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emjenenla · 6 years

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I’m safe inside the light, so go on do your worst Part Three [A Stormlight Archive Fanfic]

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Elhokar was a failure at everything he’d ever done. He’d failed as a son, as a warrior and as a king. He saw no reason to fail as a Knight Radiant too. Or the one where Elhokar swears to the first Ideal at the end of WoK.

Warnings: Domestic Violence, Self-Esteem Issues

**Comes back after over two months with this pathetic offering** Sorry, about the wait. I actually have a lot of part four written so hopefully there won't be as much of a wait.

NOTE: While I don’t like Dalinar, I don’t believe that his actions towards Elhokar are consciously malicious. Until halfway through Oathbringer, Dalinar is incapable of realizing that what he did to Elhokar in WoK was wrong and therefore it never crosses his mind that Elhokar might be traumatized by what happened. Dalinar never intends to actually kill Elhokar if it becomes convenient, but he also doesn’t realize Elhokar believes that he would. I’m saying this because I realized that since I’ve never written a meta about Dalinar you have no way of telling the difference between how I interpret Dalinar’s intentions and how Elhokar does.

When Dalinar announced the latest part of his mad plan, Elhokar didn’t even bother wasting time wondering if he was serious. If he’d been less of a coward he might have simply put his head down on the table and groaned, but as it was he just sat stiffly and let everyone else react around him.

“Brightlord, I know we have discussed this before,” Teshav said, “but I think that the objections raised during that discussion still stand. You’re talking about reforming the storming Knights Radiant, people aren’t going to be okay with that.”

“They’re going to have to get used to it,” Dalinar said. Was he trying to sound to self-assured or was that just how his voice was? “The world is changing and people need to change with it.”

“When people normally say that,” Shadow grumbled from Elhokar’s shoulder. “They are talking about legitimate progress not shaping the world to the whims of a old man with delusions of grandeur.”

“I’m not sure I understand how you chose Amaram for this position,” Navani said. “What makes him the right person?”

“He’s an honorable man,” Dalinar said. “He will lead the new Knights Radiant well.”

“Why don’t you just lead them yourself?” Elhokar muttered under his breath. He was a bit surprised by himself for saying it; it appeared Shadow was rubbing off on him. She buzzed appreciatively.

Dalinar looked at him eyebrows raised. Elhokar’s stomach clenched. “Do you have something to add, son?”

“No,” Elhokar muttered ducking his head. “Sorry for interrupting.”

Dalinar looked at him for another moment then nodded curtly and returned to his conversation with Teshav.

~~~~

“Do you have the wording down?” Dalinar asked as they rode to the dueling arena to watch Adolin’s duel Elit.

“I’ve got it,” Elhokar confirmed. “I’ve been practicing the script you gave me. I have it memorized.”

Dalinar nodded in a slightly satisfied manner. “Good.”

The duel and then boon scheme was actually a really good plan, the best one his uncle had ever attempted as far as Elhokar was concerned, which was probably because the girl Shallan Davar has been the one to come up with it. Elhokar was cautiously optimistic about this working and his high profile role in it meant that he would be directly responsible for correcting the error in judgment that had caused him to appoint Sadeas Highprince of Information in the first place. Shadow still got a little huffy when he referred to it like that but the way Elhokar saw it he really should have known better than to trust either of the two men who had helped his father kill his way into power.

“You’re sure?” Dalinar asked again after barely a minute had passed. He was actually really worried about this plan and Elhokar couldn’t tell if it was because he factored so prominently in it, or if Dalinar just really wanted to get Sadeas. He wasn’t sure which he wanted to be.

“I’ve got it,” he assured his uncle again. “It will be fine.”

~~~~

The thing about Elhokar’s life that was somewhere between sad and ironic was that even when he did his utmost to be helpful and not to mess anything up, he always did anyway.

After everything at the duel fell apart, Elhokar practically fled back to the palace. Kaladin Stormblessed was in prison and Sadeas had wormed his way out the trap. It was all Elhokar’s fault.

Elhokar slammed the door to his chambers in the face of his guards. Both were members of the old lighteyed guard. None of the bridgemen had even moved to follow when he’d left. Elhokar figured that they’d officially gone from simply being willing to stand by and let him die on Dalinar’s orders to actively wanting him dead which was always a bad thing for your bodyguards. Things had never been worse.

Elhokar poured himself a goblet of violet wine. It was a pointless thing to do, but there was nothing he could do now. He knew what was coming, and he’d decided that he didn’t want to be completely sober for it.

“I messed up,” he said to Shadow. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely raise the goblet to his mouth without spilling it. “I really, really messed up this time.”

She did not insult him by denying it. “I’ll be right here with you,” she said. “No matter what happens.”

“Thank you,” Elhokar whispered.

There were voices outside in the hallway. Elhokar drained the rest of the goblet and set it next to the pitcher before carefully stepping to the center of the room, trying to brace himself as best he could. The door opened and Dalinar Kholin, the Blackthorn, stalked him. His face was a mask of annoyance and his body was held stiffly. He did not look happy that his plans had been spoiled yet again.

Elhokar had entertained some small hopes of being able to meet Dalinar’s wrath in a manly, stoic way fitting of a king, but the instant he saw his uncle the small measure of courage he’d managed to summon collapsed.

“I’m sorry; I panicked,” he said, his words tripping over each other as they raced to get out of his body. “I had practiced just giving Adolin the boon, and I didn’t know what to do when-”

“Do you understand how far behind Sadeas this has put us, son?” Dalinar interrupted. His voice was cool, much cooler than it had been the day he had thrown Elhokar around the room, but that did not make Elhokar feel any safer. He backed away by instinct, cursed himself for the cowardice, but didn’t stop.

“You knew what you were supposed to do,” Dalinar said. He sounded so calm. It was worse that it would have been if he was yelling. How was Elhokar supposed to know when he was going to attack like this? “There were ways to deal with Captain Kaladin without letting Sadeas get away. I was trusting you to find them.”

Elhokar’s back hit the wall. There was no where else to retreat to. When was Dalianar going to attack? When was he going to say that he had decided Elhokar wasn’t worth the effort necessary to keep him alive? Elhokar was shaking so hard he felt like he was going to collapse. He could hear buzzing, but he wasn’t sure if it was Shadow or his own ears.

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered.

Dalinar ran a hand through his hair. “I know you are, son,” he said. “We were just so close…”

“Brightlord,” a voice said.

Dalinar turned towards the guard standing in the doorway. “Yes?”

The guard--Koen--saluted. “Brightlady Navani Kholin is outside. Do you want to see her?”

“Yes,” Dalinar said. “Let her in.”

Koen nodded and saluted again before heading out of the room. Dalinar didn’t look away from the door and Elhokar tried to pull himself back to together. He cursed himself for being so weak. A real Alethi man would be able act unaffected, but it had already been established that Elhokar was a failure at everything even performing gender. He shouldn’t be surprised by how weak and unmasculine he was being.

Koen held the door open and Navani came in. She looked just as frustrated as Dalinar had. “I can’t see any loopholes in Sadeas’s response,” she said to Dalinar. “I’ll look more thoroughly, but I don’t think we’re going to be able to get him and Adolin into a dueling ring any sooner than next year like he specified.”

Elhokar wanted to melt into the floor from shame.

“Thank you for trying,” Dalinar said. He sounded tired not angry, which didn’t make any sense.

Navani looked past Dalinar. “Are you alright, Elhokar?”

Too late, Elhokar realized he was still leaning against the wall like he was about to slide down to the floor (which to be fair, he was). He attempted to straighten up. “I’m okay,” he said in a disgusting, trembling voice. “Everything’s fine.” He winced. What a lie.

“Elhokar,” Navani said. “It’s alright. You’re not to blame for panicking; the bridgeman was out of line and should have realized that what he did would mess up the plan. There were better ways you could have dealt with the situation, but we’ll find another way to corner Sadeas.”

Elhokar couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t see Dalinar’s face so he had no idea how he was reacting to what Navani was saying. Elhokar needed to get out of here. As far as he knew Navani didn’t know what Dalinar had done to convince Elhokar to name him Highprince of War. Dalinar had probably never told her and Elhokar didn’t want to know what Dalinar would do if the secret somehow got out. He needed to get away from here before he did something to blow it.

“I’m sorry,” he got out. His voice was still trembling. “But I have...something...that I need to be doing. I should go.”

He left the room without waiting for a response.

~~~~

Surprisingly, Dalinar never moved to restart a conversation about Elhokar’s failure at the duel. Elhokar had no idea why that was, but waiting for it was almost worse than it happening. He was barely sleeping. He was drinking more than ever. He was drowning in his own failure. Shadow tried to help, but Elhokar was mostly tuning her out these days. None of her encouragement was helpful, especially not now that there was ample proof that everything she said about him was a lie.

When Dalinar and the others made their plans to march into the Shattered Plains to take the Parshendi in their own home, Elhokar stayed out of the way. He’d made it blatantly clear that he ruined any plan he touched so it was for that was for the best. He couldn’t even look any of the bridgeman guards in the face and half expected one to put a spear through his back in revenge. He half believed that was what he deserved.

~~~~

In some ways, everyone leaving for the Shattered Plains and traditional Alethi glory was a relief, if only because it meant he could drink himself into a stupor without worrying about his mother or Dalinar walking in on him. Elhokar paced his chambers, goblet held in one hand. He was steady on his feet, but fully aware that was only because of the Stormlight. Shadow buzzed tensely on his shoulder. “Maybe you should stop,” he said. “Or at least eat something; I’m worried about you.”

“You shouldn't be,” Elhokar said. “I’ve destroyed everything.”

“Elhokar-”

“Don’t give me any more of that,” Elhokar spat. “This is exactly why I never wanted to become king. I never told you that before, did I? I wasn’t really sad when my father died; I just really didn’t want to be king. Granted, Dalinar was the only one who really was sad; Jasnah took our father’s death as a person failure, and I don’t know how Mother felt, but still: my father died and I was more worried about taking the position I’d been raised for from birth than sad for him!”

“Oh,” Shadow said in a strange tone of voice. “You realize that was a Truth, don’t you? Elhokar-”

And then Elhokar was falling through nothing. He reached out, fingers stretching for a table or a chair or anything to grab on to, but there was nothing. He braced himself to slam into the Soulcast stone floor, but he didn’t. He splashed into an ocean of beads.

He sunk down into the beads, the descent slower than water but still steady. They closed over his head and he struggled, trying to swim back to the surface, but he just kept sinking further and further down. He thrashed in panic, but that only made him sink faster. Vaguely he could hear Shadow screaming for him, but he couldn’t respond. There were beads in his ears and mouth and throat. He was going to drown in them. He was going to die here, wherever here was. He wanted to return to his chambers were it was safe. He wanted to go back to badly.

He back hit solid stone and the beads vanished. He was lying on his back on his chamber floor. Shadow was twisting in terrified circles next to his head, buzzing loudly.

“What was that?” he asked. His voice sounded wrong even though the beads were all gone. There was not even a taste left. “Please tell me it was a dream.”

“That was Shadesmar,” Shadow said tremulously. She was almost as freaked out as he was. “In time you’ll learn to-”

Elhokar didn’t wait to hear the rest of what she was going to say. He scrambled to his feet which were now unsteady for reasons that had nothing to do with all the alcohol he’d consumed. He crossed to the door and hauled it open. “Moash?”

“Yes?” Moash asked. “Your Majesty?” For something reason his honorifics always sounded tacked on, like he had to remind himself to say them.

“Get my carriage,” Elhokar ordered. “I need to speak to your captain.”

~~~~

Kaladin Stormblessed was supposed to be confined to his quarters recovering from his chasmfiend wounds, too weak to come to the palace to supervise his men. Elhokar knew this because he’d asked for the man once or twice figuring that was probably what he was supposed to do in Dalinar’s absence and had been told that the bridgeman couldn’t come. Elhokar wasn’t sure why he was surprised to find that Kaladin was actually well enough to go on walks around the warcamp in the middle of the Weeping but was still backing out of his duties; after all, Elhokar wouldn’t want to be anywhere near the man that had gotten him thrown into prison either.

Knowing that, Elhokar wasn’t sure why he was standing in the bridgeman’s quarters waiting for him. He should go back to the palace, but he had no idea how to deal with what had just happened to him. Kaladin Stormblessed seemed like the only person who might be able to help. There had always been something not quite normal about him, even before Adolin had sworn up and down that the bridgeman had somehow healed from a Shardblade wound during the Assassin’s attack.

“Your Majesty?” a voice asked just as Elhokar was starting to wonder if the bridgeman was ever going to return.

“Ah,” Elhokar said, turning around. “Bridgeman. This is really all that Dalinar assigns one of his officers? That man. He expects everyone to live with his own austerity. It is as if he’s completely forgotten how to enjoy himself.”

Kaladin and Moash exchanged an obviously judging look and Elhokar hoped he wasn’t turning red. He didn’t really care what kind of quarters Dalinar had given Kaladin, he had just wanted to say something to cover up the awkwardness and to keep from getting carried away thinking about how much this man must hate him. Obviously, he’d just made things worse. Again.

He tried again, “I was told you were too weak to make the trip to see me. I see that might not be the case.” Also bad. He winced internally. Can’t you say anything right?

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty,” Kaladin replied. “I’m not well, but I walk the camp each day to rebuild my strength. I feared that my weakness and appearance might be offensive to the Throne.”

“You’ve learned to speak politically, I see,” Elhokar loathed political-speak. It made it much too easy to read between the lines and think the speaker hated you, though, to be fair, most people did hate the people they used political-speak on. “The truth is that my command is meaningless, even to a darkeyes. I no longer have authority in the eyes of men.”

Storms, that was way to honest. He should never have come here. He was panicky, exhausted and just a little too drunk to make good decisions about what to say. He should have waited until he could hold his tongue.

“Out, you other two,” he ordered Moash and Taka. “I’d speak to this man alone.” At least this way he’d only humiliate himself in front of Kaladin.

When Moash and Taka were gone, Elhokar tried to figure out what to say. He hadn’t even know what he’d have said if Kaladin had come to the palace, and he wasn’t entirely sure what had driven him to come here today.

“How did you know how to be a hero?” he blurted out.

The question surprised the bridgeman and it surprised Elhokar for a second too, but only for a second. He was supposed to be a Knight Radiant. How was he supposed to do that if he didn’t know how to be a hero?

Kaladin said something inane about luck and then Elhokar was talking again. He was rambling about how he was always failing at being king and disappointing everyone. He’d never been this honest to anyone other than Jasnah and Shadow, and he could tell that he was making Kaladin uncomfortable. Finally Elhokar managed to rein in the torrent of words and cursed himself for coming here. He was in the exact wrong frame of mind for this.

“I want to be a king like my father was,” he finished. “I want to lead men, and I want them to respect me.”

“I don’t…” Kaladin said. “I don’t know if that’s possible, Your Majesty.”

Elhokar held himself very still. “Do you think me a bad king, bridgeman?” he asked slowly once he’d regained the ability to speak.

“Yes,” Kaladin said.

He had the honestly, the decency, to look Elhokar in the eye as he said it and some very small part of Elhokar was grateful for that even as hearing someone say exactly what he’d feared people believed about him for most of his life tore him apart inside. He tried to balance the full soul-crushing weight of Kaladin’s words where it wouldn’t destroy anything major until he was safely alone.

“Well,” he said because he needed to say something to make it seem like that word hadn’t hurt. Gavilar would have just let the comment roll off and then magically it would have turned into ammunition he could use. Dalinar would have simply killed anyone who insulted him. Elhokar could do neither. All he could do was hang on and hope Kaladin couldn’t see how that little word was going to destroy him. “I did ask. I merely have to win you over as well. I will figure this out. I will be a king to be remembered.” That sounded confident, right? Or did it just sound pathetic? He couldn’t decide.

“Or you could do what is best for Alethkar and step down,” Kaladin said, still brutally honest.

That almost broke Elhokar’s precious wall of calm. “Do not overstep yourself, bridgeman,” he snapped. “I should never have come here.”

“I agree,” Kaladin said, coolly but without a hint of malice.

Elhokar fled. He did not mention the strange place full of beads.

~~~~

After returning from the bridgemen’s barracks, Elhokar headed directly for his chambers. He tried without success to ignore the presence of the other guards, but it was hard. They were whispering and shooting each other looks behind his back. Every once and a while he heard what they were saying, whispers of the same things Kaladin had said. They all thought he was a terrible king who should step down. They all thought Dalinar would be better off in charge.

Perhaps they were right. Who was to say that if Gavilar and Navani hadn’t had another son that child wouldn’t have become king? Perhaps if Gavilar had been able to see the true depths of his son’s weakness and cowardice he would have made Dalinar heir. Elhokar had always assumed that his life would be better if Gavilar had survived but perhaps then his life would have ended in a convenient accident to get rid of an unworthy heir to the throne.

