#ella what have u done

[samkerrworshipper]

lights are on, but nobody’s home

barca femeni x reader

it’s unedited. i’m not sorry about it, if it puts u off then soz icbf. this fic has been in my drafts since october so it was about time i finished it! combined to fics lol to get it done and its a fast paced very vague mess but have fun :) loved the idea not the execution!

warnings: kinda angsty?

Red cards exist in the game for a reason. You don’t deny that. Red cards are needed to keep people safe, to set a boundary between safe and unsafe play. But there had been something so undeniably unfair about yours.

You’d hurt somebody, you weren’t going to lie about that. It had been unintentional, but a risk you’d taken had ended up with the world’s best player being stretchered off the pitch, and for just that, you deserved a yellow. But a red, for a tackle that was mostly legal, seemed ridiculous. Tackles happened. As a defensive midfielder, it was your job to get the ball off attackers, it was your responsibility to make sure that you stopped the ball from being kicked in the direction of your keeper or down the field to another player. It was what cemented your spot in the English midfield; you weren’t just a good attacker; you were ferocious in defence. You averaged at least 5 tackles per game; it was the most crucial part of your game; it was fundamentally what made you a good footballer.

Arguing with the ref and using some particularly vulgar language definitely didn’t help your case but in your defence it hadn’t been a red cardable offence. It was all pointless though, the card had already been raised and pointed in your direction, you’d been booked, in a friendly of all games.

It was bad, you’d know that from the moment your cleats had stepped over the line, the incessant booing being directed towards you as you walked past Sarina the grim frown etched into the details of her face was enough of a sign. You were in a bad situation, but you’d just put your team in an even worse situation with a one less player on the field to continue the fight in the world cup final rematch. It wasn’t good, it was your job to make sure that your team was in the best situation to achieve success on the pitch and you’d jeopardised that. What you hadn’t realised was that action wasn’t only jeopardising your team, it was jeopardising you as a whole.

It had begun from the moment you’d gotten back to your hotel room later that night. Your teammates had focused all of their energy on trying to lift your spirits, with the game ending in a 1-1 draw, everyone was happy. The England team was your second family, and considering you didn’t play in the WSL like the vast majority of them, national team time was valuable to you. You sat next to Beth on the ride back to the hotel, happy to listen to her non-stop talking as a distraction for the disappointment that had settled inside of you. At team dinner, you sat sandwiched in between Grace and Ella; most dinners spent on your normal table, you struggled to get a word in, but it was the constant surrounding buzz that kept you out of your head and specifically off of your phone, and you were more grateful than usual that you had that. By the time you’d even made it to your room and gone through your nighttime routine, you still hadn’t checked your phone. It was only as you began to prepare yourself to get into bed that you headed towards your bag to fish it out. You climbed into bed, finally opening your phone for the first time, and instead of it having a handful of messages from your family and a sprinkle of Instagram notifications, there were thousands. Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, newsforums, both English and Spanish; as you scrolled down the list, it only got bigger. All of it was the same, about how you’d ‘intentionally’ injured your own club teammate to benefit your national team, how you were malicious, how you had played beyond the line of safe play, how you deserved to be penalised, how you had ruined sportsmanship. It was never-ending, and the more that you read, the worse it got. You felt like a shell of yourself as your eyes scanned the different words; you completely dissociated it all. It felt like you were reading about somebody else, like there was absolutely no possibility that the sentences you were absorbing could possibly be about you. There was so much falsity behind all of it that it was hard to understand it. You’d played the same you always did, you hadn’t played dangerously, you’d played within the rules as you always did. Beyond that, you’d visited Aitana in the change rooms after the game, desperate to apologise and make sure that you hadn’t done any damage or hurt her in any way. Your play hadn’t been malicious, there hadn’t been any ill intention or hatred fueled behind it, even though every single article or post was making it seem that way. Aitana had come off after the clash purely as a caution, when you’d gone to see her, all she was dealing with was a little bit of inflammation. By the time you were both back in Barcelona, she’d be as good as new. Even after watching the replays, it was clear to anybody with eyes that all you were doing was fighting for the ball, the same as every other 1-on-1 battle throughout the game. Yet as soon as a spotlighted player got injured, it was suddenly a different story being told.

Normally you would shake it off, in general, you were the kind of person who didn’t get bothered by much, You were a bubbly and happy person, you were the kind of teammate who was always smiling and trying to make other people laugh. Usually, if you had a teammate who was in the same situation as you were now, you would be the one picking them up and trying to help them shake off all of this. It wasn’t normally a struggle for you to overcome a little bit of hate, but there was something so shattering about this. Whilst you still believed deep down that you’d done nothing wrong, it was hard to convince yourself of that when there were so many people who were telling you otherwise.

You weren’t the kind of person who regularly fell into the mind numbing action of doom scrolling, you weren’t big on social media in general, it was something you had to do because of your job but not much else beyond that. Yet right now it felt impossible to deviate away from it, every time you saw your name pop up again somewhere you were drawn to another dark place of the internet where you kept reading until you were mentioned or tagged in another post and your phone lit up with a new piece of media.

It was never ending, it just kept coming, and the longer you indulged in it, the sicker you started to feel. Had you done something wrong? Were you truly as malicious as everyone wrote? Were you the bad person they were painting you to be?

It was impossible to not consider that potentially everyone else was right, maybe you were the problem.

It was a good day to be roomed with Lucy, she’d been in bed before you’d even made it up to the room and asleep whilst you’d been showering. If the sounds of snoring were anything to go off of then she was long gone, which made you feel more secure as you muffled a sob into your pillow. It was going to be fine, by the time morning rolled around it would be forgotten. Or at least that was what you thought.

The convenience of playing your games in Spain was that unlike majority of your teammates, you were able to sleep in the following morning instead of flying back to their club teams. Lucy was gone long before you woke up, something you were specifically grateful for because whilst Lucy was mostly oblivious, you weren’t sure if you would have been able to hide your red eyes and puffy face. You hadn’t had much sleep, but even in the few hours that you had managed to get, the notifiations on your phone had only multiplied significantly. Every second your phone lit up again, and for the sake of your own brain you chose to switch it off completely. If you stayed in the shower a little longer because you got so lost thinking about it all that your feet started to go numb from the water pressure there was nobody around to say anything about it. If you happened to space out halfway through your skincare and accidentally spill half of your serum down the sink it was nothing a bit of water from the sink couldn’t fix. Every time you thought you’d forgotten about it all, like you’d drifted away from everything you’d read and then suddenly it all came back to you like some sick fever dream. It was the same words that kept circulating, and every time it came back to you it was impossible to just let it go.

You were half way dressed when your door was knocked on. It was what woke you up to the fact that you had absolutely no idea what time it was or how long you’d spent spaced out and in your brain.

You weren’t shocked to find Keira waiting outside your door, looking significantly more put together then you were.

“Mate, I’ve texted you about 30 times. The taxis here to take us to the airport.”

Fuck. You’d forgotten that you were taking a group taxi instead of leaving the hotel individually.

“Give me five minutes, I slept in and forgot to pack up last night.”

Keira cut you off before you continued your ramble of excuses.

“I’ll help you pack up, you focus on getting dressed and sorting yourself out, okay?”

Keira wasn’t your closest friend, she was one of the few people on the Barcelona team that spoke fluent english which grouped the two of you together. She was also one of your idols coming through as the youngest midfielder in the English and Barcelona squad. But personality wise the two of you didn’t jell, you were too energetic and a little bit too immature to buddy up with her. It didn’t change the fact that she was basically an older sister to you. She wasn’t exactly the person you’d go to for relationship advice or confess your troubling thoughts to. But she was the person you could rely on to help you in any situation without asking questions, and this really was an extension of that.

Keira made quick work of packing up your things from around your room whilst you finished getting dressed and putting your hair in a messy bun.

By the time you’d made yourself look just enough presentable for the public eye Keira was done, all of your bags piled together at your hotel room door.

“I found your phone at the bottom of your bag, looks like you might want to charge it before the drive.”

Right now, your phone felt like a block of dynamite, balancing in Keira’s hand, ready to explode at any second.

“No, I just turned it off.”

You didn’t really think about how odd your words could sound until they’d left your mouth, and Keira’s eyebrows were raising quickly.

“You just turned it off?”

It’s an unusual behaviour for you, one that Keira has clearly picked up on by the tone in her voice. Your phone is practically an extension of you, the team didn’t joke about you having square eyes for nothing. Always getting people to film tiktoks or do stupid challenges.

“Yes?”

You actively observe all of the cogs in Keira’s brain turning, she looks like she has a lot to say, but then she glances down at her watch and it’s clear that the fact that you are running well behind time takes priority.

“Let’s go, the taxi is waiting.”

Keira practically pushed you out of the hotel room, all of your bags in her hands and ushering you straight towards the elevator.

As she’d said, the taxi is waiting in front of the lobby, the driver looks particularly ticked off as he waits outside the drivers side door, his foot tapping and a cigarette hanging halfway out of his mouth. Keira loads your suitcase into the boot of the car whilst you take your backpack off of her and hop into the back of the car, Keira follows and sits down across from you.

The first five minutes of the ride are silent, Keira flicks through her phone whilst you stare out the tinted window and pretend that you can see the things passing by.

“You can talk to me you know? I know we’re not exactly the closest, but I’m here for you.”

You don’t bother to look in Keira’s direction, you keep your eyes and facial expression schooled and focused on the window.

“Anything the media writes is bullshit, you ought to just ignore it.”

You wished you could have ignored it last night, when theoretically you were at your most vulnerable. Maybe if you hadn’t of read so much when you were already in a bad mindset it wouldn’t have imprinted so much, regardless it has and you can’t just ignore it.

“Kei, I’m fine. When have I ever cared what the papers write about me?”

Now, right now is when you care. It’s a fair statement though, you’ve never been affected when tabloids have written far worse things about you, when you came out and for months there was homophobic slander everywhere you looked. In the past it hadn’t been based off of facts, it had all been fictitious. But now that there is just a inkling of truth behind what’s being written it feels far more real and you aren’t sure how to get past that.

“I’m just saying that there isn’t anything wrong with being affected by it. Especially after last night, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that.”

This is the trouble between you and Keira, she’s a lot more frank. In your opinion it’s a thing that comes with age, whilst she’s very happy to admit when she’s going through a hard time you’d rather cover it up with jokes and pretend that it doesn’t actually bother you. The trouble with your approach is that it only works for so long before people start to see you fraying at the edges or you completely break down from the pressure.

“Just mad I hurt your bestfriend, huh?”

The only response you get from Keira is a loud exhale, the same a mother would when her child makes a immature joke at a immature time. Immaturity is your coping mechanism, because by default people tend to be put off by it, they naturally gravitate away from it. Furthermore they gravitate away from whatever conversation or confrontation they were going to have.

“I’m not mad, I’m concerned for you and how something like this can affect a persons career.”

It’s too many feelings, to much concern, too much. You don’t deserve it and you definitely do not want it.

“I’m fine, we play football, it’s part of it all.”

You still haven’t looked at Keira but you could make an educated guess and assume that she looks deflated. It’s another reason that out of Keira and Lucy you’d always gotten along better with Lucy, you didn’t care to admit it but she knew how to get to the bottom of all of your weird cues and knew what was right and wrong to say. Keira’s too smart for her own good, and it doesn’t work on you, it never has. She’s all you have at Barca now though, besides Roebs, whose been too focused on her rehab and getting back on the pitch to be much of a friend.

“Hate shouldn’t be part of it. If you need to talk about the fact that some part of it is clearly bothering you then I’m here, anybody else on the team is here. Okay?”

You nod purely for the sake of ending the conversation, you can’ even figure out how you feel about it all, let alone trying to rationalise it with Keira. You’re upset, yet you can’t quite get to the bottom of it. You’ve never been upset before when your actions have ended in somebody else getting injured, it’s a rare occurence and when it happens you feel a little bit of guilt but usually it fades. Injury is part of the game, it happens all the time right in front of your eyes. You suppose Aitana isn’t actually injured though, she’s sore and has a low grade ankle sprain but it’s nowhere near the same as her tearing her acl or breaking a bone because of you. You just feel drained, it’s odd, you put it down to the fact that you hardly got any sleep last night but you have this underlying feeling that it’s somehow more than that, yet you have no explanation for it.

After a long break of silence Keira and yourself fall into a fairly bland conversation about the upcoming fixtures and winter break plans. It’s so evident that there is tension in every word each of you speak, like you’re both a few syllables away from saying something that neither of you want to.

Luckily Keira is a lot more cautious than most people, unlike most of you friends or teammates in general she can control herself to a respectable level and can stop herself from word vomiting emotion fueled spieles.

By the time the driver pulls up in front of your apartment building not much has been said at all, but the overarching feeling is tense, it doesn’t feel good and the mixture of it with the everything else is making you feel sick. Keira gives you a hug after helping you unload your luggage and then leaves you. You know that outwardly you’re presenting that you want to be left alone yet everything in you is being used to stop yourself from clinging onto Keira and asking her to stay with you.

Your week is a lot of the same feelings. You have two days to yourself before training starts again and the two days are spent in bed. If you aren’t scrolling on your phone andreading every single thing that has your name mentioned then you are sleeping, or crying, or lying in bed thinking about it all. Every text from one of your teammates is left unopened, none of it matters when every single waking moment of your life is being spent thinking about the moment over and over again. It’s not just your career, not just the fact that you’re going to have to sit out in the next fixture and potentially tarnish your relationship with Sarina. You hurt Aitana, you hurt your ownt teammate. Your own actions had caused harm to somebody that you cared about. Every article, tiktok, post they were all painting you in some kind of negative light, like you were a demon hiding behind smiles. It was hard not to consider the truth behind it all, had you done what you did with malicious intent?

