#employment assessment test

[eskill]

Employment Assessment Test

Do you want candidates to take an employment assessment test before recruiting them for quality engineer roles? Visit https://www.eskill.com/mechanical-aptitude-tests/. eSkill has pre-made templates for evaluating the skills of candidates for your company’s recruitment. Visit the website for more details.

[princesscedar]

[iscalepro]

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[perfectlyimperfectmuse]

Y'all i have two pre-employment assessment tests coming up this weekend and i have nothing prepared for either of them. Meaning i need to get my shit together for the rest of this week or else im fucked.

[jasonbarkar]

How to Hire Blockchain Developers: 5 Steps to Follow

Blockchain technology has emerged as a critical component of Industry 4.0. According to a recent study, the Global Blockchain Market is expected to reach USD 34 billion by 2026, with a growth rate of 45%. The escalating growth span of the blockchain industry creates the need for proficient professionals.

However, finding expert Blockchain developers who can design and develop proficiently is difficult unless you choose a skill assessment platform for skill tests. Developed and validated by experienced industry experts, the Blockchain developer skill test helps easily evaluate a candidate’s practical knowledge and job readiness.

But how to start the test? What are the steps to follow? Let’s dive in –

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

So I decided back in September that it is Time. The time has come. I am going to try and get a formal diagnosis for my blatant and provable ADHD, because I am very interested in Doing Laundry

And in my defence it has only taken until this week (late January) to kick things off, which I am very aware should probably be part of the diagnostic criteria

Anyway

I have a plan! For the best chance of being taken seriously. If the university can do their in-house screening of me, I can go to my GP and make the following two points:

I am here because my boss felt I said "But everyone does that" one too many times while discussing the ND students, and she wants me to chase this in case it means she can support me better (I of course am charmingly bemused about it because I personally would never try and get diagnosed, no no, only those attention-seeking fakers do that)

An official educational institution i.e. my employer has in fact initially assessed me and deemed me Medically Distractible. I even have an ALN plan, look. So uhhhhh, maybe my boss is right? (I of course remain charmingly bemused about it because I obviously don't really believe it, no no, I could never be the expert on my own experience, but a Third Party is invested, so...)

Anyway yesterday the uni got in touch, and had me do the initial screening.

Now, they're doing it as part of a wider screening process of learning needs, so they also check you for dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia, and autism, as well as ADHD. Plus how good your reading/writing/maths is. Plus they make you do these really fun tests - one was like a classic American spelling bee, one was a spelling test where they read out increasingly lengthy fake words and you had to spell them (we started with "blit", and by the end she was saying things like "unintarcation" and "iffrig-oggonery" and "self-regulating free market" trololol I JEST), and the other was that she'd read out a string of numbers and I had to type them backwards to test my working memory

Good fun, actually. Anyway, my results were mostly completely fine:

Study skills are good! I mean, we're going orange at the end, look, time management is bad - but that's the ADHD, so expected.

No problems with the tests! I mean I'm slightly grumpy about the social and communication score going blue, because I'm pretty sure it's because I explained how I was bullied in school, which I feel is more about them than me. But eh.

Dyspraxia was a little less solid- that's the time blindness, I think. Also attention and concentration, that's expected. Maths, lol - that's not medical, I'm just bad at maths.

The autism testing. Again, mostly fine, but some overlap with ADHD symptoms, so blue instead of green. Makes sense.

And then

Fucking rinsed.

[cleverclovers]

Here are resources for if you're like me, living below the poverty line, with or without disabilities

Everyone is allowed to exist, to take up space, to have and eat food, to have housing and warmth and medical care. the USA does NOT make this easy. It should, but it prioritizes companies and the wealthy over it's citizens.

There are resources you can use if you're making less than 30% of the median income in your area in most places. You can find out what it is via google, by looking up your county's social services website. Not social security, social services.

If you're relying exclusively on SSA programs like Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) or Supplemental Security Income (SSI), you ARE below that income level.

If you have a disability that keeps you from working, like severe anxiety, depression, a severe mental impairment or a light sensitive/stress sensitive medical condition like a seizure disorder or a heart issue, or most kinds of movement issues that bar you from meeting requirements like being able to lift over 50 pounds, you can talk to your doctor, get documentation, and apply for that assistance. There is no shame in applying. Just remember you should think about what you can do on your *worst* days, not on a good day. Exclusively think about your worst days when you're asking your doctor or applying for assistance, because those worst days are what are keeping you from working, or losing employment opportunities.