The guards would not stop whispering. It was driving Elhokar mad. He knew he was unfit. He knew that he was failing. Why did they have to rub his face in it?

By the time they reached his chambers he was shaking so badly he could barely stand. He pulled the door open by himself and leaned against it. What did it matter if he looked weak when everyone already knew he was?

“Stay out here,” he told Moash and Taka. His voice was shaking and he hated it. He hated himself.

“But--Your Majesty--” Moash said. “How are we supposed to protect you if we can’t see you?” His tone of voice sounded almost mocking but surely Elhokar was just imagining that.

“I don’t care,” Elhokar growled. “Stay out of my sight.” Then he forced himself into his chambers and slammed the door behind him.

He stumbled across the room and poured a goblet of violet wine. He spilled a not inconsiderable amount all over the table, but he didn’t care. He practically dumped the contents of the goblet down his throat and poured another and then another.

Shadow buzzed sharply. At some point she’s transferred from his shoulder to the table. Though she had no face he got the distinct feeling that she was judging him with a raised eyebrow. “What?” He asked.

“I wish you wouldn’t drink so much,” Shadow said. “Do you feel better about yourself when you do?”

“Does it matter?” Elhokar snapped.

“You don’t need to do this,” Shadow said. “You could do great things if you just tried.”

“Haven’t you been listening?” Elhokar asked. “The only great thing I could do is get out Dalinar’s way.” He downed another swallow of wine.

“Never,” Shadow snarled. “You must never let that man gain any more power than he currently has.”

“But I’m failing,” Elhokar said choking back a sob. “You heard them. They all know it.”

“Then you need to keep trying,” Shadow said. “And if you fail again you need to try again. You are a Knight Radiant; you cannot lie down and let people take everything from you.”

“Where are you pulling these delusions out of?” Elhokar finished off the goblet. “I’m not a Knight Radiant. Amaram is the leader of the Knights Radiant--or he was, at least--and no one would ever let me join magic powers or no magic powers.”

“I chose you not Amaram,” Shadow snarled. “Do you insult me by suggesting that I didn’t know what I was doing?”

“You don’t remember much about before you came here!” Elhokar shot back. He was shouting, but he found he didn’t particularly care if the guards heard. “How do you know that you knew what you were doing?”

“I knew what I was doing,” Shadow said sharply. “I remember enough to know that I knew.”

Elhokar snorted and turned away from her. He went to refill his goblet, then just tossed it aside and drank directly from the bottle. The violet wine burned like fire going down, but he didn’t care, he even enjoyed it.

“Elhokar,” Shadow said, very quietly, almost like she was afraid to set him off again. “Regardless of everything, you really shouldn’t be drinking tonight. Something bad is going to happen. It’s not safe.”

“I don’t care,” Elhokar said and took another swig from the bottle.

#the stormlight archive #stormlight archive #words of radiance #elhokar kholin #dalinar kholin #original spren character #kaladin stormblessed #moash #elhokar kholin has social anxiety #elhokar needs a hug #things are not going well #canon divergent au #I promise this will actually manage to diverge in part four #emjenenla #Emjen writes #tw: domestic violence #tw: self loathing

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shouldprobablybereading · 2 years

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Knights radiant roadtrip

(tho it’s mostly just the kholins)

They have to split up in two mini vans to fit, dalinar and navani are driving one each.

Car 1:

Dalinar is driving, kaladin is in the passenger seat with google maps in his phone giving clear instructions.

Meanwhile adolin and elhokar are sitting in the backseat being absolutely unbearable.

“Daaad can you stop the car I need to pee!”

“Stop being so childish! But please uncle slow down I’m feeling a bit nauseous”

Gav is in between them in his kid car seat, sleeping peacefully with a halfdrunken apple juice sippy cup.

Renarin and szeth are in the back back seat with all the bags. Szeth is very uncomfortable about the whole “murdered gavilar thing”, so he just sits quiet afraid to interfere. ren is purposefully ignoring them by blasting music in his headphones. Until adolin gets a little too loud and he just snaps, so done with them.

“Allmighty, just shut up you are worse than gav!”

Which of course is the one event that manages to wake gav up from his nap, dropping his sippy cup in the process and spilling apple juice all over the backseat.

Now gav is crying, moving towards a full toddler tantrum. Adolin is whining because he got apple juice on his new outfit. Elhokar is desperately trying to calm gav down and clean up some of the apple juice. Renarin just turns up the volume on his headphones to drown them all out.

Meanwhile dalinar is two seconds away from just slamming the car to the side of the road. Going into a rant about how the way of kings warn against drinking apple juice in the car, and how he warned them because it’s against the codes. And now the seats are going to be sticky forever!

While kaladin is trying to calm him down by just agreeing and gently reminding that

“sir we are still driving, please keep your focus on the road!”

Car 2:

Navani is driving with jasnah in the passenger seat, as they passive aggressively argue over directions.

Jasnah despite never getting a drivers license namely has very strong opinions on driving (she read about it in a book).

Meanwhile navani could pick apart and rebuild her own cars back in the day (tho without updating her knowledge for the last 30 years) and has even stronger opinions.

Shallan is awkwardly sitting in the back with lift, who has already eaten all the snacks navani packed for the entire trip. Growing bored however she eventually starts doing the thing where you put your feet on the back of the seat in front of you and push/kick on it.

Which of course means that jasnah in front of her gets increasingly annoyed at telling her to stop.

Eventually radiant just gets done with everyone orders jasnah into the backseat, and gives lift a “don’t you dare look” while shoving art supplies into her hands to occupy her.”

They actually manage to have a fairly peaceful drive from then, tho with the entire backseat being annoyed and slightly insulted. And sure as damnation get a surprise when they pull into the chosen lunch stop mcdonalds to meet up with the others. And are met with an annoyed dalinar massaging a headache away, kaladin shaking his head as if he’s disappointed in everyone. While adolin and elhokar are wet all over their shirts, gavinor rushing up to hug navani, finally content after getting a clean set of clothes. And szeth and renarin just chilling in the back, having connected their headphones to listen together.

#cosmere #stormlight archive #brandon sanderson #guess 3 times what I am currently doing to inspire this #thank god we have no toddlers/small children #just teenagers who nap

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cosmerehyperfixation · 2 years

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How I think different stormlight characters would react to someone asking them for a hug:

Dalinar Kholin: confused look and polite decline

Navani Kholin: fond smile, polite decline unless she knows you well

Adolin Kholin: No hesitation, happy to hug anyone in need

Renarin Kholin: flustered look, bashful decline or shy acceptance. Would hold the person as if they were glass

Jasnah Kholin: flat look, “no”

Elhokar Kholin: straight up thinks you’re joking. It will be a no if you’re not family

Kaladin: confused. Awkward back pats

Rock: 100% best hugs, would probably not even have to ask, just walk up with arms outstretched

Teft: “storm off”. But he’ll cave if he has a soft spot for you

Sigzil: awkward at first but melts into it because tbh he needs it too

The Lopen: “everyone needs a Lopen hug”. Would happily do so and would probably be the last to let go

Hoid: would either make fun of you or realize you actually need it, either way he would probably do it

#stormlight archive #cosmere

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moiraineswife · 3 years

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Innocence Died Screaming - An Adolin & Jasnah Fic

I RETURN. I RETURN WITH EMOTIONAL KHOLINS TO MAKE YOU ALL EMOTIONAL TOO!!! ENJOY!!!!!!

Title: Innocence Died Screaming

Rating: T Content warnings: mentions of accidental mother murder

Summary: Set loosley pre-Rhythm of War. Jasnah requests some duelling training from her expert duelist cousin. Adolin sees it as a way to spend more time bonding with his cousin. He gets a little bit more than he bargained for when Jasnah calls him out as only Jasnah can for always putting himself down. They have a good heart to heart and I have Emotions.

Teaser:

'“Truthfully?” Adolin said, stalling for time.

“Always,” Jasnah said, with aching sincerity, because she was Jasnah.

“You suck,” Adolin replied bluntly, unable to find a fancier way of saying it to soften the blow.

Jasnah just smiled at that, then gestured at him, “Hence the reason you are here with me presently.”'

Link: AO3

Wit answered the door to Jasnah’s chambers with a flourish when Adolin knocked. Uncharacteristically, there was no quip. Probably because he’d seen Adolin bracing for one, and didn’t want to seem ‘predictable’. Though how anyone was supposed to predict someone like Wit was beyond him.

“Jasnah, your beefy cousin has arrived to demonstrate the intricacies of hitting people with large metal sticks,” he announced to the room behind him where Jasnah was no doubt working.

He made to sweep out after that declaration, but Adolin caught him by the arm and raised an eyebrow, “Beefy cousin?” he repeated, incredulous.

“Well it couldn’t be handsome cousin, Adolin,” Wit replied smoothly, “That’s how I announce Renarin!”

Adolin opened his mouth to reply to that, then closed it again, grinning, imagining Renarin’s face if that was, in fact, how Wit announced him.

“What’s wrong with ‘Adolin’?” he asked instead, scratching his head.

“Well it’s just so boring,” Wit said conversationally, lounging against the door and grinning at him. “Jasnah has a very difficult, taxing job,” he explained, with an almost conspiratorial air, “I need to seize any opportunity I can to inject a little humour into her life.”

If rumours were to be believed, humour wasn’t the only thing he was injecting Jasnah with at the moment.

Adolin didn’t say that. He did note, however, as his cousin approached them, that the two of them were alone, without a chaperone.

That wasn’t entirely surprising. Jasnah had always just kind of done things her way. And she was a woman nearing her fortieth Weeping. But still. There were some rules you just shouldn’t bend, even if you were Queen.

Though Pattern wasn't exactly a model chaperone for me and Shallan, so I probably shouldn’t be judging Jasnah that harshly, he admitted ruefully to himself, grinning a little, then immediately hoping Wit hadn’t noticed.

Wit, fortunately, had eyes only for his queen at that moment.

“Enjoy yourself, Brightness,” he was saying, waving an elegant hand at Jasnah, “Try not to hurt him too much.”

He clapped Adolin on the shoulder, winking, then withdrew at a nod from Jasnah.

Clearly his departing when Adolin arrived was a prearranged agreement between the two of them.

Adolin wasn’t entirely sorry about that. He liked Wit, might even be storming fond of him at this point, but he would be more relaxed without him in earshot of his every word.

“Cousin,” Jasnah said, nodding to him in greeting.

“Jasnah,” Adolin returned, grinning and stepping forwards to embrace her.

All of them had had to get used to more hugs from him in the recent months. His father had been the one who had always rebuked him for it, while his mother had always encouraged him. Given recent events, he found himself more inclined towards listening to his mother.

Besides, since losing Elhokar, he’d had his eyes opened to how precious his family was. He had loved his cousin, and his king, but he hadn’t felt as close to him as he’d wanted.

He’d felt similarly towards Jasnah, and was determined not to let that happen again. She was his family. And as his family, she got a hug when he saw her. And had been forced to get used to him dropping by more often to spend time with her and get to know her properly. She seemed more comfortable with that than the hugs.

She was used to them by now though, and tolerated it, awkwardly patting him on the back to indicate she’d had enough of his affection for the day. He drew back, grinning.

“Shall we get started?” Jasnah said briskly, stepping into a large section of her chambers she’d had cleared of furniture.

She was also wearing a messenger style havah - shorter than the traditional garment, with high slits in the sides to allow for swift movement, and leggings underneath for dignity’s sake. Very practical, very Jasnah.

“Sure,” Adolin said, following after her.

He’d been surprised when she’d sent him a note requesting some training from him in dueling, but had been eager to accept. It would help with his new cousin-bonding goals. And he was always happy to help someone learn how to properly use their blade.

“I’ve seen you fight a little with your Shardblade before,” he said, as they moved into position, “During the battle of Thaylen City. You were mostly Soulcasting, but you used your blade a couple of times, too. So I know you’re not totally useless.”

“Thank you for that assessment, Adolin,” Jasnah replied coolly, though there was a hint of a smile in her eyes when she said it.

Adolin blushed slightly, “What I meant was that you at least have some idea what to do. So I thought it might be best if you summoned your blade and showed me a few stances and movements that you know already? Do you know any katas?”

“A few,” Jasnah replied, “Though they may be unfamiliar to you.”

“Pick one,” Adolin said, leaning against the wall, well out of the way, “Go through it as you normally would. I’ll observe and see what needs to be corrected from there.”

“Very well,” Jasnah said, nodding her assent at this plan.

Adolin folded his arms across his chest, feeling a little odd. He’d given instruction to Shardbearers before. Zahel had sometimes had him help assist in the training of men on the practice grounds. Zahel didn’t much care that he was a prince, he’d been there, and that had been enough.

He’d also given Shallan and Radiant extensive training now in the use of her blade. He wasn’t a stranger to being a teacher, and he found that he enjoyed it, especially as something productive he could do for the new Radiants in the tower.

He’d just never expected to be doing it with Jasnah.

Though, as she summoned her blade, he did feel there was something appropriate about the image of Jasnah Kholin standing there with a glimmering sword in hand. A completeness to the picture. Shallan would have wanted to sketch it, he was sure. He’d have to invite her along to one of these sessions, if they became a regular occurrence.

“Very nice,” Adolin said, nodding approvingly as he examined the gleaming length of her weapon.

He’d seen it before, but never up close or with the ability to take in the details. It was an elegant weapon, like Jasnah herself. Long and slender, with a slight curve to it.

Jasnah held it comfortably. Because how else would the storming woman hold it? No one had yet managed to discover something Jasnah Kholin was objectively just bad at.

She frowned at this comment, “I haven’t started yet,” she pointed out.

Adolin grinned at her. “That’s a bit arrogant of you, Your Majesty,” he teased. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he added, “I was talking about your sword," he nodded to it, "Very nice indeed.”

Jasnah glanced at the blade and her usually impassive features displayed a look of momentary surprise.

“Ivory says thank you,” she informed him. A pause, then she continued, “He says that he worked hard on perfecting the design and shape of this form.”

Adolin nodded his approval. The attention to detail was obvious, and told him a lot about Ivory, and why he worked so well with Jasnah. Jasnah was all about the details.

A slight crease formed between her eyes as she added, sardonically, “He also wishes me to pass on that he is pleased someone has taken notice. Finally.” She pursed her lips.

That made him smile again. He raised a hand and faked a cough to cover his urge to laugh at his cousin's expression.

He had never met, or even glimpsed, Jasnah’s spren, except when he was summoned as a blade. According to her he was a private individual, who preferred not to be seen where possible. He sensed there was something deeper to it than what she’d said, but hadn’t pressed the issue.

Still, it was hard not to find Jasnah’s long-suffering tone oddly endearing for what it spoke of regarding their relationship.

“I see Ivory is a man, uh, spren,” he corrected hastily, “Of fine taste, like myself," he said, with a small bow.

“Yes,” Jasnah replied, with a slight roll of her eyes, “Well if you’re both finished admiring swords for the moment, perhaps we could begin?”

Adolin blushed slightly at the innuendo, which wasn’t something he was used to hearing from Jasnah.

“You’ve been spending too much time around Wit,” he muttered, before he could think better of it.

Fortunately, Jasnah only smiled at that, and made no remark.

Adolin hastily gestured for her to continue, and concentrated on observing her form, rather than considering the tangled rumours of her and her wit. That was not why he was here.

There was clearly something practiced about the motions of the kata, but it was obvious she hadn’t trained much, and that whoever had trained her previously hadn’t been very good at correcting small, but obvious, mistakes.

There was nothing overtly wrong with what she did, but there were obvious improvements to be made that he could spot straight away.

“Not bad,” he said, moving away from the wall, summoning Maya as he went, so that he could demonstrate, “Your stances have the right shape, but you need to commit to them more.”

He gave her a slight nudge with his elbow as he reached her and she wobbled, which illustrated his point, though she seemed displeased by it. Not at him, he sensed, but at herself.

“Sink down into them,” he said, showing her, “Anchor yourself, like a tree, roots planted deep into the ground.”

Jasnah studied him for a moment with a critical eye, then replicated what he’d shown her, exaggerating the stance she’d chosen as demonstrated.

“Good,” Adolin said, nodding in approval, “Alright, your grip, don’t overlap your hands like that, there’s room on the hilt for both hands to rest comfortably. Ivory’s not a bastard.”

He chuckled to himself at the joke. Jasnah just raised her eyebrows.

“A bastard sword is another name for a hand-and-a-half,” he explained with a shrug.

Jasnah sniffed, “I think perhaps you might have been spending too much time around Wit.”

There was no danger of that. If he wasn’t with Jasnah he was nowhere to be found these days. Adolin didn’t point that out either. Not while Jasnah had a shardblade in her hands, anyway.

Instead he cleared his throat and carefully corrected the placement of her hands on Ivory’s hilt.

