#emotionally shot twice in such a short time period

[truthundressing]

there is fr a genetic curse on being 21 in my family...

[skiplo-wave]

It's been a year now since I started my first ever nursing job after college. They prepare you for things you'll experience and the type of people you'll encounter. I seriously question if I made the right career choice. I wake up screaming from nightmares from the horrors of patients that I have dealt with in the past year. I naively thought I would be helping the sick and giving shots the majority of the time. Boy was I wrong.

The things I was not mentally prepared for:

Convicts. I was slammed into a wall twice. I got my shoulder dislocated.

Car crash victims (usually they are dead by time they get to us).

Trauma patients.

SA patients.

Abuse victims.

Minor/Child victims.

Rocking and singing to babies to sleep one last time before they pass away (this right here still fucks me up).

Holding a child's hand as they pass away. Usually cancer patients.... The worse thing that happens is when mom and dad is away from the hospital and they are too late getting to their child. I have to tell them their child's last words.

Holding a elderly hand as they pass away. The worse is when they have no family or friends left. There's nobody in the room, but me and this person I knew for a short period.

</3

Oof being nurse you gotta have lot of will power and heart.

But I think the job is worth it when you can successfully help someone heal whether it be mentally physically or emotionally. Even if patient pass but family can get some closure

Stay strong anon

[wytfut]

A past life

Bruce Whitefoot circa 1993

I’d like to honor the memory of my friend and past fire chief Doug Lorenson to this episode. Doug lost his long battle with leukemia at the too young of age of 35, and survived by 2 young children, and his Wife. Doug got on this department barely out of high school.

 Thru the years, I’ve been a part of many organizations. Some of the day to day house keeping of these organizations was pure torture. Where as the main theme was glorious. I still support emotionally and spiritually at times the Fire Dept. But honestly, do not miss it. 

The above shot, is 1993, before our house burned down. I had attended the National Fire Academy twice. Been fire chief.  With some exciting stories to tell. Can of skoal in shirt pocket. National Fire Academy hat. And a huge fire/rescue belt buckle. 

I was hard core fire dept member from 1978 to 1994. Then asked to come back again in 1999. In 99, I was going to make an attempt to get 20 years under my belt. In 99, I just barely made it as a member/chief another year, and just had to get out. I just couldn’t do it any more.... note “burned out”. 

Initially, joined just after Luke was born. No idea what I was getting into. Didn’t know if I could handle fire fighting or rescue. But thought that I’d just give it a shot, and do the best I can.

The at that time the current, Dept. was poorly trained at best, and had the best of intentions of “surrounding and drowning” all fire incidents (good ol’ boy syndrome), which wasn’t all that uncommon with rural depts. across Nebraski. Some are still that way today.

 There was no Waverly Rescue then, .... we depended on Greenwood for rescue, and we would be first responders until they arrived. The “trauma” kit consisted of bandages from the early 60′s (free Civil Defense over stock), and a demand valve on a small tank. No one on the dept, had any medical training to speak of except for one member (Mike Danley), maybe others with a little first aid. Sorry but he couldn’t make every call.

Mike at this time was just starting to organize funding/approval for Waverly to start their own rescue squad. It was very early stages here. Mike had been on another rescue squad in the past, and saw the need. 

Greenwood rescue, over 48% of all of their medical calls were to Waverly at that time. So they were all about us getting our own too.

I had been on WFD for less than a year, when I joined up with the beginnings of the Rescue Squad and became a charter member. Helping promote funding, and starting training. Mike’s presence then was a beast. Ultimate respect for him. Big guy, with a huge sense of humor, and tons of knowledge. 

We got the rescue up and running. We were separate from Fire, not common, but you’d see it here and there. So I became a dual member. In some ways it was a rough go. Not all fire or rescue members got a long. BUT every call it appeared everyone was attempting the same goal.

The local Rural Fire, and the City Council had never ever spent so much money in budget before. That was a battle to convince them to make the plunge. Members of both groups wanted the rescue, but didn’t want to spend the money. Good folks made hard choices. 

Thru the years... experience flew in my itty bitty head, and a lot stuck/stayed there. I’ve done CPR 4 times, actual hands on, with 1 surviving, and 2 of them coming back for a short period. Several actual structural fires (we didn’t really have that many, but we were called by neighboring FD to assist [Mutual Aid]). Car accidents full of carnage.... nightmare fest. Chemical incidents. Hazardous matericals, law enforcement incidents, Etc. Etc.

Attended State Fire school  in Grand Island every year I could. Took a few classes a couple of times. 

Attended Rescue Schools in Kearney. 

Attended National Fire Academy in Emmitsburg Maryland twice.

I was Doug Lorensons Assistant Chief on the FD, when we found out thru the grapevine we were considered “the best” fire/rescue this end of the State, and in the top 5 of the whole state, for volunteer FD and Rescue.

We could rock it.... oh lordy were we something back then. We held open seminars to any Dept’s that wished to attend. We trained heavily. Went to National Fire Academy. 

A tiny fraction of our achievements:  First rescue to learn “shock trousers”. Awarded Rescue Dept. of the year. Farm equipment rescue seminar (Waverly sponsored). School bus rescue seminar (Waverly sponsored). Pump class sponsored. Fire Fighter 1 class sponsored. Free CPR classes for members and general public and groups. Emotional stability class sponsored. Jaws of life class sponsored. Air Bag rescue class sponsored. Mutual aid water hauling class sponsored. First in our area to sign on with Bryan Heart Team (they were pre paramedic). First volunteer dept, in this area with their own air compressor (LFD would come out to Waverly to fill tanks time to time)  .... Hi angle rescue training.  on and on, simply amazing 

Our money by this time (late 80′s) was rolling in from a Bingo Parlor sponsor. So our equipment was nothing short of top shelf. All the schooling a member could handle.

These were the days that employers would support employees that belonged to civil service groups. 

For example I worked at Lincoln Hoot and Hollar. I could be working anywhere, and if I got a fire/rescue call, they would get me there if needed, and they would pay me, no questions asked. 

LTT was not the only company that did this. It wasn’t uncommon. In this area now, you never hear of it, and folks would think you were nuts to even suggest it. 

Week day calls were tough back then, even worse now. Members who could make these calls were over worked and rarely appreciated. Never enough folks for support. Mutual Aid calls were common, just to get physical bodies to help. 

Calls as one can suspect, very unpredictable. Have a call everyday for months. Then go 6 months with nothing. Participated in days where we would have 5 in 1 day. 8 on a weekend. 

Often appeared on big holidays were almost a promise. My house fire is a prime example.... Xmas morning. 

One Xmas holiday we had 2 structure fires (2 mutual aid fatalities) and a frost bite call all within 24 hours.

Lots of blood and guts with I80 running thru our district. Upwards of 50% of our calls were on I80.  Those calls could be very interesting also. Some very tough. One had several of our members reevaluating “what are we doing?”. 

I won’t get into details here on these type of calls. They are not for open discussion to the public. More of a private conversation.... 

Still have some friends on the FD/rescue. But mostly I don’t know any of them. And I’d suspect they have never heard of me... especially since I’ve been gone since 1999. 

Chief 2 times for total 3 years. Held every office of both organizations at one time or another. And a member of a separate appointment by the city council to “emergency preparedness”. CPR and Red Cross Safety Instructor for over 10 years. I taught to private groups and at LTT.

I do miss it at times. Believe it to be the adrenaline side of it. Miss that rush. Plus the afterglow when we really did something cool. Don’t miss butting heads with the government, or pig headed people. 

President Reagan, did go out of his way to try and recognize and find money for the Volunteer Emergency Services of our country. At that time 85% of all emergency services were volunteer in our country. Other than being recognized I don’t think anything ever became of it. 

Don’t know those numbers how they apply to todays world here in Waverlyland. I do know that they suffer dramatically on weekday calls.... worse than back then. I’ve heard because of this issue, it has taken its toll on existing members attitudes. 

Find myself lucky to have survived all of this, and kept my head screwed on. Tough go at times.

Who knows what the future brings

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 104: 7x13, 10x12, 11x12

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

February 3, 2022

7x13: The Slice Girls

Written by: Buckleming

Directed by: Jerry Wanek

Original air date: February 3, 2012

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean go up against the Amazons as they go on a killing spree. But it's twice as difficult for Dean because one of them is his daughter.

Features:

Chopped off extremities, Dean’s functional alcoholism, hookup with an amazon, perfectly articulate toddlers, Dean’s daughter Emma, Sam’s 180 on when it’s right to kill monsters.

My Thoughts:

I’ll be honest, gang, I really tried hard to get emotionally invested in this episode, and it’s not the worst, definitely not by Buckleming standards, but it wasn’t for me. My dash was kind of obsessed with Emma and this episode for a hot minute, which I understand because it is kind of a Deangirl episode. I think it has a ton of potential that is really not capitalized on. Fertile ground for fic writers, at least.

I wanted to believe Emma that she didn’t want to kill Dean, but I just don’t think it was directed or acted that way. Until right before Sam shot her, every line she delivered was aiming for manipulative and hurtful rather than emotional or scared. Even right before Sam shot her I read it as more of a play for time. My sincere apologies to the Emmagirls. I don’t think she’s a bad person or anything, I just think she had fully bought in to the Amazon brainwashing/culture/whatever you want to call it. She was still a kid who deserved to live, I just don’t have any particular attachment to her. I DO buy all of Jensen’s acting, as I usually do. He’s pretty much always selling it.

I think there was some potential to draw a stronger connection between Emma literally growing up fast and being trained to kill while Dean had to figuratively grow up fast and was trained to kill. I wish there had been a mention or two of John to really lock it in, because at this point I think it was accidental and I’m reading into it a bit. Another fun but definitely accidental parallel is to Jack, who also had to grow into an adult body in an extremely short period of time, and who Dean also has held at gunpoint! I guess when you run for 15 years you’re bound to repeat some plot points. Amara (thankfully NOT coded as Dean’s kid) does the same thing too.

The dialogue is pretty clunky at points, which is standard for a Buckleming episode. It’s weird that Sam doesn't believe there’s something weird going on when they literally fight monsters every day. And since when do power lines affect EMF readings?

The sex scene is decent in that it showcases that Dean is kind of a sub and I find that personally funny. Also desperate for intimacy, my man intertwined fingers with a random hookup from a bar. He is so touch-starved. Is this the last time he has a successful hookup? I can’t keep the timeline straight. Surely someone has been tracking that kind of thing.

Sam’s whole attitude towards monsters at this point in the show and in parts of season 8 suck and I find them totally out of character. He’s done a complete 180 and now anything not human is an automatic shoot on sight. It’s not even totally a double standard re: the Amy Pond debacle, because even though Amy had done everything for her kid, she still killed people. Emma hadn’t done anything and there was still a chance to reason with her. Sam is super unlikeable to me at this point because he isn’t written like himself.

Notable Lines:

“They stick you in there, and you trust them. It's all you know. And you don't question what they want you to do – terrible things. That's why I had to leave.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 6.7

IMdB Rating: 8.1

10x12: About a Boy

Written by: Adam Glass

Directed by: Serge Ladouceur

Original air date: February 3, 2015

Plot Synopsis:

Dean is mysteriously transformed into a teenager. He has to deal with teenage struggles all over again, along with being a hunter.

Features:

Dean researches ways to remove the Mark, some kind of abduction, crappy childhoods, baby Dean is back, Dean likes Taylor Swift, being teenager-ified removes the Mark of Cain, Hansel and Gretel, the Grand Coven.

My Thoughts:

This is a pretty fun episode without a ton of substance. I really like Dylan Everett, he’s my favourite Young Dean of the bunch they have over the course of the series. He nails a lot of Jensen’s mannerisms in a way that’s super fun to watch. If they MUST do a prequel, Jensen should drop the John/Mary BS and give us Stanford-era Dean with Dylan playing the lead. He’s not too much older at this point than Dean would have been while Sam was at school.

The writing of the episode itself is just fine in my opinion - nothing really egregious or superb is going on. I did roll my eyes when Hansel was revealed, but its not really any stupider than other plots they’ve done in the past.

There were some missed opportunities for remarks on how young he was when he first started hunting, especially with Sam looking over at him in the car. I did like the jokes about going through puberty again because if nothing else it strengthens the trans Dean agenda, which I enjoy immensely.

Tina was a pretty fun civilian tag along. I liked when they had more relationships with random people, it does make the stakes of the episode more interesting. I get the narrative closure of having her decide that she wants to have a second chance at life, etc, I totally do, but unfortunately my brain can not turn off and it makes me SO stressed when stuff like this happens. Does she know how to get the documents she’s going to need to live? She needs a birth certificate and a new name and probably emancipation documents if she’s not going to get caught up in the foster system. Has she realized that she’ll never be able to be fully honest and vulnerable with anyone ever again? None of this is relevant to the plot, it's just a fun little peek into my brain.

Notable Lines:

“My Dad was always working, so I came up with about 101 different ways to make macaroni and cheese.”

“There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel, and, uh…I liked it, Sam. I liked it a lot.”

“Some good news, though—virgin liver. So, what do you say when we’re done doing our hero thing, we take her for a test-drive?” “Yeah, sure. I mean…you can drink again in, what, like seven years?”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 7.7

IMdB Rating: 8.7

11x12: Don't You Forget About Me

Written by: Nancy Won

Directed by: Stefan Pleszczynski

Original air date: February 3, 2016

Plot Synopsis:

Claire thinks recent murders in town are supernatural and asks Sam and Dean for help; Jody Mills reveals that Claire has been attacking people and accusing them of being monsters.

Features:

Claire kept the Grigori sword, Jody is a mom, trying to help Claire adjust, teacher hanging from a flagpole, a sketchy janitor, don’t trust high school jocks, family don’t end in blood.

My Thoughts:

This is another episode I’ve never seen again due to me having incredibly bad timing on when I gave up watching Supernatural live at the end of season 10. It fills in a lot of gaps that I had about Claire and Alex’s plotlines. To be honest, I still don’t remember the episode that Alex is introduced, so I’m looking forward to that coming up in Stacked.

All three of the older generation in this episode exhibit some real parent behaviour, which is a bit of theme in season 11 leading up to Mary’s resurrection. I like that they’re exploring themes of what it means to be a parent before getting ready to pull Mary down off the pedestal she’s been on all these years.

Jody especially obviously has so much love for the kids under her care. I like that she has to realize that the best path is realizing that Claire is never going to be content with going to college and that she has to teach her to hunt safely. There’s a fun little parallel there with trying to make sure Alex is using protection if she’s having sex. Both cases, the answer is harm reduction.

I love a good parallel between Claire and Dean, too. I think she makes him think a little bit about how messed up most of the things that happened to him when he was a kid were. And on that note, can we talk about how the way they were eating dinner with Jody was funny until it was devastating? Interesting link to About a Boy above, with references to the food insecurity they experienced when they were young. Do you think this is when Dean started learning to cook in the Bunker, or has that already happened? I get a little lost on timeline stuff during Stacked.

Supernatural is at it’s best when it’s allowed to be an ensemble show. Sam and Dean need people they love outside of each other to tether them to the world that they’re living in, which is ultimately why Inherit the Earth was such a disappointment. Imagine if the solution to killing God had been to work with the people you love rather than a fake spell and Jack being a deus ex machina power vacuum.

Notable Lines:

“I absolutely understand the need to hunt. Believe me. I do. But the monsters are always going to be there. On and on. Forever. But a chance at a family? At a home? School? That won't be.”

“I wanted you to be happy first. I wanted you to have something precious, so that I could take it from you.”

“That’s what’s scary about family. It gives you so much to lose.”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 9.0

IMdB Rating: 8.4

In Conclusion: This stack is fully just about kids and parents. Wild.

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[cordytriestowrite]

Delicate

Loki x Reader

One Shot

Request by @scorpionchild81

Summary: How about a fluffy Loki x reader: they find out that she is pregnant, and Loki turns overprotective - carrying her, not allowing her to lift things, constantly asking if she needs anything and so on. Not used to being treated like a china doll ( and some amount of hormones stirring), reader finally snaps at him! But Loki keeps on being a total sweetheart towards his lover…

There is one chair in the entire compound that solely belonged to Loki. It was an unsuspecting chair, one accidently sat upon many times by various heros, villains, normies, and once or twice an animal that turned out to actually not be an animal. But once one knew of his claim to the seat that you jokingly called his "Midgardian Throne" it wasn't likely they'd sit there again.

So it was really weird when Loki offered you his spot.

It felt like a trick, very well could be a trick seeing as being Loki's girlfriend did not grant you immunity to his mischievous ways. You eyed the god suspiciously as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, splayed his other hand over your hip, and gently guided you to his favorite place.

"I'll just sit on the couch Loki it's not big deal." 

You tried to excuse yourself from his odd embrace, something you didn't normally do, but Loki made it difficult to wiggle away. While he didn't squeeze you any tighter to the point of feeling the change in pressure he did become more solid in a way only an Asgardian could when they were being stubborn. He let out an audible but gentle hush sound that made you tense and alert rather than calm as probably intended.

