#elmer kasparzak

[all-hail-the-witcher]

questionable government spies chapter 10

ANY AND ALL PREVIOUS PARTS ON THE MASTERLIST ORRRR UNDER #SPY BOYS __________ ship: eventual sprace, the great spelmer bromance

warnings: pineapple pizza, very minor injuries like bruises and dried blood. also liquid cats

editing: ehhhh

words: like 1000 not very many tonight welp _________

Spot slammed open the door of the apartment and fell onto the floor in a heap of hopeless romanticness.

“Oh hey Spot,” Elmer called from the kitchen. “How was it?”

“Terrible,” Spot moaned from his position on the floor. He felt like one of those cats that had turned into liquid. Actually maybe he was a cat. That would make this whole thing better anyway. That way he wouldn’t have to look at Phillip’s stupid face again.

There was the sound of Elmer’s footsteps walking into the entryway. Then they stopped. “What the hell happened to you?” Elmer laughed.

Spot groaned loudly. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

“You know, I’m not an expert in this category, but if you get off the floor I may be able to help.”

Spot sighed and hauled himself up off the floor.

“Okay, change of plans,” Elmer said, taking in Spot’s appearance. “You tell me what happened while I clean you up.”

“But I’m fiiiiiiiine!”

“That may be so,” Elmer paused to grab a roll of paper towels, “but we can’t have you bleeding all over the carpets.”

“We only have one carpet? And also there isn’t that much blood.”

Elmer rolled his eyes and nuged Spot forwards. “C’mon, tough guy. No first aid, no therapy session. Those are the rules.”

Spot considered. “Can the therapy session include the therapist ordering a vegetable pizza?”

“Only if half of it has pineapple on it.”

Spot wrinkled up his face. “Ew, no. I’m not contaminating my yummy pizza goodness with your gross pineapple. You’re going to have to order your own.”

“Well then I’m not gonna let you rant to me about your boyfriend.”

“Well then I won’t let you clean me up and I’ll track blood all over the apartment.”

Elmer narrowed his eyes, finally breaking. “Fine. But this better be a good story.”

Spot shrugged as he drifted towards the bathroom while Elmer made his way to the kitchen to order the pizza.

In a few minutes Elmer reappeared, grabbing the first aid kit from under the sink and tapping the spot on the counter.

Spot sighed and hopped onto the counter, still slightly salty that Elmer insisted on fixing him up. He tore off his shirt and threw it forcefully on the ground.

“So,” Elmer began, dabbing at the dried blood around Spot’s nose. “Tell me about this Prince Charming.”

“He’s a pain in the ass.”

“Is that his name? Pain In The Ass?”

Spot slapped Elmer lightly. “No you shit. I….actually don’t know his real name for safety reasons but he goes by Phillip.”

“Mmmm and what does he look like?”

Spot closed his eyes. “Blonde wavy hair, blue eyes. Really strong, but kinda skinnyish. Taller than me.”

“There are children taller than you.”

“Rude.” Spot leaned away from Elmer’s hold to glare at him. “He would have gotten along great with Alex. They’re practically the same person. His code name is freaking Rapunzel!”

“Is it now?” Elmer began cleaning Spot’s busted knuckles. “I hope you call him blondie.”

“I do, actually.”

“Really?” Elmer looked at him skeptically.

“Yeah,” Spot laughed. “I can’t tell if he likes it or hates it though.”

“Well, you don’t know how to flirt so I’m gonna assume he must hate it.”

Spot gave Elmer a long look. “You really do suck at this.”

“I’m trying my best!”

“Uh huhhhh.”

Elmer reached for a roll of gauze. “Well then, I don’t know, tell me what he did tonight to make you a pile of melted goop.”

Spot crossed his arms. “I am not a pile of melted goop.”

“You are too, you literally melted into a pile of lovesick goop as soon as you entered the apartment,” Elmer said forcefully. “He must have don’t something to make the emotionless Sean Conlon feel something.”