You can apply for SSA online, but be prepared for an in person interview, and assessment by a doctor of their choosing. If you're denied, get a lawyer. They can help you appeal and they get paid only when you get approved, so they're highly motivated to get you approved.

Things that are available to you if you're under that median income, regardless of whether you're on an SSA:

Department of (vocational) Rehabilitation-- It might go by another name in your state, but they can help you get testing for neuro divergent conditions like ADHD or Autism, address physical limitations, and help you find education, therapies to allow you to work around your issues, and help you find employment that meets your needs. This is available to you if you've been out of the workforce for a long time, as well, for whatever reason. Whether you were a home maker, or you were serving time.

Ticket to Work--A program available through social security. You can apply for this if you've been on social security for a while, and you feel like you're ready to reenter the work force. You will be given a list of companies that work with social security, and you're likely to work fewer hours or under the minimum wage. Your social security may be lowered based on your income with the program, so that's something to keep in mind.

Unemployment (through your social services branch), available if you've lost your job via firing, generally not if you've quit, to my knowledge. You have to prove you're actively seeking employment, and check in a few times a week or a few times a month based on your situation and location. Be prepared with printed out proof of your applications being turned in. Put it in a binder with plastic sleeves, use dividers to mark batch dates. The more professional you make it look the better.

Disability leave income-- This is dependent on your employer, in a lot of places, but it could be available to you. You can, and should, seek medical assistance if you're injured on or off the job to the point where it's severely impairing your work. If it's to a point where you're unable to work with accommodations, but it's recoverable, apply for disability. If it's not recoverable, apply for social security

Section 8 housing-- Available through HUD (Housing and urban development), usually a lottery or a waitlist. You have to make sure you pay attention to when applications open, and have proof of income available. Have your proof of income ready, wherever your income comes from.

Low income housing--Available in a case by case basis, first come first serve, and they generally prioritize disabled people, elderly, and families, especially families with young children or single incomes. The HUD.gov website has an interactive map that will show you it's locations, and the locations of housing that is taxpayer funded, or other forms of low income assisted programs. You apply for these on an individual building basis, and waitlists can be months to years long depending on your chosen location's population density (In san francisco, for instance, a waitlist for a low income place can be eight or more years long) You'll also need to have proof of income ready.

Charities for low income people are available to help you with deposits and first months rent, or rent for a month when you're in a pinch (One month per each 12 month period) in most urban locations. 211 can help you find these resources

Medicaid--Apply through your social services office, or social security if you're receiving it. Social services will require yearly renewal, social security will keep it up to date for you.

SNAP benefits-- You apply through social services, and you need to have all your documents ready. Proof of income, your rent information, formal or informal (either through a formal landlord or an agreement between you and your roommate or parents) as well as proof of bills and residency. If you have social security this is now available to you in most places. Use it

Cash aid--Not available to people who have social security, but it IS available to people on unemployment, disability leave, or who are generally under employed. You apply for this through social services when you're applying for SNAP.

Reduced public transit fare, or gas cards--Available in limited locations, usually urban. You should look up whether it's available in your area, and whether you have to apply through your medical insurance provider, through the transit authority office, or through your social services case worker. It's different everywhere. If you struggle with transportation, it's vital you apply.

Utility assistance--Either through the provider, or through your city. You should be prepared to offer your proof of income, whether it's social security, or SNAP, or sometimes even proof of public medical, as well as proof of residency (your lease and or official government mail, like the DMV, or financial mail like a bank statement or a utility bill)

Phone or internet assistance--Via the Federal Communications Act. Applications are only available until February 7, 2024, but your internet provider may put the cut off for turning in proof of acceptance as today (February 6, 2024), and this program will likely only be available until April. You can receive either internet assistance (up to 30 dollars), or a free cell phone with data up to one gig. You cannot get both.

Food banks. So many food banks. You have to google where they are in your area, and they may not have a lot of the things you would normally eat. A lot of it is the food people think is 'ugly' or is bordering on stale or about to hit it's expiration date, but food is food, and food close to it's expiration date can still be eaten up to two weeks after the date in a lot of cases. It's best to look up what can be eaten past it's expiration, but it's possible in a lot of situations. You just have to get really creative with what they give you. You can use these once a month, and be prepared to be honest about how many people you're feeding. If there are multiple unrelated adults in a household, you have to go separately. (I don't personally use them because I have allergies and cross contamination can be a real problem with this option. They may not have kosher or halal food, especially if it's through a christian church, and they're not likely to have meat) Some food banks will deliver if you have mobility or transportation issues.