"No, no, darling, I insist. You need to be comfortable and that couch is," he spared it a disdainful glare, "unacceptable."

"Pete and I like it just fine thank you very much." You countered.

The chair had to be fake. You were going to be forced onto the seat by Loki only to fall right through the funiture and onto the floor. It had to be an illusion. Or maybe Loki himself was the illusion and he was sitting in wait on the chair, ready for you to fall into his lap so he could tease you the way he does when he's feeling naughty and exhibitionist. Currently, you didn't know which would be worse. If the chair ended up being an illusion you knew you would cry. You had been feeling sensitive, emotionally raw, and your mood had been switching as fast as Peter was flicking through the channels. If Loki was in fact sitting in the chair you would have to let him down easy before he could get far. It was not only your emotions that were sensitive, it was your body, particularly your breasts. It felt like any contact was amplified with pain and for once you did not want Loki's long fingers inching their way up under your shirt.

"Loki, I'm not sitting there so just let me go sit on the couch!"

There was a mood swing, you were trying to handle this calmly but the idea of taking one step closer to that chair had you shrill and wide-eyed looking for a means to escape the situation. You twisted your body, maneuvering it away from Loki with entirely too many collisions. It felt like a sunburn someone had just smacked with an open palm and it made you cringe with in pain. When Loki finally put his arms down you thought you were free but those same arms came around your back and legs to hoist you against him bridal style.

"Loki! What the fuck? Please, just put me down. I am not in the mood for your games!"

He was shushing you again and peppering kisses against your temple and you could feel your anger ebbing away as he whispered into your hair.

"It's no game, love. I just want to take care of you."

The chair was solid beneath you and the Loki setting you down was the only Loki in the room. Your body was stiff as he fluffed the throw pillow next to your hip and dragged the ottoman a little closer so you could rest your feet. When he was done he hovered near your elevated legs giving you a look you had never seen before.

"You're being weird." 

Your words were blunt but you wriggled into a comfortable position nonetheless. If this was a prank you were going to enjoy the good part before it was over.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked, ignoring the matching incredulous looks you and Peter sent his way. 

"An explanation would be nice." You said, not at all joking.

Loki kneeled down at your side, making him slightly shorter than you so you had to look down. He let out a heavy breath and spread his hand over your stomach.

"I can feel it. Feel its energy. Our child."

Loki was not ever limited in words but as he looked where his hand stretched across your body he struggled to speak, struggled to see past the mist building in his eyes.

"Our…" 

It's like you were hit by a train you had been watching come towards you for so long, only to realize right as it hits you what it is you've been seeing the whole time. Your mood, your body, the late period you shrugged off because hey, you're super powers did not include a consistent menstrual cycle, and then back to the night you and Loki lay in bed, catching your breath and letting sweat dry on your skin. 

"Mazel Tov you two!"

You had forgotten Peter was even in the room with you. Smiling wide you lept up from your seat and into his open arms, both of you doing little jumps of giddiness that made you feel nauseous underneath your overwhelming joy.

"Release her Parker she's delicate!" Loki admonished and while Peter obediently let you go you only rolled your eyes.

"I'm not delicate! I'm a badass superhero and soon to be mom."

You choked up on the last word, tears falling big and fat from your eyes. Your mouth ached from smiling so much in such a short time. But Loki was smiling just as wide, his cheeks shiny with his own tears. 

Coming into an embrace was natural and consciously tender. Loki's thumb brushed across your flat stomach in reverence as you nuzzled your head under his chin. Pete's head popped into view as he joined your cuddling, resting against Loki's arm and looking between you fondly.

"I'm gonna be a big brother!"

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[fbfh]

I Don’t Care - Leo x reader

Genre: lighthearted/comedic angst, soulmate au, good ending

Pairing: leo x gn reader (future relationship) ft calypso

Au: soulmate au

Wordcount: 800 something

Requested: nah

Warnings: a fair amount of swearing, reader's mental health is... not great, mentions of loss of appetite/living off ibuprofen for medical reasons, reader drastically changes their appearance/personality due do circumstances, brief mentions of therapy, I think that's it lol

Recommended songs: i don't care by fallout boy ft. disloyal order of water buffaloes by fall out boy

A/n:

You never would have expected your life to go so horrendously wrong in such a short period of time, but hey, here you are; worrying the people you love, focusing on shit you don’t even care about, and barely getting through the day. You had spiraled so fast - though no fault of your own - that Chiron made you schedule ‘check in appointments’ (aka therapy sessions) with him at least twice a week. Not to mention the mandatory checkups with Will Solace, who was still baffled by your “mystery medical condition”, which included one numb finger, heart palpitations and chest pains, and sleep problems. I mean, it could be worse, you could have no sources of serotonin in your life instead of one inconsistent one. You had no idea how it seems to fix your problems, at least temporarily, but it does. Not just in a ‘hey, I feel better emotionally’ way, but it genuinely makes your physical symptoms less bad. And it doesn’t even make sense, because you don’t have a crush on him or anything. Like, you actually don’t. You didn’t even know he existed before all this. But for some reason, the only thing that makes you feel even slightly better is Leo Valdez’s attention. 

You tried to be normal at first, you really did. But he was so preoccupied with his girlfriend (who everyone hates, not just you) and his projects that you couldn’t get closer to him. So you settled for the next best thing - fucking with him. Nothing serious or dangerous, just some pranks here, some innuendos there, y’know, enough to make him think of you. The more you did it, the more it seemed to work. It’s funny how a mystery medical issue and a whole lot of boy brain rot could change a person. You were not the same person you’d been a year ago - hell, a month ago. Your appetite had left the chat, you lived off coffee and ibuprofen, and you stopped giving a single fuck about anything other than the 18 year old hispanic boy who could inexplicably solve your problems, and getting through the next hour of the day. 

You forgot what having feeling in your pinky finger or a consistent pulse was like a long time ago. You brushed the thought off as you finished getting dressed. You were a hot flaming disaster these days. It was horrible at first, you felt like your old life was slipping through your fingertips. Then after mourning the slightly normal person you used to be who would do their hair and bullet journal and drink tea before bed, you embraced whoever the hell you were becoming. Your impulse control had gone out the window, along with any structure or routine, and your sense of self. You had hacked up a few of your camp shirts and pairs of jeans, and got some black platform boots decorated with slime drips just because you liked them ironically. Your hair had been bleached and dyed half cherry red, half black late last night. You found all this strangely liberating.

Thankfully, Leo also had mandatory ‘check in appointments’ with Chiron after dying and coming back to life. Apparently that can fuck a person up. You got to the living room in the big house where you two would wait for your appointments with Chiron. You flipped your hair to the red side and sat down across from him, sprawling out over an armchair. 

“Hey, Sparky,” you drawled, a smirk already on your face. He sighed and focused on the small thing he was building.

“What, no sass from the bad boy supreme?” 

“I’m a little busy at the moment,” he replied, his leg bouncing faster. Even he knew it sounded lame, but he never knew what to say around you. He didn’t know why you liked to mess with him so much, but it always disarmed him, and he didn’t know how to respond. You always seemed to know exactly how to get under his skin, and he didn’t know why he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

“Yeah, cause doting on your girlfriend takes up so much of your free time…” you punctuated the sentence with a sip of coffee. He looked up from his project.

“Are you trying to get me to hate you or something?!” he snapped. A smile played at your lips.

“See, I don’t care what you think, babes,” the door opened, and Chiron motioned for you to enter his office, “as long as it’s about me.” you said the last part quietly so only he could hear. You shot him a wink as you entered Chiron’s office. You got a glimpse of him blushing and putting out the small fire on his cheeks as the door closed. You sat down, eyes tracing the red string tied to your pinky finger that only you seemed to see, and you felt your heart beating in sync with Leo’s. Your suspicions were confirmed. 

You were soulmates. 

Now you just had to find a way to prove it to him.

×

[atendersun-archived]

It was new, Muukun was learning like PChan had to learn about humans. No one was the same, though his secretions worked really well with persons of shy natures or even-better for randy folk, he didn't want Muu to be so delirious in pleasure that was forced from his subconsciousness, though he believed it may help the other man, PChan hummed as he settled on the human's bed. Arms cradling one of his the many plush dolls as he thought in wonder in what the other had in mind for their first time being a little more handsy.

The shower was running so Pchan stayed far away from the killer liquid and instead stared around the others room. Taking in their bedding, the set up of tables, the bookshelves and things of many interests that Muu had. It was a slow process, but soon enough, Muu was here! PChan's mood easily heightened with his grin growing, no unease shown as he had a feeling that Muu muu would be nervous to heck in a way that was mostly noted in how he rambles with a fixated topic.

"Muu! C'mere." Hand pats the bed next to him, though he uncurls from the seat he was in to sit up and place the plush right where he got it. "I have an idea." He clapped a set of hands, fingers easing off his own shirt in a swift fwoosh, so that his secondary arms could ooze from his ribs and stretch into use. "Trust me, trust me." He grinned away, reaching for Muu's hands, to tug the male closer, and not so much next to him but over his lap. Pchan flopped backwards, hands on the human's hips over towel and the other set stroking at Muu's wrist and hand. "Like this, so you don't feel trapped. You can do whatever you want and I'll do what you ask, okay?" Though for now, Pchan's legs hung off the edge with a light stretch in his thighs and his smile parted with pride at his decision.

"I don't know how to be slow - so I will be learning too, but you can tell me to stop with a big no, anytime. I'll listen." He nodded with a firm one, before he softened up with a memory he refused to think about at current. Thus, his hands were already tugging away the towel his friend wore to toss aside. "Naked is fun, no shame, Muukun is pretty and handsome and perfect. Promise." Pchan was already nude after all from the waist down, his shirt was the last thing to be removed.

With a duo set of hands, he gently took hold of Muu's shoulders to tug the human down so he could hold him, nude to nude. Hands on his spine, in his hair, nape and hip. "No shame, no shame. Only fun and learning together... okay? Exploring is fun!"

For someone as attentive and thoughtful as himself, it was somewhat worrying how he managed to make it to the age of twenty four before learning about different kinds of drain fixtures that a tub could be adjusted to have. Likely no other man his age had to go through the necessary steps to have the completely uncovered without a stopper style tub drain he had with one completely with the teeniest, tiny holes only water could pass through. As much as he made peace with the fact that the irrational fear he held over monsters sneaking into his bathroom via the tub was very much so an example of a teenager's hold on imagination running too wild, he still didn't want to risk his chances by being in such a vulnerable state as taking a shower nonetheless.

All day had been grossly sticky from the overcast of humidity and passing storms in neighboring areas that even just a day out shopping with an alien at his side made him feel in need of a good wash. Any thought to bring in clothes with him as he took in with him an ordinary plain blue towel was completely overtaken by the decision to relocate the friendly, but still fear inducing pooch into a sectioned off part of the living room for neither pet or friend to get into any unruly situations with him preoccupied with washing up.

His time spent drenched under cool, but not entirely cold water only lasted roughly fifteen minutes as any longer and he was at risk of either boredom, or too deep into some fictional narrative he was conducting from behind a space themed shower curtain. Hair had been thoroughly cleaned and rinsed with honeysuckle scented shampoo and body wash instead of his usual due to that particular scent being out of stock during his latest shopping trip. It had taken him a truthful period of half an hour to just to settle on the replacement be finally decided on as he perhaps dancing around in indecisiveness would somehow make his routine fall back into place.

He'd at least found that it balanced better with his other light scented products to not make him completely overwhelmed with different senses going off at one time. That, and the bottle was beautifully decorated with not only flowers, which he enjoyed to some extent, but with his favorite color yellow as well. Soaping up and clearing away the accumulated suds took twice as long as the time dedicated to the locks upon his head did. By then, at least he'd known he was far less clammy with the salty residue left behind by the copious amounts of sweat that layered itself over him throughout the day.

That alone had him feeling much more comfortably set in his own skin, and ready to spend time alongside his friend yet again. Each second spent trailing back to his room to slip on a clean pair of underwear and some shorts was spent suggesting different things he and the other would do between themselves, such as the things he'd maybe show off to them, or games he'd suggest giving a shot seeing as very few times did he have the opportunity to play a boardgame that wasn't single-player.

Those ideas were more than thrown out the exact second he bypassed through his door to find a Pchan in a completely unexpected state than when he'd left him. He knew he had been very persistent in his reassurances that he was comfortable getting to know more about the parts of the alien he had never taken the time to know in the earlier years in his friendship, but he didn't expect that to translate into seeing multiple limbs and an exposed lower region all at once. It was incredibly bold of the other to say the least; however, it was a bit too much so that it started the already easily shaken smaller of the two.

While emotionally he may have been experiencing a lot of conflicted and intimated feelings all at once at not only witnessing his friend stark before him, but from then having to reciprocate that same level of nakedness seconds later as be walked over to the bed as directed, he logically was more aware of himself to know his safety was not in any way compromised with Pchan of all people guiding him into something similar they'd already done days earlier.

Of course that didn't necessarily make his chest beat any less erratic, or his hands attempt to nervously situate themselves into a spot. Uncertain, he maneuvered them in such a way where they first began at his front, shielding himself from being seen, or brushed over in any way. Soon, however, at the genuinely affection being shown to him by the appendages at his back, hair, neck, and midsection in manners that only provided him comfort and safety, he tried to return the favor by some means. One hand went to gently run fingers through the aliens hair, while the other simply ran itself very lightly up and down the other's back for some support of his own.

"Ah.. How.. how did Pchan know what the next step was? To holding?"

[parkertech]

Can you do a Peter x reader, where y/n is blind her whole life and comes into school, meeting Parker and such? And so she had good senses and when she becomes friends with Parker and gang, Parker often leaves, making an excuse which means he gotta be Spider-Man and so like, she knows he’s lying and eventually confronts him? Maybe also he’s secretly working by himself or w/ Tony to create glasses for her to see and it’s gets emotionally sweet and omggg please and thank you. You don’t have to!

Peter thought his day would be it’s regular schedule. Boring teachers, boring lectures, maybe squeeze in an annoying group project. His day was normally boring, until the period before lunch.

“Class, today we have a new student!” The teacher announced enthusiastically. Peter’s head shot up from resting on the desk, and his eyes immediately landed on you. One look was all it took for him to lose his breath. He found himself looking up and down, and heard his heart beating in his ears. You were absolutely gorgeous to him.

Since he was suddenly so observant, he found you tilting slightly away from all the students. The teacher cleared her throat before turning you so you were face to face with all the desks. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but nonetheless didn’t say anything.

“I expect all of you to be respectful and treat her like you would what to be treated. Would you like to tell the class something about yourself?” The teacher asked you. You cleared throat, suddenly being put on the spot even more than before.

“Um...hi. My name’s Y/N...and...I’m blind?” You didn’t really know what else to say. The teacher cleared her throat at your bluntness, while Peter’s face lit up in realization. No one wonder you weren’t facing the class perfectly. You were blind.

For some reason, Peter found that absolutely adorable. Call him weird, he didn’t really care. What he did care about was your impression of him.

The teacher guided you to the back of the class, and to a seat right next to Peter. He felt his heartbeat speed up more and pushed his hands together. When the teacher finished helping you, he tried to ignore his reactions and focus on the board.

“Why’s your heart beating so fast?” You whispered to him. He jumped up slightly and turned to you, is eyebrows furrowed.

“W-What...?” He stuttered.

“I can hear your heartbeat. Why is it beating so fast?” Peter was getting more and more confused by the second, but also intrigued.

“Um, n-no it’s not. How can you even hear my heartbeat?” Be whispered back.

“Even though I’m blind, my other senses are raised to like, 100. You gonna answer my question?” You had heightened senses like him. Except you probably born that way, and not bitten by a radioactive spider in a laboratory on a field trip.

“Just nervous for...a possible project presentation.” Peter blurted. It’s the first thing that came to mind, and he didn’t properly think about how stupid the excuse sounded.

“Ah, okay. Well calm down dude, it’s not a jail sentence.” You patted his shoulder twice, which made him suck in a breath. All of sudden his shoulder where you touched it was on fire, and his hands were getting sweaty. He didn’t know how you made him feel like this, but he wasn’t exactly complianing either.

“You know, you can sit with me and my friends at lunch...” he trailed off. You tapped your foot a few times, before turning to him and smiling. He didn’t expect you to look him dead in the eyes, and it made him swallow a lump in his throat.

“I’d like that. Thanks....?”

“Peter! Parker Peter— I-I mean Peter Parker, that’s me. Yeah.” He blurted awkwardly. It made you giggle a bit, and he chuckled embarrassed. Even your laugh was cute. God, why was everything about you cute?

“Okay then, Parker Peter, I’m sitting with you today.” He nodded awkwardly with a tight lipped smile before sighing in relief. A few minutes later, the bell rung, and Peter practically jumped out of his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He ran out the door, and waited on the side for you to come out.

