#either way i'm not afraid
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second round of zoo AU
Vigilante, Pepperman, Fake Peppino and Snick concepts suggested by @idkhamburger19283, Noisette and Mr Stick suggested by @zedortoo! Huge thanks for the help!! and sorry if i misinterpreted anything
#oh and btw sorry for not drawing pizzaface as a flock of birds zedortoo#it's outside the scope of my abilities i'm afraid ;;;#pizza tower au#snick#mr stick#noisette#fake peppino#pepperman#the vigilante#brick the rat#gustavo pizza tower#pizzahead#pizza tower#art tag#zoo au#oh btw Noisette is a pika idk if i managed to get that across#and Mr Stick is a weevil#Vigi's a horned lizard Pepperman's a gorilla and Fake is a toad#last time Noise was an oppossum and Peppino was a badger... or maybe a wolverine idk#either way i'm not completely happy about thsoe two's designs#might try different animals for them or the others if i get inspired
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more phoenix wright situations
#ace attorney tag#maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care.#gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth#without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly..#or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates.#i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable#there have to be Situations that make you Realise.#as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+#but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work#there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened.#Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations#the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is#people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong.#The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else.#But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me.#and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid !#so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all.#i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out...#not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing#i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life.#i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior.#does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment.#so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3
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Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.
He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.
That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).
Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.
50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"
Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.
They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.
This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.
Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.
#iwtv#iwtv character analysis#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#loumand#amc iwtv#iwtv s2#iwtv season 2#don't be afraid just start the tape#Gotta feel bad for Louis for winding up falling in love again with someone ruled so much by their own undealt with shit#making him once again the victim of abuse for it#But at least I guess Lestat values his independence? And Louis to an extent.#Theres a lot less co-dependancy going on between them but it's still like ... there#I'm so serious tho when I say I really want IWTV to go in the direction of 'vampires all dealing with their shit and breaking generational#cycles of abuse' because THATS so IT too me. That's the juice tbh.#because a thing with immortality is that you can't partition away from dealing with shit through knowing you or someone is going to die#You have to confront it you're forced to or else its just FOREVER literally going to be there#Louis (or really Claudia) being the first to really confront that (chef kiss)#which is an interesting thing to depict because technically we all carry the burden of eternity w/in us. Our impact on the world lasts and#what violence we allow in the world without fighting or working against it will never change either.#We have to confront the truth and find reconciliation with all of it or it is just without end there is no bottom to it#theres a lot of discussion on it but I think Louis considers himself a survivor. He's lived to this point and will keep living.#He probably cares too much about the why he ends up a victim (the undealt with shit he can't blame them for) to admit otherwise that he is#Too an extent too he cares and loves the people he's been with to really view it that way. But also this survivor perspective is very#'immortality' accepting. Naming a victim sort of is like naming a kind of death that can't go on from there.#Might make these tags into their own post at some point
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Continuing on this post because I said in the tags that it goes together with the Codywan desert husbands au. I just think it would be really funny if neither Cody or Rex (or anyone of the surviving batch) knew that the others are alive, other than Fox.
Fox helps with the Rebellion, being a contact and such, because he is not that much in the limelight (Bail and Breha are taking care of that part), and he, of course, goes by a codename. He did recognise Rex, like, immediately when he heard about things going on with other clones leaving the Empire and such. He couldn’t give himself away, because there is still a risk that him getting recognised could lead to Bail and Breha being implied to be part of the Rebellion. Fox keeps an eye out on Rex though, to make sure he’s okay.
Then Leia gets kidnapped, they reach out to Obi-Wan, and Fox learns that Cody is alive and well as well. But because of the whole thing surrounding the twins, he decides that it’s the best to stay away still.
This leads to, eventually, Luke meeting up with Leia’s family after the Death Star and coming back to Cody and Rex like “...do you guys have a brother?” “Multiple, how’s so?” “Well I mean Leia’s dad looks a lot like you, so I just thought...” “....I didn’t think we looked much like Bail Organa?” “No, not him, the other dad!” “What other dad?” “The one who looks like you, this tall, grey hair, kinda looks like wants to murder you?” “....I swear to GOD -”
Fox hears the scream to the other side of the base.
“Leia, sweetie, do a solid for your old man?” “Okay?” “Kill me.”
