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dzmoot · 6 years ago

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URBAN LEGENDS OF NAMASIS

This is Ignatius Krattz,

It’s no secret that the Tuuns have done a very poor job of keeping records and preserving past events. It wasn’t until recently that my housemates and I have discovered the true origins of Tuun kind and the one who has prevented the Tuuns from dying off. Nevertheless, I can’t help but wonder about the Tuuns that have come before, the Tuuns that have disintegrated and become new Tuuns. What were they like? What abilities did they possess? What was life like under the rule of Malice Dabertson? I have gathered several accounts about Tuuns that have dwelled before from Tuuns that supposedly have seen them firsthand. I’m not sure if these accounts are real or just poppycock, but I have put together this journal to document these urban legends nonetheless.

POWER DRILLED HANDED POP TARTICUS

It’s said that this Tuun hunted the “humanoid” looking Tuuns at night, for it feared they would search for it at breakfast time and try to eat it’s strawberry flavored inners. It’s body was always piping hot (sorta like Maaze) and it had to be careful when scratching it’s nose not to drill a hole in it’s face.

PUKUMBER (ALIAS PUCKLE, PUTRID PETE)

This fellow was said to always be sickly, suffering from a rare form of Tuun gastroparesis. He was all around good spirited and kind, but he couldn’t talk to another Tuun for more than five minutes without spitting technicolor all over them. This also gave him terrible breath which prevented him from scoring kisses from sassy female Tuuns.

BANANATOR

A popular story amongst older Tuuns is that they were visited by a Tuun from a future timeline. This fruity fellow spoke in a monotone voice, had a metal endoskeleton underneath his yellow meat and was sent back to protect a Tuun named Johnny Sponner from a Tuun made entirely of liquid cheese, the C-1000.

ELVISWICH

This savage of a sandwich apparently liked to rock and was a Tuun pop star in his day. Igginsworth spoke about a similar fellow who once lived on Earth and ironically ate deep fried peanut butter sandwiches with bananas and bacon. I think he’s pulling my leg!

LAMOCUR

This menace just liked to go around poking Tuuns in their eyes, pounding them on the top of their heads, smacking itself in it’s faces and going on a spinning spree, like a loose buzzsaw whenever the song “Pop Goes The Weasel” played.

CRAYON MISSILE MOUTH (ALIAS MONTY CAHLORS)

Monty was just an average box of crayons until he stumbled onto a pile of nuclear moon rocks (possibly created by Dabertson). He then gained the ability to shoot his crayons out of his body at supersonic speed and they would fly into the ground, causing massive explosions. It’s said this Tuun nearly caused a nuclear war known as the “Crayon Missile Crisis”.

BERT AND LATO

The grand question about these conjoined twins is whether they were raspberry flavored or watermelon. Being stuck together made the two quite miserable and it’s said one even desired to break free, using a butterknife to try and cut himself in half. Having popsicle sticks for legs also made it hard to walk and they toppled over often.

RAZORPLE AND THE CHEWY TWO (THE CAVITIES)

Razorple had the ability to do 360 degree spins with his head and slash Tuuns to pieces with his razor blade ears. His six eyes also allowed him to see six different locations at once (sorta like a security system). The Chewy Two assisted him in finding a band of Tuuns called the “Treater Tricksters” who performed several pranks around Inkwell Village.

SIR YUCKENSHIRE

Yuckenshire hated it when Tuuns littered and was headstrong, persistent to put an end to it. When he caught a Tuun throwing their garbage on the ground, he picked them up and stuffed their heads deep down into his garbage can body full of diapers, coffee grounds and pungent garlic.

Again, I’m not certain if these Tuuns actually did exist or if they are just make believe. But it sure is fun to speculate. This journal could become a best selling children’s book on Earth!

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