#either way a lot of her oddities resonate with me

[myplasticadversary]

In all my inane Sheatles rambling I still sometimes wonder if I would feel differently about Yoko if she was a man and John was a woman, and to be honest I don't think it would really change that much for me. I think Yoko would've probably had a better shot at being treated as a legitimate artist, but on the other hand a lot of other folks would likely drag him through the mud for "ruining" or "trapping" poor girl John all the same. I don't know necessarily how the shifted social power dynamics would affect things that happened between them, if it would make Yoko's psychological fuckery worse or what, but ultimately I think I'd still be inclined to defend girl John's agency and she'd still be a beloved famous white woman with plenty of her own problems and lousy behavior to acknowledge.

[lily-of-rabanastre]

Ascilia, Chapter 17—Scene 03

This is looking to be another two monther in the making, due to my attention being drawn and quartered. Feels kinda bad! But I make do.

Not entirely satisfied with how this scene plays out, either. I feel like I could be a lot more artful. Oh well. That's what this is for: So people can tell me "hey actually this kinda blows, you should redo it" etc.

Also I really need to come up with more ways to indicate "unique" voices, ie talking over linkpearls, supernatural voices, inner monologues, etc. because just italics and bold feels like it's not cutting it.

Anyways, enjoy!

With pickaxe in hand, Ascilia stopped for a moment to take in her surroundings. The path to Khadga’s summit was decidedly greener than the mountains of Thanalan and Gyr Abania, with thick grass and various foliage towered over by a scattering of hannish date palms. That much had been clear from the foot of the Giantsgall Grounds, of course, but to see the beauty of this place up close took her breath away.

No less breathtaking were the violet spires of giantsgall stretching skyward, glinting with light from the red morning sun. And though the wind was brisk and the air was dryer and thinner than below, for Ascilia it was as close to home as Thavnair thus far could be. So it was that she found it rather trivial to get her bearings straight, and within seconds she was cracking away at a vein of uncommon stone.

The hills of Thavnair contained traces of tin and silver. Through metallurgy and alchemy, one could make the purest of pewter alloys from them, a perfect metal for fine jewelry. And where one would find such ores, one would certainly find other rare oddities.

“I’ve located the confluence you and I have been tracking,” crackled the voice of Mikoto over her linkpearl. “As I suspected, the aetherial wave-forms resonate perfectly with the crystal focus—but that should hardly come as a surprise, given the relative proximity of the source, Bozja.”

“Glad to hear it,” Ascilia beamed, her pickaxe lancing through layer after layer of stone. “But will it be enough for both our purposes?”

“I have reason to believe it will. But are you truly certain this is necessary to cleanse Galbana Lily of her curse?”

“You needn’t worry about the risks,” Ascilia tried to reassure her. “We’ve gone over this already. The primal won’t be able to temper anyone.”

“But even without tempering, if the binding magicks we employ fail to contain it—”

“That would indeed be disastrous,” she conceded, taking a moment to study the vein she was striking. “But we have the amber soulstone my beloved entrusted to me. Should worse come to worst, we will call for aid.”

“... As you say. In that case, I will endeavor to prepare the binding magicks ahead of your arrival. Hurry to my side when you’ve finished.”

It was scarcely half a bell later when Ascilia finished her mining, putting away her tools and wiping the sweat from her brow. She had found everything she was hoping for—raw tin and silver ore, along with two substantial chunks of unrefined gemstones. Kneeling down, she offered three prayers for this bounty. One to the Sisters, one to the Twelve, and a final prayer to Hydaelyn Herself. Then, reaching up to her ear, she activated her linkpearl once more.

“I’m on my way,” she stated, removing her crystalline sword and shield from her pack. “How are things on your end, Mikoto?”

“My crystal focus is fully recharged,” Mikoto chirped. “And the wards are in place—”

Mikoto’s voice trailed off, replaced in full by a high pitched whining and a sharp pain in the recesses of Ascilia’s mind. She knew this feeling, though it had been a century since it last happened to her. She tried to push the feeling aside, tried to focus on the here and now, but in spite of her experience, there was no resting the world fading out all around her. Silently she fell to her knees, the present replaced wholly by a vision of the past.

“Stars on high, fall as rain! Pleiades - Twin Meteor!”

She knew not why she’d declared such an incantation. As far as she knew, the magicks she and Lily brought to bear in the finale of their battle against the voidsent Alastor were derived purely from intuition and faith. That faith had been rewarded with a series of falling stars, fourteen in all, annihilating their foe’s misbegotten form.

Nor did she know quite what came over her as she poured her heart out to the friend whose heroic adventures had lit a fire within her gentle heart. That too had been rewarded, in its own heartwarming fashion.

The line between love and friendship had blurred well before then. As it had for several others. But to speak her feelings, to be accepted… Even if it was never meant to be, the euphoria she felt in that moment was surpassed only by the joy of putting her theories to proof out in the field.

And see where it had gotten her! A new adventure! A journey beside so many fascinating figures, to such a fascinating place!

It was more than she could’ve ever hoped for. Was it wrong, then, that she found herself hoping for more?

As she came to, Ascilia shook off the throbbing pain in her head. That vision was from the night before, when she and her gathered allies entered the nightmare of Ahewann bin Alzadaal to put to rest the voidsent plaguing his soul. She had seen that dreamworld through the eyes of Mikoto, heard her voice and felt the warmth of her passion. Her joy. Her love.

For Lily.

If her heart didn’t belong to you, came a voice from within, then she might be with her instead.

She had said that. Lily had… but it had been in jest, hadn’t it? She told herself that again and again, hoping it would be convincing.

But that’s a lie you know too well. You’ve been one with her before. You know how she felt about you. How she moved on when she thought you were gone. One with Ryne, a hollowed soul to fill with a new mind and new memories.

“But she knew what I was,” Ascilia whispered as she crossed her arms, gripping them tightly. “Lily saw the day Thancred called me back.”

The girl is your “reincarnation”. Your “legacy”. The First believes the lie you sold them when you sold your soul to be their hope. What will happen when Ryne meets her end? Will the people of Norvrandt search for the next Minfilia? Will they, too, try to bring you back?

“It was indeed a lie,” she admitted, lowering her head in shame. “The gods only know how much I’ve wronged those girls. Cursing them with my name, my visage, my fate. Taking the first’s life as my own. Allowing the rest to die, one after another. And Ryne… dearest Ryne…”

Trailing off, Ascilia turned her mind back to that final moment in Amh Araeng. The moment she pulled that girl deep into the hallowed light of her soul, that they might finally speak with one another. And it was there, in the warmth of Ryne’s words, in her hopes and dreams for herself and her world, that she found the strength to stand herself.

“But she accepted it all—her life, our burden, and the legacy I would give her,” she firmly rebutted. “She made that legacy her own, and I was… I am… so very proud of her.” Clenching her fist, she raised her head to the heavens, her voice growing louder. “I cannot say what may come to pass, in neither her life nor the next. But bitter though it may have been, I will not decry the path I walked!”

Indeed. You had stayed true to the path, even unto your dying breath. Through undeath and unto your final rest.

“Then why!?” she screamed her throat hoarse, a dirty tear crawling down her cheek. “Why can’t I be happy!? Why can’t I let myself live…?”

There she stood, waiting for a rebuttal. Some pithy or sardonic remark, born from the depths of her doubt and despair. But nothing came to her. Nothing save for the biting kiss of the cold mountain winds.

[marvelousmatt]

Matt Berry Has a Type

The actor is known for playing ridiculous characters with a straight face — the stupider the better.

By Kathryn VanArendonk OCT. 25, 2021

Matt Berry. Photo: Chris Buck for New York Magazine. Photographed at Pendry Manhattan West.

Matt Berry plays men who do not fit in this world, who are either too dumb to know that or too self-involved to care. He’s the cruel, fatuous hangman — also named Matt Berry — in Snuff Box and the witless, talentless actor Steven Toast in Toast of London. In FX’s What We Do in the Shadows, he’s a sex-obsessed, murderous Victorian vampire who is absolutely serious at all times, especially when he’s being very stupid. “Escapism is so important,” Berry tells me at a plush hotel bar in Manhattan, where he’s attending Comic Con to promote the third season of Shadows. “I’m more than happy to be part of something that is utterly pointless and stupid. With no sort of social hammer whatsoever. Nothing at all.”

It’s true — much of Berry’s work is superficially goofy, full of big silly gags and juvenile jokes about sex. Claiming that as his entire appeal doesn’t fully capture what makes Berry such a compelling performer, though. All of his roles, many of which he writes himself, have an instantly distinctive quality: the utter commitment of buffoonery played straight with the occasional flourish of strange, elongated vowels that can turn any word into a hilarious oddity. He plays these imbeciles with so much unblinking stolidity you can’t help but search for a hint of knowingness, some sign that he’s winking. You know there’s a smirk, but you’re not sure how you know it because Berry betrays nothing. He’s not trying to convince anyone he’s being funny.

