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corvid-knight · 6 years ago

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Demon Eyes - chapter 21

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740258/chapters/33230775

Getting Dirk and John up and moderately awake takes half an hour, significantly longer than it takes to get ahold of the rest of your family. Hal's the one who deals with those two; Karkat stays at the table with you, in the chair next to you, seemingly focused on the laptop in front of him. He's more-or-less constantly checking on you, though; every few second he dips into your mind, asking wordless questions or offering reassurances that you can't quite bring yourself to totally believe.

Eventually Karkat looks up, frowning a little at how you flinch at having been caught staring at him. "If that bastard comes back, I'm killing him slow this time," the demon tells you quietly.

"He's not coming back. Can't." There wasn't a body. There wasn't a fuckin' body, 'kat, not when you were done—

"Exactly. There's no fucking way he could come back." You can see the unspoken but if he does in Karkat's face for a moment; then he nods, shifting the laptop to let you see that he's got a chat open. "D says he's coming as soon as he can."

Part of you wants to protest that this isn't worth that kind of trouble, that you'renot worth it.

Under that, there's the knowledge that Bro hammered into you over and over again when he was alive, that he summed up really fucking well—no, your dreamsummed up—with the words I own your ass. Even if you know that's not true, you believe it anyway, deep down, and that part of you believes that if Bro wants to take you back, D won't stop him.

"Dave?" Karkat asks, and you know he knows what you're thinking. If you give him any opening to, he'll refute it, and do it well.

"Yeah, man. He's coming, that's...good."

"Want me to fuck around and see if I can't get Hal's videoconferencing thing up?"

You kind of do want that, but... "Nah. We wait 'til we got everybody in here; no fuckin' way can I go over those damn dreams more'n once."

Hal and Dirk drag the chairs into a rough half-circle, which turns into a full circle when you factor in the three laptops, each with an active video connection to Rose, D, and Roxy. The chairs started out evenly spaced, but you almost immediately pulled Karkat's closer to yours.

Everyone else knows better than to say anything about that. Not that they would. There's nothing wrong with it, they know how it is with you and him, there's no reason to feel fucking guilty, this is okay, this is right, this—

"Dave?" D asks. He sighs when you jump and focus on him at the sound of your name, and rakes both hands through his already fucked-up hair. Wherever he is, it's at least a couple hours ahead of you; you can see morning sunlight through the window behind him. "Shit. It's bad, isn't it?"

"No." You refuse to believe that anything's going to happen. It's a fucking bad dream, some kind of magic maybe, somebody with a grudge decided to—

If I could come back, Bro drawls out in your head, and even though this time it's only the fucking memory of a dream, you still shudder. It's a small enough movement that D might not be able to catch it through the webcam, but Hal sure as hell sees it. You can see how the shikigami's posture stiffens, just the smallest bit.

"Very bad," Hal corrects you.

"...yeah." He's right. You know he is.

"What sort of 'very bad' are we discussing here, exactly?" Rose asks. It's obviously still night for her; both she and Kanaya are in the field of the camera on their end, somewhat less scruffy than D is but just as obviously only recently out of bed. You don't think you've ever seen Kanaya at night before; she looks more vampire than you're used to, very still and focused on what you're guessing is the telltale light for the webcam, eyes very wide and dark against her luminous skin. "I mean...I do have some idea, there isn't much that makes Dave react like this, but I'd still like the more comprehensive explanation if possible. Especially if that explanation proves my assumption wrong."

"That 'if possible' needs more emphasis, Rosie," Roxy adds. She's the only one who seems fully awake and dressed, which is maybe a little weird since you're pretty sure she's in the same timezone as you are. Then again, from the small room she's in, she could be on some kind of job. "Like, we can roll without the details if going over 'em's gonna fuck shit up worse."

It probably is, you think. Then, because Karkat's going to react to that thought and flatly refuse to let you try to talk about it in another second, you start talking. "I dreamed about Bro. Except—it wasn't a fucking dream. More like he was there, like I spoke to him—it was closer to using the empath shit to talk to Karkat than anything else—except that I've ever done that asleep—and I can't talk to him, Bro, never could, even if he was alive I can't speak without the bond and I'd—fuck, I'd never—I couldn't—"

"Time out," Karkat says sharply, reaching over to grab your hand and get you to stop twisting at the hem of your shirt, lacing his fingers through yours. He's dead. Breathe.

"He's dead," you repeat, and take a breath. "I know. But he still fucking talked to me. Twice."

