#emorikomspacekru

[searchforthescars]

Litany - Chapter 10/12

Hi, guys! I’m stressed about the first week of class, so here’s a thing to distract me.

@bombshellsandbluebells lent her stellar editing talents to this piece so thank her for helping me <3

Also on Ao3

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too, smiling and crying in a way that made me even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I just couldn’t say it out loud. Actually, you said Love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s terrifying. No one will ever want to sleep with you.

Then

“Otan!” Emori shouts, banging her way into the basement, nearly falling down the last two steps, her feet sliding in her too-big boots. “Otan, get your ass out of bed! I hit the jackpot!”

“‘S too early,” Otan grumbles, pulling the moth-eaten blanket over his head. “Why are you so loud?”

“I’m not loud,” Emori says. “You’re hungover.” She pulls out a package of day-old buns and a jar of generic peanut butter. “I got breakfast!”

“Breakfast?” Otan sat up. “Thought we didn’t have money for that.”

Emori shrugs. “Made a deal.”

Otan looks at her mistrustfully, but shuffles out of bed nonetheless, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders like a cape. She slaps some peanut butter on a roll and takes a big bite, hoping it will soothe the ache in her stomach.

“Don’t forget about me,” Otan grumbles.

Emori give him a cheeky smile. “Couldn’t if I tried,” she mumbles around a mouthful. “Make your own breakfast. And clean up. You smell like alcohol.”

Now

Otan seems to know that Emori is going to leave, even before she says anything.

“I kinda figured,” he says gently, ruffling her hair. “This life isn’t yours anymore, Em. I don’t know if jail did something to you, or if it was that kid, but…” He trails off, stares past her for a long moment. “You belong somewhere else now.”

Tears fill her eyes. She wraps her arms around her torso to keep herself from breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Otan stuffs his hands in his pockets - a boyish, uncomfortable gesture. “I left you first.”

It hangs there. Brother and sister regard one another. Emori wants to hug him, but something in her balks at the idea. She can tell he wants to say something, but he won’t. Neither of them ever do.

She shoulders her backpack. She’s wearing John’s thermal sweatshirt. The fabric chafes against her neck. The sleeve bulges awkwardly over her bad hand. “I’ll call you,” she says softly.

Otan nods. She turns to the door. This feels final, like a door closing, a lock twisting shut and rusting there.

“Try not to forget about me,” Otan says suddenly, an echo of a past life, of a girl she supposes she isn’t anymore.

She smiles, carefully, but she doesn’t look back. “Couldn’t if I tried.”

John is standing outside the apartment building, pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair. It’s shorter now, and he has more facial hair. It’s not a bad look, all things considered. She hopes it means that he’s taking care of himself, even though she knows there’s a high possibility that Raven just sat him down and chopped off his hair with safety scissors.

That’s not a bad idea, she thinks, absently fingering the dry ends of her long hair. Then, John turns to look at her, and she can’t think at all.

“Hey,” he says in a tone trying too hard to be casual. Despite herself, she feels a grin creep over her face. “What?”

“You came,” she says softly. “I didn’t-”

She’s about to say something else, but before she can take a breath, he’s running to her, sweeping one of her arms up over his shoulder and wrapping her in a hug.

“John,” she gasps, burying her face in his shoulder. His arms are tight around her, one around her shoulders and the other around her waist. She can feel him shaking.

“It’s okay,” she murmurs in his ear, squeezing his shoulder. “I’m okay.”

He nods into her shirt, then pulls away to look down at her. “Where’s your jacket?”

She curls her good hand into his sweatshirt that she’s wearing. “This is warm enough.”

He scoffs, shakes his head and starts shrugging off his coat. When he offers it to her, he doesn’t meet her eyes, but she puts it on anyway.

There’s a wall that’s gone up between them, swift and sudden. As quickly as he embraced her, he has shut her out. She fights the urge to do the same, instead choosing to lead him toward the train station, her backpack swishing against the cool nylon of John’s jacket.

They stand on the elevated platform nearly shoulder-to-shoulder. A neon sign hanging from the ceiling announces that their train is 30 minutes away and apt to be delayed because of an incoming storm. There’s a few people milling around, hiding in the shadows, sitting under the overhang, afraid of the promised rain.

A gust of wind blows through, whipping around the platform. Beside her, John stiffens, shivers. His closeness is terrifying; she has to stop herself from leaning into his warmth. His eyes are closed against the cold wind. When he opens them, they’re bright, as if with tears.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, her voice creaking like broken floorboards. “What’s wrong?”

He looks away from her. “Nothing.” He shivers again.

“Do you want your jacket back?” she asks, already preparing to shrug it off.

“I don’t-” he starts to snap, then catches himself. “No.”

Impatience and anger rear their ugly heads in her. “What’s your problem, John?” she asks.

“Nothing!” His eyes are scared, his posture defensive. As thunder rumbles overhead, she realizes that he is afraid of her.

She backs up, standing under the overhang as rain starts to drizzle over them. John follows her, shoving his hands in his pockets so hard she’s surprised a seam doesn’t rip.

“John,” she says again, stepping forward and ducking to meet his eyes. “John, talk to me.”

“You can’t just stay when it works for you,” he says softly. His eyes are still bitter, but there’s sadness behind the blue fire. “You can’t come back and leave whenever you want. You freaked Raven out. Jasper missed you.”

“Oh, sure, this is about Raven and Jasper,” Emori scoffs. There’s a fist closing around her lungs. It’s wringing the life from them slowly but surely. “It couldn’t possibly be about you.”

“Shut up!” John shouts. She flinches back, and two bystanders turn to stare. The rain comes down harder. “You don’t get to blame this on me! You left me!”

“And now you’re punishing me for it?” Emori cries. “You said you understood! You said you wanted me to come home!”

“I didn’t say I’d make it easy,” he growls, taking a hasty step forward so they’re chest-to-chest. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t hate you for it.”