Berry is not tall, and in life he is much quieter and more reserved than his noisy screen roles. But there is a familiar intensity, especially in his dark, deep-set eyes. He is sitting on a dusky-pink sofa and wearing a denim jacket, red bandanna, black T-shirt, and jeans. His fingernails are painted black; the polish is chipped. This bar has try-hard polka dots on the walls and gives the impression that it would love to be photographed. The actor creates the opposite feeling, and he tells me that if I look back on this interview and decide there’s nothing worth writing about, I should feel free to just skip the whole thing. “When actors, people that are an extension or an exaggeration of themselves in their performances, do a lot of interviews, you’re not left with much at the end of it,” he tells me with a shrug.

Berry is not a household name, especially in the U.S. In part, that’s because he is so reluctant to make the U.K. panel-show circuit, to participate in the fame shortcuts that would help launch him to leading-man stardom. In the U.K., he thinks, it is still possible to be a little standoffish if someone’s work doesn’t aim for broad appeal. If he were more ubiquitous, there would be more pressure to fit a particular mold. “And I wouldn’t be able to continue to do what I want,” he says.

His onscreen personae are funny, but they are people who rarely laugh. Berry does sometimes, in an almost giggly way. He is looser than his characters and more considerate. Director Yana Gorskaya says that when things go awry on the set of Shadows, Berry sends her silly voice memos to cheer her up. Susan Wokoma, his co-star in Year of the Rabbit, says his routine on set was singing Destiny’s Child’s “Say My Name,” and is effusive about Berry as a colleague. “You know when you meet people who are fascinating, but who are actually just a knob-end? He’s not that,” Wokoma says. “God, he’s gonna love this,” Wokoma laughs, knowing that the very private Berry would find the praise slightly mortifying.

He is easy to talk with, yet even after a few hours in his company, it’s difficult to get used to the quality of his voice. It can sound so resonant it’s hard to believe there’s no microphone or instrument hidden somewhere on his person. The voice is part of why Jemaine Clement, who produced Shadows as a movie in 2014 and later adapted it into a TV series, created the character of Laszlo Cravensworth for Berry. “Some things I feel are only funny if he says it,” Clement says. Fred Armisen, who cast Berry in a 2013 Portlandia sketch as a children’s musician, describes the voice as “serious with something funny underneath.” Berry’s longtime friend and colleague Morgana Robinson says his voice belongs to “a thespian bear.” “Cigars, whiskey, open fire, Shakespeare, but all in the shape of a big hairy bear,” Robinson says. “It’s like a roast dinner.” Jon Hamm, whom Berry cast in a Toast of London episode in 2015, points to it as key to Berry’s persona. “It demands attention,” Hamm says. “And then a part of that is to then say, while I have everyone’s attention” — Hamm imitates Berry — “ ‘Well, I don’t care!’ ”

Berry grew up in a small English town called Bromham; his father drove a taxi, and his mother was a nurse. In school, as Berry puts it, he was “an underachiever.” He was only ever drawn to the arts. One Christmas, when he was around 12, his parents surprised him by putting a small old-fashioned organ in his bedroom. “That’s all I needed,” he says. “My whole world was this thing, singing along to it.”

He started writing music and has continued to write and perform throughout his career, recording nine studio albums and the soundtracks for many of the television shows he has produced. He got a degree in contemporary art from Nottingham Trent University, where he began painting and continued to study music. Not until he moved to London after college did he start acting — not on a traditional stage but as a performer in the London Dungeon, a tourist attraction where actors portray terrifying scenes from British history. His friend sold him on the job as an easy gig, something he could do even if he turned up hung-over in the morning. Makeup, after all, hides a lot. “You just had to convey this historical stuff to these people in the scariest way that you could in costume,” Berry says. “And you had free run. I used to try all sorts of things. And that’s where the timing and all that came from, because you had a show every 15 minutes all day, all week.” He spent two years in the Dungeon. “You learn so much by doing those kinds of jobs,” he says. “You learn that stillness can be your best weapon.”

By the early aughts (Berry prefers not to look back on his work and insists he has no memory of exact dates), the comedian Noel Fielding (“a friend of a friend”) invited Berry to perform at “a thing called The Boosh above a pub in North London.” The Mighty Boosh, which would later become a BBC-TV series and launch Fielding’s career, was a surrealist live comedy performance, and Berry was asked to be a warm-up musician before the show. He decided that straightforward didn’t fit the mood. “I sussed the night and the space,” he says. “Thought, Well, no, I’ve got to do something else. So I did one as a guy who was a young, earnest singer-songwriter who took enough pills to kill himself at the beginning of his song.” He had another bit in which the singer assumed a confessional mode, telling the audience where all his victims’ bodies were buried with lyrics taken verbatim from serial killers’ confessions. “The thing that attracted me was getting the audience to assume I would sing some songs and that would be it. And then I would fuck with it,” Berry says.

Berry as Laszlo Cravensworth in What We Do in the Shadows. Photo: Russ Martin/FX

Berry’s connection with the Boosh crowd was the launchpad for his career as an actor and a writer. He was cast in Matthew Holness and fellow Boosh collaborator Richard Ayoade’s 2004 series Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, and he co-created the 2006 show Snuff Box with another Boosh participant, Rich Fulcher. He began doing voice-over work for animated series and commercials. (Voice-overs get old, Berry says, “but I’m not moaning about it. It’s paid for lots of things.”) He had a prominent, recurring role on the British show The IT Crowd, the most mainstream comedy Berry had appeared in up to that point. I ask about his feelings regarding a 2008 episode that has become a political flash point in the U.K., in which Berry’s character enjoys dating a woman, discovers she is trans, and breaks up with her because of it. At the end, they become involved in a violent fight, designed to ​depict the trans woman as masculine. Berry swiftly notes that he did not write the episode and was only a guest performer on it. The writer, Graham Linehan, has since become an outspoken member of a virulent anti-trans-rights movement in the U.K. (After publication, Linehan sent New York an email stating he is not “anti-trans” and that he is protecting “women’s rights and spaces.”) It is the only time in our conversation when Berry seems uncertain. The episode looks “ridiculous and dated” now, he says, and he hopes people can accept that it was a product of an earlier time. He comes back to the idea later as we’re getting ready to leave. It bothers him that he wasn’t clear: “I don’t condone anything that that comedy portrayed, you know? I don’t share any views that the writer has.”

This is the other risk of becoming too famous, though Berry doesn’t articulate it this way. How people read your past performances starts to matter, and some viewers may misinterpret your role as a clueless idiot and assume you are too. You start to be, as Berry puts it, “property of everyone,” accessible to both the fans who get it and the ones who deliberately or unintentionally misconstrue your work. He considers it with a touch of frustration. “If I play a part in something, that isn’t me,” he says. “In Snuff Box, I was a hangman, and I couldn’t be more anti–capital punishment.”

By 2012, Berry was well known enough in the U.K. to briefly appear in the London Olympics’ closing ceremonies and to sell a TV series called Toast of London to Channel 4. (He shot a six-episode spinoff this year called Toast of Tinseltown, which takes the show to Los Angeles.) He stars as Steven Toast, an actor who longs for national recognition, cannot understand why he’s not rich and famous, gets mired in petty rivalries, eventually burns down the Globe Theatre, and supports his faltering career with, yes, voice-over work. The show is full of absurd names: Clem Fandango, Varrity Map, Clancy Moped, Heathcote Pursuit. The names, Berry says, are owed to “quite a weird form of dyslexia” in which any word he doesn’t immediately recognize turns into something else. Many of them are his brain’s initial misreadings. Maybe, I suggest, having a weird form of dyslexia played some role in that early presumption that he was an academic underachiever? “Yeah,” he says, “but it’s worked in my favor. If it hadn’t been for that, I wouldn’t have come up with these names.”

Toast wallows in the precise outlook Berry abhors. “He says, ‘Why haven’t I got my own this, that, and the other? Why aren’t I more famous now? Why don’t I have that? Why am I so unlucky?’ ” Berry says. “It’s easy to write because I see it in other people.” What would happen, I wonder, if Berry were offered a part in a high-visibility project that actually appealed to him? “That would be a conundrum,” he says. “Because, then, shit.”

[chaoslordjoe]

RWBY - Do I ship it?

My friend @lewdnepvasilias666​ has recently been receiving Asks about some various RWBY ships. Given my small follower base, and since I’ve got some time to kill before going AFK for Father’s Day I just thought: “Eh. Seems fun.”

No time to waste, so let’s get into a few random ships here, shall we?

Renora

OTP

I SHIP IT

hELL YES

I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY

As if there was any doubt! Just to start us off, I feel that there really isn’t much else that can be emphasized about Renora and how it’s one of the few things the FNDM can collectively agree on.

While I understand that the whole “best-friends-to-lovers” trope is cliche -- believe me, I’m not a fan of it either -- I feel that Renora is able to handle it in the least corny way possible with a realistic backstory: Grew up in a village, village was doomed, they ran out and survived and have been together ever since.

Yeah, it’s a clear setup for romance between the two, or at the very least a type of love that’s not necessarily romantic. Not just that, but the deepest friendship imaginable. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of how they made Renora super angsty in V7, but I feel much more content ever since I dropped the show with how much more fan content there is to explore of these two that RT couldn’t.

Boop, motherfuckers!