Spot groaned, despite himself. “Well, he was making these terrible snow puns. They were gross and sexual and yet somehow funny?”

“That’s exactly the kind of thing you would find funny.”

“Would you shut up?” Spot spat. “I don’t really know, it’s just the way he says things, he’s got this way of...talking that makes you look at him and listen to what he has to say. Even if it’s a dirty joke about snowmen.” Spot paused. “And, we almost got caught. A security guard was chasing after us and I was behind him so I ended up fighting him while he ran and I was thinking the whole time that I had to take that guy down so that he didn’t hurt him. And when I got down off the roof and caught up with him he had still managed to injure himself. So I put my arm around him and made sure he made it back to his partner okay. But when I was touching him, I don’t know, it just felt so right. Like there was this spark and I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

Elmer smiled at him. “Awwwww,” he said finally after putting away the first aid kit. “Spottie’s in looooooove.”

Spot jumped down off the counter. “I am not!”

“Are too!” Elmer squealed as Spot began to chase him through the apartment. “You liiiiiike him!”

“Maybe I do, but I don’t love him!”

Their chase was rudely interrupted by the doorbell ringing with their pizza delivery. Elmer went to open the door as Spot grabbed them plates from the kitchen.

“Okay so maybe you don’t love him yet, but you’re definitely far gone for him,” Elmer said as he placed the box on the table.

“I know,” Spot sighed. “I’m not even supposed to like him. He’s supposed to be the person I should be against. And I’m not….” he trailed off, looking at the pizza box on the table. “Weren’t you ordering two?”

Elmer looked at him sheepishly. “I maaaaayyyy have ordered halfsies….?”

“If there is one piece of pineapple touching my veggies, Elmer Kasprzak, I’m feeding you to the wolves.” Spot said threateningly.

“But there are no wolves in Brooklyn…?”

“The homeless, then.”

_________

Spot is in loooooove

also Elmer is an emt in case you forgot and they co own a tattoo place, a longer post about their tattoos is coming in the future.

buckle up y’all, cause 11 is a r i d e please don’t kill me

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

tag list @fairly-awkward-trashcan @well-the-kids-do-too @racetrackcook @bouncyscreamingnewsboys @ughwaitwhat @aw-jus-let-em-try @ben-cook-can-cook @the-woild-is-my-what-now @tommy-s-s0cks @voice-foundshoe-lost @galaxy-trees13 @stopthe-presses @ridin-in-style @pinecovewoods @i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing @bencookisagod @be-more-chill-evan-hansen @hellasoulless @stellar-alpaca @saxoph-ella @smolcanadiankid @disney-princess-sized @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @insane-tomato @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @have-we-got-news-for-you @thatfancyclam @myidkwhatmynameisblog @legoflambwrites @that-one-newskid @not-a-scab @albertdasillva @entschuldigung-bitches @thebroadwayaesthetic @tea-and-theater @thomasbeingthomas @seasickdolphin @auspicioustarantula @newsies-of-nyc @mrs-higgins @sunshine-e-cigarettes @spot-me50-papes @satafe-cafe @papesdontsellthemselves

[jack-kellys]

YAAAAAAAAAY AWWWWWWW SOFT BOYS SOFT BOYS

hearing you

a crappy almer soulmate fic cause its @well-the-kids-do-too ‘s birthday and she told me not to write this but I dont listen to instructions well

______

ship: almer

genre: soft

warnings: deafness and blindness wow I hope I wrote it so it wasn’t offensive

editing: nope

words: some

______

Elmer lived in a world of silence.

It was something he had been born with. But it wasn’t a birth defect, it was the link to his soulmate.

Or perhaps, the correct word was had.

See, the way the soulmate system worked was you were born missing something and your soulmate was born missing the opposite thing. His best friend Romeo had been born missing his right hand, and his soulmate Specs had been born missing his left hand. When they had met in middle school, Romeo had run up to Elmer waving his, now very much present, right hand. Because, when you met your soulmate, the idea was that would would heal each others defects.