When you reached the doorway, you looked let and right, trying to sense Peter. You felt someone’s hand brush yours, and you flinched. He immediately retracted his hand and put it in his pocket.

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to-” You relaxed when you heard the thick Queens accent speak, and sighed in relief.

“It’s fine, I’ve just never felt your hand before, so I thought you were a stranger.” Peter let out an ‘oh’, before chuckling in relief. “Why are you trying to hold my hand again?”

“U-Uh, well, I thought since you’re blind and everything, to make sure you don’t bump into anyone, I-I could hold your hand...” He mumbled shyly. You smiled a little before holding out your hand.

“Yeah, okay.” His eyes lit up, and he slowly intertwined your fingers together. Peter started walking, and you followed a step behind him.

You didn’t really have a problem running into people, but the second Peter’s hand touched yours, you didn’t want him to move. His hand felt warm, and comforting. It gave you a slight tingle in the bottom of your stomach, and it made your senses go haywire.

Peter announced that you were in the cafeteria, but you could tell by how loud the chatter got. He directed you to the table where Betty, Ned, and MJ were sitting, and sat down next to you.

“Peter finally has a girlfriend?!” Betty exclaimed. She noticed your hands, and came to conclusions.

“W-What?! No, no no no, this isn’t my girlfriend...” Sadly, he thought to himself. “She’s new. Everyone, Y/N.”

“And who are these ‘everyone’ people, Peter?”

“Oh, yeah. Ned’s my bestfriend, theres MJ, short for Michelle, and then Betty, who you heard earlier.” Betty held her hand out, but got confused when you didn’t shake it back. Her hand was in your peripheral view, but she didn’t know your big trait. “Oh, uh Betty...she’s blind.”

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry-” Betty started apologizing.

“No worries, I don’t even know what’s happening.” MJ smirked a little.

“I already like her.” You smiled at her, using your hearing to pinpoint her location. From that day on, you and got along with all of Peter’s friends. After all the questions (Ned had way more than anyone else), you spent everyday with all of them. That was until Peter always said he had to leave for some Stark Internship. His heart always beat super fast when he said that, which you learned is a key factor in lying. It always made you confused, until one specific walk home.

Some random burglar pulled you into an alleyway, and asked you for your money. He rummaged through your backpack, and instead of finding money, he found a special card you had, that mentioned you were blind. You always had it just in case, but never really used it. The burglar was going to use this to his benefit, until he heard a thwip and was pinned to the wall by webbing. You knew this was that superhero Peter talked about non-stop, Spider-Man.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” His voice sounded way too familiar, and you felt his hand touch yours, and that warm feeling you got with Peter came back. Thanks to your heightened senses, you could immediately tell this was him. But you wanted more proof.

“Y-yeah, I think so...” You made sure to face away from him, because if this wasn’t Peter, he wouldn’t know. Spider-Man gently grabbed you by the shoulders and turned you to face him.

“Right, you’re blind, do you mind if I swing you home?” Spider-Man asked you politely.

Yep, that’s definitely Peter.

“How did you know I was blind?” You ask him. Peter’s suit eyes were almost completely wide, realizing he slipped up.

“U-Uh, your c-card...” he looked down at the piece of paper on the floor that was now covered in sewer water, and used that as his excuse.

But he wasn’t reminded about your heightened senses. He was too nervous to. His heat beat was going fucking haywire, giving you your answer and confirming your suspicions.

“Oh, that makes sense.” You played it off cooly. “Yeah, you can take home.” Peter didn’t trust his own voice to slip up again, so he guided you into his side, and swung you to your house after asking for your address. Like he didn’t already know.

The next day, you practically sprinted into school. You had proof and wanted to confrot Peter about his alter ego. For some weird reason. You could easily keep it to yourself, but you felt that if you told him you knew, you could help him.

Being so infatuated with Peter, you learned that his footsteps had a slight lag to them. So when you heard said footsteps next to you, you practically sprinted to your right. You smashed against the locker next to Peter, making him jump.

“Shit, Y/N! Are you okay?!” Yes, that hurt. But you shoved it down.

“Yeah, can you take us to a nearby storage closet? I gotta tell you something.” Peter looked around, and found one a few lockers down.

“Yeah, come on.” He grabbed your hand gently, and navigated you through the halls of students. Once you were both in the closet, he locked the door and you turned to him.

“I know you’re Spider-Man.” You blurted. Peter’s eyes went wide, and he froze in place.

“W-What? I am not Spider-Man, who’s Spider-Man?” Peter wanted to play dumb, but not that dumb. He grimaced in embarrassment, and you folded your arms with confidence.

“Peter, when you lie, your heartbeat speeds up. It is right now. It sped up when you told me how you knew I was blind. Also, you have the same voice.” Peter was going to lie again, but he realized there was no way out. He groaned and hesitated before speaking again.

“Okay...fine. Yes, I’m Spider-Man, but you can’t tell anyone.” You scoffed and shook your head.

“Please, that’s too low. I would never.” Your mind went back to all the times he said he had to leave, and your head clicked again. “Wait, is being Spider-Man your supposed Stark Internship?”

“Yeah...Mr.Stark made my suit, so...” You modded with an ‘ah’ before standing there awkwardly. “Speaking of Mr. Stark...I kind of asked him to do something...for you...”

“For me?” You asked. You were immediately confused, and heard what sounded like a glasses case being opened and shut.

“Yeah...I asked him to make you glasses...so that you could see. Your medical records said that you’re blind because your vision is blurred. So the glasses are meant to make your cataract focus and make a clear picture.” He held out your hand, and you felt a cool metal being placed in your hands. “We’ve been working on it for months...and I didn’t know when to give them to you...”

Peter did this for you? All of this? Your heart swelled at how selfless he was being, and it made your stomach get filled with butterflies. You knew you had a crush on Peter, but him doing this might have made you fall harder.

“Can you put them on me...?” You asked softly. If this was truly going to work, your life was going to change forever. Peter unfolded the glasses and held it by the hinges, gently sliding the temples over your ears.

Instead of your vision being cloudy, everything was clearer than day. Based on how your mouth dropped and your eyes watered, Peter could tell his invention worked. He smiled at your shocked reaction, biting his lip.

“Well...?”

“Y-you’re really cute...” You blurted. It was the first thing that came to mind the second your eyes met his brown ones. Peter’s cheeks immediately turned red and he cleared his throat.

“T-Thanks...y-you’re cute too...” Your lips slowly curved into a small smile, before your hands cupped both of Peter’s cheeks. You started into his eyes in disbelief, and Peter didn’t know what to do but stare back. In a flash, he saw your face move close, and felt your soft lips on his. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, and looked at you with wide eyes.

Holy shit, you’re kissing him!

He eventually got a grip, and closed his eyes, kissing you back. He felt you smile into the kiss, which made him reciprocate it. Much to his dismay, you pulled away. He was going to complain, until you rested your forehead against his, your smile still on your face.

“Thank you...” you whispered softly.

“You’re welcome...” he whispered back. You looked down to grab his hand when you heard the bell ring. Peter took the hint, and wrapped his fingers with yours, unlocking the closet door, and walking with you to the hallway. Both of you had a stupid smile on your faces, but none of you cared.

You would’ve still had a crush Peter if you didn’t know what he looked like forever, and Peter knew that now. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do anything for you.

At least now you could see the faces of your friends when you told them the news.

[zilithlesbianing]

Hello! So...I’ve been thinking for a while about writing y/n stories, and when Miranda’s husband posted this picture from when Darcey was born, I got an idea.

I’ve been inspired to start these ff by wattpad one shots, but a lot also by @hallospaceboyy (hope you don’t mind ♡)

This is basically fluff where reader is married to Zelda and they decide to start a family. I’m such a sucker for Zelda finally being a mom, she totally deserves it!

Fingers crossed that my writing isn’t that bad..🖤

Our Little Family

You and Zelda have been discussing starting your own family for a while, the redheaded witch has always had it in her, merely cut out to be a mom. Of course she’s raised Sabrina, Ambrose and, for a short period of time, also Leticia, but a child of her own…that would change everything.

You make your way up to the bedroom you share with Zelda, finding her sitting on the floor, tears pouring down her cheeks. You immediately kneel in front of her figure, cupping her face so she can look at you. “What’s wrong Zelds?”

Your voice is full of concern, but when your eyes met, you’re surprised of the lack of pain in your wife. You rarely see Zelda being vulnerable, when it happens it’s because something has truly hurt her, so it is very strange for her to cry only ‘cause she feels like it.

“Nothing sweetheart, absolutely nothing’s wrong.” She aims a genuine smile through her tears, gazing down at her lap. You follow her gaze and the realisation suddenly hits you. A positive pregnancy test is laying in the witch’s shaking hands, and you can already feel tears threathing to spill from your own eyes.

“Yo-you’re...Zelda..”

“Yes. Yes, Y/N. We’re going to have a baby.” You’re definitely joining her crying now, what you two wanted so badly, what for the last month has been on your mind day and night, is finally coming true.

You throw your arms around her neck and hold her tight to your flesh, feeling her hugging you back with the same intensity. You both don’t say another word, eyes and touches speaking louder than ever, you simply keep the other one close, loving the intimacy of the moment.

~

Three months have passed since you’ve found out about Zelda’s pregnancy, and the swell on her stomach is definitely visible now.

She looks marvelous, it’s like it really is her destiny to be a mom and you cannot be more content to see her this happy. Every time she glares at herself in the mirror, gently touches her belly and smiles at it, your heart skips a beat. You wouldn’t want anybody else to have your children.

All of the Spellman’s are now in the living room, today the gender of the baby would have been revealed. You and Zelda stand in front of everyone else, look at each other tenderly and then hold hands. With your eyes closed you chant an old spell, used by witches and warlocks for decades.

You repeat the enchantment three times, each one louder than the previous, until you’re all looking at your hands shining with pink light.

“It’s a girl! I knew it...Ambrose, give me my 20$!” Sabrina yells, and her cousin rolls his eyes.

“Fuck, I really needed a boy around this house with all these women..”

“Aw, a baby girl! I’m so happy for you two!” Hilda excitedly exclaims, eyes wet from unspilled tears. She rushes to hug you both, making you giggle. She is so adorable.

“Did you see that, Zelds? We’re having a girl!” Deep down you’ve wished for a female, not that you would have loved a boy any less, but a daughter has always been your secret dream.

You see Zelda dry with her thumb a single tear streaming down her cheek, the cutest sigh you can ask for. “Yes darling...a little witch is really growing inside of me..”

“Auntie Zee, you’re going to make me cry too!” Sabrina shouts, getting up to hug her aunt as well. “I’m so happy for you auntie, you totally deserve it! You’re gonna be an amazing mom as you’ve been for me.”

~

Nine months have passed by and now you’re spooning Zelda on your bed, gently caressing her belly, as she’s starting to feel the first contractions. It’s 3:30 am, but you cannot care any less. You want to be with your wife through it all, you know it’s gonna hurt a lot and just wanna be present for her and your child.

“Y/N..”

You immediately grab her hand, assuming the pain is probably getting worse. “I’m here, Zelds.” Your lips softly brush on her temple and leave a sweet kiss there.

“I-I’d lie if I said I’m not a tiny bit scared..” She doesn’t want to sound vulnerable, but can’t really help it now. “I’ve been a midwife for many women, I know how everything works when you give birth, and maybe because of that I’m more aware of what is going to happen..”

“I know Zelds and it’s normal. Who wouldn’t be?” Your hand previously on her belly, starts to stroke her hair, something you know always calms her. “This may sound stupid or sugar-coating, but you won’t be alone for a second. I’m not going anywhere, even if not physically, I’ll do anything to help you emotionally, give you some strength when you feel like it is starting to fade away.”

Zelda turns to look at you, a genuine smile on her face, and she connects your lips in a soft kiss, which breaks when a vigorous contraction hits her. You let your foreheads touch, waiting for the witch to open her eyes again, and you place a hand on the swell on her stomach. “I cannot wait to meet her, Zelds.”

After hours and hours of painful labor, it is finally time for Zelda to push. Your hands are intertwined and you let her hold it to the point you can feel her nails scratching you, but you don’t care, just want to reassure her in any way possible.

Hilda has taken the role of the midwife for her sister, acknowledging anything she could from the redhead witch in those nine months.

Zelda is mid way through it, your child is about to see the world for the first time, but she’s clearly very worn out. “You’re doing wonderfully Zelds, you’re amazing.” You gently brush the hair glued to her forehead away, trying to transmit her some strength.

“Y/N...I don-don’t think I can take this anymore..” Her voice is barely a whisper, if you could take her place now, you wouldn’t think twice.

“Zelda, love, you’re almost there. You can do it!” This is one of the rare moments Hilda sees some type of vulnerability in her sister and, just as you, she wants to be there for her all the way.

“Hilda’s right, Zelds. I can see her, just think about her. We’re so close to finally hold our little witch in our arms.” You gently kiss her temple, stopping right next to her ear. “I love you endlessly, Zelda Spellman.”

Zelda takes a deep breath, gathering all the strength left in her body, and before you know it, a loud cry invades the room. The redhead witch falls limp on the mattress, finally feeling some relief to her pain.

“Y/N, come here love.” Hilda calls you, so you can cut the cord. When she places your child in your arms, tears of joy immediately pour from your eyes.

“Does she look like us?” Zelda’s low voice distracts you from your daydream, making you realize she still hasn’t seen your daughter. You go back to your place next to her, gently placing the tiny baby in Zelda’s arms. “She’s so beautiful..” It’s clear how happy to finally be a mom your wife is, it’s all over her face, and it makes your stomach flatter.

“She is. I’m so proud of you Zel-“ You cannot finish what you’re saying, as Sabrina’s voice resonates from outside the room.

“Is she born yet? Can we see her?”

You all chuckle and tell them they can enter. Sabrina and Ambrose make their way next to you, admiring their new cousin who’s now calm in her mom’s arms.

“She’s so tiny..” Ambrose softly says, gently caressing the baby’s little hand.

“Can I take her?” Sabrina asks, and Zelda slowly places the newborn in her niece’s arms. The little witch whines at first, already missing her mom’s scent, but immediately grows comfortable in her cousin’s embrace. “She’s the prettiest, auntie Zee!”

“Have you decided for a name yet?” Hilda softly asks, afraid to ruin this special moment.

You and Zelda look at each other and answer with one voice. “Darcey. Darcey Miranda Spellman.”

[jeonchristineimnida]

Jungkook - Let Go

Genre: angst, oneshot

Warning: death, terminal illness, mentions of cheating

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Word count: 2024

Masterlist

Jungkook was out of it for the past week. The other members were starting to get concerned. He wouldn’t stop practicing as he desperately tried to distract himself from the pain.

“Jungkook, you gotta take it easy.” Jimin stopped the music that was blasting at 2am in their practice room. “If you need to get it off your chest, I could listen. Your body’s at its limit.”

Jungkook was only looking at Jimin, panting as he looked up with his hands on his waist. He was trying to stop the tears from flowing.

“What did I do wrong hyung? How could Y/N do that?” Jungkook bit his shaking lips, in the attempt stopping himself from breaking down.

“I’m sure she had her reason--”

“What reason can justify cheating?!” He shouts before covering his face as he fell on his knees. He couldn’t control his sobs and Jimin wasn’t able to do anything but hug the maknae.

Deep down his anger was more of guilt. Jungkook was blaming himself for not being enough which led to y/n turning to another man. Maybe he wasn’t as present as he should be, and that was his shortcoming. He continued to hate himself for it, the pain inside nearly killing him, both emotionally and phsyically. He pushed his body to its limits, working out and practicing non-stop as he pairs it with diet, or more like he never really had the appetite ever since that day.

It was two weeks of tour, and Jungkook wasn’t able to call or message y/n. Every night, for a week and 5 days, y/n continued to message him.

Good morning!

Don’t skip meals. Do you best, Kookie-yah. I’ll always be cheering for you.

Rest well, jagi. Give yourself a break from time to time. love, your number one fan.

Good night. I’ll be going to sleep now. Rest well

By the time Jungkook got his phone, it was already too late, or he’d be falling asleep half way through his reply. He felt bad about it all, but he said he’d make up for it once they get back to Seoul.

When the messages suddenly stopped coming, he got worried. It was too abrupt. Was everything okay?

He tried to make a call, but it only rang twice before their manager called him asking for a group meeting. It was yet time to move as they go from one venue to another, practicing-performing-practicing. It was so tiring.

“We got one day earlier than expected! I’ll go to you ASAP!” Jungkook excitedly messaged y/n that he’ll be coming over. He regretted it on the way though, because that messaged spoiled the surprise he initially thought of as he was too excited to keep it in.

“Y/N--” Jungkook excitedly barged in with this spare key into y/n’s apartment when he saw a guy on her couch. “Jeonghu, what are you doing here.”

Jeonghu, y/n’s classmate, who was also showing interest in her despite knowing she was already taken. Why the hell would y/n let him enter her apartment.