“Tell me to leave, John,” she breathes. Beg me to stay.

He kisses her instead. When they break apart, he makes a sound like a wounded animal. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re going to have to figure your shit out,” she whispers, her head spinning, her lips still feeling the ghost of his mouth. “I won’t let you talk to me like that again.”

He smirks down at her. “You going to punish me?”

The rain is pouring down now, soaking the pavement and sending wafts of mist under the overhang. Emori sees beads of it shimmering on her glove when she shoves his chest. “Shut up, John.”

He catches her bad hand, holds it close, lifts it to cup his cheek and kiss the wrapped palm. She feels her face fall and her eyes harden. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?” John asks, kissing the palm again.

“That.” She tugs her hand free.

“It deserves love too,” he murmurs, reaching for her good hand. Emori doesn’t know what to say to that, so she says nothing. Instead, she takes off John’s jacket and hands it to him. She steps back into the rain, tips her head up to the sky, and lets the cold water sting her face like tears.

“You’re crazy!” John shouts. She tilts her head down to look at him. Her hair plasters to her cheeks. “Emori, get back here!”

“Or what?” She spins in the rain, laughing. Later, she’ll be freezing, shivering and desperate for warmth, but right now, she craves the cold.

I’m going to be okay, she tells herself as the train roars past, its push and pull of wind soaking her even more. This will all be okay.

They both cry on the train on the way home. Emori, from joy, the salt dripping into her mouth, mixing with the rain falling from her hair; John for reasons she doesn’t understand.

“What’s wrong?” she asks him, breathless, her tears giving way to a kind of soft joy.

He wipes his eyes, though there are no tears. He cries like she used to: silent and without a trace. “If you say ‘nothing’,” Emori says, teasing, “I’ll kick you into tomorrow.”

“I don’t know,” he says softly. The train is dark and empty. Rain lashes at the windows. Emori scoots over to be nearer to him. Despite her wet clothes, he leans on her shoulder.

“Love, for you,” he murmurs, almost to himself, “isn’t the usual kind of love. It’s like a religion. It’s terrifying. No one will ever want to sleep with you.”

She frowns. As if of its own accord, her good hand flies up to stroke his hair. “I scare you.” She means it as a question. It sounds more like an accusation.

He doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah.”

She sighs. He stays there, on her shoulder. Her arm starts to go numb. She doesn’t ask him to move.

When they pull into the station outside their college campus - is it still hers, Emori wonders; is any of this still hers? - Raven is there, leaning against the hood of Bellamy’s car, arms crossed, good foot tapping on the ground. Her shadow is harsh in the street lamp above her. At the sight, Emori feels the knot in her stomach tense and tighten.

This is it, she tells herself as she shoulders her bag and shakes John awake. She won’t let me come home. Emails be damned.

Home. She nearly shakes herself, self-corrects. Come back.

“Hey, Reyes,” John says easily, not even flinching when Raven rockets straight past him to wrap Emori in a bruising hug.

“Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again,” Raven murmurs, rubbing Emori’s back with her hand.

Emori fights the urge to rest her forehead on Raven’s shoulder and cry. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, and waits for the rejection.

Raven pulls back just slightly and brushes a strand of hair from Emori’s face. “It’s okay. You’re home now. Lexa wanted to go through your stuff for clues, but I drew the line.”

John rolls his eyes. “You were this close to doing it, too.”

Raven shrugs. “Just wanted to make sure she was okay-“ She stops and twirls a lock of Emori’s hair in her fingers. “Wait, why are you wet?”

John snorts. Emori starts to explain, but is cut off when Raven hugs her again, then ushers her toward the car.

“Tell me later,” she says, fussing just like Otan would, like Bellamy would too, probably. “We need to get you dry.”

John mutters something Emori doesn’t hear. Raven does; she turns around in her seat and smacks him on the leg. John kicks her seat, and Emori retaliates by throwing the tissue box on the floor near her feet at John’s torso.

“I’ll have to tell Bellamy I did end up needing a car tissue box,” Raven says drily, and the three of them speed home. 

“Why did you leave?”

Emori jumps at the sound of Octavia’s voice. She’s standing in the doorway, arms crossed loosely over her chest. “Everyone was worried. You had all of this, and you threw it away. Why?”

Emori sighs and kicks her now-empty backpack under the bed. “It’s a long story,” she sighs.

“Is it?” Octavia steps into the room. She and Emori are about the same height, but there’s something about the younger girl that makes her seem that much more imposing. “Because from where I stand, you put yourself ahead of the people that love you enough to want to keep you here.”

Emori takes a careful step forward. “You’re telling me you wouldn’t have done the same if it was your brother?” Octavia frowns. “If it was Bellamy?”

“Bellamy wouldn’t have asked me to,” Octavia nearly snarls.

“That’s the point!” Emori shouts. “You have no fucking idea how damn lucky you are! Your brother would do anything for you.” She remembers Bellamy’s tirade in the alley, his furious face inches from her brother’s impassive eyes. “He would never leave you; he would never ask you to forget about the things you want to help him fix his mistakes.”

She’s run out of tears, but her throat feels tight as if she’s about to cry. “You don’t understand,” she says softly, a broken thing. Octavia’s eyes soften incrementally the longer she stands there.

“I’m sure your brother loves you,” Octavia says quietly. She looks chastised, or at least a little guilty. “In his own way.”

“He does.” Emori nods, sniffles a little bit. “But…”

Octavia cocks her head. A frown creases the skin between her eyes. Behind her, Emori sees another person’s shadow, hovering in the hall.

“He didn’t choose me,” Emori says, finally, throat tight. “There was something he wanted more.”

There’s nothing left to say. Octavia leaves the room with a soft sound that Emori doesn’t have the energy to identify.

The shadow in the hall is Bellamy’s. He enters the room quietly, gently. “I told her not to talk to you like that,” he says, apologetically.

