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leahkentwriter · 6 months ago

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Backstories for girls and women in stories that *don't* involve sexual assault.

I beta read a lot, and am involved in writing communities of various kinds, and I briefly taught English way back in the day, and I consume storytelling media in general - and one of my biggest pet peeves is sexual assault backstories. While I think this is improving, it's still annoying to me that a lot of writers (of all genders, but particularly men) fall back on a sexual assault backstory whenever they need to make a girl or woman in a story complicated or haunted or fucked up in some way.

Unless your story is dealing with the topic of sexual assault in some way, please don't use it as a way to give a character depth or angst.

Here are some prompts, just to get you started with some ideas.

Why would a woman be trying to escape her past? Why would she be seeking a fresh start?

She hated her small town; the people there didn't understand her and she never felt like she fit in - she's queer, she has a weird birthmark, she's got unique interests, she has magical powers, etc.

She's a criminal - she robbed banks or stole cars and she wanted a fresh start

She was an addict and hurt people, and she wants a fresh start now that she's sober

Her parent is a criminal or an addict and she's trying to outrun the stigma of being related to them

She didn't get along with a stepparent and skipped town as soon as she turned 18

She had big dreams of being something else, and left to pursue them

Her childhood home was haunted, but no one believed her

She got married young then divorced, and wants to start over somewhere that no one knows her

Heartbreak of any variety - she's leaving a place that reminds her too much of someone she lost or couldn't have

She wants better; maybe more money, or a career, or simply a higher quality of life

Some other violent tragedy occurred - a school shooting, an explosion at the plant, police brutality, her best friend was killed, etc.

Her hometown no longer exists (climate change, the main factory shut down, it was overrun by rabid squirrels, etc.)

What would make a woman distrustful of others?

Heartbreak; being lied to, cheated on, left for her best friend, etc.

A big betrayal - her former best friend told everyone a secret about her, someone weaponized her trauma or her past or a major flaw she's sensitive about, etc.

She witnessed a traumatizing event as a child

Her mother was a grifter and used her as part of her scams

One parent cheated on the other and broke up the family

Her older brother isn't dead after all, he was disowned for being gay and now she's questioning everything her parents ever told her

She has problems with her memory, and is never quite sure what the truth is

She's bad at reading people and has been taken advantage of

She finds out a dark secret about someone she loves and is having trouble processing it

She gradually comes to see that someone she idealized as a child is not at all what they seem

Someone she thought was a good, kind, and genuine person is arrested for a terrible crime

Spiritual abuse - the worldview she was taught was right turns out to be exploitative, represses women, etc., so she leaves

What would cause a woman to have mental health issues?

Any form of abuse - doesn't have to be sexual

Her parents had really high expectations that she couldn't live up to

It simply runs in the family

Survivor's guilt - she survived something that someone else did not

She was bullied and no one protected her

Her parents were very controlling and destroyed her confidence

Her sibling was the golden child and she was the scapegoat

She's had issues since childhood but her parents refused to admit there was anything wrong with her, so she didn't get help

Being a part of any oppressed group of people who experience discrimination - she's a person of color, she's an immigrant, she's got a disability, she's queer, etc.

Any major trauma, either witnessed or being a part of - weather events and natural disasters, infrastructure collapse, crashes and accidents, fires, a shooting or a murder, etc.

You're a writer - get creative. There are lots of ways to traumatize and haunt a girl/woman character without having to resort to a sexual assault backstory. You can even make her the problem! Maybe she's the one who did something bad and is trying to outrun the guilt.

Let's also let go of the idea that it's meeting and falling in love with a man that saves her from her trauma. Let her have a healing arc that doesn't involve a man - a love story can still be there, but it can't be the magic healing balm that fixes her. Make her have to save herself. Give her autonomy to both make her own mistakes, and improve her own situation. Don't let your man go into savior mode - let him get frustrated with her. Let her push him away without him clinging to her in a desperate bid to show her what unconditional love is. Don't let him be a martyr to her trauma.

Women are complicated for many reasons. We have trauma for many reasons. We have mental health issues for many reasons. We may want to escape our past for many reasons. We're angsty and weird for many reasons.

Please pick literally anything other than sexual assault.

#writing #writing prompts #writing women #writing girls #how to write women #how to write backstories #backstories #writing advice #how to write #writing tips #writing characters #writing help

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lovehurtsandilikeitthatway · 6 months ago

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Nightmares

Male Yandere x Reader

Hi everyone!! This my first ever time posting my writing on here, so I'm a little nervous- English isn't my first language so sorry if there are some grammar/spelling mistakes or anything like that 😭 Please know that I don't support any kind of "yandere" behaviour irl and if you have any person like that in your life, make sure to distance yourself from them and stay safe 🙏 I tried not to romanticise the yandere-ish in this either so I hope it doesn't come off that way.

WARNINGS‼️: Yandere behaviour, cursing, abuse, needles, mentions of panic attacks, drugs, kidnapping, manipulation, noncon touching/kissing (nothing nsfw), blood, biting, knives, death

Four years. It had been exactly four years ever since you managed to escape the hellhole that was your abusive boyfriend's apartment. Four years since you left Japan too; as you wanted to make sure he'd never find you again. Now you lived in London as a librarian, in a small run-of-the-mill apartment all by yourself. It was a quiet life; but you liked it that way. You had to change your name to make sure he couldn't get to you, and thus you couldn't have much contact with your family and friends still in Japan. It hurt you, knowing that you were so far apart from them, but it was much better than being stuck in that place with no way out.

Of course; it had started out like any other relationship. You were both in university; he was a business major and quite popular, as his parents owned a well known company which he was bound to inherit. But his riches weren't the only thing that made him popular. He was also known for being very charismatic with a large social circle, having near flawless grades and (amongst the female school body, mainly) being fairly handsome on top of all that too. You'd be a liar to say you didn't have a bit of a crush on him at first too; but it was very similar to a celebrity crush. He was unobtainable and you had created an ideal version of him in your head; so you could fantasize yourself going on a date with him or some other crush of yours from time to time for the funsies. You thought that would be all he'd ever be to you; but boy were you wrong.

Surprisingly, you met at a house party. The host was a friend of a friend; and you were basically convinced to go by your friend group despite being hesitant. It turned out that, just as you suspected, the party wasn't really your vibe; but your friends were having fun. So you decided to go hangout in the backyard by yourself until another friend of yours had to go, so you didn't feel awkward being the first in the friend group to leave. Surprise surprise, he was there too. You two ended up striking conversation; and he sheepishly confessed that he didn't really like the party either, but had to stay because the "friend of a friend" was actually a close friend of his. So you pretty much spent the entire party talking with eachother; and the ideal version you had made up of him in your mind was gone by the time it was over. Not in a bad way. You guys had a lot of things in common after all; and he also had his flaws, just like you. He was no longer the popular mr.perfect guy you thought he was; and it was rather attractive.

You became friends; and your friendship soon blossomed into much more. He was a good boyfriend at the start. Dates, flowers, heartfelt conversations, mutual love and respect. You know, all the very basic factors of any healthy, loving relationship. Within a year into the relationship, though, things began to...change for the worst. He'd grow paranoid whenever you went out with friends without him; he kept pestering you about moving in with him even though you weren't ready for something like that yet.... You had mentioned multiple times in the past that you were skeptical about marriage, kids, all that mambo jambo. Still, he'd often bring up how he wanted to get married and have a family with you. It was kinda sweet, at first. You understood that it came from a place of love; but the affection smothering and how controlling he was slowly becoming grew far too much.

The straw that broke the camel's back? He proposed. On your "a year and a half anniversary" date, he got down on one knee and proposed. You were very taken aback; and the fact he wanted to marry you and start a whole life with you was again very touching in theory, but not so much when all the times you two had this very conversation came in mind. All the times you expressed how you weren't sure and needed more time; and he seemingly understood and accepted that just to pull something like this on your anniversary. You explained your side, yet again, and he wasn't pleased. An argument broke out; and it got bad. By the end, you told him that if what you both wanted didn't match up; this wouldn't work. You tried walking out. Again, he wasn't pleased.

And what did he do? Oh, just smashed a bottle of wine on the back of your head.

It was a miracle you didn't die; but you did pass out. And what followed after was the most hellish year of your life. Your dear boyfriend turned kidnapper basically lied to every single person in your life; saying you had decided to drop out of uni to move in with him and start a family. And because his family was very influential, with many connections, and also because he had such a prestige reputation, no one batted an eye. Your family did, of course; they knew you best. But why would such a kindhearted, hardworking honour student from a good family ever lie?

He spent a year trying to brainwash you into giving in; brainwashing you into giving him the perfect life he wanted, with a stay-at-home partner and children and everything, not allowing you to get out of the apartment or as much as breathe without him supervising. Nevermind that you were screaming your lungs out, begging him to let you go home and reminding him how much of a monster he was despite the gentleman-like façade he'd put not only in front of others, but also in front of you.

Eventually, after many failed attempts, you managed to bust the cameras in his apartment and pick the lock while he was out. You stole just enough money to get you an one way ticket to whatever place was available and also got back your phone; only being able to part with your friends and family via text messages and calls. Going to the police was out of the question. Why? Cause you had tried that in the past; and it didn't end well for you. The police weren't going to help; the only one who could protect you was yourself.

You didn't like thinking about it; the year you had spent in his apartment. Your therapist had advised you to stop living in the past and focus on the present; but it was so hard to try and put all that trauma behind you. Everytime you had to go outside you'd always look over your back; afraid you'd see him again. Afraid he'd somehow find you and make you pay for leaving him before dragging you right back. Sometimes you'd even think you caught glimpse of him across the street; causing you to have a mini panic attack. It was never fun. You hated it. You hated the fact that even though you managed to escape him; it felt like he came along with you.

Nevertheless, you tried to continue living. You met new people at the library, became friends with a sweet old lady from your apartment building, even started writing your very own book as a hobby, which you always wanted! You were doing well for yourself. You were slowly able to pick the pieces that had broken off of you; and you were proud of it. You were proud of managing to wake up everyday, making sure to eat, get to work, go through the work day- and reach the end of said workday. Just like you did today.

Work had ended for today. You said goodbye to your co-workers and began working home; fantasising about crashing onto your couch and staying there for the rest of the evening. It had been quite the tiring day and all you wanted to do was just get home, put on a random TV channel and maybe take a nap. Eventually, you reached your apartment complex. You lived on the first floor; so thankfully you didn't have to climb any stairs. Soon, you were standing right outside your front door. Your hands reached into your shoulder bag and pulled out your house key, inserting it into the keyhole in order to unlock the door.

However, the door was already unlocked.

Your blood immediately went cold; hand still on the key as you stared at the door with wide eyes. There was no way it could be him, right? If he hadn't found you in four years now, what could possibly lead him to you? Your heart began racing; breathing already getting heavy. You were panting, you just realised. You could hear your own heartbeat echo in your ears. Were you on the verge of another panic attack? Closing your eyes tight, you tried to take a deep breath and compose yourself; focusing on your environment instead of your ever growing panic, as your therapist had instructed you to do at moments like this one. The way the handle's metal felt cold against your grip, bird chirping from a nearby window, the sound of the elevator going down; most likely for the old lady you had befriended, as this was the time she'd usually get home from feeding the stray dogs in the neighborhood. She was so sweet.

Let's think rationally: you were far away from Japan, you had changed your name as well as your appearance (as much as you could force yourself to) and you had managed to maintain this quiet life of yours for four whole years. In those four years; you had received no calls or messages from him either, because you of course also had to change your number, email and delete any social media you had just to be sure. All that being said; the door was open when it was not supposed to- and then it hit you; did you actually lock the door this morning? Even though you were extremely paranoid; there had been an instance or two of you forgetting to lock the door before leaving for work, usually when you were feeling extra tired or stressed. Even four years later; sleeping didn't come easy to you. You started having sleep paralysis quite often, but instead of feeling like someone was pushing onto your chest hard, there was the suffocating sensation of his hands wrapped around your waist so tight that you'd think your organs would pop out any second.

Admitting that you're a complete idiot isn't easy; but you'd take it any day over the possibly of him somehow having gotten into your apartment. So, with the mentality of a broke middle aged man taking the risk of one last gamble in order to hit the jackpot, you decided to put your fears aside and push the door forward so you could get home.

Because, guess what? You were so sick of this.