BlackSun

the sexiest pair

underrated

we need more of it

reads fics about it

Like morning follows night, eh?

Pretty much every praise that can be said about BlackSun is said before I could say anything about it. I’m not actually gonna shit-talk Bumbleby much as I have a few select words on how that ship has, uh...Basically it’s to avoid the bleeding obvious and just talk about positive stuff here.

Sun Wukong is one of my favorite RWBY characters. And the relationship he had with Blake, even though it remained a friendship in canon really resonated with me as someone who has been through a similar plight with abusive relationships like Blake.

Weiss is my top favorite, don’t get me wrong, but seeing Sun keep up a positive face for Blake and his other friends just really brings me some joy with the goodest of bois.

Also their cuteness. Hee~!

Cool Jazz

we need more of it

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

why not

the sexiest pair

Hey, I like Iceberg. But this is another Weiss ship that’s grown on me faster than how quickly the rate at which players rushed to find the megalodon shark in Battlefield 4.

I’ll admit that Cool Jazz was kinda “eh” to me at first since I didn’t have a set Weiss ship when I first discovered it. Yeah, Iceberg was on the table but I was on the fence with it at the time simply due to since I was one of *those* dipshits who honest-to-god thought that Neptune was a fuckboi (sorry Lewdy, but I like him now homegirl) since I honest-to-Christ didn’t know any better.

Ever since I discovered more art of it, and was surprised to hear how many people shipped it along with my friends who liked Iceberg, I realized with horror that I was into Cool Jazz. Don’t get me wrong, I love the dynamic of it with Weiss dating a commoner (JacquesXEternal suffering forever) just to shy further away from her stigma as a noble. And looking back in Volume 3, I think that more interactions with her and Flynt were in order in V7.

Some good stuff there.

Ironwitch

would read a fic about it

Soulmates

we need more of it

I’m not necessarily crazy about Ironwitch as I am more chill about the idea of it.

There are similar ships with the whole serious character/serious character vibe. Monochrome, for instance. Which is fine, given how many serious character/funny character ships there are. White Rose, BlackSun, Renora, just to name a few. But enough babbling, what do I like about this one?

Well, much as I’m not one to cry out for diversity in many cases, this is one ship where I’m attracted to the respective backgrounds of James and Glynda. I don’t mind them being portrayed as just business partners, but this is another one that quickly grew on me.

Ironwood is a military man whose knowledge lies in warfare and maintaining relations between the public and the armed forces. As a civilian who never served, a lot of military guys I’ve met are the ones you should be asking with just how stressful it is serving in such a position for a senior officer with such a massive reputation.

Glynda, meanwhile, is also a disciplinarian who is basically teaching kids to be like child soldiers in the fight against Grimm. Both have the same jobs, yes, but I really think that whatever past backstories they had would have revealed just how deep their partnership went before the whole shadow war escalated.

Tell you the truth, I’m picturing Ironwitch as a ship with a lot of backstory potential given how close the two are. And minor thing, but, I like the idea of Glynda being playful with James when they’re out of sight. It’s just a really cute image which I can’t help but find amusement out of.

Gemstone

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

why not

would read a fic about it

Yeah, this one right here is kind of a cop out with it being a “foe yay” ship. Doubly so with this being a F/F ship which I know is a point of contention in the FNDM these days. But it’s my list. So let’s talk about it.

Emerald Sustrai is a bit of an oddity in the FNDM. On one hand, there are fans who find her to be sympathetic with how clingy she is with Cinder when Cinder is basically using her as a puppet in her bidding.

I don’t necessarily “hate” Emberald since that’s not the kind of abuse I’m familiar with. But I definietly see why people would hate it and have no patience, knowing how contentious Cinder happens to be.

On the other, there are fans who think that Emerald is just there and wouldn’t be caught dead reading anything about her. Certainly, she’s been part of a lot of interesting ships lately.

Among one of these is Gemstone. AKA Emerald/Ruby. Hear me out for a second, peeps.

I like Gemstone not because I’m big on villain redemption stuff in RWBY fanworks. But because I like the idea of it being seen where Emerald is actually in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who supports her unlike Cinder. Seeing a cinnamon roll like Ruby be a part of that just really made me think about my history with abuse.

Thing is, I’ve been in relationships like that which involve manipulative behavior and promises of this-or-that. While Emerald isn’t one of my S-tier RWBY characters, I still think that she has room for a lot of development as someone who’s not portrayed in an evil light.

There’s also Topaz (Emerald/Jaune) if I can’t find any Gemstone works. Sure, there are other ships like Emercury (which I’m also warming up to a little). But I think that Gemstone is filling that void for now until I can look more into Emercury for the time being.

I also like the red/green color schemes. Just really pleasing to the eyes. Next!

Silent Knight

hELL YES

the sexiest pair

would read a fic about it

I SHIP IT

Another��“foe yay” ship that I’ve developed a soft spot for. Let’s face it, this probably wouldn’t be a shipping list without including at least one Jaune ship, wouldn’t it?

The reason I ship Jaune with Neo is because I like the inversion of the “good-girl-meets-bad-boy” trope. Instead, we get a good boy meeting a bad girl who I think really helps bring out the wild side in Jaune.

Not at the level of committing crimes like Neo does, but in a more lax AU or shipping fan work, I’m really enamored with the idea of her letting Jaune not worry about being such a “good boi” or “bean” all the time because, I like Jaune, but that’s not all he has to be in fanon.

Perhaps what I’m trying to say is that Neo would be the right amount of crazy for Jaune to handle given how many ships he’s in with a couple of women and girls on the show who are associated with being a little nutty.

I just like Silent Knight. Simple.

And that is about it. I thought this would be a decent post to put out given my current bout of writer’s block, and I hope whoever comes across this list that you enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing about it.

Want me to make another? Lemme know, and I’ll see what I can do.

@laserdog10​ @lewdnepvasilias666​ @darksaiyangoku​ @becauseihaveyou​ @bssaz97​ @ezroar​ @the-blue-quetzalcoatl​ @rozanime​ @nix-nihil​ @kali-tmblr​

[swanandapirate]

A Muted Hue of Grey (3/14) -- CSBB

Summary: Emma Swan liked being a PI in Boston. It was a fun job, she had an okay income and she was a good one at that, so there was no logical reason to try and leave. Except for the fact that she wanted to, so badly. And, when she received a job offer for what seemed to be the opportunity of a lifetime, she did exactly that. Leave. Run. All the way to London. The job was simple: trailing a man called Killian Jones. Easy enough.

Well, until things get complicated, that is.

Rating: M (later mentions of violence, alcohol abuse, and sex)

Wordcount: 2549

Links: ao3 // ff.net // chapter 1 // chapter 2

A/N: No Killian in this chapter, my apologies, but there are answers to your questions and there's an OC whom I love a lot and I hope you do too

The Big P ( @ofshipsandswans ) and Notorious Nonnie ( @acourtoftruelove ) are epic as always and weren't afraid to go "uhhh Manon??" whenever I did or wrote stupid stuff.

@shady-swan-jones is also epic and never complained when I stalked her about the art she was making, you can find said art here and here!

——————————

A dense downpour covered the streets, distorting the view, a thin sheet of water blurring her sight. Emma walked, all of her senses heightened—her ears searching for any sound that didn’t belong. She did not trust the dark that enclosed her, nor was she pleased with the curtain of rain. She was at a disadvantage and she knew it, knew that this was exactly why he had waited before informing her where their meeting would take place. Why he chose for it to be this late. He wanted the upper hand and Emma couldn’t do anything but to hand it to him. She was but an employee, a hired informant that could be laid off at any moment.

The rain was just a welcome bonus, she supposed as she trudged on, avoiding puddles that had gathered; he was powerful but controlling the weather required some magic that he, a mere mortal, did not possess.

The cobblestones of the alley shone with a layer of rain, the water enhancing the sound of her high boots echoing against the stone. Emma was already regretting her choice of footwear. It was drawing attention to her, attention that might not be wanted.

She checked her phone for the umpteenth time since she had left to be certain and it gave her the confirmation she sought. This was it, it told her, the brightness of her screen causing her to squint against the artificial light. She had reached her destination.

And she was all alone.

That didn’t seem right.

Her eyes slid across her surroundings, searching for a sign of life, a clue that someone else was present, but found none.

“So, Ms. Swan.”

Emma was startled by the voice surfacing out of the shadows. And the man accompanying it.

“What have you found out?” Mr. Gold asked.

He appeared from whatever hole he was hiding, dressed to the nines in a suit that seemed badly tailored, tatty even, loose at some parts and way too tight at others. A golden cane in his hand, only emphasizing his stature and oddity. Who owned a cane? A golden one at that? His brown hair, streaked with grey, was long and stuck to his cheeks thanks to the rain.

“Okay, first of all, Gold,” Emma responded, not wanting to immediately hand him her information, her only assets. “Why are we meeting in some shady alley? It reeks here.”

And it did. Of pee and other questionable substances. A place Emma would much rather not spend time in.

“We need to be covert,” sounded his answer, but it failed to resonate with Emma.

She tilted her head and frowned as a movement in the background caught her eye.