"You're sure it wasn't you dreaming about him talking to you?" D asks. "Not that I don't believe you, just..."

"No." Dirk and Hal both say it at the same time. They glance at each other, and it's Dirk who continues. "Dave, turn your head a little, scoot up to the cam. D, look at his face."

You do what Dirk says, putting the marks from where Bro hit you in the dream on display. After a second you hear D's sharp intake of breath, more a dismayed hiss than a gasp.

"Dreams don't leave bruises," Hal points out, in that calm tone that means he's really fucking upset. "Unless he did it himself—"

"Trust me. He didn't." That's Karkat.

"Fuck," D whispers, soft and dismayed and almost horrified. You wonder what exactly he's thinking right now—is he afraid that Bro's going to somehow make good on his threat and come back? Is he as confused as you are as to how he'd do that?

Fuck. Is he wondering if he can get his brother back, like I never had Karkat kill him?I

"Stop," Karkat murmurs, shaking his head when you look at him. Ask him.

Can't.

Fine. I will. And before you can tell him to not fucking do that, the demon leans towards D's video pickup, scowling at it. "What are you planning on doing if that asshole shows up again, somehow?"

D shrugs slightly, and his posture changes just a little, shoulders relaxing and face going blank for a second as he switches gears. You're still not used to how he does that, the shift in body language when he goes from just talking to planning; the change is noticeable enough that people who've only met him in one state sometimes don't recognize him the first time they see him in the other.

"If he comes back, we're dealing with bad shit," D says slowly. "It'd mean he's corporeal without his actual body—means he's either strong enough to manifest his own, in which case we're dead, everyone he wants dead is fuckin' wasted, period, exclamation point—or someone made him a body; which means he's got a fuckin' patron. Like, one who's got a damn good necromancer, to raise a guy after two years and in a body not his own." He stops and nods at John, who's got one hand up like he's in school. "Don't do that. You got a point, Egbert?"

John does not have the social grace to look even a little ashamed of himself as he lowers his hand. "We could also go with the assumption that Dave's bro is a vengeful enough spirit to fuck with dreams and possibly inhabit any usable body. Possession isn't totally unknown with ghosts—"

"The timeframe's weird," Hal points out. "What's the reasoning behind waiting until now? Unless he has the ability to store energy beyond known limits for this type of specter, he should have been at full strength after no more than two weeks to a month of death. Considering that his death was violent, I'd put the beginning of the plateau closer to the former. There'd be very little reason for him to wait this long to harass Dave."

"So we assume there's a reason he waited," Dirk agrees. "Which would be...?"

Damn. Now everybody's looking at you. "How the hell would I know?" Okay, you probably didn't need to sound that defensive. Goddamnit.

"Well, you are the one who's best versed on your own life, Dave," Rose points out. Then, as Karkat shifts his chair a few inches in your direction so he's close enough to wrap his arm around your shoulders, she amends that statement. "Well, other than possibly Karkat. Has something changed noticeably for you? Mentally, in everyday life, anything?"

You and Karkat shake your heads at the exact same time.

There's an unfortunately awkward silence as everybody considers. It's Roxy that breaks it.

"He's turning eighteen in what, a week? Lil' less? Dunno if that counts as something changing, but it's def a date of power."

Well, shit. You're suddenly and unreasonably angry, enough that Karkat jerks in his chair and looks over at you in surprise. "So he wants to fuck up my birthday? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I mean, it's more likely he's using the ethereal and karmic energy generated by events and dates that're perceived significant to gain enough power to fuck you over, but." John shrugs and tips his chair back. "Yep, it kind of boils down to him fucking up your birthday."

"What the fuck is ethereal energy?" D asks. "You mean ectoplasmic? 'cause I know a lil' more about that shit—"

"Why would social rituals generate ghosty stuff? That doesn't even make sense—"

"Well, ethereal means angels, so that doesn't make sense—"

"It doesn't just mean angelic energy, come on—"

Hal beeps. Loudly. It sounds like a car unlocking and gets John and D to stop talking and focus on him. "Off topic."

"Current topic is 'Dave Is Being Tormented By Bro And We Need To Remedy That,'" Rose points out helpfully. "Kanaya, are you planning on attacking the webcam?"

The vampire blinks, for the first time since the video feed came up, and glances at your sister. "...um. Probably not?"

"Oh, good. Perhaps it'd be safer if you go lie back down, though." When Kanaya nods in agreement and rises to leave, Rose asks, "So. Perhaps we can address the current topic, then?"