By the time training finally rolled around you were feeling even worse than you had a couple of days ago. Even though you’d been sleeping for hours a day there wer ebig eye bags under your eyes, you were pale and looked like you were sick. It was noticed by your teammates almost immediately, you weren’t even fully dressed in the change rooms before Pina was punching on you, talking rapidly in Catalan that you didn’t remotely understand.

“Chica, you missed our games night last night. To busy sleeping off the four goals you scored over the break, no? You need to leave some goals for other people.”

You shook Pina off as quickly as you could, you had a focus for the day and that was getting all of this over with. You had a game in three days, a game that you couldn’t ruin for your team again.

“Estas bien?”

You finish pulling your training top on and sit down on the bench in front of your locker.

“Estoy Bien.”

You focus on getting a sock on each of your feet and then your boots.

“Chica?”

There is concern laced in Pina’s voice, she’s still standing in front of you. Almost everybody else has made their way out onto the pitch, leaving the two of you and a couple of stragglers behind.

“You don’t look so good chica, are you feeling okay?”

Your boots are easy enough to lace up, once you’re done you reach behind you for your jacket, not quite sure if it’s warm enough to train in just your shirt.

“Estoy Bien. Vale?”

Before Pina can ask much more, you begin to walk towards the doors of the locker room. It’s breezy enough outside that you choose to put your jumper on, as do most of your teammates.

Aitana is doing individual training, because of her ankle. Pere says that it’s precautionary.

If you weren’t already feeling like you were on the brink of vomiting then now it’s the only thing you can feel. You feel ill, you feel completely absorbed by the sickness pooled at the bottom of your stomach. When Pere asks if you’re feeling alright you can’t say no, because you have no reason to feel as badly as you do. But it’s all the words, they’re spinning around in your head, every article, every single word.

It shows on the pitch, every decision, every pass, every shot, every tackle is helf back. You’re fearufl and it shows.

When training finally does finish, and Aitana is still working by herself with one of the coaches on another pitch you feel like it’s almost your breaking point. Until Pere pulls you over again and lets you know that you’ll be starting for the match on the weekend as a replacement for Aitana.

That’s your breaking point. You have nothing to say, nothing to think. You feel like a zombie as you walk towards the locker room. You sabotaged your teammate for your own good.

As soon as the team list is out that’s the only thing people will be saying, You don’t even want to think about what people will think when they see the photos of Aitana training by herself with her ankle all taped up. Whilst you were out on the pitch with all of your teammates. What was just starting to get better for you was only bound to relapse with the new information.

All of the girls notice your shift in behaviour. It’s Pina though who approaches Alexia on your third day of training back. Aitana is still training individually, purely for precaution and preservation. There are more important games then the one coming on the weekend and it’s not worth aggravating the small injury. It doesn’t feel like that to you though, and it’s been abundantly clear to everybody that something is up with you.

“Alexia, can I talk to you for a second?”

Alexia’s been talking to Irene about ….. for at least ten minutes and whilst Pina has no interest in interrupting it’s getting boring waiting around for a conversation to end that’s clearly dragging.

Alexia looks so care free, and Pina asking to talk to her shouldn’t change that, but the look that’s on her face changes Alexia’s demeanour almost immediately.

“What’s up?”

Pina looks at Irene awkwardly, like she’s not sure if the information she’s about to share with Alexia is for Irene’s ears. Irene seems to get the message, farewelling the two of them before heading off.

“I’m worried about y/n.”

Alexia’s silently been wondering whether to approach the subject. She’d thouyght about asking Keira is something had happened on England camp, considering that your particularly filthy mood had seemed to start afterwards. It was out of character for you, and originally Alexia had thought it was all part of some sort of prank plot. But as the last couple of days had passed it had become drastically clear that there was something else wrong. She’d thought it would be smarter to give you the benefit of the doubt, everyone had bad weeks. Alexia wasn’t aware of any relationships you were in but she wouldn’t have been shocked if your mood had been due to a breakup or something of similar origin.

“Ale, she’s been acting strange. She comes in everyday and hardly talks to anybody, she doesn’t joke around with use like she normally does, she hasn’t been answering our groupchat, she’s been avoiding all of our plans to hang out. Out on the pitch she’s been cautious but so unphased and she won’t talk to me or Ona or Patri or Kika or Esmee and I don’t know what to do anymore. Somethings really wrong, normally she’s so happy, I mean everyones noticed that the locker room has been more quiet. I thought it was going to pass, but she’s seemed really upset, like somethings really wrong and what’s happening on the internet can’t be helping it.”

The problem is that Alexia doesn’t disagree with anything that Pina is saying, she can’t dismiss any of it as overreaction because whether it’s been conscious or not she has noticed all of the things that she’s being told. She hadn’t yet pieced it all together as one thing but now that all the puzzle pieces are being laid out in front of her it seems impossible to ignore that it’s all coming together.

“On the internet? De qúe estás hablando?”

Alexia is the first to admit that she’s not exactly the best with technology, sure she’s got all the social media apps and Olga is constantly trying to teach her the ways of all of them but it doesn’t particularly interest her. She finds it easier to look at them as another means of work, it’s how she makes money, posting about football and endorsements. Otherwise she finds enjoyment in places besides her phone. Does it keep her slightly out of the loop? Yes. Does she have younger teammates to keep her up to date? Also yes.

“All the stuff about Aitana. I haven’t read into it much, but I know it’s not good. The media have been slaughtering her for that red card. She punishes herself enough after a bad tackle or pass, I can’t imagine what a red card would do.”

Alexia makes a mental note to look into it later but for now she knows that she needs to deescalate. Because if Pina is telling Alexia now then it’s not long before it blows up within the team.

“Okay. I’ll talk to her tomorrow after the game, if she’s still off I’ll talk to her. I’ll have a chat with Keira and ask if anything asked on camp, bueno? Whatever it is Pina, it can be fixed, all problems can be fixed. I’m sure it’s just been a rough week with all the travel and games, not everybody can adjust well, mixed with the recent fixtures it would be expected that everyone is feeling a bit more exhausted.”

It’s the rationalisation that seems to calm Pina down more, which was ultimately Alexia’s end goal. She can deal with you tomorrow but for now it’s crucial that she stops this from escalating within the team. When things spread it all becomes more drama and it’s not good, distractions are not what everybody needs leading into the next fixtures.

Alexia honestly forgets about the conversation completely. Between organising dinner the night before, stretching, spending quality time with her girlfriend and generally just getting herself game ready and in a good head space. She woke up feeling rested and prepared for the game ahead.

You however, were quite simply a mess. You’d hardly slept in over a week now, if you did sleep you woke up in a sweat after a particularly brutal nightmare, you were hardly eating because you always felt so nauseous from the anxiety and your performance on the football pitch had been dismaying.

Alexia, and your teammates, weren’t noticing the smaller things. You lived in your own apartment, in your own building. Nobody was aware of everything that was contributing to all the things that were beginning to show.

Alexia, hyper vigilant after Pina’s admission decided that she’d try and find you before everyone hopped on the bus to head to the opposing stadium, yet you were nowhere to be found. As everyone loaded onto the bus she almost missed you. Usually, you sat at the back, with the younger girls. Normally, Alexia gravitated somewhere in the middle of the bus, she was too old to be singing or messing around at the back but she liked to still be kept in the mix.

It was why she almost missed you, hunched into a seat almost at the very front of the bus.

“Chica?”

The way your whole body darted upwards as soon as you heard Alexia was another concerning thing that she was adding to a mental list.

“Capi.”

You pull your headphones off as a courtesy, but the reintroduction to the sounds of earth and the environment around you brings you right back to everything you’ve been feeling.

“Are you waiting for Kika or Vicky?”

Alexia feels like she already knows your answer, but she’s hanging on to a thread of hope that whatever Pina is feeling isn’t as bad as it seems.

“No, I need some sleep and it’s impossible to get any back there without somebody sticking something in my mouth or posting videos of me with my mouth half open.”

Alexia laughs, it’s the exact reason she can’t sit up the back anymore, it’s too much stupidity in a concentrated space.

“Ah, normally you’re more than happy to terrorize the rest of us, normalmente eres la reina de los estupidas.”

When your face doesn’t even respond slightly to Alexia and you have no witty comeback about her being boring or something else it’s another clear sign that something is up, she just can’t quite pin point what.

You’ve tuned out from her though, and as much as she is worried and thrown off, the bus is not a place to make a scene, specifically before a match. You will not take well to Alexia interrogating you and potentially causing any kind of emotional distress.

So, even though it pains her to do so, she walks on, she leaves you in the sinking ship you’re currently n in, taking on more and more water as every minute passes.

You’re at a point where you can admit to yourself that you are in no way fit to play.

You don’t want to be on the pitch, the fans don’t want you on the pitch, your teammates musn’t want you on the pitch, Pere wouldn’t have you on the pitch if Aitana was available and when you think about it the whole footballing world doesn’t want you on the pitch.

You flinch when you walk out to warm up and are met with boos, the Spanish fans are unlike all other fans, their passion is palpable and when one person starts booing everybody follows suit. It’s not even Barcelona fans, which is undecidedly worse and better. The overall impression is that you’ve aggravated the Spanish people.

It takes your teammates a couple of seconds to catch on to who it is the anger is being directed at but once they do it’s a domino affect of everybody turning to you, and then turning to each other and back to you. You try your best to not let it affect you, you’ve been booed before and have dealt with many angry fans, but when it starts to echo from the away side of the stands you honestly question if you’ve pushed yourself a little bit too hard.

Alexia regrets her decision not to say something to you when she sees the complete fear in your eyes as you look around at the crowd, who are vehemently booing you. It’s not a good feeling on any day to clearly have a crowd so against you but when you’re clearly off kilter as it is it’s clear that it all throws you off even more.

Before Alexia can think about it, she’s beelining straight to Keira.

“What happened on camp?”

Keira is just as thrown off by what is occurring as everyone else.

“England camp?”

It’s clear in the bewilderment in Keira’s face that she’s not understood what Alexia’s asking.

“With y/n, did something happen that nobody knows about?”

The booing finally comes to an end, but it doesn’t change the overall energy in which a whole crowd is sending your way.

“She was fine all camp, being an idiot with grace and beth and being her usual self. All the other games she was fine, and then after the Spain game, after the red card, she’s just been acting different. It’s like G at Man City all over again.”

Alexia understands everything that Keira’s saying, until the last sentence. Her English is pretty good, hger understanding is almost perfect, speaking less so but the last few words completely surpass her level of interpretation.

“G? Man City?”

Alexia notices you in the corner of her eye doing shooting practice, every time you miss and echo of cheers erupts.

“Georgia? Stanway? A couple of years ago, when she was young she got a stupid red card, it wasn’t pretty not dissimilar to the challenge on Aitana. Big mess with the media, got some really nasty messages.”

She doesn’t remember the moment itself, but she does remember reading something about it a couple of years ago.

“Gracias.”

You’re red hot with rage already, the crowd has you amped up. When Pere questions you in the locker room about your state of mind, you are quite literally in a blinding fury. It the kind of sadness fueled anger, youa re literally ripping apart at the seams and instead of actually feeling all of the innate anguish you are experiencing you turn it into anger.

“Why the fuck did you go to Pere and tell him I wasn’t ready to play.”

The tunnel is the only time you’ve been able to talk to Alexia, she’d been so held up with the pep talk, then talking to Pere, then giving inspiration to everybody else. But now that you have the opportunity you can’t ignore it.

Alexia’s eyes are ahead, you’re stuck standing behind her but she can hear you perfectly clear.

“After the game.”

It had taken enough effort for you to convince Pere that you were fine. You were begging for a starting spot that you didn’t even want, a spot that is actually making you feel sick to your stomach. It’s the doubt though, you doubted yourself in that stupid tackle that got you the card, so if you doubted yourself what was to stop everybody else from doubting you?

“No, what makes you think that you can talk to our coach about my game fitness without even talking to me? Do you have any respect for me at all?”

Alexia turns around, and it makes you feel slightly validated and slightly less like you’re about to punch her in the head.

“It’s not about your fitness.”

The punching in the head feeling returns pretty quickly.

“Not about my fitness? What the fuck else is it then? Just because I don’t act like a dickhead on the bus and decide to take a nap?”

Alexia gives you on final look before turning around, the look on her face only adds to your sickeningly consuming anger.

You go onto the pitch angry, which isn’t good for anything. Every time the ball lands at your feet, boos echo out. Every time you get tackled, which is fairly frequently because the opposition has chosen you as the punching bag for the game, cheers erupt. The game is easy enough, 90 percent of possession is with Barcelona, with you spot in the midfield the ball comes to you every few seconds. It’s mostly fine, for the first ten or so minutes. Until the tackles start to get rougher, and you’re mad, and the crowd is loud and everything feels so incredibly wrong.

It’s working you up at a fast rate, then the ball lands at your feet for the 50th time in the match already, and without even looking up at your defender, who three seconds before was standing right in front of you, her studs are placing themselves directly into your calf. It’s not a comfortable feeling, to put it lightly. You manage to clear the ball before you’re on your back, clutching at your leg and trying your best to breathe as the crowd cries out, your opponent mutters something aggressively in spanish and your teammates argue with the referee.