Sick of living in fear, of having panic attacks every other day and jumping like a terrified kitten whenever you see a man who slightly resembles him pass by you. Sick of not being able to close your eyes every night because instead of the back of your eyelids, all you see is each and every time he'd touch you like he owned you.

And now that he didn't 'own you' any longer, your trauma did. And he was technically the personification of your trauma. He still owned you.

Fuck him. Fuck this. All of this. You just wanted to lay down and sleep like a normal person. Talk to your friends like a normal person. Sometimes you'd forget that you were actually that: normal and a person, since he had spent an entire year making you think otherwise. So no; you weren't going to let your fear control you and remain standing outside your apartment after an exhausting work day. You weren't going to deprive yourself of the basic right and necessities everyone else had.

You were now inside the apartment. Your small, cluttered apartment that had only one bedroom; a bathroom that could only fit a shower rather than a bathtub and a living room that was connected to the kitchen, all in the very same space. You immediately took off your shoes, locked the door behind you and hung your shoulder bag on one of the two chairs you had at the kitchen table before basically collapsing onto the couch, not caring to change into something more comfortable just yet. Your clothes weren't all that uncomfortable, actually. You didn't have much energy this morning; so you had worn a more casual, comfy outfit, not putting much thought into it. It was an outfit that you could easily sleep in no problem; which you started to realise when you began feeling yourself already drifting to sleep. Deep inside, you knew that there were other things that probably had priority; like taking a shower or making dinner but....did they really? You could do all that after taking a nap. You hadn't been able to sleep a full eight hours without waking up every hour or so for awhile now anyway. The moment you wake up, you'd get to all those important tasks that were needed for you to continue functioning- but it had been the first time that sleep sought you out rather than you taking sleep medication in weeks, and you weren't going to waste such a rare act of mercy by your system. Within a few minutes, you were out like a light.

“Look at you, all curled up in the couch....Is it that much better than the king sized bed we'd share?”

A voice called out to you. You couldn't make whose voice, however. You were still pretty much out of it; half asleep. You didn't even know what day it was, much less where or who that voice came from.

“Oh, you must be sleepy. These eyebags on your pretty face tell me enough; you haven't slept properly in awhile, hm?” the voice questioned, and you swore you could feel something hot blow against your ear before it spoke again, this time closer. But also ice cold in terms of tone. “Guess what? Neither have I, not without you in my arms.”

Oh. Oh. You knew who this voice belonged to. You might've been still asleep practically; but it was like an alarm had gone off in your head, like some natural instinct telling you a predator was nearby and you shouldn't be sleeping right now. It wasn't the first time you had felt like this, though. You'd have this feeling whenever you'd randomly feel like you're being watched, whenever you'd see an unknown number call you, whenever you were all by yourself. You had grown too used to this feeling. You'd respond to it everytime, jumping up and looking around frantically with yet another panic attack waiting for you just around the corner. This feeling had been ruining every waking moment from your life ever since you managed to free yourself; and this feeling was about to absolutely demolish the amazing nap you've been having so far. The nap that you've been needing for months, week, years now.

Not this time. You knew what was going on. You were most likely about to star in the psychological thriller of a dream every single one of your night terrors were. But you wouldn't play along, again, this time. You didn't budge, even with someone's breath right next to your ear. The only thing you did was turn in your sleep, now facing the back of the couch.

“Poor thing..... I told you all about this, did I not? The outside world is full of stress. It sucks the life out of you, it makes you miserable. Just look at what you got yourself into without me; all alone in some foreign country, working yourself to the bone and living in this cockroach infested, century old apartment.” it continued to whisper condescendingly; dripping with fake sympathy. It was truly a wonder how your brain could remember every single one of his patterns in the way he spoke and put you down. His words, despite being absolutely just part of your nightmare, didn't fail to make your heart swell up with the feeling of inferiority and uselessness.

But a second later you couldn't feel his breath on your skin any longer; and you assumed this nightmare was going to progress further differently or you'd just wake up.

“You see, when I came home that day and couldn't find you anywhere I went through such a rollercoaster of emotions,” Ah. Seems like the fact nightmare him had pulled away didn't stop his voice from going on and on. Wonderful. “I was devastated and panicked and frantic- I looked everywhere for you. But I think that the main emotion that has been stirring me for the past four years is anger.” It breathed out, “At first it was all directed at you. The fact that you just left me like that after everything I did for you, all the love I showed you... Did you think that whenever I'd tell you how I couldn't breathe without you near me, I was just trying to be romantic?” scoffed his voice. “I haven't been breathing, actually. It doesn't feel like breathing anymore. It feels like something hallow and bitter comes out of me; like pitch black smoke. You poisoned me the day you left.”

Of course the blame's on you. It always was, no matter what would happen between you two. When he'd cuff you to the bed to the point that you'd almost lose circulation in both wrists, it was your fault for staring at the front door for too long. When he'd shove food down your throat, since declining food was the only form of protest you could pull off sometimes, it was your fault for not wanting to be fed by your kidnapper.

“But I forgive you,”

How generous of him.

“I forgive you because you're the only person who's ever loved me. And the only person I've ever managed to love. You might've poisoned me, my love, but you're also the only antidote.”

You couldn't deny, that even if it was just another stupid nightmare, it brought shivers down your spine. This wasn't the first time you had seen him in your sleep, but this was the first time your mind had crafted such an accurate depiction of him and that was much scarier than the more violent nightmares you've been having. You wanted to rest so bad; but it wasn't worth going through this. And you were feeling a little hungry anyway. Sure, you wouldn't be able to nap again for like a week, but it was a necessary sacrifice if it meant not having to listen to his voice playing over and over again in your head like a broken record.

Instinctively, you turned around to sit up, but before you could get to the sitting up part you felt a hand cup your cheek and your body went frozen on impact, not daring to move a muscle. A very familiar cologne then reached your nostrils; and you were one hundred percent sure of whose cologne it was. Just like how you were one hundred percent sure about who the voice that had been tormenting you for these past few minutes belonged to. You knew it was him; but you tricked yourself into believing that it was just a nightmare. But it had to be a nightmare, right? How could he possibly find you after four years- how could he possibly know you fled to London? You had envisioned this very scenario in your head countless times on restless nights, thinking of every possibility and every single detail so you'd be ready if it ever were to happen; but now you remained stuck in the face of danger.

You didn't want to open your eyes; but you were trembling. He could tell you were awake. And you could tell that he could tell; as you could've sworn you heard his lips forming into a twisted smirk. With his right left hand still cupping your cheek; he leaned closer again and wiped away the tears you hadn't realised were forming in your eyes before starting to rub supposedly soothing circles into your back. “Aw....there's no need to cry, everything will be fine now that we'll be together again. I might've been angry at you for leaving; but now I'm more angry at myself. Angry that I couldn't keep you with me. This time, things will be different.”

His hand finally left your back, and even though your eyes were still shut; you heard his footsteps. He had went to get something, and without a second thought, you stood up; only for him to quickly push you back to the couch. That's when your eyes opened and finally met his own, four years later. But your eyes didn't focus on his facial features. They didn't care to observe whether he had changed or not, the way he looked at you; or if he too had the very same sagging eyebags as you did. All your eyes saw was a monster. A terrifying creature made of all your fear, anxiety- a sight that brought you terror and a nausea inducing sensation in your stomach. What you were looking at didn't feel human, this situation didn't feel real, the line between nightmare and reality had been blurred. There had been instances in the past where you'd pity him somewhat; reminding yourself that he was too a person and the reason he was this way was because he had been damaged from a very young age, gone through terrible things that molded him into what he is today. He had told you all about it himself.

But right now; all you saw before you was a boogieman. And like the scared child you always had been deep inside; you could do nothing but let out a blood curling scream.

“Sssh! Quiet-” He hushed you, forcibly putting his hand over your mouth, “...Still a screamer. Some things never change. Adorable.” he chuckled, in such a disgustingly lovey-dovey way. It felt like he was being genuine; like he truly does find it cute. As if there truly was some absurd form of love behind his words. And honestly? It made them all the more repulsive. It made you want to gag; but gagging wouldn't help, so you did the next best thing. You bit down on his hand as hard as your teeth allowed you and he hissed in pain; but didn't pull away. In fact, he backed you even further into the couch, seemingly searching for something in his pocket with the hand you weren't currently sinking your teeth into. When he found it; he plunged it into your neck with zero hesitation.

For a second, you thought it was a knife. His own way of making sure you'd never leave him, you reckoned, because how could you ever attempt to run from him if you were dead? He had always been a narcissist after all, something you realised a little too late into your relationship back when you guys were still in one. You wouldn't put the possibility of him wanting to be the very last thing you see before you die above him. The satisfaction of knowing you died in his arms; and that you'd never speak to anyone else ever again (including him, but you doubted he cared anymore), as your vocal cords wouldn't be able to work as a decaying corpse; with no beating heart to pump blood into you.

Until he took the unknown object out of your neck; bringing it into your viewpoint. It wasn't a pocket knife or scissors or anything like that. It was a syringe. A syringe that was definitely filled with something which is currently entering your bloodstream. And you knew what that something was; because you remembered him doing the very same thing multiple times before in your sole year of captivity, whenever you'd fight him for far too long and his patience would run thin.

A syringe pumped with drugs to put you to sleep; as well as keep you all docile and rag-doll-ish for a couple of hours.

“It's okay. Go back to sleep, sweetheart. It's just a nightmare, shh.....” He murmured; removing his wounded hand from your mouth and pressing a light kiss on your half-open lips. You didn't know whether his words were mockery or a genuine attempt at comforting you; but neither would make you hate him any more or less.

Still, in that moment, you chose to believe him. You chose to believe that this was truly all a nightmare; you'd wake up at your couch, go make some food, watch some TV and continue your quiet life. It was definitely better than accepting it was about to become a living nightmare all over again.

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Thank you for reading!! Feel free to ask me whatever you want or give me feedback on my writing, I'm open to all feedback cause I do genuinely wanna get better <3 Have a great day/night 🩷🩷

Word Count: 4,219 (I think!!)

#yandere x reader #yandere #yandere x you #yandere x darling #yandere x y/n #yandere x female reader #yandere x male reader #yandere x gn reader #writing #first post #horror #horror writing #yandere writing

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thepossummoldypasta · 3 months ago

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I Lost Myself to Find You

Tw! a character thinks he's been drugged, strong depictions of someone feeling ill

Steve knew, he knew, it was a bad idea to come to school today. He had thought (ignorantly, stupidly,) that the effects of having his face beaten in and the horrors of almost dying to a fucked up paper-fortune-teller-monster would have faded away over the weekend. Apparently not. Of course not.

Stupid.

Now everything aches. It hurts more than Steve thinks it should. It hurts like he’s a walking livewire bruise. Like every muscle has torn apart and hurled itself back together with no care. He doesn't remember being so absolutely fucked yesterday.

It's pretty obvious that he’s in a bad way. Steve’s shuffling down the hallway like a zombie, arms curled around a suffering stomach that he doesn't even remember Johnathan socking. Not to mention the smell. Steve’s set to present as a beta and even he can smell how absolutely pathetic he is right now.

It's only second period and he longs to be back home with the covers pulled over his head.

Fuck it.

Steve turns around. O’Donnell can fuck herself; Steve’s insides are falling out and he's got priorities. His internal organs trying to eat each other has got to be more important than English class.

It's a long trek to his car parked at the far, desolate, corner of the lot. What stupid mountain was Nancy’s little brother going on about the last time he saw him? Card-something? Steve feels like that. Like he’s crawling lamb-like across some epic snowy mountain, about to collapse.

Where's his car?

Steve knows where he parked his car, but he doesn't see it in the lot. Or he thinks he doesn't; Steve can't see much of anything through the spots dancing in his vision. Maybe the swirling is making it harder to see than the spots are? Either way Steve’s got no idea how far away he is from the bimmer, lost amongst a swimming sea of metal.

He needs to sit down; to yell at his thoughts until they regroup.

Is he even in the parking lot anymore? fuck is he even in the parking lot? The swirling feeling is worse, now it's like he’s swaying on a giant seesaw crossed with a carrousel. Steve’s head feels heavy, like there is cotton and sand thumping around in there instead of brains and rational thoughts.

At least the spots in his vision are gone. If Steve focuses enough--despite his eyes mimicking a fuzzy camera lens zooming in and out—he can see boldly colored evergreen leaves and icy moss. Yep, not in the parking lot.