Emori shakes her head. The lump in her throat widens. “It’s okay.”

“That was nice,” Bellamy gestures to the room, “what you said about me.”

“It’s true.” Emori’s voice cracks, because what wouldn’t she give for her brother to care just a little bit more and in a little bit of a different way?

“Oh, come here,” Bellamy murmurs, reaching for Emori, hugging her by the shoulders and letting her sniffle, once, into the soft cotton of his shirt. “It’s okay.”

She doesn’t have words for the comfort she needs, but Bellamy doesn’t seem to mind. She closes her eyes and tentatively hugs him back, her arms around his torso.

“Aww, you didn’t invite me?” Raven leans against the doorframe, grinning slightly. Bellamy reaches his free arm out for Raven, who joins the hug, resting her chin on Emori’s shoulder and placing her hand carefully atop Emori’s bad one.

“You okay?” she murmurs in Emori’s ear. When Emori nods, Raven squeezes her hand. “We’ve got you.”

“Damn right.” Emori can’t see over Raven’s head, but she knows that’s Jasper, and, judging from the footsteps, Monty too. The boys join the group hug, hanging on even when Bellamy staggers forward under Jasper’s exuberant weight.

Emori has to laugh at Bellamy’s soft oof. “I’m fine,” she says softly.

“We know,” Monty says, patting her awkwardly on the head, the only part of her he can reach. “Doesn’t mean we can’t be here for you anyway.”

Emori doesn’t know what to say to that either. She stands there, encased in a knot of her roommates’ love and care, and lets them decide when to let go.

Something has shifted in the house’s atmosphere. It’s as if Emori’s absence, however short, has torn a hole in things that is now mending. Emori isn’t sure how true that is, but she is sure that there have never been this many people in the kitchen at one time.

“Get out!” John shoves Bellamy away from the fridge. “Sit down on the bar stool next to Emori or get the fuck out of my way. Your choice.”

Bellamy retrieves a beer and hastens to the living room, where Octavia, Monty, Jasper and Luna are duking it out over Mario Kart. Emori smiles at John when his back is to her. Lexa lets herself in from the backyard and gives Emori a knowing look.

“You two would be cute together,” Lexa whispers in Emori’s ear. Emori swats her on the arm without thinking about it; Lexa’s surprised laugh carries through the whole house as she goes to answer the door.

“Huh, what do you know?” a young man asks, kicking off his shoes and dropping a bag of potato chips on the counter. “She does have a personality.”

“Leave her alone,” John says, and then proceeds to glare at his back until he plops down on the rug in front of the TV.

“Who is he?” Emori asks, frowning.

“That’s Zeke Shaw.” The name sounds mean in John’s mouth. “I think he’s into Raven.”

“He’s cute.” Emori appraises him. His eyes are earnest and he has the set jaw and close-cut hair of a military man. He looks like he could handle Raven, or at least, make sure she can handle herself. “Objectively.”

“Well, yeah, but…” John sighs. The kitchen timer goes off. “I don’t want her to get hurt. Again.”

The set of his shoulders tell her the same sentiment applies to himself.

“I met Zeke when I came to find you in the city.”

Emori jumps at the sound of John’s voice from the bathroom doorway. She spits some toothpaste in the sink and rinses her toothbrush. “Oh.”

“I saw you watching him,” he clarifies. “Figured you should know he’s not a total stranger.”

“Only a slight stranger, then,” Emori says, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. John doesn’t return it, so she lets it drop and bends over to put away her toothpaste and hide the sadness of her eyes.

He won’t forgive you, she tells herself. Stop trying to earn it.

“Do you regret coming for me?” she asks, voice small, echoing slightly in the bathroom. She remembers holding herself up, arms stiff, mouth bitter, and remembers him tucking her into bed, holding her, lending her his shirt and some of his strength.

Her stomach rolls at the memory. That was where all the horrible things began.

“No,” John whispers, like it’s a bitter confession. “I don’t.” He laughs, sharp. “I probably should. But I don’t.”

She regards him in the mirror. It’s safer that way, a pane of glass separating the two of them, their words and all the things that split them before they even had a chance to come together.

“Can we start over?” John asks, in a rush. That question, and her answer, goes against both of their nature.

“Yes,” she says, and he smiles.

“You know,” Raven begins around a mouthful of food, “you’re pretty good at that.”

Emori looks up from Monty’s laptop. Or, at least, the shell of it. She’s installing a hard drive with more storage, although, from the looks of it, she should probably just build him his own gaming computer. “Oh. Thanks.”

“You should take a computer engineering class,” Raven continues, either undeterred by, or oblivious to, Emori’s standoffish reaction. “You wouldn’t be half bad.”

Emori gestures with her bad hand. “Can’t fix things properly with this.”

Raven raises an eyebrow. “You’re using it fine now.” She shrugs. “I walk funny. People might stare, but it doesn’t stop me. It shouldn’t stop you either.”

Emori blinks. She’d never considered that: that her appearance may not immediately disqualify her from something. After all, it had disqualified her from her mother’s love and from belonging. But maybe…

“Sure,” she says, genuinely. “I’ll look into it.”

Raven grins. “Hell, yeah.”

She does look into it. Fall turns into almost-winter, and she thinks and plans and crams for finals and works long nights to make sure she catches up from her unplanned hiatus. She even goes on a couple dates with John. They turn out better than the first one did; he takes her to the park for a chilly picnic, and they get tipsy and crunch fall leaves in their hands, their conversation evaporating with their breath in the air. He takes her dancing at some lame college event, and she surprises him, and herself, by wearing a dress.

Her favorite date is right before finals season: they stay in his room, and she helps him write out more poems to tape to his walls. There’s something strangely permanent about her writing in his space.

Love, for you, she writes, as careful as she can, is not the usual kind of love. It’s like a religion. It’s terrifying. No one will ever want to sleep with you.