“Alright, try that,” he said, gesturing for her to repeat the kata she’d just completed.

“Better,” he said, nodding, “You’re right, by the way,” he told her, as she continued to implement what he’d just shown her, “I don’t recognise this kata. Who taught you?”

She glanced at him as she turned, then grunted, “Swordmaster Katar," before continuing the sequence.

Adolin frowned, “Elsecalling lets you jump between here and Shadesmar, right?” he said.

“Yes,” Jasnah replied slowly, seemingly confused by the question.

“Does it let you jump through time, too?” he said, “Because otherwise I don’t see how Swordmaster Katar trained you. Since I’m pretty sure he’s dead.”

“He lives on in the books he left behind,” Jasnah said, “As do all great historical figures.” She added, with a slight smirk, "I'm glad at least some of them made enough of an impression for you to take note of them."

Adolin put his hands on his hips, and snorted with laughter, unable to stop himself, “Only you would try to learn dueling from a book, Jasnah,” he said, shaking his head.

Jasnah drew up at that and replied, blandly, “When I first bonded with Ivory eight years ago, there weren’t a lot of living swordmasters who were willing to train a heretic woman displaying ancient, forbidden powers steeped with negative connotation after the original Knight’s betrayal." She met his eyes and half-shrugged, mildly "I improvised.”

Adolin scratched his nose awkwardly and coughed to cover his momentary embarrassment, “Fair enough,” he muttered, “Given that, you’ve done pretty amazingly, I’m impressed.”

“And without the context of my…Unorthodox education?” she asked, seeming genuinely curious about the answer.

“Truthfully?” Adolin said, stalling for time.

“Always,” Jasnah said, with aching sincerity, because she was Jasnah.

“You suck,” Adolin replied bluntly, unable to find a fancier way of saying it to soften the blow.

Jasnah just smiled at that, then gestured at him, “Hence the reason you are here with me presently.”

“You have done well on your own,” Adolin told her, honestly, wanting to clarify his words. He hadn't expected her to agree with him, and that had thrown his response a little, "But-”

“But context can only excuse one’s lack of skill so far,” Jasnah supplied smoothly, “Before relying upon it simply becomes an awkward crutch to attempt to justify your inability.”

“Sure,” Adolin agreed, nodding at her. Did she always have to talk like she was writing a new academic text? Storms. “Let’s get back into it, okay?” he suggested.

Jasnah nodded at once and complied with his instruction without a word.

It felt very strange to be giving Jasnah orders. Stranger still to be instructing her, and correcting her. And even more strange that she deferred to him on everything and took whatever he said on board without question or hesitation.

After a little while of this, he paused in the middle of a sequence, shaking his head, bemused. Jasnah drew up, noting his expression.

“What is it?” she asked, straightening up and raising an eyebrow at him.

“This is just...Weird,” he said, running a hand absently through his hair, unable to find a more eloquent way of putting it.

“Because I’m a woman?” Jasnah guessed evenly.

“No,” Adolin said, waving a dismissive hand, “I got over that months ago with Shallan.”

Jasnah smirked slightly at that, but made no comment.

“It’s just-” he struggled to find the words to explain his emotions, “It’s you,” he said finally, which he knew wasn’t entirely helpful. “You’re Jasnah,” he added. Which was about as useful as his earlier sentiment.

“I’m aware of that,” Jasnah replied, slowly, clearly struggling to piece together what he was trying to say.

“It, well it-” Adolin stammered, feeling as lost as he would have if she'd asked him to summarise Aunt Navani's fabrial lecture for him, grappling with fitting his unwieldy emotions into insubstantial words.

“It feels strange for me to be teaching you anything," he managed finally, "You’re Jasnah storming Kholin. The world famous scholar. This fantastic thinker, and historian, and all of that," he said, gesturing expansively before he said, voice and hands falling flat, "I’m Adolin, the family idiot, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Silence stretched between them for a long, uncomfortable moment.

“I think that we should take a short break,” Jasnah announced abruptly, dismissing her blade.

Adolin decided not to point out that they’d barely been going for an hour, and with Stormlight, there was no way she actually needed a break. If he’d been Zahel he’d have laughed at this suggestion. But he wasn’t. And he knew better.

Jasnah would do what Jasnah wanted to do. She was already heading towards the seating area of her chambers. The easiest thing to do was to thank Maya, then dismiss her and follow his cousin.

Jasnah was pouring them both wine, orange for her, yellow for Adolin, and pushed the cup towards him, settling on the couch and gesturing him to the seat opposite her.

Sighing, Adolin accepted the cup, and the chair, and sat down as indicated.

Jasnah was eyeing him over the rim of her own cup, considering him like some dusty historical treatise she was trying to pry secrets from.

“I’ve noticed that you do that a lot, Adolin,” she remarked finally, lowering the cup.

“What? Drink?” Adolin joked, rather feebly.

Hastily he raised his own cup and taking a gulp of the wine. It was good. Jasnah had appropriately fine taste. But there was a bad taste in his mouth. Less from the wine, and more from the memories that rose at the mention of indulging in it too often.

“Put yourself down,” Jasnah said bluntly, ignoring his attempt at humour. “Particularly with regards to your own intelligence. You seem overly fond of comparing yourself negatively in that regard to those around you.”

Adolin shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took another sip of his wine before he answered.

“Kind of hard not to,” he said, aiming to keep his voice light, “I mean there’s you. Aunt Navani, Shallan, Renarin. Wit’s never normally far from you, either. Even the Storming Bridgeboy-” He caught himself, realising he’d probably slipped into sounding more resentful than he’d intended.

No doubt Jasnah had noticed. But he lounged back in his chair, giving her an easy grin to try and smoothe over the sticky moment.

With a shrug he said, “I’m just surrounded by a lot of really smart people all the time. It’s natural to make comparisons.”

“Hm,” Jasnah replied, in a way that suggested she didn’t at all believe him, “Yet I don’t see you comparing yourself in other areas. You never remark on your lack of ability to draw while around Shallan, for instance. You don’t talk about the fact you can’t set a fracture when you’re around Kaladin. You’ve never once mentioned not being able to play the flute while around me.”

“You still play the flute?” he deflected, while actually being vaguely interested in the answer.

Jasnah, again, ignored him. Which was getting annoying. Shallan was a lot easier to distract and divert off course whenever she mentioned things like this. Which he did every time she tried.

“And you also don’t seem to point out the areas where those around you are lacking, either,” Jasnah continued, with characteristic unavoidable intent. “Even if they also form easy points of comparison. I don’t hear you disparage my lack of ability in the areas of personable conversation. Nor Kaladin’s inability to process failure. Or Shallan’s lack of focus. The only person whose perceived flaws you feel the need to accentuate are your own.”

She raised her eyebrows pointedly at him and settled back in her chair, raising her cup to her lips again, watching to see how he reacted.

Storms. He’d forgotten how sometimes conversing with Jasnah could feel like going to battle. Usually his head hurt less after the actual battles, too.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to process what she’d said, and the point she was driving at.

“I guess,” he said, not looking at her, “I guess it’s just...Easy to feel less than surrounded by a bunch of genius Radiants all the time. And you are all smarter than me, you can’t deny that,” he said quickly, pointing at her in accusation.

“No,” Jasnah agreed slowly, “But it’s also not something you should seek to highlight in nearly every conversation.”

“I don’t-” he began.

“You do,” Jasnah interrupted, voice surprisingly gentle, yet unyielding as ever. “You always find some way to mention your lack of comparable academic capability. Even in situations where it has little to no relevance. Such as our dueling practice earlier”

Adolin sighed, “I suppose you’d take exception to me pointing out that my lack of, what was it, ‘academic capability’ is really hurting my ability to properly argue with you right now?”

Jasnah smiled thinly at that, “It would serve to highlight my point rather well, actually. So on this sole occasion, feel free.”

He groaned, “No offence, but I really hate talking to you sometimes, Jasnah.”

She inclined her head as if to say she understood, and agreed, with that sentiment. He found that curious about her. Most people shied away from criticism or insults. Jasnah seemed to welcome them, like a rockbud opening up to gorge itself on storm rains. Maybe because so few people were ever brave enough to tell her what they really thought.

“You could point out that this is an area where I am not particularly skilled,” she said, swirling her wine thoughtfully, “Talking with others. Connecting. Encouraging them to open up. Empathising with their emotions and struggles.” She met his eyes again as she said, lightly, “An area in which you excel, I might add. Perfectly reasonable grounds for one of your comparisons.”

“I would never say that to you,” he protested without thinking.

Only after he caught the triumphant glimmer in Jasnah’s eye did he realise that she’d maneuvered him into that to make her point. He glowered at her.

“Can we get back to dueling again?” he growled, “I have a sudden urge to start hitting you with Maya.”

She just smiled at him.

Adolin flopped back in his chair, running a hand through his hair again, “It’s just. It’s hard, Jasnah,” he admitted, his voice softening a little, though he avoided her penetrating gaze as he spoke, “I feel like I blinked and the entire world was pulled out from under me like a rug. I’m still struggling to get back to my feet while the bridgeboy is soaring in the sky, and my wife is infiltrating cults. Oh, and my brother has visions of the future, and my father is communing with the Storming Stormfather. And you’re the most powerful Radiant we have and I’m...Still just me.”

“I understand,” Jasnah said quietly.

Adolin snorted before he could stop himself.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m sorry, Jasnah,” he said, sitting up and putting a hand on her arm, “I just find it hard to believe that you of all people can possibly understand what this feels like.”

Jasnah was quiet for a moment, tapping her finger on the side of her cup, then she said, “I spent years researching the Desolations. I collected hundreds of fragments from ancient texts detailing everything I could find related to the Radiants, Urithiru, the Voidbringers, and the events that had nearly destroyed mankind. I barely slept, barely stopped, barely rested for years to accumulate all the knowledge I could.”

“I know,” Adolin said, scratching his head, unsure why she was telling him this, “Shallan told me.”

Jasnah nodded, then continued, “I was the newest Radiant, I have achieved the highest Ideal of any of the people we’ve found. I am the most practiced with my powers, the most accomplished. At one time I had more knowledge, and more experience, with the Radiants, and the Desolations, than almost anyone else on Roshar.”

“Isn’t that what I said?” Adolin asked, bemused.

“Then the Ghostbloods sent assassins after me on the Wind’s Pleasure. I was stabbed through the chest and almost killed and ended up Elsecalling accidentally for the first time and became trapped in Shadesmar,” she went on, tone barely changing, even as she described this traumatic event.

Adolin winced at that. He remembered the reports that had come in claiming the Wind’s Pleasure lost with all hands. At the time he’d been so worried about Shallan he’d barely spared a thought for Jasnah.

Of course, Aunt Navani’s insistence that she was fine had been a little distracting, but… He should have been more distressed at the news of Jasnah’s presumed death. Even if it had turned out to be false.

She was family. Even if she was a little odd, and they had never really spent all that much time together or gotten to know each other that well. He was working to change that with her.

After Elhokar’s death… Well, he had realised how precious his family was. He wanted to make the most of the people he had left.

“Having been lost there yourself, you’re aware it’s not exactly easy to get out. Or to navigate through, particularly without supplies or Stormlight.”

Adolin nodded, grimacing at the memory. It couldn’t have been easy for Jasnah, trapped there, alone, with no preparation or warning. She’d never really spoken about it to him. Or, as far as he knew, to anyone.

She’d published accounts of what had happened to her there, and he’d had Shallan read them to him but… They were put across with Jasnah’s usual academic slant. There wasn’t any mention of how she had felt, or how it had affected her. That wasn’t really Jasnah’s way.

Her voice was softer when she continued, with a sigh, “When I emerged at last it was to find that the Desolation had already come. The Everstorm had been loosed across Roshar, the Singers had awoken. All of my fears had been realised without my even being there to witness them.

“In my abseence my uncle had refounded the Knights Radiant, with him as the Stormfather’s Bondsmith. My cousin was a budding Radiant, my ward was another, and then there was the bridgeman strutting around like a prized Rhyshadium with my family, seeming to fit more with them than I ever did. It was somewhat overwhelming.”

Adolin gaped at her. He had never heard Jasnah admit to anything overwhelming her. Ever. Well, except perhaps Aunt Navani. But she could overwhelm a highstorm at times, so that didn’t really count.

Jasnah was always, well, Jasnah. The model of Alethi regality and dignity. Always composed, always assured, confident, never in doubt or afraid, or any of the things he seemed to feel so often these days.

She smiled, a little sadly, and said, “I went from being one of the most knowledgeable people to having everyone know the things I had worked so hard to discover. I’d spent years struggling alone. I’d written to leaders across the world and received only scorn, and mistrust.

“Ivory and I had been alone, struggling to comprehend our powers and our bond. At first I feared that I was going mad. No one else understood. No one else could understand. And so I had to. Then suddenly Radiants were popping up everywhere like rockbuds after a storm.

“I thought that I was so prepared, and so informed, and in a moment all of that had been for nothing. Everything I had done had been wasted time. It had made no difference. Everyone knew. Everyone knew more than I did, in fact. Everyone had moved on to a world I had feared was coming for so long. And I was left feeling lost and utterly out of my depth.”

She took a sip of her wine, and her eyes grew more distant, more pained. He had never seen her like this before. As open, as vulnerable, as human as she continued, very quietly.

“Then Kholinar fell. And Elhokar died. And just like that, I became Queen of an empty, broken nation. A scattered, fragmented people. As lost and overwhelmed as I was. But they looked to me, their Queen, their most experienced Radiant, a ‘genius’ as you name me, and expected me to have answers, to be a shining light of salvation in the darkness of the thing I had dreaded for so long. They wanted me to save them, without ever realising I had already tried to do just that. And that I had failed.”

So looked up and met Adolin’s eyes, her gaze steady, in spite of what she’d just shared with him and said, with a little humourless smile on her lips, “So yes, Adolin. I think I have some idea of what you have been feeling since all of this began.”

Adolin sat, feeling somewhat stunned, as if he’d just been cracked over the head with a Shardbearer’s warhammer again.

Then he found himself leaning forwards, taking Jasnah’s hand and nodding to her, “Yeah,” he murmured, voice a little hoarse now. “Everything changed so much so fast. Everything except me.”

She squeezed his hand. Just a brief pulse of her fingers around his, but it somehow gave him courage to say things he’d never been able to properly voice aloud before.

“I was one of the most important people on Roshar. Shardbearer. Expert duelist. Heir to a princedom. In line to the throne of Alethkar itself,” he reeled off dully.

He shook his head, and downed the rest of his wine. Jasnah wordlessly refilled his cup for him, and he nodded his thanks to her before continuing.

“Then the world ended. And there were Storming Knight’s Radiant again. And my father was one. And my brother was one. And my fiancee was one. And my returned-from-the-dead-cousin was one,” he said, gesturing emphatically towards her, “And my bridgeboy was one, too, because of course he storming is.” he went on, waving his cup around so much that a little of the wine slopped over the rim. They both pretended not to notice. “And I was just...Some guy with a dead spren and no place in this new ending world.”

He met Jasnah’s eyes and gently squeezed her hands as he added, “Then Elhokar died. I failed him. And I failed Kholinar. We only got out of that mess because of my father-” he broke off, clenching his fist and turning away.

Jasnah let him sit quietly for a moment, gazing vaguely off into space, brooding. There was darkness inside him. No one ever seemed to see that. He never wanted to let it show. But it was there. And it was swirling to the surface now, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to stop it.

“My father,” he said, very quietly, still not sure if he wanted to fall into this chasm, “Who killed my mother.”

His voice caught and he was forced to swallow hard to clear the sudden lump in his throat so he could speak again. And when he did he found that he couldn’t stop.

Because he met Jasnah’s eyes again and knew that she, too, had dark thoughts she never wanted the world to see. There was a strange connection being forged between them. An understanding he’d never thought to find, or even look for, with her. But he felt that she understood, and would not condemn him for the words that started pouring out of his mouth like poison.

“And he wrote a storming book about it and told the world what he’d done. How he- What he-” He broke off again, but made himself keep going, “What he did. How he visited the Nightwatcher and she took his memories of her. Or, or a god took his memories of her, because they hurt him so much after what he’d done and I-”

He balled his hands into fists and pounded them against his knees as the teras pressed behind his defiantly closed eyes.

Through clenched teeth, he forced himself to get out, “As though he was the only one suffering. As though I was fine. As though I wasn’t in agony every storming day after she died.”

Something broke in him then. Something that had been fraying for a long time. And he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“And it was his fault! He should have felt pain. He should have felt guilt. He should have felt every storming thing that was killing him after what he did because he deserved it. I didn’t. Renarin didn’t. But there was nothing there to take our pain away. We didn’t even have him. We lost both of our parents that night, and he didn’t even seem to care. Still doesn’t. He only thinks about what it cost him. What he lost. What he took away from the world. And from me.”