But what was the opposite of deafness?

Elmer had spent a good portion of his free time on google or in libraries reading accounts of people who had been born deaf as their soulmate connection. He had found that 9 times out of 10 people who were born deaf either didn’t have a soulmate or their soulmate had died early on, usually before they were born.

By the time he was in college Elmer had virtually given up hope on finding his soulmate. He was doomed to be forever alone. A glitch in the system.

So, when he was out walking back from class one day with Romeo and passed two boys - one with dark red hair and big sunglasses and the other holding his arm tightly with blonde hair and a prosthetic leg - he didn’t think anything of it.

That was, until he heard a beautiful deep voice exclaim: “Oh my god, Race! Race! I can, oh my god,  why didn’t you ever tell me the world was this beautiful?”

Elmer stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed Romeo’s arm, signing frantically to him. Romeo stared at his hands in confusion.

“Slow down, you’re going too fast, I can’t understand you.”

Elmer sighed, almost jumping in surprise at the noise it made - did all things make noise? - and pointed at his ears with side eyes and made the sign for hear.

Romeo jumped back gasping - another sound that Elmer stored in his brain - and engulfed his friend in a huge hug. “Dude, that’s amazing!” he screeched.

Elmer laughed - a sound that he decided he liked - even though he had no idea what Romeo was saying, before pointing to the redhead and his friend.

Romeo understood immediately and went over to them.

“Hey, so, I think my friend over there must be your soulmate,” he said, signing at the same time so that Elmer could understand him.

The redhead had taken off his glasses now, he had wonderful hazel eyes that were traveling idly around his surroundings, soaking in every sight as if they were to disappear any moment. The blonde elbowed him in the ribs to get his attention.

“Really? Wow, um, I’m still getting used to this wow, I thought that I didn’t have a soulmate, you know? Cause everyone who’s been blind usually doesn’t have a soul mate, or theirs died, so I really wasn’t expecting this, like, ever, at all, so I’m still….just wow.”

Elmer smiled as he watched the boy ramble, even though he had no idea what he was saying. He definitely sounded excited though. Elmer decided that he very much liked the sound of his voice. It was rich and deep and made him feel warm inside.

“That’s him over there,” Romeo said, pointing to Elmer, still continuing to sign. “He was deaf up until a few moments ago, so he doesn’t know how to speak and he won’t be able to understand you right now unless you somehow know sign language, but I think-”

“What’s his name?” Albert cut him off.

“Elmer.”

Albert turned to Elmer and waved awkwardly. “Hi,” he waved.

Elmer waved back and smiled at him, still quite not believing that he was able to hear this. Surely, this couldn’t be real. People like him ended up alone. Not with a soulmate.

“I’m Albert,” he said, pointing to himself.

Elmer nodded in understanding, trying to memorize the way the name sounded in his mind so he could learn it later.

“And you,” Albert said, this time pointing to Elmer, “are Elmer, yes?”

Elmer looked at him in confusion, he had never heard his name spoken out loud before, but if that was in fact it, like Albert was saying, then he was near tears because of the way Albert spoke it- like he hung the sun in the morning sky.

Behind him, Romeo nodded encouragingly.

Elmer couldn’t help himself, he threw himself into Albert’s arms and cried tears of joy. Maybe he wasn’t a glitch in the system after all.

_______

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWITCH

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the taglist

Keep reading

[all-hail-the-witcher]

hearing you

a crappy almer soulmate fic cause its @well-the-kids-do-too ‘s birthday and she told me not to write this but I dont listen to instructions well

______

ship: almer

genre: soft

warnings: deafness and blindness wow I hope I wrote it so it wasn't offensive

editing: nope

words: some

______

Elmer lived in a world of silence.

It was something he had been born with. But it wasn't a birth defect, it was the link to his soulmate.

Or perhaps, the correct word was had.

