small circle to take it all in.

When I looked at John he had this look about him, something between affection and amusement. Something nostalgic about the glow in his eyes when they rested on me. And yet still when he spoke he was laughing at me.

"Well he didn't build it for our Bonnie boy here did he lass..." He sniggered drawing my attention back to Bonnie who had turned away from us now and was focussed on warming up. He was skipping, his head tilted to the floor watching his feet as he jumped quickly, these short sharp bursts of energy followed by a brief reprise. I had thought John was watching him too but when I turned back to my brother I realised he'd been watching me. Realised he hadn't taken his eyes off me since that sentimental smirk had given him away.

"hope you're prepared..." winked John nodding to Bonnie who was now too focussed on his work to notice us talking about him, "I ain't about to go easy on him just cause you think he's got a pretty face..." he teased catching me speechless.

"John!" I hissed my eyes wide open in horror at his remark. I was only relieved to see that Bonnie hadn't heard my brother. That somehow I was going to get away with the blush that was burning on my cheeks. And as John turned away, pulling his own shirt over his head, tossing Bonnie a pair of gloves which had been strung up on the wall, I felt myself grow a little uneasy. Wondering whether Bonnie really was prize fighter enough to stand up against John. It was true they were both strong, but John looked stronger... He was bigger than Bonnie too and although I had laughed earlier when Bonnie had joked about beating him, now I didn't feel so amused.

I'd watched fights before, I was sure that at least once we'd been allowed to go and watch Arthur in a boxing match which he had won, but I couldn't remember all that much about it. I remember I was too small to see above the shoulders of whoever was in front of me, I remember I only really saw the ring at the end when Arthur was up by the barriers throwing his fists in the air and roaring with pride at his victory.

"Alright kidda let's see what you've got eh, give us your worst..." Grinned John, hitting his gloves together as the two men faced off and I stood on the perimeter watching.

At first I was watching John, his shit stirring grin which grew all the wider when Bonnie cracked a laugh but as the pair circled, fists raised to make their preliminary jabs, my attention was drawn to Bonnie.

The light in his eyes, something a little more dangerous than mischief. Something darker, a glint of trouble all swirled up with sudden focus. A determination unmatched by my brother.

And then when the first punch landed and I heard the crack of impact, saw John's glove sink into Bonnie's shoulder I flinched. A gasp escaping me, hand rushing to cover my mouth. It felt as if they should have stopped, as if Bonnie should have buckled and backed away, as if John should have stood down. But they didn't. Just as soon as the punch had landed had John gone in to throw another and though for a split second I'd feared he would succeed this time Bonnie caught it and pushed back, using the moment to land a few rapid blows of his own. Pushing my brother back across the ring, his teeth gritted, his eyes glinting with determination.

I couldn't take my eyes off them though I desperately wanted to look away. The smack of each blow leaving my nerves on edge, their grunts of exertion and pain sending adrenaline through my veins. Bonnie's muscles rippled as he fought back against John, and when his red glove cracked against John's jaw and I watched my brother spit blood, smearing pink drool across his cheek, well, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Jesus Christ..." I whispered, eyes wide as I watched them sparring, neither of them seeming to tire despite the damage they were doing. Neither of them seeming ready to accept defeat though I desperately wished one of them would.

And then when Bonnie landed another blow to my brother I surprised myself, a whimper escaping me, my hand shooting down to rest over my womb as I closed my eyes. It was a revealing flinch. One I was glad seemed to go unnoticed by the two men as they fought. Both of them concentrating. One a little more determined than the other.

But as much as it might have escaped their notice it hadn't mine and I couldn't keep my mind from wandering back over her worries. Couldn't ignore how instinctive it had been, that sudden move to protect what I knew must be there, undeniable now. I'd flinched so protectively, felt a fear that fluttered dove-like in my heart but twisted deep in my gut and played on every nurturing instinct I hadn't known I harboured.

I swallowed the sick feeling down, tried to force myself to watch their fight knowing that once it was over I would have to see my aunt Pol, I'd have to admit she was right.

With every punch John threw Bonnie would try to outdo him, and with every successful attack launched by Bonnie, John would deliver yet another blow just as sharp as the last.

And in the end my wishes were answered by John who, rather than admit defeat simply dropped his fighting act, gave bonnie a playful shove and a pat on the back, the two of them dissolving into laughter as they fell away from eachother and dropped their gloves on the floor.

They were covered with sweat, Bonnie's swollen cheek glistening with a pinkish sheen which, from where I was standing, I couldn't tell if it was blood or just the flush of exhaustion.

"Well?" Asked Bonnie turning to me for the first time since putting his gloves on, his eyes no longer dark but instead gleaming with adrenaline, smiling and boyish, the way I recognised him to be. "Aren't you gonna tell us who won?" He asked with a cheeky grin when John cracked a laugh.

"You're havin a laugh the girl wasn't even watchin us!" He said, his teasing turned on me as he wiped his face with a towel and tossed it aside.

"I was too!" I said indignantly, trying to fix him with a glare despite knowing full well that he was right.

"Were you fuck you spent half that hiding with your hands over your eyes!" He cried back, sniggering when he carried on, "you were worse than our Katie watching Lord of the Rings!"

"I was not!" I cried growing exasperated, growing all too aware of the blush flushing my cheeks and the fond smirk on Bonnie's lips as he watched us bickering.

"Don't worry lass," chuckled Bonnie, "it's touching how worried for me you were..." He winked, his cheeky smile, the teasing way he let his eyes linger on me leaving me speechless for a moment as I wrapped my arms around myself and stuttered.

For a second I didn't know what to say, all too aware that my cheeks were bright red, that my brother was chuckling away, revelling in my awkward silence. That Bonnie was waiting for me to laugh.

"Right well," I said quietly, my voice a little higher than it should have been, shaking a little when I tried to spit the rest of my sentence out with my final shred of composure, "just for that I'm declaring John the winner..."

John cried out with a victorious laugh, keeling over with delight as he gloated at Bonnie who just shook his head. Not looking at John, his eyes lingering on me so that I got the impression that when he smiled, that too was only for me.

"Just you wait till you see the real thing..." He said, a playful warning tone as he pointed his index finger between my eyes. "I'll leave you with no doubt Miss Gray..."

"Not sure ringsides the place for our Fen," chuckled John and although I was sure now that he was right, that I couldn't stand to watch Bonnie, or anyone, fighting like that ever again, John's having said so made me cross my arms over my chest and shake my head.

"Is too."

I held his gaze as stubbornly as I could but no sooner did John see my sullen glare did he smirk and then grin and then lean into a knowing laugh. His hand in my hair ruffling my plaits loose. His arm around me pulling me into sweaty side.

"John!" I growled trying my best to push him away, unable to stop myself laughing at him when he tackled me, letting me lose my balance and fall only so that he could catch me. He was enjoying himself far too much, shit eating grin glowing.

"Have you missed me Fen?" He chuckled, only giggling more when I shot him an unforgiving withering look. One which left Bonnie smirking as he watched us from the floor where he was warming down.

"Oh!" I gasped suddenly when I saw John's lip was cut, it wasn't bleeding particularly badly but there was just enough, a trickle of crimson catching the light, darkening as it gathered in the curve of his chin.

When he realised what it was I had seen he chuckled, his smile opening the cut a little more. I tried to reach up and dab the blood with a tissue but he only swatted my hand away. He hadn't seen what I'd seen I suppose, but I was more than aware of the small shadow which had just crossed the threshold and was lingering in the doorway of the gym with a shyness I recognised to be much like my own.

"It's just a bit of blood Fen I'm fine," he smirked, his tone a little patronising but nothing I wasn't used to from my brothers, "see... You'd see much worse at a real fight..."

I rolled my eyes, thumping the tissue packet into his chest.

"I wasn't cleaning you up for my sake dinlow..." I shot back. And when I nodded my head in the direction of the door he realised, rolled his own eyes and closed his hand around the packet of tissues, understanding me then.

"Don't mean you've convinced me little sis, the rings no place for a delicate and sophisticated young lady such as yourself..." He sneered trying to retain the upper hand as he cleaned himself up.

"Nah," said Bonnie who had been watching us bickering like children with a smirk on his lips, "tougher than they look ballerinas, that's what I've heard..." And though he was talking to John he was looking at me and once again I felt myself prickled with a familiar feeling, that really every word was meant just for me. That my brother may as well have been in the other room.

Unfortunately for me that wasn't the case and when he heard Bonnie's remark he only laughed and shook his head.

"Nah, not our Fen, delicate little flower this one, ain't you Fen..."

"Mia's waiting for you dinlow.." I whispered fixing my big brother with a glare, forcing him to turn around and forget about teasing me.

And of course once he turned around he became "daddy" again, not the shit stirring older brother I knew but instead the soft touch father who was ready bundle his little one up and carry her back up the stairs with the gentlest "telling off" for having snuck into the gym. I couldn't help the sorrow I felt tug at my heart when I thought about the father of my child. Whether the baby growing inside me would ever know their dad, whether he would want to know them.

"And where do you think you're sneaking off to miss Mia?" He grinned running up to her and sweeping her of her feet, her shriek not echoing round the room the way I'd have expected it to. The way the sound seemed to be soaked up by the walls leaving me a little uncertain as I stood hesitant, waiting with my arms wrapped around myself for Bonnie to speak and lead us out of the gym.

I turned back to him, my hesitance flickering in my eyes. He offered me a smile, soft as anything, knowing perhaps the new nervousness which had sunken into me in those moments which followed my brother's departure. I wondered if he'd caught the watery look in my eyes, wondered if he could tell the true extent of the trouble I held in my heart.

"You want to visit Pol?" He asked quietly, his voice barely a whisper. Upon opening his mouth he'd reached out to me, something making him decide against taking my hand the moment it had left his side. It meant that his hand lingered in the space between us for a moment and left me shivery as I looked between his fingers and his eyes, unsure what to say or how to reach out and take it.

"Please..." I said, not meaning to whisper as quietly as I did. Feeling a blush creeping up when he smiled. He seemed as though he were being a little more careful. He'd always seemed gentle, more gentle than any blinder I'd known before, and yet somehow his hesitance surprised me. The soft way he looked at me, as though trying to read my mind, leaving a self conscious blush in my cheeks, a new restlessness in my heart.

After a moments hesitance I reached for his fingers, feeling shy the second mine brushed his. Feeling a rush of relief when his closed around mine and he dropped his towel down on the floor behind him as we left together.

"I mean it about your brother an me balls y'know " he whispered with a cheeky smile as he led me up the stairs and then through that damp little cobbled passage which took us out towards the lake.

We moved quickly and my heart beat quickly too, our nimble escape through the passage making me feel like some kind of renegade, or perhaps just a borrower slipping through the dark secret places of a home unseen.

I'd expected Bonnie to let go of my hand somewhere between the door and the lake and yet when we reached the silty shore at the waters edge his fingers remained entwined with mine, and though the lake was still and perfectly peaceful I felt a darkness creep up on me as our shadows wavered on the water.

He didn't say a word to me but every now and then he gave my hand a little squeeze or turned back to catch my gaze. The soft curve of his smirk and the little wink he'd shoot me soothing my nerves though I wasn't exactly sure just what it was I was nervous for.

Getting caught before I could see my aunt or what I thought she might say to me.

I hadn't realised that the forest at the edge of the estate belonged to us too but as Bonnie led me through the ferns and the ground became less hospitable with every step, I noticed dog tracks and realised that it must. That this seemingly lesser trodden path was frequented by someone in the family.

"Is it far?" I asked breaking the quiet. Until now we'd been soft enough that the afternoons birdsong, the breeze through the trees, had been enough to conceal our footsteps over the woodland floor. When I spoke however I felt the sudden tension of being caught.

"What's wrong? Not used to walking more than two minutes to the underground?" He turned over his shoulder with a cheeky grin and though I knew I was being teased I didn't laugh. Let my pout return, my brow furrowing as my voice grew sullen.

"No," I grumbled, "it's not that dinlow... It's just this fuckin mud and I keep catching myself on the bramble and stepping on twigs and they're really fuckin sharp through my shoes!"

"Aye well y'will cut about in ballet slippers.." he chuckled, shrugging my complaints off with another teasing line, "told you princess, we're not in Chelsea now..."

"I didn't even live in Chelsea!" I glowered, my sulky eyes apparently amusing him all the more as he let out a hushed laugh, one he muffled with his sleeve, not realising I'd stopped in my tracks. Arms folded across my chest.

But when he realised I'd dropped his hand he stopped. Turned to look at me over his shoulder, turning around completely when he realised I wasn't smiling or laughing along with him. When he realised that my eyes had filled with tears not even I was entirely sure were warranted.

"What's the matter?" He asked, a nervous smile tugging on his lips as he let his eyes flicker over my fragile stance. He could tell I was on the edge of tears and I could see how he squirmed. But there was nothing I could do to help him out of this one because I wasn't exactly sure what I was about to cry for myself.

"Stop fuckin laughing at me..." I said finally, my voice thick with a sullen emotion which left him struggling to do as I'd said.

"I'm not laughing at you sweetheart I promise," he said holding his hands up as if in surrender, the smirk he couldn't hide saying otherwise.

"Yes you are you're doing it right now!" I scowled, "it's fine I fuckin get it alright let's all laugh at the silly little rich girl isn't she soooo out of her depth, family of fuckin gangsters and she can't even stomach a boxing match, can't even walk through a forest without crying about something... Isn't she fuckin stupid!" I let the words tumble out of me my humiliation rising by the second, with every syllable I sobbed through. And bonnie just stood there watching me, his smirk the nervous kind as he chewed his cheek and waited for me to finish.

"Obviously I'm not like my fuckin siblings alright, I fucking know that! You don't need to keep pointing it out to me... And obviously I'm no fuckin gypsy either, I'm not stupid I know I'm a fuckin cliché posh London bitch, obviously I am..."

But at that he cut me off, his voice raised oh so slightly above mine. His tone enough to silence me in a second.

"Alright Miss Gray that's quite enough of that thank you..." He said curtly, his smirk gone, replaced with a frown of his own as he snatched my hand back. I stood trembling, I'd managed somehow amid my outburst to hold back my tears and they welled up in my eyes making it hard to see as I starred back at him in shock.

I half expected him to tug on my arm, tell me to hurry up, to stop wasting time. But he didn't.

Instead he stepped a little closer to me, closed the space between us and held my hand up between us, his fingers entwining with mine.

"I know you ain't stupid Miss Gray," he said, his voice soft and low, his eyes locked with mine. I felt silly standing there, looking up at him with such a rush of emotion swelled up in my eyes, but he didn't let me feel silly for long. "And I never said you were a bitch..." He said, "you shouldn't say that either..." He said, his frown so serious, more serious than I'd ever seen him before. "I was only teasing," he said it again, making me feel guilty because I'd known that all along. Because I couldn't explain why I'd taken it to heart when I'd known he hadn't meant it.

"I know..." I said chewing my cheek a little awkwardly, "sorry Bonnie," I said not sure whether I should try to make a joke or not, feeling the self deprecating remark slip from my tongue before I'd had a chance to stop it, "guess I can add uptight bitch to the list of descriptors too..." I said with a little smirk, one which Bonnie only mirrored for a moment as he chuckled and shook his head at me.

"Nah," he said shrugging his shoulders, "if I had all that on my mind I doubt Id be laughing either..." He said, the guilty look in his eyes making me wonder how much he knew. His next move making me certain he knew more than he was letting on.

He held his arms out to me then, made a joke I considered brave considering the moment we'd just shared.

"Alright, alright, you're right... Undergrowths hardly the sort of terrain fit for a Belgravian princess, let me carry you, it ain't far..."

"Oh... Bonnie no..." I started to protest, shaking my head as I tried to back away, feeling all kinds of mortified that he didn't think me capable of finishing what was more than likely only a short walk to his father's camp.

"Come on Sonya..." He said with a sigh, "you're right you ain't got the shoes for it and you look tired..."

"I'm not!" I tried to argue, growing more flustered by the second, my heart trembling at the thought he might be about to bundle me up against his chest.

My eyes were wide as I looked back at him, hoping he would back down, already knowing he wouldn't. Already knowing the line which was coming next.

"C'mon lass, cmere... Under strict instructions from your brother's I am, ain't about to fuck this up..." He said with a cheeky smile as he took my hand and tugged me closer to him.

In truth there were three things I feared then.

The first being that by giving in I was admitting I thought myself to good to trapse through the forest with him. That I was admitting to being that stuck bitch from London I was sure he thought of me as despite his protest.

The second was simple. That he would realise I wasn't as light as he thought me. That he would drop me just as Jasper had done at school, that I would reveal my failings to yet another man.

And the third, perhaps the most delicate of all. That if I let him hold me like that, bundled up against his body as he carried me through the forest, I would find myself too comfortable. That my heart would race and my breath would falter and I would be forced to admit my betrayal of Freddie. That I'd be forced to acknowledge the truth, that there was something irresistible about Bonnie. Something I was already struggling to ignore.

"Come here sweetheart," he said again, his tone a little firmer than before, his eyes locking with mine, all but confirming that he knew what Polly knew. "Long walk like this ain't good for you..." He said, waiting for me to share in his understanding. "Wear you out more than you already are..."

I realised then that there was no denying it. That Bonnie was just as canny as Esme, as my Aunt Pol. That there was no point lying to him just like there was no point desperately trying to deny it to myself. So I just nodded my head, let him scoop me up in his arms, my head against his chest.

"Sorry..." I said a little awkwardly as he swept me up off my feet, took a second to recenter himself before he carried on walking.

"Enough Sonya," he said with a smirk, shrugging off my concerns just as easily as he'd scooped me up. Just as easily as he held me close to him as he walked. "Won't be long now eh, relax..."

I closed my eyes, my body tense in his arms as I tried to make myself as small as possible. Tried not to take up too much space, tried not to get in his way. I felt ridiculous, all too self conscious and certainly a little silly for letting him carry me through the woods like some damsel in distress.

But he had insisted and I was there now, all I could do was try to hold myself together until he set me back down on my feet. Try to do as he has said and relax... Ignore the effect he was having on me. Pretend it wasn't really quite so easy to set my heart stuttering and breath catching in my throat.

I tried my best to listen to the sound of the forest, to tune out of Bonnie's breathing, the beating of his heart beneath his chest, and tune into the sounds of twigs snapping, branches straining and shaking as a squirrel threw itself from one to another. Tried to tune into the babble of the river which was still hidden somewhere behind the ferns.

And when I opened my eyes I did my best to tip my head back so that I might concentrate on the sunlight dappled through the canopy. The shadows cast by entangled branches and clusters of seeds which were gathering, waiting to fall.

I tried to concentrate from keeping my fingers from wandering from where they scrunched the scruff of his t-shirt though the brush of his curls often tempted them.

But nothing could keep my mind from returning, nothing could slow my beating heart, steady my shy breaths. I couldn't ignore the burning sensation of his skin so close to mine. Couldn't ignore the hazy way my head spun every time I breathed in and tasted his grassy scent lingering in my lungs.

"Why are they staying so far?" I asked after a little while. The quiet between us had done little to settle my nerves though I felt perfectly safe in his arms. "Wouldn't she do better to stay near the house.. just in case y'know..." I trailed off not wanting to reference her supposed illness. Remembering what Bonnie had told me earlier about his thoughts on that.

"Nah," he said letting out a slow sigh as he spoke, "me da's got her best interests at heart, the woodlands are good for her, peaceful..."

"No Shelby's..." I said wryly, looking up at him in hopes of meeting him with a smile to show him I was only joking. But when he looked down his smile didn't quite meet his eyes.

"I wasn't gonna say that..."

"No Tommy Shelby?" I asked not realising quite how close to home I might have hit until he hesitated. Until he changed the subject.

"She'll be glad to see you."

"That's not what I meant..." I mumbled wondering if it was me letting us trail off into silence again or him.

I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to those scenes that morning over breakfast. How quickly Tommy had snapped, how he'd trapped her against the fireplace as he'd tried and failed to pacify her anguished outburst.

"It's good for her to be around people who understand her..." He said after a moment longer, his brows knitted as he chose each word carefully. He was being careful not to offend but when it came to this he couldn't possibly offend me.