Pet food banks--The ASPCA has these listed on their website. You can use them once monthly for pet food, clean up supplies, or pet toys. It's based on what they have available, it's not always going to be a lot, and they recommend you try other sources first, or have a back up plan. But if you need to cover a gap, it's an option. Some places have delivery as an option.

If there's a program I don't have listed, it's likely I don't know about it, and I encourage you to add it to the list. Enlighten me. Maybe there's something you know about that I don't, and it's something I can use.

Disclaimer: I don't know anything about programs or resources for unhoused people. I have been unhoused, but in that period I did not know to look for resources, and that was more than twelve years ago, now.

[eskill]

Pre-employment Assessment Test

If you're searching for a reliable online tool to test potential employees and assess their abilities, eSkill is an excellent choice. eSkill’s platform offers customizable tests to evaluate individuals effectively by measuring the skills and knowledge important to your organization. To know more, visit https://www.eskill.com/our-product/pre-employment-assessments/

[baronessvonglitter]

if love be rough with you, be rough with love | chapter 4 | "tinder date"

Dave York x f!Reader

Word count: 2,401

Summary: you accept a date in order to try to get over your crush on Dave, but end up needing his help when you're too drunk to drive home.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, drinking (reader is of US drinking age), drunkenness, drunk confessions, Dave respects boundaries (for now) and tells you exactly what he wants to do to you when you're not drunk and can consent. Reader has long hair and wears a dress on her date.

Series Masterlist

The girls wake you up saying they want breakfast. So, still groggy, you get up, wash up and start the day. The three of you make French toast with powdered sugar and you help Alice cut up some fruit to go with it. The girls are in a good mood and the three of you dance around to music in the kitchen. It's an innocent day, but your thoughts are honestly elsewhere.

The phone call from last night seems almost like a dream. You can't be sure it really happened, but Dave's call is there in your phone log. You recall the sleepy sound of his voice, raw and intimate, the way he breathed, the immodest way he spoke to you, as if his hold over you was already strong. It is, and he knows it. You're not sure how you're going to address it when he gets home, or if you're even going to have the audacity to bring it up. Perhaps you would, if you'd felt violated by his late night call, but more than anything it turned you on. Dave was at a hotel with his wife, on their anniversary and still he called you. You were on his mind.

And as usual, he's on yours.

You're tempted to call him again, just out of cordiality, maybe have the girls say hello. But you resist even that. But you do text Dave and Carol in a group chat.

Good morning, lovebirds! Taking the girls to the zoo. Be back later. :)

You know it's a cheeky move, but right now it's the only thing that can scratch the itch you have to contact Dave. It's all you'll allow your greedy little heart for now.

It's a cool, bright day as you and the York girls stroll the zoo, drinking hot chocolate. In your coat pocket your phone vibrates and your heart speeds up in the hopes that it's Dave trying to reach you, but instead it's Cameron, one of the guys you met on Tinder, asking you out for that night. Cameron.. the guy who likes Texas Hold 'Em and is studying to be a veterinarian. For some reason you almost say no for some reason, but you need a distraction from your employer, so you accept, and you make plans to meet him at a bar that night.

That afternoon you put a date outfit together while Molly and Alice play with their dolls. You don't have too many impressive pieces in your wardrobe, but with the girls' enthusiastic encouragement you manage to put together a couple of selections.

Soon you hear the front door open and your heart does a somersault. You and the girls go out into the hallway and see into the foyer. Dave and Carol are home. The kids go and hug their parents as if they'd been away for weeks and not simply overnight. You walk down slowly, heart thundering in your ribcage.

"How was it?" you ask, taking the stairs down one at a time. There's a look of expectancy on your face as you study the happy couple, inwardly assessing their closeness. Dave's arm is around Carol's waist and they're both smiling. You smile too.

"It was lovely," Dave answers at the same time that Carol says, "We had the most beautiful time."

"That's good to hear," you reply, your smile giving nothing away. "Well, the girls have already had lunch and I'm heading out tonight. I have a date," you say, forcing excitement in your voice.