“And we couldn’t be covert in an office or a place where there aren’t actual rats running around?” she questioned, pointing at the spot the rat had just run across.

Gold seemed less worried about the vermin running around; he could fit right in. Birds of a feather flock together and all that.

“Now is not the time to complain about hygienics, Ms. Swan. What have you found?” he repeated, uttering every word as if it was a sentence with a full stop.

Emma recognized that her efforts of convincing him to pick another meeting point would lead to absolutely nothing and so she simply accepted that she was going to look like she was offering Gold drugs in a dark alley. Though, if she was being entirely honest, it was most likely going to look like she was offering him something else.

Just the thought of that made bile rise in the back of her throat and made her want to end this briefing as soon as possible. She cleared her throat as she refocused on the matter at hand.

“After another week, observing Jones from afar has not proven to be very useful or helpful with me getting new information. I’ve therefore decided to switch tactics and, instead, I’m going to try and gain his trust.” Gold didn’t need to know the real reason why she’d had a sudden change of heart, it would only shrink his already microscopic amount of trust in her even more. “It’s now just a matter of him trusting me to get the information you need,” she told him, making sure he believed the ease with which she could handle the situation, even though she didn’t particularly believe in it herself.

His dark eyes slid over her face, assessing and attempting to read her features and even if what was going on in his brain mostly remained a mystery to her, Emma could see the wheels turning in his eyes, could almost hear his thoughts conferring with one another.

At last, he spoke.

“I hope you don’t get carried away, Ms. Swan. We do have a deal and I do not take my deals lightly.”

“Neither do I, Gold,” Emma guaranteed. “I’ll get the job done, don’t worry.”

“You better.”

She should’ve let the meeting end there, let the both of them part ways and not talk to each other until Gold required another briefing. But the hunch that something was off—the thought that she couldn’t in a million years fathom what intel Gold needed on Jones, especially since she spent some time talking to him and getting to know him—couldn’t stop thrumming in her head.

“What is it exactly that you want?” she then asked him outright. “I have already given all of the information I have found so far and there’s nothing out of the ordinary.”

“I’m not hiring you to ask questions, Ms. Swan. Leave that part to me. Keep your eyes and ears open, report back when you find more, that is all I require from you.” His accent had become thicker, more guttural, acting as yet another warning.

“Okay.” Emma threw her hands up in the air in concession.

She was not going to debate it or ask any more risky questions. The money Gold was paying made sure that she did not have to struggle to make ends meet; she was able to afford everything she needed with one, single job; she wasn’t about to jeopardize that.

“Until next time, I guess.” She shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

“I hope you have something more interesting to tell me then, or I’ll have to reconsider this whole arrangement.”

Gold left the way he had come and vanished into the darkness again. She didn’t wait until he was completely gone to properly roll her eyes in response to his irritating flare for the dramatics that was omnipresent.

Turning on the heel of her boot, Emma left as well, in the opposite direction Gold had gone. As she walked, she gathered her wet tresses, quickly combing them through with her fingers to avoid any knots. The heavy rainfall had luckily stopped, only a stray drop here and there falling out of the sky, and so when she was met with the choice of either taking the bus home or just walking to her apartment, the quiet atmosphere and the clean, crisp air outside made her choose the latter. They were a proven successful approach to clear her head.

One thought just wouldn’t allow itself to be deleted, however.

Or one person.

Jones.

She hadn’t thought a lot about the day they’d spent together, not yet. Maybe because she didn’t want her head clouded before the meeting with Gold but now that that was all over and done, it had free rein to infiltrate her mind again, to revisit the events anew.

As they had left the store the day before yesterday, she had been hit by an immense sense of fear. Not fear of being caught or a fear of sharing too much with him.

No, not that. It was the fear of having to spend a considerable amount of time with someone she just met. She wasn’t a good socializer, her lack of friends could attest to that. One could even say she was absolutely terrible at small talk. So why on earth had she agreed to spend the afternoon with him?

The funny thing, however, was that she’d spent those first moments so struck with anxiety, her thoughts so consumed by it, that she hadn’t even realized how fast time had gone by. How she’d been talking and laughing and listening without any awkwardness trailing the conversation, without any uncomfortable silences creeping in. And that was a new experience altogether.

Perhaps that was the reason she’d been so adamant to avoid the topic, because she wasn’t exactly sure what to think of it.

Or of the fact that she’d given him her cell phone number when he had asked.

She did tell Gold she was planning on gaining his trust, but whether that was the actual reason she’d so easily added her number to his contacts, Emma hadn’t quite figured out yet.

And again that same question from before resurfaced. Killian seemed like an ordinary guy. Nothing about him particularly stood out. No weird vibes, no strange behavior. Just a polite, somewhat reserved—but then again, flirty—dude. Someone who’d managed to make her feel at ease. What would Gold want with information about him, and, more importantly, what was he going to use it for?

Emma sighed as the question remained unanswered, her breath hot against the chilled air. Her feet continued to tap against the concrete, carrying her closer and closer to home. What had first been a pleasant brisk breeze, was now a freezing wind, chilling her to the core. The remaining raindrops falling from her hair certainly did not help.

She spotted her apartment from across the street and excitement ran through her body as she took those final steps. She needed a scalding shower to warm up again. And a lot of hot chocolate to warm up her insides again.

Just as her hand went to open her door, she suddenly realized she’d not bought new hot chocolate when she drank the last packet. She didn't have any chocolate to make it from scratch, either. Shit. Her hand fell from the handle, as she looked around at her surroundings and considered her options. It was already after ten, so the closest Tesco was already closed, and she didn’t particularly feel like taking the bus to the further one that was open until midnight, especially not in her drenched clothes.

Only one option remained. Well, two actually. The first one being going upstairs without and accepting there would be no hot chocolate, even though Emma didn’t feel like getting over her need for chocolate. It seemed like a pretty vital necessity. Option number two it was: the night shop two blocks away.

But she was still getting out of these freezing clothes first.

Emma reemerged from her building with a new set of warm and comfy clothes and made her way to the shop.

The door opened as she pushed against it, a little bell ringing as she did. The shop wasn’t that big and clearly targeted two types of people: the ones that wanted to get drunk and the ones that had gotten drunk and now craved some sort of greasy or sugary—unhealthy to sum it up—food. Emma was neither and so she knew that she’d have to go to the little corner of the shop meant for everyone, where she would find everything.

“Good evening,” she said and smiled to the shop owner behind the counter.

“Evening, miss.”

After her meeting with Gold, she’d had quite enough of people calling her miss. Plus, she frequented this place enough to switch to a first name basis.

“You can just call me Emma,” she told him over her shoulder as she made her way to the rack she knew contained what she desired. After some scanning, she came across the hot chocolate and removed it from the other items. It only took her a couple of steps to reach the counter again.

The young man—he had to be younger than she was or else she’d have to learn his secret—accepted the box she handed him.

“Evening, Emma,” he repeated. “I’m Samir.” He outstretched his hand and Emma grabbed it and gave it a quick shake. “Nice to meet you. This means I can finally stop calling you Rocky Road in my mind.”

“You gave me a nickname?” She cocked her head in surprise, the smile on her face widening into a grin.

Samir shrugged while scanning the box of hot chocolate.

“I do that with everyone who comes in here often. Especially with those who have a tendency to buy the same thing time and time again.” He lifted a dark eyebrow.

Well, if that didn’t say a lot about her late night snacking habits, Emma didn’t know what did.

The cash register ringed and Samir read the price off of it.

“That’s three quid, please.”

Emma’s hand disappeared into her pocket, in search of some change that hid inside. First, she fished out fifty pence and that was followed by a two-pound coin. One last effort of checking another pocket led to one last pound being recovered. “Keep it,” she said as Samir pushed the fifty pence back to her side of the counter.

“Thanks.” He threw the coin with the rest of them and closed the register.

“Can I ask you something?” Emma stored her box in the small shopping bag she’d brought along.

“Sure,” Samir replied, his brown eyes shining, reflecting the openness she felt radiating from him.

“You seem pretty young to own your own business. Or am I just really misjudging your age?”

It might be weird to just ask him that, but the longer she spent looking at his face, the younger he began to look.

“I’m twenty-three.”

That was more or less what Emma was estimating.

“This isn’t my store, it’s my dad’s,” he explained. “I’m filling in for a while. I just graduated uni, so I don’t have anything better to do for now.”

“Oh, congrats!” Emma said, her congratulations genuine as graduating from university deserved that. She’d never managed to do so. “What did you study?”

“Law.” Samir slightly ducked his head as if he was bashful about his choice or his accomplishments while there was absolutely no reason to be.

“You’re a lawyer? Impressive.”

“Well—” He tilted his head. “not so much a lawyer as waiting for someone to hire me to become one.”

She could then see how he’d rather be doing that than selling things to people in the middle of the night and Emma couldn’t blame him. If he’d studied to become a lawyer, was ready to be one, it must be frustrating to not have anyone give you a shot to do what your heart desired.

“I’m certain it will happen, Samir.” She nodded encouragingly. “If I ever need a lawyer, you’ll be the first I call, alright?” Emma winked.