"Don't worry," I said quietly, my fingers straying for a second before I could stop them, twirling one of the curls at the bottom of his neck idly as I spoke, "gypsy shit right? I get it..."

When Bonnie finally set me down it was at the edge of the river we'd been skirting for twenty minutes. I could hear the crackle of a fire before I could see it, could hear Aberama whistling as he worked at skinning a rabbit.

"Ahh, Bonnie my boy finally tired of the high life? Ain't gone soft up there in the big house have you?" He flashed his son a teasing grin, not dissimilar to the one I was growing used to on Bonnie. Bonnie who in that moment had smiled despite the soft blush on his cheeks as he let his hand linger on my lower back.

"Bought company da..." He said as if warning his dad to stop teasing the Shelby name in front of me... As if Bonnie hadn't been doing the very same all afternoon.

"And what lovely company she is," said Aberama, taking his flatcap off and bowing his head to me slightly, his eyes locking with mine as a warmer smile snook onto his face. "Will you be staying for tea Miss Gray?" He asked holding up the half skinned rabbit, chuckling when he caught me trying to hide my grimace, "I'm sure your Aunt would like the company..."

But he didn't need to tell me that and I'd already nodded my head before he'd finished his sentence.

"Thank you Mr Gold," I said quietly, feeling shy under his warm but attentive gaze.

"Thought I told you Sonya, you call me Aberama, or Abe perhaps, if you and my Bonnie are as close as you look from a distance..."

"Da quit teasin her," grinned Bonnie shaking his head, lowering his voice to remind me that I could ignore every word his father said. "She was asking after Pol, been worried about her..."

"Well you ain't got no reason to worry about your Aunt Pol," smiled Aberama gesturing to the fire as he spoke, "come sit, we'll have tea, she won't be long..." He said letting Bonnie shrug his jacket off and set it down over a worn out looking garden chair for me to sit on.

I smiled at him a little shyly, feeling silly he'd felt the need to put his coat down for me on a perfectly reasonable chair. Still I sat down, said thank you and kept my head down, waiting for my aunt as politely as I could. Feeling suddenly like I was intruding on something I shouldn't have been part of. It wasn't exactly a feeling I wasn't used to. Always too rough around the edges for my friends at boarding school, always too primp and proper for my family back in Birmingham. This was no different. Traveller enough to know I wasn't traveller enough to be sitting around that fire with them.

I held my hands in my lap until Aberama presented me with a little china cup to hold instead. I didn't realise that my hands were shaking until he poured my tea but when he did I suffered the indignity of having to watch the hot dark liquid tremble and splash at the sides, worse when he added milk.

Bonnie pulled up a chair beside me and sat down, his elbows resting on his knees as he leant in to talk with his father about news from the families. Families I knew had been sent out in search of my sister, my boyfriend and his family too.

I'd been trying to listen in until Aberama had let his gaze flit quickly to me, until he'd seem me watching him and changed his mind. Started speaking another language I didn't really recognise. Only knew enough of to know it wasn't Romani. So he was being particularly cautious.

I watched the two of them talking until my eyes met Bonnie's, his lit up by the fire and the strange faded afternoon sun which reflected off the muddle brook.

When he looked at me his eyes were furtive, and yet his dark eyes held an intensity which left me struggling to sip my tea. I hid behind the rim of my tea cup, held his gaze from under my eyelashes, but I couldn't read his expression and I couldn't tell if he understood the worry in mine.

And then I heard the snap of a twig underfoot and I forgot about the two men and their secret conversation. Thought only of Polly who was standing just outside the circle of chairs, her closed lip smile warm, eyes bright as she looked upon me.

"Fen."

She greeted me with a radiant affection, her tired eyes lit up despite the shadows beneath them. She looked emotional perhaps, a little tired maybe, but she didn't look ill. Didn't look frail the way my brothers had told me she was these days.

"Been worrying about you Polly," sighed Aberama nodding from me to her with a twinkle in his eyes, something like affection and mischief entwined.

"Bonnie Gold what did I tell you this morning!" She scolded the younger lad, "what did you promise me eh?" She asked shaking her head, one hand on her hip as she placed her basket of apples and other foraged things on the edge of the vardo steps. "Bloody men..." She met me with a conspiring smile, sitting down beside me and clasping my hands in hers. Her touch was cool from the hours spent in the shade of the woods, cool like the water babbling in the stream behind us. But she felt like home when she took my hands and when I met her gaze I felt understood. "Told him not to let you go worrying about me... There's nothing wrong with me love, no matter what your brother's tell you... You've enough sense in you to know that though..." She said quieter as she leant in to ask me how I was.

"Aye I tried my best Pol but if there's one thing your niece is good at..." Started Bonnie with a lingering grin, the kind which remained on his lips when he held my gaze and remained even after I'd torn my eyes away.

"Sounds like our Fen," said Polly softly, love threaded through every word, "always were a sensitive girl weren't you love..." She said before asking me again about myself. I wondered if she'd been worrying for me that way I had her all day, after all I must have seemed a little fragile too and I didn't have the track record Pol when it came to holding oneself together.

"I'm alright Pol, but.. how are you, you were so... Upset this morning... I... What did you mean about Michael?" I asked realising my mistake only after I'd allowed the questions to tumble from my lips without warning.

Her eyes darkened and she let go of my hands, placed them back in my lap and patted them softly. Something in her sad smirk told me I'd let her down.

"Is that why you came?" She asked, her voice low and heavy with trouble, "you believe your brothers?"

"No!" I said it a little too quickly, a little too sharply. Became acutely aware of the ebb in Bonnie and his father's conversation. "No," I lowered my voice, tried to speak as softly as I could, my cheeks burning as I tried to convey all the things I wanted to tell her with just the glow in my eyes. "No, I don't... I... What did you see when you saw him Pol? What did you see when you saw Sylvie?" I asked already knowing the answer I would receive, already understanding she couldn't possibly tell me.

"Will you come inside with me?" She asked looking over her shoulder at the vardo, her fingertips traced over the back of my hand lightly, turned my hand over in my lap and began tracing a long sloping line between my index and my wrist.

I nodded my head and stood. Glanced back at Bonnie and his father only briefly as I let her lead me inside the little vardo.

I recognised it then, the very same place I'd sheltered on that first morning at Arrow House. The way the vardo seemed to hold you as you sat down at the little table. There was a green tablecloth draped over it today, a cup of tea and my aunt's deck of tarot cards beside an unlit candle.

"I cannot tell you what I saw of your sister Fen," she sighed, "your brother has forbade it... Naturally..." She seemed to simmer on her smirk for a moment, I wondered if she was waiting for me to protest, or of she knew better than to expect that of this twin.

"Even if he hadn't..." I said quietly, knowing when she offered me her most sympathetic of smiles and shook her head what she meant.

Not in my state. It would be dangerous to worry me with visions and doomed feelings.

Of course that only left me feeling all the more fated and gloomy.

"Pol..." I started, the urgency in my voice drawing that sympathy from her more.

"Now don't you look at me like that my love," she said, her hands holding mine tightly, her own eyes just as teary as mine, "don't you look at me like that, there's nothing to fear my girl..."

"There is Pol!" I whispered, a fragility gripping me suddenly, a twist in my gut which left me shaking and struggling not to cry. "It's Freddie's..." I said, "if anyone finds out... If the Italians or... Tommy... He'll hate me!" I snatched my hand from Polly's to cover my mouth, clasping both hands over my jaw to muffle my sobbing. The tears flowed freely then, my body trembling with the despair I'd been holding back for days. But Polly didn't try to stop me or shut me up. She didn't try telling me again that there was nothing to fear.

Instead she wrapped her arms around me and cradled my head to her chest, her hands holding my hair as she rocked me gently. She leant back against the cushions, keeping me steady and safe, and waited it out. Waited until I was sniffling rather than sobbing, waited until I'd managed to get a grip on myself once more.

"Your brothers could never hate you Fen," she said firmly as I sat up and pulled away from her. She offered me a tissue to dry my eyes and I took it but used the sleeves of my cardigan instead. "And having a bairn inside you won't make any difference to your place on Zabinis hit list. We're all there side by fuckin side ain't we..."

It shouldn't have been a comfort and yet somehow it was. I dabbed at my eyes trying to catch my stray tears, nodded my head solemnly.

"Please don't tell them..." I said, "oh god Pol..." I whimpered, struggling to draw in a shaking breath as I gathered my thoughts.

"Do you want it?"

Her question hushed the whole room. Everything seemed a little quieter then, as if the soft furnishings, the bowls in the cupboard, the mess of clothes on the end of the bed, were all ruminating my decision. One I hadn't made. One I couldn't stand to consider for too long.

"I... I don't know..."

"Does Freddie know?" She asked her hand resting atop my womb as she rubbed in a slow circle. When I shook my head she raised her brow, "are you sure?"

"How could he? I didn't know until you told me..."

"Good," she said softly, almost as though she were talking to herself, "that's good... Then you've got plenty time to think about it haven't you, no one rushing you to make your mind up...and you don't need to worry about your brother's or anyone else, your family love you Fen, we'll look after you... Whatever you decide you want to do alright?"

I nodded my head again, fearful that if I tried to speak I'd cry. Sniffling as I held my hands over my mouth and shut my eyes. Feeling it all pushing down on me, the panic thudding in my chest, the nausea rising up. Because I'd been trying to ignore something I shouldn't have been ignoring for too long. And really the only person I wanted to talk to about it was so far away, somewhere in a gangsters den in London doing god knows what. Somewhere so very far from me.

"I don't know what to do..." I whispered, my head spinning with every little anxiety. "My fucking career," I sniffled, "and Freddie... Oh god..." I crumbled again, trying to hold myself together, trying my best to get a grip, knowing full well that had it been Ada in my position she wouldn't have been crying like this.

When I looked up at Pol through my tears she was looking at me with that same darkened sympathy, as of she'd been waiting for this day a long time. As of she'd always known the Shelby curse would touch each and every child eventually.

"Don't fret Fen," she said finally, "you might not know now but you will know what to do, you'll feel it here..." She said placing her hand over mine and guiding it to my heart, "and you'll know."

She held my gaze and the warmth in hers, the quiet confidence seemed to seep from her to me. From her heart to mine so that a little of my dread was pushed out. So that there was a little room for warmth, for hope.

A tap on the door had drawn us back outside to join the men by the fire. Bonnie and his dad had moved on from tea to cider and they sat in a content quiet watching the woodlands. Aberamas eyes were half closed, his aging features dappled with the late noon sun through the trees, his white shirt tainted with shades of green. Bonnie however was wide awake, his eyes following two magpies who were flitting from branch to branch within an oak tree above us.

They looked as though they were playing a game, chasing one another higher and higher only to go tumbling back through the branches together, their melodic chatter ricocheting through the trees.

I slipped back into my seat beside Bonnie, following his gaze because I had nothing else to hold onto. Nothing else to occupy myself with beside those two magpies. My conversation with Polly had left me feeling heavy, a little shellshocked, hollow and strange. I didn't much feel like talking, or smiling, or eating but I knew that in a moment I would have to do all three and the thought filled me with a quiet discomfort.

"Ahh ladies."

Polly had stirred Aberama with a kiss to his cheek and as he moved slowly back to life he greeted us both with a smile and open arms.

"There's tea in the pot and soup over the fire..." He said, "if you've time to stay that is Sonya?" He asked, looking first to me and then to Bonnie who simply shrugged his shoulders. He looked up at the trees, squinted into the sunlight and then nodded.

"We've time," he said, turning to me then, his eyes soft and questioning, "if you'd like to of course Miss Gray?"

I heard his father chuckle at that, heard Polly stifle a laugh too and I couldn't help but bite back my own smile and the formality.

"I'd love some thank you." I said quietly, offering aberama a grateful smile before shrinking back into my little garden chair. It was one of those camping chairs and the green fabric was tired and dirty, it smelt damp like summer evenings spent out in the garden too long. The kind of days that make you sleepy just for breathing fresh air.

"I'll get it," said Bonnie, holding his hand out to stop me from standing up.

"These newfound manners of yours eh Bon..." Chuckled his father, "always knew you had em hidden away somewhere."

"Give over," grinned Bonnie, his cheek bones blessed with that soft ruby flush as he concentrated on pouring a mug of soup for me. "It's rabbit..." He said hesitating to hand me the cup as if he thought I'd never eaten game before. I couldn't help but grin then, letting a little laugh escape me when his dad laughed at his shyness.

"Don't worry my boy, I'm sure they serve game in Chelsea," he chuckled, his smile meeting mine, a warm twinkle in his eyes reserved just for me so that I didn't feel it was me he was laughing at then, though it should have been.

"You leave the boy alone." Polly warned, resting her head on Aberamas shoulder as Bonnie handed my cup to me and turned back to the stove.

I watched Polly and Aberama from across the fire, how she settled into his side and lent on him, one hand held by his in his lap. How peaceful she looked.

I couldn't help but question my brothers decision to try and keep her hidden from me. Couldn't help but wonder what it was they were so scared I would see.

But perhaps it was just that, perhaps they hadn't seen her like this, so peaceful, warmhearted and glowing with those first scattered drops of love. Those early days when the affection you feel radiates from you and touches everything you do.

Because she looked so bright, so tranquil then. It was hard to remember the fear in her eyes that morning. Hard to imagine the shrill panicked tone with which she had called after my brothers.

But I didn't want to remember that morning, the fear which had chilled my own heart and bones. So I chose to focus instead on Polly now, in that warm, quiet moment beneath the trees, as the afternoon warmed us all through and the scent of pollen was thick, drowsy on the breeze.

As I raised my mug to my lips with both hands I was reminded of a past which seemed almost out of reach. Those days when me and Sylvie were only little girls, when we'd still lived on the road, before our mother had died, when we'd been allowed to wander the wilds dawn til dusk. Those days we'd run around earning ourselves nicknames like Fen.

The taste of soup infused with the smoke of the fire was nostalgic in a way I hadn't been expecting and I closed my eyes as I swallowed. Let the taste linger on my tongue and didn't worry about what was in it or whether I'd walked enough to warrant a meal.

And by the time it was time to leave their little camp by the river I found that I didn't really want to go. Found that when Bonnie came and joined me sitting in the grass with my feet in the stream, that my heart ached to stay out until long after the sun had gone down.

"Been gone from the house too long..." Said Bonnie softly. I could tell by his small smile he felt guilty for disturbing my peace, "we can come back tomorrow if you'd like but we'd better be off now, the weans won't keep John distracted all night," he added trying to draw a laugh from me, albeit halfhearted at best.

"Alright," I said putting my hand down in the dirt to push myself back up.

But before I could bare the weight myself Bonnie had slipped his arms beneath mine, helping me up and gathering me against him to steady my balance.

"Don't tell me you're gonna walk back now Miss," he said, "you're half asleep as it is..." And because I knew he was right, and because I was feeling that late in a summer day drowsy, I didn't bother trying to argue with him. Just smiled softly and let my shyness slip away as I leant against him, ear pressed to his chest, listening to the beating of his steady heart.

"Only if you don't mind?" I asked smiling when I felt the soft shake of his muted amusement.

"Aye sweetheart, course I don't mind..."

So he waited whilst I thanked his father for tea, and he stood back and watched the trees quietly, pretending not to notice the way I lingered when I said goodnight to Polly. Pretended not to notice how we held onto one another a moment too long, how her hands trailed my arms and then rested flat and gentle over my womb. How she got that misty loving look in her eyes when she held her palm to my cheek and told me to come back soon.

How I turned back to him with that misty look in my own eyes and told him I was ready to go.

And all the way back through the woods, across the manor grounds I wondered what else he was pretending he hadn't noticed. The way my heart raced beneath his touch, the way I struggled to breath for having my body held so firmly, so snug against his. The way that in my drowsy state, a little less self conscious than before, I nuzzled into him, gripped his t-shirt scruff a little tighter, let my fingers wander to curl the locks of his dark hair which tickled the bottom of his neck.

We didn't speak until we reached the patio outside the kitchen. Until he set me down on the bench beneath the window boxes filled with evening primrose. Some of whom were yet to burst open.

"Thank you," I said softly, smiling and mirroring his action when he raised his finger to his lips.

"You're very welcome Miss Gray..." He said quietly as he crouched down at my knees and looked up at me.

For a moment I wasn't sure what he was doing down there on the patio floor, down on one knee as his hands wandered from his pockets. But when he took the ribbons which tied my ballet slippers up and tugged them undone gently, my skin prickled with goosebumps. The self-concious flush returning to my cheeks as I looked down at him. For a fleeting moment I felt brave enough to meet his gaze as he slipped one shoe off and set it down on the stone floor. But just as soon as my bravery has gripped me had it shrunk away and when his fingers tugged the second ribbon loose I found myself looking stubbornly down into my lap. Teeth biting the tip of my tongue as a shyness gripped me.

Because he had no reason to be as sweet to me as he was. And I had no reason to let myself get away with the fluttering of my heart when Bonnie treated me with such kindness. But I couldn't help it. I didn't want to stop him. I liked his gentle ways and the gentle way he treated me.

"Thanks..." I said again, my voice so soft I was surprised he heard it.

"Like I said," he shrugged, offering me his hand as he stood up, helping me to stand too, "you're very welcome sweetheart."

And when my eyes met his again I felt something shift. Something I couldn't quite place. It was subtle enough that I might have missed it had I not looked up in that precise moment. It wasn't subtle enough that I couldn't feel it's lingering effect.

The way I felt drawn closer to him. The way I felt my heart swell to look at him. The way I felt a swirling guilt in my stomach as my hand hovered above my womb. Because my whole body recognised this feeling, this sudden change. There was no denying it.

And when he bid me goodnight, promised he wouldn't be long upstairs behind me, I felt disappointed he wasn't walking me to my door. Disappointed that I wouldn't be falling asleep to the sound of his slowed soft breaths.

But when I closed my bedroom door behind me and saw my phone lit up at the end of my bed, I realised that perhaps his absence was for the best.

I had three missed calls and a voice mail. All of them from a number I didn't recognise. The sight of which set my heart racing with a hopeful anxiety as I dialled 121 and waited for the voice I'd been missing.

"My heart," a sob rose in my throat with Freddie's first syllable, my hand clamping over my mouth as I held my breath and tried to listen to his rushed message, "I made it out, I can't tell you where I am but I'm safe... I love you, fuck... I heard about your brother closing ranks but.. fuck, my heart, we can be together, it's safe out here, where I am... We can be together here, I love you... Get back to London for me baby, let me steal you away..."

His message ended abruptly, his voice filling my senses and then suddenly so cruelly snatched away that for a moment I remained frozen at the end of my bed, clutching the phone to my ear just waiting for the message to replay after the tone so that I could let him fill up my senses all over again.

"fuck, my heart, we can be together, it's safe out here, where I am... We can be together here, I love you..."

I let my lips follow along with him on my third listen, making the shapes his mouth had made as he'd rushed out his message in that shivered whisper. Felt my heart aching to be close enough to him that I might trace those lips with my fingers instead.

And as I lay back on my bed, head resting on my pillow, listening to his final message for me on repeat, my hand strayed to rest over my womb and I began letting myself imagine a different future for us. One without his family. One without my brother's. Naive as it may seem, his words were a silk thin thread of hope and I was desperate.

"Get back to London for me baby, let me steal you away..."

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[tgrailwar-zero]

Alright, let’s get this out of the way; it’s a pleasure to meet you, Kukulkan, we’re your masters and we’re in a tricky position.

Previously, we were this Holy Grail War’s master for “Avenger” and we just so happened to have a connection to “Rider” as well but we aren’t sure how. As it turns out, we were special in regards to this Grail War as we were supposedly sent to “raze this land” and “investigate what happened in a failed Grail War” (which “Saber” was apparently part of) before being captured and forced into this war before our memories were wiped and we were sent out as “just some other masters with a wish”.

After scrambling through our preliminary war, we entered this next stage and we immediately placed into, what we perceive as, a rigged game. “Caster” placed a virus on “Avenger” and started sowing distrust between us and our team, we fell for this and accidentally forfeited both “Avenger” and “Rider” to her and we got sent to a “Dead End Screen”.