Probably not a good idea to wander around in the snow blanketed woods with no jacket. The weather is cold enough that Steve could freeze!

Well…

He could freeze if it didn't feel like a fire had been lit in his stomach and across his shoulders.

It's almost near dark, Hawkins is firmly in that time of year when the sun disappears early, but the sky remains dully lit. The shade cast by the trees Steve is trudging between dims the earth even further but everything seems so vivid to him that it almost doesn't matter.

It shouldn't still be this easy to see. It's almost like the preternatural senses that he’s heard come after presentation. Even Betas gain heightened senses, but Steve hasn't presented as one yet, so why is it so bright?

Suddenly it occurs to Steve that he might have been drugged.

Tommy did say he would get back at Steve for abandoning him; The really sad thing is that Steve can picture his used-to-be best friend slipping him something as payback. What would this even be? God, he hopes its not acid.

Steve knows what he has to do now, where he has to go.

Eddie can help

When you think about it, at first the idea seems utterly absurd, but Steve knows Eddie. Sure, the alpha is a major freak, but he’s also Hawkins High’s most prominent (only) drug dealer. He’s bought from Eddie. Every time Steve picked up the “party favors” his friends pressured him into getting, Eddie would get this look on his face and tell Steve that he was always there if he had a bad trip.

And that’s what this is right? It's just a bad trip—even if it was potentially caused by the one guy he used to trust more than anybody else in the world—but now Steve actually has a plan! He just has to make it to Eddie!

Shockingly that might be easier to do than one might think. Very luckily Steve knows these woods and knows them well. In abrupt clarity Steve realizes the route he must have taken to get here and therefore the route he needs to take to get to Eddie.

If he’s in the woods he must have wandered south out of the Highschool parking lot, weaved between houses and the thin tree line, and eventually got himself into the woods proper. He doesn't think he took any turns, so if he just heads west, he’ll either head straight to Forest Hills or pop back out on a road he can follow to get there.

After a small setback—because he can’t follow the sun to find west—Steve is on his way.

The hike through the frost and snow is still oddly easier than it should be. Steve feels like his body is running on fever and instinct. As he walks Steve absentmindedly starts to hum “Over the River and Through the Woods” under his breath, hoping familiar music will speed up the flow of time.

He can still see fairly well; well enough to see (and attempt to ignore) what seems like a little girl following him from close behind. Steve knows it’s probably just the ghosts of his foggy mind coming to haunt him but the idea of a young pup all alone in the woods makes something in him, ache.

Soon enough, she slips back into the shrouds of trees. The pup won’t answer when Steve calls for her; and though it hurts—oh how it hurts—Steve reasons he cannot stop and weep over the spirits conjured by his drug addled brain. He’s almost there.

It should be startling how direct the path Steve took is but he doesn't care about that. He’s almost there. Lights shimmer in the distance, if he listens closely, it's almost like he can hear the soft thrum of distant music permeating the forest floor.

Metallica.

Eddie.

The Munson trailer seems to rise from the freezing mist, welcoming and safe. Steve sees Eddie’s window aglow in the evening and a sigh of relief breaks free from his troubled chest. Steve knows Eddie’s trailer, his window (Eddie refused to sell anything worse than weed anywhere but at home), the certainty is a comfort.

Eddie promised he would help him, here Steve will be safe. Quickly but clumsily Steve flies like a moth to the soft window-light. All sense has left him now; Steve claws and whimpers at the window pathetically until it opens.

“Harrington?” Eddie sticks his head out to greet him, “What are you doing?” Steve whines at the harshness of the whisper. He knows it wasn't meant to be mean but it still feels upsetting somehow.

“Eddie, I need help” the plea is pitchy and sad even to his own ears but still Steve presses on. “Eddie, you promised!”

The poor alpha startles, sucks in a breath and leaps to settle the boy crying at his window.

“Woah, woah, woah!” Eddie flounders. “Steve, calm down, we can sort this out.” no matter how Eddie tries to sooth him Steve does not get a hold of himself. It takes several, long, anxious, moments before Eddie retreats back from the window.

Steve wails.

Why would Eddie leave? why when he said Steve could always come to him?

Steve has never felt so fragile before, He doesn't remember feeling this heartbreaking lonesomeness since maybe before high school. It could be just a culmination of every emotion he's felt and locked away because of the hell he was pulled into. it could be that this was just the last straw. Either way for some stupid reason he feels a small twinge of abandonment in his bruised heart.

All of a sudden arms envelop him in warmth and care.

"Hey, lets get you inside, okay Steve?" Eddie murmurs by his ear. "Jesus man, what are ya a space heater or something? You have your own vapor cloud." Steve doesn't think he was actually supposed to hear that part, but when he turns around, sure enough, a fine mist rises from his shoulders and trails after him like a sorrowful miasma.

how did that happen? When did that happen?

The Munson trailer is warmer and more comforting the anywhere else Steve has been in his entire life. Something rumbles deep contentedly in his chest; its so nice.

Eddie leads him over to a small couch covered in more through pillows on it than a couch thrice its size would need and Steve is glad to rest there.

"Okay man, what do you need?" Eddie questions when the other boy is settled in, "What can I do?"

Steve can't muster actual words but somehow the alpha understands. Swiftly Steve finds himself under a bundle of blankets to situate any way he wants while Eddie steps away once more. This time it isn't so bad; Steve still feels unhappy that Eddie isn't with him, however unlike last time Eddie had told Steve where he was going and was still in his line of sight as the Alpha goes to call his uncle.

"Hey Wayne" Steve hears Eddie greet his uncle. There is a brief back and forth about why Eddie is calling, and how "yes it is suspicious for you to call this late", before Eddie admits defeat. "look, You really cant get mad about this okay?" Eddie stresses into the phone. "I picked up another stray."

Another? but could that mean--

"I-I know Wayne," Eddie interrupts Steve's train of thought, "but I really gotta help my friend out okay? He's in heat."

The conversation continues at a steady murmur, but Steve can barely hear it, let alone make sense of the yeses and i-knows being passed back and forth.

Steve can't stay. He should have known taking advantage of someone's hospitality would have consequences. Here he is, a pathetic lump, on Eddies couch when he should be focusing on his omega! His omega in heat no less!

Steve struggles to free himself from the blankets and pillows he hadn't realized were completely surrounding him. Distantly he hears Eddie frantically tell his uncle he has to go and slam the handset back into the cradle as Steve almost tumbles to the floor.

"Hey! Hey! Steve what's wrong man?" Eddie manages to catch Steve by the shoulders holding him in place.

"No! Let me go!" Steve cries, thrashing in Eddies hold "You should be taking care of your omega!"

Steve nearly breaks free but Eddie wraps around him. now he's trapped in a hold more like a hug than a trap pushing him back into place.

"Well I don't know if we're quite there yet big boy, but that is what I'm trying to do!" The Alpha huffs.

"No you should be with him! He's the one in heat!" the cry pierces into the night, Its so sharp Steve is almost shocked it cam from his own mouth. Eddie makes a confused noise--that might have been a word if Steve was paying attention--he shifts his hold once more, putting Steve at arms length so he can look in his eyes.

"Steve!"

"What!" he shouts in return, Eddie looks deep in his eyes despite Steve's best efforts to look away.

"You're in heat." Eddie says it with such conviction it's startling. In fact Steve is so caught off guard that he goes limp enough to be laid back against the couch.

What--

Eddie coos at him softly, Tucking the blankets back around Steve, even going so far as to fluff a few of the pillows.

"oh honey," Eddie says sweetly as he brushes a hand along Steve's hair in a way he would normally despise, "You really didn't know? is this your first one?"

Steve nods against the alphas careful hand, taking it to nuzzle. Literally three hours ago--heck five minutes ago--if anyone had asked Steve if he was in heat he would have laughed in their face. Now the low, thrumming, ache has settled back in his gut and inclines him to think differently.

What else could this be really? well, he thought drugs, but hindsight and a safe place to rest vanishes the thought. looking back on the day all the cramps, the post-presentation senses, the fire that's settled within him, it all seems to make sense.

(a distant part of his brain--the one that will be embarrassed in a couple days time--tells him that the emotional sensitivity was also probably the result of his surprise presentation. That it was the natural, sudden shift, in hormones and pheromones effecting his already slightly addled brain)

"I don't want to leave, Eddie." Steve eventually sniffles against the warmth of the alpha. He reaches up to hold him gently and Eddie sinks into the hug.

"You don't have to go anywhere sweetheart. I'll look after you, I promise."

Later, after many cuddles and complaints from the new omega about how he "thought heats were supposed to be sexy", Steve will reflect on this week as probably the best one of his entire life. Up until that point of course. After all he has the rest of his life with the most caring alpha he's ever known ahead of him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Yay It's Done! Feel free to come check this out on Ao3 as well because I've decided to cross post as many of my works as I can =]

#alpha eddie munson #omega steve harrington #steddie #fanfic #omegaverse #ao3 #misunderstandings #fluff and angst #mostly fluff #i think #post season 1

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strangesthirdeye · 4 months ago

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ᴛʜᴇ sɪʟᴇɴᴛ ɪs sᴏ ʟᴏᴜᴅ ( 10ᴛʜ ᴅᴏᴄᴛᴏʀ x ғᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

Summary: Letting go of someone is a difficult thing

Warning: IT'S TENTH DOCTOR? COME ON! High angst, major death character, comfort, last moment, major injury, blood, stabbed

As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You dragged your broken body against the stone wall in the dark alley. You braced yourself to lean against the wall painfully, eyes closed to resist the excruciating pain. You hissed.

As long as you travel with the Doctor, you both always manage to get yourself out of a near death experience or tricky situation. Not once you come out with an injury no matter how big or small. Both of you are always safe without a scratch on your body. But, this time destiny turned.

You didn't mean to make the half-grasshopper alien man panic or nervous, he just looked like he needed help. You try to help by giving some money but he just keeps defending himself until he is too panicked to take out his knife.

Maybe, he doesn't understand the language you speak and he thinks you are trying to rob him which is why he becomes defensive towards you as he pulls out a weapon. You tried to calm him down but then suddenly he moved quickly and stabbed you in the stomach before he ran away in panic which lead you to your current situation.

You didn't mean for this to happen but it already happened. You hissed in pain as you tried to put pressure on your wound so that the blood wouldn't flow out but to no avail, the blood still came out like water. You're losing too much blood and the Doctor is not there as he is surveying this planet without noticing that you are no longer there. Oh, he must be panicking to find you in public. You just hope that he finds you before you're gone, otherwise you won't be able to say goodbye to him. Oh, he must feel guilty for what happened to you and you don't like to think that.

It's not even his fault for what happened to you and it's not the half-grasshopper man's fault either and it's not even your fault for being too kind to people/aliens who need help. Reality moves and until time it changes.

You let out a raspy chuckle at that thought as your eyes darkened. You heard a footstep which you heard was a bit muffled due to how much blood you lost. You don't have the strength to turn your head instead your gaze is only focused on your front. Finally the footsteps stopped. A hand held your shoulder as the other hand pressed your wound, stopping the blood pouring from your stomach. You could only hiss in pain. The person shushed you as he brought you close to his side.

"hey" said the person.

You slowly turned your gaze to that person. There is the Doctor with his usually long brown coat and spiky brown hair. His face which was always decorated with a smile now changed concerned.

Eyebrows furrowed with worry, his hand soaking with your blood held back the blood. Every drop of blood that comes out of you, showing how much time you have. Awal smiled weakly at him.

"I'm just helping him, Doctor. But-"

"no no no.. don't talk. Save your energy" Doctor said as he brought your head closer to his chest. "you're going to be okay"

"don't lie" you muttered.

"I don't" Doctor replied. "I'm going to fix you up"

"Tell me the truth, Doctor. please" You slowly raised your head to see his face.

The Doctor pursed his lips. "No" he said.

You smile at him. "I know I won't be okay.. I lost a lot of blood, Doctor." You closed your eyes. "it's not the alien's fault. I'm too good to help anyone in need until it consumed me"

"You stupid" Doctor Shooks his head. He didn't mean to say that sentence to you. "For going alone to help the alien without me" he kissed your crown of hair longingly. "you're going to be okay"

"I know" you used all your energy to grip his hand holding your wound. You squeezed his soaking hand with all your energy. Your world is getting darker as well as your time is getting shorter.