“Fine by me. If you ever feel like visiting me again and having a chat, don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t. I hope you have a good night, Samir.”

“You too, Emma.”

And it seemed like Emma Swan had yet again participated in small talk and had actually gotten a friend out of it.

A friend and hot chocolate.

Monumental.

——————————

Now I'm in the mood for hot chocolate too... Anyways, I hope you liked it and do not despair, our favorite Brit is making his comeback next Thursday and it’s a good one 😏, see you then!

[sawyernathan1991]

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[ganymedesclock]

We Wayward Stars ch. 2

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Summary: Altea burns, and in the way of burning things, not all of its ashes scatter in the same place. Centuries and galaxies later, the Garrison unearths a massive, unknown machine- and its frozen pilot.

This chapter: Lance makes friends and disregards boundaries. 

           Quintants pass. It’s hard to keep track of time because he doesn’t have a window, and humans keep time in unfamiliar units.

           Mostly, he sleeps. A lot of people want to talk to him, ask questions. After a while he can talk about Altea without losing his voice. Some of them leave disappointed- he’s able to recount, well enough, how a teludav works, or barrier crystals, but he couldn’t tell someone how to build one, or where to look for parts. He isn’t an engineer.

           Samuel Holt is easily the most persistent. The makeshift Fyllrue board gets a lot of use- other times, he brings paper and a pencil and asks about Altea’s culture. Takes notes. It leads to talking about writing- their spoken languages match up almost perfectly, which is one thing, but the writing is completely different. Picking up the letters isn’t that hard- their alphabet is only twenty-six characters- but the phonetic attachments stump him for a while. It’s some time before he can figure out how to spell his name in their letters.

           And they tell him about themselves, as well.

           Sam has two kids- he brings a picture of them, grinning, holding a creature he calls a “dog” between them. The dog looks less pleased with the arrangement. Lance tells him about Allura- recounts the time he went missing for a week trying to find flowers for her birthday that time he was eight.

           Sam is an all right guy, it turns out- he doesn’t mind, when Lance can’t finish that story.

           (Every time, he keeps thinking he’s done crying about it. Every time, he’s surprised)

           He sleeps less. Restlessness starts to set in, and he paces the length of the small apartment more than a few times. Gets in the habit of returning to his bed when he hears someone coming- the first time he’s caught, a nurse tuts at him disapprovingly.

           They still won’t let him see Blue. At this point, he’s more or less identified the one-eyed man who seems to be in charge- Iverson- and he’s skeptical when Lance points out that he’s feeling better.

           Fortunately, it would appear they’ve been seriously underestimating him.

           And he’s been paying attention.

           His quarters include a bathroom, and, after the last time he’d asked, a variety of hairties and clips. Braiding his hair again feels good, for reasons entirely outside of getting it out of his face. It’s a reminder that he’s finally getting down to business.  

           Eyeing his reflection, he contemplates. The silver hair is going to have to go. It’s showy, obvious- and looks great, but that’s entirely beyond the point right now. It’s one of the more coveted points of Altean beauty, and, as best as he’s been able to tell, has no earthly equivalent. His luminous patches, he can cover, they’re simple enough, and the bigger ones are already accounted for with the simple shirt and pants he’s wearing. Other than that, it’s mostly just the ears.

           Shifting is always an interesting feeling, of things settling in on themselves, cartilage and sinew reconfiguring. Relatively little of that, this time.

           He surveys his results- brown hair, shorter ears- he can’t completely get rid of the way the tips come to points, but he can get away with it. One pair of bandaids later, and he makes a decent looking human, if he says so himself.

           The door is locked- against outside intrusion. Tsk tsk, humans, they have been underestimating him. Or overestimating his injury.

           One flight of stairs later, he relents that he may have underestimated his injury just a little. But personal freedom is a surprisingly effective painkiller, and he’s back on his feet rapidly.

           The first thing that hits him stepping outside is the heat. A yellow sun presiding over a world mostly red and orange, sand and scrubland stretching as far as the eye can see out to canyons. Sam told him that most of this planet was water- but it’s a little hard to believe that, looking outward.

           The structure itself is bigger than he’d assumed. It looks like there’s several other wings, branching off an imposingly-sized central building.

           Is that where they’re keeping the Blue Lion? It’d certainly be big enough. And either way, he wants to find out what’s in there.

           Up hallways, down yet more stairs (his ribs don’t like that) he can tell he’s heading in the right direction because the place is definitely livelier than the halls he’s gotten behind. At first, it’s just guards, or people in the gray uniforms that he’s used to. But then he starts to see others- people in orange, people more his age, if he’s reading humans correctly at this point. The former, he hides from- but the latter, he musters the particular princely decorum that’s gotten him out of scrapes before- the walk of ‘yes sir I have every right to be here, nothing suspicious whatsoever, really you’d just look silly asking me for my qualifications’.

           It goes spectacularly, right up until he walks directly into someone. “Someone” who does an excellent impression of a roughly meaty wall in a uniform. Gray uniform.

           Lance’s heart skips a beat.

           “New?” The man asks, amiably. His dark hair is trimmed very close to his head, except for a single tuft overlooking his forehead. Even dark-eyed and strange-eared as humans are, he’s rather handsome. Which really just makes the situation worse.

           “Huh? Oh- yeah, absolutely. Brand new. How’d you tell?”

           “…Well, you’re walking around in your PJs.”

           A small nervous twitch installs itself under Lance’s eye. “…Casual fifth quintant?”

           (he doesn’t even know if it’s fifth quintant. He guesses. Assumes. Hopes.)

           The uniformed man’s other eyebrow raises to join the first.

           After a moment, he pats Lance on the shoulder lightly. “A lot of people forget their uniform first day. Don’t worry about it too much.”

           It’s a while after he’s gone that Lance allows himself to breathe. And considerably longer before he attempts a much more forced-casual saunter down a side hallway.

           All right, Lance. Think about this. He’s not going to find Blue just running into people. There’s something. Something…

           The quintessence of the Lion resonates with its paladin.

           He’s no paladin, obviously, but he connected with Blue once, right? That has to count for something. Maybe he can find her again.

           Meditation breathing had been drilled in him since he was practically old enough to sit up in the proper position. He could do it in his sleep at this point- eyes sliding closed, counting by fives, moving away from the crowded hallways let him focus just on the footsteps; just him and the person following him. And there was something… ahead. Below.

           Wait.

           He comes to a stop. Hands in his pockets. Trying to downplay his jangling nerves. “You know, normally when people are trying to shadow somebody, they’re actually stealthy about it?”

           “…Huh?”

           “Don’t huh me, you’ve been following me for the last three doboshes!”

           The stranger blinked. He was a full head taller than Lance, powerfully built, but his wide hands are gathered almost timidly in front of his chest. He’s another one of the orange uniform guys. “What? No, I was trying to… Okay, yeah, I was following you. I’m lost, okay? This campus is huge, and you looked like you knew where you were going.”

           Well, that was… an improvement over whipping out a luxite blade and trying to take his head off in Zarkon’s name. Not that that was… real likely. Right. This guy’s human, as far as he knows Lance is another ordinary human. They’re having a nice normal human conversation.

           …A conversation where Lance isn’t a scientific oddity.

           “…All right.” He scuffs his bare toes on the floor. “Sorry. I’m Lance.”

           “It’s… It’s Hunk, all right?”

           Lance smothers a chuckle, feeling bad for the look the other boy sends him.

           “Yeah, blame middle school. Shouldn’t we get going? I don’t wanna be late.”

           And he’s got a narrow window to operate on before they realize he’s missing, but that’s not something you can drop in casual conversation without raising a lot of awkward questions. He slides back into the breathing pattern.

           It’s tricky to hear with shortened ears- but something’s there. Faintly, he can hear Blue humming.

           “So… why are you here?”

           “I told you, I got lost. Or- oh, you mean that as more generally kind of ‘here’.”

           “Yeah, you don’t exactly look like most of the guys I’ve run into.”

           Hunk levels a vaguely affronted look at him. “Look, if you start playing with rocket fuel outside of a space exploration program, you get a lot of awkward calls from the government. This stuff is the literal cutting edge. You don’t get much newer than other planets.”

           That actually brings Lance to a stop, eyeing Hunk with newfound interest. “Other planets, huh?”

           Whatever he sees in that look seems to worry him. “…That’s… what I said, yeah.”

           “You’re gonna like this, then.” He hears something- down the hallway.

           “Oh, man, you can’t just say something like that. Is this hazing? Is that where this is going? Because-”

           “Shh!”

           Two guards pass by, walking abreast. Fortunately, they don’t turn down the hallway- the narrow alcove Lance shooed Hunk into has nothing to cover it from the front. No sooner have the footsteps faded that he’s on the move again- going down the hallway the direction the guards came from.

           “We’re really not supposed to be here, are we?” Credit to Hunk, he keeps his voice down, though he voices his concerns as soon as Lance stops to catch his breath. “Are- are you okay?”

           “Doing great-!” He straightens up, a little forcefully, and regrets that too.

           “You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

           “Probably because he has a broken rib and shouldn’t be out of bed at this point.”