Luckily for us, our “scrambling” in the preliminary war ended up helping us as one of the terminals who we befriended, AVENGER, ended up helping us out and gave us another chance in this war, allowing us to summon you, and the chance to start again on our own terms this time.

All we know is that we’re on our own and we’re up against a team of EXTRA class servants and a team of the standard seven classes with a suspiciously powerful “Caster” and a knowledgeable “Saber” (plus our stolen “Avenger”). AVENGER gave us the go ahead and said there’s a doctor nearby to give us a checkup so nothing like that happens again.

I know this was probably a lot, but I’m hoping transparency would show you what we’re in for and to build some trust between us by letting you know what we did to end up here.

Regardless, we might be bumbling and scrambling, but I at least hope you trust our judgment to not end up as the “losers” again.

"Oh, how comprehensive! Thank you very much! It is a lot to process, but I'll do my best as your Servant, okay?"

She accepted that relatively easily. Or perhaps she just decided to compartmentalize the information and take the time to actually process it when she had some time to herself. It might help to check in on her during a later date, after the information had a chance to be digested.

You could assume that filling her in on your journey would most likely take the majority of your walk, considering her incredibly brisk, yet somehow casual, pace.

"Hmm, so we're looking for a doctor, yes? Or a healer of some sort. That should be fine! Every small town should have someone willing to help with medicine, after all!"

The rest of the walk was filled with idle chatter.

She flexed a bicep.

"Ehehe, a lot! You'll see for yourself when we fight, I promise!"

She spent a decent amount of time walking rambling about her interests as she walked. It seemed like she had a strong enjoyment for life and culture. Cities, civilizations, cuisine, architecture, agriculture... and occasionally some talk of sports. Namely lucha libre.

"Hm? The Grail? Well..."

She stopped, as something caught her attention.

"Oh! We can talk more another time! We made it!"

Reaching the town, night had already fallen. Despite what KUKULKAN had described, the town certainly seemed... dour.

KUKULKAN stopped, looking around. It was late at night, and like she pointed out- most people had already wandered their way inside.

However, the air seemed… dense with magical energy, a heavy fog hanging over the town.

"It doesn't feel evil… somber, maybe? Like a a blanket draped over a scared child…"

She commented, with a complicated expression.

With that in mind, there were a few places to go.

It seemed that the only places of business that was open was a tavern and an inn, though it wasn't exactly bustling with energy. The tavern lights were on, at least. That being said, there were also a few creepy alleyways between the buildings. You know, if that's your idea of a good time. Considering the sound of conversation, there was a chance that some of the NPCs here did just… hang out in unsettling alleys.

Regarding the nearby inn, it seemed to be in a similar state where the lights were on for travelers, but there wasn't much noise. Outside of that, an old church building also seemed to have the lights on.

There was the feeling that this town had a stronger 'day-life' than 'nightlife', frankly.

"Well, no time like the present! Where to?"

[balshumetsbaragouin]

The aftermath of the big battle has arrived! Things aren't looking so hot for Danny and Val's relationship as communication breaks down in this latest chapter.

Chapter 10 is on schedule for Wednesday as expected, and I'll see you all then!

Not convinced you'd enjoy the story? Have a tasty treat!

She clicked over to the other tab again, taking in the last message one more time. The sent receipt on the bottom remained the same: 8:36pm yesterday. She clicked away, trying to work on her history homework, doing preliminary research for a paper that was due in another two weeks, just before the Thanksgiving break. She tapped into the keys, checking the dates for the founding of the Holy Roman Empire against the fall of the Karling Dynasty, trying to get a sense for how the house of Charlemagne ended up broken before the title was renounced centuries later. Her phone buzzed. She ignored it. She’d go on patrol later that night, and she’d already set up a separate alert tone for hostile reports. She blindly groped for the drink next to her, taking in a few slurps of Wild Monster, before staring back at the Drikipedia page with the primary sources at the bottom. She might not be able to cite this directly, but it was great for tracking down other links. 

A click and a few seconds later, and she found herself on a museum website with several articles about the history of the Frankish kings. That would be useful later. She opened a new tab, looking up the history of the founding of France and how Brittany became Frankish instead of Breton. This, admittedly, was off the beaten path for her research paper’s subject, but the cultural change intrigued her. A few distracted clicks later, and she was back to staring at her DMs, the same sent receipt flashing back at her. Still. She clicked away and did more research, pulling up a few more tabs, this time about the other major nation states and their relationships with the Holy Roman Empire through the 800’s AD. She scowled when she caught herself drifting back to the forum tab, and went to close it, stopping before she could press the mouse key. What if he messaged back? She clicked over, coming face to face with the same sent receipt, and pushed away from her desk to pace the room.

She glanced back at the computer, then to her alarm clock, then finally to her bedroom door, eyes going in a circle multiple times as she thought everything she knew through. Phantom had never ignored her messages before. He’d disappeared, truly disappeared, after the Ops Center fight.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Doctor Who: Flux Review- Who Gives a Flux

You're not getting a spoiler warning, because you can't 'spoil' a turd sandwich by letting on what kind of bread they used.

So, I knew Doctor Who: Flux wasn’t going to be good. It’s written entirely by Chris Chibnall, the man who gave us red hot hits like Shilling for Space Amazon and Attack of the Large Onion. Clearly, I was not expecting great things, but the 60th Anniversary Specials kept referencing it like I was supposed to know and care what it was, so I gritted my teeth and dived in. I am an idiot. I only have so many hours of life, and I chose to spend six of them watching Flux. I feel like if I’m ever dragged up before some kind of cosmic review board and asked to justify ever second I spent on Earth, I’m going to be more embarrassed about the time I spent watching Flux than I am all the days I wasted trying to pick things up using only my feet (And thereby hangs a tale, but I don’t have time to tell it here). Anyway: Flux. Why?

I think the cruellest thing about Flux is that it starts off alright and then gradually deteriorates over time- so gradually in fact, that you don’t even notice until you reach the end and realise what you just saw. You might be familiar with that really sick experiment some very bored scientists once conducted, where they tried putting a frog in boiling water. Obviously, the frog jumped out. So then they put the frog in cool water and brought it to the boil over a long period of time. The frog didn’t realise what was happening and literally just sat there and died. Flux was the water. I was the frog.

The first episode, The Halloween Apocalypse is okay sci-fi. It even feels like a proper episode of Doctor Who in places. After some preliminary grumbling, the opening proper sees Whitaker’s 13th Doctor dangling over a sea of acid with not-really-her-love-interest Yaz, suspended from a hovering beam set up by a prospective villain. And our heroes spend most of the time arguing over whose fault it is that they got caught in the first place while their escape plan goes horribly wrong. We’re also introduced to our actual villains for the series, who claim to represent time itself while a big swirly space-storm that might or might not be related ravages the universe. It’s… pretty compelling actually. The ideas seem big and intriguing and I actually found myself- against my better judgement- wondering what the big twist was going be. There’s this recurring notion that time itself is evil and needs to be shackled, lest it run riot and overtake space, creating a world of infinite suffering. It’s a terrifying concept and therefore interesting. Meanwhile, Whitaker actually appears to be doing some acting, which makes a nice change from her early tenure. I mean, she still doesn’t feel like the Doctor- any Doctor- probably because she didn’t actually watch Who prior to acting in it, but she’s not so wooden as to be unwatchable this time round, so there’s that. In short, we’re set up for a solid season of TV.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for the wheels to fall off. The second episode sees the Sontaran coopting the Crimean War to invade Earth, taking advantage of the chaos created by the Flux (which, in fairness, is a very Sontaran thing to do). Before long, the Doctor and co. (by now, there’s a team- I’m not getting into the why) bump into actual historic figure Mary Secole, whose accent alone should win some kind of award for overacting and an army general who’s trying to repel the Sontaran invasion. Obviously, the Doc takes issue and tries to tell him not fight the Sontarans, which on one level is fair enough. We know the Doctor’s not a fan of soldiers. But the poor bastard literally doesn’t have a choice. Not only is it his job, from his perspective, he’s the last line of defence stopping the Sontaran invasion from reaching Britain. He has to fight. Yet, like most of Chibnall’s disposable villains, he’s written with all the complexity of a tablespoon- he’s just a bluff, overbearing military-man (and a bit of a sexist, just in case we didn’t get we were meant to be rooting against him). He’s just there to get in the way and never exhibits enough personality to make him compelling or make us think about his motivations and the internal logic of his actions. I mean, I know Moffat was a bit annoying as showrunner, back in the day, but at least when he wrote characters like this you could see what they were thinking and why- you understood that they were wrong, but there were some pains taken to show that their conclusions made sense to them in context; there was some effort made to be at least vaguely sympathetic to the plight of the less-than-genre-savvy inhabiting the Whoniverse. But hey, it’s a minor gripe. I ploughed on, not realising that this was just the first in a series of cock-ups that would slowly heat up the frog-water of the season to awful, boiling temperatures. I should have known. We all should have known.

Of course, I can’t keep going episode by episode. For a one thing, they began to blur into one after awhile and, for another, I can only bare to write about Flux for so many paragraphs. After that point, my eyes will start to bleed, a ringing will start in my ears, and The Voices (TM) will start telling me to grab the power-drill and gaffer tape. Instead, lets talk about the villains. For there are many. Aside from the Sontarans and the time-entities (I just remembered their names are Swarm and Azure, though we’re given literally zero reason to care), there’s also a dude called The Grand Serpent who gets introduced as some kind of galactic dictator, but the next time we see him, he’s on Earth, plotting to make himself the oversight guy for UNIT. And, of course, there’s the head of Division- an organisation so corrupt it will happily kill the entire universe just to protect its secrets, then bugger off to the next universe and start interfering in its history. Individually, all these villains are… fine? I guess? I mean, the Grand Serpent has a genuine air of menace about him and he goes about his evil business with a remarkable degree of confidence and alacrity. The Sontarans are a reliable cautionary tale against military jingoism. The time-entities are both terrifying and interesting. The extent of Division, at least on paper, is awe-inspiring. The problem is that Chibnall can’t be bothered to develop any of them properly. He just keeps piling on douchebags and never giving any of them a chance to breathe.

First off, we never find out why Swarm and Azure want to unleash time, knowing full well it will destroy all creation. They’re time-entities themselves, but what does that mean? They still have physical bodies and appear to live, for all intents and purposes, in the spacial universe. What does it even mean for time to be evil? Why are they such snappy dressers? That last question is probably less important. The point is that we find out literally nothing important about them, even though they’re the primary antagonists of the series. The Grand Serpent, meanwhile, gets a motivation. He’s been deposed (we never see this happen) and he’s working with the Sontarans to secure a power-base for the future. Fine. I’ll go along with that… except why is he working with the Sontarans when he’s clearly perfectly capable of manipulating entire planets on his own? What’s the name of his species? Why is he the way he is? We get no answers (again) and his arc is resolved by shoving him through a magic door and leaving him a floating piece of space-debris. He doesn’t even look that bothered about it. The Sontarans… well, we all know what their deal is, but they don’t escape Chibnalling. Far from being an effective and serious foe, they end up reduced to blustering goons with an addiction to Earth-grown sugars and exactly one, easily-thwarted strategy. And then there’s Division. The scope of its reach should be horrifying; its ruthlessness chilling; its cold indifference to any one universe fearsome. But in the end, the whole thing just comes off as silly. It seems to have been started by the Time Lords (sort of), but it doesn’t have a Time Lord-y agenda. It’s willing to destroy a whole universe that it considers a failed experiment, but it’s never explained why it considers that the experiment failed. It controls the Flux itself, but that ends up leaving Swarm and Azure without anything particularly terrifying to wield. Also, the whole thing is run by the Doctor’s mum (sort of) and it’s revealed that the Doctor actually came from the other universe to which Division is heading. Which is idiotic. I mean, the whole Timeless Children thing was stupid the first time Chibnall trotted it out because it undermines the Doc’s whole deal of just being a normal Gallifreyan who stole a box and started doing some good in the universe. The point of the character is that its their choices that define them, not their superhero-style trademark Secret Origin. Thank fuck The Giggle went on to imply that this was just a load of nonsense cooked up by The Toymaker to mess with his old enemy.

The fact is that Chibnall just can’t help but ruin seemingly good ideas by cramming them together with bad ideas- and even other good ideas- so tightly that none of them feel meaningful or important. The villains du jour are the prime example, but they’re not the only offenders, not by a long stretch. There’s this little love story about two people separated by the Flux trying to find each other, which is actually pretty compelling sci-fi (though it doesn’t exactly feel like Doctor Who- it’s played way too straight and lacks the show’s signature light touch). Given a whole episode of its own to breathe, it might have been quite good, but it gets spread out across all six episodes of the series to make room for other stuff and it becomes impossible to give a shit after the third. This is also the segment, incidentally, that nerfs the Cybermen. Apparently, all the upgrade-based invincibility of Nightmare in Silver is gone now and any yoohoo with two lasers and a decent aim can take them down. Are these just earlier models, or did Chibnall just forget about NIS? I suspect option B.

There’s a race of talking dogs who are species-bonded to the human race and they’re theoretically instrumental in resolving the plot, but we only ever meet one of them and their species’ lore, background and beliefs are never fleshed out in any way.

There’s a temple where time is channelled and controlled (because it has to be; because time is evil, remember), but it just comes completely out of left-field. Is it a thing from classic-era Who? Because I’ve watched quite a bit of that over the years, and I don’t bloody remember this thing. It’s an interesting idea, but its never explained how it works or how it was built. I mean, you need time in which to create the structures that will control time, but if time is against you, how can you ever create anything within time? Buh? Ideas that should be important pillars of the show are treated as disposable; nothing significant is fleshed out and the whole thing feels like a waste of time.

But I’m not done! Oh no- we also get to see Chibnall’s ignorance of Who lore on full display. The Weeping Angels apparently only send people back in time the first time they touch them- the second time they turn them to stone and kill them. But we know that’s not how they work. The Angels Take Manhattan was at great pains to show the horror of the Angels battery farming humans by sending them back in time over and over and over again within a single building. Travelling to another universe is treated like a big deal, but David Tennant did it by accident way back in his first term as the Doctor, when he hopped to a parallel universe where Cybermen were being invented on Earth. The whole concept of a Who multiverse is treated like a big deal in fact, but it’s been around for ages- its just been treated with a lighter, more graceful touch to prevent the main universe of the show from feeling disposable. As previously discussed, the Cybermen are really the Cybermen; the Sontarans barely act like Sontarans (or rather, they all act like Strax, the joke Sontaran Eleven recruited as one of his little helpers that time). I could go on, but this is actually giving me a headache.

The point is that Flux is a mess- an unsatisfying melange of ingredients that would be fine on their own, but which don’t go together and are never developed into anything meaningful; a Doctor Who cosplay convention where half the participants don’t know who they’re meant to be what Doctor Who is; a right fucking shambles, in short.

At the end, I’m left with one question: Why did I do this to myself. And one answer: because I’m a fucking idiot.

[nella09archive]

Marriage. 9

Chapter 9: Meeting Again?

As me and the guys were getting ready to for the preliminary, a familiar scent hit my nose. I tried my best to ignore it, thinking it’s all in my head, like always. That was until I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I looked to see who it was, I felt like time froze. For just a few second, I felt like I was seeing an angelic aura surrounding this person. Looking from her toes to her head, I felt a sense of peace. Whoever this person is, I had the urge to know more.

Then when she spoke, it sounded so heavenly, that if I died right now, I’ll die happy. She not only knew my name, which made me want to break into a smile, she asked if I remembered her. Oh no! Do I know her? Quickly trying to think of where I saw her before, my mind drew a blank. So, I just asked, “Do I know you?”

She then yelled at me, and I felt a mix of fear and strangely, excitement. Her yelling made me, yes me, shake with fear and falling on my butt. That scream was so loud and powerful, that it made the whole hall shake. Now I feel awful that I don’t know this girl. As I watched her leave, I found myself drawn to the way she walked. Such anger, yet graceful. So strong, yet soft. At the end of the day I’m going to learn who that girl is, if it’s the last thing I do!

Then Krillin pulled me from watching her and asking about her. Even going as far as asking if I was even training, since I somehow knew a pretty girl. I was confused by the whole situation, but tried to pushed pass those thoughts. It wasn’t easy, though. I tried my best to get in focused again. Just then I sensed him, and looked around. When I spotted him, all thoughts of that girl stopped. I spoked with my friends as we got our numbers. It was Krillin who asked what number the girl got. And there I was, wondering the same thing. I was starting to hope I get to fight her, she looked strong and that yelling added to that.

All throughout the preliminaries I found myself drawn into this female’s matches. Her ever move, her ever hit and block. I almost couldn’t pull away. A few times, when she wasn’t fighting, I caught myself looking her way. Heck, I almost miss hearing my number a few times, because I was so focused on her. Yamcha noticed, and tried to push me aside, and keep her out of my sight. I was starting to get why I had to train again to have a focus mind. But be damn, was it hard to not look at her!

Whenever I was about to begin my matches, I did a quick sense in hopes she was watching. It brought me an unquestionable joy knowing she was. For some reason, I wanted to impress her. I didn’t understand why or cared. Each and every match, I did whatever I thought would be impressive. Almost like I was putting on a show, for her. That last thought made me feel giddy. I also hoped she was impressed.

…

I can’t believe him! He didn’t even recognize me! What a bother! I hope we make it to the finals, and we are put up against each other. That way I can embarrass him in front of his friends and the world. Nobody! And I mean NOBODY makes a fool of me and gets away with it!

But what if he didn’t recognized me for the fact I looked different than when I was younger. My anger started to go down. Yeah, maybe that’s it. I just look different is all. I’m no longer a little girl, but a full-grown woman. With that in mind I was bubbling with renew excitement. But wait, after all that he probably doesn’t know I’m not mad anymore. Well I’m going to stay mad, since it still hurt.

As I got my number, I looked up at the board. I really hope I’m not up against, or even on the same block, as Goku. I want to watch him fight, and silently cheer him on.

Oh my, he’s up first, and on a different block than me. Look how confident he is. Wow! He’s so impressive! Maybe in my fights I should try to him impressive him, too. I just hope he watches me.

As I got ready for my first match, I noticed he was looking. Now I was kind of nervous, I hope I don’t mess up. The moment my opponent stepped in the ring all thoughts of doubts left me. I gave my complete focus to the fight, and tried my absolute best. Surprising these guys were just slightly stronger than the men in my village. Well this was going to be easier than I thought, and that got me excited.

…

On one or two times between our matches, she came up to me and demanded I stop watching her. That it was getting on her nerves. I just couldn’t help enjoy her voice, even though it was clear she was angry with me. She even did that weird thing with her nose, that I found funny. And how her face puffed up. Just wow! I couldn’t help smile as she walked away. It made me feel a weird type of excitement and joy. And I think the guys noticed, because they were giving me these weird faces. Krillin looked angry, and Yamcha and Tien looked entertain. Curse them. I was started feel this weird feeling of self-conscious, and I didn’t understand.

“So Goku.” Yamcha said mockly. “You sure you don’t know her? You have been looking at her a lot.” I felt my face burned up, and the guys laughed at me.

“Sh… Shut UP!” I was getting mad, and walked away from them. Without realizing it, I had walked in the same direction as her. I only noticed because I saw her up against a wall. I panicked and walked the other way, past the guys. I still heard them laughing.

…

After my first two matches I decided I should talk to him. Or try to make it seem I was mad at him for watching me. I angrily marched up to him, and demanded he stop watching me fight. And how it was getting annoying. I don’t know why, but he was smiling at me. I tried not to react as I walked away.

Once I reached one of the back walls, I leaned against it. Then I allowed myself to smile for a moment. He smiled at me. He looked so cute when I was being mad at him. Oh man, if I didn’t want to keep my identity a surprise, I would had hugged him. Just as I was looking up, I thought I saw him running the other way from me. Was he going to talk to me? Oh my! I couldn’t help but blush at that thought.