A time passed and so was your breath which was getting less and less until you stiffened. The hand that squeezed his hand became limp, your head lolled to his chest, eyes closed tightly. Doctor put his chin on your head as he hugged your stiff body. His eyes became glassy as he sighed heavily. Eyes shut and tears fall from his eyelids.

"You're okay" he whispered

#david tennant #david tennant x reader #10th doctor x you #10th doctor x reader #doctor who #doctor who x reader #doctor who x you #10th doctor #the doctor #bbc shows #Spotify

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storkmuffin · 5 days ago

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The Magic of San (4/n)

Marilyn Monroe Sidebar Part 2 /4

Basically I just want to talk about Marilyn Monroe and San at the same time for no very good reason.

"Dumb", Guilelessness, Softness, Sweetness. San reminds me of Marilyn Monroe, of all people, because they both manage to combine things that you wouldn't think would normally go very well together - being brilliant performers, very funny and witty, competent at surviving and thriving in a cut-throat artistic and commercial environment, and yet still very appearing very approachable, touchable, vulnerable, and real. You could argue that the word DUMB might apply - and often is applied - to both: Marilyn is the 'dumb' blonde, San is often the 'dumb' jock or the 'naive' country boy, especially in comparison to the fast talking, huckster style swagger of his actual best friend cum frequent dance and acting partner, Wooyoung.

And this is where San being a boy gives him a major advantage over Marilyn Monroe. What would immediately be called stupidity in a woman is just guilesness, and openness, in a man. Even cuteness, which is very amusing given how mascular he is.

San is given to malapropisms in Korean and also apparently in English, that KQ has just adapted as part of his persona. He calls beam projectors 'holograms.' He's learning English as he goes (and honestly, Korean and English are the hardest languages for natives speakers of either to learn, without there being a full on immersion experience, so anyone doing this, KUDOS, so he made a transliteration error (Ateez of San - which is just plugging in English words into a Korean word order: 에이티즈의 산입니다).

He's such a country boy that even after 2 years of training to be a kpop idol and then several years as a globe trotting international pop star who lives in Seoul, he doesn't know boundaries of what's actually considered 강남, as seen in Wanteez Episode 28. It's confusing, potentially, because there's an actual subway stop caled 강남역 (Gangnam Station) which isn't fully in 강남구 (Gangnam district) - it straddles 서초구 and 강남구 - and then we call a really specific part of the city that is the eastern portion of the area south of the Han River 강남 to denote the 'fancy' and 'moneyed' part. (Once you're in the 강남 discussion it further subdivides into specific districts, which has their own 'strengths' - luxury shopping is in 청담, the fanciest education happens in 도곡 etc).

It does say something about Idol life too, by the way, that this guy from Namhae has one of the most 강남 type jobs (Kpop Idol) but doesn't know exactly what area 강남 actually covers.

Moreover, the guilelessness, the slight 'not sharp'ness that both San and Marilyn Monroe give off is combind with a sense of vulnerability. I want to protect them, somehow, which is not actually factually necessary.

Marilyn was actually a very tough woman - she survived trauma after disappointment after betrayal to get to where she got in her career, any one of which would have made me collapse in on myself. San is someone who can sing and dance fluidly in front of 50,000 people at a time, which - even the thought of standing in front of a crowd like that makes me want to go to the bathroom really really badly.

Nevertheless, everyone who loves Marilyn Monroe wants to go back in time to save her, and protect her. She needed that protection too, and never got it.

The thing that I find very reassuring about San's life as portrayed in KQ media material is that he has been given the sort of childhood that Marilyn would've longed for. He was absolutely adored by his parents, from the sounds of it. He was one of several KQ boys who said to his mother, "I am so glad I had you as my parents. I would want to have you as my parents again." His mother said to San, "I had such a wonderful time raising you. It was an entirely joyful experience." Norma Jean Baker would've given anything to either have that childhood herself or be able to provide it to someone else. San's mother also seems to have been an ideal sort of not-stage-mom: Enthused about her child's potential, very supportive about his dreams, but not living vicariously through him or hijacking his life to fulfill some gap in hers.

The nurse tending to Marilyn during a very traumatic intake at a mental institution where she'd been forcibly committed - her ultimate nightmare - said of her that while the nurse had expected a spoiled, slick Hollywood character, what she encountered was an exceptionally sweet, gentle-mannered and frightened woman, whom the nurse at this mental institution in the 50s (!) wanted to protect. Workmen who were doing roadwork outside of Marilyn's house one time told a biographer this story about how she loved to come out and hang out with them. They treated her like a kid sister, and she'd come and talk and bring them drinks and just be a darling, being nice.

San's behavior during the 'reality' content that Ateez makes has this same, sweet, gentle mannered, and considerateness that I very much want to believe is real. Like this time on the promotional content for Bouncy, San had the penalty for going to help some older ladies prep peppers. The content was OVER. The staff told him it was OVER but he insists that Ateez, the pop boy band, have to finish this farm country chore of prepping the peppers for drying.

San was the only one of the Ateez boys who knew how to talk to old country women. He was so at ease with them and with himself, and made fun conversation. The other Ateez members did give me a bit of an unwelcome insight into what Korean stiffness looks like when we get like that - more afraid of being wrong than considering what the other person may experience as coldness or stiffness, and as a consequence coming off as both rude and awkward. San has said he watched his grandparents be happily married and good friends to each oher, and how that affected his view on family. He knew to ask these old ladies, What are you working on? He asked them if they'd eaten and so on. When Jongho began to sing in his "I'm a Virtuouso Actually" way, San was the one that provided call-and-response back up so he wouldn't be singing into an uncomfortable silence. San is a LOVELY person.

And yet, for all that? After all of that? None of the old biddies chose him as her favorite! Oof! Poor showing, old ladies! And yet even this didn't phase him. He just was sad about it aloud, and then got over it.

The final kicker though, the thing that sealed my love for him forever, was that after the old ladies left because they had done their bit, filming was supposed to wrap. But San sat himself back down and despite the staff telling him, You're finished for the day, he said, But weren't they actually working on the peppers? We're just going to leave it for them? They can't do all this by themselves! We have to help. And because he was so adamant, all these other Ateez boys, who I would hazard would never actually do this work of pepper prep at home or anywhere, all sat down next to him and finished the work for the old ladies. Because San said so.

#Giant ramble about marilyn and San #choi san #san of ateez #san ateez #ateez meta #kpop meta #san meta #san and marilyn #magic of san series

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im-this-kind-of-girl · 1 year ago

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Aziraphale and Crowley's unhinged character analyzis (pt2. Crowley)

Controversial opinion:

Aziraphale and Crowley at the end of Season2 managed to accomplish the main goal they each had since the beginning of time. Only to realize that what they wanted no longer made them happy.

Disclaimer: I have no idea about what is going to happen in Good Omens. This analysis could clearly be considered a theory since I'm not Neil Gaiman, but as someone who knows about narrative and character structure, I'm going to elaborate. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry in advance.

I've already talked about Aziraphale's possible transformation arc in the Good Omens story. In here I've also written important definitions such as what's a transformation arc. I highly recommend it to read it first.

Now it's time to talk about Crowley.

Crowley, the co-protagonist and love interest.

In our role as audience, Crowley is the character with whom one tends to empathize the quickest. By the end of the second season, most would be tempted to think Crowley was right. However, this is a lie. Not only is Crowley not right, but he rejected Aziraphale just the same, choosing his principles over love.

Now, why in the first instance do we not see it that way? Well, because we have Aziraphale's point of view. We always get the angel's reaction first, we always see the way Crowley shows up again and again and again to rescue him unconditionally.

Very rarely do we have a moment where Crowley is alone in crisis because his beliefs are challenged. No, everything he does is in function of Aziraphale and we see the story from his perspective, that is, from the perspective of someone who is in love with Crowley. Because of this, Crowley is equally liked and attractive to everyone equally: we are inside Aziraphale's in love POV.

By the time Crowley proposes Aziraphale to run away together, we as the audience are seeing a proposal that is incredibly tempting to us: we want Aziraphale to accept it because it's what Aziraphale really wants. That's why the fight hurts so much, because we know internally that the two of them had the chance to be together but didn't because they're not ready yet.

Crowley's Objective

Crowley, unlike Aziraphale, was happy in Season 2 with his current situation. Having cut ties with both Heaven and Hell pleased him, because Crowley always sought only one goal throughout his entire life: freedom.

The one thing Crowley has always desired is to be himself with no excuses and no strings attached.

Since before the beginning of time, Crowley came to the conclusion that he didn't fit in Heaven. He thought he would fit in Hell, but soon realized that it was like a deteriorated version of Heaven, so he didn't fit in there either. On Earth he doesn't quite fit in either. Sure, he likes humans, has a certain admiration and curiosity for them, but he still considers them a species far different from his own. He is not human and never will be, so he can't really identify with them at all. He enjoys the advantages of humanity, but he is not one of them.

The Job episode is an indicator of this, he himself says so "I am a demon who goes along with Hell as far as I can".

In this same episode, however, the major problem he has with this is also expressed. Azira tells him "that sounds lonely". The counterpart of freedom is loneliness. To be truly free, you need to have nothing and nothing to bind you. That's why Crowley is someone who is unsympathetic and even disinterested in dealing with third parties. He does not remember faces or names, he does not get significantly close to anyone because that would compromise his desire for genuine independence.

This characteristic is the only one that is present in absolutely all versions of Crowley: the book, radio drama and even in the cursed script of the movie that never was. That's why whenever he sees danger, his first reaction is to run away.

Being free he has nothing to lose… or does he?

Crowley's dilemma

Well, Crowley never fit in by being different and so he always felt somewhat an outcast. However, it wasn't long before he noticed that Aziraphale was also different.

Clearly the angel was not like the other angels in Heaven: he enjoyed Earth, he fell into temptations, he lied to other angels. Also, it is obvious that he would not fit in Hell, and while he is more empathetic to humans, he is still innocently aloof. Aziraphale has a pure goodness that Crowley admires, the goodness that made him be kind to the demon in the first place.

Moreover, no matter the time, no matter how little they knew each other, Aziraphale could always see through Crowley's evil masquerade. The demon could burn goats and murder people, and yet Aziraphale has always held a blind faith towards him. Crowley, the Serpent of Eden, who had been his entire existence told that he's doomed to be a crawling tempter, finds in the angel an unexpected possible friend who's never been afraid or bothered by him.

Crowley eventually feels they are both the same: two supernatural entities left on Earth who learned to enjoy life on their own terms. Crowley sees in Aziraphale the companionship he never thought he'd find, the friend he thought at the moment he fell he'd never have. And that feeling of companionship and admiration slowly morphed into something more until it became love.

The season finale isn't the first time Crowley has considered leaving Earth. Probably not even his fight in Season 1 was the first time he considered it. Yet he never did. He never could because, without Aziraphale, running away would doom him to a life of solitude. Free, sure, but completely alone since no one except his angelic friend could understand him.

However, I think Crowley is not aware of what he feels. Or at least, he hasn't been for a long time. I'm sure his moment of introspection about his feelings was when Nina confronted him about it. Up to this point, Crowley considered Aziraphale his best and only friend, obviously. Crowley is loyal to a fault and always thought his relationship with Aziraphale was perfect just the way it was, but suddenly someone put it into words and he realized that yes, that's what he really wants with Aziraphale.

Crowley's decision

Crowley wants his freedom. That's why he never asked Aziraphale for explanations (because at the end of the day they were just friends), that's why he never told him that he was living in his car (because he would end up depending on him), that's why he never talked about his fall (because that would be opening up too much).

The most ironic thing about the whole ending, is that just like Crowley did with Aziraphale… Aziraphale proposed to Crowley the one thing he wants more than anything: to be together, for good, but sacrificing his freedom.

Crowley is capable of doing anything for his angel, even without acknowledging that what they had was love. He's capable of driving on fire, capable of killing Gabriel, capable of walking inside a church. Of everything except one thing.

It's the one step Crowley didn't dare take. He is not a martyr like the angel, no, he is not willing to sacrifice himself to be together. So, the obvious happened: Crowley chose his freedom over Aziraphale just as Aziraphale chose Heaven over Crowley.

The end of his arc and Aziraphale.

As I said before, I don't think Crowley will have a significant change comparable to Aziraphale's. His personality and beliefs will not be changed in a momentous way, as Crowley no longer has ties to Heaven or Hell by pulling the tab on both sides.