It's subtle, but Dave's eyes flick to you, appearing only slightly interested in your announcement. "Okay," he says brightly. "Who's the lucky guy?" Carol also looks at you with interest.

"His name is Cameron, and I met him on Tinder," you explain shyly. "It's about time I started testing the waters, get back in the game.."

The reaction from Dave is not what you expect. He doesn't show an ounce of jealousy. In fact his smile seems genuine, and a part of you feels disappointed.

"I'd better start getting ready, I don't want to be late."

There's a strange mix of excitement and disappointment as you get ready. You typically do low-key makeup, but tonight you do a smoky eye look, with glossy lips and your hair long and straight. You choose a purple and black dress with a black leather jacket and ankle boots. It's an edgy look, almost a sort of armor to keep you safe. You say a quick goodbye to Dave and Carol, who are in the living room watching something on TV. The electronic light casts a bluish tint on them. Carol wishes you luck, but Dave barely looks up from the sitcom they're watching, and it's another little disappointment that puts another dent in your hopes.

You meet up with Cameron at the bar, and the night starts off normal enough as you order your drinks. He's nice, friendly, attentive. But even in your distraction you think about Dave. He and Carol looked so happy when you left, so cozy.. it's a thorn in your heart.

You have no right to him. And even though you've only ever wronged Carol in your dreams and fantasies, it's better to move on before anything has a chance to blossom between you and him.

In lulls in the conversation you keep downing drinks. You need to relax but nothing is happening. You want to feel about Cameron the same way you feel about Dave, but there's no comparison. At the end of the night your date leaves after you reject his invitation to his place. You should say yes, but you refuse him. Having taken a taxi here, you have no ride home, in a part of the city you don't know well. Without a second thought you open your phone and call Dave.

Carol's gone to bed but Dave's watching TV, hoping to be awake to catch you on your way in. He tells himself it's some sort of fatherly instinct, but there's nothing fatherly about the way he felt when he saw you leave in that dress that's too short, your perfume trailing you, he knows you're pussy on a plate for this idiot you're going out with tonight. And there's nothing he can do about it that won't probably scare you off.

He gets a call and checks his phone. The last thing he expects is your name to light up his screen. He answers your call. "Is everything okay?"

"Heyyyy Dave," your voice slurs over the line. "You know, I really hate to ask but could you come give me a ride home? My date left." You giggle then hiccup.

He hides a smile. "Sure. Where are you?"

"Um.. I'm at the bar on 29th and Main? Oh my god you really will come get me? You're the nicest man everrrr. I promise I owe you one.."

A wry smile crosses his face. "I'll be there soon."

You wait on the curb outside the bar. A few stragglers are around but they don't bother you. Dave's car pulls up and you've never been happier to see someone in your life. "Hey you," you greet him as he gets out of the car. "I guess you're my taxi tonight," you giggle.

"Hey yourself," he replies, a little smile on his lips. "Are you okay? How much have you had to drink?"

"I don't know. Not a lot." But you're a little unsteady on your feet. Dave opens the passenger door for you and gently guides you in. You've never been in here before. It has that new car smell, plus leather, and a hint of his cologne. "I live like eight blocks away. Just don't take me to your house. I don't want to go over there like this," you tell him. It's the most sober thing you've said all night.

"I just want to make sure you're safe," he assures you. He backs out of the parking lot and starts to drive you home. "You'll have one hell of a hangover, but at least you'll be in your bed."

"The city's so beautiful," you mumble as you look out the window. To your drunken vision there's a blur of lights, landmarks you drive past every day that take on a beautiful yet eerie cast at night. "Music," you mumble, and flip on the car radio, not giving a care that it's not your radio to touch. "Let the Light In" by Lana Del Rey starts playing and you drunkenly mumble-sing along. You're never drunk, but you like the freedom it gives. Nothing is embarrassing to you. "Dave," you turn your gaze to him. "I want to ask you something." You don't care what he'll think because in the end he'll just blame it on your overconsumption of alcohol.

"What is it?" His tone is curious but his eyes stay on the road.

And now that you're about to ask such a question you realize you're not drunk enough to deal with his reply. In any case you go on with it. "Dave.. do you like me?"

He's quiet and you watch him, his handsome profile illuminated by streetlights every few moments. You're alone with him for the very first time. You've asked him for the truth and now it seems he won't given an answer. "Never mind. I was kidding. It was a joke."