It’s all too much. Your just angry, and upset. Not even at your defender or at the tackle, just at all of it. You think in a roundabout way that this is all karma, that this is your punishment for whatever you did to anger everyone and yourself. You’re tired and fed up and want it all to go away.

You want to sink into the grass of the pitch and just disappear, it would make your life so much easier if in this moment you could just disappear and not face any of the stuff that is happening.

Then there are hands on you and you’re reminded that it’s nowhere near that easy.

“Estas bien? Necesitas la medica?”

You force yourself to stand up, push through, get it over with. You need to prove everybody wrong.

Whether you can see it or not, you are spinning out. Everybody else can see it, you’re frantic, timid and shaken. Patri is the one to put her hands on your shoulders and steady you before you try to return to play.

“You need to go off.”

Twenty minutes have passed, you aren’t going to force a sub when it is unnecessary.

“I’m fine.”

Patri shakes her head, in the same way Irene or Marta would when they are being tough.

“You are not okay, and you need to go off before something worse than that happens.”

You shake Patri off, and when she tries to come back you give her a shove.

“I’m fucking fine. I know when I can and cannot play.”

Like every other attempt that’s been made to try and stop you, she just frowns and walks away. The ref gives you a once over before allowing the game to return to play.

It’s not fine, nothing is fine. Your defender continuously gets away with dangerous tackles that should be continous yellow cards, the crowd is getting to you with every passing second. By gods grace three goals are scored in a few minutes, not only does it silence the opposition it puts you at ease a little bit. For the most part, you’re doing okay, or as okay as possible.

Until it gets to a corner.

There is two minutes of stoppage time, which have well and truly been used up. The corner is going to be the last play and it’s impact is not super important but the pressure is still there. You end up sandwiched between the two centre backs, and for whatever reason when the boot releases off of Patri’s foot from the corner instead of running to make room like you’re supposed to, you are yanked directly to the ground, with two boots stepping directly onto your legs.

It’s not agony, it’s definitely not good but you’re spending more time trying to not cry and collect air then focusing on everything else.

You can’t breathe, and you physically can’t stop the sob that leaves your mouth, it’s pathetic but it’s been building and you can’t stop it.

You don’t bother with listening to the call, or letting your teammates help you up or worrying about the play. The whistle has blown and you have one mission, to go anywhere away from people. You force yourself to stand up even though your back hurts from falling flat on it and your thighs hurt from being stomped on, and walk off.

Pere and the bench are still waiting in the dug out, normally you’d hug or talk or anything but right now the only thing on your mind is getting away, because if you don’t then what is now only tears is going to turn into a full panic attack. You’re working simply off of pure instinct, you have the shutters on and the only thing you are focusing on is your end goal and getting there. When you get to the changing rooms it’s empty, you bee line straight through to the bathroom and lock yourself in a stall before you actually let yourself think beyond the orders that have been set out in your mind.

Like everyone had said, you aren’t ready. You are living with the knowledge that because of your actions, your stupid actions you are being given a spot and opportunity that you didn’t deserve, you got it purely based off of the fact that you injured one of your teammates. Now you can’t even live up to the expectation of being a replacement.

The feeling that was initially what you had thought to be anxiety sickness builds up and all of a sudden you’re grateful your in the bathroom because within a couple of seconds you are kneeled on the floor letting your whole stomach contents out. It’s not a good feeling, you’ve been slowly descending towards rock bottom for days now but you’ve come to the realisation that this is it, this is your lowest point. Every time you think about the pitch you subsequently think about the crowd which leads you to think about everything happening inside your phone and then the sick feeling is back full force. The you think about Aitana, her ankle, her spot, her training, everything. All of that combined and all you can do is cry, it’s the only emotional outlet that you have enough energy for. You’d love to be able to punch something or throw something but you don’t have the energy, you’re running off of no sleep, hardly any food and now the fatigue of playing a half of football.

“Chica, can you open the door?”

Truthfully there are not many people you want to see in this moment or really ever again but Alexia might be at the top of the list. You’d been a little bit star struck when you’d gotten to Barcelona, you were an up and coming and to be on a roster with the best midfielders in the world was something you were in awe of. You were still slightly in awe of the fact that you were sharing a bench with two ballon d’or winners.

“I’m fine.”

You force yourself to stay as silent as possible even though it’s hard with the constant sobs building up inside of your chest.

“Please open the door.”

You’re at rock bottom and even if you try to swim out you’re going to need some help at some stage you suppose.

As soon as you open the door there is a resounding gasp, you close your eyes to keep a little bit of your inner peace whilst Alexia steps into the stall and locks the door behind her. There is just enough room for her to squeeze down on the floor next to you so she does without any hesitation.

“I don’t need you telling me that you were right to question me playing and that it was a bad idea, I’m already aware.”

You’re not sore from the match and yet everything hurts, you actually feel like your limbs are slowly being ripped off of your body and everything is being split open.

“I wasn’t going to say that, I was going to ask if you’re okay.”

It’s a complicated question.

“Physically yes.”

Your eyes are still closed, if you look at Alexia then suddenly this all becomes a whole lot more real.

“Mentally, emotionally?”

Just the question is enough to essentially demuzzle you, everything you were doing to stop yourself from crying out fails, and you start sobbing, in the loudest and ugliest way possible.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Alexia bunches up jext to you, slings an arm around your shoulders and brings you in closer.

“Don’t apologise when you didn’t do anything wrong, even if everyone else is making it seem like you did.”

Deep down you do believe you did something wrong, you don’t exactly know what but you must have, you must have done something because why else would all of this have happened.

“I hurt Aitana, I took her spot, I sabotaged her.”

The crying is cathartic, you’ve been crying for days but in an unemotionally detached way to expel some of the depression instead of actually feeling it.

“No you didn’t. You mis-timed a tackle that ended in a very minor injury. Football is a game of injuries, it happens. I don’t care what you’ve read online or what you’ve heard, the facts are simple. Anyone on our team or the england team can tell you that. Nobody blames you for what happened, not even Aitana. So you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

It’s easier to blame yourself you think.

“Everybody hates me, all I’m getting are messages about how I deserve to die and how people wish I’m never able to have kids or that I get injured as payback.”

Alexia’s deep breath makes you feel queasy all over again.

“What we’re going to do is delete all of your social media apps for the next few weeks, nothing is going to make people stop being putas, si? So for your own sake you’re going to delete all of them, turn all of your comments off, turn your messages off. There is nothing more important then your peace of mind, once that’s gone then this happens. You deserve better than this, you deserve to feel better than this. You also deserve to have fun and enjoy being a part of this team, nobody thinks you sabotaged Aitana, nobody blames you. You are just as welcome here as you were before the break, you are just as valued here as you were before the break. This stupid situation is not worth your health, si?”

You wipe away some of your tears, even though they’re still coming and nod.

“You deserve better, and until people realise that we need to focus on making sure that you know that.”

You feel specifically worthless, and it’s completely your own doing.

“Now, we need to get up before my legs go to sleep and my old body is stuck on the floor in here. Not everybody has young bones like you kids.”

You flush whatever parts of your stomach decided they wanted to resurface and force yourself to stand up, but as you do so the realisation that you are midway through a match comes back and all off a sudden you feel the need to sit down again.

“I told Pere to take you off for the rest of the game, I was coming off anyway, managing minutes. You can get dressed or shower, or do whatever you need to do and then we’lltalk a bit more about how we can turn this around. I’m serious when I say that the main focus is you right now and supporting you.”

You ignore the fact that nothing was ever mentioned about Alexia managing minutes and just accept that it’s a pointless argument and you don’t exactly mind her company right now. It’s nice to know that there is somebody shining a light for you at the end of the tunnel.

[queen-of-reptiles]

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙼𝙿𝙸𝙾𝙽

description: in which leah williamson’s younger sister is in a two year relationship with alessia russo and has just won two gold medals at the world gymnastic championships

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alessia russo x female reader

disclaimer: I am in no way saying alessia russo is gay or bi-sexual this is all fiction

warnings: not much, slight language and a lil bit of sexual content

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y/n just posted

liked by, alessiarusso99, leahwilliamsonn and 236, 345 others

y/n what a team, what a time - i love you all and see you soon!! ❤️

tagged teamgb and britishgymnasticsofficial

view 3487 comments

username1: CONGRATULATIONS YOUR BEAM ROUTINE WAS MINDBLOWING 😭😘😘

teamgb: 2 golds, 3 silvers not too bad xoxo 🫡

^

y/n: ❤️❤️

simonebiles: so proud! remember when you were just a little thing competing ! can hardly keep up with you now! 🩷

^

y/n: I have been so grateful for all your support and coaching - even if i am team gb all the way! 😜😘

leahwilliamsonn: so so so so so proud of you, loved watching every second, you continuously make me proud little one !! ❤️😭

^

y/n: ilysm sis ❤️

izzy.songhurst: GOWAN Y/N - SHES THE QUEEN OF THE BEAM AND THE FLOOR ROUTINE 🩷

^

y/n: I EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW SOON BRONZE THIS YEAR GOLD THE NEXT ❤️

alessiarusso99: I am so proud my baby <3

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y/n: You helped more than you will ever know my love xx

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ellatoone: 🤢🤢

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y/n: @joebunney come get your girl 🙄

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ellatoone: all gross love aside, well done our girl!! 😗

^

y/n: 😊😗

maxwhitlock: Absolute legend, BRING ON Paris 😎😎

^

y/n: 🇫🇷🇫🇷

username2: she was so good!!!! 😩😩

username3: She is SO pretty 🥺🥺

username4: WHY DID I NOT REALISE SHE WAS WITH ALESSIA??? 🤯🤯

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username5: THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR TWO YEARS?!!!!!

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username6: and their instas are basically shrines to each other wtf????

katie_mccabe11: showin them all how it’s done! xx

^

y/n: took lessons from u clearly xo

^

bethmead_: nahhh got it from me 😌😊

caitlinfoord: that photo of us all in the caps tryna be inconspicuous omg 😭

^

y/n: lesbians united ig??

^

username7: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

britishgymnasticsofficial: ❤️❤️

see more comments…

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alessiarusso99 just posted

liked by, ellatoone, mbrighty04 and 128, 298 others

alessiarusso99 day in day out you have worked incredibly hard for this, never resting, never giving up. Words cannot express how proud I was seeing you receive those medals. I love you baby, well done amore mio xxx ❤️

tagged y/n

view 2398 comments

leahwilliamsonn: this is cute and also sickening …

^

y/n: OI

username1: this IS the CUTEST THING 😭😭

username2: I NEED A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS NOW 😡😡

y/n: I love you so much baby! Thank you for being one of my biggest strengths! <3

^

alessiarusso99: always xo

lucybronze: sickeningly cute! WELL DONE Y/N 🩷

^

y/n: THANKS BESTIE 🩷

ellatoone: ew cooties

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y/n: ew ella toone

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alessiarusso99: behave you two!!

katie_mccabe: KISSING?? BEFORE MARRIAGE?

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jbeattie91: SHAMEFUL

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bethmead_: HOW DARE THEY!

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alessiarusso99: children… the lot of you 🙄

mbrighty04: loving this !! GO y/n!!

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y/n: 🥺😗

racheldaly3: LOVING YOU TWO!! 😩😩

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y/n: love you Rach!! 😘

viviannemiedema: WELL DONE BABY WILLIAMSON 🩷

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y/n: LOVE YOU TALL PERSON 🩷

esme.morgan: 🩷🩷🩷

username3: I feel like less is out of her league…

^

username4: Yeah i feel like She would be happier with someone else 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

^

ellatoone: We don’t.

arsenalwfc: We LOVE supportive girlfriends 😫💋

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username5: WE LOVE THE ARSENAL ADMIN

see more comments…

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y/n just posted

liked by, arsenalwfc, simonebiles and 211, 528 others

y/n best thing about getting to rest?

Getting to join arsenal women training ofc 🥹 (oh and getting to yell at Katie cause J is cool like that :))

tagged arsenalwfc

view all 2133 comments

username1: hahahah she was allowed to go to training 😭😭

katie_mccabe11: I DON’T understand I was ONSIDE !

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y/n: na never

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katie_mccabe11: i hate you sm

arsenalwfc: Loved having you! content incoming gooners…

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username2: AHHHHH

alessiarusso99: cannot believe my team didn’t win honestly 🙄

^

y/n: Just because you kiss me doesn’t mean I will give the foul! 🤷‍♀️

^

leahwilliamsonn: THATS MY GIRL - don’t give into seduction 😩😘

ellatoone: real question is … Did you take a shot?

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y/n: Nahhhh didn’t wanna embarrass the girlies too much

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bethmead_: yeah yeah, keep talking Williamson

caitlinfoord: Honestly best ref we have EVER had 🩷

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y/n: Love youuuuuu Foordy 🩷

username3: How ? Was ? She ? Allowed ? In ? Training ? 😭😭

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username4: Well, she’s Leah’s sister and Lessi’s gf so I suppose they all like her !

^

username5: Suppose? The entire team LOVES her !

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Arsenalwfc just posted

The camera zooms back from the Arsenal badge to show Alessia, Katie and y/n sat at a table laughing and they all smile at the camera.

“Hi I’m Alessia Russo.” Katie begins, Alessia laughing as she shakes her head.

“I’m y/n Williamson.” Alessia adds, causing y/n to glare.

“And I’m Katie Mccabe.” y/n says, a mock Irish accent in her voice which causes Alessia to giggle.