To my absolute surprised, he still watched my fights. I’m so happy he did. And after all the matches were done, I was so over joyed I made it to the top 8. I just knew I could do it! I was so pumped! Not only did I prove dad, that I was ready for the world martial arts tournament. And even made it to the top 8, on my first try! I was so proud of myself. I even saw Goku make it, not that I was worry he wouldn’t.

As I saw him talk to his friends, I could have sworn I saw him blushing while his friends said something. He looked so cute. But no time for smiling, I had to be serious. Maybe by now he would have recognized me, but I started to doubt he didn’t. What if he forgot our promise? Oh no! That would make me so sad. And if he forgot, I’ll just remind him. Oh, that would mean that it would be my first act as a wife. To remind him things he forgotten. With that in mind I stepped up to pick my number. 4.

…

When I found out she made it to the top 8, my excitement went through the roof. And to be paired with her in my first match, was the best feeling ever.

All I could think about was being able to watch her up close. Maybe even get her name, and why she was mad. I also wanted to see that smile she gave me, before I ticked her off. It was brief, but that smile left a lasting impression.

As I got ready for our match, I could feel she was behind me. I tried to be friendly and say hi, but she made an angry huff at me. She had the puffy face again I was starting to like. I wonder what other faces she could make. Wait! Why am I thinking like that? I mentally slapped myself, and tried to calm down. I need to focus. Focus. That was hard with her being so close to me. And that’s when I found out. It was HER that had that wonderful scent! Just my luck! The source found me! There goes one thing off my to do list.

During over match I couldn’t control how over joyed I was. Her every shrike I dodged and block, but it was the speed and force that was amazing. She was nonstop, and I liked it. I kept asking her over and over again why she was mad at me. She didn’t want to tell me, like as if I should already know. If I did, I wouldn’t be asking. But you should know.

Wait! What was that? I jumped up to catch my breath, and also try to figure out where that female voice came from. But no time to think, for she had jumped, just as high as me, and started her attack again. I’m impress. Man was it hard to dodge these attacks in the air. Boy was she good! As I we started falling, I was silently hoping she landed safely. To my surprised and relief, she did. And she didn’t miss a beat trying to attack me.

Man, what is with her, and why do I like it. Then as she was catching her breath, she finally told me what was wrong. She asked if I even remember my promise. When I ask what promise, she said that I promised to make her my bride. Now I was left confused, and unsure what was going on. I then asked Krillin what was a bride. His answer was weird, I liked Yamcha’s answer better. Then I asked if I was even conscious when I made that promise. She got even more angry.

But from there I was even more determined to find out her name. Since Krillin and Yamcha said bride is someone you married, and married meant living with another person, especially for the rest of their lives, my inner excitement grew. I started thinking how amazing it would be to live with such a female, that made me feel a strange type of excitement. Like I could already think about all the fun we would have. She wasn’t stronger than me, but she would be fun to spar with. Maybe even train together.

When I found out it was Chichi, I was shocked. I then remember the day I did make that promise. I then told her at the time I thought it meant food, and she got all sad. I didn’t like that. Even though I still don’t understand what’s going on, something was just screaming at me to keep my promise. Something was telling me to not let her get away. So, I officially asked her to marry me. She then jumped up and hugged my arm and kissed my cheek.

…

I can’t believe him! He actually forgot. To top it off he asked if he was even conscious when making the promise. How… How… Disrespectful! Then when his face lit up at the explanation of marriage, I felt my chest tighten. That face he made was priceless. He then shocked me by asking for my name. Saying something about if we going to live together, he should know my name. As much as that made me happy and excited that he already thought of us together, I couldn’t help feel a little cocky.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. You’ll have to beat me to know my name.” His smile than widen, and his face went from happy to a smirk to a serious face. Boy did I get excited for his next attack. Just to be on the safe I let my ki cover my whole body. Within a blink of an eye I felt a huge force push me back.

I then felt I hit a wall. Wow, that hurt. After a moment I was able to get up, and my head slightly hurt. He told me to take it easy, and he’s sorry for using to much force. Was he worried about me? That made me happy. Once I was fully up, I couldn’t hide how happy I was. He beat me! So now dad definitely can’t say anything. I lost fair and square. In my moment of joy I almost forgot about him, till he reminded me about my name.

“You’re impossible. I’m Chichi, the Ox King’s daughter.” The shocked written across his face was just so adorable. He then state he now remembers the promise, and how it was a misunderstanding. I was now feeling hopeless, and wanting to cry. But then he walked over to me, and to my shock, he proposed! I was so over joyed, I jumped and hugged him. I wanted to hug him so badly, and now that I did, I was just so over flowed with happiness. So much that I said I loved him.

He asked what did I mean, and I couldn’t help but to kiss his cheek. He looked so confused, but I was just too happy.

[yourgirlsarchived]

It starts the same, Petra goes to Oscorp to chase a lead to her parents. She's bitten, and her teenage rebellion is the cause of Ben's death. Here, Petra witnesses the shooting, seconds too late to stop it, and holds Ben, trying to get the bleeding to stop, until his death. The same year, Petra is responsible, or at the very least adjacently responsible for the death of Captain Stacy, her girlfriend Gwen's father, while Petra is acting as Spider-Man.

After graduation, Petra loses Gwen in the fight with the Green Goblin. Her fear overrode her logic, and instead of saving her, Petra's web kills Gwen. (She would have died without it, but either way Petra knows it's her fault.) And just six months later, May is caught in a hostage situation.

Petra loses her too.

On the eve of the fourth funeral in half as many years, Petra collides with the Venom Symbiote.

The collision, her grief, need for support, her rage, makes a perfect storm for Venom to forge the preliminary bond to what will become permanent with Parker. They don't understand one another at first, and Petra is as scared as she is grateful for Vee's presence, but they find an equilibrium. Fear slips away, and love takes hold. Petra sees Vee as the ideal partner, someone who is always with her, and can't end up harmed like humans. It's rough, trying to manage Vee's dietary needs with her morals. In the end, Petra takes one life, just one. And afterwards they try other things, other sources outside of chocolate to keep Vee as strong as possible. Petra eats a lot of foods she wasn't previously down with. To remind herself of her losses, and mark that she's avenged one death, Petra sits down in a tattoo parlor. Her first is a laurel wreath wrapped around her right wrist, meandering up around her forearm. The fourth she gets is a death's head moth on her sternum. On her neck is her third, a spider-web with an Araneus spider on it - telling the world exactly who she is, without a single soul knowing.

Her second tattoo however, is one that means the most to Them. It signifies Vee and Petra's bond, sitting high on her ribs, just under her left breast. Her tattoo for Ben flows from the first, specifically the flowers 'growing' out of the hand symbolizing Venom to end just above her waist, where the flowers give way to a skull with a snake(rather than lizard) for Captain Stacy. Gwen's tattoo sits on the front of her left thigh, and mays takes the rest of her thigh to finish out the sleeve.

[acermp100]

YEHEHEHEHEH look at the faces hgfsa

Uncle Teru no.

....

Imma write a short for this to warm up for today :3

-------

Shou took purposely meandering steps around the bar. Typical- the kids weren’t even over 20, exchanging nervous glances when they had been so cocky just a few moments before. Smoke trailed from his nose and lips as he sized up the small group. Probably some pyro that caught the boss’s eye, the girl looked to be decently scrappy in a fight, and the oldest had that typical thousand mile stare most espers that they adopt seemed to posses. The last he couldn’t place. Maybe they could use their powers to expertly style hair; there was always need for more ‘employees’ at the boss’s salon front. Shou stopped in front of them, staring them down over his cigarette. Why the fuck was he always stuck with boring preliminary introductions.

“Right. So just show up to the warehouse around 9.” The full ashtray spilled over from another spent butt. “You’ll get set up, shown the rules, yada yada.” Shou reached into his jacket and grimaced at the lack of a new pack. “Until then: don’t do anything stupid. You aren’t evaluated and it can and will go bad for you.”

The girl grinned back while the others just kinda shuffled around. Shou let out a sigh, already giving a wave of his hand as he turned toward the exit.

“Now get the fuck outta here. We don’t need minors hanging around our bar looking suspicious.”

Great. More greenhorns to teach. Shou scratched at his and stubbled chin as his other hand twitched at his side.  He had more cigarettes back at HQ. His mind shifted from having to clean up pointless trouble as the newbies got used to their new playground to hoping his little brother was working on his homework. Only left him for about an hour, surely not harm in that? He bit at his own lip and quickened his pace.

No one at the front of the building: half of the place was blocked off until the boss had his office repaired from his last round of successful negotiations. Shou made his way down the hallway to his ‘office’ where he mainly brought his brother in the overlap between work hours and school classes ending. And he wasn’t in there. He mumbled to himself.

“Figures.” A long sigh.

Gun parts sat scattered on the larger desk with papers and diagrams. On the opposite side sat a smaller work area where he had set up a writing place for his brother’s school work. Various pencils were on the floor as well as pens and some crumbled up doodles. Shou walked over and glanced down on the desk.

‘Geometry Assignment: The Properties of Triangles.’

Where the Pythagorean Theorem was explained there was a drawing a wolf with a sword in its mouth and some figure shooting at tanks.

“Toichiro…”

He ignored his nicotine cravings and stormed across the hall. Already a familiar voice caught his ear. Not even knocking, Shou threw open the door. The immediate scene made him tense with his hands in front of him just as shocked as his face

“Hanazawa! What the hell are you doing??”

There stood Teru bent down over the kid, happily explain the weight balance and its importance in a slashing, bladed weapon. Toichiro was clutching onto a knife longer than his arm and glared up at the brotherly interruption.

“What?” Teru leaned back, also annoyed as he raised a single eyebrow. “No need to be so hysterical.”

Shou stepped closer, his fingers tending before him, voice still cracking into a yell. “HE’S LIKE 12! YOU CAN’T JUST GIVE HIM A FUCKING MACHETE.”

His boss titled his head back with an exaggerated eye roll. “Oh please. He wanted to see it, what’s wrong with that?”

Toichiro stuck out his tongue. Fucking hell, it was hard enough o keep the lil shit away from his gun collection. Shou went to reach for the weapon but his little bro hid it behind his back.

“It’s wrong because he should be doing homework instead of-“ Shou turned, eyes narrowing as he gave a full scowl into his boss’s face. “What did you teach him?”

Teru grinned back. The ear piercings and styled hair pulled back into a ponytail somehow made the mocking smile hit deeper. Probably because this was still his boss at the end of the day.

“Simple anatomy. One has to know the importance of a weapon and where to use it as well.”

“Yeah!” Toichiro piped in. “If you puncture an organ they won’t die as fast!”

All Shou could do was rake his fingers over his face and sigh.

“Come on, he can do his homework any time.” Teru  brought up another knife, this one smaller. “The little dude was bored. What else could I have done?”

“Not. Teach. Him. How to. Stab. People.” Shou metered his words, holding back what he really wanted to say. In the end he stared down at his little brother.

“Ugh, you are always so uptight about this shit.” Teru folded his arms in front of him. “I had already learned this stuff way before his age.”

The reality of the moment teamed up with Shou’s biting need for a cigarette. “Ok. That’s it.” He reached down and took his brother’s wrist, tugging him away from his sadistic boss. “You are going back to doing your homework right now.”

“Awww but he was just getting to the best part!” Toichiro resisted as the knife he was holding clattered to the ground.

“You’re so mean, Shou.” Teru feigned an exaggerated frown.

“Don’t you start.” Shou dragged his brother to the door.

Toichiro bit at his arm. Being used to this, Shou only shifted holds to around the kid’s hood and hauled him kicking into the hall way.

“It’s always homework! I never get to do anything fun!”

They entered the other office, Shou glaring down. “Look, bro.” The tone of his voice made the kid stop squirming. “That’s life: you do all the shitty, boring crap so you can participate in this world.” He recalled his own time in school growing up and frowned. Toichiro was watching him intently. “Then you get to do all the cool, fun stuff.”

“Does that mean I get to hang out more with Uncle Teru when I finish my homework?”

How the fuck can this kid go from a terror to an angel, all wide eyed and innocent? Shou let out a snort.

“Yeah. But you better do it right.” He sneered back. “I’ll be checking.”

Shou sat at his desk watching his little brother write out numbers and draw angles and triangles. He leaned back, a well needed cigarette between his lips. Let the kid have something to look forward. Better than what he had. An exhale, staring up at the trailing smoke. Still, he’d definitely have to have a talk with good old ‘Uncle Teru.”

Uncle Teru is the best okay @acemp100

[marvelcriminalhoe]

Paper Rings

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Chapter 8

Valentines Day

i.e. Season 9 Episode 15

TW: typical criminal minds case jargon

AN: I had a hard time writing this chapter ??? Idk, I kept rewriting it. Feels pretty boring to be frank. Hope you enjoy :) (promise next chapter will be more entertaining)

Word Count: 1,395

Series Masterlist

“Okay my crime fighting super pals, What are everyones plans for this upcoming day of love?” Garcia asks, walking into the bullpen where you and the rest of the team, minus Rossi and Hotch, sit at you desks completing preliminary profiles and consults.

Morgan is the first one to entertain her idea of a fun conversation, leaning back in his chair and sending her his famous smirk, “I was thinking about a little candlelit dinner at Le Donkle’s overlooking the Potomac.”

“Ohh…” Garcia eats it up with a huge sigh, “That is romantic.”

“I will be going to this new exposé about the transforming of medicine through artificial intelligence and the reverse of disease if anyone wants to tag along.” Reid looks around at the desks.

“I’ll pass.” JJ nods, “I will be spending a well deserved night in with my boys.”

Blake chooses not to entertain the discussion, continuing to do her work, which is when Penelope Garcia puts her target eyes on you, “And what about my favorite young superhero?”

Reid’s comment about how he thought he was her favorite young super hero, gets ignored by the blonde as her eyes don’t leave you, awaiting your answer.

“I will be eating takeout and watching old law and order episodes on Netflix.” You tell her simply, not wanting to give way to the fact you've been casually seeing your boss for the past two months. You don’t think anyone has caught on, besides Rossi, but he doesn't know you've actually been dating, just that there is mutual feelings on both sides.

“Ugh.” She scrunches up her nose at you in a very playful way, “I do not understand how you can watch those shows. Don’t you get enough of it in our daily lives?”

You shrug at her, “I like being able to solve the case before the characters.”

“Don’t you already know how the cases end if you've seen the episodes already, especially with that brain of yours?” Morgan questions, eyebrows furrowed.

“Not the point.” You reply with a shake of your head, laughing when everyone else does.

A short time later, the team gets called into the round table, and all the talk for the upcoming weekend gets put to a hold. Garcia stands by the screen, giving the team the case details, “Pittsburgh field office has reported two murders in the past 48 hours.”

“Both of them were strangled, then stripped down to their underwear, and then dumped off of a highway.” Aaron picks up where Garcia stops, the crime scene photos on the screen for everyone to see.

You look over to Aaron, “Have the victims been ID’d?”

“No,” He shakes his head, “Not yet.”

“The guy has a lot of rage.” Rossi comments, studying the photos. “He’s using some kind of ligature, maybe a strap?”

Derek stands from his chair, choosing to pace as he reads the file in his hands, “It looks like he’s choking them intermittently, allowing them to breathe only when he permits it.”

“But the M.E. report says neither was sexually assaulted.” Aaron details.

Reid’s eyebrows furrow, “That’s odd given the fact that 80% of crimes against women involve some sort of sexual component.”

“He probably gets off on the chocking.” You theorize, “Some sort of erratic asphyxiation filtered through a psychopath’s need for power and control.”

“Ok, what is this?” JJ asks, “Are they wrapped in shower curtains?”

Garcia grimaces, “Strangely, yes. Which is why I'm checking with a number of manufacturers to see where these were distributed from.”

“The M.O. says sexual sadist but the curtain reads remorse.” Blake states, head tilted to the side.

“Which either points to symbolic or literal emasculation, we need to find out.” Aaron closes his case files, standing up, “Wheels up in 30.”

You’re in the break room at the local police station, grabbing another cup of extremely watered down coffee. You lost count on the number of cups you've had so far about an hour ago, but you know it’s probably way past your normal amount.

Putting the glass pot back in its spot, another hand reaches out to stop you, grazing your hand as they do. There’s a small electric feeling that shoots up your arm, and you're aware of who the hand belongs to before looking, just by that bodily reaction of yours.

You turn your head, making eye contact with your boss. He raises an eyebrow at you, tiny smirk on his lips, “I think you might have more of an addiction to coffee than Reid.”

You scoff, small smile playing on your lips, “Please, no one has a bigger dependency than him.”

An actual smile finds its way onto his face at that, as he shakes his head, filling up his own cup with the discount, dollar tree brand of caffeine. He studies you for a moment as he takes a sip, you pretend not to notice, looking out at the chaos that ensues the station of a small town with a serial partnership wrecking havoc in it.

Aaron clears his throat, drawing your eyes back to the handsome man beside you, “I know we haven't really talked about valentines day.” His voice is low, not wanting to draw too much attention to what is being discussed, “But I would really like to spend it with you.” He studies your face for a moment, “If that’s something you would like as well.”

“Yeah.” You smile, “I’d like that.”

“Good.” Aaron whispers with a brief glance down to your lips. You find yourself doing the same, a magnetic pull bringing you closer to him, minds forgetting about where you were for a fleeting second.

But the moment gets effectively ruined by Reid walking in, heading straight to the coffee machine between you and Aaron. Aaron clears his throat, sends you one more genuine look that the curly haired boy beside you is too busy guzzling his coffee to notice, and walks out of the room, leaving you to watch him.

Valentines day has never been something you've ever celebrated. Granted, you've never had a reason to. You honestly would have pegged Aaron to be the same way, choosing to treat it as just another day of the year. But if Aaron Hotchner is good at anything, its surprising you, over and over again.

After that case wrapped up in pittsburgh, the team was free to enjoy their weekend and planned activities for the holiday of love and relationships. Aaron picked you up from your apartment at 6 o’clock with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, a tradition he’s kept up with for each date.

You like that. That he gives you flowers.

Dinner was at a beautiful, Rossi approved, Italian restaurant. It was a good date, with good company, much like your past dates. Except, unlike your past ones, you invited him inside when he dropped you off at your door. You watch as he observes your apartment. He’s never actually been inside, always picking you up at the door. You usually spend your time together at his.

His eyes seem to focus on one of the pictures you have hanging on your small gallery wall, it’s your high school graduation. You have a big smile on your face, your eyes crinkling because of it. You’re standing in-between your parents, the gradation gown practically swallowing your preteen self whole.

Aaron looks back over to you, “You haven't changed much.”

“What?” You scoff, “I’ve changed plenty.”

Aaron just shakes his head, “You still smile like that when you're really happy about something.”

“No I don’t.” You scrunch your nose up at him.

He nods his head, pulling you into him by your waist, “You do.”

You don’t have time to say anything as his lips hit yours in a warm and gentle kiss. You loose yourself in it. Kissing Aaron Hotchner is something you won’t ever get enough of. You smile into the kiss and Aaron pulls back to look at you, he laughs a little, causing you to ask whats so funny to him.

“You’re smiling the same as you are in that picture.” He laughs.

You groan again, pushing away from him, “You’re the worst.” But you don’t get very far, getting pulled right back into him.

And you go willingly.

You’ll always go willingly to Aaron Hotchner

*******

taglist: @buckyswintersoldiermask @ssahotchnerxx @bestillmystuckyheart @eternal-silvertongued-prince @honeyofthegods @pitchblackstars @averyhotchner @hotched @mintphoenix @natasharomanoff1984-blog @avatarkanemi

[writing-in-april]

The Case of the Missing Coffee

Spencer Reid x Female Reader 

Summary: Spencer gets on Reader’s nerves just a little too much one day and decides to get back at him.

A/N: This is my piece for the NSFW fic swap- I got @wave0fg00dvibes​ I had this idea on my long list of random ideas for Spencer and when I decided to go in the “hate fuck” direction I landed on this idea. Reminder that requests are open!