#Fox tries to get away by hiding behind Bail who tries to smile and play dumb but Cody and Rex are on a HUNT#yes Bail and Breha live in this one I'm not gonna make Fox a widow christ#he then tries to play the I'm paraplegic but it doesn't work either#rex yells that he is going to make fox double paraplegic and doesn't listen when told that it doesn't work that way#Obi-Wan looks at this and decides to not say anything#star wars#codywan#bail/breha/fox#Luke has no idea what's going on and at this point he's too afraid to ask#leia organa#bail organa#breha organa#commander fox#commander cody#captain rex#obi-wan kenobi#luke skywalker#post order 66 au
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the key difference between kaiser and isagi as guys who boost their self-esteem by beating others is that isagi isn't satisfied by overcoming opponents who aren't a match for his skill while kaiser exclusively picks fights he thinks he can win
#bolo liveblogs#blue lock#bllk#isagi yoichi#michael kaiser#had this epiphany at approximately four am last night#don't think I'm saying isagi does this out of the kindness of his heart or anything either he's just challenge-motivated#this has been part of his character since the tag game when he targeted the strongest guy in the room instead of taking an easy win#looking for evenly-matched opponents to analyze and ''devour'' is a pattern for him!#kaiser meanwhile is afraid that he has nothing outside of football#(I mean this both psychologically and in terms of material wealth and security. ray dark recruited a kid with no other options on purpose)#so he never takes any chances#he goes out of his way to avoid having relationships with equals and doesn't want an opponent he can't crush#isagi's refusal to do exactly that INFURIATES him
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You know how Gordon Goose's high school design was inspired by Jason Schwartzman's character in Rushmore? I thought that was kinda interesting and it would be pretty cool if you drew both Max Fischer and Gideon Graves (High school or not idc) thanks in advance!
They can be annoying together <3 or idk, I never watched this movie but I think he's similar enough to Gordon.
I once again want to apologize to Jason Schwartzman's fans because he never looks right when I draw him, especially when I trying drawing him in a way that wouldn't look so off next to Gordon,
#ask tag#gideon graves#gordon goose#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim takes off#max fischer#rushmore#i want to watch this movie so bad but i'm afraid i won't like it#either way i think it's cute how they made gordon inspired on him#and i need to doodle julie everytime i draw gordon yes#do not seperate them#request#i'm excited to do more requests this weekend
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A new sculpture! Finally... I feel like I never sculpt anymore since I'm always sick or have some 500 other things going on or projects to finish, but I'm trying to schedule time to do it more often this year hopefully..! Just a generic fantasy creature as usual, but did try making the eyes a little more sparkly this time.. hrmm..
#sculpture#fantasy art#fantasy creature#art#elf#lol what are the tags I should use... I still never know.. EVIL social media.. hate the idea of tagging anything ever anyway. but alas..#I also would ideally like to start selling them again and open up custom commmissions and stuff again once I can hopefully get paypal#stuff sorted out. and find like.. a good way to do things.. etc.. I did still want to sell them through auction instead of agonizing#over setting prices being afraid they're either too high or too low. So being able to just be like. Here. this is $50. or more. or less.#negotiate. the worth is whatever you feel like it is so i personally dont have to make that decision. etc. lol... But etsy doesn't let you#do auctions or like pay what you want type stuff so.. then I was thinking ebay? but idk.. ANYWAY.. I want to set things#up so I can sell stuff again hopefully. I still haven't fully recovered from the costs of when I had to take my cat to the vet and put#them down last year and etc. So it'd be good to sell a few things. perhaps.. maychance... perhamble... so on and so forthe... ANYWAY#I was going for whiter more milky sort of hair that blends in closely with the skintone but after the paint dried it seems more yellowy kin#of. which is fine. But just not exacltly like my mind vision lol..#Also it's like... wow... someone with face spots and elf ears and a half open mouth with a gap tooth and wavy hair and kind of downturned#eyes... revolutionary... never been seen before... every sculpture I have ever made surely doesnt look licherally exactly like this... LOL#but maybe it's just a style. so what. People have their motifs lol.. Im just getting back into sculpting. I shall sameface in peace. huzzah#Just like the only thing I ever carve out of avocado pits anymore is eyes. Because that's just whats fun to do. I'm going to accumulate lik#25 similar avocado eyes and have nothing to do with them. I was thinking of stringing some together into a necklace of eyes or something li#like that but.. hrmm... ANYWAY.. Love to do the same things repetitively. :3c