“Oi!” Katie says, leaning over to try and smack the younger girl but Alessia’s sharp light slap to Katie’s hand stops her.

“Ha!” y/n grins as Katie hisses like an angered cat.

“That’s not fair! She’s got her guard dog with her.” Katie jokes at the camera as Alessia rolls her eyes but she smiles none the less.

“Anyway…” y/n begins dragging out the ‘y’. “Today we are doing...” y/n begins. "What are we doing?" She then asks, causing the spectators to laugh.

The spectators in question were, Leah, Beth and Vivianne, all of who were sat happily on the sofa, watching the three on camera.

"Who knows who best." Katie says, Alessia rolling her eyes playfully when she realises they have been tricked into a couple's challenge for the youtube.

It was no secret the fans loved Alessia and y/n together, consistently finding their relationship adorable and loving the small amounts of content they were sometimes given.

"So, both Less here and baby Williamson, have whiteboards and they will be asked questions by me, of course, and have to write the answer down." Katie explains.

y/n holds up her whiteboard excitedly, her eyes sparkling as she grinned at the camera, missing the way her blonde lover smiled softly at her, eyes filled with soft love.

"Then, whoever gets the most right, wins." Katie says, she then picks up a card. "Right, what are Russo's two preferred positions?" Katie asks.

"Easy!" y/n grins as she begins to scribble across the board, Alessia chuckling as she does the same.

They two turn their boards around, Alessia smiling proudly at her girlfriend when she sees they have the same initials.

"Well done baby!" Alessia grins and y/n's cheeks flush at the term of endearment even after all their time together.

"Aw look at her!" Katie teases, leaning over to pinch y/n's cheek between her fingers, however the sharp hit which stops her makes her pout. "Again?" Katie whines at her fellow teammate.

y/n however grins at her protector, leaning over to peck her cheek sweetly, before glaring at her sister who fake gagged in disgust at the show of affection.

"Okay, movin' on." Katie hums. "What is y/n's favourite apparatus?" She asks before scoffing. "Even I know that!" She adds.

y/n smiles as she quickly writes her answer, Alessia doing the same as they count down from 3 before flipping their boards 'floor' both bright against the white.

"I knew that!" Beth says excitedly and y/n grins at her.

"I've always loved it, and found it so fun." y/n explains.

"Scares me half to death." Alessia denies as she remembers all the times she had watched her girlfriend jump and flip too high for her liking.

"It's my job Less." y/n defends with a laugh.

As the game continues it is clear the two girls know each other very well, both of them getting the other's question continuously correct until it was neck and neck and the last question.

"What is y/n's favourite beam dismount?" Katie asks.

Alessia pauses, shock in her face as she realises she doesn't know. Leah's mouth drops at the fact her sister's girlfriend doesn't know this and y/n looks mildly amused as she writes down.

"I don't know." Alessia admits. "I have no clue." She adds and Katie gasps as y/n turns her board around. Showing the g-valued dismount in black ink.

"Double tuck back salto with full twist." y/n says simply.

"Because you can land it every time." Alessia realises with a groan covering her face with her hands as Katie names y/n the winner.

As filming wraps up and y/n helps the crew put their things away, two lanky arms wrap around her waist and pull her into a corridor she didn't recognise.

"Can't believe you didn't know my dismount." y/n teases. "I mean, I love you so much, and know everything about you, but you don't even know my famous dismount." y/n continues.

Alessia whines, her lanky body pressing to the front of her girlfriend's as she buries her head in her lover's neck, causing her to have to bend quite a bit.

"Stop." Alessia huffs. "Its so many words to remember." She adds as y/n shakes her head.

"Don't love me." She teases as Alessia shuts her up with a chaste yet deep kiss.

The blonde striker's hands tighten around her waist, pulling her closer as her fingertips seemingly bruise into y/n's body from the strength of her grip.

The blonde angles her head down and left, giving her a better angle to press herself against her lover, her tongue pushing against y/n's slowly opening mouth.

After a moment of tongues clashing, the kiss slows Alessia's hands sliding up to gently cup y/n's face before keeping their lips pressed softly together for a moment more.

"Still think I don't love you?" Alessia asks, pulling away slowly, her teeth pulling y/n's bottom lip with her slightly.

y/n cannot function for a moment, the deep kiss sucking all the oxygen from her head and ability to breath from her body, the only thing in her mind being the smell of her girlfriend's perfume.

"I think you should do that once more, just so I'm sure you do." y/n smiles after regaining her ability to speak.

"Gladly, amore mio." Alessia murmurs, before moving her head back down to kiss her lover once more. After what felt like seconds, the two still pressed deeply together a shout ran out.

"MY EYES!"

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alessiarusso99 just posted

liked by leahwilliamsonn, katie_mccabe11 and 239, 322 others

alessiarusso99 she’s my favourite person idk <3

tagged y/n

view all 3298 comments

username1: AWWWWWWWWW

y/n: i love you baby <3

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ellatoone: ‘i love you baby’ 🤢

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mbrighty04: hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha

leahwilliamsonn: my eyes will never recover 😩

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y/n: #sorrynotsorry

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alessiarusso99: #imaccsorry

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y/n: she’s not …

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katie_mccabe11: leah’s shout of horror will never leave me 😭

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username2: what happened ?!?! I NEED TO KNOW 😂

username3: CUTEEEEEEEEEE

izzy.songhurst: 😍😍😍

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y/n: 🩵🩵

username4: OI OI OI

caitlinfoord: KISSING? LIKE THIS? AT YOUR AGE ??

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bethmead_: HOW AWFUL 😩

keirawalsh: you two are so cute !! xx 🥺

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y/n: love youuuuu xx

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lucybronze: you two are so gross !! xx 🥺

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y/n: count your days Bronzey

maxwhitlock: 🫶🫶

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y/n just posted

liked by leahwilliamsonn, simonebiles and 498, 398 others

y/n alexa play baby by Justin Bieber

tagged alessiarusso99

view all 5987 comments

alessiarusso99: my love

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katie_mccabe11: so gross 🙄

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y/n: i’ll fight you mccabe i swear 🤛

ellatoone: banger of a tune

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alessiarusso99: hundred percent 🫶

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y/n: AND I WAS LIKE BABY BABY BABY

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ellatoone: OOOH LIKE BABY BABY BABY OOH

username1: 🥺🥺🥺

username2: 🔥🔥

izzy.songhurst: cuties

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y/n: love ya xx

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alessiarusso99: thanks Iz ! x

arsenalwfc: ❤️🥺

leahwilliamsonn: 🙄😍

^

y/n: 🖕❤️

simonebiles: my babies are so cute !!!!

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y/n: 💙💙

username3: 😫😫😫😫😫

kyracooneyx: i was so in love with him 🥲

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y/n: it’s okay we all have a phase 😔

bethmead_: viv why can’t we be cute like this ?!!

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viviannemeidema: because we are not as cute as this 🤷‍♀️

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y/n: 😶😶

username4: I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

stanwaygeorgia: GROSS

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keirawalsh: georgia behave

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leahwilliamsonn: no no let’s hear her out

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y/n: 🖕🖕

see more comments...

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END

we love baby Less 🥺🥺

[rynfiles]

want u around !

✎ᝰ — post breakups with the blue lock boys

★ — oliver aiku, rensuke kunigami, sae itoshi x gn!reader

★ — genre + warnings: angst + literally all the boys fucked up, ooc for sae (sort of)

The morning rises and Oliver awakens from his slumber, mainly because of his dark-furred border collie, Ella. But also from the recent, recurring, dream, one that brought him peace but also drifted him from reality. You both were dressed comfortably, lounging on the rooftop of his apartment, and enjoying the starry night. You both talk of the future, his soccer career, family, personal thoughts, and just about anything to avoid silence and to say what you truly want to say, that you love him. You were nervous; nervous laughter instead of joyful, clammy hands, playing with the ends of your hair, anxiousness rising, you were a frazzled mess. Oliver took notice and asked if you were okay, instead of responding “normally”, you exploded your heart onto him and told him you love him. Your emotions flooded your brain and mouth, and instead of stopping after the confession, you spewed out how your heart beats for Oliver, how your body yearns for him, your heart tugs at even the thought of him, just everything you’ve held in for the night.

Now his body yearns for you, his head hurts and his heart aches at you being the missing piece from his life. He wishes he didn’t screw up, he wishes your feelings of anger and hatred, he replaced with love and nurture, he just wishes that he had done right. He wishes for you to still be around.

The large double doors open, indicating that the Blue Lock players are released from the facility for a small break. It’s been a gruesome year, some suffered more than others, but it wasn’t the worst the boys have handled. Especially for Kunigami, his world shattered on multiple occasions and his heart was ripped from his chest as well. Not only did he lose a spot in the Blue Lock project but also lost one of the most important people in his life, the love of his life.

As the young male continues to exit, and says his goodbyes to his friends and teammates, he looks around for his parents, and you as well. Now he’s very aware of the certain circumstances between you and him, but that doesn’t stop him from having at least a sliver of hope. He’s praying and begging that you would be next to his parents and hug him tightly, he’s hoping that you’re there to greet him with your warm smile, he’s hoping for some kind of inkling of your presence. Hope is what is keeping his head held high but as he gets closer to the parking lot and finds his parent’s car, anxiety starts to replace that hope. It heightens once his parents spot him and exit the car, but you don’t.

Kunigami's brain starts thinking that maybe you were too busy to come with, maybe you forgot the date, or maybe you actually don’t care anymore. No, it couldn’t be that there’s no way you no longer have care for him, you said you love him. The breakup couldn’t have been that bad that you completely erased him, there’s just no way. Kunigami opens his phone and opens your messages, he sends a text but it doesn’t send. He panics and calls you but it goes straight to voicemail, he tries again yet the same result. He tries to call and text, yet the same message is repeated over and over again.

Kunigami soon becomes frustrated and realizes that you really have erased him from your life.

As he enters his home, Sae sighs heavily from the escape of the paparazzi. Usually, he just ignores him but he has dug too deep into his sorrows and tries every way to avoid them, not even having enough energy to throw a snarky comment at them.

Since that conversation, Sae’s emotions have been running rampant and they’ve been affecting his livelihood, as well as his playing skills. Thankfully, he can play it off and have no one notice but that doesn’t stop his mind from wandering to the last few words that were said and how you walked away teary-eyed. Soon enough, his mind becomes hazy and he misses a shot or incorrectly executes a play, but instantly saves it. Some of his teammates have noticed but don’t dwell on it since they know how Sae can be.

He drags himself to his room, half expecting you to be there and half expecting an empty bed. He plops himself on his bed and immediately starts cursing himself, getting angry at his sloppy plays, getting angry for even wanting to care, angry at allowing himself to become who he became, and just angry at himself. He’s frustrated at how he let fame and recognition change him to hurt his lover, the love of his life, the one thing that brought light to his mundane, cyclical life.

He promised himself to not mess this one thing up, this one thing of perfection, the one thing that he genuinely enjoyed. Yet, he did exactly that. But what did he expect? He’s Sae Itoshi, the man who’d rather put soccer over everything and who would rather tend to himself than to his loved ones. He tried, truly, but even that wasn’t enough to stop you from leaving. Nothing of him could stop him from leaving you and he may as well sit in that truth.

★ I had a completely different idea for these boys but why not write some angst ;p

★ hope you guys enjoy my first post here <3. lemme know which one is your fav !

𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐏 💗: matthew 5:10

© 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟥 𝗋𝗒𝗇𝖿𝗂𝗅𝖾𝗌. 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗏𝖾𝖽

[jade4956]

Breaking the ice

The England U-15s training camp had barely started, and already the hotel lobby was filled with quiet energy. Parents hovered by their daughters, giving them last-minute pep talks, adjusting their backpacks, or simply standing by as they took in the unfamiliar faces around them. The squad list had been posted weeks ago, names studied and memorized. But now, looking around, the girls weren’t just names anymore. They were real, standing awkwardly in clusters, unsure of who to speak to first.

Tahlia Bliss stood next to her parents, hands tucked deep into her hoodie pocket, scanning the room. She wasn’t exactly nervous, she’d done enough training camps to know the routine, but this was different. This was England. And none of these girls were her teammates yet.

Across the lobby, a girl stood with her arms crossed, rocking on the heels of her trainers. She looked confident at first glance, but the way her eyes flickered around the room gave her away.

Tahlia took a deep breath and stepped forward, leaving her parents behind as she made her way over.

“You as bored as I am?” she asked, tilting her head.

The girl blinked, then let out a small laugh. “Yeah. Feels like we’re waiting for something to happen.”

Tahlia nodded. “Waiting for someone to be brave enough to talk first.”

The girl smirked. “Guess you win that one.”

Tahlia grinned. “Tahlia.”

“Georgia,” the girl replied.

Before either could say anything else, another voice cut in.

“Already making friends?”

They turned to see a girl standing nearby, arms loosely crossed, watching them with a raised eyebrow.

Georgia shrugged. “Suppose so.”

The girl sighed, as if she’d just lost a bet with herself. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to start it.”

Tahlia smiled. “Bad luck.”

The girl grinned. “I’m Ella.”

Before long, more girls edged closer. A tallish girl introduced herself as Lotte, standing beside a quieter girl, Ellie, who gave a small nod in greeting.

A brunette/blonde with an easy smile wandered over next. “What are we talking about?” she asked, slotting into the conversation like she’d always been there.

“Nothing much,” Tahlia said.

“Sounds thrilling.”

The girl smirked. “I’m Lauren.”