“Spent the night here. Her bed’s real soft--” Jungkook wasn’t able to keep his temper as he grabbed Jeonghu’s shirt and raised him to his toes.

“Jungkook, stop.” Y/N hurriedly went in as soon as she saw the commotion. Her eyes were swollen, and blood shot red.

“Did you--” Jungkook was choking in his tears, trying to deny whatever’s coming into his mind with his whole body. “Did he spend the night here?” Jungkook asks. When y/n nodded, she didn’t have any time to explain before Jungkook stormed out the door.

.

.

-2 weeks later-

“Hey, cheer up, will you?” Minji grunted as she talks to her best friend, y/n. “You did that to yourself. Stop moping.”

“It’s not like he’d listen to me. Besides, no matter what I did, what choice I made.. he’d only get hurt.” y/n muttered, sipping her drink. The coffee shop Jungkook loved to bits was painful to stay at, but you’d want to keep the fond memories as much as you could. Silent tears fell as she missed Jungkook’s laughs.

“Alright. Too much reminiscing isn’t doing you well. Let’s go.” Minji says, standing up as she drags her best friend with her.

When they were about to leave the coffee shop, the door opened Jungkook entered with Jimin and Taehyung.

There was a moment of silence for the both group. Y/N saw Jungkook’s state and she suddenly regretted having to deal with the matters the way she did. Jungkook has lost so much weight in such a short period of time and his eyes were swollen and dark.

“Jung--”

Before she could even mutter any words out, Jungkook walked past her and the two boys followed with a pursed-lipped smile.

“I think he should know the truth.” Minji says, looking at y/n as they left the coffee shop.

“It’s better that he hates me. It’ll be easier for him to get over me once I’m gone.”

“What’s the truth?” Jimin suddenly asks from behind.

The color from y/n face suddenly drains as she saw Jimin. She was unable to speak, and Minji wasn’t in the place to tell so she kept quiet as well.

“Y/N, please. Jungkook’s really not doing well. He’s abusing himself to the point that he’s been hospitalized twice in the past 2 weeks.”

A sudden wave of guilt flows through y/n’s veins. She cries, covering her face.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Jimin. Please. You have to take care of him. Don’t let him do that to himself. Help him move on from me.” Y/N practically begged but Jimin couldn’t understand why.

Her tears showed just how much she still cares for Jungkook, but why is she pushing him away.

“Did you really sleep with another guy, y/n?” Jimin asks, but Minji’s hand was quick to answer, slapping it across Jimin’s face.

“You know better than to ask that question, Park Jimin.” Minji was fuming. Her bestfriend was suffering and yet, everyone kept doubting her. She has been the kindest, most sincere person she has ever met in her entire life but y/n was now being accused because she never speaks up. “Just tell him already, y/n!” Frustrated tears start to well up in Minji’s eyes.

“Stop i--” before y/n could finish her sentence, everything turned black and all she heard was muffled screams.

.

.

As y/n awoke, she took notice of her surroundings. Everything was white.

“Am I dead already?” she muttered to herself, closing her eyes.

“Don’t die on me.” Minji cried on her side, shaking her lightly. She didn’t want to go away with her loved ones hurting like this, and y/n didn’t intend for anyone to know. y/n wanted to leave as quietly as possible, but Minji found out because of Jeonhu.

Jeonghu, who accidentally found out when he brought his mother to the hospital, never left y/n’s side no matter how many times she pushed him away.

“What are you doing here, Y/N?” Jeonhu asked.

“Nothing.” she says, hiding some papers behind her back. He was bigger than her, thus having longer limbs were used to his advantage to snatch up the papers from her.

-Dialysis Reports-

Most medical terms were unknown to Jeonghu, but the red font was never a good sign.

“Is there something wrong with your kidneys?” Jeonghu says, abruptly looking at y/n.

“Kidney.” She corrected. “I only have one left. I donated the other to my sister a few months ago.” her voice was now shaking. “I have to stop my dialysis now. My kidney isn’t responding to the treatment because it’s not what it needs. It’s been infected during the operation and now I only have a month to live.”

“Have you told your parents?” Jeongu’s thoughts were a mess. What was he to do now?

“They already have too much on their plate with my sister’s medical fees.”

“How about Minji?” he knew they were inseparable. “Your boyfriend?” he asks but she shook her head.

“You can’t let them know. Promise me. This will be the first and last thing I’ll ask from you.” y/n says.

“BUT WHY?!” Jeonhu shouted in frustration but y/n didn’t even flinch.

“It’s my only selfish request. I don’t want to leave them crying. I’d be much happier to leave them hating me, so that they could get over losing me quickly as well.”

“Jungkook-- wait.” Jimin was outside their door, and Y/N’s eyes looked abruptly at Minji.

“You didn--”

“Jimin was there when you fainted. He brought you here to the hospital and he didn’t let me leave without explaining.” Minji answered. “This selfish request of yours that you asked Jeonhu, really wasn’t well thought of. Listen to what Jungkook has to say.” Minji stood up, wiping y/n tears before opening the door and letting Jungkook in.

“Go easy on her, Jungkook ah. She only meant well.” Minji says before taking her leave, dragging Jimin with her.

As the door closed behind Jungkook, y/n couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Jungkook approached her with tear stained cheeks.

“Jimin filled me in with the details.” Jungkook says softly, making y/n close her eyes.

“Jeonghu said those words because I--” y/n tried to make out the words but her sobs choked her. “I never cheated Jungkook. You really are the only one I love.”

“I know.” Jungkook smiled as he approached her side. “You made him say those things for me to hate you on purpose. So my hatred can surpass the pain, right?”

Y/N could only nod her head as she desperately tried to choke in her sobs.

“Idiot. Do you realize the pain would be far greater once I’ve learned the truth and was not able to do anything about it? That I would spent the rest of my life resenting myself for leaving your side for something you never did, and how I will never be able to make it up to you because you were already gone?”

Jungkooks words made her realize what Minji said before leaving the room.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She continued to apologize as she broke down in tears. Jungkook hugged her, crying with her. The two weeks apart felt like forever for the couple. They held each other until both had stopped crying.

Jungkook was the first to let go, cupping her cheeks in his warm hands.

“Next time,” he sniffs. “Don’t let Jeonhu in your apartment, even if he only slept in the couch. Got it?”

“Jeonghu came with Minji and they were supposed to keep me from hurting myself but Minji had an emergency so she had to leave---”

Y/N got cut off with Jungkook’s lips pressing on hers ever so lightly.

“Then call me. I’d leave my tours for you.” Jungkook says with a soft smile. “I love you, Y/N. I know I don’t say it much, but I really do.”

Y/N swelled in happiness.

“I love you too, Jungkook ah.”

.

.

.

-a year later-

BTS were preparing for their last stage. Jimin looked for Jungkook as they only had 10 minutes before they need to get on the stage. He found their youngest in the corner of the room, singing softly to a picture on his phone.

Before we say goodbye, let go But I’m lost in the maze of my heart From stereo to mono That’s how the path splits

In order to release your hand right now I gotta let you know that I need to let you go Hard to say goodbye But I can’t run I’m ready to let go I’m ready to let go I’m ready to let go

Jimin couldn’t help but cry for him. Jungkook asked for a month’s leave from promotion to stay by Y/N’s side ever since he knew the truth. Up to y/n’s very last breath, Jungkook never left.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’ll try fulfilling my promise now.” Jungkook mutters as he kissed his phone with Y/N’s smiling face lighting up the screen. “I’ll let go and start a fresh. Watch over me, my love.”

Masterlist

[lovemesomesurveys]

Can you iron? I’ve never had to, but I’m sure I probably could. Can you work the microwave? Yes, me and the microwave go way back. I don’t cook, but I can zap up something in the microwave like a pro. ha. Can you work the washing machine? I’ve never had to. Is anybody in your house sleeping? My parents. Are you older or younger than fifteen? I’m soon to be twice that. D:

Do you have any friends that got married within the past year? No. When was the last time you used a pair of ear/headphones? Right now. Have you ever tried to count to infinity? No, of course not. Do you like making mixed CD’s? I used to do that all the time before the days of Spotify. Would you want to live forever if it meant being a tree? Nah. What would you do tomorrow if you had $500? Save it for my birthday and go somewhere fun. Did you have an easy-bake oven when you were little? Yes. Have you ever seen a donkey? Yeah. Have you ever made out in a hot tub? No. Are you happy with your weight? No. I’m way too thin. If you could move out right now, would you? No. Do you go to church? If so, do you actually pay attention? I don’t. :/ Do you always flush the toilet after you use it? Of course. Ever wish you had a different family? No! Have you ever smoked pot? Yes, a few times. Ever been drunk? Yes, many times. Are there any wrappers/empty beverage containers on your desk/some surface in your room? Yeah, an empty Starbucks Frappuccino bottle. Do you find facial hair attractive or unattractive? I find some facial hair attractive.  If you could move somewhere else would you? Absolutely. We want to, we just haven’t been able to as of yet. Do you have any siblings? Yes, two brothers. Wearing any jewelry? Nope. How tall are you? Like 5′4. Where were you born? California. Do you still live there? Yep. How do you think tomorrow will be? Just another day. Have you dated both sexes? No. Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? And do you think you’ll ever get it? No. What were the last words you said to your Dad? “Goodnight.” Does it bother you when people bring up your past? Depends what they’re bringing up. Name something you disliked about the day you had today? It’s only 2:33AM, not a whole lot has happened so far. Have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating? Yes. Can you take pills without thrusting your head backwards? I can’t take pills--period. I have to crush them. The last plane you were on, where was it going? From Georgia to California. Who has the ability to hurt you the most emotionally? My loved ones. Are you a really understanding person? I think so. Do you think relationships are difficult? They can be. Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? No. The earbuds I had broke a couple years ago and I haven’t been able to get a new pair. :( How was your week? Same old, same old. <<< What brand of chapstick do you use? EOS. Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? Depends on from who. Do your socks say anything on them? Nope, they’re just black. Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? Doubtful, but I do want to see the Jonas Brothers in October. We’ll have to see. When you smile, are you confident? No. Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yes. Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? Gray, I guess. Have you ever gone to a private school? My UC is. Does your house have security cameras? Yes. Does a popsicle sound good right now? No. I’m not a popsicle person. What did you do for your 17th birthday? I don’t remember. What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth or chew gum. Is there something bothering you right now? Yes. Who last sent you a text msg? My dad. What about the last movie you saw at the cinema? Was it good? Aladdin. Yes, I enjoyed it. Do you attend school, college, or university? I’m done with school. What do you study, wherever you study? I majored in psychology. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? "When I’m older...” I am older and I have no idea. :/ Who was the last person to IM you? I don’t recall. When was the last time you received a black eye? How’d you get it? Never have. When’s the last time you wore a wig? Years ago for a costume. <<< Why were you last hospitalized? I had surgery. Do you think glasses make someone instantaneously nerdy? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without food? Not counting the times I was sedated after surgery or wasn’t able to eat after one for a couple days, I’ve only gone a day without anything because I was sick or had appetite/stomach issues. I’ve gone days with just very little for the same reasons. Have you ever donated to a charity? Yeah. What was the last name of your third grade teacher? Mrs. Wattell. Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Disneyland. Would you ever go backpacking across any country? No. Have you ever gone backpacking across any country? No. Do you hate tourists? I’m such a tourist, soo.

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? I definitely couldn’t go alone. I’d take my mom and brother. When was the last time you had a house party? I had one for my birthday about 4 years ago. Do you like bread sticks? Yeah. Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No. I wear leggings all year long. Do you know what Je means in French? “I.” Do you prefer analogue or digital clocks? Digital. What state were you born in? California. How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 10 minutes from the hospital. Do you have a weak stomach? Yes. Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes. Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? Maybe. Have you ever been to an art gallery? Yep, a few. Do you visit your town’s library often? No. What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? It’s been awhile, I don’t recall. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom. ^What did you talk about? She was just telling me something real quick. How was the last chicken you ate cooked? It was chicken tenders. What colors are on your country’s national flag? Red, white, and blue. What is so appealing about ‘Twilight’? I was into it back when it first came out. I don’t know, I just got sucked (ha) into the whole Vampire thing and I’m already a sucker for the romance. Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? No. What state is Harvard in? Massachusetts.  What is your favorite kind of chip? Doritos. What grade did you have your first boyfriend? 10th. Have you ever been told that you’ve lost weight? Yes. I hear that a lot. Do you have the same political views as your parents? With a lot of things, but not everything. If you could, would you hook up with the last person you texted? Uh, no. That is my dad. Do you do your own laundry? No. How many months until your birthday? It’s next month. What are you listening to? An ASMR video. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? No thanks. It’s also almost 3AM, so I’m not going anywhere. Do you like winter time? Yesss. What kind of bottoms are you wearing? Leggings. Was the last thing you drank an alcoholic beverage? No, it was water. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? My mom. Do you mainly use your house phone or your cell phone? Cell. I never use the house phone anymore. What were you doing at 10 AM? It hasn’t been 10AM, yet. Would you have sex with someone you had known less than twenty-four hours? No. Are you excited about anything? No. Does anyone call you babe/baby? No. Are you wearing a ring, if so, who gave it to you? Nope. Have you ever made a significant other cry? Yes. :/ What were you doing before this survey? Another one. How old will you be on your next birthday? 30. D: Do you think it makes him weak when a guy cries? No, of course not. Are they not humans with emotions, too? If you could make your lips bigger, would you? I kinda wish my top lip was a little bigger, but no I wouldn’t get fillers. What color is your underwear? Black and hot pink. How often do you drink soda? I only use soda now to take my medicine because I have to crush it and it’s the best thing for me to take it with because the taste isn’t as bad. At least not for my pain medication. Other medications I’ve had to take were absolutely disgusting. Anyway, apart from that I haven’t had a soda in over a year. :O I used to drink one a day. Now, I just get a pack of bottled sodas and 1 bottle will last me about a week. I use a pill crusher that comes with a little cup, so I’m basically just having a shot of soda a few times a day. Be honest, do you miss your ex? I miss Joseph sometimes. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? At this very moment, nothing. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? No. Mac or PC? Mac. Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Yeah. Well, more so drinks.  Are you prone to illness? Yes, 

[noynamojr]

Everything happens twice.

First in your dreams, then in reality 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

It’s been almost 4 years since I came over to the UK for work. As much as I wanted to say that it’s a dream come true for me, the truth is, it was never in my plans. It was more of “i’ll try. If it’s meant, it will happen” kind of experience. Starting the process wasn’t easy at all. I found myself half hearted about my decision to take the initial step- the dreaded IELTS exam. I had very limited resources and I told myself that I only have one shot to get the scores I need because if I fail the exam, I won’t be able to pay for another one. I must have the beginners luck because I got all the scores I needed after my initial take. It was an overwhelming experience for me. It’s probably one of the things I am very much proud of.

After all the joys, I had to move on to the next hurdle, the computer based test. This is the part that almost made me emotionally battered. Not because the test was hard but because the process was harder. There was a glitch in the system and I haven’t received any authority to take the test. I had to phone NMC here in the UK and Pearson Vue based in Singapore to try to sort things out. I did spent a fortune in making those international calls. Then, a day after my 25th birthday, I finally got the email that would allow me to book my exam and luckily enough, I passed it. All the tears, money and hardships were worth it. Another milestone. Another step forward.

The next big step after the second exam is the assessment of all the professional documents. I had to go back to the Professional Regulations Committee to get them to verify my professional status in the Philippines and send the confirmation to Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) of the UK. I had to ask my brother to get a copy of my transcript of record from my beloved alma mater- St. Paul University Iloilo and again, send it to the UK. I also asked my two senior nurses to be my references from my current employment then. Just when I thought that everything was going smooth, my then employer- Cardinal Santos Medical Center, made a sudden decision to get nurses to resign before they give you any signatory (dry seal for my paperworks in my case) for any documents that you will need in applying for a job abroad. I felt helpless as I thought it was too early to resign but I found a beacon of light through our chief nurse. I made a letter explaining my situation and thankfully, she backed me up and I got the dry seal that I needed. All documents successfully sent to the UK. The waiting game begins.

They say, waiting is not wasting. It’s an opportunity for learning. My patience has been tested several times during this period. I became paranoid but I found refuge in my faith. I had been actively participating in a Catholic charismatic group called The Feast. Though the wait was long, the moment I got my decision letter from NMC, it was like a purpose driven success for me. I was over the moon. I got my approval, I gained new friends and I felt like I was a better person. A more patient one.

I was on the edge of glory and was about to start processing my entry visa to the UK when another problem confronted me. There has been a temporary halt with the issuance of working visa by the UK government. In other words, my UK employer was unable to get a sponsorship for me and my fellow applicants as the British government tries to control the influx of foreign workers then. In short, I might not even make it to the UK. During this time, I realised that this opportunity is probably not meant for me. I’m a firm believer of the notion that if something was meant for you, the universe will conspire to make it happen. In my case, I felt like the universe has turned it’s back against me. Suddenly, everything went into a blur.