“I’m sorry, Adolin,” Jasnah said quietly, “I know that you still miss her.”

“Of course I still miss her!” Adolin snapped, then winced at how loudly he had said that. He sighed, clenching and unclenching his hands several times, like a heartbeat, then said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Jasnah just nodded, wordless acceptance of his apology.

He set his jaw, then took another sip of wine, finishing his second cup. But when Jasnah made to refill it again he shook his head. He kept the cup in his hands so he could fidget with it, but he didn’t want more wine. He didn’t want- He didn’t want to be the man who needed it to get through something difficult. He didn’t want to be his father. Not anymore.

“I still love him,” Adolin mumbled, “Even after what he did. He’s my father. And he- I can see that he’s trying to be a better man. She saw that in him, you know.”

He looked up and saw Jasnah frown slightly, struggling to follow his confused, meandering thoughts. He didn’t blame her.

“My mother,” he explained, wiping his nose on the back of his hand without really noticing what he was doing. “She was a good person. And she saw a good person in him, too. And she was right. She just-”

He was crying now, jaw gritted against it, unwilling, but the tears were still coming. He wasn’t sure when he’d started. He supposed that it didn’t really matter. And with that realisation came the freedom to just..Cry.

His mother would never have chided him for that, for his emotions. She would have welcomed them. Even angry, bitter, grief-drenched tears. The bad feelings couldn’t be kept inside of him, they would make him sick. And they would. They had made his father sick. So sick he’d had to beg a god to heal him.

“Why did she have to die before he listened to her?” he blurted, not expecting an answer from Jasnah. Not expecting an answer at all. Just needing to put voice to the things that had tormented him for so long. “Why did he have to storming kill her before he could become the man she always knew that he could be? Why couldn’t he have been that man for her? The man she deserved? Because she- She deserved better than the man that he was. There. I’ve said it.”

He turned away from Jasnah, rubbing at his eyes, hoping, stupidly, that she might not have seen his tears. That was pretty impossible, given that she’d been staring right at him, and she was more perceptive than a skyeel spotting rats on the crowded streets of a city sometimes.

And given that he was doing nothing short of openly weeping at this point. But Jasnah made no comment. Just silently handed him a silk handkerchief she had in a pocket.

“She was a good person, Adolin,” Jasnah agreed softly, “And you are her son. As much as you are your father’s.” She paused, then said, “More.”

Adolin cleared his throat and sniffed several times before meeting her eyes.

She nodded, answering his unspoken question, confirming for him.

Then she said, “She used to do the same thing that you do now, you know.”

He frowned slightly at that, “What?”

“She would compare herself to the other women of the court. Say how she was not as smart, nor as cunning, as they were, that she lacked their skill in politics, and Alethi scheming.”

“She was a better woman than all of them,” Adolin whispered, wiping his eyes again, ��She had a good heart. She was gentle, and kind, and loving. She saw the best in everyone, and everything, even when they’d shown her nothing but the worst parts of them. She always believed things could be better, that we could be better. That’s what she taught me, and Renarin. And she was right. She-”

He broke off, meeting Jasnah’s eyes again, and found that glimmer in them. She nodded slowly to him, and he swallowed, but nodded back to her, understanding passing between them.

“You are more like her than you allow yourself to be, Adolin,” Jasnah observed quietly. “You have her heart. But you hide it behind your own perception of all the things you’re doing wrong. All the things you aren’t good at. You ignore your greatest strengths to dwell upon your flaws. Until that becomes a flaw itself. It’s holding you back from the man that you could be. The man you should become.”

“When I was younger, I wanted so badly to be like my father,” Adolin said quietly. “I wanted to be the Blackthorn. I wanted to fight alongside him on the Plains. I wanted to see the greatness that everyone spoke about when they talked about him. The unstoppable Shardbearer. The undefeated warlord. I thought he was the best a man could be, the best thing I could ever aspire to be.”

“And now?” Jasnah prompted gently.

Adolin clenched his fist in his lap and stared into the candle flame flickering on the table between them, “Now that’s the monster who killed my mother,” he whispered, with a naked condemnation he hadn’t dared approach before. Not even in his own thoughts. “And thousands of other innocent people. And the less like him I am the better I’ll be. The better Alethkar will be, too.”

He paused, then looked up at Jasnah, realisation sparking in him.

“That’s what’s wrong, isn’t it?” he said quietly, “What we are, what we do? We- We focus on the wrong things. On how good we are at killing and conquering. Or how accomplished our women are at scheming, and manipulating people.” He met Jasnah’s eyes and said, “That’s what you’re trying to change, isn’t it?”

“No, cousin,” she said, actually reaching out and taking his hands, “That is what we are going to change,” she said, firmly.

Adolin squeezed her hands and nodded, “We will,” he agreed.

Jasnah smiled at that, not her usual, small, guarded little smirk, a full smile, her eyes dancing, her intent clear. And Adolin found himself smiling with her.

As one, they stood, and embraced. Without any reluctance or ginger back patting on Jasnah’s part this time.

As they drew away, Adolin eyed her. “I think Wit has been rubbing off on you,” he observed, giving her a wry smile.

Jasnah pulled back, frowning at that, “What do you mean?”

“This feels like the kind of thing he’d do,” Adolin said, shrugging, “From what Shallan and Kal have said to me about the times he’s popped up to give them cryptic advice when they’ve needed to talk about stuff.”

Jasnah sniffed, “I don’t think anything about that conversation was ‘cryptic’, Adolin. Nor was it intended to be.”

“That’s true,” Adolin said, nodding, “If it had been Wit he’d have told me a three hour story about how chulls shouldn’t judge themselves on how good they are at flying by comparing themselves to skyeels or. Something.”

Jasnah smiled at that, and her expression softened in a way Adolin had never seen from her before.

He paused, wondering if he dared ask her if the rumours surrounding her and Wit were true.

Then the softened expression dropped from her face as she turned back towards him looking decidedly more business-like, and he decided that he didn’t dare.

She might be his cousin, and they might have just bonded over things he’d never dreamed she of all people could have the experience to understand. But no.

Adolin Kholin might not be able to name all seventeen varieties of fingermoss, or have any idea how fabrials worked, but he was not stupid.

***

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lisasstars · 3 years

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Ok I have finished Oathbringer… one word to sum it up… PHENOMENAL!! ❤️

My thoughts: Spoiler free!

Brandon Sanderson is incredible of making amazing worlds and such intriguing well developed plot and characters. The plot is so intricate and layered, with so many secrets that when you discover one secret another secret is formed waiting to be revealed.

So much happens in the book that you feel like your on a rollercoaster but is well balanced as there are moments of conversation and development of characters that break in between the action to slow down one scene to then focus on another one.

Characters:

Dalinar Kholin: I love Dalinar! He is such a well developed character and I adored finding out about his life back in his youth and how much he has changed as the tyrant he was into the man he has become. His life was filled with sorrow and pain, but I found it all so intriguing as there was light in his life and I think this book really emphasises on the point that even though there is tragedy in one’s life there is also hope and the ability to carry on. I felt really sorry for the people in his life back in his youth and how his actions made them feel, yet still saw the good in him despite his bloodthirsty behaviour. Dalinar has been on journey of finding himself through his past and how his past has moulded him into the man he is today and how he has accepted the pain and his actions he did to carry on the journey he is still going on.

Kaladin Stormblessed: I love Kaladin! What I love about Kaladin is his ability to carry on and protect his people, especially Bridge Four. His determination is admirable and inspiring. I adore seeing him soar and be one with the sky and winds; it’s delightful seeing him feel content and smiling in the skies. His journey is incredible and seeing him come into this new power and the authority that has been given to him is amazing because he truly deserves it. Anytime he feels that he has failed or feel that a death is his fault breaks my heart because he burdens himself with every life with no consideration to his own as he wants to protect everyone. I loved Syl always being there for him and act as a constant being in his life; someone he can depend on and help him when he needs the help. I absolutely loved all the interactions with Bridge Four and how each one helps one another and Kaladin having people looking out for him and in turn he looks out and after them. Bridge Four is built on togetherness and hope; helping each other regardless of past doings and coming through it as together as a family.

Shallan Davar: I love Shallan! It’s heartbreaking to see her personality cracking and the layers coming undone as she has built up such a defence in her mind to warrant her past from leaking out and affecting her, yet the cracks have formed and it’s effecting her, making her confused and troubled. It’s clever how Sanderson intertwines the personalities making them appear completely different people as there are yet are one at the same time. I hope Shallan can talk about her past and can see her heal because she needs to confront things and not let it consume her, while also believing she deserves to be happy and to not blame herself or make her believe she deserved the wrongs in her life. I loved her quips and her ability to smile regardless of everything going on, even if it’s not so good to pretend all the time that’s everything is okay when sometimes it’s alright for things not to be. Her interactions with Kaladin are funny as they understand one another and know and can help each other, with the helps of puns. Her interactions with Adolin are so cute and I loved that he saw her, Shallan, not her other personalities and that he is someone who she can depend on and to ground her and bring her back to the real her not the ones she has created.

Adolin Kholin: I love Adolin! He is such a compassionate, loyal, loving character who wants to help in anyway he can and be there for the people he cares about. He doesn’t judge anyone regardless of their station or who they are and cares and protects those who need help. I love seeing his friendship grow with Kaladin and seeing them care for one another and Adolin knowing when something is up and tries to help him by getting Kaladin to talk and open up. I really loved seeing Adolin being vulnerable and appear uncertain because it showed that he isn’t always the confident, happy go lucky person he appears to be; that he does have vulnerabilities and does worry about his place in the world, especially with Shallan as she is a Radiant. I adored his interactions with Shallan as they are so cute and funny together. His ability to make her feel safe and grounded is adorable because he acts as a focus to her and someone who doesn’t judge but cares for her and to let her talk to him in her own time without pushing her into talking. I love how he knows the difference between Shallan and the other personalities, Veil and Radiant, and loves Shallan and brings her back to the present.

Honourable mentions:

Renarin Kholin: Love him! I feel so sorry for him yet love how he is embracing himself and finding his place in the world with the support from Bridge Four and his family.

Jasnah Kholin: I love her ability to stand up for herself and take no nonsense from anyone and embracing herself and her beliefs yet cares and fights for her family.

Navani Kholin: I really love the authority and the ability to take charge or situations and to remain care and collected in a logical yet protective way especially towards Dalinar and her family.

Evi Kholin: I felt so sorry for her and the life she has lead as she is a pure loving soul who only wants peace for the world and her family, yet circumstances made it not possible for her.

Bridge Four: I love all the members and it was really great hearing from some of their perspectives. They make me laugh and cry for them; both separately and together.

Elhokar Kholin: I loved how he accepted his mistakes and wanted to change them and make himself a better man for himself, the kingdom and his family.

Lift: I love her. She makes me laugh with her non-filter dialogue and how she says it how it is with no consideration to how the words appear to everyone else.

Szeth: I love seeing him grow and try to make up wrong doings by helping the people who need the help, even if he is plagued by his own thoughts and nightmares of his past.

Wit: I love Wit and how he comes up with silly stories that hold actual truths and tries to help people along the way with his odd way by speaking advice clouded in a mix of riddles and tales. I loved seeing him help Shallan and giving her hug, to just be there to let her cry and let her emotions and feelings come bare and give her advice to help and heal her.

Venli: I really liked seeing her perspective on the “enemy” side and how she feels about the treatment of her people and where she fits in in all the chaos of the war.

In conclusion, I loved Oathbringer because it rang with hope and the ability to change and be there for the people you love. Through the strength of love and togetherness. Brandon Sanderson is exceptional of creating a complex plot that doesn’t overpower or overshadow the characters and vice versa. The story and description is so detailed that it makes you believe you are actually there and living the world and the characters’s lives. Despite being over 1000 pages long I found myself wanting more and more because I never wanted it to end. Truly incredible!! 💕💕

No spoilers for the next book, Rhythm Of War, please. Thank you!

How I feel about the book. 👇👇 AMAZING!!! ♥️

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luchibelle-throughthecosmere · 4 years

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RoW: chapter 6

This isn’t related to the chapter per se but the epigraphs and Navani’s thoughts have me wondering. I suspect that in the past spren didn’t have to be tricked to be encaged in the spheres, they did it willingly. After the Day of Recreance, humans started using the dead spren corpses as weapons and capturing spren for the fabrials, but originally they both worked differently.

Back to the chapter, Adolin almost blew it up but Shallan found a way to turn the situation to her advantage. Storming woman. And - she wants to kill Ialai. When did she become so bloodthirsty? How about we imprison her instead of killing her?! Just a thought.

The hardest thing for Kaladin to do was nothing. Reading it hurts. 💔 Poor kid, he needs a hug.

So, the Heavenly Ones aren’t that bad after all. There is honor to be found in them and they hate the Fused for going after civilians. They are honorable, just like the Windrunners.

Navani gets better with every chapter. By the end of the books she deserves to find out how Urithiru works, Navani has won herself that much. Bonding the Sibling? She and Rushu are a lot of fun around, the girl gets distracted easily but she is smart enough to see sth is off. And they both feel a thump/pulse/tone… what does it mean?

I can’t wait to see @libralita reacting to this chapter after Elhokar was mentioned twice and Moash was called a traitor and a murderer, as it should be. 😉

There was a second were it looked like Sigzil was about to die and that is not okay my dearest Brandon. Not at all.

Only one chapter this week, a long one though. Next time we get 7 and 8 again, the SDCC ones. *excited*

#rhythm of war spoilers #rhythm of war #spoilers #row spoilers #cosmere #stormlight archive #the stormlight archive #brandon sanderson #kaladin stormblessed #shallan davar #navani kholin #chapter 6

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themalhambird · 4 years

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“Out.” The few minutes it’s taken his servants to scrabble around getting the broken remnants of his shardplate off his is already more fussing than Elhokar can bear. He daren’t look at any of them, none of their faces. He doesn’t know if he would see pity or contempt in their eyes. Contempt, he thinks, is more probable, but either would be unbearable, and he doesn’t want- he can’t- “Get out, go! Please.”

“The furniture, your majesty-“

“It doesn’t matter, just leave it, leave it and go-“ Elhokar eyes are stinging, his vision blurring, and he will not cry in front of servants, he can’t, he mustn’t-

They file out. Elhokar slumps back. He lies on the floor in the wreckage of his sanctuary, hot tears spilling over his cheeks and painspren welling up out of the floor and wriggling toward him as the sobs wrack his body and the effort of trying to breathe through them make his chest blaze with an even greater pain than the one his uncle had just inflicted. He covered his face with his hands- that hurt, too, his left wrist aching where his uncle had kicked it, twice, though he had been wearing the plate and he shouldn’t have felt a thing- if he were a real warrior, a proper Alethi like his uncle, or his father or even Adolin he-

Elhokar draws a ragged breath and wipes his sleeve viciously over his eyes to wipe at the tears. He forces himself to role over. He grits his teeth and tries to get his limbs beneath him. Knees and elbows. Then hands. Then pushing to his feet and stumbling backwards, legs almost giving out beneath him again. He clutches at one of the few chairs the Blackthorn didn’t smash to pieces for support, and stares at the wreckage of his desk. His spanreed will be amongst it, somewhere, if that hasn’t also got smashed, and he wishes, not for the first time, that he knew how to write. He wants Aesudan- she’ll probably laugh at him, there’s a distinct probability that she’ll think his uncle is right- his uncle is right, he’s useless, but he doesn’t want to be-but when Aesudan is done lecturing him about how past time it is that he had his uncle sent off somewhere out of the way and tried to do things on his own, for a change, she might…

Elhokar exhales, closing his eyes and gripping so hard on to the back of the chair that his knuckles turn white. News of Gavinor isn’t worth a second beating, albeit verbal- well, written, which he can’t do so it’s all a moot point anyway…he wants Jasnah. She would also make a better King than him, Elhokar thinks, rubbing at his cheeks again, but at least she might give him a hug if he asked-

Storming pathetic, a voice in the back of his head sneers. Thirty years old, King of Alethkar, wanting big sister to hold you, and crying to boot- The voice usually sounds like his father- now it sounds distinctly like his uncle, and Elhokar wonders why on earth that might be. He pushes away from the chair, stalks toward his liquor cabinet, and seizes a bottle of Sapphire Wine from it. He uncorks the bottle, raises it to his lips. And then, he hesitates.

It isn’t that he doesn’t want to get black out drunk. He does. He wants to drink, and drink, and drink, and drink, until the pain in his ribs and the ache in his chest goes all away. The smell alone is tantalisingly intoxicating, all it would take was a few sips. But Elhokar knows without a doubt that Dalinar- the hypocrite that he is- wouldn’t approve of that. And Elhokar hates that he cares about that right now, he loathes it with every fibre of his being and he’s spun around before he knows what it is he is doing, arm winging and then outstretched before him, sapphire wine spilling and then spraying across the wall like blood as the glass shatters and falls to the ground like diamond rain. “I hate him!” Elhokar screams, “I hate him! I hate him, I wish he had died-!”