His side is already picked: Humanity.

His biggest change is likely to be one of purpose. Crowley is no longer going to be satisfied with his freedom. And the latter is a fact: Crowley is officially free. Without Aziraphale in the equation, he no longer has anything or anyone tying him to do anything or be any other than who he truly is. Crowley can go to Alpha Centauri and never come back; he can sleep for 3,000 years; he can go around the world in the Bentley. He can do whatever he wants. This might seem ideal to the Crowley of 300 years ago, but today's Crowley is completely consumed by loneliness.

Crowley never cared about building a home or having material things because he never wanted to be tied to anything earthly for the sake of doubt. He was always aware of the destruction of the Earth.

Love is not something that can be prevented though, and in the absence of having a home, he found it in Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: trustworthy, sweet, warm, funny, a bit of bastard but always irrevocably good. Everything Crowley lost when he fell he almost automatically found back.

To this day I wonder what Crowley is going to do now that his angel is gone and the possibility of him fleeing to the stars is becoming more and more possible. It's going to depend a lot on how much time passes between seasons, but I don't think it will be much. For not only he was his anchor, no, without Aziraphale, he doesn't have someone to cause him to want to do better, he doesn't have someone to be vulnerable with, he doesn't have a goal anymore, nobody else to impress.

He isn't evil. He isn't good. And now, he is alone.

First Crowley lost the love of God and now the love of Aziraphale. And it is then that Crowley will realize that what he really wants is not to be free, but to be loved. And this desire can only be fulfilled by the love of his life, Aziraphale.

The thing is... Crowley has always wondered why.

Why falling? Why becoming the cursed Serpent? Why could he never be truly free?

At the end of his arc, he must come to the conclusion that the answer was always in front of him:

Love is the only answer he needs.

#why? Love #good omens #crowley #good omens meta #good omens theory #neil gaiman #terry pratchett #good omens crowley #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #character analysis #give me season 3 or give me death #good omens season 2 #amazon prime #freedom #demon

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scumbagjaeger · 2 years ago

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omg! I love the college major one! if you're still okay with requests, how would the guys be as a study partner ?

STUDYING WITH THE SNK MEN

starring: Eren, Jean, Armin, Connie, Porco, Reiner, Levi, Zeke

rating: mostly sfw! 18+

notes: Omg thank you!!! I'm always open for requests I'm just really slow with them lol. Since I was a history/english major, most of my homework in college was papers so I kind of framed these with them helping with a paper! I also love the idea of them pining for you a touch so some of these might be more geared around that, instead of an established relationship, but I think they're pretty versatile anyway haha. Enjoy!!(:

college majors

EREN:

It's rare for him to be seen actually doing school work

So when he sends you a text inviting you to do homework together, that's exactly what he's going to do, simple enough

He's probably extremely behind in like four classes oops

Eren prefers to study in the evenings, probably after hours in the library? So there's like no one there besides the other people way behind in their classes lol

I love basketball player Eren, so he's either wearing the same big hoodie and sweats that he wore during the day, or a clean shirt and shorts, wet hair from the post-practice showers, and maybe even his gym bag

If you have plans to meet in the usual spot, he'll have your favorite energy drink waiting for you when you get there

He'd probably be super nice to study with

After practice he's extremely chill, calm, asking about your day and what not while you pull out your laptop and papers

If you ask he'll tell you about how his practice went and what he's been up to, he's tired from a long day of school and what not but he's super comfortable around you, so it's just a nice vibe

He's a good listener, remembers the names of the professors you like and the guy you hate in your class

Once you're actually really to start studying he's extremely quiet, he lets you work in peace

Honestly the sounds of his keyboard is probably so comforting? The man is good with his fingers what can I say

You might catch him sneaking glances (or full on staring) at you here and there, bright green eyes poking up from behind his laptop screen

Lowkey he's looking for any reason to talk to you again

The second you acknowledge his gaze he'll start up a small conversation again

If you need his help he'll do the thing where he leans over you a touch

He definitely saw the pink on your ears when he did it the first time and now he will never not find an excuse to be that close to you lmaooo

If you're writing a paper, he'll read it after you're done and give you feedback, but he's not good at giving it??

"Yeah, seems good to me," or "I don't get this part", he doesn't really know how to explain it or provide specific advice about how to strengthen the analysis of your evidence lol sorry

Afterwards he might put a hand on your arm and ask "So... got any plans tonight?"

Lol it's like 1am but if you're down he might take you to get ice cream, or back to his place if you want to hang out there. If not he'll offer to drive you back to your apartment, he doesn't want you walking around late at night alone :)

JEAN:

He probably sucks to study with lmao so sorry

It's just hard to get him to stop talking and actually get work done?

Your conversations start to dwindle as you begin typing on your laptop and he just changes the topic

In his defense, you guys probably find time to study together either in between your classes or immediately after, so he's just kind of distracted with everything going on

He'll invite you to do homework together and he literally thinks it means work on your essay together and like write it together

And you'll have to explain that you can do your own paper while he studies and he's like "OH okay then"

But he'll offer to help you with it anyway, which would be really nice!!

He'll read the paper once to get a feel for it, almost scans through it which makes it seem intimidating but he's just a fast reader lol

He'll explain the paper back to you???? Like he'll tell you what he's got out of the paper, your thesis and your main points; if there's any general comments or miscommunications you guys can sort that out there, he helps you frame your paper better

Then he'll help you fine tune each paragraph and make sure the evidence and analysis is solid! He's probably the best with helping you with your papers because he's super supportive and patient

When you pause to ask for his input he'll smile and give you a nudge, "Hey, you've got this. I know it's tough but you're smart, you already know the content! (Y/N), you've got this, I believe in you"

And then he gets really pink in the face "Uh, yeah. So. Onto the next paragraph?"

Sometimes you will need to tell him to focus on his own work lol

Jean with glasses. That's it

If he's writing his own paper or reading one for class they're low on his nose

Looks like a model reading, holding the book in hold hand and barely dropping his gaze down to look at it

Writing notes that are indecipherable with his other hand lol

Jean reads aloud because it helps him focus and it's really cute okay

If you're stressed or you guys are in a public/busy setting he won't! He doesn't want to be distracting

But if he's comfortable with you you might hear him whispering quietly to himself

If you offer, he'll give you some context and ask you for your input about something he's stuck on!

Remembers when your papers are due and will ask you how you did on them a week or two later!

If you're frustrated about your grade or another upcoming paper he might send you a text before your weekly study session: "change of plans. wanna catch a movie in the park? they're playing a good one :)"

ARMIN:

Armin with the double major???

He has you studying together a couple times a week AT LEAST

I bet he holds 'tutoring sessions' where he invites a bunch of friends together to study and get help from him because he can whip out a 12 page paper in two hours tops

But Connie and Ymir derail these sessions

If you guys are studying alone together he's extremely helpful

He'd love to call them private sessions with you though lowkey?? I bet if y'all were together he'd even try and roleplay some sort of tutor thing, lil freak

Studying with you is a TOP priority. This man will cancel a doctor's appointment to study with you

He'll rent you out a study room in the library!!

Armin can actually pull strings with the librarians to reserve a room last minute, if you really need one!

Study rooms are nice because they have those big whiteboards to use and he'll fill one side with "(Y/N)'S PAPER" and have you go through everything about your paper

Title, intro, thesis, paragraph topics, evidence, analysis, conclusion...

Even if you have an outline already lol he just likes to write on the whiteboard, it makes him feel important

If you're dong a worksheet or something he'll also use the whiteboard for that!

Good luck if you're writing a paper about something he's knowledgeable on?? If it's history he can literally pull evidence (like a book, author, quote and page number) out of thin air for you to use

But he might try and take over your paper oops

"(Y/N), I totally get what you're saying about Hegel's religious theories serving as a metaphor for Germany's idealized and romanticized view on their newly formed state, causing the reign of the Third Reich during the 20th century, but would you agree that this idea extends BEYOND Hegel, and in fact combines the martyrdom of the empire and their warmongering tendencies to that thought?? Just an idea :)"

He's probably the smoothest when it comes to inviting you to do something after you study

He knows your favorite coffee shop is right next to the library, or he knows of a mini golf park that's half off for students

He writes down your exam dates and paper due dates in his calendar so he can remind you and ask you how you feel afterwards!

Before a big exam he'll surprise you with something like a gift card to your favorite coffee place or a flower omg I love him

IMMEDIATELY after your class ends, your phone goes off" "How'd the exam go!! Wanna tell me about it over lunch? :)"

CONNIE:

Sorry to any business majors but all my business friends had the easiest homework ever??

Like one of them had to redesign a monopoly board for their MIDTERM, so studying with Connie is probably more like arts and crafts lmao He’ll ask you to study with him when he notices you’ve been especially stressed or down

Connie’s got a real good skill at reading people I bet but he doesn’t show it?

He’ll check in occasionally but it can also be overwhelming when someone’s constantly looming over you while you’re stressed so he doesn’t do that!

But right in the heat of your semester, you’ve got like five different papers and projects due and you get a text from Connie saying he’s on his way to your apartment with food and a project

He makes some dumb excuse about needing to borrow some tape or something

He brings your favorite takeout and lightly forces you to eat it, put your books down and think about something else for ten minutes!

He points out that you’ll do your best work when you’re healthy and gives you a look

You guys probably study in silence for a bit before he finally breaks the tension

"So... stressed much?"

He'll let you rant to him about all of your classes, about your parents pressuring you, about how you're scared you're pushing away your friends by closing yourself off but you NEED to, everything

You'll feel him at your side, his hand rubbing your back gently

"(Y/N), you're like the smartest person I know. You don't have to prove anything to anyone about that. You're friends all know that exams are hectic, so you don't need to worry about us! I just worry about you when you stop taking care of yourself, (Y/N). So... let me take care of you, yeah? We'll get through this."

All-nighters aren't probably the healthiest thing, but Connie makes them fun and you guys are able to get through them without two pots of coffee

He let's you explain everything about your projects and he'll play devil's advocate a little bit during your essay, just asking you simple questions that you should answer in your paper. "--But why is that important?" and "--What about any opposing arguments?"

If you're memorizing terms for a quiz, he's making it a game, rewarding you with chocolate chips or something dumb whenever you ace your flashcards

Honestly he'd end up learning all of your terms too? I think a good way to learn something is to explain it to someone else (or just talk through it at least), so as you go through your terms and their definitions he is slowly starting to memorize them? He may not seem like the most studious person but he's definitely a quick learner

He also forces you to take breaks when you're starting to get overwhelmed though, which is also how you guys do his projects lol. "Why don't you put down your laptop and give yourself some space from your essay. Help me color in this poster and then we can look at your paper with fresh eyes, yeah?"

By the time your paper is done and your terms are all memorized, it's 4am and the sun is starting to peek through the tree line, and only then do you start to feel the weight of your overnight study session. Connie does too, and he nods towards your bedroom where you both collapse onto your mattress

"Don't go to class today," "What?" "C'mon, you need to sleep, you've got all your projects done, your paper is perfect, you need to sleep." and as he's pulling you towards him, rubbing your back, who are you to decline that offer?

Porco:

I feel like Porco is also very down-to-business, like Eren

Which can be extremely nice? He's very disciplined, so studying with him is perfect when you procrastinate too much and NEED to get your shit done

He probably gives you shit for procrastinating lol, sorry he just doesn't understand how you could do that to yourself?

He's an extremely busy guy, to the point where homework is probably fun for him, because it's the only thing he can really control (compared to his soccer practice and work schedule, that has set times)

Like he can get homework in class and then get it done immediately after, while the content is still fresh in his mind, and then his afternoon is free

So if you ask him to study with you sometime he might look at you a little funny because he doesn't really need to study that often?