Warnings: Petty Reader, Spencer is a bit of a dick, Hate fucking, Dom!spencer, Public sex (sorta),Biting, Choking, Muffling (hand over mouth), a dash of humiliation kink

Masterlist  Word count: 1.8k

Spencer Reid was getting on my very last nerve. That wasn’t a new thing though. For some reason Spencer and I had never gotten along. It seemed as soon as we met we were destined to annoy and bicker until we retired.

Our latest argument centered around a preliminary profile that we were supposed to send off to the Boston PD and as always we both disagreed on what the profile consisted of. This time Spencer had gotten deep under my skin for some reason. His constant bickering had me seething, plus his not so subtle dig at my abilities as a profiler didn’t do anything to help my mood. The whole situation was giving me a headache.

I need coffee

I opened the cabinet where the grounds and sugar were stored in the break room so I could start a cup for myself. I stopped my movements when I caught sight of a large bag of grounds and another bag full of sugar marked in big sharpie letters with Spencer’s name.

Spencer had started to bring his own bags of coffee grounds and sugar after Emily complained about him going through the bullpen’s supplies too fast.

A smirk was dancing evilly on my face at the thought of riling Spencer up by stealing the items for a short while. Every time he decided to push my buttons too far while we were working I usually found some way to get back at him for it. Even though I knew it was petty I still decided to hide his personal coffee grounds and sugar in the bottom drawer of my desk. Maybe he’d think twice next time he disrespected his coworkers.

I’ll give it back to him eventually after he apologized and after having him beg a little.

——-

Later in the day I was sitting in the small file room going through some old case files. Though, mostly I was waiting for Spencer to come down here and confront me about his stolen coffee as I had already finished my most important tasks for the day. He was a genius after all and it was an easy deduction to figure out who had stolen it, only I would dare touch his precious coffee and sugar. Not even Morgan would dare mess with it.

“Where is it.”

Ah, he’s right on time

His dark tone matched the darkness that surrounded the file room that was only illuminated by one light. However, the smirk on my face did not shake, his tone did little to intimidate me. I decided to further annoy him not wanting to give away what I had done with his precious coffee just yet.

“It’s just coffee and sugar Spencer, I’m sure Emily will let you dip into the rest of the BAU’s supplies for today. Though, maybe you should cut down, considering how aggressive you get when you miss your hourly cup.” I was still standing hunched over the files, not even sparing a glance at the genius as I gave him a snippy remark.

“That’s not the point Y/N. I’m more mad about the fact that I know you took it.” Each little quip I decided to give him was making his tone darken almost to the tone he used when interrogating suspects.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have implied that I was an incapable agent.” I turned to face him with a feisty glare and crossed my arms before continuing, “Maybe, then I wouldn’t have taken it.”

“Maybe, you could’ve come to me like an adult and told me you were offended. Maybe- then I would’ve apologized.” My gaze was harsh in response to his remark choosing not to respond to his words. Honestly, the nerve of him sometimes. Though, what really caught me off guard was what happened next.

Instead of further verbally berating me for stealing his brew he surged forward and captured my lips in a harsh kiss. I almost pulled away angrily to slap him but, I found my anger morphing into something new. I kissed him back with fervor not giving him the full satisfaction of completely dominating the kiss. Though all sense of control I held was lost when he roughly slammed me into the filing cabinets making a surprised squeak fall from my lips, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth.

I yanked aggressively on his hair as a warning in response to when he dipped his head down attempting to suck hickies and bite marks into my neck. He grunted in agitation, pulling his head up to glare at me in retaliation to the harsh tug on his curls.

The glare on his face held as he yanked my skirt up harshly and pulled my panties down roughly until they fell down my ankles.

He wound his hand around my neck, not very tight at all only having it rest there as a simple warning to obey and take whatever he gave me. I almost found myself fighting his dominance once more before all thoughts of disobedience were wiped from my mind as soon as he moved one finger experimentally to my core. I was already obscenely wet just from a few minutes of a heated make out. Arousal further coated Spencer’s fingers as he started to circle my hole teasingly, my legs started to shake a little from the teasing almost unable to take it.

I bit into my lip hard to stifle any noise my body wanted to make when he finally curled his fingers inside me and obliged me. A small moan escaped despite my best attempts when he brought his thumb up to my clit working in tandem with his other fingers. I had to bite my lip even harder to quiet myself when the hand on my neck tightened, silently warning me to shut up. The only reason I obliged his order was because I’d rather not have gotten caught by my other coworkers being fingered by the person I claimed to hate.

I could feel myself teetering on the edge of release before it was cruelly swiped away from me when he removed his fingers from my core. I whined in objection though the noise was covered by a harsh command by Spencer.

“Jump.” His tone left no room for argument to his order, making any protests I had die in my throat. Normally, I’d argue with any order that Spencer thought he could give me but, the slick arousal that pooled between my legs fought with the resentment that I held for him. So, for once I obeyed willingly, jumping to wrap my legs around his wiry frame. I was half expecting him to drop me, I had never considered Spencer to be very strong at all. But, he proved my thoughts wrong by holding tightly onto me with bruising force, pulling out his cock from his slacks with speed and precision before swiftly entering me with no warning.

A whimper at the sudden stretch started to come from me though, it was quickly stifled by his large palm coming down over my mouth stifling any noise that tried to make its way from me. Once he was sure I was going to be able to handle my noise level he removed his hand from my mouth placing it back onto my ass. He then started to rock into me, though his thrusts weren’t fast at first as I had assumed. His thrusts were deep but devastatingly slow.

“I hate you.” I tried to growl out with conviction to goad Spencer to start to pick up his pace. He took the bait, starting to thrust rapidly pushing me closer towards release. However, the growl I had adopted dissolved into a mere pathetic whimper making my whole body burn in embarrassment at his ability to work me up so quickly. My hands pulled at his button up to try and ground myself to stave off my release- I was going to try my hardest to not cum first.

“Sure you do Sugar.” He said breathlessly while letting go of one of my thighs to make his way back to my clit. The little circles he started to rub along with his now brutal pace made angry all over again, I was trying so hard to not release first. And, it didn’t help that he tacked on the stupid nickname at the end, no doubt trying to stoke the fire in my belly that was a infuriating mix of arousal and anger.

Though I tried with all the strength I could muster to hold off a devastating orgasm as soon as Spencer pitched his hips to hit my sweet spot my release crashed over me. I screwed my eyes shut and bit into my fist hard in an attempt to stifle any moans that tried to escape me as my release came through my body in crashing waves. My cheeks were burning hot in humiliation from my disastrous defeat.

“W-where?” Spencer almost incoherently stuttered out to me as a warning that he was getting close to his own release.

“Inside. Safe.”  I was honestly surprised I even formed a literate thought to convey to him as I came down from my devastating high. He pumped into me a few more times before falling into his own release, biting into the sliver of skin he could find beneath my disheveled blouse to quiet his own noises.

Once we had both come down completely and caught our breaths awkward silence and tension simmered in the file room. We both made no moves to break the tension as we tried to make ourselves look somewhat presentable. After I pulled my panties up and my skirt back down to its original position I decided to give Spencer back the thing he had been looking for. Leaning forward I took his tie in my hand and pulled him back towards me so we were chest to chest once more.

“Go look in the bottom drawer of my desk.” I whispered into his ear before sauntering out of the room to find a bathroom to clean up some more though, not before sparing a glance back to see a smirk etched on Spencer’s face. Even though I still hated him (Maybe hate is a strong word) I figured why not give him his coffee and sugar back as a reward for giving me one of the best orgasms of my life. Though, I was definitely still mad at myself for orgasming first. Maybe if there was a next time the roles would be reversed.

[narutogwriting]

Greetings! It I. Whomever the f*ck that is!

I don't know if anyone's every told you, but your writing is absolute Grade A Quality. And I, as in me, happen to nurse quite the interest for said A Grade writing. Shocking, is it not? Foolish! Of course it is not! Surprising. That is. It IS the best writing afterall! I- Hm... ఠ_ఠ

Okay, I'll stop horsing around, sorry,,,

I have come to make a request if that is alright with you and you do not have too many already!

I recently discovered the song "Heart Attack" by Deni Lovato and would really love a little story with boisterous and playful reader that's had the second longest-standing crush(after Hinata's, cuse, MAN, that girl be the inventor of pinning no jutsu) known to everyone, but Lee, where the crew could be out throwing one of those rare party where a majority of them can be present, eventually ending in a karaoke where the fuzzy warmth of what little alcohol the reader drank gives them the little bit of missing courage(or sensibility) to, just, climb on a table and spill all their feelings, love and frustration into this one song before loudly announcing that This One's For Lee, like a challenge.

If you would have the space/kindness to add the aftermath where the reader immediately sobers up after comfessing and just, absconds through a window, I would be the most grateful gal alive,,, >v<

I'll venmo you a goat.

Okay this was seriously WAY too fun to right Naruto is my one true love but Rock Lee was my first Naruto crush<3

HEART ATTACK

Pairing: Rock Lee x Reader

CW: good old fluff

Length: 3.6+

Summary: Rock Lee has been your not so secret crush for as long as you can remember. You’re determined to take it to your grave, but what happens when you’re drunk at a karaoke bar doesn’t stay at the karaoke bar...

The music was loud, the room was dark, and everyone was there. How long had it last been since everyone was able to get together?

The life of a shinobi was a busy, dangerous one. There was little time for laugh and play, especially as you all got older. It was easier when you’d just graduated from the academy. All of the missions given to new genin were level D to C, little things like gardening or finding lost pets that didn’t take much time or require you to even leave the village. It was easy for everyone to find time to get together and hang out.

But as time passed, things changed. Everyone’s ranks were different, some people like Shikamaru took up more political roles in the village. It was easy to drift apart without even realizing it.

So tonight was one of those rare moments where the stars aligned and the old group was able to get together to hang out.

The venue of choice; a karaoke bar.

It was the first time you were all able to drink together… Well, legally at least.

“Thanks, Kiba.” You giggled, giving him a flirtatious wink as you took the drink he’d just bought you, sipping it. Did you like Kiba? No. But was he fun to flirt with? Absolutely. And if that flirting led to him wanting to buy your drinks for you, well, who were you to deny him?

Kiba was cute; that wasn’t the problem. Heck, most of the guys from the Leaf were cute and way too easy to get along with. You’d known them practically your whole life, grown up together even, but despite all their great qualities, it was only one shinobi who had your heart, and he didn’t even know it. 

The first time you’d seen Lee was before the first test in the Chunin exams. He had easily taken on Naruto and Sasuke without batting an eye. He was so swift, so smooth, you’d watched him in awe. He was a bit eccentric, but had a focus and prowess you’d never experienced before. You thought he was amazing.

You were content to watch him from afar until the preliminaries. During his fight with Gaara, you’d held your breath, watched in horror and amazement as he took on the demon of the sand. You didn’t think you breathed once during that battle.

Lee lost, was almost killed by Gaara before Guy stopped him, but it was the best you’d ever seen someone fight in your life.

Timidly and nervously, you visited Lee in the hospital that day. He was unconscious, but in stable condition. You didn’t know what motivated you, but you began to visit every day, leaving flowers and small treats for Lee to wake up to.

When he finally had woken, you were trying to slink out of the room quietly when you heard him speaking, causing you to freeze in your tracks. 

“Who are you?”

Apprehensively, you turned to face Lee with a small smile. You’d never been shy, but there was something about Lee that made you weak-kneed.

After introducing yourself, you went back to his bedside. “I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re very strong. You’re so skilled and quick; I think you’re the best ninja I’ve ever seen…”

You were only thirteen, didn’t have much experience in the ninja world, so the words you spoke were true. You didn’t know if telling him that, as a total stranger, would make him think you were weird.

Imagine your shock when Lee burst out in happy tears.

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

You supported Lee in his recovery, and even when he couldn’t go on missions himself, he cheered you on from the sideline.

From the very beginning, it was evident to everyone in the village that you were head-over-heels for Lee. Your quiet bashfulness when Lee was around was a stark contrast to your usual loud and confident self. Everyone knew about your crush.

Everyone except for Lee.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Tenten asked you once. “You never know.”

But you’d only shaken your head. “He loves Sakura. Everyone knows that.” You told her. “Besides. We’re friends. I don’t want to ruin that friendship.”

So despite your friendliness, your flirtatious nature, and the fact that you could have just about any of the rookie nine wrapped around your finger if you so pleased, you weren’t interested in any of them.

Rock Lee was the only one that had your heart and he didn’t even know it. He never would.

Instead of focusing on that, or the cute way Lee’s cheeks went red after he took a shot, or how Lee spent a lot of time that night talking to Sakura, you took shots with Ino and Tenten and let Kiba buy you drinks and danced with Choji when he asked.

Overall, the night was going great. Everyone was having a good time and getting along and so far only Naruto had gotten just a little too drunk; everyone else was riding a nice buzz.

Shikamaru had just finished a less than enthusiastic rendition of “The Lazy Song” that had left everyone doubled over laughing at the irony. “Who should go next!?” Naruto yelled, looking around to see who still hadn’t sung a song.

And okay, maybe Naruto wasn’t the only one who had drank just a little too much. Watching Lee sit and laugh with Sakura the past hour had left you feeling just a tad bit jealous, leading you to drink more than you normally would. He’d barely said anything to you that, and the two of you were supposed to be friends.

“What’s so good about Sakura anyways? She’s really not that great.” You swished the liquid in your cup, mumbling the words you knew you would regret the next morning. Sakura had never been anything but nice to you; you knew she didn’t deserve to be the target of your jealousy. 

Ino snickered. “Geez you’ve got it bad.” She commented with a roll of her eyes before hearing Naruto’s question. Her eyes lit up, and, grinning, she hurried to the microphone, looking through the book of songs available to sing. She flipped through for a moment or two before turning to Naruto and whispering something to him.

All of this escaped your attention as you were drowning in the misery of your own thoughts before you realized: everyone was chanting your name. You blinked, looking around to see everyone staring at you, pounding on tables and counters as they encouraged you to get up and sing.

Laughing, you shook your head nervously, not wanting to go embarrass yourself before Lee caught your eye. Even he was encouraging you to go up and perform. Well, if he wanted you to, then you would sing your heart out!

You downed two more shots before pushing to your feet, which was an obvious mistake.

The alcohol always hit hardest after you stood up.

“Woah, there.” Tenten laughed, standing to help you. Somehow, you made it to the stage. Naruto snickered as he passed you the microphone. He couldn’t wait to see this.

You held the microphone tightly in your hands as your eyes scanned the room with all your friends staring expectantly at you and cheering you on. You felt good. Really good. Your vision was blurry, head dizzy, stomach warm, and everything about you was giddy. It was your turn, and you were ready to make a statement. 

Glancing at the screen, you saw the name of the song appear. Heart Attack by Demi Lovato.

“I’m gonna dedicate this song to someone very special to me,” You slurred into the microphone, giggling. Your friends in the crowd whooped and cheered as the music began. 

“This one’s for you Lee!”

With that, you closed your eyes to block out the reactions of everyone and everything, and you sang. You sang your little heart out, put on the drunken performance of a lifetime. Your years of pent up feelings and nerves and fears surrounding Lee all went into that song.

As you sang the last word, you opened your eyes again, taking in everyone’s reaction. Glee, surprise, happiness. You were grinning; you’d killed it.

That was when your eyes landed on Lee. It was hard for you to gage his reaction. More than anything he looked… confused. And that was when the weight of what you’d just done settled on you. Oh shit.

You’d all but confessed your feelings for Lee… Drunkenly… In front of everyone.

The realization was all it took for you to sober up. Quickly, you shoved the microphone back into Naruto’s hands and fled the karaoke bar.

You weren’t really sure how you’d even made it home. Everything was kind of blurry. You remember running from the karaoke bar, a girl’s voice, probably Tenten’s, calling after you. You remember vomiting. A lot. That’s actually what you were doing now. You’d woken up with your head basically in the toilet.

You could have gone for some blissful moments where you didn’t remember what had caused you to sprint home from the bar, but alas, you couldn’t forget.

You’d confessed your years long crush through song.

How were you ever going to face Lee again?

You wouldn’t, you decided. You would spend the rest of your life in that house. You could have your groceries delivered, you weren’t going to need new clothes if you never went outside. You would just lay in your bed until you withered away into nothingness.

~

“You can’t stay in here forever,” Tenten rolled her eyes, tugging the blanket that you were hiding under off the bed.

“Watch me,” you whined in reply, holding a pillow over your head. “I totally embarrassed myself! He probably thinks I’m so lame!”

Tenten could only snicker at that. “Lee? Thinking you’re lame? Right.”

It took a bit of convincing, and you were basically kicking and screaming, but Tenten was able to drag you out of your home back into the real world. “No one’s going to care,” She assured you as the two of you walked. “We were all plastered. I’m sure no one will even remember!”

If only that were true. 

“Hey!” Kiba called as he and Naruto approached you and Tenten. “Have you guys seen Lady Tsunade around here? I have this pain in my chest…”

Naruto grabbed Kiba’s arm in mock fear. “Oh no! Kiba, are you having a heart attack!?” 

The two of them doubled over in hysterics; tears were even streaming down their faces. You could feel your face burning red in embarrassment. You’d never wanted to disappear so badly. 

“Beat it you two!” Tenten snapped, grabbing your arm and pulling you away. “Ignore them! They’re idiots!”

Head buried in your hands, you shook your head. “God! How am I ever going to live this down! I’m going home!” You pulled out of Tenten’s grip. “I’m going to move villages, change my name, and make sure Lee never sees my face again!”

“Uh, well, if that’s the case you better run…” Tenten said awkwardly, nudging you. “Because Lee’s coming this way…”

And there he was. In his green jumpsuit, bowlcut and all, Lee was heading straight for you. God you were sure you were going to vomit again.

“Good morning Tenten,” Lee greeted, though nowhere near in his usual upbeat tone. “Would you mind giving us a moment alone?” He asked. Tenten glanced over at you nervously.

“Yeah… Sure Lee…”

~

“I do not understand it, Sakura.” Lee sighed, toying with the drink in his hands as his eyes were locked on you drinking and laughing with Tenten and Ino. “I have never had any issue telling you that I think you are beautiful. But with her… It is different.”

Sakura giggled, feeling the drink in her own veins. “Because, Lee. You like her like her. You should just tell her!” Even drunk, Sakura would never betray your trust by telling Lee the obvious; that you liked him as much as he liked you. But it was infuriating to sit on both sides listening to the two of you cry over your feelings day after day and not tell you!

Lee shook his head, taking a gulp from his drink. “I cannot. I am not like Guy Sensei, as much as I try to be. I am not cool or good looking. I do not think I am smooth. I do not know how to talk to a girl I like.”

It took everything in Sakura not to burst out laughing. Guy Sensei? Cool? Good looking? Smooth?

“This is ridiculous. How much longer do I have to hear about how great you think she is before you finally tell her?!”

Rock Lee could barely hear Sakura; he was zoned in on you. Everything about you entranced Lee from the very first time he saw you trying to sneak out of his hospital room. You were beautiful, of course. Your hair always seemed to fall just right. Your smile brightened up a room. The kindness in your heart radiated from you. He loved how confident and outgoing you were and that you had an energy that could match his.

It wasn’t like Lee hadn’t tried to tell you before. There were plenty of times when it was just the two of you that he was tempted, but he could never get it out. There just weren’t many people that he connected so easily with. Guy Sensei was his idol; he wanted to be just like his sensei! But that wasn’t the same as having a friend. Even with his teammates, there was a level of professionalism to it all--maybe thanks to Neji--that kept him from feeling like he could truly be understood. 

But with you, everything was so easy. Laughing came easily, talking and opening up about the things he struggled with… There was a naturalness to it he’d never experienced before. He was terrified to lose it. 

So that night at the karaoke bar, he sat with Sakura whining about the same thing he had been for months now instead of doing something about it. That wasn’t like Lee at all, but that was what you did to him. You made him so nervous he couldn’t even be him.

He was sure you knew his eyes were locked on you all night, ogling like a total weirdo. He’d barely even talked to you. He had hoped that the alcohol would loosen him up and spur him into action, but he’d just shut down even more, causing him to wallow in his own self pity.

Why couldn’t he be more like Kiba? He was over there, so smooth and cool, grinning and chatting you up and buying you drinks. Lee wanted to be that guy to you!