See, the way the soulmate system worked was you were born missing something and your soulmate was born missing the opposite thing. His best friend Romeo had been born missing his right hand, and his soulmate Specs had been born missing his left hand. When they had met in middle school, Romeo had run up to Elmer waving his, now very much present, right hand. Because, when you met your soulmate, the idea was that would would heal each others defects.

But what was the opposite of deafness?

Elmer had spent a good portion of his free time on google or in libraries reading accounts of people who had been born deaf as their soulmate connection. He had found that 9 times out of 10 people who were born deaf either didn't have a soulmate or their soulmate had died early on, usually before they were born.

By the time he was in college Elmer had virtually given up hope on finding his soulmate. He was doomed to be forever alone. A glitch in the system.

So, when he was out walking back from class one day with Romeo and passed two boys - one with dark red hair and big sunglasses and the other holding his arm tightly with blonde hair and a prosthetic leg - he didn't think anything of it.

That was, until he heard a beautiful deep voice exclaim: “Oh my god, Race! Race! I can, oh my god,  why didn't you ever tell me the world was this beautiful?”

Elmer stopped dead in his tracks and grabbed Romeo’s arm, signing frantically to him. Romeo stared at his hands in confusion.

“Slow down, you're going too fast, I can’t understand you.”

Elmer sighed, almost jumping in surprise at the noise it made - did all things make noise? - and pointed at his ears with side eyes and made the sign for hear.

Romeo jumped back gasping - another sound that Elmer stored in his brain - and engulfed his friend in a huge hug. “Dude, that’s amazing!” he screeched.

Elmer laughed - a sound that he decided he liked - even though he had no idea what Romeo was saying, before pointing to the redhead and his friend.

Romeo understood immediately and went over to them.

“Hey, so, I think my friend over there must be your soulmate,” he said, signing at the same time so that Elmer could understand him.

The redhead had taken off his glasses now, he had wonderful hazel eyes that were traveling idly around his surroundings, soaking in every sight as if they were to disappear any moment. The blonde elbowed him in the ribs to get his attention.

“Really? Wow, um, I’m still getting used to this wow, I thought that I didn't have a soulmate, you know? Cause everyone who’s been blind usually doesn’t have a soul mate, or theirs died, so I really wasn't expecting this, like, ever, at all, so I’m still….just wow.”

Elmer smiled as he watched the boy ramble, even though he had no idea what he was saying. He definitely sounded excited though. Elmer decided that he very much liked the sound of his voice. It was rich and deep and made him feel warm inside.

“That’s him over there,” Romeo said, pointing to Elmer, still continuing to sign. “He was deaf up until a few moments ago, so he doesn’t know how to speak and he won’t be able to understand you right now unless you somehow know sign language, but I think-”

“What’s his name?” Albert cut him off.

“Elmer.”

Albert turned to Elmer and waved awkwardly. “Hi,” he waved.

Elmer waved back and smiled at him, still quite not believing that he was able to hear this. Surely, this couldn't be real. People like him ended up alone. Not with a soulmate.

“I’m Albert,” he said, pointing to himself.

Elmer nodded in understanding, trying to memorize the way the name sounded in his mind so he could learn it later.

“And you,” Albert said, this time pointing to Elmer, “are Elmer, yes?”

Elmer looked at him in confusion, he had never heard his name spoken out loud before, but if that was in fact it, like Albert was saying, then he was near tears because of the way Albert spoke it- like he hung the sun in the morning sky.

Behind him, Romeo nodded encouragingly.

Elmer couldn't help himself, he threw himself into Albert’s arms and cried tears of joy. Maybe he wasn't a glitch in the system after all.