But he's also a gentleman so he'll agree, inviting you over to his place sometime after soccer practice

He might save some homework to do in the evening with you, or he'll just sit there with a blank word document across from you because all of his homework is done LMAOO

But let's be real he'd never pass up a chance to spend some alone time with you

Love Porco to pieces but he's probably a bit dense when it comes to talking to people one on one?? Like people he's interested in

"Yeah, all the boys are playing COD right now and they want me to join but I said I had to study with you ://"

But then when you tell him that he can go play if he's done with his homework he's like "no shut up, stupid. I want to help you"

He'd lowkey be such a parent-type friend when it comes to studying at his apartment, like he has a dinky little platter of like vegetables out because it's good brain food, what a dork

You can convince him to order a pizza if you end up needing to stay later, and he orders your favorite toppings without you having to tell you what they are

"When Sasha and Niccolo hosted that make-your-own pizza thing two months ago, that's what you put on your pizza so I just figured that's what you liked I don't know"

When you ask him how much you owe him he just rolls his eyes. "Shut up and get back to writing your paper, dummy"

At one point he asks you how many pages your essay needs to be he is shocked??? He thought it was like a three page paper, so when you tell him it needs to be a minimum of twenty four pages he dies a little bit

"People have to write papers that long???" He might even call the pizza place back and order a dessert, paying the delivery charge and tipping a driver again just because he really had no idea that's why you were so stressed

You can definitely get him to take your mind off of studying by asking him about something relating to soccer or his family and he does not realize that you're doing it to get your mind off of your work, he's just happy to talk to you lol

Reiner:

He'd probably be similar to Porco in that he gets most of his homework done like right after class, it just makes more sense to him to do it that way

Like the content is fresh in his mind and then he doesn't have to worry about it

If it's a paper or something he just goes to the library immediately after class and gets lost in his research and then a couple hours later he leaves with at least half of it done, does the rest the next day

But I'm sure he still gets super stressed out about all his work

So when you ask him to study with you he's totally down, he could always review his notes for the 18th time!

When Reiner does need to study he cram studies in the most unhealthy way?? I bet he had a really healthy and disciplined way of studying in high school, but something about college and his anxiety just caused all of that academic discipline to go out the window

He could have a paper due in two months and if he puts it off for a day he starts to beat himself up over it :(

Still a good student obviously!! Just doesn't take care of himself as kindly as he should

When you guys study together it's different, because he'd hate to encourage you to treat yourself the same way he treats himself

You guys go and get lunch together before you study and he pays (duh), and he even suggests that you guys go on a walk or something before actually settling down to study

Maybe you talk about the work you need to done to plan what you need to get done today, what you can afford to put off until the next day, etc

Or maybe you talk about something else entirely, just about how nice the weather is! You both end up feeling refreshed and ready to get started once you make your way to the library

Since he's going to school for education he's probably extremely helpful when it comes to memorizing your terms and concepts

He'll make flash cards for the both of you with your respective content and you guys take turns quizzing each other

Unrelated but I bet he has decent handwriting?? But when he makes the flashcards for you both he makes sure it's all super neat and perfect, gets weirdly paranoid about misspelling a word or his handwriting looking bad, causing you to misspell a word on your exam day??

"Reiner, trust me, you're already helping me so much, I appreciate all you do for me!"

His face just goes bright red and he nods, unable to speak so he just goes back to making more flashcards

He'll print out your essay once you're done with it, paying the $0.94 per page charge for each draft, so he can highlight and annotate it for you

You explain to him that he can just edit it on his laptop but he refuses, he thinks he will do a better job editing with the hard copy in hand

Will 100% take you to get ice cream again once you guys are done studying, to recap how you did, whether you got done the stuff that you set out to, and plan another study date hangout

Levi:

I feel like Levi would be really intense when it comes to studying?

Like he just looks extremely focused in on his work, so it might seem like he's angry when you invite him to study with you in the library

But he insists that you go to his apartment instead. The library is going to be full of students trying to get their work done, and he can even cook for you afterwards, if you'd like

He writes down his apartment address and you agree to meet there at 3 o'clock sharp

When you get to his apartment there's classical music playing, he already has his laptop on with like four open books next to him so he can work on his literature paper

If you're also working on an English paper he has dozens of anthologies for you to borrow, if you're looking for a specific one he'll go to his bedroom (where he has a massive bookshelf) and will pull it out for you

"Bartleby the Scrivener? By Melville, yes? Hm, I think I have that in my seventh edition, let me--" and without waiting for response he's gone, and then he's back moments later with a massive text in his hand. He'll flip to it in the anthology and he'll set it on the table for you, "here, I've even annotated my copy"

Actually if you ask him to help you write your paper he would also be really helpful?? Very direct with it, but as long as you know that going into it, it's fine lol

I love the idea of him being a graduate student who teaches an undergrad/Intro to English Studies course, so he's extremely comfortable with helping you with your papers, even if they're not about English!

In group settings he can be really intense, and even though he's still extremely direct one-on-one, he is patient with you, and understanding as you explain what confuses you about your assignment

If you are going into this study session hoping for it to be a date of some sort, prepare to be disappointed because this man keeps his academics and his love life separate lol

Until he hears your stomach grumble!!

The second he does, he shuts his laptop and makes his way towards the kitchen to start dinner

"You can't do your best work on an empty stomach, and the noise will be distracting anyway," lmaoo

If you offer to help out he'll take it, maybe suggesting you prepare the vegetables while he makes the pasta sauce

He might brush a hand against the small of your back to signal you of his presence while reaching over to grab something next to you?? Like a spice or something

While you cook together, he'll ask you how your day was, he might even offer to pour you a glass of wine, so long as it doesn't spoil your appetite

He might smack your hand away from snacking on the vegetables you cook, but will also accept if you try and feed him one-- "to see if it's seasoned properly"!!

Levi would think about the taste for a second, humming with approval before turning back to focus on his entrée with a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.

He will keep up this flirty energy all throughout dinner, but the second the dishes are washed and put away, he is opening up his laptop and going back to work, straight faced as ever oops

Zeke:

So cocky?? For no reason?? Someone put this man in a time out

"So you need my help, hm? I guess I can take a peek at your paper."

Even if you just ask to study with him, he's going to assume you need his help

Which can be nice if you're stubborn or have a hard time asking for help (like me lol)

He's extremely observant, so the moment you begin to reread a paragraph to see how to improve it, he's at your side. "Okay, what's the problem here"

He can tell by the way you furrow your brows, or the way you begin to read aloud quietly to yourself!! The man doesn't even understand why he's so lasered-in on you, he's basically studying you while you study lmao

I will always headcanon him as being a coach for a little league baseball team in his hometown, and he does most of his own homework on the train ride there and back

So when you ask him to study with you he's usually not doing much himself anyway, just there to help you out

Maybe he'll bring some papers to grad from the class he's TA'ing for, because he wants to show off a little bit hahahah

He'll even invite you to the classroom that he TA's in, because he knows that it's going to be empty by the time you finish your last class

Similar to Reiner, he'd prefer to edit your paper with a hard copy so he can 'grade it' with the rest of his undergrad essays, but he'll send you to the printer down the hall with his credit card, might even tell you to pick out something from the vending machine for yourself (they say chivalry is dead)

He's also extremely thorough though when editing your paper, gets so quiet that it's almost scary, but he's super encouraging and helpful with all of his notes, even just rewriting things for you in red ink in the margins

After he's finished he'll go through his revisions with you so that you understand why his rewrite of your thesis is stronger, more concise, so that in the future you know how to do it yourself

Not that he doesn't love to help you! But he wants you to learn the stuff

Honestly if he's helping you learn terms or remember concepts he is also using a whiteboard like Armin lol

I think Zeke would want to be a surgeon or oncologist to follow in his dad's footsteps, but I think he'd have a real gift for teaching and should go into that instead, he could teach one of his little league kiddos medical terminology and have them pass a test he's that good at teaching people

Talks with his hands a lot while he's explaining concepts to you, circles phrases and draws arrows connecting them to other ideas, basically acts as if he's a professor giving a lecture to you lol but it's okay because he looks hot doing it xoxo

He won't say much once you nail your practice term quiz or show him your final draft of your paper, just nod and give a little "hm, not bad, (Y/L/N)"

But deep down I think he'd be going crazy because Zeke loves an intelligent and competent partner?? I mean don't get me wrong he'd probably like someone less intelligent than him so he can a) feel better about himself and b) manipulate them without them knowing, but he'd be kind of speechless once he's aware of your intelligence and his heart is racing a little bit?? He doesn't realize he's experiencing feelings for the first time hahaha

For that reason, once you are done studying he is like "okay bye" and he is gone in like two seconds UNLESS you start up a conversation with him about little league, then you may be able to convince him to walk you back to your apartment (who's being manipulated now, Zeke)

AHH I'm so sorry this took so long!!! I hope you liked them!! My next set of headcanons is going to be some meet-cute scenarios that I think would lead to your relationship with the guys respectively, so this was tough!! I was torn between it being an established relationship or them kind of crushing on you/a study date-not-date type of thing?? But I really hope you liked them and I appreciate your patience with me :)

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gascon-en-exil · 2 months ago

Text

Ranking the Jock Studio Love Interests, Take 2

I judged the jocks after the first demo, so now it's only fitting that I do the same based on the second. This one comes with quite a bit of character content even on top of the introduction of Jock Studio's various minigames and resource management systems, and perhaps unsurprisingly all this new material has caused my personal rankings to shift around some.

I still won't be including Ace or the two NPCs. Ace is still a hilarious MC but is fairly unremarkable in explicit scenes, being as adaptable to his partners as characters in that role typically are. Jacques gets to be delightfully campy and now has some mystery surrounding him and the clearly illicit nature of the club, while Matt seems to be straight but is also leaning toward bicurious and does get a shirtless scene if you can find it. Neither is developed enough to rank alongside the main jocks, though.

Beware of spoilers for the second demo, which just got its wide release today...although this is all still prerelease content so there's nothing too revealing. What is revealing however is the demo's artwork, which contains almost nothing in the way of individual character CGs that are at all SFW. Working around that to get images for this post was a bit of a challenge, although not a bad one to have by any means.

#6. Avan - down from #3

The biggest drop for me, because the second demo doesn't do all that much with Avan - and what it does, I'm not especially into. Contrary to my earlier predictions, Avan is clearly riffing on the trope of people in positions of authority secretly being huge subs. He's actually the most submissive of the jocks in this demo, and gets off on Ace taking the lead in explicit scenes and ordering him around. Also nipple play, which...eh.

But more than that, Avan gets stuck playing the straight man (no pun intended) to the antics of the other jocks and especially Yuuto, which cuts into his entertainment value a good deal. The suggestion that his character development will take the form of him admitting that he's just as much of a horny pervert as Ace or Yuuto doesn't seem all that interesting, and most of his student council business remains mysteriously offscreen so it's tough to dig into. Possibly he'll play a role in some overarching storyline involving whatever underhanded stuff Jacques might be up to regarding the legitimacy of the club, but at this point there's just not that much to enjoy about him if you're not into uptight wet twinks.

#5. Leo - up from #6

The bump isn't wholly on account of Avan dropping, because while I'm still not into his vibe sexually Leo gets some good shades of character development in this demo. It leans more on his nerdy interests as a gamer and computer science major, and it also plays up his tendency to overextend himself which manifests itself in one scene in a way that works in the game's energy mechanic. There's also the very brief suggestion that Leo had a difficult home life, one of the rare instances of any of these guys referencing their families.

He's also noted to be the only virgin in the club aside from Ace, so their explicit scenes play up their mutual inexperience. Leo is not at all shy about leaping into sex however, which I do appreciate at least a bit even if the overall package isn't really my type.

#4. Yuuto- up from #5

Yuuto seems to be slowly growing on me, even if he's just as random and hyperactive as before. His fourth-wall-leaning quips about acting like a character in a video game land better in a demo that's more about mechanical features, and with more dialogue there's more opportunities to pull humor out of his malapropisms. It's not just weird English and puns around Jacques' name either; at one point he manages to fuse a Japanese expression with a Spanish one and presumably ruin both of them in the process.

I am though picking up on another rather curious element of Yuuto's character, one I recognize from its appearance in one of the love interests of Camp Buddy. For lack of a better way to describe it, it's as though the devs want to explore pup play scenarios but aren't into the gear and the explicit kink dynamic that comes with that. Like the CB character, Yuuto is messy, hates bathing, has an affinity for literal dogs, and even has the exposed canine teeth that I suppose have to mean something in anime art styles. His version of the blowjob scene that closes out the demo even has him giving head on all fours, with Ace directing him like an overactive pup in need of discipline. I can't be the only person who can see that, right?

#3. Bryce - down from #1

There's no question that Bryce delivers the horny goods, as his scenes both explicit and otherwise draw ample attention to his bushy, musky armpits and well-developed ass and pecs. Humorously, because the demo ends with a blowjob and never ventures into anal, Bryce is the only character whose ass gets any kind of attention in explicit scenes - even over the more obviously submissive Avan and Leo.