He hangs that above his bed. Later, he kisses her as they lay below it.

The closer it gets to Thanksgiving, the more tense the house gets, thanks to finals and finals-induced stress. Jasper and Monty are at one another’s throats, John cuts back on the drinking to concentrate, but makes everyone miserable because of it, and Emori takes to sleeping in Raven’s room so Raven actually goes to bed at a halfway decent time.

“I like you,” Raven mumbles, half asleep. The clock reads 3:14 p.m. “You’re a good kid.”

Emori laughs drowsily. “I’m older than you.”

“Fuck if I know,” Raven says around a yawn. Emori’s heart warms.

The three-day break for the holiday is a welcome reprieve; even Jasper, an underachiever by his own admission, welcomes the break from studying. John wants to celebrate with a party, but they’re all so wiped out that they spend the day before Thanksgiving napping and watching the worst-rated movies on Netflix.

Emori didn’t even think they were going to celebrate the holiday until John hauls a massive turkey out of the freezer the night before.

“What...the fuck?” Octavia asks, eyes wide. “When did you buy a turkey?”

John shrugs. “You know. Whenever.”

“That’s Not an answer,” Octavia says. “And yes-”

“The capital letters are implied in your tone,” Raven and Lexa say in unison and in monotone. Emori hides a smile. Some things never change.

John bastes and roasts the turkey. Every time he says the turkey is roasting, Raven gets a shit-eating grin on her face that Octavia tries to wipe off by throwing pillows, papers and a magazine at her head. At some point between breakfast and a half-hearted lunch, Harper, Zeke, Luna and Bellamy come over, bearing mashed potatoes, corn casserole, green beans and pumpkin pie, respectively.

“What is that?” Lexa asks, poking Zeke’s glass pan with a finger.

“Corn casserole,” Zeke says, his head inside the fridge.

“Corn what?”

His head pops up almost comically fast. “You don’t know what corn casserole is?!” Lexa shakes her head. “Shame,” Zeke mutters, and spends the next five minutes unsuccessfully attempting to open his beer.

Monty tries to steal John’s steak knives three separate times. The fourth time, he succeeds, and Emori can’t suppress her laughter at John’s howl of rage when he sees his prize knife strapped to the roomba.

“GIVE ME THE KNIFE BACK!” he shouts. “Monty, I’m gonna drop-kick that piece of shit out the front door.”

“Hey!” Jasper picks up the object and cradles it to his chest dramatically. “Don’t insult Stabby.”

“If you call that thing ‘Stabby’ one more time, I’m gonna take you out,” Harper promises, stepping over Jasper and plopping onto the couch next to Monty. Emori wiggles her eyebrows at Raven over Monty’s head when the boy’s cheeks start to flush.

John doesn’t stop fussing over the turkey until Bellamy steals his apron and baster and shoos him out of the kitchen to set the table. He does, in proper form no less, and Emori sneaks behind him and messes up the silverware until John catches her.

“Saboteur,” he calls her, grabbing her around the middle and tickling her sides.

“John, stop!” she says, laughing, squirming away from him and nearly smacking her shoulder on the peninsula. She knocks over one of the bar stools and almost kicks a passing Zeke in the shins. “Seriously!”

John releases her just as the doorbell rings. “How many more people can we fit in this house?” he wonders aloud as Bellamy goes to answer the door.

“How many people can we fit at this table?” Lexa asks, gesturing to the makeshift banquet table that consists of the dining room table, two card tables, a large coffee table with cushions for sitting, and Raven’s desk.

“Hopefully three more,” Bellamy says, leading Echo, Clarke Griffin and Costia into the house. Echo immediately gravitates to Raven and Harper, while Clarke stays close to Bellamy and Costia hovers near John’s elbow as he carves the turkey.

“Can I have a drumstick?” she asks John, who nods. “I can help if you want.”

“That’s Emori’s man, Costia,” Octavia yells over her brother’s shoulder. “You’ve got your own woman!”

“And a fine one I am,” Lexa snarks. Luna swats at her. “What? I’m hot.”

Somehow, Bellamy and John navigate the chaos and get everyone settled at the table. They pause for grace - mostly for Zeke, Raven grumbles - then dig in. Emori stuffs herself on turkey and cranberries - and Zeke’s casserole, which isn’t half bad - and on the laughter and kindness of her friends that fills her to the brim.

“I want to try something,” John says softly, his head resting on her stomach. They’re in her bed, nestled under blankets, watching the first snow of the season from her window.

“Okay,” she murmurs, continuing to card her good fingers through John’s hair. When he lifts his head, her hand falls from the top of his head to the nape of his neck. “Whatever you want.”

He kisses her, soft, and she lets him; she tangles her good fingers in his hair again, but lets out a tiny huff of breath when his tongue swipes over her bottom lip.

“Sorry-” he says, breaking away. “I didn’t-”

“You’re fine!” she’s fast to reassure him. It’s like ripping off a BandAid, she realizes. “I wasn’t expecting it.”

“I said I wanted to try something,” he says, grumpy and cheeky.

She shoves at his shoulder as he moves closer. “Shut up,” she says, but she’s laughing right until the moment their lips connect. This time, he deepens the kiss almost instantly, and she lets him. She loses herself in it, in the soft way he bites at her lower lip, the careful press of his tongue, the gasp he makes when she sighs against his mouth.

“That was nice,” she murmurs when he breaks away, propping himself on his elbow and looking down at her. His hand strokes over her hair. “What was it for?”

He shrugs. Suddenly, he can’t meet her eyes. “What if you leave again?” he says, softly, the guilt in his eyes at that question palpable. “I want to do the things I regret not doing.” He winces. “That’s so fucking cheesy.”

Emori shakes her head. “No,” she whispers, shame and sadness piercing her heart. “It’s not.”

[centaurianthropology]

"And if it’s at all possible, I believe that Sasha still cares." I was about to go out and run some errands but now I just need to stay in and cry.