Slowly, more girls started inching forward. Esme, with her calm demeanor, and Alessia, who lingered at the edge for a moment before stepping in.

It wasn’t perfect, some girls spoke easily while others stayed quiet, offering only the occasional comment, but the group was forming.

Still, as Tahlia glanced around, she noticed one girl who hadn’t moved.

A light brunette girl stood off to the side, still close to her parents. She wasn’t clinging to them, but there was a hesitance in the way she stayed put, watching rather than joining.

Tahlia’s mum walked over and leaned in, whispering, “Go on, love. She looks like she could use a friend.”

Tahlia exhaled, then stepped away from the conversation, making her way over.

The girl looked up as she approached, her expression uncertain.

“Hey,” Tahlia said, her voice softer than before.

The girl hesitated. “Hi.”

“You alright?”

A small pause. Then, “Yeah.”

Tahlia smiled, not pushing. “I’m Tahlia.”

The girl took a breath. “Niamh.”

“Nice to meet you, Niamh.” Tahlia gestured toward the rest of the group. “Wanna come over?”

Niamh hesitated again, glancing at her mum, who gave her a reassuring nod.

Tahlia didn’t rush her. Instead, she gave a small shrug. “No pressure. Just figured it’d be better than standing around awkwardly.”

That got a small laugh out of Niamh, quiet, but real.

After another moment, she nodded.

Tahlia grinned. “Come on, then.”

As they walked back, the conversation naturally adjusted to include Niamh, no one making a big deal out of her arrival. The chatter picked up, laughter breaking through the initial awkwardness.

And just like that, the nerves of the morning started to fade.

They weren’t best friends yet.

But this? This was the start of something good.

—————————————————————————

I don’t know if I love it or hate it but I will say that I’m happy to say we have a Fic for every era of Tahlia’s life anyways thanks for reading my requests are open in asks or messages thank you for reading

[xas24]

Balde doing a vlog with you and hes all lovey dovey w u throughout the whole video💕

gazing ~ alejandro balde

summary: alejandro can’t keep his eyes off his girlfriend whilst filming a youtube video with her.

y/n tried to hold in her laugh as she watched alejandro attempt to balance her camera against the stack of hardback books. she knew the camera was on due to the flashing, tiny red light and she made a mental note to put his struggling face in the usual mini bloopers at the end of the video.

he finally fixed the camera and sat back onto the couch with a relieved sigh.

“hecho?” (done?) y/n softly giggled as he gave her a little smile and a nod.

“vale, siguiendo con el vídeo...” (okay, carrying on with the video..) she brought her phone up and opened it to the instagram questions she had saved from a few days back.

she wasn’t really a massive youtuber, but she had a small channel with a few thousand subscribers, which had then started to increase once people found out she was dating alejandro balde.

she didn’t think much of it and honestly forgot about her random videos she had posted up there; but obviously, being alejandro’s girlfriend, people wanted to know more about her and their relationship.

so after about two months of putting it off, she finally decided to cave into everyone’s pestering and sit alejandro down for a quick and short video of answering some of the fans’ questions about them.

and that is what they were currently attempting to do - the two sat close together on the couch, infront of the camera that y/n mainly used for these random videos.

“sí, continuemos.” (yes, let’s carry on) alejandro replied as y/n looked through the many answers. alejandro’s eyes never left her focused figure, brown eyes taking her in. the corner of his lips upturned a bit the longer he stared at her, before turning his gaze to the camera, knowing it caught him staring.

“¿cómo se conocieron?” (how did you both meet?) she read out and looked towards him.

balde answered whilst glancing between her and the camera. “bueno, ella es amiga de uno de los miembros de los medios de comunicación social en Fútbol club Barcelona y vino a entrenar con ella una vez. nos conocimos a partir de ahí.” (well, she is friends with one of the social media members at Football club Barcelona and she came onto training with her once. we met from there)

y/n nodded, slightly blushing. “sí, no quería molestarles durante el entrenamiento. soy un gran aficionado del barcelona y como mi mejor amiga trabaja allí, pudo llevarme sólo una hora.” (yes, i didn’t want to bother them during training. i am a big fan of barcelona and since my bestfriend works there, she was able to bring me just for an hour.)

alejandro looked at her whilst she talked. his arm, that was first resting on his knee, went to lay against the back of the couch behind her.

“vale, next question..” alejandro chuckled at her heavy accent on her english statement. he loved when she randomly started speaking english around the house, even if he didn’t understand some of the things she was saying.

“¿qué hiciste en tu primera cita?” (what did you do on your first date?) y/n looked at alejandro and immediately burst out laughing, both of them already knowing the answer.

“nada!” (nothing!) y/n chuckled. “no hicimos nada.” (we did nothing)

“¡no lo digas así!” (dont phrase it like that!) he laughed along with her, slightly covering his face.

“me hace parecer un mal novio por no hacer nada en nuestra primera cita!” (it makes me look like a bad boyfriend for not doing anything on our first date!)

y/n reached forward and cupped his face in her hands, having to hold her laughter in but she couldn’t help snickering. “no! eres el mejor novio del mundo!” (you’re the best boyfriend there is!)

she kissed his cheek a few times and alejandro let her, not wanting to playfully push her away just because there was a camera watching them. his arms circled around her body and he pulled her closer to his own.

y/n pulled back and turned back to the camera, leaving alejandro’s arm around her waist.

“ya éramos amigos desde hacía meses y nos sentíamos muy cómodos el uno con el otro, así que acordamos quedarnos en casa y ver una película.” (we already were friends for months now and we were very comfortable with eachother so we agreed to stay home and just watch a movie)

“sí, aún así fue divertido. también cenamos y nos relajamos.” (yeah, it was still fun. we had dinner aswell and just relaxed) alejandro chimed in too.

y/n went to add onto the answer and alejandro just watched her, completely infatuated and smitten. the hand on the back of the couch came up to toy with the strap of her dress, which is an unconscious habit he liked to do sometimes.

he would often start playing with her clothing, her jewellery, her hair and y/n didn’t mind. in fact, she loved when he did that. it made her feel comforted, having that close proximity with him most of the time.

he watched, or more stared, at her whilst she spoke, eyes jumping for one feature on her face to another as his teeth bit down on the inside of his cheek. his fingers kept mindlessly playing with the soft material of the bow tie holding her dress up.

that’s how the rest of the video went, which was only for a few more minutes. y/n asked the questions and answered some of them. she would turn to alejandro for his opinion, which he would reluctantly give, before helplessly returning back to daydreaming and gazing at his girl.

[bethanydelleman]

WIBTA for leaving my kids behind while I try to secure their future?

u/ClaytoBeauty

I am a young widow (F27) with two young children (M4, F2). My late husband wasn't very wealthy so I've been forced to move back in with my father. Fortunately, my father is the agent of a wealthy baronet (M54). He's in a little debt right now, but who isn't? The baronet's daughter, Ella (F29), has taken an interest in me and asked me to accompany the family to Bath. I think this is my golden opportunity to improve my life! The baronet doesn't have a male heir and what could be better than marrying a woman with proven fertility?

If I go, I have a chance to catch the father and secure my children's future, but I will have to leave my kids behind and people can be pretty judgmental about things like that... so WIBTA if I spent six months in Bath and left my kids with my father?

Top Comment:

u/PlymouthGirl69

YWNBTA at all! Ignore these other comments about your duty as a mother, as a woman you need to try for the best you can get your hands on! This opportunity is far too good to pass up!

Go secure yourself a baronet!

u/ClaytoBeauty (OP) Thank you for saying this, I have told Ella that I'm going to accompany her!

Comment near the bottom:

u/RosingsRector

A quick consultation of The Baronetage reveals that this baronet is in fact Sir Walter Elliot of Kellynch Hall, born March 1, 1760. Ella must be his daughter Miss Elizabeth Elliot, born June 1, 1785. There are two more daughters in the family but as stated, no male heir. The property is entailed, something that I am very familiar with, so the requirement for a male heir is valid.

I will consult with my honoured patroness, Lady C, to see if anything should be done to warn Sir Walter about this scheme. It would be a shame to see such a man marry a woman of low rank and Lady C is very concerned about the preservation of distinctions of rank.

(WIBTA is for future situations, "Would I Be TA?" and YWNBTA "You Would Not Be TA")

AITA Masterpost

[intensid4d]

The Moon - Alessia Russo x Reader

let me know if u like it! not readproof.

+2k of words! enjoy

.

Playing in Manchester United was your dream since being a kid, seeing as your father was British and an United’s die hard fan. But with your mother being a American, your family living in America and you playing for the U.S., it was just a dream. Especially because if you left, then you could lose your spot on the national team. But when you won the World Cup and after a Olympic medal, a loto f clubs were looking for you. One of those being Man United. You knew you couldn’t let it pass. So after a couple of weeks you called your agent and said you would do it. You would play for United.

It all happened really quick and as soon as the paper work was done between both clubs you were in England, ready to meet your new teammates. Marc, Katie and Millie being the first one you meet.

“We are really happy to have you here, welcome to your new home!” Marc says after greeting you and introduce you to the women.

“Yes, all the girls were really happy when we heard you were our new teammate. Hope you can feel at home and if you ever need anything, count on me.” Katie hugs you, Millie doing the same thing after.

“We’ll let you change into your kit then we’ll go see the others.” They left the room so you can change.

.

All of the girls were amazing and you couldn’t be more happier. Soon all of them became your friends, but you couldn’t help but grow closer to the special duo, Ella Toone and Alessia Russo. Since they were always making you laugh, always helping you out if you needed to go somewhere and didn’t know how to get there. In a matter of time the duo became a trio. It was like you knew each other since childhood.

.

As expected, you didn’t got called to the national team onto the first months being at Man United, so you went to see your two friends play for the Lionesses. Wanting to do a surprise, you show without telling them. So when they’re warming up and Mary spots you on the stands with a Man United shirt, she smiles and waves at you. You wave back, also smiling. Only looking away when Alessia comes into the field.

Damn, she looks good in white and blue. You think to yourself. The blonde doesn’t see you right away, always being too oblivious to everything. Everyone always say Alessia was like the sun, but you liked to thing she was like the moon. Always bringing light when things are dark or making things more beautiful. The moon was always beautiful to you, no matter how it was. And so it was Alessia. On all these months you have been friends with her, you couldn’t help but have a crush (or so it was what you thought it was, just a crush. A little one.). How could you not? When she was always there for you, giving you rides home, holding your hand when you were on the girls night watching a horror movie that you were scared, even when she was scared too. Or when she would fall over every once because she was too focused on you while you were talking to her at practice and you would always catch her by the waist and she would always whisper a little “thank you” with flushed cheeks. Or when she would always waits for you to get into the bus even if she didn’t sit with you. Or when she was always the first one to come to you when you got tackled down and just leave when you were on your feet and reassured her that you were okay. And, anyway... You could stay forever talking about how an amazing person Alessia Russo was.

Ella yelling your name brings you back to reality. Apparently Mary told her and Alessia about you being on the stands, so now both women are coming your way with huge smiles on their faces.

“Why you didn’t told us you were coming?” Ella says while jumping the barrier to hug you.

“Hello to you too! I wanted to do a surprise.” You laugh at her antics and hug her back. Alessia jumps the barrier too and soon you are on her embrace.

“It’s nice to see you! I missed you.” The blonde says on your ear, while in the hug.

“I missed you too. You look good on blue and white.” You smirk to her breaking the hug, seeing the way she’s blushing.

“Will you come into the field after the match?” Ella asks alredy starting to make her way back.

“Only if you guys want me to.” Alessia hugs you one more time, leaving a soft kiss on your cheek.

“Good luck, make a goal for me.” Is all you say to her, before she leaves.

.

You spent the entire match watching Alessia, you were always mesmerized by her skills.

She indeed score a goal, hugging her teammates in celebration and after they started to come back to their position she turned to were you were and pointed to you with that smile that only she had on her face, saying the goal was for you.

Lionesses won by 2x0 and as the final whistle blew you joined the fans on applauding the team. After shaking hands with the others players Mary came to get you into the field.

“Congrats on the win, good game Mearps!”

“Hey there, American!” Rachel greets you, hugging you tight. You guys having had meet because of Millie. You start a little conversation, talking about some new things about your lives when you get interrupted by Alessia walking your way but misreading her last move and almost falling over. Just not hitting the ground because of holding on you for dear life.

You can hear the others girls laughing, making the blush on her cheeks even harder.

“You okay?” You ask after she composes herself.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” She looks away, being really embarassed.

“It’s okay. I have no problem catching you.” You put your arm over her shoulders and brings her closer.

“Lessi had literally fallen for Y/N!” Toone says still laughing and you can hear the groan Alessia makes.

“Oh my gosh, I hate you so much Toone! Stop it!” She groans again, hiding her face on your neck.

“Do you want to go? I can take you home. We can order pizza if you want too.”

“I would love to. Just let me get changed.” She kisses your cheek and goes to the changing room.

Little did you know that the team actually was going out to celebrate and Alessia just skipped it to  have more time alone with you. Or how all the feelings were shared. She felt the same. She wanted you, but being all shy and don’t wanting to lose you, she choose to keep all of it to herself, so she would be safe.

.

The ride to Alessia’s house was filled with small talk, both of you always being comfortable around each other.

“Oh, I forgot to mention earlier but that was a beautiful goal. For real, it was insane to see.” You park the car in front of her house.

“Oh, it wasn’t that much, stop. But it did it for you, like you asked.” She says while getting out of the car, avoinding to look at you. Too bad she couldn’t see the stupid smile on your face. She was just too cute for you to handle.