But as a character...oof. Bryce's open, unrelenting homophobia is increasingly painful when it's no longer a one-on-one thing but instead has him casually dropping slurs in group settings. I get that the other characters can't call him out on that in a big way for the moment because he has to go through his development, but it's still tough to take him at face value as merely a grumpy asshole who doesn't want to be a team player. Worse, this demo offers no real hints at why Bryce is so desperate for cash that he's gone gay4pay, or touches on why he's so violently closeted beyond abstract references to the homophobia of his frat brothers and wrestling teammates. And since all of those guys exist purely offscreen, that means the only tangible source of homophobia in the demo is Bryce himself. He's definitely a character in need of a full-length storyline to make him actually palatable.

#2. Zayne - up from #4

Alright, I can admit that Zayne has more or less wooed me. He's far and away the most romantically-inclined of the jocks, and while that's accompanied by a teasing insincerity it does help him stand out from the crowd. There's still a good bit of mystery surrounding his character, particularly in a comment after his blowjob scene where he calls it his "first" but then doesn't elaborate, but unlike Avan's student council business or Bryce's bigotry the surface level here is pretty appealing on its own. Is Zayne already catching feels for Ace, or is he newly exploring his bisexuality so Ace was the first guy to give him head? We can only speculate for now.

The suave romantic Dom angle translates readily into his sex scenes, even if I didn't find them to be especially noteworthy for the most part. He is I'm fairly sure the only one of the jocks to have his being uncut worked into an explicit scenario, even if he's not the only uncut guy in the cast.

#1. Derek - up from #2

Derek's vibes continue to be just what I'm typically looking for in a dating sim love interest, above and beyond his being the biggest guy with the biggest dick. Props for not making Ace deepthroat him during his first blowjob. Derek is still the gentle giant soft Dom, and even though like Avan he's frequently made to play the straight man (again, no pun intended) to the rest of the group he goes along a little more readily with the other characters' silliness so he comes off as less stuffy. He's also amenable to Ace directing softcore daddy kink dialogue toward him; twenty-four is young for a daddy, of course, but then daddies are always relative.

But what really cements Derek's place at the top for me is a surprisingly revealing optional scene where he admits that Ace reminds him of someone he used to know who went to the university. This guy is likely part of Derek's reservations with the adult film industry, and why he's so protective toward Ace in particular. I really wasn't expecting a character reveal of this level from any of the jocks in this demo, and having seen just about everything in this one I'm now actually a bit disappointed that none of the others get anything truly equivalent. That just makes Derek more endearing however: the raw sex appeal of Bryce combined with the smoother romantic appeal of Zayne, at least for me. Naturally if twinks are more your speed Derek may not rate as highly.

Bonus Round: Jock Pairings

And we're not done! The second demo surprised me again by working in elements of three of the nine community-chosen jock pairings that will get erotic CGs as part of the game's stretch goals and may also work into another stretch goal of allowing you to play matchmaker and pair up the characters with each other rather than just with Ace. That's one of the features I've been most excited about, so I really liked the inclusion here. These three pairs show up in several group scenes throughout the demo, with each one additionally getting an optional individual scene during the one free day. The following rankings are based mostly off those free day encounters since they're the best at establishing these characters' dynamics, but I'm taking into account the rest as well.

#3. Derek/Bryce

No, I'm not ranking them last because I want them both to myself. This is some prime beef-on-beef fantasy territory, and Ace's internal monologue does its best to sell their dynamic as Derek domming an unusually receptive Bryce.

The problem, though, is that the dialogue doesn't really bear that out. One of the things I like most about these jock pairings is that they present an opportunity to show off sides of the characters that might not come out in their interactions with the MC. But that's not present here, and it's instead just more of the same: Derek as the levelheaded mentor figure, and Bryce as the abrasive jerk who begrudgingly accepts someone else's attention.

Bryce's personality being what it is, this pair is unsurprisingly the only one of these three to not come off even slightly romantic, and that's liable to be the case for any of his relationships until late in his character development. It's also disappointing to see Derek, who as mentioned is protective of Ace for ambiguous backstory reasons and elsewhere takes up the mantle of Team Dad for the whole group, not even attempting to call out Bryce for how rudely he talks to and about the other club members. Sure, when these two get around to fucking it'll be undeniably hot...but having to put up with Bryce until he finally gets over himself is going to be a chore no matter who he's paired with.

As a minor plus, this scene also confirms that Bryce has some belly fat he wants to get rid of even if he refuses to change his diet or cut back on the booze. If you're into guys with a gut, that's about as good as you're going to get from this game.

#2. Avan/Yuuto

The established relationship pair, essentially, as they're roommates with an obvious odd couple dynamic. Avan's the long-suffering responsible one, while Yuuto's the agent of chaos. I've even seen people saying that they feel like they're breaking this pair up if they have Ace go after either of them. I don't think that's quite true, especially after seeing both of them in action in their explicit scenes and knowing that Avan is super submissive and Yuuto desperately needs to be collared and leashed...but hey, alpha pups exist so it's not wholly implausible.

Anyway, this pairing does contribute to my perception of Avan being one of the more boring jocks in the second demo. The biggest thing it adds to his character is showing that he's more reserved around Ace, as Yuuto is quick to proclaim that Avan normally sleeps naked and bathes with him and that the two are basically friends with benefits already. It's funny in the moment purely from how outlandish it all is, but it's going to take some development before we get to see Avan properly cutting loose. As for Yuuto...Avan is pretty much the only thing keeping him from dying of his own flagrant disregard for personal hygiene or getting arrested for indecent exposure, so that's nice I suppose. At least unlike Derek and Bryce I can see a path to a gradually developing relationship here.

#1. Zayne/Leo

Right from the start, these two are astonishingly cute for a side pairing.

The writing doesn't even go for the cliché of the popular guy crushing on the nerd, either; Zayne gets to display his academic capabilities in helping Leo with his studies, and Leo gets a bunch of positive affirmation over his geeky interests and his status as a "short king." Plus, he has a rare moment of downtime during their individual scene. Zayne also seems to be less insincere in his flirtations when it's not directed at Ace, so it's easier to buy him actually being interested in Leo or at least willing to be so at some point down the line. Zayne is kind of the anti-Bryce in that his side pairs are liable to come off as more romantic than the rest purely on account of his flirty banter, but unless he's got some dark secret about why he acts like he does that's not really a bad thing. (Though that does call to mind that Zayne/Bryce is another one of the player-chosen pairings. We may be in for some unstoppable-force-meets-immovable-object antics here.)

It's impossible for me not to notice as well that this is the only one of these three pairings where both characters went up in my estimation, and how that might partially be the result of their interactions with each other. But it's hard to avoid it; these scenes between the two of them establish new dimensions to both their characters, and I can see them having a good bit of sexual chemistry as well once they get into it.

#Jock Studio #BLits

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oshinohoshi · 7 months ago

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What do Ai's words in ch 154 say about her?

I thought I said all I wanted to say about the Hikaru/Ai breakup in this post but I want to comment on something major I glossed over: Ai bringing up Taiki, and therefore Hikaru's sexual assault, before she left.

I've had to mull it over because (without some of the context provided below) it's just so out of character. Ai started her breakup speech with "being with you forever is too much for me," followed that up by stating that Hikaru's child born from molestation was too tough, and ended with "I can't love you." Talk about psychological damage. If I was him, I'd be curled up on the floor sobbing. I'm sure he was.

Just look at the below panel. Fifteen years later, he framed Taiki's birth as something he did. That's devastating.

BUT I'm coming back to critically alter this post (sorry to anyone who liked/reblogged it already) because the lovely @aihoshiino provided some important context about Ai's words being vaguer and less harsh in Japanese. I have pasted this as bullet points at the end of this post and it's far more important than anything I have to say, so if you want to stop here and just read that, I highly encourage it.

To summarize: In English, it sounds more like Ai blamed Hikaru for Taiki, whereas in Japanese it's vaguer and not as cruel. Which isn't to say Ai did nothing wrong when she glibly walked away, but it's far more in line with her character.

But there's still the question of why say this at all. Didn't Ai realize that "I can't love you" was enough? Why bring up the worst thing that ever happened to him, the very thing that broke him so badly she felt he couldn't raise their kids?

She may have wanted him to hate her, thereby setting him free of the supposed burden of herself and her pregnancy. It was also a convenient lie. Unfortunately, it was one Hikaru easily swallowed because that was already how he felt about himself.

She said in the DVD that she thought he'd be OK once she was gone. I do wonder if she really thought that or just hoped so. After all, she later felt that a whopping 15 years later he might still be struggling. Either way, it worked to chase him away.

Did Ai blithely say something hurtful and uncalled for that caused lasting damage? Yes. Was she a teenager who couldn't communicate her emotions, ran away from conflict to protect herself, and had a traumatic childhood that influenced her developmentally? Also yes. Not to mention, she was dealing with an emotionally dependent boy and an unplanned pregnancy. It's not an excuse, but it's an explanation.

Even if we were to ignore the subtleties I mentioned and view this in the worst possible light, saying a horrible thing you don't mean doesn't make you a horrible person.

Hikaru gets Ai's characterization mostly right in the below panel but he's wrong if he thinks Ai's cruel words were an accurate representation of her.

Finally, I think getting hung up on what we, as people who don't have the lived experience of Ai, would do in her shoes is missing the point. The idea isn't to judge Ai as innocent or not innocent. Instead, we are invited to see that Ai was a loving person but she was also human and humans sometimes fuck up badly.

A good chunk of the manga focuses on the complex relationships between characters as well as their relationships with their inner selves. This chapter touches on both. Hikaru misunderstood Ai's intentions and Ai failed to understand her own feelings for him or what to do about it. The reader, meanwhile, if they were clinging to any misconceptions of Ai as some kind of saint, is forced to reconcile with who Ai really was.

The below is the context I mentioned from @aihoshiino. I'm just gonna paste this word for word from Claire:

Ai's words aren't quite as pointedly cruel in Japanese. Her line in Japanese that mangaplus translates as "I can't even, that's too tough, I can't bear it" is '無理無理、流石にそれはキツいって、背負えないよ!` Which is more like, "No way, no way, that's too hard, it's too much to carry"

Importantly, she does not specify who cannot carry this weight

The only time she specifically talks about herself is when she says `子供も･･･うーん私じゃ難しいかな` which mangaplus tled as "about the baby, it's difficult for me too" and ig that's not WRONG but the tone is kind of off. In Japanese there's more of the sense that she's saying that she, herself, is not up to the task, that she's lacking, she wouldn't be able to do it VS the situation (and Kamiki with it) being in of itself the problem

Basically mangaplus's TL is not incorrect in strict text but does kind of mistranslate the spirit of the exchange imo

It makes Ai more pointedly cruel and self-centred whereas the Japanese text imo is more in line with the thoughtless, innocent cruelty she hurt Nino with

The wording of the Japanese text makes it clear that this was a misunderstanding and Kamiki took the worst possible interpretation of it because he hates himself

That's why Aqua frames Kamiki as being punished for "not understanding her"

Because if he really, truly understood Ai like he said, why would he be so comfortable assuming for nearly 20 years that she would have meant something that cruel?

Thanks Claire!! Saving the fandom one translation at a time.

#oshi no ko #ai hoshino #oshi no ko spoilers

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leeny-leens · 2 months ago

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using this blog as my personal notes app for my writing is so fun anyways heres more to the socmed AU so I don't forget Abt it later

it's a Barty X Reader story BCS he's my recent obsession and very obv it's a modern AU, no magic etc etc the whole works y'all

(yes this is a reader AU sue me I love writing self insert)

Reader - content creator ™️, makes diff kind of content but it's mainly art and video/photography centric, she studied film and cinema but then realized that uni and higher education ™️ in general wasn't her thing, tried a million diff majors until she finally dropped out and started free lancing and realized she quite likes this way of living

Barty - aka BCJR, singer who dropped out of law school like 2 years in and decided to pursue music instead BCS he figured it'll piss his dad off before he realized he actually loves making music

Remus - wrote a book called "Let the Moon speak Tonight" and has literally never done anything else writing wise since, doesn't plan on it either but the book got really popular and thus he's become known as this one guy ™️, he studied English lit and works in a bookshop

Peter - he studies sth with geography or zoology maybe?? or sth with plants?? anyways he's a plant dad ™️ and loves animals so he has a YT channel as well as social accs dedicated to his hobbies, it's surprisingly popular with a bunch of people and they always tend to say he has a soothing sense of humour and a nice voice (also he's constantly doing random ass side quests and people in his comment section will always be like wait isn't this the guy who did/attended/participated/hosted xyz and his friends are like Pete wtaf when did you do that???)