*hands hankie*

My quiet dream right now is that the mystery guest Alex mentioned in his tweets, that I’ve been figuring for Alasdair Stewart, is actually the woman who played Sasha.  That would be a turn-up for the books.

[montygreen]

congrats on 6.5 k!!! my rec for you is my all-time favorite book, Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel. It’s about a theatre troupe, a history museum, a cult, and the importance of art and culture in a post-apocalyptic world because ���survival is insufficient.”

Eyyy that’s my all time favourite book as well!!

Icon: not a fan | okay | good | beautiful | awesome!! | RAVEN REYES URL: not a fan | okay | good | beautiful | awesome!! | AMY SANTIAGOsidebar: not a fan | okay | good | beautiful | awesome!! | TAHANI AL-JAMILtheme: not a fan | okay | good | beautiful | awesome!! | MYLENE CRUZ Posts: not a fan | okay | good | beautiful | awesome!! | LESLIE KNOPEOverall: not a fan | okay | good | beautiful | awesome!! | PAM BEESLYFollowing?: may we meet again | +f!! | ofc! | you are my people

want one?

[calebandnott]

emorikomspacekru replied to your post “matt’s really pulling out all the stops with this villain huh”

i in the eastern time zone do it by having a body clock somewhere in hawaii even though i've never been there before

LMAO this was me too before i miraculously got on something resembling a sleep schedule w the help of the max dose of melatonin and medication. last year when i did still live in EST land staying up til 2am would’ve been absolutely no problem but i was dying last night

@faceplantmay replied to your post “matt’s really pulling out all the stops with this villain huh”

I’m central too and when I had work at 6 in the morning this shit SUCKED, I’d drag my happy ass into work at 6:10 with two cups of coffee. My parents knew I was gonna be super tired by Friday so after a while I started getting less kids. It correlated to parents vacation times but I like to think they were being nice

oh god this sounds like a nightmare! i couldn’t get up for 6am work regardless of if there was an episode the night before or not.. honestly feeling so blessed that my work lets me set my own schedule and the one class i’m teaching in september starts at 2:30 pm. after molly’s death happening in the last like.. 20 minutes? of last week’s episode i absolutely refuse to stop watching before the episode’s over 

[dashiellqvverty]

right back @ u: TAZ for the ask meme

my favorite female character - Lup

my favorite male character - Taako (i have a Type i really am that predictable)

my favorite book/season/etc - balance is my favorite campaign, but i’m gonna go with an arc since there’s really only two proper seasons so. Murder on the Rockport Limited is still my absolute favorite

my favorite episode (if its a tv show) - i could say rockport for this too, but actually my favorite episode is Episode 12, aka Rockport Chapter 3, aka “kind of a shitty wizard.” i’ve listened to it so many times.

my favorite cast member - i love all the mcelroys BUT i’ll say justin. is it bc he plays taako and taz was the first mcelroy content i was exposed to? perhaps

my favorite ship - hurley/sloane man. i love them so much

a character I’d die defending - ango

a character I just can’t sympathize with - barry,,,,, i like him enough and the reveal was ofc iconic!! he’s great and has some nice moments but i feel like he wasn’t rly developed enough you know? even compared to other characters in the stolen century

a character I grew to love - okay honestly? merle. like i just found him the least interesting at first u know? but i love him

my anti otp - hmm idk what people are into besides canon ships and lupcretia honestly. and like i said barry is nice enough so him and lup are alright lup has two hands. i’m gonna say lucretia/any man

[laufire]

i don’t see zechoraven, but i very much appreciate and can relate to your dedication to polyshipping.

I think I like ot3(+)s so much because of the exponential possibility of conflict lmao. Navigating the extra difficulties, each character’s priorities… I usually end up shipping them when I find the canon dynamics between 3+ characters already fascinating, but also simply when I like two ships for one character and I want to see them interact (which is why I love polyships that at least start in V form, as in, one character is with/has feelings for two people, and how that evolves -maybe to a triad, maybe not. Idk, I dig it xD).

Some of current fave t100 polyships, because why not:

Anything involving Bellamy/Emori/Murphy/Raven, simply because they’re my faves and I love them :P. In canon I’d pick Emori/Murphy/Raven (memoven? memoraven?) because we’ve gotten tons of good material, but rn I’m really into Bellamy/Emori/Murphy (…. mellemori?) because I ended up including a short-lived subplot in one of my WIPs and it has ~potential IMO. 

Bellamy/Raven/Shaw (zavenbell lol). Mostly due to my Raven-stanning, but I started to write a fic about a week ago and I can really get behind this. The funniest thing is that so far canon hasn’t contradicted it (partly because I kept details of how Shaw ended up on their side ~vague enough), and I even guessed right that a) Diyoza would love to get rid of McCreary and b) that Echo would see killing Shaw as the best move against Eligius. Now, if the show follows through and makes half of the self-indulgent shit I’ve written so far canon, I’ll explode xD.

Bellamy/Miller/Raven. Or more like, Bellamy/Miller + Bellamy/Raven (Miller is Very Gay and I’ve barely seen him interact with Raven -I don’t even remember if they ever talk with each other tbh-, so I’m not as into their dynamic as I might be otherwise. There’s also a fic in my drafs including them. Because. 

Bellamy/Raven/Wells. Again, more as a V ship with Bellamy/Raven + Bellamy/Wells, because we never saw how Raven/Wells could’ve played. I guess the right writer could persuade me. I have another WIP that deals with the Braven+Wellamy situation. At this point, just assume I have a WIP for almost anything with this fandom, paired with a mix of perfectionism and adhd issues that makes it really hard to follow through ¬¬

Bellamy/Echo/Raven. But with certain caveats because… well, I am very aware of the fact that, if I stanned Echo instead of Raven, I would at the very least dislike them (and Echo/Raven), and that makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite lol. Alas, I can be into it. 