           Iverson folds his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           “I don’t think you realize the gravity of your current situation.”

           “I think I get the gravity just fine. I’m not just going to sit around here like a pet Juillrat.”

           “And the cadet that saw you?”

           “Correction, saw a perfectly normal human.” He’s still wearing the bandaids- but everything else is back to normal.

           Iverson sighs, deeply. “Right. That. When were you going to tell us you can do that?”

           He leans on his hand, a trace of smugness slipping through the irritation. “You didn’t ask.��

           “Don’t play games with me, boy.”

           There’s a smart remark on his lips, but something about Iverson’s tone quashes it. He works his jaw, wordlessly.

           “You recovered a lot faster than we’d estimated. Regardless of how you’ve set yourself back a week with this little escapade. That’s… on us. But if you want our help- and you need it at this point- you need to listen.”

           “…Sir,” it feels like a good place to start. “I know how to respect foreign dignitaries. And respectfully- if I’m staying here, we’re in danger. If Altea can’t stop Zarkon’s army, Earth doesn’t have a chance.” Altea might’ve won. They might’ve fought back. He wants to say that- but with the Blue Lion here? Without Voltron? When his father decided to abandon the planet and send the castle and Lions away?

           He doesn’t want to think about it- has been trying not to this entire time- but not thinking about it won’t fix anything. “I can’t just stay here and rest my feet up without knowing if they’re coming for me, or the Blue Lion.” Not knowing if anyone survived.

           Something softens in Iverson’s face. He rubs his temples, breathes into his hands for a moment.

           Silence between them. A clock in the hallway is ticking softly to itself. One of the guards standing outside of the door is fidgeting.

           “Can I trust that you’ll stay put for the rest of today? If-” he raises a hand as soon as Lance draws breath to protest- “what you say is true, there are people that need to hear this. And… we might be able to work something out. But that will take time. And I expect you to be able to follow instructions.”

           More waiting. He hates the sound of that.

           At the same time… He has a leg in the door here. More than just sitting in a room. And Iverson is right. He doesn’t have a lot of other options- and failing all else, those other options hinge on him being healthier than he is now. Which will take time anyway.

           “Do we have a deal?”

           Two-toned eyes meet a single dark one.

           “We have a deal.”

[atcmicorgasms]

9

20 Questions

what song do you associate with each muse?

I haven’t thought about this very deeply, so here we go! Under a cut to be kind to my dash and any that aren’t done I’ll come back to update later.

Aislinn – This one is based purely on the choreography from the MV because I watched the MV and the two dance versions released with it (solo and partner) and Move spoke volumes to me and helped spark my need to use Aislinn more at the time. Like, the choreography is full of so many little movements, it’s not just the arms and such, it’s every little half beat that’s being counted to and then some.

Ayla – So this one’s really self-explanatory. Ayla’s practically brand new to her current location and she’s doing her best to prove that leaving her home country was a great idea for her and her future. So Foreigner’s Long Long Way From Home goes to my girl

Breanah – Okay so for Bre, I associate her with Could It Be I’m Falling In Love by the Spinners because she has always caught the feelings so quickly in her relationships that she always was worried that she was falling to fast. 

Calista – I’m pretty sure Calista is 80s synth pop personified, but the Aha song Take On Me is the first song I think of whenever I do end up making a Calista themed playlist because everything about that specific genre screams Calista. She’s a lot, it’s a lot. They go together.

Camille -- Camille’s juggling like four different hats right now anyway and she’s never once stopped to really breathe except for the couple of weeks of quiet she’s managed to find after having the kids before jumping right back into work be it acting or event planning (and even then, with Autumn she took her with her to work when Hadley was away for work, after TJ was born she did the same until she was ready to put him in the same daycare as Autumn) but I digress, since becoming a parent he’s definitely become more grateful to her mother, even if she’s been in and out of the acting biz since she was a toddler, and God Only Knows is just perfect for how she’s shaped up. 

Charlotte -- Charlotte is definitely more on the mellow side and whenever I think of mellow sounding things, Fleetwood Mac is generally my first though and Dreams is just the right amount of mellow that fits her.

Cordelia -- Because Cordelia doesn’t sit still for very long, any and all songs about that sort of restlessness are my first instinct with her and honestly, Papa Was a Rolling Stone is what usually first comes to mind. 

Daniel – Alright so, Daniel’s hard to think about a song that I’d associate with him just because he’s…not difficult. But his childhood was kind of like the Karate Kid at one point so I’m going to go with You’re the Best Around from the Karate Kid

Eloi – 

Este – to be honest, I think Este leans more towards any Selena song, I really think she resonated with him a LOT, even more as he became an adult and in his early to mid-20s. So for Este, I’m going to say probably Como La Flor

Grace – My first thought was I Wanna Be A Star from the Sailor Moon soundtrack as tongue-in-cheek it would be for her but to be honest real emotion from final fantasy x-2/by Kumi Koda is what I feel like is a better fit for her (and honestly it could be either the English or Japanese version, both are good)

Harper – Harper is not a Hollaback Girl, that’s for sure. 

Isla – So, Isla is, and forever will be ridiculously vain so… what better than Carly Simon’s You’re So Vain. But also, and I know I have a long ass headcanon somewhere about it, but Good For You by Selena Gomez is also an Isla song because she won’t admit it but she looks at what her partner’s like/are looking for and tries to make sure she keeps their interest that way (altho who would kick her to the curb I mean…look at her)

Jocelyn – Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks, I mean there’s not really much of an explanation to it in Jocelyn’s case.

Lucas – So Lucas is a very special case and every part of me screams he needs a big ol’ player anthem because that’s what he is in the long run. My dude is a player. So why not Still Not a Player by Big Pun feat. Joe. 

Matthew – Torn is Matt’s low-key theme. For a while (and honestly, he still is at times), he was in heavy denial that any part of him is gay and while he’s started to come to terms with it, he’s still not out to the world, just a few people.

Minah – Minah’s was surprisingly the easiest because I’m pretty sure when I first made her, I was listening to View a LOT so it’s definitely one of the first things I think of when it comes to her. 

Navi – Ah Navi, my serial dating daughter. Even though she hasn’t formed an attachment to anybody else the way she has her first and only but she does try for the most part. But I Really Like You is essentially Navi.

Noa – 

Petra – Petra is the least grounded and gets into so much shit that she’s the basis of what not to do in her family and like, the point of irresponsibility she’s associated with is so high that she’s not trusted to babysit her younger brother without supervision and so all I can think of with her is Last Friday Night (TGIF) 

Remy – My dude is SUCH a sweet puppy that even though is music taste is so different from what I even expect out of him but I really think Remy could have been Neil Diamond at one point in his life. So for Remy, we’re going with Sweet Caroline (fun fact: Breanah’s mom (who is named Caroline) actually hates this song because Bre’s dad would sing it to her ALL the time when they were dating and it was played at their wedding.)

Stella – I immediately associate anything having to do with space with Stella and the first thing that comes to mind is either Life on Mars? or Space Oddity, both by David Bowie. 

Truman – 

Warren –

[fakeit-jenna]

THE GREATEST SHOW || 2017

Jenna watched as the purple haired boy sprawled on the living room floor, his chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to catch his breath, with a broad grin on his face.  Her eldest daughter found herself comfortable by his side, the eldest of the Biersack girl’s sprawled across them both. She found herself unable to help her own smile as she settled into the arm of the couch, resting the notebook on her drawn up knees as she rummaged in her bag for a pen. She listened quietly to her friend’s muffled voice as he talked to her husband, finding comfort it the quiet noise from the kitchen. She watched as Dr Hoskin passed the living room door, two mugs held in his hands as he padded quietly back up the stairs to his his girlfriend and newborn. She smiled as a tiny black kitten curled up at her feet, and she lifted the pen to the paper.

I close my eyes and I can see The world that's waiting up for me That I call my own Through the dark, through the door Through where no one's been before But it feels like home

Dear Diary, It’s been seven months since I last talked to you, and what an eventful time it has been. As you know, I found myself back in a hospital, wishing to be with my family and desperately hoping for recovery. Well, during this time, I have added yet another near suicide to my count, as well as a fair few scars, friends, enemies and pills.

One unexpected friendship I’d like to say I made was with a pair of ghosts -who were in fact not ghosts. And have most likely forgotten who I am, so maybe friendship was not the best word to choose. I met these ghosts, I later found out were named Pete and Bee, through a man named Sam. Samuel Wilder – Who again, has most likely forgotten the small friendship we had. In that time, we evaded doctors, broke rules and confided secrets in one and other. I also convinced him I was a mass murderer and a psychopath, and hopefully then corrected that it was not me, and that he should not always fear those who have been given a negative reputation. Maybe I should ask Aaron for his mobile number, I’d love to clear up who the Murderer I was talking about really was. I’d also like to ask if he’s doing okay, in Trenowl, and finally receive an answer about whether he was fucking that doctor.