Mmmm…. A voice buzzes at his ear. Lies…

Elhokar nearly jumps out of his skin, whipping his head to stare past his shoulder and finding…nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing, just Elhokar’s overactive imagination, again, his paranoia and groundless anxieties…Elhokar isn’t a stranger to voices whispering in his head. But this one- this one is a new one. Elhokar shudders, turns back to the liquor cabinet and pulls out another bottle. Pink, this one, nothing too intoxicating, ought to help him stay alert in case, in case….

In case what? His uncle’s voice sneers. You’re being spied on? By spies who risk giving away their position to talk to you? Have some sense boy…

Elhokar pulls the stopper out of the bottle with a shaking hand and takes several long gulps. His chest still hurts. He wonders how badly he’ll bruise, how to explain it to the servants, or whether to just. Undress and dress himself. After all, it wasn’t as though he couldn’t manage that at least…

Elhokar freezes, the bottle halfway back up to his lips. Reflected in the glass, for the briefest of moments, he thought he saw…”Paranoid,” he mutters. “Seeing things.” He puts the bottle away and turns hastily from the faint, twisted reflections. His eye is caught by the royal seal lying in amongst the splintered wood and shattered glass. No one, he notes bitterly, has come in to check that he’s alright, after that crash- he knows, logically, that he ordered them all out not ten minutes ago but he can’t help feeling that it’s less that and more because no one would care. No one would care if his uncle had just killed him…Aesudan perhaps, but would she? Or would she simply care that she was a dowager, now, far less important, except in so far as-

A shudder runs through him. His son. If Dalinar killed him (shut up, Elhokar, he doesn’t want to kill you, that’s what the whole storming exercise was just about proving) but if Dalinar did turn around and decide to kill him, because he had just proved that he could, if he wanted (he doesn’t! Don’t you ever pay attention!) Gavinor probably wouldn’t even remember, or really care, but would Gav be safe-

“Will you stop it?” Elhokar snaps aloud to himself, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He tries to take deep, calming breaths and is reminded, yet again, of how much his storming ribs ache, so he changes tactics, shoves up his sleeve, and digs the nails of his left hand in to the flesh of his right forearm. This time, the pain he feels is the useful kind, allows him to concentrate on something other than the thoughts swirling around and stuffing up his head and making it far too difficult to think clearly.

He stands, and waits, nails digging in to flesh for some long, blissful moments. The seal, he reminds himself- the proclamation his uncle wanted draughting and sent out…well, Dalinar could get his own scribes to do that, he did so like to do everything himself. Elhokar would sign and seal whatever he was told to, and in the meantime…

Your mother and I are now-

“Storm it,” Elhokar snaps. He drops his arm and strides towards the door, wondering how he had managed to forget about that . “I’m going for a walk,” he tells the guards outside the door, and then adds “You don’t need to follow me.” He doesn’t trust them. Not the ones guarding his door- not any of them, wholly, now he has Dalinar’s reminder that they all belong to the Blackthorn churning around his skull, but the ones who were standing guard on his door he particularly does not storming trust right now. There will be another pair, at the end of the corridor, he will pick them up, and if it comes to it, he has a storming shardblade- for all the good it is with his armour ground to dust and all the use he is with it, but even so.

He doesn’t know where he is going. To his mother, perhaps- if she isn’t too busy courting his uncle…but he does want to see her. Make sure she’s alright. Ash’s eyes, if Dalinar ever, ever lays a hand on her with even a tenth of the force he just used to beat Elhokar black and blue…not that Elhokar thinks that’s a real danger; his mother is one of the strongest people he knows and she can certainly take care of herself, but if…

If he did…

Elhokar rubs at his chest, and barks at the two guards he’s currently striding between to come with him.

#my fic #stormlight archive #cfsbf #Elhokar Kholin #missing scene #post Dalinar beating up Elhokar during #Way of Kings #self worth issues #alcahol ts #domestic violence ts #(mentioned in passing; neither actual nor depicted but just in case)#Dalinar Kholin's D- uncleing

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eeveekholin · 4 years

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RoW Reactions for Prologue and Chapter 1

Gavilar doesn’t deserve you Navani.

Nale was directly involved with what Gavilar was doing? I don’t remember that being explicit before. I should have reread Oathbringer before this, shouldn’t I? Also, they’re trying to go to Braize!!!

“I dEaL iN sEcReTs YoU cOuLd NoT hAnDlE, nAvAnI.” Shut up Gavilar.

“Jasnah will marry Amaram.” Shut up Gavilar

“I personally doubt Elhokar could rise to even mediocre.” SHUT UP GAVILAR CHALLENGE

HOLY SHIT okay okay okay I’m not okay first of all the emotional abuse holy shit that was unpleasant to read holy shit like yeah we knew he and Navani had stopped getting along but UHHHHHHH that’s MUCH WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE and second of all Navani burning a glyphward praying for Gavilar’s death?!?!?! ON THE NIGHT HE DIES?!?!?!?! I’m not okay.

Oh and also, like, those chapters in OB where Navani is managing everything while Dalinar relapses are 100x sadder now.

Oh also this idiot thinks he’s going to live forever. lol. Rot in hell Gavilar.

I have an immense need to hug Navani now.

HOLY SHIT NAVANI IS A MAIN POV FOR PART 1!!! MORE NAVANI!!! OH MY GOSH I NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE THIS!!!

“A surgeon must not weep” oh god is it time to cry about Kaladin some more? Kaladin Stormblessed weeping hours?

Dieno used to be a slave? Well that’s going to make his interactions with Kaladin very interesting.

OH SHIT KALADIN IS HERE BABEY! IT’S FIGHT TIME!

#rowspoilers #row spoilers #stormlight #i'm not okay

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esseastri · 6 years

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Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 11)

All right, now that it’s been 4 months and I’ve read all the other things, I realized that it’s, like, 5 days until this book has been out for a year and I should probably get the fuck on with it, so. Here we are.

Part 11 encompasses pages 828-934 (previous parts)

me in July: I’m almost done! I can finish this!

me, now: sweet christ I have a smaller novel’s-worth still to get through lord let me live

Aw, damn, I left off on Interludes, but I DON’T CARE ABOUT VENLI, WHERE MY BOYS AT

oh SNAP I WANT THAT, the ability to speak and understand all languages???? GRABBY HANDS

ah yes the “the alethi enslaved us so we should rise up and kill them by enslaving ourselves to this other, more horrible godlike being” narrative. my favorite.

sigh

why we gotta EXTERMINATE people?

I’m tired. of extermination plotlines.

Maybe. Venli and her lil light spren will stop? the extermination!? I’m here for that!

“There was an art to doing laundry” HONESTLY THO, HAVE YOU MET COLLEGE-AGE BOYS WHO NEVER LEARNED HOW MUCH SOAP TO USE? AMEN.

oh.

I forgot about Mraize.

like, literally, 100% forgot about his existence. sorry alyx.

eyy, we found Shalash!

HE WAS LOOKING FOR HER?? IT WAS A TRAP??

admiralakbar.gif

...Mraize has a babsk? I didn’t think he was Thaylen????

“A resistance is not what we caught you mounting.” UGH. PICK THE HAMMER, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

Why do I feel like this is a “HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR. BRING FORTH THE BEAR” joke?

yeessssssss, VENLI!!! TAKIN RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!! I CARE NOW. I WANT HER TO BE BETTER, I WANT HER TO WORK THROUGH. GIIIRRLL!!!!

HOW LONG WILL YOU VACILLATE?

YESSSSS

gr oss? Tha nk s? for the melting flesh images??

yelch

PART FOOUUUUUURRR

that’s. so many POVs. What is this, a GRRM book?

also none of the POVs are Bridge Four and. WHEN WILL MY BOYS COME BACK FROM THE WAR.

wait, I could have sworn the Alethi had been fighting the Parshendi for ten years?? but Dalinar is talking to Gavilar EIGHT years ago?

Did I miss smthn?

Did I conflate the Shattered Plains with the Trojan War? I’m confused.

Lisa has done Math for me and found out that it was only 6 years????????? Why did I think it was ten??? I COULD HAVE SWORN IT WAS TEN????

“his job was to loom” heheheh

so... Dalinar is the nuclear deterrent and the nuclear threat all in one?

Dalinar, leaning into the mic: “The truth is... I am Iron Man.”

#Evideservedbetter2kForever

OH NO A BABY

TINY FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ADOLIN IS MAKING MY HEART SING

“I had this specially tailored” I LOVE HIM

OHHHHH

HE’S TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS HIS DAD I’M CRYING

“When censured, Adolin only tried harder.” I! LOVE! THIS! TINY! SUNLIGHT! BOY!

I wanna write fic where Adolin Kholin meets Luke Skywalker and the world literally EXPLODES IN SUNLIGHT AND SOFTNESS.

“Who could deny him?” CERTAINLY NOT ME, I WOULD DIE FOR ADOLIN KHOLIN TOO GOOD TOO SOFT FOR THIS WORLD

me, squinting: “which Herald is Ahu?”

my running method is to just suspect everyone of being a Herald. At some point, I’ll have to be right.

WHICH! HERALD! IS! AHU!

HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE UNMADE LIKE HE KNOWS THEM PERSONALLY, TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY LET THEM IN. WHICH!!! HERALD!!! IS!!! AHU!!!!

LISTEN, I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE HERALDS. GIMME A BOOK ABOUT THE HERALDS, BRANDON!

GIMME THAT JUICY GOOD BACKSTORY, BRANDON!!!

me: why is there a map with the sea but Kholinar is on it???

two seconds later: OOOHHH DUH IT’S SHADESMAR

wack y fun!

ARE DREHY AND SKAR OKAY???? THEY DIDN’T COME WITH???

ARE THEY OKAY?

OH NO OH NOO I’M GONNA WORRY AOBUT THEM FOREVER

Adolin, say hi to your swwooooorrdddd

....the Oathgate has souls?

what?

Fearspren: gross.

I knew they were all bigger on the inside, as it were, but. #yikes?

“Kaladin’s not well.” “I have to be well.”

BRB SOBBING ABOUT KALADIN

I’M!

HE’S SO STRONG

I’M! HELP!

GIANT CLAW? UNMADE!!?? LET’S KILL IT. IDK IF WE CAN BUT CAN WE TRY??

“sword lady” HEH

ok well, at least we know Drehey is alive, since Shallain bumped into his soul, which is both TERRIFYING and REALLY COOL

YOU’RE NOT NOTHING, ADOLIN, YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND I LOVE YOU.

*long keening noises*

I FELL ON THE FLOOR

“Hey,” Adolin said. “It will be all right.” “I survived Bridge Four,” Kaladin growled. “I’m strong enough to survive this.” “I’m pretty sure you could survive anything. Storms, bridgeboy, the Almighty used some of the same stuff he put into Shardblades when he made you.” Kaladin shrugged. But as they walked onto the next platform, his expression grew distant again. He stood while the rest of them moved on. Almost like he was waiting for their bridge to dissolve and dump him into the sea. “I couldn’t make them see,” Kaladin whispered. “I couldn’t...couldn’t protect them. I’m supposed to protect people, aren’t I?”

GUESS WHICH PART BROKE MEGAN

GUESS WHICH PART DUMPED MY HEART ON THE FLOOR

ANYWAY, I’M CRYING

THISISFINE.PNG

“I’m frightened. I talk when I’m frightened.” I LOVE HIM.

ADOLIN’S HELOIGN HIM HE’S MAKIN HIM TALK TO DISTSRAT HIM AND MAKE HIM JEEP WALKING AND I”M

I LOV A SUNSHINE BOY

SO MUCH

...is Vivenna okay?

oh shiiit, Adolin is? king????

sort of? almost??

oh man, he’s gonna be SO GOOD AT IT!!!! LOOK AT HIM TAKING CHARGE AND TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE. HE’S SUCH A GOOD LEADER, HE’S GOING TO BE SOOOOOO GOOOOOOODDD AT THIS!!!!

that chapter was a Lot

OH NO A SZETH CHAPTER

I’ve only been asking for this for tHE WHOLE BOOK

but now I’m gonna be MORE SAD

.......idk how I feel about the soul-after-image thing. it’s interesting, but I’m still a lil weirded out by Szeth...you know...being alive?

huh. Vasher knows about the magic fish? So....does this validate Lisa’s theory about the fish and the birds from that other cosmere thing I can’t remember bc I haven’t read it?

holy shit, that’s a LOT of skybreakers.....

...who have been around the WHOLE TIME???? WTF

So...Szeth can hear the Spiritual Realm.....and is going to bond a spren, of the Cognitive Realm...and is in the Physical Realm... so does that make him the Avatar, Master of All Three Realms?

(while he may have a lot to learn, I believe that Szeth can save the world)

hm. they’re so...regimented. militaristic. ritualized. They’ve got tests and rules for getting in and it’s all very well-put-together. and it’s WEIRD compared to everyone else stumbling into their Ideals. Is this what is was like before the Recreance? or is this just the Skybreakers being Skybreakers?

why are there kaladin flashbacks in the dalinar book, why, brandon, why must you hurt me in this way

Brandon: *mentions Tien* Me, softly: “no”

HE REALIZED HE COULD KILL AND THAT’S WHAT TERRIFIED HIM

THISISFINE.PNG

I’M EMOTIONAL AND KALADIN IS SAD AND I’M UPSET

Also, Syl just. grabbing his arm and snuggling him is VERY GOOD, SHE IS VERY GOOD, AND SHE SHOULD BE WORSHIPED FOR BEING SO VERY WONDERFUL

“It cannot be holy. If it truly were, it would have burned me away long ago.” I’M SAD NOW, THANKS.

I have weird emotions about people losing their faiths, and Szeth’s character arc has been particularly. compelling to me.

“Here’s what you have to do: fight him and win!” has the same energy as that obnoxious Assassin’s Creed “tip” that’s like “the trick to staying alive to is get your enemy’s health bar to zero while keeping your above zero” and I’M SO PLEASED.

ooohh shit

he drew Nightblood

which I feel is NOT RECOMMENDED

# Y I K E S

Skybreakers take the “lawful” part of DnD alignments to a very unhealthy extreme

tbh they’re a lil fucked up, ngl

Skybreakers make me uncomfortable, is what I’m saying.

“he had never mastered the ‘sleep anywhere’ skill the grunts bragged about” NEERRRRDD

WHEN WILL ADOLIN REALIZE HE’S A REALLY GOOD LEADER??? SOMEONE TELL HIM, I WOULD BUT I’M TOO FAR AWAY.

oh that makes sense

I was confused for a hot second about how Vivenna knew Adolin’s kata, but she probably learned it from Vasher who...also...taught Adolin. Duh.

“I’m just a woman who has been constantly out of her league since adolescence.” Viveennnnaaaaaa, darling. You’ll be all right.

also that makes total sense--the Horneater Peaks? If they’ve got a portal, it makes sense they’re so much more in tune to the spren. Easier border crossings.

PEOPLE live in this realm? What the??

I don’t know Nazh, but the fact that he has an embarrassing tattoo due to Horneater lager bad decisions DELIGHTS ME

hm. idk why I’d sort of assumed that Dalinar went to visit the Nightwatcher before Gavilar died, but. maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it was a consequence of Gavliar’s death.

“the other one” GET FUCKED WITH A CACTUS, PAST!DALINAR

OOHH

SOFT BOY

Renarin is such a Good

also, Dalinar HUGGING is SO GOOD KEEP DOING THAT THAT WILL HELP

“Humans, you must stop your emotions. They are very inconvenient here.” I think, Pattern dear, that Shallan rather thinks emotions are inconvenient everywhere.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

HERE WE ARE AGAIN

ANGER IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STAGE OF DEPRESSION

HELLO, KALADINMEGAN BRAIN, IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU WERE SO NEATLY SPELLED OUT BUT HERE WE ARE AGAIN

“You’re not angry at anyone, you’re just looking for something to latch onto. Something to feel.” To stave off the darkness of unfeeling and anger is easy. It’s irrational and warm and so easy. So it’s always the first one to go.

“It would continue until numbness seemed preferable.” GOD YUP. THERE IT IS.

It’s still really validating and really, really unsettling to see your brain problems spelled out so succinctly.

oh lord

“Men he loved, killing each other.”

I’M UPSET

(and the very tiny garbage part of my brain goes, ‘see he LOVES Moash’)

ADOLIN TAKING THE REARGUARD BECASUE SOMETIMES KALADIN NEEDS LOOKING AFTER I’M EMOTIONAL

Syl had a different Kaladin before Kaladin?? Wild.

and GOD but the symbology of the LIGHTHOUSE in Kaladin’s chapter. I’m. <3

EEEYYYY NAVANI!!!

she made them carry their own chairs, GOD THE MEANING BEHIND THAT, I LOVE HER

“Elhokar and Adolin are safe somewhere.” ABOUT THAT....