“Oh, look! She’s gonna sing next!” Sakura nudged Lee, nodding at the stage where you were grasping the microphone. You were clearly inebriated, and the redness in your cheeks just made you look all the cuter to him.

“I’m gonna dedicate this song to someone very special to me!” Lee’s heart dropped into his stomach. He couldn’t even hope that he would be the one that you would devote a song to. So when it was his name that had left your mouth, he sat in there in a state of shock. It wasn’t even dawning on him. Sakura shook his shoulder excitedly as you belt out the lyrics to Heart Attack. 

“Lee, she’s singing to you!” 

It just couldn’t process. Was it the alcohol? Was it the absolute surprise at what was happening? Whatever it was, by the time you had finished, Lee had continued to stare at you, open mouthed. It was only when you’d sprinted out of the bar that Lee had come to his senses.

He’d done his best to follow you, but he was drunker than he thought and had stumbled around just a little too long. By the time he’d gotten himself straightened out, you were long gone.

He’d stayed up all night long thinking about it, thinking about you. 

The whole night, he turned it over and over again in his mind; what else could that have meant other than you liked him back? It was too good to be true! But it was true? Lee drove himself mad.

The goal with his walk wasn’t necessarily to find you. Moreso, he had just wanted to clear his head, maybe get advice from Guy Sensei. But he’d ran into you and Tenten before he could do any of that.

As Tenten gave the two of you space, he stared at you bashfully. The longer the silence went on, the redder his cheeks became. Just as he was getting up the courage to say something, you broke the ice.

“Lee, look. About last night… I’m sorry. That was so embarrassing! I was just so drunk and… I wasn't thinking straight.” You were rambling on nervously, scratching the back of your head and avoiding his gaze, acting like you wanted to laugh the whole thing off. 

Lee nodded slowly, letting your words sink in. So… He had misread the whole thing, then? The thought hit him like a blow to the stomach, taking the breath straight out of him. That sucked. “Right, of course!” He said quickly. “It is okay, really. I had drunk a lot as well!”

How did he get out of here? Lee was tempted to drop the weights from his ankles and take off running as fast as he could.

The discomfort was plain on his face, though. You knew Lee well; you could tell something was wrong.

You had to drop your playful facade. You felt like you’d really screwed things up. “Are… Are you mad at me?” You finally asked him quietly.

The question startled Lee. He frowned, tilting his head. “Why would I be upset with you? You are my friend.” You could only shrug helplessly. You were sad and embarrassed and confused, and now Lee was upset. Of course you thought it was your fault. You didn’t know that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The silence was heavy, making you sigh and shake your head. “Well, uh, I should go meet up with Tenten again…” You mumbled, staring at the floor. After this, she definitely couldn’t drag you out of your bedroom again.

You lifted your hand, waving goodbye before turning away. You didn’t get more than a step away before Lee was grabbing your arm, his body reacting quicker than his mind. “Wait. Please.”

Of course you stopped, turning back to face him. You were too fearful to be hopeful, unwilling to get excited for something that wouldn’t happen, but you held your breath anyways as you stared up at him.

“I was not completely honest. I am upset, it is just not with you…” When you didn’t respond, only continued to stare at him with those earnest eyes, he had no choice but continue. He dropped your arm, his hand going to nervously rub at the back of his neck instead. He didn’t know how to do this, but he had the feeling it was now or never.

“The truth is, yesterday when you sang that song, and you said you were dedicating it to me, I believed it was because you had feelings for me. So just now, when you said you were not thinking straight, it made me upset because I have feelings for you. I was hoping that you would tell me that you felt the same…”

You didn’t think you’d ever seen Lee so red before. It was like a cartoon, the way it creeped up from his chin all the way to his forehead, shooting up like a thermometer. You could only imagine that you looked the same. Your face felt like it was on fire. 

It took a moment for it all to sink in. There was a pause before it dawned on you; Lee just confessed that he had feelings for you! He liked you! The giddiness sent trembles through you as you broke out into a huge grin that you couldn’t stop.

“Lee, you idiot!” You laughed, smacking his arm. “I do like you! That’s the whole reason I humiliated myself in front of everyone yesterday!”

You know that look that Lee gets when he’s happy? His pupils dilate, glistening like googly eyes. The blush dusts the tops of his cheeks, he even gets a bit teary eyed.

All classic Lee and exactly what you got after your confession.

“I cannot believe it!” He cried, pulling you into a hug and twirling you around without hesitation. Now that he had confirmation about how you felt, any inhibitions he had been harboring were gone just like that. He wasn’t going to waste another moment not showing you exactly how he felt. “I have wanted to tell you for so long! I just did not think you felt the same way! This is fantastic!”

Lee’s enthusiasm was as contagious as ever. It didn’t take long before you were hugging Lee back and laughing along with him. When he finally calmed down, Lee released you, taking your hands in his instead and grinning at you.

“So does this mean you will go on a date with me?”

“Is that you asking me?” You giggled. Lee nodded enthusiastically. “Then yes; of course I will.”

Lee pulled you into another hug. “Would you like to know something?” He questioned, giggling childishly, so of course you nodded. “I almost had a heart attack asking you that question!”

The groan was immediate as you pulled away, smacking your forehead. “Lee!” You whined, cringing in embarrassment. “I am also having a heart attack trying to work up the nerve to do this…” For a guy that was so fast, he moved agonizingly slow as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. A heart attack, huh? Yeah, you were never going to live that down. But if this was the price to pay, well then, you didn’t mind all that much.

[watevermelon]

Cheating!Haikyuu x Reader

✧ Summary: Akaashi and Kuroo getting caught cheating and begging you for forgiveness ➳ A/N: Honestly, I don’t think ANY of the boys would ever even consider it. They’re all so loving in their own ways and for anyone to actually do this would be absolutely horrible to their partners. ➳  Masterlist 

But ask for angst and you shall receive. kuroo’s is funny and akaashi’s is not

----- xXxXxXxXxXx-----

✧ Intro: 

You trusted your boyfriend of the past year explicitly. Your relationship was built on a mutual friendship, going from casual classmates to one day dating when he had asked you out. You were surprised to say the least, this was one of the members of the volleyball team. They were popular throughout school with the entire student body. And so for him to show interest in you? You honestly hadn’t believed it.

But as the months went on and a few became your everyday norm, along with even getting invited over his house to meet his family, you were sure that the man you were dating was the one.

You remembered the first time he kissed you, the first I love you that he ever whispered in your ears.

And so it broke your heart to find out that you were not the only one he was saying these words to.

The school you were attending was known to be a powerhouse regarding volleyball. You were proud of the national spotlight your boyfriend was fighting on. And you fully understood the times when he would be gone or busy for weeks at a time - whether it was for traveling far away for various training camps or just practicing long into the nights for upcoming tournaments.

You remembered the first time you saw it, the text that was very much not from you. The phone had vibrated while he was out of the room and you were not trying to be nosy - calling his name that he received a notification and glancing at it briefly through the motion.

I miss your lips on mine.

You knew from the beginning that Akaashi always had a special connection to Bokuto. Even before you were close to the quiet setter, you admired how he always seemed to know how to lift Bokuto’s spirits. From the preliminary matches against Nekoma to just seeing the two in school, it made you want to foster such a close relationship with him yourself.

And on more than one occasion, you had to remind yourself they were just friends.

Your friends warned you ahead of time, that the two had a strong bond despite being separated by a year and not even attending the same junior high. You knew this and simply attributed it to his patience and overall ability to read people.

When you had once asked Akaashi about his relationship with the nationally acclaimed ace, he smiled and said, “He can be a lot to handle. But I love watching Bokuto-san play when he’s in the zone.” 

You took it a face value, instead relishing in the comfort knowing that your boyfriend was wrapping his arms around you.

Months later, with that insecurity pushed in the back of your mind, it all came swarming out at Bokuto-san’s text. There was no denying what you were reading or who it was from. It was even accompanied by owl emojis of all things - as if there was anything cute about your boyfriend’s affair.

Your attention was caught and you needed confirmation, scrolling up through their conversation and seeing similar words spanning the last few hours alone. Had he been texting Bokuto the entire time he was sitting here with you?

You threw his phone back on the couch and stood, moving before even thinking about how you looked. 

Why would Akaashi do this? Akaashi?? The kind, loving Akaashi Keiji who had the love of the whole school? Hadn’t he chosen you?

Standing in the middle of his family’s living room, you put a hand on your chest to steady your breathing. You felt the onset of panic gripping your chest, threatening to force tears to the corners of your eyes. There was nothing you could say, you just had to see if it was true.

How long had this been going on? Is it possible that this was before you were even dating? Why was Akaashi stringing along the both of you? Were any of the promises Akaashi told you true?

There was no denying the sudden jump of fear you had when Akaashi walked back in the room, a questioning look on his face as he saw you try to level your breathing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

As if he had no idea, no reason to truly think that he was the cause behind your unease.

You tried your best to feign a smile, but there was no point in hiding anything to someone as cunning as Akaashi, you figured. He was best at reading other people. Instead, you held your frown and motioned to your phone, “I got a bad text from my mom - I need to go home.”

Akaashi was already moving toward you, arms reaching out to steady you at the shoulders. He was such a comforting foundation for you. And yet now, his close proximity brought nothing but anxiety and anger.

He seemed to notice since Akaashi dropped his hands to his sides. “Alright, let me walk you home?”

You nodded in agreement, not trusting your voice. You worried that you were going to unintentionally spill out the word vomit - accusing words ready on the tip of your tongue. He still reached out to encase your hand in his own, silently walking side-by-side for the entire time.

Thankfully, you had different homerooms and could avoid him for the first initial hours of school the next day. Did you have a plan? Absolutely fucking not. But you knew that you had to see them together - see them in their element and see why. 

You needed to know the reason why Akaashi would throw away everything you built together.

You stayed silent to your friends, not even telling your best friend what happened. Not that you were afraid of Akaashi finding out that you knew somehow, but you wanted to see what was naturally between them, without anyone else’s interference.

Akaashi had thankfully given you your space, probably assuming that your family emergency from before was what was holding you down. It also helped that they had a practice match against Itachiyama at the end of the week, so he was called to practice especially more.

He always had such beautiful hands, despite the hours of practice he dedicated to his sport. It made you wonder what he did with them. There were a number of times before where Akaashi would text you late into the night, citing that Bokuto had demanded more practice with his spikes. 

Was Akaashi really setting a ball for five hours straight after your last mid-terms?

You had a million questions in your head as you sat in the stands with your friends, watching the game of Fukurōdani vs Itachiyama. Bokuto was at the top of his game today, none of his usual vices holding him down as he played against his rival, Sakusa. For you and the other students cheering on the team, it could have been easily seen as just another game.

But it wasn’t.

You watched how Akaashi’s gaze would sometimes linger on Bokuto, long legs guiding his stride to a spike. The ace seemed to fly above the net, passion for their shared sport radiating even up in the stands where you were sitting. The fond expression Akaashi had only brought up his earlier words to mind - I love watching him play.

The interaction was so strangely intimate and yet public for any spectator the game. The moment passed, time moving forward as you continued to analyze every smile Akaashi shot the ace. Bokuto’s raised an overjoyed fist in the air in his excitement over the single point. He yelled his usual, Hey! Hey! Hey! And while you found the action usually humorous, you could only stare in blank realization as Akaashi fondly smiled at the spiker’s words.

There was no rising panic this time, nothing inside you screaming at you that something was wrong. 

Your eyes kept following the scene, the game playing out while you stood stock-still among your friends. But your mind was already made up, long before the game ended. You thought about it a few times over the past few days, why Bokuto? Why you?

Why did Akaashi even approach you in the first place?

Thinking back to any conversations you had with Akaashi that surrounded volleyball. All their little volleyball antics - it was always about Bokuto. He got in trouble with the principal, got depressed during a game, even something as simple as being overly hungry before a match. And who was the one to always pick him up? 

Akaashi.

And this was not something that could be as simply waved off as teammates. Neither Haruki nor Konoha were like this with the ace and both of them knew Bokuto longer than Akaashi. Kaori had even joked to you once that Akaashi was capable of reading Bokuto’s mind.

You were a fool.

You hadn’t told Akaashi you were going to attend this practice match in the first place and you honestly had no intention of doing so.

Instead, you texted Bokuto during the game to meet you outside by the entrance stairs, alone. 

Most of the other students had already filled out of the gymnasium, out into the streets on their way home as you leaned against the cold railing. You could hear Bokuto’s quick steps around the corner before you even saw him.

“Hey, (L/N)-chan! What’s up?” He greeted you in a friendly manner, waving with one hand fully outstretched even though you were only a few feet away from each other.

You weren’t going to smile and pretend.

“Bokuto-san.” You stated, looking him in the eyes head-on.

Despite his amicable disposition, Bokuto had quite the intimidating disposition to outsiders. The tall spiker was built with muscles, arms and legs looking seemingly sculpted. And here you were, pointing a heavy glare with your chin held-high at a man who could very easily over-power you.

“Don’t smile at me like everything’s okay.” You started, “I know.”

His smile immediately squashed to a straight line, eyes hardening as they looked down at you. Bokuto crossed his arms, his athletic duffel pushed to the side of his body.

“I won’t apologize for being in love with him.” His voice rang through the calm outdoors, not a single soul to hear his confession other than you.

You scoffed, “How did I already know you’d say that?”

Bokuto kept your question rhetorical, for once staying uncharacteristically silent. His gaze never wavered off of yours, eyes boring right into you as you wordlessly sized each other up.

“I tried to let him go, once.” Bokuto continued, “When you first started dating, I tried and couldn’t.”

They were together before you were even in the picture.

You bit your lip, asking. “And you’re going to ask me not to make you do it again?”

Bokuto paused, uncrossing his arms and looking heavenward for the right answer. How could he? They were already on the road to love before you even really knew Akaashi. Why did he ask you out in the first place? Why progress this far in your relationship? 

None of this was right and you had every bone in your body screaming at you to beat the ever loving shit out of the two volleyball players. But there was one thing you needed to cut off now.

“I don’t need an answer to confirm what you’re thinking.” You stated, “Treat his heart kindly.”

Bokuto sputtered, raising his arms in defense. “Akaashi chose you - he asked you out!”

You almost snarled at the irony, “As if that matters! What’s a label against the fact that he’s been in love with you during that entire time?”

He recoiled, nothing to say against your true question. You were his girlfriend, but how could that possibly matter when his heart continually lingered on the ace in front of you. And, since the volleyball God’s hated you, it was no surprise when the setter turned the corner to your impassioned conversation.

“What’s happening here?” His voice rang out, meeting Bokuto’s worried expression and your hardened one. 

Akaashi stopped in his stride the moment he saw the both of you, not moving closer to you or Bokuto and simply guarding his expression from leaking any of his inner thoughts.

“I thought about this a million times over the past few days.” You said low, but voice strong enough for the others to hear. “How I would yell at you, curse you to your face... But now that I see you, you’re pathetic.”

Akaashi was the master of a blank expression, but now there was nothing but panic and hurt written all over his face. Whatever words he was going to say, to somehow excuse his behavior, died on his lips when you calmly raised your palm to stop him.

How dare he.

"I don’t want to know why you led me on for so long. Or why you decided stringing along Bokuto this whole time would be good to the people you claim to love.” 

Bokuto frowned, looking to the side away from the two of you, but said nothing to refute your statement.

“Don’t ever talk to me again.”

You walked away from Akaashi then, turning away and heading home without looking back. There was nothing left, no words that could ever explain or fix the situation, not that you wanted him to try either. Bokuto’s voice reached you mid-way through the steps, his words low but aimed toward Akaashi.

The words were low and you were surprised you were even able to hear them: She’s not wrong.

The next day at school neither of them were present.

You laid it all out to your best friends at lunch then, all of you sitting under the apple tree and quietly listening to your story. They offered you small condolences, never bringing up the volleyball team or practice matches around you ever again. Konoha shot you a wilted frown in passing, no words enough to even start that conversation.

You only saw Akaashi one more time. It was no surprise that Fukurōdani was progressing to the Spring Nationals and everyone at school were quick to congratulate various team members on their victory. You saw them, preening around the lunchroom as the student body wished them luck.

They were holding hands.

You lingered on the sight for a single second. But it was enough for Akaashi to notice your eyes, shooting a withered smile in your direction. 

There was nothing you wanted to do in response, nothing left for you to say and hope for when it came to the setter. And so you simply turned back to your friends, rejoining the conversation with thoughts of the volleyball team long behind you.

You had to re-read the text three times, your mind whirling in circles to accept the fact that this was for your Tetsurō.

It was only when your hands flew to scroll upwards that you realized yes, this was really happening. It was all so quick - he had left the room to use the bathroom, or whatever, at this point you hadn’t even remembered why. Just his phone, which he always had on him, had vibrated away on your coffee table.

You grabbed it half-mindedly, original intention to bring it to him and maybe leave it at the door in case it was some type of volleyball-related emergency. He was the captain, after all. And so when the actual contents of the texts grabbed your attention, it was all over from there.

The profile picture was of the popular student body president, her shining face radiating even now. The other boys of the volleyball team had always complimented her and brought her up in conversation. Before you were even dating, you remembered that Kuroo particularly agreed with many of her features: long-hair, mild temper, and good grades even in college prep classes.

You were on the average scale of things - average grades in college prep, a member of photography club, but not particularly motivated - you were easily replaceable in the fast-paced world that Kuroo and others were constantly facing. And while you tried not to dwell on it too much, Kuroo was at the top of class with many of the female student body interested in him - there were times he had inadvertently made you felt small.

But Kuroo did try to wave those thoughts away, saying that you were the one he was in love with. It was only for you that he showed his soft side and only you were the recipient of his loving gestures.

And yet now you had in your hands evidence that none that was true.

You wanted to scream - reading all the affectionate phrases he had typed away to this woman.

Were you going to accuse him, then and there? What were you even going to say to him?

Kuroo made the choice for you.

“What are you doing with my phone?” He asked, voice promulgating the silent room.

You were sure that your eyes were glossy as you responded back quietly, “I was going to bring it to you when it kept ringing.”

“Thanks babe, just pass it over.” He said calmly, outstretching a palm in your direction.

You held the phone to your chest, there was no way you could feign a reaction now. This was no longer the simple interaction that you could pretend would pass over, the adulterous text was still open on the screen, open for both parties to quickly see.

His grey-eyes surveyed you silently, not a single word uttered, as if it would break this unmoving conversation. You always found his observant stare endearing, how his greatest weapon on the volleyball court was something he used on you to understand you better. 

And now, you could only imagine what he was truly thinking throughout your relationship.

Kuroo’s fond looks, those kind smiles, they were all calculated actions to keep you on his hook. They were not the loving terms of endearment you believed them to be. They were deliberate ways to sate your relationship, nothing more.

You frowned, handing him the phone and biting out coldly. “I want you to leave.”

“Listen babe, it’s not what you think.” Kuroo was reaching for you, taking steps to close the distance before you fled away entirely.

“Of course! What was I thinking?!” Your voice was raising with every word, anger seeping through toward the middle-blocker. “Some other girl texting you: I dream of waking up to you every day, could be some other context that what I’m too small-minded to know? Right?”

He followed behind you as you traversed through your empty house. You just wanted to get away from him, just the very image of Kuroo was enough to make you angry and inescapably hurt. There was so much you wanted to just yell at him, but at the same time you knew this was the man who held your heart.

And the same one who chose to break it.

What was there even to say to him? You’ve won? Congratulations? Get out of my house?

“Get out!” You settled on that and yelled behind you, your voice weak as you sucked in air between tears. Kuroo continued to follow behind you despite your loud command.

You pushed open the door to your bedroom and attempted to slam it behind you, but a simple kick of his foot and it stayed open. Instead, Kuroo closed it and locked it as he followed.

He had you cornered.

Would it be crazy if you jumped out the window?

Your eyes shot to the opening at the side-wall of your room, but it seemed his gaze followed your own path when he grabbed your elbow and pulled you to him.

Kuroo had his hands on your shoulders, trying to calm you down. “Please just listen to me.”