Mary - she runs a jewelry account and a lot of times you'll see her collaborating with a bunch of brands and fashion content creators to bring out THE best looks ever, surprisingly to literally everyone though fashion isn't her main interest or sth she studied it's just a hobby, everyone is always surprised when they find out she is a nursing student and somehow has time to still keep her page running though she often shrugs it off with the explanation that it's not a chore for her but a way to unwind

Lily - food blogger, she gets invited to a shit ton of events and has a knack for connecting with people, she wanted to be a teacher before she got totally burnt out in uni and decided to just try things out to see where life takes her

Marlene - I'm undecided on this but I think she studied business because of her family before realizing it wasn't really sth for her so she ended up switching to sth with dance! she now runs a successful dancing centric acc and you often see her and James in each other's videos

James - he's an athlete, I wanna say soccer? or maybe a swimmer??? but anyways he had a scholarship in college and is currently training to go for nationals and then hopefully the Olympics, he runs a v Basic but fun sports acc, some people would straight up say he's a sports influencer but he just likes sharing his journey and helping others understand their own bodies

Sirius - an actor who started out as a child actor, pushed into the industry by his family; it took a toll on his mental and physical health to an extreme extent until he ran away at 15 and retired from filming; made a comeback of his own when he was 19 and the people love him

Regulus - model, pushed into the industry by his family ever since he was young; it took a toll on his health until he managed to cut ties with them when he was in his early 20s (he's still in his early to mid 20s but shh)

Evan - originally he studied forensic science, then he switched to bio chem but got bored really quick and just started doing fuck not, he models with Reg occasionally or sings with Barty and rn he's just vibing trying to figure out what the fuck life is even about

Pandora - she studied psychology and is a really big mental health advocate, originally she wanted to be a therapist but now she's on track to become a social worker, she has 2 accounts that she runs one of them being mental health related and has a lot of advocacy and charity things while the other is more personal and focuses on her beliefs and her more or less witchy plant girl life style, her and Peter often make videos together

Dorcas - she studied polisci no I don't take any criticism on this <3 your girl wants to make changes because she saw how the world treated her single mother and she's having none of that, she's always posting and talking about social justice issues, feminism, advocacy and she's doing all of that in style while defying the expectations of what a 'serious' woman should look and act like

I'm thinking of combining socmed and written chapters for this AU, simply because I like the mix and think it'll be the most efficient to bring along the story!

There's gonna be a few plot points I want to cover

I have so many more thoughts and I'm so excited to share them with you guys <33

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perfecttragedyraspberry · 1 month ago

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Personally I think they should add some kick, some drive back into the SMG34 ship. Like add some angst, trauma, fights that last over multiple episodes. So here is my rant.

Personally for me, I really want them to delve into SMG4's trauma with IGBP because there's no way in fucking hell he doesn't have struggles from that still. Or even just moments where he's pained wit what happened and what he did to people. Even if they have forgiven him, add some interesting angst to him. Or give him an obstacle that forces him to recollect IGBP or reface those very emotions he felt during that time.

Then with SMG3, as much as I love the silly character he is now. I want to see more of his struggles. In the movies he has been in it's not like he's had to like grow from his actions or in actions. Unless we count when he went to save 4 and Mario at puzzlepark, or 4 in IGBP. But even in smaller episodes it feels like when he does have growth it's not touched upon. And no I don't want them to spoon-feed fans characterizations, but I want more of a focus on a change on the characters as episodes go further. Personally I want a movie around him as his struggles and maybe have him do it with some of the nonmain cast. Put an obstacle in his way to make him get either a traumatic experience or something that makes it hard for him to act as he usually does.

SMG3 is such an interesting character if we want to look at him being a rival. I guess they aren't much anymore but normally the more angsty codes rival gets beat down on time and time again making them come to terms with some new emotions or trauma. We haven't really seen much of that lately in the last few years. As much as I love him being silly in the cafe, make it an apparent issue of why the cafe is something important to show how far he's come. Or anything else really. In a sense I kinda want him to get the shadow treatment but obviously not in the same way. Like why is it not covered more on why he feels lesser than 4? That is such an interesting thing to consider that the have not really delved into. And I really don't understand why they aren't. Its something they could really use to open up his character and then make him falter or face some obstacles. Why are they letting this go to waste? Please I just want him to get a little fucked over.

Maybe I'm just an English major looking to hard into characters, but fuck I want my favs to get some interesting stories again. Not that I don't like they're current stories, I think they deserve a little trauma as a treat.

#smg4 #smg34 #smg3 #smg4 smg3 #smg4 rant #smg34 rant #my thoughts #this isn't that serious so no worries

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mediocrecowboyhat · 1 month ago

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Fragile hearts (Molly O'Shea x fem!reader)

Summary: A oneshot in which you fall too hard for Molly and meet an early end because of it.

Word count: 1.6k

TW: Chapter 6 spoilers, angst, major character death, period-typical homophobia, mentions of blood and major injuries, reader is suicidal at the end, hints that Molly and the reader have sex but it's not described in great detail, English is not my first language

The moment you had laid eyes on Molly O'Shea, you knew that she'd be your demise and what a sweet demise she had become. What started out as friendship, quickly became something more, something damning.

You have had crushes before, some of them even returning your affection, but nothing quite like this. Every touch, every glance she graced you with, felt like being submerged into ice cold water or hit across the face with a bat.

The pain was unbearable, yet the most elevating thing you have ever experienced. But nothing hurt quite as much as watching her devote herself completely and entirely to someone else.

Molly O'Shea and Dutch Van Der Linde's relationship can easily be described as the rise of a king and the fall of a queen. She is blindly following his command, even if it meant she'd have to plunge a sword into her own heart

But you can not name her a fool for you are guilty of the same sin. Whenever you would catch her shed tears over her lover, you'd be the one to dry them. Whenever she'd talk about a topic she's passionate about, you'd quietly listen, even when if it meant having to listen about him.

And now you find yourself by her side once again, laying on soft grass and drinking cheap whisky. The liquor stings and goes down your throat like acid, but it's only a small price to pay. Sharing the bottle with her would most likely be the closest you'd ever come to kissing her.

"He's not worth your time or attention, you know?", you say, a bitter tone lacing your voice. Ever so often, you'd catch yourself spitting out his name like venom.

Molly stays silent, either because she knows you're speaking the truth or she refuses to acknowledge it. Either way, it's aggravating. You take another swig from the bottle and feel a familiar warmth spread in your chest.

The alcohol is slowly, but surely getting to you, clouding your judgement. It's a dangerous thing, drinking with her out of all people. Ever since you escaped the harsh cold of the mountains, Molly has been seeking your company more often.

Of course you noticed that it started when her relationship with Dutch began going downhill. The more attention he withholds from her, the more she seeks it from you. Maybe it should offend you, anger you even, but it doesn't.

Being the second choice still makes you a choice. Out of all the people in the gang, she goes to you. Obviously, the reason could be that you're the closest thing she has to a friend here. Who are you kidding? You in fact are her only ally.

A long stretched sigh escapes you and you sit up with a grunt. Now that you're upright do you realize that you might have had too much alcohol. It feels more like there is a massive boulder on your shoulders instead of your head and the field you're on is spinning.

Molly mimicks your action, sitting up next to you and doesn't seem to be doing any better. She holds the side of her head with her hand and you take the moment to admire her.

Even with her eyes puffy from crying and leaves covering her head, does she look stunning. Straight out of a portrait. Her red locks frame her delicate face, looking like flames similar to the ones that ignite within you whenever you're close to her.

"Why don't you leave him?", you ask and she let's out a dry chuckle. A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"I couldn't survive out here by myself."

Her answer is nothing but a weak excuse and she knows it. She doesn't leave him for the same reason you could never leave her.

"Then let's run away together. Just you and me." Your voice isn't more than a whisper. It's a bold thing to say, but the whisky has made you throw all caution to the wind.

Harboring romantic feelings for a woman is already a risky move in this time, but going for Dutch's girl out of all people? Laying down on train tracks is less dangerous.

"What do you mean?"

Molly's emerald green eyes find yours and you loose yourself in her gaze, something you're quite used to already. Only she has the power to make your brain short circuit and leave you at a loss for words with just a glance.

Your breath goes shallow and your heart picks up in pace, threatening to burst out of your chest any moment. She's so close. Close enough for you to smell the flowery scent of her French perfume.

What happens next is almost completely out of your control. It's as if something possesses you when you close the small gap and let your lips collide with hers. For a second there, you fear that you have ruined everything, but then you feel her respond to your touch.

She returns the kiss, equally as passionate. Her hands are tangled up in your hair while yours explore the curve of her hips and waist. The kiss sobers you up quickly and now you're getting drunk off of her scent, her taste, her.

All your senses are focused on the woman underneath you, drinking her up like fine brandy. Both your heart and mind cry out in longing and your skin is on fire. Finally, you get to love her like you always yearned to, worship her like you always dreamed of.

Tonight, you promise to carry her across the highest mountains and all seven seas and pluck down the stars from the heavens, for it is the least she deserves. If you could, you'd bring the world down to it's knees and present it to her on a silver platter.

That night is the last time you see her. The next day, the early light from the morning sun bathing your naked form, you rise without Molly by your side. A shadow befalls you then.

You fear that she might be regretting the actions from last night and the intimate moments you have shared. Only then do you realize that she isn't anywhere around the camp either.

Sadie tells you that she saw her briefly around Shady Belle, but that it about everything she can tell you. The next few days pass by and there is still no sign of her.

Something surely must have happened to her. She wouldn't have just left after everything. The fact that all her belongings are still present is confirming your suspicion, but your pleads fall on deaf ears.

"Dutch! We have to go look for her!"

"Calm yourself, will you? Miss O'Shea is simply going through one of her tantrums again."

Miss O'Shea.

The fact that he speaks of her as if she's a stranger to him, makes your blood boil. You know that you can't go look for her by yourself. Not while there is a bounty on your head in three states, so you tag along with the gang.

Even after the bank heist, after Lakay, after settling down in Beaver's Hollow. There is no sign of her, nothing that indicates that she's ever going to return to you. You're more ghost than person. The gang is a sinking ship at this point and you're aiming to drown with it.

Then, one fateful day, you see her again, raging through the camp and pointing an accusatory finger at Dutch Van Der Linde. She's more stumbling than walking and if her heavy swaying from left to right isn't enough proof that she's had one or two glasses too many, then it's her slurred speach.

"I told them! I told them everything."

Lightning strikes you and you freeze in place. You don't dare look at Dutch, feeling his fury from all the way over where you're standing. She has damned herself. She has turned back up only for you to loose her once more, this time for good.

Arthur steps in. He tries to reason with the leader, unaware that the man he's talking to has been way past reason for a long time now.

A shot pierces the air, snapping you out of your daze and you watch Molly hold her stomach. She locks eyes with you one last time before falling down. You let out a pained scream until your throat is sore and you fall come down to your knees, holding the body of the woman you have learned to love more than your poor heart could ever handle.

The agony, the torment is anything you have ever experienced. You feel your soul passing through all layers of hell as tears run down your cheeks.

There is nothing keeping you on this mortal plane with her gone.

"It wasn't her.", you hear yourself say, knowing that lie will cost you your life. "It was me. She only covered me."

"She's clearly lying, Dutch.", Arthur argues, trying to save what's beyond saving.

Your glassy eyes find the leader's and your gaze holds nothing but hatred for the man who has taken away your world. Your emotions are being reflected in his own contorted features.

"I was the one to betray you, Dutch Van Der Linde, and I'd do it all over again."

If he has caught your lie then he doesn't let it show. It's enough that you're displaying your disloyalty when blind faith is the number one thing he demands from his sheep. Another shot falls, followed by an unbelievable pain coursing through your veins.

But you are not afraid, for you have already died when Molly O'Shea had taken her last breath and you welcome the unknown with open arms.

#rdr2 #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 x reader #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 molly o'shea #molly o'shea #rdr2 molly o'shea x reader #molly o'shea x reader #rdr2 angst

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