Uncertain on how things have exactly happened, one day I woke up with an email from my agency that the visa has now been approved. In a span of few days, I had successfully submitted my resignation, I went home to see my family in the province for a good few days and I found myself boarding the plane headed to the place where I was hoping for my dreams to happen. I had the thought of the Angel of the North embracing me. Never felt that good for so long.

Arriving in the UK was like a dream. It was 0 degrees. For someone who was in a tropical place all his life, this was extreme but I was enjoying it. Seeing snow for the first time- surreal!

If this was a marathon, I was down to the last kilometer of the run. The most crucial of them all. The make or break. The OSCE.

Being a Filipino nurse, we were trained like circus animals. We learned through fear of a whip (not literally though). We had loads of return demonstrations back in our universities and colleges in the Philippines. OSCE is the practical assessment of the NMC to check if one’s nursing skill is at par to the entry level nursing in the UK. It wasn’t easy at all. The nerves were all over the place and tears were present after the assessment. This time though, the universe conspired for meand I passed the exam at first take and eventually became a registered nurse here in the UK.

God usually gives his hardest battle to his bravest soldiers. 4 years in service and i’m still happy. This experience made me realise that I’m a different person than who I was. I’m tougher, braver and stronger. May this experience inspire others to chase their desires in life. Never give up easily and keep moving forward.

Let me end this by saying, this is not the end of it. It’s the start of something amazing.

[chibinightowl]

Hi Chibi! You’re one of my favorite fan fiction writers! Your work is always so genuine and real. I know your prompts are closed so I don’t expect anything but I did want to ask you something. I’ve recently been fired from my job because of my disabilities and a very difficult manager. It’s been so emotionally exhausting and my self esteem is lower than ever. Would ever write something where Jason or Tim get fired from a job? I don’t know imagine it for myself because well, it’s them. -Love, 🐝

With an ask like this, how can I say no? Anon, this may not be exactly what you were hoping for, but the inspiration came from something that happened to me when I was in my mid 20s. It was an extremely stressful and challenging time, but in the end, I made it out in one piece and was all the stronger for it. I hope this helps you find even a glimmer of light in the dark place you’re in. 

~*~*~

It took some time to notice something was wrong. After all, Tim was a young and reasonably healthy adult, so why should this even ping on his radar?  

But here he was, sitting at his desk working on a report, with his heart racing. It felt like it was about to pound right out of his chest, the thuds so loud he was surprised his cubemate couldn’t hear them too. What was even more surprising though was that he didn’t feel out of breath in the slightest. Tim stopped typing and held two fingers to his wrist, searching for his pulse.

For a solid minute, he counted as his eyes watched the clock hanging on the wall.

94 beats. What the hell? Tim knew he could stand to get out and exercise more, but he wasn’t totally out of shape. Jason made sure of that when he dragged him out of the apartment on the weekend to go jogging together.

Almost as soon as he noticed the loud beat, it faded away. He took his pulse again. 68 beats.

What was going on?

Now that he was aware of it, it was easier to notice when it occurred again. And it did, twice more that day before he went home.

When he told Jason about it, his boyfriend immediately had him sit on the couch and went to get his medical kit. “Times like these makes me glad I keep this stuff at home,” he commented, wrapping a blood pressure cuff over Tim’s skinny arm and taking out his stethoscope.  

“I’ll never make fun of you about it again.” Tim breathed regularly as his own personal paramedic took his vitals.

Jason frowned as he wrapped the stethoscope around his neck in a practiced movement. “Everything sounds fine.”

“It’s periodic,” Tim reminded him. “If it happens while we’re home, I’ll let you know.”

“Maybe you should make a doctor appointment anyway.”

Tim shrugged and flopped back into the couch. “Today is the first day I noticed it. Let’s wait a few days and see what happens.”

Jason clearly wasn’t happy with his decision. “Fine. You what this means then, right?”

“What?”

“No sex until it stops.”

Tim threw one of the decorative couch pillows at him.  

~*~*~

As much as Tim hoped otherwise, it happened again the next day at work. Three times. And again the day after that.

He sullenly made the call to set up a doctor’s appointment during his lunch break and was able to get in at 3:45 the same day so he took it. Now he had to break the news about leaving early to his supervisor.

Tim tapped quietly on his boss’s office door. “Hey, Sandra. Got a second?”

Sandra was a middle aged woman who Tim personally thought had some OCD tendencies and was completely unsuited to her job. He didn’t know whose ass she kissed, nor did he care. She was nice enough and it wasn’t like he asked for much. “I sure do, Tim. What’s up?” she asked, glancing over the top of her wire rimmed glasses.

He entered and sat down in front of her desk. “I’ve been having something odd going on with my heart these last few days. The beats are completely irregular sometimes, even when I’m just sitting at my desk. I called my doctor and managed to get an appointment this afternoon, so I need to leave early for it.”

“My goodness!” Sandra exclaimed, giving him a closer look. “You’re too young to be having heart problems.”

Tim smiled wanly. “That’s what I said.”

“Your boyfriend is a paramedic, right? Have you told him?”

“Yes, and he checked me out best he could at home. Said I should have called for an appointment two days ago.”

Sandra nodded firmly. “I agree 100%. My husband has high blood pressure, it’s no laughing matter. Go get that checked out. You can always stay late tomorrow to make up the time if you want.”

“I’ll do that,” Tim said, rising to his feet. The flu went through the office last month and wiped out a good chunk of his accrued sick time.

“I just want you feeling better soon, Tim. You’re a great asset to this team and a good person.”

More like someone who saved her ass when she screwed up, but Tim took the compliment as it was meant. He had other things to worry about.

~*~*~

“You want me to what?” Tim asked incredulously as he buttoned his shirt.

“I want you to see a cardiologist, Tim,” Dr. Thompkins repeated.

“I am 25 years old. I’m too young to have heart problems.”  

The old doctor shrugged. “Then do nothing and if you have a heart attack, I can give you this referral again.” She held up a piece of paper.

Tim snatched it from her and sighed heavily. This was why he liked Dr. Thompkins. She didn’t try to sugarcoat things. “No thanks. Jason would drag me himself if I didn’t go.”

“And that’s why your boyfriend is smarter than you. I’m sure he sees a lot of heart attacks in his line of work.” The doctor sat down next to him on the exam table. “Tim, I’ve known you since you were in diapers. Whatever is going with your heart is not normal for a healthy adult male of your age. It’ll take a few days for the bloodwork to come back. I’ll send the referral and the results to Dr. Sheldon.”

“Will it take long to get in?” Tim asked somberly. This was becoming all too real. What was wrong with him?

“I doubt it. Especially since I’m calling Lynn directly to let her know about the unusual case I’m sending over. It’s not every day a cardiologist sees someone like you.”

That didn’t make Tim feel any better.

~*~*~

It still took a week to get in to see Dr. Sheldon. During that time, Tim averaged at least two of the irregular heartbeat episodes per day, even on the weekend when he was home. He’d made Jason aware of it the one time it happened while he was home from work and his boyfriend immediately grabbed his stethoscope and pressure cuff to get a reading. He took Tim’s blood pressure twice.

Jason had looked confused when the episode ended. “That was 102 beats per minute and here you are sitting all calm like nothing is going on. Even your blood pressure is within the normal range. Maybe a little closer to the higher end, but still normal.”

“Are you coming with me to the cardiologist then?” Tim had asked.

“Hell, yeah.”

Tim was grateful for Jason’s presence in the office while he met with Dr. Sheldon. The doctor was in her mid-fifties, tall, and blonde. She had a no nonsense air about her, but her kind smile helped put him at ease.

“Tell me about what kind of work you do, Mr. Drake,” the doctor asked, leaning against the small cabinet and sink after she was finished with the physical side of the exam.

“It’s an office job. I’ve got a finance degree, so I spend most of my time analyzing data and writing up reports.”

“Is it stressful?” Dr. Sheldon probed.

Tim shook his head. “Not really. I’m good at it. The hours are regular and the pay is good.”

“What about the work environment?”

“It’s an office,” Tim replied with a shrug. “We’ve got ups and downs and the occasional crazy day. I don’t have any issues with most of my colleagues.”

Jason snorted and rolled his eyes.

The reaction didn’t go unnoticed by Dr. Sheldon. “I take it you have something to add about that?”

“There is an office problem child,” Jason said, shooting Tim an apologetic glance. “Tim’s been with them for almost a year now, but he got a new manager about four months ago. She seems to cause more problems than not.”

The doctor narrowed her eyes as she turned her attention back to Tim. “Really, now?”

Tim frowned and shot Jason a dirty look, even though he could see how this was important. “It’s gotten better,” he offered. “At first, she didn’t know her left hand from her right. She spent a lot of time sitting with all of us to learn what it is we do and how our roles played into hers. I felt like she sat with me more often than the others and she seems to come to me instead of the more tenured analysts whenever something happens.”

“You’re her problem solver,” Dr. Sheldon stated plainly. “Is that stressful?”

“Sometimes? None of the other analysts want to deal with her at all.” The days where he didn’t have to fix one of Sandra’s screw ups were good days in his book. “I think she may have bitten off more than she can chew when she got transferred to my department. Whenever I’m fixing her mess, she hovers.”

The doctor nodded slowly. “Okay. Well, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re clearly not having one of these episodes right now, so we’re going to hook you up with a Holter monitor and see if we can’t catch one.”

“A what?”

Jason stepped in to explain. “It’s a portable heart monitor that records everything going on with your ticker for a short period of time, usually 24 hours.”

Dr. Sheldon nodded approvingly. “I’ve had people wear it for as long as 72 hours if the arrhythmia is particularly irregular, but you said you have at least two episodes a day, so we’ll get you hooked up this afternoon. I want you to wear it all day tomorrow and stop by tomorrow evening to drop it off. Depending on what it records, I’ll schedule more tests.”

So that was how Tim found himself at work the next day with a heart monitor hooked onto his belt. The lead lines ran out from under his dress shirt through a gap between the bottommost buttons to the top of the machine. His jacket helped hide the device, but he couldn’t wear it forever.

Sandra somehow spotted the monitor and immediately called him into her office. “Oh, my goodness, Tim! Did they find anything wrong?” she all but gushed as he sat down.

“Not at the moment. I was fine while I was in there. Isn’t that always the way things seem to happen?” Tim replied, trying for some levity. Now that the whole stress idea had been brought to his attention, he could admit he did find sitting here to be rather stressful.

“It sure does,” Sandra agreed sagely before launching into another story about her husband and his blood pressure.

These were stories Tim had spent a great deal of time hearing for the last week and he resisted the urge to interrupt and remind his manager of that. His patience for her in general was wearing thin. As he sat there though, Tim suddenly noticed something.

His heart was racing for the first time since the visit to the cardiologist yesterday. The little box was catching it all.

~*~*~

Tim returned the monitor to the doctor’s office and two days later got a call to schedule a stress test and an electrocardiograph.

Jason flopped down heavily next to Tim on the couch when he got home that night and heard the news. “Fuck, Dr. Sheldon must have found something concerning if she’s having you do both of those.”

“Yeah,” Tim agreed, setting down his tablet on the coffee table so he could curl up next to the space heater that was his boyfriend. “Jay, what if something is wrong? I mean, seriously wrong with me?” He started shifting nervously.

“The only thing wrong with you is that you overthink things.” Jason placed his hand against Tim’s head to hold him still. “Are you worried that I’m going to give all this up if it turns out you only have like six months to live or something?”

Trust Jason to see right to the heart of the matter. “Maybe,” Tim admitted quietly. There had been a few random thoughts to that effect. It was just who he was, thinking and analyzing, playing out different scenarios in his head. Not exactly the best way to spend the time on the subway to and from the office, but what else did he have to do?

Jason gently kissed the crown of Tim’s head. “Babe, you’re not getting rid of me and I sure as fuck have no plans to leave you if the shit hits the fan. Besides, if things do get rough and you need a nurse, who else is gonna dress up for you?”

Tim laughed and shoved Jason hard. The teasing helped lighten his mood though, which was exactly what he needed. “There had better be stockings and a garter belt,” he quipped, imagining Jason in one of those sexy nurse uniforms. They didn’t mind a little role play in the bedroom sometimes. “Maybe even some lacy panties.”

“They’ll be fire engine red, just for you.”

~*~*~

The stress test came back negative, so Dr. Sheldon had Tim wear the heart monitor again until he could take the EKG a couple days later so that she could get a longer period of time to review. Over the course of those days, he had six of the damn episodes.

A technician administered the EKG while the doctor reviewed the recordings of Tim’s heartbeat. Tim laid on the exam table and tried not to think about anything as more electrodes were connected to his body. This entire experience was more mentally exhausting than anything else.

After the test was over, Dr. Sheldon came into the room to speak with him. “Mr. Drake, I’ll take a look at the EKG results here soon, but after what I retrieved from the Holter monitor, I think it may be a good idea to start a low dose of blood pressure medication.”

“But you’ve said my blood pressure is fine,” Tim said as he tugged his sweater vest back on over his dress shirt. The EKG was early enough in the day that he’d go to work after this.

“It is. However, you’ve got a definite uptick in your blood pressure during these periods of arrhythmia. It’s not dangerously high, but it is at the higher end of normal.”

Tim remembered Jason saying that same thing a couple weeks ago. “The medication is to lower my blood pressure then?”

Dr. Sheldon nodded and handed him a prescription. “We’ll start with this and see if it helps. I can tell you right now that you may experience some periods of wooziness since you do have mostly normal blood pressure. How are things going at work?”

The change in subject made Tim smile thinly. “Stressful, now that you mention it. My manager hovers even more now out of concern.”

“When was the last time you took a vacation?”

“Does having the flu for a week count?”

“Nice try.”

~*~*~

Tim discovered almost immediately that the dizziness the doctor warned him about wasn’t just periodic. It was almost all the time. Thankfully, the pharmacist and Dr. Sheldon had said he could cut these pills in half if it got too bad and could take a smaller dose every six hours. He started doing this after the first night where he ended up so lightheaded that he fell asleep insanely early and left his phone and its obnoxious alarm in the living room after he stumbled his way to bed. He’d been late to work the next day and had to sit through one of Sandra’s annoying stories about her husband.

It was small wonder the woman’s husband had high blood pressure though if this was what he had to deal with at home. He knew Sandra meant well, but it was clear as day that her emotional intelligence needed some work.

Still, even with the adjustment made to the medication, the dizziness and lightheadedness were almost constant companions.

The EKG test came back normal and Dr. Sheldon was at a loss over how to explain what was occurring with Tim’s heart. The medication did appear to be helping with the arrhythmia though, as Tim noticed he was down to maybe one episode per day. But the side effects were making it more and more difficult to do his job. There was more than one incident where he slept through his alarm and a couple times, Tim purposefully shut it off so he could just go back to sleep.

Needless to say, those were days when Jason wasn’t home.

When he did make it to work, Tim stared blearily at his screen as he tried to make sense of numbers and charts that were usually so easy for him to pick apart and dissect. Coffee wasn’t something that helped and more than once he found himself jerking awake when his cubemate jostled the back of his chair.

Things came to a head one afternoon when Sandra woke him up. “Tim, we need to talk.”

Tim nodded blearily, already knowing this wasn’t going to be one of those meandering speeches his boss loved to deliver. He followed her into the office and sat down heavily in the chair.

Sandra adjusted her glasses and folded her hands, trying for that matronly boss vibe she loved so much. “Tim, I know you’re going through a lot right now and that you’ve got the documentation to prove it, but I just got a call from the HR manager. Do you know how much time you’ve missed in the last four weeks?”

Had it been a month already? “I know I’ve missed a few days since I started the medication, and I made up the hours for when I was at an appointment.”

“But you’ve also been coming in late and those are hours I can’t let you make up. The occurrences keep piling up and now I’m afraid I have to give you a warning. Tim, if you miss another day of work or are late again, I have no choice but to let you go.”

It was a sign of just how out of it Tim was that the words didn’t register immediately. “What? But that’s not fair! I’m doing everything I can to do my job while the doctor figures out what’s wrong with me.”

“I know, Tim,” Sandra said soothingly. “I know. I wish there was something I could do, but I just don’t have the clout with HR to pull any strings.”

That was bullshit. She had lunch once a week with the HR manager and everyone on the team knew it. “What about that disability leave I’ve heard about?”

“FMLA? While you’ve worked the required number of hours to qualify for it before this started happening, you haven’t been with the company for a full year yet. It’s a rolling year at least, but you still have about six weeks before that anniversary.”

Now Tim was pissed. His heart started racing as adrenaline fueled it and for the first time since he started his meds, his head was clear. “So what am I supposed to do then? Stop taking my medicine because it’s keeping me from doing my job properly even though it’s keeping my heart beating normally? The HR manager does know I need to have a heartbeat to be here, right?”

Sandra sighed heavily. “I’m truly on your side, Tim. I really am. But the rules are the same for everyone. I know you’re upset right now, so why don’t you take a few minutes to go get some fresh air and calm down. Things have a way of working themselves out. You’ll see.”