LOPEN, PLS

Bridge Four’s unwavering belief in Kaladin is SURE A THING. I love them SO MUCH.

also, god, MY BOYS, here they are, eating all the food and being ridiculous losers at a formal event I HAVE MISSED THEM SO

god, fuc you Ialai. ofc she didn’t carry her own chair, fukin JERK

good to know the assholery of the Sadeas name is being upheld, even after his death

god, every time Taravangian is mentioned, my gut just clenches, he makes me SO NERVOUS

GOD YES OH MY GOD, LIFT VS ROCK EATING CONTEST PLS GIMME MORE

I have forgotten that I love Sebarial. Petition for him to show up more often.

OH GOOD HE’S HAVING A BAD DAY. EXCELLENT. HE’S MUCH BETTER WHEN HE’S STUPID

...unless he’s super smart today and just pretending to be stupid.

fuck

IT’S SO HARD TO TELL WITH HIM ARGH

ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE DISCUSSION OF INVADING SHINOVAR WHEN SHINOVAR IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT DOESN’T HAVE A REPRESENTATIVE AT THIS COUNCIL???? JUST ME? OKAY.

also they keep talking about Shinovar as a redoubt and a haven, but....didn’t the Everstorm--going the wrong way--destroy Shinovar? Has anyone checked??

Navani is so clever and it’s brilliant.

“Taravangian was talking about having you tour Vedenar personally”....alone....so he can MURDER YOU. BAD IDEA. ABORT MISSION.

KALADIN HAD AN OLD LADY SLAVE FRIEND WHO DIED AND I’M SAD AGAIN DAMNIT

“He’s got battle fatigue. We have to watch him when he’s sitting around doing nothing, not when he’s got a specific mission.” MMMMMMHHHMMMMMMM

the future is forbidden, but not to Truthwatchers, sooooooo... is. this “Oracle”. a.......... Herald? PERCHANCE.

(He’s not, but I AM SUSPICION INCARNATE)

Weren’t they lying at the beginning and saying that Shallan was an Elsecaller? Because Odium thinks she’s an Elsecaller for some reason. And I wonder...who he’s spying through and where his attention is focused and who told him the lie?

KALADIN JUST WANTS TO SAVE HIS DAD IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK

aight, which world does canned food come from? How far ahead is the mistborn world whose name I can’t remember right now but it begins with an s SCADRIAL YEAH THAT ONE how far ahead is Scadrial in technological progression? Where does the Stormlight Archive fall on the mistborn timeline?

ADOOOLLIINNN. TALK! TO YOUR SPREN!!!

THEY DON’T KNOW??? THE BOYS DON’T KNOW? HOW THEIR MOTHER DIED?

HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW?

oh my god

that

god, that’s a huge lie to believe for so, so long. ohhh my goddd

someone has been writing down all the Unmades’ names, right? So I can look them up in the Coppermind later and be confused and try to work out which is which and what they do and how terrified I should be of them? cool thanks.

HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND

HE’S GONNA TELL US SECRETS!!!!! ARE THEY USEFUL!? WILL I LEARN THINGS ABOUT THE HERALDS!!!!??

I have one (1) priority in this establishment

...why does Syl have color

who is she

also LIGHTSPREN/REACHERS??? COOL AS FUCK OMG

“You don’t fly, you fall the wrong way.” Hehehehehehe <3

I HAVE MISSED KALADIN’S SELF-DEPRECATING JOKES THAT ARE FUNNY BUT ALSO VERY PAINFUL god, I love him. I love him so much. idk if y’all know this about me.

...ok, but the punny banter between Kaladin and Shallan is SO NICE Why do they have to be mean to each other so often why can’t they just be terrible sarcastic pun buddies?

“In that polished breastplate and striking figure, with her talk of chasing bounties and traveling worlds. She’s deeply mysterious.” CAREFUL, SHALLAN, YOUR BI IS SHOWING.

“The feeling was friendship, but neither of them had ever experienced it.”

NOPE

NOOOOOOPPEE

WHO WANTS TO BET THIS SCENE IS SHIP FODDER DEAR LORD

Kaladin, darling, that shit is SO UNHEALTHY, DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS

god

also like. darling. no. “I wish I didn’t have to care” DARLING ALL YOU DO IS CARE WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT CARING

THIS IS GOOD FOR NEITHER OF YOU STOP

DO NOT ENCOURAGE THAT IN HER AND DO NOT WISH THAT FOR YOURSELF, jesus

lord, ok, well, I’ve read 100 pages, so on that disappointing character note, I’m going to go to bed.

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #is it still spoilers? man have I come out the other end on spoilers? oh well #Stormlight Archive #Oathbringer #Brandon Sanderson #mmmmmm I HAVE OPINIONS #also cry a lot #I miss Bridge Four petition for my boys to come back

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preservationandruin · 7 years

Text

Moods of Reading Oathbringer

Collected from me and @murderandcoffee screaming throughout the course of the book. Completely separate from my actually intelligent screaming in the liveblogs/

Gavilar I was willing to like you and then you went and trashed it in your literal first real scene

LET! SYL! SAY! FUCK!

Kal is Too Perfect and its Not Fair

MY PARENTS ARE M A R R I E D

LIRIN CALLED KALADIN HIS LITTLE BOY

KALADIN! PUNCHED! ROSHONE! FUCK YES!

I trust DALINAR just not his OPINIONS OF PEOPLE

on this episode of Stormlight Archives: Syl tells Kaladin he needs to get laid

I love my dad but I hate my dad's past self

NO!!!! DALINAR! DOES! NOT! NEED! KING! TARAVANGIAN! ANYWHERE! NEAR! HIM! FUCK!!!!!!

SHALLAN AND ADOLIN'S DYNAMIC IS SO GOOD

I love my current dad but sometimes in flashbacks I m 500000% willing to fistfight the Blackthorn with my bare hands

DALINAR! REMEMBERS! HIS! WIFE!

AMARAM AND JASNAH ARE IN THE SAME SCENE AND SHE IS ROASTING HIM ALIVE GOD FUCKING BLESS

WHERE THE FUCK IS URITHIRU'S WATER COMING FROM

me, hugging Renarin and Adolin: MY TWO SPECIAL BOYS

IALAI! IS! GIVING! THE! SADEAS! TITLE! TO! AMARAM! I'M! GOING! TO! SHIT!

JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK JASNAH'S BACK

KALADIN IS DOING MORNING PUSH-UPS I HATE THIS MAN

@ Brandon what have you done to me

Lift??? just told Dalinar he has a nice, "tight" butt?????? I'm fucking shitting?????????????????

sometimes I forget that Elhokar has been lectured by Lopen's mom and then I remember and my day gets so much better

Elhokar is a Gryffindor but one with an identity crisis and the world's worst impulse control

Shallan is the human embodiment of that "good luck I'm behind 7 proxies" meme

oh dear jesus dalinar (in the present) is trying to pick a fight why is he like this

midwife: hands newborn Adolin to Dalinar Dalinar: LION KING POSE, HAPPY YELLING

christ, young Dalinar did not deserve Evi

THESE DRAMATIC KHOLIN MEN WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

HIGHMARSHAL AZURE JUST SAID “LIKE WHITE ON BLACK”

I didn’t expect Wit and Shallan to have the relationship they do, but I really appreciate it.

Adolin cares so much about things like people and spren and horses and swords and I love him

Dalinar better have fucking apologized to Renarin. A hundred times. I honestly do want to go back and fistfight young Dalinar

also, Adolin just gave Kaladin the Bridge Four salute I LOVE THESE BOYS

ok so I forgot that Nightblood would be there in Szeth chapters now and holy shit I love my shitty magic sword child

GOD DAMN IT MOASH

HOW DARE HE GIVE THE FUCKING BRIDGE FOUR SALUTE TO KALADIN

I WANTED A MOASH REDEMPTION ARC BUT FUCKING HELL THIS IS WHAT I GOT

don't think about elhokar and shallan being the weirdest lightweaving buddies. also don't think about elhokar making a disguise so he can sneak out and actually just be a normal person for a while

I want to date SO MANY OF THESE CHARACTERS

hey uhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK Taravangian

half of the cast has a type and that type is "kaladin"

I feel like with the Kaladin-Adolin-Shallan trio of people, whenever two of them are fine and stable, the other is bound to be launching themselves headfirst into Drama

I! LOVE! RYSN!

fucking motherfucker Brandon putting nine viewpoints in this part like an ASSHOLE

how does Brandon manage a setup like this EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN BOOK

FUCK! MOASH!

I AM SHITTINGMYSELF OHMYHDOOHMYGODMOHMYDHODHKSKSK

okay okay okay okay I Adore Shallan

Cultivation: god fucking dammit honor you DIE AND LEAVE ME TO DEAL WITH YOUR WEIRD KISMESSESSITUDE CHILDREN

I'm gonna cry, all of these characters have come so far and I'm so proud of them

JASNAH IS SUMMONING HER SHARDBLADE NOO NO NO NO NO

of fuckin course Odium has to appear as a gold and white parshman god forbid he look like a normal fuckin parshman this pretentious asshole

fucking Moash asshole I BELIEVED IN HIM

FUCK ME THE TITLE OF THE NEXT ONE IS CHAMPION WITH NINE SHADOWS

Dalinar hauling The Way of Kings around for this whole battle is way too funny

I trust nothing and no one in this world

IM GONNA SHIT GOD DAMMIT KALADIN

Meanwhile, Kaladin is apparently drowning in beads, of fucking course God forbid this trio keep their shit together for more than three seconds

Wyndle has to deal with So Much

SZETH!!!!!! RENARIN!!!!!! KALADIN!!!!!!! D A D

DON'T TOUCH MY DAD!!!

HOLY SHIT, NAVANI, I SEE WHERE JASNAH GETS HER STONE-COLD DETERMINATION FROM

is amaram about to eat a fucking rock

DALINAR FUCKING STAPLED ALL THREE REALMS TOGETHER AND REOPENED HONOR'S PERPENDUCULARITY

amaram vored a magic rock to fight kaladin better. great.

LET! NIGHTBLOOD! SAY! FUCK!

SHE TOLD HIM HER NAME. MAYALARAN

AMARAM IS LITERALLY HALF-CRUSTACEAN AND GLOWING WITH VOIDLIGHT AND HE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT HONOR

ADOLIN TRIED TO STEP BACK TO "LET KALADIN HAVE SHALLAN" ASFONSDOFINAOFEDGVKSKJDNG:KB

WHAT THE FUCK MOASH

LOPEN ACCIDENTALLY SWORE THE SECOND IDEAL AND PUT OUT ALL THE LIGHTS IN THE SURGEON"S TENT FUCK

LET! RUA! SAY! FUCK!

oh my god Veil and Adolin are DRINKING BUDDIES

THAT'S WHO VYRE IS. FUCK

some tiny part of me is so happy that Dalinar's having pronoun problems when trying to write about himself because WHAT A NONBINARY RELATEABLE FEEL

Kholin women are ice-cold competent ladies and Shallan is joining a proud tradition of women who seem like nerds and are revealed to be stone-cold pragmatists with their backs against the wall

JASNAH AND DALINAR'S RELATIONSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME

Adolin needs to get control of his fucking illiteracy

Adolin and Gavinor are the only two illiterate Kholins now and Gavinor has the excuse of being THREE

Venli is 'bout to be running the longest fucking scam on Odium

#oathbringer spoilers #this is just screaming #no context but i think its funny

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nightblink · 7 years

Text

Blink Reads Oathbringer - Chapters 112-113, Interludes 12-14

Yep, everything’s blowing up in their faces.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twelve – For the Living

Still nothing solid on who that ninth Unmade could be from Hessi, though she wonders if she's “conflating two Unmade into one”. Possible, but mmmmm...

“Kaladin remembered a woman's kiss.” That is not how I was expecting this chapter to start. But! MORE TARAH INFORMATION. GOOD. She's still basically an unknown at this point, so more info is always good.

Cultural note: dresses of an old-fashioned Thaylen style – an apronlike front with straps over the shoulders and skirts that ended right below the knee; a buttoned shirt underneath, often in a bright colour

HUGS. SHE'S HUGGING HIM AND HE'S COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY, AAAAAHHHH

It would take forever for tall-and-skinny beanpole Kaladin to find a spear long enough for him to wield properly.

'Slightly plump, with a round face and firm build, Tarah's beauty was a subtle thing. Like an uncut gemstone. The more you saw of it – the more you discovered of its natural facets – the more you loved it. Until one day it struck you that you'd never known anything as wonderful.' Um hello yes snagging this happily to add to my demi-romantic!Kaladin headcanon, along with general note of Tarah's appearance

Haaaah. She has to follow her own path. She won't stick around just to be with him, just as he wouldn't do so for her. She has a point, too - “Maybe someday you'll learn how to be there for the living, not just for the dead.” Kaladin continues to carry the weight of those deaths; he did throughout his time as a slave, in Sadeas' warcamp, and still shoulders it now. He's got such a gentle, soft, caring heart, and it doesn't heal easily when it bruises or breaks, especially as he refuses to let go of the pain of those deaths.

I'm- I'm glad this is ending amicably; I was wondering if she'd end up just another name on the list of those who died/Kaladin believes he failed. THANK YOU FOR NOT FRIDGING TARAH FOR THE SAKE OF MANPAIN, BRANDERSON.

More really cool Shadesmar trees: 'taller, more statuesque ones with deep crimson trunks and limbs like burnt-red crystals that, at the ends, burst into a small collection of minerals.'

Kaladin's still attracting windspren every now and then. What is it that they're drawn to about him right now that's causing them to pop over even a little from the Physical Realm?

So the uncorrupted Oathgate-spren look like a matching pair of salt-and-pepper shakers – one iridescent-black, one prism-white, as opposed to the corrupted black-and-red that we saw back at the Kholinar Oathgate.

And there's an army in their way. Of course.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Thirteen – The Thing Men Do Best

'Dai-Gonarthis' is our possible last Unmade, then, and maybe one that packs immense destruction as its main ability – perhaps even as much as to destroy Aimia?

“Did you really think that you belonged here? That you were native to Roshar?” Oh come on, Stormfather, why would they think otherwise, when all they know of their history has been here? They didn't even know much about four thousand years ago, much less anything before that, and after the destruction of the Desolations? After the continuing apocalypses that would wipe out 90% of the population? They'd lost all knowledge of what came before, much less so early as that. At least their originating from Shinovar makes sense to believe from their point of view – but complete aliens?

Where. Did. The. Humans. Come. From. Between the Rosharan System blurb in Arcanum Unbounded and the main SA series itself, we know that they have to be genetically distinct, and everything else in the Greater Roshar System screams 'deliberately created this way'. There are spren on Ashyn, aren't there? Were Rosharan-humans originally created by Adonalsium rather than by Shards or transplanted from Yolen, and put on Ashyn instead of Roshar?

“It was not only the truth of humankind's origin that caused the Recreance. It was the distinct, powerful fear that they would destroy this world, as men like them had destroyed the one before. The Radiants abandoned their vows for that reason, as will you.” Okay, that makes a lot more sense. I'm still shocked that it was enough that they would kill their soul-bonded spren to do so, but they essentially looked at themselves and went I have the power to physics-nuke a planet and that's more than enough to shake anyone to the core.

[winces] And the bridgemen get it. “Invaded by people trying to reclaim their homeland. Storms. I'd be mad too.”

Except they've been co-opted by Odium, their fellows transformed by the Everstorm into mockeries of the Radiants – powerful, but still mockeries, and ones that consume the soul of the body that they inhabit, and in the end, they and/or Odium will destroy Roshar so that there is nothing left for either Humans or Parsh/Dawnsingers.

Their unwavering faith in Kaladin is beautiful and heartwrenching at the same time. Dalinar, on the other hand… he's losing hope that Adolin and Elhokar will ever return. 'No news is good news' doesn't quite count when the city they were in has fallen to the enemy and no information was coming out of Kholinar before that anyway.

!!! So- what the Vorins call the Tranquiline Halls could in fact be a reference to the origin of the Rosharan-humans?

Honor sounds like he was going a bit loopy before he died, though even before that, he was egging on the Radiants, perhaps pushing the war even when peace might have have been brokered and Odium's power over the Dawnsingers broken.

“They tried to protect the world. I blame them for their weakness, their broken oaths. But I also understand. You have cursed me, human, with this capacity.” Character development even from the Stormfather, greatest of spren of Roshar. Who would have thought?