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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my old prehistory professor promised me earlier that he would soon take me on a trip to the Beskid Mountains, where he wants to fix one of sins from his youth.... but then he went silent. so i reminded him about it, and he just sent me an email that he is planning to leave on tuesday morning and that i have to decide quicklu if i want to go bc it's "high time we bough tickets and booked a place in the mountain shelter" xD we will climb the highest peak there to verify a potential archaeological site :3
i love that despite being over 70yo he still has a very youthful spirit <3 and all his plans look like this, made in the very last minute
#idk if my friends will go with us bc they currently work on a ????? uhm construction site. as ??? archaeological supervision???? no idea how#is it called in english#but they stand in front of an excavator to see if it uncovers any features and artefacts#and whenever wooden constructions appaer they have to stop the work and document these finds#so they're afraid that if they decide to go with me after they come back there will be nothing there#they reached medieval layers now#and polish law is fucked up so it gives too much power to the developers#they can fire their archaeologists without any good reasons#for example if the archaeologist decides to stop work to rescue all uncovered artefacts :)#they work for 12 h a day just to save as much as they can#bc they're local patriots and this project is very important for them#bc after it's done they will have documentation of a 700 m long profile.... the whole historical town that they love so much#they won't earn a penny lol they gave the lowest price just to get the chance to be there#either way i'm excited#it would be better to go together bc i really like them but it will be okay either way#moje
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Sheva suggestion #8
Dress up as the classical literature author you admire the most.
#wholesome suggestion 🥺#but i'm afraid this post is gonna wake up my crazy anon 😂#either way it was awesome but he kinda sucked in that role#he couldn't voice a proper thought which is very sheva but very unbecoming of a poetry genius#sheva suggestions#are back
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who's ready for the indigo disk, a $35 DLC required to finish the story the $60 base game of pokemon scarlet and violet started because corporate rushed it out too early, to not be allowed to acknowledge any of nemona arven and penny's virtues, deeper problems, and motivations, if not just outright contradict or mock them
who's ready to never have nemona hit level 100 or use EVs/held items, never make food with arven, never... uh... do anything fun with penny, never adventure with them again once the new story's over despite it being a coded and previously used feature in the game that introduced the union circle, never get to call anyone on the phone we supposedly have their numbers registered on, never get to do emotes together with anyone but other players, and never get to say what or who our own treasure was when nemona's was us
who's ready for the story to not acknowledge that ditching our friends but especially nemona to transfer schools to another country in pursuit of New Content, right after she basically opened up to us about her secretly being a horribly lonely neurodivergent disabled kid trying to fight her "gifted" label and we promised to be with her forever, would be extremely traumatizing
who's ready to still not have a real postgame without crowdsourcing it from other players with the internet connectivity that they're going to take offline a few years later
for my health, i must be prepared for all of these things rather than writing a big fluffy post getting my hopes up about how they're going to utilize some of the realest characters in pokemon (though i can do that too if you want)
especially when the company seems too afraid, secretive, or unprepared to advertise the damn thing and haven't shown or mentioned those three main plot driving characters again in the entire 9 months from DLC announcement to release as if they simply won't be in it at all (which is stupid, of course they will)
i just wanna see the rest of the beautiful story they were trying to tell before three year cycle hell made a bit of a mess of it and the cast suddenly vanished or became statues when we were just about to hang out and live happily ever after. i would've really appreciated the anime actually being about them, too (horizons isn't even really about Paldea lmao)
#pokemon sv#pokemon#the indigo disk#nemona#trainer arven#trainer penny#arven pokemon#penny pokemon#nemonaposting#arvenposting#pennyposting#should i like tag this as negativity or something idk#we got about two weeks to go and like. idk man. this could leave me so happy or so disappointed and they're afraid to tell me which#and either way they've been so half-assed and unprofessional about it that i'm probably waiting a long time to get gen 10 if i ever do#like. waiting for someone to actually tell me it's good first rather than getting invested when i have no idea if it's worth it#i love these kids so much i wish the company did too#anyway i hope i'll be forced to delete this post later
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why do people think you can't/shouldn't be mentally ill if you're successful or doing well in other areas of your life, "you're so pretty/smart/have so much going for you so why are you doing this to yourself?" because i hate myself and want to die. my (partly illusionary) success doesn't change how i feel about myself, does failing prove something? it would just be another reason for me to hate myself