“Do you want some wine?” She asks after you’re both on the couch, having alredy ordered your pizza.

“Just one glass, I still have to drive home.”

“You could always just stay here the night, I won’t mind.” She says looking at you but doesn’t waits for your answer, already making her way to the kitchen to get whine for both of you.

And for a moment you think that you wanted this forever. Stay the night with her, drink whine and eat whatever after matches, support her while playing for England... Maybe you’re bad for it, like really bad. Yeah, maybe you’re in love.

“Is everything good?” You’re pulled out of your thoughts by her.

“Yeah, I was just... Thinking about something, nothing for you to worry about.” You take the glass of her hands and take a sip.

“Okay, but if you want to talk about anything I’m right here for you.” She sits across you and takes your hand on hers.

“Thank you, but it’s really nothing. So... How have you been?” You change the subject.

“I’m fine now, but I don’t know how I would be if I didn’t score today. I have been pulled on a lot of pressure by the fans and by myself too, for not being able to score in the past few games. I felt like I was letting everyone down and didn’t deserve to be there.” You squeeze her hand, drawing circles in the back.

“I’m sorry you ever felt this way, If I knew about it I would never let you think about not deserving to be there. You are an amazing player, Lessi. And you’re so important on the field. Like, the Enemy should be scared if you ever touch the ball on their side of the line, because you could make a mess of them. Your skills are amazing, you are amazing. You deserve to be there and if people even think otherwise they’re probably mad.” You can see how hers cheeks turn a little bit red, she has that beautiful smile of hers on her face. In that moment all you wanted was to kiss it but you couldn’t so you bring her hand to your lips and give it a little kiss.

“Y/N, I...” Alessia starts saying but is interrupted by the doorbell. “It’s the pizza, I should take this.” She finishes her glass of whine and to the door. You take this time to recompose yourself, for a moment you thought she feels the same way about you. But that’s impossible, right? She only sees you as a friend. Plus, she probably doesn’t even like girls.

When she comes back, you both go to the back of her house and sit on the little table that’s there. That being on of Alessia’s favorite space of her house. Being her safe place to enjoy the sky and the piece. You both eat in silence, only each other, the sky full of starts and the music the blonde put on her phone.

“I love the moon, it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” You say after a while, having had four glasses of whine. The other woman just hums in agreement, enjoying her last glass, already feeling a little drunk.

“To me love is like the moon. It has many faces, in each part of the world you see it differently, but it’s always there. Every night. Even if it’s raining and you can’t see, you know it’s there. It have the power to make things better, to make you feel better. All you have to do is stop and feel it, admire it. It brings beauty to the darkness and is always mysterious.” You say, still looking with admiration to the moon, but saying the last past looking at her.

“And here was I thinking you couldn’t make me more in love...” She mumbles but you are close enough and paying attention enough to listen.

“You- What?” You get up making the forward look at you in panic.

“Shit! I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t...” She gets up and starts to back away from you.

“No, no, no...” You grab her hand. “I feel the same. I’m in love with you.” Her eyes widen making you smile.

“Can I kiss you?” You get closer, cupping her cheek. She only nods, not fully trusting her words.

You smile one more time before kissing her lips softly and it felt exactly how you felt when watching the moon.

“You are my definition of moon.” You say after breaking the kiss, but still in each others arms, so close that your lips were on hers while talking.

“Gosh, kiss me again.” She grabs the back of your neck and starts another kiss.

[akairawrites]

Not Your Gwen Stacy pt.5

Taglist

@ella-fella-bo-bella @ayoitsurfavdesigurl @aiq39 @luvvvjada

"Yes, I'm on my way to meet with her now," Betty replied, her voice carrying a hint of exasperation. She sat comfortably in the back seat of a sleek, blacked-out Rolls-Royce, her legs crossed. Her phone pressed to her ear as she observed the passing buildings outside.

"Relax, she's not going to find out, okay? Just as long as you keep your mouth shut." She pulled her phone away from her ear briefly, placing her hand over it as she leaned forward to communicate with the driver.

"You can pull over here," she instructed, addressing the person on the other end of the line. "Look, I'm at the coffee shop. I'll call you when I'm done." She was just about to end the call when something crossed her mind.

"Oh, and Ned, don't do anything foolish," she cautioned before finally hanging up the phone and exiting the car.

•••

"You're fired." You were certain you had heard him correctly, but you wanted confirmation.

"I beg your pardon?" You needed him to repeat himself, just to be certain.

"You're fired," Jameson repeated, this time more deliberately, ensuring you grasped his words. You couldn't fathom the reason behind it, though you had an inkling.

"But—what? Why? I'm the best writer you have. You even said it yourself." The office had emptied slightly before your shift ended. Someone had discreetly passed you a sticky note, instructing you to meet Jameson after everyone had left for the day. You had anticipated that it wouldn't be praise for your recent work, but you hadn't expected this, not so soon—it had only been a day.

Jameson just gazed at you, his mustache receiving a thoughtful scratch. He retrieved a cigar from a drawer in his desk, lit it, took a quick drag, and then spoke again. "Even my best writer can be replaced." Stunned, you took a step back. Jameson firing his best writer seemed highly improbable, but arguing with a man who had already made up his mind was a futile endeavor. "I'll pack up my things."

Without uttering another word, you headed to your desk and began placing your belongings into a file box. Once you'd finished, you left the building without looking back. Part of you wanted to cry, considering all the hard work you'd invested in The Bugle, but another part understood that nothing lasts forever. You blinked away the tears as you made your way to your desolate apartment.

You didn't take long to arrive home. Silently rejoicing because your arms were starting to ache from carrying the box for so long, you fumbled with your keys while trying to balance the box. It didn't even occur to you to put the box down. Just as you almost managed to get your apartment key out, the box decided to tip over in your hand, nearly landing on the ground. Almost.

Someone had managed to catch the falling box, and to your surprise, that someone was Peter. "Oh, Peter! Thank you." You were taken aback not only by his catch but also by his presence on this floor. "What are you doing on this floor?" You watched as Peter effortlessly hoisted the box into his arms, and you couldn't help but notice the muscles flexing due to the weight he carried. You hadn't realized just how strong he was until now, although he'd never given you a reason to notice before. "I, uh... actually wanted to talk to you, but you weren't home."

Peter's gaze shifted from the box to you, briefly scanning your outfit, making you feel somewhat small under his scrutiny. "Did you get fired?"

"What? How did he—?" Your surprise lingered as you tried to comprehend how Peter knew about your recent job loss. "Uh, yeah, I did, actually. It's kind of embarrassing," you admitted with a shrug as you both walked toward your front door. "For defending Spider-Man, I assume?" Peter's assumption was spot on, and you nodded in agreement. Reaching your door, you quickly unlocked it, and Peter followed you inside, placing the box on the kitchen counter as you switched on the lights. "I think so. But who cares; it was worth it," you said with a smile.

Peter desperately wanted to apologize to you for everything, and he hoped he would get the chance soon. After you shut the door and removed your jacket, you took a seat on your couch. "Wasn't there something you wanted to talk to me about?" Peter stood in front of the coffee table awkwardly before joining you on the couch. It seemed like this was where Peter allowed himself to be vulnerable.

"Yeah, I did, actually." You noticed how quickly his demeanor changed and realized he was serious. "Is everything okay?" you asked, concern evident in your voice. Peter responded with a nod, and for a while, you both sat in comfortable silence while he gathered his thoughts.

"I'm sorry if I've been acting a bit off or distant towards you," Peter began, and you could sense that he had more he wanted to say, so you allowed him to continue. Peter was striving to bridge the gap between you, to be close to you as Peter, not just as Spider-Man, even though he had often found it easier to communicate with you with the mask on. He felt the need to share something important with you, starting with the memory of Gwen.

"A few years ago... I, uh, I lost someone. Her name was Gwen." As he uttered her name, his breath quivered, and tears welled up in his eyes. "Tomorrow will be the anniversary of her passing."

"Oh, Peter..." You wanted nothing more than to be there for him as he navigated through this painful anniversary. It was evident that he was still deeply affected by this tragedy. "You blamed yourself every day for what happened to her. But then I met you. You remind me so much of Gwen... even in the article you wrote, you sounded so much like her."

His revelation took you by surprise, and you found yourself at a loss for words. It suddenly made a lot more sense why he had initially kept his distance. Part of you wished that it had stayed that way, not wanting Peter to confuse you with a girl he had lost and still loved.

Just as you were about to find the right words to respond, three loud knocks echoed through your apartment. It remained silent for a moment before the knocking repeated again. Without hesitation, you quickly got up to answer the door, not bothering to look through the peephole.

"Ned?"

Oh my god.

You completely forgot about your date with him.

Ned's eyes landed on the figure behind you. His gaze lingered on him for a terrifyingly long moment. "I am so sorry," you began apologizing, realizing your mistake. "Really?" His blue eyes met yours, but they were far less friendly than the day he asked you out. "You bailed on me for him?"

"No, Ned, it's not like that."

“What is it like then, Y/N?" His voice grew louder as he stepped closer to you. Confused and a bit overwhelmed, you put your hand up to his chest to gently push him back. You couldn't understand why he was so upset, considering that the two of you had rarely even talked before.

Peter, sensing it was time to step in, came up from behind you and softly grabbed your arm, pulling you closer into his chest. This only seemed to further anger Ned. "I think you need to leave, Ned," Peter's voice was firm and different from the one you had heard just a few minutes ago. Without saying another word, Ned clenched his jaw and began to walk away.

The moment he was gone, you turned around and buried yourself in Peter's chest. You felt terrible about Ned, and deep down, you knew that this wouldn't be the end of it.

Add yourself to my taglist here

[html-nae]

S O U L M A T E S

42!Miles x fem!OC

WC:929

It is said that in the beginning of time, when humans were first created, they had a form different to the humans today.

They were both man and woman.

They had four arms.

Four legs.

And a single head made of two faces.

Humans were powerful creatures, fearless and strong.

They threatened to become Gods themselves

It’s said that Zeus feared their power and decided to split them into separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.

They forever longed for their soul and physical other half.

And according to the myth, when these two halves find each other, there will be a silent understanding of one another.

They will be joined and exist with each other in unison and will know no greater joy than that.

Miles sat at his desk in his room with a fresh page present in his sketchbook and music blasting through his headphones, making the world around him go quiet.

He hasn’t drawn in what feels like ages, so it was new for him to get back into the groove.

But he had new inspiration.

There was this girl.

Her name was Nadia. Meaning Hope.

To him, her eyes made the stars look dim. They were a light brown color that lit up whenever she talked about anything she was passionate about.

There were countless times she had gifted him a necklace or a bracelet she made in the middle of class.

And each time he put it around his neck or his wrist and wore it until it broke or until she brought him another one and the old one would get placed inside a box that was on his dresser.

Miles would compliment her every chance he got. Whether it was the way her curly hair fell over her shoulders or the way her laugh sounded whenever he said something stupid.

He knew she didn’t believe him. And he thought it was sad that she didn’t see what he saw.

One day Nadia came into class looking completely different. Her hair was straightened, she had makeup on, and she had contacts in instead of her normal frames.

Obviously there was nothing wrong with a little change. If she was happy then he was happy.

But she looked miserable.

She was annoyed with the straight pieces that continued to frizz up, she would constantly rub her eyes making them red, and she would pull on the articles of clothing.

“What’s wrong?”

Miles asked her.

Nadia put her head down and told him that a couple people told her that she should look different. That she should wear makeup and that she should exchange her glasses for some contacts, and she should straighten her hair so it wasn’t so distracting and so it would look neat.

After class Miles ended up pulling the girl towards his dorm room to let her change. He offered to wash her hair for her and gave her a wipe and some face wash so she could wash off the makeup that was on her skin.

He told her that she was beautiful just the way she was and she shouldn’t change how she looked just because a couple people told her too.

Now everytime she asks if she looks okay, he says the same thing to her.

“You look beautiful just the way you are. A smile is all you’re missing.”

If perfect is what she was searching for, then in Miles’ opinion

She didn’t have to keep searching.

When Nadia and Miles first met, they clicked instantly.

It was like a silent understanding, they didn’t have to go through the awkward stage that friends normally went through.

They couldn’t think of anything better when they would find themselves on top of the school’s roof with the soft beat of Ella Mai’s Naked playing through the speaker with food surrounding them as Miles told her stories of him and his dad.

When Miles asked Nadia to be his girlfriend it was one of the easiest things he had ever done.

He had to remember everything his dad told him and gave himself a pep talk as he walked himself to your dorm with flowers in hand and a small teddy bear in the other.

He didn’t stumble over his words or start sweating like he thought he was going to.

It all just flowed naturally.

Like they had done this all before.

There was no reason to be embarrassed with each other or nervous.

It was all natural.

There was no greater joy than when they were with each other.

It’s like they were soul mates.

There are many definitions for a soul mate.

However in Greek mythology, there is a myth.

It is said that in the beginning of time, when humans were first created, they had a form different to the humans today.

They were both man and woman.

They had four arms.

Four legs.

And a single head made of two faces.

Humans were powerful creatures, fearless and strong.

They threatened to become Gods themselves

It’s said that Zeus feared their power and decided to split them into separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.

They forever longed for their soul and physical other half.

And according to the myth, when these two halves find each other, there will be a silent understanding of one another.

They will be joined and exist with each other in unison and will know no greater joy than that.

But its just a myth.

Right?