[winces] The coalition alliance is cracking along every seam it has. And Taravangian has the sheer gall to say that he's sorry, when he's the one who orchestrated all of it! ~~FUCK OFF, YOU MANIPULATIVE OLD TURDBUCKET~~

“I tried my best to hide this.” “So we could continue living a lie?” “It is, in my experience, the thing men do best.” I… I would say something along the lines of 'fucking ouch', but- but instead I'm reminded of that one Terry Pratchett quote from Death in Hogfather – the one about needing to believe the little lies so that we can believe the big ones: 'JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.'

That's not what Dalinar or the Stormfather sees, of course, but at the same time……

End of Part Four

Interlude Twelve – Rhythm of Withdrawal

The Fused's/Odium's plan for Venli stumping for them now involves her forced into a hermit cave, an essentially 'primitive' existence, and I'll bet it's to help the image of how they want to portray her – the last of a people that had held out against humans for centuries, millennia, now but a dying predecessor to those who will rise and fight.

Oh, no more individual talks? You're right, Venli; Odium probably doesn't want you and your people to realize their history of long ago as Dawnsingers, or how close the world has come to complete and utter unlivable destruction in Desolations past.

!!! She's going to the assault on Thaylen City with the rest of them? OOOOO. Sanderson please let her meet Dalinar in person that'd be great

Yeaaaaah, the Everstorm's sent to push them onward – maybe even awaken new Fused on the way there (especially since Rine says that the “strongest and most skilled of [their] number have yet to awaken”, which is… oooof.)

Interlude Thirteen – Rysn

RYSN RYSN RYSN!!!

Who is very much not happy to be confined to a desk, no matter how 'important' the job may be. Someone needs to invent a kind of wheelchair stat so she can have some freedom of movement.

That Thaylen Gemstone Reserve is going to be important. This is the second time they've mentioned it in only the last few chapters.

That 'Wheeeeeeeeeeee.' has me cracking up istg

She still has her grass! And her insectoid gift from Relu-na! Chiri-Chiri is an adorable name for the larkin; it sounds like an onomatopoeia. Her own tiny iridescent not-axehound!

“You just ate.” Thank you branderson for somehow capturing the exact exasperated tone of voice that all pet owners everywhere know by heart.

Vstim is past seventy! I'd originally though him early sixties or something when I read their WoR Interlude. By Earth calculations, that would now make him… at least 77, and still sauntering around the world to trade up until taking this position. Damn, he's spry.

I love that she has her own little guardian crustacean. Chiri-Chiri: U WILL NOT HURT MY HUMAN

Hmm. Looks like the Growth Surge can't heal wounds that are past a certain point. Hobber's paralysis healed, but he did that by taking stormlight in himself, not receiving healing from an outside source.

Ohhh, Rysn bowed out of going on further expeditions herself- you and Renarin need to have a long talk together on disability, I think.

W A N D ER S AIL

Vstim, you are a gem of a mentor and friend.

“a stuffy meeting with old Kholin and his soldiers” - which in the end turned out to be anything but dull and stuffy, but fair enough.

All of the security – and the assertion that the vault has never before been robbed save through embezzlement – makes me all the more certain that we'll see a robbery happen in this interlude.

Oh, so she does have some sort of wheelchair…? Sounds like it needs a bit more optimization in order to get her into and through more places, though.

!!!! 'The King's Drop' – like Honor's Drop, I believe was the one mentioned earlier? A perfect gemstone that would never lose light? Which would explain why it's still alight after two hundred years without ever being taken out to refresh its light. 'The size of a child's head' daaaaayum but that's a big gemstone. But… I wonder what the other, more mundane objects in there are being kept for, if they're important enough to be secured in the same area as the King's Drop?

“They say it's a chunk off the Stone of Ten Dawns.” That's more mythology and one we don't know about what is the Stone of Ten Dawns tell us Sanderson-

“The queen's guard killed Tlik.” WHAT. JUST. SO CASUALLY STATED. WHAT. Oh no oh noooo, Rysn's knocked to the floor and he's going after Vstim I hope Vstim ends up all right oh noooo

Aw shit, whoever the thief is, they're ignoring the damage – another Radiant associated with Taravangian, perhaps?

Smart decision to use the rope and tie the ruby to her, and if the one killing everyone really is a Radiant, then reducing the available amount of stormlight via Chiri-Chiri will actually be a good thing.

Alone in the darkness, men dead and dying around her as she realizes that there's no way for her to step to load the crossbow, the thief-murderer advancing on her, but at the same time-

“Yes. Yes, I care! I want to sail my own ship!” YEEEEESSSSS

!!! It wasn't a Radiant but a Fused? There's a type of Fused that have the ability to use a Voidbinding that's equivalent to Lightweaving? UM. This is the first that we've heard of that. Also, Chiri-Chiri can feed off of voidlight as well as stormlight.

Odium and the Fused want the King's Drop – or at least one of the perfect gemstones – but for what?

Interlude Fourteen – Teft

TEEEEEEFT. Last POV we had from you, you were falling back into moss-addiction, to the point of selling your Bridge Four coat for money. Sounded like you were stabilizing a little bit there for a while, given Kaladin and the rest of your support group, but then started sliding back again recently.

[winces] Then again, I could have been reading him 'maybe getting a little better' as him just being functional, as outlined here in such viscerally honest terms.

Looks like there's someone who we saw last time who still hasn't given up on him, though. The honorspren is still there, still standing at his side. Has he- has he sworn Oaths already? And how many?

Oh shit. They've got trouble at Urithiru too?! SHITSHITSHIT THEY GOT ROCK AND TWO OTHERS AND THE HONORBLADE-

Rock and Bisig are still alive thank the Heralds but they may not be for long unless they get help, and Renarin was still in Thaylen City, though he left the audience chamber-

An unfamiliar man – who could have been anyone from one of Taravangian's spies to one of Ialai's to maybe even a Fused, now that we know there's a kind that can Lightweave – ...and they were wearing Teft's coat.

He's never going to stop blaming himself for that.

#blink reads oathbringer #oathbringer spoilers

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rainy-apple-autumn · 7 years

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My Post-Oathbringer thoughts:

LIFT IS TOO GOOD, TOO A W E S O M E FOR THIS WORLD

Her interactions with Dalinar were the BEST, and I loved the way she dealt with Nightblood. it was so deevy

Also, when she got hit by that boulder and it snapped her legs, I was physically pained. LIFT DOESN’T DESERVE THIS!!!

I absolutely loved seeing more of Wit in this book. We’ve gotten to see him being helpful before, but in Oathbringer he was downright selfless

That scene with the little girl and the doll???? I’m not crying you’re crying!!!!!

aLSO WHEN HE HUGGED SHALLAN AND TOLD HER THAT SHE WASN’T A MONSTER AHHHHHH

also also that scene where he was first talking to Shallan and making her eat??? Like, he’s such a mom and it’s killing me

ANOTHER ALSO, he has a spren now???? A cryptic, no less??? A part of me was surprised that he didn’t already have one. But now I’m just super excited to see what he does with it

I was REALLY hoping Azure was going to be Vivenna, and now I’m worried because I’m pretty sure it’s not her, but... then... what happened to Vivenna??? If she’s dead I will riot

I actually teared up a little at Rysn’s chapter?? Disabilities are no joke, man, and Brandon Sanderson did a nice job explaining some of the feelings that come along with it.

Every one of Shallan’s chapters was basically me screaming SHALLAN NO! while she ran in the opposite direction, wearing yet another identity, screaming SHALLAN YES!

Her panic attack after nearly dying was OW and I thought that was going to be the worst of it, but then the whole thing with the kid and the food and MY HEART

The way she tells Adolin that he’s marrying 3 different people was ridiculous but also heartwarming

Adolin is going to revive a Shardblade I know it and I’M SO EXCITED

I really, really liked Jasnah in books one and two... but she seemed really off in this book for some reason? I mean, as I understood it, she’s basically never shown affection to anyone, ever, but in Oathbringer she 1) cried when she saw her mother 2) actually stopped to ask Shallan to be honest with her, 3) didn’t kill Renarin and hugged him instead, 4) smiled at Dalinar, 5) was openly crying and mourning at her father’s funeral, 6) got into a heated argument with her ex... and anyways. I mean, those aren’t bad, by any means, and it’s kinda nice to see Jasnah being more open, but it just kinda seemed too rushed and forced and I didn’t love it.

ALSO! How on earth did Shallan react when Jasnah walked into the room at the end of Part One??? Sanderson just kinda... skipped over that part!?!?! I mean, it almost sounds like Shallan either fainted or that Jasnah just walked in, said hi, and then turned on her heel and walked away, either of which is just super weird

OKAY AND, DESPITE MY OTHER RESERVATIONS, I NEED TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THAT JASNAH IS OFFICIALLY A QUEEN NOW. I MEAN, SHE ALWAYS HAS BEEN, BUT. IT’S OFFICIAL. I’M SCREAMING.

Before this book, I honestly had no idea what the Unmade were or how they worked. And... I still don’t. I mean. They’re spren?? Big spren?? Evil?? Where did they come from?? What are they?? I need to do some serious wiki-searching. I do feel like I have a somewhat better idea, but there’s still a lot of vagueness.

Alright. So, I firmly believe that Elhokar was a cinnamon roll and I really do love him, but at the same time... he kinda makes no sense as a character??? Like, other than the whole “Kaladin wants to kill the king” plot in WoR, it feels like he didn’t serve a lot of purpose. Pretty much everything that he was used for, plot-wise, could have been done by another character. Maybe that doesn’t make a lot of sense? But like, take Elhokar out of Stormlight and I feel like almost nothing changes. So, him dying was pretty eh to me. I mean, what was the point?

AMARAM IS DEAD!! HE’S DEAD!! AHHHH!!

Dalinar basically forgetting about Renarin all the time when he was a kid BREAKS MY HEART

I really like Queen Fen? Nothing more to say here but I really like her

Szeth getting his powers was incredible and I love that he’s officially on the team.

When he was playing around with his peers and getting hit by dust pouches. That was Very Good

Also his casual respect for Nightblood and pretty much everyone is so pure

I love that Kaladin didn’t have to say the words, in the end. I’m sure that’ll come up in the next book, but like, it’s nice that for once he doesn’t have to save everyone, all the time.

Also Syl was amazing in this book. I can’t really think of all the things I loved about her, but there was a lot. She’s such a good friend to Kal.

I know a lot of people might argue with me for this... but I actually didn’t love Evi that much. She just felt kinda bland? Nice, definitely! But she felt more like a plot device than a character, you know?

On the subject of Dalinar’s love interests, Navani puts up with so much?? My word

Also, Navani’s fabrials are wonderful and I love that she’s such a subtle, underestimated genius

Okay. and. the way that Odium was finally presented to us was really, really cool.

I was definitely expecting Odium to be the literal embodiment of hate, but the fact that he’s passion, and emotion, and justice, and all these things that we all kinda consider to be good to some degree? It’s kinda cliche, but I appreciate that it wasn’t so black and white.

But more than that, there was a really strong emphasis on Odium himself wanting to take responsibility for people’s anger and hate. Which seems generous, right? But like Dalinar kinda hints at, taking away guilt and shame robs humans of an essential part of their growth and learning. That’s a fundamentally Mormon idea, and I straight-up fell in love with the way it was presented.

And... those are my thoughts for now. I’m sure I’ll come up with more things to scream about later, but for now I just need to sit in a quiet room and take some deep breaths because WOW. That was intense.

#oathbringer #oathbringer spoilers

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moiraineswife · 4 years

Text

His Father’s Eyes - A Kholin Family Fic

RHYTHM OF WAR SPOILERS

GO AWAY IF YOU DON’T WANT RHYHTM OF WAR SPOILERS

THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING. GET OUT OF HERE.

Title: His Father’s Eyes

Summary: Set in the middle of Rhythm of War: Dalinar has a late-running meeting so Wit suggests that he and Jasnah can watch Gavinor for a few hours. Jasnah is very awkward and unsure around her baby nephew because this woman will look into the face of god and spit cheerfully, but if you confront her with a toddler she will crumble. Wit encourages her to bond with him and it gets incredibly soft and emotional.

Teaser: ‘Gavinor solemnly picked up his little blue-clad soldier doll, the same one he’d had when Elhokar had rescued him from Aeseudan and the Palace of Kholinar, and walked steadily towards her.

Irrationally, she found herself sitting up straighter in her chair, gripping its arms, bracing herself. As if this was a chasmfiend hauling itself from a black pit on the Shattered Plains, advancing menacingly upon her, mandibles clacking, not her toddler aged nephew. Ridiculous. And yet.

He stared up at her with big, green eyes. Her father’s eyes. Her brother’s eyes. Both now gone. Dead. In part because of her failures. Now Gavinor looked at her with them, and the fear that she would fail him, too, assaulted her in a wave so strong and unexpected, it was almost overwhelming.’

Link: ao3

Commission Link: Have me write other cosmere characters

Jasnah allowed herself a moment to pause her work. She had been going without pause for several hours now, and she could tell it was starting to have a negative impact on her. Reviewing troop casualty reports from the latest battle was a grim task indeed.

Letting her mind wander, she glanced to the opposite side of the tent where Wit was entertaining little Gavinor.

It was...Nice, she allowed, to take her mind off the cost of this war they were fighting, to remind herself who they were fighting it for. She felt partially responsible for every one of the deaths listed before her.

Not only did she, irrationally, wonder if there was more she could have done to support them on the battlefield. She had sent them. She was their Queen. In Alethkar that meant she was also their ultimate military leader. She had ordered them to die for her, and her cause. And they had.

It was a worthy cause. Not fighting would lead to all of their deaths. To the destruction or domination of their entire world by the oppressive power of hatred. But it was still hard to read those numbers. To know their fear. To feel their blood upon her hands.

Gavinor reminded her why she was doing this. Not just for her family, but for all of the children on Roshar. She would win this war for them, for their futures, for the chance at peace for them that still lived. Its heart fluttering, lungs filled with blood, wheezing. But still. There was a chance.

Dalinar typically kept Gavinor with him. He had taken very seriously to being more involved in the little boy’s life, which Jasnah approved of, in general. However, he’d had a meeting with the army generals today, who had wanted his perspective on today’s assault, as he’d been the one of the two of them on the field.

He’d asked Jasnah if she wanted to spend a few hours with her nephew. Wit had jumped in to agree on her behalf. He claimed afterwards, in response to her cool glare, thought it would be ‘good for her’. Maybe it was. All the same, she wouldn’t have allowed it to continue without his assurance that he would stay with her.

Jasnah loved Gavinor. As the last good thing she had left of her little brother, and in his own right as her nephew. He was her family. That meant there was nothing she would not do for him. But he was still very young, and she had never been entirely comfortable around small children.

They seemed so...Strange. So alien. They felt unpredictable to her, unknowable, irrational. That unsettled her more than she would ever openly admit.

An adult you could ask questions, you could track patterns and learn to read their emotions, their moods, their personality. You could predict their future behaviours based on observation of their past. They were far easier for her to understand and respond to.

Children were precisely the opposite. And they seemed so...Fragile. Not simply physically. It was so easy to say the wrong thing, to cause unintended distress. They were as changeable and flighty as the seasons. Happy and content one moment, screaming with some unknowable torment the next. She hated the sound of their crying. It cut through her, and it made it very difficult to focus on anything else.

Wit, meanwhile, was so natural with Gavinor, it was as though he’d been made for this purpose.

This being, so ancient and alien in so many ways, seemed able to do so easily things that seemed impossible to her. The ease with which he seemed to communicate, and connect with other people. How he seemed to instantly understand them.

His long life experience no doubt assisted with this, but she knew it was more than that. This was who he was, who he had always been. He had not needed that experience to know how to do this.

He had used another form of Investiture he called Awakening to bring her nephew’s little Kholin doll to life. It now walked around, allowing Gavinor to chase it, hugging him when he caught up to it.

The child had been quite upset at first that his little soldier would not pick up a sword or fight. All it did was hug him, and play with him. She’d caught Wit’s eye when this had first come to light and an understanding had passed between them. A gratitude she had not been able to put into words.

Jasnah understood her Uncle’s desire to have Gavinor with him, and why that meant he had brought him here, despite it being a warzone. He was trying so hard to avoid making the mistakes he personally had made before that he was ignoring the others they were making.

She didn’t know a great deal about children. Though she had done as much research as her current schedule would allow. But she did not think encouraging a five year old’s preoccupation with violence and revenge was a healthy thing.

She would be damned if she allowed her brother’s only son to be drawn into continuing the same cycle of pointless, painful revenge that had killed him.

Whatever else Elhokar might have wanted for Gavinor, it would never be that.

They had talked, a little, before she had left the Plains for her research. On quiet evenings alone in his palace complex save flamespren dancing in the hearth. She wished, sometimes, she’d made time for more of those.

They had spoken together about the revenge against the Listeners for what they had done to their father. It had been a complex thing within Elhokar, though it had never been a driving force for her.