Murphy/Raven/Shaw (zurven, fight me). Blame this post by @murphystartedthefire -the idea of Shaw crushing on both of them is hilarious, okay. 

Echo/Raven/Shaw. The idea occurred to me last week, but I forgot until I saw that gifset xD. This is one of those cases where I just dig a high stakes conflict between 3 people and go with it. But seriously, the looks between them when Shaw found out she was after him were HIGH KEY HILARIOUS OKAY. That’s basically my whole reason for shipping them lol. But just imagine how awkward it must’ve been after Raven left? Both of them throwing hyper-vigilant stares to the other across the room, suspicious glances as they catalog the room for possible weapons, Shaw trying to keep at least three people between them at all times… LMAO.

And I honestly could get behind any Space Seven arrangement (including the fact that they obviously had group sex at some point, my girl Raven was NOT celibate for 6 years that’s ridiculous), because they’re my favourite dynamic in the show right now.

[bijoharvelle]

emorikomspacekru: i will ship ANYTHING that comes with a title and lines pulled from the relationship between Dmitry and Anastasia in Anastasia (1997)

LISTEN. I GEARED UP TO WRITE THIS AND WAS LIKE “okay so obviously they’re doing the waltz that maria & captain von trapp dance to” and then some fucking part of my brain was just like “IT’S ONE, TWO, THREE. AND SUDDENLY. I SEE IT AT A GLANCE” and then it all just tumbled down from there. molly is mitya seeing caleb/anastasia for the first time bye bYE BYE EVERYONE I’M DEAD BYE

[searchforthescars]

HELLO LISTEN I AM ALWAYS DOWN FOR A COLLAB

HELLO for the fic thing: 1, 7, 9, 37-39 and 41 :)

Thank you!1. How old were you when you first started writing fanfiction?Twelve or thirteen - the first fanfiction I remember writing is a terrible Clove/Foxface high society AU when I was in middle school.

7. Answered!

9. In your xxx fic, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?You didn’t specify a fic, so I’m going to pick my favorite scene from any of my Memori fics, which would probably have to be the flashback from Other Streets and Other Towns.

37. What’s the funniest story you’ve ever written?I was going to say I’m not sure I have one because I don’t tend to write humor, but it’s actually definitely Ancient Motherfuckers.

38. If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be?Honestly probably you - the found family stories you like to tell are my shit, and I feel like you’re talented in different ways than I am (in ways I want to be - see above). but not so intimidating that I couldn’t justify working with or learn from you. That said, she scares me shitless, but if @sharkodactyl offered to teach me her ways it wouldn’t quite be a collab because I would very much feel like an apprentice but I’d do it in a heartbeat.

39. Do you prefer first, second, or third person?Third person limited - I like getting that concentrated insight into a specific character, but first person feels a bit tacky to me, and presumptuous when it comes to writing other people’s characters. I also like that third person limited allows me to blend my own narrative style with the voice of the character from whose perspective I’m writing, varying the feel my stories have without necessitating I totally change my voice (or stick to writing from one character’s POV) the way first person would.

41. What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?I don’t know whether this question refers to characters who are minor in the source material or to characters who feature minorly in my own work. For the former, definitely Emori (although she’s more of a supporting character now - that’s my girl, moving up the ladder of narrative significance with each passing season). She’s clever and insightful, which makes writing for her a joy, but also has a lot of trauma, which adds a lot of room for depth in her internal monologue. For the latter, I obviously hate her, but I’m pretty proud of the way I managed to convey Ontari in Poor Soul, Poor Thing.

[johnmurphysass]

Happy Hiatus BFSN everyone!!!! Well kids I’m starting to feel better about things and life. So I’m going to put the over dramatic hoe away until something else irritates me. Everyone’s kind, encouraging words over the last couple of weeks has meant the world to me and has renewed my faith in the world again. Explanation and tags below.

Oh boy so I did a thing for my upcoming trip to Mexico and I ABSOLUTELY FREAKING LOVE THIS ONE!!!! The pictures don’t really do it justice and it turned out differently than I was expecting but hot damn do I love this color. I mean my love always styles it the best but the way she worked her magic is truly a work of art. The base is more of a fire engine red and bright as hell but I can’t stop staring at the luscious locks. I have also officially decided I’m a chameleon and can change hair colors so well or maybe I’m a little bit full of myself lol. Anyway I’m so happy and in love.I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. Every single one of you manage to lift me up and make me a better person. You also make me feel loved on a daily basis. You are all simply the best.

Tagged/Tagging: @dracosbellamy @covinskydeanoru @galaxyblake @clarkegroffin @madisgriffin @octannibal-blake @sly2o @buckthebarnes @sometimesrosy @grumpybell @aquietgirlsmess @nvermindiseeyou @spooky-ravenreyes @peterkavinske @thelittlestneverland @thelittlefanpire @semirama @lieutenantshaw @as-inevitable-as-morning @bb-8 @tracylorde @shemustbeprettyimportanttoyou @commander-anya @zavens-bellarke @i-dont-know-how-to-quit-you @captaindxddy @sarka-stically @jordanjaspergreen @and-now-youre-spooky @to-the-bellindow-to-the-wall @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @bellameblake @bellamybb @clarkegriffinspoobybooby @the-most-beautiful-broom @granger--danger @dxrkartifices @afandomboi @tabatharich @carrieeve @mycaptainbellarke @blueshirtbell @viviansternwood @rebelkingandhistraitorprincessxx @nightbleeder @calivia @feliciting  @arkadiaschancellor @spooky-eleanor @griiffn @bellarkesgodson @captainwilldameron @caramelappletater @nymini @thehundredtimesobsessed @shadowhunthers @bellarketrashaf @mermaidclarke @chancellor-valdez @starboybellamy @foreverandalwayscrysis @griffinnblake @kombellarke @youspookedme-clarke  @tramey81 @traitorwhoyoulove @princessclarke @emorikomspacekru @sanderson-s @chancellorgriffin @talistheintrovert @bettsfic @clarkegriffinblake @hallowsedenmcspooks @mamabearsdontthink @el-corazon-y-la-cabeza @easilydistractedbyfanfic @enoughtotemptme @frecklessbellamy @camhumphrey @failing-at-being-an-angel and whoever else wants to do it. Please let me know if you don’t want to be tagged!  