"The only thing I can do to address that shit is not fucking sleep, Rose," you point out, trying to ignore the memories that are already rising. Yeah, you can stay awake for a pretty long time—three or four days and still be combat-ready, five or six if you're willing to put yourself through paranoia and hallucinations, dose yourself up with caffeine and hope you don't have a fucking heart attack—

"Dave," Karkat says sharply.

Shit. You're slipping back into how you thought when he was alive, aren't you? That more-or-less constant state of expectation, of fear without ever showing or admitting you're afraid, of knowing that shit's going to happen and you have no power over it...you thought you were out of that. You thought you were done with it. You've worked to be done with it, worked hard as hell to move past his shit.

But all it takes is a couple dreams, and you're right back where you started.

"Sorry," you mutter, folding your arms across your chest and hoping the movement doesn't look as defensive as it is.

"You're not the one who needs to be saying sorry here," D points out, shaking his head. "That'd be my fuckin' scumbag brother...but yeah, no, you staying awake isn't a solution and we all know it—"

"I'm not going back to sleep after tonight's shit, D—"

"And I get that, man, but hear me out, okay? For all we know this was a goddamn isolated incident, that he's got a limited window for being able to fuck with you."

You glance at John for confirmation on that, and he nods. "It could totally be a one-off. A lot of ghosts can't muster up enough power to manifest in any way; of the ones that can, some can only manage it once or twice."

"Thanks for the backup, ghosty boy. And if the bastard's just got until your birthday to fuck with you, then Dirk gives you the sleeping meds I know he still has from that time with the dreamwalker, and you sleep deep enough that Bro can't touch you."

Fuck. Yeah, that'd help. Karkat purrs as he catches some amount of your surge of stupid, pitiful relief that there's a way to avoid speaking to Bro in your dreams. The purr turns into an unhappy growl as your mind immediately moves in another direction. "And if it's not just 'til my birthday?"

"C'mon, Dave, don't buy trouble—"

"It's not exactly buying trouble, Rox," Hal says before she can tell you not to worry about what you're already stressing over. "If he wants to state the possibilities, we will. A, this is already over—"

"It's not."

"Dave, let me finish my list. A, this is a one-time thing, and it's over. B, there's a limited window of time this can happen, and we can wait it out. C, this is...well, more permanent, in which case we figure out a way to get rid of the fucking ghost. Exorcisms suck but they're still a viable option."

"Or option D." You don't want to say it. It needs to be said, needs to be put on the table. "He does come back."

"See, that one's the easiest to handle," D says. " 'Cause that one just means I do what I shoulda done five years ago: I fucking kill him."

There's nothing in his voice but cold sincerity. You want to fucking cry. "D, if he—you don't—" Yeah, shit, can't keep your voice steady. Not at all. Karkat's in your head, trying to surround you with reassurance that you don't have to talk, Dirk and Hal and John are looking at you and you're guessing Roxy and Rose probably are too, and you can't take it right now.

You shake your head and cover your face with both hands. "...shit."

Karkat squeezes your shoulder. Are you going to be okay?

I have no fuckin' clue. You open your mind to the demon for a second, let him see the mess of emotions and thoughts you've got going on right now in the hope he can untangle it a little better than you can, or at least understand it. You sure as hell don't understand.

But Karkat gets some of it. "Of course D's going to fucking choose you, Dave."

"Over Bro? You bet your fucking life I would." D sighs, and even though you can't look right now you can hear the stressed frustration in the sound. "Look. I think we covered everything we can right now; I'm gonna go start seeing about getting my ass back to y'all, okay?"

"Good plan," Dirk agrees. "Rox, Rose?"

"I'm stuck here for three more days at least," Roxy says ruefully. "Kind of committed to this job; I didn't think I'd need to get back to Dirk's before Dave's birthday."

"Kanaya and I will be on the plane down there the day after tomorrow," Rose says. "I don't believe even I can expedite beyond that."

"So in a couple days we'll all be there," D finishes. "It'll be okay, Dave."

"Yeah." You believe him. Maybe that part of your mind that still belongs to Bro doesn't believe, but everything else knows that D and the others will do everything they can to make sure shit goes okay. "Talk to you guys later."

And Karkat pulls you to your feet and towards the couch as Hal starts unhooking the laptops and camera. You don't have to ask to know that the demon's going to find a movie and curl up with you, make sure you don't sleep again tonight. Keep you safe.

It'll be okay, you tell yourself, and you keep repeating it until you believe it a little more.

#demon eyes

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