Tim wanted to take what the woman clearly thought was sage advice and shove it up her ass. Rather than risk opening his mouth, he nodded stiffly and left the office.

This was not good. Not good at all. Tim wandered into one of the employee lounges and, despite the snow swirling lightly outside, stepped out onto the narrow balcony. The air was freezing, and he rubbed his arms through his thin dress shirt, already wishing he had remembered to grab a jacket. Still, the cold helped leech away his anger and replaced it with simmering resentment instead.

How could this be happening to him? He’d done everything he was supposed to and made sure to submit all the proper documentation for the majority of his absences. Dr. Sheldon had even included in the paperwork that there could be periodic days where he missed work due to his treatment. Instead of being treated like a human being, he was having it shoved in his face just how much of a cog in the wheel he really was. A body at a desk rather than a person.

Perhaps he should have taken that position at Wayne Enterprises in their finance department. He’d been swayed by the better pay here and it was coming back to bite him in the ass.

Tim sighed and rubbed a tired hand over his eyes. Now that he was calming down, the familiar lethargy was returning full force. He was so tired. Tired of not knowing what was wrong with him. Tired of all the stress the uncertainty brought with it. Hell, he was tired of cleaning up after Sandra’s messes. Who would she tap on the shoulder to help her next if he’s fired?

He leaned against the glass door and watched the snow blow through the narrow corridor between this building and the next. The wind tossed it every which way, never giving it a chance to land. In the distance, Tim heard a dull roaring that reminded him of a jet engine coming to life. Despite the cold, he felt warmer even though he kept his hands tucked up under his arms. It was snowing after all.

The snow looked so pretty and white. It hadn’t had a chance to be tainted yet by the street below.

Tim blinked heavily. The roaring was growing louder. Was there a train coming? How did it get all the way up here?

He closed his eyes and listened as the train finally caught up with him.

~*~*~

Later on, Tim was told that one of his colleagues found him slumped over unconscious on the freezing balcony when he’d stepped outside for a quick smoke. They weren’t sure how long he’d been there, but his lips were blue and he was barely breathing.

Hypothermia on top of passing out due to his already low blood pressure. Fun times.

Jason was there when Tim woke up in the hospital. He was still a little out of it, but the emergency room doctor cleared him to go home. Tim fell back to sleep almost as soon as they arrived and didn’t wake up again for several more hours.

When he did, the full force of what just happened struck him like the train he thought he heard outside earlier. “Fuck,” he muttered and rolled over to bury his face in the mountain of pillows Jason apparently decided he needed to be comfortable. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Jason must have been in the room because the mattress sank as he sat down next to Tim. “As much as I love hearing you use coherent words again, that’s usually one that comes outta my mouth instead than yours.”

Tim raised his head enough to glare at his boyfriend. “I don’t have a job anymore,” he announced.

“The fuck?” Jason’s eyes crinkled in concern. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I had a lovely meeting with Sandra this afternoon before I wandered my happy ass outside to nearly freeze to death.” He told Jason what had happened.

Jason shook his head, the color rising in his cheeks as he tried to suppress his own anger. “Goddammit. And you really think that passing out at work is the icing on the cake?”

“Considering what I was told before I did, I see no reason why it wouldn’t.” Tim buried his face back in the pillow. Suffocating sounded like a great way to go and end his misery, but it wasn’t as though his paramedic boyfriend would let him. He rolled back over to gaze up at Jason. “Jay, I don’t know what to do. Everything has gone all to hell since the arrhythmia started and I’m just so tired of it all. And that’s saying something since all I do is sleep these days.”

“Tim, there’s no reason why you need to stay there. Quit before you get fired. We’ve got some money tucked away. You can do that website design stuff you did in college to get extra cash while you job hunt.” It sounded like Jason had been thinking about this already.

“But that means you’ll have to pick up extra shifts at the station. You work hard enough as it is, you deserve your time off,” Tim protested. “I refuse to be a freeloader.”

Jason bent over and sealed his mouth over Tim’s to shut him up and distract him for a moment. “You have too strong of a work ethic to ever be a freeloader, babe. I bet that if you send in your resignation letter tonight, you’re gonna have a new job in less than a month.”

Tim scowled, even though he would admit that Jason’s faith in his marketable skills was warming. Or perhaps that was the hot water bottle tucked under his feet. “I bet there’s already an email waiting for me telling me to pack my shit and go.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Just don’t forget your stapler,” Jason replied with a grin. “It’s red, right?”

~*~*~

Ten days later, Tim had just finished removing his first ever homemade chicken pot pie out of the oven when he heard the front door open. Looking over his shoulder, he spotted Jason staggering his way inside. He’d just pulled a double shift and was clearly running on fumes.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” Tim called out. “Go take a shower while it cools down.”

“That smells awesome, whatever it is,” Jason said as he dropped his duffel. “Been spending time on YouTube again?”

“How else do you expect me to feed you properly?” Tim retorted with an easy grin. Multitasking in the kitchen was still beyond him, so he’d cooked each component separately before tossing them all into the dish and laid strips of puff pastry over the top. He was rather proud of how it turned out.

Rather than head to their bedroom, Jason made his way into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Tim’s waist and stooped over to rest his chin on his shoulder. “I think I’ll hire you as my personal chef.”

“Shouldn’t you taste it first?”

Warm lips nipped at the side of Tim’s neck. “I think you taste great. All you need is a frilly little apron and you’re set.”

Tim chuckled as he leaned into Jason. “You know, I never did get to see you in that nurse costume. All I got was you in your GCFD shirt and sweatpants.”

“Hey, I rock this shirt and you know it.” Jason licked a stripe up the other side of his neck. “I suppose fair is fair though. And I did buy those panties I promised you.”

This was the first time in over a month that Jason had approached Tim for anything more than a kiss so the ache in his body was hardly surprising. He’d taken Jason up on his bet and quit his job before they could tell him that he was fired. It had been terrifying, sending the email to Sandra and the HR manager, but the overwhelming sense of relief he felt after clicking on send made Tim realize it was the right thing to do.

His heart must have agreed because in the days since, there had not been a single arrhythmic episode and he’d stopped taking the blood pressure medication as well. Jason still kept tabs on him when he was home, but aside from that first day where Tim slept off the residual effects of hypothermia, he felt fine.

Dr. Sheldon had personally called to check in on him after she heard about what happened from Dr. Thompkins. “Isn’t it amazing what stress can do to a person?” she’d said. “I’m more certain than ever this was your body’s way of telling you to get out of a bad place.”

Tim was very inclined to agree with her.

Later on, Tim laid in bed spooning against Jason. No one ever believed that the taller man was more often the little spoon than the big one. “Guess who I got a call from this afternoon?” he asked, idly tracing a pattern into the bare skin over Jason’s hip.

“Who?” Jason murmured sleepily.

“A talent acquisition manager at Wayne Enterprises. I have an interview on Thursday with the head of their Accounting and Finance department.”

Jason stirred in his arms. “The department head?”

“Yes.” Tim gently kissed the warm skin on Jason’s shoulder. “I apparently have enough experience now that I can be considered for a supervisory position.”

Jason’s deep rich laugh echoed through the bedroom. “Now isn’t that just a giant fuck you to that bitch. I feel like I should send her a thank you card with a picture of my middle finger.”

“I haven’t gotten the job yet,” Tim reminded him.

“You will,” Jason said with certainty. “Looks like I may be losing my personal chef sooner than I thought.”

“You can still get me that apron.”

[preserving-ferretbrain]

One Man's Burning Hatred for Anime

by Rude Cyrus

Friday, 10 July 2009

Cyrus displays something that looks suspiciously like masochism.

Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~

Dear god in heaven. I’m not prepared for this, but the rage and hatred have built to a point where I must let it out. There are some things I hate in this world, but none more so than pretension, especially pretension that is accepted by the masses as tortured genius. It’s frustrating to point out that something is obviously a dog turd wrapped in shiny foil, only to be met with derision, defensive bootlicking, and cries of “WELL, THAT’S JUST YOUR OPINION.”

The subject I’ll be talking about today is a well-known anime (if you don’t know what anime is, go look it up on Wikipedia or something). A fair warning: there’s going to be a gratuitous amount of cussing and spoilers – that is, if you consider a dead fly in the middle of a feces lollipop to be a spoiler.

A bit of background first, so I can delay this thing as long as possible: when I was an innocent, starry-eyed larva, I was exposed to anime by way of Speed Racer. The show is about racing and cars, or some such shit; frankly, it’s a poorly animated mess that’s interesting only as an experiment to see how much footage the animators recycled. I was left with the impression that all anime was shit, at least until a few years later when I discovered Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon– the former catered to my violent fantasies of burly dudes beating the crap out of each other, while the latter indulged my masturbatory dreams of teenage girls in short skirts. Look, I was 13 at the time, okay? Oh, and I got caught up in something called Pokemon, although I don’t think too many people watched that show.

Eventually I matured (kinda sorta) and began yearning for something that appealed to my awesome intellect. My first taste of a “real” anime was Akira, a fun little jaunt into a post-apocalyptic Japan inhabited by shriveled, psychic children and motorcycle gangs. The film fell apart at the end and generally felt slipshod; it wasn’t until years later that I found out that it was an adaptation of a manga, and quite a bit of content had to be cut.

Then I watched Ghost in the Shell, another movie that takes place in the Future! This time, it’s about 100 times more confusing and talky, with characters standing around, pondering what it is to be human, blah blah blah. Interspersed throughout are scenes of the lead character, Makoto, running around bare-ass naked and kicking butt. The thing that stuck me is that Makoto has no genitalia – no pubic hair, no vulva, just a blank area of flesh. It disturbs me to this day.

I think I caught a few episodes of Gundam Wing, but the only thing I remember is how two of the characters confused the enemy by kissing. I thought it odd.

After that, I went through what I call my Hayao Miyazaki period: Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro – if Miyazaki made it, I watched it. This was followed up with Cowboy Bebop and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (which I found to be superior to the film). Finally, I stumbled upon a series called Neon Genesis Evangelion, something considered by the anime community to be a complex, profound examination of human nature, combined with awesome giant mech action.

This series is the subject of this article.

A brief synopsis: in the year 2015, Earth’s population has decreased dramatically, thanks to a cataclysmic event called “Second Impact” that occurred at the turn of the century. To make things worse, monstrosities called Angels are threatening to destroy the remnants of humanity – the only things that stand in the way are giant, biomechanical creatures called Evangelions (or EVAs for short), piloted by three 14-year-old teenagers. The main characters are:

Shinji Ikari – a shy, introverted boy that was abandoned by his father after his mother died (said father being the commander of the organization that created the EVAs), Shinji wants nothing more than to be liked by his deadbeat dad. He’s a coward as well, something that puts him at odds with the enormous responsibility of piloting an EVA. He becomes a bit braver and more self-assured as the series goes on, before collapsing into a whiny, spineless piece of shit.

Rei Ayanami – this strange girl is almost emotionless and wholly dedicated to Shinji’s father, which is somewhat creepy when you realize that he’s twice her age; we later find out that she’s a partial clone of Shinji’s mother. Her interactions with Shinji lead her to become more in touch with her emotions and thus more “human”, at least until she starts fostering a death wish.

Asuka Langley Soryu – a half-German/half-Japanese redheaded girl that serves as the show’s LOUD WESTERN STEREOTYPE. Asuka is opinionated, bossy, overconfident, and thinks poorly of Shinji. She softens towards him a bit after he fishes her out of a volcano and the two are forced to train in unison (don’t ask). She becomes an emotionally shattered shell after being forced to relive childhood memories of her insane mother’s suicide.

Whee.

To be fair, it doesn’t start out too bad. The best parts of the series dealt with the interactions between the three main characters (when they were three-dimensional human beings and not cardboard cutouts, that is). As time went on, the tone became darker, the characters became suicidally depressed, and a somewhat coherent storyline devolved into madness. Episode 24 (out of 26) introduced Kaworu Nagisa, an Angel in human form that became insanely popular due to his homoerotic interactions with Shinji, and ended with a two-minute static shot of an EVA holding Kaworu’s body in its hand while music played in the background – no speech, no movement, just this single shot. Go stare at a picture for several minutes and you’ll get the same effect: mind-numbing boredom.

The final two episodes were bullshit from start to finish. In them, an unseen party questioned every major character on their motivations, which the characters responded to, all with bowed heads so the animators didn’t have to draw mouths. In between these interrogations, we were assaulted with still images and words and nonsense. The ending had all the characters standing around, clapping their hands and saying “Congratulations!” As if they were praising the viewers for making it through this festering garbage.

I would’ve purged this crap from my head and moved on, but then I learned that the creator, Hideaki Anno, was forced to give the fans that shameful ending due to time and budgetary constraints, and there was a film called The End of Evangelion that acts as the true ending to the series. So, I hunted down a copy and watched it.

Let me tell you something: the movie makes the series ending look like fucking Citizen Kane in comparison. I have never, ever seen such a bloated, pompous, insulting, nasty, manipulative, incoherent pile of monkey shit like End of Evangelion. I hear that Anno received death threats over the series ending, and after seeing the kind of petty drivel this man is capable of, I can understand why. Not that I’m condoning death threats or anything.

How bad is this film? Here’s a scene from the opening moments: Shinji is in a hospital room, standing over Asuka, who has been sedated following the mental trauma she endured at the hands of an Angel. Shinji, desperate to get her to respond, pulls at her and accidentally rips open her gown, revealing her breasts. Shinji, naturally, takes action by masturbating over her comatose body and ejaculates into his hand.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

This is sick! What’s the fucking point of this scene, to establish Shinji as a future serial rapist? It’s disgusting, vile, inexcusable, and every other synonym for “bad”. Why? I have about a dozen other questions, like “Who thought this was a good idea?” and “What the fuck is wrong with Hideaki Anno?” but the best query right now is: why?

Later, Shinji spends about three-quarters of his screen time –

I’m sorry, I can’t get over this. WHY?! I’ve heard fans say that this is an example of Shinji hitting rock bottom, and besides, he expresses his contempt for himself immediately afterwards. Look, I’ve been clinically depressed at times too, but I don’t jerk off over unconscious girls. Know why not? Because that would make me a SEX OFFENDER.

Fuck.

Shinji spends about three-quarters of his screen time cowering in a ball in the corner, alternating between screaming and sobbing. Asuka is revived, but she and her EVA are literally ripped to pieces. Rei becomes a sort of god-monster and dies. Whee.

The second half of the movie is filled the same mind-fuckery and nonsense imagery that ruined the series ending, only it’s a billion times worse here. There’s also some well-written dialogue on display too:

SHINJI: Where is my dream?

REI: It is where your reality ends.

SHINJI: Then where is my reality?

REI: It is at the end of your dream.

That’s not a 100% accurate quote, but it’s pretty damn close. It’s deep, man.

And if you don’t hate Shinji enough, here he comes to bitch endlessly about how everyone hates him and he hates everyone. Gee, with that sunny disposition, I can’t imagine why he’s so miserable. Then Asuka steps in and tells him he’s a worthless turd, so he chokes her. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kill a fictional character so badly in my life.

Then there’s some live-action footage of people getting on a train while Rei and Shinji continue to babble about human nature, all for our benefit, of course. After what seems like fucking days, the movie ends with Shinji and Asuka on a beach, the only two humans left on the planet. Shinji starts choking Asuka AGAIN, but is stopped when she caresses his cheek. Her oxygen-deprived brain must’ve mistaken him for someone else. Shinji stops choking her and, what else, starts crying. Asuka looks at him and utters a most appropriate line: “Disgusting.”

In case you don’t get it, let me spell it out: I HATE THIS MOVIE. I hate it to a degree I didn’t think was possible. Most of my anger is directed towards Hideaki Anno, who was the writer and director for the series and the movie. He strikes me as a pretentious, antisocial, petty person, and everything he does oozes contempt for his fans. From creating this giant middle-finger of celluloid to stating “Too bad” in English when a fan said he was dissatisfied with the original ending, he’s a man who has no idea how to relate to people.

*deep breath*

Here’s why I can’t stand him: he created characters that I related to, characters that had nuanced personalities (even though they would be pigeonholed at times), characters that I wanted to see happy, characters that I sympathized with…and then he slowly, gleefully tore them apart. He forced them to go through absolute hell, and they all came out as broken individuals, and that’s how they stayed to the end – alone and unloved. Whenever there was a glimmer of light, Anno snuffed it out. I have no idea why he was so cruel to his own characters, but I have some theories:

1. He started out liking what he did, but ended up hating it, so he tried to make it so no one else would be able to revive the series (this one appears to have been disproven – see below).

2. He planned this from the beginning, making him a sadist as well as a hack.

3. Something in his life caused him to become extremely depressed, so his work reflects that.

I’ve heard a lot of evidence (and by evidence I mean conjecture) to support C, but if that’s the case, why not just put things on hold until he got better? On the other hand, his “too bad” comment indicates that he didn’t really give a shit about the whole thing, so who knows?