He says your name, murmurs it like he's soothing you, like you've asked this question a million times before. "I do like you. I like you a lot."

You slowly turn your gaze at him, in disbelief, and your heart hammers within your chest. Looking down, you smile. The alcohol is exacerbating that feeling, and right now you're ecstatic. "Up ahead, take a right," you point the way. "It's the third house on the right."

You stop at the house you share with your roommate, who's evidently also out as well. "Thank you, Dave." You place your hand on his knee.

"You're welcome," his voice sounds thick, strained.

"Do you want to come in?" You blush and shake your head. "Not like that.. I don't mean.. just being friendly," you shrug and laugh.

"Yeah sure. I can stay for a bit and maybe get you to bed or something." He turns off the car and gets out to help you out.

"We have that expensive Thai beer you like," you offer as he helps you to the door. Of course you own things he likes, because you hope that in liking them yourself you can understand him.

Inside, you go straight to the small kitchen and open two bottles of beer and hand one to Dave. "To getting home safely. Both of us."

He smiles at you and clinks his bottle to yours. "Cheers."

It takes some effort in your state, but you hop up on the counter. Only in the space of your own home do you act so casual. "I have another question for you.."

Dave sips his beer, eyeing you, admiring your legs swinging over the counter. "Sure, ask away."

"When I asked if you like me, you didn't ask if I like you back. Don't you want to know?"

He laughs and he sounds quite sure of himself. "I guess I already know. But I'll humor you by asking: do you?"

You take a swig, studying him, looking for any chink in his armor, but he maintains such a cool facade. "Yes. I do." You take a deep breath. "And last night.."

"What about last night?" He leans against the counter, mirroring your relaxed, self-possessed stance.

You open your mouth but it feels dry. You remember that private moment on the phone. His eyes on you, Dave approaches you and sets his bottle down on the counter next to you. He stands before you and just like in your fantasies you open your legs for him. He puts his hands on your shoulders and slides them down to your arms. "I want to kiss you."

Your heart pounds so loud in your ears. This is the sweetest moment of your life, but it's not something you take lightly. He's married. You're the au pair. "You can kiss me.. here," you point to your forehead.

Dave gently takes your face in his hands and presses a kiss to your forehead. It's both innocent and intimate, a blessing and a sacrilege. His body is still so close to yours and you can feel the heat coming off him. You realize what a pivotal moment this is. You could easily take his hand, lead him to your bedroom. You just know it would be good with him. You've thought about it a million times.

"I want you to stay tonight," you tell him as every fiber of your being is on fire. Trepidation and confidence war within you.

His expression is unreadable, as usual. It's frustrating, not knowing what's going on in that head of his. "If I stay any longer I might hurt you."

And there's the truth, laid out flat on the table. Your situation is hopeless. "I don't want to be your mistake," you tell him. "I don't want to be something you feel bad about."

His smile is one of amusement, light dancing in his dark eyes. "I wouldn't fucking feel bad about you. I want to fuck your mouth, I want to fuck your tits, I want to fuck your wet little pussy, and I want to fuck your ass. And I wouldn't feel bad about any of it."

He's so casual about it that it takes a moment for you to realize what he's said. There's a thrumming deep inside you that wants to feel him in all those places.

"But not while you're drunk," he says with conviction, and steps away. His keys jangle in his pocket and you realize he's going to leave. "Will you be okay tonight?"

Stunned, you nod.

"Stay hydrated, take some aspirin before you go to sleep," he says gently, almost like a reprimanding parent. He doesn't make another move towards you, and his comment from earlier almost seems as if it hadn't happened. "Good night," he tells you softly, and leaves.

You follow him, watching him as if to savor the sight of him, until he's in the car, and then you watch until his headlights are long gone.

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dividers by @saradika 👑

[nonconstories]

Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago

So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!

ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.

Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.

Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.

Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.

Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.

Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.

[iscalepro]

Key Features to Improve Your Interview Performance

Unlock success in your interviews with iScalePro! Elevate your performance with our key features, including exhaustive question banks that prepare you for any scenario, interview simulations for real-world practice, and personalized feedback to refine your skills. Master the art of interviews and boost your confidence. Trust iScalePro, your online skill assessment platform, to guide you toward interview success. Don't just face interviews—ace them!

[sabakos]

In the future, modern psychological science has invented the Questioning. This free, voluntary, non-invasive procedure consists of only a short, hour-long survey and written assessment with a professional, after which time all problems with a human's mental health may be ascertained and treated in subsequent follow up sessions.