_______

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWITCH

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the taglist

tag list @fairly-awkward-trashcan @well-the-kids-do-too @racetrackcook @bouncyscreamingnewsboys @ughwaitwhat @aw-jus-let-em-try @ben-cook-can-cook @the-woild-is-my-what-now @tommy-s-s0cks @voice-foundshoe-lost @galaxy-trees13 @stopthe-presses @ridin-in-style @pinecovewoods @i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing @bencookisagod @be-more-chill-evan-hansen @hellasoulless @stellar-alpaca @saxoph-ella @smolcanadiankid @disney-princess-sized @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @insane-tomato @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @have-we-got-news-for-you @thatfancyclam @myidkwhatmynameisblog @legoflambwrites @that-one-newskid @not-a-scab @albertdasillva

@entschuldigung-bitches

@thebroadwayaesthetic

@tea-and-theater

@thomasbeingthomas

@seasickdolphin

@auspicioustarantula

@newsies-of-nyc

@mrs-higgins

@sunshine-e-cigarettes

@spot-me50-papes

@satafe-cafe

@papesdontsellthemselves

@king-of-new-yoirk

[jack-kellys]

yaaaay spelmer we stan so hard I love those boys

also.....pineapple on pizza.....not as shitty as one might think

also-also I’m hype. for tatttoo backstories hell yeah

questionable government spies chapter 10

ANY AND ALL PREVIOUS PARTS ON THE MASTERLIST ORRRR UNDER #SPY BOYS __________ ship: eventual sprace, the great spelmer bromance

warnings: pineapple pizza, very minor injuries like bruises and dried blood. also liquid cats

editing: ehhhh

words: like 1000 not very many tonight welp _________

Spot slammed open the door of the apartment and fell onto the floor in a heap of hopeless romanticness.

“Oh hey Spot,” Elmer called from the kitchen. “How was it?”

“Terrible,” Spot moaned from his position on the floor. He felt like one of those cats that had turned into liquid. Actually maybe he was a cat. That would make this whole thing better anyway. That way he wouldn’t have to look at Phillip’s stupid face again.

There was the sound of Elmer’s footsteps walking into the entryway. Then they stopped. “What the hell happened to you?” Elmer laughed.

Spot groaned loudly. “I think I’m having a feeling. How do I make it stop?”

“You know, I’m not an expert in this category, but if you get off the floor I may be able to help.”

Spot sighed and hauled himself up off the floor.

“Okay, change of plans,” Elmer said, taking in Spot’s appearance. “You tell me what happened while I clean you up.”

“But I’m fiiiiiiiine!”

“That may be so,” Elmer paused to grab a roll of paper towels, “but we can’t have you bleeding all over the carpets.”

“We only have one carpet? And also there isn’t that much blood.”

Elmer rolled his eyes and nuged Spot forwards. “C’mon, tough guy. No first aid, no therapy session. Those are the rules.”

Spot considered. “Can the therapy session include the therapist ordering a vegetable pizza?”

“Only if half of it has pineapple on it.”

Spot wrinkled up his face. “Ew, no. I’m not contaminating my yummy pizza goodness with your gross pineapple. You’re going to have to order your own.”

“Well then I’m not gonna let you rant to me about your boyfriend.”

“Well then I won’t let you clean me up and I’ll track blood all over the apartment.”

Elmer narrowed his eyes, finally breaking. “Fine. But this better be a good story.”

Spot shrugged as he drifted towards the bathroom while Elmer made his way to the kitchen to order the pizza.

In a few minutes Elmer reappeared, grabbing the first aid kit from under the sink and tapping the spot on the counter.

Spot sighed and hopped onto the counter, still slightly salty that Elmer insisted on fixing him up. He tore off his shirt and threw it forcefully on the ground.

“So,” Elmer began, dabbing at the dried blood around Spot’s nose. “Tell me about this Prince Charming.”

“He’s a pain in the ass.”

“Is that his name? Pain In The Ass?”

Spot slapped Elmer lightly. “No you shit. I….actually don’t know his real name for safety reasons but he goes by Phillip.”

“Mmmm and what does he look like?”

Spot closed his eyes. “Blonde wavy hair, blue eyes. Really strong, but kinda skinnyish. Taller than me.”

“There are children taller than you.”

“Rude.” Spot leaned away from Elmer’s hold to glare at him. “He would have gotten along great with Alex. They’re practically the same person. His code name is freaking Rapunzel!”