The fans deserve a tongue-lashing as well. If I had a dollar for every comment that called him a “genius”, a “visionary”, or any of the things that he isn’t…I’d be able to buy out Microsoft. I suspect that because much of the series and movie is inexplicable, the fans have deluded themselves into thinking this balderdash is somehow insightful.

Hilariously, Anno has decided his masterpice wasn’t good enough, or something, because he’s now remaking the series into four movies with witty titles like You Can (Not) Advance and You Are (Not) Alone and You Can (Not) Go Fuck Yourself. The ending to all of this is supposed to be totally new, which means it’s probably going to be even more frustrating and ambiguous. From the pictures I’ve seen and the reviews I’ve heard, it looks awful. Asuka’s last name has been changed to Shikinami, for some nebulous reason, and the body suit she wears is now translucent – she wears a bra underneath, but there are only a few inches of opaque fabric covering her cooch, so I’m guessing the design was built around fanservice. Which is always a great consideration, right? Plus, she’s supposed to wear an eyepatch in the third film, like a goddamn pirate.

On top of that, Anno has shoehorned in the loathsome Kaworu from the beginning, and added a new character named Mari, who is from the UK, I think. He’s packed 100 tons of shit into a 10-ton bag, in other words. Naturally, the fans are eager to fall all over themselves defending their messiah, bleating variations of “IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN” or “WE JUST NEED TO WAIT UNTIL THE END”. I don’t need to poke myself in the eye to know that it hurts, and I don’t need to watch these films to know that they’ll end just like the original series: no resolution, no closure, no catharsis, no satisfaction. The whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth, and no amount of brushing will get it out. The only way these movies could be more insulting is if they consisted entirely of Hideaki Anno flipping off the audience with both hands, pausing occasionally to grab his crotch and sneer.

Actually, that would be less insulting.Themes:

TV & Movies

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

~

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Wardog

at 12:26 on 2009-07-10Oh good God.

I don't know what to say. My knowledge of anime is pretty much restricted to shows in which princesses turn into ducks and do ballet (or is that the other way round). I guess we need to get Jen along here as she's the closest thing we have to an anime expert.

Shinji, naturally, takes action by masturbating over her comatose body and ejaculates into his hand.

Well ... at least he didn't do it over her unconscious body? Right?

I feel generally a bit ambivalent about a creator's attitude to fans. I mean, I don't think he's under obligation to be "nice" or, even, to provide a text that "satisfies" his fans - since what satisfies fans isn't necessarily the same as what's actually good. In fact, the more consciousness of fandom there is, the worse texts seem to get. Although this seems like a really confused amalgamation of fan service and fan contempt. Weird.

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Arthur B

at 13:23 on 2009-07-10I'm personally quite fond of

Evangelion

the series, at least the first 24 episodes. There is, as you point out, character development, gradual growing of a backbone on the part of Shinji and Rei, an interesting mystery revealed at a reasonable pace, and so on. I even like the way Episode 24 ended, with Shinji poised in a choice between killing a friend and letting the Angels get away with whatever it is they're trying to do, although to be fair I've only seen the expanded/tidied up version of the episode where they put in extra scenes and the last shot might not be so ridiculously long.

Then, as you point out, you have the different endings, neither of which fits what's gone before. I did enjoy

End of Evangelion

for the sheer trippy sadism of it all, but at the same time I couldn't really relate the characters we see in it to the characters from the TV show; there's this weird sort of inconsistency about it. Asuka is psychotic, Rei is even more autistic than she's ever been, and Shinji loses the balls he's been carefully growing over the course of the series; it's as if the TV show never happened. At a guess, I'd say the film is more about Anno's thoughts on the end of the series, and the experience of making the show, than it is about actually ending the story; the characters seem to be spoofing the fan conceptions of who they are rather than continuing the development shown throughout the series.

It's a fun ride, but it's fun partially because I think it's hilarious how Anno's trolled anime fans for years over this, and because I enjoy watching characters get raked over the coals and suffer for their most irritating personality traits. I'm interested in seeing the new movies because they're promising a proper ending this time, and even if they break that promise the results will probably be mad enough to be worth a look. I even think it makes sense to put Kaworu in from the beginning; the one thing I dislike about Episode 24 is that they insert Kaworu, have Shinji make friends with him really surprisingly quickly (exacerbating the homoerotic angle), and then have him betray everyone and have to get taken down. It would make far more sense if he were in it from the start. Even if the ending resembles David Lynch directing

Final Fantasy VII

again, I'd still watch it.

That said, my attitude to

Evangelion

probably stems from how I was introduced to it: at an SF all-nighter thrown by a local cinema, which incorporated a preview showing of

28 Days Later

(which is a

much

more effective movie if you go into it genuinely not knowing that it's a zombie film, as we did), hopped up on soda, watching

The Death of Evangelion

on the big screen. Watching 8 hours of TV series crammed into 90 minutes is hilarious, to the point where I could never take the show seriously after that.

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Rude Cyrus

at 19:51 on 2009-07-10

I mean, I don't think he's under obligation to be "nice" or, even, to provide a text that "satisfies" his fans

From what I've read, his fans are satisfied enough to try to unravel the mess he's made. I'm not asking him to be all happy-go-lucky, but his attitude comes off as spiteful.

I guess I'm just overreacting, but I still have an intense dislike for the man; he's my own JK Rowling.

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Wardog

at 22:38 on 2009-07-10He sounds like a worthy target of your bile :)

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Rude Cyrus

at 23:20 on 2009-07-10This may sound silly, but I still like the general idea behind the show and the characters (when they aren't being emo or one-note).

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Guy

at 04:42 on 2009-07-11I only watched a bit of Evangelion, but my impressions were coloured by the lengthy scenes displaying static scenery with loud cicada noises in the background. At first I thought they might be in there for atmospheric reasons I didn't quite understand, then decided they were in there for financial reasons (animation ain't cheap) and shortly thereafter gave up on the show. I love Miyazaki's films and would like to see more anime of that quality which isn't exclusively about plucky young heroines growing up and discovering their strength and independence... but I guess I'll take what I can get. :)

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Robinson L

at 18:00 on 2009-07-14I used to be a fan of

Dragon Ball Z

and

Sailor Moon

because for an early (and even not-so early) teenager, they seemed pretty cool. Then I noticed how stupid and repetitive they were and kinda lost interest.

At this point, I'm struggling to think of any Anime I know of that I actually think was any good. Well, the first season of

Digimon

, and at least one episode from the second. And Miyazaki's version of

Howl's Moving Castle

. And I suppose

Princess Monoke

, although it never particularly appealed to me.

Anyway, I've been hearing a lot about

Neon Genesis Evangelion

for a while, but nothing that's really excited me after the series. This review, I think, clinches my decision not to subject myself to it.

Personally, I tend to empathize with main characters even if most people dislike them. Apart from Mal, I can't think of any main characters I know of who I think I'd enjoy seeing put through that kind of torture. Maybe not even him.

I suspect that because much of the series and movie is inexplicable, the fans have deluded themselves into thinking this balderdash is somehow insightful.

This may be just me fishing for an excuse to pull out my own pet hate, but it seems to me from the description that an alternate or complementary explanations might be that

because it's so dark and depressing, fans (and critics) have deluded themselves into thinking this is somehow insightful.

This is a trend in popular entertainment I've noted and lamented for a couple years now.

Last night my younger sister and I were discussing the contemporary

Battlestar Gallactica

(of which I've seen a couple episodes, they've seen the first three seasons). At one point, one of them said that "if the character only lost about twenty pounds of emo they'd be all right."

While this may be true, I suspect it's the current vogue for death, despair, doom and gloom which made the 2004

Galactica

so popular. To take an even more contemporary example (and borrow a metaphor from my sister's upcoming review) witness Kirk's and Spock's and Nero's Inigo Montoya Syndrome in the latest

Star Trek

movie.

For a while,

House

did a pretty good job of balancing its angst, but it seems like circa Season Four the writers began seriously to crank it up. After the one-two-punch finale (Amber dies and right afterward Thirteen discovers she does indeed have Huntingdon's) I was asking "Geez, you think you could lay it on any thicker? Maybe find a way to reveal that Cameron really did contract HIV in Season Two after all?"

I've yet to see Season Five, but from what I've heard of the spoilers (don't read this if you haven't seen it and mind spoilers), Wilson is broken up over Amber's death for a long period of time, which means House is going to be even more miserable than usual; Cuddy goes through a whole lot of crap before finally getting a baby of her own, and that only when the mother ups and dies; and Kutner commits suicide/gets murdered/somehow ends up shot dead. What fun.

The new

Doctor Who

started out pretty emo, but it feels like Davies and the rest of the team take every possible opportunity to twist it in just that little bit more.

And being the Star Wars fan that I am, I have to say the stuff that the Expanded Universe went through during and especially after the prequels ... let's just say most of it is not pretty. Not in the slightest.

There's probably more, I just don't pay much attention to what's popular at the moment. Anyway, my point is that I suspect anything as depressing as

Evangelion

is by all accounts in the current tragedy-obsessed atmosphere is bound to be considered deep and meaningful and insightful and all that simply because it puts its characters through so much crap.

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Cressida

at 04:16 on 2009-11-18

I love Miyazaki's films and would like to see more anime of that quality which isn't exclusively about plucky young heroines growing up and discovering their strength and independence...

Guy:

Try

Porco Rosso!

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http://orionsnebula.blogspot.com/

at 23:05 on 2009-12-18

I suspect that because much of the series and movie is inexplicable, the fans have deluded themselves into thinking this balderdash is somehow insightful.

I think you're onto something here, but as someone who enjoyed Evangelion, let me propose a more charitable version of the psychology.

I'm a student of ethical philosophy and religious history at college, so I spend a lot of time thinking about the "deep" issues that fans will tell you Evangelion (, Donnie Darko, The matrix, ...) addresses--Destiny, choice, purpose, hope, knowledge, or whatever the hell.

Let me be clear and say up front that I don't think Evangelion makes a coherent statement about any of these issues. I'm not going to claim that you're "not getting it" if you don't see any "there" there, and I'm not saying that Hideaki Anno is some kind of visionary genius.

BUT

I'm a very visual, fictionalizing person. I do a lot of free association, and try on ideas by putting them in the mouths of imagined characters. Something like Evangelion is, for me, excellent raw material. It gives me a *context* to think about these issues. the incoherence of the actual show forces me to go to a lot of effort to try to figure out "what is this show trying to say?" and since that question is, I think, largely unanswerable, this also becomes an exploration of what *I* have to say.

Something similar happens because I write fiction. I'll eat up many stories--Evangelion, The Matrix, Harry Potter, even some of Star Wars--that have, in my opinion, glaring flaws, because they *make reference to* ideas I find interesting, even if they don't do them justice. Frequently, while watching the show even for the first time, my mind drifts to possibilities and alternate timeliness, with the result that I am actually watching a movie that exists only in my head, that (I like to think) *does* say something coherent. for this reason I consider Revenge of the Sith, for instance, to have been worth the price of the ticket even though it was (IMO) absolute shit, because by about a third of the way in I had stopped watching what's on the screen and started watching the movie *I* would have directed.

I mention this because before I became really conscious of what I was doing, I would frequently walk away with the impression that a movie was in fact "deep" when is fact it was just thought-provoking, and then only for people with preexisting interest in the issue who are prone to free association. I don't know how many people like me there are, but there's a strong tendency in all humans to assume that they're "normal," and that may be where some of the "you just don't get it" responses are coming from.

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http://luna-glass-wall.livejournal.com/

at 23:31 on 2010-10-12//I think I caught a few episodes of Gundam Wing, but the only thing I remember is how two of the characters confused the enemy by kissing.//

...What? o.O There's no kissing in Gundam Wing. There are barely any established romances.

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http://cammalot.livejournal.com/

at 19:02 on 2010-10-13That was Macross/Robotech. Similar giant-robot-thingies-piloted-by-superteens plot -- possibly the originator of the entire trope. The giant-size humanoid enemies of Earth didn't have sex to reproduce, or something, and so this display of humanity was too much for them and made them stop fighting. Until one or two of them discovered that they liked it.

Aw, that was my very first anime. I'm all verklempt now.

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Gamer_2k4 at 22:41 on 2010-10-13Neon Genesis Evangelion is actually my favorite anime series, but I think that's more because of the concept and because of what it did to me personally than anything else. I mean, I've taken a look at some of the episodes recently and they look OLD. A lot of the content is boring or unnecessary filler, the animation switches between "pretty alright" and "did they not pay you or something?", and overall, there's a lot not to like.

However.

I've had a very limited exposure to media (besides the some of the popular stuff), and NGE completely changed the way I looked at storytelling. I had never seen a character like Rei before, and I loved her. The idea that the mechs were actually giant feral humanoids barely restrained by their armor blew me away. The fact that the Hallelujah Chorus was played as an Angel mind-raped Asuka, and it WORKED, stunned me. The cast and plot are both remarkably tight; EVERYONE is involved, somehow. But finally, the thing that struck me the hardest, was the idea that a big giant robot action show DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.

Consider Asuka. She's this hotshot pilot, showing up a third of the way into the series reading to kick some butt. Her first appearance is quite dramatic as she handily and elegantly dispatches an Angel. However, her next victory requires the complete support of Shinji, and she barely plays a part from that point on. Battle after battle happens with this pilot, the one who was literally genetically engineered (in the manga, anyway) to be perfect, just failing with every attempt. Nothing goes right for her.

Rei's an interesting character, too. Generally you'd think the stoic, silent character would play the support role, ending up as the person the others always rely on. But she's not that great of a pilot! If memory serves, her Eva spends half the show out of commission, and in the other battles Rei plays a very minimal role. For as much popularity as she has among fans, you'd think that she had done a lot more in the series than she actually did.

And let's not forget Shinji. Here's a kid whose dad runs an organization that sends out giant robots to fight the bad guys, and HE gets a chance to be a pilot! In any other show, Shinji would've jumped in and started owning face for the rest of the series. But you know what? He acts like a kid could be reasonably expected to act: he's scared, and doesn't want to do it at all. But more than that, he wants love from his father, and realizes this might be his only chance to get that.

Right away it's clear that these aren't cookie-cutter stereotypes, but real characters with real problems. I personally found it refreshing that someone decided to make something where the good guys don't necessarily win. I was so familiar with "happily ever after" stories that I was shocked when this wasn't one of them. I like NGE, not because "true art is angsty," but because "holy balls, this is what a show can actually be like!"

Anyway, that's the anime series; let's get to End of Evangelion (you know, the subject matter of this article). It really did feel like some tacked-on supplement to the real thing. Furthermore, Shinji was infuriating, and the battle scene was just the opposite of what I'd come to expect from NGE: rather than an original conflict, it was just a beat-em-up royal rumble.

The second half of the movie left me in shock, and I went away from it thinking that was a good thing. I had never been exposed to the stream-of-conscious approach before, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. I think Anno was trying to convey just what Instrumentality (the merging of all souls and minds) would feel like, and it SEEMED like he did a good job. I didn't understand it, so I assumed it was beyond my understanding, so I assumed it was good. That's probably not the right mindset, though.

Oh. In the first scene, Shinji sneezed into his hand. He just didn't have a tissue. Never mind that you can't hear the sneeze. He's allergic to nudity. Yeah. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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Melissa G.

at 22:53 on 2010-10-13*Shameless self plug alert!*

A certain Ferretbrainer debuted with her first article by

defending Evangelion

. It was written late at night and not researched (by which I mean I hadn't seen the series in a while) or proofread much, but an article in favor of Eva does exist on this site! ^_^

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Fin

at 19:02 on 2010-10-14Ooh, I remember reading that article a while ago. It made me really interested in checking Eva out, which given my general scepticism of animé is pretty cool. If I like it I'll have to remember to thank you. :D

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Melissa G.

at 19:29 on 2010-10-14

Ooh, I remember reading that article a while ago. It made me really interested in checking Eva out, which given my general scepticism of animé is pretty cool. If I like it I'll have to remember to thank you. :D

:-D

They are actually remaking the series as a bunch of movies. The first two (?) have come out already. I've only seen the first one, but I liked it a lot. I just don't know how much one would like them without having seen the series first. But the animation quality is way better so you could always try watching the first new movie (You are (not) alone, I think it's called) as a taste test type of thing.

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Gamer_2k4 at 22:51 on 2010-10-14I agree that the first movie was pretty much spot on. They left out the stuff that could be left out, played up the stuff that could be played up (most notably the battle against the third Angel), and everything just felt right. (My only complaint, actually, is that in the English dub, Rei is played by a new voice actor. I thought her old one was perfect, and it was a real shame for that voice to be missing.)

However, the second movie just seemed a little...off. It was darn COOL, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was watching Evangelion without all the stuff that made Evangelion special. Maybe it was just that I was so familiar with the story that there wasn't quite that sense of wonder. You know, the sort of "sure it looks nice, but it's been done already" feeling. Yes, that's ridiculous, because the only reason it's been done before is that it's a freaking remake. I don't know.