“Listen to what?” You were trying to push him away, but Kuroo refused to budge against you.

He leaned his chin against the top of your head, one of his arms going down to wrap around your waist. “Stop, you know I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Then why...?”

“It looks bad. I know it does.” Kuroo started to explain, “But I can prove to you that this isn’t what you think.”

You sniffed, not saying anything as you waited for whatever bullshit response was already formulating on his lips.

What you hadn’t expected was for Kuroo to raise the phone to your ear, the ringing of the outgoing call blasting next to you.

What was he doing? Was he insane? 

You didn’t want to listen to her voice, listen to whatever she was going to say when she picked up the phone. Loving words, teasing innuendo’s, all of that you shared with Kuroo and now he was going to show-off what he had with another girl?

You twisted against him, ready to fight out of outrage of not only being cheated on, but also Kuroo doing the utmost stupid thing he could ever do and showing it off in front of you.

The voice that rang out froze you in your actions.

“Captain! Was my text really bad that you had to call?”

“... Yamamoto-san?” You near-whispered back in recognition.

You heard what was almost a yelp back. He stuttered over your name, before asking, “Ah, you and um. You and Kuroo-san are spending your day off together?”

Taking hold of the phone yourself, you looked at the screen and saw that it was indeed to the same student body president that the call was going through to. Same icon, same everything. So why was Yamamoto on the other side of the line? You looked up at Kuroo briefly, the middle-blocker staring at you right back. He urged the phone back to your ear, reminding you that Nekoma’s ace was still on the other side of the line.

“...Yeah.” You answered back weakly, remembering his initial question.

“... Was there something you needed?” He asked nervously.

“Um.” You bit your lip and looked at Kuroo, “Why is your name saved as our student body president in Kuroo’s phone?”

“Aasdfgh.” The strangled noise lasted for ten seconds before Kuroo cleared his throat next to you. “Captain! You’re there too!”

“Explain it, now.” Kuroo said flatly, his voice plain as his grip on your waist tightened. You put a hand on his chest in an attempt to keep him at a distance. You were still mad, admittedly also confused, but you didn’t want Kuroo to just hug the issue away.

Of course, he pushed your hand away and continued to hold you close.

“Please, don’t judge me (L/N)-san!”

Your confusion was only growing. “Um. What’s going on?”

“somycrushgavemehernumberbuticanttalktogirlsandididntwanttomessupsoiwaspracticingwhattosayonkurooandtherestandthentheygotmadsosometimesitextmyselffromtheirphonenumbersaspractice!” 

The words were so fast, you held the phone closer to your ear in an attempt to decipher anything that was just said.

“Wait, what?”

Yamamoto sighed loudly before exclaiming, “I can’t talk to my crush!”

You tilted your head in confusion, “... Kuroo’s your crush?”

The middle-blocker sighed above you, moving to flick your forehead while Yamamoto was near screaming in outrage on the line.

“No!! I.. I don’t have a lot of experience talking to girls! And then my crush gave me her number and she started texting me! And believe me, I tried practicing on otome games and even they dumped me!”

“Uhh...”

His loud voice kept going, explaining the strange tale, “And so I was begging the guys to help me practice and eventually they got sick of me too! She was really into me too and we were flirting and I wasn’t ready!! I don’t have anyyyy experience, (L/N)-san!!”

You shot a look up to Kuroo, his gaze locked on you without any other hints of an expression on. You were sure that your face was a mix of incredulous and worried, was this for real?

“And then she started texting me dirty things and I wanted to do it back, so Kuroo taught--”

“Skip it.” The middle-blocker stated harshly, cutting off the ace.

“Aasdafhauh.” Yamamoto outwardly struggled, remembering that both Kuroo and you, a female, were on the line. “I thought all was lost and then Kuroo let me practice texting myself and seeing how it looked from his phone!”

Oh.

lmao

“Wait, what?”

Kuroo summarized it plainly for you. “It means he was practicing sexting himself from my phone.”

“Ca-Captain!” His voice rang out.

You could not help your growing, amused smile. “Is it true?”

“I - well, yes...”

His voice trailed, but you held in your chuckle. “Ah, thanks for clearing that up.”

Yamamoto paused before asking, “Did my impassioned words led to a misunderstanding?”

“I’m sure your words are the least of your problems tomorrow at practice.”  Kuroo answered this time, earning an anguished exclamation before the middle-blocker hung-up and threw the phone away.

That was not what you were expecting.

Your mind was in a million places, not sure what to say and what you were just witness to. Kuroo pulled you along to your bed, near throwing you on top while you were distracted in your thoughts.

He hovered above you, placing a light kiss on your forehead and then trailing down the side of your face. You cupped his cheek, still trying to process what the hell just happened, but moved to slot his lips against yours and reassure yourself that this was real. 

Kuroo pulled away and whispered against your lips, “I know it looks crazy, but please trust in me - in us.”

You nodded silently, simply stating an okay when Kuroo continued to stare at you.

“I want this... more than just now in high school.” Kuroo looked to the side, before returning his gaze back to you.

Guiding his head back to yours, you pushed off your elbow to lean up to him. “Me too. I’m sorry for being so quick to accuse you.”

“Stop.” He murmured against your skin, small pecks following his wake. “I should’ve explained it to you before.”

“I mean, it does sound pretty crazy.” You joked, a fond smile growing on your face as Kuroo continued to shower your neck with small kisses. “To think you were flirting with Yamamoto of all people.”

“Oi.” A small scowl was already on his face.

You were ready to tease your poor boyfriend, “Sorry, you were sexting him.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes, a hand already sneaking its way under your shirt. “Why don’t I show you what I was teaching him?”

You felt your eyes comically widen at his boldness, any hint of your previous teasing falling away as your boyfriend’s sly smirk crawled further and further down your body.

The love you felt for Kuroo was undeniably mutual, but you had to learn to trust your boyfriend.

----- xXxXxXxXxXx-----

oop lmao hope you enjoyed these short stories!

Come checkout some of the added-on endings to Cheater!Akaashi’s story: ➳  Masterlist 

[kuroopaisen]

tiny love || iii

➵ as tooru’s younger sister, falling in love with iwaizumi hajime is easy. your feelings aren’t ignored, either. but is it worth the complications it could cause? iwaizumi made a decision for you. but, life goes on. 

warnings: f!reader, Emotions 

wc: 4.6k (i’m so sorry we had a lot of ground to cover)

m.list | ch. 2 ↞ ch. 3 ↠ ch. 4 

last time...

“Look, I…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I think it’s best if we pretend this never happened.”

The world shuttered to a stop. The mild afternoon sun was now searing your skin.

✧ ✧ ✧

“He disgusts me,” Amaya shivered, angrily shoving a spoonful of strawberry kakigori into her mouth. “Piece of—”

“It was ages ago,” you sighed, picking at the mountain of flavoured ice in front of you. “It’s not that important…”

“Yes, it is,” Amaya leant forward across the table. “It’s his fault, right? He kissed you.”

You bit your lip, giving your friend a pitiful look.

To say it was ages ago wasn’t quite a lie. It was finally the summer holidays, and it’d be a few months since that fateful afternoon.

You hadn’t wanted to spend your summer break thinking about this sort of thing. It felt like a waste of emotional energy.

But you just couldn’t get it out of your head.

You kept replaying the same few moments over and over in your mind – the kiss, the morning after it, the conversation…

“In my humble opinion,” Amaya sighed, preparing herself another scoop of kakigori, “I think he should answer for what he’s done.”

“Please don’t say anything,” you whined, reaching across the table and grabbing her wrist. “Don’t do anything, either. I don’t want to cause a mess.”

“He’s the one who caused a mess,” Amaya huffed, dropping her spoon into the kakigori bowl. “You have a right to be pissed.”

“I am pissed,” you sighed. “It’s just… I kind of get where he was coming from, you know?”

“No.”

“Well, like—” You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, trying to clear your mind. “If we’d broken up, that’d make things really awkward.”

“Isn’t it already awkward?”

“I… yeah…”

“I just think he could’ve gone about it better,” she shrugged. “That’s all.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, twirling your spoon between your fingers. “You’re right about that, at least…”

Amaya watched you for a moment, pursing her lips together. You knew what she was thinking. That was reason enough to fear any potential advice.

“Date someone else,” she suggested. “Maybe that’ll help you get over him.”

You grimaced, cursing her for being able to read your mind. “No thanks.”

“Why not?” Amaya asked, raising an eyebrow at you. “Yahaba seems to be into you.”

You shook your head vehemently. “Ew, no! He’s on my brother’s team.”

“And?”

You shot your friend a dithering look. “That’s the problem, Maya,” you scoffed. “If Iwaizumi’s not ‘good enough’, then I doubt anyone else on the team is.”

“Did your brother say that?” Amaya gaped.

You shrugged. “I don’t know. But that’s what Iwaizumi implied.”

Amaya scoffed, screwing up her nose. “Men aren’t worth it.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “That’s true…”

“And men,” she said, pointing a finger directly at you, “don’t deserve you.”

“You know what?” You grinned, tilting your head at her. “You’re right.”

“I always am,” she replied, waving a hand at you.

You sighed, stretching your arms above your head. “Besides, if I end up going to America, I don’t want to deal with a long-distance relationship,” you grimaced. “Sounds tough.”

“What, you wouldn’t fight for love?” Amaya teased, fishing her phone out of her pocket.

You stuck your tongue out at her, screwing up your nose. “Shut up.”

Amaya giggled, looking down at her phone screen.

You took the opportunity to treat yourself to some of the kakogiri. The two of you had barely made a dent in it.

Amaya dropped her phone back into her pocket, tilting her head at you. “Hey, aren’t those qualifiers coming up soon or something?”

“Hm?”

“For your brother’s volleyball,” she shrugged. “You said something about going to nationals?”

“Oh, right!” You perked up, nodding. “If they win these preliminaries, they’ll finally get to go to nationals.”

“This is your brother’s last chance, right?”

Your stomach sank a little. “Yeah. He’s… he’s been working really hard.”

“Really hard?” She raised an eyebrow. “Or too hard?”

“What do you think?”

She sighed, placing her hands in her lap. “Right.”

You pressed your lips together, frowning.

“Hey, hey,” Amaya hummed, leaning over to flick your forehead. “Try not to think too much, okay? We’re supposed to be having fun.”

You smiled at her weakly.

“No more talk of boys,” she decreed, waving her spoon at you. “They’re a waste of time anyway.”

✧ ✧ ✧

There might be a thousand other places you’d rather be than outside Seijoh’s gym. But, you’d come to the conclusion that God hated you, and therefore would take any opportunity to submit you to some kind of punishment.

Tonight, it was this – standing outside a gym where a mass of sweaty teenage boys congregated, one of which was your brother, and another the Iwaizumi Hajime.

Tooru had always finished practice late, but this was just ridiculous.

Initially, you’d been content with walking yourself home after class, asserting that you were grown up enough to trawl the streets of Miyagi without a chaperone.

But recently, you’d signed up for the student council. You were surprised they let you in so late in the year,

Your parents had been chuffed with that, proclaiming that you were “finally showing some initiative” and that it was “a great way to teach you some responsibility.”

You hadn’t told them that the real reason you’d joined was because you were worried about Tooru.

You peeked inside the gym, eyes scanning the brightly lit hardwood for any sign of your brother.

You didn’t bother to check your watch. It was far too late in the evening for that anyway.

The boys were scrambling around on the court, jumping and spiking and all that volleyball stuff. You managed to catch sight of your brother, who, by your observation, was very much in the zone.

Perhaps maybe it would be okay for you to sit in on—

A flash of spikey hair was enough to make you recede, drawing yourself back into the dark.

You sighed, turning around and slumping yourself against the wall. Somehow, you felt even more exhausted than before.

Fuck this.

Fuck school and all it’s damn responsibilities.

Fuck your brother’s determination to overwork himself until he’s falling apart at the seams.

And fuck Iwaizumi Hajime.

Maybe you should just head home. Tooru would come home eventually, and…

No. That defeated the point.

You’d just have to wait it out, Iwaizumi Hajime be damned.

A few more minutes passed. You heard who you believed to be the coach call out an end to practice, followed by a resounding “Yes!”

You sighed, checking your watch. Seven o’clock. Even that would be considered a late practice.

Usually Tooru would usually wave the rest of the team out, spending the next hour on his own.

But not tonight.

You scampered through the gym doors, making a beeline for your disaster of a brother.

“Hey, Oika-chan!” A voice called out, making you stumble in your approach.

Ah, Matsukawa.

“Hey,” you waved absentmindedly, unsure of how exactly to process that nickname. It didn’t exactly roll off the tongue

“Stop calling her that!” Tooru yelled from the other side of the gym. “It doesn’t even sound cute!”

“You’re just jealous,” you shot back instinctively. “You just wish you were me.”

Tooru scoffed, ready to launch into a new tirade.

But you weren’t listening to him. Against your best efforts, your eyes sought out Iwaizumi. He wasn’t even looking at you.

Ouch.

Sure, you’d be avoiding him as best you could; finding excuses to be in your room or out with your friends whenever he was round at your house, always positioning Tooru between the two of you whenever you were forced to spend time with him... But, that didn’t stop it hurting. 

You shook off the disappointment and continued your route to Tooru.

“Oi,” you barked, jabbing a finger at him. “Hurry up. I’m making dinner tonight and you’re going to enjoy it.”

Tooru screwed his nose up at you, grimacing. “But I still need to practice.”

You came to a stop in front of him, grabbing his elbow. “Too bad.”

“Aw, don’t complain,” Matsukawa grinned, suddenly appearing and looping his arm around Tooru’s shoulders. “We don’t all have a cute girl vying to cook us dinner.”

“Ew!” Tooru shrieked, shrugging off Matsukawa’s arm. “Don’t be gross that’s my sister!”

“I slave over the countertop for you and you don’t even have the decency to respect my efforts,” you scoffed, deciding to ignore Matsukawa’s half-compliment. You weren’t going to make the same mistake twice.

“Just stick it in the fridge,” Tooru sighed. “I’ll heat it up when I get home.”

Agitation brewed in your stomach, your mouth turning dry.

If he stayed here, he’d just overwork himself like he always did. And he’d come home sore and exhausted, bandages on his fingers and bags under his eyes.

But the prefecturals were so soon. If he wore himself out now, he wouldn’t be able to play to the best of his ability.

“Tooru, that’s not fair and you know it,” you whined. “Please.”

He tutted at you, shaking his head. “Now, now, as the older sibling, it’s natural law that I know be—”

“Hurry up, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi grumbled, coming up behind Tooru and kneeing him in the back.

Tooru yelped, stumbling forward and out of your grasp. “Iwa!”

“We’ll clean up just fine without you,” Iwaizumi muttered, stepping away from your brother.

He caught your eye.

Your breath caught in your throat. Was he going to speak to you? Acknowledge you? Make you feel like things weren’t as weird as they were?

He just gave you an almost imperceptible nod.

You gave him a small smile in response despite the sinking feeling in your stomach.

Of course, Iwaizumi understood. He probably understood better than you did.

“Come on,” you whined, grabbing Tooru’s elbow and yanking him towards you. “Or I’ll kick your ass.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

You stuck your tongue out at him, dragging him towards the door. After a small scuffle he grabbed his bag, whining about how he was still in his sweaty gym clothes.

You waved off his concerns, telling him it was his own fault. Mustering all your strength you managed to push him outside, reprimanding him for wasting so much of your time.

You glanced over your shoulder one last time as you left. You weren’t quite sure why.

But Iwaizumi met your gaze for just a moment, his jaw tense.

That look stuck in your mind for the rest of the evening.

✧ ✧ ✧

The last thwack of a ball on the court.

Your brother, body half-twisted and arms outstretched, fighting to the very final second.

Everything the team had worked so hard for, gone. Crushed.

All those hours, all those late nights spent practicing, all the sweat and grief and band-aids.

All meaningless.

It was written on their faces. Regret, disappointment, shock.

And Iwaizumi. Poor steadfast, honourable Iwaizumi.

You’d never seen him cry. Never. But there he stood on the court, doing everything he could to hold back the tears.

You couldn’t even guess at what was going through his mind: probably some guilt about letting everyone down, for not being the best version of himself for the team.

You hoped, for his sake, that nobody else was paying attention to him.

Tooru patted him on the back. A firm, solid slap.

Even you could tell how much meaning was in that one gesture.

You gripped the barrier tightly, your knuckles beginning to ache. You watched with bitterness on your tongue, ready to cry the tears that Tooru refused to.

By the time you meet the team outside, you knew he didn’t want a hug. Even if you wanted desperately to give him one, he wouldn’t accept it.

He’s too angry for that.

You don’t know what to say; he’s worked so hard for this.

They all have.

And now they have to walk away from it all, no real victory to their name. Oikawa Tooru – destined for greatness, but yet unknown outside of Miyagi. He never did make it to nationals.

You bit your lip, regret and frustration and sympathy twisting in your stomach. There’s nothing you could’ve done, but by God you wished you’d done more.

Something. Anything.

But you’re just his little sister, a girl with nothing to offer. You hadn’t even stepped into the manager role when he’d asked you to in your first year. You’d been so distant from this world of his, a distance you’d only widened since that little hiccup with Iwaizumi.

You turned to the team, racking your brain for the appropriate thing to say.

You bowed. “Thank you for all your hard work.”

It felt empty, but you meant it. You knew that most of all, Tooru was proud of the team. Proud of what they’d built together.

It’d been three years of pain, but they’d done it together. And you knew, deep in your heart, that they’d given their all for him. That, at least, you were grateful.

You didn’t say goodbye.

Your fists are clenched at your sides as you exit the building, rushing home on aching thighs. You hadn’t even realised you’d been tensing so hard during the game.

Thoughts stumbled through your mind on the walk, trying to sort themselves out.

Should you have said something to Iwaizumi? Offered him some comfort?

He was obviously shaken by what’d happened. But perhaps that would’ve been stepping over a line. Maybe it would’ve made him uncomfortable.

And yet, you regretted not addressing him. He, more than anyone else, had given everything for Tooru.

His time, his sweat, his heart.

He couldn’t give anything to you because…

You swallowed, shaking your head. Now wasn’t the time to feel bitter.

Once you walked through the front door, you raced to the kitchen and rifled through your cupboards.

Bread flour, yeast, sugar…

A peek in the fridge.

Milk, butter, eggs.

You set everything on the counter, clattering around in your cupboards until you find a bowl, a whisk, a wooden spoon and a baking pan.

Your next few hours are a flurry of measuring ingredients, kneading dough with aching thumbs, checking oven temperatures and waiting.

You did all sorts of things to distract yourself during the waiting period: cleaning, reading, homework, laundry. But you could only do them in spurts, little five-to-ten-minute blocks until your anxiety returned.

You’d have to sleep this off.

By the time the oven finally pinged, letting you know you were finally free of your baking duties, you were exhausted.

But you rushed back over to the oven and took out your loaf, inspecting it once over. It looked okay – not as good at Kaori’s, but passable. Hopefully it tasted alright. You didn’t have the guts to check.

You let it cool as you grabbed a scrap of paper and scribbled out a little note.

“Good job today, you asswipe. You inspire me to work harder and go farther.

I’m so proud of you.”

You bit your lip, looking it over once. Is it sensitive enough? Is it too sensitive? Would it bring him comfort? Would it piss him off?

Hard to say.

You sighed, folding it over so it could prop up like a tent.

You cut off a third of the loaf, still hot, and plopped it on a plate. You wrapped the rest of the loaf up and placed it in the bread holder. Perhaps you’d have some tomorrow.

Tooru’s room, usually a place that was very out of bounds, was the next stop on your anxious little trip around the house. You placed the plate on his bedside table, propping the note up next to it. Hopefully this would make him smile, even if just by a little.

But you didn’t want to wait up to see.

The comfort of your own bed was calling you, coaxing you into an early night’s sleep.

You laid down with a sigh, unsure of whether or not you could be bothered to have a bath.

A little suggestion crawled through your mind, dragging itself along by it’s fingernails.

You tried to shoo it away. It was a terrible idea, really. One that was bound to end with you feeling quite shitty.  