#AND I DONT VIEW MYSELF THAT WAY I KNOW WHO I REALLY AM YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT I SHOW YOU#people think i have everything going for me and i understand im very lucky but it's just how i feel#i would give anything to be normal i'm afraid of ruining my chances and squandering my only talent (intelligence)#idk why i do this either !!!!!#vent//
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Me, working on an actual "serious" artpiece: ahah I'll just mess around, sketch and leave it unclean and messy
Also me, working on a meme artpiece: well, I shall do a fully rendered colored piece, or else
#no you don't understand#adding color is harsh always for me#i am improvising at best#so when I went and did my solangelo napping sketches I just left them like that#messy lineart basically#and then i started working on a piece based on the “meme” terrifingly blue eyes-bottomless black eyes because it's obviously them#and you know#of course it's gotta have color or the very meaning of the meme is lost#problem is I don't know how to color in a simple way#so I'm doing the full serious thing#it's going well so far but I am Afraid#my art?#solangelo#got me doing crazy stuff#also send help i can't for my life draw william andrew solace in a way that satisfies me and especially in a consistent way#like nico is not much consistent either but he is *there*#will however? nah#crying sobbing#i need to decide in better detail what I want him to look like#i think it's the eyes that are giving me issues#like shape etc#also omg#in this meme thing#it was so hard sketching him decently and at one point I think he looked kinda like fiona from shrek#like-#i have nothing against Fiona but#(ugh i feel so pretentious calling it 'artpiece' but uh what else should I call it)#arting
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I'm so close to escaping insurance claim hell, I can almost taste it
#i think the hurdle in front of me is that 1. i got better quality shingles#and i'm afraid the adjuster is going to be snarling gnashing his teeth ripping me to shreds#i don't know if i need to acknowledge that i know the claim doesn't cover an upgrade or just forward the invoice along without a peep#and 2. the other part of the claim on all the stupid window wraps the contractor isn't going to do#until he replaces the other windows (which the claim has nothing to do with) and that won't be for another month or so#and idk if the adjuster is going to be#snarling gnashing his teeth ripping me to shreds on that either#i feel like a huge part of all my fears on this claim is all the bullshit i had to go through last time#and they were definitely snarling gnashing their teeth you did this WRONG!!!! even though no one ever told me what me the ~right~ way was
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am I simply............. to be an educational pit stop and temporarily necessary mental/emotional/spiritual support for the men I love for all time?? like yes the two boys I've loved in my life I DID love with all my heart however the first only started reading the Bible regularly and investing in his church community after I broke up with him (these were things I kept suggesting while we dated, but which he brushed off and didn't take seriously) and now it's looking like I am an emotional bookmark for the second. like I'm in between one page of his life and the next, and am helping him process and am teaching him how to deal with his emotions properly, but what I'm doing for him is literally all that I will be to him, and he likely won't remember me when I move out of the dorm and graduate.
#i DO love him i DO want to help him#however i do wonder why he's chosen to confide in me. why he asked me to keep him accountable for something#that by all rights was his responsibility and his own romantic business#he IS young and he IS kind of immature in this area and i get why he asked me. i really do. he was afraid and i'm his friend.#but anywayyyyy this has been a TIME#i am trying not to be like well why is it my job to better these men#not to give myself too much credit LOLLLLL it's not like i'm drastically shaping them in any way shape or form#it's just. i know how much attention and hidden care and worry and affection and consideration i put into all of this#i too would like to experience it the other way around#where i am not the only one who is paying attention to these things and wanting to support and care for and watch over the other person#not that i'm doing anything with the expectation of reciprocity. goodness no i'm not stupid enough to expect anything now#but it would be really nice. REALLY NICE. to not be giving and giving and giving#and then going back to my room and then crying my eyes out because it feels like it's either all for nothing or has no weight to the boy#the waiting room chapter
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i lost my eyebrows when i came out of the pdf to human convert machine 🤕
#i need you to either boo boo 🍅 👎 me in my askbox or 🥰🥰yay!!#bc this feels like way too bold and risky. even for me.#like yeah. i think i look good. but i'm afraid of being delulu.
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