Emotion was a difficult thing for both of them, but in different ways. Jasnah often felt that she didn’t have enough input. That everyone around her got so much more from the world around them than she did. That in turn made their own responses so much stronger, and more consuming than it had ever felt for her.

Elhokar...Elhokar had gotten far too much input.

Jasnah loved their Uncle Dalinar. And she had loved their father in his own right. She knew they had both tried their best for him. But they had never allowed Elhokar to be his own person. Every decision he made. Every path that he took. Every feeling he had. Every thought that entered his mind was subject not only to his own will, but to theirs.

It was not enough for Elhokar to do what he’d thought was right. He also had to do what he thought his father, and Dalinar, would think was right. Their approval and judgement had always seemed to have more weight in his mind than his own.

Declaring war on the Listeners had, in part, been a reaction of grief and pain at losing his father. But he’d confessed to her, in private, and under the strictest oath of confidence, that he had also partially done it because he felt it was what was expected of him.

The Alethi were a warlike people. It was how they dealt with almost everything. This was something Jasnah was working, with Wit’s help, to change. The foundation of a people’s society being violence and conflict could never lead to stability or longevity. The formation of their own storming unified kingdom had only come because of war against their own.

It would be unthinkable, then, that the Alethi would not go to war with the Listeners in retribution. It was not enough to execute those who had ordered Gavilar’s assassination. It was not enough to exile them from their lands. It was not enough. It was not enough. It was never enough. That was the problem.

Everyone expected Elhokar to declare war, and so he had.

They all expected him to relentlessly pursue vengeance for his father, and so he had.

Anything less, anything other, might have implied that he didn’t care, and he couldn’t have that.

Some had suggested that of Jasnah, when she’d left the Plains to pursue her research. Foolishness. But she had felt able to do what she thought was right. Elhokar...Elhokar had always been forced to do what he thought others felt was right.

Her heart ached for her brother in that moment. She did not often think of him. There was so much to do. So much else to focus on. Something she did deliberately, perhaps, to avoid this second grief and failure that now haunted her. But when she did…

She still remembered him as the child he had been. Eager, and earnest, and so desperate to please everyone. To do good. To live up to his father’s name expectations.

That had never been possible. And that had been the true tragedy of her brother’s life: it had always been doomed. He had spent so much time chasing that impossible dream, trying to attain a thing that he had been destined to fail at before he’d ever begun.

Sighing, she stopped her thoughts as they began to spiral down into a pool of grief. Instead, she focused on Wit and Gavinor.

He had used Lightweaving to create a whole scene for him to play in. Something gentle, and calm. Dalinar wouldn’t have approved, likely, but it made Jasnah smile a little.

There was thick green grass that did not pull away and hide when the little boy ran through it. Gavinor was giggling, chasing small round, furry creatures with too large ears that kept popping in and out of holes in the ground.

Every now and then he hurtled past Wit and made some request of him to add something else to the scene, and Wit would bow and comply, weaving the boy’s imaginations into life around him.

Gavinor had started referring to him as ‘Uncle Wit’. Which was as endearing as it was concerning.

As if sensing this thought, Wit glanced up suddenly and caught her watching them.

He smiled, rather slyly, and she immediately felt a flicker of concern. He allowed the illusion to fade, and she frowned at him, though Gavinor didn’t seem upset.

She watched as Wit crouched down and whispered something in the boy’s ear, smiling encouragingly. Then he lounged against the desk behind him and folded his arms, watching, smirking.

Gavinor solemnly picked up his little blue-clad soldier doll, the same one he’d had when Elhokar had rescued him from Aeseudan and the Palace of Kholinar, and walked steadily towards her.

Fortunately, she was well-practiced at controlling herself, and gave nothing away. Not that the little boy seemed to pick up on, anyway. Wit, standing in his corner, cocked his head slightly at her. But uncharacteristically he said nothing.

Without saying a word, Gavinor handed his little doll towards her. Cautiously, she took it, and held it in her lap, tracing her fingers over the stitching on the buttons. The top one was coming loose. He could pull that free and choke on it. She would need to speak to his nurses and ensure that they took the time to repair it for him before-

Gavinor tugged gently at her havah, trying to get her attention. She forced a smile, looking at him instead of the doll, and said, in what she hoped was a warm, friendly voice appropriate for a young child, “Thank you, Gavinor.”

Wit, the insufferable bastard, was being of no help whatsoever. He was still lounging at the back of the tent, watching, as if he were at some sort of play.

She glared pointedly at him, but he glanced down at the desk at the exact moment she looked up and pretended to be busy rearranging his papers, so apparently did not see. Storms. She was going to kill him. She-

Gavinor tugged again, gentle, but insistent, on the edge of her havah and she looked back down at him. He seemed...Expectant?

Stormfather, why was this so difficult?

A part of her wanted to call Wit over, to ask him to deal with Gavinor instead. Though she very much doubted he would deign to hear her command. But looking down into those eyes, she couldn’t. She couldn’t just give him away, pass him off on someone else. Make him feel less wanted, and more alone, than he already did.

This was awkward. It was uncomfortable. It was hard. It felt storming impossible at times. But this was her nephew. Her brother’s son. Her family.

She was not as some people whispered. She was not a heartless monster. A thing that was more creature than human. A being that did not feel, did not care, could not love.

She had difficulty connecting to people. But she wanted to. Storms but she did. Most of the time. She cared, and she loved, and she tried. In her own way, a way most didn’t see or understand. But that had become enough for her, now.

Biting her lip, she looked down at the doll in her lap, then stood him on his little booted feet.

“He’s very nice, Gavinor,” she said, a little stiffly, but the boy didn’t seem to mind.

He nodded solemnly, “It’s my daddy,” he told her, very seriously.

Jasnah nodded back, which seemed the right thing to do, “I see that,” she told him, though she didn’t.

Gavinor studied her face for a moment, as though it was a book with text he could almost translate, but not quite. He wasn’t sure what he saw. Some cold, distant person he was supposed to call ‘aunt’ and love because they told him she was family?

Then he said, very matter-of-factly, “You look a lot like my daddy.”

Something caught in her chest at that, it was so unexpected. But she just nodded and said, “Yes. He was my brother.”

“I know that,” the boy answered, in a tone that implied she was stupid.

She found herself smiling, “Of course you do.”

“Grampa says that he was brave,” Gavinor informed her, “He says daddy was a hero.”

“He was,” Jasnah agreed, and meant it this time.

To his little boy, he had been. And that would have been what mattered most to Elhokar. To him. Not the pressures exerted by others. But deep down. In his heart. Being a hero to this little boy would be more important to him than anything else he had ever done. It would eclipse his perceived failures entirely.

Gavinor scrunched his face up in an expression she struggled to place. Was he upset thinking about his father? About that terrible day in Kholinar when that bastard bridgeman had murdered her little brother in front of his young son?

Then, slowly, hesitantly, he lifted his hands towards her, looking expectant again.

Oh Storms.

He looked as though he wanted her to pick him up, to hold him, perhaps to offer him comfort, as Navani had probably done for him countless times before.

Jasnah couldn’t do that. She couldn’t be what this little boy needed. She wasn’t her mother. She wasn’t even Wit, or Dalinar. They would have found some way to reach out, to soothe him.

She was not them. She was cold, and distant, and sterile. She was the last thing this child needed. She would only disappoint him, leave him worse than he had been before, confused, as well as upset.

She looked at Wit for assistance but he just inclined his head and gestured for her to proceed.

Storm him. He was probably right, but storm him. She wasn’t ready for this. She couldn’t do it.

“Jasnah,” Ivory observed, helpfully, voice so soft only she could hear him, “I believe that the small human you are related to would like you to pick him up.”

Storms. Even Ivory was better at this than she was. She resisted the impulse to bury her face in her hands in answer.

Carefully, hesitant, certain she would somehow do this wrong, she put her hands under Gavinor’s outstretched arms and lifted him up.

He sat quite happily on her lap, so that was something, but continued to watch her with those impenetrable green eyes. Eyes that had seen too much for his age.

“Grampa says you’re Radiant,” Gavinor told her, little hands picking with vague interest at the embroidery on her havah.

“I am,” she confirmed, with half a glance at Wit in a desperate plea for help. But he just continued his idle lounging from a distance.

She might actually kill him.

It would be both instructive, giving her an insight into how he returned after he died, which he’d implied he could do. It would also be an excellent remedy for her fury towards him. A scenario with no downsides whatsoever. That made a delightful change for her of late.

“Do you have a friend spren?” Gavinor asked her, distracting her from her wistful fantasies about how, precisely, she would like to brutally murder her partner.

‘Friend-spren’ was what Gavinor referred to the Radiant spren as. Children, from a young age, came to understand regular spren as features of the landscape. It had taken a little extra explaining on Navani’s part to help him understand Radiant spren. He had some...Unfortunate experiences with more intelligent spren who were always around.

“I do,” she told him, “His name is Ivory.”

“Can I see him?” the boy asked, a little bounce of eagerness in him, which was good to see.

Her mother said he was too solemn, for his age. Even Jasnah, with her limited experience or instincts towards children, could grasp that fact.

She hesitated, “He can be quite...Nervous sometimes,” she said cautiously.

Gavinor’s face fell at once, and her heart plummeted at the sight, “Is he afraid of me?”

“No, no,” Jasnah said, scrambling to fix her mistake, “He just likes to be careful,” she tried to explain.

Gavinor nodded, as if that made sense. Which was strangely heartbreaking.

“He-” Jasnah began, but she broke off as movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

Ivory had grown to a visible size on her shoulder. He liked to ride on the inside of her collar, usually, which allowed him to be invisible to most, but close enough to speak with her as needed. Very practical.

Now he stood, around the height of her hand, clearly visible to the little boy, whose face lit up at the sight of him.

“He’s very pointy,” he observed, after contemplating him for a long moment.

This was a rather shrewd observation, though he might not know it. ‘Pointy’ described Ivory rather well, in her estimation.

He reached out, then, surprisingly, stopped himself, and looked at her, “Can I touch him?” he asked.

“That is not for me to say,” she said. When he frowned, confused, she added, “You would need to ask Ivory.”

He considered this, then addressed her shoulder, “Can I touch you?” he asked, eagerly.

Ivory sniffed, “You may, young relation,” he said, at last.

That surprised her. Making himself visible was already a large allowance on Ivory’s part. She had expected him to refuse this latest request, but felt a rush of gratitude at him for allowing it.

The little boy frowned at this, however, “My name’s Gavinor,” he said, a little indignantly. Jasnah smiled.

“Gavinor,” Ivory agreed, stiffly. Then he said, “Hold out your hands.”

She loved him for the effort he was making in this. For her. She could sense his discomfort at being seen, even in this relatively private setting. But he did it for her, for her family, which he knew was of the utmost importance to her.

Gavinor glanced at Jasnah, who nodded, which seemed to encourage him, for he cautiously did as he was told.

Ivory walked briskly down her arm and then onto the little boy’s outstretched palms.

“I can’t feel him,” Gavinor said, looking disappointed.

“That is because I exist largely in the Cognitive Realm, young Gavinor,” Ivory informed him in his clipped voice. “I have very little presence in this Realm, despite my bond to your aunt.”

Gavinor blinked at this, then looked at Jasnah, who suddenly became very overwhelmed by the thought of having to try and explain Realmatic Theory to a five year old.

Fortunately, at that moment, Wit decided to make himself of use, finally, and glided over, squatting down so he was on Gavinor’s eye level.

“Ivory is a spren, remember,” he told the boy, “He has his own spren world where he stays. That’s why you can’t feel him. You can see him because your aunt Jasnah lets him be here talking to you a little bit.”

Gavinor scrunched up his face, trying to understand this, “Like the bunnies?” he finally said, looking at Wit for reassurance.

Wit laughed lightly, “A little like the bunnies, yes.”

Jasnah made a mental note to ask Wit what on Roshar a ‘bunny’ was once Gavinor had been safely returned to Dalinar’s care. In the meantime, the arm Gavinor was leaning against was starting to feel numb, and she really had to get back to those troop reports, and-

To her consternation, Gavinor yawned and settled down against her. Amusingly, he coaxed Ivory off of his hands back onto her shoulder first, as if he was a cremling. Ivory complied with characteristic dignity

“Aunt Jasnah?” Gavinor said, sounding sleepy.

“Yes, Gavinor?”

“You’re gonna stop the bad things, right? Like, like what was at home,” his lip trembled slightly, and he grabbed at her havah’s embroidery again before saying, “So they don’t hurt anyone else?”

There was still innocence in those eyes of his. For all seen before their time. There was still the belief, the hope, that someone else would be able to put it all right for him again.

She had sworn herself to this task years ago. Had taken the burden of protecting Roshar and its people onto herself. It was why she had bonded Ivory. It was why she had done so much, sacrificed so much, given so much all this time.

In this moment, looking into those eyes, she felt that burden grow all the heavier. She was the person Gavinor looked to to make everything right in his world again. She would do that for him. She had to do that for him. Or else die attempting it.

She tried to smile for him, and awkwardly patted his head as she said, “I’m going to do my best, Gavinor.”

He nodded, apparently approving of this answer, then, without further ado, he closed his eyes and snuggled into her. One hand held tight to his Kholin doll, the other held a bunched up clump of her havah.

She widened her eyes significantly at Wit and gestured wordlessly at this rapidly developing situation which was not something that could continue, of course.

Wit nodded reassuringly and moved away. She hoped he might return with Gavinor’s nurse but instead, infuriatingly, he just came back with a blanket which he tucked around the two of them.

“Wit,” she hissed, keeping her voice low so as not to disturb the child, “I can’t. I-”

“I do believe he’s already asleep, my dear, and so technically you already are,” Wit replied, sounding entirely too amused by this.

“Wit,” she growled, threateningly, though with a sleeping child nestled against her, she was not entirely sure what she was threatening him with.

She stared down at the little boy cuddled against her, and couldn’t shake the feeling that this was wrong.

How could he find comfort in her? How could he feel safe enough to sleep in her arms? How could he trust her when she did not even trust herself?

“This is a good thing, Jasnah,” Wit said, quietly, “Dalinar will be here to pick him up in an hour or so. It will not kill you to let him stay here and be held by you for that length of time.”

“This isn’t about me,” she whispered back, glaring.

Usually he always understood, always knew, so she did not have to struggle to try and put her emotions into words. This was something which had endeared her to him very quickly, yet now...

How could he not see the problem here? How could he not understand that this little boy was setting her up to be something that she could not be? He was going to look for things from her that she didn’t know how to give him. Things she had never known how to give anyone.

“I know,” Wit said, his voice gentle, “But perhaps you’re better at this than you think you are.”

“I think he’s just desperate,” Jasnah muttered.

“That’s rather harsh, dear one,” Wit commented lightly, “He is only five after all. And an orphan.”

“He is not an orphan,” Jasnah replied fiercely, resting a hand protectively on Gavinor’s back, “He still has his family.”

“Yes,” Wit said, quietly, “He does. I think he knows that. I think he may even know it better than you.”

“I still have work that needs to be done tonight,” Jasnah said, trying to be cold, and practical, trying to force Wit to take this child away from her, to show him why she could not be what he wanted.

Wit only gave her a soft smile and rested his hand on her back, “The dead shall wait, Jasnah,” he told her quietly, “The numbers will not change. Nor will the status of the war, or the analysis you will be draw from it all. They cannot be what you need right now.”

“And what do I need?” she asked, tone caught between frustration and curiosity.

“Life, Jasnah,” Wit said, quietly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, “You need to be here for the life that is happening around you right now, that will continue to happen around you, as you spend time buried in things that have not been, missing it.”

She swallowed, recognising that he was right. She took a deep breath, then settled into the chair, allowing herself to slouch into a more comfortable position. Reaching down, she took Wit’s hand and gave it a small squeeze in silent gratitude.

She knew now that he had set up this whole appointment with Gavinor for her. To give her this moment, this much needed reminder amidst this flood of blood, and violence, and death, that life was still there. Like new vines pushing up between the splayed fingers of fallen corpses on a battlefield. Unseen. Unnoticed, amidst the grief. But still there. And worth pausing to take note of.

“Could you fetch a cushion for me, please?” she asked, quietly, “I would like to make Gavinor more comfortable before his Uncle comes to collect him.”

Wit smiled, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, leaving to do as she’d asked, a mixture of pride and smugness on his sharp features.

***

A/N: First of all I have no idea how children work. I am Jasnah when it comes to small humans. If this is not how they do I apologise. I am a hopeless gay who tried my best.

Secondly: this was supposed to be short and fluffy. It failed on both counts but I’m kind of okay with that tbh. It’s criminal we’ve had legitimately no Jasnah and Elhokar content whatsoever - not even after he died. So I PRODUCED this content. And finally: Jasnah being low empathy is SUPER important to me and it was a lot of fun to explore that in this. Okay Taryn out. Pls throw comments at me. I’m a thirsty comment slut.

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