However, the Questioning is also an assessment to test for REPLICANTS, which are infiltrators, disguised as some small percentage of humans, though the exact numbers are not known. These REPLICANTS present a danger to mankind and themselves, and need to be kept safely away somewhere else.

Although no one knows for sure if they are a REPLICANT, the assessment criteria used to determine it are publicly available, so many may have some indication of their status. But as always, self-evaluations of mental states are tricky, and there is a high chance of misdiagnosis, so the professionals caution against attempting to determine your own status. Most people who assess themselves as REPLICANTS turn out to be mistaken, so there is little cause for concern.

Although many humans do exhibit some REPLICANT-like behavior, and many of the assessment criteria are subjective, the professionals who make these assessments receive several years of training, so false positives are unlikely. Because of this, and the danger these infiltrators pose, once assessed, REPLICANTS cannot be trusted. Most of them will immediately protest their REPLICANT status, and seek to escape. This is proof of their erratic, harmful behavior, and often requires sedation and restraint once they are relocated somewhere else so they they stay there, far away from humans. Tragically, there is still little we can do for them, but know that we have their and our best interests at heart in treating them.

The Questioning is very popular in media, and several successive public relations campaigns have removed any social stigma associated with asking for help. Anyone who exhibits any issues that might be resolved by the Questioning, such as career uncertainty, interpersonal troubles, or SEEING THINGS THAT AREN'T THERE is strongly encouraged towards it by most friends, family, and even employers. But yet, many still have unresolved issues that could be treated by the Questioning, because despite almost everyone paying lip service to the Questioning, only 8% of adults have ever tried it! The people who administer the Questioning only want to help everyone. It's a great mystery still why it's not more popular. People must not care about their own mental well-being.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Aaron Kimberly

Published: Dec 18, 2021

Between 1995-2006 I was a part of the butch lesbian community. During those years, despite my life-long and sometimes intense gender dysphoria, I hadn’t given any serious thought to medically transitioning. It wasn’t even on my radar as a possibility until after 2000. The idea of medically transitioning seemed fringe, far-fetched, and risky.

Most of the butches I knew also had gender dysphoria (GD) or rather, Gender Identity Disorder (GID), as it was called then. Many butches I knew in Winnipeg, Halifax, Toronto, and later Vancouver, were strong, stoic people. I admired many of them. I know that their lives weren’t always easy, but they carried themselves with dignity. They had butch “brotherhood” and femmes who adored them. Many were “stone” which meant that their GID made it difficult for them to relate to their female anatomy so didn’t allow themselves to be touched by anyone, or rarely. They were often harassed and abused for being masculine women, as I was. It was often stressful using female public washrooms, because our gender ambiguity made people so uncomfortable. There was a term “butch bladder” to reference the ways we’d avoid using bathrooms in public.

In the early-mid 2000s, more and more FTMs were appearing in the community, alongside the butches. Many lesbian spaces welcomed them, some didn’t. It seemed to me at the time that butches were presented with two options: we could choose to be butches, or we could choose to be FTM “trans guys”. Why people chose one or the other...that was very individual and personal. It really came down to which option solved a problem and made life easier. The problem could be homophobic parents, fatigue from being harassed, differing degrees of dysphoria and bodily discomfort, not understanding what GID is, poor social or occupational functioning, trauma, other mental health challenges like depression or the anxiety that seemed inevitable for us. Some transitioned but still identified as butch women. They chose medical interventions to look more masculine, not to identify as men. Some trans guys said they never had GID at all. I don’t know what their motivations for transitioning were. Some said “political reasons”. There were some who were big fans of Queer Theory icons like Judith Butler and Judith Halberstam. Those women adopted male personas - intentional “female masculinity” - as an expression of Queer Theory, not to be men/male. I chose to transition soon after a gay man was beaten to death in a nearby park.

If kids with gender dysphoria today are anything like who we were 20 years ago, I feel saddened by their trajectory. Others see benefits: Access to medical interventions has been made easier. They no longer have to do a “real-life test” (live their life as the opposite sex for 2 years without medical assistance). They don’t have to go through months or years of therapy and assessment. More is now known about the effects and risks of hormones. The surgeries have improved, are easier to access and now paid for by insurance. (I paid for my own mastectomy out of pocket, and was on the SRS surgery waitlist for 10 years.)