But tonight wasn’t about you. It wasn’t about your feelings.

You sighed, picking up your phone from the bedside table.

Hey, you typed.

[YOU] 7:31 PM: I hope you don’t mind me texting you like this, but thanks for looking after Tooru so well.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you stared at the name “Iwaizumi Hajime” at the top of your screen. Taking a deep breath, you tapped the blue arrow.

The message slipped into the grey space above, into the train of messages that hadn’t moved in months.

You stared at it a moment longer, fingers flitting anxiously around your screen.

Oh, fuck it.

[YOU] 7:33 PM: And thanks for being the best Ace he could’ve asked for.

It’s not what you wanted to say. It’s not what you feel like you should’ve said. There’s so much more, so much left unsaid.

But tonight isn’t about me, you reminded yourself. It’s about him. About them. About all they’ve been through together.

You waited a few minutes, heart hammering in your chest.

A response.

[Iwaizumi] 7:37 PM: Thank you.

[Iwaizumi] 7:37 PM: I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.

✧ ✧ ✧

“Argentina?” You hissed. “But that’s—”

“On the other side of the world,” Tooru shrugged. “What are you so mad for? You’re the one who wants to go to America.”

You had nothing to say to that. The two of you were sat at the breakfast table, your pieces of toast left untouched.

When Tooru had told you he wanted to talk to you this morning, you hadn’t expected this.

“When do you leave?” You asked, a lump forming in your throat.

“Soon,” he sighed. “I’m just trying to work out boarding and whatnot.”

“So… you’ll leave as soon as that’s sorted out?”

“That’s the plan.”

“It’s like you’re rushing out of here,” you mumbled, picking at your nails.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” he grinned. “I’ve just got to make sure I can get ahead. The sooner I start, the better.”

You looked up at him, frowning.

He wasn’t the little boy curled up in the bathtub anymore. He’s a young man with the tenacity to form his own destiny, circumstances be damned.

This day was bound to come.

But that didn’t make it any easier to swallow.

✧ ✧ ✧

A week passed. And then a month.

The year ended before you knew it. The festivities rolled on, but not without a hint of melancholy.

Each New Years celebration was tainted with the realisation that, after he left, chances were you wouldn’t see Tooru again until the same time next year.

You returned to school for the third semester and everything seemed like it was moving in fast forward.

It’s well and truly changing.

Student council swallowed you up, your family made a point of spending as much time with Tooru as they could, and life plodded on.

And before you knew it, you were standing at the airport at five in the morning, your parents to one side and Iwaizumi to the other. Your older sister, Kaori, was also there, hand-in-hand with your nephew.

For a farewell, it was quite the turn-out.

“Well,” Tooru took a deep breath, looking between the small crowd of faces in front of him. “You all better miss me.”

“Don’t push your luck, Tooru,” Kaori teased.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tooru tutted. “Almost sounds like you’re glad to be rid of me.”

“I am,” your nephew piped up.

“Takeru!” Your mother chided. “Don’t say things like that.”

“It’s fine,” Tooru grinned. “He obviously just doesn’t know what else to say.”

Takeru simply stuck his tongue out at your brother, who just laughed as he stepped forward to ruffle his hair.

Tooru turned to you, grinning. “It’s now your job to take him to volleyball practice.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Really, that’s all you’ve got to say to me?”

“Of course not!” He laughed, hopping towards you and wrapping his arms around your shoulders. “You be good, okay?”

“Always am,” you mumbled into his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Study hard,” he hummed. “And don’t talk to boys.”

“Tooru!”

“I’m serious!”

“Don’t worry about me,” you huffed. “Worry about yourself.”

“I’ll be fine,” he chuckled, pulling back. “Stop being such a worry-wort.”

You pouted at him. “Stay hydrated or I’ll kill you.”

“You know I will,” he tsked. “Which one of us is the athlete?”

“And don’t overwork yourself,” you continued, “or I’ll crawl out of the TV like Sadako and drag you back to Japan.”

“You know what?” Tooru grinned, letting you go. “I fully believe you’re capable of that.”

“Be afraid.”

He ruffled your hair; a sure signal that your conversation was over. You bit your lip as he moved over to talk to Iwaizumi. You tottered around to where your sister was, wrapping your arms around her waist – partly to give Tooru and Iwaizumi some privacy, partly to seek out some comfort.

She chuckled, standing on her tiptoes and propping her chin on the top of your head. “It’ll be okay.”

“Hm?” You blinked. “Oh, I’m not sad. Not at all.”

“You sure about that?” Kaori chuckled.

“Mhm,” you nodded. “Glad to be rid of him, actually. It’s my turn to get the biggest bedroom.”

“Sure,” she grinned. “If you need anything, don’t be afraid to text me, okay?”

“Thanks,” you smiled.

“And visit me more often!” Kaori chided. “I feel like I don’t see you enough.”

“I’m sorry,” you whined.

Kaori was right about that, at least. You’d spent the past few months focusing on Tooru, and before that, you’d been moping about Iwaizumi.

Some sister you were.

You peeked out the corner of your eye at the two boys you’d just fled from.

They were fist-bumping. Why they couldn’t just get over it and hug one another, you’d never know.

Especially seeing as this would likely be the last time they saw each other in a very long while.

Even if this was what Tooru wanted, even if this was a decision made on his own merit, something about it still felt off.

You want to be happy for him. You want to celebrate this new chance, this opportunity to make a name for himself outside of this tiny prefecture. But the melancholy wouldn’t budge; it’s like it’s rooted itself deep amongst the marrow of your ribcage.

You take a deep breath, trying to ground yourself.

You needed to be happy for him. And if you couldn’t, you needed to fake it.

“Alright,” Tooru sighed, addressing all of you as he stepped back and grabbed the handle of his suitcase. “I’m off!”

“Call us when you get there!” Your mother called after him, her eyes glassier than they were moments earlier.

“Will do,” Tooru called back, waving a hand over his head but not turning back.

“Make sure you eat well,” Kaori yelled. “Like I taught you!”

“I will, don’t worry!” Tooru called, ever more distant.

You wondered if there was anything you could shout out, anything you could implore him to do. But nothing came to mind that you hadn’t already said. But even that didn’t feel like enough.

Tooru passed through the gate, turning around to give you all one last wave.

He was so bright, so brilliant.

He always had been. But it was as if passing through that airport gate had freed him of the roots twisted around his ankles, finally allowing him to fly.

You frowned. What a stupid thought.

Once he was out of sight, your parents sighed.

“Alright, everyone,” your father yawned. “Time to go.”

You shuffled out of the airport in silence, your eyes cast to the ground. You lagged a few steps behind your family as you let your thoughts consume you.

How was this all going to work out?

It wasn’t like Tooru was just leaving for university. If it was just for education, there’d be a time frame. But he hadn’t given your family any of that.

He was just… going to Argentina. For how long, he couldn’t say. Would he be gone one year? Five? Ten?

Was that really for the best?

But he seemed optimistic. Maybe this would be the opportunity he needs. Maybe this would change everything.

“He’ll be fine.”

A voice over your shoulder made you jump. You turned to see Iwaizumi, a look of genuine concern on his face. You hadn’t even noticed him come up behind you.

“He always finds a way to land on his feet,” he said, digging his hands in his pockets.

“I know, I just…” You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I’m worried about him.”

Worried about his safety, worried about his health, worried about his tendency to overwork, worried about the possibility he could be lonely, worried about his sense of self, worried—

“But, if he’d just stayed here, he’d never be satisfied.”

You paused, looking up at him. Iwaizumi was staring ahead at the early morning sky, something relaxed in his features.

“He’s got to keep pushing forward, no matter what,” he continued, looking at you. You caught your breath, but you didn’t look away. “If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for his losses.”

You stared at him for a long moment.

He was right. Iwaizumi was always right when it came to Tooru.

And you were grateful. Of course you were.

But a nugget of regret was buried deep in your heart.

Iwaizumi wasn’t worried about Tooru at all. He believed in him, trust him to go forward.

And yet you don’t feel the same. You can’t.

You can’t have the same faith in your brother because you don’t know him well enough.

Maybe you never would.

✧ ✧ ✧

More time passed.

Your holidays ebbed by in a haze, a flurry of friends, family, serious conversations about your future, and a little bit of snow.

You were trudging home in the waning afternoon after a day out with friends when you saw him. He was coming back from the opposite direction, bundled up in a jacket, with a scarf slung haphazardly around his neck and beanie pulled low over his hair.

You wondered if he’d bothered spiking it up this morning.

“Hey.” Iwaizumi raised a hand at you in some paltry greeting.

“Hi,” you nodded, slowing to a stop in front of your house.

He looked at you for a moment, something unreadable in his eyes. Admittedly, that was usually how he looked at you.  

“How are you?” It was a simple question, but you were more curious about it than you’d like to admit. The two of you hadn’t spoken since Tooru left, your interactions limited to brief nods and hellos if you ever happened to bump into each other in public. Nothing deeper than that.

“Good,” he said, finally breaking eye contact as his gaze flitted to the ground. “I, uh… I leave for uni tomorrow.”

Your heart stopped in your chest.

Iwaizumi was leaving too, huh?

Not that there was much of a friendship for you to miss. But something about him leaving really solidified it all.

Tooru had left to pursue opportunities much bigger than those offered to him in Japan, and now Iwaizumi was off on his own journey.

Your stomach swelled, a quiet nausea rattling through your body.

“Oh,” was all you managed to say. “Well, good luck.” There was a long, painful pause.

He was looking at you again, something else in his eyes. Did he want you to say something else? Ask more questions?

“You’ll do great,” is all you managed to say, a tight smile stretched across your lips.

“Thanks,” he breathed, something between a sigh and a chuckle.

You hurried through your front door, a strange anxiety prickling over your skin.

Whenever you spoke to Iwaizumi, it never felt like enough. Like there was more to say, more to admit.

But regardless of what had happened, regardless of your regrets, you had to move on.

You should’ve done so months ago.

✧ ✧ ✧

a/n: this is SLOPPY but please forgive me! a lot of ground to cover,,, a lot of feelings to unpack,,, 

[spideyspeaches]

We always have been ↬ fem!p.p

A/N: AHHH I love genderbent Peter skjkjhjka and I’ve only seen @justme--emily​ write for her so far so I wrote one of my own 😤

Summary: It was not every day you crash into your ex boyfriend in a Stark Gala, was it? Your ex boyfriend you dumped right after your senior prom? It was probably her Parker luck striking, never a good sign, she learned that from experience. 

Warning: um cursing lol.

Pairing: female!Peter Parker x Harry Osborn

WC: 2k

When Mister Stark had asked her to attend one of those glorious charity galas, Penny had been elated, internally (and externally) jumping at the thought of wearing fancy gowns and walking past pretentious rich bureaucrats and business people.

She was practically lost in paradise when Miss Potts had accompanied her to shop for her dress, a beautiful blue and red full length gown, hugging her in her curves with a chinese collar neck and embroidered bust (very on brand of her). 

“Is your dress comfortable? Oh god I think I should have altered it myself, it’s not too tight right?” May fretted, fixing her hairdo and last minute make up she learnt from makeup hacks videos. Groaning, Penny nudged May by her shoulders, sitting her down on her twin bed, holding her aunt’s cheeks.

“May, the dress is comfortable! Miss Potts made sure that it was altered to my size okay? Now calm down, it’s just one night.” She smiled, folding her hands under her chest. Her dress was truly comfortable, and she looked undeniably good, she checked (she was a nerd, yes, but she wasn’t blind. Especially now that she had 20/20 long vision due to her spider powers.)

“You know how I feel about you going to fancy parties, baby.” May sighed, making her wince, “the last time you went to prom ended in a disaster. Both of them”

“I know May, but on the bright side, it gained me an actual paid internship. And Mister Stark and Miss Potts are going to be present the whole time!” She reassured, squeezing her aunt’s shoulders. In all honesty, she understood her anxiety, shuddering as she remembered her prom fighting Liz’s dad, and then breaking up with Harry, “besides, I have my spidery powers remember? I’m a big girl May, I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can sweetheart, god look at you all grown up, Ben would be so proud of how much you’ve grown, my little woman.” May sniffed, getting up to caress her head. She shook her head at her aunt’s emotional state, smiling as she bowed her head at the nickname. It was something Ben used to call her- little woman.

“Ben would be proud of you too May.” Penny said, willing her eyes to not water at the sudden rush of sentiment she felt at the mention of her deceased uncle.

“Now, shoo before I change my mind and keep you all to myself!” May laughed, fixing the non existent crease near her shoulders.

“Okay okay! I’m going May, jeez it’s like you and Mister Stark are holding a shared custody of me.” Penny snickered, scrambling to wear her uncomfortable heels, the ones that matched her dress.

“Maybe I am, but I get to be the primary guardian!”

Laughing, she gave her aunt a kiss to her cheek, doing a preliminary check of her cell phone and emergency bracelet, blowing her a kiss before walking into the car that was standing outside their apartment.

The car ride was silent, her stomach bubbling with nervousness and excitement. She was practically vibrating in her seat, glad that Tony had sent another driver instead of Happy- he would have teased her incessantly for being so nervous. She had grown close to Happy, the man growing fond of her as well, but he could be an embarrassing dad at times.

The gala was everything she had imagined, brightly lit in an overpriced hall, adorning overpriced decorations with people in overpriced clothes. 

“Hey Mister Stark! Thank you so much for inviting me!” She grinned, skipping towards her fath- mentor. 

“Hey Pen, wow don’t you look beautiful. A little too beautiful, beware of those good for nothing boys you hear me?” Tony smiled, hugging her, a protective hand on her shoulder. 

“Oh don’t mind Tony, hun, he’s only joking.” Pepper said, giving her a kiss on her cheek and doing a once over, just like May had. 

“I’m serious Pep, if those boys even tried anything, you call me okay? I’ll take care of them.” 

“Mister Stark, you can’t just threaten teenagers.” Penny giggled, looking at Pepper with a smirk.

“Barely a teenager kiddo, why did you grow up so fast?” He smiled, a fond look in his eyes.

“I’m nineteen Mister Stark, I think I can take care of those boys themselves.” 

“Hell yeah you can, that’s my girl.” 

Easy for her to say, because not long after that, Mister Stark and Pepper had abandoned her to talk to some prominent dealer about some… deals concerning Stark Industries, she didn't ask.

By the end of an hour, she was already bouncing on her heels, bored out of her mind. Even the Avengers could entertain her only so much, going back to their important work. And 

Penny was an awkward girl, always finding herself in situations she was unwilling to participate in, so socialising was out of question.

She remembered the one time she had accidentally spilled coffee all over Mister Stark’s touch sensitive keyboard, stuttering the whole time. He hadn’t even been mad, reassuring her that he had done that enough times before, hence the liquid resistant keypads. 

And then there was that one time the school nurse had called Tony when she was experiencing period induced fever. That was embarrassing, if not a little heartwarming to know that he cared about her enough to confront Pepper about menstrual problems. She was his daughter in everything but blood, he reminded her that every day, though not verbally.

There was also this one time she had been caught kissing MJ, but none of those were going to top what she was facing right now.

Literally.

“Penny! Penny Parker?” Harry’s chirpy voice rang in her ears, his footsteps sounding increasingly closer as she tried to hide her face behind her (non alcoholic) drink, frantically walking towards the vague figure of Mister Stark as fast as she could with her overly expensive stilettos.

It was not every day you crash into your ex boyfriend in a Stark Gala, was it? Your ex boyfriend you dumped right after your senior prom? It was probably her Parker luck striking, never a good sign, she learned that from experience. 

Finally standing near Mister Stark, she tried to stand next to him, ignoring the weird look he was giving her. Penny was petite, always has been small for her age, so she was glad Mister Stark could cover her with his side. Apparently he got her cue, as he shifted slightly to hide her from whomever’s view.

“What’s wrong Pen? Some pesky boy chasing you? Accidentally met your ex?” He joked, giving the old businessman in front of him a handshake and smirking at her with amusement. 

“Something like that.” She shrugged casually, snickering at Tony’s wide eyes. 

“Penny! Hey it’s me, Harry.” He said, nearly standing behind her. He was either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave, weaving his way through the crowd to stand right in front of her. He probably hadn’t noticed her clinging to Tony, which is why he came forward, a big goofy grin playing on his handsome face, sending her heart into a frenzy, his blue eyes shining under the gleaming lights. 

“Uh, h-hey Harry.” She grimaced, elongating his name with a chuckle. Shuffling forward, she ignored Tony’s raised eyebrows, opening her mouth to speak, but all she could look at was Harry Fucking Osborn standing in front of her, “Um, small world?” 

Her words sounded distant to her, heart heart a lump in her throat. She felt underprepared for these situations. Sure, they had broken off on a semi- good note, but it didn’t make whatever this was any less awkward. 

“Small world indeed.” He said, much softer than before, a solemn expression taking over his face, “It’s not every day you get to meet Penelope Parker in a Stark Gala. Heard of your internship by the way, I knew you were smart enough to get it.” 

“Oh, thanks about that. I guess you’re an unwilling guest here? Haven’t seen Mr. Osborn around.” She smiled shyly, shuffling on her feet.

“Yeah, kind of, I mean you know how he is.” He shrugged.

“How long have you two known each other?” Tony interrupts the two, watching in amusement as both his pseudo daughter and Norman’s son blush under his gaze, as if just noticing his presence.

“Uhm, Hi Mister Stark! B-big fan, hi oh my god Penny I’m standing in front of Tony Stark.” Harry stuttered, shaking Tony’s hand for a little too long.

Staring at him with confusion, he shook Harry's hand back, silently asking Penny the lingering question.

“He’s a bit of a fanboy.” She answered. 

Harry was still looking at Stark with his wonderstruck expression. 

“Well it’s always good to meet my fans, but you didn't answer my question, kid. How do you two know each other?” Tony said, smiling as politely as he could while his hand was still stuck in Harry’s grip. 

Realising that, he instantly let go, standing awkwardly as him and Penny said at the same time-

“I’m her ex boyfriend-”

“He’s my best friend.” 

His eyes widen, realising what he had just said.

“You guys dated? And when were you going to tell me about that Pen?” Tony asked, baffled at the thought of Penny dating a guy, and Osborn’s son of all people. 

“Well, you see, I was going to tell you soon, but then we broke up. You know? We haven’t talked since.” Penny said, the last sentence directed towards Harry. She was looking at him now, gritting her teeth.

“Well did you expect me to call you after you dumped me? During prom nonetheless? I was ashamed, Pen, I couldn’t do it.” Harry said, looking apologetic. It made her heart clench, inherent guilt building up in her tummy. It was her fault, technically. 

“Yeah but, Harry you were my best friend before my boyfriend, and I missed you okay? You could’ve at least called.” She defended. Tony was good at reading the room, so sensing a banter building, he quietly left the area, not wanting to witness the misunderstanding.

“I really missed you too Penny, I- I didn’t think I was good enough for you, gosh I really fucking love you.” He said, immediately stiffening. 

Even back when they were dating, they had never said the L word to each other, not even when they were best friends, and now? Well he had just made the air more thicker than before. 

“You- you what?” She asked, voice small as her heart jumped. She moved closer to him, holding her hands out, reaching to touch his shoulders. Her hands set on his silky tuxedo, she stroked her hands in a slow motion, dropping them immediately when she realised she was touching him.

“I really fucking love you Penny, even if you don’t want to get together, can we still be friends? Go back to our movie nights and lego sessions?” He asked, furrowing his brows as if to keep himself from crying. 

No words left her mouth, her breath hitched when he moved forward, chest stuttering. With a sudden confidence she didn’t know she had, she leapt forward, capturing his lips in hers. Their lips moved with a sync, his familiar ocean scented deo invading her nostrils, his soft skin against her. The world around her melded in a technicolour blob, the only thing she could focus was his heartbeat echoing in her ears.

“I really fucking love you too by the way.” She said, pulling away from the kiss. She vaguely spotted Miss Potts in her periphery, shaking her head with a smile as she held back Mister Stark.

“So, are we friends then?” 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“We are more than friends, you dumbass. We always have been.” 

I’m a thirsty bitch, pwease give me feedback? 🥺🥺