Perhaps the thing that really did it was all the seemingly unnecessary changes they made. New pilot, changed surnames, different (and missing) Angels, a LOT of new scenes...It's possible I just felt that the makers were trying to do more and ended up with less.

Anyway, Melissa, you should still check out Rebuild 2. Remember when they had to catch that falling Angel? The weirdly shaped flat brown one with all the eyes? IT'S FREAKING AMAZING IN REBUILD 2. Like I said, the movie is still very, very cool, and the ending actually has traces of EoE in it. It's nuts. Watch it.

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Melissa G.

at 05:06 on 2010-10-15I definitely want to see the second remake movie, I've just been lazy and haven't gotten around to it. I saw the first one in theaters in Japan because I happened to be living there when it came out. Seeing it on the big screen was something special. ^^

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TheMerryMustelid

at 18:37 on 2012-04-21I am a terrible animation snob. When it comes to anime, there isn't much I like outside of Miyazaki, save the studio that did

Tokyo Godfathers

.

What puts me off most anime is it's obsession with mecha, robot girls, and post apocolyptic premises. Yes, Miyazaki sounds the environmental apocalypse gong in practically all of his films, but at least he puts Nature above the usual anime love affair with all things machine and keeps the damn robots to a minimum. How I hate this obsession with the ensouled machine.

On the American side, that includes

Transformers

up to

Wall-E

. I just find it sad that the idea of emoting robots is considered more 'cool' or even more

realistic

than emoting animals.

Say what?!

So teens 'outgrow' cartoons with talking animals while anything with a chrome surface is just friggin' AHW-some, man.

(what's that? what's that I hear in the background? Is it my axe grinding? Why yes, it is!)

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http://kitsune9tailed.livejournal.com/

at 02:57 on 2015-07-28@TheMerryMustelid

Unfortunately, it sounds like you have had a very slim experience with anime and are using it to make a blanket assumption of the whole medium. Remember, animation is just a storytelling method, it's not a story in and of itself. Mecha and machine anime are actually a very small slice of the whole. Unfortunately, this is the slice that is made especially for 6-12 year old boys, and as such, is the primary genre exported to the US (since the American public feels cartoons are generally only for young boys, they freak out over any anime that doesn't settle nicely into that demographic).

But, you can still seek out other genres. You've already seen Miyazaki (almost a genre in and of itself), but you have high-school romance, film noir action/mystery, artsy (you might like Paprika if you haven't seen already, it's from the same studio as Tokyo Godfathers), magical girl, drama, slice-of-life, comedy, etc.

So, I'd definitely sample the waters a bit and find anime in a genre more to your tastes before swearing off altogether :)

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Orion

at 08:03 on 2015-07-28I think you've been mislead by the headline, which really should be "one man's burning hatred for an anime." It's pretty clear from the text that he likes a decent amount of anime and is open to more.

[aion-rsa]

The Mystery of D.B. Cooper Review: HBO Documentary Does its Best to Close the Case

https://ift.tt/3pUsJaQ

The Mystery of D.B. Cooper is a surprisingly smooth ride. You would think, with all the suspects and twists the story takes, it would run into some heavy turbulence. But director John Dower (Thrilla in Manila, My Scientology Movie) and his crew navigate the story of the only unsolved airplane hijacking in U.S. history artfully.

Dower sets the tone of the times before the documentary leaps into the wild. He intercuts an interview with the stewardess on the legendary flight with period airline advertisements and clips from informational shorts. What a difference the flying experience was in the early ‘70s. The food looks edible, there appears to be ample leg room, and airline stewardesses’ weight was monitored more than boarding passengers. There were no metal detectors or security to speak of. By the mid-1970s, hijackings to Cuba became fodder for late night jokes and air travel mishaps became their own film subgenre.

The lax security of the fairly new industry is the reason on Nov. 24, 1971, the night before Thanksgiving, a man identified as Dan Cooper paid twenty bucks to board a Northwest Orient Boeing 727 flight bound for Seattle. The ample seating is why he had room for a suitcase with a bomb in it. The documentary doesn���t mention what was on that flight’s menu but, if the commercials are any indication, they might have been too heavy a meal for a man planning to deplane midair. Dower does such an exemplary job in catching all the right clues, the audience is afforded the leisure of coloring the details.

One novel approach the documentary takes in its storytelling is how the events are laid out. The interviews with the people who were involved in the case give the details of the hijacking and its aftermath in short but satisfying bursts. Suspects which will come into play in the future have their stories told in between the stages of the hijacking, and the subsequent manhunt. It breaks up all the stories into easily digestible bits, eliminates monotony from any one source or narrative, and allows information to flow from several sides.

Splitting the future suspects with the events as they occurred also clears the palate, allowing each new D.B. Cooper possibility to be evaluated freshly, without an easy and immediate comparison. And each one is fascinating, credible, and both objectively and emotionally believable. And the people who knew the possible D.B. Coopers all have impeccable bona fides. One is a daughter of a flyboy, another a niece whose uncle disappeared when she was young. A Special Services officer feels like a traitor to this day for turning in an adventurous and ambitious friend who loved everything about parachuting. He’s not losing any sleep over it, though. He is convinced he did the right thing.

This is reflected on the other side of the chase. The FBI agent who fatally shot a copycat hijacker, who may have been the real D.B. Cooper on a second mission, to death has no qualms. His suspect, Richard McCoy, shot first. McCoy should get a mini-doc of his own, whether he is D.B. Cooper or not. He broke out of jail twice after being captured, and went out like a gangster in an old-school Warner Brothers movie.

Another interesting subject is a woman who used to fly out of a small airport not too far from the Cooper scenario. Bruce Thun and his wife, the couple who owned and ran the tarmac, describe her as a great flyer, an expert parachuter, and one of the first people to have had a successful gender reassignment in the state of Washington. But when they think Robert Dayton, who they knew as Barbara, might have been the famous hijacker, they take it much better than the other guests at their place. During the interview they describe a woman who begins screaming out of control after Barbara admits she’s D.B. Screaming, they say, and we believe them but it makes for an incredibly funny telling.

The Mystery of D.B. Cooper maintains a very subtle wit throughout. The archival footage is both appropriate and occasionally hysterical. The visuals which accompany the sequence where the FBI is first called in, as recounted by an agent at the time, includes a shot of someone eating fast food in a squad car’s passenger seat. It is reminiscent of the classic comedy Airplane!, but it was on the ground, and it didn’t look like he’d brought enough glue for everyone to sniff for what would prove to be a far-out case.

Read more

Culture

15 Great D.B. Cooper Pop Culture Moments

By Chris Cummins

Culture

Search for D.B. Cooper Leads to Decoded Letter

By Tony Sokol

The plane stopped to pick up the ransom and drop off the passengers. The crew kept the air travelers ignorant. They didn’t know they were on a hijacked flight until after they landed. Back in the air, Cooper told the pilots to circle around while he figured out how to open the back hatch, something they had to guide him through via intercom. They don’t know when he parachuted out with the $200,000 ransom money. They knew when they felt the air pressure change, and assumed they were down one man. A team of 40 FBI agents, criminologists, journalists, and attorneys worked the case for decades. Norjack, the FBI code name for the immediate search for D.B. Cooper, was the largest manhunt operation the federal agency had ever conducted.

The documentary team also speaks with Bruce Smith, the author of D.B. Cooper and the FBI, who’s looked over all the possibilities and is a wonderful companion voice to the agents, all of whom have excellent memories when it comes to this particular case. The flight crew could only guess where Cooper jumped, we learn. They calculated the time and their flight pattern, pointed to a map and told the agents he jumped somewhere “around here,” indicating a 20 to 25 mile stretch of woods to search.

While we see the area being combed in archival footage, we hear how the investigators considered whether Cooper got caught in a tree, or an errant wind, and died. They discuss the possibility of the $200,000 being lost in the 10,000 feet freefall. There is an exciting segment where a $6,000 bundle is found by a teenager in a riverbed.

The FBI officially closed the case in 2016, citing a lack of strong leads, and going with the last suspect we hear about in the interviews. He was as likely a suspect as any. We may not find out who hijacked the plane a half century ago, but we learn a lot about D.B. Cooper. He was polite, only mildly impatient, and quite pleasant for a man with a bomb between his legs and some kind of grievance on his mind. He didn’t tell the stewardess what was bothering him, but neither she nor the flight crew had any real trouble from him. It was the ride of their life.

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The Mystery of D.B. Cooper is an adventurous documentary with a fun take on a mysterious lawbreaking legend. There is no rancor, judgment or patronizing in the telling, but it keeps its sense of humor without losing its drama or suspense. Every one of the people who’ve come forward have an interesting story to tell and are looking for only one thing: that the rest of the world finds the closure they believe they have found. Each are asked if they truly believe, without a shadow of a doubt, the person they claim to be D.B. Cooper is the real hijacker. It’s the one thing they agree on. Once you write off any hope of closure, it is a worthy payoff.

The Mystery of D.B. Cooper debuts Nov. 25 at 9 p.m. on HBO and will be available to stream on HBO Max.

The post The Mystery of D.B. Cooper Review: HBO Documentary Does its Best to Close the Case appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2UVjusq

[atcmicorgasms]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Oh Gayeon

Nickname: Grace, Gracie

Reason for name: Grace was given as a sort of nickname for Gayeon when she was younger and it’s always stuck, so as she’s gotten older, she’s started using Grace as the name 

Birthday: May 31, 1989

Age: 28

Gender: Female

Place of birth: Grace was born in Wichita, Kansas

Places lived since: Grace lived in Wichita until she was two before her family relocated to Athens, Georgia. Grace moved to Los Angeles to attend UCLA and has stayed, pursuing an acting career

Parents’ names, backgrounds, occupations: Grace was born to Oh Jin Young, who ran his own carpentry business and Oh (nee Kim) Yoo Ne, a real estate agent. Jin Young and Yoo Ne (who would go by Jin and Yuna, respectively, at the time) met in college at the University of Kansas as lab partners in a biology class and ended up being in the same Psychology and English 102 later in their college careers)

Number of siblings: 2, Junior and Sora, Grace is the middle child.

Relationship with family (close? estranged?): Grace’s relationship with her family is distant. She still will talk to her family, but traveling to see them doesn’t happen very often. Her parents weren’t too excited about her leaving the nest but it’s something they’ve been slowly working past.

Happiest memory: Easily her acceptance into university.

Childhood trauma: Grace chooses not to talk too much about any of the actual major traumas that have happened during her childhood and instead chooses to recall the time she had been caught smoking pot underneath the bleachers and the punishment she received from there. 

Children of his/her own?: none

If so, relationship with their mother/father?: n/a

Age he/she gave birth/became a father: n/a

PHYSICAL

Height: Grace is 5′9

Weight: 

Build: straight

Nationality: Korean-American

Disabilities (physical or mental, including mental illnesses): Grace has PMDD, which gives her more severe symptoms than the average PMS. 

Complexion (freckles, acne, skin tone, birth marks): Grace has a noticeable tan, and has finally gotten control of her adult onset acne, although she’ll get very nasty flare ups the week leading up to her period. 

Face shape: rounded

Distinguishing facial features: the apples of her cheeks are very prominent when she smiles

Hair color: Brown

Usual hair style: Grace is self-conscious about her ears (Although she’s been told on numerous occasions that they’re perfectly normal) so her hair is usually kept down.

Eye color: brown

Glasses? Contacts?: none

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): Grace honestly is Target girl at heart, so nine times out of ten, she’ll find things from the clothes section in Target, she doesn’t really have a distinct style or anything typical.

Typical style of shoes: Give Grace tennis shoes or sandals any day.

Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?): Grace got a ton of ear infections as a kid and despite getting a flu shot every year, she tends to fall victim to the flu or a nasty bout of pneumonia if she’s lucky enough to avoid the flu.

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck her eyebrows?): Foundation and eyeliner are Grace’s go to for make up looks. Grace showers daily, if she skips a day, she ends up showering twice in the next day that she does shower

Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: At any given time, you can find her with a simple chain necklace with some small accent piece on it (like an arrow or feather) and bangles, and about two rings on either hand. Any of the cuff style bracelets are reserved for when she’s dressing up.

Accent?: She’s worked very hard to get rid of any trace of an accent, although it’ll still slip when she’s talking to certain people or saying certain words.

Unique mannerisms/physical habits (bites nails, talks with hands, taps feet when restless): Grace tends to lick her lips a lot when she’s nervous and if she starts to feel any sort of embarrassment or awkwardness when talking to someone, she’ll wiggle in place.

Athletic?: She loves doing the high intensity workouts and pilates

INTELLECT

Level of education (high school drop out, undergrad BA/BS, PhD, MD, etc.): Grace has a bachelor’s in sociology and has looked into going towards social work if acting doesn’t pan out

Level of self esteem: 6.3

Gifts/talents: Grace has a great memory and she’s good at wrapping presents.

Shortcomings: Grace can be incredibly naive and fairly easy to upset, she’s been working on being in better control of her emotions, especially when she’s due for her next cycle.

Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.): Grace has a medium volume of speech, she speaks at a fairly quick cadence and her voice is a little more on the huskier side

“Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?: Right brain

Artistic?: She’s good at coloring and has made some sort of name for herself, albeit small in acting so there’s some artisticness there

Mathematical?: Not at all. She was able to scrape by in her math classes and had to study five times as hard to make sure she really understood a concept and as soon as she was done having to take math classes, she was super happy

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: Emotionally

Neuroses: a mild hypochondriac. She visits webMD way too often for anything small to turn it into the mountain she does

Life philosophy: 

Religious stance: Buddhist 

Cautious or daring?: A little bit of both

Most sensitive about/vulnerable to: Some of the major life choices she’s made. 

Optimist or pessimist?: Optimist

Extrovert or introvert?: Extrovert

Level of comfort with technology: Like a 7 or 8

RELATIONSHIPS

Current marital/relationship status: Single

Sexual orientation:

Past relationships: 2

Primary reason for being broken up with: Location and it just being a short lived thing

Primary reasons for breaking up with people: Long distance

Level of sexual experience: 4

Story of first kiss (if any—if not, how does he/she want it to happen?): A middle school dance, it sort of just happened by accident

Story of loss of virginity (if any—if not, how does he/she want it to happen, if at all?):

A social person? (popular, loner, some close friends, makes friends and then quickly drops them): Grace is social when she needs to be. She’s very comfortable reaching out to network, but she can also be a huge homebody.

Most comfortable around (person): Herself

Oldest friend: A friend she made in George

How does he/she think others perceive him/her?: 

How do others actually perceive him/her?: 

VOCATION

Profession: Grace is an aspiring actress

Past occupations: She helped out with data entry in her dad’s business and has worked in the mall

Passions: Music, cat cafes, going to the beach

Attitude towards current job: She likes it

Attitude towards current coworkers, bosses, employees: It really depends on the gig

Salary: Depends on the gig

SECRETS

(Every character—no matter how minor—should always have secrets!)

Phobias: She has a reoccurring nightmare of her going into any room in her home and the lights not working

Life goals: Just to be recognized

Dreams: Win an award

Greatest fears: losing her family and not finding out for a long period of time

Most ashamed of:

Most embarrassing thing ever to happen to him/her: Her brother telling his best friend that Grace had a huge crush on him when she was thirteen 

Compulsions: She buys one of those decorative birds from Target every season

Obsessions: practicing for hours, even after rehearsal or performances are finished

Secret hobbies: Ghost shows

Secret skills: Did I mention that she’s also really good at putting shelves up and even crafting some shelving units

Past sexual transgressions: nothing completely naughty

Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): staying out past curfew, underage drinking and smoking

What he/she most wants to change about his/her current life: Nothing

What he/she most wants to change about his/her physical appearance: Nothing

DETAILS/QUIRKS

Daily routine: It varies on when she wakes up

Night owl or early bird?: Early bird

Light or heavy sleeper?: Light sleeper

Favorite food: Give Grace all the pasta and starches in the world

Least favorite food: But if Grace has to eat another cheesecake she will lose her mind

Favorite book: She really likes Danielle Steele novels

Least favorite book: Lord of the Flies

Favorite movie: Clueless

Least favorite movie: she really doesn’t have a least favorite, she just doesn’t watch the ones she doesn’t like very often

Favorite song: Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks

Least favorite song: That Ed Sheeran song that’s getting played all the time

Coffee or tea?: Coffee

Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: She’s allergic to peanuts

Type of car he/she drives (or wishes he/she drove): 

Lefty or righty?: Lefty

Favorite color: She likes the magenta-y color the sky can take during a really pretty sunset

Cusser?: No

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: More of a social drinker than anything, she doesn’t smoke, or hasn’t since she’s moved.

Biggest regret: Not talking to her brother and sister more

Pets?: She has a maltepoo named Charlie that she constantly posts about on her social media.