But, what have we done? Have we eliminated all of the conditions for why a butch girl would find their innate masculinity hard to live with? Have we made the lives of butch women better and safer? Have we eliminated homophobic families, communities, employers, clinicians and policies? Are we educating young people what gender dysphoria is, in evidence-based terms, supporting them to integrate that into a healthy identity and self-image? Do we tell masculine girls how attractive they are? Do they have an abundance of healthy role models? Are they fully embraced and integrated into their workforces, educational settings, faith communities… or, are butches still getting weird looks from strangers? Are they still getting yelled at in public bathrooms? Are young, obnoxious young men still yelling slurs out their car windows as they drive by a butch woman? Do gender non-conforming women still fear for their lives in some places? Can they get Brandon Teena out of their heads? Can they travel the world freely? Can they find clothing they like that fits their bodies well?

I’m not convinced we’ve made any real progress at all. I think we’ve just made it easier for people to jump ship, younger and faster, and gave it a different spin. We now call that “self-actualization”. We’ve facilitated a better illusion. We’ve convinced more and more people that the illusion is real. We continue to push for better surgeries. Penile and uterine transplants are on the horizon. Young people are flooding into clinics. They can’t keep up with the demand. Activists have pushed Queer Theory as an explanation for our difference, displacing evidence-based clinical definitions of GID/GD. It’s no longer talked about as a condition that requires treatment but a natural human variation that requires affirmation in whatever form we demand (often life-long medicalization). I’ve travelled that road to its end, and its hurt just as much as it’s helped.

The surgeries available to FTMs right now are awful. A double mastectomy and phalloplasty or metoidioplasty are gruesome procedures to go through. The US surgeon I went to for metoidioplasty boasts low complication rates, but the anecdotal evidence I’ve witnessed (myself and everyone I know who had the procedure there and elsewhere) is close to a 100% complication rate. One guy at the surgical recovery centre I stayed at started to hemorrhage and was laying on the floor unable to reach the call bell when another FTM patient found him and advocated for him to be rushed to hospital. Fistulas and strictures are the most common problem. I chose metoidioplasty because it’s thought to be the less risky of the two options. I immediately developed two large fistulas (meaning that my urethra burst open in two places) that needed additional surgery to repair. I couldn’t bathe or go swimming for a year until those openings were repaired. I have chronic perineum pain, altered bowel function due to changes in my pelvic muscles, and no sensation in most of my chest. When we have complications, local physicians and surgeons don’t know what to do. So we have to wait, and travel to whoever can help.

Listen, I don’t doubt that sometimes medical transition is helpful for people. It’s not my place to say they can’t or shouldn’t. But let’s not sell this like it’s a Disney park ride. The marketing of everything trans is ridiculously misleading. Don’t put sparkles and rainbows over real pain as though that helps at all. It’s insulting.

If we really want to help these kids, we need to make it easier for lesbian kids. Butch kids. All gender non-conforming kids. The quirky and awkward kids. Kids who feel they don’t fit it. Let’s get better at working with parents and preserving families. Be honest about what medical transition is really about. No one really changes biological sex and these procedures are really hard to go through. Why are we putting all of our resources into escaping brutality rather than eliminating brutality? We’re cutting up our bodies because our lived reality is worse. Why do we celebrate that?

Medical transition is but one option for those with GD. We need to reclaim our understanding of GD as a condition so that we can have reality based-conversations and solve real personal and social problems. “Trans” as a concept, masks many underlying issues. A queer theory-based understanding of myself worsened my GD. Medical transition became an addiction. The illusion only works if we’re lucky enough to pass and everyone else plays along perfectly. It’s an exhausting game of whack-a-mole to dodge the reminders of my female past and female biology. How is that kind of dissociation desirable? Some people may benefit from medically transitioning, but we still need a reality-based understanding of ourselves, to keep our feet on the ground.

Our children deserve better. If this sounds transphobic to you, you’re a part of the problem. Owning our reality for what it is isn’t self-hatred. It’s self-acceptance. Having different ideas and a different vision of how to move forward isn't hatred. Hatred was the skinheads who circled around us at the small 1992 Winnipeg gay and lesbian march, long before Pride was a parade. Hatred was the men who drove from the suburbs into Vancouver with the intent to "kill a fag" and murdered Aaron Webster in Stanley Park. I’m well acquainted with phobia. This isn't phobia. This is love.