[gingervitus]

Show-Off Friday Saturday Sunday

so thank u for the tag @thedissonantverses. I just keep getting distracted and haven't done this yet?

But I do want to show of Beneath the Stone Fruit Trees because it's been a while since I've felt the real urge to keep writing characters for extended periods of time with any sort of semi-cohesive narrative. Ella has been a really cathartic and fun character to write about and I love sad wet cat man Lucanis too, ofc. It's just two damaged people having to come to grips with the fact that neither one of them are perfect in any sense of the word and realizing that love, inherently, is not difficult even if the maintenance that is required in relationships can be an uphill battle all the way. A lot of family dysfunction, too. Because what's a life in Treviso without interacting with many a person who needs extensive therapy?

I also just love little self made LoF Rook having to drag maybe not entirely self aware trust fund baby Lucanis down to earth a bit. He's not alone anymore and needs to get his head out of his ass because there are people who care about his dumb self.

Also I have a whole lil series dedicated to them all because I had a scene of them kissing in the kitchen after the dessert scene that wouldn't get out of my head. That's how all this started.

Anyway, if you see this, please show something off and tag me because I love reading new things. I will read just about anything.

[unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin]

Can you do more Yandere Nick Jackson?

Sure! Here’s a little blurb, if you’d like something else let me know!

Warnings: Yandere, Yandere!nick, Mother!reader, talks of traumatic births, controlling behavior, fear of losing a baby, ‘Matt’s wife’ is a character but she has no resemblance to his actual wife, it’s a complete fictional character for this piece

“Very good!” You praised your daughter as she got something right in her work book. She had just moved up to the first grade work and was struggling with it. “Okay, try this one while I get lunch done,” you pointed to another question before pushing yourself up to your feet. You had to balance yourself carefully due to being almost 9 months pregnant.

Slowly, you waddled your way into the kitchen, opening the back door to let some air in. You loved living in the beach, especially when you were pregnant. Something about the salty sea air made your morning sickness so much better.

You started to make lunch for the kids, a fresh fruit plate with some nuts and chicken, but turned when quick footsteps came running towards you.

“Mama, look!” Your son yelled as he ran into your legs, causing you to grab the counter tightly to keep from falling over.

“Michael Jackson, what have you been told about running in the house?” You tried to pull your son from his spot against your legs so that you could see him, but he stayed put. “Michael, look at me.” You spoke again, trying to pull him out from underneath your pregnant belly. As he continued to fight you started to get irritated. “Michael Nickolas Jackson, so god help me get off my leg!” You snapped, which at first seemed like it was going to work as he took a step back. However, before you could say anything he turned and took off towards the open door.

“Shit- Ella, don’t Move! Stay where you are!” You yelled back at your daughter before you three your shoes off and started to chafe after him.

It was hard to run at all, but the grass was do able. You had a large backyard so hopefully he just needed to get some energy out. You followed behind him u til he got to one spot that made your heart sink. There was a whole in the fence. You had been the one to put it there years ago, and Michael was heading right for it.

“Michael! Don’t you dare!” You yelled back, which sorted him on as he tried to wiggle through. You ran the best you could and just as you were about to grab him he fell through and into the sand underneath it.

You didn’t even think as you yanked the gate open and followed after him. You were definitely pushing your body too far as you ran, your lungs burning from it, but you were too scared to stop. He was running towards the water, what if something happened. You closed your eyes for a second before picking up your pace, and you finally were close enough to reach out and grab him.

He was small, but you were going so fast that the little extra weight threw you both to the ground. You did your best to cushion the fall, keeping Michael and the baby inside you safe, but you all but landed on your stomach.

You painted as you held your son to your chest, trying to calm down. Michael was crying against you, and you started to worry he was hurt too, but you couldn’t bring yourself to get up yet. Everything hurt, and you wanted to just lie here forever.

You glanced around your surroundings before a flashing light caught your eye. You looked down and your eyes widened as you realized what was blinking. Your house arrest anklet. You’d left the ‘property’ that had been programmed into it.

“Come on bud, let’s get you inside,” you whispered to your son as you forced yourself up. You’d have to carry him back to the house, which you just knew would be painful, but you didn’t have another option.

______________

Later you were sprawled out on the couch. The kids were in bed, and as much as you wanted to be too, you had to wait for Nick tonight. When you’d gotten back inside your daughter had told you daddy called the landline to ask if everyone was okay and that she had told him brother tried to run away. You were relieved that she had answered, and hoped that was enough.

You checked over Michael, and other then some cuts from the sand he was fine. You however were worried. You weren’t spotting or anything, but you had some pain and just felt like something was wrong. It scared you, you were supposed to have this baby at home just like the others, but what if something was going wrong now?

You were pulled from your thoughts when the front door was unlocked and opened. The door only locked from the outside, so Nick was the only one who opened it. Slowly, you pushed yourself into a sitting position to meet Nick.

“How was your day?” You asked, almost robotic. You knew what he expected you to say when he got home.

“Fine, got some meetings done with Matt and Tony. You know how it is.” And you did. Before any of this you would have been sat in that meeting as well to keep track of notes for Tony Khan. You’d been his secretary, though he called you his second in command for everything you did. You really did miss the job.

“But,” Nick continued. “I don’t think my day was as eventful as yours.” Nick turned to look at you fully, though because he was standing and you were sitting, it made him look huge.

“Michael tried to run.”

“Why was the door open?” You prepared yourself for the onslaught of questions that would attack you now.

“It helps with the nausea.”

“What did you do to make him run?”

“Nothing.”

“Really, nothing?” You fought to not role your eyes at his question. Of course it was your fault, and he wouldn’t stop until you admitted it.

“Yeah, nothing. And he got out of the fence in that damn hole you won’t fix.” You snapped

Nick hesitated, his eyes flickering towards the stairs that led to the kids rooms. “Maybe you should have thought about how dangerous a hole would be when you cut into our fence.”

You started to open your mouth but shut it a second later. This wasn’t going to get you anywhere, you if something more important to fight for.

“I fell when I was chasing him. I need a doctor.”

“Why do you need a doctor, you seem fine.”

“I can feel something is wrong,” you motioned to your large stomach. Nick looked down at your bump for a few seconds before he started to pull his jacket off.

“I can call Matt on the morning, have him send his wife over-“

“I’m serious, something is wrong,” you cut him off, making him hesitate.

“I’ll call now then.”

“No!” Your voice raised as your frustration did too. “I don’t want a fucking midwife over here! I need a doctor!”

“You know no doctors. Besides, she did just fine with the other kids-“

“Just Fine?! To you hear yourself!? Ella came out not breathing and if Michael had been any earlier he would have been dead! I want to know my baby is okay-!” Nick slapped a hand over your mouth and ya led you closer to him.

“Shut. Up. The kids are asleep,” he hissed at you. “Besides, it’s your own damn fault that you can’t have doctors. After what you tried to tell them, the lies about being hurting you, I’m lucky that Matt’s wife was there to explain you ‘condition’ or we would have been fucked.”

Your condition. Because of this damn family your official file said you had early onset dementia. You knew it wasn’t true, and you were sure whatever pill Nick gave you didn’t effect your memory at all, but because it was there, anyone who saw it immediately assumed you were lying and handed you over to Nick. Just like that.1

“I think the pregnancy is getting to you.” Nick said, his voice softening. “Matt’s wife has been learning how to endure labor, we’ll do that tomorrow and get our beautiful baby out, then you’ll have him or her to take care of, how does that sound?”

You tried to shake your head no, you ha don idea what condition your baby was in, and you were terrified of having a baby early after Michael. Nick just shushed you and pulled you into a hug.

“Come on, let’s get some sleep. We need to be rested for tomorrow.”

[letissierfanfic4]

Maya fan fic part 18!

When Maya exited the room she was instantly greeted by Millie and Niamh.

“Did you get the sunglasses?”. Maya asked, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Yeah we did”. Niamh replied.

“Good”.

They got in the lift, and headed down whilst doing so Maya noticed her lips in the mirror, they were slightly red from kissing.

Maya closed them together and hid them inside her mouth, taking a glance over at them to see if they noticed. They did.

“How was Teri?, a shame we didn’t see her before we left”. Millie asked on cue.

May nodded her head “She’s good”. Whilst looking at the floor.

Millie and Niamh gave each other a look.

“Are you two a thing now or…?”.

“U-ugh what, I guess so?”. She gulped.

“What about y/n?”.

“It’s complicated”.

“Okay…Maya don’t tell me y-“.

“N-no no, i wouldn’t”. She denied, shaking her head.

“Okay…good”. Millie replied not sounding convinced, fortunately they arrived at the ground floor.

Maya walked a head of them now, trying to leave as soon as possible.

The uber took twenty minutes back to the hotel, Maya looked outside the window the whole time conflicted with herself if she’s done the right thing.

Maybe you weren’t trying to break up her she thought, but it was too late, she couldn’t even contact you because of her broken phone.

Maya quickly entered her hotel room and jumped straight on the bed, tears started to sting her eyes.

- The next day -

Maya awoke to knocking on the door, she struggled to get any sleep last night.

Ella was on the other side, with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong?”. Maya asked.

“Y/n’s been calling all morning, she’s worried about you”. She replied.

“I don’t have time for her”. Maya shook her head.

“It’s important, she wants to explain”.

Maya sighed leaning against the door.

“I think you have some explaining to do also”. Ella said sternly.

“She’s with someone else, isn’t she”. Maya stated.

“Maya…she’s not”.

“No”. Maya exclaimed, almost shouted.

“She’s-“. Ella started, but then she got another call from you.

“She wants to speak to you”. Ella held up the phone.

“Right”.

She took a deep breath.

“Maya?”. You said full of relief.

“Yeah?”.

“Oh thank God, i’ve been so worried, you haven’t been answering your phone”.

“It broke”.

“How?”.

“I dropped it”.

“Oh no, you gonna buy another one?”.

“I will when i’m back in England”.

“That’s not for another four days”.

“I know, why does it matter to you anyway?”.

“What do you mean?”. You asked, concerned.

“You know what i mean, with your ‘friend’ ”.

“Yes, my friend who’s been helping me these past few days”.

“Right”.

“Maya,what are you suggesting?”.

“Well, you were the one who broke up with me”.

“What?”.

“You said yourself, on the phone”.

“Maya…my phone was breaking up with your signal”.

Maya’s heart sank.

“No, that’s not true”.

“It is”.

“Stop lying, i saw that girl kiss you”.

“She’s my best friend, we’ve been friends for years”.

“How come i’ve never met her then?”.

“You’ve never taken interest”.

“I have”.

“Maya, you’ve not”.

She sighed, her eyes stinging.

“I know what you’ve done”. You said, trying to hold back tears.

“Done what?”.

“Don’t fuck around, Ella told me everything”.

Maya shot up staring at Ella, putting herself on mute.

“What have you told her?”.

“I heard you broke up, so was checking if she was okay…but then she told me you hadn’t”.

“Maya i want to hear it from you”. You said down the phone. “Is what she said true?”.

Maya ignored you.

“Millie told me about you and Teri…she heard you”. Ella admitted, she never shy’s away from the truth.

“Fuck”.

“Maya tell me right now, or i’m breaking up with you, for good”.

She unmuted you “…Nothing happened”. Looking straight into Ella’s eyes at same time.

“They wouldn’t make up something like this”.

“Don’t believe everything you hear”. Maya replied, hanging up.

There was an awkward silence, it was deafening. Maya was staring at Ella’s phone still in her hand, until she took it off her.

“Maya that is fucked up, I wouldn’t expect for you do something like this, you can sit on your own for breakfast. ”. Ella said, then walked off.

Maya slammed the door behind her, full of anger, all at herself. but as she did, her wrist sliced against the door handle and blood started to pour. Very quickly.

She walked leisurely towards the bathroom, almost enjoying the sight.

Specks of blood started to cover the marble floor, but soon she hit reality, realising she couldn’t show up like this, throwing away her England dream as if it was nothing.

She started cleaning the wound, before wrapping a bandage around it, as well as football tape to hide it.

She didn’t eat any breakfast before training, she couldn’t show her face.

-

During training Maya thought she played very well, despite the recent events.

The hunger and motivation to do even better was higher than ever before, due to the fact that there was something to lose.

The day dragged on for longer than Maya wanted but she was happy with her efforts, she wanted to proof her worth to the manager if the players didn’t approve.

“You coming out for lunch?”. Mary asked, but Maya declined.

“I didn’t see you at breakfast”.

“I know, i didn’t go”.

“If there’s something on your mind?, you can come and speak to me”.

Maya picked at the tape on her wrist. “I know”. Before walking away, back to her room.

She got in the shower, but the tape started to slip, spraying water in her cuts.

It hurt, but she wasn’t fazed by the pain, the possibility of hurting you was greater.

-

It was the day before the Norway game and Sarina was going through the game plan.

“Maya you’ve impressed me, so I want you to play at right back”. Maya had to do a double take and struggled to hide the smile on her face.

Everyone clapped for her, knowing it would be her debut, despite some of the opinions her teammates had against her.

After the meeting Ella pulled Maya to the side. “I’m sorry what I said before, it’s not my place to be telling what you should do with your personal life, I hope you understand”.

“It’s okay…”. Maya sighed “I don’t blame you, it’s my fault”.

“I was just trying to help, y/n’s my best friend and I know how much she cares about you, and i’ve seen how much you care about her, I just didn’t want you to make the wrong choice”. Ella explained.