[the-restisconfetti]

A VERY HAPPY BELLARKE FAMILY SELFIE NIGHT TO ALL OF BELLARKE BEAUTIES!!!!🌟🌟

It's been quite a while since I participated, mostly because I've been either busy or didn't have new photos 😂

Well so for me, I moved to London, been here for almost a month, just found a job! I already saw my university, been there for registration, but the classes start only in three weeks so, there is still a lot of time. I managed to make some new friends, had few adventures (if you can call it adventures lol), but I am still super bad with crossing the road (why do they have to drive on the wrong side of the roaaddd, okay no offence, brits) and I miss my family and dog a lot 🙁😖 But overall I am fine, sorry for rambling for so long, I just came back from my shift and I am tired, so my sentences doesn't make any sense (do they ever lol)

As for bellarke, so far I am all living for @twotimestom's beautiful fanfic (it's called 'A Nicer Hercules' and it's on archiveofourown!) please make sure to check it out! And, if you ask me, if I have hope for bellarke next season, I would answer - are we still breathing? IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN GUYS! IT WILL!🌟

Have a great week, for those who already started school/colleges/universities - I am blessing you all to pass the classes, boom that's done, you don't have to worry about it! But, please, open a book, try to study, it will be for the better (momfriendmodeactivated). Love you all, see you next time!💕💕

I was tagged/tagging: @twotimestom ; @loveisalwayswise ; @feliciting ; @mermaidclarke ; @shadowhunthers @madigriffen ; @el-corazon-y-la-cabeza ; @maddigriffin ; @bellofthesky ; @skyqueengriffin ; @nymini ; @ehmori ; @cosmosclarke ; @mehmori ;  @eizagonzalezs ; @rondasloves ; @keiraknighted ; @sunnyemori ; @jordanjaspermcgreen; @toopreciousbellamy ; @283livesforone ; @clarkeywifey ; @julibernardo ; @hostagetakerandhistraitor ; @apheliotrophic ; @nvermindiseeyou ; @jiyyaaaaa ; @misplacedprepositions ; @skaicrew ; @quintincoldwater ; @sailormoony ; @emorikomspacekru ; @howtobeinept ; @aguusmiles ; @i-dont-know-how-to-quit-you ; @bellblakesfreckles ; @somehow-we-manage ; @theeobsessed ; @clarkeywarrior ; @miles-ezekiel ; @the-natblidas ; @bring-me-bellarke ; @argentsxarrow

(It's my first time doing bfns on the phone so i might have forgotten someone, also if you don't want to be tagged just let me know! or if you want to be tagged also let me know ((either tag in your photos, I reay do want to see your beautiful faces! or just mesage me)))

[centaurianthropology]

relistening to The Magnus Archives with my father, and I think there's a consistency issue between Anatomy Class (MAG 34) and Nightfall (MAG 109). The policeman in Nightfall, Max Mustermann, was stated to be one of the students from Anatomy Class; however, although it is a German placeholder name, there was no Max Mustermann in Dr. Elliott's class, the student with the German placeholder name being the female Erika Mustermann.

Good catch!  I think it’s distinctly possible that Erika was a later generation of one of the students, and that other professors had experiences with previous classes of faceless Stranger students.  Max may have been a part of one of those previous classes.

[immortalcockroach]

aka: keira’s bored and finds an excuse to do stuff for people

right so! i’ve just temporarily changed my url from reivenreies to bellarkesgodson to honour my baby, jj green, but also his late parents and his true godfather, jasper jordan, and i thought what a better way to spread the news than doing a celebration?

so, rules:

must be following this wannabe writer

reblog, likes don’t count

maybe check out my fics on tumblr or ao3?

you can only pick two things (except for mutuals, you can choose three)

send me an ask recommending me a song and emojis

☢ for a name aesthetic - name has to be included

⌛ for a really short fic (the 100 only) - include a prompt or a quote (you can find some inspo here) and ships/character you want in it

✪ for a moodboard (the 100 only, mutuals can get personal ones) - include character/idea you want it based on, or say you want a personal one

♫ for a blog compliment this used to be offered but turns out i’m stupidly bad at this pls request name aesthetics instead, those are the most fun

you can request until august 23 forever?? as long as i feel like doing these 

if you don’t want to see this, blacklist #kj celebrates

tagging some great mutuals people (whom you should also give a follow!!) under the cut!

@bellxmy-blake @fangirling-stole-my-sanity @montygreen @gilbert-damn-blythe @wetbellamyblake @maddigriffin @blueinej @talistheintrovert @madigriffen @cosmosclarke @zavens-bellarke @mehmori @bellofthesky @ghelikblack @great-wanheda @jordanjaspermcgreen @ravenfuckinreyes @sunnyemori @nvermindiseeyou @octannibal-blake @the-most-beautiful-broom @cometsnitesky @saltyblakke @ivegotyoufor-that @ehmori @emorikomspacekru @clarkgriffon @octeivia-blake @yourereallyhere @mermaidclarke @bellarke-stydia-olicity @bell-me-oh-my @this-girl-is-some-kind-of-genius @bellarke102 @bellamyblvkes @thebellarkeuniverse @joncthanmurphy @clarke-kom-eden @clarkegriffintitties @youleftme-clarke @youdonthavetodothisalone @bellamyblakebby @assholemurphy

[bb-8]

EMORI (+ BISEXUAL PRIDE) ICONS - requested by @emorikomspacekru

23 icons, 200 x 200px

+7 bisexual pride icons, 200 x200px

available to save here

other icons are available here

please like/reblog if you save any :)

[dashiellqvverty]

7, 22, 23 for the three songs

7 - answered!