In that time, I had the amazing chances to finally mert Dallon, Flynn's father, and can admit that he seems sweet and is handsome, so I do hope that he one day finds someone he can love. I have also found admiration for baby Racheal, and Devin. Both children fathered by Andrew, who are not only beautiful but also loved and protected, despite what their lives have already thrown at them. I have also amended my friendships with Andrew, Hayley, and even Doctor Hoskin. It took a few difficulties to realize that Doctor Hoskin was a friend, that he did not infact believe that I was crazy, and instead did want to help me. Although I don’t remember much of that episode, I do remember coming to to find him cuddling me, ensuring that I was okay and explaining to me that I could be helped. In that moment, I realized that I could infact trust Aaron Hoskin – And truthfully, right now I find myself in his living room. In addition to that, I have found friends in his children - understanding that Holly has her reasons for being the way that she is, that Aaron has a reason for being over protective of them, that the youngest may be rude but for reasons unknown and unimaginable, and that two of the boys have made two of my friends the happiest that I have ever seen them.

As for Andrew and Hayley, I discovered that although what they did was unforgivable, that does not mean they deserve the treatment they received. Hayley’s relationship with Siska was most likely going to be destroyed by his addicted lifestyle, or by her love for children and his lack of paternal instinct. So, to take the positive of the negative situation- I’d like to admit that I am glad that she was able to have Racheal- and that she loves her daughter. I do feel sorry for Adam, and I hope that one day, he can recover and find himself back here, enjoying his friendships and his life once more. I don’t know what I’d do if I heard that the worst had happened to the boy.

Andrew. Well. Andy, he’s one that I can never truly bring myself to hate. I love that man, not in the same way that I love Kier, but in a way that would truly take a lot to turn to hatred. Yes, I do detest that fact that he betrayed my friend’s trust, and that he hurt people. But, that does not mean that I would begrudge him for his daughter, or his love for her. Or that I would try to jeopardize or resent his new relationship. He is happy. And for that, I am over the moon. The boy that he found is cute, sweet, and ideal. Awsten Tyler, one of Hoskin twins that none of us knew existed, returned and slowly but surely, they fixed each other. Andy is faithful, and I honestly can believe that he loves that boy more than he is controlled by his mind- well, his… you know what I mean by now. And the young Tyler is no longer using drugs, or seeking out unhealthy relationships with psychopaths – though I’m unsure if either of them know that I know this. I hope that his doubts about marriage do not interfere, because damn they’re a cute couple! and I can proudly inform you that Andy is now a free man, and I expect that he is a changed one too. Though, this brings me to a sorrowful moment to the damage of a once great friendship with said psychopath. I loved Micheal, and defended him despite knowing the truth, yet to see the damage he has done to the Tyler boy was enough to shake the confidence I once had in our friendship. That is not to say I wont continue to speak to him, I will just have to continue with more caution than I once held.

Another amazing discovery, is that of another two Hoskin-Tyler children. The first, Alex Tyler, is not one that I have gotten off on a good foot with, and given today’s drama, he’s not making any amendments to my opinion of him. However, the boy has experienced things that I could never wish on any twenty year old, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and believe this is just a consequence of the times. I hope in the new year, I’ll be proven right, and find that he is actually as sweet as I was expecting. Secondly, Young Jessica Belle Hoskin, mothered by Lauren, who has grown to be a good friend of mine, and fathered by The Doc. She is a beautiful baby, loved and cherished by both of her parents - and she makes me want another. So badly, myself and Kier find ourselves wanting and needing another. On top of this news, I’d like to congratulate Hope Tyler and Rowan Ellis on their engagement, although I can’t quite say it is a friendship that we have, I would love to wish them the best. And I am hoping to hear wedding bells for tu3 Doctor and his girl, though i'll never admit that to him.

Of course, I could not review my year without mention of my children. Seren is now one year old, and much like her sister, it has been one hell of a year. She has been separated from her parents, fostered by different faces (luckily all of which I find myself friends with) and I hope that the next year brings better memories. As for Melody-Grace, she is growing so quickly I don’t know where the time has gone. She’s almost three year’s old, which amazes me so unbelievably much. She is talking, and tormenting, and living a happy life like any toddler should. Though, I must mention that unfortunately I do have my fears that she may be becoming too much like her mother, finding herself restless and unable to settle. Aaron assures me she will grow out of this, I just hope that this is true.

As for the future, myself and Kier are hoping for another Kemp to join our clan. Though, that is not to say that we are not perfectly happy with our family as it is. We have our two beautiful girls and the soon to be three years of marriage we are celebrating together each and everyday. We are thankful for it all. This year may have been filled with ups and downs, and I will learn never to utter the words “This will be the best year ever” again, because DAMN was I wrong about that. One day, I’ll apologies to Andy, Ashley and even Dakota for it – I’m sure he believes that I am a jinx.

But I won't let them break me down to dust I know that there's a place for us For we are glorious

I’d like to sign off this year, my 2017, by informing - No- celebrating that I am no longer a resident of Trenowl Institution. I am still receiving medication, still recovering and adjusting, but I have never felt this comfortable in months. I’m finally home, with the people that I love. My own family, that I created myself throughout the darkness we often find ourselves in. Watching and hearing them having fun across this holiday season has filled my heart with such love and joy that I can’t begin to imagine that this is our world, our reality. I have my husband, my daughters and the closest of my friends, a million dreams that once kept me awake for days on end.

Kier and I went to watch a movie last night, at the cinema, for the first time as a couple. It’s strange to think, that after all these years, last night was the first normal thing we’ve done together as a couple, a free couple. I’m not certain whether it was the strange comfort of being there, with Kier as we watched the masterpiece on the screen, or whether it was the music that moved me. But something inside me resonated with the film, and I can’t seem to shake it from my mind.  I’m sure Andrew and Awsten are sick and tired of hearing about it.

The Greatest Showman displays a fabulously moving story, of a circus- The Greatest Show- which is combined of individuals coined ‘Oddities’ and ‘Freaks’, who are unable to find their place in society and are isolated. Yet they find themselves a collective belonging, they create a family. Just like my own.

One man, a normal but ambitious and caring man, pulled them all together and gave them a home, and support. He showed them how well they can function together, and believed in them. Of course, he had his doubts, those moments where he believed that all that they were is a bunch of misfits, but in the end – he provided them with a family, and believed in them. I won’t name the man that he reminded me of, because one day he may read this and ask why I am making a comparison between him and P.T Barnum. This man, The Doctor, is the individual that I am most thankful of for bringing my family together, and helping us to live through everything that has happened- not only in this year but in the past few- since the first day that I met him upon my admittance to Lovelace.

I understand that this sounds absolutely insane, once you consider who this family is. A doctor, his sons and daughters, and his crazy ex- patients. A bunch of misfits, who once found it impossible to pull themselves from the roller coaster of ups and downs life decided to trap us in. One way or another, we all met because we’re just that, ABSOLUTELY INSANE.

I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be, this is me Look out 'cause here I come And I'm marching on to the beat I drum I'm not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

Although crazy, I have learned to love the fact that this is my past, my present and my future. That this is who I am. I will never stop having these ups and downs, and I will never be perfectly normal. My Bipolar Disorder will never go away, or be fixed by some medicines or chemicals or talking - but it will make it easier. I will get better, better than I am, than I was. But never, never ever, will I change. Because I now know that this disorder is me, it is a part of me that I can’t hate, because without it- I would never have found the people in my life. I would never have found my family, or my friends, or had my children, or be here, in the Hoskin house, with the newest member of the biersack clan at warming my feet. 

I AM JENNA RACHEAL KEMP, AND I AM WHO I AM. AND I WILL MAKE 2018 MY OWN - I will survive it. No matter what anybody says.

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I've lost my mind I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy We can live in a world that we design

[corneliussteinbeck]

GGS Spotlight: Yessica Martinez

Name:   Yessica Martinez Age: 25 Location: Pittsburgh, PA

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? It’s more than just being physically strong. It’s about having a strong sense of self. This reminds me of something I read a long time ago, and it resonated with me. I’ll never forget: “Please, be proud of the pieces that make you you. Embrace the oddities and hold on to them with everything you have. These strange little quirks belong to us, and only us, and they are absolutely vital in creating the bigger picture that is who we are. Be proud of yourself, because if you are, it never matters who else is. Because when you are, the inevitability of other people believing in you and being proud too, is such an amazing bonus to the strength you already possess.”

When you know who you are, nothing or no one can really touch you. You become unstoppable. That is what being a Girl Gone Strong means to me.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I’ve been strength training since I was 18. Competitively lifting since I was 21. I had just graduated high school and my brother was training at a small gym called Idolmaker Physique and Performance in Miami, FL. This was not your typical local gym. They had a monolift, specialty bars, bands, chains, and an atmosphere that was unparalleled. I started training there to maintain athleticism. I played basketball and volleyball since I was young. At first, I was training for aesthetics. I wanted to lean out, look good, feel good. My strength and numbers kept increasing, and my trainer then, Randy Scoates, asked me if I wanted to powerlift. My reply was, “What’s powerlifting?” I started training with the guys, learning about technique and training methods, specifically the conjugate method, and just wanted to get strong. After that, I never looked back.

What does your typical workout look like? I train three to four days per week. My boyfriend, Casey Williams, is currently doing my programming. (He’s part of Elitefts and has the #6 all-time record in the 242-pound weight class with a 2088-pound total.)