“I know, i’ve fucked up, she’s been kind enough to take care of our home and look after Mocha whilst i was gone, and I fuck someone else the same night because i thought she was breaking up with me”. Maya said with her head in hands.

“It’s okay, I know it’s your first camp playing for England and your emotions are all over the place, but you need to make a choice is it Teri or y/n…”.

Right on cue Ella gets a call from you.

“Hello”.

“Ella somethings happened”. You replied.

“What’s wrong?”.

“My…umm, my friend kissed me”.

“What?”.

“We got drunk and as I was about to get in my Uber home…we kissed”.

That’s all Maya had to hear.

Ella watched as her head hung low and walked out the room devastated, Maya was going to explain everything to you and to try and get you back.

But now it felt you slipped further away.

-

It was game day, Maya was trying to build the courage to be happy, it’s what’s she’s ever dreamed of, playing for England.

She walked onto the pitch to get a feel for the game with her teammates before the warms ups.

Nerves coursed through her, but she enjoyed it. However, when she looked to the side of her she noticed Elisabeth Terland across the pitch, now that made her nervous.

-

She started getting changed into her kit trying to ignore the conflicted feelings in her head and wrapping more tape around her wrist to hide the cuts.

Whilst Line-ing up in the tunnel both teams subs walked through to sit down, until Maya felt someone next to her.

“Good luck Maya”. Teri whispered, with a smile as if she looked happier to see Maya’s debut more than her.

“Thank you”. Maya smiled in response, appreciative of the gesture.

Millie Bright who was stood in front of her noticed the interaction. She gave Maya a look until saying “C’mon Maya you’ve got this”. Holding her hands up for a high five.

“I know”. Maya shrugged meeting Millie’s hands, as if this was an everyday occurrence for her.

At the beginning of the game it was going well, England shared a good majority of the possession and created a few chances.

In the 33rd minute Rachel Daly bagged a goal and everyone ran up to congratulate her finishing the first half well.

The morale was good, Maya was playing well and before she knew it the second half commenced.

Around the 60th minute Norway were putting more and more pressure on England but nothing came of value.

Maya tried to kick the ball up field but it got deflected off a Norwegian player so there was a throw in.

She jogged to fetch the ball until a pair of hands handed it to her, it was Terland who was warming up on the touch line.

This for a moment lapsed Maya’s concentration, a small smile displayed on her mouth as she locked eyes with Teri. She was trying to not think about her all game.

However as play carried on Maya had the ball but she wavered a second meaning her reaction time was slightly later.

Anja Sønstevold was late on getting to the ball but Maya still managed to get passed her, resulting in Anja’s studs going straight into her ankle.

Maya winced as she fell to the ground, pain shooting through her which led to Anja’s second yellow card sending her off the pitch.

The medics came on but Maya was still happy to continue, not wanting to be subbed off early on her debut.

She got up slightly limping but the pain was nothing to her, she wanted to savour this match as much as she could.

Eight minutes went by and Norway crossed a ball towards the box, Ellie Roebuck went to clear it but missed resulting in a Norway goal.

A disappointing goal to concede towards the end of the game resulting in a 1-1 draw.

Not the perfect debut for Maya but she did the best she could. She started to shake hands with the players until she felt a hug from behind.

“Hey”. Maya chuckled turning to Teri.

“You played really well”. She replied with a big smile.

“Thank you”. Maya blushed.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?”. Teri asked.

Maya took a second to reply “Yeah…yeah see you in a bit”.

“I’ll try get to yours for 10”.

“Sounds good”. She replied, until she was cut off by Guro Reiten reaching out her hand.

Maya awkwardly shook it, knowing she probably heard what happened the other night. She smiled at Teri before turning back towards the dressing room.

The team congratulated Maya on a brilliant debut despite the result, and not soon after were on the bus back to the hotel.

Maya got showered and changed and before she knew it it was 10:05.

She heard the hotel phone ring and reception told Maya that someone was there to see her.

Picking up the key card she looked in the mirror making sure she looked presentable and headed downstairs.

As Maya got to the Lobby she noticed Teri straight away sitting on one of the chairs.

“I hope i didn’t keep you waiting for too long”. Maya said.

“No, you didn’t”. Teri replied with a smile.

They made their way up the lift to her floor, Maya ushering her to walk in front. However, as they walked out they saw Lucy and Keira walking towards them.

Maya said a small “Hi” trying to avoid interaction as much as possible, but it didn’t work.

“Your Elisabeth aren’t you?”. Lucy asked Teri.

“Y-yeah, yes”. She replied, trying to hide her excitement of meeting the Lucy Bronze, and for her to know her name.

“I’ve heard good things about you”. Lucy said, as she saw she recently signed for Brighton.

“T-thank you”. Teri replied shyly, not sure what to say.

Lucy gave Maya an amused smile before waking past, thrilled for her that she was with Teri.

“Oh my god”. Teri exclaimed, attempting to hide her excitement.

“Yeah i’m star struck sometimes too, it’s surreal being around these world class players i’ve been watching all my life”. Maya replied.

“Wow”. She chuckled before entering Maya’s room.

“Has that made your night?”. Maya asked, climbing into bed.

“Almost as much as your debut”. Teri replied, laying next to her.

“You don’t have to say that”. Maya said, as she played with Teri’s hair.

“No i mean it”. She grinned.

Maya found it so hard to resist that smile. She tried to push her emotions back, overwhelmed by how she felt today, but in that peaceful moment, she didn’t want to regret anything anymore.

———————

Thank you for reading!

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week In Review XIV

How's everyone doing? I skipped out on last week's update since it was a really slow week on all fronts for all the things for me last week. Things picked up a bit this week - but I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time finding my feet around here at the moment and finding a groove to get into.

Not sure if it's that time of year, a bit of a writing lull or what - but I've been a little meh, not in the sad sense - more like I'm a petulant child offered six different things and I turn my nose up at all of them because I don't know what I want lol.

Also trying to figure out a system for getting through my TBR list, right now it feels like it's out of control and there are only so many I can read in a week. Especially since I want to get through some of my physical TBR pile and dedicate a couple nights a week to offline reading.

Anyway, enough about me seemingly channelling Baby Truly™️ - on with the recap of the last two weeks!

T R U L Y   U P D A T E S . . .

I did a second round of the 'First Sentence' ask game, which I absolutely adore! If you haven't done it before, I very much recommend it! If you do this, tag me so I can come throw a sentence at you!

Round 2

tim x cagney (f!reader)

jack x reader (f!reader)

joel x Charlotte (OFC)

dieter x bryony (OFC)

jack x reader (f!reader)

frankie x clementine (OFC)

W H A T   I   R E A D . . .

Delta Landscaping (Triple Frontier) by @rhoorl Jess' series has me on tenterhooks for every update and then on the edge of my seat waiting for more! This last update we entered the start of Frankie's arch and while it pulls at the heartstrings, I'm so here for it and what's to come next! Also, Benny entering his Rocky era (Jess didn't write this, I've decided it) is something I'm also very much ready for!

Paranoid Hearts (Javi P.) by @goodwithcheese This series. This series is just something else and I finally got my ass into gear to get caught up, and while on the one hand, I'm sorry I started so late on the other hand I enjoyed this smorgasbord of Javi and Tabitha.

he makes life better (Joel) by @wildemaven This is such a warm comforting hug of a fic that just seeps into your bones, that makes your toes curl in softness and you re-read more than once. This is everything fluff should make you feel and I adore each and every last part of this and will be re-reading this.

Headshots (Marcus P.) by @secretelephanttattoo I was not ready for this to end, but El gave our boy Marcus the ending he and his Ella deserved and it was both spicy and sweet. If you've not read this yet, I suggest you do. Also, peep her forthcoming wip... 🔎

Thrash Metal (Dieter) by @morallyinept Jett is back with another delectably mouthwatering smutty one-shot with our favourite deviant Dieter Bravo. This is sinfully indulgent and a must-read and one that lends itself to definitely more than one read.

Six and a half minutes - Frankie's version by @avastrasposts This one calls for a breakout of the Hot Ones gif for sure, because this was the mood the entire time I read this. If anything, Frankie is not one to back down from a challenge...

Medicine (Joel) by @goodwithcheese I was so excited to see Megan had written for Joel that I had to drop everything to read this over my coffee the other morning. I love everything about the dynamic between these two and how Megan illustrates the deep affection they have for one another through their actions as we all know our post-outbreak Miller is not one quick with his words. I hope this isn't the last we see of Joel here!

M E M O R A B L E   P O S T S . . .

Heidi’s amazing mood board inspired by Sequins! 😍 I’m still in absolute awe of it and I love it so much! I think it's going to get a spot on my work desk this week! 💕

These thots had started off as Joel Thots, but have now morphed into Tim Thots and I'm not mad about it... might share a little snippet later 😏

@morallyinept's 'Ode to Writers' this week - I'm going to refrain from getting on my soapbox here (I'd be here all day) - but the table is not finite, it's infinite. If you're not inching your chair down to make room for another chair, or pulling the spare chairs in from the garage, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this community.

E N J O Y E D  T H I S  W E E K  . . .

Finally watching ‘Strange Way of Life’ and getting to live message my thots to @rhoorl as I watched - it was a cinematic dissection.

Date night with Mr. Truly - we spent the entire two hours wondering what people do on dates aside from watching their phones and waiting for a call to say your kids are out of control and have taken over Nakatomi Plaza. But needless to say, we had fun, I even ate a meal without someone else's hand in it.

Amazing moots being mooting awesome 🙌 - I'm thankful every day that I get to interact with some wonderful people and have found a lovely corner of this hell site to play in a sandbox with some amazing people 💕

S P E C I A L M E N T I O N . . .

Check out this writing challenge that myself and a group of people that I'm lucky to call moots created that we would love for you to join in on! Everything about it is random and everyone starts with the same parameters and everything else after that is up to you! So excited to see what everyone does with this!

Do I know anything about Javi Pēna? Nope. Am I going to join in? Yes I am! 🙌

See you January 1st to dive into all the fics this challenge I hope produces! 💛

T H I S  W E E K ' S  J A M . . .

Thank you to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for inspiring this week's selection after she pointed out the parallels to Chiffon that I haven't been able to get out of my head since.

Hope everyone has had a great week! Here's to a great week ahead and I hope its a good one full of obnoxious drinks of choice and soft places to land and enjoy.

[copper-9spurgatory]

Ella whimpered in pain.

“T-that’s uh u-up to Tessa s-she’s my superior”

Tessa brushed herself off and chuckled.

“We’re not leaving until we’re don’t with our mission!”

Elly looked back at her crushed leg with a wince.

-🗡️

What mission exactly, you aren’t getting anything done with destroying buildings. You’re a horrible superior at that, with the toxicity of this planet, your little employee will succumb to the elements. What’s worse, we don’t have resources on this planet to help with human aid.

[eclipsecrowned]

Hello this is absolutely a normal anon I promise (my false beard and sunglasses slide off revealing it is in fact stella and I scramble to put them back on) shit no no no you didn't see that nope I am definitely a stranger. A normal one at that. See how anon I am. And normal. Ya like jazz?

hello totally normal and not at all suspicious anon! yes you are very normal and very anonymous. well done. i bet you graduated top of your classes at anonymous u.

i do like jazz! recently i have been consuming as much satchmo and ella fitzgerald as i can consume! i am not qualified to speak on the merits or lack thereof of a certain opera, but damn if summertime is not a classic. i've also got some nina simone in rotation, but not really her jazz outings.

what about you, normal and not at all suspicious anon?

[disneyanddisneyships]

Maybe u could start the fic of Ella and Mia having a sister's day out with ella or mia or soneone talking idk it helped me before

I've regrettably been working on this for ages.

"Ella you're always working. First you were always in the library and now you're always fuckin working," Mia complained from her seat on the small couch in the room.

"Mia, I'm the queen. I have a lot of paperwork to get done!" Ella explained as she write something down.

"So have Alistar or Eli do it! Today's our tradition!" Mia exclaimed as she stood up and took the papers away.

"Mia! Give those back! Those are important!" Ella stated as she attempted to get them back.

"Mire important than your darling little sister?" Mia asked as she pouted.

"You know what I mean!" Ella scolded, taking the papers back.

Mis huffed, blowing her hair out of her face before walking over to ella.

"Pweeeeeaaaaase?" She begged, adorning her puppy dog eyes that always got Ella to do what she wanted.

"Mia," Ella warned as she leaned back turedly in her chair.

"The papers are gonna be there tomorrow! Stop being a buzz kill! Cmon, please?" She spoke, sincerity in her voice as she looked with pleading eyes.

Ella sighed, pausing what she was doing to think.

She groaned with a smile. "Fine! I give!" She chuckled as she put the papers down, organizing them as best she could.

Mia threw her fist in the air in victory.

"At least tell me you have a plan for today," Ella stated with a smirk as she put all her stuff away and turned to her sister.

"Yep! New dresses from eve, a small boat ride, a picnic, and then game night with the family!" Mia exclaimed with a large smile, her green eyes almost dissapearing behind her eyelids due to how wide the smile was.

Ella chuckled and rolled her eyes a bit before hooking her arm through her sister's and wlaking out of the office.

.........

The day went by in a flash, and ella didn't wanna admit that she wished the day had been longer.

It was nice.

Like old times.

The girls gushed about their individual lives, the conversation never stopping.

At the end of the day, Ella hugged her sister tightly.

"Thanks for my day off, sunshine," Ella smiled.

"Thanks for TAKING one," Mia joked back. "See you tomorrow, El," She stated before wlaking away.