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad - i don’t tend to listen to music when i’m sad bc i don’t want to form sad associations with songs i like you know? that said i’ll go with my favorite audio stims even tho that’s a little more of a stress thing but. same idea: Fireproof - One Direction, Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time - Panic! at the Disco, Mr. Brightside - The Killers

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up - The Phoenix - Fall Out Boy, Novocaine - Fall Out Boy, Kiwi - Harry Styles

[johnmurphysass]

Happy Hiatus BFSN everyone!!! I’m currently going back and forth on whether I’m going to watch next season. I want to hold out and support the actors but then jroth opens his damn mouth and I don’t want to watch anymore. We shall see what else comes out in the next few months. Thank you everyone for all your kind words and comments last week...you sure do know how to make a girl feel loved. Tags and explanation below.

Alright kids so has anyone ever heard of an “Ugly Brunch”? Well in case you haven’t it’s where a group of people go to goodwill and purchase an outfit for another person with only 10 dollars. Once everyone has their outfit you then go out to brunch at a local restaurant. You post the pictures on facebook or other social media to get votes. Whoever created the ugliest outfit gets first place trophy and the person wearing the ugliest outfit gets the second place trophy. Which we have creatively named “The Ugliest Bitch at the Brunch” trophy. It’s all in good fun and we have an amazing time doing it. This year was a trip because I had to wear that outfit and let everything kinda just hang out. I don’t know why I continue participating but it pushes me out of my comfort zone and let’s me be silly. I did not win this year or last year but it’s always a trip to see what someone is going to put you in to go out in public. We do donate the clothes back as well as donate to the goodwill. I hope that everyone gets a kick out of these photos cause I laugh every time I see them.

Tagged/tagging:  @dracosbellamy@covinskydeanoru@galaxyblake@clarkegroffin @madisgriffin @octannibal-blake@sly2o @buckthebarnes@sometimesrosy@grumpybell@aquietgirlsmess @nvermindiseeyou @spooky-ravenreyes @peterkavinske @thelittlestneverland@thelittlefanpire@semirama@lieutenantshaw @as-inevitable-as-morning @bb-8@tracylorde@shemustbeprettyimportanttoyou@commander-anya@zavens-bellarke @i-dont-know-how-to-quit-you @captaindxddy@sarka-stically @jordanjaspergreen@and-now-youre-spooky @to-the-bellindow-to-the-wall @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold@bellameblake @bellamybb @clarkegriffinspoobybooby @the-most-beautiful-broom @granger--danger@dxrkartifices@afandomboi@tabatharich @carrieeve@mycaptainbellarke@blueshirtbell@viviansternwood @rebelkingandhistraitorprincessxx@nightbleeder@calivia@feliciting  @arkadiaschancellor @spooky-eleanor@griiffn@bellarkesgodson @captainwilldameron@caramelappletater@nymini@thehundredtimesobsessed@shadowhunthers@bellarketrashaf@mermaidclarke @chancellor-valdez@starboybellamy@foreverandalwayscrysis @griffinnblake@kombellarke@youspookedme-clarke @tramey81@traitorwhoyoulove@princessclarke@emorikomspacekru@sanderson-s@chancellorgriffin@talistheintrovert@starboybellamy@bettsfic@clarkegriffinblake @hallowsedenmcspooks@mamabearsdontthink @el-corazon-y-la-cabeza @easilydistractedbyfanfic@enoughtotemptme @frecklessbellamy and whoever else wants to do it. Please let me know if you don’t want to be tagged!  

[the-restisconfetti]

A VERY VERY HAPPY BELLARKE FAMILY SELFIE NIGHT, FAM!!!!!🌟🌟🌟 I wasn’t sure i would participate in this tonight, since i just moved to UK (super frightened but also super excited) and i am still on the room hunt as well as trying to see as much of London as i can, haven’t seen much though 😂 so there am posing on the last day in Lithuania and the second one is me finally getting some cold ice cream in London!!!! so yeah, very stressful and very exciting week!

And for the 100…me a weakass bitch couldn’t hold herself together and of course looked up the spoilers, they were a lot to handle weren’t they ??😏😏 I’M HOPING my favorites are safe tonight, if not, well i guess i’ll have to come up with a plan (TIME TRAVEL!!!!!!!!) and send it to writers for season 6 😊😊😂😂 sadly i won’t be able to watch the episode live or maybe even tomorrow??? so idk, i feel pain:// but anyway, bfsn is amazing and you all are so beautiful and kind!💕💕

I HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT NIGHT! but also HAVE A NICE WEEK! I love you all and I’m going to miss it :/// 😭❤ I was tagged/tagging: @twotimestom; @mommabeargriffin; @loveisalwayswise; @feliciting; @mermaidclarke; @golden-bellarke; @shadowhunthers; @madigriffen; @el-corazon-y-la-cabeza; @maddigriffin; @bellofthesky; @skyqueengriffin; @nymini; @ehmori; @valkyeet; @cosmosclarke; @mehmori;  @eizagonzalezs; @rondasloves; @keiraknighted; @sunnyemori; @toopreciousbellamy; @283livesforone; @clarkeywifey; @julibernardo; @hostagetakerandhistraitor; @apheliotrophic; @nvermindiseeyou; @jiyyaaaaa; @misplacedprepositions; @skaicrew; @quintincoldwater; @sailormoony; @emorikomspacekru; @howtobeinept; @aguusmiles; @i-dont-know-how-to-quit-you; @bellblakesfreckles; @bcllamyblak; @somehow-we-manage; @theeobsessed; @clarkeywarrior; @miles-ezekiel; @the-natblidas; @bring-me-bellarke; @argentsxarrow