“Is it now?” Elmer began cleaning Spot’s busted knuckles. “I hope you call him blondie.”

“I do, actually.”

“Really?” Elmer looked at him skeptically.

“Yeah,” Spot laughed. “I can’t tell if he likes it or hates it though.”

“Well, you don’t know how to flirt so I’m gonna assume he must hate it.”

Spot gave Elmer a long look. “You really do suck at this.”

“I’m trying my best!”

“Uh huhhhh.”

Elmer reached for a roll of gauze. “Well then, I don’t know, tell me what he did tonight to make you a pile of melted goop.”

Spot crossed his arms. “I am not a pile of melted goop.”

“You are too, you literally melted into a pile of lovesick goop as soon as you entered the apartment,” Elmer said forcefully. “He must have don’t something to make the emotionless Sean Conlon feel something.”

Spot groaned, despite himself. “Well, he was making these terrible snow puns. They were gross and sexual and yet somehow funny?”

“That’s exactly the kind of thing you would find funny.”

“Would you shut up?” Spot spat. “I don’t really know, it’s just the way he says things, he’s got this way of…talking that makes you look at him and listen to what he has to say. Even if it’s a dirty joke about snowmen.” Spot paused. “And, we almost got caught. A security guard was chasing after us and I was behind him so I ended up fighting him while he ran and I was thinking the whole time that I had to take that guy down so that he didn’t hurt him. And when I got down off the roof and caught up with him he had still managed to injure himself. So I put my arm around him and made sure he made it back to his partner okay. But when I was touching him, I don’t know, it just felt so right. Like there was this spark and I’ve never felt anything like that before.”

Elmer smiled at him. “Awwwww,” he said finally after putting away the first aid kit. “Spottie’s in looooooove.”

Spot jumped down off the counter. “I am not!”

“Are too!” Elmer squealed as Spot began to chase him through the apartment. “You liiiiiike him!”

“Maybe I do, but I don’t love him!”

Their chase was rudely interrupted by the doorbell ringing with their pizza delivery. Elmer went to open the door as Spot grabbed them plates from the kitchen.

“Okay so maybe you don’t love him yet, but you’re definitely far gone for him,” Elmer said as he placed the box on the table.

“I know,” Spot sighed. “I’m not even supposed to like him. He’s supposed to be the person I should be against. And I’m not….” he trailed off, looking at the pizza box on the table. “Weren’t you ordering two?”

Elmer looked at him sheepishly. “I maaaaayyyy have ordered halfsies….?”

“If there is one piece of pineapple touching my veggies, Elmer Kasprzak, I’m feeding you to the wolves.” Spot said threateningly.

“But there are no wolves in Brooklyn…?”

“The homeless, then.”

_________

Spot is in loooooove

also Elmer is an emt in case you forgot and they co own a tattoo place, a longer post about their tattoos is coming in the future.

buckle up y’all, cause 11 is a r i d e please don’t kill me

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

tag list @fairly-awkward-trashcan @well-the-kids-do-too @racetrackcook @bouncyscreamingnewsboys @ughwaitwhat @aw-jus-let-em-try @ben-cook-can-cook @the-woild-is-my-what-now @tommy-s-s0cks @voice-foundshoe-lost @galaxy-trees13 @stopthe-presses @ridin-in-style @pinecovewoods @i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing @bencookisagod @be-more-chill-evan-hansen @hellasoulless @stellar-alpaca @saxoph-ella @smolcanadiankid @disney-princess-sized @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @insane-tomato @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @have-we-got-news-for-you @thatfancyclam @myidkwhatmynameisblog @legoflambwrites @that-one-newskid @not-a-scab @albertdasillva @entschuldigung-bitches @thebroadwayaesthetic @tea-and-theater @thomasbeingthomas @seasickdolphin @auspicioustarantula @newsies-of-nyc @mrs-higgins @sunshine-e-cigarettes @spot-me50-papes @satafe-cafe @papesdontsellthemselves