Monday – Bench Wednesday – Deadlifts Thursday or Friday – Extra Assistance Saturday – Squats

Each lift varies. I’ll implement accommodating resistance in a two- to three-week wave. I’ll alternate bench with spoto presses or floor presses; conventional, deficits or block pulls with deadlifts; and implement specialty bars off a box with squats. Sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo, but each week varies depending on how training was the week prior. After the main lifts, I’ll do supplemental work (assistance work that will help with the main movement I’m doing that day). On my extra assistance day, I’ll do bodybuilding-style training. Light-weight, high-volume sets. I guess I could describe this training method as a combination of 5/3/1, conjugate, and anything that I’ve learned along the way that specifically works for me.

Favorite Lift: Whichever is the most challenging and most frustrating. Each meet prep is different. Currently, it’s deadlifts. It’s about breaking that mental barrier. I psych myself out at times because I’m too frustrated. I know what I need to do; I know I’m strong enough. It’s just a matter of executing — connecting mind with body.

Most memorable PR: When I broke the 200-pound bench club. I believe we had a few of our Elitefts team members come in to train one weekend at the compound. We probably had some event or seminar going on. When I PR, it’s usually on a day when I have no agenda and let training take its own course. If it feels good, I keep going. I attempted 200 and missed. My teammate, Brandon Smitley, gave me a few technical cues, and next thing you know, I benched 205. I’ve been wanting that for years.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist:

Till I Collapse – Eminem

The Man Comes Around – Johnny Cash

Straight Outta Compton – NWA

Are You Gonna Go My Way – Lenny Kravitz

No Good – Kaleo

Top 3 things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag:

Elitefts Maverick Wrist wraps

Lifting Belt from Bob’s Belts

Adidas Olympic Shoes

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? Preferably with others. Having training partners there for support and feedback makes a huge difference for me. It also creates an environment in which everyone has a common goal and everyone is accountable to one another. Seeing yourself improve is great but nothing compares to seeing others improve, too. To witness someone’s celebratory moment, having achieved something, especially when one couldn’t think it was possible, that really puts the icing on the cake for me.

Most embarrassing gym moment: (I’m laughing just thinking about it) It’s more funny than embarrassing. I was living in Miami and training at The Battleaxe Gym. My brother came to train one day, and he was floor pressing. Mind you, I’ve spotted guys with more than 400 pounds on the bar. While he was floor pressing, something tweaked and I couldn’t tell if he was stapled or wha,t but I panicked. Everyone at the gym was watching. As I grabbed the football bar, I couldn’t lift it and it was moving towards his face. My brother is a jokester, so he’s yelling, “Not my face!” all the while laughing. I vouched to never spot him again. He did not die under the iron, if you were wondering. Mike and Vinnie came to help.

Best compliment you’ve received lately: My co-workers recently described me as fearless.

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: That they have the ability to do anything. I try to recruit girls all the time to try out any strength sport. I like to turn hesitation into excitement. This compliment was not the most recent, but a gist of how I try to approach everyone I encounter.

Alaina had a background in lifting but eventually gave up because she didn’t want to put in the time. After five years of not touching a weight, she had the itch to lift again. When I first met her, she seemed hesitant and uncertain. I kept encouraging her that this is a “you vs. you” sport. What was the harm in competing and giving herself a base to work off of? You just need to put yourself out there. I told her to pick a meet and just train for it. Alaina ended up joining the IPA Federation and picked a meet. She went 9/9 on her first competition and PR’d on all her lifts. I reached out to congratulate her, and this is what she had to say: “I had lifters congratulating me on a perfect meet and telling me how amazing I did. To have incredibly experienced lifters compliment you is one of the best feelings in the world. I achieved my first powerlifting goal and that was to compete. Now, I’m going to work on an elite total! I’m definitely looking forward to stepping on the platform again.”

I think we’ve all been there where our mentality has hindered us from reaching our full potential. But once we break that mindset, it really is an invigorating feeling. Sometimes a little support and encouragement can ignite the passion and hunger we have inside us.

Favorite meal: Breakfast. Anything that involves bacon, avocado, potatoes, and French toast. And, coffee.

Favorite way to treat yourself: I consider dedicating a day to hanging out by myself a treat. Breakfast, coffee in hand, reflecting on the present moment, and an afternoon nail appointment. The nail salon is conveniently located in a mall, so it’s a two-for-one. But when it comes down to it, it’s the little things. Quality time with my fam bam. That’s a treat I don’t take for granted.

Favorite quote: “Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in the lonely frustration for the life you deserved but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists. It is real, it is possible, it is yours.” — Ayn Rand

Favorite book: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

What inspires and motivates you? My vision. I have these thoughts about my time on this earth. The time I have with the people I love. The small interactions I’ve had with strangers. Questions I ask myself: Did I help someone? Did I make an impact? If I was gone, what did I leave behind? It motivates me to be a better person. To evolve. To grow. To learn. To give.

What do you do? I currently work for the sister store of Lululemon, Ivivva. I am a key leader which is equivalent to a manager role. It’s a very community-involved company, and that’s what I love about it. Our main focus is to connect with young girls, support, and get involved in their activities and pursuits. We offer dreams and goals workshops and complimentary athletic classes. Through these events girls get to connect and celebrate each other, pushing their boundaries, and knowing that falling and getting back up is all part of the journey. In my life, outside of work and training, I practice yoga weekly. I’ve grown to really appreciate it and find it challenging on many levels. I’ve also picked up an interest in photography and have a deep desire to design training apparel. I’m planning that in my vision and goals. My hobbies are to love on my dogs and take too many pictures of them. My boyfriend and I have two English mastiffs. They make us better humans — to not sweat the small stuff. For fun, I like to try different coffee shops and restaurants, and plan trips and places to visit.

Describe a typical day in your life: My work schedule varies each week. I either work at the store or out in the community. I wake up relatively early. Casey wakes up at 5 a.m. every day, so coffee is always made. I make breakfast which usually consists of egg whites and two slices of organic sprouted bread with grass-fed butter. Lunches are already prepped. We crock-pot everything and that gives us enough meals for most of the week. If my schedule permits, I’ll train either in the morning or at night. If I’m at the store, we plan our goals for the week to either make new connections, clientele, or plan events. If I’m in the community, I’ll sweat at a studio, stop in to visit girls who come to our store frequently and build relationships. It’s brand awareness but also partnering up with people in our community who share a common vision and goal. Days usually run long, so I’m home at 8 or 11 p.m. I attend to the wagging tails at the front door, head upstairs to shower, then go to bed. I try to get in six to eight hours of sleep. Days are structured which I love. It’s easier for me to get things done and eat my meals consistently.

Your next training goal: I gave myself two goals last year: Qualify for the Arnold in powerlifting and qualify for the Arnold in strongman. I want to be exceptional in both sports. I have a strong passion for both so why not? To do it simultaneously will be the challenge.

What are you most grateful for? Experiences.

Which three words that best describe you? Driven, perceptive and sassy.

What’s a risk you’ve taken recently, and how did it turn out? I was raised in Miami. I went to school there. My friends are there. I was working at an outpatient mental health facility. My degree was in psychology and social work, so gaining the experience I needed for my future was great. I was in a relationship. I had a cute, little efficiency. I was comfortable. Then, one year it hit me that I wasn’t happy with being comfortable. I didn’t want to settle. And if I wanted change, change had to happen. I ended a three-year relationship, I put in my notice at work, and I asked my brother to pick a date, and that would be the day I would move. It was sometime in December. I decided on Ohio because there was a support system there. Elitefts was there, and I had a few friends living there. Once I started packing my furniture and moved it into storage, that’s when it sunk in that everything was really happening.

People thought I was crazy because, why would I leave Miami for winter? It’s different living there rather than taking a vacation there. I was scared, anxious, nervous. This was something completely out of my element. I like structure and this was the complete opposite. It’s been over a year now, and I’ve overcome some ups and downs. I defeated self-doubt because I came to terms with failure. That if it didn’t work out, at least I took a chance. Once that happened, I became more open. More understanding. That led to growth and opportunity. As I’m writing this, I can say that I’m in a good place. I share a home with the best person I know. Even though it could have gone the other way, the route that didn’t lead to this point, we took a chance.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve noticed from strength training? Confidence — and nice delts.

How has lifting weights changed your life? It’s made me value lessons. We dedicate months of preparation for a few hours on the platform. Henry Rollins wrote: “When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you.” If we didn’t experience failure. If we didn’t experience pain. How could we ever truly appreciate success?

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? There’s this misconception that you must be super strong or must know everything about training. I didn’t know what powerlifting was, and I tell people that all the time. If you have an interest in something, pursue it. What people don’t seem to realize is that starting is the easy part. The really hard part is when things don’t go your way. Stay the course. Don’t compare yourself. Don’t envy anyone. It’s about building yourself. Finding out what you’re capable of and where it may lead you. Once you’ve started, you’ll soon realize that it’s about building yourself and helping others. That it’s a privilege to train, not an obligation. You’re meant to have fun with it.

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